No Such Thing As A Fish - No Such Thing As A Computer Tower

Episode Date: January 18, 2024

Dan, Anna, Andy and James discuss mangroves, make-up, French waters and Swiss goitres. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandise and more episodes. Join Club Fish for ad-free episodes and exclusive bonus content at apple.co/nosuchthingasafish or nosuchthingasafish.com/patreon

Hello and welcome to you from the QI offices in Hover Hello and welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast coming to you from the QI offices in Hobern. My name is Dan Schreiber. I'm sitting here with Andrew Hunter Murray, Anna Tashinsky, and James Harkin. And once again, we have gathered around the microphones with our four favorite facts from the last seven days. And in a particular order, here we go. Starting with fact number one, and that is James. Okay, my fact this week is that everyone in the French town of Evian is allowed unlimited free Evian. Are they allowed it from, like, do they have to go up and put their mouth to the spring?

Well, I don't know how it comes out. They don't come through the taps, right? No, no. Andy's closest, but he is wrong. So this is the town of Evian de Ban on the banks of the Lake Geneva, and it's in France. and they have this special spring of water and this is where we get the Evian today but the people of the town can go to the spring it has a special sort of spout

and you can go and get unlimited Evian from there you don't have to go with your mouth on the spout when I went there because that ruins the spout forever it ruins the entire company's operations actually millions of people yeah yeah absolutely so I went there recently on my holidays because you guys have had some guests on the last few weeks.

I was going from a ski resort to Geneva, where our flight was going from, and saw that Evian was, I won't say on the way, we had to take quite a long diversion, but I said to my wife, why don't we go to this place Evian? Because it's kind of an interesting place that I've heard of. Baby was sick, but it was fine.

drank some bad water or something. But we went there, and I drank some of the Evian water with my cupped hands. So I allowed it to go into my cup's hand, then I drank it. But just as we're leaving, actually there was a guy who turned up in his car opened his boot and he must have had about 50 glass bottles where he went to the spring and he filled up all of his bottles so he had as much Evian as he could drink. And that apparently is a common thing that the people of Evian do. You're so lucky that you got there before him,

Rob. Yes. Just. Oh yeah. Mate, I'm just trying to fill up my two cup tauties here. I want, no, sorry, I've only got 47 bottles to go. What I'm imagining is like a municipal water Not a water cooler. You know, a thing like in a school gym where you put your mouth to it. Yeah, it's not quite like press the button and it squirts up a bit, but not very much. No, it's not that. It's something where it is always flowing out. Nice.

So it is kind of a mosaic of a nice sort of like flowers and stuff like that. And then there's a little bowl underneath made of stone and the water just keeps going into the bowl and then drains away, presumably to the every other factory where it goes into your bottles. No, I don't know about it. If you're a rival company, could you just go and bottle your own? Brilliant idea. Brilliant. You could, but I imagine it's probably not efficient. Probably the cost is not the water.

It's the bottling factory. If your Buxton Springs, say, and your entire factory is in Buxton, in Derbyshire, probably it's not worth it to drive all the way down to Geneva. Free water. I mean, you could just get it out of the tap. If you were trying to get more water. Which some bottle companies did, didn't you? Desani, I think, famously did that.

Desani, which was Coke owned, and it just turned out to be tap water that they'd get sort of run that water under the tap? I didn't know how they'd done it, but they basically, like, it was tap. I think that's slightly misleading, but if it was what it still is now, which is that it's tap water, as is more than two-thirds of bottled water in America, and lots of it here, basically, it's filtered tap water, so they've taken tap water, filtered it, but the great thing about these big soft drinks companies is they're already filtering the water to put in their fanta and their coke or whatever. So they've got this big water filtration system set up. All they need to do is turn the tap on a bit more. So yeah, just...

That is, yeah. But what do they drink then in Avianne through the tap? Is it the same source of water coming through? What a good question. So no, because they will have, and I don't know as for sure, but they must have reservoirs where the water comes from, because this is just a small spring, and certainly wouldn't be enough to fill what is an averagely size French town.

Yeah, right. Okay. I heard that they only take about 10% of the Evian water to turn into Evian from this spring. I can believe that. And it filters down through the rock, and then it takes about 15 years, and it goes into an underground aquifer. And then once the aquifer is full, the water gets forced up, back up to the surface. And then it emerges at the spring. And that whole thing takes 15 years to do, I believe.

That's what they say in their website. 15 years is that number? That's what I got it from. Why would they lie about that? It's actually 19 years, but it's such a round number. There is an interesting thing on the website, which talks about the history. I don't know if you saw this. They said that 1789 was a very...

important year in Eviann Water history and seen as they were in France it feels like 1789 probably was quite a important year. I thought that. Pretty much for everyone because actually their water sauce was discovered by a French nobleman. Right. Do you feel like probably had other things on his mind? That was the last thing he ever did, wasn't it? I have looked for the Marquis de Lesert, who I'm sure was not top of the list when the revolution came, but I searched for his, I searched his name. There's no other, he doesn't crop up anywhere else. No, he does that I think there is some suggestion that a bit of this origin story might not be 100% true, but it is certainly, it was, it was on this guy's land in Avian and supposedly this nobleman had kidney stones or something, drank some of this water

and his kidney stones disappeared and he was like, this is great stuff, and then the guy who owned the land started to sell the water. If it was a perfect origin story like the ones they always make up, it would be, he was out for a walk one day, he fell over, some of the water fell into his mouth and then he fell his kidney stones clearing up so weird yeah bottled water the idea comes to the fact that it was good for your health doesn't it it was a medicine for ages and that's the reason we drink it today really is because of all these ban places or bath places like bath or lemington or buxton and in the 19th century in your jane austin got the pot just bath is named after bath is that like having

a bath it would be so weird if he's just going to go and have a quick lemmington have you given the baby his lemmington tonight although we should make clear for the email writers that we do know that bars are not named after the place bath I didn't know that and I don't mind getting an email about it

and please don't say one now are they not that's a coincidence it's gonna be the other way around isn't it what you just you work on that logic for a moment no no it could have been

where someone had the first bath it could have been like a noble Roman walking by tripped into the hot water loved it a luther landed

on his head and a duck floated by and he squeezed it and went this is amazing anyway the way the bottling

began actually was people used to go somewhere like bath and they'd take the waters for their health like in Jane Austen you'd drink the waters you'd bathe in the waters

you'd get rid of your whatever palsy you had or spots or whatever but some people were too busy or too poor to be able to afford this constant water treatments and travelling to these spa towns so they subscribed instead much like you might subscribe to

I don't know Hello Fresh or Right We're off the clock Anna You don't have to do this Yeah They subscribe to water deliveries Which would be bottled up

and sent to them for their health And those are the original bottles That's the original bottled water That's very cool So it was a kind of spa destination Evian as well And this was before they were bottling it. This is 1806.

They had a thermal spar that opened. The bottling happened in 1826. But you would think then that as a result, this is just like you'd go there, it'd be this majestical, like kind of mindfulness place and really nice. But we have an account of what it was like from someone traveling through there in the 1810s, roughly. And that was Percy Shelley and Mary Shelley.

He said, the appearance of the inhabitants is more wretched, diseased and poor than I ever recollect to have seen. So not a great trip and... A supervisor review there. Not a good advert for the health giving waters. It does appear in Frankenstein as well by the way, Evian.

He goes on his honeymoon there, I think. That's right, yeah. Yeah. Wait, Dr. Frankenstein? Yeah, yeah. Really? He goes to Evian, yeah. Mary Shelley literally puts the town

into the book. Phil Collins has a house on the banks of Lake Geneva. Get out. Does he? What? Is that that surprising? I just, I'm happy I know it.

Okay. I just looked up people who live near Lake Geneva. It's quite posh, isn't it? That area is cool, sort of nice stuff there. It's quite posh. It became posh after they found the water, really. They built massive hotels there and a casino.

The casino is interesting because after World War II and Hitler killed himself, there were rumours that Hitler was still alive. And there was a rumor that he was working as a crewpeer in Evian in the big casino. Yeah, yeah. Lots of people went down there trying to find Hitler. And they were like, oh, no, it's just a guy who looks like Hitler. Wow. How long were you there for, by the way?

We just... Oh, like, just until the baby started crying. So about 45 minutes. Oh, okay. So just to have it feeling. Yeah, we just, we needed somewhere to go for lunch, so we just went there. Not long enough to find Hitler. No, Hitler, no, we didn't see Hitler.

And you, are you guys a fan of Evian? Yeah, I drink Evian. Do you? Yeah, yeah. Anyone else in your household drink Evian? Yeah, everyone in my house drinks Evian, yeah. Who are the members of your household again? Well, myself and my wife.

Oh, yeah. And my daughter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyone else? Well, no, humans. Look, we've got to come out and say this.

For the record, James has got a cat and sometimes his cat drinks Evian. And when we say sometimes, only when she's thirsty every single day, James gives his cat Evian. I have to say, before we started, these guys already knew this. And I do think of all the things in my life, this is the only thing that really can spoil my man of the people. This is your meow to moment, isn't it?

Brilliant. Brilliant. And I kind of want you to keep hold of it because of something I told you. It's your fault. And just, dear listener, this is what happened. Anna told me that cats have special taste buds on their tongues that can taste water. And so for us, water doesn't taste of anything. But for cats, it's really important.

And they can taste the difference. And London water is disgusting. True. And we happen to have quite a lot of everyone in the house because I'd stop powder load for COVID. And I just started giving it to my cat. And she liked it. And she still likes it. Since you left Bolton, James.

We live by our facts I think the listeners would appreciate that we live and we die and our cats live and die by our facts and that's fair enough and it's true cats can taste water whereas we can't but then there's this big question over given the water taste of nothing how do we know we're drinking water

and not some poisonous substance all the time that's interesting but there are some tasteless things like arsenic doesn't taste of anything does it indeed but you can't like if I if I give you a pint of arsenic you wouldn't necessarily know it was not water. No, that's true.

But I would just think the odds are you struggle to get hold of a pint of arsenic. You'd have to really annoyed you. And keep going. He's very resourceful man. I just sort of think it's probably going to be water. And I've been right every time so far. I don't like to brag. You only have to be wrong once.

No, that's true. I'll keep spinning that wheel. But there is a reason you haven't been wrong, which is that you can tell that it's water. And they've only just found this. And it's that it doesn't taste sour, but it registers on our stomach. sour taste buds. And it's related to a fact that a guest shared, actually, one of those other guests we had in when we kicked James off the show, I think. Basically, when you drink water, it washes away your saliva. And then our mouths, in the process of replacing saliva,

produced protons. And Steve Mold when he came on, his fact was protons taste sour. Oh, yeah. So it triggers our sour taste buds. It is mad how much bottled water we drink now. I had no idea how much people are drinking bottled water, and I don't get it. So obviously, in developing countries, it's really important because you can't get, in a lot of countries, you can't get clean tap water. Can't get tasty water in London, of course. You can't get delicious water in London. Same, same problem. But it's not developing countries.

I'm not helping it. You're fast-tracking to cancellation. It's not developing countries that are consuming it all. So in Singapore, how many litres do you reckon per person per annum? Per annum? Oh, my God. That's how many, I mean, half a liter a day, a liter a day, 300 litres, 300 litres. was 300 litres per person per annum of tap water?

1,129 litres. Can you use 3 litres of water a day? Bottled and bottled. 3 litres of bottled water per person per day? That is not insane. Because there's going to be some outliers, aren't there? There's going to be some people who don't have any of that. Yeah.

Australia is a second worst offender. Australians are drinking 5404 litres of bottled water a person here. Get out. Isn't that insane? Bananas. That's really hot. The water's good. Yeah, but the water's good.

The tap water's fine. I don't know. There's a lot of cats in it. Australia. We're by the beach. You can't drink the salt water. You need to have a good... No one is proposing you drink salt water.

There is such a gap in your logic between the bottle water and the sea. No, the logic is you're down by the sea for a lot of the day where you cannot get access to tap water. Fill up a bottle and take it down. Oh, yeah. I do think that's that argument has persuaded me, not that it's right, but that's probably why it is. It's convenient, isn't it? People are out there forgotten their bottle. Exactly.

Remember your boss of Australians. Is everyone at the beach always in Australia? I know that's the myth that we read, but like, I don't believe. They all do live next to the beach, though, don't they? I mean, no one lives in the middle. Where you'd also need bottled water. I found a thing about water pipes. Oh, yeah.

This was, because I was looking up, you know, tap water and how it, you know, just how it works and what the pipes are like, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, this is from a website called Best Life Online. Oh, yeah. And the headline is, eight surprising places you're letting snakes into your home. I'd be surprised living. in central London if they're getting in anywhere. Yeah, and actually

the terrible thing about this article was I wasn't especially surprised by any of the places. Well, toilet. They come up through your toilet. Toilet, water pipes. Window. Plumbing gaps.

Didn't have window. Cat door. No, that's much. I would be a bit surprised by that because you're expecting the cat, aren't you? Shows, cracks in the foundation, basement access points,

and the only one I find mildly surprising. Shoes you might have left outside. Yeah, that makes sense. Come home, take off your shoes outside, you know. What would It would be a surprising entry though. Out of your computer tower. Like just spiraling out of the computer tower.

I just do my work on my computer in my office in my house. Do you go all the way to your computer house? This is where I'm out of touch. I have a tower, a medieval portification that I do my computer working. It's annoying because you can't get Wi-Fi in there. But you still go over there. I can get a bit if you stand near one of the arrow slits. You get a tiny bit and it's not much.

Okay, it is time for fact number two. and that is Anna. My fact this week is that there's a mangrove forest in Indonesia that's actually a woman grove. Riddle roundabout. Yeah, it's not really a fact that you can tell your friends, is it without me explaining it a bit further? But it's really cool.

So this is in Papua, and it's a forest called Hutan Perempuan, and it's a forest where only women are allowed to go. The oldest women who go there say it's been happening for as long as they can remember and their grandmothers did it. And mangroves are basically forests that are underwater partly. So, no, sorry. It's a bad description. I backtrack. Mangroves are trees. There are about a few dozen species of mangrove tree and they're the only trees which can grow in salt water. There are amazing things for all sorts of reasons.

You tend to get them in brackish areas where it's like right on the coast. So it's where salt water hits the fresh water. All along the shoreline. Yeah. And where it's basically, they exist between high and low tide. So they spend a lot of their life in water and a lot of their life out of water. And it's very swampy and gross in a mangrove. But these, it's gross if you don't like swampy. But these women like it.

Because they get to gossip, essentially. So these are specifically people from the engros and turbati tribes on the Indonesian side of Papua Island. And they weighed in, they collect these shellfish from the mud, they sell them at market. You have to go in naked, which is kind of the reason why men. aren't allowed because then they see the ladies naked and they essentially use it as a way to swap stories do some female bonding bitch about the men um passed down a lot of ancient wisdom it's just a really great women-only like gossiping yeah slagging off the men occasionally a bit of ancient wisdom of mine allows i like those because i subscribe to one of those gossip magazines but then on

the last page there's always a little bit of ancient wisdom yeah But they also, they're encouraged to just yell out whatever their inner voices. So just random statements that no one will understand. But it's like, yeah, you get it out. You do that. That's fine. That's clever. The inner voice yell. Yeah.

I read that men are allowed in the forest, but only when there are no women there. Is that right? That is correct. So there are times that men are allowed in to collect wood, but they've got to make sure that there are no ladies in there. Question. It feels to me like it would be quite hard to work out when there are no ladies in a forest. As in forests is a big? Is there like one of those in-out stickers?

labels where you just slide it over. No, you've just got to listen to the gossiping that's going on, which is basically what they say. That's so they can just talk and talk. So if you can't hear any ladies, they're probably not there because they use it as their time, literally to just have a great chats. Or quoting Marcus Aurelius.

And then no. And if you do enter as a man when you're not allowed to, you are taken to tribal court and you have to pay a fine in polished stones. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So they take their coal-coll, it's called.

It's like their boat. They have a sort of group of them that go out with a singular boat. They make a pack not to leave each other. And then they go clam hunting, fish hunting as well. And big problems in modern day mangrove, woman grove situations is the fact that people like Evian bottles are getting into their areas. It's full of plastic now. And so the clams have gone way down.

Sorry to knock Evian. I do. I recycle my Evian bottles that the cat drinks. I don't go all the way to Papua New Guinea. to throw them away. But there's a big problem now. It's really affecting them. Mangroves are so great.

It's quite sad researching them because you read about all the threats to them, predominantly from climate change and habitat loss, habitat destruction. If people are using a strip of coastline for things like shrimp farming, which is a big industry in lots of these countries, then they tear out the mangroves basically. But they are incredible. They're among the only few plants which can tolerate salt water. out of 400,000 species of plant in the world,

1,500 can tolerate salt water and mangroves are among them. It's crazy. They live for a really long time. It's so alien when I hear it. Like just all the things that they can do that other trees can't do. So, yeah, they filter out 90% of the salt that comes in. But the ones that don't do that, they've got these special leaves. I mean, the leaves are like waxy substances where they leak out the salt.

They can also sweat out crystallized salt on their leaves. They're so cool. But then there's other ones where they will basically send the salt. salt to the old leaves and the old bark so it's not touching the new bit of the that's so intelligent I'm using the word intelligent I'm using the word quite wrongly it seems like if you look around the world that lots of groups of women are in mangrove forests working it seems in Mexico they have Las Chalameras who are Mayan women who are working a certain area of mangroves protecting the ecosystem in

Kenya you have the mangroves Mungrove mothers who work on Pate Island. Pate Island? You leave big footprints in Pate Island, don't you? It might be Pate Island, but I prefer Pate Island, don't you? And in India, in Maharashtra, you have a collective of women who kind of work in the mangroves. They do safaris, but they also help protect the forest. So it just seems like everywhere you look around the world, wherever there's mangroves, there seems to be women working there.

We need to rename them. Sounds like they need a rebrand. Yeah. They mop up tsunamis. Yeah, just incredible. Just they absorb the energy of incoming waves when they're coastal. So the wave can lose two-thirds of its energy, I rate. Yeah, that's neat.

So that's really, really useful. There was a study in China which found they reduced floodwater level in a tropical storm by about three meters. Wow. Which is very useful. Annoying if you're a surfer, don't surf in a mangrove. You'll see a brilliant wave coming at you. It will have disappeared by the time. Very few of the beach boys big hits are about mangroves.

And the other nice thing they do is they store huge amounts of carbon because they build up these big peat deposits beneath them. Some of them are up to six metres deep. Wow. And they did a study in 2001, so quite a while ago, but they found that the loss of mangroves is 35%, which is worse than tropical forests or coral reefs. Oh, really?

I don't like that fact at all. Hard fact. The world's biggest bacterium ever was found in a mangrove forest. Oh, yeah, we mentioned this one. Yeah, yeah. I hope it was a hurt. Otherwise, that bacterium would have been arrested and forced a hand in polished rocks. Can I say, if you eat mangrove, it contains asparagusic acid, which is the stuff that makes your urine smell.

Get away. After eating asparagus. Does it make your wee smell the same as asparagus does? No, the same. Wow. Asparagus acid also kills parasitic nematodes, which is why it's evolved into these two places. So it protects the asparagus plant and the mangroves. against these nematode worms.

That's good. Interesting thing about that. They need wee mangroves. They rely on fish wee. It turned out. Part of the way they survive is through consuming lots of nitrogen. They make great use of nitrogen. And that is produced by fish wee.

And they did a study of a mangrove forest in the Bahamas. And they found that there were just two species of fish, two types of snapper, that doubled the amount of nitrogen in the water and made it possible to survive. Wow. Hey, here's a little mini quiz. which of these is not a nickname for mangroves walking trees dead man's fingers

the kidneys of the coast well you would think kidneys of the coast because they effectively are doing what kidneys do which is filtering stuff so I'm going to say it's definitely not that that's not the nickname no that is the nickname because your question is which is not the nickname

yeah oh right you're doing the long way around double negative I'm going to say They look like they walk because their roots are so huge and they come out of the ground. I've actually always found them really creepy because they look like giant spiders, don't they? Fields of spiders. So I think they're probably called walking trees. Is that what you say? Well, I think that bananas are walking trees.

Yeah. Like bananas walk, as in they move. Banana trees. Aside from in pajamas. Yeah, banana trees. Yeah, banana trees. They move. Yeah.

As in they'll propagate another banana tree maybe a few meters away from them. And if you go back two years later, it looks like the trees moved. Yeah. I think this was like one of the famous moments on QI where Sean Locke said, the trees they walk. And Stephen was like, no, they don't. And then it came through. Well, we were literally on the computers going, yes, they do, Stephen.

Yes, they do, Stephen. This is Andy coming to you from my computer tower. I can confirm. I'm going to say that I think you kind of danced around the idea of the dead man fingers. When you said spiders, it looks like dead man fingers are coming out with these big pots. I say yes to that, yes to that, and I think you're tricking us. I think all three are. Dan's got it.

They're all nicknames for them. Walking trees. You couldn't be asked to come up with a full fake nickname. Dead man's fingers. I'll come up with another one now. Go on. Like, um, uh, stop staring at me all three of you. Only time.

You can do it later and edit it in. Yeah, yeah. Salty creepy boys. Oh, okay. No, that's a difficult one. Um, can I quickly talk about a. place where women are not allowed. Yeah. The Yorkie Factory.

Early Horty's reference for British listeners. This is Mount Athos in Greece, which was known as a place of 6,000 beards. Because there were monasteries on there and monks were allowed, but women were not allowed in there. And they had a law called the Aveton, which prohibited women from entering. And the idea is that the monastery started when the Virgin Mary was sailing across the coast or something, and they stopped at this place. And the voice of God said, let no other woman come here because the Virgin Mary's been here and no other women are allowed. So we're going to put a stop to that. We didn't like her.

So even when the British royal family went, Prince Philip was allowed on the island and the Queen Elizabeth. Get away. And Helena of Bulgaria, she in the 14th century had the plague, and she was brought there to try and help her. But she was carried so that her feet never touched the ground. I know. And there was a brilliant writer, a French writer called Marie's Choisy. And she had written a book called Nois She Le Fille, which was a month with the girls where she was in a brothel. And then she wrote a second book called Nois She Les Homme.

which was a month with the men, which was about going to this place. And she had a double radial mastectomy. Wow, that's commitment to the dots. I know. And wore a false mustache. Wow. And she posed as a man and went to this place. And she spoke to all the monks and stuff and asked them what was going on.

And she asked one monk, she said, what's this deal? Like, is it true that you're not even allowed female animals in this place? And the monk said, we must draw the line somewhere. The day we possessed a hen, some brothers would argue that we should also accept a she cat, a you or even a she ass, and there is but a short step from a she ass to a woman. What do you mean a you? Not me? I'm not a woman. But yeah, isn't that amazing? I've never heard of this Marie Choiselle.

Wow. She's suazied pretty weirdly, I would say, having both your breasts locked off. Yeah. Just to go on this journalistic expedit. Yeah, she was like a feminist reporter of a crazy sort of Louis Theroux of her time. Yeah, but you won't see Louis chopping his dick off to get into this mangrove, will you? I don't know, Louie, if you're listening. I'm in a ladies mangrove in Papua.

Hi, I'm Louis, Louise, Louise, Louise. I'm from the BBC. You're okay. Okay, it is time for fact number three, and that is Andy. My fact is that. until the early 20th century Swiss people were routinely being injured by the last ice age

The film That's right Hated it Just a squirrel with a nut I don't know I haven't seen it Is that what happens That's what it's about yeah Ceres it's not under the ice

Can't find it very long Really? All four movies Yeah yeah There's padding Hasn't found it yet Look let's press on This is A fact

came from a list of facts. Every year there's a guy called Tom Whitwell who does a list of 52 things he learned. Oh yeah. And I've mentioned one of his facts before. Yeah, years ago, yeah. I have to limit myself because it's such a great list of facts. But he mentioned this fact, which came from a brilliant London review of books article by Jonah Goodman, and it's all about Swiss people who, until the early 20th century, loads of them had goiters.

Right? And that is a bulge of flesh that comes out of the front of your neck. And they can be really big. They can really limit your life if you have one. They make you wheeze. They're way on your windpipe. They're really unpleasant to have, you know. They're harmful. And everyone in Switzerland had them.

Not everyone, but a lot of people had them. 80% of the country, which is crazy. And it was only on the sort of Swiss alpine plateau. We're quite no like, Geneva, actually, for this fact as well. And there were dozens of theories doing the rounds. Is it the landscape, the air? The high altitude sunlight. Is it the incest, someone said?

Is it moral failure? incest, probably a category of that. Anyway, all these theories were doing rounds. And basically, it turned out it was thanks to the last ice age, because during the last ice age, Switzerland, very high up, was covered by an ice sheet that was about a thousand metres thick,

and it melted and then refroes loads and loads of times, right? And it just absolutely ripped off the top 250 metres of rock and soil from the Swiss plateau. And wherever the ice sheet was, the soil was stripped of a chemical, which was iodine and the lack of iodine,

is what calls his goiters. And everyone was like, thank God it wasn't the incest. We can keep going, hon. Oh dear. And it was lack of it. And it just did a complete number on half the population of Switzerland for centuries. It was a curse. I can't believe I've never heard of this.

Had you guys heard of this before? It's astonishing because this isn't like, you know, the 1700s. This is up until the 1920s. that 30% of like military personnel in Switzerland had giant like when we talk about fashion as we're going to do in the next fact, you know, you do stuff to, yeah, I know, we rarely throw forward. Wow. But like, you know, clothing was designed largely, you know, for them to hide these giant throbbing lumps on their neck. Yeah.

Which is, yeah, and you can see photos. Can I do something a bit more classic and throw back to the last fact? Yeah. Good. Yes. Better. Safe ground. They used to have these things in the mangroves

The biggest mangrove in the world Which is on the border of India and Bangladesh, I think They would also have these big sort of collars Which covered your entire neck But it wasn't to stop you from being able to see your goiter Can you guess what it was for? Vampous? Antivampas? Antivampo device? Close. Get away. Yeah, very close

Um Anti... Think of something more real We're wolf, no So not that close. A spider? A spider. Oh, spider. No, it's because tigers live there And people working in the mangroves They would be caught by tigers

I didn't know if a little rough around My head is going to be that safe They were quite solid colours But they would stop the tigers from being able to bite you Grab your brother's cuff of the neck Yeah, sorry anyway, we were talking about geoters Goiters Yeah

And I find it incredible that the Ice Age was this specific Just affected this one's place so specifically Everyone else was kind of okay But it stripped away the iodine It must, I mean I think maybe it was moral failing. Because that's just a very targeted approach.

No, no, it's good to relitigate these things. It's a test the theory. But it was quite hard for them to know exactly how many people had it because everyone was hiding it. People were embarrassed by it. So the census, if they did any kind of surveying, wouldn't really truly show it. So when conscription was happening for the armies,

you had to have your medical and there was no way of hiding it. So in 1921, nearly 30% of 19-year-old conscripts had a goiter on their neck. If you buy one of those Swiss Army knives, There is a special goiter implement. People always say it's for taking stones out of horseshoes, but actually it's for popping a geiter. Oh, God. There was Mark Twain when he visited in 1880.

I bet he had something typically kind and understanding to say about it. Wow. Made your views on Twain clear? I don't like him. He said, this isn't going to endear you to him, actually. He wrote, I have seen the principal features of Swiss scenery, Montblanc and the goiter. Lovely.

Thank you, Mark. Mark, another very human and wise observator. Sorry, I just don't like Mark Twain. Anyway, let's move on. It's because he was incredibly rude about Jane Austen once. Oh my God. He famously said, no, no, no, he famously wrote, Oh, I'd like to dig her up and beat her over the head with her own shinbone.

And I just think, give me a break. Give me a break, Mark. Yeah. Next time you write something as good as Emma, you can have a pop at Big Dog Jane, but you never did. And you never will because you're dead. Anyway, sorry. Okay.

So it affected not just goiters. So there was this other medical condition called, it was known at the time as cretanism, right? Where people had very serious developmental problems. They grew much shorter than normal. Their features didn't grow properly. A lot of them were deaf and mute. And there was a Swiss goiter commission.

There were schools across the country for deaf mute children. As in it really was a national health disaster. That's what I mean. I can't believe we haven't heard of this. Exactly. The word cretin comes from the French Alps because of this. Right. And do you know the origin of the word cretin?

I thought it was really interesting because obviously it became an extremely offensive word but originally it came from an alpine dialect word because it was so common in the Alps came from an Alpine dialect word for Christian. Cretian. Cretin. And it was to remind people that these people who looked often,

you know, so inhuman in a way, a lot of deformities, to remind people that they were still human, Christian people who were equally loved by God and we should be very kind to them. That's amazing. It started out as a very humane term. Because Bertrand Russell, he thought that iodine might have been evidence that humans don't have a soul.

Because what he saw was that when you gave this chemical to people, suddenly they became more human as he saw it. Perhaps it's all about chemistry and it's not about the soul and Christianity and whatever. How interesting. Yeah, you can see the kind of where chemical-driven machines, when you throw something new into us and it changes the course. And it's kind of what happened, right. So when all the theories that we're talking about earlier, moral compasses and all that sort of stuff, bad beer, when the original list. And that was on there. That was on there.

When you wake up in bed with a cousin or a, sorry, it's the bad beer that caused the incest. Oh. There was four main players, I believe, when it comes down to how this eventually got solved. One was called Otto Bayard. And they were pushing this theory that, yeah, we need more ideas. And he actually went to sort of little communities and he upped the iodine in all the things that they were consuming. So he went to the cows and he made sure that it was in the salt that they were licking. It was in the milk that they were producing.

There was tiny amounts that were being put into the food of this family. And he did it over a term of a school course in the winter and he came back and they had gotten better. And suddenly he went, Jesus. This is what it is. They're missing their iodine. And that's why we have it now that people put iodine in salt, isn't it? Yeah. because people around the world eat salt.

Everyone eats a bit of salt. Iodine actually works quite well with salt, so they put it in there, and that's kind of what did it. This article that Andy said says 88% of salt is now iodine-alced. Not the UK, weirdly. Really? No, we get our iodine otherwise. But, I mean, it's in a lot of milk because cows are given iodine.

And so it sort of happens that way. That's beside had no idea our salt wasn't iodized. Really? I believe the vast majority is not. The rock salt usually isn't, is it? Yeah, like sea salt and rock salt are not because they're made differently. But even table salt in the UK is not standardly iodized. The doctor who found it was called Heinrich Hunsika, great name.

And it was because it all goes through your thyroid gland, which is at the front of your neck. And if you don't get enough, it swells up because it's desperately trying to find more iodine from your bloodstream. So it swells and swells and swells. That's what causes it. And it's like all of it, the brain fog and the maselake and the goiters, all of it is due to your body just desperately hunting.

But the problem that took them a long time. to work out why it was just a little bit of iodine was required is that if you give people too much iodine at least to catastrophic health consequences in the other direction. So you need one 15,000th of one gram of iodine a day. It's very small. And they were trying to give people a gram a day of iodine and then they were getting terribly ill and they were saying, well, the iodine's a disaster. Look at that.

So it took a long time to work out. It is one of those frustrating things. It's a little bit like handwashing where people were saying it for over 100 years. People kept saying, do you know what? I think iodine is the answer to this. And everyone, no, no, no, don't. It's going to kill you. And one of the key people, another one of the key people who changed things was a guy called Hans Eganberger.

He sounds like a McDonald's offering. It was actually a very important man. Well, someone said to him one day, do you want salt on your Eganberger? And he realized, take this a moment. Good old Eganberger. He was a very charismatic guy. He was the male. He was in charge of a specific Swiss canton.

and he realized that iodine, a little bit of iodine was the answer. And so he decided to add to his town cinema, this is in the 1920s, his town cinema's program of light entertainment. So the cinema was showing loads of really fun films. He added a lecture on iodized salt in amongst the light entertainment. But for some reason, because he was so charismatic and popular, everyone flooded in to watch it. And he put lots of jokes in. He did this lecture, lots of tricks and jokes and fun words. Like he called it whole salt.

I don't know, that's not fun. But, you know, it was funny at the time. Anyway, straight after, everyone went to see this great film of his. There was a petition. I got thousands of signatures and iodized salt was introduced. Brilliant. Wow. And then Gandhi hated it, didn't he?

Gandhi? Did he? What are the iodization of salt? Yeah, he did lots of good stuff, of course, Gandhi. We have to say, for balance. I mean, the problem was that it was the British who were taxing local salt and then kind of replacing it with these iodized. salt and he kind of started anti-salt riots.

Yes, did he walk to the sea protesting about the salt thing? He did a long walk, yeah. To try and get proper just salt from the sea? I think it was, he was racing awareness. I mean, obviously, like, the tax thing was real, but the iodized thing was kind of just a side hustle that he thought was colonial. I see. A rare misfire from Gandhi there.

I'm not trying to cancel Gandhi like you're trying to cancel Mark Twain, just to say. No, no, and I'll chiefly keep going on the train thing. Goiter used to be nicknamed Darbyshire Neck in the UK. In the UK, right. Supposedly because... People in Buxton got it. Maybe.

Maybe. Well, lots of bits of Derbyshire are quite far from the sea, and seafood contains... All of us, in fact. Well, some bits are closer than others. You're right, the exact centre of Derbyshire is a long way from the sea. Yeah, and the seafood contains lots of iodine.

So maybe people living in the less sea adjacent which obviously doesn't touch the sea We're getting a bit less Just on iodine It's very useful in other ways I actually remember this is just personal But I remember having to drink iodine water Have you guys ever drunk that?

Because it purifies water No I went to Malawi when I was a teenager For like two months and yeah With iodine tablets Yeah yeah yeah You'd drop an ironin tab in And you taste it for the first time

And you go I can't drink this shit for two months So what does it do? It purifies water. It just purifies it. Yeah, it's very useful for that. I feel like I've had that. Yeah, because that's why Andy's the only one with a geiter around the table. I really thought that my polo neck was concealing that, but apparently not.

We did save you of that tiger in fact, too, that didn't you? But something else it does, you can detect counterfeit money. And if you remember your school chemistry, you might be able to work out why. So real money is on cotton or linen, usually, paper. so we shouldn't call it paper money. Counterfeit money, often just made of actual paper, wood-based paper. And wood-based paper contains starch. And do you remember when you're detecting starch in science?

iodine is the thing that reacts to starch and shows up if starch is in something. So if you rub an iodine pen on paper and it reacts to it, then it means that it's made of wood. But this has been used to catch people. And there was a story in 2016 where a 14-year-old girl caused the police to descend on her at her school lunch and she was put in handcuffs because she paid with a $2 dollar bill, bizarrely, an iodine pen that the school had showed up as fake.

The police came out. The police came. She was put in handcuffs. She wasn't allowed to eat lunch that day. She went hungry. She said, I promised that my grandma gave me the money. Was her grandmother doing the forging? It turns out her grandmother's not a criminal either.

This method doesn't work on money that was made before about 195. And her grandma had given her, obviously, a note that had been sitting in her wallet. very long time. So she went free in the end. She is not still incarcerated. You've got to keep her in just in case. Pardoned by Biden, if he is later. Her and the turkey.

Gosh, I've got an audience fact about ice sheets. Oh, yeah. It's from Percy Fulford. And I just love the way this email begins, right? Percy writes, admittedly, this one sounds a bit like a James Harkin quotes fact, but bear with me. I think Percy has confused James and Dan. here. Fuck off, Percy.

Thank you, Percy, for your email. Does he put his address on? I'm not giving you it. I'm sure he just means a Dan Shriver fact. Well, I'm glad no one's worried that I'm taking a fence from that. You know, because Dan likes his crypto stuff. Yeah, okay. Anyway, well, Percy, I've got to say, this fact is falling on very stony ground.

In the last Ice Age, much of Canada was covered in massive, several-kilometer-thick glaciers, which have now melted. Those glaciers were immensely heavy, but now, the weight has been lifted, the crust is springing back up at about 12mm meters a year, like a memory foam mattress. Hmm. However, until the cross... 12 million meters a year?

Millimetres. Millimetres. It's amazing that picture of Earth from space, isn't it? Where Canada is... People are flying off it in space. I'm not underwhelmed. However, until the cross fully rebounds from the weight of these glaciers, Canada's landscape is missing the immense mass that caused its shape.

So for the time being, moving to Canada, particularly to somewhere near Hudson Bay, remains an effective weight loss method. That's true of the UK as well, I should say. We had a nice sheet that went as far down as pretty much where stonehenges, and then it's not there anymore. And that's why the UK is slightly slanted,

and that's why you get big cliffs where Dover is, but if you go to Markham, for instance, it's a really long sandy beach. Because it's just been crushed down. Yeah. Right. And now it's bouncing back, right? Over millions of years, it will do, yeah.

You can't bouncy castle on it. I should say, this is from memory, but there's another thing about ice sheets you just reminded me of, which is there's a restaurant in, that was in Italy. And I think due to climate change, it was on a glacier. And the glacier is very, very slowly moving, but moving more than you thought. And they now think that the restaurant might be in Switzerland because it was quite near the border. it's kind of slowly moved in that direction. That's amazing. We should say as well, I stupidly didn't write this bit down,

but one of the big moments in this whole story of this main fact about the last ice age being responsible is there was one person who stood up in front of the academic community and said, I think it's the melting ice sheet. I think that's what's done. Like it was a proper, he put it forward as the idea, and everyone just went, you are nuts. That's worse than the incest idea.

Who was it? Hans MacMuffin. Okay, it is time for our final fact of the show, and that is my fact. My fact this week is that during the reign of Charles II, women's dressing tables tended to include both face and nipple makeup. Wow. Okay.

Yeah. So when you make up your face, I'm no expert, but you're putting on foundation and you're putting on stuff on top of that. Maybe some lipstick. Do they call it nipstick? Nice. How were you making up the nipple, basically? Is it more of a lipstick or a foundation?

I think that's a great question. Yeah, it feels like it be a foundation. Yeah, more like a foundation. I do it as eyeliner. I do it as eyeliner, paint some little eyelashes around it. So you're kind of winking with your nip. So it looks like a little sunshine. Yeah, nice.

I do lipstick, make it a big red blob. Wow. Yeah. But why did they need it? Well, they needed it because this came in a period where Charles II basically lowered the cleavage line. Sorry, sorry. Can King? Charles do that now that he's the king.

Oh, yeah. That's why he picked the name Charles. He's going to start where he left off. He's been eating us all in gently, but he will gently start lowering those lines. The environment thing is just to lure us in, isn't it? And then he whips away our tops.

Wow. Yeah, no, he was a sort of like, you know, he was, he was very liberal. He was the Merry Monarch, was he? Yeah, Mary Monarch. Yeah, that was his nickname. Right. That was his nickname. He was very libidinous, saucy, pro-theater. Just after the Cromwellian times. Exactly.

Literally anyone would have seen Mary after all the cover-out, not a high bar, but he genuinely did seem like a bit of a goer. Yeah. And there just grew this trend whereby if you were wearing corsets and your nipple happened to peek over, that was not a bad thing. And then suddenly everyone thought, well, let's lower the corset a bit. Let's get the boobs out. And it was, you know, seeing an ankle was far more scandalous

and titillating to a pervert than seeing... To wear a body. You didn't have to be a pervert. The word used to be ankylating, didn't it? Oh, very nice. I mean, it was still very raunchy. We should say it wasn't like people were going around the shop, flashing a boob to get a free loaf of bread.

It was still, you know, there were paintings we have of people exposing breasts, but they were generally prostitutes or actresses. Same thing. In those days. Indeed. I had to say a good caveat. Yeah, there's a famous Nell Gwynn picture. This is why I was never allowed to host the Oscars the second time.

She was amazing, by the way, just before we disappear on Nell Gwynn, I've never read about Nell Gwynn before. And she, yeah, so Charles II basically stipulated that when you're at the theatre and men who were in all the plays playing women, that should no longer be the case. It should be women now playing women. There was Margaret Hughes, who was the first woman to step on stage and play a woman in a play. and then Nell Gwynn, who became very famous, they met. She was working... Her and Charles met, sorry. So basically, she was working outside a theatre,

which was the King's Theatre. And then she met this guy who was called Charles Hart, who became known as Charles I, the first, to her. And then... Not to be confused with the headless one. Very clever. That was just what she nicknamed him. It's what she nicknamed him.

Retroactively after she got together with Charles II. Well, because then she had a Charles II, which was Charles Saxville. So actually, Charles II was her Charles the Third. This is a sort of boredy fast developing. They're all behind a different door, all on stage. She was, what I know about Mel Gwyn is her mother was a prostitute. She was an orange seller, I think.

That's right. And then became an actor slash prostitute. I always think it's very pygmalion, isn't it? Don't you think? It's a much sexy of a bimalian. Because she very much came from nowhere, didn't you? Yeah, a sexy bimalian. She was very witty.

There's all these anecdotes that have made it through the years. So like the one time she was going in a carriage. through the streets of her city and the people were furious because they thought that she was a different mistress. They thought that she was the Duchess of Portsmouth and so they were yelling at her going, you Catholic whore, you Catholic whore!

And she leaned out of the carriage and she said, pray good people be civil, I am the Protestant whore, not the Catholic. That's clever. It's really witty. Rolled around laughing at the time, yes. But anyway, so she was one of the people who got their waps out.

Wabs, waps. And we still have paintings of it from the time. We do. and yeah, it was a time, it was kind of like the roaring 20s, wasn't it? Because it was post just for international listeners. It was just after we'd had this like unpleasant interregnum, uptight, restrained.

Following an unpleasant civil war. Yeah, yeah. Everyone was a bit tired of the unpleasant nurse. They weren't allowed to have fun. The Puritans were all over them. And then this period came in and everyone loosened right up and people got really into fashion and makeup. So women hadn't worn that much makeup.

They'd worn very thick lead paint. on their faces, often as famously Queen Elizabeth did and may have killed her. But other than that, didn't really wear that much until now. And it was the century of the massive hooped skirt when you see women in these giant skirts they couldn't fit through doors. That was then. And I didn't realize with the hooped skirts, people took the piss out of them the moment they appeared. And men kind of hated them.

Men just laughed at women for wearing them. You couldn't see the ankles, could you? If you're a pervert. Yeah, they're very upset. set about that. But yeah, women stuck to them. And actually, they were, when you look at how they were made, you had much more motion in them.

Because basically, they involved this big whalebone kind of giant umbrella sticking out from your waist. But underneath, you were just fully naked and free. So it used to be that you'd be covered in heavy petticoats all over your legs and stuff. You could be doing rivadans under there. You could be smuggling houses under there. But they were quite sexy because if you bent over, you did expose a bit of ankle.

Oh, right. Really? If you really bent over, you could expose everything. You could. I think evil perverts would probably think that was a bit much. The waistcoat was invented by Charles II. On the 14th of October 1666, which is, isn't that amazing that we know

when the idea of wearing a suit and a waistcoat on that exact date. Did he think of it or did someone help him? His tailor invented. You know what? I mean, he got the credit in fairness, but there will have been other people who did a lot of the hard yards. But there was accusations that England was being dictated to by France in lots of different ways.

And they were saying that basically not only that, everyone in court is just copying French clothes. And Charles II was not very happy about this and wanted to make a statement and said, okay, we're going to invent a new thing. We're going to all wear trousers, all wear jackets, all wear waistcoats, and they're going to be made by English wool. and you're not allowed to wear your French fashion anymore you have to wear the English fashion and we know about it because Peep's writes about it

so it definitely did happen what year was that sorry? 6066 just after the fire when again you'd think like a king with his head screwed on sorry Charles the second that's probably been intense would have his mind on other matters

like recovering from the plague of the fire then you need distractions He's the waistcoat. Political distractions. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. Peeps wrote that the King banned Pinking and the waistcoats

because he said that it made his people in his court look like magpies. Pinking. What's Pinking? Pinking is where you get some cloth and you make like tiny holes in it to make a pattern. Oh, yeah. It's very fashionable at the time, but the King banned it. It's probably bad for your insulation as well. Having small holes.

All over your clothes. It probably doesn't do your... Well, weirdly, if you were like... a string vest. That's just holes, but actually it's supposed to be very warm because it traps the air. I mean, if it was just holes, it would be nothing, wouldn't it? That's that's empty string vest, but it's mostly holes. It's definitely mostly holes. No, I get that. I've never worn a string vest. You've amazed me. I can't believe it, Andy. I can only imagine you on your Christmas holidays going down to Margate Beach with a handkerchief around your head. I go home, I climb off into the

computer tower. I take my clothes, I get my string vest on. weirdly, even though women were uncovering their boobies, they were covering their faces at this time. Huh. And this went in and out of fashion throughout the 1600s and 1700s masks, but masks that cover your whole face. And they'd often have a little bead sewn into them where your mouth was. So the way you held them on was by keeping this beat before your teeth. You bit them on. Which added apparently an extra air of mystery because you couldn't speak.

So you were a mute. girl, hello. That was a very sexy way of speaking in those. Oh yeah. Hello. Isn't that weird? They were called Vizards. Was it to stop the sunshine from, like,

because I've seen that in modern day sometimes people would wear like balaclavas, wouldn't they? Stop the Great Plague, which was probably knocking about a bit. Many people wearing balaclaclac, are you sure you haven't been robbed a number of times? He's just trying to avoid getting burned. I think you see it in some countries they'll wear like

colorful balaclavas. I think more veils than Balaclaclark. I think like, you know, like Pussy Riot War, those things. Oh, yeah. I think I've seen them. I might be wrong. Well, it was for Sun Protection a lot of the time and initially, but then it became a fashion which was unrelated to some protection and it was to have this air of virtue or high

quality, high breeding. But would you have your boobs out at the same time? Oh, yeah, yeah, naked from the neck down. But you're unrecognisable. Well, no, you might, you might do, you know, because most people are recognisable by their faces and not by their boobs. Yeah. You're not going to admit to being the man who recognizes the woman just by her boobs, are you?

No. Not when you've gone to the theatre with your wife. Like, Sally over there. What is that story? I'm going to really butcher it. Can you tell it, Andy? It's really good. It's in Oxford.

It's a men-only area in Oxford. It's a bit of the river, a swimming area called Parsons Pleasure, I think, where only male dons or maybe undergraduates would swim, but they would swim naked. And one day there were three dons there. And some ladies happened by, they were, you know, they were surprised. and the dons are all naked and two, they're all very embarrassed and quickly, you know, two of the dons grab their, I don't know, flannel or whatever,

and cover their genitals. And the third don, very calmly, doesn't cover his genitals, he covers his face. And they say, what have you done that for? Charles, if his name was Charles. And he says, well, I'm not recognisable by my genitals. But unfortunately, they all heard of being called Charles. Okay, that's it.

That is all of our facts. Thank you so much for listening. If you'd like to get in contact with any of us about the things that we have said over the course of this podcast, we can all be found on our social media accounts. I'm on at Insta... How did you get that?

Yeah, I'm gladdad. Oh, God. I'm on HTTP. I'm on Instagram on at Shreiberland, Andy. I'm at Andrew Hunter M on various. James. I'm on LinkedIn if you want to ask me a job. And yeah, if you want to get to us as a group, Anna, where do they go?

You can email podcast.com or you can tweet at no such thing. That's right. Or go to our website, no such thing as a fish.com. Because if you do, you're going to find all the previous episodes up there as well as the gateway link into club fish, which is a very fun place where a lot of the listeners of our show get together, get bonus material and also get to chat to each other on a thing called Discord. Find out about it there. otherwise just come back next week and we'll be back with another episode then we'll see you then goodbye