No Such Thing As A Fish - No Such Thing As No Such Thing As A Crab

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

Bertie Terrilliams of the Margate Crab Museum joins Dan, Anna and James to discuss cures, curators, crabs and KAPOW!Visit nosuchthingasafish.com for news about live shows, merchandise and more episodes. Join Club Fish for ad-free episodes and exclusive bonus content at apple.co/nosuchthingasafish or nosuchthingasafish.com/patreonEdited by James HarkinProduced by Leying LeeTeam includes Tara Dorrell, Joe Mayo and Ethan RupareliaShopify: Own your customer relationships. Own your revenue. Start with a free trial at shopify.co.ukGet an exclusive 15% discount on Saily data plans! Use code [fish] at checkout. Download Saily app or go to https://saily.com/fish

Hi everyone and welcome to this week's episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, where we were joined by the curator of the Margate Crab Museum, Bertie Terilliums. Now, Bertie is someone who Dan has known for a very long time. The rest of us met him for the first time during this show, and what a great guy he is. He knows so much stuff about all of his subjects, and especially, as you can imagine, crabs. So if you would like to go to the Margate Crabb Museum, then go into Margate, go right into the centre, because it's right there. I went there this weekend with my daughter. She absolutely loved it. She got to see Crabbs under a microscope.

Can you believe that? And there's all sorts of facts in there. It's absolutely brilliant. But one more thing to say about Bertie is that under his guise as the Crab Museum, he has written some books. And his latest one is called the No Brain Brain Explainer. What a great name. It's a book for kids, all about the brain. It's jam-packed with facts. You would not believe how many facts are in there. And it comes right off the back of his previous book, which is called A Natural History of Bums, which, as you can imagine, for people like me, is absolutely brilliant. I read it to my daughter the other day, and she loved it. She was laughing her head off all the way through. So, yeah, if you would like to know more about Bertie, they search the internet for Crab Museum. You'll find information. about his museum and all of his books there.

Definitely recommend you get involved with that. But in the meantime, enjoy this show with curator of Europe's number one crab museum, 30 Terrilliums. On with the podcast. Hello and welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast coming to you from the QI offices in Hoburn. My name is Dan Schreiber. I am sitting here with Anna Tishinsky, James Harkin, and Bertie Terrilliums. and once again we have gathered round the microphones with our four favorite facts from the last seven days

and in no particular order, here we go. Starting with fact number one, and that is Birdie. A briefcase in Thai is a kapal James Bond. And the reason it is is because kapal just means bag. James Bond obviously means James Bond, but there wasn't a word for briefcase in Thai before the James Bond movies were shown. in Thailand. Okay, so man with the golden gun, that's what was filmed there. Did briefcases exist

in Thailand or did they literally see? They probably existed in Thailand, but I think it's quite a niche item that perhaps maybe like aristocrats might have had, but there wasn't a popular word for it. And sort of general Thai people wouldn't have really had much of a need to have really known what a briefcase was prior to James Bond. I like the question, did briefcases exist though, as if maybe they had done for hundreds of years and everyone just didn't know what to do. when they saw one. I like your... What is that hanging from your hand?

Probably rectangular black cases existed. But whether or not they were briefcases. Before they had the category of briefcase. Bertie, you're half Thai, right? So this is a word that you saw used in Thailand? Yep. And I did my due diligence and I did check with the aunties. And I did say, do you do still use Capowl James Bond for briefcase?

And I'm like, oh, yes, I suppose we do. Why do you want to know? It was like, oh, I'm on a podcast. They're like, oh, what's a podcast? And I'd have a whole conversation with them about what my life is now. Maybe in the future in Thailand, it'll be known as a Bertie radio show. Great coincidence, the word kapow! Yeah, that's just a lovely Batman-esque villain.

It comes from an old Chinese word pow meaning to rap or a bundle. And actually our word bag comes from the old Norse word bag. baggy, which means a bundle as well. Right. That is it. As you would imagine, I suppose. We get some words from Thai in English, not that many. There's 27 in the Oxford English Dictionary.

As many as that. Wow. Most of them are actually like food stuffs. Bong, the pipe for smoking stuff. No way. Tuck, Tuck, the mode of transport, and my Thai, the combat sport, and all the other are kind of food stuff. There's another Thai word that we use within the word

world of fish on our WhatsApps to each other when we say something's funny. 5-5-5-5-5-5. Yeah. And remind me why that is? It sounds like laughing. The five is pronounced ha ha in Thai. And so ha ha ha ha is what you're saying. Five-five-five-five-five. It's weird, but it's weird that the Thai have that as well, that it's hard. Because when you laugh, you don't actually go ha-ha-ha-ha, do you? I do. If you're a bund villain, you do. You're right. You're absolutely right. Yeah. That's correct. There's the one that I kept coming across. I think because I was looking at, I was looking at Siamese cats in Thailand.

And the word for cat is meow, except I don't think I've pronounced it quite right. It sounds actually almost more like meow said by Thai. Can you say it? Yeah, there's meow. Yeah, meow, I think. There was another one that you told me, I remember, which is toast, and then the difference between toast and toaster. Yes, well, so it's bread and toast. So bread is can on ban.

So pan comes, is a bit like pan is in a pan of chocolate. that, I think it's a loan word from French. So there's pan for bread. Conom is a snack because obviously bread is a snack. Anything that's not rice or noodles is a snack and is not proper food. Oh, right. Yeah, like, you know, pasta or whatever. Like, what are those weird noodles? Wow. You know, that's not proper food. But they're like proper food is rice and noodles. Got it. Yeah. Canompan, which is bread, is like bread snack. And then when you toast bread, it's canon pan ping. Oh, cool. It pops up out of the toaster. So the ping is the toaster. The ping is the toaster.

Ping is the toast. Really nice. Your surname I introduced you on this show is Terilliums, but that's your married surname. You've changed your name. Yes. But you have a Thai surname, which is Surasat. Surasat. Surasat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Thailand has a very interesting thing with its surnames in that everyone has a unique surname, basically. When the survey was done, it showed that 81% of people who did the survey all had unique surnames and that it's picked by the family because Thailand never used... When you say unique, it's unique to the family, not to the person? To the family, exactly, yeah. Because up until 1913, there were only given names. And then you might say, kind of like Leonardo da Vinci, of Vinci, you might say where you were from, but it wasn't your surname. And so, you've got effectively, I guess, a unique surname. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, well, my surname means honest in Thai, hilarious, given the reputation of some of my family members. But that was chosen by our granddad who moved to Thailand from Vietnam as a child. And I think as a new immigrant in a new country, calling yourself honest, it's probably a good move. I don't know.

It sounds a little bit Lady Doth protest too much, isn't it? It wasn't me? Check my name. Well, they're really into nicknames as well. Do you have a nickname in Thailand, or are you not that Thai? Bertie just gets shortened to Burr. That's not as good as most Thai nickname, I've got like a really long sort of forename. And then they just get shortened to Burr.

I've got one of our cousins, she's got an amazing name. So she's about 18 months old or something. She might be a little bit older now. I met her for the first time when I went back in January. And back then that was, well, over the last, well, probably thousand years, depending on how you count it. But it flared up again recently. There's the war with Cambodia. And our family live right on the border with Cambodia.

Oh, wow. And she was called bomb. She was named because of that bombs were going off in the background. But because bomb wasn't cute enough for a girl, they added Bem on the end. So she's bombedem. If she'd been born a boy She would have just been bomb But you can't call a girl bomb

I actually know someone in my village Called Zeph, short for Zeppelin Named after his great-grandfather Who was named Zepelin in the First World War When that became a big thing As in the actual real name or nickname Real name, first name Zepelin and this little boy

This little three-year-old's real name is now Zeppelin Because you know the thing that's attacking you As your mom gives birth I guess she goes Yeah, why not I guess I wonder what's going to happen to my daughter when she gets married, because her name's COVID, and they might not remember.

My cousin, Bombem, who was named after the bomb, a bomb landed in our grandmother's fish pond, sort of at the height of the war, and it kind of sort of flares up every now and again this war. The war between Thailand and Cambodia. The war between Thailand and Cambodia, yeah. It's like a sort of border dispute

that's been going on forever. Most of the time it's kind of fairly relaxed as far as wars go, and then it kind of got a little bit more fighty recently. But our granny was in the house at the time and a Cambodian rocket landed in a fish pond and it didn't blow up because thankfully the Cambodians have rubbish weapons

turns out and then they sort of splashed water all over It's quite fighting talk Yeah well what are you going to do about it Cambodia I think they've all got like a kind of Soviet era stock of missiles and things But anyway it didn't blow up But then they phoned up the military police

Who sort of sent someone round And they're kind of sort of ummed and ard and they just left it there and because when it landed it sunk through the water and went deep into mud and they're like oh well it's probably fine then if it's got into mud

if it landed on solid ground we would dispose of it but if it landed in mud we might get to it at some point is it still there? It's still there yeah so I don't know yeah sticking out of the pond

you can see it no it's sunk into the mud and it's just sort of sat there and we ended up doing karaoke shortly after and they take karaoke very seriously and my family hired a big sort of festival style sound system to do karaoke off of. And it's sort of like a few drinks in.

We're just like, hold on, maybe we should turn it down in case we set the bomb off. I don't know. I've got that's how it works. Thailand doesn't have an alphabet. Doesn't have a true alphabet. It has something called an abugida. And an abu geeta is like an alphabet, but instead of using letters for vowels, they use diacritical symbols and marks.

So if you see Ty written down, and this is outside my wheel zone, so correct me if I'm wrong, Bertie, but you have the word, you have no spaces in between the words, and then the vowels are like little sort of squiggles that are above or below or to the side of the letters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to work out, I mean, I can't read Thai at all. Trying to work out where one word begins and when one word ends is like kind of impossible,

because it's just like just an endless stream of squiggly characters. Yeah, why haven't they fixed that? Because I would say that the rest of the world has now come up with the system where it is easier to distinguish words. We used to have the endless string in early Middle Ages. And Thailand, it does seem a bit stubborn that you're sticking with the no spaces between words. Here's a thing, if you're a natural speaker, you can work out where the spaces are quite easily because certain symbols for vowels are in certain parts of the words and they always are.

So it's quite easy to work out. But there was a study in 1997 from a couple of people at the University of Nottingham and they tried it out. So they got some Thai sentences and they put spaces for one of the sentences and didn't put spaces in the other one. And they gave it to Thai people and said, can you read this? Of course they could. How quickly can you read it? And basically the idea is if you're used to it, maybe you can do it without the space is better and the spaces actually put you off. or did the people actually find the spaces useful what you think?

I can say they found it useful. Yeah? Yeah, I guess I've come down pretty hard on that side. I'm going to say that they found it easier without the spaces just because they're used to it. Well, that's what I would have thought as well, but actually they found that the spaces were more useful. Yeah, so much were useful. Well, I hate to say my point. So right. So the white man was correct all along.

Damn it again. Now, look, we're not that kind of podcast. But yeah. And there's also a mark in Thai called the Phantacat, which would be really useful for us, which is when a letter is silent, you put this little mark on it. So let's say you had the word knife. You could just put a little squiggle next to the K and everyone would know not to say the K. Wouldn't that be useful? We just have to use it in every word so many times though in English.

You'd have some like English village names where you've got 50 of these, wouldn't you? Yeah, exactly. But actually, so it's thanthacat, like I say, the mark to make a letter silent, but it also means execution by beating one to death with a stick. It's not two meanings. Okay. Feels unlikely that those two would ever get mixed up in a hilarious way. If Andy was here, he'd say, I feel a format coming on.

I was looking into notable people from Thailand, and I discovered, I think, one of the most famous people on our planet is half-tai. and I just never knew that. So who do you think, who do you think the most famous Thai person is and they're half-tie? Oh, sorry. Half-tie.

Yes. The most famous person is Donald Trump and that would be astonishing. No, no, the most famous person who is Thai. Yes. No, I think that was an essential element. Tiger Woods is half-tie. Correct.

Is that great? It was that the run? Yeah. Okay. The clues in his name. That's really good. Tiger Woods. Right.

Yeah. Son of a Thai woman called Tider Woods. It's pronounced Tida, but it's basically Tider. And it's really fascinating. He's got quite a mix in his family. So he is one quarter Thai, one quarter Chinese, one quarter Caucasian, one eighth African American and one eighth Native American. He calls him, he calls himself Cablanasian, which is a term he coined for Caucasian, black, American, Indian and Asian. That's how he refers to himself.

It sounds how he would refer to himself when he'd been caught driving. What show up? Athleticity tag, I'm Gablamasian. I probably had to back and vent that meeting when he was asked later by the press. No, no, I've always called it that. But I looked into it, and there's basically no national footprint of Tiger Woods there, as in there's no statues, there's no buildings, there's no roads, as far as I can tell, that are named after him.

It doesn't seem like they've connected him to the country, and the only statue I could find, because actually there is one. It's in a restaurant called Cabbages and Condoms, and it's a condom-themed restaurant, and it is a condom-themed restaurant, and it is a condom built Tiger Woods. It's just packets of condoms and he's holding a golf club. And then there's a sign that says,

did you use them, Tiger? Next to the statue. That's the only one that I could find. What a legacy. Yeah. Cabbage and condoms, great restaurant, by the way. But this theme is just condoms. So actually it should just be cool condoms.

No, the point was is that it was trying to show that family planning and protection was not being part of the education of the people in Thailand, particularly during the AIDS pandemic and HIV pandemic. So he was saying the owner of this restaurant, it should be as accessible and easy to talk about as cabbages at a grocery store. You should be able to buy condoms like you buy cabbages.

Yeah, so he called it cabbages and condoms. I see. I never buy cabbages. Yeah, but they don't put the cabbages behind the counter, do they? No, they should. He's got a big basket full of condoms, can I have her three cabbages? I have to say, when you're a call to something, It is like not being something.

I'm a court to Polish, and I don't think as yet there's a giant, there should be, but a giant statue of me in Krakow as one of four members of a moderately okay podcast in Britain. I think Tiger Woods is possibly one of the most recognized names globally. I won't hear it down. I won't hear that Tiger Woods is more famous than I am. Stop the podcast. Stop the podcast.

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continuing to grow and the shell's too small for them so they'll molt they'll they'll get rid of this hard shell and it's quite a fun process because they shed it by taking water in and breaking it up and they shoot it out basically as it's crumbling yeah like um the whole is it the Hulk who like goes and like gets bigger and bigger and burst out of his skin no out of his clothes out of his clothes maybe I think it's not too far off of that because it's swelling up then breaking and then find, and then they sort of find the cracks in their shell and sort of pull themselves out, like sort of backwards out of the back of their shells. Yes, but I think Hulk expands. He doesn't shatter his outer layer of human. Bruce Banner doesn't go flying everywhere on the walls. Yeah, no, so it basically, before the hard shell has disappeared, there's a sort of very soft shell that's ready to harden, and fishermen go for the exact moment. They capture them, and then that's, is soft shell crab. So, and then they sell it as meat, right? So, if, if, you're, you're, so, if, you're, you go to a restaurant in America, say, you could get hard shell crab or soft shell crab. And the hard shell one, you have to dig out the meat and the soft one, you don't. Is that right?

Yes, exactly. And that's basically the difference. That's basically the difference. But potentially you're eating these same species. You're just eating their brother who was molting faster than the other one. It could be both at the same time. Yeah. Because the female will always mate with a male immediately after her own shedding. So she sheds her shell. And then a male comes over and has sex with her. And that, if you are a fisherman, is the perfect time because you can get a soft shell and a hard shell at the same time. And then you can sell them both to the restaurant and they get two for one. And then you can make ethical eaters feel better because you can say they died doing what they loved. And the window you've got is so brief, hadn't realized.

Because when, so the gal's molting and she wants to grow her new exoskeleton as fast as possible, Apparently it's got to be three hours after they've melted is the right time because you need the shell to have hardened just enough that it's not so soft that it's going to die in transit but it can't have hardened enough that you can't chew down and get that nice soft texture. So they spy on these crabs just waiting for the moment and then they have to dive in at exactly the right time. But also when they're soft shell they like kind of hide in little nucks and crannies because obviously for predators that's a really good time to eat them as well. well. Yeah, you would.

Not just us being predators. I mean, like animal kingdom predators. So in actual fact, it's really hard to catch them. So what they tend to do is the soft shell crabs these days, they will farm them. Because then you don't have to go digging through nooks and crannies. Right. Just get your hard shell, take it to your farm, wait for it to shed and then get it. But it's kind of why we farm all animals, isn't it? It's what we said thousands of years ago.

We're like, you know what, these cows, really hard to catch? Yes. If we kept them in a field with a fence, easy. These hard shell crabs that we're talking about, there's a few different species. One of them is the blue crab. And do you know where you find the blue crab, where they're often fish from? Yep, you get them in America, but you also get them right by James Bond Island, which is in Thailand.

Which is the other thing that's been named after James Bond as a result of the man with the golden gun, because that was the island where the villain lived, and it's full of blue crabs that are used to soft-shell crabs. You also get some blue crabs in the Mediterranean. which is a problem because they're not, they're not meant to be there because they're invasive. They're super aggressive blue crabs are. Are they? What are they taking on?

They're taking on other crabs? Yeah. And I think also that on the north side of the Mediterranean or the Italians and so on, they don't have a culture of eating them so they don't really eat them. And on the southern coast of the Mediterranean, many Muslims consider them to be Haram as well. So nobody, humans aren't really eating them at all in the Mediterranean.

Yeah, we get them in Montenegro where my parents-in-law live. There's a big sort of bay there. and all of the local crabs have gotten and it's just the split crabs left. Really? No one eats some. No one wants to eat them. We should say this is probably insensitive you, Bertie,

because you actually won the crab museum, which is all about devoting itself to crabs. And we're just talking about how delicious they are. What's the museum position on eating? I mean, that's the thing. I think eating invasive species is morally different to eating like an endangered species. I agree.

I think, but yeah, if you're in Montenegro, fill up on blue crabs, I think. Personally, I don't like crows. Yeah, I don't really, I don't try not to eat meat wherever possible. But I mean, I think there is a bit of a moral difference. And there's a lot, like, our green shore crabs from the UK are invasive on both coasts of the US as well,

and there would be a big problem there. And then the Americans are also like, what do we do with these things? We've never eaten them before. Oh, really? Yeah, you have to teach a human to eat stuff. Humans just want to eat stuff, I say humans, people,

just want to eat stuff, you know, their grandmother cooked them or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Emotional attachment to it. It's like if, like, if in our shubes, shops, suddenly a load of invasive pinto beans came over and took over all of our Heinz baked beans, no one would want to eat them. Such a good point.

Is it a good point? Is it a good point? The way everyone looked at me suggested, it might not have been a good point. I think the way to make someone stop talking is sometimes just to say good points. Yes. And then move on. That's what I do with my kids. Wow.

So, but going back to Crabs, Moulting, you're, you're going back to Crabs, Malting. You're right that many crabs hide when they're molting. Other crabs, like spider crabs, multing huge piles. So you'll get like 100,000 individuals, say, or more, and they'll all molt in gigantic sort of heaps underwater. And the softest ones are right in the middle. And then as they harden up, they get pushed out to the edge.

And then the ones on the edge are sort of almost hardened again. That's right. So they all kind of sort of look after each other. It's a bit like, you know, the sort of penguins that take it in turns to go on the cold edge of the ball. And yeah, the spider crows do that. And it's also basically a giant orgy. because when they've all mulled, they're all shagging in the middle of the pile.

You see, when you said out the stars, like, oh, everyone's so nice. They're looking after the ones in the middle. And now it sounds like a big old pile. Yeah, it is, it is, yeah. Because the shells would be on top of them. So if you looked at it, you'd be like, oh, it's just a bunch of crabs hanging out. But underneath, they're shagging away. Yeah, and there's that sort of undercurrent.

So there's sort of like really soft shagging crabs in the center. And then they sort of harden up and get pushed further out. And presumably at some point they stop shagging. It's ironic, though, you think that the harder you get, the less likely you are to have sex. Yeah, well, crabs often have two vaginas. That's true, James. So, yeah, Bernie, what? What happens to the exoskeletons then?

Because that's a huge mound. Yeah, animals will eat them, although just kind of break down into sand and sort of just general stuff at the bottom of the sea. Yeah, yeah. We haven't worked out how to use that for some kind of handbag or something. Building material, replacing concrete in the future. Well, there is kite. So it's made crab shells are made out of kytin and there's a new treatment for bullet holes.

Because kaitin's got a thing where it's like extremely absorbent. It swells up loads and is antibacterial and stuff. Do you mean bullet holes in people? Bullet holes in people. Really? So you can make these like plugs and it's like a new thing that they're using in hospitals for like gunshot wounds and sort of stab wounds and stuff. But it's derived from crab shells and it swells up inside the wound

and blocks off all of the capillaries and prevents further bleeding. That's amazing. They should put a hospital next to you guys. There's this theory that everything's going to become a crab, isn't there? Carsonisation. People are really into it, I think, because evolutionary theories are really into it. I think because crabs have evolved five times, at least five times. I also read an article that said, let me just read this.

Experts at Crab Museum in Margate say they now are. have people coming in every day questioning if humans really will end up sprouting claws. Yeah, it's a pretty common thing people come up to us to be like, oh yeah, so I heard we're all turning into crabs. When's it happening? Go on, give me your tie prediction.

Then come in going, I might as well be here because I'm going to turn into a crab. This is the crab museum. I'll just wait here until it happens. You've got to be ahead of the curve, right? Do they all come in sideways? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and so this is crustaceans

all seem to turn into crabs. and humans are quite far from crustaceans. And also, even though that's happened five times, decarconisation has happened at least seven times in evolution, as in things turning away from crab. So it seems like, even if things visit crabdom as an existence, they then decide against it and move on. So you're saying no, is your prediction.

I'm going to say no to that. Crustations do turn into crabs, but yeah, crabs also turn into shrimp and prawns turn into lobsters and blah, blah, blah, blah, and that's all sort of pretty fluid. All of this takes a really long time, millions of years, and the word crab obviously doesn't predate humans being a thing. We've only been around for, you know, 300,000 years or whatever. So what we define to be a crab, this is sort of the slightly wafety answer,

but we define crabs basically off of vibes. Crabb isn't really a thing. There's no such thing as a crab. There is legit. That's my new rival podcast. Yeah, I'm going to take you all down. But yeah, no, there is no such thing as crab. And you can say a crab is turning into a lobster.

You can say a lobster is turning into a prawn. or a shrimp or whatever, it depends how you define these animals. And they're all sort of on a spectrum. Generally, people are defining this as you've got a big hard shell on top that covers everything up and your eyes retreat into yourself, right? Yes. But then there's also, in the crab world, it's hotly debated whether or not things like hermit crabs are crabs.

There's true crabs, which are brachyuron crabs, which are kind of the kind of classic crab that you'd imagine. Then there's like coconut crabs, squat lobsters, snow crabs or king crabs. I can't remember. one of them missing a set of legs and then sort of Anamurans like hermit crabs that are strictly speaking not crabs depending on who you ask. I'm pretty inclusive though. I think I would include all of them as crabs.

Weirdly, on QI, I don't know if we ever did it, but I definitely wrote this question, which was name a type of crab, because pretty much all the ones that people will be able to bring to mind like hermit crabs or horseshoe crabs or whatever are not true crabs. Genital. Are they not cramps? No, they're insects. Two crabs. Time to have a mite thing.

All right. I was hoping to turn into one of those. I found a few different crab-inspired things. And I want to quiz and see if any of you guys know what they are. So here we go. Does anyone know what a crab landing is? Crab landing. It's a crab landing.

So something is landing. An aircraft may be a helicopter because they look a bit like crabs, don't they? Yeah. And they do it. All of these things are going to be just they do things sideways because it kind of feels like... There you go, it is. It's not helicopters, it's airplanes.

So when an airplane is landing, you know sometimes you'll see videos online of heavy storms and planes landing in them, but the plane is positioned on a diagonal angle as they're coming. And then what they do right at the last second is they turn it back so that the wheels are landing straight as they're coming in. I suppose because you always have to land into a headwind.

So you would have to do it that way if there's a crosswind on there. Okay. Dang. The strip, I suppose. Yeah, there is crab scratching. Okay, we might be down to genitals again. No, this is a DJ method.

So it's when you are doing, you're combining rapid hand movements on the vinyl itself as well as the cross fader. So a really quick scratch movement. Chica, chica. Yeah, that was James, just so the audience at homes know. We didn't have a Mixmaster Mike with us in the studio today.

Cheers, Mike, thank you. That'll be all. And then the last one is ejector crab. Sideways ejection. Yeah, though it's in rowing. It's when someone's oar. Oh, crap, you catch a crab. Yeah, we have done this.

We've caught crabs, haven't we? Yes. Is it when you put in the oil when it's going the wrong way and it gets kind of flipped out of the water again? Yeah, extreme ejector crab is when you get flipped out of the boat because the hold is so great in the water. But then you can enter the pole vault with that move. That would be a great combo Olympic sport. It hasn't yet happened. It should happen.

Crabbs, testes and ovaries, swell and shrink with the moon, I believe. That's a good one. It worries me if you, Bertie, are saying, oh, I'm interested. I wouldn't put it past them. No, I don't think I will put it past them. I think they do do it because they... Could you use them as a calendar? It's not super precise.

If it's like I need to be there at 9.30 in the morning, then probably not. But yeah. If you like need to remember what day, like let's say you get paid on the 27th of every month, you could have a little crab ovaries. I think if you always get paid on the new moon, which is how our office works. Yes. Okay, it is time for fact number three, and that is James. Okay, my fact this week is that in late 19th century America, butt plugs were advertised as a cure for bad breath.

Yes. You stick them in your mouth. And then you can't breathe. How does this work? Is it a theory? Well, it doesn't work. Shit. Okay, I'm getting a refund. They were a thing called Young's dilators,

and they were patented in 1892 by Frank E. Young, and he sold them as a radical cure for piles and constipation. And the idea was that you would use these butt plugs. You put them up your bum and help you to train your muscles up there, and that would help you for various rectal issues that you might have. But then they kept... pushing them for more and more different things. And in 1949, the USDA banned their advertisements because they claim to cure foul breath, bad taste in the mouth, acne, arrhythmia, uticaria,

anemia, anaerxia, headaches and nervousness. But if you see these things, they come in lots of different sizes. I would say they would enhance my nervousness. Yes. Is that getting rid of insomnia? I don't think having a giant butt plug up you were. Yeah. But yeah, you just see these images online. You might do, James, but my Google searches are slightly different. Well, actually, I did find one because there's one going on eBay at the moment. And it's an original. Oh, God, is it?

It doesn't say if it's been used or not. But, yeah, it's going for 71 pounds. And then you've got about 30 pounds postage and handling. And I'm looking at the Buy It Now button. But I just feel like that's being a bit too far. It does, doesn't it? Because someone on the article that you sent around James in the comments said, I found one in my grandfather's old belongings.

Do you think they're worth a lot? And he said, oh, they're not too much. And this is the only one I could find on eBay that's going. I think maybe we've been a little bit too hard on Dr. Young here. Oh, yeah? And so hear me out. I think curing bad breath by sticking something up your bum is not a completely insane idea. The theory being that lots of kind of gut issues are caused by sort of imbalance of different bacteria.

and so some bacteria that are meant to be in your large intestine can end up in your small intestine and they produce different chemicals, some of which are hydrogen sulfide, which smells really bad and is a sort of farty smell in stink bombs and these stinky compounds get into your bloodstream

and then they end up coming out in your bad breath. But one of the ways of solving gut issues is using a faecal transplant, if you know anything about fecal transplants. So they're to inoculate an ill person with healthy bacteria from somebody else's poo. So sticking a dildo up your bum clean wouldn't do anything,

but if it was covered in a healthy person shit, then you could cure your bad thing. What does it say on the eBay listing then? It's been cleaned, damn it. Damn it. So a used rectal dilator might help. Interesting. In an indirect way,

because then that would solve your gut issues, which would then stop your heart. bad breath issues. You know what? Listerine first and then the pull-up of that back, I think. Yeah. For me. I mean, so dilating that area is good for certain things. So I feel like originally they probably intended them for things like fissures, anal fissures, which can be worse if you're like a bit too tightened. So you'll have something to dilate and relax the muscles, which can alleviate the fissure. Not an anal fissure as in, oh, this crab is not nearly hard enough. I'm going to put it back for two more minutes.

How they all talk, those people? If they're anal, they are. Sorry, of course, yes. Good point, James. Good point, James. Oh, yeah, thanks for coming. Totally miss that. Is it your bedtime yet?

Anyway, I got into some pretty dodgy territory. Looking at 19th century treatments for anal fissures and putting things up your bum, which does work. And there was a method which was to introduce fingers, as, you know, men will have a prostate check, obviously, doing the same thing. Fingers would work to relax the muscle a little bit, but there was a doctor called Jules Mezzonerve,

who was operating in the mid-19th century, and he said using the fingers to relax that muscle, it was too slow, often had to be redone, in order to alleviate these problems. And so he suggested a more complete and quick way by gradually insinuating the fingers one by one into the rectum until the whole hand was inside, then firmly clenching it and forcibly withdrawing.

And apparently, according to the 1884 book, which I was reading, said this repulsive procedure met with no favour, however. And thus ventriloquism was born. That, oh my gosh. It doesn't sound great. I found another one called

Atkinson's registered rectum supporter, which it looks bit like a weightlifting belt, if you can imagine that. But then it has some sort of bulbous bits that you appear to go up your bum. And again, it was like for fishes and for piles and all that kind of stuff. But what's kind of interesting

is that this went on display in the great exhibition of 1851. So, this big exhibition at Crystal Palace, and they had like all these incredible things from all around the world. But if you went right at the corner, would be able to find this.

That's so funny. Queen Victoria went to that. I imagine. What does this one do you? The sweet mum. You're a bum expert, right? Percy, you've written a book on bums? I have written a book on bums.

I mean, he's a children's book on bums, but it's a great book, though. Natural History of Bums. I read it to my kids. And there was great ones like rabbit poo, how they have a poo that basically isn't digested properly the first time round. So they eat the poo again, the pellets. Yeah. And then poo it out as poo proper the second time.

Because they have to get B12 out of it. But grass is really, really, really difficult to eat. So rabbits eat it twice, whereas things like hippos and cows and stuff have multiple stomachs. But yeah, most animals have a bum. And I think it's only things that sort of jellyfish and sort of like brittle. stars and basket stars and stuff like that that that don't and sea sponges, things like that. But generally, 99% of animals have bumps because it's just such a good system. It is. I'm not complaining.

It's such a good moment in our history, the moment we decided to separate the mouth from the anus. Well, there's a new theory that actually it was separating the anus from the sperm duct, I think. There's a study that's looked at what genes are responsible for what things. And I mean, I think this is one of those theories that might be supplanted in 10 years. but currently there's researchers from the University of Bergen in Norway. They were looking at the genetics of xenocelomorphs, which are like, they look a bit like flatworms.

They're like weird lumpy things. And anyway, they've got a genital opening, which is called it like gonadipur, which is where the sperm comes out. And they use the same genes to make that genital opening as human embryos use to make their digestive tube. And so all of these facts, they've pieced together to say, at some point we had this sperm opening. and then we started to think

or evolution decided that we should merge it with a digestive tract and have poo come out of it. Now I don't know how they're explaining the fact that then another sperm opening had to be created, which it was. I did read an article in New Scientist

by the people who did this study and they said, once a hole is there, you can use it for other things. Ah, yes. It feels like a bumper sticker. Humans are really good at lots of things.

But what one thing have we got than no other animal has got? Podcasts. Maybe culture, I guess you could say, but then those bonobos that put little grass in their ear and then all the others copied it. I think like planning,

like long-term planning and stuff, people always say, you know, we're able to have episodic memory and then we can tell that to long-term planning. But you're going to say it's bums. It's bums. I think it's bums. Yeah, so there are some transverse folds

in our rectum called Houston's valves. And these seem to support the weight of fecal matter, which means that you can kind of hold your poo in a little bit. You don't always, as soon as you need to go, you just need to go. Obviously, it doesn't always work out. But they're named after a guy called John Houston, and they appear to be only in humans. Wow.

There was a study back in the 19th century, which looked for Houston valves in as many different mammals as they could find. So in wolves, bears, rhinoceroses, primates. Couldn't find it in any of them. only in humans. Wow. So it could be that this specific fold in your bum is the one thing that makes us special.

That's so good, because if I ever shit myself in public from now on, I'm going to say, Houston, we've had a problem. So that's the thing that we've got that's so different from everyone else. Well, I'm sure, I mean, there are many other things.

I've just been a bit facetious. But, you know, I think we've got the musliest bums of any animal as well. I think we've got the largest bum in relation to our body size. So like hippos and elephants, whatever, obviously have way bigger bums. But the body size are the bums are the biggest. That's good because our glutes are used for long distance running and walking. Yeah, and standing up.

And because the Kardashians wouldn't have had a show, would they? Yeah. That was a good reference. Yeah, we're back to culture again. Yes, here we go. Weirdly, I did read a study about how the fact that we can hold it in might have caused us to out-compete all other animals. Because basically it means that you're not pooing everywhere and leaving your scent everywhere. can't be followed.

That's true. This is in 2013. And these authors said it may have contributed to the successful march of hominids along the road of evolution. So there we go. Maybe you're right. It's all about the anal fold. Very cool.

Well, we've blown this wide open and it's been painful. Back to putting things up our bums. There was quite a recent thing in the medical literature about a man who went to hospital because he had some heart palpitations. They, you know, didn't really know what was wrong. with him, but they decided that it was bad enough that they were going to have to give him a cardio version, which is a thing where you restore the heartbeat properly. Anyway, before they did that, they had to check that he didn't have any gastrointestinal bleeding. And so the

physician did a digital rectal exam to check there was no bleeding up there. Finger up the bum, pulled it back out, no blood on there, good. But then the man's heart palpitations completely disappeared. His heart slowed right down to 80 beats per minute. And he was a lot. it and they decided well we don't need to do anything more he came back a few months later and had no problems again and they think that maybe the finger of the bum is what cured him according to the paper it could have been due to stimulation of the vagus nerve which is a very trendy thing at the moment which is the nerve that goes right the way up your body and supposedly if you stimulate it in some way it can help all sorts of different things is that trendy like

on the front page of cosmo it is kind of like in you know if you see headlines about Oh, all you need to do is stimulate your vagus nerve and it will save all these different things. If you have headaches, it's probably your vagus nerve. If you have this, it's probably your vagus nerve. And if you've ever wondered if all of those cases about people sticking things up their bottoms, you know, there's comedy cases you get in the news

about whoopsie daisy a tripped on my hoover. If they are just a 21st century phenomenon, they are not. I was reading a list from 1757 by the French anatomist Solveur Francois Morand, who decided to pull. publish a list of all the cases he'd come across of people putting things up their bums. It was published in the memoirs of the Royal Academy of Surgery.

Oh, no. Because imagine you've got away with it, you know, you're back home. You're like, no one's ever going to find out about this. And then there's an announcement. We've collated all the people. Don't you worry. When was this? 1757.

Are all the things very 18th century things that they've put up the bums? A candle. So that's quite 18th century. Yes. Doesn't mention if it was lit or not. So he catalogues it very nicely. So he first of all puts in a column what it was up, the rectum the bladder or the willie.

Bladder? Yeah, I know. Some people, that was the candle one, actually. And then he'll put what it was that went up. And then he'll put who it was on the explanation. So it was like rectum bottle priest. This is the worst game of Cluedo ever. That was because the priest suffered from a stubborn flow

and was told to put a whole candle in his urethro. Now I would say lots of the other ones which are just man or woman as opposed to priest He said apparently or allegedly or they claimed But with the priest he just took his word as red Which I'm going to say I don't know about that priest I don't know if I believe him Bladder three beans man

Had trouble urinating so try to enlarge his urethra Bladder one bean man Still would not acknowledge he'd put the bean in there himself Rectum bottle priest suffered from constipation used the long bottle to irrigate his rectum and lost it. Lost it.

That's a good excuse that one. I would almost believe that one. Almost. The rectum irrigation or is that you mean the excuse for when the wife says, what's happened to my bottle? I lost it. Where did you lose it? I don't know.

I've lost it. Where did you last see it? Let's not go into that. Why are you not sitting down with me? I'm just going to stand for a bit, actually. Anyway, and then there are lots and lots and lots. of rings stuck around penises. And for all of those ones, it just says no reason given.

No reason given. That's fair enough. Yolo. If they'd had that phrase, I'm sure he would have written that. So much of history would have been passable without a yolo as an explanation back then. Stop the podcast. Stop the podcast. Hi, everyone.

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Okay, it's time for our final fact of the show, and that is Anna. My fact this week is that there is no customer toilet in the Icelandic punk museum, even though the whole thing is within a toilet. That's great. I imagine really needing a piss, being denied a piss, and then being angry about it is quite a punk. thing. It's quite a mentality.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is the Icelandic Pump Museum Open 2016. Seems like a very cool place. And all the exhibits are in a toilet. Is it like one of those underground toilets?

It is. I bought past this place. It was closed when I went. I saw it when I was in Recoveck. Yeah, in Reckyvik. Yeah, exactly. And I think it was one of the only public toilets in downtown Reckyvic. And so they've just directed lots of exhibits in the toilet bowls, in the sinks.

and I did try to call to confirm this is definitely true and I called the number that it's quite hard to find a number for them I think they might just not have a phone and the number that AI thought that they might have I rung up and they said it was a rock bar and when I said is it definitely not the toilet they didn't know what I was talking about I can say it definitely exists from the outside

it definitely exists I'm 100% that it exists I just wanted to check that there's no toilet I can imagine a punk museum would answer their phone like that Yeah, yeah. Well, no, we don't know it with something else. Yeah, you're right. Yes, sticking it to the man. They were, when it opened,

Johnny Rotten of the sex pistols opened it. Yeah, he went over and he was part of the opening. So it's a sort of very legit thing because there's a lot of great punk history in Iceland. Bjork used to be in a punk band. Yeah, the purists complain about the amount of Bjork in there. Do they? They do.

And I should say on the fact that it was opened by Johnny Rotten, something funny about my research was, I just couldn't work out the truth because there were these different histories. I knew it was open by someone in the sex pistols, but some of the sources said it was open by John Liden. And then some of the sources said, open by Johnny Rotten. How long did you spend wasting your time on that one?

It was a good 15 minutes of like, where's the original, was a photo or something and which one is that? And then you're like, oh, great. They look the same. Hell of the hell. Am I meant to work this out? That's very funny.

It's a shame, James, that you didn't go down the stairs to see the reason for if it was closed, because apparently a few people that have gone, it will say things like, close today, because, I don't know, someone's died or someone's ill, whatever, pick one. It just has random reasons. I'm a feeling it was just a Monday and it doesn't open on Monday. I just went to the penis museum in the end anyway.

One of the mainstream ones in the end. You've got to do the obvious tourist traps. They've got great museums there, though, Iceland. You must have been to a bunch, right? Yeah. Did you go to the Bobby Fisher one? No, I didn't. Where's that?

That's in Reckovic. It's the Bobby Fisher Centre. and it's a basically the 1972 World Chess Championship was there. And this one is, I guess, you know chess really well, but that was a seminal championship. Because the Soviet Union had a strangleholds and Bobby Fisher comes in as an American, being told by the major party heads in America,

but you've got to do this, we're in a big battle right now, this is a huge symbolic thing for us. And what they have in the museum is a replica of the chessboard that they played on, but they've also got... I mean, all chessboard. That's what I was confused about. So, yeah.

But they've got a printout for the radiation measurements that were demanded by Boris Spaskey's delegation. And that was because Bobby Fisher was winning these matches and they thought he was using all these tricks to do it. One was that his seat that he was sitting on was electrically charged and was sending electromagnetic stuff towards Thoris. And it was freaking him out. They thought that the lights were doing something. They wanted to check absolutely everything.

Whereas Fisher, on the other hand, he was quite mercurial and he just played his own game. He was not an anal fisher. Is where that went. Oh, see. Well, there was a allegations. Nice, James. Okay. So I think Bert's got something to say now.

There were allegations that the current chess champion was cheating using a vibrator off his ars. It wasn't the current champion, but it was someone who was playing again. It was Magnus who claimed that this guy was doing it. When in fact he was just trying to get his breath smelling a bit better. I guess that's sort of the modern radiation, I suppose. Yeah, it's really. It's a paranoid game. They took the lights off and they found two dead flies in it

and they almost performed autopsies on the flies to see if they were somewhere involved. And that got cut short in the end. But anyway, that's there. That's there at the Bobby Fisher Centre. That's cool. Very cool. I mean, it must be hard starting a weird niche museum

and expecting anyone to turn up to it. Is it? What kind of loser? Yeah, I mean it is. And we had no idea what we were doing. And when we opened, I remember thinking, oh my God, we've spent all of our life savings on this. I have a child.

What have we done? This is terrible. But yeah, we do have a toilet, though. So we've got one thing over there. Huge. That's why they're going to be five stars, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just because of the toilet.

On the day we opened, actually, we'd had an idea and we weren't sure whether or not to do it. And we had like an hour spare. So we ran to Morrisons and bought a load of like pasta and flour. and some croissants and stuff. And then we put that in our toilet. So we've got a smaller museum in our toilet, which is the Carb Museum,

which is completely unrelated to the Crab Museum. So it was Chase's idea. He's got kind of weapons grade dyslexia and ADHD. He wouldn't mind me saying that. And he really struggles to read things. And it was really useful having him, he sort of went through all of the material that me and Ned have ever written

and sort of going, this is too boring, change the font. You need to change the spacing. Like if I can't read, it then like a child won't be able to, nobody else can be able to. But of course you didn't put any spaces between any of the words. No, no, of course. Yeah, yeah.

And I just pulled these little weird squiggly vowel markings over the top of everything. But yeah, he came up with this idea for the Cabe Museum, which is all of his sort of bad spelling mistakes. And why the crack, were you a crab lover beforehand? Or were you just in Margate and you thought, well, they have a lot of them here? No, I think a crab lover of sorts. Okay. Yeah, if that's a time.

Yeah. Yeah. Because if you just named after things that happen in my name. it would just be like tiresome hipsters. I mean the Thai some hipster museum. There's definitely room for a tiresome hipster museum. There will be me opening it, that's for sure. But would you believe it?

It is the only museum dedicated to Deca Pods in all of Europe. That is surprising. In fact, it's the only place in the world outside of China and Taiwan. Really? Yeah, so there's a Taiwan crab museum and then there's another one just on the other side of the strait in a in mainland China because the Chinese were like, well, if the Taiwanese have got a crab museum,

we're going to get an even bigger one. And their one's like twice the size. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are four anchovy museums in Europe. Oh, there? Yeah. There's one in Sicily,

one on mainland Italy, and two in the Spanish town of La Scala. This town has a population of 10,374, but it has two anchovy museums. That's great. And there's a pilchard works in Cornwall, which is a museum for Pilchards. I was just looking for other seafood museums.

Why do they need too? Is it one was so oversubscribed that it's for the overflow? It's basically the entire town is anchovies. It's where most of the anchovies come from this area in Spain. Yum. That's very cool. We've got just back down in Margateway, there's a neighboring town of Ramsgate, and there's a small museum there that's called,

but this museum is not in Bratjave. It's obsolete and it is a museum that is dedicated entirely to what are seemingly obsolete bits of technology and music equipment and so on. Oh yeah, like Vita Max and stuff. Yeah, exactly. And that's run by a guy who is called Look Mum, No Computer, who some of you might recognize that name because he was this year's entrant for Britain in the Eurovision contest. Yeah. That's what it was. So he's got an amazing little museum down in Ramsgate.

Is it as amazing as his Eurovision entry? I heard. And I haven't actually seen or heard it. So I'm just going by popular opinion. Is it in Ramsgate because all these old bits of computers have got lots of RAM? Oh, dear. Gosh. Dear Lord. So another weird museum is born of real passion.

There's the Museum of Clean in Idaho, which I think is my favourite, just because it's made by someone who it's his life's devotion, a guy called Don Aslett. And so when he was 16, I think it was in 1953. He'd never even made his bed before, but he decided, I'm going to make a living through cleaning. He put an ad in the local paper saying Don Aslet, professional cleaner. And he built himself up and up, became the king of clean,

has a whole janitorial empire and, you know, written 40 books on how to be clean. He's like the original Trinian Susanna. He's the original Trinian Susanna for people like. age or the original, what's that clean influencer? Mrs. Hinch? Mrs. Hinch, yes. Anyway, he... I can't believe that I'm so old that my cleaning influencer is no longer current.

That is so upsetting. Sad times. Anyway, this museum sounds amazing. So what I did quite like about it was that most of the negative reviews of it, I read all of them. And in fact, the only thing that said about it, negative. is that it is too cluttered or too dusty and dirty. There was one person who said,

it's like Grandma's attic. The overall impression is a muddle. For a clean museum, there's lots of dust. But yeah, he's obsessed with decluttering. Cool. I found a few more ironic museum things. Oh, yeah. In 2024, the Museum of Neoliberalism in Lewisham,

which is against capitalism, it was reported they had to be closed down because they were being turned into luxury flats. although I went on the website and they do seem to still exist so I don't know if they moved or whether they changed this plan but if you go in there for instance they have the bottle of Amazon employee urine

that someone who was like driving Amazon parcels around and wasn't allowed to go for a wee would urinate into a bottle that's in the museum and sorry it's against neoliberalism I get it it's okay yeah and in 2019

the American Kennel club opened the museum of the dog, which said no dogs allowed. Oh, come on. Unless you're a support animal, you weren't allowed to bring dogs in there. I went when we were in DC doing fish live over there, I went to the Ford Theatre where Lincoln was shot. And as you walk in, it has a no-guns sign. It's like, they're still, they're still feeling it.

Still tense. Yeah. Just in case. There was an interesting thing that museums were faced with a few years ago. this is around 2021, social media started banning them from posting up lots of their art if nudity was involved. So a group of museums in Vienna created an only fans account where they posted all of these nudes up there. And they were trying to just get their point about the craziness of censorship that was going on. And there's your excuse, million men listening for the reason you have, the only fans account.

I was going for the Vienna art thing and my finger just. slipped onto Big Boobo's McGee or whatever it is. I followed Big Boob Leggie too. Oh, she's good. Love her work. Yeah, I mean, that's a huge issue, isn't it? Because almost every statue of museums are naked. They've got to rethought that.

Just another inadvertent thing that happened when museums were clamped down on. Do you remember last year when the Trump administration was doing its big clampdown on DEI? I mean, it still is. So there's this massive long list of words that they weren't allowed to use in any of their websites, any of their materials. words included stuff that you'd imagine like the word inclusion you're not allowed to use the word gender you're not allowed to use

the word pronoun you're not allowed to use and I guess they just got an AI or an idiot to just comb through all their websites and to leave it this has clearly been written by AI or an idiot it's the only two people working for the administration but the word diversity was on that list

now what do museums say all the time they say we've got an incredibly diverse collection so suddenly all these museums to remove all mentions of their collections being diverse and all these website pages were shut down. Just real sledgehammer, sledgehammer, that's like the London one, the Horneman Museum. Remember all of its emails were getting clogged up and people spam

because it was being registered as a rude word, Horny Man is not coming into your inbox. I found a great one which is in Hastings, they've got a true crime museum, which is pretty brutal the exhibits that they have because it is real life crimes in and around the UK. but they were broken into. And the person didn't steal anything

because the main bit of the museum was behind steel doors and they couldn't break through. So they just went around bashing up cutouts of the Kray brothers and stuff like that. Come, that would be satisfying. Getting to punch a Kray brother? Lovely.

It would be nice. But they managed to catch the guy on CCTV standing in front of the museum's height chart for police mudshots. So the quote from the lady of the museum says he's literally standing right in front of our police mugshot photo opportunity. It's designed for people to stand and write their name and their crime and stand in front of it. And that's the shot we have of him.

That's brilliant. You have like a sack and a striped chair. Exactly. And so there was talk about, and I couldn't find if it's been done, but there was talk about turning that moment itself into an exhibit in the museum. So that might actually be something you can see in the museum now. Well, you can guarantee it will be turned into a very tedious 52 episode American podcast. but hopefully that too.

Okay, that's it. That is all of our facts. Thank you so much for listening. If you would like to get in contact with any of us about the things that we have said over the course of this podcast, we can all be found online. I'm on at Shreiberland on Instagram. James. Come and at me on LinkedIn.

James Harkin. Bertie, where are you? On Instagram at Crabb Museum. Yes, that's right. And just a reminder, we said at the top of the show, but Bertie's new book is out. It's written by the Crab Museum, but really it's by Bertie, and it's called The No-Brainer Brain Explaner. This is your second book after a natural history of bums.

And it's just absolutely rammed with facts about the brain. It's the perfect thing to be reading your kids. Tell us a bit more about it before we wrap up. Yeah, it's the natural sequel to the bum book, because you need a bum in order to ingest enough energy to keep your brain going. And there's a diverse, we'll scrub that word, a diverse amount of animal brains, like an octopus brain. They've got one in their head where you'd expect there to be. And then eight smaller brains in all of their legs. So is an octopus one animal? Is it nine animals? Wow. But yeah, there's all sorts of all sorts of brains in there. Yeah, it's absolutely

awesome. It's beautifully illustrated. And it's out now. So get it wherever you get your books. And why not come to the seaside and visit the Crab Museum and the Carb Museum? They are open now. It's the perfect time of the year to come and see it. And if you want to get to us as a group, by the way. We are where Anna? We're on Instagram at No Such Thing or email podcast at QI.com. Yeah, podcast at QI.com. That's the important one because we want you to send all your feedback there. If it's stuff that you've experienced yourself related to the things we've spoken about, maybe you've been to the crime museum, maybe you've been to the Bobby Fisher one.

Maybe something's got up your bob. Let us know and send pictures because we want to talk about it. And all of that will go towards our bonus show, which is part of Clubfish, which is on Patreon. So patreon.com slash clubfish, and that's called Drop Us a Line. We read out the best of your emails there. It's really fun, so check that out. Or if you have a good fact of your own that you want us to read out, we have a Monday bonus show called Little Fish,

where we read out the best of your stuff, and we are doing that weekly, so send it in there, and we'll cherry pick the best to bring to the show. But otherwise, you can just come back here next week because we will be back with another episode, and we'll see you then. Goodbye.