Nobody Panic - How to be a Basic Autumn Bitch

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

The internet sneers at no one quite as hard as they sneer at the autumn basic bitches. BUT! After much thought, Stevie and Tessa have decided to come out to bat for them HARD. It’s decorative gourd season motherfucker, get a yourself a massive cable knit sweater and get involved! Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. The changing of the colours. Pumpkin spice. Gourds. The weather's turning. Decrative gourds. More gourds. Thanksgiving.

Oh, look at the trees. The colour of the trees. That's my favourite type of tree colour. Okay. Welcome. It's welcome to how to be a basic autumn bitch. A basic autumn bitch. Or is Tessa typoed.

Yeah, let's do autumn botch tomorrow. So welcome autumn butches Welcome I didn't have anything autumnal So this is why I'm holding this Large hamper And what have you got there on your shoulder? Oh, there's just a orange

Totebag full of flower Perfect And your glasses of course Which famously we all wear and things And we've got a number of decorative gourds And Tom Kerridge's pub kitchen Just the closest orange thing we could find in the office Oh and I'm wearing this jumper

But as a cosy scarf Because it's autumn Bitches And because crucially, I've noticed, there's been a real turn in the last 10 years, the last decade, of loving autumn is now sort of seen as lame. Yes, and why, it's so mean. It's so mean.

I really want someone to write a deep dive into it. Oh, you know what it is? It's the girl boss feminism era that was like in the 2010s that was all like, if you wear a T-shirt that says like, yeah, bitch, that means that you're promoting feminism, and you're doing enough. And then men people were like, I think that's not particularly, I think that's quite superficial. and maybe we can go deeper and it doesn't really involve other people. It's just a very particular type of person.

And then that, I think, segued with, and they also all bloody love Autumn and they all love Taylor Swift and they're all going like, it's the girl boss, but it's her favourite season. Yes, and I think there's also a large crossover in Mum of Four homeschooling Jesus. Mum of Four is homeschooling Jesus during autumn. He needs help. He does. What are tectonic plates? He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Like when people are like baking, it's like sprinkles and raisins and God, you know?

Be kind and God. Yeah. And also I think there was an element for a while where people would go like, autumn's my favorite season. It was like, wow, God, you're a bit kooky. It's normally summer. And now it's quite universally acknowledged that autumn is probably the best. Because you've still got a bit of warmth. And also now climate change means that autumn is no longer cold.

Sure, sure, sure. So that's helped too. I think it's got a big. movement of women. They've got big, big, luxurious curly hair. And they vote for Trump. Certainly, yes. They're wearing skinny jeans, a high boot. Yes, a high tan boot. They're called Ashley. The boots? Or the women. No, the woman. Oh, okay. Absolutely. The boots are called Gerald. Right. Okay. Sorry, I thought you were like, they're a famous boot. A famous food. Okay. All the women are called Ashley. They've got a big cream-knit sweater, a jacket, a big thing.

And, and sometimes a hat. A wide hat. And they're in front of a doorway that's just massive. A massive doorway. And crucially, they are in America. They're in Massachusetts. They're in Massachusetts. Crucially. And yet, as with all things in this country, it trickles down from America and now we're like, well, we want to get into decorative gourd season. Before we get into it all, what's the most adult thing you've done this week, Tessa?

Well, mine is actually inspired by you. Jesus Christ. Can you imagine that? No. We've just done a How to Pack episode. Great. And you discussed how putting things straight from the cupboard or the wardrobe straight into the bag is like going, from desk to dance floor.

You need the pub first. You've got to go to the pub in the middle. You cannot literally just transition from desk to dance floor. That's insane. You're not ready. And I was absolutely being a desk to dance floor girl and just gone, I'm throwing things from the water into the bag because then it feels like I'm achieving something because something's in the bag.

And then I'm like, this is crazy. I can't ever remember what's in the bag. And I'm just throwing in 18 sweaters here. I'm not going to wear one of them. I hate sweaters. Yeah, of course. Famously. So then I've become a pub girl and I put everything on the bed.

And it's helped me so much. packing things, but also just packing my backpack and things like to go in the day, rather than just running around the house and like scooping things in, I'm like, do you actually need these things? Let's put them on the bed. And then it also helps me be like, oh my God, have I already put that in?

Because I'm like, it's on the bed. It's all here. I check all the things. And then, there we go, and now we leave the house. Brilliant. Look at me go. That's so great. I'm so glad that helped. Thank you. You're so welcome. What's yours? So mine is, it's a weird, because it doesn't feel like it would be an adult thing,

but it is for me. I've not really enjoyed, it's quite a big one. I've not really enjoyed, or I've had like a real journey with like doing live comedy. Where like, just me on my own. I didn't really enjoy it for years. And then I've started to enjoy it and doing my own, I'm doing a show, I'm putting a show together, I'm going to the Edinburgh of Fringe and all of that stuff.

And then it was suggested to me that I do a tour. And I was like, yeah, I'll go to like, I'll go to, I'll do six shows. And there'll be at the Nobody Panic book show things, perfect. And then my, my manager, Clang Clang, was like, all you could do, and then basically gave me like 15 dates all around the place, all, and I was like, fuck it. Yeah. Yes.

So I'm going to go on like a proper tour next year in autumn. This very autumn, but next year. But next year. Wow. It was like a year today. Amazing. And the thought of it, like, look, like, they're in a little clump, so it'll be like, York, Durham, Newcastle that weekend.

I'm like, oh, how will I get to the beach? places. On the train. Via train. Yeah. I know. But it just feels so overwhelming of like, God, it's just going to be me. Like, doing that.

Like, I can't imagine that. And of course, it's not going to be like a tour like, you know, I'm not being driven places, like some sort of like, you know, so I had to organize all of that stuff. And I can't imagine doing that. But I also was like, immediately I was like, I don't want to do that because I'll have to say like, Premier In's and I'll get it all wrong. It was like, no, no, do it. And also, I don't know if I'll like it.

But I thought it was very. adults with me to be like, well, I won't know if I don't like it until I try it. So I'm doing it. And yeah, halfway through, we might be doing the podcast. I'd be like, I cannot deal with it. But I actually think that if I do, you know, like how you coached me through the long haul flight within you had like my little bag and you got me like a little sort of bag stolen from business class. Sure. Well, actually, you had been in business class, I think. But that's not where I got that one.

Right. Understood. You had stolen it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, you like, put your bits in so you feel like you're, and I feel like that's what I'll do with my tour. Like, there are certain things that. scare me so it was like well then just solve it so like great you know you can you can basically be in control of how how that feels you can go into it being like oh my god or you can go into it being like what an exciting experience what a i'm very curious to see how this works like how fantastic i've been to colchester for example and it will be an amazing experience yes aberdeen abdine what's it like yeah try it out yes travel the country so yeah that's my adult that's so

brilliant. So basically, 2024 is like, Stevie's year of life. Wow, look you go. And also the amazing thing is, if you're like, if you think about like whatever your most biggest concern about is, if it's like, what if I put the things wrong? It's like, well, then go in another hotel. You know, you're like, I bet there's another one because it's a big city. Otherwise, they wouldn't be having you for the tour. And the second thing is like, if you're like, but if I'm on my own, be like, well, then get a support with you. Yes, of course. So bring somebody with you to do your tour support and then you got a pal. Of course, of course, of course. It's like all the things you're like, but what about this?

You're like, here's a solution. Yeah, no, it is. I'm so proud of you. That's so fantastic. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Yes.

You know what I'm else? I'm proud of. What? Autumn. Autumn. Autumn. Gords. We're surrounded by decorative gourds.

I don't know what these are. Tiny pumpkins, are they? Are they edible? The first word I ever heard, if I ever heard, the word gourd was last year when you said, I've brought in a decorative gourd, and you'd brought in a decorative gaud. So, McSweeney's internet tendencies. It's a website.

It's got some very funny stuff on it. And they used to write about decorative gourds. And then they released a line of merch called It's Decretive Gord Season Motherfucker. And I was just very enchanted by it. So this is how I got into decorative gourds. Gordes is a great word as well. It's so fun. They're just little pumpkins.

It means miniature pumpkins, but you can also get these pumpkins in all different kinds of colors and bits. And so once when you're just buying your pumpkin. But now you can buy all shapes and sizes and bits. And now more and more the corner shop and the green grocers are stocking these. as a purely decorative thing in a way that you couldn't really you'd have to go out of your way i think yeah and like google like shank and pumpkin 10 years ago to get one of these definitely or they'd have been like a very specialist vegetable shop and it would be you know to make a special type of soup or something whereas the idea that like everywhere and every corner shop is now stocking them purely for show

is new and i think very fun yeah and i think i think instagram has really helped autumn but it has hindered it so go on speak on that be but the exact thing that we are describing a woman who likes autumn and votes for Trump. Sure. But that's, and all of this is to say that it's unfair, that this stereotype is unfair because it means that then it's suddenly become lame and basic to like a season that is objectively very fun. Yeah. And that's, it's like, you know, like, suddenly if everyone was like, if you like Christmas, you're lame, I think I'd, I think I would like, I'd lose my mind then. It'd be like, you can't, you can't take that away from me. No. And as somebody who, like, autumn and

winter is their favorite period of time. To see it's taken over like this has been very upsetting for me. Absolutely. A deep level. But also I think it's because with Instagram, it's created this, I think, I feel like a big fascination was, and this is so deep. Why we're talking about Trump, but like. Because he's absolutely wrapped up in the whole thing.

Yes. He's there. He's in the pumpkin patch. It was the dissonance between these, you'd hear about these, like, Trump voter women, and then you'd look at their Instagram or whatever, and they'd be like holding, and you were like, and they're really into autumn and they're, like, and you're like, hang on, but the difference between these like autumn botches voting for Trump was like mad. For me, it's like, they like Taylor Swift and they're quite inoffensive.

And then actually they were quite making a lot of, I think it was like people getting got by like a very fun looking video. Like, like, come see my house. Like all the things I've done. Gorgeous decorative cords, an amazing like wreath over the door. They're like, oh my God, this looks so fun. A baby dresses a pumpkin. Baby dresses a pumpkin. Like smash cuts of like all these different things.

A maga hat of the back. Magahat in background and then right at the end, White Lives Matter. And then you'd be like, uh-oh, that's it. It's the White Lives Matter thing, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. You got us in with the gourds and then there's this undertone of this particular area, you know, this, yeah.

But also, it's not everybody. Of course it's not. Of course it's not. But I think that's where part of the bad rap comes from. But then on a very, like, less deep level, it did just become like sort of a bit embarrassing. And I think this is the year now where I can honestly say that last year I completely just was like,

I'm going to live my best pumpkin spice life. Right. Hashtag be kind. Yeah, exactly. And it doesn't mean anything more than I just really like this as a season that I can wear my nice jumpers. Yes. As I've got older, I'm so fed up of being ironic or cynical for lulls. What a terrible way to put it?

For lulls, I sound like I'm 70 years old. What do you think you were ironic and cynical about in the past of for lulls? I didn't even realise I was doing. doing it, but a lot of, in my 20s, would be being afraid to be cringe. It's the equivalent, you can find it in every strata of culture. So it's the people that go, oh, that famous band, I liked their earlier stuff, which is a drag to flow worse, you know, because it makes them look like they are alternative. And I feel like, there's an element of that, like, you know, I toyed for a while with saying,

like, yeah, marriage, yeah, never getting married, that's for the system or whatever for a bit. And then as I got older, I was like, actually, maybe I do want to do that, you know? That's like the biggest example. but there's, I think all the little examples are really important as well. For example, no longer calling like my music taste, like guilty pleasures and lame, being like, no, I like the sugar babes from sort of 2006 to 2009. And that's why I play every day. And that is not, but like it's quite close to that.

And just being a, I like autumn, I love pumpkin spice lattes. Yes, it doesn't mean anything. A PSL. A PSL. That sounds like something that I'd have like before my period. Yeah, it's insane. Because it's nice to say pumpkin spice latte. no reason for you to acronym it. I'm like, ladies, we didn't need to do that.

No, it's delicious. It's the same journey I had with Christmas, but Christmas was easier to do where it was like, I started to feel odd about Christmas and then was like, no, I love Christmas. I actually have to go harder. And now I go so hard for Christmas, I've started to go really hard for Halloween. So we have like about two weeks before, halfway through October. Just each year it's got more and more. But now it's literally like, yeah, on October 15th, we'd like put pumpkins out, decorate it and I've got these spider webs that I put all over the house and nothing happens we don't go like and now the rituals like it's just like oh fun absolutely because for me it's a bit of a precursor that like the season's changing and like we're going towards Christmas and we're getting towards and then it just makes the absolute shit of life just slightly more fun because you've got like a weird door knocker that makes a noise because you brought for it from tiger it's an eye that opens and goes be feared all ye who enter here it's a lot of fun you know that sounds magical yeah I just thinking this day and age find the joy wherever you possibly can and run towards it hard. Yes.

You know, get in. I think something I have found so magical is to have a one corner of my kitchen above the countertop is a weird back corner where it's not obvious what should go there. So my sister got me Freddy's flowers and or bloomin wild a subscription. So every month, flowers come for the month. And so they're like the correct for the season. Oh, the autumn ones are going to be great. Oh, mamma mia.

And so they were last year, they were so nice. And then I could put my flowers in the corner. And then around that area, I did like a seasonal... Some gourds. A little Martha Stewart, little seasonal corner, you know? And so, like, you can have whatever is right for the season. And this small corner has brought me so much joy. And just knowing that, like, it changes up with the season.

Like, I'm running the Harrod's windows and or a small office. Yeah, of course. Just being like, I'm on the reception. And then I must have my decoration on the reception for whatever season it is. Yes, in the lobby. Changing the things up in the lobby. Valentine's, Bits, the Easter. You know, just lovely to have.

And there's no reason to be cynical about something that is. is objectively lovely. Other ways I found it's nice to bring autumn in, just buying like a scented candle. I'm sorry, I'm gasping. Gaspian. It's not an expensive, just like a fun one. You like your Yankees, and do you still love a Yankees?

I do love the Yankees, but we got actually genuinely, it became a problem where we were burning it all day and all night, going through them at a rate of knots. And I actually think we've maybe poisoned ourselves slightly. So now we're not allowed to burn them unless it's for like, you know, oh, I don't know, like it's a vibe, rather than constantly. Also, when you walked into the flat, your eyes would water with, like, sweet cherry. Okay.

Too much. And there'd be like a sweet cherry one there, a fruit pastel one there, clean sheets over there. It became too much. Okay. But now, autumn season, for the autumn, we will, obviously, you know. What's your smell of choice now for the autumn? Oh, I'd be like sort of cinnamon-y smells. I think that is the one.

But also, as well, like, places like Yankee candles do, like, autumnal, you know, blend and you'll sort of be like, wouldn't have even thought that that would be. Yeah. The autumnal blend. I've got questions about the PSL. Yeah. Has it got coffee in it? Yeah, but you can get a decaf, which is why I get it decath.

But I don't even like the taste of coffee. I think, try one. Why not? Buy one. And if you don't like it, you're like, okay, I don't like it. Then you just don't have to think about it again. Right. I feel like you're a real pumpkin-spiced latte gout.

So do I, but I can't take the risk. The risk is so great for me. It's not. You'll just go, I don't know. But to quote Uncle Vanya and all the cherry orchard. Okay. This girl's in love with the doctor and someone to her is like, well, just ask the doctor if he loves you.

And she says, I can't bear it because where I am now, where I don't know is easier to be than on the other side where I know for sure. And that's how you feel about popplea spice latte. Yes, it is, Stevie. Because I don't want to know for sure that they're disgusting. They're not disgusting. But for me, what if I hate the coffee in there? No, but you might, absolutely worse, you'll go, oh, that's too coffee ate.

That's fine. Okay. And also they've got other types of autumnal drinks. It's very sweet. And you get whipped cream on it. What if I try like a chai latte with the pumpkin bit in it? Would that help? I think that would be disgusting.

Okay, right. Okay. I think they've specifically created pumpkin spice lattes for people that don't really like coffee. I honestly feel that. Okay, do you get cream on the top? You get whipped cream on the top. Do you get that? Yeah.

And is it nice? Yeah. Okay. Really good. I'm going to get one today. And also like, I just have to underpin this by saying they're not as good as you think. Right. They're really not.

Yeah, okay. I got on, the other day, it was because we had a heat wave in the first week of September, which I found very disorientating. Because it was like, no, it's gauds. I've got to wear my gauds. And also, Starbucks has brought out the pumpkin spice selection, but no one could drink it because it was hot. We couldn't celebrate, yeah.

So now they've brought out an iced version specifically because of the heat wave. Last week. But now everyone doesn't icey, very stressful. And it's a bit upsetting. But anyway, so the first day, because there's a Starbucks near me, the first day, it wasn't like boiling. I went and got a pumpkin spice. I walked the dog in the morning,

went and got a pumpkin spice latte. Had it on at like 9 a.m. and I had like a work zoom. And it was too much. Okay. It was like having a weird dessert and I couldn't really get through it. And it was a bit like, okay,

I forgot that they're not great. They are just spices and cream and stuff. And you're like, but it is nice. Okay. It's just nice to have. Okay, it's nice to have. I'm just so scared that you're going to go there and be like,

for you, it's exactly what I thought it would be, which would be like this kind of like piping hot, sort of like butter beer almost. Butter beer is exactly what I was just thinking about. And you've had the actual butter beer in the thing, and it's fucking rack. That's the thing I think is butter beer,

I think a lot of people will understand the betrayal of the butter beer. For 10 years you were given this vision, this was the greatest drink of all time, and finally they were like, they're making butter beer. And not only are they making butter beer, but the actual company, the real people. So it's not someone just like bootlegging it. Although, of course they're not,

and the whole problem is it's not the real people. Sorry, You've hit upon the main issue. Which is that the wizards are not making the butter mirror. But I think because it came was coming out of Warner Brothers Studio, it felt like it was like, okay, they're not going to mess about. Yeah, and they did. They messed about.

And people were just like gagging in the street because you were. They were walking out of the complex, fighting the street, gagging. No, the streets of Hogsmead were riddled with the gap. So I think that's my worry. I think what you should do. Genuinely, what you should do, this autumn. By all means, have a pumpkin spice latte.

By all means. Really engage with the taste. Really think about it. Then make your own version. So go online. There's loads of, like, recipes for, like, butter beer and stuff like that. Make an autumnal version of what you want. Get all the stuff in.

Without coffee, you could make, like, a pumpkin spice milk, hot milk, you know? Yeah, okay. Or, I don't know. Or whatever a chial tea is. Yeah. Also, you can absolutely go in and say Can I have a chai latte with pumpkin spices But if they say

Madam, they won't No no, no, because Starbucks, their whole thing is you can I mean, it's not, but like it is the whole thing is that you can make your own versions. It's like secret drinks you can make in Starbucks And by secret drinks I mean you just go like four pumps of that, five pumps of that, can you mix out with that? And of course like the average Starbucks employer

will be like, what? And you'll lose confidence immediately. Hold strong. Okay. So yeah, okay. That's way better. Make your own. Yeah. I said no.

I'd be disgusting. How bad of me. Go in, have a normal one. No, no. Number one, we try the real deal. Real deal. I'll try decaf because is a taste of decaf and normal coffee the same. Yes. Well, then I'll have a real one. Okay, fine. Why not? Great. Do you often have caffeine? Never. I don't have anything because is it in Coca-Cola? Is it in Coca-Cola? Yeah. Gives me a panic attack. Yeah, I think go decath. Why not? Just go decaf. Yeah. Don't have a panic attack. Because then you, then you, then you make, I don't like it and you're having a panic tag. Sure.

That's too much. Autumn's over. Okay. I'm very excited. And then next stage is to go to have a try last thing. And then I'll try my own thing. I think you should make, have you tried to make your own butter beer? Never. I think you should try and do that.

Okay. I think that would be really, I feel like that's, because that is a deep thing within you that butter beer was bad. It's so deep. Imagine the feeling. And then you can get it like the heat, the temperature you want. You can have it on your rooftop with your little thing. And a wizard has made it.

You, the wizard, your wizard has made it. Oh. You know? Autumn. Autumn. Autumn. Autumn. and I'll sit up there and watch the leaves changing and drink my butt of beer and wear a big sweater and... Yeah, and I think, as with any season, a big part of it is clothes.

And so that's why for years, you had to coach me through summer, because I was like, I hate it. I hate it. And I was like, well, you're wearing a pair of enormous Doc Martins. Head to dough and please. Yeah, and also then when I'll try to wear some, because I didn't know what to wear, and I just, like, didn't know. And now I've kind of got an idea of, like, I've just got my things that I know I will wear. And they will be matching shirt and shorts. that's literally what I will be wearing.

If that ever becomes not cool, unfortunately, I'll be continuing to do that. What doesn't matter what isn't is not cool, Stevie, because as we're establishing, you're simply doing whatever you like. That's true, yeah. Who cares what isn't is not cool? Yeah, me a bit, but I understand. Fashion-wise, I'm always like, I want to be a breast of the styles, you know? But have you seen what's a breast right now?

Literally breasts all over the place. Breasts, for one, and on your feet, Palais flats. I know. They're back. But also, biker boots are, and I love biker boots. Fantastic. I'm just saying, like, we can't be trusting the fashion. the stuff has come back.

I saw a gang of teenagers and honestly I've gagged. I got a beer gagged. I was like, oh my God. No, no. I wanted to scream at them. It looks like exactly when we were teenagers. And it was a bad time.

It was a bad time, number one. We've all agreed that was bad. The archers of our feet are fucked. We're ruined. We're objectively ruined forever. And I was like, and we aren't old enough for this to be coming back. Like, we should be allowed to be shaking you in the street.

I'm going home to my parents' house and I've got like bags that are now cool that I can just wear again. I'm like, I just feel very uncomfortable about that. Just sell them, just whack them on. No, I will wear them. Okay. They are great.

But I feel bad about it. Why? It's the same reason that you butter beer gagged. You go, this is not enough for it to go around. It's such an odd thing, isn't it? Because I remember my dad when I was wearing these converts. My dad sort of just couldn't bear it because he was like, when we were at school, that was like, you got bullied so bad in Canada.

So I can't say for sure if this was in the UK. But he was like, you'd get bullied if you wore those to like to PE or whatever. Like, it would be such a cringe. thing to wear to wear your like flat sneakers and he was like and now there you are and everybody thinks that's cool you know so i guess fashion for everyone will simply be objective and subjective and a battle and so you must do you not struggle the reason i brought up fashion please not to discuss the ballet pumps and the butter beer that vomit is you struggled transitioning well you have historically struggled transitioning from warm season to i struggle with both transitions you struggle with both

transitions, but you do prefer summer in terms of what to wear and what to do? Oh, absolutely. It's simply, I don't like things on my skin. Truth be told, this large scarf is that's causing me some distress. Yes, because there's a lot of, in the early times of the podcast where you turn up and you were wearing like a ski suit or something, I'd be like, you need to buy a really big scarf. I don't like the feel of a scar. I'm like, okay, well, then I really don't know what to, yeah. If it's not a big scarf, I don't know what I'm saying. Well, exactly, because a lot of the things that people were suggesting, I was like, but I can't. You can't wear that, yes. I can't.

So that's a big part, I think, have been really, like, embracing autumn. It's an unfortunate thing I think for me is a combination of very sensitive skin, which is just what I knew it was always. And then discovering that there's also some sensory issues vis-a-vis the old ADHD. So actually, the big wool is actually very stressful for me. A lot of people have microfiber, like, the feeling of fleece. Oh, yeah. How do you feel about fleece?

I'm fine with fleece. Oh, really? Yeah. And I can understand that you're not. I've never seen you anywhere near a fleece. Yeah. What if it goes in your teeth? What if that extent goes in my teeth? A valid fear. What if that accidentally goes in my teeth?

So unfortunately, the big wool that everyone's like, oh, imagine, is Billy Crystal in when Harry met Sally? He is. So, you know, and he's like wearing that big turtleneck? Big white turtleneck. And he's got his jeans on and everyone's like, autumn. That, I'm just like, oh, it's too big and get that wool off him. Right. So how to get that wool off him?

Because it might go in my tea. It might go in my tea. Through the screen. Through the screen. Genuinely, yeah. So what do you wear in autumn, thinking about people being like, I want to be an awesome botch, but I struggle with the autumn botch clothing? Uniclo has helped me so much.

They make a heat tech underlayer thing that is in the finest, finest of like a micro, very, very soft, almost a rayon cotton thing that feels lovely and soft to your skin. Once it's on, you can't really tell it's there. And it means that you've got your heat layers on the inside, and then you don't need to necessarily bulk up with a big, a big wall number. Yes. So you can get away with wearing slightly...

So wear full summer clothes, but just have your thing. But with that underneath. It's not a good tip. As I said it, it began and I thought, this isn't going to end where you hope it will. No, it's good. I think it's good for the people that want to be a summer botch in the autumn.

But I want to get in, but I just can't put on the things that you're putting on. I guess it's just like keeping going, looking for a jumper that you don't, you can't bear. You just have to wear a jumper. So you've got like nice boots and you've got like you can wear your boots with your trousers, for example. That's an option. Do you have boots and trousers?

That's something. Whenever we stray into clothes and sort of style, it's not a strong point. No, it's not. You can wear boots and trousers. We do people really batting up against it. I only wear black and you don't really wear anything. I prefer I'd rather not be wearing anything at all times. I don't like to be inside and I don't like wearing clothes.

Yeah, you know, we shouldn't be giving advice. Sure. But the main thing is, The autumn botch is a state of mind. And don't feed into this kind of like basic thing. I think the term basic bitch has been, it's so mean and it's so pointless. This is another internet kind of thing that it's just made everyone feel a bit like, oh, the new one is like chuggy.

And it's like, long hair's chugging. Like, what are you going to chug my dick? Yeah. Amen. It's like, fuck off. If somebody is finding some joy and pleasure in something, great. Good for them. one was really up against Fiat 500 Twitter, and I was like, what does this mean?

And then it was just being mean about people who like Fiat 500s. And I'm like, they look absolutely adorable. They come in lovely colours and they look a bit like an egg. Gorgeous. Yeah. You're like one of those Richard Scarry novels where, um, novels. I'm good for Richard Scarry. Um, Richard Scarry is the guy that did the books where like a worm drives an apple.

I'm looking at a Richard Scary novel, of course. Do you know what I mean? I haven't thought of that ever. Yeah. Yeah, no, fine. Yes. But I'm like, don't be mean about them. They like Love Island and they like their cars that look like eggs.

Fine. And also as well, I think now, one of the only positives of the sheer amount of content and trends and stuff is that there's so much going on now. Everyone's in their little echo chambers that actually genuinely, people look like, you might see the odd TikTok or the odd Twitter or whatever being like, oh, this is lame. But everything's lame if you actually looked at the evidence now. Everything's lame. So it's actually the great equalizer. You can kind of do whatever you want now. Oh, what a time to be alive.

Yeah, it's kind of good. You can be basic and you can, because people will just either presume that you're being ironic or they won't be thinking about it because they're thinking about how annoying someone who's wearing shoes behind you that they think are chugy, you know? Exactly. It's all just silly now. Wow, what a freeing thing. Yeah. Because perhaps in the past, the magazines told us what was and was not cool.

Or perhaps a few TV channels. You had a very small window of like they would tell you. ITV, of course, famously telling me what was cool or not. 9pm. The rules would come out about what was and what was. was not cool. I meant like MTV Cribs. Yeah, or watching like friends and you like want to dress like like Rachel. Exactly. So like everyone got the Rachel haircut, you know, like everybody, this was like, you're very small pool of this. Whereas now there's so much information. And so you just have to be like,

listen, I'm enjoying what I'm enjoying. Yeah. As best I can and everything's lame and let's all just. Yeah, life is very hard. Cost of living crisis. The world's, everything's so difficult. If you can make a small, nice corner of your house that looks nice for a bit. Yeah. Honestly, carving that, that pumpkin is one of my favorite. parts of the year. Also, you might hate autumn and might not want to become a botch, in which case, why are you listening to this? Fine. Enjoy yourself. What do you hate about it? Too chilly? Put your heat tech on. No, but maybe like, you might just like, it might just not be your thing. But also, you might, that's such a good point. You might be thinking like, oh, it's lame for the reasons

that we're saying that, like, people just tell you, you're meant to think everything's lame now. Why would you live a lame life? Oh, God, I'm crying. Oh, God. Sorry, to quote, bring it on all or nothing. Wow. Hayden Panetary, confidently saying it, not sure. I think that's probably right. I don't know. That name is difficult.

She's like, I'm not joining your cheer squad. It's lame. And he says, well, we all know you want to. So you can either bitch from the bleachers or you can get down here and join us. And it's like, yeah, what are you doing up there being like, it's lame with your arms folded? Get down here. Get on here and get a gourd. We're all going to die.

Do you want to hear and get a gourd? Do you want to have been cynical your whole life? Or do you want to spend your entire life on the bleachers? Or surrounded by gourds. Which one is it? Obviously gourds. Obviously gods every time. Get down here now.

Bring it on. Okay, great. Thank you. I'm going to go and eat a pumpkin while listening. I'm voting for Trump. Fantastic. That was the hope of this podcast. I'm off to Starbucks.

Let's get in. See you in the winter. I can see you both of the week. Okay, bye.