No Jumper - OG Cuicide In The Building with T-Rell

Starting point is 00:00:00 What's good, y'all want to welcome y'all to O.G. Suicide in the building. Episode six with my loved one, T.R. Yes, sir. Man, what's good, family? What's up, dog? You're in here. It's long overdue. Mandatory.

Starting point is 00:00:17 It's going on two years now. Been in the building. Yeah. Faithfully. Yeah, and finally it's time. You know what I'm saying? Definitely. He was in the background.

Starting point is 00:00:26 I was, oh, been the building. Then he didn't put a face to it. Oh, man. That's tight, man. But the streets know the name, O.G. Suicide for sure. Yes, sir. Man. But definitely, man, I want to, you know, got a couple people calling in today.

Starting point is 00:00:40 So, but I want to definitely go into the moment, directly into the moment, man, of your motorcycle crash, loved one. Like, I want you to take us back to that day. What day was it? Did you feel like, did you see your life flash before your eyes? And after the fact? Let me see. What day was that, man? If you don't remember the exact day, it's good.

Starting point is 00:01:09 Yeah, I do. Okay. That was 2008. February 13th, 2008. Oh, wow. Wow. Okay. Right before Valentine's Day.

Starting point is 00:01:23 I mean, headed home or? What it was was, I was working. Uh-huh. I was working a graveyard shift, and usually I put in, like, time off or whatever. I had some PTO, whatever the case may be. Yes. I was moving around, partying and all this. You know, I'm with punning them.

Starting point is 00:01:42 I'm with my homies. I'm always throwing house parties and shit. And I put in a PTO, and I forgot I put in to request this actual day off. Okay. You know what I'm saying? And I ride my motorcycle to work, you feel me? So, you know, I was around, you know, when I was 100%. saying i was an adrenaline junkie you feel me so

Starting point is 00:02:02 the speed uh dirt bikes four wheelers yes all of that nigger you know what i'm that nigger you know i'm that niggas so i wanted to step it up a notch to the street bike and i went gun and i went purchased the street bike or whatever the case may be soon as i hopped on that motherfucker it was an r1 so i bought one of the you know one of the fastest bikes you feel me you really supposed to start off at a lower level i just went straight work your way up yeah soon as i hit first gear i was doing it was doing it doing a willie. It's my first time on this motherfucker. Then he was like, oh, you're crazy.

Starting point is 00:02:33 You're right. I'm like, hell no. Yeah. But, you know, you got to learn because that type of speed is crazy. But, you know, fast word. Now, I go to work. You know what I'm saying? I go to work on my motorcycle. I'm still learning.

Starting point is 00:02:46 You know what I'm saying? I ride with these niggas named cocky riders or whatever case maybe. Okay. That's where Vail from. You know what I'm saying? Them niggas is really doing this shit. They really do this shit. So when I got with them, I'm like, okay, I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

Starting point is 00:03:00 You know what I'm saying? But I'm going to do it still. Yeah. That's what I'm into. Yeah. So, and I was like, you know what? And when I was right while fucking with them, you know, it was like the police don't pull us over, homie. And then if they do, this is what we doing.

Starting point is 00:03:16 Get on. Get on. And then, you know, it was practicing every day. And they knew how to maneuver. And it was certain little things. I was like, all right, for sure. So, but this particular day, I'm like, whatever, I got, I show up to work. and I look on the board

Starting point is 00:03:30 I'm like, oh, I'm off today. I'm going to sleep, woke up for nothing. Yeah, yeah. I'm on my motorcycle, whatever. You know what I'm saying? I've joked with the homies or whatever. They shift, start, boom, I'll leave. I'm like, all right, you know, on the way home.

Starting point is 00:03:43 Get some little practice or whatever. Nothing crazy. Hitting some gears, hitting some corners or whatever. So I'm going to take the street to the house. Yeah. Try to see if I can get, I was trying to get this wheelie down pack. You know what I'm saying? That was my thing.

Starting point is 00:03:55 So, you know, as I'm going to the freeway, I see you know I ride past a police officer I don't have my motorcycle license but my shit is registered though I'm like okay With your speed? No you're just normal Normal, I'm gonna hit You know, I'm gonna hit the freeway boom

Starting point is 00:04:14 As soon as I hit the freeway You know I'm like I didn't think nothing of it I'm like that he's sitting in the cut He ain't bothering me Yeah yeah When the last time you seen a motorcycle pulled over On the freeway never right you know what I'm saying

Starting point is 00:04:28 even on this fucking street you feel me I'm riding and when I got the thing about that I'm like I'm good you ain't gonna fuck on me I'm ride past him slow bone and I happen to look up and this bitch got his lights on I say oh he got his lights on he gonna really fuck with me today and I was like oh it's three in the morning well not three in the morning it is gray yard shift

Starting point is 00:04:50 it's 12 o'clock I'm fucking with the hummus so it's probably like one in the morning okay I'm saying one of the morning. I'm like, this bitch got his lights on on me. So I'm like, fuck it. Instead of getting on the freeway, you know what I'm saying? Which I could have probably got out of there anyway. I'm like, I'm going to take the streets. I'm going to get at this nigga. This is my

Starting point is 00:05:08 time. Mishin. Because it ain't really no traffic. He felt it. Like I'm out of here. So I take him past a light, boom. I take this nigga pass a light. And I'm like, where can I get at him? I can't make a lever. Right. I'm just driving until I feel like I can lose him. And he just got his lights on. I'm like, okay.

Starting point is 00:05:24 I see a McDonald's. I see a little parking lot with the McDonald's in. I said, okay, here it go. Boom, I take him through the drive-thru. He followed me through the drive-thew, so I went off the little drive-thru into the two-th, down the drive-thru. I just went into the grass. Yes.

Starting point is 00:05:40 Bo-bo-bo-boot, hit the street. I was gone. You feel me? And my adrenaline rushing is so crazy. I was gone. I was doing 180, nigg, there ain't no catching me after this. Yeah, I'm out of here. I could hit some corners.

Starting point is 00:05:54 Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo. But my adrenaline and rush is so crazy, and I'm happy. I'm like, oh, I got away. And I'm going and I'm riding. And I'm still going straight. And I, I'm, I'm, I'm going to, I see that I'm going to hit a curve. My hand is on the gas, though. And when I'm going to hit a curve, you know, you see the niggins on ESPN,

Starting point is 00:06:13 and they lean in a little bike. Yeah. You did that. I was trying. Look, I was trying. Yeah, you tried. You know what I'm saying? Look, I was like, I'm going to lean this motherfucker right.

Starting point is 00:06:24 I'm going to lean this bitch. Doing 180. Look, and my knee fin to hit this ground. So as I'm leaning, I didn't feel myself curving. I felt myself still going straight. And I said, oh, I really don't know how to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's too late to fall or get up, get back up on it.

Starting point is 00:06:45 I'm going to run into this car. I see it. I'm running into this whip. It's down here, but I'm going too fast. So I get up, try to down shit, boom, boom, boom, boom. I down shit for a couple of them. I'm still going 80. Woo!

Starting point is 00:06:57 Right? I'm still going 80. So I pick it up. Boom. I can't run into this Honda. I remember it. It was a white Honda. It was parked on this corner.

Starting point is 00:07:06 I couldn't run into it. I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to get on a sidewalk. I'm on a sidewalk. Imagine, Nick, get on a sidewalk coming past here and going 80. And I'm going 80 down the sidewalk. I'm like, and then I see an off ramp.

Starting point is 00:07:19 I see where it's a driveway going past. You know, why I'm thinking in my head, It's not like, okay, my life is flashing for my eyes. Yeah, yeah. In my head, I'm like, I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. And when I get to the street, yes. I ain't never doing this shit again.

Starting point is 00:07:36 Ever. Again. In my head. Just like a person that had too much to drink. Like, I ain't never drank it again. Yeah. I'm never doing this shit again. And I'm going to make it.

Starting point is 00:07:44 And before I got to that sidewalk, I seen somebody sprinklers on. I said, this bitch. And I tried to lean a little bit over because I knew it was wet on the ground. And I was like, because my, you know, you're back. tire might, you know, start swerving. Yes. And I linked over a little bit. I'm going. And I hit them sprinklers, and I tried to go down.

Starting point is 00:08:04 And as I knew it, my back tire, just a little bit clipped his fence. Ooh. I felt that it was a hard impact. And I felt like my jaw, you know, I felt like my chest. It was a hard impact. Like, boom. I never forget that shit.

Starting point is 00:08:24 And, you know, I ain't going to lie. You know, I'm a crazy. I dream every night. You know what I'm saying? I'm really a dreamer, a real dreamer. Like, I go to sleep. I wake up. Like, I feel like I never went to sleep.

Starting point is 00:08:38 So I'm sitting there thinking. I'm thinking about this crash. I'm like, bro, I just crashed in my head. You're laying there. But I don't know how long I was there. I just crashed. Did you black out or you was conscious the whole time? In my head, I'm thinking, but I'm really blacked out.

Starting point is 00:08:53 But I'm in my head. head I'm still conscious like I crashed you think that was your life flash before you it could have been because if you you know I mean if you're in your mind I'm thinking but you don't remember how long you was there so that that was kind of like one of them things with your life flash before your eyes I mean I mean if we're going to call it that so I I wake up I wake up but you know I didn't notice all this until I got you know like really analyzed everything to like I got the hospital. I wake up, boom.

Starting point is 00:09:26 I see my motorcycle way across the street. My helmet over there with it, right next to it. But it's like way over, way. It's like from here to this TV. Okay. It's way over there and I'm over here laying on the ground. I'm like, damn. First thing in my mind was like, I fuck my motorcycle.

Starting point is 00:09:42 Fuck, I got to get it fixed. Like that, not even tripping off your life, your motorcycle. Nah, because I woke up, I'm like, I'm good. I woke up. But I'm like, I tried to get up. I couldn't get up. Oh. I'm like, oh, fuck.

Starting point is 00:09:55 I heard my leg. Maybe my leg fucked up. Could you move it? No. Couldn't move it? And then I'm like, and I couldn't move my whole right side. Yes. So I'm like, damn, I can't move my right side.

Starting point is 00:10:08 I'm like, well, maybe my shit a little stun. From the crash. From the crash. Yeah. I'm like, but so my whole right side is fucked. I can't move it, right? So I'm like, I fuck my whole right side up. It's fuck.

Starting point is 00:10:20 I still got my motorcycle jacket on and all the whole little shit. So I'm like, fuck. I'm going to crawl. I crawled with my left end until I got to the sidewalk and I got to the sidewalk I put myself on the sidewalk and I just laid it in the grass

Starting point is 00:10:36 and I'm like damn at least I'm still alive and I looked at the motorcycle again and I passed out boom and then I woke back up because this nigga was hollering at me he like you need some help

Starting point is 00:10:52 oh wow okay he was in a car with his wife I remember he was in the car with his wife with his wife, he had his kids. He, he's like, you need some help. And I looked at that nigga. I was like, yeah, put me in your car. Nick, I'm running from the police.

Starting point is 00:11:08 And that nigga was like, and that nigga was, no, I really was. I mean, well, you had got away, but yeah. I know the police probably on my heels. I was only going straight. Yeah. Because I'm thinking the nigga on my heels that police, in my, police probably like, that nigga gone. I ain't chasing.

Starting point is 00:11:23 Way out of here. He don't went down to McDonald's ramp and everything. Yeah, but now, but I'm, still thinking they chasing me. I'm like, nigga, the police chasing me. Put me in your whip.

Starting point is 00:11:32 Because, you know, mind you, I just got out of jail or like robbery and shit with the homies or whatever. We just bailed out. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:11:41 Now I'm going to this motorcycle accident. I'm running from the police. I'm a complete dummy. Okay? I don't need to even be doing this shit. At this point, I'm, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:11:50 I'm a complete dumbass. You feel me? So I tell a nigga, yo, hey, put me in the car. Or whatever. Yeah, real quick for your mind, like one. Man, this Oji suicide, man. Thank you for calling in.

Starting point is 00:12:05 What's good with you? What on, OG suicide? Oh, man, everything good, man. Everything good. What's going on with you? Right now, man, getting ready to put a gym. I'm about to go work out, release some of these good endorsement. That's about it.

Starting point is 00:12:20 Okay. Yeah, I remember you was telling me, man, you know, the time we had spoke that you used working out, you know, to really help you as far as. mental-wise. What it does is for those who don't know endure, there are neurotransmitter, your body releases, they're in pain or stress.

Starting point is 00:12:40 They activate the opiate receptors causing an anesthesic effect. And the orphan comes from the words endogenous, meaning within a body and morphine and opiate pain reliever. Okay.

Starting point is 00:12:56 So basically it's just, it's a natural pain reliever that your body produces. And that comes from working out. From working out, exactly. Okay, and how have it been, it's been working good for you?

Starting point is 00:13:09 How it's been? Yeah, man, I had a wild childhood. I don't even call it a childhood. I call it a lot of people in your household, you would develop some things, and I started noticing I was depressed, so I got into working out around 12 or 13. My dad had a weight set in the backyard.

Starting point is 00:13:29 He was a real big in the listing, and I got into it about 12 or 13, got my own, put in a little shed we had in the back of the house. And I started working out from there. And I started seeing my body change. And I started noticing, you know, I was looking at the world different. Because before I was boxing everything in and now I had this outlet and I was expressing myself. And that was the way you dealt with, you know, depression.

Starting point is 00:13:55 Working out. Correct. Okay. Exactly. Versus me being addicted to drugs and alcohol like most people do. I got addicted to iron and I started a cousin line called Iron Fiend, which anybody, if you're a gymnast, a bodybuilder, athlete, amateur, pro-level, whatever, anybody that's working out goes to the gym.

Starting point is 00:14:15 At some point, you're lifting iron instead of being a fiends or drugs or alcohol, any other negative outlets that we tend to go to as human beings because we're only human, right? Yes. I started it because I'm an iron fiend. I'm addicted to iron, a positive outlet to gym. Okay. But that's what I'm focused on right now. And I'm focused on starting a nonprofit organization to target prisons.

Starting point is 00:14:40 At first, I'm going to target prisons and rehabs. And then I'm going to span of, like, foster homes. But I want to go speak in these places and show these people and tell these people what working now I can do for them. Okay. There's been a positive role model, man. I'm 24, man. I've seen a lot, been through a lot. And a lot of people don't want to talk about mental health, but I'm going to talk about it.

Starting point is 00:15:00 Oh, yeah. The highest man, no, I'm talking about it. Well, that's what O.G. Suicide in the building is about, man, working and dealing with depression and mental health. Man, keep up to good work. You know, thanks for calling in, man. And, man, keep doing your thing. Keep doing your job, man.

Starting point is 00:15:16 Keep, you know, assisting people, man. You know, that's something new. I just learned today you could, you know, fight depression and stress, man. Just getting in that gym and working out. It really helps. It releases things in the body that, you know, also. it interacts with the mind. Exactly.

Starting point is 00:15:33 It's deeper than a lot of people think, OG. And that's why I'm here to bring that to the forefront. Okay, for sure, fam. Thanks for the call, man. Be in touch with you. Thank you. All right. Appreciate that, love one.

Starting point is 00:15:50 Appreciate that, love one. Yeah. For real. Yeah. Let's go, man. You know, if this was anybody else, they wouldn't be able to get back on track with this motherfucker's story

Starting point is 00:16:01 with the same energy, but I'm too good at this shit. You always got good energy, though. I'm too good. But shout out that nigga, you know what I'm saying, who just called, you know what I'm saying? You got to start working out. He just clicked something in my mind. You really got to start working out,

Starting point is 00:16:14 and I got to get that program back to me, you know what I'm saying? See what I'm saying? Get it back going, you know what I'm saying? It woke something up. It woke something up. I think I got to go five in the morning, start getting up in there working out, even if I hit the treadmill or whatever or the bike,

Starting point is 00:16:27 just, you know what I'm saying, get some shit going, but I definitely need to start doing that again. but I stopped doing it because I felt like, hold on, I'm too damn skinny for this shit, but that shit should matter because... No, it shouldn't. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:16:38 A skinny nigga can be out of shape. You feel I'm saying? Yeah, you can do that. You'll feel me? A skinny nick can be out of shape. But where I was, you know what I'm saying? Before, you know, my boy called, I was saying I was, you know,

Starting point is 00:16:51 I woke up on the ground. Yes. And I crawled back to the sidewalk. And you asked somebody to take you to the hospital, the police chasing you. Yeah, so when I crawled back on the sidewalk, yeah I woke up I asked him to put me in the car and he said no and he said no he was like no I can't do that and I was like all right well then fuck you then that's what I told me and then I

Starting point is 00:17:11 passed back out and then that nigga didn't never leave he called 9-1-1 yeah he called 9-1-1 well he did that for you yeah and then I woke up and his ass was there and I was like damn you still here and I told him I was like damn good looking bro so you kept going in and out yeah I'm in and out so I woke up paramedics here I'm like damn paramedics here I'm like damn paramedics here I drop a tear. I'm like the paramedics here, they cut me all open up, but I'm still like the pyramid is here.

Starting point is 00:17:36 I'm good. You know what I'm saying? They cut me open the jacket and all the shit. I'm like, yeah, they cut you out your clothes. Yeah, they cut me out. The shit, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Starting point is 00:17:44 Right. So they cut me out. They take my jacket off. And I'm like, hold on. I can't feel my arm. Yeah? Yeah, I'm like, hey. But they cut me open.

Starting point is 00:17:55 They're not listening to me. Yeah. I said it like three, four times. And they cut me over to do all. shit. They put me on the stretcher. They put me in on the thing, right? You on the ambulance, right? But, you know, like, I got, my homies got

Starting point is 00:18:08 real jokes and they really don't give a fuck, like, and nothing's off limits. So, in my head, I'm like, I can't go on with one arm, nigga. And I'm looking, I'm like, I'll be watching the TV. Yeah. You can put my

Starting point is 00:18:24 shit back on, right? So look, I tell a, nigga, hey, go outside. Before we drive off, nigga go get my arm find it and put it on his ambulance because we're going to put this one we'll be putting it back on and he was like it was not there

Starting point is 00:18:39 what is you talking about the ambulance thing he's telling me paramedic he like hey bro what are you talking about I'm like it's not there my arm's not there go get it so we can put it back on and he like bro your arm is here

Starting point is 00:18:52 and I said where is it he pick it up and he put it on my stomach because I was on his head though it wasn't nice like that I'm like, go get my motherfucking arm. Yeah, you was on one. Yeah. We're not pulling off.

Starting point is 00:19:05 We're not pulling off. You thought it came off. He's like, what did you talk about? Because I was talking to him crazy. He's like, since you talked to me crazy, so he put my arm on stomach. Boom. At that point, this, my forearms broke in like four places. Baw!

Starting point is 00:19:18 All this was snap. I seen my bone out. Mm-hmm. You feel me? Now, I know on my shoulder, as soon as he did that and I seen my bone out, this snap out, passed out. I'm out. I'm out of here.

Starting point is 00:19:29 This shit is crazy. right I'm like that shit looks crazy I pass out wake up in the hospital homie but I'm like hey I can't go back though to the homies because they're going to be like you got one arm you look dumb you stupid like I'm like

Starting point is 00:19:44 I can't go back to my house like that right but I go back to the hospital boom I wake up in the hospital you feel me like the lady hooking me up doing all the shit nobody know I'm in the hospital I'm like one of these niggas I'm thinking like how am I going to get in contact with

Starting point is 00:20:00 everybody. Where are my phone? Where are all the shit? You got a lot going through your head at the time. Yeah, like, what am I doing? Like, and then your leg? You can move your leg on this side? Leg wasn't moving. This is good. Knee cap was out of here. Yeah. Right now, still to this day, I still got eight screws in my knee. My knee big is fuck like this. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:20:18 But I can maneuver. You can maneuver. Yeah. They like, bro, you ain't fin to walk. Like, you might can walk maybe. We're going to put these screws in there. We're going to see what you can do. Your arms. I'm moving. You're done. And I'm like, I'm thinking. So it's completely, you can't move it at all? My arm.

Starting point is 00:20:35 Yes, your arm. Okay. Okay. You know what I'm saying? I couldn't, you know what I'm saying? I couldn't, you know, do this. Yeah. For one point, you know, one point in my life, I couldn't even do this.

Starting point is 00:20:46 But you can't tell, because I'll be seeing you ride bikes. Yeah, but see, I couldn't do that at first. Okay. I couldn't open my, I still can't open my hand fully like this. Okay. I can just, like, use a couple fingers or whatever the case may be. But, you know, I was in a hospital. whatever, the doctors hooked me up or whatever the case may be.

Starting point is 00:21:03 My mom came. And then, like what I said, my homies came in the building. School, which is a schoolboy cute. Okay. Now he's school boy cute, but that was a homie. He was cute. You know what I called him. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:15 The homie Floyd. They came in after my mom. And as soon as they came in, they looked at me, they started laughing. Instantly. This nink, stupid. I was sad as fuck. But when they came and they laughed, they made me happy just by laughing. Because I know I fucked up.

Starting point is 00:21:31 You feel me? Yeah. Mouth big as fuck. All this big, dumb crazy. Scars everywhere. Arms snap. You feel me? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:41 Legs snap. I'm like, ah. I took a beating, though. I took a real beating in that motherfucker. You feel I mean? And that shit really, that shit didn't, that shit didn't dawn on me until I had to leave the hospital. Okay. That's when it started, that's when it started getting crazy.

Starting point is 00:21:57 That's when it kicked in. So they, that shit didn't. They're giving me the pills in there. They're giving me the morphine. Yes. You know, pain is on level 10. They're like, what's the pain level? 12.

Starting point is 00:22:08 13. I'm like, give me your viking, is. Give me the shoot me the shit. Because they were like, every four hours. I'm like this. Yeah, push that button. Yeah. Yeah, the morphine.

Starting point is 00:22:16 Yeah. I'm like, I'm in pain. And stuff don't work. I'm constipated down. Took me like a week. Take a shit. Yeah. Nigger.

Starting point is 00:22:25 I'm telling to take the shit out. Like, I'm trying to take it out. I'm constipated. it so bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I ain't even going to lie to you. No, no, the medicine. It did that to you. And you couldn't leave the hospital until afterwards. Yeah. Until afterwards. It was crazy, bro. And I start seeing shit. I start hallucinating in that motherfucker. Because now I'm taking so much medicine. From the medicine. Yeah. I ain't eating. I'm like, it's some shit in the corner. My mom are like, it's some shit because she's the nurse.

Starting point is 00:22:52 Like, it's some shit in the corner. I'm like, nah, that's a nigga over there and he's in the corner. I'm with a clear mind, though. I'm like, the nigga over there in the corner and sit with us. Mom's looking at you like, boy. Ain't no, ain't no nigga in the corner. Anybody right there? I'm like, she's like, you need to stop taking the medicine. I was like, ain't no nigga in the corner? I'm looking at him.

Starting point is 00:23:07 Yeah. He's right there. But that's when I start tripping. You feel me? And I feel like, oh, I'm from to die in this motherfucker. Now I'm tripping. Yeah, had you. Okay.

Starting point is 00:23:17 I'm like, I need to get the fuck out of here. I checked myself about that bitch. Got out of there. I'm like, doctor, see what you need to do? How often to do it? Am I good? We have the surgery? I'm gone.

Starting point is 00:23:28 He like, no, you can't leave. we got to do a couple more tests. I'm like, man, I don't give a fuck. I'm out of here. You know, and the doctor, at the hospital, they didn't tell me like, oh, yo, you can get nerve reconstruction. And you know what I'm saying? After you leave this hospital, you can go get rehab and this,

Starting point is 00:23:42 not the other. No, they never told me that. You never knew that. They never told me that because I had to go to multiple doctor appointments after that. This is where it comes in. And they could have told you for sure to be so you could be reimbilitated. Never told me that. Never told me that.

Starting point is 00:23:58 So if you had had done reimbableness. dilatation, then... A doctor could have said, there's a neurosurgeon down here in such a such state or such a such hospital. He can help you. He can take some legs, some ligaments, some nerves out your calf,

Starting point is 00:24:12 and put him in your arm, and I'd be good. Never told me that. And then, you know, I wasn't computer literate. Then, I'm straight from the ghetto. Oh, yeah. I'm straight from the ghetto. I don't give a fuck.

Starting point is 00:24:23 So moving forward then, like... I go home. Adapt, yeah, you go home. I go home and when I go home, that's when it starts kicking in. I'm not, I feel like I ain't regular no more. Because this is just the nigga you see now, this is like 30% T-Rill, 40% T-Rill. I'm super calm down. Like I'm super mellow.

Starting point is 00:24:46 I'm super, I can't be myself no more. I can't fight you. I can't talk shit to you because I can't fight you at there. I can't do nothing. I can't go out, be loud, joke. I can't dance around my homie. So you're kind of like. You don't go out as much as you used to.

Starting point is 00:25:02 Now it's touching me. So that brain goes on stress and depression. Yeah. Every day I'm trying to, they telling me, I go to the neurologist, they say, oh, your arm not going to move. I'm like, nigga, fuck you. That's not what you want to hear. So every day on my mama table, I'm trying to, I'm trying to, I'm trying. Because they said in your mind, you know, think, think, think.

Starting point is 00:25:22 And it'll do it in my mind. Yes. And I'm trying every day. Ain't nothing happening. Ain't nothing happen. Every day, I'm getting more down and more down. How long was it before you had, like, movement back in your leg? Before you left the hospital?

Starting point is 00:25:41 No, it was still at home. It was still at home? It was killing me. And then it just started, like, one day you woke up and you start having a feeling? It's either one or the other. Okay. You can't move your arm. You ain't able to feel in a little bit of walk.

Starting point is 00:25:53 And I was in a wheelchair. Yes. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to teach myself how to do this one first. And then I'm going to attack the arm thing. So now I just work on your leg. I'm working up and down the stairs every day and doing that until I can walk. Then I go crutches. Yes.

Starting point is 00:26:12 And then not crutches. Yes. Now with the arm thing, but still the arm thing, just bothered me so fucking much. And then, you know, at the end of the day, you ever been depressed? I'm telling like, hell no, because I always be shit. But when I think back in those days, I was super depressed. I was super I was still taking

Starting point is 00:26:32 bikin' ins I was sitting my mama chair my life is over I'm like You feel like you was giving up Or you gave up or Like my life Yeah I was giving up

Starting point is 00:26:41 I was giving up I'm probably from the die dog I'm done too much You didn't want to live like this No case I got a robbery case I got my shit fucked up

Starting point is 00:26:50 I'm going to court In the wheelchair I'm like Bruh I'm like I'm doing too much Did you end up going to do some time Or you didn't End up in that motherfucker

Starting point is 00:26:59 In the wheelchair Well, I fought the case until I could walk. Okay. You know what I'm saying? I fought that case until I can walk, but I had to go in there with my arms still fucked up because I wore a sling for a long time. And I was just like down and out. My hair wasn't cut, beard, sitting there stink, won't take a shower. And, you know, my little brother, baby mama shot out Brooke.

Starting point is 00:27:23 She and my mama. They sat in there every day like, get up. Do your thing. Yeah, no motivation. nothing. You can't be like this. You ain't you ain't T-Rail no more. Mm-hmm. I know that hit you. A lot. Yeah, one day I got up and I'm like, all right, and I look myself in the mirror. I cut my own, except my hair. And I took a shower and I'm like, all right, I feel kind of good.

Starting point is 00:27:49 You know what I'm saying? Yes. Take me back home. You know, because I had a gang of homies living with me. I had my own house in Compton or whatever. Okay. But I'm letting the homie stay in it until I was up living my mama letting her take care of me and went back home like okay but I I try to you know move and groove with him a little bit and it wasn't it wasn't really doing nothing you know what I'm saying it did a little bit but I was like man pain I can't really move and I go back to the house like fuck I ain't me you know what I'm saying it took a lot and my mama helped me a lot shout out my mama that's what's up and she took me to this one rehabilitation place that she had found in this

Starting point is 00:28:29 nigger and he was like man he told me what was going to happen he was like your arm fucked up this and that other might not never come back but look you you need to hold yourself hold yourself like hold yourself like you like you regular nigga you know what I'm saying try to kind of like fight it he was like take that fucking sling off nigga and hold your arm because it was heavy you know there's no muscle here I'm basically just dragging

Starting point is 00:28:59 this motherfucker and it just felt weird I just felt like I was holding something dead he was like learn hold yourself I was like all right I'm trying yeah had he ever been in a similar situation he just giving you that motivation

Starting point is 00:29:16 yeah because he could see it in my eyes that I needed it so I'm just like one day you know what I'm saying I take it or boom I'm holding myself like this a lot and then I hold myself you know regular hold myself like this until I start moving and grooving you had kids at the time too yeah your family no I didn't have no kids okay okay and you know I was a big too pop fan around that time too well still to this day you know and I was like I'm gonna die probably barely young like uh yeah could you check yourself out the hospital like pop and I'm like yeah

Starting point is 00:29:48 I'm like but I need some kids though okay I need one kid to to live my to live my to live my legacy. Carry on. Like, I was just a legend out here, but I was a cold motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. You feel me?

Starting point is 00:30:00 Yeah. I ain't going to lie to. I'm like, it's got to be a nigga out here that's got to be, that's going to live like me. You feel me? So I'm like, I'm going to have a kid.

Starting point is 00:30:08 Fuck it. Feel me, that's why I needed, I felt like I needed a kid, but boom, I had a kid, you know what I'm saying? Doing that,

Starting point is 00:30:16 you know, in the midst of being hurt and shit. The next year I had a kid as a matter of fact. Okay. It took me, It took me 11 months to learn how to walk. Wow.

Starting point is 00:30:27 You know what I'm saying? With no rehabilitation just on your own? On my own. Let me get up. Let me get out this chair. Yeah. Let me stand up. Then a nigga, you know, gave me that game.

Starting point is 00:30:39 Like, nigga, hold yourself with some confidence. Yes. I'm like, all right, cool. And it took me another like a year, six months to, you know, hold myself, like, confidence. And, you know, by the time I, you know, I had a kid. I'm like, all right, cool. there's another reason to live.

Starting point is 00:30:55 Definitely. I need some reasons. Because I'm running out. Many. Yeah. Yes. Running out here. At this point.

Starting point is 00:31:02 Yeah. So, you know, dealing with that and dealing how to move around and still, you know, have motherfuckers respect me and all the whole little shit. It was hit me, you know. And during those times, I'm a good nigger. You know, I've done so much good shit for motherfuckers. I don't even remember. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:22 Yeah. Yeah. I'm just doing shit. Yes. And every time I see a nigga, oh, nigga, what's up, man? When you did the whole little shit? And my head, like, no. But, you know, I was getting love from everywhere.

Starting point is 00:31:33 Yeah, they remember. So all of those things was lifting me up. Niggas I seen was living me up. You know what I'm saying? Never had no swan on my name. That's good. And it's just like, oh, cool, bro. I'm a cool nigga.

Starting point is 00:31:45 You still, you know? So what about, like, as far as life now, like, is there any times in your life to, where you kind of like, feel depressed a little bit, just feeling like, like you said, you're 30% you, you're not 100%. Right now,

Starting point is 00:32:03 in life now, is it times to where you feel like, man? Yeah, I mean, but... I know you have a lot going. Yeah, and that's just, if it feel like that, that's just because it's just business. Okay. And then, you know, my kids, you know, a lot of shit just start weighing on you.

Starting point is 00:32:20 Just regular shit bills and shit like that. And all this is regular shit to start weighing on you. You know what I'm saying? Real life. Real life and start buckling up on top of still dealing with what I'm dealing with. Yes.

Starting point is 00:32:33 Because, you know, I was addicted to pills. I was just telling luscious shit. Like, damn, what I'm up? I always be shit, but I'll be forgetting shit because I don't like bad memories. Yes. I'm like, that memory's gone. So I got to rethink about it.

Starting point is 00:32:48 Like, hold on. So you was addicted to pills? I was addicted to a trauma. First it was Vikingin. Okay. The pills was too damn big. Was it for the pain or just? It was for the pain.

Starting point is 00:32:58 Okay. You know, and then it was, then it was trauma, though. And then it started really making me feel good because it gives you that high. I'm like, okay, I'm really high and I feel good. So it kind of took your mind? Yeah, take my mind away. Because I have pain in like these two fingers all day. Okay.

Starting point is 00:33:16 It's like. Like the nerves in there is. It's like when your foot fall asleep. Ooh. Yeah. This is all day. Yes. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:33:23 And these two fingers. So I was taking the pills for that. Okay. And then, you know, but it still made me fucked up. The appetite gone. Still stupid, you know, constipated doing that shit because I don't eat a lot. You know what I'm saying? So you took them a lot?

Starting point is 00:33:39 I took it a lot. Even when you didn't eat it, you were taking them? Even when I didn't eat it, I was taking it. You know what I'm saying? It's like the feeling. It was that feeling that I needed all day that I feel like I needed to feel like, okay, it's regular. Because if I don't get that feeling, I'm dwelling on this. pain and that takes it away and it kind of like relieves your mind from just thinking about

Starting point is 00:33:58 anything yeah and like i'm gonna just keep doing this and yeah and it's gone and it's gone and i and that shit was that shit made me you know you still on doing the pills like that no i i i beat that shit too on my own because one day i was that's good i was sleep that's good and i had to take these pills and the pain didn't go away and i was laying in bed i'm like the pain didn't It's stayed. It stayed. And I feel fucked up. Still.

Starting point is 00:34:27 Taking this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ain't me. I ain't upbeat. Understood, yes. I ain't taking this shit no more. And with that, you know, I had to beat that. Going through shit, sleep, fucked up, diarrhea.

Starting point is 00:34:42 You know what I'm saying? All type of she was going on my stomach fucked up. Yeah, it was going crazy, but I beat it. But still now to this day. Yes. When I sit. And if I'm sitting a long time, you know, just like we doing right now, if it's an hour or two, you know, I start to bother you? It's starting to bother me.

Starting point is 00:35:03 Or, you know, I got to do this. You know, I got to start doing shit. I put my hands in my pocket a lot, you know what I'm saying? I always move around. I'm always moving around. Do your thing. Do your thing, yes. I got to do shit so my mind it keeps flowing.

Starting point is 00:35:19 It's flowing. You've created a program pretty much to where, like, oh, I'm going to, like, Okay, I know what to do when I'm having certain feelings and I know what to do. Feel it right. Still, though, I think about it. I'm like, you know, just certain times right now still. Yes. If I'm like, bro, I'm not 100%.

Starting point is 00:35:39 This shit is crazy. And that's stress, man. That makes you think a lot. Make you a heavy thinker. Yeah, it do. It makes me think about a whole bunch of situations that, you know. Like, damn, bro. But it also make me avoid a lot of stupid shit that I probably would do.

Starting point is 00:35:59 Okay. Or like, are probably, though, buttons I probably will push. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Kind of like probably a situation with you. Like, you don't like being called boy. Ever.

Starting point is 00:36:11 I don't do that. In my mind. Yeah. If I was 100%, you still would do it? I would have pressed your button to see how far you would have went. You want to know what's called? What?

Starting point is 00:36:22 I don't have buttons. so I go right away. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I go. I don't even have buttons. And to think I would do that. So you wouldn't even never have a chance to push nothing. To think I would do that?

Starting point is 00:36:32 Yeah. It's crazy. Super. That's crazy. Super. So while I'm dwelling on that, I'm like, I'm crazy. So but to think about that and to dwell on like this situation. So you think about that when you see me, I want to call this nigga boy.

Starting point is 00:36:46 No, no, no, no. So you did it one time. You did it twice. But I fucked up, though. You did it twice. It's not. Yeah, I did this. It's not intentional.

Starting point is 00:36:53 It was like, but see, this is what I know, like the young people, that's what y'all into. Oh, you know, fool and boy and, like, how we grew up, man. Like, we don't do that. Boys are for one to 12, you know, I'm a grown man. But, yeah, and you see, like, they're like, Trial Firestarter. But, you know, that's the shit I, but I was into that. Yeah, I'm on a podcast, too. I'm just talking now.

Starting point is 00:37:15 So you was the one used to instigate. Oh, shit, always. I'm insigated. And I'm in the fight. You wonder what they're taking so long for, huh? But I'm an instigated a nigga for the fight And I'm probably gonna bomb You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:37:27 I'm doing dumb shit But So now do you avoid a lot of things You feel like you have to? I avoid everything Yeah And I look at everything Like, you know what I'm saying

Starting point is 00:37:38 I look at everything in this entirety You feel me? Yes And I have to break down everything Like Look at life different You have to It's like what are you living for

Starting point is 00:37:46 Why would you do that? You feel me? Because of the shit we grew up Where we grew up How we was taught you know what I'm saying the environment we grew up in just like look at my mentality do where you come from

Starting point is 00:38:00 look at my mentality why would I do that why would I do that you feel I'm and this this shit slowed me down crazy try okay you could do this you could do that you could do that you could travel like travel yeah I wouldn't have never did no shit like that

Starting point is 00:38:18 like I said I wouldn't even computer literate The homie had an Apple computer. I thought that nigga was a bitch. Because he on the computer. Because he on the computer. And that's where the world is at. Technology. I'm like this nigga, a bitch.

Starting point is 00:38:30 Yeah. Whole time. Whole time. This is what I'm doing now. You don't feel like a bitch though, right? No, I know. But I'm like. I just had to catch you with that one.

Starting point is 00:38:42 I had to get you. No, I know. You sit yourself up for that one. I had to get you. You left the door open. I had to get you. I had to get your nephew. But times, but it is times, though, you know, a lot of times in life right now that I dwell on the fact that I'm not regular.

Starting point is 00:39:03 But I think it's probably like, okay, this is God playing for you, bro, because if you didn't, if you were regular, you'd be doing sedemption. You'd be doing time right now. Yeah, for sure. If he hadn't slowed you down, you'd have been out of here, for sure. For sure. And that's kind of way, you know, it works, man, in life, you know. For sure. For sure.

Starting point is 00:39:23 You feel me? And you're doing well for yourself, man. So you managed to not let it keep you down, you know. And that's good because this is going to help a lot of people that that's going through that. You know, that's experiencing that, you know, that has a disability. And look at you, podcasting, you have a store. You live in life. That's all God.

Starting point is 00:39:49 Mandatory, that's all God. We know that. That's automatic. But at the same time, you can help somebody. Yeah. You know, that feel like in that same predicament, like, man, what is there to live for? I don't have no, I'm not 100%. Because I got y'all. Mandatory.

Starting point is 00:40:06 If I see you. Mandatory. I could just see you every day. I'm a good judge of character. And I'm like, this n nag energy. I love it. Likewise. For real.

Starting point is 00:40:15 And so that, that, that, that fee, I get that. I get some of that energy. and then I get some Trevor's energy, Josh energy, Kelvin's energy, Boston energy. There we go. You know what I'm saying? Belt now. I really don't like built.

Starting point is 00:40:29 But now I get belt energy, you feel me? Yes. Like, I'll fuck what you even feel, you feel me? Mandatory. I get everybody's energy. I feed off of it now. It's motivation. It's motivation now.

Starting point is 00:40:41 Keep going. Yeah. The purpose. You can see your purpose. Yeah. Regardless of anything. You know what you got to do and you're going to continue to do that. I have to.

Starting point is 00:40:49 But, you know, still, though, I need that because, like I said, it is times where I'll sit a lot of times. I'm not regular. You know, so I wish I was regular. And it fucked me up. Like, I'll be telling niggas, you know, the homies laugh at me and shit like that. But we can laugh and joke. But it's really an insecurity for a long time. Like, I can't shake your hand.

Starting point is 00:41:14 That was my real, like, the way I can. Because you was used to. That was my real judge of character. Yes. Yes. Wow, what's the deal? Yes. You don't hold me a certain way? No, I'm fucking with you no more.

Starting point is 00:41:28 Straight out. That's it. But I feel like now that I can't shake a nigga's hand and then I give him the left hand, niggas ain't used to that. I got, I'm catch myself talking about excuse the left. Like, I'm fucking up, niggas energy. I feel like I'm fucking up niggas energy.

Starting point is 00:41:43 But you're not. That's my first impression. That's what you have. Yeah, and I feel like my first impression is fucked up. But a lot of niggas don't know. I'm fucked up. They think I'm regular because the way I hold myself. Exactly. And I do this and they're like, oh, he don't fuck with me.

Starting point is 00:41:55 Then I got to tell you what's up. It's like, damn, I fucked up. So you find yourself like letting people know a lot? Yeah, a lot. A lot. A lot. That's just one thing that used to bother me a lot. Now, really don't bother me, but that's one thing. If I could have it back,

Starting point is 00:42:12 that's one thing I would really ask for. You know what I'm saying? If you could have it back, that's definitely. What's the deal? of the list. That's it. You know what I'm saying? Top of my list. I can still ride my motorcycle like you said.

Starting point is 00:42:25 Man, I seen you riding a bike. I'm like, man, I didn't wrong with that dude. You was in with both hands on the handlebars. I said, look at him. That's what I'm talking about. When I said, my mobility. Yes, yes, yes. Because I can lift my arm up.

Starting point is 00:42:39 I can't do this. Whatever, my bicep doesn't work. My tricep does. And I couldn't move my wrist around. So I just used to hold my hand like this a lot. Okay. And then one day. Okay.

Starting point is 00:42:53 You know what I'm saying? The gang feeling? One day I was like, you know, had my hand on the counter or whatever and, you know, and I try to like reach for a cookie and that motherfucker said, boop I immediately just broke into tears. I said, oh, my arm might start working. So can you move it a little bit?

Starting point is 00:43:09 Yeah, I can clinch now. I can clench hard. You know what I'm saying? That's why I can hold on this shit. I can move my little fingers a little bit. And so I can get on the motorcycle and ride. And ride right now. I can go slow and I can get on the bike and I can do shit.

Starting point is 00:43:24 You still be on the motorcycles? You know what I'm saying? Fuck, no. Okay. Because it's heavy on my right side. But if it wasn't, though, I'll fuck with it. You feel me? I got on the street bike.

Starting point is 00:43:33 I even got on my little brother Harley. Like, let me see if I can do it. Because I can, you know, because I know how to do it. Yes. I'm like, damn, I can't really bust it. A you weed. It's going to be hard for me. So I wrote it back to it.

Starting point is 00:43:44 Yeah, we wrote it back. I gave it to him. But I could ride my four wheeler. I went to the dirt. I did that, you know what I'm saying? I could ride a dirt bike. It's easy. It's easy.

Starting point is 00:43:53 It's not that heavy. But, yeah, the one day my feeling came back. And I was with Heather and I told her and I was like, look. You know? And then she was like, damn. And I was like, oh, nigga, this shit is crazy. I was like, it's going to come. Because they say your nerves always reconnected.

Starting point is 00:44:12 Yes. Yes. Yes. But this one up here is severed. So that's out. You know what I'm saying? And I went back to the doctor recently because I was like, man, it's gone.

Starting point is 00:44:22 It's gone because like I keep saying, it's for a reason. Yes. I think if I was 100% out, it would be stupid. You know what I'm saying? I'm stupid. You feel I'm not. But now, now than my older age, though,

Starting point is 00:44:31 I've learned a lot. So it'll be cool. Yeah, because I don't heard you cussing people out on the phone. I was like, who's the tear out already. Yeah, but at the end of the day, I'm like, if I see this thing, he won't get me. You know what's all that you was talking? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:45 You don't push the button. It's whatever. I'm going to get ready for him. You feel me? You feel me? But whatever, the case may be. I don't be wanting to do that shit, but fuck, you know what I'm saying? You're getting that gym, man.

Starting point is 00:44:57 Have a cold left. Yeah, it came back, man. But luckily it came back, man. Thank you, God. You know what I'm saying? Yes. But, yeah, man. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:45:05 It came back. Fuck it. But it do bother me. What's one of the most, what's one of the things you can say the most that not having, you know, 100% movement that bothers you the most. Is it like working,

Starting point is 00:45:21 getting out grinding, business-wise? Like, which is something you could say like, you like I said, bothers you the most out of not having. Well, it was a shaking a hand thing. Well, that was the first thing you said, yes. Then when I had kids, like, you know, you know, yeah, yes. Yes. Definitely

Starting point is 00:45:40 with kids, yes. I can't, you know, I see my, you know, baby mama, you know, lifting her up, lifting my kids. I was like, fuck. Have any of your kids ever, like, do they ever ask you? They don't know. They don't know. They don't know. They're still young?

Starting point is 00:45:58 And I don't tell them. Yeah, four. Okay, yeah, that's young. Yeah, I mean, but I have a 13-year-old. She knows. But still, she don't ask me and nothing like that because I hold myself, you know, I'm regular to them. Exactly.

Starting point is 00:46:10 They don't even fuck with me, bother me. You know what I'm saying? My kids ain't judging me. They don't give a fuck, but it was just like, I can't do the Mufi's shit. You know what I'm saying? And I'm like, fuck. One day I have to teach myself how to do that shit. I'm like, this aren't going to have to be strong.

Starting point is 00:46:26 They have to. They have to. They're strong as fuck. If anybody, you know, like, if I really catch you with the left, you're done. That's really the left. Left is always the one that knock you out anyway in boxes, so don't even worry about it. If I catch you with this motherfucker and I'm close to you, I'm for sure sleeping you. It's over.

Starting point is 00:46:43 You want to go night night? I didn't slap two niggas already You ask mommy, baby, Nitty, you feel me? I ain't got to ask nobody. I just slept. I didn't slept two niggas with this motherfucker If you're this close to me, I can sleep.

Starting point is 00:46:55 But if I get you, you know what I'm saying? And if I raise you, I got to get out of there. It's a rap. If I get you don't do nothing, I'm gone. It's a rap, huh? Yeah, if I do that, I'm gone. I ain't going to lie to you. But that's the only thing, you know,

Starting point is 00:47:10 lifting my babies up. Yes. And shaking the hand. But I kind of. like made this arm stronger as fuck so I could kind of like, you know, do it. So you do work with it, okay. I can grab them. Yes.

Starting point is 00:47:23 And I can kind of do it a little bit. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, God. Well, at least you're working on it, you know? Yeah. Definitely.

Starting point is 00:47:29 Yeah. Oh, God. Had a missed call. I'm going to take another call real quick. Call them back, man. Miss call, man. Miss call. Real quick, love one.

Starting point is 00:47:46 Hey, family, how you doing, man? Thanks for calling OG suicide in the building. Hey man, this is Chris Martinez, OG. I haven't seen you in probably about 10 years, but thanks for taking my call. Oh, you're mandatory, man. You see, I've been had this number 17 years, so it's still good. Yeah, I know that. What's going on with you?

Starting point is 00:48:06 Nothing much, man. I'm just out here in these streets, but I'm so proud of what you've been up to and the lives you've been able to affect and just been happy to cheer you on from the sidelines. Man, I appreciate that, man. How have everything been with you though, mentally wise? Good, man. You know, I worked in this same kind of field as you shooting videos and dealing with artists and athletes.

Starting point is 00:48:31 And, you know, it does get to you sometimes. Yeah. What would you say? What's causing it to get to you? Is it like people doing bad business with you? Or what would you say? You know, it kind of feels like that sometimes. You put your heart out there.

Starting point is 00:48:50 and you try to always keep the word and deliver a good product. And they don't follow through on their end. Yeah, it kind of seemed like as I went up in the ranks and started making more money and dealing with people in higher positions, the trust and the loyalty and, you know, the things I kind of learn from guys like you seem to be less apparent in those worlds. Well, you just have to, you know, it's almost like, man, you know, when you're picking weeds in your backyard, man,

Starting point is 00:49:20 You know, you got to pick the weeds and, you know, let the grass grow, you know. In order to let the grass to grow, though, you got to get rid of the weeds. So always know who you do business with, you know, watch who you do business with. All they do business with people that always do good business. If there's a person that ever done bad business with you, then why continue to do more business with them? You know? Protect your mental, you know, it's mandatory. You have to do that.

Starting point is 00:49:49 Yes, sir. And, you know, sometimes they hide in suits and, you know, playing the nice guy and good vocabulary and money and stuff. Oh, yeah. That doesn't amount to anything. But see, stuff like that, you can't be impressed by, you know, the money, the suits or anything like that. I tell people all the time, man, if you want to impress me, drown a fish, you know. You can't be impressed by certain things like that, you know. Definitely.

Starting point is 00:50:16 You got to be impressed by business. If the business is good, that's impressive to me. If the business is not good, then there's no need to even conversate. Yes, sir. But you got this, man. Stay focused. Stay grinding. Stay getting to it, man, so you can take care of that family and keep your head up always and never give up.

Starting point is 00:50:36 Yes, sir, man. About 10 years ago, I got to run with you and a couple other guys in your neighborhood. And I just wanted to always reach back and thank you guys for accepting me into a community that wasn't mine. but the lessons I learned in hip hop stayed with me forever and you know my heart is in the West Coast no matter what I'm doing. Oh yeah always with me man they come to my hood they're good they ain't got

Starting point is 00:50:58 nothing to worry about and nobody gonna say nothing to them you know? Hey you you had a good time like you grew up over there huh? Yeah man I kind of feel like I grew up in the suburbs you know but I feel like I became an adult in Compton in the streets over there

Starting point is 00:51:14 shooting and learning from hip hop and how to be a hustler an entrepreneur, how to put your heart on your sleeve and go out there and earn your own keep. So I'll never forget you guys. Thanks so much. And anytime I can help out, just give me a call. Appreciate it, man. Thanks for the call. Like I said, never give up. Keep grinding, family. And always remember, only you can stop you. Nobody can stop you. Only you can stop you. And don't ever forget that. Yes, sir. Thank you for your time, OG. All right. Family. Yeah. Yes, sir. Like I'm saying, you know, you know.

Starting point is 00:51:51 What you've been through, man, can definitely uplift somebody. You know, give them the courage, the spirit, the motivation to, like, don't let nothing stop you. All of you can stop you. Yeah. And you ain't stopping yourself. You're doing what you, you know, supposed to be doing. You're getting to it. So that's good.

Starting point is 00:52:06 I applaud you for that, family. Thank you. You know, not letting nothing stand in the way of you at all. Yeah. And like I said, and this whole thing is, you know, like your show, you know, some people, you know, will pull motivation from their show. And, like, it is times where I feel down. It is times I feel like, damn, what the fuck am I doing? Like, am I taking the right steps?

Starting point is 00:52:30 Yes. You know, where is God leading to me? You know what I'm saying? Yes, sometimes I do, you feel me? And why do you feel that? There's doubt. Because I've been around a lot. Yes.

Starting point is 00:52:43 I've been around a lot of rich motherfuckers. Yes. You feel what I'm. But it's my time now. I feel like to, you know, worry about what I'm being. doing with myself and you know what I'm saying my path yes and as I'm doing that I don't see it moving fast enough and ain't moving like these niggins and I and I dwell on that but the this the thing you have to realize and I tell a lot of people this you can never kind of like pick the day

Starting point is 00:53:10 that you're going to be fully successful you can't you can't say oh you know what uh next year on this date man I'm I'm gonna be rich I'm gonna be successful like it just can't If that's the case, everybody would be rich. Yeah. But you got to keep doing what you're doing because when you lease expect... See, the more you want it, the longer it's going to take.

Starting point is 00:53:32 You know, the more you go for it and just grind for it and not expect it, that's when it happened when you least expect it. That's like you lose your keys or your wallet. You're looking everywhere. You're looking everywhere.

Starting point is 00:53:43 Like, man, I don't know. I just had my keys. You sit down and be like, look to the left. Your keys right there. Oh, man, I go my key. success is the same way love one it's going to happen for you

Starting point is 00:53:54 but imagine you are being successful what we got to start doing more is paying attention to the little things everybody's focused on the big picture the millions man in order to get the grit you got to grind I don't mind being

Starting point is 00:54:11 the turtle and the race with the rabbit because I'm a win in the end that's how I look at life that's how you got to look at life you're winning imagine you don't have nothing that you have now. Yeah, I'll be losing like a motherfucker.

Starting point is 00:54:27 So that's what make you, you should really look at your life and say, you know what? There's people doing way worse than me. I always do, I always look at my life as like, you know, where I want to be instead of where I'm at. Yes. So I do dwell on like, hey, this ain't enough.

Starting point is 00:54:47 But it's going, you started here. now you here. Yeah, I mean, and due time, you'll be further. Love one. The way you carry yourself and how you move

Starting point is 00:55:00 is, it's going to make, you're going to continue to be successful. You're going to continue to have growth. It's automatic. It ain't on you.

Starting point is 00:55:09 It's in you. It's automatic. Just keep being you. You know, keep doing you. You're not letting nothing stop, you love one. So just focus on

Starting point is 00:55:19 continuously. Consistency. Everything else going to come. That's another one of my big problems. You know, and a lot of people I know around me, but consistency, consistency will get you there. It will. Consistia.

Starting point is 00:55:34 You know, I'm a procrastinator. I procrastinate like a mother. But only because you want to. You want to know why? You're too comfortable. Yeah. That's why you procrastinate. You're too comfortable.

Starting point is 00:55:48 You got to get out of that comfortability. You know, you feel comfortable. So you're like, oh, man, I'm good. I ain't hurting on no money. But when you got money, you got to treat it like you don't have money. That way you're going to continue to go getting more. That's why you procrastinate. You're like, man, I'm good.

Starting point is 00:56:08 I got this. I got money coming in from everywhere. So I'm cool. I ain't got to go do that today. I do it another time. No, go do that. Don't wait what you're waiting for. That adds to what you got.

Starting point is 00:56:20 That's why I love being here. Because this taught me consistency. This put me on the schedule. You know what I'm saying? You know, I really look up and, you know what I'm saying? Look up to Adam. I look up to everybody here, you feel me, that's coming to work every day. You feel me?

Starting point is 00:56:37 That's love to be here. Yes. You feel me? Love to do what they do. And it's just on a consistent basis. And I'm like, okay, this is the road I need to be, you know what I'm saying, beyond. That's what's up. And that's why I really love being here.

Starting point is 00:56:52 You know what I'm saying? I took that out of this shit. And because you love what you're doing. Yeah. That's what makes your job fun. And when you love what you doing, it makes it fun. You look forward to coming to work. When you don't love what you're doing, then that's when it's like,

Starting point is 00:57:08 love coming here. I really got to be there. You love it. You know? I love being here, man. Walking in them doors, man, it's like being in a whole other environment where you embrace. Every day is not going to be perfect. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:57:22 going to be times where people clash, but that's life. Yeah. You know, that's a part of life. It's going to be disagreement, disagree to agree, all of that's going to go on. But at the end of the day, everybody come together here and do their job and come on, man. Yeah. Ain't nothing out there messing with no jumper. Nah, I don't care.

Starting point is 00:57:41 And I stand on that. No, not. Like the love here and all the different shows and just everything that goes on, man, it's powerful. It is. straight out. It is. I'm glad to be a part of it. I love to be,

Starting point is 00:57:55 I'm loved that I'm here. You know what I'm saying? And this is one thing that keeps me going to, you feel what I'm doing? And it could be a stress reliever too coming here because I deal with a lot at home. This shit going on,

Starting point is 00:58:04 you know what I'm saying? Got kids running around. I never have no peace when I get here, you feel me? It's running around. It's a different type of piece. It's a different type of piece. I'm here.

Starting point is 00:58:14 I can be me. I could chill a little bit. You feel me? I can be on my phone. Yes. You know what I'm going to do the pie. like I'm going to do the podcast. I'm out here, you feel me?

Starting point is 00:58:23 So you can't be on your phone at home? A little bit, but, you know, my kids, that's crazy. They be on one? What? He said on one ain't the word. Yeah, like it's non-stop till I lay my head down. And then when I wake up. But the age differences, them is emotions, different emotions, the four-year-old.

Starting point is 00:58:45 Come on. They're not sitting down. Four, seven, see? And one. Come on now. Bruh. I got to get the four-year-old. I look back because I'm paying attention to him.

Starting point is 00:58:56 When I look back at her, she's on top of the table. I'm like, bruh. What if I didn't look back at enough time? You gone. This shit is crazy. It's life. It's life. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:59:09 I'm learning how to do all of this shit again. I'm learning how to do it day by day again, not regular. So sometimes it might fuck with me. Yes. You know what I'm saying? But that's, that's, that's, but that's life. Every day is not going to be a happy day.

Starting point is 00:59:23 I don't have, every day in my life is not a happy day. Come on, I have, everybody have bad days. It's, it's what you do to get through that bad day.

Starting point is 00:59:32 And the next day, don't take what happened today into tomorrow. It's like hitting the restart button. Okay, fresh day, fresh thoughts. Let's go. I ain't that nigga.

Starting point is 00:59:44 You got to be. Got to be. I'm taking yesterday in, you know what I'm saying, into tomorrow, nigger, I'm a petty nigga sometimes, bro. Got to grow out of that.

Starting point is 00:59:53 I got to grow out of that. How do you? I ain't going to tell you, this. Fuck y'all, niggas. Okay. Well, you're 20 something.

Starting point is 00:59:59 Yeah, maybe I'm 25, my buddy. Okay. Me too. 25, too. Yeah, we go give you that at 25. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 01:00:06 That's a night day. But see, it comes, it comes with time. Yeah. So you still petty, but hopefully, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 01:00:14 Sometimes. If it was some wood right here, I knock on some wood for you, but you're going to grow out of that pettiness, you know? Because you got to grow, everybody grew up one day. You know, we all've been petty, you know,

Starting point is 01:00:24 but got to grow up one day and you will. I really see you doing that. For real. Thank you, man. For real. Thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate it.

Starting point is 01:00:32 I wanted to be here. I want you to ask me some questions in my stories and shit like that. Be a little serious. These motherfuckers always laughing and shit. Got to be serious. And that's what my show is about, you know what I mean, real life. Everyday people, real life. Everybody don't been through something.

Starting point is 01:00:48 I want to take what. But everyone have been through and share it with the world, and there's people out there that's been through similar situations are going to go through it, are going to go through worse, but at least they can take from it and learn something from it and kind of help them and assist them in their own personal life and dealing with it. Me being a suicide survivor, you know, when I was 22, I shot myself in the head. God spared my life. He spared my life for a reason.

Starting point is 01:01:16 I used to think my music, I make music that uplift people that, you know, I made this, I put out a song in 2011 called Never Give Up. I was getting messages from people from like Nigeria, Africa, Haiti, all around the world where it's bad bad that was telling me how this song inspired them. I listen to it every day. This, this motivates me, this make me want to live. You know, and then people that read my story or heard me speak. about my story.

Starting point is 01:01:47 It uplift people. And it gives people a chance to say, you know what? I could talk about my troubles. Because a lot of people don't talk about their problems. You know, they keep it in the inside. They keep it built up. They don't let it out. Me, let's talk about it.

Starting point is 01:02:03 I'd rather put it on the table because I feel like what I've been through can help somebody. Because I know what it feel like to say. I want to kill myself. I know that feeling. I faced it head on and didn't hesitate. and God kept me here for a reason and this is my calling right here. This is what I'm supposed

Starting point is 01:02:21 to be doing. Yeah, you know, dealing with that, you know, being a Crip. Not even with, not even with, not to do with street. Let me just say you this. Being where are you from. Yeah. You know,

Starting point is 01:02:37 the laws that we abide by, you know, being a Crip. And then you're certain, certain paths that you got to take. Okay. And certain things. things that we abide by, you know, and certain things that that's on the internet and certain things that, you know, motherfuckers say they don't respect when you do that. So when you hear

Starting point is 01:02:54 motherfuckers kind of like, you know, whack or whatever the case may be, they'll be on clubhouse or whatever and they, you know, they say they don't respect niggas that, you know what I'm saying, try to commit suicide or thinking about committing suicide because that's the easy way out. What do you, what do you say about that? I don't let it bother me. And here's one reason why don't let it bother me. There's people that laughed at me when I got out to hospital. A lot of them saying people have came to me with that same feeling that needed advice from me. I even have people say, like, not to even bring him up again, Wichael Soros, or just anybody. You know, it's a young, young cat. I can remember his name, 17. They said he committed suicide. So I

Starting point is 01:03:45 go on a lot of these posts and you know or when somebody is crying out for help I go on their posts and I kind of give them some advice and let them know I've been there like life gonna get better but this is more recent one like we'll say what Ray J say you know what I'm gonna jump off and then

Starting point is 01:04:02 Wack comes and say I would love to sit down with Ray J man but Wack comes and say we don't play like that go ahead and jump off nigga okay but the way he embrace and I embrace that's two different embracements you know but is that a cold and the street does not do that? No, there's not. How could that be a code in the

Starting point is 01:04:19 street to not do that? I mean, because there's a secret code there to say suicide is not good. They say you go to hell if you commit suicide. Yeah. Okay. But if the devil take over you and you feel like who can I talk to? If I'm feeling like I want to kill myself,

Starting point is 01:04:35 who can I talk to that's going to not feel like, oh, you're crazy, you're an idiot, you're stupid. I'm the face and never give up. I'm that person that these people can talk to now. They feel in some kind of way. They understand. I understand them. So that's why they call me.

Starting point is 01:04:50 That's why they embrace me. That's why they message me. And I give them the best advice in the world. A lot of people on no jumper. They've been hearing O.G. suicide in the building for going on two years now. And then it started making them go look. Well, you know what? Let me go see who this dude is.

Starting point is 01:05:07 And when they started going to see who I was, they started embracing that. And that's when they started hitting me up. I don't look down on nobody. Never look down on nobody because the same people that got something to say bad, never know they might end up in that same predicament. That's why I don't knock nobody. I don't speak bad on nobody. If a person feel that way, let me talk to you, loved one.

Starting point is 01:05:29 I know how you feel. I've been in them shoes before. I tried to volunteer before for like a couple of hotlines, you know, suicide awareness, you know, where you call in and you can talk to people. This is what made me start doing this, my mind. myself because one of the centers I tried to volunteer for. I want to dedicate my life to helping somebody. Oh, well, what we can do, we can, we can do four sessions with you and it's going to be a hundred dollars a session where we can train you. I'm like, train me. If you really think

Starting point is 01:06:00 about it, I feel like I'm a professional because I'm self-experienced. I could train you. And I asked the gentleman, I said, have you ever, you know, considered that? He said, no, never, not in life. So what can you teach me that I don't already know? Because I've been there. I've been there. I know what they really feel like.

Starting point is 01:06:20 So when you're talking to them, yeah, you're giving them some advice, but when I'm talking to them, I'm giving them advice from self-experience. But as an OG, when did you, you know, grow as a person? I've been doing this for about 15 years

Starting point is 01:06:35 on my own platforms. Uplifting people. Like I said, the one song, came out 2011 before that. And like in its entirety, in the set, to take young kids and young niggas that's doing their thing and tell them, hey, hey, check this out,

Starting point is 01:06:53 you can do something better with your life. You can do something better with your life. You know, just like my nephew, AD, coming up in the hood. I seen AD getting ready to throw his life away. Nephew, let me holler at you. Nah, that ain't the route you won't, love one. Do it different. You know, I always told a lot of my young homies that in the neighborhood,

Starting point is 01:07:13 they see how I was living, you know, and it was like, where you doing it? Don't do what I do. If I jump off the cliff right now, you're going with me? No. Prime example. But I've always taught my loved ones to get money. That's one thing.

Starting point is 01:07:26 I can definitely, I've never showed nobody or told nobody to go be a crash dummy, ever. But I've always showed them how to get money. What do you say to those OGs that do that? Because, you know, those OGs, You know, now when I'm at an older age and I'm looking, I was like, okay, you were well in your 30s. It was telling me to go do X, Y, and Z with this, you know what I'm saying? And you niggas are supplying shit sometime. How do you, you know what I'm saying, as an older individual, let me go, you know what I'm saying, and crash out like that and be fine with it?

Starting point is 01:08:01 Like, what the fuck do you tell niggas now, you know what I'm saying, being an OG now, you're looking at it because I know it's still niggas like that. Yes. What do you tell these niggas like, hey, bro, let's stop all that. Like, you know what I'm saying? Do you give them advice to or do you just let them be? Well, my thing is the way this person teaches is opposite from what I teach. So it's all about in the minds you want to listen to this teacher that's going to either send you to prison or get you murdered in the streets. or you're going to listen to this teacher

Starting point is 01:08:38 that's going to advise you how to be a better person in life. Even in my neighborhood, when I used to pull up in the neighborhood like young homies would be ditching school, I used to punch them up, take them back to school. They were like, damn, you're going to beat us up and take us back to school?

Starting point is 01:08:53 Yeah, I didn't have that. My old geez used to love when I was hanging out, not going to school, hustling, grinding. I was that guy. But no, I've always wanted to see different. Always want to see different, man. yeah, I'm a beat y'all of them still take you out of school. Because when we was coming up, if you missed school for a couple days,

Starting point is 01:09:11 man, a trojan officer knocked on your door. Faithfully, wondering why you wasn't at school. They'll lock the parents up and they'll lock the kid up. It's not like that no more. Yeah, I always dwell on the fact that, you know, I always just look into it, like, how does, you know, does the gang bang and stop or how does the violence stop? and if we got our, you know, our older siblings

Starting point is 01:09:36 and you got your OGs, you know, taking you down the wrong path, like how does this shit stop? You know what I'm saying? I feel like it's going to take forever for it to stop. Something really bad have to happen to bring everybody together, just like the Rodney King situation, you know? I mean, because I'm like, oh, how much bad do we get?

Starting point is 01:10:02 We got a motherfucker die on the knee on this neck. Police killing motherfuckers every day. Baby's dying. 500 niggas and died this button over here in Chicago, Compton, you know what I'm saying? Dallas, Houston, like, what's going on? I don't feel like there would ever be like everybody would never participate in 100% peace. It's just not going to happen. There's always going to be that group that's like, I'm.

Starting point is 01:10:32 with none of that. And you can't knock them for feeling that way, you know, due to gang violence. What happened? Individuals that got murdered in situations. So everybody's not going to participate in that. And the ones that are that's going to come together as one,

Starting point is 01:10:54 it's going to come together as one. And that's pretty much all you have at this point, you know? And if you could take that and create something, then hopefully you can wake other people up. Eventually, they might get it. But everybody's not going to grow up. Just like you said earlier, like in neighborhoods, man, you got cats in neighborhoods now.

Starting point is 01:11:17 Because a lot of cats that really was with the bullshit, man, they're trying to live life. Like me for instance, I'm trying to live life. I'm trying to do it different. But in the neighborhood, there's cats that never, never done nothing. Couldn't even come outside when we was in these trenches. They were scared.

Starting point is 01:11:36 I may not catch you out there with them, but now a lot of these castes in these neighborhoods influencing the young homies to do something, they never done. And I'm one that's quick to check them because I don't care. That ain't cool. You ain't never did, you ain't never been about nothing.

Starting point is 01:11:54 So why are you trying to tell the little homies to get out faulty like that? You ain't never got out. You ain't never down punching a. drinking contests, but you're trying to tell the little homies how to mess their life off. I ain't with none of that, loved one. So do we start with the youth, you know what I'm saying? You start with the youth.

Starting point is 01:12:10 Start with the youth. You have to start with the youth. They're the future. Do you feel like it's worse then or worse now as far as like how our culture is? It's terrible now due to Internet. Yeah. Nobody want to be embarrassed on social media because soon as something happened, there's a thousand phones out. Now you on social

Starting point is 01:12:31 media getting packed out or beat up or whatever. You know? And it's everywhere. And you're embarrassed by it. And it causes frustration. It causes stress. You got young people that's being cyber bully.

Starting point is 01:12:47 When we got kids seven years old eight years old committing suicide, we got a problem. And they kick it under the rug. They ignore it. They don't pay attention to it. Like, we don't have a problem. Every year, we over 700 and something thousand people commit suicide

Starting point is 01:13:03 yearly every year so that's every 11 minutes and I can't express this enough every 11 minutes somebody take their life now when you got kids six years old seven years old eight years old nine years old

Starting point is 01:13:18 haven't even lived not even close to no part of their life yet they haven't even haven't even becoming a teen yet you know but they're being bullied. And they live in fear.

Starting point is 01:13:33 A lot of people live in fear. Oh, you better not say nothing. I'm going to do this to you. And I'm doing, and they be scared. And then they go on social media and they attack them. And they take their life, man. I mean, you do have a different way. You got drugs.

Starting point is 01:13:47 You got bullying. You know, it's different things. Yes. To make a person commit suicide. Like, it's a lot of drugs is OD. Yeah. Well, a lot of people that watch no, Jumper, a lot of people, I've talked several in the going to rehab.

Starting point is 01:14:04 So a lot of people that watch No Jumper, like, do drugs, are they going through something? And they come to No Jumper, loved one to get uplifted, to get motivated. I ain't going to put all of y'all out there. No, not. I just say all. I said some, a lot, quite a bit. I get the messages. I get the phone calls.

Starting point is 01:14:22 Yeah. You know? And I talk to them, and I embrace them. And they be shocked like, man, this ain't no. Like one cat, man. was on the phone, he called me. You know, he was going through some stuff. He's like, man, this ain't OG suicide, man. Y'all shouldn't be playing like that. OG got somebody answering his phone pretending to be him.

Starting point is 01:14:39 I FaceTime that dude. He dropped his phone. Like, no. Like, no. Hell no. I'm like, man, pick your phone up. Like, it's me, dog. I really do this, man. I'm not going to put it out. I've been had my number 17 years. Man, I ain't going to put it out there, my nigga, and not answer it. I really answer these messages. What's the craziest story Somebody called and told you And then you actually really helped him out Well, just recently, it was a cat, man

Starting point is 01:15:05 I don't want to say his name You know, because I told him I might mention your story But I'll keep your name, you know, anonymous But He really felt like He was from the crash Like

Starting point is 01:15:16 He couldn't He didn't have his rent So he felt like he was fin to get evicted His job was getting ready to let him go So he pretty much feel like man, I'm going to have to live in my car. You know, he panicked. And that's the key thing.

Starting point is 01:15:32 Don't panic. No matter the situation, how big, how small, don't panic. And he's like, man, I'm sitting in my car right now with a burner. Like, I feel like, what do I need to live for anymore for? And I said, in my mind, I'm like, I got a chance of getting to him. And the reason why I knew I had a chance because he contacted me. So that was a door for me. to talk to him and I called him

Starting point is 01:15:57 and I stayed on the phone waiting for about like an hour. He hit me the next day and I really schooled him and told him like go talk to the people at your apartment building. Let them know you don't have it. I guarantee they can't just throw you out in the streets like that. Don't panic.

Starting point is 01:16:14 He was panicking. He was 24 years old. Panicking. Next day he texts me. They gave him more time to pay his rent. He was going to go do a job interview. I told him to write down his goals. He sent me a list. I put it on my story. He sent me a list of goals that he was

Starting point is 01:16:31 going to start achieving. And like I say, hit me the next day. And that's the key thing, man, is don't panic. Because people will panic. They get anxiety and they panic. And it's like, who do I talk to? And, man, people would give up. And it ain't, giving up ain't meaning you weak. You know, cats say that, no, it don't mean you weak. You want to leave here. It don't mean you weak. No. No, it mean you need guidance. You don't know who to talk to. There's certain things a person having been taught in life. And like I said, when you're going through this, who do you talk to?

Starting point is 01:17:08 Thank God for keeping me here. I know my calling and this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to be the face and never give up. But I love you for that though, you know, because growing up in the ghetto, like, if you think about it, there's no like shoulders to lean on. No. There's only like. you got to tough it out

Starting point is 01:17:26 It's like yeah Tough it out Niggas Only niggas We're gonna shoot it out Nigger we're gonna What we're gonna do But as far as if you

Starting point is 01:17:33 Have an actual Actual problem You feel me Are you feeling down You feel there's no one in the ghetto No one in our culture I can just go lean my You know what I'm saying

Starting point is 01:17:41 It's a shoulder to lean You know why? You know why right Because a lot of people Don't care Don't give a fuck About me Don't give a fuck

Starting point is 01:17:49 Some people want to see you down Some people want to see you Like this because they remember how you was. You know what I mean? That's what I do. They pray on your downfall. People pray on your downfall.

Starting point is 01:18:04 You know? I don't mind. I know people pray on my downfall, but I don't mind because I keep praying that I stand up, and that's what I do. And I'm going to continue to do that. All they make is stop me.

Starting point is 01:18:16 I know that for show. Can't nothing else stop me. The more stones they throw at me, man, they just going to ricochet. Yeah. Straight out. You know, throw the rocks you want at me. Pray on my downfall. Talk about me behind my back.

Starting point is 01:18:31 Free promotion is good. There's no six things as black publicity. I'm O.G. Suicide. This is O.G. Suicide in the building, episode six with my family, man. T.rell. Thank you all for tuning in. Make sure you hit up O.G. Suicideinthebilding.com and get your merch. Peace.

No Jumper - OG Cuicide In The Building with T-Rell

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