No Jumper - The Ryan Mills Interview: From BMX Pro to Heroin Addict & Back Again

Episode Date: December 23, 2020

Ryan Mills shares his story on how his addiction took over his life, how the addiction started with a regular BMX injury, his darkest moments, and how ultimately BMX saved his life again. ----- CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPOTIFY PLAYLIST https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5tesvmDS8h50LkjnSAWMOs?si=j6sJD6DkR4mk5NZZWnlK7g FOLLOW US ON SNAPCHAT FOR THE LATEST NEWS & UPDATES https://www.snapchat.com/discover/No_Jumper/4874336901 CHECK OUT OUR ONLINE STORE!!! http://www.nojumper.com/ SUBSCRIBE for new interviews (and more) weekly: http://bit.ly/nastymondayz Follow us on Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/nojumper iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/no-jumper/id1001659715?mt=2 Follow us on Social Media: https://www.snapchat.com/discover/No_Jumper/4874336901 http://www.twitter.com/nojumper http://www.instagram.com/nojumper https://www.facebook.com/NOJUMPEROFFICIAL http://www.reddit.com/r/nojumper JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/Q3XPfBm Follow Adam22: http://www.twitter.com/adam22 http://www.instagram.com/adam22 and adam22hoe on Snapchat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No Jumper. Coolest podcast in the world. Today I have my good friend and got out with a very, very interesting story to tell Ryan Mills on the podcast. Hello. So the story that we're going to tell in short today is about Ryan Mills, young, professional BMX rider coming up in the world, who then at a certain point gets into some bad stuff and then basically manages to weave his way past that bad stuff. end up where you are today, where you're a happy, healthy individual here to tell the tale. Yeah.

Shockingly. So where are you from a little bit, and let's talk about just you getting into bike riding in the first place? Okay. I'm from a little town called Boulder City, which is right outside of Las Vegas. And that's kind of like where my BMX journey began. And, you know, just normal little kid shit riding around just for fun, like after school. And just started doing it all the time. Were you talented from a young age?

Did you feel like people were looking at you like you had a lot of potential? I feel like I picked it up pretty quick. Got a hold of like a camera and did like the normal sponsor me video type of deal for like just on my own. Do you're sponsored at a young age? Yeah, well I mean we had interbike in Las Vegas.

Right. Very good place to get sponsored. Yeah, so I would just take the tapes there and just hand them the people and like got a, with Gack BMX was like one of the first ones. Gack. Wow, it's been a while, yeah. Yeah.

and they were like flowing me stuff I think I was 16 probably yeah so started picking up then and then started like there was like a time in Vegas where like the airport bought out all the all these houses for like more of expand okay and there's just like a ton of pools and we were riding all these pools all the time and then like a dude from dig BMX came through and that's how I got like my first photo in a magazine was like he just like shot up pool carve. And I think I was like 17 then. So it's like from high school and then like into college it started like just picking up a lot. And did you have it in your head that you were going to be a pro rider or did you think that you were going to make like a good living from riding or what

did you know any pros? Like what was your idea of what this whole journey you were on was going to be like? I don't know that's a hard one. It wasn't like a it was like obviously a dream. like to do that but it wasn't like in you know my cards it's not like you are so aware of what this was going to be like that you like had a vision yeah i was just like having fun with it and then like starting to get noticed more and more and then like just meeting people and started going to contests and stuff and like meeting more people meeting walter perringer he asked me to be in the mutiny video without like being on mutiny so it was kind of weird wow but so like all this stuff kind of happened and people just come through Vegas all

all time to ride. So like people started hooking me up and then I got a cover on BMX plus the same time the mutiny video came out and then like a bunch of people started calling. Nice. Okay. Was getting fucked up part of your youthful existence at this point? Because from my memories of being a young BMX rider was like very, very cool to be straight edge for a long time. And then maybe at some point in there like especially as the people that I was around started to get older, then it kind of became more of a, oh, cool, let's go get a drunk thing. Yeah. Yeah, it was cool to be straight-edge, for sure.

I remember that period. But, like, I had, like, knee problems when I was 16, like, pretty quick. And it was, like, every time I'd pedal, it would be, like, painful. So I started going to pain doctors and getting prescriptions. I didn't, like, realize it was, like, going into drugs. So, like, that kind of, like, introduction to it was, like, just, like, a slug. slow, steady, like, I'm doing this and not realize I'm getting fucked up. And then, like, around like, 18 or so, I was, like, started, like, getting drunk all the time and, like, going to

parties and, like, doing, like, oh, I'm a BMX or go party deal. So you were getting what, like, like, Vigodens from the doctor? Yeah. Okay. With Vicod, or Percocets or something. When you were 16, but so you were taking them to what? Just be able to ride? Yeah. Yeah. So at first it was like, obviously, like, by the script. even less than that. And, you know, for a few years it was just, like, you know, it wasn't running out of pills. But eventually I started running out of pills early.

I'm just, like, taking them all the time. Right. And then at some point, I just, like, took a couple and, like, felt that opioid rush type of thing. And I was just like, oh, shit, this feels fucking great. Right. And then from that point, I was probably, like, I think I, it wasn't long, like, after I remember the Columbine shooting

or maybe it was like yeah something like that. Columbine shooting I think I was in eighth, ninth grade was 99. Yeah and I remember like seeing that on the news and like feeling that high at the same time and so it was like

from then on I was like always like trying to get pills everywhere like find more doctors to get more prescriptions and so forth and had it really occurred to you that the doctors were basically giving you pills that were, you know, turning you into a drug addict? Or in your mind, was it still like, oh, I'm just doing what the doctor gave me?

So there's nothing wrong with this. In my mind, it's like, this is fine. It's like totally legal stuff. It's like everyone uses them. Like, this is their solution to my pain. So this is the only solution they gave me. So that's what I'm going to take. And it's pretty crazy to think about it now that the doctors who are giving you

that shit that they weren't explaining to you in any way, the risk, right? I would assume. Yeah. I mean, like on the pill bottles, like, these can be addictive. Right. But it's like, I never thought I had a problem. I was like actually talking today about it, realizing the point of the first withdrawal that I felt was I was like 21 living in Portland.

And I woke up one day and I just like felt like I had the flu. I was just like, oh, man, I feel fucked up. Right. And I popped a pill and like 15 minutes later, that whole feeling went away. And I was like, oh, this is withdrawling. like this is what that feels like I didn't because the whole time I was just like oh I don't get withdrawal I'm not addicted so so you went all those years without running out yeah because they were pretty easy to come by and you had different doctors who were really writing your prescriptions and

stuff yeah and it was a pretty low like like dose going through it like like taking it responsibly type of thing right and then once I was living in portland it was just like a party every day I had apartment with like eddie cleveland and a bunch of like ben hucky all those like dudes were there and we're all partying all together every single day. Right. And just like living together. Right. And that's when I realized it's like, oh, I need these pills. And it's like, it was kind of. And what was it like drinking on top of also being on the pills? Like how did that change the whole thing? Uh, I don't know. I could handle a lot of shit. So it was like, because I was on it for so long, I didn't really correlate

it. Right. But I was like obviously mixing the whole time and like. It's infinitely easier to get blackout drunk. Oh yeah. There was, yeah. I mean, I was probably drunk, stoned, and on pills the entire time in Portland. Right. And then just a downfall from there. But it felt like your BMX, like your BMX career was all coming together throughout all of us. So like you were riding at like a fairly high level despite being fucked up. Right. Yeah. Well, I mean, I filmed the entire premium products video pretty much in Portland that entire time. I was just, I remember seeing clips. I filmed with Shad one.

I remember seeing the clips a couple weeks later. I was zanied out filming the clips and I like 180ed over a dumpster and like some shit. I was like, wait, I did not remember that. Really? Yeah. So it was pretty intense and had like a couple little like close overdoses and shit like up there. Wow. Yeah.

Do you think that it was kind of didn't make you fearless that you were all fucked up and that you couldn't really comprehend the risk or? Yeah, possibly. Yeah. me like hucked myself more than I would have or at the same time I feel like it would be so hard to like ride well when you're all fucked up on pills because it's just got to be hard to be coordinated or to feel strong and shit well once you're like on it for that long like you fun you're functioning and like when you don't have it you're not functioning so you're feeling

like just like your equilibrium's off when you're riding and like so I would have to take pills to like be able to go ride a skate park or like I like I look back I got a old BMX magazine I did interview in and I was just like shocked of the shit I was saying in it. Really? Like explain a day. Start a day. Take two pills. You said it in the magazine?

Yeah. Just like, yeah. And this is before you had acknowledged that you had an issue or whatever? Yeah. What was this printed in? Who was allowing this to be printed? I think it was Ride, UK.

Really? Yeah. And they were just acting like it was like a funny. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I didn't like do it in person. So it was like an email interview. Okay. And I was like that was my answer.

Like, I'd take them, you know? That's crazy. Yeah. Holy shit But okay So how For the people out there How would you explain

Like how your BMX career went Like would you say you ever reached the point Where you were like feeling like a comfortable Well paid professional Uh no I mean yeah I was always struggling It was like I think maybe

Some BMX companies were kind of wise to like me being fucked up all the time And like maybe that held them back from wanting to give me a paycheck or something but yeah I never like was like in a comfortable position I was always struggling like getting helped out by my parents like for rent and stuff like while I was in college the BMX or dream right there yeah it was just like yeah just not eating and it was just like you know kind of hell it's kind of I mean BMX was really don't get paid that much now anyway but like at my like my uh probably my peak for like money wise it was I I had a deal with monster.

It was like 12,000 a year. Oh, really? Yeah, and that was pretty much it. Like, photo contingencies and whatever else, like, added a little bit to it. Right. Yeah. Would you say that through being fucked up, that you ever start to, like, lose your love of BMX throughout those years

or lose touch of why you were riding or what this was all about for you? Yeah. I remember a moment thinking, what the fuck am I even doing? Like, what I'm just, like, little kid bike tricks. Like, this is, like, I need to grow out of this type of thing. and like just like not understanding the fun part of it anymore and it was like always like a business struggle like I'm not getting paid this is fucked up like I'm like killing myself and like just not getting anything for it like what's the fucking point anymore and I remember just like like kind

of fading away and as the drugs were more on my mind to like I need to get drugs was like the main concern of the day and the BMX just kind of fell off pretty quickly. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, when did it start to get really bad? Like, when did your life kind of start to fall apart as a result? Because it feels like you did a pretty good job of holding everything together for a period of time. Yeah, yeah.

I had a, I graduated college, broke up with my girlfriend, and quit riding all in, like, the same couple months. And so, like, everything just kind of became a drug thing. and I was like hustling pills, hustling, like learning, like the stealing game of shoplifting and, like, kind of like getting in trouble every once in a while with the law. So that transformation where you kind of realize at a certain point, like, oh, I'm going to need more money than I could possibly make through anything legal, so I'm going to have to start stealing and shit.

What was, like, the introductions to that like? Well, the habit was to a point with the pills before I, like, started doing heroin. was it was like getting to like $120, $150, $180 a day. Jeez. And so like a pill is $10, anywhere $10 to $15. I'm doing like almost 20 pills a day. And people are just like, oh, dude, just do heroin. Just do heroin.

It's fucking cheaper because he's like the people I'm hanging out with now. I mean, you were trying to hold off on going into that because you kind of know that this is where there's no coming back for this. I could take 15 pills a day, but at least I'm not doing heroin. Right. And then, you know, obviously you remember. I remember taking the first heroin ever, and I was like, this is exactly like pills. Yeah.

So, but like the, the stealing introduction was just, like, out of necessity. But I ended up meeting, like, this, like, graffiti artist slash, like, racker, like, stealer, shoplifter, like, kind of god. So that's all the taggers. Right. He was a god. So he was, like, really official with his stuff?

Yeah, he was official. But he wasn't a drug addict? He was just really into graffiti? Mainly meth, but, like, he started doing a little heroin with this. me and I started doing a little meth with him and mixing like that. That's sweet. But I had a car and he would just be on my couch all the time getting like fucked up. And then we, he would like take me under his wing and like show me the ropes.

And then I ended up becoming extremely good at the shoplifting. What was like the central crop that you were going out there and taking from its owners? In the beginning it was like jeans. Like go get like 20 pairs of jeans and that will get you like $400 in drugs. And how would you sell them? You would return them? straight to the drug dealers. Oh,

and you sell the jeans to them? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, just trade straight for drugs. So it's like you get a $100 pair of Levi's and it turns into $20 of heroin. Right. That probably seems like a pretty good deal for you in that position.

Oh, yeah. You just walk into a store, take a stack of 10 or 20 jeans and you walk out and you have like a ton of money. That was your way of doing it though? It was nothing more slick than that. You just pick it up and walk out. There were different creative ways, but like at times it was just going. and pick it up, walk out. But also there's like times where you just go into the dressing room, put 10 pairs on,

put fucking couple of hoodies on, and you just look like a fat dude walking out of the fucking store. That's an underrated way of doing it. I was watching some graffiti video the other day, and the guy just walks into fucking Home Depot, fills up the whole cart with spray paint, and then just walks the fuck out. My girl's watching it with me,

and she's just like having a hard time wrapping her head around how this is possible. I'm like, I mean, think about it. Nobody's looking at them. Like, if you're that bold, you know, that goes a long way. I mean, I was doing that with groceries for same people. Like, and, you know, going in, getting, like, nice stakes, whole cart full, walking out. That's a ton of money. Wow.

Yeah, and it's quick. So at this point, you had completely left BMX behind, I'm guessing? Yeah, it was, didn't even touch bike, think about a bike, look at anything to do with bikes. And that was, like, for, you know, for five or six years of just, like, completely being out of it. Wow. Yeah. So you get really into the stealing. Yeah.

And how does that sort of transform? I'm assuming you didn't just stick with stealing the same thing over and over? Yeah, I mean, you get higher-end stuff, like nice $15,000 bags. You stole $15,000 bags? How the fuck are you stealing those? Just like, you know, I get creative. I walk into the store. Like a lot of them would be locked down and want some's on the mannequin.

They're just chilling. Swoop it real quick, be real smooth, have a backpack on, flip the backpack up, throw the bag underneath the backpack slams your back you walk out the store but a 15,000 a bag is like you're talking about like the high end stores in the mall so there's got to be like a lot of security there's eyes on it for sure but you just like if you're slick you know where cameras are like you study every fucking aspect of what's going on where one of the security there what security is there like I had a whole map of the Vegas like the strip was just like a playground for me so it was an average day like you wake up and you get fucked up and then you go steal a bunch of shit

so that you can get more fucked up? Or is it kind of like you wake up, you have nothing, so you have to go out and steal in order to get fucked up that night? It's a little of both. Obviously, like, when you wake up and you have nothing, which would happen sometimes, or like someone would rob you in your sleep and shit like that, you'd wake up and have nothing.

You're in panic mode and desperation mode, and that's when you kind of get caught up. Like, I went to jail 14 times, like, basically for shoplifting. but in like a eight-year span. Right. So it's like pretty every day of doing that. That's not bad. That is pretty good.

Actually, that's pretty astounding. Do you ever get in serious trouble for shoplifting or not really? Yeah, it started like towards the end it started getting worse and worse like the penalties. And like there's like he's not going to stop. So we're going to give him more time, more time. Right. As cops at a certain point, it's like, well, what the fuck are we going to do if this guy's just going to keep doing this for the rest of our lives? My neighborhood where I was, like, you kind of like stay around the same neighborhood because that's where you know where they sell shit and the people you know, the drug addicts you know.

Right. That neighborhood, like, every cop knew my name. Like, and they would just like run up on me at times. Right. Yeah. Because I'm trying to picture you being at the mall, being like a super bad drug addict and just like sort of lurking around the Gucci store. And it's kind of hard for me to imagine you not just standing out a lot at a certain point. Yeah.

So at points. Like those desperate times. But like for the most part, you're, you can go play the part because you're, you can get any of that shit yourself. So I'm wearing Gucci shit and I'm wearing, I'm walking in there. And I'm like cleaning it up and walk in there and just, you know, get whatever. Right. Yeah. Did you ever have any like crazy fucking heist like anything like that really that you took it to another level?

Uh, we did. Yeah. We started going out with like crews kind of. And it would be a little better. We'd have like kind of like our own security. people like the knockout man at the door so somebody tried to stop you they would just fuck them up yeah and we would do like going in like true religion say and everyone goes in and fucking grabs and runs out like and then they had stacks like just on tables right and that's like

$300 a pair wow and so you would just how do you form a crew in that sense like it seems like you know they say there's no honor amongst thieves. It feels like it would be kind of hard to like bring people together for that goal. Right. Well, it's just kind of like organically happens. But for the most part, like, I guess our crew, there was like a little bit of honor amongst us. And we always like would help each other out when like in need for like drugs and shit. But also at the same time, they're the same people robbing you and like helping you look for your drugs. So it's like you can trust them for the most part like when it comes to like us against the the law but like when it's us against us it's like

i don't fucking but you talk about people stealing from you in your sleep as if that was just this like painfully normal occurrence yeah all the time yeah because you're not out doing heroin you're fucking out they just fucking rumm at your pockets like just look at your bags and just take whatever right and so was it always opiates and heroin for you or when did it start to transform into other stuff yeah it was It was for the most part. Well, the pill, like, the pills got to be too much. So I just, like, quit.

I was, like, getting prescriptions still, but, like, selling them to get heroin. Because at a certain point, that stuff just becomes useless. Yeah. And then, like, you kind of, like, start shooting the heroin because everyone's telling you, oh, you save money and you can make it last longer. So you get to a point where you're just shooting all day. So shooting is the ultimate in comparison to, like, smoking it. Because I was talking to somebody the other day was talking about smoking heroin and saying that that was,

oh no i was talking to big head and he was talking about smoking heroin or other drugs because then you can do it you can moderate it more instead of like if you pop a fentanyl pill then you're you might die if you're yeah definitely if you're less likely to die if you're less likely to die if you're smoking like you're not going to get to the point we're going to overdose smoking just regular heroin if there's fentanyl in there yeah you could but like just regular heroin you're going to pass out before you get to the point you're overdosing but you're shooting you just sometimes a heroin's stronger and you just you know fucking you're out

but shooting it up gives you that fucking crazy moment where you just really get fucking plastered super fast yeah and then like you I was like mixing it with coke too so it's just like stay awake and feel it wow it's just like this euphoria high thing that was like very

attractive at the time and but I got to a point where I had like abscesses all over my entire arms my veins were all collapsing and I was shooting and missing and not getting that high for like, you know, years.

So you can fuck up and if you miss the vein you just shot the heroin into like your muscles and then if any little infection on your, or like dirt in your arm goes in there you get an infection and like you're not obviously thinking about cleanliness when you're shooting heroin. Right. And so yeah, your veins end up collapsing.

And if you have coke in there, you can't even feel if you're missing because it numbs you. Right. And it's pretty intense, but I ended up quitting shooting up. And once dabbing came around for weed or dabs or whatever, whack. So you started doing dabs? I started dabbing heroin.

Oh, dabbing heroin. Yeah, I started dabbing heroin and dabbing weed. How was dabbing heroin, though? It was like a life saver for me. Probably saved my arms because my arms were like twice as thick as they should have been, just infected with all the shit, no veins to shoot into. right and I was just smoking it and getting extremely high from the dad because it's just a bong load of fucking heroin smoke right yeah so holy shit yeah I mean at one point I thought my arms are gonna be amputated I never went to the doctor because it's like you know you got a doctor or a hospital like that they're gonna be like okay calling the cops they call the cops on you because you're so obviously a crazy heroin act I mean that's the that's what I was thinking but they can't lock you up for just being a junkie right no not not not

Not anymore. I mean, I think they used to kind of do that more often, but things, laws have changed and shit's been changing over the years. And was fentanyl not really on the scene during your time in the sun? Not really. I mean, I can recall a few times in Portland when I first heard about it, like a cancer patient had it, sold us some patches. We cut the patches and then put the liquid under our tongues and just be fucked up for like two days. Really? Yeah. it's so intense and it's so scary like that that's the new thing on the scene everybody wants it it's so cheap and so much more powerful like everybody wants it but everybody's

dying because when you yeah like because you're you're involved now with like people who are in recovery and everything do you see you know nine people who are fucked up about fentanyl for every person who's just doing straight heroin isn't it like super hard to get heroin at this point yeah i mean fentanyl is literally in every drug now it's like in meth it's in weed it's like just because that addiction of like the you start you need to come back to that drug dealer to get that drug so that's so a guy who's selling weed will sprinkle fentanyl in his weed to get you to come back yeah yeah and so you're telling me that if i fill a blonde with weed that has this fentanyl stuff that's going to get me extra fucked up and then i'll be craving it potentially get you addicted over time yeah like over it you know it doesn't take long for you to like have that craving and like to start feeling withdrawal. and stuff. You think anybody's ever, like, started a Chinese food restaurant and just start putting fentanyl on the orange chicken and just be like, motherfuckers are going to keep coming back to this.

Possibility. I mean, I'm sure everything has been done. People say that all the time, like, oh, I swear that fucking ramen noodles, that had cracking it. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably not true. But what I do with, like, work now is, it's called overdose data to action. So, like, I see all the data for all this stuff.

And, like, the fentanyl right now during COVID has gone up. Like, I think it was, like, 225%. Wow. The use in Nevada. So, yeah, it's definitely the main drug on the scene right now. But, like, when you hear about somebody, you know, taking a fucking Percocet that really just had mad fentanyl in it or whatever, doesn't it kind of, like, go against the aims of the drug dealer?

Because if you are selling fake pills, wouldn't you still not want the people taking them to die? Yeah, ideally you'd want them to... You'd want them to live and continue to buy from you. So, like, how do they end up? Is it just because, like, the process by which they're making the bad drugs is, like, fucked up? So there just might be too much in one of the pills and not much at all in one of the other pills? Yeah, it's just, like, at home, pill-pressed shit. And, like, no one knows it's not, like, regulated.

It's, like, just super scary. But, yeah, I mean, ideally you want your customers to come back. But it's such a huge problem. There's always going to be more customers. It's, like, that guy died. There's five more people that replace them. Right. So at a certain point, by the time you get really into this, where's your family at? Where or what happened to all your BMX friends by this point? Did you feel like everybody just sort of wrote you off and just forgot about you? Or what was that like?

I'm sure there's a little bit of that. But for the most part, I separated myself from my family and my friends. Obviously, like, stuck around with my family longer because they would kind of like help me out sometimes with money. I couldn't like ask friends for money like it's all BMXers no one has money and I'm not going to go rob my BMX friends these are like family to me so I just kind of slowly fade away a few of my bike rider friends were doing drugs with me

and we kind of just closed ourselves off and then more new people came in and those BMXer friends would go away and I was just surrounded by all drug addicts right it's crazy because I was someone who only knew of you as like a guy in videos and magazines.

Yeah. And yeah, it was like a conversation that we would kind of frequently have because we didn't really have like the actual knowledge about what happened to you. We had just sort of heard, oh, that guy was fucked up on pills. And so we wouldn't, you know, it would just be that conversation like, what the fuck happened that Ryan Mills guy? Oh, I heard he's all fucked up on pills. And it was like we would have that conversation, but it wasn't like the media,

wasn't really like covering it. It wasn't like now with social media where if there was somebody who was in a bad place like that then I feel like you know the people on Instagram would end up kind of having that conversation about him it would be a bit more evidence of like oh that's what that guy looks like now so maybe he's not doing so good you know it being like the early 2000s there wasn't a lot of that it was more like just word of mouth like Ryan knows ain't doing too good I remember uh somebody like googled me because like they heard that I wrote BMX or whatever that I was hanging out with I think I didn't even have a phone at this point but like they popped up they put my

my name with BMX and an old BMX board forum came up and it was about me disappearing. Oh, I think I remember that. Yeah. I was just like, uh, this is insane. I was like, I had no idea and I just kind of shut it off and didn't think about it again. But I remember seeing comments of like, yeah, he lives under a bridge, like he lives in a cardboard box now and blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, damn, it's great. How do people even know this shit? Because like I was homeless and I was fucking doing drugs and just like wasted. When did you actually become homeless, though? That was like, I would say around 2012, I lost my apartment.

And I started, but at that time, there was like the real estate, you know, crash. So there was tons of foreclosed houses everywhere. So I wasn't like homeless to the fact where I'm on the street, but I was like just hopping house-to-house. You didn't own the homes that you were staying. Yeah, but I was just like going into like homes with no power and just inhabiting until like I kicked out. Right. So I mean, maybe like once or twice I actually slept on the street. I remember sleeping in a closet a couple times like in an alleyway.

But yeah, it was a different kind of homelessness, I guess. It was like survival. So at that point though, had like your ability to, you know, go out and do these stealing missions of that kind of, did that ever go away at a certain point because you're so fucked up that you kind of? that you kind of couldn't really keep it together enough to even pull this shit off? Well, yeah. And it's also extremely tiring to do. And I ended up at one point renting in an office

probably like 2015 for like $200 a month that I was living in. I just told me it was my art studio. And so I just lived in there. And I started like selling heroin and met this girl through selling heroin that was like basically a high-end prostitute and I ended up and she had like a giant house on golf course and I ended up just going over there all the time and then ended up hooking up with her and then we ended up dating and so I like

lived in this mansion like the last part of my addiction right but like she was just out getting money from like this really uh extremely rich dude so she would go out and get money all day so that she could then do drugs with you yeah that actually sounds like a pretty great arrangement Given what you were right now. It was great. And she had like $10,000 a month, like, guarantee the first of a month every month. And we just go get drugs and gamble. Sometimes she'd win a shit ton of money.

Sometimes she'd lose it all in like a day or two. Right. But it was like I didn't have to steal as much then. So it was like kind of nice. But then when she would run out, I'd have to go on missions. But I'd be driving a range rover to go to these spots that steal shit. Wow. Yeah.

Were you during all this, were you kind of haunted by the idea? of what could have been in terms of your bike riding career as well as just your life in general? Or are you so far gone in this environment that it's hard for you to even, you know, really think about what could have been? Yeah, I mean, sometimes it would be, like, fantasizing about it, like, what would have happened. And, like, I knew at a certain point I was just, like, killing myself, but I just couldn't stop it. But I was, like, I started stealing bikes a lot.

Like out of stores, just riding them out. And I bet every once in a while I'd get like a BMX bike for fun. You can't get a lot of money off of that. Like a bike shop? Yeah, just like, well, like a bigger store. Yeah, like Walmart a couple times and like Dix or Sportschalet or something. You ride it out. Like out of fucking exit.

Yeah, I'd also like strap a backpack full of electronics from there too. Wow. And like just ride out. And I'd try and get like the most expensive mountain bike. But like I would be able to get away from everybody because I still had like the BMX like in my head. and I could like bunny hop shit and this like hop over walls. I got away from cops a few times like that.

Like then I started making it a point to get a BMX bike because I could like control it more. And it was like my getaway, the vehicle. That is pretty crazy when you really think about the fact that like BMX driver spent all these years and all this time learning to do all this really difficult stuff on bikes that is completely useless for anything besides looking cool or making something that looks tight.

But then, you know, if you think about it, if you were on your bike and you were being chased by the cops and there was a 20 stair rail in front of you. That rail all of a sudden becomes the absolute fastest way that you are going to like, if this was a movie, like you are out of there. They're not going to be able to get down those stairs anywhere near as fast as you just got down stairs.

You don't have pegs, so it's kind of irrelevant for you. But that sort of thing. And I did do that. I would have like security bikes chasing me, cop bikes chasing me off at like UNLB campus. And I'd just be cutting corners, hopping walls. Right. Cops come, ditch the bike, just walk away, go get a new bike.

Did you ever make any serious effort to get clean during all this? Or was there never even attempts, really? There was people trying to get me clean. Like, my parents would try every once in a while, and I just didn't want anything to do with it, because I knew how hard it was going to be. I did try at one point Suboxin, which is like an opioid withdrawal blocker.

How was that? It worked the first time, and it was like for a couple times. days and then I just got back on heroin because it was just like rough and then the second time I tried it if you take it too early before you're withdrawing you go into like crazy your withdrawals and so I never touched it again after that because it fucked me up bad like for a whole day I was just like dying puking shitting everywhere wow yeah but yeah that was pretty much the only attempts I went to jail a few times for like six months at a time and would get clean and jail, like cold turkey and out. You couldn't get shit in jail? No, well, every once in a while you could,

but like not really. Not like a consistent thing. You can be like a real drug addicts. Yeah, you can get shit in prison, but jail is like a little harder and more rare and just more snitches and like just stuff like that. But what would that be like getting clean for six months? Would you have, would you be thinking like I'm going to be good once I get out? Uh, two times. I was just like, okay, I'm fucking going to stay clean. Um, a few times. I was like, cannot wait to get out to get high. But like, and I'd instantly, you know, hook up and get something. But like the two times where I did like a three-month stint, I came out and I was like, all right, cool, I'm good.

And then like two days later it was over. And I did a six-month stint and was like healthy again and like came out. And it's like, all right, I'm good. I'll just do meth this time. Instead of heroin. Instead of heroin. But were you already on meth at that point? Yeah, I was already on meth.

But like doing both. And I was like, I'll just do meth this time and not get physically. addicted to anything and then that just like quickly was like I'll take a hit of that right whatever yeah what was the meth side of all that like it sounds like the heroin was like the real deadly addiction for you but then meth was like just the sort of thing you later on top of it I mean meth was just like always around like the people always had it no one cared to share it like they wouldn't care about sharing it like take a hit yeah whatever so you can just like get high all the time right heroin nobody wants to share it because it's like this is like my shit like

like this is like keeping me alive. The life force. This is the only thing keeping me alive. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not sharing this. Every once in my people would, but like, it was like, yeah, you're not touching this. So like the meth was just like everywhere. So like if I didn't have it in the morning and I'm like, fuck I got to go get some shit, I'd hit someone's meth and fucking be out of the door.

Right. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So when did you really hit rock bottom that made you decide that you needed to change? Like, how did this happen? Well, it was. my my well it'd be like the last time I was in jail was like another six month stint and

2013 2013 yeah and I was like okay well I'm fucked right now like I had no like release date and I was just sitting there waiting for a court date and this was another shoplifting arrest uh this was like yeah I had like a credit card and I was getting gift cards at Walmart and cops came in I got paranoid and I ran and then they fucking came and tackled me me and took me in and I went in and I was just like I'm so fucking tired of this shit and this is like another time it's going to suck where I'm underneath the bench and booking fucking withdrawing and like they took me to the medical unit and saw a couple of my homies in there they're like oh man I'm getting bailed out I'm like I'm fucking staying this time I don't fucking care like I'm

not even trying to get bailed out or anything I'm just chilling here you're over it at That point. You thought that life on the outside was going to be that painful that you just weren't eager to get back to it? Yeah, I was just like, what the fuck ever? I'm just going to chill and see how long I'm about to get, like, whatever happens, happens. And like four months into that, like the court, back and forth to court, it's like stand up, sit down, arraignment, go back to jail. Another month, go back. And they're like, okay, we decided we're going to give you three years in prison.

I was like, fuck. I was like three years Fuck dude All right Well can I get bailed out still Or because I was going to go on the run And There was like

Yeah no bail This is it So I was like Fuck I went back to the cell I was like this sucks Like I'm fucked And then like Another month goes by

And I'm like waiting To get a prison basically And the phone rings And they're like It's the public defender Asking for me And so I can get on the phone They're like

Oh we can actually Give you drug court it's like a counseling thing you have to like pay this certain amount of money you have to like do UA's your analysis like every day for like a year you're on probation house arrest sober living

all this shit I was just like fuck that because I've heard drug court stories where it's like impossible to go through you have to basically it's like being in prison because you have to be doing so many different things yeah you basically set up to fail for most people because if you don't have a support system

you're not going to get through that It also sounds crazy because like why would they be eager to put you into that position instead of just, it just seems so unlikely that you would comply given 14 arrests or whatever. Right. And I'm just like also thinking, fuck, maybe I take it, cut the house arrest bracelet and just go on the run and just get high and then go to prison for three years. Right. And I ended up like calling my mom and she was just like, why don't you just try it? Just like give it a valiant effort and just try it. I was just like, because I was like already straight for like five months at that point.

I was just like, okay, I'll fucking try it then. Whatever. Like, they're like, we'll help you out and whatever, get you on your feet. And so I got out and started doing it. And I was house arrested at an actual, like a drug house. Like I had them hide all the drugs. The cops went and inspected it. And they let me stay there because I didn't really have anywhere to go.

Like my parents were like helping me, but not like you can't stay here. to do the house inspection. Yeah, so I did the house inspection at this kind of like drug flop house. Ended up getting there. And they're like, yeah, we'll keep the drugs out of here, blah, blah, blah. Like the next day everyone's doing heroin around me. I'm just like sitting there watching just like fuck. That sounds like it would be literally impossible.

Yeah, it was insane. You can't just like quit heroin in the next day. You're watching somebody do heroin, right? Right. Yeah. No, I mean, I was just like, okay, well, I can't do it. And like a week goes by. I'm just like fucking over it.

I'm like, fuck, this is so shitty. I'm cutting this fucking bracelet off my leg. And just like, one of my homies walked in the door. He's like, and I told him that. I was like, I'm about to cut this shit. And he's like, do not fucking do that. He's like, you need, we need somebody in this fucking neighborhood to fucking show us that it's possible to get out of this shit.

Because he had been through N.A. and AA a few times and just kept coming back. Right. And I was just, and that, like, gave me, like, this inspiration and spark and flame to, like, do it. And I was just like, okay. the next day the probation officer comes over and there's just like eight people in there shooting up like doing meth doing like all the stolen shit in the house and they take me back to jail they're like you knew the rules like you can't be around drugs I'm just like well this is all the only place I got and so they took me back for three more weeks put me back out on the street in a sober living

house which like added to my like pain because I'm just like fuck I got paid $600 a month extra now and like do house arrest and be compliant and then get like whatever job of fucking person with the felony has. But is the sober living house a better environment for getting clean than the actual active trap house? Yeah, well, yeah, definitely better, but it also can be just as bad because all those dudes are also drug addicts that might just relapse or, you know, a few people did and they just get kicked out of the house, which was like the only good part. But yeah, it was, it was rough and I did that for a couple months until like it's just like too much for me and I ended up getting my dad owns a couple apartments in Vegas so he let me stay in one

while I got a job and I just started like asking for bikes I was like I need a fucking bike and got a bike and started like riding on the weekends with like old friends that I used to ride with and like that just started like becoming slowly my thing again of passion and love and like getting good feelings out of I'm just like, I need this shit. And so I'd just go out every fucking weekend. And I was like 200 pounds. Like when I went into jail, I was 130 pounds. What are you now?

Like 130, 140 or something? No, I'm like 165 probably. Yeah. And so I put on like all this weight. 200. I'd love to see fat Ryan Mills. That sounds exciting. I don't know if I ever seen those photos.

Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. That's interesting that BMX like immediately sort of like, it left your life during the addiction and then it just, it was right there waiting for you once you, got over it. Yes, it was crazy how it worked. And I fucking could not ride at all.

I couldn't air out of it. It had all gone away. I was just like, the first time I got a bike, I bunny hop 360ed while I was like waiting to do a piss test and fucking ate shit in the parking lot and broke my hand. Broke it. Yeah, broke my hand. I was just like, fuck.

Wow. But this time my injuries, I don't take pain pills. I'm just like, all right, well, I'm just going to sit in pain. But like, you know, it's not bad. Right. You know, all this time I'm taking these pills, thinking, my excuse is, oh, I'm in pain, I'm in pain, my knee hurts, so it broke my wrist.

I got to have it, I got to have it. Now it's like, you heal faster, and you, if I can, it's not even bad pain after like a week. You heal faster if you don't take the painkillers? Yeah, it just kind of slows you down. And so it's the process takes your bone density away, like heroin and opiates, makes it like, so like my bone density is still probably pretty fucked up from all the damage I've done to it.

So I break pretty easy. I think. So I kind of like have to tone my bike riding down a little bit, but still, you know, do what I can do. What will you describe as the real, like, motivation that kept you from going back? Because, yes, you're getting into riding bikes again on the weekend, and that's becoming very important to you and stuff. But it just feels like with, if you don't really have that much that's filling your days necessarily, that's going to be really hard for you to stop yourself when you do have that

that doubt when your brain starts telling you like no fuck it just do it right like you have to have something that's rooting you to reality to avoid that right yeah well the one of the biggest things was the three years of prison and and getting like a felony attached my name one of the conditions was they're going to reduce the felony when I finished drug court and I did all that and they so I don't have a felony so but that was like a major thing because like when you have a felony you're kind of fucked for a lot of shit right so but and then just like my family being there and friends seeing my nieces and nephews and stuff is like stuff I couldn't do right because they didn't want me around damn so that that like were you sort of able to like

open up and become a lot more of a person once you started to really like take a step away from the drugs because like something like that like not being able to see your nieces or your parents or whatever like a lot of people listening it's like almost probably hard for them to imagine choosing something over those sort of relationships. But, I mean, once that drug is really taken over your life, I mean, a lot of stuff just goes to the wayside, right? Yeah. The whole experience obviously changed me as a human being, for sure.

I don't take advantage of days anymore. I became a lot more humbled than I was because, you know, I was just like, oh, I'm fucking on top of the world, like bike rider. I can do whatever the fuck I want. And it was like a big like smack me back down the earth like going through all this stuff. But yeah, just like, I don't know, you just grateful for each day that you wake up and have people to smile with. And, you know, that's it. When did you hit a point where you felt like I'm not tempted anymore?

Like there's no chance of me going back. And do you feel like that now or do you feel like if things were to really go badly in your life that you could see yourself going back? No, I'm at a point where that that shit. is never entering my life again. I don't know the point of where I first thought that, though. But it's evolved into it now, and this is, I'm almost five years clean. So it's taken a while. But, like, I mean, I, it's tough.

Like, sometimes I'll, like, sit and think about it and fantasize about it. But it's never to the point where I'm like, I'm going to go fucking get this shit. Right. But it's just like a quick thing. It's interesting the way you describe how much like riding bikes means to you now because I guess like you being my age and like us being out riding together and stuff and I just see like a level of energy in terms of your riding or a level of like really giving a fuck that it is kind of something that I'm just not used to seeing from somebody who's been riding for so long.

Like you're used to seeing the 18 year old kid who's pro and he's just killing himself and going crazy because he's 18 doesn't know anything better is this is what he's good at he's just going for it but it's like a different type of energy once you hit you know 36 37 years old because a lot of people you know you get to that point and you know it's just doing a bike trick doesn't seem like the most important thing in the world or like never mind doing like your hardest bike trick that is going to you know put your life on the line or whatever but with you it's like you very much get that level of passion and dedication where it's like no this guy really care about riding bikes enough that he's you know it means something more to you than it means to the

average person right yeah it's like a definitely a therapy session um it helps to like push myself to a different level like or you know not every time i got ride but like i want to like keep improving and like see improvements and like that's why i got instagram was like my my video journal like to see my progression. Like, it wasn't like a, I need a fucking get Instagram so I can get sponsors and shit like that. It was just like, I just want to see where I was and like have it there. Right. But when I first started riding again, or before I even started riding again in jail, I like had like a list of goals and I was just like bike was like the fifth thing down like, well, I could maybe get on a bike again, you know, whatever, but it seemed impossible. And I was just like the level of shit these

days and I was just like, why would I even try? But get on a bike again. Like did you want to want to like just get to the point where you're able to like learn tricks again or just to have fun in your bike like what was it yeah just to see what i could still do and like but you know a lot of shit in my head i was just like back and forth like you're too old you're you can't do it uh it's like past you now like it's kind of pointless but it's like literally saving my life right yeah but yeah i mean i there's like other little goals too just like one of them was like oh i want to try and get in a magazine again. And when I got out of jail,

magazines ended. Yeah, right around that. I was like, well, fuck that. But, like, so trying to do, like, the equivalent of that now, like, fuck out, see if I can do a video part. Right.

I mean, you pulled me on to OSS and we're like, let's do a video. You know, I'm just like, okay, because I was literally talking to Kyle Carlson, like, maybe a couple months before that. I was like, I want to do a video part. Let's film one, like, over the next year or whatever.

Right. like see what we can do and then like you're like oh you want to come on this trip i'm like fuck yeah yeah because you did say you're like that's the most or you said that was the first trip that you had been on riding wise or it was the most you had ridden for a long as time yeah yeah pretty much and it was like i'd done a couple like golden day trips with nate and just like shout out yeah shout out Nate big time uh because he he pulled me back into the riding scene too like a lot right but uh yeah the the osse trip was like well also it was like right after i was like right after I had COVID.

And so I was just like dying and riding every, we're like riding 10 hours a day. I was just like, I hadn't tested myself that many days of like riding in a row. Normally it's like two or three days and a day off or whatever. And we just went hard every day. And I was just like, okay, I'm kind of getting to the point where I think I might be dust. And then the last day all of a sudden came around. I was just like still riding. I was like, okay, I can handle that.

That's cool. Yeah, that was a fucking crazy-ass trip for me, honestly, too, just being in the bike riding environment for that many days in a row. Because at this point in my life, it's like, I'm used to, like, going out riding one day a week or, you know, here and there and having that full day of riding. And that in its own is very exhausting. And then to, like, do it for, like, seven days straight. It was kind of like, oh, like, I'm not so different than I was when I was 18 where I could just do this every day. Yeah, yeah. It was kind of eye-opening and pretty cool.

and then we went to Denver and kind of did the same thing. I was like, okay, I'm hanging with the boys still. Like, I can still hang a little bit. Yeah. I mean, my shit's not like the level. I mean, some of it is, but most of it's not. Like, I'm not like hucking myself and shit. You being crazy, but do you, yeah, like, hucking is a good way of putting it.

Like, do you sometimes think about doing the absolute craziest shit that you can imagine? Or are you more focused on, like, have it a bit of longevity and not necessarily wanting to, you know, be on crutches for. Be on crutches for six months or whatever. I want it to last long. Some of it's like I don't, sometimes I'm like, I just want to make my heart beat really fast. So let's fucking do it. But I think every spot that I go to,

I'm just always thinking like I could probably do this. But most of the time, like, the wiser me is like, let's just hold back on this one, wait for a different spot. Like let someone else get something here and we'll just move on. And something will come around. Definitely. Yeah.

So how did you get working with the sober living stuff for, rehab stuff that you work with now so crazy it's like so when i first started riding again uh kyle with vital i did like a little piece on me like he's riding again type of thing and i ended up getting this company fend in australia hit me up and they're like hey you want to advocate for us or like a opioid against opioid thing i was like sure whatever and then they uh they sponsored the the last warp tour and gave me tickets like backstage passes to the warp tour and shit so i went to the warp tour in Vegas and ended up meeting this girl that came to see what they're up to and i was just like hey uh i want to like try and get something in the realm of like counseling or help give back or whatever like

see what i can do and she had seen the vital piece or something and was like okay yeah i'll uh here's my card so I emailed her that night and I was like just let me know if you know there's anything that opens up and like a week later she's like yeah there's people are doing a documentary um about you know they're into your story and there's a few other stories involved and so I just was like okay let's do that so did this documentary and people from the state saw it and in the documentary it says like Ryan is like seeking employment like trying to give back and like a week later I get an email from somebody from the state of Nevada. I was like, hey, we have a position for you.

So they basically, like, created a position for me to, like, kind of just have a job with them. And it was, like, intense. That must feel crazy, given that you were this, like, local menace for all these years. That, like, for the cops, like, I can't even imagine what it would be like to be a cop that has seen you a million times. And then to realize that you're kind of on his side now. Yeah. And, like, one of the, so I went to jail from that. Walmart getting cards, but like I had a warrant still for an arrest because I stole a backpack from a casino and it was ended up being a politician from Nevada's backpack and I had all those like laptops and iPads and it was just what sitting by some table or something? Yeah, he walked out of a cafe and he just left it there so I just went up and grabbed it and it had all this shit in it. I was like oh sick. And they fucking tracked me down with like eight cops and a helicopter and I tried running then and it was like just crazy. But like the ironic part is is like I

stole a fucking public like government Nevada government official computer you're thinking like sure I got some laptops yeah and now now they gave me a computer to do work so it's like a whole like weird full circle thing it's crazy it's crazy but wow yeah so what kind of work do you actually doing what capacity are you dealing with people who have these issues um I mean we do a lot of like just like we work with partners and like fund different things that coalitions in Vegas like needle exchanges and like other kind of like harm reduction type of things and also like right now like the closest I'm going to be getting to like talking to actual addicts is we're doing like some survey interview stuff like trying to

see where addicts are at what they know about like what we have for resources and like So I'm going to be like talking to actual people and getting information so that we can get it more widely known that things have kind of been changing. The stigma has like been changing of like a drug addict. It's like don't be embarrassed to like admit that you are one because you can get help if you do admit it. So it's kind of like that. That's interesting because that that is one big shift that like we would like to see taking place in society where we're stopping, treating people who are addicted to drugs like criminals. and start treating them like people who are sick that need care and help, right?

Yeah. Like, are you seeing, like, our government pick up on that attitude a bit? I mean, yeah, definitely. And them just having enough trust in me and giving me a computer after that charge right is, like, it kind of speaks loud about, like, how they're like, okay,

we'll give you a fucking chance. Yeah. So it's like, you know, they want to, like, help people get back into society because that just makes everything you run better you know i don't know it's hard to explain it but it's like super important like weird like underbelly thing going on yeah yeah definitely um damn so okay like what what would be your advice to people watching this because i just like there's been so many stories like even in just the

time i've been doing this podcast where we've just had different people who were on the show or in our vlogs or artists or whatever passed from opias or just drugs and junk general, like, very early on in their life, like, what would be your advice to a young person who, you know, is watching this and maybe, like, sees your side of the coin, but then they also maybe don't think it's so bad? Or, like, what would be the general advice if you met some kid who, you know, thinks it's all good to pop Zanz and drink lean and do whatever? Like, how would you communicate with them about that? Um, I mean, obviously, I would try and, like, just be like, yeah, that's not the business, you know, that's not cool. But,

Like, on a deeper thought, I try and connect, like, to that person and have an actual conversation with them and, like, kind of tell them where I come from and where it goes and where it leads. I mean, like, it's kind of typical. Like, I used to be a drug addict type of thing and you're going to fucking die. Like, I mean, could die or whatever. But it's, I mean, there's just a lot more out there right now that can, like, help you get away from it if you are, like, struggling with it. I mean, obviously it's like the cool thing to do is like get fucked up and do whatever, but it's a lot of people, it becomes a problem. And that's like kind of in your DNA, like if it's going to become a problem or not, and you don't really know that until you're using. So it's like, I don't know.

If it's a problem and like you need help, reach out as soon, like the sooner the better. Like don't go fucking your whole entire life up. and just like lose everything. But when you look at your whole process of addiction and stuff, like a couple years into your addiction, do you think that there's anything that anybody could have done to have stopped you? Like somebody who would put together a really well-formed argument or like really convincing?

Or do you think that you really like once you were in the shit, you were going to have to see that shit until you were done? Yeah, well, I mean, that's kind of like, Another thing I kind of leave a conversation with a person with is when you're ready, I'm here. You can hit me up and I can help you guide you in a direction you need to go because I know that you aren't going to do anything until you want to do it until it's like such a problem. And a lot of people don't even get to see that point because they either pass away or they go to prison for some crazy sentence and don't get lucky like me and get a drug court offer. you know so it's uh you definitely have to be ready yourself and uh hopefully like shit like talking like this in front of people like kind of people can learn from it but i don't know i had to learn

from myself so yeah i heard somebody say once on that like you know society gets the drugs that it deserves like people get the drugs like you know drugs become popular in cultures because there is something missing from that population. And like when you talk about America and the opiate addiction, I think a lot of it seems like the kind of drug that's like perfectly suited for people who, you know, a whole population who feel kind of useless, feel like life itself, like there's not a whole lot to, to care about, you know, in a lot of ways in our society, you know, kind of like turned away from like, you know, relationships or, you know, definitely turned away from, you know, the church and stuff like that.

like there's not a lot of institutions really like holding people together to give their life meaning and stuff and I say that as a lifelong atheist but like would you agree that to some certain extent that like in a lot of ways opiads are kind of like the answer to how hopeless a lot of people feel it's an escape from those thoughts and like it makes you like cope with like what you're dealing with and you're just like okay I can I can live with this whatever I'm fucked up but it's not just in those societies and those cultures and those cultures. it's literally everywhere. It's like, you know, I knew I sold drugs to lawyers. I sold drugs to doctors. I sold drugs to, like, everybody. And it was like, you know, there wasn't, it's obviously more in certain cultures, but it's everywhere at the same time.

So everyone, you know, the addiction thing is just, doesn't really care where you're born, who you're brought up with. It's just in there. Right. When you think about, or when you're like in that, environment with like a bunch of BMX riders and you know obviously if you have a bunch of

bmx riders they're probably drinking and smoking a lot of weed i get the idea that that doesn't really bother you to be around at all no i mean people are going to be people and if you're fucking you know shooting up heroin in front of me i'm not going to be bothered by it i'm going to like try and help you maybe but like i'm not i'm not here to fucking judge anybody like i've been through it like i know everyone's just a person and like under all that masking of drugs and i'll alcohol and it's just you know I don't know it's I don't look at people differently and I'm strong enough to like not be influenced by someone else doing something like that right so I've been there no yeah I just think it's dope or I mean this is interesting because I feel like a lot of people

have like a really hard time like people who quit drinking and they can never be at a house party where people are drinking like yeah to some serious extent again that's just kind of interesting me that you seem like you've gone to the point where you have enough resolve that that doesn't really affect you right yeah well i have i mean my little advice is held like cigarettes those never went away not never went away so i was like in jail and then i got out it was immediate but like you know people buy a a bottle of beer i will go buy a bottle of coca cola that's what you do yeah so i just have like a cocacacaca i'm drinking with you but i don't need to get i've been there i don't need to do all that i did the most in that area so it's like i don't need to do that shit

Definitely. Yeah. Where do you see your life going from here? I very much get the feeling with you that you're just thankful as fuck to even to even be here. Like I get that vibe when I'm out riding with you where it's like that a lot of people seem consumed with what they're trying to make out of their life. And like you're somebody who when you're out riding, it very much feels like Ryan's a guy who's just thankful as fuck to even be here at all. Yeah. Well, because I am.

Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, my future. I obviously want to like achieve more and do stuff but I've also been down to the very lowest part of life. And so I came from like a middle class and fucked that all off. And so learning the being broke type of thing made me see like money isn't everything. Obviously you need money to live. But I'm comfortable even now where I'm at. If this is as far as I go, like, I'm comfortable.

But I have, like, ambitions to definitely keep moving up in the space I'm in. And if I move up in bike riding, so be it. But I don't care, everything. But I just want to go ride. Have you heard from a lot of people who are motivated or inspired by your story? Yeah. I think I pretty much get at least a DM, like, once a day from people. Wow.

Yeah. Just like, oh, my family's been there and shouting out, like, me talking to about it because I'm pretty vocal about it on Instagram and in just life. I can think of people in the BMX world right now who are like, you know, very well-known pro riders that 10 years ago or whatever that we were looking at them like they were the shit. And then fast forward to now, I don't know what the fuck they're doing. I would assume it's not good.

I can think of people who pop up asking people for bikes. Like I have like a couple different BMX group chats and like there's been people who would just pop up and, you know, ask three or four different people. we'd all get the same DM around the same time trying to get a bike. Yeah. And we would all know exactly what it's about is that the person's fucked up and they're trying to get a bike to be able to sell it or whatever. That's crazy, though, to think.

There's other people who, you know, you would be still, I guess, in those positions if you haven't been able to make a break for it. There's a ton of people like that, especially in the sport that we were in and, like, skating extreme sports in general, sports in general, like just everything you can get injured in, the pain pill introduction is there. That's such a consistent way that people get into it. Yeah, so many people's story. And it's, yeah, you're either an addict or you're not.

I think, like, putting that idea into people's heads before they actually, like, you know, I would want to tell my kid over and over throughout their life pain pills. Like, you might, at some point, you might have to go to surgery. You might have to do it, but this is, like, the scariest thing in the world. Yeah. But a lot of people, if they don't know. know that like with your story i mean that's pretty terrifying that you were able to be on pain pills for years and years that nobody in any of these clinics or whatever really warned you about how

bad it was and that you didn't have people like socially in your life telling you how bad it was i mean that's pretty unbelievable if you think about it by today's standards yeah but back then that was that was it today's standards is getting better doctors can't like overprescribe so much they can't do so many refills they can't do like so many pills at once they're offering physical therapy, other like acupuncture, other like methods of like this is the only way, like surgery and pain pills. Like so it's getting better, but I don't know. Like if I was offered back then, like, oh, you can do physical therapy or do these possibly

addictive drugs. I would have done physical therapy. Right. Like when I think about being young and getting surgery when I was, you know, maybe in high school or whatever, there's definitely times I look back on when I think about like the first times that they ever had me on Valium or. you know, giving me norcos or Vicodins or whatever. And, you know, it felt really fucking good.

But it also, like, I didn't socially have this idea in my head of like, oh, you could just like get more of these and keep doing this. Yeah. Like, that just didn't really like, you know, it wasn't a thing to me in my mind. Like, I was thinking about the other day. I don't think I even knew what Coke was in, like, high school. Like, I don't think by the time I graduated high school that I could have explained you what cocaine was, which is probably like a really good thing.

I don't think like a lot of kids these days necessarily. have that luxury. I think that a lot of drugs are just so on front street in our culture and stuff that it's kind of harder for them to not know about it. But I mean, it's also, if you listen to rap music, you might get the idea that Zanz and perks are this like fun thing you can do. Yeah. That's certainly not the case.

I definitely get a little turned off by those type of songs. I'm just like, uh. See, we were blowing your mind on that trip because we were playing every rap song under the sun. And I could tell that certain songs, you were just like, holy fuck. Like, this is crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. you definitely expose me to some stuff. I was like, oh, this is today's world. Yeah. But it is what it is, I guess. It's a balancing act. Yeah. Fuck.

All right, is there anything else we should talk about? Anything that you want the world to know about this whole journey and everything? I don't know. I don't really know. It's been a crazy-house journey, man. Just to like see. I mean, just being somebody who was like looking at you, like, you were in the man in magazines and shit for.

so long and then to be on trips with you and stuff and knowing that you've been through this fucking journey. I mean, it's pretty astonishing to be totally honest. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. And just the fact that we're like the same age and that you've like had this big fucking chunk in the middle of your life in which you were just fighting this fucking demon. And then to come out on the other side and still be able to ride bikes really good, that's pretty shocking.

Yeah, I agree. Definitely. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, I appreciate you. I appreciate it too. I felt like we had to have this conversation because, like, there's definitely been times where, you know, we've all just been, like, hanging out in the van,

and you just started telling us some story where I could tell that everybody in the van was kind of like just immediately jolted back to the reality of like, oh, right, Ryan used to be on the craziest shit ever. I think one thing that you said that made me sort of shocked in that regard is when you said, Like you were talking about stealing and how the stealing addiction sort of almost took, it held on to you longer than the drug addiction where you kept stealing for a little while after you stopped doing the drugs.

Tell me about that. Yeah. Well, yeah, that was kind of unexpected. I didn't know. Like it was like that. But like, I was like craving stealing still. I was in a sober living house. Like I was broke still too.

So I had that mentality of like I can just get whatever. I want if I just take it. So like I would go steal from the get food or whatever. One day I was just like took another dude and I'm like let's go if I can steal something like let's get a rush and so we went and stole some shit but. And did it work? Yeah it worked and then afterwards I was just like I just risked three years of prison to fucking take some headphones. Right. The fuck I'm like doing. So like kind of was a wake-up call real quick but yeah I saw sometimes I'll just like forget that like the shit that became normal. see to me is totally insane to other people and I'll be just like saying shit and people are just like

taken back like wait what I'm like oh that's not normal to say yeah yeah yeah we all we all forget the Ryan has this yeah yeah because I'm kind of like back to normal yeah and I don't I'm not like a I'm not a person that wants to see harm done to anybody or like wants anyone to be fucked over because I've seen it so much in my life like I would never like steal from anybody I know and I would never like want anyone to go through that shit. Right. So I just like, I don't know, just trying to be normal. Do you ever feel like, do you feel like you still have to deal with the fact that people

look at you, I guess, and judge you based on that stuff? Like, for me it seems obvious to, you know, the way we regard you is like, this is amazing. Like Ryan actually, like, had these hard times and beat it and now he's doing so well for himself. But is there an extent to which some people might still just look down upon you and not really care about the transformation and the growth? Oh, definitely. Yeah, I mean, people aren't going to trust it always because, like, people are just groomed to not trust drug addicts. Right.

You know, and, like, he's just going to turn. Like, I get that a lot. He's going to do drugs again, blah, blah, blah, like, he'll go back. But, like, yeah, in the beginning, it was, it was tough, like, getting trust back from people. But that was, like, an obvious thing that had to happen, like, maybe my own family. Just, like, I'm not to prove for fucking years that I'm just not going to do that, like, anything like that again. But, I mean, even, there's just like, yeah, there's definitely people that wouldn't trust me, I think. But whatever.

How do your parents, how have they perceived all those? I'm sure they're overjoyed, right? Oh, yeah. They are very overjoyed, and they just, it's pretty intense. They wrote me off for dead, you know, at one point, and to, like, have me back and it's, like, just great. I put them through so much shit. you know and like I'm sure just

so many nights of just like where is he like the times they felt safe they knew I was in jail they knew where I was they were like okay I know like for your parents it's crazy to think

that they probably at a certain point had to write you off just for their own sanity they were gonna get a call one day that he's dead yeah and that was like

pretty shocking to hear when they told me that I was just like oh fuck so I put you through some shit because you're putting everyone around you

through shit. Like you're not just putting yourself through it. You're like putting everybody. A lot of my friends would check the jail to see where if I was alive still. Right. Yeah. Would you, uh, what would you advise to somebody who feels like they're in a position where they could use rehab or, or need to do something dramatic to get themselves off of opiates or whatever? What would be your basic level of instructions that you could give them? Mm. Well, it's kind of, it's kind of, not like a state to state thing. Like so just look up, you know, whatever you can. Like, for the most part, if you're addicted to drugs, most likely you don't have health insurance,

try and get on state Medicaid or whatever kind of thing you can get on. And that way, you can go to these rehabs for free and just like go handle it and do whatever amount of time and not be like financially worried about where you're going to be at. But there's also like tons of this shit. Like right now it's like difficult because COVID, like there's no gathering so like a a meetings are out the table um a lot of rehabs are like limiting people coming in but i mean it's still possible to do it but you know just it's a simple fucking internet search to like get there so do you do meetings like a type meetings you weren't like an alcohol guy right but yeah i mean or na meetings like narcotics i would go because i was like

mandated by court to go. But it just wasn't for me so much. I didn't need that community of people and like don't know if I trust it so much like because you're kind of putting yourself in a position where you're going to make these friends that are going to statistically fall off and go back out. Right. So like do you want to get invested in like a group of these people that are good right now but you're going to likely see them die soon? Like so I, I, I, I, went towards the BMX thing more that's interesting yeah hobbies are extremely important like to keep your mind right right and to have a community of people of that do your hobby like in any hobby you do there's going to be a community around it definitely no matter what so yeah well hey man it's a very very

inspirational story and I'm thankful for you sharing with us and I feel like a lot of people are going to get a lot out of it I hope so I really appreciate you having me on here to talk about it because it needs to be said. I talk about it a lot and it's just like I feel like I get a lot of good feedback for the most part. So the more I talk about it, the better. Definitely. Well, hey, I appreciate your time, man. Yeah. Ryan Mills. Thank you very much. No Jumper. Coolest podcast in the world. Check us on YouTube, SoundCloud, iTunes, like, comment, subscribe. And Hollar at Ryan on Instagram. He could use any positive comments, I'm assuming. He seems happy to deal with it? Yeah, hit me out. Hit them up. Appreciate y'all.