No Such Thing As A Fish - 500: No Such Thing As A Cougar Called Jeff

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

Dan, James, Andrew and Anna celebrate 500 episodes and discuss cougars, crocs, digits and David. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandise and more episodes.  Join Club Fish for ad-free episodes and exclusive bonus content at apple.co/nosuchthingasafish or nosuchthingasafish.com/patreon

Hi everybody, and here just a couple of announcements before we start this week's show. The first announcement is that as you will see from the episode number here, this is the 500 episode of no such thing as a fish. And we just wanted to say we are so thrilled to have made it to 500. We definitely didn't think we would when we started this in 2014. And we wanted to say thank you to all of you for listening. We know loads of you have been listening for many years. Pl plenty of you have been listening right from the get-go and whether you've listened to 500 episodes or whether you've just started we wanted to say

a huge thank you. It would not have happened without you and with Reldi here. This show is a very special one. It was recorded live at the London Podcast Festival and as many of you know we've been having lots of guests to cover Anna on maternity leave. This time we pull out all the stops and our special guest is a name that will be familiar to many of you because it's Anna! Anna Tydinsky is back everybody. She's back, she's better than ever, she insults us all in the first three minutes of the recording. We really hope you enjoy this show and Anna will be back full time in another month or so. The second announcement is about a farix I think new book that's been published.

It's called Everything to Play for, the QI Book of Sports. And it's authors on none other than James Arkin and Anna Tijinski of this podcast. That's right, James and Anna have written their first joint book without me in Dan with. It's a brilliant book. It's a history of basically the entire

world through the medium of sport. So it's great for people who like sport, but it's also great for people who don't think of themselves as sport lovers. I don't think of myself as a sport lover, but I'm reading it now and I'm absolutely engrossed, I'm learning fantastic new things on every single page. If you know someone who likes sport, or if you like this podcast, you will love this book. It is absolutely full of mad, bizarre, wonderful, niche things about the bigger sports in the world and the smallest ones and everything else in between.

James and Anne have also read out the audio books, so if you'd like to listen to them reading it, that's like a huge bumper bonus episode of Fish. That can be done too. Once again, it's called Everything to Play for, the QI Book of Sports, get it now, get one for yourself and one for someone else at Christmas. That's it, hope you enjoy Fish, our 500th Show. Yeah, put your words on the notes and say, the next thing you do, the next thing you do, the next thing you do, the next thing you do,

the next thing you do, the few of my opposites in Harvard Garden. And that, the answer is, I just got to know the biotrain. There's just one more thing about this. So I'm going to go around and find ideas. I'm going to find ideas. I'm going to find ideas. The Oh Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to King's Place. Please welcome to the stage

no such thing as a fan. Yeah! Yeah! Hey everyone! Thanks so much for coming everyone tonight. How you doing? Fuck yes. Alright. Um, cool the music please. So we are so excited to be here tonight for our 500th episode. We are, thank you so much. We've been having a lot of guests over the last nine months to come on in place of Anna because she's a way of maternity and so we've had a lot of fun. Arguably the show's been better, I would say. It's felt stronger. Yeah, I'm joking, come this. Do you think I'd ever say that? If she heard that, she'd kick my fucking ass.

So, yeah, anyway, we've been having amazing guests coming on, but we thought for the 500th episode, we need a big gun, we need someone who's gonna really deliver the goods. Unfortunately, we found someone a rookie. So please, make a feel welcome, kind of guide her in. Please welcome the stage, ladies and gentlemen, it is the return of Anna Tashinsky! What a funny ruse, Dan. What a hilarious little gag there. We're back. Shit.

Can I just say, no intro music for me, huge ridiculously disproportionate build-up, there's like welcoming Neil Armstrong back from the moon style, build-up, then no intro music for the super special most exciting guest you've ever had on. Okay. Just a little director's note. Well, let's see how you do in this episode and we might have you back from home. Thanks. All right, so we got, we're ready to go, should we do it? 500th episode. Okay, let's roll theme tune Hello and welcome to another episode of no such thing as a fish weekly podcast, this week coming to you from the London podcast festival! My name is Dan Schreiber, I am sitting here with James Harkin, Andrew Hunter Murray, and

ladies and gentlemen it is the return of Anna Tashansky! And once again we have gathered around the microphones with our four favorite facts for this very special 500th episode of No Such Thing as a Fish and in no particular order here we go. Starting with fact number one, and that is my fact. My fact this week is that in preparation for the 500th anniversary of the creation of Michelangelo's David, the people in charge of cleaning him had a huge falling out because they couldn't agree if he should be washed or dry cleaned.

This was a big deal. There was ten years of preparation for this big birthday that was coming up, but the one thing that they couldn't decide on near the end was how do you actually do the cleaning process itself? From the image behind us, it looks like he's been hoovered. Well, so this is after a decision has been made and a vacuum was involved, yes. Oh, I see.

And also, I haven't seen my clientele, David. Is he really, really big or is the person doing a tiny little borrow-on? He's 17 foot, which I'm told by the internet, is the average size of a giraffe. If you want to picture that, because we've all seen a giraffe. Well, no I have. I've just realised I have to. So I say, no, they've got one at the zoo. Yeah.

But they don't have one of these at the zoo. No. That's how you can tell the difference in me. Take a tell if you're in zoo or in Florence. Yeah. If you're in Florence, zoo, that's the one task case which doesn't work, because they've got both. Has it always been this slick?

It's not direct as commentary, mate. No, it is amazing. In fact, for the people listening at home, that we've got a picture here of the lady who's cleaning him. I think her name might be Ella Nora Putchi, because she's the lady who currently cleans David, and she was interviewed about it this year, and she does it every two months,

and she photographs him very carefully to see basically whether dust is and whether any extra grime has accumulated, and then she dusted it, and she has the special vacuum cleaner designed for statues which I had no idea was even a thing and she gets on a scaffold and she has this backpack vacuum cleaner and just hoops them. Is it, I just thought it was a low pressure vacuum?

Is it designed for statues? It's not just a cramped vacuum cleaner. It's a Henry. It's a... Okay, Henry is high pressure. Is it? Famously. Yeah.

I think my vacuum cleaner, I might have acted any bought a statue vacuum cleaner. I can't even get rid of a cobweb thread. But yeah, I think there might be some jealousy amongst the other statues. Because did you read, I think it was the comment from her when she said, we dust the other statues four times a year, but his majesty gets the treatment every two months. Wow.

Yeah. After they did the big restoration, I was reading an interview with a member of the team called Antonio Palucci and he said, only someone with expert knowledge and a thorough and long familiarity with the statue will be able to tell that certain irregularities are no longer there. Okay. And I'm just thinking that that's what I would say if I hadn't done it. Yes. Oh, you can. Oh, well,, you can't sit. Well, that's because you're not an expert. If you're an expert, you'd be able to see what I've done. Yeah. They got so angry about it, didn't they?

There was so much drama. Like someone resigned over which cleaning method they were going to use. Yeah, come and talk about what is the difference in statute terms? Because I'm not even sure what the difference is in closed terms between washing and dry cleaning. What's the difference in statute terms? Okay. Okay. terms, because I'm not even sure what the difference is in closed terms between washing and dry cleaning. What's the difference in stack turns? Okay, so what I'm going to tell you has a lot of gaps because I don't understand it, but roughly, what I'm about to tell you, roughly it's this. It's very hard to clean a statue, okay?

That's one of the big problems. You're not even dealing with the grime that it's accumulated over the past. It's about the previous cleaning methods that have one of the big problems. You're not even dealing with the grime that it's accumulated over the past, it's about the previous cleaning methods that have messed up the statute. So you're kind of dealing with the problems of the past. So David was cleaned in the 1800s at some time, and then nothing until 2004 or three when they were getting ready for the big 500 anniversary.

So if you use anything that's wet on it, you're gonna be making things worse. Whereas the brush is just a light. So is that dry cleaning? The dry cleaning is the brush. The vacuuming is the dry cleaning. A wet cleaning would be... Soapy water.

Soapy water. A big car... I'll imagine a car wash with the David Kingser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but you had these two people. You had the director of the museum who was going for one side. You had the person who was brought in arguing for the other side, and then there was an international body of artists who were protesting and writing letters saying,

let him just stay dirty, they didn't want him cleaned at all. Yeah, so it's a... Why do we want him to stay dirty? Is that because... Your damage in the case of damage. Yeah, because they did in the olden days, didn't they? Like they cleaned him with hydrochloric acid, I think, that time in the 19th century, which really screwed them up. Yeah.

Have you heard of natural enzyme cleaning? No, I saw. There's a thing that lots of curators do, and it's basically spitting on the artworks that you... Oh, yeah! Yeah. They don't actually spit, well, the good ones don't spit on the artworks.

Basically, you lick a cotton bud, and then you use that. But during COVID, they stop this practice. But loads of really senior people, no. But it's so safe. That's the thing. It's one of those things, which was a bit overcame. Yeah, people aren't going licking David, are they? Exactly.

Unless visitors are actually licking the thing, then it is totally safe. So if you are in the National Gallery and you spit on a painting, is that a defense, do you think? When they come around and say, we said not to go near it, I think you can probably say, I'm just cleaning, mainly so whatever, who's not in the National Gallery? I know.

It's worth trying, I think. It's worth trying. So do you know, one of the few things that were on David that needed cleaning, there was beeswax on him. Really? Why would there be beeswax? Because because bees have made a made a hive inside his butt crack Good call no, yeah I'm so much the same as with James. Yeah, correct. Yeah Sometimes I just need to hear it a second time.

So beeswax is used to... That's a cleaning product. That's why. Yeah, you get beeswax to clean with, presumably. So they're not entirely sure, but what they think it is, is that back in the day, pre-electricity when people were coming to see, and they were on, let's say, a higher ledge to look over it, the candles that they were holding to get a better view was melting on top of David, and so they found 15 splashes,

could be his wax. Wow, that's very nice. He was actually bald originally, wasn't he? That's all just wax accumulators. It is weird, isn't it, because it's David, David is famously a smaller person in the story. Yeah, he's so big.

Have you not seen the Goliath? And it's actually, it's so big. Have you not seen the Goliath? It's next star. Oh, wow. In the zoom. How many? There's one thing in particular that I have in common with David the statue. Can you guess what that is? Not the penis. What are we talking about? You make your wife who view you every day before you go to work. We have a lot of suction on our Henry. It's very much a three person relationship. I mean my wife and Henry. That's why he's smiling all the time. What do you have the same as him?

Does he have the face blindness thing that you have? Because he looks like he doesn't recognize anyone. He's mad at us so many times. Look at him, he's like, who are you? I'll be honest, you're not going to get this. We would both collapse if we were tilted forward 15 degrees. LAUGHTER Is that not the case with all of us?

No, so a normal human will follow that after about 20 degrees. Oh, yeah. By the... You're big head. LAUGHTER Is that what it is? He's got cracks on his ankles, and if you tilt him, his ankles were absolutely collapse

And I tried this I videoed myself at home Leaning forward and I tell I fell over and then paused it and then measured exactly where I stopped Did you really? Your wife's next door darling Henry and I waiting And it turns out that I can't get much further than 15. Wow. Wow. I just want to be clear. I meant you've got a physically big head, not a metaphorically big head. That's because that's better, I think.

Oh, here's a thing. Michelangelo. Oh, Michelangelo or Michelangelo. What do you prefer? Michelangelo. Yeah, I think Colin by the name that everyone knows him by. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

So he was shorter than real life David. I want to say real life David. He was just 16 feet. Yeah. No, I'm so sorry. So David in the Bible, the thing is the Bible doesn't say the height and weight classes of David and Goliath before they went into the fight. But there are lots of sort of biblical scholars who've had a rough time. Yeah, yeah.

They think you might, some think you might be five for three. Yeah. And Michelangelo was five, too. But we only know that because shoes were found in his house. And they basically measured from the shoes. They assessed how tall, like, if his shoes are this big, then he's this big. So how big was he? 5.2 He's 5.3, so that's about the same as Lady Gaga or Yuri Gagarin. Right. And he would be too short to be an Emirates airline flight attendant.

This is one of those studies, whoever came up with that, one of the many reasons I left this show originally. Shoes back in the olden days were not measured with that kind of precision, A, that meant you could judge someone's height, and then B, you do get to all people with small feet. Yeah, it's an assay. Also, we don't know if they were his shoes. But yeah. They were found in his home. So, you know. You've been a servant, could have been his wife. Could have been a servant, could have been his wife.

Could have been a servant, could have been his wife. I'd not have sure if there wasn't Mrs. Michael Antelope. I don't know. I think so. No, I think so. A lot of people think that he liked men. Right. And...

Michael Antelope. Yes, and one of the reasons, I can't see men, I mean. And one of the reasons is that his female sculptures often seem to be men with breasts. And a lot of people have looked into it, and you should look up Michelangelo female drawings and sculptures. They're just men.

They're like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and then with a pair of lemons jammed onto the front. It's so weird. You know, there's a theory as to why his penis is so small. Have you read that? David's. David's. Jameson's. His penis is so small have you read that? David's James's LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Look after all those nights with head hair, is that small as it used to be? Oh dear Um, okay so he famously has a small penis Yeah Um, what is it called? No, it's so um... I thought you said what is it called?

LAUGHTER Jeff, it's so... I thought he said, what is it called? Oh no, Jeff, it's a private thing. No, so there was a study done, and someone who read this study kind of pulled this out as a... I don't think the authors of the study were specifically saying it, but they read from the detail. It's because he's about to fight a fucking giant and he's terrified. Right, right. So his penis is shrunk in terror giant and he's terrified. Right. So his penis is shrunk in terror and that's Michael Angelou showing. That's, yeah, that's what happens. And like it was an adrenaline thing, isn't it?

Yeah. The body doesn't remove blood from where it's not needed at the moment. Okay. And puts it in, you know, like muscles for fight or flight and things like that. Your body doesn't suck it up so that it doesn't get hurt in the battle. That would be close. No, no. The actual penis on this statue is about six inches in length.

So you know, it's not small by real terms. But someone on that Reddit called Bendy Bendy Spine, he worked out that in real life, if David was brought down to real size, he would be just under five centimeters. And that means according to standard UK guidelines, he would be considered a candidate for Pina Lentiline surgery. I noticed though, he's converted it to centimeters to make it sound bigger. Yeah, there are a number of standard maneuvers you can pull, that's sure. So it's not up.

No, so it's faster, yeah. But is that the measurement under which you qualify? I take it to ask, I'm not asking, in fact. So let's just, you know, I'll send you a link to the show. Thank you very much, cheers. Yeah. Stop the podcast! Stop the podcast!

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consistently excellent performance, absolutely free. All you need to do is go to netsweet.com slash fish. That's right, so head to netsweet.com slash fish to get your own KPI checklist. Okay, on with the show. On with the podcast. It is time for fact number two and that is Anna. My fact is that having ten fingers and no thumbs is very useful for playing the piano.

Okay. Yeah, so if anyone's got that in the audience, then take up the piano. Okay, so how do you end up with... Uh, so this is a condition, a rare condition, sure, but it's where you can be born with, um, no thumbs. And instead of thumbs, yeah, fingers. And I just find all this stuff so interesting. So it's little tweaks in our genes. So we have genes that specify, like, the position of things in our body, and they're called hox genes. So that says, like, your arm goes on your shoulder, your foot goes on your left. i'n gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr i'n gynhyr i'n gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr i'n gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gynhyr. Mae'r gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi'n gweithio'r ymwch chi' Anyway, yep, she said she didn't think of it as a disability, it didn't hold her back in anyway and actually it meant that she played the piano more easily and

Then there was a Reddit AMA quite recently with the man who has the same Symptom and again, he's a professional musician and he said it makes me better at the piano really now I know they don't know how good they would have been at the piano if they'd had eight fingers and two thumbs But hang on have you got two joints? You've got, I think it varies a little bit. Oh, OK. One of them was opposable and the other wasn't. Because some people get, this is a trifalangial thumb.

That's what it's called. And it's where your thumb has three phalanges, those are the bones inside your fingers, instead of two. So it might give you a longer thumb, but it might also give you a weaker thumb. And often those are not opposable, which is a pain. That is a pain. a'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio' like a funny guy, like just like, yeah. Just really seeing what it was. It was amazing. In the report about this woman in 1957, the woman with the five fingers on each hand, it said that she came into hospital

because she was giving birth, and that's when they documented her. And then it said, her newborn was the same. So we think the trait is probably genetic. That's a proper scientist, that is. It's not like those chances you found a shoe in Michelangelo's house. It's like, oh, we think he was five foot two, actually. Do you guys think a thumb is a finger?

No. Yeah. For the audience, is a thumb a finger? Yes. Is it not? Oh, pretty evenly. Pretty evenly, actually. Well, it's a good job you guys aren't finger surgeons. Is it not? Pretty evenly mature.

Well, it's a good job you guys aren't finger surgeons, because this is a problem in finger surgery that some surgeons counterthom as a finger and some don't. And if you say to someone, you need to remove the fourth finger on someone's hand that have been cases where people have counted from the thumb when they shouldn't have done and they've taken the wrong finger. No, really. That has happened.

We've read so much stuff as the species, we kind of end up like the label to go, that's crazy. Well, there are a few papers that have talked about this and most of them say we should call them index finger, ring finger, all that kind of stuff and that will remove any problems. But as late as 20 as 2009 was the last paper that this came in in the Canadian Medical Journal, who said, we really need to stop saying fourth finger, or third finger, or whatever.

I mean, for instance, you could be counting from this way or from this way, right? Yeah. Yeah. No, who starts with a little finger? That's like people who say, potato, they just don't exist. Or Michelle Angelou.

Yeah, exactly. Yes. They should have like this. Or Michelle Agile. Yeah, exactly. Yes. They should have this little piggy system. Yeah. Which little piggy? The piggy who had roast beef there. We all know which piggy we're talking about. That's what they tell us.

It's toes, yeah. God, you have to be in terms of that. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. The piggy is gone, little piggy. Why don't we need the guys' metal fingers again? What? Back in the 19th century, they used to use fingers

as a way of determining quite a few medical things. And one of the things was, are you dead? How did they do that? So one of the things was there was a guy who's a French doctor, Leon Colondrejules. God, it's just like being on the banks of the sand, isn't it? It's a...

Oh, lovely. I can't say Colondrejules. It reads like Colondrejules. I can't say collage, it reads like colon juice. I can't... Colon juice. Do you want me to read out your facts? Yeah, yeah, please. Leon? Leon Smith. His way, he believed, of confirming if someone was dead.

I think they were quite nervous about actually if someone was dead in a coma, if those stats were just lower, we didn't have the technology, was to take a finger, he would take their finger, and he would put it in his ear, and he would listen for a buzz, because they sort of thought that the body just emitted a buzz when it was still alive. So he would sit there, and he would take their finger, put it in his ear, and say, no, he's dead. Wait a minute, fingers don't emit buzzes. So does he just think that everyone's dead

when he puts a finger in there? I mean, you know, this is a time where he was developing a theory, and obviously, he wasn't. I do know that this is about when they didn't know whether, they didn't really know about the pulse and brain activity and the way they do know. And there were competitions to see which doctors could come

up with a guaranteed way of determining whether, where they the, yeah, I think we still don't really know where the brain is, that's comfort to the body. Right. Yeah, but they did have, and this was one method and they had, another was to put an insect in the patient's ear, I think, or nose. It must have been like, who can resist? They're going, you know, yeah, that's right. If you not know that, you're dead.

And then another finger-based one from the 18th century was if someone was in a coma or potentially dead, you would cut their finger off. And the idea was you'd cut it off. And they'd be like, whoa! And they'd either wake up from death or from a coma. So that was another method, yeah. Do you know, just speaking of bodies giving off buzzing sounds,

I really ages ago, you know, Tinnitus. Yeah. Obviously is when you can hear a buzzing in your ear. Some people have a form of Tinnitus where they emit a buzzing. You can. If you get really close as the ANT surge,

and you can be like, yep, you're right, you've got Tinnitus. I must be really annoying. Isn't that insane? It's crazy. Wow. But I wouldn't hear your tinnitus and go, God, I've got tinnitus because I was sitting too closely.

No, you'd be able to hear it. If you were confused, it's my own. No, because I would leave the room and then you go, God, it's so weird, my tinnitus only appears when Anna... LAUGHTER I do usually get a weird headache when you are around Anna Carr. That's perfectly normal, sir. Can I tell you about Joe Swarbrick? Yeah, that's not.

Joe Swarbrick was a Belfast man who lost a finger in the luckiest way imaginable. Oh. Okay, so one that he wouldn't have otherwise needed. I actually don't know that. Oh, okay. No, I like your thinking. A lucky finger to have lost. It's more about the circumstances under which he lost the finger.

And it's called Swarbrick. That won't help you. Are you sure? I was thinking people used to be named after things that they'd done, and he may have sworn at someone with his middle finger, and then a brick took it out. It's gone. Brilliant.

I've missed the theorizing. No, that's not it. He was in a job where he only ever had to count to nine. Yeah, that's it. So he was trying to travel to Canada. OK, is that a clue? Er, barely. Like Err, barely. Like, oh, barely, is this something to do with bears?

No, oh. Is it? Okay, and he and his brother wanted to go with his brother, from Belfast to Canada. Yeah. Okay, and he found a job on his... Oh, Fingertowns! Titanic!

Titanic! He found a job on a ship, but sadly, at Southampton, there was an accident in the engine room lost his finger. He hit the head, kick him off the ship and he said, and take your brother with you too, his brother has scored him off the ship. And that ship was the Titanic. Wow. Yeah. Why did the brother have to go? From the version I read, unclear. Hang on. Are you, wait, you've got a brother, Dan. You're working with him on a job. His finger in an awful accident gets chopped off. Yeah.

He needs to be escorted away from where you're working the job. You'd be like, well, mate, I still want to do my holiday. So... Hang on, is it? Is it on launch day? It's out Southampton at that point. Yeah, so it's just before it's just before it's really just happened. You would have got on, wouldn't you?

It's the Titanic. I'm going to... Send a postcard. How's the finger? Yeah. It's the Titanic. I'm going to send a postcard. How's the finger? Yeah. You won't send a postcard, you know? And then actually, spoiler alert attitude here. Okay, yeah. That's a good story.

And then he was in the Navy in both World Wars and he lived until the 50s. Oh wow. Yeah, he was injured in the Second World War as well. So he went back to sea and still risked his life then. Wow. He went after that. Very impressive. And the brother? This guy's getting shafted and more shafted than this story. Why? He's kicked off his job because his idiot brother loses a finger. Next fingerless guy goes onto World War Hero. He's written out of history.

Yeah, sorry. Joe Swalbrick himself did get an OBE for his work, not even in the war, just being a great guy and shipping. So yeah, no word on the brother. That's a fucking rough deal, man. You really take insides of which brother you are. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, you're the brother here. Stay on the boat that's going to sink.

That's what I say. Wow. Do you guys know what kind of finger a masculit sane is? Say it again, masculit sane. Masculit sane. No, I did. Masculit sane. You're not going to get it.

Is it like an animal finger or is it a... No, it's not. I'm just going to tell you, it's a finger that's under your armpit. Ooh! Ooh! And it's... Oh, it's a sexist. Come here.

Can you beckon with it? Yeah. Because that is the greatest finger to have. That would be... I have to. This is awful, but I have to explain for people listening to the podcast what just happened. Andine is giving me the come to bed finger under the example. I haven't been so aroused since I saw that smile on Henry's face.

Oh dear. Oh gosh. No, it's not a means of seduction and I don't know why you think exposing your armpit when you usually give me this seduction. Well normally if you're getting to exposing your armpit, things are getting pretty hot and heavy, aren't they? What? Do you go to the beach and go, wow, these people want it.

So normally in a three-piece tweed suit, you know, I heavily dress down for this. If you cut the holes, don't you? And then it's arms off if you like someone. It's nothing to do with that. Is that another genetic use of quirk? No, this is actually something in ancient Greece. And I came across this in a study that was called

armpitting among the ancient Greeks. And basically, it was where if you'd killed someone, then you would cut their finger off and shove it under their armpit. Oh. And we're not quite sure what they did this. We think maybe it's either offering it to the gods as like a, sorry, I killed this person,

please forgive me, have their finger thing. But she was a bit kind of on the nose. o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r gyd, o'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i' the Madagascar, the I-I. Yeah, the I-I, you got it. So if you ever see an image of an I-I, they're like a really cute little primate thing, but they've got this really, really long finger that's almost as long as they're probably their whole head, maybe a bit more even. And the interesting thing about that is they love to pick their nose.

And when they pick their nose, they go all the way in. Oh, right. And no one could work out exactly what was going on, because where does your finger go? If your finger is, let's say, human fingers three times longer at least. And you're putting it all the way up your nose, where is the finger going to end up?

A bit in the brain. In the brain. Or in the eyes. Well, that's what you think, right? So they did a CT scan on an eye who was picking her nose. And they turned out that actually it kind of goes into the nose through the sinuses and then down into the back of the throat. And this is...

Please get rid of Flem as well as Snot. Is that what it's for? It's almost like that, almost as disgusting as that. In fact, perhaps more disgusting than that. Basically, they think that what they're doing is picking their nose and then they're eating it, but they don't have to go through them out. Oh, brilliant. So it doesn't get stuck in their teeth? Secret bogey eating. I'm saving.

I would argue not that secret. And what secret until those bloody scientists came along with their CT scanner. What a great scam rumbled. We need to evolve that. We will eventually socially, so that you'll never know who's eating their burguis and who isn't. We will no longer be socially ashamed. They will no longer be socially ashamed.

Those people. It is time for fact number three and that is James. Okay my fact this week is that in the late 1950s a woman called Kuga Annie put an advert in a newspaper looking for a younger man to marry. But that isn't why she got her nickname, she was just really good at killing Kuga's. a'r maen yn ymwyr. Mae'r gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n gwybodio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r any kind of wild animals that came to protect herself and protect her family, she often had to kill them. And according to reports, obitories and stuff like that,

she definitely shot at least 60 kugas in her life, mostly in self-defense, but then later, the government started giving money to people who did it because they wanted to have more humans living in that area, so she was making money from it as well. Some contemporary obituary said that she shot more than 100 cougars in her lifetime, and she also got 80 bears as well. But yeah, she was basically going to this area where no humans lived, and she was just trying to clear the area so she could live there.

And so her husband dies. She has three kids, and she decides I want to look for another husband. So in 1936, she advertises. Oh, this is, sorry, there are two separate occasions on which she advertised for a younger husband. Yeah, this is the first one. But she used the same, she used the exact same, both times. Exactly.

Yeah, 1936, the Western producer, which is where she advertised it, she said, BC Widow with nursery and orchard wishes partner. Widower preferred object matrimony. And she married someone, right? And she had a few marriages in the end. She lost the husband that she had from the 1936 advertising in 1942 when he accidentally shot himself. And allegedly.

Allegedly. Yeah. He was dressed as a cougar at the time, there wasn't any. He was. Yeah. There were suspicions. Yeah. And so then she re-advertises, as Andy says, with the exact same wording, copy a pace for a new husband. Yeah. So good. When he worked on the wording, it's clearly done the job once. Yeah. Use it again. Did it work hard to say, because he was indeed a young

man, 12-year-tungle, was it? The last husband. Yeah, the last one, the fourth husband. and he never came back. And then she lived on in the homestead into her 90s and carried on kind of working on there, living off the land, kind of selling bits and pieces. She also set up a post office in the area. There was no one else there. And so basically she would be able to get all these stamps in and then she used the stamps to pay her bills.

It was like a bit of a scam. Oh. But yeah, and by the way, a lot of this time when she was clearing the land and trying to get rid of these wild animals, she was pregnant. So between 1915 and 1931, which was when she did most of the work, she gave birth to at least 11 children. So I'm just saying that at 9 months off. But in terms, he leaves't as beneficial in those days, you know, if she'd got full salary for a few months then she would never kill these kids.

How many bears killed during the, you know, she does sound remarkable. There were a lot of, they'd paid a lot of bounties, didn't they, for killing kugas back in the day. They did. They were trying to sort of, you know, tame the frontiers effectively. And so there were like 200 professionals in the USA in 1930 and loads more. Like there's were the federal ones and other state ones. People like Kuga Smith or Ben Lilly, who hunted Kuga's with a knife, which I respect a bit more.

Okay, I said I think, you know, that's giving the Kuga a fighting chance. Yeah, I have to. It's not as efficient, is it? It's like, if I did this podcast every week, but I decided to find all my facts from the local library only using books between 1812 and 1829. It's like, how interesting that you do that.

You're not nearly as good at the job. I'm pretty sure you've just described that and he finds facts. LAUGHTER Dan, can you not spoil my fact about the Prince Regent today? On one occasion Annie heard her dogs barking outside. It was the middle of the night. Obviously, she's in the middle of nowhere, so there's no street lights or anything like

that. She went outside, she could hear a commotion, she got her gun shot into the darkness and then went back to bed and Then when she woke up she saw that she had actually got a cougar with her gun shot Impressive Wow American Canada was wall to wall cougars But she's so she's not the origin of the word cougar to mean a woman who no Came in the well after she died.

Yeah, that's sort of 90. They think it might have been 1999, which seems quite early. There was a website called Cougardate.com, which was specifically for women of a certain age, looking for men of a younger age. I mean, it's definitely that. That's, there are some etymologies lost in the midst of time, or we don't know the sort of thing, but I think we can's definitely that. That's, there are some etymologies lost in the midst of time where we don't know the sort of, I think we can say for sure.

I must say I actually read some articles of the people who set up Cougardate.com and they said that they'd heard the name mentioned through their friends earlier, sometime in 1990s in Vancouver. And so, I'm supposed Vancouver, which is where Cougar Annie was from.

Absolutely, I would be. Cougars themselves are not Cougars. So actual Cougars, the cats I'm talking about, the females reach maturity at two and a half years of age and males at three. Yeah. So do you see what it means? Yeah, they don't go for younger males.

Yes. I was so glad just because it confirmed something that we've always kind of thought. You know how cougars have all these different names and you're never sure what what you like a Puma a Panther Mountain light a cat about what the hell is going on? What are all these cats and they're all the same thing and it does have the Guinness World record for the most names for a mammal Yeah, so there you go and 40 according to them surely

Humans have more than 40 names. I'm sorry. Cool dude. Awesome. I mean actual names. With like, Dave, Dave and Tara. Like, humans have more than 40 of those. If I was given enough time, I could think of more than 40 names. I'm just saying it's the non-human mammal with the most names. No, no, it's not because they also have their own names.

You understand there's a different meaning to the word name, right? Some cougars are called Jeff. She's back there! You're ridiculous, Wayne. Some cougars are called Jeff. Uh. Look, the names are incredible. Like, I'd never heard the name Cat-A-Mount, which means Cat of the Mountain.

Yeah. But they also get called the Deer Tiger, the Purple Feather. I'm not sure how many people are using Purple Feather That's one. That's one. Mountain Screamer. I would try to love. You wouldn't call namunas when you say there's a purple feather coming out and there's the purple feather. It feels like you're using one of the other ones. Do you know how you defend yourself against a cougar? We should say because it's useful. I was in America. I would try and run. Don't run. Oh, you're dead. OK.

OK, no, no, you're dead. Dad and Anna have got a guess. What? Can I have another guess? Yeah, give James a quick guess. Please. Let's say you've magically been resuscitated. Play dead.

Play dead. Yeah. You're dead again. Sorry. She played dead. So I can't run and I can't just stay there playing dead. No, that's right. Shotgun.

Shotgun? That's the. Shotgun. Shotgun, that's the... Yeah. Cue Garanna? No, it's basically don't turn around and don't look away. Make yourself big. Oh, the ace of base defense. Stand your ground.

You know, like stand on a rock bay, your teeth shout anything to fry them and scared away. Basically, and I've thought of a mnemonic for this, which I think might be helpful for listeners. So just remember, if it's a mountain lion don't be lion down And that's the useful like what if it's an actual lion. I don't know I don't know I thought you were gonna say opera singing sing opera at it. Oh Yeah, cuz it was not on my list

There was a case of a woman who was being stalked by a kugurg and she started hiding and she didn't know what to do And she just got up and started just singinged by a kugage and she started hiding and she didn't know what to do. And she just got up and started singing opera and the kugage just went, whoa. I'm with the kugage there, I'll press the full. Actually, kugage really hate podcasts. Really? Yeah, this is quite a recent study done in California. Which one?

Name and shape. Yeah. Is it off menu? Come on. Which one? Which one? Name and shape. Yeah. Is it off menu? Come on. Do you mean it makes them angry or they just, they don't want to be around it? No, it puts them off the dinner.

Oh. So let's say you're a cougar and off menu comes on. And he's like James A. Castell, he's talking about his food and stuff. And they would just look at their kill, their deer that they killed and just go, oh, I don't really fancy that anymore. And natural fact, the study is to check how they react to humans more generally. Mostly men. Yeah.

Mostly men. You're saying it's not a study about whether there's an untapped podcast market out there. You astonished me. They wanted to see how they reacted to humans talking, if humans nearby, and what better way to do that than talk radio, podcasts, that kind of thing. So they played some chatting humans, and they just left their food alone and just went off.

And the problem with this, this is really important. So if you are a cougar and you kill something and you don't eat it, then that means you have to kill something else because you have to eat that. And so this is the fact that fear really changes ecosystems. If an animal is really scared because there's humans around, it actually affects the ecosystem in ways you don't expect. As in loads of the prey will get killed, it's not just that the cougar itself is scared.

Wait, sorry, the prey will get killed because the Cougar has to go and find something else to kill. Yeah, because it gets put off its food, so it needs to go and find something else. And then another podcast comes along, maybe Chris and Rosie Rams, you start chatting to it, and then it has to go and kill another animal. Nightmare. We're putting nature off its food. Yeah, it's awful.

If I'm ever attacked and just go hello Can I tell you another record that kugas have got oh, yeah another Guinness World Record that kugas have got I'm gonna quite directly mountain lions large hind legs have greater muscle mass than their front legs This enables them to jump up to 18 feet into a tree So they could they could leap over the statue of David. Yes. Yes. The highest jump on record for any mammal, any mammal, they could just jump over and lick off that beast. Was recorded for a puma or a mountain lion which jumped seven meters, 23 feet straight up from a stand still. I don't know. They could jump into the top of an open top bus if they were walking alongside it Gosh really there's so many like I read another claim made by the US wildlife authorities

They could jump over a school bus the long way round Like front to back wow so what's the distance they can get long it's long I've just made a load of statistics It's 40 feet. 40 feet, especially. OK, 17 feet by long is what we're saying. Yeah. 45 feet. Can I just ask a quick question? Because this bothers me about these kind of stats.

What is the difference in length between a school bus and a bus? I wonder if it's slightly an evil carnival thing, because a lot of stunts were about leaping over back to back, transport. No, but they never said school buses. They just said buses for evil carnival. Because they weren't afraid that evil carnival was going to eat their children inside the bus.

Or as they always say school buses, it was a slightly threatening animal. Because it's like, it will leap over it and then come in the front door, buy its ticket, and eat your kids. You don't have to buy tickets for a school bus. Yeah. All right.

Well, they're just all the faster to get on with eating a children in my day. Yeah. But they also save human lives, cougars. More human lives than they end, probably because they don't really kill, they don't kill many people at all. Very, very rare to get attacked by a cougar. But what they do prey on a lot is deer and deer

cause 1.2 million car crashes in America a year and killed 200 people and they did a study which looked at if you were introduced cougars how many people they'd save and it's so good to be able to do which are hitting the car. Exactly. It's a tough sell though isn't it? Yeah. When you've got this animal that could jump over my school bus, come in, buy a ticket and kill all my kids. Are you like, yeah, but he's going to eat a few deer.

Yeah, he did. All right, I need to move us on to our final fact of the show. Time for our final fact of the show, and that is Andy. My fact is that nobody knows how large the world's largest crocodile is. What they should do is get a cougar to jump over it. All right. Here's Cassius. So on the screen, he's a very large crocodile.

That's a huge crocodile. He's called Cassius. He's the largest known crocodile because he's the largest crocodile in captivity. He is approximately approximately 18 feet. Which means if you stood him upright, yes. That is amazing. I want to see that show where you've got one cougar, one statue of David and one enormous crocodile. God, I didn't notice that until now now. Well, if you're listening, think about it. And this is the thing that he's been estimated,

they're not sure exactly how old he is, his keepers, because they took him in about 40 years ago or 35. And they believe he might be 80. Some keepers think he might be up to 120 years old. Old crocodile. And he was last measured in 2011 at 18 feet. But even then when they took him in, he was missing bits of his snout in his tail because of fights or accidents or whatever. And no one has tried to measure him since then. And he's probably grown, but just, you know.

Because I think they grow their whole lives that they grow. Yeah. So he's probably grown, but they really you know. Because I think they grow their whole lives that they grow now, so. So he's probably grown, but they really don't want the admin of measuring. Yeah, he's really terrifying. He's so huge. And he is terrifying. I mean, what I was thinking, what you don't want

to hear about a crocodile is how his carer describes him, the guy who looks after him, who's a guy called 2D Scott. I'm just a funny name. And 2D says he still has a lot of spark in him, which is not what you want at all. He says, because most crocodiles are quite disinterested. You know, they just sit there like a motionless lump. But this one, when you walk in, Cassie, every time he sees you, he wants to come up and say, good day in his eyes. his eyes light up.

Tragically, 2D Scott was actually called 3D Scott until an accident in the pen. He's terrified. He's met a load of celebrities. Can I see this? Yeah. Queen Elizabeth II? No. She jimping.

King of Thailand? They're not so much celebrities as heads of state. Scott Morrison, who's not a head of state, who's the head of government, Queen Elizabeth was the head of state at the time. But nonetheless, the publication, God, that looked that seemed so important when I said it. As the words were leaving my mouth, I thought, who gives a toss? As in that Kim Kardashian? No data, Why did I? So he hasn't been the longest for that long has he the longest crocodile because there was another crocodile who I think died in 2013 Who is called Lollong? Oh, yeah, and so long they added an extra L and O to the beginning of his name They're just so astonished every time they see the guy he's he's

Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith which bat a black mark against your name. I think. Yeah. And so it was hunted. And actually, lo-long, when he was hunted, it took over 100 people to bring him onto land. He was really aggressive. He sort of broke his restraining ropes twice. And he was named after the crocodile hunter in the area, whose nickname was lo-long. Oh, OK.

Yeah. Lo-long died, didn't he? He did lo-long died. And I imagine, for the obituary, they would have gone with so long, lo-long died, didn't he? He did low-long died. And I imagine for the obituary they would have gone with so long, low-long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you have a baby crying, let's say on a speaker, then a crocodile will run very quickly and aggressively

towards it. Ooh. To change it or feed it? I'm afraid not because then they start biting the speaker. Oh dear. They're really attracted to the sound of primates crying and human babies crying the same way that bonobos might or chimpanzees might and probably because they hear a, you know, a baby crying, they think this is an easy meal.

And what do these crocodiles think of the rest is politics? yw'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gwe can, and then they'll respond accordingly. So, and the way they tested this, which I quite like, is by recording human babies screaming at different levels of emergency, and you can't talk to a baby for science these days. So, instead, what they did was... And I said, with a faint tang of regrettiveness. Yeah. They recorded babies at bath time when sometimes they cry, and then when they get vaccinated, when they cry in a bit more of a Needle yeah, yeah, it's a bit more of someone stabbing me Kind of cry and the crocodiles swim more vigorously more fast towards the speakers that emit the vaccination cry

And they can tell us sort of frequency difference that even we can't crocodiles anti-vaxxers. That's Taking from that. I knew I never liked them. Can I mention very quickly, we're talking about crocodiles. Can't not mention the great Steve Irwin. Thank you for the silent respect. Crocodile hunter. Yeah, he was a crocodile hunter, but he had his Australia zoo, and that was his big thing. He used to jump on a lot of massive crocodiles.

And one of the things which is said about him, and there's a tiny bit of question about it, but a lot of people say this is true, is that he had a Galapagus tortoise inside Australia Zoo, and the previous owner of the tortoise was Charles Darwin. Isn't that insane? Oh my god, that's so cool. So she was called Harriet. She survived from the time of the Beagle Expeditions, all the

way through to Steve Irwin's zoo, just to give you the idea of the span of time. And it's quite nice, because Steve Irwin was definitely a huge hero of mine. There is a minor planet out in the universe now named for him, out there somewhere, is a minor planet called Krike. No, yeah. Something clever that crocodiles do, which is really mean and evil, is they, well, I'll tell you what they do. And you'll tell me why.

They lie underwater and allocate us to this as well. And they just have a little bit of their head sticking out and then they put sticks or branches on their head. What are they doing? They're leering human children who like to play pick-up sticks. You're very close and that could be a secondary purpose. Oh, they're pretending to be a bird's nest, so a bird will land on them and they'll eat them. You're basically between you, you're correct. A human baby flies down. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

And picks out one of the sticks, and then says, Jenga. LAUGHTER You've gone the wrong way. It's to trick birds into thinking that they're sort of a tree, because they look quite tree-like, don't they? They look like branches, and trying, going, collect their sticks to make their nest with. So then the bird will go and land on them to pick up a stick to make a nest. Snap, you're done, dinner.

I didn't have to measure, this is for alligators, I hope I'm allowed to sort of slight curveball. Of course. I had to measure an alligator if you see one in the wild. So it's possible to measure an alligator in the wild, but it's not possible to measure this crocodile, which is in captivity. Good point. I suppose if you're in the wild and you see an alligator, and you think, I wonder how big that alligator is. Okay, so you don't want to go up to it with a tape measure. So you see something else around it, which you throw your iPhone at it.

That's it. The iPhone lands on it, and you work at how many iPhones it is. Exactly. Actually you have to find an old pair of its shoes in its best. Krakathal shoes. That's what the song is about. No, it's so easy. I just want to look at another little tip.

You just approach it at night with a torch and then you locate the midpoint on its skull and you estimate the distance to the end of the nostrils don't wake it up and Then every inch of that distance is a foot of the alligator Okay, so like if that distance is six inches you got a six foot alligator and so on. Okay, that's clever crocodile's do a crazy thing where They you would think in any scenario where they live there like the dominant species, right? Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever.

Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. basically like a baby chewing toy. They'll go up and while the crock is just laying there,

they'll go and they'll start licking it, they'll start chewing it, and the crocodile will just lay there as if nothing's going on. Yeah, because if it makes any movement, it might antagonize the hippo into eating it. So it just has to sit there and be... This is a baby hippo though, that's chewing on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just, you just have to lay there. It just be sucked on, lecton, just take it. Well, look, I've got another Henry Hoover, you just that's delayed there. It just be sucked on leaked on just take it I'm gonna have a Henry Hoover, you know Well, I found some man I need to wrap us up very soon. Oh, just some things on big animals Okay, yeah, seeing as that's what this was about I was looking at big small animals so the largest ant The largest ant in the world is the safari ant, which is 5 centimeters in length,

which is the same length as David's penis if he was human sized. If he was human sized, OK. So if you can imagine a human with the world's largest ant, where your penis would be, yes. That's David. That's really helpful. Thank you, James.

And the world's longest insect in total is a stick insect. They found one in China, which was 24.6 inches in total length, which means that you couldn't legally use her as a rounder's bat. So good. Anything else before we, Anna, you all go? I've just all I can think about now is giant house spiders because I've had a real problem with spiders lately. So we've been talking about big animals, but they are the biggest. And genuinely there was one in my room the other day and after an hour and a half of staring at it,

I was on my own and I'm not eventually managing to kill it with the longest object I could find, me at one end, it's at the other. And they don't die, obviously, so its legs are so wriggling. They don't die, they die, don't they? They can't, it's not possible to kill them. They don't die, and it was two in the morning. I was on my own, this newborn baby was next door, my new born baby was next door, and asleep, and you know how the worse thing that can possibly happen if you have a baby

is so that it wakes up. And then, it's legs. There was three legs still moving over the thing that I crushed it with, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, no, no, no, you can't be alive, you can't be alive, please die. And, anyway, so I looked up how to deter spiders, and you can draw lines of chalk everywhere.

So apparently, they don't like the taste of chalk, and they taste with their legs. Like it's all over there. I thought you meant drawing an outline, like a mermaid. Yeah. So this person kills spiders, let's get out of here man. Okay, that is it, that is all of our facts. Thank you so much for listening to our 500th episode everybody. We can all be found on our Twitter accounts. I'm on that Striverland James. James Harkin. Andy. And Anna.

I'm on the call. You can. You can. Oh, sorry, yeah. podcastatqy.com and Andy will pick it up and he'll text me and I'll ignore it. Yeah. Or you can get us on a group account at no such thing.

You can also find our website, nosuchthingasoffish.com, where all of our previous episodes are up. You can find merchandise and so on. Thank you, everyone, so much for being here in the room tonight. Thank you everyone, watching us from around the world. We really appreciate it. We're gonna be back again next week with episode 501.

The story continues, the facts keep going. We'll see you then, goodbye! You