No Such Thing As A Fish - No Such Thing As Diarrhoea Drive

Episode Date: August 21, 2015

Live from The Aces and Eights Bar in Tufnell Park, Dan, James, Andy and Anna discuss facts suggested from the audience, including blue margarine, superstrong beetles and car-driving monkey butlers.

The following show you're about to listen to is slightly different to the ones we normally do. This show was a live one, recorded the Aces and Eighth Bar in Tufno Park a couple of months ago, and rather than being our four favourite facts, it was the favourite facts of the audience. So we did no prep for this at all. It was the first time we'd heard a lot of these facts, so it's a bit ropy around the edges, but stick with it because we think it's a really funny one, and I hope you will enjoy it. We're putting it out this week in preparation for our Edinburgh Festival shows, which begin next week. Welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast this week coming to you live from the Aces and Eighth Bar in Tuffinel Park.

My name is Dan Schreiber. I am sitting here with Anna Chesinsky, James Harkin, and Andy Murray. And once again, we've gathered around the microphone. But this time, it's not with our four favorite facts from the last seven days. It's your favorite facts. And in no particular order, here we go. starting with okay you were told to put your name

this person's not put their name it's an absolute disaster I reckon people are going to remember what their facts were that's true Max Walker wicked okay Max so my fact is about the Scrooge effect which is if you make somebody think about

death they then increase how charitable they are and also when they do donations they then get more satisfaction from it as well Wow. That's good. Okay. Do we assume because they're thinking, I really hope someone gives money to charity when I die

so that it's not as bad? I think that's what people suspect, yeah. It also makes people spend more material goods in general. Okay. What is this famous effect called where you buy something green, so you're doing something really good for the environment, and then because you've done that, then you do something really not very nice afterwards.

It's called moral licensing. Okay. It's where you let yourself do something bad. So this sounds a bit like the opposite of that, I suppose. You're reminded of something bad that's going to happen to you, so you then do something good. Yeah. With moral licensing, what's a good example?

If you don't have a shower to save water, later on, you'll leave the hobon longer. Yeah. Yeah. Or you'll fill up the kettle slightly less than normal, so it uses less energy, and then you'll go out and brutally murder three people. Yeah.

Moral licensing. Weirdly, today, I read, a story about a show that has been named the worst show of all time in which the prizes were all charity prizes and the idea was that it was four celebrities and it was a show hosted by a comedian back in the day called Jackie Gleason

and the idea was that if the celebrity got the question right a bunch of care packages would go to their choice of charity if they got it wrong it would go in Jackie Gleason's name so it looked like he was this amazing it was just like wow this Jackie Gleason guy's incredible He cares so much. So here's the thing. The show was terrible.

It was absolutely terrible. And it got cancelled after two shows. But the second show, and as far as I know, it's the only time in history this has happened. The second show was Jackie Gleason sitting on a stripped down set, and it was half an hour of him apologizing to the audience at home. The entire second show was him going, we totally messed up. That was horrible. We can't believe we did that to you. We can't believe we spent so much money on it.

And then they canceled the show. But it's known as the worst show of all time. Yeah, that sounds tedious. It is really interesting the stuff that has a psychological effect on you that you're not realising and they're always doing studies sometimes quite dubious about it but there's that study that says that if there's pop music playing in a shop I think you're more like to spend more money

and also the fact that they start playing classical music in places that are high crime haven't they because then it stops people, it deters people from committing crimes apparently tube stations yeah and dodgy parts of town play classical music of people okay should we go on to the next fact yeah go for it Cool. So I think it's from someone called Coralie or Coralli.

Ah, yes. So if you could pass that over, I'll also read a tweet at the same time. Yeah, go for it. So we have a tweet by someone called at Olly Granger, and they said, my fact is that if you like grilled cheese, you'll have 32% more sex. Ollie, Ollie's in tonight. Oh, hi, Ollie. Was this an experiment you did yourself? It was on BBC News. Oh, is it? Amazing. And is that going to turn into a sexy food now

when you're sort of like bringing a date home and going grill cheese? Champagne, oysters, rare bit. Okay, let's move on to Corral. Is it Correli or Corrilli? Corrilli. Corrally, what was your fact?

In 1567, the man with the longest beard died when he tripped over it, running away from a fire? Okay. When you trip, it's quite easy to get back up straight away, right? It depends where you trip.

It was a fire next to the Grand Canyon. I think this guy with the beard, I think I've heard about him. I think he used to tuck his beard in a pocket, didn't he? He had a little pocket, and he used to tuck it in there so that he didn't trip over. And presumably this time the fire was on, and he sort of put his hands in the air,

knocks his beard out of his pocket. and then trips up. Wow. I'm speculating. And I accepted that as truth. Any times James tells me something, you're like, wow, okay, that's good. That's knowledge now.

Abraham Lincoln had a beard, famously. Yeah. Not for most of his life, though, did he? The reason he grew a beard, I don't know if people know about this, is because a young girl wrote him a letter saying that if he grew a beard, then some of her brothers would vote for him.

Because he'd made a speech or he'd made a statement in some way. saying, I think it's so like reminiscent of kind of short-ditch trendy people today, he said a thing saying, do you think people might think I'm a bit pretentious if I grow this beard now, this whole whiskery thing? And this girl wrote in saying, look, I've got this brother. He's saying he won't vote for you unless you have facial hair. And so he did it.

And then he met her a few years later, a station, didn't he, and said, this beard's for you. Wow. It was a different time, wasn't it? It was a more innocent time. The 1860s. I got, I just move on quickly, there's a really good tweet here I got from at Finneyland, which is that in 2009, two French mayors declared the same street one way, but in different directions. That is such a fantastic moment in history.

I remember that happening, actually. Do you? Yeah, it was it like near Paris? Yeah, it was like a big argument between these two murders and they just decided. right, we're going to do it. My uncle used to be a mayor in Bolton. Did he? Okay, yeah.

What did he declare in defiance of his counterpart? He declared that this was actually when he was a councillor rather than the mayor, but they wanted to build some houses in Bolton. And no one wanted them to build these houses. And they tried to stop them, but they couldn't stop them because they had the law on their side. And my uncle thought, well, we can't stop them. But what we can do is, we can rename the streets

things that they don't want to put houses on. And so they came up with the idea of making a diarrhea drive and Hitler Grove. And they were genuinely, they actually had plans that they were going to make these streets. But then in the end, I think, someone backed out. Just on the

subject of things being named Hitler, there used to be a guy who lived in Ohio in, he was living around World War II. His name was Adolf Fitt. Hitler, right? And he was living in America, in Ohio, refused to change his name. And when the guy asked him, why have you not changed your name? He said, I'm not going to let one guy ruin the good name of Adolf Hitler. And so he kept the name. And I always for years, I've known this as a kind of QI-ish kind of thing. And I've never kind of thought to think of whatever happened to his dream, did it work? I looked into it. Ohio in America is the only place now that has Hitler named LAMLAMLAM. landmarks, they've got a Hitler lake, they've got a Hitler church, they have a Hitler park. It worked, it worked. Hitler brought the name background.

Because what was he like? Give me two months, I'll bring this back. This will be a fine name again. Hitler did have nephews in Liverpool, didn't he? Yeah. And one of them, one of his nephews, wrote an article in 1939 with the headline, Why I Hate My Uncle.

He gives really bad breath. presents at Christmas. Shall we move on? Yeah, let's move on to our next fact. Okay, our next fact is from Otti. No, oh, sorry, no. Diane.

They are similar, to be fair. Diane DuPont. Is that a name that, yeah, that's you? Okay, can you pass the microphone over? Okay, so while you pass that on, I'll read one of these facts that we have. From at Apatoo. and they said that Canadian one dollar coins are called loonies

and two dollar coins are called tunis. That's really cool. I'll tell you something about Canada. Margarine was illegal in Canada. What was it? From around 1880 to around 1930, something like that. What was the reason? It was a very powerful lobbying from the dairy manufacturers.

They wanted it to be banned because they thought that they were taking away the butter business. and they banned it, and then they brought it back for a little time during First World War because they needed something to pot on the bread. But yeah, for a long time. And actually, in some parts of America as well, in Maine it was, I think there were seven states where my dream was illegal at the start of the 20th century. Yeah, Wisconsin.

Wisconsin. Yeah, Wisconsin. And people would smuggle it over the border. They had to dye it blue. They had to dye it blue. Wow. Yeah, blue and pink. It would be in bags, little dye packets, so it's not to be confused with butter.

Wow. Wow. So once again, this is just an example of the type of audience that we have when we do a comedy game. Most other gigs, it's just people going, you suck, get off. We have corrections in a told-off sort of matter. I wrote a tweet earlier and I got corrected on it in four different ways. Within 10 minutes, two mathematical, one simple counting thing which I hadn't done, and one scriptural. Pretty good.

That's great. Does this lady, Diane, stroke, Otto, stroke, whatever you are. Have you got a mic? I do. Cool. What was your fact? The Danish word for 58 is actually shorted for 8 and half 320s. 58 is 8?

8 and half 320s. It follows like a Roman logical numeral logic. That's quite, it's semi-similar, but much more complicated to French, isn't it? Which does, you know, Catravan. Catravan or whatever. This is much better. I need brackets to understand that. I'm going to put it out there.

I literally don't understand what that means. I'm not even going to attempt to try and comprehend it. Did anyone try that math quiz? There was all over the news yesterday, that logic quiz. It was good, wasn't it? It was, um, was it in Sweden? Uh, no Singapore. S countries confusing them.

We could do this whole thing in call and response. Like a queen gig. So what was there? It was a logic puzzle. It was where a girl and her two friends were, she was trying to make them guess when her birthday was, and she told, one friend, a date of her birthday

and the other friend the month of her birthday and then there's a conversation where, I mean, you look it up, I'm not going to give it to you. Do you want to hear a really lame logic joke? No? Tough. It goes, it's not mine. Three logicians walk into a bar

and the barman says, do you all want to drink? And the first guy says, I don't know. And the second guy says, I don't know. And the third guy goes, yes. I don't think it's that type of crowd, James. I'm not going to go for that. that kind of stuff tonight. Yeah, the logic material

didn't quite work tonight. It's a good one. Okay, I have another fact here, and it doesn't have a name. Oh, it has a name on the back. From Josephine, Josephine. All right, so while that's making it over, here's another fact we got from Twitter,

from at I, Tim Pilgrim, jelly babies were originally marketed under the name unwanted babies. Oh, no. That's a good fact. Okay, Josephine, have you got a microphone? Yes. What would you like to tell us?

A rhinoceros beetle, its towing capacity, is the same as a man lifting nine male elephants over his head, apparently. Wow. Yeah. Are they doing it to show off, or is it like a... Because I've not even lifted one elephant. I could. No.

I've just never felt the need. That's, yeah, I mean... But the idea with this with insects is actually it's because if you're a lot smaller, it's a lot easier to do stronger things. And that's because your muscle strength depends on the cross-section of your muscle, which is a two-dimensional thing. And your size is a three-dimensional thing, and so it goes up quicker because you're multiplying it three times rather than two times.

I'm not explained that very well. No, no, that's good. I've always felt inferior to ants because of this kind of thing. It's not because of that kind of thing They work in a team I mean out There is one thing There is one thing which is

And it's I think the strongest organism in nature And it's a lot It's even smaller than the rhinoceros people But it's gonorrhea Gonorrhea can tow Something like a hundred thousand times Its own weight

Which is Which is probably why it's so successful. Not from our perspective, but it has these filaments all around it called Pilly, which it sort of crawls along things with them, and it has this huge, huge pulling capacity. It's very cool. Wouldn't Andy make the most fantastic STI doctor? Just as you're getting the news, that you got gone out of real.

Interesting fact, actually, about that. Do you know which, Dan, which is your strongest muscle in your body? What would you say? My tongue? It's a reasonable guess, but it's wrong. So the strongest absolutely will be your ass, your gluteus maximus,

and that's pretty much because it's the biggest, got the biggest cross-section. I dare you. But the biggest by actual, not by size, but the biggest by square centimetre is not in your body, but it is in Anna's body. It's the uterus.

Really? What's the thing? Your uterus is actually very weak. Sounds like a challenge. Get your uterus out, let's do this. Every live show, every live show he does this. And a uterus has the strength equivalent of a crossbow. Now, I don't understand what that means.

I mean, medieval castles, when besieged, did not go to the uterus cabinet. So it's not saying if we, like, rigged up an arrow somehow to our eustress, then we could propel it further than a crossbow? Not really, crossbow is much bigger, so it's like per square area. That is a good fact. Just while we're talking about the body quickly, I've developed a new thing on... Oh dear.

Dan, I have to tell you from the diseases perspective, it's doing great. No, it's just this, it's an odd new thing. I've just, in the last six months, every time I wake up, I'm woken up by the sound of my own body from my face going, every time I wake up now. Like, I swear to God, every morning,

every morning I've woken up, go, what's happening to me? That's my question. I don't know what's happening to you, but have you considered donating to charity? swearing. There was a man in America, I don't know what made me think of this, who was, I think he was executed,

and what happened was they thought that he'd had sex with a pig. And the reason that they thought he'd had sex with a pig is because the pig had given birth to a piglet that looked a bit like him. Even though he knows it's not true, that's the most insulting thing. There's no win in that whatsoever. That really reminds me of a story that I remember Richard Maidley, of Richard and Judy telling years ago.

He went up to a woman in a bus stop, and he went, Bill, hi. And this woman turned round, and then, what are you talking about? He said, Bill, right? He was like, we knew each other at school, and she was like, no, I'm Jane. And he said, oh, sorry, you just look so much like Bill.

I assumed you'd had a sex change. And it was you. Bizarre thing to do. Say what you like about Richard Maitley. He's confident. Should we move on to our next fact? Okay, this fact is from Chris R, who is at Naxfish.

Do we have it? Do we have Chris R? Hello. In the meantime, shall I share my favorite fact that I got via email? Because I assume it was from someone who wasn't on Twitter. Lauren Gilbert. In 1958, Khrushchev went to Beijing to meet with Mao. Mao proceeded to suggest a meeting while swimming,

knowing full well that Khrushchev couldn't swim. AIDS instantly appeared with water wings for Khrushchev and the meeting took place with Mao swimming up and down and Khrushchev flailing around in his armbands. How cool the image is that? Okay, who has the microphone? Hey, hello. Hello.

Go for it. Right. The police department in Cambridge, Massachusetts, requested that when the Harvard Bridge between Cambridge and Boston was refurbished in the 1980s, that the graffiti on it was maintained by the people who created it because it became useful in identifying where accidents were on the bridge. So they would say, by the penis.

It was quite non. nerdy graffiti, to be honest. Okay. Oh, yeah. Because it's an MIT prank. Got it, okay. My favorite fact about graffiti or graffiti is... Which is it, James?

Which is it? This is about graffiti. And it is that there was a Christian group, I think it was in the south of France, I think. And they were cleaning up graffiti. And they were doing it because they were very nice people. And they started

cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. And then only afterwards, did they found out they'd actually cleaned off a load of prehistoric cave paintings. Oh. My God. How did that... I mean, surely there's a difference

that you can tell between... That is true, although they think that a lot of prehistoric cave paintings were done by teenage boys, actually. And a lot of French graffiti is of buffaloes being killed. Sorry. Can I read out? Because we got sent in. So we got an email when we said,

we need fax for tonight. And we got an email from a lady called Lauren Gilbert. who we just had this fact from Anna about Khrushchev, which is that... So she gave us 10, and this was my favorite one. I'm going to read it out exactly word for word what she's written. F. Scott Fitzgerald, bitched to Hemingway,

that his dick was too small, then went to the bathroom, and Hemingway looked at it and pronounced it fine. He had a terrible injury, didn't he? I'm going off memory here. Hemingway had a very bad shrapnel wound, possibly, in the First World War, which dealt severe damage to that.

that region, the top of his thighs and his parts and private parts. And there is a theory that that's why he was so about the big game hunting and fishing. So when Fitzgerald showed him, it was sort of like half hanging off and bleeding a bit. He went, looks absolutely normal to me. You're doing fine, mate. Look at that.

Oh, dear. Okay, let's move on. Steakroyd, where are you? Okay, can someone give the microphone to Stee? There we are. Stee, what is your fact? So, the name Garrett is now, as of 2013, less popular in the UK,

that's by people born within that year, than both the name Thor and Loki. Wow. What? That is incredible. Wow. But Gary actually isn't like an old name, is it? The first Gary was a country singer, wasn't he?

Someone's going to shout out who it was. Gary Cooper. Gary Cooper. Gary Cooper. Gary Cooper. He was the first person pretty much, I think, called Gary. And I think he might have been named after a place called Gary in America. In India.

The world experts on Gary's is in the audience. So what other name knowledge do you have then? It's kind of limited to basically that, and I definitely learning from a different podcast. I apologize. You brought someone else's fact from another podcast to our show? Good. Do that more.

I thought I needed to raise the bar, you know. How many people in North Korea do you think are called Kim Jong-un? Do you know the answer? In French? It's correct. Really? There's only one person called Kim Jong-un because he made it the law. No, he made it the law that everyone else who had that name had to change their name to something else to Gary.

To be fair, I don't reckon there are many Queen Elizabeth II in Britain. Yeah. I guess it would be Elizabeth Windsor with all the Elizabeth Winzer. would have to change the name. Yeah. Does anyone here know anyone called Elizabeth Windsor? There we. See, nobody knows anyone called Elizabeth Windsor.

And that is a scientific experiment that just happened right in front of your eyes. I got sent a fact by someone for tonight, and it was a fantastic fact. It was really good. But I got so distracted by his name that I forgot to write his fact down. So I don't have his fact now, but I do have his name. And his name is Andrew, his surname, go to bed. As one word. He's called Andrew Go to Bed

And he goes by Andy And he has a middle name which is William But he goes by Will So Andy will go to bed Is his full name Isn't that great? I found something about names the other day This is just completely random now

But the first English The first teacher of the English language in Japan Was called Ronald McDonald Why did he move to Japan? That's such a good thing That's great. Okay, another one. Let's keep going.

Yeah, let's pick another fact sent to us by Twitter. This is from at 83 underscore Biss. When the tooth of a mastodon was found in North America, it was identified as the tooth of a giant. Wow. That's very exciting to me, because if you've listened to this podcast, I talk a lot about Yetis and so on.

I've worked out, that's the period I should have been born in when someone's finding a big thing and going, well, it's obviously the tooth of a giant. That's right there. That's when I should have been born. I would have been the man who went, it was clearly a giant. And they would go, Mr. Schreiber, you are.

Well, there was the other thing, the first dinosaur bone, which they thought was a scrotum of a giant. And they called it Scrotum humanum. And it turned out to be a Megalosar, I think. But by the strict rules of nomenclature, they should still call it Scrotum Humanum, because you're supposed to call it the first thing that you called it. Oh, you?

Wow. Wow. So... Meglasaur, I still call it a scrotum humanin, actually. But you, as we've ascertained, call it graffito. So we know what you're like. That is true. Sharks teeth, when they were discovered, fossilized sharks' teeth. Sharks obviously go really many, many millions of years back.

And often their teeth are the only bit of them which survives because they are all cartilage. They don't have any bones. So we only really know about fossil sharks or ancient sharks from their teeth. But they were thought to be dragon's teeth, unsurprisingly. And they were crushed into powder and sold as a medicine. Wow. Yeah, and people still take bits of shark as medicine to this day,

but they shouldn't. Please don't do it, because it doesn't work. You just got a dead shark, then, and you're not any better. Okay, another one. Esther Clark. I really like the fact that people say alcohol is not a solution, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution. That's very good. All right, so you like the chemistry jokes, when you don't like the logic joke.

It's what's going on. I hope you don't work at an AA center. That would be. All right, alcohol is not the solution, except, of course, that it is the solution. Okay, okay. Something's dissolved in something to make it alcohol. Yeah, you could have pure alcohol,

but it's really hard to get out of. Most alcohol is in water. So alcoholic drinks are the solution. Yeah. Pure alcohol is not. Pure alcohol is poisonous. Well, that's very responsible, so you're not advocating pure alcohol.

No, I think that's okay. So I think if you put water and alcohol together, like 40% is about the best kind of solution for alcohol and water. And the person you found that out was Mendeleev, who did the periodic table. And I think he did it for his dissertation or something like that. And he worked that out. So he was the first person to do it. How did Mendelev work out that 40% was the best? He was a chemist and he tried lots out.

Did he? So there's notebooks increasingly spidery and slurge. It's all the 55 to 45. That's the age. If the giant age is the age you should have been in, I should have lived in the age where you could just drink loads of alcohol and claim you're a chemist. And this also reminds me of another brilliant fact

that was sent in by email by Lauren, I think, which was that the first ICBMs, the ballistic missiles, placed by the USSR outside of the USSR, which were placed in East Germany, could never have been used because the soldiers in charge of them drank the rocket fuel because it was made of alcohol. Oh, no.

That's like when it was, they sent up a bit of bark from the tree that Newton was apparently sitting under when he had the apple and he realized the idea of gravity. They sent that up into space with an apple. And the idea was that they were going to drop the apple and they were going to drop the bit of bark together so that they could experience a lack of gravity. So it was a very exciting moment. But they forgot to tell some of the astronauts why the apple was up there. And so they ate it And then they were like Okay, time to do the experiment

And they were going What experiment? So they ended up doing the experiment With a bit of bark And a pear that they had No one likes pears Or the International Space Station Should we move on to another fact?

Yeah, Andy you've got on I think Yes, I have This is from Adam Hey Adam Okay, so I'll pass the mic up And while we're doing that I got a tweet from someone called Olivia Annie

At Olivia Annie And she says, sent me this fact that Bucharest and Budapest are the fifth most mixed up places in the world. And she didn't say what the first fall were. So, surely Slovenia and

Slovakia. Yeah, you would have been a few. I don't know what the others are. So I googled it and I found there was a site called Bucharest not Budapest.com which collects all the different times when people have mixed it up. And Iron Maiden, Morchiba,

Metallica and Lenny Kravitz have all mistaken Bucharest for Budapest on stage. Cool. Okay, where's the microphone? The wages in Chelsea and Fulham are so high that it's the only constituency in the UK where the average wage is higher than the wage of their MP. Wow.

So their MP is like the working man. I know something about, I think it's the constituency of Kensington, which is nearby, it's not a million miles away. And it has the highest proportion of miners, as in M-I-N-E-R-S, in any constituency in the country. What? No. No. It does.

Yeah. Because it's a lot of people who own mines, basically. They say occupation mining. Okay, let's move on. Let's try and get some more in before we finish. So, Chris, who worries Chris? Okay, so Apollo 13. nearly ended in disaster before it even got to space

because of a malfunction that happened but a second malfunction occurred that saved the ship from being destroyed. Did it fix the first malfunction? Yeah, pretty much. What? That's very rare. Good thing we have an astrophysicist on the panel today

to be born. That's when I should have been born. The age of space. That's incredible. Incredible. That's amazing. So, okay, so because there is Apollo 13, my favorite movie of all time. There, it genuinely is. Was it a real thing that happened as well as the movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not your favorite event of all time, is it? It kind of is, actually. No, because it's, to me, Apollo 13 is the greatest story ever told.

You have a tin heading out into deep space. An explosion happens. They're told they have something like an hour left of oxygen and they're going to die. and everyone on the earth and three men in a tin can have to solve it and the only way that they can get back home is to go that way towards the moon. It's insane. And they made it home at spoiler alert. They made it home alive and that is incredible. And then obviously there's a big line in the movie where as they're going up, there is a malfunction and they say

there was a glitch. What was the line? It was something like... Yeah, so they say we just had our glitch for this mission. We just had our glitch for this mission, not knowing that there was going to be this explosion. Obviously, why would they have known? But this is an interesting fact as well about glitches and things going wrong when you go into space. There was a book called Moondust, and in it, someone from NASA was saying that on a good successful spaceflight,

99.99% of things work, which means a typical ship is 6 million parts. That means on a good flight, they expect 6,000 things to break as they're going up. Did you just do that in your head right then? No. I was trying to style that out and my mouth didn't. let me. 6,000. Yeah.

That's incredible. 6,000 things. Can you imagine any other job on the first time you use something? 6,000 things break. If I was running it, I would take 6,000 very tiny, very breakable glass plates.

I'd smash all of them as we set off. And then presumably everything else would work. I don't think you understand probability at all you. Just another fact about things going wrong in space. My wife told me this. Today, in fact. And that is that the two biggest disasters in rockets in Russian history both happened on the 24th of October on different years,

but they happened on the same day. And so to this day, in all the rocket fields and stuff in Russia, they always turn all the electricity off and close everything down on that day just so it doesn't happen again. Really? Wow. There are lots of Russian cosmonaut and astronaut superstitions. So lots of things have built up over the years of the Russian space program.

So I think on the final drive to the, what is it, the lift-off point, the... To the rocket ship? To the rocket ship, thank you. On the final drive, the astronauts will get out, they'll stop the car, they'll get out, and they'll have a wee against the right back wheel, I think it is, of the truck. And that's because Gagarin did that the first time. Just you're a Gagarin did it the first time. What if you get performance anxiety?

And you can't go. I presume that. It's like, yo, we need a launch. I'm trying, I'm trying. F. Scott Fitzgerald's going, what the fuck is that? Hemingway lied to me. Okay, should we keep going?

Yeah, let's, yeah. This one is from Sophie S. Where are you, Sophie S? Oh, right in the corner. So let's find another fact while we're doing that. Okay, so here is the fact. from at the underscore image smith and that is if you wanted to recreate the entire Lego movie

with actual Lego you would need 15,080,330 Lego pieces. Hmm. How? I mean, yeah, but why would you want to do that? We've got the Lego movie and it's the best thing it's ever been done. Yeah, exactly. Have we got the microphone? Yes.

So my fact is, when a dog enters a room, It knows what's happened two hours before. What are you talking about? Did you learn this fact from me? Because I don't think... So he knows what food was on the floor and who wasn't in the room before. Is it through smell or through...

Yeah, it's through smell. Oh, it's through smell. But it can't tell anyone. That's so nuts. Oh, this Mike was here. What are you saying, buddy? Mike was here. I think he's hungry.

Oh, no. What a curse. What a curse. The idea is that once we got dogs, our brain shrunk, isn't it? Oh, yeah. And that is because when we were hunting, we needed to be really good at picking up sense and really good at hearing things, etc., etc. And so then we got dogs and domesticated them.

And then we didn't need to smell those things anymore, so that smell bit of our brain shrunk. And then we didn't need to hear things, and so they're hearing bit of our brain shrunk. And it's been shown that humans that were around before dogs were domesticated. case it did have bigger brains. Yeah. Wow. That was bastards. Just a fact.

There is a thing about ant-eaters, which is that when ant-teeters eat ants, they don't digest the ants that they eat. The ants digest themselves. Because the ant-eaters, they don't have the proper acid in their stomach, but ants obviously have lots of formic acid inside them. So they just digest themselves.

Wait, so they do that as a kind of like, Harry-Carrie kind of thing? No, they just... When they're diet, because they've been eaten, they start to produce this form of acid, and that then mulches the whole load of ants down. So ant-eaters have now, again,

got rid of that unnecessary bit of their digestive system, which they don't need anymore. That is actually a bit like... And I actually, I think someone also wrote this fact down today that baby pandas can't digest eucalyptus, can they? But it's... Coalas, sorry. Baby panda.

Cuala, potato, patala. Whose fact was that? Come up here, quickly and say it? Was it baby quala. can't digest eucalyptus when they're first born so they have to get the bacteria from their mother's kind of poo to be able to digest eucalyptus. I don't reckon humans

would be able to digest stuff without the bacteria in their stomachs and you get the bacteria from your mother through their breast milk. So like a baby probably wouldn't be able to digest you know Ben and Jerry's ice cream or... Damn it.

Isn't that weird that that's the most indigestable thing I could think of? Yeah, yeah. What's the thing that's least like baby? food in the world. Colder milk. You could have said steak or salmon on crude. We actually put out on Twitter, we said you could win two tickets tonight if you come up with a fact, which is, who was that? Was that you?

Can you just yell out your fact? Because it's about Ben and Jerry's, isn't it? Ben and Jerry's milk comes from massaged cows. What? So, and I read into it, basically Ben and Jerry's, they have a big farm, and they really look after their cows, including before they milk them. They're just like, how are you today, sir? How's that? Well, ma'am, I guess.

That's not milk. That's why I was kicked out of the bullwrench. Who's got the microphone? We had another fact coming out, didn't we? Oh, no, we don't. Oh, okay. Anna. No, I think it's another Anna.

There's another Anna at the front. Okay, let's find another fact from our Twitter list. Okay, so... I got one here. At Timotei underscore Johnson, the motto of the Salvation Army is Blood and Fire. They were very unpopular for a while.

People really didn't like a Salvation Army. Maybe that was the branding issue. No, they were... I mean, they're a Christian organization, and I think it was William Booth, who set up the Salvation Army, and he was known as the General. He was an incredibly organized and strict man.

And there was another... army which was set up in opposition to the Salvation Army called, I think the Skeleton Army. Oh, yeah. And they made it their business to disrupt the Salvation Army in all their good works. And they were bastards. They were, yeah, they were really unpleasant people. And they threw rocks at them and they threw, you know, burning stuff at the Salvation. Whenever they turned up, trying to help.

Wow. Not funny, but, you know. Was their motto, flowers and candy. I know what was your fact. Actually, Tom's is better? Well, why don't you tell us both and we'll decide which is the better fact? Okay. So since 1945, all British tanks must come equipped with team making supplies.

That's fantastic. That's an excellent fact. That's how I imagine you exist in life, Andy. You're in a tank and there's tea in there. That's bad weak, milky tea, by the way, if it's, Andy. But anyway, that's an office issue. This is office stuff. This is why I say you can't work in a team, I think. You're constantly throwing shade on my tea.

The worst thing is that the milk came from Dan. Let's hear the second fact. Also, I've read that all... Is it, JCBs are so popular as digging machines because they all have cattles inside them. That was the main feature. Wasn't that they dug better? Wasn't they could carry more stuff?

They just have a kettle on board. Yes, yeah. So you can make a cup of tea? Yeah, absolutely. So what's the rival facts? Yeah. I didn't know it was a rival fact. It is now.

Okay, so Joseph Stalin had some Russian scientists attempt to create an ape human hybrid because he thought it would be useful in Russian industry and we'll be able to battle with Stan Payne. And how are you getting on, Dan? Whoa, I call a foul. How far down the process did he get? I don't know, but they enjoyed the dinner, but the bedroom was a complete disaster. Well, it was ultimately a failure, and he had...

No. And he had the scientist who was leading the project, exiled to Kazakhstan for failing. Really? Wow. That's tough. Because he probably didn't want that project in the first place. There was a prediction.

You know, these cool old predictions they have of how life is going to be in the 21st century from 100 years ago, and they're always either spookily right or ridiculous. And one of the... said that we won't have to drive our cars anymore. This is from, I think, the 20s, but I'm going off memory. We won't have to drive our cars anymore because we will have a race of hyper-intelligent monkey, butler

creatures which will do the driving for us. That's the only thing we'll have taught them to do. Well, this ties in nicely with a Twitter fact that we got sent by a guy called Ewan Taylor, which is, sorry, this is Facebook. In 1953, NASCAR driver, Tim Flock, raced for eight races with a rhesus

monkey named Jocko as his co-driver. So maybe he was trying to start the revolution there Or the evolution, I don't know, whichever We should, let's do one more and we should wrap up Why don't you choose Anna? Yeah, Anna go for it Yeah, sorry, I think I forgot about the whole fact choosing thing

Okay It's from Steve. Steve, yeah About particle accelerators? Yes This is the kind of crowd in which we could have two steves You've both brought a fact about particle accelerators Very true

Okay, let's read something out I've got one. This is from at TBUK2 to Buck 2. It's a Twitter name. You may have already done this one. A consultant urologist at Musgrove Park Hospital in Taunton Somerset is named Nicholas Burns Cox. He's my friend's dad.

No. Really? Hello. Did you send us that fact? No. Oh, my God. It's cool. Very cool.

I'm from Taunton. He's really nice. Wow. My mum's from the Taunton Vale. Yeah, it's a nice place. Can I just say we're focusing on the wrong bit of the fact here? Taunton's nice, isn't it? Yeah. Byronham Park's lovely in the summer.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bridgewater said more of that. Oh, no. No, I'm not. Who is it? A urologist's granddaughter or daughter owns Napoleon's penis now, doesn't she? What? I think

the penis has been bought and re-bought over the years and disappeared and then it was left with a urologist who died and he left it in his will to his daughter. Yeah, so there's a lot of famous

historical male penises that have been passed down through families sold in orchards. Just male penises. Any male uteruses there? Napoleon's was described at auction as a mummified tendon

which is quite a delicate way of putting it. It was an inch long. But it was described by Scott Fitzgerald Gerald, there's a very, very good size. Okay, okay. Last fact. Final fact is from Steve. So, the only man to ever stick his head in the path of a particle accelerator, not only lived to complete his PhD, but also seems to have not aged since the accident. What?

Wait, was the accident this week? It was in 1978. What? Anatoly Bikorski was a researcher at something that I can't remember the name of because I'm in a basement and my notes have vanished up there with the Wi-Fi. Yeah, I think how we feel. Basically, he was a researcher at an institute trying to complete his PhD and it was time to fix the particle accelerator.

He stuck his head in it. Yeah. And the safety was apparently not working as well as it should have. And all of a sudden, the particle accelerator. accelerator fired and a beam passed through his head and he according to his own words he didn't feel any pain but he did see a light brighter than a thousand suns yeah wow um and the left side of his face is pretty much no wrinkles is he begging to shove the other side of his head into there because presumably that's he's he's actually been interested for like uh western scientists to come over

and say and hang out with him and say what's going on in my brain But he can't afford it. Wow. We'll go. Yeah, this is crying out for a kickstart. We'll go. Spacey Dino Man and the Legician. All right, well, let's wrap up the show and visit him.

Thank you so much, guys, for coming to this experiment tonight. We know it was going to be chaotic. But actually, I'm just putting this out there as someone who edits stuff. That's going to edit down really awesomely. That would be a great three minutes, one. But thank you so much for coming. I'm going to do the ending in the show. That's it. That's all of your facts.

If you want to reach any of the people who said their facts during this show, you're all probably on Twitter or on Facebook, hunt them down and question their sources. We can be got on our regular Twitter handles. I'm on at Shriverland, Andy. At Andrew Hunter M. James. At Egg Shapes and Anna. You can email podcast at QI.com. And we will be back again next week with another episode.

Thanks so much. Have a good evening. Goodbye.