No Jumper - The Danny Mullen Interview: Offensive Comedy, Sleeping Outdoors in Compton & More

Episode Date: May 28, 2021

Comedian Danny Mullen came through pretty lit to touch on so many topics with Adam: his come up, his comedy style, inspiration, getting in trouble for his comedy, his younger girlfriend and more! https://www.instagram.com/dannymullen/ https://www.youtube.com/c/DannyMullenOfficial/videos ----- CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPOTIFY PLAYLIST https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5tesvmDS8h50LkjnSAWMOs?si=j6sJD6DkR4mk5NZZWnlK7g FOLLOW US ON SNAPCHAT FOR THE LATEST NEWS & UPDATES https://www.snapchat.com/discover/No_Jumper/4874336901 CHECK OUT OUR ONLINE STORE!!! http://www.nojumper.com/ SUBSCRIBE for new interviews (and more) weekly: http://bit.ly/nastymondayz Follow us on Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/nojumper iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/no-jumper/id1001659715?mt=2 Follow us on Social Media: https://www.snapchat.com/discover/No_Jumper/4874336901 http://www.twitter.com/nojumper http://www.instagram.com/nojumper https://www.facebook.com/NOJUMPEROFFICIAL http://www.reddit.com/r/nojumper JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/Q3XPfBm Follow Adam22: https://www.tiktok.com/@adam22 http://www.twitter.com/adam22 http://www.instagram.com/adam22 adam22hoe on Snapchat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No Jumper, coolest podcast in the world. And we got Danny Mullen on the podcast today. How are you doing, man? I'm doing not really great. I'm pretty hungover, actually. Devastatingly, so. Really? Yeah.

One of your interns slipped me this thing that looks like Mad Dog 2020. Yeah. I don't know if it's FDA regulated. I'm going to try it right now. I've seen those being dropped off here, and apparently there's a lot of alcohol on them, but I haven't dove in yet. This might be the official end of my career. I might go off the rails here on No Jumper.

And thanks for having me, man. It's an honor to be here. And one of your biggest fans listens to every. show is on the couch with my girlfriend. I know. I love that. The only person she's a bigger fan of is Little House Phone. Little House Phone who claims that he's on his way here.

We've got to have the camera ready just in case he strolls in. I'm curious if we can... At the very least we should get them to make out. Oh, I'd love that. That would be great. And then if they want to take things a step further, maybe we can get audio of whatever they're doing in the bathroom. Is that

something we could shoot for? I mean, I like that idea. I almost like wonder if the bathroom's problematic given that we have a bunch of people working. Maybe we get like a hotel or like an alley around the corner. There's a lot of good alleys. There's a lot of good alleys. There are great alleys, man. Around here, no, honestly, like I've looked through a lot of alleys looking for like bike skate

spots. I noticed that you can kick flip and you show it off in every video. But like that makes me sort of want to patrol the alleys everywhere around here. Yeah. I haven't really found anything to ride, but there's definitely some sex spots, I think. We need to set up an Airbnb service for sex alleys. I there was

I used to stay I was a bouncer for a while in San Francisco and he lived at the end of the sketchiest alley you could ever imagine

it was not a sex alley but it was just where bums went to shit and one time I walked through it and a dude was getting his dick sucked after a night out at the club and so it was a multi-purpose alley

shit and blow and was that the first public sex act like homeless sex act that you had come upon you know I think they had homes but I don't think I've seen a home

homeless sex. Oh, we had a store for a couple of years down in Skid Row. There was one day I'm just driving on the street and I just sort of like get distracted. I'm looking over and I see a dude fucking a chick from behind and she's sucking another dude's dick. And like when you think about how rare three ways are in the real world to see one taking place in public, that's like really, really unique and rare. Yeah.

And especially basically in Eiffel Tower is what you're describing. That's a frat move. Right. Maybe they were all. Ex-Arizona State students, and things just didn't work out for them. That's definitely a frat move, yeah. They worked at, like, Enterprise Rent a Car, their Coke problem spiraled out of control, and now they're on heroin, just reliving the glory days, man.

Wait, so your hometown is where? Sacramento. Sacramento. Oh, my God, I didn't realize you were a Sack local. We've been interviewing all kinds of gangster rappers from Sack lately. Sacks on the come-up, huh? Perhaps, but at the very least, they're massacring each other, it would seem, and so we're trying to sort of dive in there and maybe slow some of that down.

They're actually killing each other? The gang war in Sacramento is insane. Fuck. Yeah. What's going on? Let's the root of it. Let's be nice for you to just sort of not have to deal with all that. Do I look like the guy who gets caught up in gang war politics?

Do you think about joining the gang earlier? No, that wasn't really a part of your life? I mean, it was either go to college or become a blood. And I went left. Didn't take the other fork. Yeah, Sack, I'm curious about the gang wars, but there's definitely a feel to people who come out of SAC. Like, I know your background's BMX. I grew up skating.

Right. And the SAC guys, like John Cardiel and Miles Silvis, they're very proud of where they come from. And there are so few of them that they stand out. Right. They have their own unique vibe. And Sack spots are always sick to see in videos. Yeah. Like my elementary school got hit.

Right. And like an alien workshop video. And you just lost your fucking mind. I was fucking psyched, dude. I grew up my whole life in Nashville, New Hampshire, wondering what it would be like to see a pro come ride, like the shitty rail that we rode out. every day. And then, like, one time I saw a guy come and, like, grind that four-stair rail. And it was, like, the greatest day in 1998 for me. Like, I could not fucking believe what I had just

witnessed. Yeah. How big is BMX these days relative to skateboarding? Skateboarding is probably, like, a hundred times bigger, I would guess. Them. Yeah. How many guys are making retirement money off BMX? Somewhere in the realm of zero, I would assume. Who's the dude who killed himself? Dave Mira did off himself. Yeah. I remember I was in Argentina and super drunk in this club and this guy just comes up to me and he's like teary-eyed

and he knows who I am and he grabs me and he says, Dave Mira killed himself. And I'm drunk as fucking Argentina for some reason just like, are you fucking kidding me? You're going to hit me with that shit? I'm trying to have a good time out here. I mean, it was probably going to find out

on my phone sooner or later there but what were you doing in Argentina? We were just on a bike trip back in the day. You were legit, huh? doing trips. This isn't about me. This is about you. One thing I find interesting

is that you're like so clearly immersed in like pop punk and indie rock and shit and that your videos don't have anything to do with that but then you're like frequently just like reminding me that like you know who the smiths are with the background music and whatnot. Which for me that is astounding to me is that I feel like I have almost the exact same list

of like Indian pop punk bands that I just, listened to during my youth that you frequently use in your videos, which kind of freaks me out. Yeah, I grew up. You're going to tell me the editor picked it all, and you never heard any of his fans. No, no, no, no. Just for me, I was a kid, like the first 10 years of your life don't matter. You don't remember those.

So it's 10 through 20, which is your formative year for the music you get into, the sports you like. And during that time, it was like 2000 to 2003. They call it like the pop punk explosion, like the skate. or takeover where My Chemical Romance was huge. Taking Back Sunday was something they played in the quad during lunch at your high school. Yeah. And that was just the stuff I gravitated towards. And you look like the singer of All-American Rejects. Anybody ever tell you that? That guy's a model, isn't he? Is he? Yeah, I think so. I think that guy dabbles in modeling, so that's a compliment. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm trying to collect my thoughts right here. But I had a thought recently

about what I used to think was good music and shitty music. I thought, fucking, my chemical romance, taking back Sunday. Those are my guys. Brand new. Fuck yeah. And then the cheerleaders would all be, I remember like Grand Theft Autumn by Fallout Boy came on in the quad at lunch. And I saw the cheerleaders mouthing the lyrics, Where is your boy tonight? And I thought, these fucking sellout poser chicks,

they like such shitty music. And nowadays the pop culture music girls are into would make me think, like if they were listening to Fallout Boy now, I'd be like, oh, this is awesome. fucking chicks have great taste. But now they're listening to like Madison beer or fucking, I don't know. Addison Ray. Addison Ray or Jake Paul's new single.

Or literally whatever TikTok tells them to listen to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting that my chemical romance was hardcore enough for you, but that Fallout Boy was a little too commercial because that, for me, I liked like, you know, I was into like limp biscuit and corn and shit. And then by the time that like, like, slip knot came out, I was already like going down.

the like punk and hardcore rabbit hole. And I was like, these dudes and masks, this is gay. I don't want anything to do with this. Yeah, well, Slipknot is objectively kind of gay. I mean, they wore fucking masks. My girlfriend, I think you told me this, Mia. She told me recently, she's like,

I heard the lead singer of Slipknot got abused when he was a kid. I was like, well, no shit. He's walking around in a scarecrow mask on stage next to a guy wearing a pumpkin. Obviously, this guy got molested. I would have assumed probably something along those lines, yeah. Limp Biscuit's hilarious, though. Like my buddies, we still listen to Limp Biscuit like it's a Richard Pryor album.

We put it on when we want to fucking laugh because the lyrics are just deliciously juicy. Right. And douchey. He has a song on Chocolate Starfish and the hot dog flavored water. Which is the actual name of the album. Yeah. Some people might not know that. And with Chocolate Starfish, it just means an asshole.

It's just a code name for asshole. But there's a song where he just says fuck like 56 times and counts them throughout the song. Right. That's entertainment. And it's no wonder they sold like 50. billion records to sixth graders. During this weird window where it was like okay to mix metal and rap for a little while before people, but I feel like that like set back the combination of those two things by like 20 years where it was like nobody wanted to do anything that really

like mix the two for a long time afterwards. Yeah, it's it's so strange how some things are completely not credible, some genres and then some have all this credit like progressive rock. that has no credibility. Like Pink Floyd, a lot of the critics don't like very much, but the Ramones, like, everybody's just jerking off to them. Like, these guys are geniuses. This is the best music, even though they only use three chords. The same with rap rock.

Rap rock has zero credibility. And all those bands we look at is, I mean, look at Fred Durst. The guy is a fucking douche, but... He is fried, yeah. But I can look back of that shit now and be like, why did I so quickly write that off? Like, why did I... By the time I was, like, 14 and a half,

I was, like, so quick to write off the music that I sincerely loved at 12. And that seems kind of strange to me because I would never, but I feel like that's normal for kids, but also I feel like part of growing up is realizing that if you ever sincerely enjoyed anything, that it's part of you for life and you should not try to write off that era. Like if you enjoyed a YouTube channel or enjoyed a comedian, et cetera,

at a certain point in your life and then you outgrow it, you should still be able to go back to that and acknowledge that era and be able to do the sort of reconnaissance work to figure out why you have. appreciated. Yeah. Yeah. I just went back and I was listening to Lincoln Park, speaking of Rap Rock. Their first album, the thing is sick. And there are so many lyrics that you don't understand when you're a young kid that you go back to once your vocabulary and your life experience is expanded and they mean something totally new. Like that first Lincoln Park album I listened to is clearly, it makes perfect sense that the guy Chester, their lead singer,

killed himself because that is just a struggle with depression. Right. That whole album. And is somebody myself, I mean, I think everybody in this, industry deals with anxiety to some level. And listening to the song, paper cut that opens that album, I was like, holy shit. I didn't appreciate it. I loved the song when I was a kid, but now I appreciate it as an adult because I felt what this song

is describing. Yeah, because I was a big rock fan and a big rap fan, but then as a rock fan at a certain point, as I'm getting more into metal and hardcore and stuff, I completely, like, Lincoln Park just went in the bucket of bands that I wasn't paying attention to her fucking way because it seemed

really, you know, mainstream and corny, or whatever. And then all of a sudden, Jay-Z is doing an album with Lincoln Park, and I have to then, like, make sense of those facts in my head because it's like even at, you know, 17, I got it, that Jay-Z was the guy. Like, he's the best rapper.

He's the best rapper from New York. He's just destroyed Naz in this battle. He's the God. And he's choosing the fuck with Lincoln Park, and I'm having to, like, make sense of that. Because to me, it made no sense because, to me, hate breed is the best rock band now. And this was, like, very much before,

where now I feel like it's kind of normal to be appreciative of a bunch of different genres of aggressive music. At that age, that just seems so foreign to me. It's like, I really had to pick a camp. Like, are you a death metal guy? Are you a hardcore guy? You're a ska kid? Were you a sky kid?

I went to a couple of ska shows. The scene was whack. Those guys got no pussy, huh? And at high school, I basically navigated everything by, is this choice going to get me pussy or not? And going to a ska show wasn't adding up to pussy. But I think when I would go to the scar shows back then there were a lot of girls because it's such non-threatening music.

When I go to hardcore shows, I'm like, you know, like, girls who go to this, like, you have to have been through some serious trauma to want to be a part of this scene. You know, you're getting people jumping on your head. When you see girls in the mosh pit, I'm like psychoanalyzing hard. Like, what happened to you that made you want to do this? That was such a strange scene because I got into that too, the local hardcore scene. And I don't know if that still exists. I don't know if kids wait in line.

and it wasn't just the kids with dyed black hair. Again, it was jocks. Football kids would start going to see the black dolly a murder when they rolled through Sacramento or job for a cowboy. And the casual fans weren't the thing. The weird thing to me was going to those shows at these churches or these little cafes was the local scene kids who evaluate themselves on their dance moves in the hardcore pit,

like their two-step and their hardcore dancing. And if any kids come from out of town, there's going to be gang violence essentially. About the dancing. This guy, dude, this fucker thinks he can two-step. He's from Reno. I'm going to beat the shit out of him. Or this guy fucking stage dived and clitening it.

He's dead in the parking lot. Yeah, I think a big part of my interest in Hardcore at that time was my fascination with what was going on in the Mosh pit in the weird politics, like where if a kid got in the Mosh pit and he's wearing a tie-dye shirt and he's got long hair, it's like almost 100% chance that someone is going to intentionally knock him out. Yeah. Which is really kind of counterintuitive to the logic.

of punk and hardcore being about like, you know, doing good stuff, getting along, I guess. I don't know. Was anyone even really pretending that that was like the overwhelming ethos? I don't know. I mean, that's fucking everything in life, right? I mean, there's just so much hypocrisy. Like, oh, we stand together as a scene. I don't like this guy's fucking hat. He's going down or whatever in politics. It's like, fucking, we stand for the American people. We're going to take care of you, pay for your education. And then we shoot a fucking predator drone into Iraq and kill a baby in his fucking family. Right. Oh, man, dude, I am hung over right now.

I got to say, my girlfriend and I woke up, just blacked out coming home. We went to, that was like my first YouTube party. Oh, really? Yeah, I had to sign. It was down at NELKS compound. Okay. I had to sign an NDA, so I can't really talk much about it. And I did.

What was your overall impression, though? You enjoyed it? Yeah, it was sweet, man. Logan Paul did fuck me. So that's the one thing I'm going to say. You're just surrounded by influencers at every turn? Is that like more enjoyable than going to like a bar for you at this point? It wasn't really that big.

This was pretty fucking mellow. It was more just a little celebration because they did a merge drop. But I don't, I go to bed so early that I don't go out. But I'm trying to think the most enjoyable place for me to drink. Day drinking probably. You like that. Yeah, the bars fucking suck. Especially in L.A.

They're probably loaded with like tech shitheads and like white collar professionals. I don't want to deal with that. I feel like most of the bars that I have gone to in my life. life, like in particular when I lived in Long Beach and then I lived in like Korea town, where I like essentially never went out drinking and stuff. But I never seen like tech bros at bars. For me, mostly you see like alcoholics and people who are looking to find cocaine. That's like the main demographic than LA. Yeah. The only bar experience I have is there's a karaoke bar by my house that my roommates are obsessed with. Really? I have this roommate Noah who would

go there and they would, they had their repertoire of songs. He would always do the thousand miles by like whatever her fucking face is, the chick from the early 2000s. Who I smoke. And then, uh, that's the remix. There's a like version of that song that's about murdering other people in Florida that was based on that sample. That's, I think, I'm surprised she let them use that. It sounds like-

I'm not sure if it was consensual or not. Yeah, it sounds like rape, uh, sampling because I don't think the message of that song is anything to do with murdering people. If she had any idea what that song was about, then she would not have officiated this in any way. Yeah, but my roommate would go to these bars. They always go. would like nine times out of ten come back and get a chick to lick his ass after this bar.

Really? There's something about this place. There's something in the floorboards or something in the drinks they serve. It would just always happen. Right. And then they would fucking come through. They'd stumble back home at 2 a.m. while I'm trying to sleep. His door would open and then close and then I would hear like a, the ass licking noise. But you knew it was his ass. I'm completely exaggerating. But that's the only bar. I don't really go out in L.A., but that's the one. bar I know about is that bar and that's going on there. I wish that when you looked up the Yelp review of a bar that it would have

like a general estimate of what percentage of people are down to eat ass in that bar on any given night. Yeah. I think that would be important. And I think if people are down to eat ass, that means just your chances of getting laid are probably good too. Right. We were having an interesting conversation. The girl over there with my girlfriend,

I don't think she wants me to say her name. If she's going to make out with house phone too, I guess we'll give her that. We'll give her anonymity. Until then, yeah. But we were talking about this. She loves to, uh, you like to, you're not on camera, right? Is this okay? Okay. We were talking about penis size. And if it counts, she thinks it doesn't count if a guy has under a five inch dick or if she wears a condom, which is insane logic. But I guess the small dick thing might work out because you are putting less mileage on your pussy. Right. For every inch down you are from average. Right. So if it is a two or two or

a three inch cock. I mean, it's pretty much like inserting a tampon. Right. And I'll give you that. You can cross that off your list. I know. That's an interesting point is like a dick that is the size of a finger. Like if you heard a girl that fuck 500 guys, you think of her a certain way. But if you heard she got fingered by 500 guys. I mean, you might still wonder if there's something going on that led her to that scenario. But I mean, that has got to be part of it is that when people judge a porn star, which is something I'm frequently annoyed by, that people basically like thinking that girls who do porn are going to have super worn out crazy. easy, loose vagina.

It's like as if having sex with like one guy over and over and over is so different than just fucking a bunch of guys doing porn. But the whole thing about that is that like, yeah, fucking a 10, 12 inch dick a couple times would probably do way more damage to the vagina to the extent that that's a real thing than fucking one four inch dick for the rest of your life. You might never know how gauged out your shit could potentially be. Gaged out. Yeah.

One of those scene kids that we would see in the pits, their ears, it's a good representation. of a girl's vagina if she's getting banged by a 10, 12 inch dick. I mean, I've had one of the tightest vaginas I ever had sex with was like a 45-year-old woman who had children. Wow. And I think if a baby's getting pushed through that whole, even a 10-inch dick's not going to be doing too much damage to do it. It's just so genetic, I think.

I don't think it has nearly as much to do with like how many dicks have been in there so much as a genetic thing, I think. Yeah, absolutely. Genetic tightness. Vigina tightness, sure. I wanted to ask you, how the fuck did you end up dating? a girl who's like just turned 21. No offense to her. I guess maybe she's a little older now,

but I watched the video, are you giving her shit on her birthday? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. This seems kind of bizarre. Like, for me, I personally would not, I'm not sure what it would be like to date somebody that much younger than me, but how's this going for you? I'm 31. Well, it's not nearly as weird as me being 37, but it's still. Yeah, yeah, it's 10 years, which is, that's nothing if you're an actor in Hollywood

and your 50 and your wife is 40. Right. But at my age, yeah, it's a little. But she's probably like never seen The Simpsons. Have you seen The Simpsons? She enjoys the Simpsons is. She never seen it. Yeah.

It's, I mean, the Simpsons have been garbage since the 90s. They have five seasons and we act like it's this classic shit. Yeah, I'm in this little window. Exactly. Yeah, four through nine is the golden age. I'm trying to think if they're, I mean, obviously I love her and I don't. It's not a bad thing being with her. But my parents, she recently came home to Sacramento,

with me to meet my parents for the first time. And I wonder if they're getting creeped out by her being 21. They certainly didn't say anything about it. And I think my mom might have heard us having sex, too, when she was putting shit away in the laundry hamper in the middle of the night. So if she was going to say something, she would have.

I'm trying to think if there's anything strange about it. I mean, she's about to graduate college. And once she's graduated, it's going to be pretty fucking, like, normal. The age is it going to be a factor? I guess in my mind, because at some point over the past couple years I had a baby, stop drinking.

And so to me, like, when I think about what the average 21-year-old girl's life is like, it's hard for me to imagine being on the same page as them because of the fact that, you know, most 21-year-old girls I know are basically concerned with, like, going to the club and, like, fucking some rapper, I guess. Not that, no offense to her, but... She fucks rappers, it's okay, yeah.

Yeah, I let her do that. It's free pass. One rapper per month. He doesn't even have to be good. If he can just freestyle, half-axon lay in the club. Homeless guy wrapped on the corner. Yeah, she can fuck him.

It's basically open in that case. No, I mean, she just, when we first met, I would go party with her at UC Santa Barbara, which again, I'm just creeping myself out talking about this. Like, what's up, guys? You guys smoke Reaper? Let's do some shots. I'm buying.

I feel like you kind of like read young. Like, I'm six years older than you, but I feel like I read older. Like, I definitely don't feel like I would fit in at this hypothetical college party. Yeah, you have tattoos. You also, you look more masculine and mature than me. You look good, man. Yeah, I mean, when we first met, she was definitely sloppy and getting fucked up,

and I didn't know the real her. But then since we've been hanging out more, our interests have synced up more. Like, her and I meditate together and work out together and read together. And she doesn't get offended by the horrible things I say in videos and in real life. Right. And she occasionally lets me fuck female. jazz artist. That's how we're... Did you really? No. She doesn't let you fuck anybody or what?

I'm just hung over trying to make shitty jokes right out. She's got you on a leash like that. You can't just fuck a fan. I feel like that's not on your Patreon or... To fuck a fan? That could be profitable. I mean, I think anybody who's taking me up on that is not going to be enjoyable for me to fuck and I'd have to get hammered. I'm not really worried about you enjoying it. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't be for the right price. I was telling her yesterday, we were talking about there was some fucking fack girl we saw on TV and I was like, would you, would you, would

let me fuck her for $10,000, then we split it. And if you think about it, with a condomont, according to her over there, that doesn't count, first of all. But also, you could just jerk yourself off to the point of climax, slip it in real quick, technically finished inside, and be out. So you do that to the fan who pays you. You could do that to a fat girl. The question really is, like, what is sex at that point?

Because, like, doing OnlyFans content with my girl, it just strikes me that when we fuck a girl together is so profoundly different than like every girl I ever fucked in my life prior to that because there's no song and dance. There's no getting to know them. There's no going to the bar. There's no anything. It's just I walk into the room.

She's giving me head. We fuck. And then after that, that's it. Have you guys had any problems? You and your girl with jealousy after those threesome's happened? In the early, early days when we first started to do it, like we would be getting drunk. And then that got weird like once or twice

where like either I was drunk enough to not be a, properly sharing the attention or... You'd just be fucking the other chick and maybe a little too long and not acknowledging my girl or my girl would like be the drunker one and she would just sort of be like fucking Yeah, this is pissing me off all of a sudden for some reason. So back then yes, but now that it's all business, no. And then would you meet these chicks at bars out in public? Because I feel like that would be an issue too if you're just hitting on chicks that you're drinking with. We did that a few times, but for the most part, no, it's pretty much always been like sex workers, only fans, girls or like we just knew them before and it was weird now because at first we were just hooking up with girls because we're out partying and that was just what we're doing and then over time it became like there are

girls that we hooked up with early on that we didn't bother to film that and she knows this because she sees her fucking only fans messages but we probably would have made outlandish amounts of money if we had filmed those thurisomes and we just weren't even thinking about it so now it's much more like tomorrow like we have it booked like i'm doing a podcast with this girl and then we have a hotel room after and we're going to go fuck for the only fans and then whatever that's just part of the day you know yeah yeah her my girlfriend and i we had something like a threesome recently in a hot tub when we were just fucked up this chick was predatory and basically just made her way into our midst and i say predatorial as if i was threatened physically like no it's i'm a fucking you you can't rape a

dude it's all right basically unless it's man on man i thought terry cruiser yeah yeah that was ridiculous, huh? That was fucking bullshit. The guy who tried to put out that he got molested or got his ass grabbed at a party. Yeah, I mean, for me personally, I'm like, are you fucking serious? Oh, yeah, it was completely bullshit.

Yeah, I don't know. It's hard for me to imagine, but I'm not an actor, so I don't know how much industry dick he's used to sucking, not literal dick, but like, I feel like in that world, there's so much pressure to conform that, hey, maybe some guys rubbing your leg and you're just going to let him. You ever thought about that? If a producer, like a Harvey Weinstein,

like a modern day. You tried to like rub up on you, let them suck you off or something for a roll. I had to blow out him to get on the podcast. No, I, dude, for the right price tag and for the right job, like who fucking knows what I would do?

With a man, I had a guy, when I lived in San Francisco, I was at a restaurant, this guy said he was a photographer and he was going to take some pictures of me. And my comedy writing career was just starting out then,

so I was eager to get pictures taken. I could use them on my website, I thought, on my social media. And then the first time we hung out, it became very clear that this was just an old gay guy who was going to try to take me out to dinners and eventually fuck me. And I think I took him up on two or three dinners before it got way too creepy. Like, I came over to his house after Jiu Jitsu one time because we were going to go to a sushi restaurant. Dude, he was trying to sniff my jockstrap. But why do you want to hang out with this guy if you know he's gay and wants to fuck you? Because it was free fucking sushi in San Francisco man, that's $120 bill.

But you were really like at that point in your life where it's like, damn, this dinner is worth it? Yeah. I'll get flirted with. You know what? It's pretty embarrassing to say, but I think some part of me at that point was insecure and I kind of liked that this old guy wanted my cock. You're like Mac from It's Always Sunny. I have never seen It's Always Sunny.

So I don't get that reference. Basically like he is, well, early on it's like he's not gay, but it's like he wants the attention from this trans person. bad that he's just rolling with it. But then I think ultimately he is revealed as actually being sincerely gay. So I don't know. Yeah. I, um, I mean, I never came around and obviously did anything with this fucking guy. But I think part of me did like it. Like we would go out to restaurants. We would get the VIP booths in places. He knew all the chefs. So yeah, I'm glad I cut that off before I got down a road that I couldn't turn around and drive out of.

So you can see how it happens that you could have become this guy's playfith. Yeah, absolutely, man. Fucking, I mean, I was working at a restaurant, and I hated the fucking job, like a five-star San Francisco restaurant, the kind of place where your manager is screaming at you nightly, where the chefs will physically assault you if you fuck up while delivering food. So, yeah, if that guy was like, hey, 20 grand a month, you're going to get really drunk, I'm just going to enter you once with a condom. And isn't that crazy that that's what like every girl in LA lives with is the knowledge that they could very easily basically quit their job and still have their rent paid and all their expenses paid just by fucking some creepy ass old 60 year old man or whatever. I'm sure the sugar baby game is a little harder than I'm making it sound. But I mean, that's right there as an option for pretty much every girl, right? Yeah, absolutely.

And there's not the stigma of having to overcome your sexuality like there is for us. I mean, it's way harder for a guy to fucking get fucked for money. His self-respect, everything in society tells him not to do that. But for a chick, it's not that big of a deal. Right. And I don't know. How many girls do you know that have been doing stuff like that? It's weird because they won't tell me, but then my girl will tell me about shit that she knows about,

basically as in how many chicks are doing the sugar daddy thing. And it is astounding. How many chicks are doing this in L.A., which it makes me wonder how common. it is in other parts of America, but it's definitely like a weirdly pervasive thing. And like, you know, the more public version of that is girls who have only fans and making shit loads of money off that.

But then the slightly more low-key version is the girls who are like going out on dates with 60-year-old man fucking him in the bathroom, whatever. Yeah, it sounds awful. I mean, when I was hanging out with this guy going to sushi, the conversations were excruciating. You know, I actually showed him a picture of my dick once. That was pretty gay.

I don't know why. I was insecure about, my cock size at that point. My cocks like, when it's rock hard, it's six inches, maybe a little bit more, but it's not very girthy. And it looks terrible with it. So the conversation about the four inch dick kind of hits close to home

because you're like, damn, I'm like right near there. Yeah. Like that would suck to find out that none of the dick you've ever given on your whole life mattered. Yeah, maybe every girl I've had sex with doesn't consider it sex. Or it's a coin flip because I'm right there on that barrier of does it count or not count. But I was insecure about my cock. So I showed this gig guy, my dick, like for some affirmation. And he started being so weird after I showed him

my dick. He's like, oh, that's hot. What do I have to do to get you to send me that photo? And he started getting real fucking creepy. And then he showed me my cock. And of course, he showed me his cock over a photo. And of course, it was just a fucking hog. Really? Yeah. And I've seen your cock too, Adam. I don't really like it. Yours doesn't make me feel very good either. It's big cock guys. They really pissed me off too. And we have a buddy. We have this dude in our squad. He was fucking a legend. His name's King Croc. He's, um, King Croc, BBC is his actual Instagram handle. And he's an African-American gentleman. And he showed me his dick in Yosemite after we just jumped in a freezing river. And I saw it. I was like, oh, that looks like fucking my cock.

Right. Yes. Because for years and, and maybe even decades, I've grappled with the question, do all black men have larger penises than white men? And I thought maybe this is some evidence that were all the same. Right. But then recently, we did a bit where a buddy of ours who was like 18 years old and super Christian and homophobic,

he thought he was going to be painting a hot girl model. She came over in her robe. It's like, all right, you ready to see me naked? I'm just going to go into this room right here and change for you, baby. She goes into our garage

and then King Crocs in there getting his dick hard. He pops out the door and shows our buddy his fucking throbbing, black, giant cock. Right. It got three times,

four times bigger than I thought it was going to be once it was aroused and not fresh out of cold water. And that fucking hurt me. I was like, okay, so there we go. Now black men all do have big dicks. Every gay guy I'm on a dinner date with has a big dick. Every podcast host I'm working with. His cock

is literally twice as big as mine. And I'm getting paranoid, man. I feel like there is a social movement waiting to happen basically like to free the black men with small dicks. Because there's a lot of black guys out there who I think that that stereotype kind of does a little bit of damage to their...

A ton. Because they think that this is the stereotype is that every black guy is a huge dick. I know for a fact, this is not true. I'm not really like seeing any of the small dicks, but I've heard that they exist. But that is kind of like this stereotype that I think some guys got to live with, you know? Dude, imagine how awful that would be. Because as a white guy, having an average or even a small cock, I mean, I'm sure it's not the best thing in the world. Well, I'm actually, I'm saying as if I don't know what it's like.

but it's kind of expected, especially me. I'm like a tall, skinny guy. Nobody's expecting me to pull out a Danny D. Johnny Sin-style piece. But if you're a black guy, like, that must be really fucking hard. Right. Every time you go home with a girl, she is expecting something. It's awful.

It's like being Jewish and every girl you got on a date with expects you to have your fucking 401K maxed out to be driving a Bentley. You're like, I'm the other kind of Jew. Yeah. Jews, it is a strange thing with Jews. Jews. They're either in dental school or they're working at Goldman Sachs or they're like broke comedy writers or stand-up comedians sleeping on a couch in L.A. But you think that those broke stand-up comedy guy, writer guys, that they like secretly have a parent who's like kind of

bankrolling this experiment? It's likely. Yeah, it's definitely likely. You know, that's a weird thing I see now is that people will be calling other people out for like their old tweets in which they employed the Jewish stereotype of Jews having money and stuff. And it's like, that's weird. to me to call them out for that because every Jewish person I have ever known has happily basically agreed with that stereotype that like, yes, like that culture were good money. And making that assumption is now considered offensive. That's interesting to me. Yeah, it's weird right now. The way oppression and like trying to figure out who's more oppressed and who's less oppressed, like Asians and Jews now are like at the top of society when they

used to be, say, 50 years ago, treated like garbage here. It's just so confusing. I think with the Jews, it's just their emphasis on family and education. Like, they're just, they run their family like a military operation. Right. And they are very selective about who they marry and reproduce with to. Right. Like, almost to a creepy extent. Like, I have a buddy who's a Persian Jew.

He has to find another Persian Jew to marry. And he's a fucking scumbag. He'll have sex with whom ever. But when it comes to marriage, it has to be. a Persian Jew. Right. And I guess there aren't that many of them. So it's almost incestuous what's going on.

Well, I think it's literally incestuous in some cases. For sure. Not maybe here where everybody's moved here from different places, but like when you go to like if you look at like a city or a small community, like a religious community, I never thought about this. And then one day somebody like said that. And they're like, oh yeah. A lot of these like deeply religious communities have huge problems with imbreeding.

And I actually looked it up myself. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that is a real fucking thing. Because when you have so much pressure on you to. marry within your community. Of course, everybody ends up being related to each other at some point. Yeah, there are some very Jewish communities in Los Angeles, too, where, like, just south of Wilshire, I think, I was at my buddy's house, and there was some holy holiday for them recently on Saturday, I think, and you feel like you're in Bethlehem or in fucking Tel Aviv or

something walking around. People have, like, big round hats and everybody's wearing suits and walking around. Owning the store on Melrose, you would kind of constantly. get that insane juxtaposition where, you know, there's 30 guys with their hair dyed smoking backwards in front of my store and like 10 guys doing kickflips and there's some guy playing with a kandama, et cetera, et cetera. And then you just have a fucking traditional Jewish family that would have probably looked exactly the same in like 1950. And they're just like walking by completely ignoring everybody like two completely opposite worlds, times just coexisting.

and I'm sure that they were probably less happy about the coexistence than the other people. Yeah, well, I mean, the guys who are skating around probably don't appreciate this. Yeah, I feel like most of those people were probably pretty oblivious to the fact that this family was even walking by. I know that area, though, you're talking about Melrose.

Like, that's exactly where they live in these beautiful fucking houses. Where in L.A.? are you looking? We live in the valley. Around here. The general area. Yeah, it's fucking Burbank. How do you feel about,

being out in this general like valley area. Well, I can say that after having multiple attempts on my life through doing podcasts at the store on Melrose, that this is a lot more low pressure. I really appreciate being able to like walk out to my car here and not have to worry about some kid with green hair fucking asking me to listen to SoundCloud or whatever. So at this point, yeah, that's one thing I noticed

from watching your videos is like, wow, this guy interacts with his fans on a completely different level that I would never feel comfortable with because I'm just very aware that some percentage of my fan, shout out of their fucking mind. Yeah. Yeah, it's getting like that to me too. Yeah, absolutely.

It's fucking tough to deal with men. When I started out, and I'm sure you can relate to this too, you try to respond to every message and answer every comment. But eventually, you'll fucking lose your mind because there's this like ripening period as an influencer, a creator or a podcaster where at first, everybody fucking loves you up until you hit 100,000 subscribers, 100,000 Instagram followers. and then when you get past that, there starts to be hate. Hate, hate, hate, hate.

And people start wanting to tear you down. And you'll just lose your mind if you read it. I haven't reached the violence phase that you've gotten to yet. So I'm looking forward to that. But do you feel like you've finally hit that wall where it's like you can be a comedian or a YouTuber for a certain period of time? But then once you get big enough, then it becomes a thing where the people who don't like you actually take issue with you existing.

where if you have 10,000 or 20,000 followers and your little fan base, then nobody considers it important enough. Obviously, the underlying issue is also that you're a cloud opportunity, a certain point. If you can't get views making a video attacking somebody, then there's really no point to a lot of people, right? Yeah, no, the thing that you're talking about, they'm taking issue with you existing. That's starting to happen a little bit. People message my girlfriend and tell my girlfriend about a new chick I followed or a picture I liked on Instagram of a girl with their tits out. people actively trying to sabotage my relationships, people trying to leak my address on Reddit. That sort of stuff is starting to happen where people just want as bad of things to happen to me as possible.

Leaking my sister's address, my parents' address. See, that's intense right there. It's tough, man. I guess just a lot of young men that we appeal to, and we probably appeal to disillusioned, pissed off young guys also. A certain percentage of them. I mean, most of them are cool as fuck. but even if it's half a percent of those guys, if they're fucking psycho,

that's a lot of people. And that's a lot of, and they spend a lot of time fucking with us. Right. It is weird because when I look at your fan base, I'm like, it seems like a little bit more grown-up, sort of like, you know,

to even be into comedy, you have to have a certain level of intelligence, I feel like, whereas to be an aspiring rapper, you can totally have a 40 IQ and that's just fine, and that's just like whatever. So sometimes I feel like there is an effect,

where your fan base is like a little bit more nuanced when you were trying to find somewhere to stay in New York, you like meet up with like a pretty normal guy right away and I'm like, oh, that seems like a comedy fan, like a relatively normal guy with a job in an apartment. Yeah, I guess they have more

ability to do damage though because while they're not going to punch you as you're walking out to your car they will fucking blow up a shot where your credit card is out in a video and figure out how to sharpen the image to read the number and then they will go on

like a spending spree with your funds. They'll do this Machiavellian shit like that. And I think they're a little bit more dangerous than a quote unquote lower IQ fan base. I could see that. Not that I think that my audience is like largely lower IQ. When I think about like the crazy shit that happens from time to time,

it's like, oh, that makes sense to me when you think about it and the fact that like some pretty like dumb people might end up being, wanting to be a rapper. It's like the kind of thing that somebody who's out of their mind would possibly want to gravitate towards. Let me ask you this.

So you're all like skating and being into music and shit through high school. What happens after that? Like how do you eventually land on being a YouTuber? Yeah. Well, uh, it's, I can short it down. Oh, sorry. I don't, I'm,

I can't tell now if I'm hungover or I'm drunk from the numb rum. It's probably getting you drunk again, which is probably a good thing because your hungover brain is craving alcohol right now. Absolutely. This is a scary name, num rum, too. Um, it sounds like a Xanax on it.

I haven't stood up yet, so I haven't really felt the effects, but I think it's getting to me. Yeah, so if the first thing I did was jujitsu, that was my big thing after skateboarding, and I wanted to be a jujitsu coach. Which is funny because there's no fucking money in it, right? Coaching, there can be. Okay. But it's just, it's one of those lives where if your jujitsu coach dies tomorrow, there's no real loss to the world. Right. It's what we do, I mean, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but it feels like we are reaching a lot of people and we're doing something creative where just like the, the,

this fucking main street jiu-jitsu coach, he's a babysitter essentially. If either of us died, hundreds of thousands of people would be upset. And if you're a jihitsu coach and you die, it's like, what, you got like maybe a couple dozen people who are like working with you during that time. Obviously, there's your family and stuff. But I think that

is really what life is about is making as many people upset as possible when you die. I like the theory. Yeah, absolutely, man. Keep going. What belt did you get to? Purple. I'm still a purple. Yeah, I'm still training a little bit. I took like a lot of time off. I saw the video where you pretended to suck and tapping the coach out or whatever. Yeah.

Oh, some quality stuff. That was fun. But I did that and then I was teaching classes and I remember one day I had to go in to teach a kid's class. One kid showed up. So I'm basically if you walk by and I'm wrestling with one five year old, you might call the cops if you poke your head into that fucking gym. So I realized right then I'm rolling around with kindergartners.

This needs to stop. I felt like at that point I was 20 and I was in community college. I started to feel like I was missing out on the college experience. I wanted to go get fucked up. I wanted the Eiffel Tower like those homeless people you saw in the alley. I wanted in on that. And then I also, I was like, you know, maybe I should go be a lawyer or a dentist or a professional and start making some money. I mean, everybody else does it.

I must be pretty fucking cool. And I got, I went to UCLA. I transferred down here. All these things were on the table. Jiu-Jitsu coach, party animal, doctor. Absolutely. And yeah, that was the idea. Yeah, like I wanted to be a fucking, like, cool lawyer as if that fucking exists.

Like a guy who's, like, party and having a great time and, like, going on vacations. I didn't realize at that point that being a corporate attorney is fucking awful. My sister went down that road, and she's trying to get out of it now, but she's in a ton of student debt, so it's a disaster. But yeah, I went to UCLA, and I just didn't really like what I saw. It's just constant one-upmanship and eliteism. Everybody on campus is obsessed with status. Where's your internship? What frat are you in?

Oh, man, you're only an SAE? That's not a very cool house here. And then once they graduate college, it's just like, where do you work? Oh, that's not a very good investment bank. I can't talk to you. I can't date this guy. You made me so glad I didn't go to college.

Well, I did for like a year of community college, but basically, yeah. Yeah, community college, honestly, was more difficult to me than a UCLA, too. UCLA, just a bunch of really smart professors who care about their research. They don't give a shit about teaching. So they just, they write that off. Just to cure the answers to the test. You can study it the day before, get A's. I don't give a fuck.

UCLA was easy. But I hated all these people and I just had an epiphany that I wanted to do something creative with writing. So I'd always enjoyed that. I'd been doing YouTube style prank videos in high school and we would sell the DVDs. Everybody had a phase where they were recreating Jackass essentially. I feel like that phase existed for a lot of guys. If I had been born 10 years later and we like understood I'd use video cameras a little bit better for sure, like Jackass was definitely like the thing when I or the top. Tom Green show was another huge one. I was thinking about that when I was watching your vlogs. I'm like, this all feels very fresh to me, but I mean, I can draw the line right back to like Tom Green or Jackass

and that kind of stuff. Sure. Yeah, and so I wanted to get back to that because when you're 20 or you're 21, 22, it's tough to just pick up a brand new skill at that part in your life. You don't really have enough time.

Like, if you're 25, you can't pick up a guitar and be the next Jimmy Hendrix or be the next Eddie Van Halen. You're going to be 40, by the time you're great, and that's sort of too late to make it in a music career. So I wanted to use skills I'd developed, and I'd always been a good writer, and I'd been into creating comedy stuff, so I just picked that up.

I stopped caring about classes. I would cut school. I would just fucking bomb on all of my tests. And when I graduated, I figured out what pursuing the dream was really like, though, and it wasn't glamorous at all. I was a bus boy going on sushi dates with an old gay guy. that that's what the dream is like it was fucking miserable

I was swabbing up puke in nightclubs out as a bouncer I was I'd have to go out and pick up a girl's shit because the bathroom line was too long and a girl went out back and just dropped one in the alley

things like that and I dealt with that for a long time and I was trying to write comedic short stories I wanted to be an actual writer writer like words on paper but it's hard to find an audience like that because a YouTube video, you stumble across it, you watch it, you know if you like the person,

you sampled their content and took you 10 minutes. To read something, that's an hour, two-hour investment. And it's really hard to generate new fans. Once you start comparing all these different careers that basically involve you making content, you look at like YouTube and how easy it is to go viral on YouTube or TikTok or one of these platforms and then compare that to like writing a book or being even like a podcaster. The barrier you have to get over to listen to somebody podcast for an hour is very difficult. The barrier to get someone to buy a book.

Like if you're not already famous for something else, the idea of making a living, selling books. I mean, when you could just make YouTube content in comparison, like it just seems like the easiest decision ever. I don't think there's anything harder to get people to bite on than a book. In 2021. Yeah. If we were having this conversation in like 1995, it probably still would have been. pretty accurate. Like, you know, why would you write a book when you can make a TV show or a documentary or a movie or whatever? But in 2021, yeah, I mean, that's tough. It'd be a great

fucking job. If you were James Patterson, you are Stephen King. Imagine how chill that fucking workday would be, though. You wait, just do it wherever. You can live in Vegas or Arizona or a dirt cheap city. Fucking right in your underwear, just hang around, go on vacation, right on vacation. It would be sweet. But when I listen to a video, I listen to a lot of podcasts about people's workflow of authors and stuff. And it still seems quite difficult for even like a professional writer to sit down. They have to block off that couple hours in the morning to sit down and write. Whereas like making a YouTube video, I feel like you or me, if you just left me in a room with a camera, it's like that, that's what I'm going to gravitate towards is filming and putting my ideas

on film and stuff like that. Like that's so natural. Whereas I think writing is always going to have that degree of difficulty. It's always going to be kind of torturous. And it takes so long. It might take you, I mean, I've heard of author spending eight years, James Joyce spent like 20 years on his last book, Finnegan's Wake, and that book, Finnegan's Wake, isn't even well received. Whereas you and I, turn on

the mics, say some shit for a couple of hours, and then if it's good, great. If it's not good, you have next day to get it back and redeem yourself. It's, I don't like spending that much time on content. But I did the writing thing, and I dropped a book, an e-book, and one of them was about getting

jerked off at massage parlors. I went to a bunch of the Sacramento in Asian Rub and Tug places. That he's getting excited for that. Because he has a, you ever heard of the YouTubers the minorities?

Yeah, SAC dudes. They've done a lot of handjob content out there, I believe, as well. Hand job content. It's a healthy niche. But I did a book and I put it out and it sold eight copies.

And I remember, and I had like a big email list. I had a bunch of friends. I thought it was going to do hundreds of copies. I thought I was going to be able to pay my list. electric bill at least that month, maybe my rent.

Sold eight fucking copies. And I remember going to work at my shitty Japan town restaurant gig where I was a bus boy. And people would literally come into that restaurant that I went to college with who were now pulling up

in outies or Teslas. And I am mopping tables in front of them with an apron on. And I remember that going on in that restaurant after my book sold eight copies and just thought, dude, you are fucking nothing right now. You are scum. You need to make a radical adjustment to your life immediately before it's too late. And then within the span of about a year or two, I'd moved to L.A. and just

gone all in on video content. And the idea was it was going to work or I was going to die. There was no backing out. I wouldn't be denied. And that's still my mindset, man. That very much makes me think about the period of my life before I started this podcast where it felt very life and death. Like my, my, I, 2006, I started like the BMX blog, basically the first significant blog. And then that was my life for like 10 years. And then over time, it just kind of like started to really weigh on me. Like, you're not even making as much money as you were a couple years ago. This industry clearly is in decline.

Like, you just have to figure this out. And I was just grasping at like all these different things trying to figure out what I wanted to do. And I actually had a period of time where I was trying to be like a blogger. And I tried to write articles for a blog and like, tried to. just really like about non-BMs related topics yeah i started just trying to like figure out anything i could write and then at the same time i was listening to a lot of podcasts and then slowly it started like clicking my brain like oh like youtube and podcasting are the future writing blog posts is the past and you have no fucking reason to pursue that at all yeah yeah man i hope this stays the future

i hope ticot doesn't become the only acceptable form of art on the internet because i look at that shit and I hate it. I hate the whole TikTok, Instagram story, culture. But I also don't want to be the guy who's clinging to blog writing in 2006 and refusing to accept video. But I feel like this is a pretty timeless thing we're doing. I mean, radio has been big forever. It's hard to imagine what the future past YouTube would look like, because people always want to say that, like, YouTube was a big idea, but what's the next step after YouTube? It's like, I'm pretty sure that like super high quality video content that you can consume at any time on your phone is probably like yes you will have a TikTok which is kind of this aberration that allows people to view content in this more

you know algorithmic you know fun cheery world that they've sort of created it's definitely dope like for us we're having a ton of success on TikTok lately um which I'm surprised that you haven't kind of gotten there yet because I could imagine somebody being able to adapt your content to TikTok super easily. I get so many videos deleted off TikTok. Like, I just got banned from Twitter. Everything gets taken down off TikTok. You got banned for real on Twitter. I got banned for real on Twitter for my cameraman and I were snowed in in Denver. We were staying in a hotel together and I said, hey, Nico. And I tweeted at him, I'm going to beat the shit out of Nico Villa Cresas. Tweeted out of me he reads it. Fuck you, dude. They saw that tweet. I'm going to beat the shit out of Nico Villa Cressus and just banned me

permanently. And then on TikTok, it's just anything I do. I mean, my content, it's, there, they need everything to be appropriate for a 10 and up audience, even though they have basically child porn playing out on that platform and that's okay. Like my roommate was a screener for TikTok for a while. But I think the evolution has been with video content and with podcasting. It's not going to be this new form that develops. It's just the old form of talking heads on news stations who are full of shit, won't divulge any of their opinions, or if they do have an opinion, it's just the mainstream corporate, fucking, whatever's like Target or Amazon are saying right now, that's their opinion,

that's gone. And I think a big budget Hollywood movies will start to fade out to with actors who you can't relate to, with scripts about shit you don't care about, in favor of what we're doing, something that's more real and raw. Yeah, I mean, I remember when I saw the biggest success that Netflix had during the pandemic, aside from the Tiger King was the Queen's Gambit, and it was something like less than 20 million total views. Yeah. I'm like, Mr. Beast puts out a fucking video that gets like 80 million views like once a week. Like the scale, it used to be like, oh, TV shows are just logically much, much larger

than the most popular YouTube content. And nobody seems to have taken note of the fact that that's not the case at all anymore. Yeah. Yeah, advertisers still don't pay as much for YouTube. And I heard that YouTube is getting double the watch time that Netflix is getting. I believe it. Double. Yeah, man.

It's fucking nuts, dude. And I mean, you know the number some of these guys are making. It's still tough for me to wrap my head around. It's when I'm out filming for YouTube videos, people heckle me all the time. Is this your full-time job loser? Like, fucking get a job, dude. What are you doing? So I can make 60 grand a year when there are people in this industry making 15 million, 20 million a year easily.

Fays Banks was just sitting on this podcast talking about, like, laughing at the idea of him taking $100,000 brand deals. I'm like, oh, like, you can send that my way. That would be totally fine. The misses were trying to hook up with house phone. She loves Fais Banks, too. So I hope House phones are right with a little competition. She got a weird little subculture fucking fetish going on here. I don't know exactly where it goes, but.

Yeah, those are two pretty different ends of the spectrum, I guess. a little, Banks is the one white guy I've heard you say you like. I don't know why I'm asking your questions as if she can respond. But yeah, $100,000 for a brand deal. He laughs at, huh?

Just like a shout out in a video? Yeah, he's like, he's like, I don't even want to do anything like that unless it's like a million plus and I'm like invested in it. I'm like, oh my God.

Just give me the $100,000 brand deal so I can get the fuck out of here. I don't want to be in bed with the VPN for life. Yeah, it's important for people to understand that those sums of money do exist. because unless you hear that, you have a hard time believing you can make that much money, and then you limit yourself. A big part of being successful in making money is believing that it's out there for you to get. And I still struggle with that sometimes.

Like, I'm making six figures. I should be happy with this. But in reality, making six figures, $100,000 a year isn't really retirement money. It's not money that can take care of your family. So I've struggled with that. I've tried to make myself think in terms of tens of millions instead of hundreds of thousands. Because it's easy to forget that you literally had like a hundred bucks at one point in your life when you were trying to make this thing happen and then the business does get to a certain point. But then all of a sudden you're comparing yourself to fucking Tannen Manju for some reason and you're knowing how much certain people are making and you're comparing yourself to that.

And it's like your standard just completely changes. But that's why I feel like I've never really had this sort of victory lap feeling of like, oh, I made this much on YouTube or whatever. It's always been a grind to try to get to the next level, even when you have your best. month ever. Yeah, that's how you got to be, man. Do you have enough to retire right now? Are you pretty much set up financially? No, definitely not. See, the thing that happens, too, is your lifestyle increases. Like, I was talking to Danny Duncan about this. Danny Duncan, his network was probably 15, 20 million. And I was talking to him about that. I was like, you could just retire right now. Like, anything happens tomorrow, you wake up and for some reason YouTube's gone, whatever. You could

just sit on your fucking couch and not do shit. He said, yeah, but then I'd be living a really basic life and I don't want that, which I don't think most people would think $15 million sets you up for a basic life. Most people look at that as a luxurious lifestyle. Right. But yeah, I mean, as you've made more money, I'm sure you've wanted to do cooler things and go to cooler places and buy better stuff and live in a better house. Yeah, and it's really for me as a person who doesn't have any sort of like desires to have anything fancy or nice or whatever. It's really just like a security feeling of like, okay, well, you know, if I were to get to this point, and you start to look at it as investments too where it's like okay if i have x amount of money in the bank maybe i could buy

you know this investment property or whatever like honestly my girl from just only fans is at that point where she's buying an investment property right now and i've had to like see her like slowly get to that point where she realizes like oh this is the kind of shit that i need to be doing i shouldn't just be like i remember the first month that she made like 20 000 like right when she started only fans it was private snap back then and you know she just didn't even know what the fuck to do like couldn't even comprehend that dollar amount but now she's like thinking of it as like oh well maybe i'm not going to be able to do this in five years or maybe i won't want to do this in five years so i got to just try to set myself up for the future right now you know what's your number what do you

think you'd be happy with to retire jesus christ i don't know because like for my my thing is like i'm trying to build this business so every time i'm making any money it's just going back into the business and allowing me to think like okay maybe i could take the business like like i'm much happy to like take the money and invest it into parts of this business that aren't making money yet to try to like build it out more. So I feel like I still haven't really like had any sort of feeling of like, oh, I have this amount of money. It's like, no, there's this amount of money floating around within the business. You don't pull some out and save it? You know, my salary is like the bare minimum amount to be able to basically, you know. What do you think? What would you feel good with

though personally? Five million, 10 million? Yeah, I mean, I think once you have a 10 million, that's when you could kind of like invest in intelligently and be able to probably live a good life from there, you know? Yeah, 10 million, what, 8% interest you're making fucking couple hundred grand, almost yeah, like 500 grand. I think about 500 grand in interest every year's. Realistic, I probably would need way less than 10 million to relax, but that just seems like a pie in the sky. Number, if you had that sitting in the bank, you could probably be pretty comfortable doing whatever. But dude, also now, like right now, I mean, I'm sure I make much less than you, but I have 100 grand in my bank account and I was so psyched to hit that fucking figure.

But now I'm afraid, like, what if I open up my fidelity account one day and the money's just gone? Like, these are just digits on a screen. So that's making me want to go buy real estate. Like, I'm insecure about the money I do have now. And I feel like that's probably something that rich people struggle with too. It's like, what if the market fucking collapses? What if this house gets caught in an earthquake or a fire, which is common out here in Los Angeles? Once you really start to have something, it really forces you to consider how easily you could lose it. You know, especially when you know people who have had crazy lawsuits or, you know, like a criminal charge. You have to fight and attempt to murder and all of a sudden you spend $2 million on that or whatever.

That's like once you see that shit, my whole life leading up to this has just been me realizing more and more that I do not ever want to be the kind of person that's going to waste their money or be not intelligent with that. Anytime I see somebody who's like going to the club and spending $5,000 and a night or whatever, for me, I still feel as shocked by that as I felt when I had like no money seeing people do shit like that, you know? Yeah. And I have a, my cameraman actually, his parents, they had a kid when they were older and the kid had some pretty bad health problems that ran them a million dollars to correct. And when it's your kid, it's not negotiable. That's absolutely money you have to fork over by any means necessary. a million fucking dollars, which most people consider their full retirement money.

For most people, that's fucking a great retirement sum. Just gone because they fucked when they were old. I've seen people get lawsuits that are like completely frivolous lawsuits and still have to like pay the person off like $50,000 to make it go away. There you go. Once you see some shit like that, it's like all this money seems a lot more fluid. Yeah. And that wouldn't happen if you're a CPA or if you're a fucking executive at Coca-Cola.

you're not getting sued. Dude, yeah, being an entrepreneur is fucking tough, man. And you don't realize that. When I was in that restaurant in San Francisco, swabbing tables, I thought it was going to be this fairyland once I quote unquote made it. And then you realize there are all these mental health issues you have to deal with staying strong when your fans are pissed at you. When people hate something you put out, when you're getting sued.

You just, you have to learn all that shit on the job. I've had to start reading and meditating and realizing how to keep this anxiety at bay from being a public figure. Yeah, because when you have like a sort of basic job, number one, the restaurant can fail and it's not your fucking problem. You don't care. You're probably psyched because you just get some time off.

But you don't realize at that time that that's one of the main benefits of being a person that has a job. Like everybody in here, if this business goes fucking to shit, they get to walk away and I'm the one who has to deal with it, which is ultimately like the thing that really puts a lot of pressure on you. But okay, bringing this back a little bit, how do you, how do you like develop your style on YouTube? because to me it feels like I said feels really fresh I don't know that I'm

necessarily like in tune enough with what your influences might have been like but the part I like about it is that it feels like you're doing stand-up in public with an audience just to make it awkward for this like audience that has really not agreed to be part of this which I find fucking hilarious yeah man I I think it's definitely valid what we're doing because I wanted to do stand-up for a while but more and more I'm turned off by the idea of just standing in a club saying jokes and while doing it knowing that Louis C.K. and Bill Burr are out there doing it 100 times better. That doesn't feel like me making my ultimate impact on this earth. We were talking about that

earlier. That's what we want to do. We want to impact people. We want a bunch of people to be sad when we die. That's what I think is crazy about comedians is that they very much go into comedy clubs with like 40 people there and go hard the same way that as a YouTuber you go hard expecting potentially, you know, thousands or millions of people to see this. To me, the scale of that doesn't really make sense. Sure.

And I respect the art of it. And I can very, you know, I've heard enough people talk about podcasts on podcasts about comedy and so I respect it. I just don't really feel like I would be pleased with the impact at a certain point, you know? And all the stand-up comedians are now trying to do what we do.

At the very least, they're starting a podcast, but the more adventurous ones might be vlogging. They might be out there doing more prank stuff. But yeah, man, I just, what I'm doing right now, again, I want it to be impactful. So I'm trying to take my influences from stand-up, the golden age of the Simpsons, and put it out there in the real world, put out a good comedy product, fucking with random people, going to places that I think are cool and just making these 30-minute long, not corporate, not politically correct comedy pieces that you can't get anywhere else. I just, yeah, I want it to be as unique as possible. Did you have to, like, did you always know that you were going to be doing this really offensive, not PC type stuff? Or is that something that you just slowly kind of realize, like, this is basically who I am and what I want to be doing. Dude, I don't know, man.

Like, it's at my, I don't know where it comes from, dude. Like, I'll, like, I'll be taking improv classes. And I have to shape up in improv, especially in L.A., too. Everybody's very progressive. Like, the jokes have to be very straightforward and clean. But then I sit down to write and, like, every joke is a domestic violence joke, rape joke, racist joke. It just flows out of me, just offensive stuff. Like I was reading her a joke that I wrote about hitting women that I was so proud of yesterday morning when I woke up.

I was like, baby, baby, listen to this. Right. I just can't help it, dude. It just for some reason, I'm an offensive person. Right. And I get that. That's one of my main things is I feel like the fact that people think it's not good to joke around about offensive shit. That's going to be one of the worst things that has really developed during my lifetime.

Like that's a good way to deal with something that is fucked up or traumatic. And it's just you joke about it because you're not going to do it. Because you know that like you wouldn't be able to go out and make those kind of the racial, racial jokes. Like you wouldn't be able to go do that if you were really racist. I can very much appreciate it because it's, you know, I just like shit that pushes that line. And as there becomes less and less of that,

and even hearing you say something like you get banned off Twitter, I mean, it's a sad, scary state of affairs these days. Yeah. And you being able to tap dance the barrier of offensive comedy, you're like that, that fucking world, you being able to do that without being actually offensive or actually hurting feelings, just demonstrates your social intelligence. Whereas I don't want to be around the guy who just is completely clean, works at Morgan Stanley and can't make any of these offensive jokes. Imagine how much of a psycho that guy is. Like a dude who will not do anything offensive, say anything offensive, be involved in any sort of undesirable. activities. Imagine how

fucking, like, what does he do? What is he jerking off to? What would the FBI do if they seized his hard drive? And that's what's weird is that when I'm watching the video of you, like, going to college campuses and fucking with people, and I'm just seeing these kids who have clearly absorbed this modern, woke

discord of how you're supposed to act. And that to them is just the default. This is how the world is, and they have no idea that this is optional for you to buy into this bullshit of being offended by everything. It's a religion now. Yeah.

The wokeness is a religion. And I think a lot of people just do it out of fear at them because they're worried for their careers. They know that when they were at a kegger once in college, they grabbed a girl's ass after a couple of butt lights. And they're terrified. Somebody had a flip phone video of that. And if they fill their Twitter feed with enough angry tweets at Donald Trump and enough cancel this guy, cancel that guy tweets, that maybe people will overlook the iPhone video when it surfaces of them grabbing an ass. I think people adopt it as this defensive thing.

Like, don't fuck with me, get that guy. I'm clean here. I'm with you. And the idea that just being quiet or not having an opinion loudly, like I already am seeing, you know, the comments come in. Why haven't you said anything about Israel? It's like, motherfucker, I don't feel like it's my job to hop in on every political issue that I, like, admittedly am not particularly knowledgeable about. Like, the idea that everyone has to hop on that is fucking insane. There's only so much bandwidth in our heads.

You are concerned with music and fashion and you're fucking in on comedy and you're fucking deep on that shit. Like how much time do people think you have to be reading newspapers and attending academic lectures on the state of Israel and Palestine? I consider it a great privilege that I very much appreciate that there's a lot of political stuff that I don't have to talk about because that just seems like everybody feels like it's their responsibility to have those conversations. and it feels good to be, you know, I don't take that for granted that I get to just sort of not comment on the most controversial things that I want nothing to do with.

And for me also, when I do a video on a political topic, I always just immediately adopt the side that is not the mainstream one. So right now, like, everybody's very anti-Israel, probably because they, I mean, they probably have some right to be, from what I understand,

Israel is just fucking destroying Palestinian poor people essentially. But I just want to go be pro-Palestine right now to piss people off. Or during the Me Too movement, I did a bunch of Me Too videos were chockful of rape jokes just because I immediately want to do what everybody else isn't doing. I was crying, laughing last night, watching you do the Me Too thing where you're like, here's a scenario. You wake up with your panties missing in the front yard of a frat house.

Should you report it or just chalk it up to the game? and the girls were getting so mad at you for saying that. Oh, yeah. I was dying laughing at that shit. Yeah, it's fucking great. If you can go there and you can just, you know what's going to push these people's buttons. Like, isn't that more interesting than showing up with a, like, a hashtag,

I'm with her, fucking Bernie Sanders shirt or like a BLM shirt? You want to watch maybe in a different part of life or a different industry that those are the correct things to do. But for me, I want people to be entertained and watch. You want to see the guy going. go out there and be hated. Right. And I,

there's always been something about stand-up that I didn't really like. And I think it's, in a lot of ways, it's someone who is trained to be funny going on stage to a bunch of people who are there to laugh

and then trying to be funny to them and then they laugh. And this is, this exchange seems too willing. Like the idea of seeing you do this incredibly offensive humor to like an audience who has no idea it's coming. Yeah.

That's hilarious to me. That fills a completely different space in my brain. Dude, it's hard, too, because you're going out and interacting with people who don't want to be around you and they end up hating you. So I have to prep for video shoots like a linebacker preps for the Super Bowl. I'm jogging around beforehand. I'm fucking listening to Avenge Sevenfold or we listen to a lot of douchey metal to get psyched up. Because you have to get into a different mindset. You have to be somebody other than yourself, even though you are yourself and you're walking around in your own body.

Yeah. You know, it's definitely tough, man. That's something I've struggled with. And I heard Conan O'Brien talking about this on a podcast recently how 15 minutes before he goes and does his comedy bit, he's this quiet, introverted, intellectual, thoughtful guy. And then he has to go play the buffoon when he's in public. And for me, it's that even more so because I don't have the blessing of TBS and Coca-Cola and Mercedes-Benz advertising on me. So I, it's even less acceptable. So yeah, man, I just, I have to get in that fucking mind state.

And I just, I think the best way for me to do it is just to shoot all the time. I'm shooting every weekend. I'm podcasting. I'm in some form or another every day just to stay in that performance mindset. Right. Like one of the funniest things I've seen you do was when you were doing the Compton one, which I almost thought that I was done watching your videos. And then I saw the Compton one.

I'm like, okay, I got to watch a Compton one. And then there's a kid who's like blatantly fucked up on Xanax. And you're talking to him and he starts saying something about how he beat his girl. Yeah. And it's funny to think like a lot of people would feel. feel like it was then there was beyond them. The onus was on them to basically explain to this guy that hitting a woman is not okay. And you do the total opposite where you start encouraging him and just trying to get more

information out of him about beating his girl. And all of a sudden, he's just telling you shit. And I thought that was like the fucking funniest thing ever to go into that world and then just embrace whatever the fuck he's talking about and just let him talk. Sure. Because everybody who has a brain knows this guy's a piece of garbage. You should not beat your wife. Does that even need to be said?

Exactly. And me telling him to not beat his wife isn't going to make him stop beating his wife. Just wandering the streets of Compton at 6 in the morning off Xanax. Whatever you say is not going to change his behavior. This guy has punched his ticket to prison. It's inevitable. He's going. So why not just get more information out of this guy and see how big of a piece of shit he really is?

And that guy, it actually, that saga turned into more. because in that video, he took us to a street where his good buddy, El Diablo, got quote unquote smoked by a rival gang. This is probably the most offensive thing that I saw you do was having him lay on the ground where his friend got killed and then you pouring out fucking Aquafina all around him. I was like if a lot of people that I know who live in Compton saw this, they might not like the idea of me interviewing this guy. Absolutely. And he, right after that came out, I guess got numerous death threats from people who were friends with El Diablo in his gang. And he was trying to get that video

taken down, but then he would FaceTime me and he'd be smoking meth and he would have all these paranoid fantasies. He's like, they're coming for me. They're coming for me, Danny. I see him in front of my house at night. And nothing ever happened. He's still a lot. He's still addicted to meth and still hates his girlfriend.

But, uh, yeah, besides that, nothing happened. But, uh, yeah, dude, that's, that turned into a big issue. That L. Diablo candlelight vigil we had where he laid down in the street. Right. Was there any part of you that thought about taking it down on his behalf? Yeah, I was about to. But then I would figure out that he was high on meth just having paranoid fantasies.

And it wasn't actually real. Once I realized he wasn't in jeopardy and he would see things like, they put up a new street sign in my neighborhood. That's the Crips, dude. They're coming for me. And like that was the degree of shit he was telling me. Right. So I let that one go. What's crazy too is I'm pretty sure that my friend lives like in the exact house that you were in. front of when you were pouring out water around his body. Dude, it's fucking real dangerous down there. We got warned by numerous people.

Hey, right now especially, I guess a lot of hot shits happening at the border, a lot of drugs and weapons are coming in. And then also, I guess, with the defunding of the police down there, they have fewer resources to patrol those neighborhoods. So the violence has gone way, way up in South Central. And nobody really talks about that because the LA Times doesn't want to report that because it's not politically correct to say that defunding the police. did something bad.

But yeah, those neighborhoods are suffering tremendously. I think gun violence is up like 30 or 40 percent. And we were there right in the middle of that. Yeah. And people were like people. We had to sleep next to the police station. We were so scared.

Did you have security with you or anything or no? No. We had just a big guy who liked to get in street fights come. But so from your perspective, when you do something like that and you take a risk that a lot of people would say that you were totally out of your mind for doing like, even when I go to Compton, I very much like go out of my way.

Like I have multiple people that are, familiar with that area, we're going to be able to help me out or whatever. You're just like, whatever. If I die, I die. Sure, man. Yeah. I think, I mean, to some extent, I would die for what I do. If I don't, if I'm not willing to risk my life doing what I want to do with my life, like what's the fucking point? I've already made a decision to not go to college, not be, or I went to college, but not go work at those white collar jobs. And I've made the decision to not care what my peers think of me and the people I went to school with and my family. So I guess in doing that, death eventually is the price I'm willing

to pay in pursuit of the life I ultimately want. Yeah, I respect that. That's how I kind of feel when people give me a hard time about going to the hood to do a vlog or whatever. I'm like, bro, in the, do you know how remote the chances that somebody's going to want to shoot me? Yeah. Like, the idea that somebody could get shot around here, like, you know how small a bullet is? Yeah. Even if someone to try to shoot me, the odds of it killing me is pretty small. I'm willing to take some reasonable measures So if I'm gonna be able to make content out of it Like you can't just like and I feel like I got that from riding bikes all those years

When I think about my 20s we would be in the worst fucking projects in New York all the time And we always just kind of figured like you got to believe that like most people are pretty decent people That are gonna like see you doing something creative and not just immediately want to Yeah Separate you from your possessions and I mean you know for the most part that's always pretty much worked out through my life Even Compton during the day was totally fun People were super friendly. It was safe during the day.

But come nightfall, if you walk down the wrong residential streets, that's where it gets hairy. Yeah, I've experienced that riding bikes in L.A., too, where I live downtown for a long time. And one day we're just pedaling through some random area. We turn down a random street. We see some ledge in the distance. We're peddling towards it. And then it sort of starts to hit me like, oh, this is a – this is like a housing project right here. And then I see that there's a guy wearing all blue walking towards me,

and he's got the meanest look ever and I'm riding my bike towards him quite fast and then he whistles and that was the moment where I'm like oh my gosh everybody let's fucking go which went around that was definitely the moment where there's just certain places

that you just really cannot go and people's neighbors they just get super protective about you know probably the worst they would have done was just take your bikes though right I mean they don't have any desire to cause you harm for being a BMX kid because at the end of the day

like murdering somebody is a very big deal no matter where you are Like if you could take their backpack, though, it would probably be enough. That's what I was figuring with you. And, like, you know, on one hand, yes, people are super territorial about their areas and comp and stuff. But then at the same time, you, like a white guy who's, like, clearly joking around and he's got a camera pointed out him the whole time is like, are they really going to see it as a threat

or, like, potentially, like, damaging to whatever they got going on out there. Probably not. Well, some people, especially when you're young, you're concerned with respect and other people's image of you. And especially when you grow up in those bad neighborhoods where there is no opportunity, I imagine somebody disrespecting you on camera. Me coming up and making a joke at your expense could be something that they're willing to die for, much like I'm willing to die to put out good content. So I didn't necessarily feel safe at all going up to Compton, going up to people in Compton at night and fucking with them. Because there are people, I mean, people do it all the time.

My dad is a judge and I used to sit in on his cases when I was a kid. People would have a disagreement at a fucking birthday party over a drink getting spilled on somebody's shoes. And they would go out front and somebody would get shot over that. People would just value ridiculous shit sometimes when they're young and they don't have good influences in their life. But, okay, in your mind, how much separation is there between going to a college campus and fucking with a bunch of feminist chicks versus going to Compton and fucking with people who, in many cases, probably like live on the street? Yeah. How differently do you think about doing those two different things? things.

It's actually pretty similar. Even though you know there's no risk in fucking with the feminists, part of human beings doesn't want everybody to hate them, which is why it's always a struggle to get my mind in the right place for our videos.

So in the video you're talking about an entire quad, an entire, like, it was, people were selling clothes. It was like a swap meet. The entire swap meet was screaming at me. The girl goes,

I'm a lawyer. You go, Lord, why are you selling shirts for $5? Yeah. Something like that, but it's not easy for everybody to be screaming at you and wishing death upon you. And your brain doesn't differentiate between the people who can cause you harm and don't cause you harm.

It just people hating you never feels good. So it all feels the same to me. Yeah, definitely. I mean, that is like the whole thing with what you're doing, though, is like, I see you pushing the limit. Like I saw you, you were just playing the guitar and there's just some homeless guy sitting there and you just are insulting him so bad and giving him the most shit

and at a certain point he's just like, what the fuck? And you kind of like break character like, man, I'm just doing comedy. I'm fucking sorry. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. Absolutely, then.

Yeah, I'm trying to get better at doing comedy that people can laugh with me instead of everybody watching the video laughing at that person. I want to get better and be, because when I started out, I definitely just wanted to be Howard Stern and be insulting and abrasive

and just piss people off and get screamed at and get people trying to fight me. I'm trying to maybe for my own sanity go out and shoot content now where everybody has a good time. And again, I'm so naturally offensive and I don't think that's ever

going to totally come to fruition. But I am working on that. And that homeless guy you're talking about, those were pretty innocent jokes. He just had a shitty sense of humor. I remember that guy. That was funny. Yeah, that was just some light guitar

stand-up comedy, Jeff Ross-style rose think. Yeah, that was funny to me because it's like, oh, Danny plays the guitar as well. Yeah. You're just incorporating all these different skills into it. Yeah. Did you play guitar at all growing up?

No. I'd never even thought about playing an instrument, to be honest. Dude, I used to try to get laid. I'm like the fucking the shitty kid who pulls the guitar out at the party and plays the sublime song. I was that fucking douche. And I would tell girls I wrote these songs, and then I would just like start fucking playing something by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

You're like, start like, start playing some little fucking acoustic ditty. And like, yeah, baby, I wrote this for you. And just start playing something by like Simon and Garfunkel to try to get laid. And when I was in community college and I was super insecure and just trying to find an identity. Just trying to fill my empty body with an identity of some sort. I'm the smooth acoustic guitar. That's definitely a personality type. But that's what's interesting when we were talking about like ska versus like metal or whatever.

It's like, how long can that be your personality type? because my boy Finn McKenzie has this video. I like Finn. Him and I talk. Yeah, he's cool. I just interviewed him. He basically is talking about why Scott didn't last. And he's like, a lot of these dudes who are into Scott like in your high school, like try

to picture the Sky kids in your high school. How long did they stay into Scott? Not like all those dudes I know they went to college and it was immediately it was over. You know? And I feel like some people, they'll get into a subculture and it's sticky. It'll stick with them for life like with the rap shit. Like if somebody gets in a rap in high school, they're just going to stay into rap. forever likely. Maybe

they're not going to be like a hardcore hip hop fan and be interested in every new rapper. But it seems like when people pick that up, they tend to like stick with it for a long time. Even comedy I guess is probably kind of like that. You become a comedy fan. You got to stick with it. Yeah. And what you're a fan of and

what you do with your life, you have to choose carefully. You have to choose something that's going to fucking age well. Because you and I you're into music and podcasting. You can, even if hip hop dies, even if hip hop is soon a place like rock is now where it's kind of dead, you'll adapt. There'll be other forms of music that you like and enjoy and can talk about. Comedy, I'm not going to be making rape jokes at

feminists when I'm 50, but you can just readapt those same skills to the stage or to the podcast, Mike. So we've chose wisely what to do with our lives. And people like the ska dude or a professional scooter rider, they didn't choose wisely a direction. And you have to consider that before you go all in on a pursuit. And you don't have much time. time, huh? It's in your early 20s, in your late teens, you've got to start thinking, what am I going to do? Is it realistic? Probably not going to be able to make an NFL team because I weigh 180 and I run a 5, 540. What else can I do? And for me, that was after I analyzed my past, I was good at writing and comedy and I stuck to that. Yeah, and it's weird, like certain things,

like the BMX thing. Like, I know everything, basically, that there is to know about bike driving. I can tell you who invented every trick. I can tell you like approximately what time period. Every trick got invented. What brands, etc. No one gives a fuck like in this world. Now, BMX wasn't that big at that time even when I was in high school and shit. But now it's like completely like all this stuff I have in my brain is just useless to all the people that I have conversations with. And yeah, that's a big part of growing up and like how if you want to make it into the world, you have to accept that at a certain point. That like the most important thing to you when you were 15 or 16. might just have no cultural currency as you get older.

What was the peak of BMX? Popularity-wise? I'm going to say X-Games-ish era around like 98-99. And then there was another big spike around like 2007 when like there started to be these affordable complete bikes and stuff. And then honestly, the market spiked again during COVID. And time will tell if that continues to sort of be a thing. But for a while, like people really were buying bikes.

Like you couldn't even buy a fucking tube in a bike shop. because they're just crazy demand and also the factory slowdown. Yeah, for me, I rode bikes a little bit as a kid and I had a mongoose and I wanted to get a flying fortress because you use it as transportation to school, a lot of young kids. And that's where everybody who is into bike riding and it kind of comes from is like there's this sweet spot in your life

where you sort of want a bike around like 13, 14 before you can get a car. But unlike skateboarding, like very few people stick with BMX Pass High School. Whereas with skateboarding, it's much more of a real culture around it. You can throw five skateboards in the trunk and everybody just goes to skate park. It's much more manageable. Like BMX is kind of more of this overall lifestyle choice that's a little harder to manage. Yeah. If you see a guy on a BMX bike over the age of 18, he has a DUI or he's homeless. Yeah. Or like 1% of them are like actually doing tricks and this is like their subculture. Yeah. I don't think I've seen anybody over 18 doing tricks on a bike at a long time.

I've seen people like in the background of your videos, but this is what's called a race shirt. that he's trying to act like we don't exist. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to minimize your pain. I understand the irrelevancy of the subculture that I spent a large portion of my life paying attention to, which is why I'm now making up for it by doing content about the most popular form of music in America.

Dude, BMX is actually fucking gnarly, man. It is, I could show you all kinds of crazy shit, like I'm saying. Like, there's a dude that literally went viral from doing like a 90 stair rail on the beach in L.A. Yeah. His bike exploded basically doing it, and they now cap the rail so nobody. we could never do it. But just like, I still see bike tracks all the time that blow my fucking mind.

Like, there's still people going hard as fuck. It's just to a smaller audience than when I was a kid, you know? Yeah, dude, it's fucking, you can get so much more speed on a bike and you can conquer bigger terrain because you have these big fucking wheels. But bailing out, like imagine trying to bunny hop El Toro realizing you'd fucked up and trying to bail on a bike. It's a lot bigger issue when you have a 30 pound horse pretty much underneath you versus a little wooden skateboard like i filmed uh the first ever bar spin down el toro and i filmed the first ever 360 bar spin down altoro and uh yeah like when a bike rider falls on a 20 stair it just produces a very different effect than when a skater does like i've seen so many skaters try something down atloro and just basically

roll out of it yeah and obviously it's still very very easy to get hurt but like i've never i've never seen anybody get really truly destroyed on El Toro. Whereas with a bike, like if you try a bar spin and your bars don't go the whole way around, like you're going to get that fucking bar to your stomach. This big machine is just going to belverize you. Whereas rolling away

on a skateboard or like doing a tumble is a lot more realistic. Yeah, you can't, El Toro, by the way, if people don't know, is a famous 20 stair. Is it in the valley? It's in it's at El Toro high school down in like I forget, it's like in the O.C. But it's totally

not usable at all anymore. They've giant gate up there and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, it became, it was the go-to big spot. And it's like a water shed moment whenever somebody does a new trick down it. In skateboarding for a long, long time, I think a kickflip was the only thing anybody had thrown down El Toro. Then 10 years went by. And I can't even think of the next trick somebody did down it. There's been so many.

But who's the guy that did a tray flip down it? And then his fucking wheels broke when he landed. So his board started immediately steering in a weird direction, but he did land it. Like, he did it. But then his board like malfunctioned. And he stayed on the board, but it like swerved. That was a three flip, huh? Yeah.

So Chris Jocelyn was supposed to go down there and do it. But Chris Jocelyn didn't want to do it because once you three flip El Toro, there's nowhere to go in your career. Right. You've peaked. And I know people have been doing gnarly shit down the rails and in BMX. I'm sure it's got its own scene too, but hopping down that shit on a bike, there are so many more ways you could either lose your testicles or wind up on your head versus a skateboard where your

feet are going to get fucked up you might break an ankle but you're not going to die right i actually filmed my friend brandon began attempting to half cab it on a bike and uh he came out at fakie yeah that's he wrote out it backwards which is just hard to even imagine on a bicycle and he smashed his head so bad and it went so viral that notably like urkel shared it on his facebook page whoever's running urkel's facebook page erkel's not the dead one right that's i think that's gary coleman is the No, what's his real name, though? Stefan Urkel? No.

Urkel real name. Jaliel White. Nobody's holding me. That's not good. Yeah, that's not something you want for celebrities like Urkel to be resharing your half-cab bail down El Toro. Definitely. How often do you have to deal with people being upset about being in your videos?

I notice you blur people out sometimes. Yeah, I mean, YouTube, I think they realize there's this big thing that television has to do where they have to get everybody to sign. their consent to be on camera and it really limits what television shows can do as far as hidden camera stuff because they have to bribe people to get signatures probably

or they have to send over a producer to talk somebody off the ledge if they're really fucking upset. Like hey, can you please appear in this bit we just did? It's for television. For us, we don't have to deal with that. I think YouTube knows they can't police that.

There's no way that they can enforce people signing their consent to appear in YouTube videos. So it's the Wild West on that thing. People can file privacy complaints, but they have to see the video. They have to file the complaint. And then worst case, you just have to blur them. There's no penalty YouTube imposes on you.

So there's not much incentive for me as a creator to get people's consent to appear on camera. But I noticed you'll seemingly like proactively blur people that you can tell that they're really upset. Sure. And if they know the channel and if they find me on Instagram like, hey, you better not fucking use that footage. I'll blur their face. Yeah. Yeah, but if they don't say anything and they're just mad, I'm not going to blur them. Right. That's interesting.

That makes sense. Okay, when, I'm just, I'm interested in, like, the progression of the channel in general. Like, was there ever a video or a prank that you did in particular that just really stood out to you as this is a watershed moment in my content? This is so, like, now I know what I'm doing going forward with this. Also, pause once a second. I have to go to the bathroom. Sure, my. I can't tell if I'm drunk or hungover.

What's that? Is it strong? Are you fucked up? Hey, where's house phone? Is he showing up in time? That'd be fucking rad. Are you guys filming another show after this with him? You guys film a right after this?

Yes, it's a lot. Lives gnarly. We have to cut up so many of our podcasts we put out because we say shit we shouldn't have said or leak information accidentally, so you guys are balzy if we're going live. Yeah. Yeah. Have you guys ever let something slip, like an address or a name and fucking freaked out? Yeah.

It's tough. And then when you realize you fucked up and leaked something that you're fucked, then you're paralyzed for the rest of the show thinking like, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up. I like your octopus tattoo. that's fucking John Farshanti the guitar is from the red hot jelly peppers is a sick octopus tattoo also that's a good animal to have tattooed

yeah I fucking back octopuses I thought octopuses were like this rare endangered species but then I worked at a restaurant where we would just serve octopus and the chef said they're a pest like in the Mediterranean Sea

they're like a fucking pest they're seagulls pretty much which yeah Sacramento know. Hell yeah, man. We're in sack. Okay. Yeah, Orangevale.

So I'm up, like, this little fucking cow town, yeah. Yeah, well, those weren't videos. That was back when I wrote. I mean, now that was, I was 20 years old. That was 10 years ago. But yeah, we, it's, it's crazy that that's a fucking industry, dude. Yeah, it's, it's crazy that massage

parlors, like, that they're like, imagine showing up your first day to work in a massage parlor and getting trained. No, I worked, well, they served sushi, but I worked at a Japanese restaurant in San Francisco. There was like Hawaiian fusion and a little bit of Japanese. Not so much sushi. Yeah, we were just talking about Asian massage parlors and how, like, imagine at some point, they, at some point a new recruit comes in and they have to train her.

And I wonder if they're like, yes, you know what we do here, right? Yeah, we give massages. No, we jerk guys off. Do you know how to jerk a guy off well? and then some training process has to follow that, right? I feel like in their culture maybe, like just jerking a guy off, doesn't seem that out of the ordinary. That's just how you end a massage. Like, I don't know.

I don't think they're doing that many non-hand job massages. They're definitely not, but it's Russians and Asian women, from my experience, too. And those are two very different cultures that both massages end in hand jobs. It seems like it's not cultural. I think there's some training going on. Every time I ever got a blowjob with a condom on was in Asia. In Asia? And I was paying for it.

And it was always pointless and stupid. Which countries? China and Thailand. Yeah, Thailand is the hooker capital of the world probably, huh? Yeah. One time I saw, when I was in Thailand, like, you always hear it's like the child sex place. And I was the whole, I was 19 when I was there on a BMX trip. But I never saw any sign of anything like that.

But then one time I saw, like, it was a sign with an anti-symbol and then like a baby. Can't fuck babies? It said something too, like no child sex here or something, but I was like, who, what graphic designer was tasked with putting the anti-signment on the baby? Like, we just hate babies in general. Okay, what was the, we were talking about something before. I don't know. I got excited because I thought house phone might be coming in for our big finale here.

He could be, but I wouldn't put, I wouldn't invest in it, but perhaps. Um, wait, okay, so important moments that informed what you were doing with your content. Dude, it's hard to say. I did a Beatles video last summer that I was pretty proud of where we did a parody of two Beatles songs off Sergeant Pepper and all the lyrics were about our crew and we had a music video. And we did it with a musician Ariel Pink,

who's a big L.A. rocker. Do you know about Ariel Pink? Who is now canceled because he went to the storming of the Capitol. Absolutely. He's been canceled a bunch of times, too, he's fascinating. Right. It was just funny seeing all like the pitchfork reviewers that I follow,

just like, ah, this guy's trash now. Yeah. Yeah, I went to dinner with him once, and he was just watching Trump highlights. He loves Trump. And he likes Trump because he thinks Trump's hilarious, which is a completely valid reason to love Trump. And he was saying that Sean Lennon also is like super into that shit. Really? John Lennon's son.

Wow. Interesting. There's a lot of secret Trump guys. I feel like you're not being that secretive about it. You're definitely a Trump guy, right? I see, again, I said earlier that I just lean into shit that everybody else hates. And I leaned into Trump. I think he's fucking hilarious.

I'm not into politics, so I had no opinion on what he was doing. But anybody who was so comfortable with half the world hating him... It was kind of inspirational. And, dude, his press conferences, it was like stand-up. Like, he was, like, dealing with hecklers every time he did a press conference. And it was pretty fun. Yeah, if you look on the bright side, that was pretty... That was an enjoyable part of it.

I feel like I learned a lot from, like, watching Trump over the years. Because if you want to model yourself after somebody really doesn't seem... Well, I can't put him in the box as someone who doesn't care what people... people think of him because he did seem like more obsessed with what people think of him than like almost any president before him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. He did lean into that heel role, though, as did Howard Stern, who was one of my influences. And when I first started YouTube, I was into that. I would just talk shit about creators, burn bridges everywhere. Just fuck you, fuck that. And since I've really pulled back on that, because I realized I'm not good at dealing with

the backlash that comes from speaking your mind all the time. Genuinely hating you and warring, like forming mobs against you. That kind of shit. Yeah, totally, man. And you, I mean, you have to be a little bit of a politician. Just like, you can't just speak your mind about everything and constantly talk shit about people in your industry. Right.

Because eventually, maybe you aren't going to miss an opportunity to work with them, but they're going to be friends with somebody who you can't work with now because you tweeted that that person sucks person a like five years ago right so i've been more political yeah like i was watching a clip where somebody who you were podcasting with i think it was the episode about christalia uh and his friends like canceling him uh for whatever when that shit came up about him and your your buddy who was on the show with you was just quick to really eviscerate brennan shab's comedy career and i just saw it in your eyes that you quite clearly like pretty much anybody with a functioning brain, agreed with his analysis of his career,

but you weren't hopping on it. And I'm thinking, like, oh, he wants to be on Joe Rogan. He's still, like, holding out for that. Thank you. I mean, that's pretty spot on. I'm gonna fucking ask you. No, I actually like Bernie Schaubb. His podcast was the first podcast I really loved.

I've been listening to it since 2016. But what do you think of his comedy? His stand-up comedy? Yeah. I didn't see the special he did that everybody hated. I heard some pretty bad things about it. I've seen some bits of his that weren't great, dude, I've done plenty of really shitty stand-up, too.

So I can't... Don't make it about you. It is a... Dude, I've gone up there... I've gone up there. I've gone up... I went up in front of a crowd in New York. It sounds like you were referencing the video earlier,

and I was shit-faced drunk. And I, to promote the show, I'd been doing the shit that I just said I don't do anymore. I did see this one. I was talking tons of shit about the other guy on the lineup. So I just created this tremendous amount of pressure to go up there and be great at comedy. and I ate shit for 15 straight minutes.

Nobody laughing, people heckling me, people getting up a leading. It was bad. It was awful. After you had promoted the fuck out of it and basically made it out like it was going to be this giant thing. It was the worst. It made Brendan Schaub look like George Carlin. But you were super new to doing stand-up at that point too, right? Yeah, I've done stand-up like three times.

And I've still done it five times since. Right. You were talking about you don't get into politics too much. For me, I don't have. the time to get into stand-up, to be good at it. You don't have the time to read the Wall Street Journal every fucking day or watch CNN and Fox News. I don't have time to dedicate to hitting open mic nights constantly. And for me, it's like I would feel comfortable giving my raw opinion of somebody's stand-up as somebody who just, like, if the stand-up world hated me,

it wouldn't matter. You know, it's like, that's just not my world. Whereas other interviewers, obviously, I'm very careful with how I would go about criticizing what they're doing because I don't want to, you know, I understand how hard it can be. And I also, you know, this is just a certain code of respect, I think, even in, like, the media and shit where it's like, it's nice when the media doesn't feel the need to constantly go after each other. And you see that in, like, the mainstream media where they just gleefully do it all the time. Like, at least within rap media is like kind of a unspoken code where, like, the other, the other rap sources don't necessarily go in on each other that much.

But then certain people just sort of, like, rise to the level of it becoming a consistent thing. Like Joe Button is famous enough that despite being a media guy, point, he's just not off limits, like the media people go in on him, but there's a degree to which there's sort of this unspoken understanding. As a guy who never got into hip-hop, what's the greatest hip-hop album, in your

opinion, that I should check out? That's a great question, because, I mean, I could tell you, like, different albums from different eras that really sort of, like, represent that era and that place. I mean, I guess I would throw out that, I think, like, oh, man, this is tough. I mean, I'll say Nas Il-M.

is like, priceless, like, if you want to, like, really hear some of the best rap from, like, early 90s, New York City shit. Even, like, I'm kind of struggling on what JZ album I want to say, because, like, the blueprint was, like, his first big, it was his first album, but then, like, I feel like the blueprint was, like, really the great JZ album. Like, for me, I still end up going back to all these Tupac albums, like, all eyes on me and me against the world a lot, you know? But certain albums that I really, really love during my childhood don't necessarily hit the

same. I listened to Wutang forever the other day, and it definitely wasn't, like, I just don't get much from it in the way that I did when I was a kid. Like, certain albums really hold their value for me, and also certain albums just don't. And now I just don't really listen to music on like an album basis nearly as much. It's much more like song video oriented. Yeah, man, I used to listen to a lot of albums. I would just consume music all the time. And now I just, I have to be listening to comedy and stand up for my work.

So music is just strictly a background experience for me. Really? Yeah. So you feel like you are better as a comedian by consuming a shitload of comedy? Totally, man. And even, I think objectively, yes, but also I don't feel confident if I haven't put in the work that week. I think stand up and podcasting and going out and performing the videos I do is very much something that you need to constantly stay sharp at to be good. And if you had a week where you were out chasing pussy, getting drunk, lying around watching TV,

and then you've got to perform on Friday, just the confidence isn't going to be there. You're not going to believe you deserve to make people laugh. So for me, I need to give everything I can to getting better. And then I feel like that then it'll be my divine right to succeed. But if I don't do that, I'm going to fail. That's interesting. Yeah, because I feel like there's a degree of that with podcasting where I want to be super informed about everything that's going on. But then at the same time, like for me, I just don't really feel the need to watch that many rap

podcasts because it's so close to like work that like when I get home, I'm way more likely to watch some shit on Netflix that has absolutely nothing to do with my work. But I guess in part of that's because I feel like if I just have some random movie that I can just start talking about on the podcast, that's valuable. Whereas I don't necessarily want to be talking about what the interview that one of my peers just did. And I appreciate it, but it just still kind of feels like work to me. I'm sort of in that part of my life too, where I feel like I've got such a good grip on the content that I'm doing that I don't need to always be studying to get better with it.

Yeah, it's also, I will listen to stand up and I watch The Simpsons or I watch Nathan for you or some comedy show. I don't watch other YouTube comedians. And I think if you start doing that or you started listening to other hip-hop podcasts, those aren't good influences to have because, I mean, those are your quote-unquote competitors. those are other people in your niche. And if you start adopting their mannerisms or being influenced by them, that's not good if you sound like your competitors. So I just stay off YouTube.

I'm only influenced by outside comedy. Interesting. Yeah, are you in a different state of mind when you're listening to that kind of... Like, when you're listening to comedy, is your brain kind of constantly switching back and forth from just enjoying it and thinking like, oh, that's a great joke?

Or are you kind of constantly having to... switch back to, that was a great joke. What's my version of that joke? Or what's, what's the version of that that I could put together? Yeah, that's an interesting question. Because when you do something professionally, a lot of times it feels like some of the joy gets sucked out of it. Listen into music. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, like anything, if your job was to fuck supermodels, which is essentially what being a porn star is, like how many porn stars kill themselves or overdose on heroin, a fucking lot. Like, if my job was lying around eating cheeseburgers and jerking off. If I got paid 500k a year to do that, eating cheeseburgers and jerking off would

feel like work after five weeks. Yeah. And then going to the gym and, I don't know, but whatever the opposite of Cinerine cheeseburgers is, would all of a sudden have this weird appeal to you? Exactly. Yeah. So for me, comedy, dude, like, I, yeah, I'll still laugh at shit, but absolutely, I'm taking apart everything in my head. And it's not this passive pastime. It is very much work. Yeah. Definitely. okay what else do we have to talk about i fucking already put away my list of notes um no problem dude i'm i'm gonna tell you actually what i literally wrote down sure oh yeah well i was oh yeah when you you were you were talking to a guy with a fake leg and you basically

told him to put a condom on it and fuck the woman that he was with with it in newport beach this is one of the moments where i was kind of like wow there doesn't seem like there's a line that this guy isn't willing to cross and then i saw you walk up to another guy with no legs and say like, I have to do, you have like a pipe and you're like, I have deduce that your legs are fake. And the guy just stares at you. I'm like, oh, my God, that must have really felt awful. Yeah. Yeah.

No, that's, I know the one you're talking about in New York. Yeah, I'm definitely trying to this year cut down on the no leg jokes. That's my goal moving forward for 2021. And it's not like you see that many people with fake or missing legs. Dude, when you do, though, you just got to go off it. You start salivating that. It's the fucking best. Yeah, man, I

Again, I used to do that stuff Because I wasn't as good as a performer And a comedian And I would just go for the shock value But I don't necessarily stand by All my ridiculing the crippled jokes You know, you used to do that John Lennon, I guess

Used to go around Liverpool Making fun of people Missing a Limbs from the War When he was a kid Wow Yeah, I've heard a lot of stories about John Lennon What a guy Yeah, he was fucked up

He had a rough child So you've thrown him and Sean Lennon under the bus throughout this podcast. Yeah, well, John, that's no problem. He's dead. But Sean, yeah, I did out Sean Lennon as a Trump voter and a Trump supporter.

I'm okay with that. So are you like, you go out and film every week, but it seems like you feel like you need to have a different backdrop, kind of, like you can't just do videos over and over in L.A. Yeah.

So you're just kind of like picking a different city out of a hat every weekend for the most part? Somebody told me, I have this buddy, King Crock, BBC. I've already mentioned him. He says he feels liberated to go pick up chicks whenever he's in a different city

because he knows he's not going to accidentally hit on somebody he lives in his building or somebody he works with. I feel liberated when my plane touches down in Wichita, Kansas, or Tulsa, Oklahoma because I can metaphorically burn that motherfucker to the ground and there'll be almost no consequences when I come back to L.A.

I'm not going to see anybody I know. Even though in L.A., there's really very little risk of seeing people you're going to interact with ever again because there are 4 million people in this fucking city. But still psychologically, you feel free when you're in some place where you know nobody and you're never coming back to. For the shit we do, it matters.

Yeah, I remember when Nelke was first starting to blow up, we had them come to my store on Melrose at one point, and they dressed up as SoundCloud rappers, and they went out in front of the store. There was like a big line for this mean and green with somebody, I forget. And they were basically trying to do these pranks with people in the line, and everyone recognized.

I remember that video. And that just became a huge issue where all of a sudden we had them in bag, we're trying to get pranks going with the rappers who maybe won't know who these guys are and stuff. But, I mean, they were, and that was a couple years ago and they were already way too famous to really be able to pull that off.

I'm assuming you're kind of quickly getting there. Dude, definitely not in the scheme of things. Like, if I go out and we pull some sort of prank, it's happened a couple of times that we've been recognized, but it's never affected anything. I mean, that was just NELC going right for their target demographic. Exactly, yeah.

If you're going over a 40-year-old woman, it's a very low chance that they're going to know you, but if you go for a 15-year-old kid, then it's pretty likely, right? Yeah, and that's one of the good things about today is, like, I guess we're sort of famous, but it's just this much more, now there are so many more famous people in the sea

that, like the Leonardo DiCaprio fame, the Will Smith type of fame, is fading. And so it's nice. Like, we get recognized by fans and occasionally a prank goes haywire. But like the really bad part of fame doesn't exist for us. And I hope it never does because being the fame part of what we do just fucking sucks. Like does anything good come from that?

Like I like that we make an impact. And it's cool because if you're famous, you make more money, which means security for you in retirement. But the fame part, people leaking your address showing up to your fucking place of work. That all sucks, right? Yeah, that definitely sucks. Yeah. I mean, there is a, but do you think you like kind of discount the extent to which like living in LA just changes your whole attitude on what humanity is like? Because we had the minorities on here the other day and we're talking about girls and stuff.

And it just is quickly appearing to me that we think of women of being capable of so much worse shit in LA. These guys are from Sacramento and they like hang out girls that they meet at the bar or some shit. And all the shit about like girls wanting, you know, expensive gifts. and like girls setting you up to get robbed and shit. They're like, jaws dropped. Like they've never heard of any of this, whereas like we know people who have actually had this happen to them.

So we have like a very different view of like what's normal. Yeah, I haven't heard of anything like that. And I wish I knew more shit like that. It sounds really juicy. But for me living in L.A. And especially knowing a lot of girls who were on Instagram and follow other models on Instagram,

the thing I notice is just this crippling insecurity women have versus their peers, and it's about shit that we as men would just never fucking notice. Really? Like, yeah, like, I feel like girls in their 20s who live in L.A. and who are on Instagram, or like, oh, my God, her ears are so flat on the side of her head, or, like, her nose has this little scoop at the end of it. It's so cute. They're finding these faults in themselves that we would never fucking see, and it's

leading them to get lip injections or fucking nose jobs. And then, fast forward five years. The one lip injection wasn't a big deal, but then they have fucking fake tits and a fake ass you see when you recheck their Instagram in a year. And I think that's what I've noticed with these fucking L.A. chicks that's problematic. Yeah, it's actually insane when you hear girls talking about plastic surgery and you just realize how normal they think, doing all this shit to their faces. But then if you go to Beverly Hills and you see a 50-year-old lady walking around in her whole face looks like she just got stung by a whole hive full of bees. It's like you it's so obvious and easy to see what the long-term effect of that is and some women are able to like you know tread that line where they just get small amounts of plight of surgery and keep it pretty moderate. But I see young ass girls who are going crazy with it all the fucking time.

Yeah. And they don't realize that like I mean, I'll fucking jerk off to some bimbo on you jiz who has like a fucking triple D fucking tit implants and lips the size of inner tubes. I'll fucking jerk off to you. But you pretty much take yourself out of the. dating pool to quality men when you go too far down that fucking road. Like that just that level of plastic surgery just tells me she has deep rooted emotional issues. And like imagine taking a chick who looked like that back to your parents. And I think, I don't know, I think some girls who were insecure and they see those girls on

Instagram and they want to look like that, they don't realize that that's not what men want. Like chicks always want to be rail thin because other girls who are rail thin in interviews, but guys don't want that. Right. Yeah, but I mean, dude, sometimes I'll have girls come in here to do interviews and they'll just be like random guys around from the interview before that. And the way that these guys' brains just stop operating when they see a fake ass is it's crazy. And I mean, I'm totally the same exact way.

Even if it's too big and I'm like looking at it like, oh, that's kind of gross. I've watched like grown-ass men their IQ drops to like 40 and they look like they're about to start slaughts, just by looking at one fake ass. Yeah. Well, we haven't had time to adjust to it. Fake tits, they've entered the culture. Most people, we've all been with a pair of fake tits. We've been there.

We've squeezed them. We know what it's like. I've never had sex with the girl who had a fake ass. And I assume most of the people whose IQ drops when the fake ass walks into the room, maybe they haven't experienced it either. It's a lot harder to spot it because it's a little less obvious. Like, there are girls who have fake asses that nobody knows they have fake asses. Whereas with the fake boob thing, I mean, kind of everyone, once you get fake tits, they sort of know, you know.

Yeah. Dude, fake ass. My girlfriend and I were talking about that. You can't work out hard, I guess. Any kind of contact sport snowboarding's out. You can't do that if you got a fake ass. Yeah, but it's just a fat transfer 99% of the time when girls get it done these days. Like the ass implant, I've thought girls with my girl who have ass implants, which feels way different because you go to grab their ass and you can feel like the plasticy separation between their ass and the, and the implant.

Whereas with the fat transfer, like where they just take it out of their stomach and put it in their ass, it can definitely be weird. Like, it can definitely like sit wrong and you can see it looking crazy as fuck. But it's much more likely to sort of just coast by without people necessarily noticing, I think. Can you get a lot of size added to your ass with a fat transplant? Oh, yeah. How much? That's what 90% of these girls who get a fake ass these days, that's what they're doing. That's stealthy.

I don't think I can pick that up yet. The ones I'm talking about are the implants. The ones where the chick's hips physically widened out, because, they have to accommodate these two airbags. There is a trans girl that I interviewed maybe six months ago, and she just recently, I'm pretty sure, got, like, hip implants. And I'm looking at that, like, oh, my God, I would never be able to tell that you were born a man.

Hopefully, I'm saying this correctly. I would never be able to tell that you were a biological male if I didn't. Like, the hip implants trick your brain to a whole different level. Nuts, dude. Crazy. Yeah, that's, um, One of the most attractive things that men find in women is their ratio of their hips to their waist and their stomach. That's what it's about.

That's what it's about. Yeah. So if a girl has wide hips and a skinny waist, you're going to be attracted to it even if a Persian surgeon and Beverly Hills did it. And for chicks, the thing that they're most attracted to is shoulder and hip ratio. A guy with wide shoulders and a narrow waist is what. Yeah, that's what girls get off on. You got that going for you, huh? Thanks, baby.

Even if it's subconscious. Like they pick up on that and they fucking love it. Right. Isn't that scary? I mean, it's all right. I guess it's incentive to not get fat. I don't get how I've been trying to be skinny for like 20 years. Like my whole adult life I've been trying to get in shape, like actually in good shape, like pretty much where you're at, you fucking prick. And my brain just refuses to follow through with it.

I get close. Right before COVID, I was down to like 2.15. I'm like 2.30 right now. What do you for exercise? Lift weights. Cardio. I have a trainer who comes every morning. Dude, I lifted weights too.

I also just, I can't get fat. I'm really fucking skinny. I would love to put on 15 pounds. But dude, one of the things that might help you is doing a workout that's more fun. Like, that's one of the great things about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah. Probably the craziest workout I ever did in my life was when I was doing that for a while, yeah. Yeah.

Dude, it's the best because you reach, you reach new levels of working out because there's incentive to push past your level of comfort when a dude's on top of you trying to strangle you. So you're not even thinking that you're burning calories or gassing yourself out. And then after the class, you're like, holy shit, I haven't had that hard of a workout in a long fucking time. And it didn't even feel like I was working out. It just feels like you're playing a game.

This is the most devastating workout. Like, I just remember days where I would just go back to the house after doing jujitsu for like an hour and it would just be like the most destroyed that I ever felt in my life. Yeah. I'm starting to get a little worried that it's, because I used to train it all the time, never worry about the long-term health consequences. but my instructor, his hands are gnarled permanently, deformed from gripping collars and gripping sleeves.

And then it fucks with your neck and your spine. You got to be careful. You got to stretch out. You got to not. There are a lot of positions and techniques that are going to give you arthritis when you're fucking 60 for sure. That makes sense to me. Do you ever get that feeling though when you're doing jihitsu where it's like, this seems like

a lot. Like it's an amazing workout. That makes sense. But this is a lot of work to put into. preparing for this hypothetical fight that is obviously never going to happen where I'm going to be wearing the sort of like suit on the ground against another guy who's wearing the exact same suit and we're going to be trying to choke each other out on the ground. Yeah. Well, the thing is when I was in San Francisco, everybody's walking around with leather jackets or a denim jacket or a

North Face ski coat. You're a pitcher and just grabbing that show. Oh, dude, it'd be the best. Down here, I mean, right now you're wearing a hoodie that would simulate a ghee. This is true. I'm wearing a t-shirt, not so much. But another thing that it's good about it, even if the hypothetical fight never comes, it did for me. I, like when I was in college and in high school, I would get in fights. I would kind of look for him. I was a piece of shit, honestly. But just with my comedy and the shit we film out in public, I have way more confidence when I'm training jujitsu to have people not like me to create a scene because I feel confident I can defend myself if somebody gets so offended they want to come hit me. Right. So it helps my comedy actually being good at jujitsu. I would

notice that too for sure. Like going to the bar after doing jujitsu during that day where I would just feel so ready for anything because when you've had a guy on top of you trying to kill you for like an hour that that's like worse than pretty much anything that's going to happen to you in your real life so it just really gets you into that mind state like what are you going to throw at me when I've already had Bubba over here trying to hurt me for an hour there I had this coach Salo robero he's a jiu jitsu legend he the going out to a bar after training he took this to another level at him he wouldn't shower he would just he would walk into the locker room take off his Guy, grab a comb and start slicking

his hair back. You're like, hey, uh, Salo Sensei, what do you do? He's like, oh, I get ready for the club. And you're not going to shower? No, we mean love the smell of man. Would throw on a button up and then we'd just drive off to the fucking club and chase pussy.

Right. With fucking armpit hairs on his face. Three guys sweat all over him. That's disgusting. Within like the first couple weeks of me doing Jiu-Jitsu, I gave somebody or Ringworm or got ringworm from them. I'm not really sure. But either way, we were like training this exact exercise together.

And my knee that was smacking into his arm. We both got ringworm in that exact, or no, a staff infection in that exact same spot. Which to me, that's the biggest reason to take a shower after you do jitsu. It's because of shit growing on your body from other people. It's fucking gnarly. I had really bad Mursa staff infections

for a while. Me too. Like antibiotic resistant infections. You had those? Oh, they were resistant to that. Yeah. It was fucking scary. I had to get my arm lanced once. It was completely swollen up. like a civil war soldier with a fucking splinter of wood stuck in his arm or they have to amputate. They would have had to amputate my arm if it was 100 years ago. And that was from Jiu-Jitsu.

Yeah, I remember around that time period, too, I was doing a lot of Coke. And at one point, I got a staff infection within my nose, which I could probably assume had something to do with the fact that I was inhaling garbage up into my nostril. But then, you know, I'm going into the fucking mirror, like every day and just squeezing so much goop out of my nose. That was disgusting. Coke's not really, man. You're into it?

You look like you'd love it. The problem with Coke, I like adderol. That's whatever, it sucks, dude, because like when I drink now, I go to bed so early that I kind of, like, I like, I like to take an adderol so I can stay up later in parting. Because I only drink a couple times a year, despite me currently hammering down a numb rum. I don't think people are going to believe me. But, yeah, the thing with Coke that I saw a lot of my buddies get into is that once you start getting into Coke, it just becomes a companion to alcohol. Exactly. If you're going out to the bar, there's no reason not to do a couple of lines beforehand.

It's just people will do whatever it takes to feel no pain and not feel any shame about going and trying to get laid. Like when you're on a line of Coke, you can walk up to the prettiest girl in the bar and ask for her phone number in front of a table of investment bankers and not worry about the rejection. Yeah. So people, they'll chase that feeling no matter what it takes. Yeah, we all know what it's like to drink until the point where you basically have to go home or go to bed or the not. has just ended and Coke just gives you this superpower to blast past that and all of a sudden you can drink a whole shitload more. That's what really fucked up part of me is once I got to the point of drinking, finding Coke, doing the Coke to keep drinking, and then also at some point

starting to like either drink lean or take pills during that, that's when it started to get really bad and I basically just stopped at some point. Yeah, were you having weekends out in Vegas or something where you needed to keep going for two or three days? And that's where Coke becomes really fucking attractive. Not even in Vegas. We were just doing it in Hollywood, but yeah, it was just whaling out way too crazy. What kind of pills were you taking? Zans mostly perks here and there. Never taken that. How bad did it get? What was your rock bottom? It was, I didn't really have like a rock bottom like when I like, because one time I like shared all this with a fucking journalist who was writing an article about me and he just wrote

Mr. Graham Mason has struggled with Xanax addiction yada. I'm like I don't really feel like I was ever like addicted like that. I was just partying and then at a certain point it was like, oh, I partied Saturday night and I didn't feel better until like Monday night. That was pretty much when I was like, okay, I'm not, I can't keep doing this. This is really starting to, or I was going out partying and having interviews

book the next day and just saying fuck it and getting like an hour's sleep or not sleeping at all and coming into do interviews and that really started to make me feel like, okay, I'm doing a terrible job at my job because of the party and so yeah. How many days a night were you, how many days a week were you going out? I was kind of on like a Friday through Sunday thing

for a while or even like a Thursday through Saturday night, Sunday morning type thing, you know? So yeah, you and I are pretty similar because I, again, I drank this, this was a fucking rare occasion I drank, but the same thing with me dude, I started to be hung over until Tuesday in the week and I couldn't

tolerate that. And yeah, I would go to Vegas and it would be for Memorial Day weekend and I would be pouring booze into my fucking face hole from Friday afternoon till Sunday. And the only way to sustain that and have quote unquote the best time possible in your mind just to do coke to keep you awake for the day

party the night party and then you're driving back up to san francisco where you have work on tuesday and all your endorphins are gone and you just feel like killing yourself yeah when i see people doing that shit now it's just like it just doesn't seem attractive to me at all and every time like i remember one of the last times i went out partying uh was i was with my girl and a bunch of other porn stars in miami for new years and we went out to club live and one of the girls at a table and like there's all You know, we're talking all these people, whatever. I'm with a bunch of hot girls in the VIP. And I was fucked up, too.

But it seemed stupid to me even being fucked up. Like, even my fucked up brain was like, this is dumb. Like, this is a waste of your fucking time and potential. Yeah. And even my fucking Molly coked out brain could see that. And that was a big moment. And I remember, like, you know, all of a sudden it's five in the morning. We actually had like the best orgy experience probably of my whole life that night.

Yeah, don't do drugs, kids. You're going to have kick ass orgy. Yeah, it'll be terrible. but then those girls wanted to go to the beach at like five, six in the morning to like sleep on the beach and then keep party or whatever. And I'm just like, yeah, I can't do this. Like I got to, I'm going back home. I'm going to sleep, you know? And that just at a certain point, like when you really start to like weigh the pros and cons of what you're doing, that's when partying doesn't seem like it makes any sense.

Like when you're young enough to not be thinking about the pros and cons, you can kind of do whatever. But as soon as I got to the point where I'm actually considering I'm doing this instead of this. and I can't do both, then you have to start making these hard choices, you know? I think the difference for you and I is that we love what we do. So getting fucked up is damaging to what we love to do, and therefore we realize that at some point, and we stop. But a lot of my buddies who love to drink and do Coke, they work in real estate and they don't love it.

Or they work for a big company as a recruiter or something. They don't give a shit about the quality of their work. So what's being hung over on Monday? It's nothing. For them, their escape is when they call them, clock out on Friday up until when they have to go back to work on Monday morning and they just want to maximize the fun

they have in that. So when they, like, yeah, when I was 26, 27, I realized I needed to start dialing back my partying. They're going to keep partying until they're 50 or 60. They're never going to have that reality moment that you just described. Hey, like I can see the consequences of this

even when I'm high on Molly about to have a fucking orgy. It's still not what I want to be doing with my time. Yeah, totally. And I mean, once you start looking at things like that, You know, that's where life is really about is like the slow process of learning that it makes more sense for you to act on your own behalf. You know, like if you're doing something and it makes you unhappy, you could just stop. You could just not do that. And I mean, that to me is like kind of has led me here.

And especially now having a kid, I'm like, how the fuck am I supposed to justify going out and party and shit when I could reasonably spend that time with my kid? And the after effects is going to be that I'm going to be way less present and less happy while I'm spending time with my kid because I'm going to be hung over than. next day or whatever. I couldn't even really imagine it at this point. Although one time I did get drunk on this podcast and then went home and played with my kid while I was really drunk and that was super fun. Okay. I was very in the moment. It could be dangerous too, but...

Yeah, I was thinking about that. I was like, I don't want to take any risks. I don't want to be like throwing her in the air right now. I don't know if she might hit the ceiling or something. Exactly, man. You're a big dude. You guys gonna have kids soon? I actually didn't wear a condom last night and I have been replacing her birth control with Tic Tacs. No, I

I'm curious, man. What, like, what is having a kid like? Because that's something that I can't... I mean, I'm 30 now and being in a serious relationship. This is the first long-term serious relationship I've been in, so I know what that's like, but the kid thing, I can't even imagine yet.

I think me and my girl at a certain point, we had stopped partying. We were living a life where, you know, I kind of like came home after work and we hung out and watched Netflix together. I noticed that we started to pay way too much attention to the cat. All of a sudden, we're like really talking about the cat and how fucking funny he is every day.

And that just stood out to me. He's like, why are we talking about a cat this much? But then we went on Halloween with him right there. He's married to my sister. And they have two kids. And we went out, we're around, like, we went out trick-or-treating. So we're seeing all the other kids in the neighborhood and started to slowly hit us. Like, this seems like it would very much agree with the lifestyle that we already have.

Where at that point, I basically realized, like, I want to, you know, work out and, you know, go to go to the office, get my job done, and then like kind of come home and hang out with you. Having a kid, like, you know, we've always kind of considered it, but all of a sudden it just seems like the super obvious thing to do with our time right now. And it just finally kind of clicked. And then now that I have a kid, I kind of can't even imagine that there was a time where I wasn't at least planning for this or considering what this would be like. It changes your life so much because you can't. And even me saying that is kind of ridiculous because it's changed my girl's life so much more than mine. But yeah, it really like forces you to take yourself a lot more serious and really kind of like focus on simple pleasures because, you know, so much of what I could assume that your life is about is about kind of charting this trajectory of becoming rich and famous.

And it's like it kind of forces you into this situation where you just want to spend time with your kid just being present and not having anything else in your mind. And a lot of people don't really have anything that's like forcing them towards that in their day-to-day life. Did it change your relationship with work? Do you take work more seriously now to provide for the kid? Or does it make you maybe take it less seriously in that like if somebody doesn't like an interview or you're getting sued or revenues are down, you can put that into perspective because you have something more important in your life? It just makes me want to be more efficient with my time, but it makes me want to like get more shit done. But, you know, like when we had the bike shop, I used to just be in there like 12 hours a day. Didn't really matter.

Some of the day we'd just be hanging out smoking. Some of the day I'd be doing interviews. But either way, I was like, I was just kind of there and doing the work as it comes. Now I'm like much more focused on my schedule and getting this shit done in a certain period of time. Like there's the realization now. If I get home at 7.30, my kid's going to be asleep and I'm not going to see her until the morning. If I get home at six, I can hang out with my kid for an hour and a half and that's very appealing. If anything now, like I'm sort of like I asked my personal trainer the other day, like can you train me at like seven in the morning now instead of eight?

I'm trying to bump my day forward so that I can actually have more time to get shit done and it just makes me take money a little bit more serious that makes me just want to I don't know there's like a lot of things that you should seem more important like just being seen going to festivals and events and shit like that now I'm kind of like

you know what I'm at the point where I can like pay people on my team to go cover these events for me and maybe the audience won't love it quite as much as if it was me but I got to start figuring out how to make this company bigger than myself because I only have so much time and the kid is demanding of some percentage of it. Yeah, I guess it would be tough maybe to live your life,

continuing to do what you do and what I do. Because if we kept doing this without kids until we were retired, our lives would pretty much look the same the entire time, and that might get fucking boring. I feel like having the little satellite you, or the little miniature you, like going through high school and trying to go to college and developing their career, I feel like that's some weird form of entertainment

or change that maybe I'm going to want because life's going to get repetitive when I'm 40 if I still don't have kids. Exactly, because as you get older, there's all these things that, to me, are insanely boring. Like, why the fuck would I ever want to go to Disneyland? I don't give a fuck about going to Disneyland. I don't want to go to a pumpkin patch. I don't want to fucking go pick apples or whatever. But all those things with the kids sound incredibly interesting and entertaining because you get to sort of, like, you spend your whole life getting jaded as fuck to everything.

and then you sort of like relive life through your kid and are able to sort of witness things through their eyes. Everything's new. I seen her eat a fucking banana the other day and that was like, look at her face when she ate the banana. It's so crazy. Like, you know, if you ate a banana right now, I don't think there's anything about it

that would be interesting to me. The way I eat bananas. I put it in your ass first. Just swallow those things down like big cocks. That's all it. Yeah, so it's almost, it's interesting. It sounds like the child is sort of for you. It's sort of a selfish thing.

thing. It's selfless in that you're sacrificing sleep and income and money. But it's also, it sounds like it's making your life better. And that's one of the arguments for having a kid. I used to always say that. I just always think when I would hear people talk about having a kid like it was the selfless thing. I used to always think how the fuck is it selfless to basically make a miniature version of yourself and then watch it grow up. That's like the most self-indulgent thing I can imagine. But now that I've actually having a kid, I look at it very differently where it's like everything that you're doing for the kid. And then it's like everything that you're doing for the kid is pretty selfless.

Like you're working so hard to just keep them alive. I actually think both of those are true at the same time. Yeah. It's just kind of like how you perceive it. But yeah, I mean, it's like the kind of thing. It's hard to even explain how much more people like having kids than anything else. Like me and my girl will literally be with the kid for 12 hours throughout the day on a Saturday, put her to sleep.

And then we're still on the couch looking at photos of her and talking about her. It's just, it's kind of hard to comprehend how. much we like her in comparison to everything else. I clearly like her a lot more than I like a lot of other things. I don't want to do interviews every day, but I really like need to see the kid every day. Sure. Yeah, that's something I've heard from everybody that when you see your kid get born, you feel your life change and you just love this thing that just came out of your girl's pussy, which is, which is fucking... She actually came out of a whole directly above my girl's pussy, which is kind of a weird part of it. The C-section? Yeah. I'm surprised you still love your daughter as much then.

Usually pussy is part of the equation for the love. You didn't emerge from the actual vaginal canal. So to me, you are a technicality. Just like small dicks don't count. C-section babies don't count. So far as to those, my girl's Armenian, and the baby came out looking just like me. So it's funny that I've like planted her Armenian ass with this white baby

that she has to like walk around. It looks like she's walking around with a kid that is somebody else's kid. That's reassuring, though, because I've heard it. I mean, there's that stat floating around that 10% of babies aren't fathered by the guy who thinks there's the father. Right. So, I mean, if it was ambiguous, you might have always had that

in the back of your mind. Am I really, this kid's dad? Yeah, and there's just been so many YouTube comments or Instagram comments that are basically like telling me that the kid's not going to be mine. So that was a little reassuring

to see that it looked so much like me. I'm like, oh, you guys were wrong. Yeah, fuck the haters. It's Adam's kid. Yeah, I heard, I read this evolutionary psychology book that was really fascinating once, and I guess that's programmed into women to tell

the guy that they're mating with, that they live with, that the baby looks like him. Like, oh, he looks just like his dad. Or she looks just like her father. Women are programmed to do that to make men not fear that somebody else snuck in and fucked their wife when they were out of the nest. Right. Yeah.

I read this book, Spirm Wars back in the day. I've read it. It's great. Yeah. It's amazing. But it really helps you understand, like, that crazy biological desire that apparently women have to basically have a bunch of dudes jizz inside them at the same time and then just let the sperm fight it out.

Yeah. Yeah, it's nuts. Like everything we do comes down to sperm competition. Like your penis is shaped like it is to shovel out other guys' jizz. There are times of the month when your girl is going to be more susceptible to cheating on you. I guess one of the reasons cheating happens. I think Sperm Wars is the book that laid this out is because women subconsciously have a goal of getting pregnant by a guy with the best genes possible. but then raising it in the best household possible.

So women, one of the reasons they will cheat is because they will be dating the orthodontist, but then they will be going out and fucking the professional athlete to get the best genes in the best household. Yeah, it's easy to see how that ends up happening, yeah. Yeah, it's fucking dark. Really, if you love your girl, the best thing that you could do

would be to gangbang her with like 10 of your friends and then see who sperm wins. I think so. And then also, I mean, if I don't think I can respect myself unless I know I have competitive jizz. Exactly. And if somebody else gets her pregnant, I didn't deserve to be the father.

And I'm going to raise that baby as my own. It seems fair. Yeah. What do you think, baby? Just, uh... She says it sounds good. That's illegally binding. Want to do it live on the pod someday?

Give Adam some content? Sure, baby. Did you guys do only fans content together? No, we don't. What do you think, baby? If she gets an only fans, though, are you going to be one of these anonymous penises out there that's just sort of volunteering themselves?

I think people would riot if it was my penis featured in the content. I think we'd have to hire a stunt cock. There's a lot of like really well known guys out there who are basically like doing only fans content with their girls and just flying under the radar. But there's an Instagram comedian

who I show, well actually we talked about it before. Fat Boy SSC is a dude who it's known that I think he does some content with his girl on OnlyFans. The other day I opened up a tweet from a random person and it's a video of him fucking his girl on OnlyFans and I really was not ready

for what the actual visual of this happening was so I think that's gonna be something that happens a lot more in the future where it's gonna be like a guy hired for an important role in a movie, whatever and it's gonna be like oh no when he was 19 he was fucking this girl on OnlyFans and we've got the proof. Sure.

Yeah, I think if I were to do any sort of OnlyFans content I don't I think I don't look good naked and I would be completely uncomfortable fucking. Like it feels like a vulnerable state for me to be filmed in. I'm completely comfortable doing almost anything else on camera, as you know. But the only time I would ever do it is if I already had retirement money and this was going to pull in an extra, I don't know, 100K a month or just some obscene figure. But other than that, I have no fucking interest in having somebody shooting up my asshole in HD and then putting that out into the fucking internet. It feels like you think that this is going to be crazier than it actually is doing all.

only fans content because nobody wants to see your asshole. If anything. One guy in San Francisco does. Yeah. The one 60 year old men. Oh, right. Yeah. The most, well, actually,

probably one of the most viral things that me and my girl I've ever done, though, is like her and her friend where one was eating my ass while one was sucking my dick, and then I flipped. And all of a sudden, I'm doing the same thing, but with separate mouths. It's something you learned in the BMX community. Yeah. That's what I came up on my own, but that was a viral day. Yeah.

No, I've seen you have sex on camera. absolutely and uh yeah i just realized that but uh that's fucking awesome but yeah dude for me i just don't feel like i look good naked and i uh like yeah i like my nuts are too big and then like it doesn't look good when you have like not that giant of a cock at all you have a hangy sack um dude one of my like from jackass that the old man prank where he's not the ball sack hang out of the shorts it's it's not that bad but one of my nuts is definitely way bigger than the other one like the day i hit puberty, like this hormone surge happened and there's like one of my nuts like doubled. Wow.

Yeah. I smashed my nuts so bad riding BMX one time that A, I had blood in my jizz for a few days. And then B, still to this day, all these years later, that was probably almost 10 years ago, like I will kind of warn girls before we shoot only fan content. Like just go gentle on my ball sack. Yeah. Because it's a little sensitive. Yeah, that's fucking rough, dude.

For me, like my nuts are such a big target because they're fucking big. I have to wear an XXXL cup when I go and train Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. XXXL. Yeah, and you know the dude who packed that order at Amazon is like, oh, Mr. Big Dick, all right, fucking rolls the tape on, but it's actually just this dude in L.A. with a big nut who has to buy that cup. Do you wear a cup just in your day-to-day life? No, that'd be pretty extreme.

Maybe I should start, though. What if somebody's so many nut taps you or whatever, you know, all kinds of things. Dude, I, uh, when my girlfriend and I went home to visit my fucking mom, I was walking a dog, with one of those slinky leashes where the dog, it's like, it's on a coil so the dog can run off

and then you can pull him back tight and like it adjusts the length of the leash. My mom unclips the fucking dog when he's across the room after we get back from the walk and this metal piece just comes flying from the spring loaded leash

and hits me right in the testicles and I was down for about an hour. Wow. And that's one of the hazards of just having a big right nut is you're always vulnerable to shit like that. That's very, very true. Uh-huh.

One last like, content question. When you go to a random town, city, etc., to do a video, how much of what you're going to do and the material is planned out and how much of it is just on the fly? Sometimes I feel like it seems like you've really got a plan. Sometimes you've blatantly have like props ready for jokes that you've clearly prepared. How much goes into the preparation for each video? I'd say a lot. Yeah, I definitely try to write for two hours every morning and sometimes it's stealthier. Sometimes I'm setting up, a lot of the stuff that feels organic and unscripted is actually planned out carefully. So it's hard to tell.

But yeah, man, when you go out with absolutely no plan, which I've done many times, you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be really fucking funny that day. Whereas if you have some material to lean on, it's less stressful to go out shooting. And then plus it's just fun to write stuff. Like I love cracking myself up when I'm at my keyboard in the morning. Right. That's dope. I really respect it because I've got so much experience of a, like going to different cities and doing different things in those cities.

Like, you know, obviously the BMX shit for forever. I'm used to, like, going to different cities for rap shows and basically, like, sitting around in the hotel for fucking hours and hours and then just going to the show and doing it, and then that's it. But the idea of, like, going to a fucking different city with the idea in your head of just fucking with people and just somehow making something funny happen. Yeah. It just must be a wild feeling going into it, knowing that you have to deliver on that shit.

Sure. Yeah. And that's why I would resort to making fun of crippled people. I was just desperately grabbing stuff. And like, since I've learned more and more about comedy and I know the rules of improvisation, I know how to find comedy in just everyday situations has become a little bit better at it. But yeah, man, it's still something I'd rather come with some preparation and some props. Have you ever gone somewhere to do a video and just had a completely bomb and you didn't have anything that you could make something? Yeah. In the early days, I would drink a lot on camera. Because if you're fucking drunk, it's just, it's so easy to produce content. Right. It's just, you have no inhibitions. You're completely comfortable on camera around people, making a fool of yourself. So I had to stop drinking in videos.

Not all the way. I'll still drink in maybe two or three videos a year. But I had to stop using that as a crutch. Because what you were talking about earlier, I would have the Monday, Tuesday hangover. And then your work week suffers that week and you're less prepared for the next video. Right. So at some point I had to cut it off. Yeah, like even when you got drunk for that comedy show,

in New York for that one video. Like when you look back at that, is that seem like kind of a mistake? Because I'm watching that thinking, like you seem like you're so good at your job that when I saw you getting drunk as fuck for that, I'm like, oh, so he is nervous. Or he isn't like necessarily fully suited for this yet.

Sure, yeah, absolutely. That was a mistake. Yeah, dude, it's easy to create content when you're fucking drunk. Like if we, you and I just got blacked out, I'm sure we'd get into some deep confessions. I mean, we've already been pretty forthcoming here. But it's just, it's simple.

And it wouldn't even feel like worse. It would flow by if you and I were taking shots back and forth. If you're fall down drunk out in the parking lot, that in itself is like, that's a video. Sure. Danny is fucking blackout drunk. Sure. Look how funny it is. Sure.

You and I would start fucking wrestling. We would knock over a camera. It would be good vlog content. But eventually, like, you have to realize that that's not a sustainable plan. And that's changed. You should do a video. This would be my request. I want to see a video where you basically become G.G. Allen.

You want me to throw my own shit at the audience. Just something like that. Like just go out to like a beached out or some shit and just be like, just become him. Like I want to see the bald cap, all the tattoos, fake blood. My cocks the right size. Dude, I love that idea. I love a G.G. Allen video. Oh, I grew up worshipping that shit.

G.G. Allen, I assume most people know who he is, but I actually studied him in a class in college on performance art. There was a part of the class on performance art. And he, for people who don't know, would go up on stage, put bananas. is up his ass, then pull out the fucking the rinds and the fucking pulp and throw it at his fans. He would go out and just fight people in the crowd that had paid

to come see him. His drummer played naked. Gigi sung naked. And then he promised for years he was going to kill himself on stage eventually at one of his shows. But he overdosed on heroin before he could do it. I actually watched a documentary about that night recently and it showed him sort of like

marching through the streets of New York City like totally fucked up like pretty much naked and it was insane actually one day we were sitting on melrose and his brother merle who always had the crazy ass hitler mustache that hung down all the way past his top lip i saw him walking on the street and actually hollered at him and he actually ended up hit me up i think on facebook and said that he was down to do an interview at some point but we did not continue that conversation but i sounds good probably like half of one percent of my audience would actually watch that but i would love to talk i got to figure out how to hit him up again yeah dude i think a j gg allen video would be awesome to have some fucking show and pay people to come in and get a crowd of unsuspecting people and just do some fucking g-gish shit that's a great idea that would be so good throwing fake poop at the audience and shit it'd be awesome dude and then like do uh because i've done a couple musical videos where we like do music videos and change the lyrics sort of weird al yakevich style totally do a jg. Allen parody song that'd be fucking sick man that would be sick and you had some songs that were like really cross the line though at a certain point he had a song called

okay to show your dick to kids, I think. What's wrong with that? Fair enough. Danny Mullen. Yeah. No Jumber. Coolest podcast on the world. Check us on YouTube, SoundCloud, iTunes.

Like, comment, subscribe. Nojumber.com if you want to support. We'll be on stream on Friday. Any last words for the people that are there? No, man. I really enjoy this. I appreciate you having me on, man. It was fucking rad.

Appreciate you too, man. Looking forward to the G. G.G. Allen video. Don't act like you didn't see it coming.