No Such Thing As A Fish - No Such Thing As The Sword In The Carbon Fibre

Episode Date: July 8, 2016

Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss wood-sucking catfish, wizard prison, and Ancient Egyptian butchers.

And welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast coming to you from the QI offices in Covent Garden. My name is Dan Schreiber. I am sitting here with Anna Chazinsky, Andrew Hunter Murray, and James Harkin. And once again, we have gathered around the microphones with our four favorite facts from the last seven days. And in a particular order, here we go. Starting with you, Chazinski. My fact this week is that the reason Merlin isn't called Murdin is, to avoid confusion with a 12th century word for feces. That's amazing. Yeah.

So the wizard Merlin of Sword and the Stone fame, he would have been called Mirdin. And so the story is that Merlin was originally created in the form we know him by Jeffrey of Monmouth, who was a sort of Norman Welsh guy in the 12th century. And he based the character of Merlin on this Welsh medieval mythical figure called Mirdin, M-R-D-D-I-N. but because he has sort of Norman origins because he was from the nobility probably and so a lot of people were speaking French in his social circles

it was thought that Mirdin would be really easily confused with Mird which is the same as it is today which is the word for poo It feels like he's missed a chance for a lot of puns and poo jokes doesn't it? By changing that name he's lost a lot of his joke material Yes He does

Yeah he could have been the chaucer of his time Yeah I just don't know if that was the style he was going for Okay that in the 17th century the word merd was English. Yes. Really? Weird, isn't it? It was just a common English word for poo, Mird.

And then it just kind of disappeared in the 18th century. And now it's kind of, everyone knows it as just a French word. Speaking of people whose names meant feces, Montezuma of the Aztecs, had a nephew whose name meant plenty of excrement. What was his name? It was Quidahuaq. Yeah.

And they had guacamole, didn't they? Which means testicle sauce. Testicle sauce. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And avocado means testicles as well. Exactly.

Yes. Are the things that mean testicles? Orchid. Orchid, yes. I have another Merlin fact. Probably my favorite Merlin fact. He was sorted into a house at Hogwarts. Neither of these things is real.

Exactly. I thought someone might pick me up on this, but neither of these. things are real. So on Pottermore, the Big J.K. Rolling website, it was revealed that Merlin was a student of the School of Hogwarts and he was sorted into one of the four schools and he was sorted into Slytherin. So Merlin is a Slytherin. This is weird because you said yesterday that you'd found an amazing thing on Merlin that you loved. The best thing I've ever found. So I was reading about him later on and I found something and I thought, oh, I bet this is what Dan's found. It's so interesting. And this really shows how disconnected you and I are because the thing I thought,

is that he's, so Merlin in the original myth is alleged to have been buried in this particular place, that's sort of a crossover between two rivers, so the river Tweed and a little stream called Pau Sail Burn. And in the legends, it was written that if ever the Palsale Burn and the Tweed were to meet at the place of Merlin's final resting place, as in if these two rivers were to suddenly collide, then England and Scotland would have the same monarch. and this prediction is in medieval text. And on the exact day that James the 6th of Scotland and James I first of England was crowned in 1603, the banks of the River Tweed broke and it flooded into the power sail burn and they met. No.

Isn't that weird? I smell PR happening here. It might be that I didn't check how often the banks broke and it might be that they just broke every single winter. But I definitely know they'd be. broken 1603 on that precise day. According to whom? A 17th century Malcolm Tucker character. Speaking of PR though, I was

talking to Greg Jenner and Greg Jenner, who's been on our show a number of times. Historian. Horrorble History's official chief nerd. And he was telling me about a publicity stunt as well. So this was back in the 12th century. The Glastonbury Abbey burned down and all the pilgrims stopped going to it.

So it was soon after that that the abbot found the body of King Arthur in his grave and suddenly all the pilgrims started returning on mass and so Greg was saying that this is one of the earliest examples of a publicity stunt where they just needed people to return so king arthur is one of the original publicity yeah i think what happened was it burned down and they were like to henry the second or can we have some more money to build it and he's like oh we don't have any but maybe just maybe if you look closely you might be able to find the body of king arthur and they went okay we'll have a luck and sure enough

the very next day they found it wow what a weird coincidence and it did them such a short time as well Incredible. Okay, so this is something that I thought you would like, Dan. So the Holy Grail, which is kind of an Arthurian legend as well. It's based probably on an adaptation of an old Welsh story about the cauldron of Anwin, okay, which was owned by a guy called Bran the Blessed. No. Yeah. And he was a giant, a Welsh giant, called Bran the Blessed. Wow. And if you go into his Wikipedia page, it says, do not confuse him with Brian Blessed. It's amazing. You can understand why you would.

Yeah. That's incredible. Do we know any more about him or is it just that? Well, there's all sorts on his Wikipedia page, but I didn't read any of it. And he was real, was he? No, no, he was a giant. Oh my God. But then is Brian Blessed real, really?

This is the point. That's the point I'm making. Who appears more real? Also, do you know what the name of the sword and the stone was? I'm going to say Excalibur and you're looking at me like it's wrong. It's wrong, I'm afraid. According to Mallory and according to basically everyone, the sword of the stone doesn't have a name. and then Arthur loses it, and then he gets Iscalibur from the Lady of the Lake, which is a different sword.

Okay. Who eventually traps Merlin for all of eternity. That's how Merlin meets his demise. It was... In some stone as well, right? Yeah. Everything's always being stuck in stone in these days. They didn't have carbon fibre.

They didn't have plastics. They had to use what they had, basically. All the hair was stone. Actually, just on Arthurian legend, I think... I don't know if Andy will know this, but I had no idea about this. I thought it was really interesting. So Arthurian legend... are referred to as the Matter of Britain.

So this is this whole body of medieval literature, which is called the Matter of Britain. And there are three matters in medieval times. There's the matter of Britain, the matter of France, and the matter of Rome. And these are just the three big bits of literature. So Matter of Britain's Arthur. The Matter of France is the stories of Charlemagne.

And the Matter of Rome is like all awesome Roman ancient literature. So the matter of Rome is absolutely winning. And the guy who named these was a French poet who was called Bodil. And I was thinking when I was reading this, oh, cool, we are one of the three great tripods of medieval literature. And his description of them was that France is character, the matter of France is characterized by voire or truth. Rome is characterized by sageness or wisdom or knowledge. And the matter of Britain is characterized by being vain a pleasant, to mean frivolous, pleasant, but completely false. Funny you say wise, because that's where the word wizard comes from.

Is it? Yeah. The whiz part comes from wise. And I think the idea was that maybe in the olden days, wise people could see the future. I think that might be it. Okay. Can I quickly talk about modern day wizards?

Yeah. Okay. So pagans and druids, those are the sort of modern day torch holders of the whole wizarding world, I would say. And interesting news in the world of pagan news, which is that now pagans, there's about a million in the UK,

300 of whom are in prison. Prisoned pagans, prisoned wizards, are now allowed to have a wand in jail. That's a new ruling that's just been made because it's respecting their religious beliefs. So what they have to do is they can go into the yard and get some twigs and bring them back. And then they kind of just pimp up the twigs a bit

and then that's their wand that they're allowed to have. I think I might start a new religion which has a skeleton key as a holy symbol. This article says they've toned down all of the rituals because what they're also, in theory, should be having is a flaming torch with them as part of the religion. And they've said,

we're cool to let the flaming torch bit go. We can have the twigs. How many wizards are in prison? 300. 300? Yeah. Are they all in the same? No, it's not as a good.

I don't actually think it does show respect for their religion because what basically you're saying when you tell wizards that they're allowed to have their wand in prison is that you definitely don't believe their wand has any capacity to help them whatsoever. I have one last thing, which is about modern. Wizards, which is there is a school in California, which is open and has been open for 10 years. It's the world's only registered Wizard Academy.

It's got 735 students. Half of whom will be in prison in 10 years. And it was set up by a guy called Oberon Zell Ravenheart, and he himself is a wizard. But the school is up and running. You can go to their website. They have, like, latest news is that the school is now, it's called the Gray School of Wizardry. They're now on Second Life, so you can attend it on Second Life. life as well. They have a list of their staff. It includes people called Silvermane, Swift

Rabbit, Frogs Dancing, Earth Drum, M.A. Apollionus, Bs, MS, Ph.D. B.S. is a bit on. And Silverlock. And so, yeah, you can, you can now... Were all these people just they started out as accountants or postman, and they got so much mockery for their names that they ended up being forced into the wizarding profession, do you think? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know who does it. One more modern wizard, who's great, is the real King Arthur. Who's back? This is a guy who was formerly called John Rothwell before he realised that he was King Arthur a few years ago.

He's the battle chieftain of the Council of British Druid orders. There was quite a good interview with him in Vice, and the Vice guy asked him things like, how hard was it to pull the sword from the stone to which he answered very, very, very hard. Sounds legit. They tried to trick him with that trick question. What, he got it straight away? Not today. No, hang on, hang on.

The whole point of the sword in the stone was, it comes out easily if you're the King of England. They did trick it. They did trick him. Okay, and it's time to move on to fact number two, and that is James. Okay, my fact this week is that tea leaves sometimes flow upstream from the cup to the pot. I don't believe this. If I was ever going to call nonsense on anything, never mind King Arthur being reincarnated.

This sounds amazing. It is incredible. It was discovered by a guy called Sebastian Biancini in. 2008 he was at the University of Havana and he was pouring hot water from a pot which was just water into a cup which had some tea leaves some matte tea leaves and as he poured it he had his nice cup of tea and then he looked in the pot and there were tea leaves there and he didn't understand why and he went to a physicist at the University of Havana and they kind of did some experiments but then they kind of they never published the findings because they thought everyone would laugh at them

but it seems true it seems like it's a real thing. Hang on if you can This is one of those things that you could actually demonstrate. Like, you could just demonstrate, why would people laugh? But they think probably it was a trick, and he had some tea leaves in there all along. So like a Darren Brown style. You'd never be able to make any tea. It would, because the leaves would constantly be fleeing into the pot. So it's not all of them, it's some of them.

And it's due to this thing called the Marangoni effect, which is a mixture of surface tension and a little bit of capillary action. And surface tension, basically, we're talking about pure water and not pure water. and not pure water and the particles want to travel up towards a purer water. And people didn't think it could happen with something as big as tea leaves, but actually it can happen. And yeah, how big a leaf are we talking? We're talking. This stuff is called matate tea.

And it's usually like little, they're almost like little bits of sawdust, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, it's really small. It's very crumbled up. Smaller than normal tea leaves. Yeah. But actually, when things are on quite small scale, they can do things that don't know. normally happen in for bigger things. So like for instance, capillary action only really works for really small kind of thin tubes,

which is that water goes up the tube against gravity. And that wouldn't happen on normal tube, but it happens with very thin tubes. And that's how plants can get the water from the ground into the leaves. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Did you read the guy who commented, someone who commented at the bottom of this study. And he said, this article reminded me of when I once made the mistake of expectorating into a toilet, and the result was an immediate acrid taste in my mouth. Apparently the chemicals in there had travelled several feet up my stream of saliva. But that was a theory.

That's unbelievably disgusting. It is quite disgusting. But the scientists acknowledged that that could be a possibility, although I said it might be quite unlikely, that chemicals could flow that way backwards. So are we saying that when you go to the loo, in some ways the loo goes to you? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's not very much.

It's not all of it. It's not like you come out of the toilet and the toilet is completely empty of water. I'm so bloated out of that. Well, isn't that thing that all men are scared of that Amazonian fish where the room has always been that it will swim up your urine stream? We should quickly explain that, should they?

It's like a mini little catfish. I think it's in the catfish family. And the theory is you would be in the water and you'd be urinating and it gets attracted to the urine stream and then it follows it and then goes into your penis and sticks its spines out and gets stuck there and can be extremely painful.

And there's been one or two stories in the medical literature of it happening, but most people think probably it's not true. Yeah, and I have to say, you say a little fish. I've seen one in the Natural History Museum. That's not a little fish. That is, remember when we went to, yeah, that was, I mean, no, but that's big. Like, it's not like a...

You know that whale in the front lobby? Yeah. It wasn't that one. Okay, then I misread the label. No, it's about an inch or two. Yeah, I know, but still, the idea of that going A, upper stream, which, you know, it's not, it's like a, it's like a teapot stream urine. It's not a thick, well, mine's not like a thick. This was apparently the only means of preventing it, according to one piece of 19th century medical literature,

because this room has been around for about 200 years that they'll do this. The only means of preventing it from reaching your bladder, where it causes inflammation and ultimately death, is to instantly amputate the penis. This isn't when you get your visa to go to the Amazon, you have to have it done as it prevented it. Yes, there you do. Just a shot in your arm and let's just get that off, shall we? I'm pretty sure that this has completely been debunked as an idea. The candiru. Going from you standing on the bank and having a pit.

So the idea is it could, let's say, it could possibly happen while you're bathing. Exactly. Perhaps. And it just follows the warmth of the water or whatever. but the idea that you're standing on the side of a river peeing down and then it jumps like a salmon into your penis. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that. I was reading about the first ever book written about tea.

It's an old Chinese text and it's the first ever collection of a book on tea. It's called Cha Ching. It genuinely is. Cha, the Chinese word and Qing, which I actually don't know what that word is. Oh, but the I Ching is a fortune-telling book, isn't it? Yes, okay. Yeah, maybe it was fortune telling through Tili's book. You know, India, how the mythology of how tea came about in India is.

What? Did it get found by a goat herd, or is that coffee, maybe? No, so it was about 1,900 years ago, and it was a priest named Bodhiad Hamer, and he was trying to connect with Zen Buddhism, and the idea that he was going to do that was seven years sleepless contemplation of Buddha. He found themselves in the fifth year, again, quite drowsy, and needed to cure that. And so he quickly grabbed some leaves off a tree

and started chewing on them. And he thought, this is fantastic. And that just got him through that extra two years. It really perked him up for that final push. And in China they have an idea that it was an emperor called Nunn Shien, who was, as well as being the emperor, who's a scholar and herbalist. And while he was out in the field on maybe, I guess, a walk or something,

he was having a hot cup of water and some leaves blew into his cup. and he smelt and it went, oh, that smells quite nice. I love it. It's so interesting. Pretty much everything has an origin myth where it's discovered by, it's by accident. It's your bug bear, isn't it? It just seems to be that humans have this innate preference for that kind of discovery rather than someone who really knew what they were doing and had studied the field and was working really hard on it for years.

Because we all want to believe that we could do it. So the British introduced tea to India, which sounds lunatic, Or rather they popularised it in India. So it was already native, but it was not a thing that was grown in large quantities. It wasn't big. But then in the 19th century, Britain needed an alternative to the Chinese tea monopoly. And so that's why India is now this great tea nation. Because we got it in the 17th century, I think.

Was it Charles II's wife, I think, came over and brought tea? And then everyone thought it was like this terrible, well, there was a lot of misogyny and xenophobia, it was a foreign thing that women drank and also it gave women a reason for getting together and men obviously thought that was a terrible like. It's the Lambini of its day basically.

Lambriene was discovered actually when Marn was walking across a field with some carbonated water and a passing bird dropped a rotting grave into it. So can I just bring it back to your main headline fact for a second? So you haven't seen a video

of this being done. No. I couldn't find one. Surely we should be doing that. We should be filming that or getting someone listening to like, let's see this. Let's see...

Okay, so it's specifically Mate tea, which is this South American tea, which is, it's quite a big thing over there, isn't it? You've been to South America. Yeah, and I've got a few friends

who live there, and it's pretty much all they do. I'm amazed to get any work done there. But yeah, there's a really strict ritual around Marte tea, which is that the way you drink it is you fill up a kettle

of boiling water and then you pour it into all these herbs and you keep on topping it up and up so you can keep drinking your one marty tea for hours but two very important things you have to do and people get extremely angry if you don't do them when it's usually you hand it around so it's a real sociable thing it's a very much a community thing drinking martay and you when you hand it to someone you have to look them in the eye because that's part of your saying I'm giving this to you and you have to give it to them

with a straw pointing towards them so it comes with this metal straw and if you don't give it to them with a straw pointing you are you're kicked out of the country That sounds like it's from bitter experience Just on tea I think a lot of people think that you shouldn't re-boil a kettle If you boil the water once You should use that to make tea And then the water's sort of no good for making tea after that

And if you re-boil it's bad And the theory is that all the oxygen leeches out of the water But the thing is when you boil a kettle It leaches off the first time you boil a kettle So whenever you make a tea You don't have a choice You have to make it without all that lovely bonus oxygen.

Oh, okay. Do you know what I do now? If I have a shirt that needs ironing, I start boiling a kettle, and as it reaches boiling point, I take the lid off and all the steam comes up, but because you've taken the lid off, it never fully boils.

So the kettle's confused. It thinks it's still boiling, so it keeps going. So I steam my entire shirt, and it steams really quickly. You can do a whole shirt in about a minute. I haven't done it on my shirt today. I've looked at your shirt.

It's no crease. It's so creased today. Listening at home, Dan is massive, it's one wrinkle now, basically. Why don't we put tea bags in the kettle as it boils? That's always confused me.

Because someone might want coffee. Why would you put tea bags in the kettle? Because I noticed that the British love to leave in a pot tea and let it mull. And I reckon the intense boiling that's going on would absolutely make it just the most intense tea. You could rewrite the book on tea. You could be Cheching the sequel. There was a famous quote by Einstein where he said that his best ever, idea was to put, um, to put an egg in his soup while it was cooking so that his egg and his

soup could cook at the same time. See me and Einstein are on the same thinking level here. Except you're shoving a shiris of a kettle, which has got a teabag in it. Over it. Over it. Over it. I'm holding it over. All Dan needs in his house is one kettle and it does everything. Yeah. Exactly. If I need to make some toast, I just put it in the kettle. I don't need a hot water bottle. I just hug the kettle. Okay, it is time for fact number three, and that is my fact. And my fact this week is that butchers in ancient Egypt wore high heels. Okay. And I think I'm pretty sure it's correct to say that they, that's the oldest example of high heels that we have.

Why would they wear high heels? Because apparently it was to do with the slaughtering of the animals. So when they were killing all the animals, they would find that the floor would be blood-drenched. They didn't want to get their feet completely stained. So the high heels just made it a more pleasant walking process for them. So yeah, but then people did wear high heels back then outside of butchers. But I think butchers were known specifically. That was the footwear of the job. Yeah, it wasn't you saw someone in heels and you went, oh, that's a butcher. No, exactly. But you might for a second think, you'd make a good butcher. Because you know how to rock those heels.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And men and women wore them obviously back then. I thought that they had been invented in the 9th century, right, in Persia. Yeah, I thought that as well. Which is where, and the reason they were invented there, I think it might have been a separate invention. It was so that men could fire arrows while on horseback. It was Persian archers. And basically, if you wedge your feet into the stirrups using a pair of high heels, you can stand up in the stirrups and you can fire more steadily from there while you're riding a horse. You know the Persians are responsible for a huge period of terrible art.

Egypt. What? Yeah. So the Persians, the Persians took over at about 525 BC, or at least during 525 BC. They were running Egypt. And so what they did was all the artists who were in Egypt, who were doing all of the caskets, all the wall art and so on, they basically deported them. So it just left Egypt with terrible artists.

And you can see all these examples, this whole period of just bad art where people are trying to now be the artists and they're just getting it really just slightly cartoonishly wrong. Are you sure they didn't just go there? They wanted to give the Egyptians a bad rep. So the Persians did a whole bunch of kind of faked really crappy drawings. Look how bad these guys are. They also played board games.

I didn't know that. And Tutankalmian, there's even that period, those drawings, where you can just see them playing board games. Really? Yeah. Do we know what? Yeah, we do. We know the names of the games.

We don't know the rules. They still debate the exact rules over some of the games. But there's like Jackal versus Dog. There's a game that has a name. Shark Nadele versus Ultimals. Should we do a bit on Butchers before we move on? Yeah, sure. So according to the Butchers Guild website that I was reading,

the earliest kind of butchery that they have was from a Florida sinkhole from 12,000 years ago, and it was a butcher giant sloth. Whoa. So it was hanging in a little shop window somewhere in a sinkhole. How do we know it's been? I reckon they will have found bits of, cutting on the bones.

Wow. Because if you have a butchered carcass, you can see where they've cut deliberately to get this piece of meat away. But it didn't say on the website, so I'm not 100% sure. And also in that sinkhole, they found a sharpened stick and a tortoise.

Do we think the tortoise was the one that butchered the slope? Did you know, I didn't realize that one of the theories of how Tutankarmoon died was that he got eaten by a hippopotamus. Yeah. Yeah, that's an actual thing.

No, I don't think that is right, is it? Well, no, that he got killed by... He got killed, but he didn't get eaten. Because he's buried in a very unconventional way, so he's missing... He was a massive hippopotamus on the end of his body. No, he's just... He's missing his heart. It looks like something's committed some kind of horrific injury to him,

whereby it's consumed his heart. They put them in jars. Unless there's something where his heart used to be saying the hippo took this. I think he was embalmed without a... his heart anywhere so usually the heart would be there and the heart was missing and it's obviously including you jumps to his heart's missing is that a hippo took it What sort of freaky vampire hippo is this that can

with surgical precision remove someone's heart and doesn't go back for them all Like the evil guy from Teppler Doom But a hippo This is one of the ancient Egyptian board games they play was hungry hungry hippos Look the source does specify a handful of Egyptologists believe this

I've seen it in a bunch of places Yeah, it's thought, because hunting big animals like that was popular, and there are pictures of cartoon Karmuna doing things like that in his tomb. And he, that's a theory, guys. It's a theory. I just have one last thing that I was reading about laundry men of ancient Egypt. They would take all the clothes from people's houses. Then they would leave little tokens that they would draw the picture of the clothes they took on leave it with you.

So it's like, we have these items and make sure that they come back. What did they do after all of Egypt's good artists were removed? You couldn't tell which item they'd drawn. Exactly. But they would go down to the Nile and they would wash all their clothes. And one of the hazards of being a laundromen back in ancient Egypt was that it was likely that you were going to be eaten by a crocodile

because they hung around on the bank so much. They must have been delighted when kettles were invented. You don't see any creased shirts in any hieroglyphs. Okay, it is time for our final fact of the show. And that is Andy. effect is that there is a fish called the Amazonian wood-eating catfish, but it is unable to digest wood. Okay.

It is a catfish, though. It is a catfish, yeah. It was discovered a few years ago in about 2010, and we've known for a while that there are loads of catfish which sort of suck wood. The candiru. They're called suck-a-mouth armored catfish, and they scrape wood with their teeth to get organic material off it. So they like algae and bacteria and things that are found clinging to wood in rivers.

But this new fish, it literally eats the wood and it digests the biological material on the wood and living inside the wood. And then it excretes the wood four hours later. So it has the most painful bathroom visit about twice a day as it is. And it absorbs all the organic products and the tiny animals that live on the wood. and it has special spoon-shaped teeth as well. And it's just, I think it's amazing that this thing eats wood and then gets rid of all the wood. Apparently, it's really hard to fish for them because they don't go for bait.

But a lot of fishing rods are made out of wood, so you could hold onto the maggot and throw the... Oh, yeah. Go the opposite way, you're right, yeah. Do you know how you do catch them? You listen out for them because they make this rasping noise, which is them going on the wood that they're eating. Yeah. But this is the weird thing. We can't digest wood.

But I think the reason for this, I might be wrong about this, but I think it is that we don't have organisms in our gut which produce the enzyme cellulase, right? So wood pulp is cellulose. And if you have the enzyme cellulase, you can digest it. So my question is, if we did inject somebody with those organisms which do produce cellulase, would we be able to digest trees?

I think you would. You'd be able to do it just in like a probiotic. You wouldn't have to inject. it into anyone. Why have we done this? I bet you've got, you know those gross looking smoothies you sometimes bring up as the obvious?

I bet there's cellulates in one of those. Try chewing on a twig after that. I think really you could do, but actually it's easier to get the calories out of a cream cake than it is to get it out of a stick even if you do have cellulase.

Yeah, I'm sure. Is there any species of tree that we do eat? I know broccoli is not a tree, but it kind of looks like one. But we did used to eat bark. Did you? Well, our ancestors used to eat bark.

So they discovered this quite recently. So gorillas and also chimps sometimes chew on bark. Okay, so are really far back ancestors. Super far. Before humans were actually a thing. It was another hominid. I think it was the astrolopithecus Cedeba, which is a two million-year-old ancestor of humans.

And they recently found some with bark stuck in its teeth. And so, yeah, we used to chew on that. This is another Toot and Carmoon hippo-heart mystery. That sounds more like they invented the toothpick. What a brilliant rival theory. you should write to the archaeologists. Some tribes might use sticks for cleaning their teeth, wouldn't they? I think they have things you can chew on.

Isn't cinnamon made out of bark? Cinnamon sticks. Don't we get aspirin from powdered bark? Do we? Originally, yeah. So we're eating a lot more wood than we realize. I like, you know, ants can't, most ants can't really digest solid food

because they've got that really tiny waste. They've got like smaller waste of Maryland Monroe, so they have to liquefy their food before they digest it. Oh, really? I didn't know any of that. What? Ants can't digest lumps of food because... No, I can imagine they can't eat like a donut because he's bigger that one.

But are you saying they can't have any kind of solids or... They liquefy it. And the way that they liquefy is they feed it to their larvae first. So their larvae can digest solid food, can eat solid food. So what ants do is they have the larvae and they will put it into their larvae's mouths and the larvae will eat this food and their stomachs will or their bodies will release. the enzymes required to break it down into a more palatable smoothie type form, and then they'll regurgitate it and give it to their parents. So they're using the larvae like a blender.

Yeah. And also, and also like a plate, because some of the larvae, they don't, the larvae don't even eat it. Some of the larvae just secrete the enzymes onto the top of their stomach. So the worker ants come back with solid food, drops the bit of food onto the larvae stomach. The larvae knows it just has to lie there, let it digest, and then the ant comes back a bit later and eats it off the larvae's stomach. Catfish stuff? Yeah. Yeah.

So catfish can, they can hunt in the dark by detecting the changes in acidity in water because their whiskers have got this special kind of sensor for acid. So you can tell if something's a bit more acid or a bit less acid and they can find things using that. Just one more thing on a really cool species of wood-eating creature that's also underwater is a crab. So there's this kind of crab which the only thing it can eat is wood

and yet it lives at the bottom of the ocean so it can live up to 1.5 kilometres underwater right on the ocean. many trees. Not a lot of trees at all. So there is nothing in its habitat that grows that it can possibly eat. And it has to rely on wood falling into the water. Yeah. I mean, that is, yeah, it doesn't matter that you grow up in an environment where there's nothing for you to eat.

Imagine how annoying that would be. So they have to literally just wait for trunks to find their way. And then suddenly that's their meal. Just as a community for the next. Yeah. Or often trees break down as they get further and further into the sea. So you'll get little scraps of wood. Or a shipwreck.

Yeah. Some of them do. live on shipwrecks, yeah. Oh, that must be bliss when a huge shitwrecks. Titanic was the best moment in their history. Not really made out of words. There's an upside down catfish. What?

They're found in Central Congo, and they're notable because they swim upside down because they feed on insects on the surface of the water, so they kind of just kind of backstroke their way through and just grab them off the surface. And there are even ancient Egyptian paintings of them. upside down, but now I think maybe it was just a bad drawn.

My old catfish. Okay, that's it. That's all of our facts. Thank you so much for listening. If you would like to get in contact with any of us about the things we've said over the course of this podcast, we can all be found on our Twitter accounts. I'm on at Schreiberland, James, at Egg-shaped, Andy, at Andrew Hunter M.

And Shazinski. You can email podcast at QI.com. Yep. You can also go to no such thing as a fish.com where we have all of our previous episodes, and also go to no such thing as the news.com, where we have all of our TV show episodes. We will be back again next week with another episode. Goodbye.