Noble Blood - Grand Princess Olga of Kiev Takes Her Revenge

Episode Date: September 15, 2020

In 945, Olga's husband, Igor I, was murdered by a subjugated tribe. Olga then became the de-facto ruler of Kievan-Rus, and she would let the Drevlians who killed her husband know that mercy was not one of her strong suits. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. What's up, everyone? I'm Ago Vodam. My next guest, it's Will Ferrell. Woo, woo, woo, woo. My dad gave me the best advice ever. He goes, just give it a shot.

But if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit. If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspiration. It would not be on a calendar of, you know, The cat, just hang in there. Yeah, it would not be. Right, it wouldn't be that. There's a lot of luck.

Listen to Thanks, Dad, on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Noble Blood, a production of IHeart Radio and Grimmin Mild from Aaron Manky. Listener discretion is advised. In the year 957, Olga of Kiev traveled to Constantinople to meet with the Byzantine emperor. Olga was the regent leader of Kievan Rus, a federation of East Slavic tribes. Kievan Rus spread from the white sea in the north all the way down to the black sea in the south, and its people would eventually go on to form Belarus, Russia, and Ukraine. Olga had been married to the Grand Prince of Kiev, Igor, and the two had a young son,

Sviatislov. But Igor had been murdered. while on tour to collect tributes from his tribes. And Sviatislav was just in his early teens in 957. And so until he came of age officially, it was Olga who acted as regent, as she was on this diplomatic mission to Constantinople. Olga and the people of Kievan Rus were pagans, but Constantine the 7th, the Byzantine emperor, was a Christian.

He was also smitten with the attractive, sophisticated, self-assured widow, Olga, and he made his feelings clear when he sidled up next to her and said, A fine woman like you would make a marvelous empress. But Olga was already an autonomous ruler, and after the death of her husband, Igor, she had no interest in being another man's wife. But she couldn't outright reject him. and so according to a historical text known as the primary chronicle, Olga did something clever, something that many women today are familiar with.

She tricked Constantine in order to spare his feelings and prevent the possibility of him becoming violent. Oh, Olga said flirtatiously, well, the Byzantine Empire is so wonderfully Christian, while back in Kiev and Rousse, we're all terrible pagan. begins. Before I would even think of becoming empress, I would need to be baptized. Constantine was ecstatic. The very next day Olga was baptized, and he himself stood as her godfather. When the ceremony was over, Olga wrapped herself in one of the many furs that she had brought with her on the trip. Oh, what a shame, she said, you being my godfather now and all, and us not being able to get married. It would just feel so wrong to me, you know, me caring so much about your

spiritual paternity. No hard feelings? Like a clever cartoon rabbit, Olga had escaped the clutches of her enemy through cunning, and she returned to Kievan Rus, Christian, but still single. Now, there are a few problems with that folksy version of the story. For one, Constantine was already married at the time. To a woman named Helena. According to Byzantine records for Olga's visit, Helena hosted Olga in her court a number of times. Olga actually took the Christian name Helena when she was baptized in the Empress's honor. There are also records that Olga had actually already become a Christian a few years earlier in 955, and that her trip to Constantinople was more of a courtesy visit. The facts are that Olga

visited Constantinople in 957, that she was bestowed with a bevy of generous gifts, and that she converted to Christianity and then attempted to spread the good word back to her people. Her clever manipulation of Constantine, at least to me, sounds apocryphal, the type of story you'd get from a trickster Norse god or Greek nymph, if not from Bugs Bunny or Scooby-Doo. The primary source, also known as the tale of bygone years, where we get that story, is a history of Kievan Rus from 850 to 110. It's an essential document for scholars of East Slavs, but it had been rewritten by so many different regimes, tweaked through word-of-mouth misinformation or modified to flatter a current ruler, that now some sections of it

read almost like folk tales. And its most compelling folk hero is Olga, the clever, vengeful wife of a murdered king. Eventually, Olga would become a saint of the Eastern Orthodox Church, known as equal to the apostles for her efforts to bring Christianity to her people. But a much more interesting story about Olga, in my opinion, is the bloody revenge she would enact on the people who killed her husband. Someone said something sometime about turning the other cheek, didn't they? Well, remember, when Olga murdered a boatload of people and burned an entire village to the ground, she wasn't Christian yet. I'm Dana Schwartz, and this is Noble Blood. Kievin Rus was a loose federation of East Slavic tribes across what is now the western border of Russia, with a capital

at the strategic hub of Kiev, the Grand Prince would make a yearly pilgrimage to collect tributes from his subordinate peoples. In 945 BCE, the Grand Prince was Igor I, who ruled alongside his wife, the Grand Princess Olga. The pair already had a three-year-old son, Sviatislav, so succession was secure for now. All Igor had to worry about in 900. was collecting his tributes. One of the tribes he collected from was the Dreblians, a name which literally translates to among the trees. The Drevlians lived in a resource-rich area,

dense with, as you might imagine, trees. They were craftsmen and workers, and when the terrifying Igor I and his retinue came to town to demand his annual tribute, they gave him a respectable amount of wax, honey, leather, and fur, and then returned to their wooden houses with the relief of not having given in to the temptation of spitting at Igor's feet. They had to give him tribute, but they didn't have to like it.

As Igor and his retinue rode away, Igor got to thinking, sure, the honey, wax, leather, and furs that the Dreblians gave were nice, But it was a rich region. They barely would even feel the pinch of that. And they've been so insubordinate, all but scoffing at him when he rode by. It was only a matter of time before they enacted a full-out rebellion and pulled away from Kievan Rus, and that would be no good. Their tributes were an essential part of his yearly income. Tributes don't mean anything if the citizens don't feel the sacrifice.

Maybe that's why they were becoming rebellious. When you think about it, it's like the Dreblians never gave him any tribute at all. There was no respect, no deference. They were just buying him off with a bit of their wealth they didn't even care about. Someone needed to lay down the law. Igor was an hour outside of Iskarsin, the principal Drevline city, when he pulled his horse to a stop. You guys go on ahead, he called him. his attendants whose horses were slowed with the weight of all of the tributes they had already

collected, I'm going to go back to Iscoresden and get a real tribute. And so Igor rode back and met the Prince of the Dreblians, Prince Maul, in the town's main assembly. Loudly, Igor demanded a larger tribute. Prince Mal was silent for a moment. They had already given their tribute to Kievan Rus. If they just agreed to Igor's demands, well, where would it end? Well, Igor demanded of the silent prince. A wolf chasing a single sheep will eventually reach all of the sheep, unless the wolf is killed, Prince Maugh said. The prince made a gesture with his hand, and Igor was captured. The Dreblians went to a hill in the woods. where they found two supple birch trees not too far away from one another.

They forced the birches to bend down towards the ground, half a dozen men pulling with all of their strength until the tops of the trees grazed the dirt. The men secured the trees to the ground with rope. One of Igor's arms was then tied to each tree. And then the ropes securing the trees to the ground were cut. The birch trees snapped back up into place and ripped Grand Prince Igor in half. It was a bloody, violent death, but it was also a symbolic one. The birch trees were bowed.

Deference can be safe, but if something is bowing under enough pressure, well, look what happens when they decide to stand straight up. Twenty men came from Escoresthen in a single long wooden boat to inform Grand Princess Olga that her husband was dead. Your husband was a wolf, they said to her as they rose from their respectful greetings. He got what he demanded and then he demanded more. But our prince, Prince Maul, is a good man. You're a woman without a husband and your son is still a man.

infant, marry our Prince Mall. Olga thought for a moment. It was obvious why they wanted her to marry Prince Mall, to undo the domination of Kievan Rus, to win back Drévlyan autonomy. They had murdered Grand Prince Igor, and so they thought that they had the upper hand. Olga would let them know soon enough that they didn't. But she pretended to play along. Your right, she said, my husband isn't going to return from the dead. Let's let bygones be bygones, and of course I'll marry Prince Mall. I mean, not like I would hold a grudge against the guy who just killed my husband. But first, I need you to return to my court as honored guests, with all of the respect you deserve. Go back to your boat tonight, and tomorrow morning I'll

send a request for your presence. You must insist that you won't come to the castle by foot nor by horse, that you demand that my people carry you in your boat like they would carry you in a palanquin. It's a great sign of respect here. The Drebelyan men agreed, and they went back to their boat for the night. Meanwhile, Olga had a massive ditch dug inside the castle walls, as deep as her servants and slaves could make it. The next morning, the Dreblians did, as Olga instructed. They demanded that they be carried to her court in their boat. The entire way there, they puffed with pride, sitting on the rowing benches in the open air,

wearing their finest robes, waving merrily to the miserable passers-by who had just lost their grand prince. When the servants carrying the boat reached the trend, They threw the boat and all of the men inside it down into the hole and began to fill it with dirt while the men shouted, trapped beneath the boat. Do you find the honor to your taste? Olga asked, looking down at them. All 20 men were buried alive. Olga sent her own messenger to Escoresden, saying that she agreed to marry Prince Mall, but that she wanted more distanced. wanted more distinguished men to come ask her. You just sent common men. Don't I deserve high-ranking

envoys to escort me to my new husband? The people of Kiev and Rousse will hardly agree to let me go if you don't at least do me that honor. She didn't mention that those 20 men were now dead in a trench. But soon enough, a dozen distinguished men arrived in Kiev, all governors wearing their best finery. before you hold court with me, Olga said after she greeted them, you have to take a bath. Right this way, gentlemen, and not to worry, the bathhouse is heated. The gentleman agreeably filed into the wooden bathhouse. When they were all inside, Olga gave the order for the door to be locked.

The bathhouse was then set on fire. Now it was time for Olga to go on the offensive. Rather than wait for yet another. group of emissaries to arrive from Miss Corristan, Olga brought her army and her three-year-old son to the city. Little Sviadislav was technically the Grand Prince now, and so he was equipped with a tiny, toddler-sized bow and arrow, which Olga bade him to pull and release. The toddler did, but the arrow just teetered and then fell from his bow. But technically, it was the first shot of the siege, the Grand Prince had signaled them, and so the Kievan Rus army began to attack. The siege lasted all summer

with very little progress. The city was well defended, but even so the Kievan Rus army could cut them off from all trade. So by the end of three months, the people inside the city were starving and poor, and the soldiers outside the city had grown impatient from the endless battle with no victory. And so, Olga, reading the attitude of her men, signaled to the Dreblians that she had a message for them, I have forgiven you the death of my husband. Let us not continue this endless siege. You're hungry and we're tired, so it's time to move on. I just ask that you prepare great quantities of mead on the hill where you killed my husband, so that I can properly celebrate his life. and weep over his grave.

The Dreblians readily agreed and set out all of their best mean for Olga and the Kievan Rus army. While they waited for them to arrive, the Dreblians began to drink. Olga and her army waited. When the Dreblians were drunk and passed out on the hill, she and her men ambushed and massacred their army. The siege was over and Olga had won.

but she wasn't done yet. Okay, she said, all of this began because you wouldn't pay tribute. If you give me a tribute, I'll go back to Kiev tomorrow and the siege will be over for good. Scouts on her.

If the Peanuts cartoon had existed in 945, I imagine she would have looked a little like Lucy holding a football. Yes, the Dreblians cried, anything, please, we have honey and fur, What do you want for your tribute? Olga smiled a kind, wide smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

Your people are impoverished by the siege, she said. I know that, and so I'm going to take mercy on you. All I want is three pigeons and three sparrows from each house, no more. The Drebilians rejoiced. Every household gathered the requisite. and gave them to Olga, who, true to her word, took their offering and headed out of town. But that night, she embarked on her final revenge. She had her army attach a tiny piece of sulfur to each bird's leg, bound by a long piece of cloth.

When she gave the signal, the sulfur dangling from each bird was lit on fire. and then the birds were released into the sky. Pigeons and sparrows, you might know, are extremely good at being able to find their way home. The birds all flew back to their nests in the eaves of roofs nestled near houses and all of Escoresden caught fire. Within hours, the entire city, built mainly of wood,

had burnt to the ground and become ashes. As people fled to the burning city, Olga gave orders to capture them. They were either killed outright or gifted as slaves to her loyal Kievan Rus soldiers. Prince Mall was killed, and from 946 on, there was never another problem with the Dreblians being able to pay their tribute into Olga's treasury. If some of that story sounds apocryphal to you, you are probably right. homing birds are a staple in Scandinavian folklore, and Olga's clever tricks one after another sound more like myth than reality. She even nailed the rule of threes. One detail that sounds made up that the evil prince is named Prince Mal, Latin for bad, isn't. It actually is true. That

was his name. Here's what else we know for sure, that Igor attempted to extort additional revenue from the Dreblians, and that when he returned, they murdered him, and his widow Olga led a successful revenge campaign against them. Later, Olga would convert to Christianity, the first Kievan Rus royal to do so. And for her efforts to bring Christianity to the East Slavs, she would be made a saint in 1547 by the Russian Orthodox Church, and then the Roman Catholic Church. Olga is the saint of widows and converts. Her grandson, Vladimir, would actually succeed in bringing Christianity to Kievan Rus, and he was made a saint too.

In fact, the only church in the United States named after St. Vladimir and Olga is in Chicago, where I happen to be recording this episode. Any specifics of the raid against the Dreblians and their deaths, clever or otherwise, are lost in that midst of unknowable history. history that's been made soft and round by centuries of retelling. I imagine if, in the end, the Drebliants had come out on top and it was their sources we were reading. The story would be more about a brutal extortionist king and a brave people who stood up to him and then nobly extended their arms out to his widow, only for her to enact a series of saw-style murders on those good,

generous, common people in her wicked fury. I can tell you that the Dreblians probably wouldn't have made her a saint. That's the story of Olga of Kiev, but keep listening after a brief sponsor break to hear a bit more about her politics while she was regent. I'm Ego Wadam. My next guest, you know from Stepbrothers, Anchorman, Saturday Night Live, and the Big Money Players Network. It's Will Ferrell.

Woo, woo, who, who, who, who. My dad gave me the best advice ever. I went and had lunch with them one day. And I was like, and dad, I think I want to really give this a shot. I don't know what that means, but I just know the groundlings. I'm working my way up through, and I know it's a place that come look for up and coming talent. He said, if it was based solely on talent, I wouldn't worry about you, which is really sweet. Yeah.

He goes, but there's so much luck involved. And he's like, just give it a shot. He goes, but if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall, and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit. If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspiration. It would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat. Just hang in there. Yeah, it would not be.

Right, it wouldn't be that. There's a lot of luck. Listen to Thanks, Dad, on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Iris Palmer and my new podcast is called Against All Od, and that's exactly what the show is about. whatever it takes to be thoughts. Get ready to hear from some of your favorite entrepreneurs and entertainers as they share stories about defying expectations, overcoming barriers, and breaking

generational patterns. I'm talking to people like award-winning actress, producer, and director, Eva Longoria. I think I had like $200 in my savings account and my mom goes, what are you going to do? And I was like, I'll figure it out. We got a one-bedroom apartment for like $400 a month and we all could not afford. Like, I was like, how am I going to make $100 a month? I'm opening up like I've never before. For those of you who think you know me from what you've seen on social media, get ready to see a whole new side of me. Listen to Against All Odds with Iris Palmer as part of the My Coutura podcast network,

available on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Like any good ruler, Olga of Kiev understood that to truly avenge her husband's death, it wasn't enough just to punish the people responsible. She also had to undo the circumstances that made his death possible in the first place. Olga established what can be considered the first Internal Revenue Service in Russia. She abolished the annual trip by the Kievan prince to collect his tributes from various tribes. Instead, she built a system in which the land was divided into districts, and each district had their taxes collected by an authorized board or agent.

Olga would then go from district to district personally to get the payments from that agent. She traveled by sleigh, covered in as many furs as possible. You have to make an impression during these sorts of things, just so everyone knows you mean business. Although with Olga, I can't imagine. anyone ever forgot. One final note for anyone who hears the story of Olga of Kiev and is tempted to paint her as a, quote, badass warrior queen with multiple exclamation points, remember that she didn't really participate in any of the fighting. She was a general, if anything else, a leader and

orchestrator. Her own mythology is to emphasize her cleverness. There's no need to paint all women in history who have some modicum of power with the exact same brush. Noble Blood is a production of IHeart Radio and Grimm and Mild from Aaron Manky. The show is written and hosted by Dana Schwartz and produced by Aaron Manky, Matt Frederick, Alex Williams, and Trevor Young. Noble Blood is on social media at Noble Blood Tales, and you can learn more about the show over at Noblebloodtales.com. For more podcasts from IHeartRadio, visit the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast.

or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. What's up, everyone? I'm Ago Vodam. My next guest, it's Will Ferrell. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. My dad gave me the best advice ever. He goes, just give it a shot. But if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit.

If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspiration. It would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat just hanging. there. Yeah, it would not be. Right, it wouldn't be that. There's a lot of luck. Listen to Thanks, Dad, on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.