No Such Thing As A Fish - No Such Thing As A Dolphin In An Escape Room

Episode Date: October 16, 2020

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss bodacious inventions, heinous nuclear errors and most triumphant costume design. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandise and more episodes.

Another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast coming to you from four undisclosed locations in the UK. My name is Dan Shriver. I am sitting here with James Harkin, Andrew Hunter Murray, and Anna Tashinsky. And once again, we have gathered around the microphones with our four favorite facts from the last seven days. And in no particular order, here we go. Starting with you, Anna. My fact this week is that during out of hours periods, hospitals, CTs, scanners are sometimes used to scan Egyptian mummies. Wow.

It's so cool. It's so weird. This is because mummies need scanning sometimes to find out what's inside them. So it's much less invasive as you can imagine than actually unwrapping a mummy, which can sort of cause the mummies to disintegrate as you do it. And you want to know what jewels they've got in them or what state their bones are in, stuff like that. And about, well, actually, almost since the dawn of

x-rays, they realize this would be really useful for scanning mummies. And since the year 2000, apparently, it's been a routine use for hospital CT scanners, is to use them on mummies. There are various hospitals in the UK that do it. I think Manchester Children's Hospital does a very strong line in loaning its CT scanners out. I read, I think it was Leeds Hospital. I can't remember exactly, but I read one of them saying that they did it in the night or out of hours because they didn't want to scare the patients, which I think makes sense, doesn't it? I love the idea of seeing the previous patient coming out and they've been desiccated in their 2000 years old. I'm not going in there. I think it looks a bit late for that one, to be honest. I'm sure the scounds necessary.

So this one was in Spain, right, the specific story that you sent around to us, because I found this very specific one, very fascinating. The fact that this was a project that was done between the Spanish National Museum of Archaeology and one of the university hospitals, and they wanted to scan three of the mummies that they had, trying to identify who they were. And really cool thing about it is that they had to map out a specific route from the museum to the hospital so that they went on roads that had no bumps on them so that they didn't damage the mummy. You know, you don't want to see the speed bump, break your mummy in half on the way. That's pretty sweet. Yeah, I once broke a rib and I got a taxi home because I didn't realize I broke my rib. And it's the most pain that I've ever

been in because the speed bumps everywhere in London, isn't there? Yeah. And taxi drivers don't seem to care about them. And it was just every time you went over one, it killed. And then I read a bit later that they thought they might use speed bumps as a way of telling if you've got appendicitis. So it's a really good way of telling because the speed bumps hurt you so much if you got something like appendicitis that it's almost as good a way of diagnosing it as almost any other non-invasive way. It's pretty cool. I think these are great though. We should release these as part of GPS. sort of specific, like Egyptologists should release the roots that have no bumps so that, like, not just people with broken ribs, but mummies to be, you know, pregnant women, they can't

go over bumps as well. You know, we should be using this. Can't they? Well, no, I mean, it's not good for you. It's not good for you to go speeding over a bump. And yet you can't go over a bump. The bump is within you already. That is funny. You should only have one. One bump should never meet another. That's the rule. The Spanish ones are really cool because they, there were some, Egyptian mummies and there were some Guanchi mummies, which are ancient people from Tenerife. And I didn't know that people from Tenerife got turned into mummies. They were buried in caves and the naturally dry air desiccated them and dried them out. So, yeah.

And the Egyptian one they got, when they scanned, they discovered that it was the Pharaoh Imhotep's High Priest. Like, what a score. What a, that's like to me, that's like Panini stickers. Like you're like, oh, yes. It's like a shiny. It's like a shiny. Yeah, exactly. It's a shiny.

How did they tell that from a scan? Was he wearing a badge? He was actually. Like, weirdly, he was wearing a lot of amulets, and there were lots of adornments where they could piece together who he was from what he was wearing. Okay.

Makes sense. Because, yeah, they're often wrapped up with, you know, possessions, like rubies and jewels and sapphires and things like that, aren't they? So the scan actually serves two purposes with a mummy. You can see what they were buried with and so learn a lot about the rituals,

and then you can see into their bones and see kind of what injuries they had, so what sort of lives they led. And also quite often you can see what it actually is. So it turns out when things are mummified and we find them, we don't always know even whether it's a human or an animal. They brought one into the Kent Institute of Medicine and Surgery in 2018, which they all thought was a mummified bird and put it through the scanner,

and it turned out that it was a miscarried baby. But that actually makes it the youngest mummy ever to be discovered. That's amazing. So it tells you a lot. Have you heard about the crocodile-shaped mummy that they found? No, no. This was brought in and it was, I mean, it was very clearly the shape of a crocodile. It couldn't, it was, if it was a Christmas present under the tree, you would think,

oh, I'm getting a crocodile, basically. But they looked into it, they scanned it right, in the CT scanner, and they discovered that it was not a crocodile. Can you guess what it was? Oh, an alligator. No. A human sticking their arms out in a crocodile mouth fashion. Oh, yeah, like an old-school baby shark. Like a baby shark impersonation, yes.

It was actually eight crocodiles. It was eight small crocodiles which had been mummified in the shape of a big crocodile. And I think this is where we get the cultural trope of the like three small people in an overcoat. Yeah, exactly. They're trying to get into an adult crocodile movie. Crocodiles were hunted to be mummified as well, weren't they? Which we didn't realize. We kind of thought that they just mummified dead crocodiles as and when they came upon them.

but from CT scanning, the mummified crocs, they've realised that you must have had sort of crocodile hunters who would have to go out and beat crocodiles to death. And they smash it. The CT scan shows that their skulls have been smashed in and then rebuilt. So you kill it by smashing in its skull, but then you kind of need to make it look like a proper skull again.

It's not surprising they went for eight baby crocodiles. They just came back saying, oh yeah, I've got another crocodile here. I've actually pre-mammified it, so there's no need to examine. So good. So CT scanners, the object themselves, a British invention, at least half so, from a guy called Godfrey and Hounsfield, who in the 70s was awarded a Nobel Prize for it. And EMI were the people who developed the CT scanner.

And EMI is the very same EMI that is the music company. And when they were developing this, they needed more money to start. of help the company to do this stuff. And it just so happened that in 1957, EMI acquired Capital Records, which allowed them to distribute British music into America. And it's 1957. The Beatles are about to arrive in 1962, a few years later.

And that helped raise the money for CT scanners. So the Beatles are partially responsible for the reason that we have CT scanners. I've read quite a few places saying that's a myth. And there's a paper which is called, Do we really need to thank the Beatles for financing the development of the computed tomography scanner? I don't know if that's the kind of tone that they had in mind when they wrote the title. But they say that EMI only paid about £100,000 into the development of the CT scanner, whereas the government paid in a lot more than that.

And so they say, accordingly, British taxpayers and officials of the British DHSS are to be thanked for the CT scanner. the Beatles input into the world's culture is valuable, but it does not require decoration by non-existent connection to the development of CT. I don't know. Hear me out. Hear me out. Who was paying a lot of tax due to very, very high government tax rates in the 1960s and 70s? The Beatles.

Right. The Royal Stonesault, they went to France. It was the Beatles. I've got to say, I do agree with Dan that I think these guys are being a little bit uppity and I think then the Beatles, you know, it's £100,000 and it was at the start as well. They gave Hounspeill the money at the top and then the government came in and gave them a lot more money later. So I think it's kind of fair that the Beatles had something to say. But sorry, why was the record label investing in CT scanners? Well, because EMI stands for electric and music

industries. And they were originally an electrical and music company. So they made electrics and they made music. And so this was like the electrical side of their brand. And they also did music. stuff as well. Okay. Sounds legit. It sounds almost. It's still loose, I reckon, but yeah, good on them. Thank you, Beatles, for saving so many lives. Rockets get CT scanned, and that's to check that all their stuff is working. So NASA and the Navy use this system called Actis Systems, which are special rocket

CT scanners, and they are specially rigged up to spot floors in, like, the engine parts and stuff like that. And they doubled up as whale scanners. Very cool. There's this guy called Ted Cranford, who's a whale expert, and he became obsessed with the idea that he really wanted to CT scan a whale, and most whales don't fit into most conventional CT scanners. You could get six tiny whales and put them in a big whale suit.

It doesn't make any sense. You've got to go the other way round, chop a whale into six parts. Anyway, so first of all, he needed to get hold of a whale. So apparently his mates knew that he was looking for a big old whale head to scan, and they found a dead sperm whale on a California beach. And so these two friends of his borrowed a front-end loader, like one of those trucks from a construction company nearby, cut the head off this whale,

carried it to a massive freezer somewhere in a marine laboratory in California, called Ted. It was like, well, look, we've got your whale head. What now? And then Ted was like, okay, cool, we need to find a CT scanner. And he convinced the Navy to loan him their massive rocket scanner. Wow. It's revealed lots of cool stuff.

So the whole point is to find a lot of. find out about whale vocalizations. So sperm whale clicks are incredibly loud. So he wants to look at how they make them and then how they hear. And yeah, now he just shoves marine animals through CT scanners all the time. He said that I was really an interview with him and he was saying he once was trying to dissect a dolphin head and he had to do it in a deep freezer. So he has to wear freezer gear and go into the deep freezer to dissect this head. But at the time, the deep freeze was being shared by a giant skewer, a sort of swan-sized bird from Antarctica. Oh, skewer.

Skewer, I thought, yeah, we're having a giant kebab at the end of the belly. No, a skewer, this massive bird from the Antarctic, they just kept attacking him and vomiting on him for four days as he tried to dissect this. Oh, it was alive. Why was it live in the freezer? Well, it's from Antarctic. It's used to a lot. Exactly.

It wouldn't like it in the oven. It was, okay. The dolphin's dead. I thought the dolphin was alive. No, dolphin's dead. And it's not in water. You've got it the wrong way around. Dolphins dead in the freezer. If you put a dolphin in the freezer, it will die if it's not already. Skewer's alive. But yeah, he's good of a hero.

Was the skewer kind of tied up? Do you think it must have been right? They can't have just been flying out. What kind of sick, messed up scientist, ties up a skewer in a freezer? I was thinking. You know what? Who's waved this through? What I was thinking is, and this won't go in. But do you remember on your stack do when we did that? the escape room with the zombie who was tied up and was chasing after us.

I was just thinking that as well, yes. With the chain and he doesn't get so far. I can imagine. It would have been even more exciting. If it was a skewer. Yeah. Yeah. And then if the key is hidden inside the head of a dead dolphin,

but you have to get it into a C2 Scala to see where it is. Okay, it's time for fact number two, and that is my fact. My fact this week is that in 1973, British Rail successfully designed and patented, a flying saucer. Wow. That sounds awesome. So this was the late 1960s, British Rail commissioned an engineer

who was called Charles Osman Frederick, and they commissioned him to design a lifting platform for use, and he took some time to develop it, and then he came back to them. He lifted things too far. Exactly. Exactly. In 1973, he came back with what he claimed

was a fully functional flying fusion-powered, spinning, flying saucer. So it was a very exciting thing. He handed it in. And not only did they not send him away and say he was crazy, but they submitted it to be patented and the government granted it. It was successfully patented.

And it was given a number and everything. And it should still, in theory, be patented, but they overran on the license and they didn't renew. So unfortunately, it is dead. Why on earth would you not renew a patent for a nuclear fusion power? Flying Salsa. Yeah.

When you say they wanted a lifting platform, what did that mean? I think, you know, when you see construction workers outside and they go on that little platform that looks like a cross ladder that raises up and up, I think it's like one of those. They obviously had a need for it somewhere in what they do. Got it. And he decided a fusion power, because it's fusion powered, wasn't it? Which is fascinatingly ambitious,

given that what humans have been trying to do for almost a century is create something that can be powered by fusion-based energy. And he just sort it. I reckon I'm onto it. To be honest, I mean, it was fusion powered, right? It was ignited by laser beams. And the lasers were energized by a homopolar generator. And it kind of feels like he's just been reading a load of science fiction books

and picked up a few words and gone, oh, well, that's a kind of thing, isn't it? Why don't we say that? Well, it was incredibly detailed. I think he thought, he knew that the science didn't exist. I think he was trying to predict the future of where science would go. And the idea I think British Rail saw this. This was a time when there was a lot of interest in space. And they thought maybe let's get ahead of the game here

and make sure if we suddenly discover all the things that he's predicted, sorry, not predicted, but needs that are not yet around. If they suddenly come to, this might actually work. It feels a bit like patent trolling, doesn't it? Because if I tomorrow managed to come up with a way of making nuclear fusion work so it can power things, I don't want to have to pay 20% to British Rail because they speculatively said that,

oh, we invented this thing. That is going to be in the future, James, if you do that, and I am not saying you will. I'm saying, in fact, that you won't. But if you did do that, you infute, like 100 years from now, sorry, to cross your dreams. I feel like you should believe in me more. Okay, look, as a physics graduate,

I'm saying you are the most likely of the four of us to produce nuclear fusion, however. But if you did do that, in a podcast 100 years from now, they would be able to say, did you know that actually we have British Rail to thank for nuclear fusion? It would be like EMI and the CT scanner all over again. Yes, they're the Beatles. Yeah.

Or would we be saying it's thanks to a podcast? Wait a minute. Are we the Beatles in this case? I don't think we can say that. British Rail is the Beatles and we're sort of Einstein. And people are going, did you know, it's not actually James Harkin who we have to thank for fusion. It's British Rail.

Very good. Yeah. And one of the reasons that we didn't know this until quite recently. So it was some like patent fans found it, didn't they? Yeah. But one of the reasons that we didn't find it is because it contained the word nuclear in the patent. And when you put the word nuclear in your patent, it kind of often gets given a secrecy order. And so you need to go through an extra hoop to look at those patents.

Really? Yeah. It look really cool, though. If you look at the drawings on the patent, it does look like a proper flying saucer. And there's drawings on the inside. There's not proper descriptions of what the inside has. how it would fully function. It was more trying to focus on the engineering side of it.

But it looks to some people who've sort of analyzed what were drawn, it looks like it could carry 60 people inside it. The way that it looked like they would be inside it is that if you picture like when you go to a fairground and there's that gravity tunnel thing where you all stand against the wall and as it spins you get sucked to the wall, it's sort of like that. The seats are arranged around the edge of the inside of the circular saucer. That's an uncomfortable way to do.

travel if you're going by British rail and you have to be stuck up against the say how are you going to get to the buffet car exactly also they don't work on me genuinely doesn't work on me genuinely doesn't work on me I've been on I've been on twice and I wouldn't go on again because everyone had to hold my hand as I slid down the wall and everyone else is stuck up there I was just I just stayed on the floor as the floor dropped away this is an even bigger claim than James saying he's going to invent nuclear fusion is that I'm saying just the laws don't apply to her just this one law is going to apply So the coolest British Rail invention that I came across was,

did you guys know about the pub cars? No? No. So this is in 1949, British Rail decided to launch carriages that were pubs. And they were properly decked out like, well, they went for mock Tudor design. Lovely. And the outside of the carriage was all fake brick. So it looked like an idyllic village bricked up Tudor pub.

They put pub signs up. I think there are a few of them made And they have names like the white horse The Jolly Tar The Green Man Thomas the Tanked Engine Would be an awesome name for one Very nice

Very good Very very good But yeah this happened You could go board your train And sit down That is insane Yeah and it was discontinued Because everyone thought it was really tacky

Oh they're wrong I went to I went to Universal Studios In America right Which is like a theme park isn't it? And they have the Harry Potter world there. And you can get on their, is it called the Hogwarts Express. And you can pretend that you're going across the Scottish countryside to get to Hogwarts, okay? But first of all, you have to queue up in an exact replica of King's Cross. And then they have a shop,

which is supposed to be exactly the same as a UK railway shop. And they're so accurate, they sold cans of strongbow. Isn't that amazing? They sold, they had loads of British brands of like, I don't know what British brands are, but like candies and stuff like that

round trees, but they had cans of strongbow. I never felt so at home in my life. Drunk eight year olds everywhere. Yeah, running desperately at Platform 9 and 3 quarters. So many concussed children. Since you mentioned Harry Potter,

I just want to say something about King's Cross station because you know Platform 9 and 3 quarters, that really pisses off Harry Potter fans about it when you go to Kings Cross. Where is it? It's between platforms 8 and 9. So basically, J.K. Rowling, her station's confused. She meant Houston.

She said Kings Cross. And so they couldn't actually put platform 9 and 3 quarters between platforms 9 and 10. So it's between 8 and 9 and a Harry Potter fan goes to Kings Cross. It's like, oh my God, this doesn't make any sense. It's not 8 and 3 quarters. Wow. Kings Cross could resolve this quite pressing problem

because they have 13 platforms. They've got 13 platforms, but their platforms only go up to 11. So one of them is nine and three quarters, which is like a fake one. But the other one, they needed to add an extra platform a few years ago. And they needed to add it to the left hand side to the opposite side of platform 1. And they didn't want to call it platform 12 because they thought that'll confuse people because it's at the opposite end to like platform 10, 11, etc. So they called it platform 0.

Right. So what Keynes Cross can do is they rename Platform 0, Platform 1. Yeah. As you would. Rename platform 1, platform 2. etc, et cetera, et cetera, you get to platform eight and nine, and suddenly platform nine and three quarters is in the right place. It's a great idea.

I mean, you only have one week, probably, of people wanting to go to Luton and ending up in Glasgow, get on their own footplay. But then once that's happened a few times, people will get wise to it. To be honest, what's one week more of lost economic activity for the UK at this point? Exactly. Should we talk about UFOs? Let's do it.

They're illegal in Chateau-Nirf de Papp. UFOs. Well, they disturb the grapes, don't they? That is actually exactly why it is. Oh, really? Well, kind of, yeah. So Chateinard d'Epap, it's a town in Southeast France, and they obviously make very good red wine, and all the winemakers are quite protective of their brand. And then in the 1950s, there was a load of reports in France of these, what they called cigar valence, which means flying cigars.

and there were these kind of UFOs going around and people saying that they'd seen Martians and stuff like that. It's just like one of these normal mass hysteria things where everyone thought they saw UFOs. But when that happened, all the wine growers were like, well, we can't have UFOs around here. So they made a law saying that no UFO is allowed to land in Chateau Nerve de Pap. And they're not even allowed to fly over. And if any alien lands, then they will be arrested immediately. And actually, only a few years ago, the mayor of Chateau Neuf de Pap, Papp said that they will keep the law on the books.

So it definitely does exist. He said that they want to keep it because it kind of gives them a little bit of publicity and stuff and it gets them in the news every now and again when people realize that this is the thing. But yes, if you're an alien and you like your wine, you can't go to Chateau-Eft-Pap? Do you think there are aliens in alien air traffic control somewhere going, oh, we really need to land in the sort of south of France region.

But remember, we can't do it in the PAP area because of course of interplanetary, I don't know how much they respect into planetary law. I think it's a French law, isn't it? Well, the question is. Have you ever heard of a UFO landing there, Anna? That is a good question, and I haven't, Dan. Point proven. Point proven. They respect it greatly. Do you guys know that a decline in Christianity is directly responsible for a massive rise in flying sources?

In quite an interesting way. So this is because in the 1940s, there was a, there was a, there was a, Belgian company called Beljika, and it made communion wafers for church. And a decline in Christianity meant that there was suddenly a lot less demand for communion wafers. And so they were like, well, what do we do? We've got this technology, but people aren't really buying it anymore. And then what they realized was they could take that edible paper in communion wafers, sandwich some shirber in between two bits of it. And what you've got there is a flying saucer. No, no way. The confectionary, loved by all. So flying sources are made from communion wafer, same stuff.

Originate, yeah. Yeah, that is amazing. And I've got to say, the church is really missing out on a way of getting the youth in, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, if those wafers exploded in your mouth in the same way that flying sources do, I might convert. That is cool. Okay, it is time for fact number three, and that is Andy. My fact is that in 2017, the US Defense Secretary,

had a light installed in his bathroom which would turn on if North Korea launched a nuclear missile. No. How stressful. Wow. How stressful. Who was it? That was when James Mattis.

That's right. Jim Mattis. And this was at the time when North Korea was launching, it was the big sort of North Korea missile hoo-ha of 2017. And it needed urgent response, obviously, if they launched another missile, if they were detected doing another nuclear test. And this light was installed in his bathroom.

So he could see it from the shower. If he was having a shower, he would be able to immediately jump out of the shower, go downstairs, get in the car and go and sort of it. Did he always have to shower in the dark so that he'd be able to see this light really well? I don't know. Basically, his whole home was rigged up like this huge Korean missile booby trap. So there was a bell in his kitchen. There was one in his bedroom.

And I should say, this is all from a new book called Rage by Bob Woodward, who was an incredible veteran US reporter. And these bells went off on more than one occasion. And he had a car which had to be followed by an SUV. And inside the SUV, there was a team plotting the flight path of any potential incoming nuclear missile. And this was just his life. He had a very, very stressful life.

And he slept in his gym clothes, didn't he? He had just had to be at the ready at all time. Surely he should have showered in his clothes as well. Otherwise, how often did he end up naked? in the emergency vehicles I keep commission control. Just on missiles generally, it's astonishing when you look into the history of missile and missile alerts in the last 70 years,

and you realize how many times we've come to the brink of essentially nuclear war based on what should have been a minor cock-up, isn't it? So there have just been so many false missile alarms, and I think my favorite ones are, well, one of them was in 1960, when there was, so mid-Cold War, everyone is very tense, to be fair. There was radar, US radar in Greenland,

which suddenly reported that there were dozens of Soviet missiles coming over the horizon exactly where they'd be expected to be coming from, and they were attacking. And so the US Defence Command went into maximum alert, you know, things were, they were getting ready to retaliate. And it turned out to be the moon. So it was a moon rise over Norway, which, it happened that the moon reflected back the radar in the same way that a missile attack might have.

And it came back with 99.9% certainty that they were under Soviet attack and said to retaliate. That's poor programming, isn't it? Because you would think that the moon sometimes rises over Norway. And you'd think there would be some kind of anti-moon protocol built into this program. There was another one in 1979 where they believed that they were on the brink of death as well. And it was this one guy who was the national security advisor to President Carter, so this is in America where this happened. He woke up with the phone call saying that the Soviets had just launched 250 missiles and it was headed straight for them. And he had this weird reaction where he was in a house full of his family and he didn't bother to wake his wife up because he assumed that there was no point in troubling her with the fear. They were all going to be dead in the next half hour or so.

so just leave them. And he sort of casually just accepted that death was coming and then just waited and all the systems again sort of showed that this was a big mistake and they couldn't work out what it was. Turns out it was a video game that had been put accidentally into the system at NORAD and they were doing a simulation of what it would be like if they were attacked but the system thought it was real. And it was just a complete cock-up.

Yeah, so this war game was playing out and they all thought this was a real thing and they eventually worked that out. And Carter never found out until years or at least months down the line that this had, in fact, happened. I can't imagine not waking up one spouse at a time when you think nuclear war is coming. Well, that's just your typical selfish attitude, isn't it? You're suffering you want her to suffer too. I mean, I guess he... You want to be screaming with someone.

I guess he had a job to do, though, right? Like, he was the guy who was meant to check in on this. You wouldn't want your whole family screaming around. you go, as you try to remain calm. One of the really scary things is that one of the things he thought to do in that moment was, and this was supposedly the quote, I want to make sure that we'd have company.

And the idea was he wanted to press a button of retaliation on the Soviets before they all died so that that was wiped out as well. So like this misfire thing, that could have led to something real as well. Well, that's why there's a lot of controversy still about the fact that we still have all those Cold War things in place, which mean that they can retaliate within minutes. But I think the terrifying thing about that one, Dan, was that it must have seemed so perfect, right? Because the tape, I think it was a technician accidentally put this tape into one of the machines

at NORAD, which is the North American Aerospace Defense Command. And the whole point of the simulation was to make it seem like the Soviets had launched the worst possible attack. You know, every single nuclear facility was targeted, every single missile that was targeted. So it must have been like, wow, they've really got us this time. Yeah, they do have, it's not just one person presses the button and then the missile goes. They have a few safeguards. So at any time in America, they have 90 what are called missileiers who are sitting on alert somewhere in the desert. They're all underground kind of in these silo places. And they work in teams of two. And they each sit together in like on the wall, it's

there's a no loan zone, as in you're not allowed to be alone, because if you're on your own, you might accidentally start World War Free without someone telling you not to. And you sit, two of you in a room, and there's an A side and a B side, and you each have a code which you're supposed to put in. And if your codes match, then that sets off the bomb. But also, I think five of the people in their whole thing need to do it at the same time in order for them to go off. And there's 90 of them. And in the US military, it's most. men who are obviously in the in the military but in that particular one there's a disproportionately high number of women in that role and the US Air Force did a big

sort of press release in March 2016 because they had the first time that it was an all female alert so all 90 people who were like in charge of whether America sends missiles to its enemies were women and that was the first time that happened all 90 yeah wow so they haven't all together they have a team of quite a few hundred and so normally it would be a mix but on this particular occasion they had the first ever all female team

obviously you wouldn't want nuclear war to happen ever but it does it would be a nice win for equality if it was the last is that started if it was yeah I don't know but with it that

I mean some naysayers would say that if the one time when we actually started a nuclear war was the first time it was all women working on that's a very good point I think it would set back the calls of women working in missile silos across the world. Well, fortunately, there would be no humans around to have that problem.

There would be some man. There was some man would pop up saying, if you remember, we did try this. Yes, some male cockroach. There's that really sweet story, which I think is quite famous. I didn't actually know it, so I feel like I should mention it. But before NORAD was called NORAD, it was called KONAD. and Conad was the Continental Air Defense Command

and one day the Air Force Colonel Harry Shoup sitting in his office and he gets a phone call which is on a line which basically suggests that the Russians are attacking. If this phone rings, the Russians are attacking. And at the end of the line, which he grabs it up nervously, expecting the worse, he hears a tiny little voice which says,

is this Santa Claus? And he thinks, what the hell's going on here? And he barks into the phone back at them saying, we know, what's going on? And the voice is crying, is this one of Santa's elves? And what had happened was there was a huge mistake. There was an advert that was placed in Sears catalog, the Sears advert, which gave out the number to call Santa Claus, but they'd put the wrong number in there. And the number they ended up giving was this classified line that was dedicated to a Russian missile attack. And it's so funny. It's extraordinary that that happens.

What were the chances? It's not just a random person in America. Yeah. And what's wonderful about it, though, is that they decided to embrace it. And that is a thing now that you can call NORAD and ask them to track where Santa is in the period of Christmas. I thought you're going to say you can ask them to drop a bomb any way you like for Christmas. That's what you want. Have you been good?

Yes. The naughty list consists of Vladimir Vladimir Vladimir Putin. Okay, and it's time for our final fact of the show, and that is James. My fact this week is that fashion historian Hillary Davidson has invented the Bill and Ted test, which judges the historical accuracy of movie costumes by comparing them against the surprisingly accurate movie Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. I did wonder why everyone in Pride and Prejudice is wearing backwards caps and players. Well, this is really interesting because this, um, this. historian, Hillary Davidson, she was actually writing a book about dress in the age of Jane Austen.

And when she was writing it, there's a lot of quite boring bits that you have to do of copy editing and indexing and stuff like that. And when she was doing her copy editing of the index as it happens, she was watching movies at the same time because it was just such a boring, tedious job. And so she was watching Bill and Ted, and she got to the bit where they kidnapped Beethoven. and she kind of looked at the extras and thought, wow, they are actually really good. They look just like they're supposed to look. And so she thought, well, that's it. I'm a fashion historian.

I need a benchmark. I need to decide what's good and what's bad. So this is my benchmark. If you're making a proper regency production and you can't get it as good as Bill and Ted, then there's something wrong. And so now on Twitter, she has at Bill and Ted test, where whenever she sees a new movie, she rates it against Bill and Ted and sees whether it passes or fails.

Are there films which, you know, have failed the Bill and Ted test? Oh, I didn't write them down. Star Wars. I can't remember. Star Wars, big fail. But basically, she says there's a few things you need to look for. The fabric, for instance. So if they're wearing something that's obviously polyester or something like that,

then it just looks wrong and you can tell it. But the other thing is the hair. So if your hair is down and you're an adult woman, then unless you are unmarried and a virgin or you're a prostitutes or you're mad, then you would not have your hair down with a woman in that kind of period. That's a big risk in a singles bar, isn't it? I mean, I think she's unmarried and a virgin, but it's possible she's a mad prostitute. Yeah.

And she does say in this interview in Slate, she's stressing that she's not saying everyone has to be completely historically accurate for everything. But sometimes it can, if you're an expert, it can put you off a little bit by seeing, you know, someone wearing a, like you say, a baseball cap in the middle of Pride and Prejudice. Yeah. It might be worth saying for the one person who is not totally familiar with Bill and Ted that the reason that it's a good benchmark is because they travel in time, right? To lots of different time periods where they're wearing the clothes of that period. Is that right?

They're not wearing the clothes of that period. They stay in their own mufti throughout, but they go and visit people like Batehoven and Socrates and Napoleon. They must really stand out. Yeah, they do. That's kind of where some of the comedy comes in. Yeah. I mean, it is one of the greatest movies ever made, in my opinion, and it's one of the probably half a dozen films before 2010 that I've actually seen. I think that might be why you think it's one of the greatest movies ever made.

If you compare it with the overall number of movies made. It's so good. But they do spend a portion of the movie in the future. Is that why you've allowed that to be part of the movie? movies you can watch James. Yes, exactly. I love that we have to thank for giving us Bill and Ted, the thriller post-apocalyptic author Richard Matheson.

So if you don't know Richard Matheson, he is the author of I Am Legend. He is an author who Stephen King said is the greatest influence that Stephen King has had by another author. That is Richard Matheson. He's the master. And sorry, and if you don't know what I Am Legend is, it's basically 2020. in a buck. It's basically a worldwide apocalypse due to disease, isn't it?

Yeah, exactly. It's exactly that. And so Richard Matheson happens to be the father of Chris Matheson, who is the co-writer and co-creator, along with his partner, Solomon, of Bill and Ted. And Bill and Ted was meant to be just a throwaway sketch. They had this idea. They were going to play the characters live on stage. And they happened to just mention it to Richard Matheson, saying, this is the idea that we

have for this sketch. And he said, I actually think there's a whole movie in this. And they thought, oh, God, okay, that's interesting. Never thought to do that. And they wrote up the movie. And that's why we have the most excellent in bogus adventures. Wasn't it almost the most excellent in bogus adventures, or the most excellent adventures of Bill Ted and Bob?

Because initially, in their improv group. And it was like constant improvise, wasn't it? And there were three of them. But the character who was playing Bob sort of lost interest in the whole concept and disappeared. And so it ended up just being the two of them. It sounds like they were committed to the Bill and Ted concede for years before it materialised into a film. They sort of used to always keep the improv going.

They would write letters to each other in the characters of Bill and Ted. I don't know if that's a standard improv behaviour, Andy. It's not. Okay. I'm not constantly writing Regency-themed letters to my buddies in the group. That's a shame. A lot of the things with Bill and Ted, how it's come into the culture is obviously through its language, right? So, Anna, if you haven't seen it, they speak in this real kind of surferish slang of saying, like, bodacious and triumphant and stuff like that.

And I looked in the Oxford English Dictionary, and they're referenced about a dozen times in the Oxford English dictionary. So they're referenced for the phrase, yes way, as in the opposite of no way. Yes way. They're referenced in Dude, in the entry for Dude, and also in the entry for second base. And they're not first citations, they're just kind of examples, but they are the first citation of party on. So we don't know anyone else who said party on before Bill and Ted did. And they're the first citation outside of dictionaries of the word dickweed. So it was mentioned...

Wait, outside dictionaries, did you say? Yeah, so sometimes... Did a lexicographer invent the word dickweed, sneak it in, hope it would take off? And then... Sometimes the OED takes like... words from slang dictionaries and puts it into the OED, but they didn't have the citation from there, but they do have the citation from Bill and Ted, which is the first one where Bill says, you killed Ted, you medieval dickweed.

That's so good. That's great. The first example we have of someone using that in real life. So Bill and Ted is back in the cinemas right now, as we speak, face the music, the third. And I thought there'd been this ginormous gap between the last movie and now. That's all the Bill and Ted that we have. But it turns out underneath, there's been so much. There was an animated series, which had Keanu and Alex Winter and George Carlin voicing it.

Can I just say that was one of the best cartoons. I used to love that. As a kid, I used to love that so much that show. Didn't know it existed. That's the only version of Bill and Ted that I've seen is occasionally watching the cartoon. Yeah. It had an amazing theme tune as well. You've got to find the theme tune. Did you see the live series then?

There was an action series, live action series. And they cast people who, when you look at the pictures, look exactly like the guys. But they also went into theater. There was Bill and Ted's excellent Halloween adventure and musical. adventure. There were board games. There was the excellent board game and riff in time, R-I-F-F-F, Riff in Time. And then there was a whole comic book series that has been run for years, which were written and drawn by a guy called Evan Dorkin. Really? Yeah. And I basically just said all of that so that I could say the word, Evan Dorkin. I was thinking these are standard brand

extensions. I don't know where Dan's going with this. It's always heading to the name Dorkin. I did find one fact about the comic book, which is that, because they use a time-travelling phone booth, which people might think is a bit of a rip-off from Doctor Who. They use the comic book to explain that actually, due to the way time travel works, Doctor Who ripped off Bill and Ted despite having started in 1960-something. That's a brilliant way to get around the patents problem we had earlier on in the episode. Absolutely, yeah. But Doctor Who is also a time traveller, and I would say a more adept time traveller than

Bill and Ted, though I haven't seen it, but he is very good at it. So I would imagine he can always have claimed to have gone back. been to the beginning of the universe. Yes. You know one place that Doctor Who's never been because he's an alien, Chateau Nuff de Pap? Yes. I want to see the episode of Doctor Who

where he lands in Chateau Neff de Pap and gets immediately arrested. I read a, I was such an endearing interview with Keanu Reeves, which actually just came out recently, but was an interview that he did in 1987, which is when they were making Bill and Ted. But I think no one knew who he was then,

and then the film got delayed. So the interview. interviewer's never released at the time. And it was for the rap. And he admitted that he wasn't a good actor, in fact, in it. He said, so I think the interviewer who was Steve, Steve Pond asked him, how long have you been acting? And Keanu Reeve said, I don't really know if I'm acting now.

I'm pretty bad. I mean, I hate acting most of the time I do it. It's a god-awful job. Just on old awesome movies. This isn't to do with Bill and Ted. But our friend... Are you just using the word... as a connective link here.

Kind of is, but you'll see where I'm going, because they're kind of in the same, in the same genre-ish. So our friend Justin Gaynor sent me an article, which I'd missed from The Guardian, which a few people will have seen about cool runnings. Then you'll see this article. It's absolutely brilliant.

It was an interview with a few people, including John Turtle Tab, who was the director. And he gave some bits of trivia about cool runnings, which are amazing. So it was translated around the world, and in Norway, it was translated as cold buttocks, cool runnings. And he said that after cool runnings, he got sent lots of similar kind of screenplays about sports,

and they were all kind of almost identical. And he said it got so bad that at one point I received a script called Amanda. Without reading a word, I picked up the phone and said to my agent, what kind of animal is it and what's wrong with the kid? There was a long pause before the reply came, It's a horse and a brain tumour. Okay, that's it. That's all of our facts. Thank you so much for listening.

If you would like to get in contact with any of us about the things that we have said over the course of this podcast, we can be found on our Twitter accounts. I'm on at Shreiberland, Andy. At Andrew Hunter. James. At James Harkin. And Anna.

You can email podcast at QI.com. Yep. You can go to our group account, which is at no such thing, or our website. No such thing as a fish.com. All of our previous episodes are up there. Links to bits of merchandise. And yep, that's it.

We'll be back again next week, guys. We hope you're doing well. We'll see you then. Goodbye.