No Such Thing As A Fish - No Such Thing As Meat Cute

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

Dan, James, Andrew and Maisie Adam discuss fizzy drinks, footy bans, evaluating meat and innovating mics. Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandise and more episodes. Join Club Fish for ad-free episodes and exclusive bonus content at apple.co/nosuchthingasafish or nosuchthingasafish.com/patreon

Hi everyone, welcome to this week's episode of No Such Thingers of Fish, where we were joined by the incredibly funny, amazing Maisie Adam. Now, anyone who is familiar with our parent TV show QI will know all about Maisie. She's burst onto the scene in the last few years, and it is no exaggeration to say that I think she is the funniest newcomer that we've had on QI over the last few years. She's absolutely brilliant. It was a great fun doing this show with her. If you'd like to learn anything more about Macy, then the best way to find out what she's doing is to go to her website, which is Maseyadam.com, M-A-I-S-I-E-A-M. One thing I should quickly mention is that Masey mentions Ethan in this show. That was a reference to something that happened before the microphones came on, but I had to keep it in.

So just to let you know, Ethan is one of the Q-I-Lves who does a lot of our tech stuff. If you are a club fish member, you might remember his episode of Meet the Elves, where he gave us a fiendish question that we had to solve. We do those Meet the Elves shows every now and then on Clubfish. It's one very good reason, one of many, in fact, that you should subscribe. And if you'd like to do that, then you can go to, of course, no such things of fish.com forward slash apple. And no such things offish.com forward slash Patreon. on. Anyway, one final thing before we do the show, today's episode marks the end of our nine months of Anna

replacement shows. Yes, you got it. Next week, she will be back. Anna will be back on the podcast. So whatever you do, don't miss that episode. Listen to it 10 times. You want her to see the figures boosting up when she comes back on the show. But in the meantime, really hope you enjoy this show with Maisie. And all that's left to say is on with the podcast. Hello and welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast coming to you from the QI offices in Hobern. My name is Dan Schreiber. I'm sitting here with James Harkin, Andrew Hunter Murray and Maisie Adam, and once again we have gathered round the microphones with our four favorite facts from the last seven days. And in no particular order, here we go. Starting with fact number one, and that is Maisie.

Okay, here we go. The first fizzy drink tasted of you. in do with that what you will do with that what you will not drink it that's no so it was fanta no sorry that's what a slam what a slam expect to cease and desist from fanta offices what a slam on a soft drink that was invented for the nazis was it really i believe it was but what a good target for me to pick really i suppose yeah that's true like you know if you were going to kick one yeah fanta's the one rather than they couldn't get American soft drinks and so they had to make their own. And it wasn't the Nazis, you know, Hitler wasn't on the floor, sorting it out himself,

but it was made during the Nazi regime. Oh, okay. I believe. Buy Nazis. No. By Nazis? Four Nazis. That was the slogan.

Oh, God. But the first fizzy drink was invented in my hometown of Leeds by a man called Joseph Priestley, but crucially, it tasted of urine. Because people in Leeds. We know what we like and we like what we know. Here's the crucial question, though. It tasted of urine, but did it have urine in it? Yes, it did.

So how did he invent this? How did he invent this work? Accidentally, as all best things come about. Accidentally, it was at this brewery. He basically accidentally discovered the act of carbonating water, right? He was like a human soda stream, but by accident. Right. Brilliant.

So he's worked out how to carbonate water. and then what he does is he makes a machine where you can get the CO2 and you can squeeze it into some water and it will make it fizzy. But as part of that machine, he had a pig's bladder. Yeah.

Okay. Just on hand. Just on hand. In those days, it was quite common to have pigs bladders. You know, you used to play football with pigs bladders. It was part of day-to-day life.

Everyone had a pig splatter on them. Like a pen nowadays. Can I borrow your pigs bladder? Yeah. Dan, can I borrow a pig bladders? This one's been chewed. So he had a pig splatter as part of the system. And he gave one of his glasses of water, fizzy water, to a friend called John Knuth.

And John Nuth said, this tastes like piss. Like, you can't sell this to people because it tastes disgusting. It tastes like piss. And he thought that it tasted like piss because it had been squeezed through this bladder. Now, Priestley couldn't taste the piss in his own water. He thought that it tasted absolutely fine. And he claimed that Nuth servants were maybe urinating, in his drinks because he was such a bad boss.

It was a rift between. It really was. You know, this is sharing your scientific discovery with a colleague like Nooth. It's a big deal. Yeah. But Newth said he wrote a paper, he didn't even quietly say to Priestley, I think it tastes a bit pissy. He wrote a paper for the Royal Society saying, in some trials which I have made with Dr. Priestley's

apparatus, it always happened that the water acquired and urinous flavor. That's bad. It was so predominant that it could not be swallowed without some to grievous. of reluctance. And he didn't run that by Priestley first, just go and can I just double check? I'm not the only one tasting we here. Imagine if like, you know, you've got B.O. And instead of your friends telling you you got B.O., they go to the Royal Society, and that's pretty bad. That's amazing. And Priestley claimed that many ladies had tried the water, and nobody had complained about the Uranus flavour. It's not looking good for Nuth here.

So does history tell us whether or not his servants were pissing? We don't know. We don't know. That seems unlikely. But no, and then no one else reported. the urine flavor outside of it? Well, then Nuth invented a new system that didn't have pig splatters in it. Right. Which is effectively was the soda stream. But also, were his servants involved in making it or?

They must have been to a certain extent. He will have had lab technicians. What was the missing factor when it didn't taste of urine? Was it the servants or the pigs bladder? It was definitely the pigs bladder. Okay. We're unsure about the servants. Is this the secret?

You know how every one of these companies has a secret ingredient that we haven't been told about? They've just been hiding. piss from us this whole Yeah, that's it Like 11 herbs and spices And piss

Yeah Just before we go on on this Can I tell you about One thing about Nooth Okay So John Mervin Nooth He was such a good name He once had a coughing fit

And coughed out a bullet What? I know Okay Did he kill the person Sat up as an So he had this terrible coughing fit

He was like oh Really coughing awfully He'd been out And he'd been out in the evening And he thought oh God, then he thought he was going to die. His coughing was so bad. Yeah.

This is at about 1799. And he threw himself down on the bed, coughing with great violence. And then when he got up, he'd coughed out something incredibly hard. Yeah. And it turned out, just before he got ill, he'd been having a glass of wine. And then he'd been called away, so he'd quickly drained the wine. And it had lead shot in it. Oh, okay.

So, okay, right. Not a bullet. Not an actual bullet. But a bit of lead shot. Yeah. So if you had seen. to buy, in the older days if you used to buy like a partridge for dinner

they would often have bits of lead in it from where it had been shot. Oh, I see. Because it's like scatter shot. Oh, okay. Okay, but still. Shrapnel. Shacknull of a bullet that he still swallowed. Okay. So the animal was killed with a

bullet that was in there. Yeah. I think that counts. Yeah, yeah. As a bullet. Well, it's part of a bullet, right? Do we know if coughing up a bullet makes you taste piss? Yeah. Did the part,

whoever the bullet went into, had that animal wet itself when it died, drenched the bullet in wheat, he swallowed them. He doesn't notice because of the wine. He doesn't notice because of the wine. And everyone's like, pal, have you ever noticed that everything you taste on, taste of piss? Maybe you've got a piss-soaked bullet.

Stuck in your throat. In your taste puts, haven't we? It's wide open. Wow. It's food for thought. So New Thin went on and made these soda streams, which he called gaseo-gene's or gaseo-gienes. and they were really famous

and basically if you were anyone who was anyone in the, when was it in the 19th century then you would have a gas ogine machine which is like a soda stream Not much has changed really now isn't it, it's still quite a power move to have a soda stream It really is.

It really is. Yeah, I feel like they've, no I feel like they've recently been overtaken by if you've got an air friar that's the thing, that's the thing, yeah, air fryer but soda streams were a bit of a power move You look like you've got a soda stream

could tell by the way You were brewing up to that. I've got one as well. Oh, my God. Here's what's embarrassing. Mine's gold plated. And we haven't used it in, I think, two years now. It just sits there as a display.

Why do you have a gold plated, sort of straight? My wife likes gold things. Is she? It's your house like Donald Trump's house. Oh, my God. No, actually, it's probably the only gold thing in our house. Oh, is it the only thing? The only thing.

Yeah. Oh, that's not true. What about the dining table? Yeah, and the toilet. And the chairs. Did that count? That's real gold. The wallpaper.

on the front of the house. And my children. Is your wife painted like that woman in gold room? I think what it was with soda streams is when I was a kid, they were really, if one of my friends had a soda stream, it was like they were the coolest kid in town. But now it's because you don't want to buy bottles of fizzy water because it's bad for the environment or something, isn't it?

Yeah. Well, and you can make super sparkling water as well. And you can get the syrups that you can make your own tonic water. Coca-Cola. Yeah, but it's not covered. Coca-Cola, is it is. Is it real Coca-Cola? Well, it's not real. No, no, no, but it, but it... Fanta for all those Nazi parties he has. It tastes like the... This is a good thing and I'm, I would, you know, if Soda Stream

want to advertise on fish, I'd be fine by me, just throwing it out there. But it tastes like the Coke you get on a ferry, you know, that kind of Coke? No. Or at a, like a sort of... Like roller cola? It's not completely... It's a bit like that. Yeah, what's roller cola? Like bad coal, like knockoff cola. It was like 5p when Coca-Cola was 20p, roller-cola was 5p. I just want to reiterate this stuff is great. I love it. I'm so happy with my soda stream.

I have used mine in the last two years. I actually don't think that soda stream are going to have on their advertising, like the Coke you get on a ferry. Yeah. That's nearly as bad a slogan as buy Nazis, four Nazis. But it's really good. It's really good.

I use it all the time. Taste of piss? Yeah. Good. As he should do. Just like Mama used to make. I think that might be something to do with my servants. I just have a hunch.

Yeah. Priestley, just a quick word about Priestley. What a guy. What a guy? So, fluent in six languages. He wrote over 500 books and pamphlets. That sounds like someone who's written 490 pamphlets. 10 bucks.

Yeah, 499 pamphlets, one book listing all of the pamphlets that you can read. He's credited with inventing or discovering how oxygen is, made up. He was a lunatic, very excitingly. So the Lunar Society, which was this thing with Erasmus Darwin and all these amazing scientists at the time. They used to meet when it was a full moon so they could see their way home using the light of the moon in the very dark night. It's really cool, eh? Yeah, what an extraordinary character. The thing about him being a lunatic, that meant he was kind of pro-science. He was also not of the Protestant faith, and he was also kind of sympathetic with the French Revolution.

And this meant that he had lots of enemies and lots of people didn't like him. And there's a thing called the Priestley riots. So he moved to Birmingham after he left Leeds. And they had a dinner to sort of say how great the French Revolution was. And a load of people in Birmingham decided to wreck their place where they had the dinner and then go to Priestley's house and wreck his house. Was he in? He was in when they started to come with the pitchforks and the whatever.

Oh, like proper wreck his house. house. I thought they did. They did. And his lab and his house. Oh, they didn't just knock the lamp off the mantelpiece. He and his wife managed to get to the hills so they could see what was happening, but they were away from the mob. But his son was still there. And his son was trying to kind of save everything. And in the end, he had to flee as well. And the interesting thing about it is because it was anti-establishment and it was the establishment who were attacking him, we think that possibly some people involved in the Birmingham government might have been involved with this. And Pitt, who was the Prime Minister then, they asked for help against these rioters,

and they were very, very slow to react to the government. We're like, oh, yeah, we'll help, we'll help. But it was like days and days and days before they sent anyone to Birmingham to help. So really, they were kind of in on it as well, the government. Wow, which is crazy. Or at least, like, sort of passive on it. Yeah, complicit, yeah. Samuel Johnson called him an evil man.

He was really... Yeah. It was a bit harsh. He really did not like carbonated drinks. Yeah. It's sort of weird to imagine now how controversial it was at the time. Yeah, it's mad, isn't it? Just to be pro-science.

But he also supported the American Revolution, and he was a bit equivocal on the monarchy and on the idea of virgin birth. Yeah. So it was all... He was quite loved by the American government, wasn't it, didn't he? Yeah, he was very... Hung out with George Washington.

Would they love a carbonated drink there? No. Have you seen the Super Bowl? You can't move for Pepsi Brand sponsorship. Have you ever heard of this school around the area of Leeds? Oh, I think it's around the area of Leeds. Batley Grammar School? I know Batley.

You know Batley? I would very much believe that they have a grammar school. Yeah. Well, this is where he went to school. It's a very, very old school, obviously, because he went to it. Yeah. And I looked into it to see if they produced any other sort of, you know, interesting drinks through their students, and it turns out that they did.

No. Yeah. Richard John Reed, the co-founder of innocent smoothies and innocent drinks, went to the very same school. He went to Batley. Yeah, he went to Batley Grammar. That's great. And more so than the smoothies, he is sort of the person who is credited with pioneering whackaging.

Wackaging. Like putting the little hats on top, is that what that is? No, it's now when the drink sort of says on the side and say, put in the fridge. Yeah, put me in the fridge. Oh, it gives the personality to the package. It was them, wasn't it, who invented that? Yeah, before it was just ingredient.

This guy from Batley School was accredited, yeah, Richard Reid. I was so pro-Batley School until you said that. I think they need to burn it down. But also, though, as soon as you said it, and you said he was the inventor of Innocence Media, I immediately just pictured him to be wearing one of these knitted hats going around Batley Grammar School corridors and a little knitted woolly hat going,

I'm cold, put me. in the fridge. Oh, there's Richard again. That's bullying. Has anyone heard of the soft drink Golica pay? Golica pay. Golika pay.

Golika. All one word. No, it's two words. Goloka. G-O-L-K-A. And then P-A-Y. Jolokapea? No.

What is it from? It's from India. Oh, no. Is it urany? It's very urinary. Oh, no. Yes. Whose wee is in it?

It's cow urine. Five. percent by volume, cow urine. Five percent. That's a bit piss heavy for a drink. We should say we did a fact ages ago about the fact that cow urine is drunk more over there as kind of it's more normalized as a drink, isn't it? Certainly more normalized than it is here, I would say. But you wouldn't drink it as just cow urine.

It's an ingredient in something. I'm afraid some people do. Yeah, you just drink it. Straight. Yeah, straight. So it's... No. We haven't tried it.

No, would you? Yeah. You would try it. For just to be able to say... Ethan, bring in the cow wave. Ethan is Dan's gold-covered servant, by the way. He's coming in like Julie Walters with two suits. I love that milkmaids busy milking the cow one morning.

Dan is fractionally behind the milk pulling on the penis, yeah. So, yeah, we have said before, there's the Cal Commission of India, and this is, they're linked to like Hindu nationalist groups and they think that according to their traditional medicine, cow urine is supposed to be an antidote for all sorts of, I mean, anything you can think of, inflammation, exma, arthritis, leprosy. A bit of cow piss sorts it out. Bit of cow piss is supposed to sort it out.

Currently no concrete scientific evidence that it works. But you can buy a soft drink called Golicape, which contains 5% urine, but at least it does contain other herbs. That's nice of them to put those in, isn't it? Yeah, such as Tulsi, Brawny and Shank Pushpie and orange and lemon as well. So herbs, orange, lemon and cowie. Yeah.

That's a drink. I'm afraid so. And a drink not exclusively used for getting better. Like some people will just have that on the go. Like Lucas Day, I suppose. Yeah. Yes. Because that is a good illness drink.

It's an illness drink, but some people are having it day-to-day life. Absolutely. Do you think, sorry to bring the tone down on this quite high-browlough podcast. Do you think they taste wildly different, can we and pigwee? No, but I reckon probably an expert would be able to. I reckon you'll be able to learn. You reckon there's somebody that could have a sip of both and be able to point out like how people can point out Coke and Pepsi. Someone's out there doing it with Pigweed challenge. Doing it with Pig and Cali.

Yeah, because I could do Coke and Diet Coke, I reckon. Oh yeah, eat. Oh, diet Coke. Well, Diet Coke tastes like this. Yeah. I can do tea and coffee, Andy. Oh Andy, you really thought that was a big thing. I don't want to brag, guys, but I know the difference. Like on your first go? A Diet Coke. I'm more similar to each other than I think how you're in a picture.

He's gone. Okay, it is time for fact number two, and that is James. Okay, my fact this week is that Brazilian footballer Formiga is the only athlete to ever compete in a team sport in seven. an Olympics, but when she was born, it was illegal for women to play football in Brazil. This is such a good fact. This is such a good fact about such a good player. Oh yeah, do you know about Formiga?

Yeah. And also, as you say, it was illegal when she was born, and so women's football wasn't in the Olympics. So that means that she has played in every Olympics where women's football has existed. Right. So the next Olympics will be the first one in women's. women's football history, not to feature Formiga. It's like if 100 metres runner had been in every race since 1896.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like that, isn't it? It's unreal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So 96 was her first one. Yes, so she was born in 78, I think, yeah. And Brazil had a law from 1941 until 1979,

and they didn't really make it proper until 1981. That girls and women were not allowed to play football, but wasn't just professional, they weren't allowed to play in schools or even play for fun. So my daughter on Friday will go to her first football lesson. She's 18, 19 months old. And if she was Formiga, it would have been illegal. She could have been arrested for going playing football. It's absolutely insane.

Because there's a very famous player called Marta, right? Yes. And she wasn't allowed to play football, actively discouraged. She really wanted to. So she used to just on the street, just have a baller. up bits of shopping bags basically to use as a ball playing on her own. Yeah. Then she would sort of sneak in to play with other teams, which were boys entirely.

And it was a horrible experience for her. If she ever scored a goal, it was seen as a terrible thing. Like, you've embarrassed that boy. It's an attack on the men's sport. And so never ever was she given this moment of sort of, you know, you've done good. It was an incredible press conference, Martyr gave because she retired after the World Cup just gone. And it was really quite emotional watching because she's touching.

I mean, women's football across the globe, as we all know, has been hugely under-platformed, underrepresented, hugely disrespected as a sport. Bad enough in this country, with the FA banning it for 50 years. But in Brazil, as you say, with that very sort of paternalistic moralism sort of society existing, it was an actual attack on. And it's all down to that it wasn't appropriate for a woman with her build

to be playing football. But yeah, Famiga was 19 at her first one, 43 at the last. Yeah. 43 representing your country. And she only ever missed one World Cup, which was the 1991. Yeah. She's done seven of those as well. Unbelievable.

Yeah. The thing is as well that Marta was Brazil's leading scorer in history. She scored 115 goals. Naimars II was 79. Yeah. Pelle, 77. And Formiga had the highest number of appearances. which was 234, which is insane.

It's unreal, in it? More than 100 games, more than Kaffu, who's got the highest in the men's game. Yeah. And Marta, just with the stats, she's the current record holder for the most goals ever scored in a World Cup, in one World Cup, which is 17 goals,

and that's for both men and women's football. Oh, yeah, men, Wales. For one World Cup, that's a lot. It's mad, isn't it? Do you? Don't you find it like, like, Namar recently surpassed Peles record. And like the huge

notice that that gets, that it's always like scream from the rooftops, who's the goat in football? Like we always end up talking about men. The goats are often in the women's game. Yeah. Because they've had to be. It's truly incredible. I watched it. I watch, sorry, sorry.

Go on, you watch some football. Just as a, I watched last night just as a nice bit of timing. The series Welcome to Rexham is currently airing its second series. And one of the episodes that comes up mid-series, which I watched last night's the latest episode as a recording, it was all about the Wrexham Women's Team. So good.

Far better than any. They make it to the, as far as we are in the series right now, they've just made it to the top of their league. But they take on the closest ranking team and they beat them 11 to 1, I think it was. And yeah, it's just astonishing. And it's so good, I guess, that it's now changing, isn't it?

It's ever growing, but it's thanks to players like Formiga, like Marta, like in our own country, like Kelly Smith, or even if you go right far back to sort of Dick Kerr ladies, who were all sort of... Early 20th century, the team of the Nicolades, yeah. Basically the ones pre-war that were getting all of the big crowds, and then the war happened and everyone was like, no, we need to make the men feel good. Yeah, so it was banned in the UK women playing football. Basically, it was, they weren't allowed to play on FA affiliated grounds, which, you which was all the grounds.

And that ban was from 1921 until the 70s, so like you say, about 50 years. But there was also bands in France, in Norway, in Germany. And usually the case was that they thought that sport was unsuitable for the female body, like you say. But in West Germany's case, they specifically said that it was the women's soul that would be in general. The women's soul! And I think that's quite nice as a sort of novel way of like, oh, we've had loads of complaints about the body and it all damaging wound. What are we going to say then? Yeah, yeah.

They might have meant the soul of their feet, but that's not how it's spelled. But you don't get footballers who are like, they're not playing this week because they've injured their soul. I think that would be nice. And also, I think spiritual stuff should be taken, like the referee should be able to say immoral. Yeah, yeah. Immoral play. Yeah. I didn't see the play, but your aura has turned a nasty shade of red.

Just a ref going, I'm getting bad vibes. Yeah, exactly. Red card. I think that would be really fun. Of all the countries as well, to say bad for the soul of a woman, you wouldn't expect Germany. That's not very, it's not particularly Germanic to say, is it? No, it's not very quantifiable.

You'd expect that from one of the more romantic language countries. Nietzsche wouldn't agree? Well. Well. Here's a thing. So there was a recent study, and I quite like this, it's assessed that women's football is better to watch than men. men's.

So it's a Swedish sports company who conducted this. They're called Speedo. And they compare the women's euros and the men's world cup. And they tried to do it as mathematically as possible. So what they found is that women are less risk-averse than men in the style of play. And again, they're just comparing women's euros and men's world cup. But those are two obviously big international tournaments. Okay.

So for instance, the men's teams might deliberately hold back and try and not concede goals, whereas the women's team aren't bothered. That's it. So in the women's euros, passes moved teams forward 3.7 metres and in the men's World Cup it was 2.5 metres. Really? That doesn't sound like a lot.

But yeah, that's a big, you know, it's a difference. I would love you to be the commentator. Yeah. On the World Cup. I believe that was a 2.6 metre pass. You're running along the sidelines with that wheel. That pizza cutter wheel. Massive great spreadsheet.

I'm trying to keep track of everyone. Yeah, yeah. So is that a massive difference? Well, I mean, Dan, 2.5, 3.7? Sorry, I forgot. I'm talking about the man who can tell the difference between Coke and Diet Coke. Of course you would know the meters differential. That's 50% more per pass, you know, almost 50% more.

Yeah, it's not as like 10 centimetres shy of being 50% more, but still. But one status expert said, I just love this. It's almost like the men are playing a game of chess and the women are playing something a bit more interesting than chess. Wow. Can I say piss off? Because actually, someone's like watching chess. 3D chess lately they have in Star

Trek Wars shit No, that Oh yeah It's probably both Yeah Well it's Now we're on my home time

You're all wrong You're all wrong It's Harry Potter 1 remember When they're on the big statues Moving forward We will get emails Just to say In Star Wars

They have the hologram chest Don't they With the monsters And I think in Star Trek I don't know what they have You've lost me here lads I'll be honest with you You've lost me

Can we go back to football I think so It is definitely like quite a different game in terms of like it feels at the ground it's a very different experience watching the game it's a far more inclusive positive atmosphere but actually on the pitch that's interesting so you play don't you yeah how far do you normally pass or I reckon I'm working at the moment with a good 2.7 I would say yeah no I think we heard a lot in the in the World Cup a lot of people observing that there was a bit less diving and a bit less sort of gonna get emails here from blokes as we always do but going to Oh, we don't dive. Actually, no, on this podcast, you won't. You probably get quite nice people.

No, no, it's the first time. I think the toxic masculinity is probably quite low on the listenership on here. I'm currently doing the inbox, and I tell you, the number of laddie, lady emails. Is it full of not all men's? Yeah, really. One thing I found about watching women's games as opposed to men's games is that everyone who's at the ground is watching the game. Oh, yeah. So, like, if you go and watch a men's football match, quite often you're watching the opposing fans.

Or, you know, why? Well, you're there to... They're watching you. Yeah, you're kind of singing and chanting. Rehearsing the chants. Yeah, what's the new chants? Let's not very bad. It's not singing and chanting.

It's doing a lot of hand gestures at each other. Regardless of what's happening. Unsupported ones? Yeah, yeah, it's not thumbs up. It's not thumbs up, handy. It's not a heart shape from across... Because you could, I mean, your whole end of the stand could do a great big heart. If you ever go watch leads, that's what they do.

I'd love it. Andy's just there, shout at you course, going, I love your shirt. Yeah, yeah. Your shirt, where's that from? But yeah, I went to watch, I think it was the World Cup in France, but everyone there was watching the game. Right. Literally no one is doing anything else. Yeah, but it is interesting to hear the actual clinical differences of the on-pitch play. Maybe if the men's players kicked the ball a bit less far, or further, actually, then it might improve the mood in the stands. Yeah, maybe they would need to make all those hand-dust.

Formiga is Portuguese for ant Oh yeah She got six legs And she can carry 19 times her own body weight Can't she? Yeah and actually I just realized That an old word for ants was Pissmire

Because they smell of urine Oh yeah Oh look at this There we go So she's called ant That was a nickname that was given to her When she was at school And it was when she was playing football

They said that she used to play tenaciously And unselfishly Much like how an ant would operate within its own colony. Yeah. So she was very much busy all the time and always helping out.

She hated it. Hated it. Oh, really? Yeah, as a kid. She learned to just accept it, but she said, in the beginning, I didn't like it very much,

you know, thought it was weird. It's small, doesn't it, I guess? Yeah, the actual reason for it is nice, but to be called ant. Yeah. Well, she said, I don't have an antennae. Like, why would I?

That's true. She's getting a bit hung up on. Yeah. Where are my mandibles? Yeah. Can I see if, Macy, I wonder if you've seen this movie. Okay.

It's called... Titanic. Fend it like Beck. Star Wars. It's called Escape to Victory. No, I've not seen this film. Has no one seen this film? It's very famous.

Is it? I've never heard of this film before. It stars Sylvester Stallone and Pele. Michael Kane, Pele and Bobby Moore. What? I mean, that is the real expendable. So is it a football? It sounds like a prison.

It is. It is. It is. It's a prison movie whereby... They skate through football. They set up a match and during the match as part of the match. Disrapped. But I just love there. There's a Stallone, Michael Kane, Bobby Moore. That's mad. Yeah, I know. Oh my God. I need to see this film.

I know. I really need to see it. Is it any good? It's a classic. I can read between those lights. It's one of the things. They used to show it on like Sunday evening. Could I just say, if anybody ever went, Maisie Adam, I've not seen a comedy. What's it like?

And somebody went, it's classic. I think that would be absolutely harrow. You'd rather be made by Nazis for them. One for the tour poster. One last thing on Pelle, just while we're on him very quickly. Pelle's last ever match, 1977 he played, and it was an exhibition match, and it was the New York Cosmos against Santos and two teams that he used to play. play for. So in order to make sure that he wasn't siding with any particular team,

in the first half he played with one team and in the second half he played with the other team. Lovely. It's final match ever. Absolutely love that. Only Pelley could get away with doing that, though. Yeah. So he didn't change ends. Oh yes. Which must give you a slight advantage, right? Possibly. Also probably being Pellet gives you a slight advantage. Yeah, that's why he was so good. When I was at school, we used to obviously play football for the schools and a lot of the schools would have pitchers that were on massive slants. Oh my God. So like you'd be in the first half you'd be winning 5-0 and you'd end up losing

like 21-5. I play in a league in Brighton and we played on one the other day. If you've ever been to Whitehawks Ground, it's a fantastic club is Whitehawk but their ground is on a slope sort of left to right and up to death. Like it's you could ski down it.

There was one that I played at at school in Bolton. This was, I think it was in primary school and it was like slanted like you say from one wing to the other. You can imagine that. And we were all primary school kids, so we didn't really know how to play football. And so the ball would just always end up rolling to the bottom, and all 22 kids. At the other bottom of the pitch.

A lot of corner balls from one specific corner. Okay, it is time for fact number three. That is Andy. My fact is that American schools have a sport of competitive meat judging. No. No. Way. meat judging

It's less dodgy than it sounds I think it's mate I should say this was sent him by an audience member called Kevin Fegan So thank you Kevin Kevin Fegan Fegan Yeah

Like Kevin Keegan but with an FF Yeah Oh right But he's not a vegan Yeah He didn't say in his email He's a vegetarian God come on

Kevin if you're American If you think I'm better than that lady You've not heard many episodes I loved it. I loved it. What's Kevin's saying? Kevin's saying this, well, I've just, that's what it is. That's the fact. That there's me judging.

And it's, I think this might be the most American sport possible. How do you judge me? What's the criteria? Is this a pig or is it a cow? Step one, that's the absolute baseline. No, no, no. This is, okay, it's a college sport. It's an intercollegiate sport, right?

So it's sort of students who are playing it. And they, like, all over the country, teams of students practice all year and then they get to the competition and what you have to do is you're presented with a range of meat carcasses and you have to judge the yield how much meat you'll get out of it

how much fat there is in it the consumer experience the age of the carcass and you have to do all this by site only site only also they don't just put a slab of meat in front of you and you go pork no no no no no no no no no not just guess it's beef

or pork or lamb i was going to say i reckon i'd be all right at this Andy do you think you think think as someone who can tell the difference between diet cuts, I know that you would be good at the spot? I think I might. Yeah, I think... It sounds amazing.

It's like meat chess, basically. It's really... You get ten minutes to inspect each carcass. You know, they're hanging up in front of you. You're not really touching them much. You're in, like, a big cold... You're in a fridge. You're in a fridge.

You're in that. And then you're asked to guess yield? Yeah, I mean, all sorts. How many portions you'd get? My favorite one is... and this is purely by sight, you have to go and evaluate whether a table of 10 cuts

that are laid down fit a checklist of the United States Department of Agricultural Standards. Who's revising this? Oh, people put so much work at it. They train sometimes for 12 hours a day leading up to the competition. Whilst they're in college?

Yeah. Have you seen how expensive colleges in America? How fuming would these parents be if they knew? You were revising? Well, I've been looking at my chickens. They must get a scholarship. I guess, right? You can't get a meat scholarship, surely.

Surely not. You only play, also, they're kind of, the competitors, they're kind of like the mayflies of the sporting world. You get one season. That's it. You can't play twice. You can't play in two consecutive years.

Oh, not like Famiga. You can't be the Famiga who can play. No, absolutely not. No. Which is a nightmare for the coaches that pick their star meat examiners. You're trying them up for one season

and then they're out. Then you're back, yeah, you're just back to the the start finding fresh blah you have to why would you bother um genuinely why would you bother pursuing this if you can't become one of the great meat judges well you can't do it year in year out there are talent scouts who come to the competitions you're lying no i'm not i swear i swear they they i mean a lot of the students are already studying agriculture that kind of thing so a lot of the competitors will end up going into meat professionally you know that the u.s oh so they might be scouted to go into these top jobs yeah because of how well they did at the meat judge

If you're the head of a meat company, then you really want the best meat judges to be part of your company. You'll pay lots of money. So you'll go to some intercollegiate competition and be like, wow, Stephen's very good at clocking. Yeah, wow. And 80% of them go into food and livestock industry jobs after college. That means 20% don't know.

There might be some savants who are studying. 20% just doing it for foot. They're going into recruitment. They're studying poetry. The meat is pure passion for. them and then yeah exactly. It's just a side hobby. I just love it. I love it so much. But you do get like the Formiga of this even though the span is just one season.

So there is one person called Maddie Ainsley and Maddie Ainsley did seven competitions like Formiga. Because around the country. You go around the country. Yeah. Within the year. So this is taking up a lot of your year. This is not like one meat competition and she won five of the seven. She's the all star. Yeah. Wow. That's great. That's great. There was one guy called Rodie Hawkins, who was a former meat judge from Tennessee. That can't be a sentence. Rodie Hawkins, meat judge from Tennessee. This is like if Chat GPT wrote a novel.

He was a former meet judge from Tennessee. Write an American novel. Rodie Hawkins from Tennessee. He's the only famous one I could find who went from meat judging to greater things. He co-invented luncheables. Yeah. Which is a famous food. They're good. Like, they're like... No, no, no, come on. He's judging

the quality of me and he came out with luncheables. It's like a little plastic processed. With some squares of processed ham and some squares of processed cheese and some crackers. Right. Yeah, must have been up all night thinking of it.

I read a Sports Illustrated article on meat judging. That was great. It's an amazing article and there's a bit that explains exactly what it takes to enter these competitions and be a meat. So to be a meat judge, quick decision making, critical reasoning, self-assurance, and above all the ability to quiet one's mind for up to six hours standing in frigid temperatures and total silence. And according to a judge from 2015, it feels like the fourth point is quite a big I was like self-assurance, yep. And then you read the fourth one. I was like, ah, no, it's not me.

Fifth, ability to judge me. Exactly. But what the quote from the judge from 2015 said, and this is to do with the total silence, you have to fight your own demons in the meat judging cooler. I don't want to fight demons in a mid-judging cooler. Who are the demons in the meat judging cooler? They're all yours. It's just the internal voices. The internal voices in the six hours of silence as you stare and try and work out of its agriculturally sound. There are moments where, so this might have been in the same piece.

There was a student from Texas Tech. She was called Taylor Shirts. She was a second year student What's that? So sure Again, I do, I think a rom-com set in the meat judging world Would be genuinely would be good Meat cute

A meat cute There we go Oh god Their heads bump over a frozen beef carcass No, so she at one point was the foremost meat judge in the country And I think, I don't know what year this was she was competing But there was a competition in Houston This just shows you how brutal meat judging is right

She was in the top 10 nationally. She was doing brilliantly. And then she misjudged the age of one beef carcass and plummeted down to 36 position. Wow. So, you know, just it can be. How wrong did she get it really wrong? Because I missmeets is from 1743.

I think this meat's alive. I don't know. It doesn't relate. But it just goes to show it. It's tough. I think they have some in Australia too. I think there is meat judges. there too. Wow. It sounds like you have to judge the hot carcass weight, yeah, the amount of

kidney fat, amount of heart fat, area of rib eye muscle. All from just looking at it. Yeah. If you got stuck in a freezer, like one of these big butcher freezers, let's say you kind of, the door closes itself, but you put your foot there to stop it from closing. Yeah. But then you slip on a sausage or something. And your foot goes out of the way and the door closes. Yeah. It doesn't open from the inside. What's the best thing inside? the freezer to help you get through that door, what you say? Do you know the answer? Yeah, this is a real thing that happened last.

Oh, wasn't there a guy who beat his way out with something? Is there a bone? Oh, a bone? Interesting. The skeleton key bone that you can. Yeah, he calves, he's a whittler and he carves. Oh, you get the wish bone and you wish that you can go. It's not having a poo and using the frozen poo to.

No, my. Dan, you're in a freezer. Everything's frozen. There's no need to have the food. If only I had something to freeze, guess I got to take a shit. That's the only logical thing to do here. Ship my way out.

Dan, this lift has been stopped for just 30 seconds. Let's wait to see it. No, no, no. I insist. I'll get us out of this. My first freeze the food to fashion into a presser to press the bottom for help. A room full of frozen meats I'll find my own tools, thank you

So you're Why did I never broadcast your desert island Dess episode, Dan? No music for me, thank you, Lauren My next track So your luxury item is No, it wasn't that. What happened?

What? This really happened. Now, this really happened to a guy called Mr. McCabe, who's a butcher. And apparently the beef is too slippery. If you grab a frozen beef, it's kind of too slippy to bash your way out. If you get a big sort of chunk of lamb, you can't really, you can't get any purchase on it, and it's often too big. But the perfect thing is a black pudding. If you get a full black pudding, especially one made by the Royal Butcher, H.M. Sheridan of Balata, Aberdeenshire.

These are exactly the right size. He'd tell you the slack. What a weird secret sponsorship. You're getting money on the side? Apparently, it's almost exactly the same size as you know, one of those police battering rams that you knocked down. Oh, wow. It's like that.

And this guy managed to knock his way out of the freezer. And he said, I'm really lucky. We sell about two or three each week, and this was the last one we had. So if he'd have sold one more, he would have been stuck there forever. That's brilliant. Are they buying them as battering? ring ramps. It's that Aberdeen police. As he leaves the freezer, he looks back.

He's down in the corner. Daddy, are you coming? No, thank you. I'll get myself now. 20 more shit, so I should have a battergram out of this. The time we went to an escape room with you, Daddy. Yeah, not allowed back there. How about this? How about putting a door handle on the other side of the door? Yeah, I mean, why would help? Why do we not? Honestly, most of them do have.

Any that I've been And I've got a big red button That you can press and get out Oh, that's cool Yeah Sorry, how many freezers have you been in That the door's shut and you have to let yourself out of? A couple

Okay I used to work in kitchens and stuff Oh, okay, okay Have you guys heard of Wretchtub clat Retch tub clat The rapper I don't even know

I don't even know what you're saying there Retch tub clatt How do you spell clatt K LAT? K-L-A-T Oh This sounds like it's something From the Netherlands

It's actually Australia Oh okay This is wrong Is it a kind of meat Rare meat? No Is it a town Like one of those weird

Outback towns No A society No It's part of a kangaroo No What is it anything to do With anything

Is it a way of cheating At cricket It's It's Oh There we are James single-handedly Lowering

Our Australian Audience to Zero As the weeks go by? No, what is it? It is a secret butcher language. No wonder we haven't heard it. It's a butcher language. There's a secret butcher language.

Okay, so what do you think the secret language is? Oh, it's in meat displays in the window. Oh, I see. So you arranged the softens. And it means I'm available. Yeah, it's like a traffic light party, but for butchers only. Well, the clue is in the name. Rethtub clat.

Oh. if you read it backwards or is it an anagram? Orchette. Butcher, talk butcher. Butcher talk. Butcher talk is the secret language that is shared. And this has been going since the 1960s. Butchers all over Australia use this.

And it's been in Australian movies as well. whereby they talk backwards to each other so that they can say stuff that the customer can't hear in order to. Yeah, absolutely. Quick, get the age sauce. In order to what? So you might say, On steltuk,

knee et t'oos. And that means no cutlets in the shop. And you would say that out loud so that everyone, sometimes a massive butcher's in Australia might have 20 butchers serving people and they would know to just immediately eliminate that as part of the process. I see, but you don't upset the customer.

Exactly. And you don't want to upset the customer. On dug kufikaf. all good food fake it's no good fuck face they like

they've worked that out it's pretty like the rest of it like as the examples is pretty misogynistic I have to say why is it needed though well largely because if there's a difficult

customer they want to be able to say difficult customer to be rude about misogynistically but there's loads of customer facing roles that haven't had to do this has that yeah no but I guess you're all in one line

and if you need get a message down the line to everyone hears it in the shop. So you're already sticking up for these sexist butchers. I'm not. I'm telling you that it exists. That's what I'm trying to say. Actually, in my rom-com now, the meat judging rom-com, I think there should be a nice, like maybe the lovers speak to each other using a butcher talk, whatever it was called.

Yeah. Yeah. Retch tub clapped. Subtitled the entire movie so that you can see what makes it more classy, I guess. Yeah, and it just says, no good, fuck, face. But along the bottom of the... That's nice of my mouth. isn't it?

That's the closing line of the film. Then they kiss. Frankly, my dear. I undo cook a clap. Okay, it is time for our final fact of the show, and that is my fact. My fact this week is that the first wireless headset microphone was made for Kate Bush, and it was made out of an old coat hanger. Oh, wow.

First of all, how? Well, you're just making it sort of go around the years, aren't you? and then you need the perfect bit that actually that you use the hanger you would attach the microphone which would be... Oh so you're just wearing a coat hanger around your air exactly. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah. It's basically those Madonna mics, right? Yeah. So, Steps mics, I would call them. Yeah, Brittany mic. A Britney mic. It should be called a Bush mic, basically, because she is the founder.

Does it quite roll off the toast well, does it? At best you're thinking of a problematic president at worse, in thinking of something much more. But yeah, so this is, so it's interesting to know that we know the very first time anyone wore one of these, these Madonna, Britney mics. And it was Kate Bush. It was on her tour, the Tour of Life in 1979. It was a song called Moving, which was the opening number. And the reason that she needed it was because there was so much choreography. There was so much costume change and everything, movement that she needed her hands for everything that she did. She couldn't hold a microphone. So it was one of the sound engineers, two names come up.

when you look into it, it's a bit hard to nail it down. But one person was called Martin Fisher. A lot of people said it was him. Some people say it was Gordon Patterson. It was definitely one of the two, and it was on this tour that it was done. And it was done on Kate Bush's only ever tour that she did. She didn't have one tour. She's never done another tour.

She's done a residency. She doesn't like to travel does our Kate. Oh, really? Yeah, she's not into it. And it's a shame because it sounds like she might have been one of the greatest touring acts that you could ever see. I mean, this... What would she have invented on her future tours? Exactly, yeah.

But listen, so this, the tour of life, as I say it was called, this is like a few highlights that you would have seen in that show, right? So we opened with Whale Song that was playing with Kate Bush's shadow projected, dancing while the curtains were starting to part and revealing the stage. And then after a song or two, the whole theatre was filled with the sound of heartbeats and red lights. There was large oval, upholstered, red satin, egg womb-like ball that would be rolled onto stage with Kate inside, where she would sing the song Room for the Life,

as she was rolled around the stage, hence not being able to use her hands. There was a moment where she was singing a song called violin, where she was chased around the stage by two dancers, dressed as giant violins. There was poetry readings from her brother. A magician came out and did an act with a floating wand. she came out as a World War II pilot.

She came out as a wild western cowboy-esque-looking thing with a rifle and she would shoot ribbons at the dancers. I mean, the whole thing with every song had a theme and a production to it and it was a spectacle, basically. She's probably still writing the second time. Yeah, exactly. I did go and sit, do you know, about,

what would it have been about 2016, maybe, 2015, something like that, nearly 10 years ago, she did a night of about about 20 nights of Hannah Smith Apollo and me my mum managed to get tickets it was like you know when you get set up all the laptops NASA Space Station trying to get tickets F5 F5 F5 F5

We got them And that was pretty pretty good Like it was the first time she performed live in something like 25 years Unreal and she flew She flew at the end No she did she flew So she did this song at the end

where suddenly, like a big crash of thunder happened and I don't, I mean, obviously she'll have been attached to it. But like, you know the room I'm talking about, the Apollo. Yeah. Right? I don't know, because she wasn't attached to the ceiling directly above the audience, but she flew right out to like what looked like touching distance to touching the circle. And she's getting, I think, you know, she wouldn't mind of saying this,

she's getting on his arcade. Right. But she's 50 something now. I gasped purely out of admiration, purely out of concern for her welfare. As she flew directly towards us, we were in the circle. Oh, wow. It was like absolutely terrifying and incredible and mesmerizing. Yeah.

I think she's in a 60s now. Blimey. Yeah. Yeah. Was that by any chance, Wuthering Heights when she was doing that song? No, it wasn't that song. Oh, okay. No, no.

It was like a, it was a really aggressive song. It was like a big crash of thunder. And then she just sort of, it was, I think it was called the dawn of something. And she just flew out at us And she looked like a big crow. And at the time, did you think she's flying? Yeah. You did?

Yeah, I did. I would as well with Kate Bush. Yeah. She has mystical qualities. Yeah, yeah. It was so good. Maybe she did. Maybe she invented something.

There we go. We don't have yet, like the Bush rocket, which kind of flies her up in the air. Yes. Maybe that's why she doesn't talk because she's like, you know, don't want everybody to know about it. I've invented flying, but I don't want to. Oh, bra.

So she, Kate Bush, shares a birthday with Emily Bronte who wrote Wuthering Heights. No. That's interesting. I'm not going to say it's her big song, but it's one of the biggest, isn't it? That is her big. That was the breakthrough song. Yeah.

That is big. 30th of July, 1818 and 1958, respectively. That's amazing. And can I just tell you a quick thing about the word Wuthering? Oh yeah. Yeah, please. What does it mean? Yeah, no idea.

Any guesses? Wethering. Weathering Heights. Is it? to fly to the circle of the venue. That's it. It feels, on a matapically, it feels like weathering almost.

Like, you know, like the wind, especially because of the book, it feels like the moors are blowing stuff and... That's pretty much it. But it's pretty much... She, I think, was just about the first to say, Wuthering. Is it weathering but with a Yorkshire accent?

It's not, because of it. Was her book dictated, but not read. It was previously used much more as as Withering. with an H, an extra H, a whithering, which meant rushing along, and it was usually a reference to wind, just like you were saying, James,

and a wither was a lusty, a strong, or a stout person. Really? Because like Wither now is the opposite of lusty and strong. And it's again with an extra H. So it's a witherer, you know, that was in the Francis Gros' Dictionary of the Vulgar tongue, his one was. And there was also a word to make a whizzing or a rushing noise, which was to wadder.

To wadder. So it could have been waddering heights. That's what I. It sounds like something Elmer Fun would write. Waddering Heights. It does sound like, watch out, I'm watering here. She hadn't read the book when she wrote Wuthering Heights, Kate Bush. Really?

She gets a lot of the plot points in. She must have read the Spark Notes or something. She'd watched the adaptation on the BBC, which was really big the year before. It was absolutely massive. And she wrote the song based on the book and then later on read the book. Oh, but that's dangerous because sometimes they really changed the plot. I did in my A-level drama We had to do

What's that Noel Coward play with Elvira? Blythe Spirit In the film There's a car crash at the end And I hadn't read the rest of the play And I just wrote about the car crash at the end Got called into Mrs Bray's office And she was like

So can you just tell me again Like which bit inspired you to talk about the car crash scene And I was literally just chatting pure I was woodering on And she was like, yep, yep. And so it's not in the play, Maisie. That's incredible. It's only in the film.

And she made me write it all again. I had the exact same experience with Winnie the Pooh in the Blustery Day. Oh, come on. In your A-levels. Fortunately, the... Did you think Winnie was a poo? Piglet uses him to beat his way out of a freezer, doesn't me? No, fortunately, in my case, the screen adaption was very close to the source material.

so I got away with it, but it was, it was, I know that fear. Yeah. I searched on the newspaper archives, newspapers.com and the British newspaper archives for the first mention of Kate Bush. And the first mention I could find was from the Burton Observer and Chronicle, and it was from the week that Wuthering Heights came out because she was pretty unknown at that stage. And in the first week, it went to, I think, like number 29 in the charts.

It wasn't like huge, but it was there. and the review said, how do we stop Emily Bronte spinning in her grave? The easiest way would be to call back in all the copies of Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights. Singing the role of ghostly Kathy, she appeals for Heathcliff to let her in. If Heathcliff has any sense,

he'll plug his ears with cotton wool and go to bed. Wow. I believe that's the first review of that. Who wrote that? It was in the Burton Observer, and it was just initials. I think it was said, or something so it didn't say who the person was.

Oh God, I bet AH is just constantly hoping they never get revealed. I think so. Oh, it must be a different A.H. There was loads of people with A.H. at the Burton nerd. I really tried to look in the person observer and chronicle history to see if anyone who'd worked there had these initials and I couldn't find

them. So you were trying to get a witch hunt going. I was going to email them and say, what do you think about it now? Yeah. But this is so weird because there's another connection there. The novel got shocking reviews when it came out. Really? Yeah. So one said, the only consolation which we have in reflecting on it is that it will never be generally read. Oh wow.

And another wrote, how a human being could have attempted such a book as the present without committing suicide before he had finished a dozen chapters is a mystery. Wow. I mean, admittedly, I do own a copy and haven't read it, so. Did you not read it at school? No, we didn't. Really? No, we didn't either.

No. Really? I read it. It is, it is, um, look, I'm an Anne Bronte fan. I'm going to put my cards on the table. I prefer Anne. Do you? I think Emily is.

a bit overrated. Wow. See, this is what we'll get at about. I'm AHM. He is, yeah. That is his initials. Yeah. I mean, is it possible that AH was paying tribute to he actually, or she actually loved

the song and just wanted to reflect the original review. You're out for the book itself. No way. No way. No. Seems implausible. Ah, H is listening at home. Yes, yes.

Buy it. Buy that. Yes. Please. But a wireless mic born from a coat hanger. Yeah. That's exciting. because now they're everywhere.

Yeah, yeah. Just on microphones. Yeah. In the 1930s, the BBC had a special microphone which was only for the use of the royal family. Oh. In the BBC to this day, it's an artefact of... So it was when they started doing royal broadcasts at Christmas.

I think that was in the 30s. I think it was George V. He started doing that. And I think a BBC sound engineer saw the standard microphone that they were going to do it with and thought, this is not good enough for the king. and just quickly put some regal blue velvet cloth over it which you would think would slightly dampen the...

It might help. It stops a bit. Maybe a good point. And anyway, as the years went by, they got more and more elaborate. And so they ended up with this beautiful, weird-looking thing which was in a kind of gilded cage. Wow. It was from Dan's home. That's really cool.

It's because they worried that like non-regal spits might get into it. No, I think it was just that we have to make it fancy For the king or queen to use Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kate Bush met the queen. Oh, yeah? Went to Buckingham Palace in 2005. She asked for her autograph.

Who asked for whose autograph? Bush asked for the queen. Oh, okay. Yeah. Huge fan. I mean, it's plausible, isn't it? It is plausible. Yeah, and what did the queen do?

Fuck off. Yeah, exactly. The queen's not allowed to give out of autographs, I think. She's not. In case someone tries to do credit card for a woman. You're not allowed to, yeah. I'm just scamming the queen. Yeah.

No, what is it? She said, On do you cook a cafe? Oh, if you were going to try and scam the queen, you need the mum's maiden name. Yeah, Boz Lion. And often, she did have a...

And then the name of her first pet. Street she grew up on? Is it the actual airs that just have like a first name? Like Charles Windsor and stuff like that, I guess. Oh, yeah. I think if you had the Queen's autograph, you might be able to start wars against other countries. Yes, that's true.

Oh, yeah, that's a big thing. And Kate Bush, as we know, does any... She does one. She does want to do that. She has tried several times. I would say that poses a bigger threat as well than just logging into the Queen's Amazon Prime.

I can't imagine anyone called Bush starting illegal ones. That seems very unlikely. No. No. Okay, that's it. That is all of our facts. Thank you so much for listening. If you'd like to get in contact with any of us

about the things that we've said over the course of this podcast, we can be found on our Twitter accounts. I'm on at Schreiberland, James. At James Harkin. Andy. At Andrew Hunter M. And Masey. at Macy Adam

I was up all night thinking of that one Yeah or you can go to our group account Which is at no such thing You can write into us at podcast at qI.com Or you can go to our website No Such Thing as a Fish com

All of our previous episodes are up there Do check them out Otherwise we're going to be back again next week With another episode And we'll see you then Goodbye