Noble Blood - The Prince's Marriage Test

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

Vincenzo Gonzaga's first marriage ended in a humiliating divorce by non-consummation,. His next set of would-be in-laws wanted to make sure the same problem wouldn't happen twice, and so the Vatican was called in to help orchestrate a public trial for Gonzaga to undertake. Turns out there was nothing simple about sex and masculinity in Renaissance Italy. [Side note: I wrote a book! It's a gothic love story about 19th century Edinburgh, and you can pre-order here: https://read.macmillan.com/lp/anatomy-a-love-story/ ] Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Readers, Katie's finalists, publicists. We have an incredible new episode this week for you guys. We have our girl Hillary Duff in here, and we can't wait for you to hear this episode. They put on Lizzie McGuire at 2 a.m. Video on Demand.

This guy's bobo-oo-Boole-A-M-M-Water. And I'm like, a wild batch you were with. It was like a first closet moment from me where I was like, I don't feel like she's hot, like the rest of that. No, no, no. I was like, she's beautiful. but I'm appreciating her in a different way than these boys are.

I'm not like, but listen to Los Coleristas on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or whatever you get your podcast. Welcome to Noble Blood, a production of IHeart Radio and Grimmin Mild from Aaron Manky. Listener discretion is advised. Vincenzo Gonzaga had a problem. He was 47 years old, the Duke of Mantua and Montferato, with a beloved wife and, and five surviving children, and still, Vincenzo Gonzaga had a problem. The type of problem that a man of a certain age didn't really like to talk about. It's a problem that's fairly common today and was fairly common then,

and that men of Vincenzo's age tolerated all the time. But Vincenzo wasn't content to tolerate his problem. He was going to do something about, his erectile dysfunction. It's at this point that I'm going to let you know that this episode is maybe a little bit more PG-13 than some of my other episodes. It's primarily about procreation and the importance of being able to consummate a marriage in the 16th century.

And so even though I'm not really discussing things in a sexualized context, there will be, by definition, sexual content, so discretion is advised for our younger or more sensitive listeners. Anyway, Vincenzo Gonzaga, Renaissance Duke of Italy, was suffering from erectile dysfunction. But rather than just accept that maybe his Lothario days were behind him, he decided to fund an incredibly expensive and highly secretive voyage in 1608, where he was going to send a fairly anonymous his apothecary named Evangelista Marco Bruno, to travel via ship to the new world so that he could hunt for a mysterious worm, or gusano, that was rumored to help cure a number of sexual ailments. On the Duke's orders, Marco Bruno traveled from Mantua to Genoa and then through Spain,

through Barcelona, Madrid, and Seville, until he finally made his way onto a galleon ship. From there, he continued his journey on foot and then via mule and a llama through South America, trying to find a mythical worm. The entire journey took two years, but we don't know if he was actually successful or not. Within a few years of Marco Bruno's voyage, Vincenzo Gonzaga would be dead. Why would a man go through so much trouble sending an envoy literally across the world just to deal with a, well, little issue. Vincenzo Gonzaga's story is a story about masculinity

and the type of masculinity that existed in the 15 and 1600s. Sexual proficiency wasn't just a matter of pride, it was a matter of dynastic importance. During his young life, Vincenzo's sexual abilities would become the center of a national scandal that required 15 doctors, a college of Catholic cardinals, and ultimately the Pope to weigh in. So what did a man have to do in Renaissance Italy to be considered a man? For Vincenzo Gonzaga, hunting down mysterious worms from across the world, was just one thing on the list.

I'm Dana Schwartz, and this is Noble Blood. Vincenzo's father, the Duke Ullium of Mantua, was a... short and miserable man, disfigured by illness since childhood with a hunchback as his foremost feature. Some historians diagnose him posthumously as having tuberculosis of the bone, but the actual illness is less important than the way it affected his attitude. Generously, you could call him stern, more accurately, cruel. He and his young son, Vincenzo, never seemed to get along. Vincenzo held several feelings about his father at once. He hated his father, hated the way that he walked slowly, hated his hunchback, hated that his father made him worry that one day he too would be old and feeble.

But Vincenzo also craved his father's love and validation more than he ever could have admitted. Vincenzo had a fairly standard childhood. Born in 1562, he was athletic and handsome in contrast to his father, and from a young age he was drawn to the hedonistic pleasures of art and music. He spent hours outside his family estate playing the new sport ball or soccer, and swimming, even though everyone around him discouraged it. Swimming was a risky proposition for Vincenzo, first because Vincenzo had an uncle who died at 17 of pneumonia after falling into a cold lake while hunting, but also because in the 16th century, the preeminent science of the day was that spending too much time in water would disrupt your humors. Still, swimming or not, as a young

man, it seemed like Vincenzo might have escaped the ill health of his father. The only minor ailment Vincenzo dealt with as a preteen was an warning here for sensitive listeners, anal fistula on his undercarriage, which required draining and cauterization. I wouldn't mention it if it wasn't going to be important later. As was the correct way to handle things back then, the wound was left partially open so that fluids could continue to seep out. I can't imagine that it was comfortable for Vincenzo when it came to riding a horse or sitting. but there were no serious complications and no one would give any thought to the anal fistula

until much later. There's one event in the early life of Vincenzo Gonzaga that stands out for just how extreme it is. While Vincenzo was a golden boy when it came to athletics, he was merely bright when it came to academics. He almost wished his father, Gulliamo, would berate him for failing to be able to. pay attention in lessons. Instead, all his father did was fawn over a visiting scholar in Mantua

named James Crichton. James Crichton was a brilliant 21-year-old polymath, supposedly fluent in a dozen languages, both conversationally and poetically. He was a genius, and he was young and the Duke treated him like a son. Vincenzo hated him. In the evening, while out for a stroll, Crichton was attacked by a gang of marauders in masks, though Crichton tried to defend himself with his sword. The thieves outnumbered him and beat him until he was dizzyed and disoriented on the street. Then, with a patch of moonlight to illuminate him, the leader of the gang removed his mask. It was Vincenzo Gonzaga, the Prince of Mantua himself.

Seeing the son of his master, Crichton fell to his knees, as was custom, and offered Vincenzo the hilt of his sword. Vincenzo accepted it and then ran the sword through Crichton's stomach, killing him. Vincenzo murdered the Scottish genius, age 21, out of crazed jealousy and the impending threat of being replaced. It's rarely more than a footnote now in the story of Vincenzo Gondon. Gonzaga's life. But James Crichton wouldn't be the last casualty of Gonzaga's story. When Vincenza was 19 years old, he was set to make an incredibly important marriage with the daughter of the Duke of Parma, a young girl named Margarita Farnese. The Farnesees and the Gonzaga's were long feuding, at war for about 30 years for increasingly petty reasons on both

sides. But now the Duchies of Mantua and Parma realized how valuable it would be to link dynastically in order to present a united front against Tuscany, which was growing in power. Margarita was the only child and only daughter of the Duke of Parma, so she was an incredibly valuable strategic pawn. So she was going to get married when they needed her to be married, even though at the time of the match with Vincenzo, she was just 13 years old and hadn't begun menstruating yet. Still, the bride was brought to Mantua with a dowry of 300,000 ducats, and on March 2, 1582, Vincenzo Gonzaga married Margarita Fernese, who was, by then 14. The marriage wasn't consummated the first night, or the night after that, or the night after that.

Vincenzo said he was trying, but the marriage was still unconsumated, and that was going to be a considerable problem, because an unconsumated marriage can't seal a dynastic alliance. The marriage isn't considered valid. And so the Duke of Mantua called in doctors to examine the newlyweds. Marcello Donate, the Gonzaga court physician, studied Vincenzo's member, erect and flaccid. The doctor's conclusion was that it worked just fine, even though it was, for Renaissance Italy, considered unfashionably big. For Margarita, though, the doctor's verdict was that she had a, quote, fleshy excrescence blocking her vaginal canal. Another expert was needed. This time, the famed anatomy professor from the University of Padua, Giolomo Favarici di Aquapendente,

who examined the teenage girl and said that, quote, that membrane called hymen, which all virgins have, in this one is inordinately fleshy, and besides her nature is small because of her young age. I want to take a brief aside in Dana's sex ed corner away from the main story, just to say that 16th century medical terminology and understanding of virginity was completely wrong.

Virginity is a social construct. Not all virgins have hymen. It can break at any point in your young adulthood. Nothing about your body is weird. And if you're a young woman listening to this, you are absolutely perfect just the way you are. I just wanted to say that because there is a lot of old doctors examining a very young woman in this story.

And a lot of 16th century language. and philosophy being applied to that examination. And so, back to Margarita, the doctor's recommendation was that they make a custom set of cones that would increase in girth, which would be inserted in ascending order until Margarita was dilated enough to lose her virginity to her husband.

Margarita, a 14-year-old girl in a foreign court, who had had a cavalcade of strangers, looking between her naked legs, was understandably not thrilled by this plan of action. They stopped that cone insertion plan when Margarita began screaming as the first one was pressed into her. Clearly, a higher power was needed to deal with the situation. Not only was the future of the Manchua Parma alliance at stake, but so was the significant dowry. So the Pope stepped in and dispatched the Milanese Archbishop, and future saint, Cardinal Carlo Borromeo,

because Cardinal Carlo was respected by both families fairly equally, and he didn't have any inherent biases, unlike plenty of the other cardinals. One of the Cardinals was Margarita's great-uncle. So Cardinal Carlo Borromeo dutifully traveled to Mantua, where he sat and listened to the testimony from a series of doctors, surgeons, ladies in waiting, and a nun. 15 experts had been called in from across Italy to study the genitalia of both Vincenzo and Margarita.

Four certified virgins of around Margarita's age were brought in so that their hymins could be observed in comparison to hers. Those poor girls were all promised dowries in return. The gossip was rampant, spread on both sides by the Gonzaga's and the Farnaces because neither family, wanted the lack of consummation to be their fault. As is so often the case with rampant gossip, most of it was largely contradictory. Apparently, Vincenzo was actually engaging in a homosexual relationship and also having an affair with the Contessa Sala,

and he was also impotent. Both families also had their own cardinals advocating on their behalf. Gonzaga-A-Lied Cardinals said that Vincenzo was actually too virile for young Margarita, and that he was off busy successfully consummating one-night stands with sex workers right and left. Margarita's great-uncle cardinal loudly proclaimed to anyone who would listen that Vincenzo's weird giant penis definitely didn't work. He probably had syphilis, and also remember that anal fistula? That was probably making his penis not work now. Finally, three years after the wedding, Cardinal Carlo made his decision. The divorce would be granted on the

grounds of non-consumation because of Margaritas, quote, unbreechable gait. Because the Gonzaga's weren't to blame, they were allowed to keep 100,000 ducats of Margarita's dowry. You'd think that the Gonzaga's would be, at least happy with that, but they were still in an incredibly vulnerable position. Vincenza was their heir, and now he was yet again unmarried, with no heirs of his own. It was essential that they find him another bride, ideally one that could ally them with an important duchy now that the alliance with Parma had gone up in smoke. And then the perfect candidate presented herself, Eleanor de Medici, the 16-year-old daughter of the Grand Duke of Tuscany, Francesco de Medici. Vincenzo, Vincenzo. Vincenzo,

would make a good marriage for their daughter, but the Medici's wanted to avoid the possibility of becoming embroiled in one of those Italy-wide, does his penis work scandals? And so, Grand Duke Francesco de Medici agreed that Vincenzo could marry Eleanor on the condition that Vincenzo prove that he could deflower a virgin first.

It would be a public trial by erection. The whole thing was actually the idea of the Grand Duke's wife, Bianca. Bianca was the Grand Duke's second wife, and she had been his mistress before that. And so before she became the Grand Duchess of Tuscany, she dealt with her fair share of gossip and cruel words, a lot of them coming from the Gonzaga's who said that she was a courtesan, who made a terrible match for the Grand Duke. An incredibly public and humiliating hoop for the Prince of Mantua to jump through,

Perfect revenge for Bianca. A special convocation of the College of Cardinals was called to determine whether the Medici plan was going to be allowed. All of the Gonzaga allies tried to protect Vincenzo. It's unnecessary, they said. Plus, it undermines the authority of the Pope, because didn't the Pope already rule that the earlier consummation problem hadn't been Vincenzo's fault? Yeah, chimed in Cardinal Alessand.

Farnese, Margarita's great-uncle, remember him? He also didn't want Vincenzo to do this little public virility test, because if Vincenzo succeeded now, it would prove once and for all that his earlier marriage problem had been Margarita's fault. Besides, he continued, where are we even going to get a virgin for this demonstration? A convent or an orphanage? Is the church going to be in the business of prostituting an innocent virgin? Turns out the answer was yes.

The college voted to allow the test to take place under conditions rigorous and organized as an Olympic event. The trial would occur in Ferrara, where there were no major Gonzaga or Medici biases, and the Virgin would be examined beforehand and kept isolated in the Castello Belfiori until the deed was done to prevent contamination on her part. Cheseridesde, the nephew of the Duke of Ferrara, would supervise in person.

Vincenzo agreed to all of this on the condition that the virgin they found be from a reasonably good family and that she would have a pretty face. Ultimately, the girl was found, the oldest daughter of a deceased but well-known architect and his widow. The widow offered her daughter up on the condition that when all of this was over, the daughter would be given a suitable dowry and marriage. Vincenzo arrived in Ferrara, riding in on horseback, but before the test took place, he left,

back home with no explanation or apologies. He continued to delay the test, canceling plans like he was texting with an awkward acquaintance he didn't want to get coffee with. The Medici's were losing patience, and another Duke, the Duke of Savoy, offered to marry Eleanor if Vincenzo didn't. want to. Vincenzo hemmed and hawed, but finally said he would do the test if he was given three

nights. The Medici's refused, but they did compromise. Vincenzo would be given just one night, but he had three chances. By this point, the widow's daughter was released from the castle where she was being held, or, should I say, preserved. And the Ferrara Royal Family was just entirely over this whole thing. So the test was transferred to Venice, and this time, Francesco de Medici would find the Virgin himself. Ultimately, he found one, the illegitimate daughter of a decent family who was living in an orphanage, a girl named Julia. It took Vincenzo two tries, but ultimately he did the deed. Vincenzo married Eleonora, and in the end all those tests really made no difference considering fairly quickly the pair went on to have six children, five of whom survived.

And as for all those rumors of his impotence, when Vincenzo ultimately did become the Duke of Mantua after his father's death, he got a reputation as quite the libertine with a number of affairs and a few illegitimate children. Vincenzo's reputation as a duke would be that his hedonism drained the duchy financially. But he also turned Mantua into a third. thriving cultural center, inviting composers, painters, and poets to his court. Vincenzo provided health care and food to the poor. On the whole, not a terrible Duke, even though he did struggle with what is seen as the ultimate masculine accomplishment, military conquest. Still, in the end, good Duke or bad Duke, children or no children,

Mantua would fall, plundered, thanks to the twin pillars of disease and invasion, dissolving into the bigger kingdoms of Italy 25 years after Vincenzo's death. By Vincenzo's 30s and 40s, the impending shadows of his late father's illnesses would begin to catch up with him, and Vincenzo would summon the biggest names in Italian medicine to treat his ailments, which ranged from what we now call St. Anthony's fire, to, yes, the erectile dysfunction that ultimately led Vincenzo. to sponsor the apothecary's trip around the world. Vincenzo died just a short while after his wife Eleonora,

and they say that he was buried in a secret crypt in the Church of St. Andrea, but to this day the crypt has never been found. The area has been explored and the walls perforated in search of the hidden chamber, but still nothing. Vincenzo didn't want the solemn, serious burial that would have been common at the time, to show off one's piety. Instead, he requested that he be buried upright, dressed magnificently,

and sitting in a specially made marble chair inside his upright coffin. And he requested, in his hand, what the Freudians among you might take to be a little bit on the nose when it comes to phallic symbolism, a giant jewel-encrusted sword held aloft. That's the story of Vincenzo Gonzaga's sexual trial, but keep listening after a brief sponsor break to hear a little bit more about what happened to Margarita.

Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and IHeart Podcast presents Soccer moms. So I'm Leanne. Yeah. This is my best friend Janet. Hey. And we have been joined at the hips since high school. Absolutely. Now a redacted amount of years later, we're still joined at the hip.

Just a little bit bigger hips, wider. This is a podcast. We're recording it as we tailgate our youth soccer games in the back of the last. my Honda Odyssey with all the snacks and drinks. Sidebar. Why did you get hard seltzer instead of beer? They had a bogo. Well, then you got it.

Do you want a white color or something here? Just hit it. What are y'all doing? Microphones? Are you making a rap album? Oh, I would. Come on. Could you move?

I would buy it. Cuts through the defense like a hot knife through sponge cake. That sounds delicious. Oh, you're lucky. I'm not a drug addict. You are. You are not an alcoholic. You are.

You are. I'm not a killer. I love this. team and I'm really trying to be a figure in their lives that they can rely on. Oh. Oh. Listen to soccer moms on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Readers, Katie's finalists, publicists.

We have an incredible new episode this week for you guys. We have our girl Hillary Duff in here, and we can't wait for you to hear this episode. They put on Lizzie McGuire 2 a.m. Video on Demand. This guy's bobo-u-u-b-a-m. 2 a.m. Lizzie McGuire. It is Lizzie McGuire and I'm like a wild bat you were with. It was like a first like closet moment from me where I was like,

I don't feel like she's hot like the rest of that. No, no, no. I was like, she's beautiful. But I'm appreciating her in a different way than these boys are. I'm not like, but listen to Los Coleristas on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or whatever you get your podcast. After his first failed marriage, Vincenzo Gonzaga went on to live a long life with another wife and plenty of kids.

The same wasn't true for Margarita. Being a woman unable to consummate marriage in 16th century Italy meant Margarita was deposited by her powerful family into a nunnery where she remained in isolation for the next six decades of her life until she ultimately died at age 75. But even within the walls of the convent, Margarita had a life. There was a musician rumored to be a secret lover who visited her until her family increased security.

When Margarita got older, she was elected abbess of the convent several times in a row. She had thoughts and dreams and plans, but because of the disaster with Vincenzo Gonzaga when she was 14 years old, her entire life was one of pious confinement. She's a side note in the story now. another casualty of Vincenzo's life, one of the characters from history who are so often forgotten, who, if circumstances had been a little different, might have been so much more.

Noble Blood is a production of IHeart Radio and Grimm and Mild from Aaron Manky. The show is written and hosted by Dana Schwartz. Executive producers include Aaron Manky, Alex Williams, and Matt Frederick. The show is produced by Rima Ilkeali and Trevor. Young. Noble Blood is on social media at Noble Blood Tales, and you can learn more about the show over at Noble Blood Tales.com. For more podcasts from IHeartRadio, visit the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Readers, Katie's finalists, publicists, we have an incredible new episode this week for you guys. We have our girl Hillary Duff in here, and we can't wait for you to

hear this episode. They put on Lizzie McGuire 2 a.m. Video on Demand, this guy's. 2 a.m. Liddy McGuire. Lizzie McGuire and I'm like a wild, wild batch you were with. It was like a first like closet moment from me where I was like, you're like I don't feel like she's hot like the rest of them. No, no, no. I was like, she's beautiful. But I'm appreciating her in a different way than these boys are.

I'm not like, ugh. But listen to Los Coleristas on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or whatever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.