No Jumper - The Ally Lotti interview

Episode Date: July 26, 2021

Ally Lotti shares about her passionate and deep relationship with Juice Wrld, their dynamic and how they were there for each other at all times. https://www.instagram.com/allylotti/ https://twitter.com/highimallyy ----- NO JUMPER PATREON http://www.patreon.com/nojumper CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPOTIFY PLAYLIST https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5tesvmDS8h50LkjnSAWMOs?si=j6sJD6DkR4mk5NZZWnlK7g FOLLOW US ON SNAPCHAT FOR THE LATEST NEWS & UPDATES https://www.snapchat.com/discover/No_Jumper/4874336901 CHECK OUT OUR ONLINE STORE!!! http://www.nojumper.com/ SUBSCRIBE for new interviews (and more) weekly: http://bit.ly/nastymondayz Follow us on Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/nojumper iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/no-jumper/id1001659715?mt=2 Follow us on Social Media: https://www.snapchat.com/discover/No_Jumper/4874336901 http://www.twitter.com/nojumper http://www.instagram.com/nojumper https://www.facebook.com/NOJUMPEROFFICIAL http://www.reddit.com/r/nojumper JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/Q3XPfBm Follow Adam22: https://www.tiktok.com/@adam22 http://www.twitter.com/adam22 http://www.instagram.com/adam22 adam22hoe on Snapchat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No Jumper, coolest podcast on the world, and today I'm in here with Ali Lottie. Literally. Hi, guys. How are you doing? You know what? I'm doing a lot better. Really? A lot better, but not best at all.

Right. There's obviously a kind of ground point we have to start out better with me. When it comes down, I guess, my situation in me. It's been a rough, what, year and a half? Yeah. To say the least. To say the least. that I look he still

Can you just scoot a little bit this way So the mic will be closer There we go, perfect Yeah, I think so You tell me where I was eating earlier I didn't want to get anything on anything You know me

Right, Chipola Are you ready what was on that Chipotle? It was just rice and beans Really? Because I did notice a lot of beans And I was like, what is going on there? No, it's just plain rice and beans You could get that anywhere

You don't even have to go to Chipotle They were already there. Right. I don't eat anything else from Chipotle. Why not? You don't eat meat? I do. I just don't trust theirs.

Do you? Hell yeah. What do you get? I get the burrito bowl with chicken and basically everything else. Do you trust their chicken? Yeah. Well, because like two people died of E. coli. I'm not worried about that.

I don't even know those facts. Oh, yeah. Okay, these are just things I was putting into. No, yeah. They had an issue a few years back. Oh, no. Okay. My bad Chipotle.

They were shutting the Chipotle's down. They shut Chipotle down for a few days and shut it. shit because of that. And still I'm in there just running reckless. Oh my God. No, no, no. See, I actually never ate Tripoli in my life until I moved out here. Really? Yeah, I didn't eat it in Jersey. Well, that's a good segue. Talk

a little bit about where you're from, Ali Ladi. Oh, my God. Where do we start with where I'm from? Okay, first of all. You're originally from Jersey. I'm originally from Jersey. Everyone thinks I'm from Alabama, which is what it is because it's my second, like, home. Okay. But in reality, I started off Jersey, like South Jersey, Philly, though. New York, Jersey, South Jersey, Philly.

Right. Decided, fuck it. I don't want to be here. At what age? I was probably like 17, 18. I love how people are able to condense their entire childhood in teenage years into like, eh, that was all right. And then I decided to get the fuck out of there.

I just was just like, I was already party. Like I already did all the high school, the college parties. I already did everything. Everyone was older than me. Okay. So I was like, fuck it. I don't need to be here. You were that 15 year old girl at the college party?

That was there though smartly Everything I did was like I was making moves like smartly The other people there are the ones who were basically in a not smart position if anything I don't want to say not smart because do whatever you want to do Right But like they were there to have fun I was there to make money Or like to make sure I was on the right vibe Like money

Like and just be there Yeah you know in Philly we used to throw warehouse parties And it's like Tuesday like or like Monday nights We throw huge warehouse parties. Like, we just break into a warehouse. Uh-huh. And, like, throw parties. Right.

Like, where people would come, like, just, I don't know. I wasn't into the scene, but I threw the parties, so I made hell of money. Who puts you on to this, like, entrepreneurial streak slash criminal streak? No, there was no criminal. You're breaking into a warehouse. I didn't break in. I'm just, I don't, look at me. I'm little.

I didn't do it. I'm sure you were saying that kind of stuff when you got in trouble then, too, huh? Not getting in trouble then. No, I don't know. I'm going to take me, whatever I do I'm going to take. But I'm definitely not going to be the one getting in trouble. Like, no. I'm just the one they did.

They're like, oh, we have a warehouse. Do you know people? And I'm like, well, yeah. And then after that, it was like, okay, well, like, you guys have to pay like five bucks ahead to get in and then pay for whatever else is in there, wherever else you guys want to do it. That's not my problem.

I'm just the door person. What kind of music was being played at these parties? You know what? At these parties, which is why I'm saying it really wasn't my scene. It was more of an EDM kind of vibe. Like, they were just like, you know, and there'd be like a back, like, way where everyone would be just high, chilling.

And I'm like, all right, well, my only going to smoke with them and chill because I didn't drink. I didn't do things. Okay. I just wanted to be there and have my chance to be like, all right, well, I'm making my money. You were motivated by money at that point? Always.

Did you grow up without money for the most part? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, my mom having, she was 15. Oh, wow. So after my mom having me that young and then learning, like my mom was, such, like my biological mom was such a great mom with teaching me about myself. Uh-huh.

But when it comes down to like after she knows, like she can't teach me anymore, she only knows up to that. You know what I mean? Like as a mom teaching a daughter or something. Okay. So after that, I was like, all right, Allie, go. I wasn't even Allie yet. That was Alicia at that point.

Like, no one called me Allie in my life. And literally. And then they were like, all right, Alicia, go figure it the fuck out. Just make sure you graduate high school. And I was like, all right. But you left at 17. Yeah, as soon as I went and I got my stuff early and then left, went to... Alabama?

Yep. Why? Six states away. You wanted to go try to meet Gucci Main or something? He was in Alabama? Originally. Oh, see, no, no. I don't know, no.

I went to go to Alabama because I like to be by myself. Really? I don't like to be around people. You didn't know anyone there? And you're like, this is the state for me. Yeah. I just went. Wow.

I just went. I just went. went for it and then there it ended up being really wild because I didn't know what I was expecting and I did get that redneck ass thing you think of for Alabama but in general

where I did live was not by that part I went to go fishing went fishing in the wrong area didn't know it was a thing what you just weren't allowed to fish there no white people allowed or what it was more girls it was it was like no it was like I guess I went on

the wrong fishing block. Like, I don't know. I've never had this problem before other than one fishing. And I went to this wrong, like, part of the river where it was, like, some, like, these, like, drunk boys river.

I don't even know. And next thing I know, I was in handcuffs. I called the cops. Oh, the cops were the ones who took issue. No, no, no. The guys took the issue. And then they started saying, like, oh, like, I'm going to hang you from a tree.

And, like, all this. I was like, um, I get. it and I'm I understand the whole vibe. Y'all are into just hanging people around here? Are you really saying this real life and that really life? Yeah, that happened. To a random girl? Yeah, I was just I, they tried to say they go, oh, you don't, they're like you, um,

done took the, uh, GPS out of my car. I'm like, you're, I'm calling the cops because you're holding my, I wouldn't go pee and my phone fell in my pocket while I was pee. Okay, like taking my, they might have tight pants on them, fishing. I don't want to get calling shit. Okay. So, peeing outside, fucking phone falls, didn't realize. Then I'm calling it, like, later on.

I'm like, probably five minutes, ten minutes later, trying to find it in the woods. And with the other people who I was there, like, their phone. And next thing I know, some guy picks it up, like, and not guy. Like, they were, like, I don't know, I was younger then, but they were, like, in their 20s. Okay. And then all of a sudden it went from that to, like, I was like, if you're not going to give me it back and say all these things. Like, I'm out here with, like, maybe one or two other people, and

they're from where I'm from. So, like, this is not cool. Like, like, anyway. I had to call the cops, because I was, like, I didn't, like, and I'm not a cop caller, but, like, I had to call the cops because, like, the next thing was I was either being hung or I was going to leave my phone, and I'm not leaving my phone.

I'm surprised that, like, hanging you was the thing that came to mind. No, no, they had, like, a whole, baseball bat and everything. Like, it was ridiculous. I thought I was in a movie. Wow. I promise on everything. This is documented. Did these guys get in trouble?

So the whole time I'm like, I'm just going to call the cops. Like at first I'm saying it just say it so they give me my shit back. Because I'm like, okay, you're going to be scared. I'm calling the cops. You're in the wrong. Like, you're saying these things. Like, what are you talking about? You're in the wrong.

Next thing I know, the cops come. I guess they're one someone, someone's dad's cop, whatever. I don't know. Someone knows someone with the cops that came. Next thing I know, I'm like, I'm in handcuffs. and the front of my truck, like, just facing the front of my truck. And these guys are like, they end up finding their GPS underneath their car and their stuff. Like, I'm nowhere near their stuff.

Nowhere near. We're parked on completely, like, this is like at least 50 feet away, like in the woods. We don't know. I can't see their stuff. They can't see mine because we were catfishing. So at cat fishing you go at night. Okay. So it's like.

At first I thought you meant you were pretending to be different women or something. What? You know, cat fishing. Oh, my God. See, no, and that's, I have no idea. I don't even think when it comes out to online shit, I'm just like, what? Okay. Like, no, I don't know.

No, I'm like, a catfish. Like, I caught one. Right. I know how to catch them. I could help you. Not catfishing, like, online. That's good. That came later.

Literally, I care. But, yeah, no, that, and that's what started in Alabama. But then after that got cleared all up, which got cleared up fine for me. And I don't know what the fuck else happened. with everyone else, but I know that I end up being fine once I was like, what the fuck are you guys talking about? This is racist as hell. Yeah, that shit cleared up real quick.

And then I stayed in Alabama. I was like, I'm not going to let that scare me. And I stayed in Alabama. And I actually lived in Huntsville. And it's like a low-key, lower, lower-key, like Nashville mixed with a little bit of, like, Atlanta Flair. Okay. And it's like this little town, like right in that town.

It's like a city, but it's like just a little town city thing. And I fuck with it. And I love it out there. And there's like the Tennessee River and you can just chill. And that's where I like love to be. And then after that I moved to Memphis because right there. Danced in Memphis because no one knew me. Really?

Yeah. Is this an untold detail? I didn't know you. No, I feel like everyone knows that I danced before. I mean, everyone knew. Okay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. respect to hustle.

That's my thing. I've always made sure I'm good because I've always been by myself. And then I got my dog. I got Kaplan first. And after I got Kaplan, he was like crying all day while I worked on my normal job.

I was a bartender. And I was like, I can't do this. I was like, I gotta go. And like make sure I get a job where the dog's not upset. And like I can take care of him properly and do things with him during the day. so I went

fucking three hours away, moved there by myself, and walked into a strip club for my first time. No, no, no. It was my first time walking to a strip club during like almost hours. Like it was about to be time. I walked in right before.

Other than that, I walked into a strip club once before in my whole life. And this time I'm about 23, like 24. I stayed the rest of the time in Alabama just chilling, right? And then went there after I got my dog And walked in as a bartender Walked out as a dancer named Lottie Like and it just looked that was that quick

And then I just I think I danced for not just a couple months Made enough money and then went to I went to Vegas Bet on a couple things there And then went again when the Eagles won Bleed Green Philadelphia all day Well you want a bunch of money in Vegas? Vegas? Yeah. And for New Year's, I want a shit ton of money in Vegas. I used my money that I had

already and just went and spent that there. And then one hell of money there, not hallow money. But I want to get enough money. I could just sit for a minute. It was like, it was chill. And that's where I just ended up coming to LA, like back and forth from here to Memphis, from here to Memphis, from, like, like I said, I went back again when it was time to play for sports. And I bet on the Eagles winning because no one thought that that was going to happen. But I knew. I was like, that's my team. We're fucking winning.

Right. And I remember sitting at a table with, like, everyone who was in my team. I don't even know who we were playing. You're asking the wrong guy. It didn't matter to me because I knew we were winning. Okay. I was like, this is happening. That's how sports betting works.

You just bet on the team that you want to win. Yeah. At the end of the day, you don't have to know. I'm just, at the end of the day, I was like, this one, this is happening. I know my heart and, like, the depths of my heart. This is what's happening today. And I was right. And I was like, fuck you.

I'm so glad I made that bet. Okay. And I did. And then after that, I was like, I made another bet when I was drunk and I lost like $30,000 and like two cigarettes. And I was like, I got to get out of here. And two cigarettes. No, no, no, not and during the process.

It wasn't even a long. It wasn't even like a day. Like, no, I sat down, smoked two cigarettes, lost $30,000, got up and went and got a steak because I was really mad at myself. I was very drunk. Don't drink a lot of dumb and go and gamble. Yeah, don't gamble drunk in general.

No, gamble drunk, but don't gamble. I kind of go hand in hand, like you're at like 6 a.m., no one's there. Like, you're like, fuck it, I'm going to do it. Right. So, yeah, no, after that, I just ended up being in L.A. for a little bit. Going back and forth, like I said, because I do love being in the country.

Right. Have my dogs. And then, yeah, did a couple tours, did a couple of this, did a couple that. Yeah, I would go with my friend. Like, I've been in this past, this, I guess what, industry for a minute. But, like, just everyone's cool. Like, they're just front. Like, I've always just been, I've always just, didn't have shit to do.

But touring, like touring with who? Touring, just a bunch of, literally almost everyone. A bunch of random people, I just hop, they'd be like, oh, we're in this city, like da-da-da-da. I'm like, all right, bitch, I'm just fly and just fly. Hey, stop by, see a show or two, dip. Must be nice to be a girl, man. When I got to that process, I worked, you have to remember, I worked really hard for that. We were just talking about me a younger age at some warehouse parties.

Like I was, I made sure I was good. So you made a lot of friends. I made a lot. You're connected. Yeah, I've always had a lot of good friends. Like, but I don't have a lot of people I hang out with. Right. I like to be by myself.

But everyone that's like my friend or has been my friend knows like, it's like I'm that kind of person. They're like, hey, I haven't seen each other for you a minute. And here we are. Here we are. Like, hey, no, I came in with Chipotle. Like, you know what I mean? You didn't come in with Chipotle.

You came in with beans and rice. Yeah. Wait. It could have been from anywhere. No. It had to be from Chipotle. I guess. Yeah, no.

But then after that, I actually was going to go out, just chill with Jared, Juice World, obviously, for people. And how did you start talking to him? Well, that was, like I said, I would go chill, do this, do that, whatever I wanted. And he was like, oh, well, I'm in Rhode Island. And I'm like, well, fuck it. I could just, I have family out that way. And this is, like, within the first couple months of him even having, like, music videos out, right?

Like, he's still very early, right? I didn't know. I was, I listened, at that point, I was like, country music. Like, I listened to all, everything. Like, you know, I listened to rap, R&B my entire life. Like, that's something that's never left. But I've definitely, when it comes down to just listen to a bunch of different genres, I've always done that.

I've always loved music. So I remember when my country friend from Alabama was the one who showed me, Jared. And I remember him playing me two songs. and then we went back to this house and it was like a couple of us there and they were like yeah no listen to lucid dreams I remember sitting there in this guy's house like watching this video and I'm like whoever the fuck this kid like I couldn't even make out his face or who who he was right I was like I don't know who the fuck this kid is but because I don't know what version I was watching of this shit because it was so new you know what I mean like um I was like this is if I made music like if I knew how like if I if I didn't sound like fringe dresser, like, this is what I would do. Like, I would make music in this sense. Like, you're mixing a bunch of genres together and being so good at it.

And me at that point, not even knowing his talent yet, just, like, really hearing what you put together, not knowing if you set down with writers, if you did this, if you did that, what you did in your process of recording, which doesn't matter, what you did to make your art, because everyone makes art differently. But Jared's way of making art, as you have seen, is on... It's profitable. It's like he's a profit with that shit. Like that shit's not even fair.

Right. It's like us breathing. Yeah. I mean, that's the one thing that collectively, everybody who ever was around him in the studio, pretty much agreed he was the best that they ever saw in the studio. When it comes down to Jared in the studio,

he's like putting a water, a water. It's like putting fish in water. Like it's, he's in his element to the point that he's just breathing and it's amazing us. But okay, how do we get from you seeing his music video to actually being around him So I saw his music video and I was like, I'm going to play this shit.

I don't care what studio I'm in. Who I'm around. Like, I'm playing this shit. I was working at the club. I made them play. Like, this, I was like, this shit is so fire. Like, you know, this is, this is going to be huge. And then I remember messaging him and I had messaged him.

And I was like, hey, I don't know. Because when I did, he had, like, barely any. He had, like, I wouldn't let anyone add. I didn't like social media. You know what I mean? So I remember being on his social meeting, I'm like, you have no followers, like, for people that I would normally, like, be like, is this your song? I thought it was, like, a fan page. But it was actually, he was just that new that, like, no one knew him yet.

And I'm like, I remember being like, I don't know if this is your, like, real page. But, like, whoever the fuck this juice world person is, is fucking fire. Like, this music is, like, keep it up. Like, don't fucking stop. This shit's so good. And I played it everywhere. did like and then it was like three months later everyone was like yeah this shit's fine and like on the radio it's everywhere and then but in that process obviously we kept up and just we'll talk to each other

here and there um and then as time went on he would go ahead and talk to me more about what he was doing when it came down like he's like I'm upset and I'm like okay what's up you know what I mean you're not used to guys hitting you with shit like that yeah no no I'm like bro you're what would mean and then he's like da-da-da-da-da-da-d I'm like bro you're just having a panic like sit down like he's like what do you mean a panic attack like no one knew around him what he was going through and I'm like bro you just got to lay down like you got to just you know right put your hands in some like cold water with ice like lay down like you know I mean just give him like tips I have anxiety I have things like that

like a lot of mental when it comes down to that mental health but I'm very aware of it so I make sure that I have things that I would need for that. Or if I'm like going to pass out, I'm going to go ahead and put my, I'm like, Adam, get me this. I'll get me that. You know what I'll, like, freak out and, like, tell you what I need. Because I know. Where Jared had no idea.

And the people around, and not all the people around him, but the people that were around him daily that you would think that was doing that for him or saying that, like, you know, his friend or whatever it is, someone should be there to be like, hey, this is cool. Like, this is what you should do if you're having a panic. attack nut no that's not real or feel worse about yourself or do it like no no so i ended up actually being just cool with him super close with him and we end up like he was like hey i'm by da da da da da da i know you're from jersey i'm like fine cool and my family's out that way anyway i'll come see you dip go see them just smoke chill you know what i mean and then fly home right big deal

it's over a week because okay from my perspective when he came through to the no jump office and did the exposed interview, which was the first piece of content that we ever did with him, he had a girlfriend before you, and that's who he was with at that time. Yeah, it wasn't me. Right. But then pretty soon after, that didn't work out, and then next time I saw him, he was with you. And that just kind of surprised me a little bit. It surprised everyone. But when I talked to him, one thing that always stood out to him was I just remember him telling me, he just really didn't really seem comfortable being single. Like he would, oh my God, no.

He would talk to me about. He could not be single if his life depended on it. Like his friends basically telling him like, bro, you should do some thought shit. Like you should fuck these groupies, whatever. And he even like told me that like when he kind of tried that, it really just left him not feeling good. Because so Jared's, he's like, his mind works so fast. He's already thinking about 80 different things.

So everyone's like, Alright, yeah, let's fuck this thought. That-da-da-da, this, that. He's like, well, me, I want to be high. I'm chilling. I'm going to drink. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that.

I can't be comfortable being like that. And I don't trust these bitches. I don't even know this bitch's middle name, this last name. Like, she could take my chain. She could take my money. She could call her people up here. Like, he's from Chicago. He's not stupid.

That's very, very wise. And that's something that no rappers are normally. thinking about when they first came in the game he's thinking he's smart he's not and then when i can't he's very smart with that shit it's like he already knew and that's why he always had someone with him now then he realized okay i could have people with me who i choose not who i'm like so like because they're here i have to no this is my show i'm juice world this is my world and that's like i'm like this is do what you what's the best for you what makes you comfortable when it comes down to this or that or who, you know what I mean? And he's like, no, yeah, you're right. This, like, my family, like,

my this, my that, like, and yeah, I don't like to be single. No, I remember finding out his real age when, like, we were already dating. Okay. Because he was what, like 18? He was, he was 19 and I was 25. Okay. And again, like I said, I went to go smoke and show him and dip, like a, like, front, like how I'm here, smoke, did an interview, dep up, leave, you know what I'm saying? Like, chilling. Um, Jared literally, literally he, um, kidnapped me. It's the only way we could say it. It's, it was, it's like a joke that we would say, but it, it happened. I like, I don't own anything from my house except for my dogs.

Like he wasn't trying to have you leave. He was just like, I want your presence. No, he did not let me leave. Right. Like, I didn't go, I couldn't go get underwear from my old house. I didn't, I didn't know. He bought me brand new everything. I didn't leave.

Because then we were on a next tour. I had to go to Tokyo with him, or he was going to go and do the tour in Tokyo. You had a passport? He actually, for my passport, it was already on the way because I was supposed to go on a girl's trip. And he had someone call Canada. And then I had to call Canada and talk to, I'm talking to Canada. Like, I don't know. Just anyone, just the entire country.

No, I'm talking to the country. I'm talking. When I remember crying about it, being like, Jared, is this real? And, like, I was dead ass on the, like, the thing. like with Canadian, whoever's support, blah, blah, blah, blah, for getting my passport. Because he was like, she's going to get her passport tomorrow at 12. She has to be from 11 to 12.

It was like overnighted. She has to have it then. She has to get a new license. So I had to go to the DMV at 8 a.m. Get my license, wait for my thing in the mail, and then get onto my flight to where it crossed over to was in Canada. So it crossed over into Canada. and then from there we have to go to Tokyo.

And he, like, made all this happen. You could ask Peter, Peter literally, like, I think I have a video of all of us. Like, I'm on the phone. That's the thing is he would call me 24-7. It would be 4 a.m. here, regular time there. I remember he was with Cole. Like, they were doing a bunch of videos, and I would have to be on the phone with him. Like, there's a video of him doing, like, ski lining.

What's the word? Zip lining. And I'm on the phone with him while he's doing it. Like Pete's like, we need her out here. She needs to be out here. If she's not out here, he's not. And he wasn't. He was not about, he was like, I'm canceling the tour, doing this.

And I'm like, why? I'm right here. I can help you through it. What do you need? Like, what do you want to do? That was his way, Elaine, you know, I really liked you. It was basically like, I'm not doing anything unless you come with me. Literally, that was it.

And then I was like, okay, well, I got to go, found someone to watch my dogs. And then put them in training for, because they're like emotional support dogs. K-9 dogs and then my one dog's a hunting dog. So they've gone through a lot of training. So they had two months of training for the K-9 stuff. And during that time is when I had gone and did the Niki Manage tour with him. And then I came back from that, brought me my dogs to L.A., and it's the only thing I owned for my past life.

Wow. Literally. So, yeah, he technically, we joke about him kidnapping me, but it was not. like I have the bag I brought Like I didn't bring a suitcase What happens to the stuff that was in your old apartment You just forgot about it? No, no, no, no

It's actually in a storage in Arkansas Oh, so someone could go get it So yes, we can go get it No, actually it's very It's like a time capsule It's even, it's what's even worse is The person who had it was my very best friend of seven Eight years and he had passed away

In January So, and like he was like one of the only people that I knew while I would be traveling, this and that. So with that, it was like, so for me to even go get it, I haven't even decided, like, I can't even decide to start to process that now. Right. Because of everything I'm still processing. So, but even to go ahead and get anything from my past life,

I then now have to process my best friend. So this year I took off, made sure that, like, as much as I could and made sure that my mental was in a better state, then it definitely. definitely would have been if I would have came out right away and been like sharing my emotions then with everyone when everything had happened. So I just waited. You know what you mean? Like diged in here or there and let it be, but trying to now this year probably talk more about it and like be more like open about it or before I'd be like, no. So your mind when all that, when he

passed, like your mind went to basically like, I mean, because it's got to be really hard to choose a path at that point. Like, but I guess going quiet is probably the safe bet in a lot of ways. And the same, it's not even a, it's, it wasn't a bet that could have even been, and I'm all, like I said, we go gambling all day. Like, it's not even a thing to be betting safe on. Like, it was like, like, for the public. Like, it's better for y'all.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, I was in no way, shape, or form to be able to speak to the lobby. be person downstairs than even speak to people who cared about you know what I mean the crazy thing too is that it's like a lot of people might not necessarily knew who you were and then that just put the spotlight on you so much crazier it was one mentally when I started dating Jared I decided because I was like you're young one when I found out he was there I was like you're young like you have me in all these other countries and you're drinking and shit I'm thinking you're older like I'm not thinking like you know like I'm just I'm just I'm in lot like we're just

so when we met it was like we were friends and then it was like we're not friends like no you're not leaving my side ever and I'm like cool because you're not leaving my side ever either like that would be it and then it was it was just what it was most people get

to fall in love kind of gradually yeah no this was something that and I'm grown you could ask anyone you can go back and look at anything you'll never know who I was dating you'll never I was never a person that like that so when it came down to Jared and it sounds like I haven't been able to I've been with people where I've had to share them with the world too so it's like but I was low key I don't give a fuck but then I didn't care I didn't care Jared I cared about so much when he wanted to share me with the world it was like I never wanted the world to be looking at me because like I always was that person to be helping that person not that person to be like hey bitch what I got to tell you do you remember the first time you brought you out on stage absolutely I was

with Nicki Minaj tour, there was over like 40,000 people. Hey, look down at me and was like, he just would give me this face and he'd go like this. Now that's why you guys see me and my PJs. That's what I was going to say. Every fucking, I literally before I got here, I texted out. I'm like, Adam, I'm coming how I always am when you see me. Which when you see me has been literally as everyone because I've been, I'm always a mess. But it's not my vibe.

It's cool. It wasn't on that Nicki Minaj tour, but I do remember being there. I think it was the lyric. Lemonade. We were in London somewhere. I didn't. Oh, wait. We're wireless.

We were overseas. We were overseas. We were overseas. He probably did it there too. Yeah, but that was a crazy thing to witness because you were just wearing pajamas. It'd be like, I'm sitting there and I'm there to watch him.

I'm there like, okay, to tell someone so he needs a break. He needs water. He needs this. I could just talk by his body language. So I'd be like, that's why I'd go running back with the fucking you. No, I'd knock everyone out the way to make sure and get his water and get his

fucking towel and just, you know, dab him up, make sure he's good and that's my whole point to bearing where I always was on stage and then end up to him playing a fucking joke with me because I had to like again he had to teach me to like be able to do this like to be able to like share him like it was like I share juice world with the world and I share Jared Higgins only with myself you get what I'm saying now I don't have Jared Higgins and I do have him with me but and I do have him in so many ways

and no other one else can have him. But he's not technically in my person form here. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? So it's like with that, everyone still has Juice World. Even though he's gone, you still are going to have everything Juice World ever. To that point, you know what I mean? Like wanted me, said, did you have a good, like, a really crazy amount of it?

You get what I'm saying? Where I don't have Jared Higgins and it's a little bit fucked. it's a little bit fucked up in my head for me to like contemplate and like, like understand how to go to a like social platform and be able to be like, okay. So now I'm thinking on the sense of juice world and I'm like, I don't, this is not, you know what I mean. Like I know Jared.

I can tell you about Jared and that's about it. You know what I mean? Like juice world was what we're talking about. Yeah, he'd be on stage. He's an amazing performer. He's this. He's that. And we all know that who's been around him.

But with Jared, it's like his. mind that's where you know what I mean like it's like okay that's what I'm going to have to share because I don't know what else to tell you guys like you guys already have juice world it sounds kind of like a dream where oh my god because it was like you meet him one day all of a sudden your life changes so dramatically and you're 100% living this completely different lifestyle for whatever like a year it was it was in the more sense of it was absolutely everything that anyone that could ever be like you think of like a Disney princess and finding her prints like it was like so that was it was like the Not because like before that I was on Jets I was on this on that I just was not you didn't know me

No one knew me you know and then that's how that I want I never wanted anyone to know me I did everything all of this stuff I've done before but Jared did make every single one of my child dreams come true He would take me to places or this or that and I like I always wanted to go to like to Sydney and see the thing I have a video you see me I'm I were on a yacht and literally he goes look look and it's at night It's all lit up and it's Sydney like the whole like 42 Wallaby Way, like Sydney, like from finding Nemo or whatever. And yeah, I freak the fuck out. I'm like screaming, crying, like, oh my God.

Like, you know, and I would always thank him. Like, thank you so, like, I can't believe. Like, you just made one of my childhood dreams, like, come true. Like, this is crazy. So it was more along that, like, of just being so in love and so, like, knowing this person has me, knowing I have this person that's it. And then that person just not being there. So that's where it's, like, hard for me to be like,

Juice World is still here, and he is still here, but Jared is not here, and it's fucking hard. You know what I mean? Where before, it'd be like, well, Jared is right next to me, so this is fine. And JuCworld, we just posted, was doing this, this, this, this, and that, or he's dropping this album, or he's seeing this about this. It'd be different. Because when you first started hanging out with him, it's not like he was this mega star right away. Yeah, and that's the one thing a lot of people forget is, like, we were all in coached together for a very long time. I'm literally...

What's a very long time? Like a couple months? Well, for him, you're thinking about it. He had, what, two years in this game? Let's give him a long two years, right? Like, a solid, and he was, he's being ranked with people who were in this game for decades. Yeah. So, like, that's something people need to really sit back and think about what is coming out of their mouths.

Like, because the, but he deserves every fucking inch of that because that's really what he was, as everyone who was around him can be in all of and say every day. You know what I mean? So, yeah, no. that that's something that yeah so a couple months but then also a couple months was regular first class and then a couple more months was on jets everywhere you know what i mean but that's how fast his life was right like and that's how much we had done people think oh we just sat there like any other rapper or any other person and did this and that like no we worked every single day why do you

think that he ended up taking on such a ridiculous schedule was it was it pressure for from the label or was that just kind of him that he wanted to like tour nonstop slash be in the studio every second that he wasn't touring slash that's where the two I've actually had a huge thing when it comes down to trying to figure

out in my head what because Jared was tired right Jared was tired his body at the end of day what I could say about when everything happened is just his body was tired I was tired my body has gone through a lot but my body was tired. Like, I can only imagine what his brain would move eight times faster than mine.

I can only imagine. You know what I mean? Like, how tired he was. But when it came down to it, Jared had a lot of pressure from certain things. Yes, you know what you mean, that we're accounted for already, like, what you were saying. But Jared's worth ethic was something that I would literally, I cannot even just say applaud. Like, I would kiss his feet like every night for it like his worth ethic was something that

I've never seen anyone be able to do one the kid was never tired and it would be it would blow my mind because it's not like the kid is off this or that to make him tired like when I found out he did drugs I was like how are you up

like you do that like I had no like what are you talking about you're you are poking me I'm falling asleep like tired just because I'm tired like regularly here tired and you are this whole like I didn't really you were high

and you're just up what the fuck like sorry but what what what but it was just his worth ethic he would make sure every day he would record because that was his diary and that's how like I want a lot of fans to realize that that his like he did a lot of his

tour and a lot of his stuff for his fans yes he might have it might have been difficult to say no because it was already planned but he wanted to do every single part like every single time it was like the highlight of his time on tour would be those times

just those minutes were forming you know how we would go when we'd walk in almost almost late we'd get there obviously everyone else would be there and everything would be ready me and Jared would walk off the car we'd have time to pray walk off the car pray and he'd walk right on to

of stage and start performing. Walk off of the stage, grab another drink, and walk into the car and go straight back to the hotel. We didn't, unless he had to do a meet and greet. And if he did a meet and greet, we went into a whole other room, set there by ourselves and he would just play a switch.

Like, he was such a normal... We're so normal, like, we're just normal people. So it was like, really, but like everyone else was... Everyone else was normal, too, obviously, but they knew more of the fame than we cared to even have. have in that sense. Like he was doing certain things.

Like he's on tour. He's putting out music. He's obviously famous as fuck. But then like when you really looked at the lifestyle he was living, he was pretty much either in the studio or just posted in the house slash hotel with you. He never left the house or the city. Like he would go to the studio in the house. Right.

When I first moment he was in the studio, then literally he's just in the house recording in the living room. He was like, this is the best thing in the world. I don't have to go anywhere. I don't know what had happened. obviously maybe it was just his thought process how he wanted to be but when I had met him right before that he had gone I mean I had met him we were we chilled for like a week and a half or whatever and that's where not even a week and a half probably like a week I had gone to two shows of his and then he

made me go to come back to L.I and go to Rolling Loud in the Bay and that's when we had first popped out together but by that at that time it was like the day before I was like listen I guess I don't gotta go to real i could stay home like this is not like something i have to do like like i'm cool we're just chill in here like if you take me out like and we pop out like we're pop like we're popping out like together like that's there's not gonna it's something that sits right like unless i know that this is what like we're gonna be like we're together right and then he was like no well we're together like you're popping you're coming that's why i would just show up my fucking PJ because he'd make me come and i just be like here i am and then yeah with the whole bringing out on

stage, I think it was the, what other person, what other artist do you know that has made it so clear about who they're like, never, they're almost never. We don't even know, who's Annie? Who's Annie from Michael Jackson? Because it's the only other person I could think of other than that, you know who the fuck Ali Lottie is. He made it very clear. You know what I mean?

With his music, with his life, with everything. So it's like, who did that? No one did that. Even the best didn't do that. He just couldn't hide who he was, you know? No. that's the thing he was so him we're just such and that's what like with his fans with everything we're just human we're just like everyone else i'm sure he had people tell them that this wasn't a great idea

literally they would be like what do you we had like what do you guys and i'm like we just chill but you know this definitely got to have been at least some people in his year i assume who are like bro you don't want to co-sign a girl this hard you might be over in a couple weeks oh well he was just doing whatever he was doing in the heat of the moment they had they had even examines from previous times with it. It's not like I was his first girlfriend. Right. You get what I'm saying now?

The reasoning to me and Jared being as, as intertwined as we are, we were, and we will ever be is just because of that. And that's what I'm saying. It wasn't about money or the, I had all of this before that. I had all, and he was just learning this. It was more like I was teaching him in a way, hey, not just me, other people that were with us, you know what I mean? Like, hey, no, like, this is what you do with this.

Or, okay, you're getting on private jet. Give me your passport so I have to give it to it. You know what I mean? Like, little things like that that people, you know, you go to sit down, like, at a nice dinner. People don't know a lot. And they're like, oh, is this, what is this? It's just a napkin. It's just wet.

You want to do it? You know what I mean? You put the water on it and it grew. Like, it's like things like that he was doing because he could and he needed to because he's juice world. And then, but he didn't know. So I'm like, all right, well, this is like this. So like I already, that was nothing.

What it was was the love. And that's why I feel like we're with everything, with how he was. So there was so many people like before like, oh yeah, you shouldn't. There was not one time that the group was like, no. Like, they were like, Lottie. Do you feel comfortable with that? Can you go up there? Right.

And I'm like, I have danced in the middle of Memphis. I could do whatever the fuck. I'm good. I'm not scared of shit. Like I might be to myself, but I'm going to go do whatever, whenever. I don't care. It's just me. And Jared loved that about me, but also wanted me to be home with him so that we could do it. You know, you can do whatever.

He's like, oh, we're going to go on tour here or there. And I'm like, well, fuck it. Call the babysitter. Like, you know what I mean? For the dogs. Like, let's go. We got to go. So, yeah.

How do you feel, I've seen various people try to kind of like paint a different narrative. Oh, Lord, of course. That you were the older woman potentially selling drugs and that that's going to. kind of how you got into his orbit. First of all, could you imagine me pulling up, like, with, like, the porous or the rose royce, like, trying to, like, on the corner, like, trying to pick up, like, I don't understand. When I look at that, I'm like, where, I'd have anyone around me and Jared, even though it

wasn't even like that, where would you think that I would be the one able, I can't even leave Jared's side to go get my nails done. The nail lady would come to the home. My hair lady would come to the house, massage to the house. Like, I was not allowed to leave unless I went and got a facial and that was 15 minutes down the street. Like, other than that, it was not. So where, where was I? How could I, anyone who knows, knows that, like, one, was not allowed to leave Jared's side.

Two, Jared would never, ever, ever. If he wanted something, I won, as I learned, pretty much had no idea in a sense, even though I thought I did. And I did too and agree, but learning now I might not have. And that is one thing I do beat myself up about. It's like I could have made sure that people were gone that shouldn't have been around because that it was like what I don't know. Because when I said something, it wasn't even if I might have been a kind or sorry, but that's what I was. You can swear it's totally.

Okay. I was like that's the exact word I am and was if I mean and I care about you, like I'm going to make sure that. anything around you is what needs to be around you. Now, and that's even, I remember even when I first, like, went to Chicago and met Jared, met Jared, not met Jared, met Jared, met Jared's mom. I explained her, I was like, listen, you have your son, like, he's 19, around everyone else. He's around his 25, 26, 27, 28, 20, you know what I mean? Like, you need someone that cares for him, which they do, but in a way, like a motherly

or a girl-friendly way that he, like his feelings or his self that he's able to grow and make sure he's not being, which he wasn't in any way, but I've seen plenty of times people be manipulated or people be this or, and they not know because they're young. And I'm like, look, you're young. And that's what I would talk to. I'm like, Jay, when I found out, I was like, I remember sitting, I remember sending them right down. I was like, sit down.

We need to talk. I was like, we need to talk right now. I was like, you just showed me your ID. Like, you made me call for my passport, my this, my this, my, like, you know how old I am. And I knew everyone else around us was my age or older. So I'm like, okay. And obviously the kid, I didn't think he was my exact age when I'm thinking. He's like two years, maybe younger.

He's drinking. So at least 21, you get what I'm saying in my head. But we're out of the country. I'm not thinking because this is my first time out of the country. Right. Like, I went all over the United States. Never left the country, though. Like when it comes, because I didn't know, I didn't care to.

I mean, I cared to. I just didn't have anyone to go with, so I wouldn't go. You know what I mean? Like, again, I was having a girl's thing come up. Other than that. Leaving the country is a lot. It's a lot. Especially for a young person.

And I went by myself. I was so scared. Like, I was like, stay on the phone with me. I don't know, like, walk me through this, like custom things. Like, I don't know what the fuck's going on. It was scary. Right. But I ended up getting really great at it and it's fine.

So it doesn't matter. But it's just very things that when it comes down to our age, I remember being like, come here. You got to like, like, you're going to be with me, but you're going to have to grow while you grow. Just respect me and know that I'm here like to make sure you're good. Like so whatever's wrong, whatever's bothering you, you tell me whatever you need to do like as a man. Let me know. Like you're good.

Just don't disrespect me. Like if you're with that blah blah blah, blah. Let me know and you guys are good or I'm coming or what the fuck it is. I don't give a fuck. Like I want you to live like a king. You deserve to live exactly. how you are you deserve this like you you your your your your your talent is exhausting to even it's so beautiful it like takes stuff like no one makes like art like he

does like so it's just like okay you deserve to be treated like Picasso like so someone you know what I mean to think of like whatever you want you just want to kind of nurture the talent that was oozing out of him yeah and and make sure that that that that the talent was coming out of is good. Right. You know what I mean? But good and every, like, you're good. Do you do what you want?

I'm here. Like, I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I'm here. But if, you know what I mean? You go, you want to do this, go do that. I just asked of these two things, these two things. That's it. As long as those two things are good,

we're good. Were you, like, I'm assuming that you had done drugs prior to all this. Did you get a lot more into doing drugs? because in particular all this touring and stuff, I mean, it's kind of hard. Well, that's the thing. Cause a lot of people to get into drugs. Yeah, that's the thing that I always, like,

I always was really confused with, was that, like I said, even with Jared, I would be like, when I would find out he'd be high off that, like, because when I first, I remember the first thing that clicked in my head when I met Jared, I was sober. I had ended up in the ER aside from this before I ever met Jared. I had an eating problem,

and I just wasn't eating right. I was in the ER probably like a, a week or two before. I had stopped doing my drug of choice then, and it was probably like a good three days. I had been like officially no, like, no, no sick, no this, no that, just sober, fine. And it was something simple I could just do myself.

You know what I mean? I was just sick for like a day or two. And I didn't feel good, and I felt like that was probably why or whatever. I was little then. Now I know what really doesn't feel good. It went really, you know what I mean? And like, so I remember being with him being like, wow, all I'm doing is smoking and you're still fucking fun to be around. Like, someone else would be like, all right, I'm going to call my person and grab this is this for me because this is what I need and I don't know you.

So I don't know. I'm not going to say anything and just go do my own thing about myself. And I've always been like that with everything. But then when it came down to Jared and touring, he would be up. And I'm like, how are you up? And then when he would want to go to sleep is when I would be up. and then it was just weird. Like, Jared wouldn't let me even drink coffee.

Like, when it comes to, I wasn't, no, uppers were a lot. No, that was nothing. No. He just didn't, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't know what it was. He just was like, I don't know, like, from before something I'd have him before me. I don't know. All I know is that uppers were a no. Like, so, and I was like, well, I'm fucked.

Like, I don't know how the fuck you think I'm going to stay up with you. Like, this, you're, you're energizer bunny. You're just up. And you expect me to be that up with you, and I'm not. So I remember just being like, what the hell? And I was okay. I made it for a minute. And then I, it was the Tokyo trip.

We got home. It was like a 22-hour flight or something. And when we got home, I was broken. Like, I was so tired. I didn't eat anything in Tokyo. And we had to go right back out to Australia. And I was like, you know what? like and then I missed my dogs my dogs had just like uh finished their

witch McCull so they were coming home and I had got them I got them a whole B&B for a couple months without me being there was just like my best friend there like watching them and I'm like oh my god like I just I wish I could be around them like Jared like you need like I feel like I need to break you don't need a break like okay right let's go like and I went and I go we're in Australia everything's fine I used to drink a lot um I would just drink and do up back before I ever met Jared. I would just drink a beer, fishing, you know what I'm saying?

Just a little alley. And then, yeah, no. Then I went to a point where while we were on tour after Australia came back, because Australia obviously just, it was a beautiful thing. But being tired and being there, I realized I was like, I'm not enjoying things I should be enjoying.

Like everyone else is having a good time. Why am I not having a good time? Not not having a good time, but like, why am I not? as positive or as up right now what's going on? And then I'm like, all right, we come home. On the way home, I think we had stopped somewhere in Philly.

I had spoke to my mom, my biological mom, which I said, had me, was just 15. After that, I have like two other mothers that had taken me in, loved them to death. One had passed away. One is still here. They're both really helped me make me that person that I was today. But my biological mom, she had called me and told me

that my grandma, who has had cancer like four times already, this was her fourth time, and she had serious care. Like, I remember when I was born, she had no hair. And then, you know what I mean? Like, just very, very serious stages of cancer four different times and four different things. Wow. At four different places on her.

And she's still here to this day. Shout out, Graham. Love you. You're the best. But literally, yeah, my mom had told me. me, I guess she had cancer again, and that kind of set me. It was a really big trick. I was just tired. I was just like, I don't know what to do. Like, I just,

I normally had run. I'd go somewhere. You know what I mean? Go to L.A. if I was in, just home in Memphis, if that happened, or go wherever, you know what I mean? Like, run away for a little bit, just party for a little bit, and then come back home and I was fine. And this wasn't, it wasn't

possibility. You know, I had to go ahead and be ready, be good for Jared, be here. And Jared would only let me do what he did. Not only that Jared was, he was very, if I tried to help him, and I always helped him, and I did get through to him when it came down to mental health. But he didn't, if you didn't go through what he, because there were some of people that, like, were like, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm saying that if you didn't go through what he went through,

or you weren't doing the things that he was doing, that he would take your opinion, but it was like, you don't know, my devils. You don't know. you don't know my demons, you don't know what's going on, because you don't know, you don't know this. And I'm like, I'm going to go through this with you. Like, you're going to, you're going to understand that I get every fucking what you're saying. And we're going to, you're going to be good. You're going to be fine.

You're going to be okay. You're going to get good. You're going to get good. And you're going to be fine. And it's about, and that's the thing is you had, he had mental illnesses where you can't just take someone who's doing drugs and put them as, oh, they're a drug addict. Like, he had mental illness problems. Like, that's when you do that and you have drugs involved,

if you take away those drugs, a lot of the time that mental illness is going to take over and be even worse. Right. Than that person being on drugs. And that was one thing I always, that he communicated to me. It was basically, like, that he had had a drug problem for, like, damn near as long as you could remember. Like, talking about high school and shit.

I mean, I remember the first time he told me he even did the first drug. I remember we've talked about everything, everything we've talked about. So it's just like, but that's what I mean by I had to really learn him and be there. And I'm like, I'm going through this with you. I'm here. Look, you see what, like, but I also had nothing. I'm not saying that because he would get upset and he would be like, see, I'm the reason why you do this. And I'm like, okay, well, no, I did this because I was upset and about something with my life that you have nothing to do with.

You know what I mean? You can't help my gram. like you're not God. You know what I mean? And he would sit there and he'd be like, once I get enough money and I get this, this, that, and I'm going to find the cure to cancer.

He would always say, he's like, I'm going to find the cure to cancer and I'm going to make sure that this never happens to a person. And go on and on and on. And I would just like, I remember one time I cried, I was like, you were literally like the kindest soul.

Right. Ever. And ever, ever, ever. Like, I mean, I'm nice and all, but like, holy shit, you're fire. You know what I mean? Like, I was definitely always taken back by him. So, yeah.

Yeah, when it came down to anything. When you think about, like, the last couple days before he passed, like, was he particularly frazzled from being on the road? Was his mind state? Like, was he really, like, more stressed out than usual around that time period? When it came down, it's hard for, it would, that question would be a lot. it'd be answered, I think, better from someone else because we were so in, I could still answer. It's going to be just by a different way. We were just so intertwined at that point that it was.

It's, no, I knew. He knew and I knew. That's how intertwined. He knew, I knew. I didn't know what it was. I thought, I remember I would come out running outside of my fucking towel and my hair up. Get off the fucking quad. Like, I didn't know what it was.

I didn't know what was going to happen. He didn't know what was going to happen, but he would say, like, to the point that I remember we were in the shower and I would just, I was sitting there and I would always wash him. I'd wash his hair. I'd do everything. You know what I mean? And I would, I remember sitting down on our little, like, our little seat thing in the shower. And we had like a skylight thing. And like, it came down on him while he was like, rinsing his hair out. And I was like, and I just started bursting in the tears. And this is when we first got back from doing that last tour, that was like, I would just start, like, crying out of nowhere. And he was like, you know, I know. He's like, I know. And it's going to be okay. I didn't say shit. Like, I just, for some reason, like, something overtook me.

I just was like, you're not going to be here. Like, to the point, like, I mean, I've said it to him even, I'm like, no. Even to that night before, I'd be like, Jared, give me, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't know. Like, and we'd go, you can ask anyone. I'd always be, like, I'm yelling. I don't care. Like, I want to make sure you're good.

I want to know. I'm going into the studio, get to bed, get in the shower, order some food, we're ordering food you're eating, like yelling, I don't care. You just felt like. Because I need to know he's okay. But you felt like he was burning the candle on both ends, particularly bad? It was, it was something that he was definitely just, you know, he was, I don't know, because the last day I was not there. He made me go, he let me, he was like, we're going to Chicago for a minute. go and get your hair, go and get your, like, your facials, this and that,

so that you're good while we're there. You know what I mean? And I'm like, okay, so the nail lady's going to be here later. We always got our nails done together. We'll get our nails done. And then my massage lady's coming after. And then during the day, I was out getting my facials, getting my hair, things like that done. By the time I got home, he was in the studio, but he was really high.

And it was like daytime. Like, we need to pack daytime. like because in a little bit we're going to have to leave call on the jet around like you know eight-ish I remember he just wasn't paying attention and I was like you need to start getting ready because I'm going to be getting these things done you know right after I get my nose then you got to get yours and then I'm going to go ahead and get my massage and then it's like you know hustle hustle hustle so we can get there on time and then I remember getting my massage done and after that it was like where are you like and he was upstairs with his friends and then in the studio with his friends and and then I just I went off I was like

get get in the room I was like shower get in the shower turn the shower the shower we're learning us food we wait we waited got the food like I was like you no no no no like shower we're good you showered like and now come to find out you know the night before he had told me because I had fell in the sleep we were supposed to get tattoos he had gotten a tattoo and I was supposed to get it right after. And he knows, like, he doesn't, at that point in time, I was, not yelling at him, but I was nagging him so much about his health

that him telling me, oh, the doctor came or, oh, this or that, because I didn't know the doctor, it was something that he'd be like, he would think I'd be like, see, I fucking told you. You need this, this, this and that, you know, and so I think it was like a, he didn't want me to win type of deal when it came down to that, so he told me the next

day. He didn't wake me yet when the doctor came the night, the night before. And that day, the next day, we're getting ready for the plane and everything, that's when he tells me. When I had brought him into the room and I'm yelling at him and getting the shower, your food's on the way, like, go lay down until then, like, let's lay down, put something on TV, I'll pack for us. It isn't anything, like, whatever.

And he was still in good spirits fully. He was just not feeling good. And, yeah, after that, it was just, you ever, like, you know, he got to, you know, we fell asleep for a little bit. We were super late for the plane, but fell asleep. when he was good I was good everyone was good you know what I mean

from what I knew but again I didn't know a lot of stuff had happened the night before but from what I knew everything was good and then we go on the plane everyone knows

I'm terrified of being on planes in general previously from this but obviously this is a huge thing but even before this they knew there was we Jared always got the plane with the bed

always have it made always I would always just go right to sleep and And that was it. I had my little headphones on. I'm probably watching Moana. Leave me alone. Like, I'm going to bed.

I don't like to be on a plane because, I mean, there's been times Jared's been flying the plane. There's been times. Like, it's just very scary sometimes. He would make the pilots let him fly it? No, the pilots would let him fly. Really? Oh, yes. And I'd wake up just, and I'm like, what's going on?

I'm thinking of like the way they let like a little kid fly the plane where you don't really have any chance of the... No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. there is serious little buttons there that they just let Jared just. Wow. Jared Hagen's short. And I'm like, shit.

I mean, I let him fucking fly too. That's charm right there. And that's what I'm saying. When he would just go like this to me and I'd be my PJ's ugly as how I'd walk out and be like, whatever you want, babe. Literally just, he was just, it was just Jared. Wow. Literally.

With everything. Just how his talent was, it was with everything. Wow. 24-7. He was always, I would always say that to him. I'm like, you are a fucking performer. at all times not that you're fake he just was so

energetic so him that it was like you're just great to watch at all times and I fucking love it yeah like it's just so good his life was like a movie playing out in front of you right just not even like a life fuck the life fuck everything that was around him

like I've seen that plenty of times before if anything he was most humble about it right it was you what you you as your person you're just funny you're this you're that you're saying this, this random, like, the randomest things that made the most sense but nonsense, but sense would come out of his mouth and you're like, we got to do that. But did it really, really occur to you that just something was going to have to change if he

was going to have a long life and career, that this was just so not sustainable? When it came down to the way that a lot of things were when it came down to, you know, when we got our house, I wanted to be just me and Jared. you know what I mean just I wanted it to be I needed him to learn that but again it was also like you have to think about it Jared's age

it's like sending your son away to college he's gonna be in a dorm with all of his friends he's gonna be you know what I didn't want to take away his friend I didn't want to take I didn't want to be that person like no no no no no no no and I would sit there and yell all the time you could ask

anyone I'd be like there's too many energies in this house I feel like it was kind of a thing that he was even having like people from Chicago come out because he just needed friends because he was sort of once you get to that point as an entertainer and you're that famous and shit it's kind of like weird to just have friends like a lot of people don't want to just be hanging out 24-7 while you're making all this money and doing all this like people like people like people want to have their own lives but he needed people around I mean that's how it is even with me just I always have just I'm like random people like not random people but like I have a certain two people and it's like okay well I have you guys down at this and that and that's like okay well I have you guys down at this and that and that. like as like people that I can pay but you're my, you're my only only you guys know you guys are the only people that could tell the story from the past year and a half

really other than myself. Like if something was to happen to me just how something happened to Jerry, there's only a couple people that could sit here and tell you what actually you know what I mean? So it's like that you guys are my friends you know what I mean, but you also are on payroll. Then that's what Jared would be the kind of same thing.

You know what I mean? It'd be like, you know, they definitely want to come out and that's the thing. Yeah, a lot of his friends would want to come out from Chicago or this or that, but they had to talk to me. I had to talk to them. Like, it was like, I was like a mom. It was like I had to, okay, no, everyone knew if there was girls coming through

that they knew their place and that they would go straight to your room and straight out. And that was it. There was no girls were hanging around the house. Never on the first floor. Like, they were allowed to come through and go straight up to the second floor,

which was your room, your area was out there. Wait, why are girls coming over to go to his room? No, no, no, not my room. room, not our room. Oh. Our room is on the, like their room, like the guys. Oh, the other guys.

Whoever wanted to be their whatever friends. I thought you were talking about some freaky shit for a second. I was like, oh, really? Well, Jared, we could have whatever he wanted, but that was not what he wanted. So there was a huge... I'm not going to pry into that, but that's interesting. Yeah, he got out, Jared was his own, to me, he was my king. He'd do whatever he wanted, but with...

That's a real woman right there. But I'm, but I was his queen. He treated me just as his queen. So there's a dynamic there that... Right. You get what I'm saying. There's like, okay, I get it. Okay, I get it.

Okay, cool. I'm looking at you on a totally different light now. That's cool. You understand he was my everything. So I let him just be like his everything. He could do whatever, but not whatever. And that was not my choice. That was his choice.

After learning what he wanted. You get what I'm saying? You have to let people fucking know what they. You don't know what you want to. You fucking know. Let me answer to this. I've said this about him a couple times on the podcast, which is that basically like,

I wish that, he had been able to have at least like a couple years where he had been like an adult and not a fucking famous rapper just in terms of his adjustment I wish that he had like known what it was like to just be the guy going to parties without being the fucking superstar at the party that's the problem though because it even rubbed off onto me where I don't go out but you were a normal person for a long time because I got that I got that whole now I can't now now I'm sitting here and I'm like what's, I always have to have someone with me because if not, one, I can't fully be myself, like, bitch, if I want to fight you, I can't fight you before. Jared would send his bodyguard everywhere with me because he knew that I was going to fight everything that was

passing by me because it was like, what the fuck do you want from Jared? You know what I mean? Like, I was like, what do you want? Come through me first and then we could talk. You know what I mean? And that was the joke. It was always me being kidnapped and that I was his bodyguard because in the beginning he didn't have bodyguard. And I'm like, I've been with people like, around people that were very like not as big as you are right even right now where's your where's your bodyguard a lot of people want a bodyguard because that makes them feel like they're important enough to have a bodyguard no jared neat like to the point where i would have to wait outside the guy's bathroom or he would go into the girls bathroom with me like because if not like he'd be sitting

there and pissing with his dick out and someone want to come up and like have a fucking can you sign my and i'm not playing i've seen it happen i've seen it happen i've seen it happen i've seen it happen and like or we would it would be the funniest thing we used to literally shout out drake i don't know i don't know why we made this up but everyone would be like is that juice broiled and then like we'd look at each other and like be like you know like like on some like undercover shit like are you ready and then we're like no it's drake and like we would run like because we just didn't feel it and get in the car and dip um yeah i don't know i don't know why like we just would always say that shit so now it's like People were like, Ali Lottie or Lottie, like, da-da-da.

And I like, go to look and be like, look for him and be like, it's Drake. And no, it doesn't work like that anymore. Right. I just have this thing. And be like, how are you? I love you guys. Don't make me cry. Okay, you got to go fine.

Right. So I don't go out. And he never really wanted to go out either is the thing. Like, you have to remember that kid was the kid that when we went to New York. He didn't want to go and be like, oh, what table is there? Oh, what place to eat is there or what this or what that? A lot of rappers start playing that game right away. No, he was like, where is the GameStop and how much money do they take?

Can I buy the GameStop? Or, like, that's what we spent money. That's what he spent money on. Like, yes, we spent money on clothes because we, like, were very, very into a lot of fashion. And, like, a lot of our fashion came from previous older collections. Like, in general, he would have people come over. that would only have things from one way. Like, and I have, like, three Chanel purses that he had got me from 1993

because that's when I was born. Oh, wow. You know what I mean? Or things like that. You know what I mean? Like, he was very, like, he thought about things in that sense if he was going to spend money, not on bottles. He didn't drink.

And if he drank, I would get so pissed. Like, you guys are getting him to drink, but yet I have to take care of that later. Like, stop. Stop. just no don't get him that junk don't let him have that bottle pour him a drink he's juice world like get up and pour him a drink or don't give him a drink don't give him a bottle i get it but no i'd get very upset um i mean so i don't want to like drag you through talking about that day or anything but after that i mean how would you describe basically like how you begin to you begin

and like how you, I don't know, tried to make it through that time period because like presumably, you know, you just knew that you needed time before you could even think about, you know, rebuilding your life or starting to become normal again. Like, like, what did you actually do? Did you just sort of like sequester yourself alone and just try to, I don't know. It's hard for me to fathom. Yeah, no, I don't want you to even try to. And that's why I stayed just quiet for so long. because I knew what I was going through was not for a... Audience.

Not even an audience. It's like you would need like a rated R like on like what the fuck was happening. But then like even if like even if I gave you a four minute, like a four day time frame was like clips of me like like having like wait I guess. Because at that point you don't just, you don't, tears aren't real. Tears aren't what you come out. you're moaning you're like you're so hurt that like you're like screaming you don't not screaming out of anger just like you know you get sad and tears come out when you're that sad like there's nothing that comes or like when you go through something like that traumatic there you don't have like tears don't suffice

tears aren't what comes out of your body when you feel that I didn't know what kind of pain that was it was different and glimpse of just like a four day period was I was not allowed to even, even to this day, I'm barely allowed to use the bathroom alone or be by myself alone. So you always try to have people around you, especially then? At first I was forced to have people around me. But who was even making that call? Me, myself, anyone who saw me. So you're scared of yourself in a way?

Oh, I mean, if you would have let me climb into that fucking casket, I would have gone. You could have buried me alive in there. Me, my dog's and Jared. I would have been A-okay. Wow. A-okay. Like, if you bring it up right now and you let me. into that build that's what I don't go I'll

be a okay let me in there so the the first what four days possibly was just me I just remember like clips of me like grabbing on to people's collars and being like it's okay like it's not this has nothing to do with you like I just got to go like I cannot this is not it I gotta go you really don't want to be a go no no no

even now I'm here for my dogs and for the fans like and to make sure that that's this story is legit, like what it needs to be and who needs to be reminded how happy this person was, how happy. Hopefully, if I continue doing what he wants for himself and for myself will be that happy or positive, but no, if I didn't have the, like, if it had my dogs, and if something happens, you have to put me, the dogs, put us all down. I'm good. We're good. But then at the same time, like you have a fucking nation of millions of kids who like basically are looking to you for answers.

And that's the only reason why I literally. Right. And that's the only reason why I am here. I look at my dogs. I'm like, I know you miss your dad too. This sucks. But, you know, people know you. I like talk to my dogs, dude.

I literally am like, like, people know you. Like I look at Kaplan and Kaplan will look like Jared. His eyes will turn like straight to Jared's eye color. It's ridiculous. it'll be like this warm like bourbon honey like color which was Jared's eyes fully like in the sun and like even uh ski scheme uh jake a bunch of them they've set out on several occasions without me this is something that i've kept in my head because i'm like alley stop like just keep it in your head don't you know you don't have to like you sound like you're reaching you get what I'm saying like

don't do that and I wasn't do that and I wasn't. reaching at all it would be people like they literally be like alley look and like Gabe would show me like hey I just looked this up this morning and you said that like I have the screenshots of me sending it to so and so that I was just looking at Kaplan's eyes and they look like Jared and like screenshot screenshot and shows me and I had said it because the sun was in his eyes and I'm saying it to myself I'm like oh look I was like hey hey Jay like I'll be like da-da-da-da-da like and because I know that it would be Jay's eyes, not Kaplan's eyes. But I'd sit there and talk with him.

I'm like, sorry, guys. I know this sucks, but people know you. You gotta fucking be here. So, and I'm just talking to my dogs. I'm like, you gotta be here. Because if you're not here, bitch, I'm not here. So figure it out. Like, when River was just super sick, I had to, like,

it would get me sick. Like, I went to the pride, it was probably like eight times I've had seizures this past. year alone. Really? Stress-induced seizures. I'm not epileptic. Nothing.

I've been cleaned for since, like, clean completely with everything other than weed here or there, and it's really, I smoke, you see, what, it took a little bit, and I got super high. Right. Like, literally other than what the doctors have me on is, I think it was October. Like, completely, like, perfectly, like, panicked. I was like, I'm going to just my first, my first, like, I was. you too, it's going to be me like peeing in a cup so everyone could shut up, like, and leave me alone. Because everybody like assumes that you're going to medicate.

Well, this is the thing. Not only did I not, my thing was I knew I needed to slowly make my way down from where I was. One, I was never, there was two times that I felt that I was high during that many months, right? And during those two times, I went and bawled my eyes out because I was high. I felt like, oh my God, like, where's Jared? You know what I mean? Like, it was too triggering. So anything else that I did was so that I wasn't getting sick or that I wasn't.

And then I finally got myself to a place where I was like, okay, you can take this and this medication. Well, do this, this, this, and it's from your doctor and you're supposed to be and this and this. And then you also have to remember, that's how Jared had. You can't just take someone off drugs and not get their mental health checked out. You know, I have to take my, like, different mental health problem medications so that also, you know what I mean? It's like, all right. And then everyone's like, oh, my God, you're so skinny. And I'm like, yeah, if you knew me my whole life, you know that this was normal.

And that when I was either pregnant or on drugs or on this or stressed, I gained this weight. You get what I'm saying? Like, people who knew me and saw me, they were like, they knew exactly when I was, or when I wasn't this or when I was that. They'd be like, look at your, or look at this. And I'm like, this is supposed to be a secret, so don't say anything to anyone. Wait, so when were you pregnant? There was three separate times. Wow.

But because of stress, because of everything going on, there was obviously different complications with different ones. But the first, I'll never forget. And that's where I was, I remember, like, my mom flew in. And Lexi flew in. I don't remember being like, and I was like to the point where I was so distraught, I walked into the hotel room, like, and I didn't into a hotel room. I walked into the hotel and I sat on the floor. I went to a random level. I didn't know where I was.

I don't know what was going on. I just like went into like a, I don't know. You had to think about it, I never even was not with Jared because he saw us always together. I was not even alone from his body for like the most. put together, maybe a day. If you put all the hours of all the times we weren't together, maybe a day. Wow. Like other than him being

in the same house as me or being like in the studio and I'm in our room watching TV. You know what I mean? And that was the thing. I was never like, we would watch what Jared wanted or like what we like kind of agreed on, which was Jared wanted. And like, I like scary movies and he wouldn't watch them via where Caroline

came from because I'd always be in there watching Caroline and he'd be like, I'm going to come on it's a cartoon it's not even scary and he'd be like no I'm scared he watched like it once I think I got it and he like after after like 45 minutes of it he was like I'm gonna go I'm gonna make you something

and that's when he made Caroline right and I was like okay like still watch the movie do you ever think about how different your life would be if you did have a baby right now his baby it was it would be it now because

okay so I don't know my true I don't know my real dad when I was 20 I found out my dad who I thought was my dad my entire life wasn't my real dad and I didn't care to find who my real dad was because I was like my family was already crazy

and I already moved like seven states away from you guys so I did not want to be anywhere near any kind of family so like I don't want to know just let me know their last name so that like if I ever meet anyone I know that like that's not my brother you get what I'm saying like I need

to know. Other than that, like, cut, I'm good. I don't think you deserve Ali,

Lottie as a fucking daughter. I don't know you. You know what I mean? So I let that be. But when it comes down to kids,

I was always like, I went to make sure that my child had a father. And that's, I was like, and I never wanted a child until Jared was like,

no, like, you're having, like, this is what's happening. Right. And like, no,

like, it wasn't like a choice. It was like, this is what's happening. Right. I was like... And you were on board with that? Just like you're on board

with everything else? I was like, what ever you say? King, literally. Like, but also, but like, think about things. I was like, Jared, think about it. Like, you see how we have to be with the dogs and always have all this stuff for the dogs.

Like, we have to be like 80 times more attentive and actually be there and like no one can live with us and this and that and blah. And he was like, no, I'm ready, let's do it. As soon as it, like, I'm dead. Let's do it. And I'm like, I had a lot of spaghetti. now. Like, it'd be like one thing.

I'd always like re-eat the same shit and it'd just be like, oh my God, I'm done. But yeah, it'd just be a huge ordeal, but we'd try to keep it. And that's why to be in my baggy clothes and my baggy Pigeys or with a purse covering my tummy or whatever it was because it was not just, the only people that knew were me and Jared

and maybe two other people. And those, I mean, now if you ask them, I'm sure that they'll, you know what I mean? But even then, they knew not the same. say anything. There's a lot of things that people still don't know about me and Jared that when it comes down to like us and our relationship and like everything that only a couple people were there for that like no are legitly real. You know what I mean? Like obviously my OB2.

You know what I mean? But like people that like other than that like that were around us. You know what I mean? Like because I didn't want I'm so weird with energy. I don't want people to be like oh well and I'm like bro this is his child this is for him he chose this like but I chose it because yes he's going to be a great father you know what I mean like yes he'd be this or that yes that would be amazing for him to if that's what it takes for him to slow down is I have to so I'm always scared like I love kids I love kids so much and I love like the beforehand of thinking about kids and like making them but like as a woman they're probably process of it, shout out, because I cannot, it scares me. I'm like scared to like that whole.

It's nothing to play around with. It's not. No, I know. I know. Yeah, like, seeing how much my girl's life changed. Yeah, yeah, no. But I already was, like I said, before this, I made up a life. So I was like, okay, at night is when I go and do everything I have to do. During the day, I could be a normal, like, mommy, a normal, I was like a normal fur dog, mom, you know, made sure I went and walk them around, make sure I went fishing, did that, da, da, da, da, da, like, whatever. they want, I did it. You know what I mean? Which obviously is like a little fucking baby percentage of what a child would be. You know what I mean? But I was like, Jared, do you see this? Like, are you able to, if I go out to the like, go get my facial, are you able to, do you remember

to let the dogs out? Do you remember, okay, so you let the dogs out? Okay, so you let the dogs out. Okay, cool. You know, this, this or that or blah, blah, blah, he would remember and do more. So I'm like, all right, if you're telling me that this is what it would take for you to just All right, here's my body. It's yours anyway. Like, sure. You know what I mean?

Like, we're having a kid, but you're going to be a good dad. Like, you're going to be a good dad. That's why. Because, like, I obviously, like, I'm good at being a mom, but, like, I got to do it. Right. That scares me. That's a lot.

You know what I mean? Like, it scares me. That just the process scares me. So when I think about it and I think about Jared, like, if I had his child, I don't know. I obviously would make me the happiest person in the world if I still had a piece of Jared.

You know what I mean? One. But it would be so much harder to move on. Not that moving on even seems realistic. Yeah, it's not even something that I could even fathom right now because you have to think about it. Even if I was to think about, like, I hop online and Jared's photoshopped into pictures I took yesterday.

So well that I think that he's in it. You know what I mean? Like, it mine fucks me. Like, I'm not like, The second I pick up this phone and put in my thing, I am, Jared, Jared is still here. Jared is literally my boyfriend now. He's my fiance. He's back to be my fiance.

It's back to normal. Even though it's RIP at the end of the picture, he's still every fucking thing. Okay. I remember everything that happened where I was right here when this happened. You know what I mean? So it's like, I put it down. I mean, yeah. You just showed her, like, tagged photos, and it's like...

It doesn't... That was my Explorer page. Right. That was the name of my tag. If I wanted my tagged, it would be like... Which, and I love my fans for it all, because it all does bring back a lot of good memories. When I have the ability to go on and do, which is now, you know what I mean? That I'm better, in a sense.

I'm not best. I'm not anywhere near, you know, any happiness that I had before this, even before Jared. But I'm getting a little bit better. with myself, B-O-I, we even went with what I went with for my drop. Right. I took my old tattoo that I got when I felt like I was free about like six years, seven years ago when I did dance and I had like all this money, had anything I could do whatever I wanted, stopped dancing and like came out here, went there, just lived life for a little

bit and took that person and put everything that I, like, on my tattoos. like my hair, like at that point in time when we drew it up, you know what I mean? Just I felt like my tattoos are my experiences because I have so many of them, they all mean something. And throughout that process of when I had gotten that tattoo versus what my body looks like now with tattoos or with what they mean or whatever it is,

I was like, add it all. At everything that is mine that looks like me and let's make it, Jared would always joke with me and be like, you're just a little anime thing. Like, and a little who, like, and poke my nose. And, like, I, like, we just thought it was the cutest thing. You know what you mean? Like, it was, like, his perfect thing.

He was playing video games this whole time. Like, he's at the club with his switch. He's like, it's okay. I got my little, I got a who at home. Like, I got a little anime thing. Like, I'm playing her right now. You know what I mean? Like, so he loved it.

It was fine. But, like, I was always like, let's just make this anime. It's what we would watch. It's what we would, like, vibe with. And, like, make it just have everything good. and bad that I've gone through. So let's just show it with the tattoos. Because it's, it's complicated for you.

Like, at some point you have to start making money, right? And I remember you getting, like, a lot of backlash from even doing, like, some fashion Nova posts, right? A lot of people, and I don't look at, you have no idea when I tell you, I follow myself and Jared on Twitter and, like, everything else, I don't, I don't know. Like, I know that so many things and so many people have said things about me, but because I know that, like, I know the truth just how, like, I know the truth just how, like, Like this is right here, like, to the point that, like, I've signed things that it's like,

you know the truth so much that, like, hey, make sure that, like, everything is, like, always positive because this was a very traumatic situation you went through. You know what I mean? Like, I know. So, like, with that said, I'm like, I don't need to know what anyone that doesn't know and I don't want you to know. So you try to just avoid seeing any kind of the criticism? I'm not even try to avoid.

I just don't. I really don't. If I have to post something, I go, imposed if I don't and that's the thing it's like you guys have to remember I didn't I didn't need any of Jared's money never once other than when he had to rebuy me everything which was not a problem we could have set for my stuff you know what I mean which would have still been all these louis bags all these this all these it would have been no different well not I can't say no different because he had gone and really had enough money to do whatever he wanted and one of those things was

shopping and making sure we matched and this and that, you know what I mean? But aside from that, I already, like I was saying, I already had a good amount of things. I already had a good amount of whatever I wanted to have. You know what I mean? I have my dogs. I was, I'm simple, but like not, like I'm not impressed by a lot because I've already seen a lot. And that was before Jared, but then Jared should be even more because it was with love. It was with like, no, this is for you. Like, you don't have the second thing. Like, you don't have the second thing. Like, No, this is like, I love you and like, I'm going to show everyone and like I want to be here and do all that. Like, you know what I mean?

So it's like I definitely, I definitely loved that part of our relationship where there was no second thought on like, you know, Jared loves Allie. You know, Allie loves Jared. So at the end of the day, I don't think that you could really, whatever you would say, oh, Allie killed the, or Allie is the, or Allie, you guys just got the police reports. I'm pretty sure I saw that just. something. There's got to be some ugly shit that's been said, right? Literally, I mean, with the things I've been said, I'm sure it's worse than I've seen, you know? They've come from such false, like, even when people try to make documents, it was like,

if you know what the document is supposed to be looking like, you're like, it's like giving a doc, it's like me, it's like giving like a 13-year-old, like court papers that aren't real, that just look like court papers. And it's like, here you go. Now go. It's real. And it's like, no, I just printed it off my computer right here. And it's of someone else.

And I just saw people can Photoshop this or that. They could make it or they could have it from someone's name. When I don't even have anything in that same state and that person is born in 1980 something and I am born in 1999. You know what I mean? They take out. those things and add other things to make it look like it could be me when in reality we can go through my witchmer call it right now and I have a Tennessee ID and I have a jersey passport. So other than

that there's nothing connecting me to any other states at all, which is where other information I had saw came from, oh, Southern California. I'm like, I don't think I've ever even been, is this Southern California? Yes. This here? LA, yes. I figured, like, down there would be southern California. It's still so cool. Although. Right, but it's like not like...

You can drive two hours north and you're in like mid-California. Okay. So San Diego, L.A. is still Southern California. Oh, okay. See, me, I'm Jersey. It's so small where like Cape May is like southern, southern. And I'm like, where I am is like L.A.ish. I guess it's like southern but almost right there in the middle.

And then it's like the middle to the top is completely different. Like Jersey is different. This is different. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't realize. Because motherfuckers don't go past San Francisco, but there's a whole bunch after that. There's so much. You know how many times we've gone to go random places for photoshoots in L.A?

Not L.A. I say L.A. Like, if L.A. is California. Right. No. It's been like hours and hours and hours and hours and hours. I'm like, what is actually going on here? And we end up in the desert somewhere.

I'm like, I'm not going to lie. We could throw some clouds out here and have a good time. And that's how we end up having his, like, birthday party. He was like, I remember for his birthday party. And we go there every year, you don't even now, to, um, to obviously celebrate him. Um, because I'm not good with going to, like, graveyard. So I'm not, like I said, I'd climb right and just chill. Like, I'm, I'm, to this day.

So I just don't, I can't yet. I can't. Well, one, I can't even get on a plane. So we getting there is a whole other issue. But, like, not can't get on a plane. I'm allowed to go on a plane. completely. You're going to at some point, but it's overwhelming.

I'm going to try to make this one's rolling loud right now. It's, it's, it's, I have everything set. I just need to get into the airport without having a panic attack and dying or having a seizure and then getting on the plane and not dying or having a seizure and getting off and being okay and then getting back on and coming back this like, which is not, it's like a 50-50, okay. I'm not going to lie, so that's why I haven't tried it. Right.

Yeah, I don't, I'm going to try, though. I told myself this year that I'm going to, like, make a very, like, because my last year's thing was, hey, make sure you follow in the footsteps of what Jared was working on, what we were both working on. And, I mean, at the end of the day, I can understand if there was, how do I, how do I word this? I get everyone, oh, go to, go to rehab, go to rehab, go to rehab. One, I didn't go to rehab. I did keep up with my therapist.

I did keep up with my psychiatrist. I did keep up with everything going on. I did not actually go to a rehab. I ended up getting off everything by myself and doing everything afterwards that I need to do, checking in with that, and it being like, in a sense, an outpatient thing, but more just of my own will.

But when it comes down to Jared or me during that time, would say that none of this happened, right? where were we going to have the because I did it I did it like I 100% did it and it took me a minute and I was grieving and I didn't even take that in consideration people don't think about that like grieving people normally run towards this like I'm running away and just to just to prove the point that this is what we said we're going to do we're going to do it you know what I'm saying like I could do

whatever I want right now literally and it doesn't matter Because what do you do? Put me in a crazy... Okay, put me there. I've seen some crazy fucking shit. I probably deserve to be there now. I don't know what to say. You know what I mean?

Like, what's the worst? Like, I don't understand. So, like, me being and doing the positive and the right things in life, when I have every reason to be mean or be upset or be a grouch to the world or to myself or to the people around me and I don't, and I'm not doing those things.

I'm like, if anything would have changed, would there still have been unless like we really took into the things I took the things that I was saying into consideration where where was the time going to be for us to do this he saw us you're on the move that yeah and again his worth ethic beautiful yeah I never said anything like it's because things were things are already there I still had I had to change my phone so that I didn't see the old calendar we had years already planned. So I'm like, where is this? So we're supposed to do like a blood transferee, like transfer thingy, I don't even know. Some crazy thing. So it would only be like we'd be like,

I guess like a sleep or something for three days. I mean, four days. I don't know. All in a doctor's office. But even then, that does not. I learned from doing all of this alone, literally alone, that you have to,

really actually you got to do it mentally you can't just fit i can't physically just like okay yeah and okay yeah like no that's not you got to that that mental health is still there just because the drugs are taking the mental health i still need to take my medicine for this i said to take my medicine for that or we're going to end up in a shit show so it's like where i when it comes on to people asking me you know what you mean i haven't figured it out yet like because at the end of the day when we're When? Where was the time? When will we have the time? When was the time put out? I didn't see it. And I've already said stuff about it. He would have had to change his whole lifestyle so much to sort of facilitate that. It wouldn't happen much at all. It would have just had to be me and him by ourselves.

Right. And us actually have a break, like I was saying. I feel like he didn't think he had earned the break yet, right? No. He absolutely knows and knew. he earned the root. But like he was such a new artist that I think that he kind of felt like I have to solidify this role that I'm in sort of. Nope. He was just going to be able, he was going to sit there, put an album out that we had, he, I have written right on that phone. Because artists take time off all the time. Right. It's not as ordinary for a rapper to take five months off. Yeah, think about it. That would have been his third album. Think about Kanye.

We don't hear from Kanye for like three years, four years. That's what I'm saying. He's in, And people are, with even the little things that you have, people are already, you're like, you're like Wayne or you're like this or you're like when he did the other, they're like, oh, you switched it up and went this. So I just like, Wayne. You know what I mean? Like, you're talking about a goat, a legend. The bad things that you're saying about, death race for love, you're saying a bad thing in your head because it's not what you thought you wanted because you might be going through this right now, but he's trying to teach you to be positive. or happier or like be more aware of your own mental illness or is it drug addiction or is this or is it there's a lot of coding and wordplay to what he says people just think it's just drugs or love or this

or sadness or that and depression it's like yeah it was there when he described to the kind of mental health problem he had he didn't just say hey adam i'm just doing drugs i want to be high all a time 24-7 and just let's just do crack like because then there would have been like no he was he would have been a drug, a drug addict. He sat there and said, no, Adam, da-da-da-da, hold my hand, clap my hand. Now, I don't realize if that's real or not. He gave you a full explanation of what his mental health issue was

when there was others, obviously. But he was even able, in that moment, I remember that day, like, because he would tell that story because that was something he was aware of, of himself. Now, he's not explaining it to you like a doctor. He's not telling you, oh, that you have bipolar, or you have this, you have that, or whatever it is. So take this and you're going to be good

because you live such a crazy life that you definitely have to, you don't have a life where you live in a bubble. So you have to take this. That's where I am now. It's like I have to take this, this, and this. Because my life, even if I go, just how everyone says, oh, she's in her room 24-7 blacked out, like lights, blacked out. It's everything's blacked out,

except for the huge TV and we're just watching TV. movie and that's what she does because the second I do anything else it's right like people kind of want you to permanently be like a depressed widow right I guess a lot it's just how yeah I guess and there's a lot of truth to that but then at the same time you don't want to be that forever you want to be able to move on at some point even though it's going to be hard and when it comes down to it it's more or less, they could want me to be whoever the thing they want me to be, and that's fine, and I don't care. What I, when it comes down to I have to make money, obviously, one, I didn't and never

wanted and do not have Jared's money. There's not one thing other than the things that he got me because he took me from the things that I owned, you know what I'm saying? So, yes, obviously they're more glamorous, maybe, or this or that, but that's just, Jared, one of these things for me. Just how he has the exact same thing because he wanted to match. You know what I mean?

These are his glasses he got when we were in which we'll call it. It's little things. You know what I mean? Like they're my memories. They're my thing. Because that's all we did together. Other than that, we were on tour. And everyone else has that.

So I only have these little things. Other than that, I don't have this. I don't have that. Jared has given me plenty of reasons to be able to be like, no, this is mine or that is mine or that. I don't want anything to do with that. that. Because I am, yes, I'm part of Juice World. Like, I know who Juice World is. I know what he sings. I mean, shit, he sings about me, about his exes, about his life, about what he did that day, about you being over, just freestyle. You know, the kid can just talk about whatever. So, yes, I'm part of it, but Jared is, like, I know Jared. Like, Jared's mine. You know what I mean? So it's like, it's difficult for me to. I guess it's not I'm not not put in a role like it's just weird being put in a role

for me you know what I mean because I am that depressed ass widow bitch but I can't be if you only knew what that looked like people think that this is what that looks like right this is a very do you understand I I look I know that I look like I smell like five-day-old like Chanel or something I don't know what I know I look I don't look as great as I could But I know that this is way like 3,000% up. It's probably more honest than coming in full glam right now. I mean, do you think I could even? Because I couldn't.

You know me. You probably haven't done that since. Or did you? I never, if I put, Jared would make me take off my makeup if I put makeup on. He let me shop there all the time. I'm never allowed to wear it. Literally, I came out. We did the, I remember it was the,

photo shoot for it's like we're on the quads and we have like his like merch on or whatever I you know put some makeup on he comes out he looked at me he was like what are you doing I was like what am I doing what's wrong he was like come here and he gave me a little wipey and then just he took it off you you see the plan that he takes up he'll take off my he'll say okay come on and hopped on the quad and pictures. Wow. I would not.

So I always, I was like, okay, so if I'm not allowed to, and I was always a makeup girl, like I loved, I know it, it's not like I need makeup. I just, I like makeup. Damn, I love your girl. Like, it's artsy. Like, it's artsy. It's like fun. I could do whatever with it, or I could just fucking make sure my face looks fucking done.

I don't like I'm dying. But in general, I'm going to come comfy because I've already, I'm already working through enough mentally. If I had to think about, like, something hard. hurting on me right now. Like I'm not, I'm good. I'm not with it. I'm not doing it. For sure. So, Lottie Bascati. So I've been smoking on it for a minute. Really? And I... You're a weed girl now. Well, you're already a weak girl. Yeah, I was always, always, yeah, I think it came out here. Now I'm a drug dealer, but it's fucking legal.

So if we're going to talk shit, there you go. No, but for real. Um, the Lottie Biscotti, I figured because in the beginning, what was helping me understand the fans or like understand my role with the fans because Jared would try to like, when he was here, would explain it to me in certain ways. So I took those ways after he passed away and tried to make it fit in my head. Like, okay, he said this, this, this, and that.

So, Lottie, go online and see, like, just go be you and chill and see if that's, like, a thing. Like, if that's what they're okay with seeing. You know what I mean? mean like because i'm not willing to share anything else at that moment you know what i mean and yeah i'd just sit there and i'd smoke and you know jero you'd come over we always only had biscotti and now we didn't have lottie biscotti you know but you know his asses lati you get the biscotty or lottie biscottie you didn't make it all up and make a fucking thing and it'd be so funny so um yeah i end up being like there's there's only like to make biscotty it just

it takes like the formula you know the formula is a little bit different There's only a couple of... I'm not a weed grower, so I don't know. Well, when it comes up with scottie, there's only a couple of them that actually can fall under Biscotti in a way. Yeah. And there's, like, close formulas, and there's this and there's that.

So this Lottie Biscotti, it's the... It gives me the same high that I and Jared would have when we were smoking. And that was the weed that I was smoking. You know what you mean? Like, on live, chilling with people. And I'm like, at that point in time, they're like, But it just all smoked together. We'd all be smoking together.

Like all little fans and all of us just chilling, listening to like either Jared's music, elevator music. This one time I wasn't allowed to listen to my own. Like, Jared made a whole album about me, and I wasn't allowed to listen to it on Instagram. I don't know why. Really? Yeah.

But it was only a one-time thing. I don't know what happened. So I listen to elevator music instead. So you don't have access to all the unreleased music? No, I do. You really do? Yeah, I do. I just don't.

I'm very low-key about it. I don't have it anywhere anyone can get their hands on at all. And the songs that I do have, that I have, like, I switch them out. And, like, we'll delete them and switch them for like, okay, I'm feeling this today.

But you guys have the thing about it, too. I'm totally, like, the grandma from Coco right now still. Right. I could tell you to this day, I still have not listened to death phrase for love. Like, death phrase for love is the last thing I listen to. I have not listened to Legends Never Die I can't do it

Really? Yeah I still Because I even told the fans I feel like they think I'm lying I have not If I just fly was that Jay? She dropped her phone Oh my God And that happens to me all the time

And I'm just like okay Jared Like something flies I'm like alright I'm good I'm gonna leave it alone Because I don't know what's going on Can we do this again sometime We can Because I feel like

Well we're already like an hour and a half late for the No Jumper live stream of the No Jumper show. I woke up and came here. You guys know I do it every time. I literally texted Adam and I was like, I'm so sorry. I just hate the, I don't want anyone to think that I was like rushing to end this or anything. It's like the least, the last podcast I would ever want to rush but also like. I had to literally, first of all, it's better like that.

To just kind of cap that at a certain point. You got to cap it. You can't come everything because if we see it for four hours, they might really start to feel like, oh, now we know everything. No, and that's a thing. That's the thing. It's like, it can be something that you're, I'm, you're sitting down with. And you know how close. You know what I mean, me and Jared were.

So it's like, you know that you're sitting, okay. What she's saying is, I watch this happen or I watch. So it's like, okay, we could really get the whole story here, but we can't give it all of them right now. That's how we'll keep it. I respect it. I can think of a lot of other things I could ask you, but. You know what I mean? This was like, oh, by the way, this was like last, like, like these, when you can't, I'm like, okay, cool. I felt, I love the vibe.

Like, I'm like, it made me answer comfortably. Here? Yeah. Oh, okay. That's good. Like, normally, like, I'd be like, getting nervous. And I'll tell you. Like, I'll be like, I'm nervous.

Like, I can't do this right now. Like, yeah, no. But I think it's just because it's you and you know. I think people walk in here and it smells like weed and they're like, oh, I can smoke weed in here. That makes me feel comfortable. Oh, my, you know what? I even double-checked an ass.

Yeah. I was like. Well, you also thought you couldn't say cunt or fuck. You know what? Why do I have this problem? I'm like, am I allowed to smoke weed, but I'm going to call myself a cunt. Wait, have you been on YouTube? No.

On YouTube, you could say whatever swears you. Well, I mean, I guess actually you're really. I don't. I have no idea. You can get demonetized. I have YouTube, but I'm actually posting tonight. Hey, we'll leave it at that. How about that?

Are you really? Posting my first YouTube tonight. And going to just, I guess. That's exciting. It's not much, but it is just to let people know more about, because this collab. is like when I did everything for it, it's very like, even down to the color. Right.

And the colors I use, super, super, like, all have stories. And then I also want to show everyone, because it's based off my one tattoo, the tattoo that Jared and I got. Well, Jared got the night before he passed away, and I was supposed to get. But I never woke up to get it because he called the doctor. And didn't want me to know. and then when I came back from the Rolling Loud, because I went from the funeral

off the plane to the Rolling Loud thing, and then went home and got this tattooed. So I'm going to show that tonight, and my, no one's seen it. Because everyone wants to, like, take the tattoos. They all want to, like, they got, like, I love all, and, like, they don't realize that, like, those are my initials.

Or, like, and I'm just, like, or they had like the I'm sorry one and I'm like that's because I caught him like drinking lean so he put I'm sorry on his hand so he remembers not to touch it when he touched it wasn't that hard to catch him drinking lane he was drinking a lot of lean oh no it was very hard

no listen he let me let me leave you with this one I caught him only there's twice the one time it's just and he would look at me and he's like God fucking is telling like you you know you know something's weird with you

because you know. And I'm like, well, I'll, like, call him out on certain shit if I think he's high and I'm like, you're high.

Like, I know that he's high of one thing or another thing. But then when I noticed the difference between lean, I was like, no lean. And then, because I could tell, I could tell now.

And then I was like, you're off lean, but I didn't have any proof. You get what I'm saying? I was like, I don't have the proof to back it up. Fuck.

Wow. This one time I was watching TV. He said he was going to go out to the kitchen. And I was like, all right, cool. Go to the kitchen, get a drink. He comes back in super late, right?

And I'm like, my kitchen's like six steps away. Like, it's a big house, but you are not there that long. I know you. So then he did it again. And I was like, I'm getting up. I'm going to go out there and get a cookie. Like, I'm just going to go get a cookie. And I went out there and, like, in my house,

it was like, you walk out of my room, you make a laugh, door wide. to go outside. Next thing is like the living room, the first living room. And if you make it right, it's the kitchen. And long behold, he wasn't in the kitchen. But if you keep going straight and it's all open, so you just keep going straight, there's another living room. And then to the left is the movie theater slash studio.

And here I see little Mr. Butterfingers with some little baby lean bottle. And he's like pouring it into his. and you know I love sippy cups so that was the downfall of me not knowing. It's because I'm like sippy cups every day all day and then get him sippy cups thinking that it's cute

now learning later on that sippy cups hit a lot and I threw a fit I threw a fit I threw a fit I was like are you joking and then I just literally

like you're joking right and then he he just like stopped and like brought into the bathroom and threw it like threw it down in toilet and like was freaking he's like I'm so sorry da da da da da da da da da that's just how that's just how what's we're called that one song like packing her he like literally unpacked my bags while I was packing it before like on a different occasion like that's where that song came from it's all real all this shit like it's real wow yeah but that time I was really mad that's when he he had this problem where he would think about really cute things. Like I told you, like, people will come over and get me Chanel bags for my birthday,

or like this or that, like, you can never find, like, alligator skin. I love alligator. So it's just like, like, things like that, and I'm just like, I'm so mad. Like, you can't be doing this, and then he's, and then he doesn't do it. And then I find out later on, someone might have given him this. And I'm like, let me figure out that it's you. And then Jared's like, no, it was just me. And I'm like, you were with me.

What do you mean? And then, but people knew that like, they just didn't want to get yada out by me. Because if you get yod out by me, then you get kicked out. And they didn't want to get kicked out of juice world to world at the end of the day. You don't want to make mom mad. Exactly. So that no one would tell me the truth. And but then some people did.

And when they did is when I obviously put my foot down and fucking got shit right. But like when I have eight different energies in the house, and I'm trying to fucking keep one straight and he's just so charismatic. Like, is charismatic? Am I saying that right? Charismatic.

Thank you. Although, yours was cool too. Charismatic. Charismatic. Is that wrong? I feel like maybe it's not. Thank you. See, I hit it once and I'm like too high to even say the right word.

But yeah, no. I would be like, I can't do this. I have to just focus on you. And when everyone else is intertwining, it's as easy as everyone thinks. Okay? So we can leave it at that one for now. We'll leave it at that for now. Literally.

Thank you so much for sharing this one. You're welcome. I really appreciate it. I feel like if anyone could be someone that I can share this with, it would have to be. It answered a lot of questions that I had kind of been pondering. There's a lot more. You know that. But that's just because you're, in a sense, and you're close.

You've been there, you've seen him. Small part of the universe. You know what I mean? Small role. It's different when you try to talk to people and they don't know about it. Like, the real life. Like, coming over, hanging out with Jared, Jared. Yeah.

It's easier just to talk to you than it would be someone who I have to, like, explain everything to. Yeah. Everything, too. It's harder. Because not everyone understands everything. Oh, common sense isn't the same common sense. I got to tell you something. Why?

The Patreon subscribers are on the screen right now. I don't know what the hell that is. It's okay. We gotta do it. Who is it? Some hardcore fans, their names are on the screen. Patreon.com slash no jump, right? I got to throw the plug in.

Sorry. Patreon? Not to be disrespectful, but. You guys are the shit, right? They are, yeah. Then you are? They're keeping the lights on. Oh.

Bless, Patreon. There's boobs on there, too. Titties, Titties and Patreon. Yeah. That needs to be the slogan. You guys want me to record it for you? Maybe we can work on that. I'm weak.

Allie Lottie. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it. And jammies and all. Appreciate it. That was real. No, always. Thank you.

You guys, it's always real. No matter how. Sorry, my head band has been in the way the whole time, so I've been holding these down. So getting here, everything, and it's what it is. Only would you make it. Thank you so much. Thank you.

I appreciate it. Allie, Lottie, No Jumber, Cool's podcast, and World Check us on YouTube, Patreon, all that. And titties. Like, comment, subscribe, nojummer.com, from my support, rest in peace, juice. Forever. Always. He's still guiding. Isn't that fucked up?

He's not at rest yet. He's still guiding. You pitching her up in heaven, just like in a fucking recliner, just sort of chuckling at us right now? No. He's too, bro. I'd be down here. Oh, he's famous up there too. No, no, no, no.

He's busy doing something. He was always up. There's no way he's just sitting there. You don't think you got two hours for us? No, no. Yeah, he's down here like guiding. Doing what you gotta do. He's here.

He's up close and personal. That's what I'm saying. He's like, no, I got guiding still to do. He's too, he was restless. We can't, we can't dive into the afterlife right now. We can't because it's the whole tattoo for that one too. We cannot another time. Allie, appreciate you.

No, you're the best. Thank you.