Nobody Panic - How To Be Confident (Live from Edinburgh)

Episode Date: August 8, 2018

Need a confidence boost? Stevie and Tessa talk compliment circles, the perils of social media, and how to bolster yourself up, with the brilliant Alice Snedden live from the Edinburgh Fringe festival. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true, Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. I'm not. No, we're coming to you live from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Are you having a nice fringe, Tessa? I'm having a lovely fringe, thank you so much. Are you? Yes. It is raining here, and I packed

a lot of dresses. Tiny little... Oh, tiny dresses. That's real. But you wear dresses in the rain, Tessa, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I packed too many, like, tiny summer clothes, and the heat wave has not made it to Scotland. That hit. I have only jumpers, so I'm wearing a Gryffindor jumper today. You've been wearing that. for so many days. So many days. I'm having a great fringe. Thank you.

We have a very special guest because today we're doing how to be confident because that is something that I think underpins literally every episode we've ever done. It's always got an element

of confidence to it. So we've chosen the most confident person at the fringe. Whether or not it's justified. You decide. We've got Alice Sneddon. Hello, hello.

Thank you for having me. Thank you for the introduction. It's a real pleasure. If you're listening, I mean you are, if you're listening, you are listening, because it's a podcast, and if you were, you wouldn't be hearing me saying this. Alice has got an amazing show. Tess has seen it, loved it. I haven't seen it.

Really great. Heard so many great things about it, though. And it's at 945 at the Pleasant. Bunker One. Bunker One. Yeah, so come and check it out. Absolutely. It's so hot in that room, so Dracelight.

I've been considering giving out fans or. or account fans. I stole my friends iPhone fan. You know you chuck it in the bottom of your iPhone. What the fuck? Are you talking about? Genuinely really good.

I think I've got it on me right here. Yeah, see here. This will be available for sale outside. You put it in the bottom of... This is obviously a podcast, not a visual medium. But if the listeners at home imagine a fan and then imagine a thing that would connect to an iPhone,

and then that's, you've got it right there in your head. But legitimately when I saw this, so it is the most simple basic fan you can imagine. I spent a good hour going like, I had almost like an existential crisis about it where I was like, when it gets power, how does it know it's supposed to turn? I'm like, okay.

Like, it doesn't have a brain. No, like, why doesn't it just heat up and explode? Like, anyway. So why does it? Do we know? No, I don't know. Because I Google how to use an iPhone fan and all it was was plug it into the phone.

As soon as it goes in, does it do it? Oh yeah, let's test it out because this is good content. Bro. For anyone listening at home, it's working. That's a huge surprise. But because I have no actual understanding of mechanics, I was like, how does it know to do that? Tess is putting a finger in the fun.

You've got to pull it out from the bottom. It is actually a bit of a nightmare. Really acts. But I've been using that backstage. So that's a bit of a pro tip. Talking of fans, what adult thing? have you done this week has. Oh, actually I did a proper

I sold my car. I mean that's massive. That's adult on adult because that means you had a car. Oh, right. Apologies. No, that's great. No, that's you've, you're the most adult person in this room. Oh, wow, thank you.

I mean, we didn't ask the audience, but all right. I'm just presuming no one has cars. You sold it? Yeah, well, I kind of did a trade actually. For what? The fan? Yeah, exactly. No, I tried, I had a car. It was a manual.

And I thought, oh, I'll love this because no one will ever be able to borrow it. And because it's a manual car. Not automatic. Not a lot of people. Where are we now in New Zealand? We're in New Zealand. I mean, we're in Edinburgh talking about New Zealand. Certainly.

But in the power of our imagination. Exactly. Yeah. Wow. I'm there right now. The air is so clean. And then I discovered, actually, I hate not being able to lend out my car. And also it was a little bit too big for me, parking one.

and I crashed it like three times just into my fence. So great image. So you gave it. Give it away. Yeah, I traded it for like my mum's second cousin's car. He's like 90 and he had like a little starlet from the 80s. Oh, lovely. Yeah.

A car with personality. A car with personality. It just recently got a cam out, which is something I'm told is important. I don't know what that word to name. I don't know what that means either. I only know just what car is. I've loved the level of my man At Starlet we both win

It cost me I'm looking at you feel like And do you know What it cost me $800 Lovely Which is 400 pound What that's cheap

Right Yeah it's really cheap Now you've got lovely little run around It's small Exactly I haven't actually seen it yet Obviously because I'm in Edinburgh Got it

And my parents kind of did the deal So in a sense My parents sold my car Yes Less and less than I love Yeah Yeah exactly Congratulations, that is very adult. Tessa, yours. Come on, hit me with it.

Mine is that I am moving house and I don't have anywhere to live yet. So it's not as adult as you can imagine. You're becoming homeless. Correct. So if anyone has anywhere from me to live. No, my staff has gone home to my parents. And normally I would just, I'd obviously do everything extremely last minute. And normally I would just throw everything in bin bags and be like, done, just get it out now.

And then I was like, I'll sort that out later. My whole house is full of bin bags from years ago that I was like, I'll sort that out later. I never have. And this time I didn't do that and I made myself do the sorting before it went in the bag. Everything's labelled. Everything's in boxes. This is good. I felt really good.

This is good. I don't have a home. That's okay. That's not necessarily an adult or non-addle thing. I think that's fine. It's just a poor person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the stuff, yeah, I felt good about it.

Congrats. That's amazing. Congratulations. Thank you, everyone. What's yours, Stevie? No, never asks me. I always ask. Mine is,

mine's very simple, I just, I'm still here. I haven't left the Edinburgh fridge. It's really good. Quite seriously, was going to on the third day because my show got cancelled

because of tech problems. I was like, I think I have to go. I'm not, I'm not doing this. And then I stayed, and now I'm having a lovely time. Oh, way.

And if I hadn't, if I had a good, If I had gone, I wouldn't have been able to, there's a point where I was like, I think if I, it's worse to, I remember the podcast that we did being like, it's worse to not do it. Because at least at the end of it, if it's awful, and I have a dreadful time, I can say I completed something and I stayed. Whereas if I go, I've just run away. Yeah.

And then I'll just, the whole life would be like, drive that time, I run away. Not good. Well done. Thanks for you. Thanks. I'm very hot saying that. Just isn't it. Be proud.

I'm just going to read some people. Yes, we've got some audience ones too. So should I open this now? Yeah, you can't like it like. Should we just alternate? Oh, is this you? Started packing my house two weeks before I move house. Imagine if I put my own thing in the next thing as well.

Someone else, who's that? Amazing. Well done. This story must have really hit a nerve here. Well done. Did you label it as well and put it in? Oh, yes. Wow.

I've got one that's fringe related. I took charge and booked all our fringe tickets to the start of the festival rather than waiting until last minute when things are sold out. Very good. Still haven't managed to do that. I thought, that's amazing. Wash my backpack. Oh, that's, I've never looked.

I love that you own a backpack. I do as well. I love backpacks. It's important to have equal distribution amongst both shoulders. I really agree. I got my first library book. I imagine out.

You got it out from the library? Who's that? Yeah, congrats. Was it hard? Was it all okay? without a hitch. Pretty straightforward. Great, that's really great.

What was it? If it's rude. Gentleman in Moscow. No. Oh my God. Yes. Do you like it? Have you started it?

Oh my God. Oh, I really. Yeah, I'm so excited. And you got it from the library. Oh, God. I didn't know libraries were still a thing. I'm overjoyed. That's my best one I've ever heard.

Somebody said, oh, sorry, it's you. Oh, I took my lunch to work instead of splurging on Pratt. Yay. Yes. Who was there? Is that? Yeah, good on you. I can never do that. I spend so much money on food when I'm at work. Every day I'm like, just pack your lunch, you know?

I bought a lunchbox and it was one of those ones that doesn't have a seal on it. What's the point of the lunchbox? I put pasta in and then I just got oil all over all of my belongings. So I took that as a sign that I should never pack a lunch again. Yeah, that is part of it. Also, we're making so many millions from comedy that every time I do a show, I'm like, well, now I deserve a full meal. 100%.

Although while I'm at festivals, I always tend to cook heaps more. I do you? Yeah, I love. I like stress or like... Yeah, I think it's anxiety. Really great. I just cook during the day. So I've already made like a roast, a cabanara.

Are you joking? No, like I just love it. You're the best person to live in the neighborhood. I'm making a lot like people for everyone else in the house. Yeah. Oh, I just cook a big old lunch, you know, most days. I'm just living. with these rubbish boys and they've all just got and you can't even I didn't have enough shampooing

and I was like oh I'm sure someone's got some shampoo and then in the shower they've all just got Lynx Africa and it's like three links Africa and the thing and they've all it says things on it like five in one and I'm like there's no way that this product can be how can it be that could more it's like it's shampoo conditioner body wash toothpaste I'm like it can't be that this is nuts so yeah you sound like a great house mate oh hey you're welcome to come around He is someone who like anxiety cleans as well. Oh yeah, well we've got one of those people in our flat as well. You're fly.

So I literally anxiety cook and then he anxiety cleans. What a team. It's so great and our other friend anxiety vacuums. So this is... I feel like when I'm anxious I'll just go to the lullo. Yeah. Oh, I do that too. Okay, but you've also made a lunch at the same time.

Oh, I anxiety craft. Oh. Do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. wants it. No, nobody was not helpful for anyone. Badly, is that? Badly. And shut up. No, I don't know. I'm just saying like, that'll be really funny. Get off. It's good. I said a massive hello to someone I knew and got snubbed. Oh, wow. And I didn't focus on it for ages and I moved on with my life. I mean, that's so much so that you wrote it down on a piece of

a man. I find absolutely fine about it. And then number two is I brought something from John Lewis. That is absolutely. That's John Lewis. What was it? Oh, very, a towel. A towel. A towel. A towel. A towel. A very adult department store. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah. Oh, no, not like a man. He's like a rag and bone man on the street that we all know. You just get something from John.

He needs the money. Oh, that's great. Do you have that, like, a place that you would, where an aunt would buy you a pack of towels from? Or like, they'll be like, oh, it's from John Lewis. There's a store in New Zealand called Smith & Carway. Okay. But I've never, I don't think I've ever purchased.

anything or being gifted anything from there. I get a lot of body shop products. Yeah, yeah, we have body shop. Yeah. Or like lush, like that sort of like... The smell makes me big, nauseous. Really? Lush.

Yeah. It's too much. The smell of the shop of lush. Oh, I've never actually been in. I just get gifted a lot of those things. So you don't ever shop, you just... No, I genuinely don't enjoy shopping. So like I don't do it that much.

Very reasonable. Do you know what I love? A chemist. I love a chemist. What do you get? What sort of? I get like, plaster. Face masks. I buy a lot of face masks from chemists.

Oh, wow. I feel like there's a hash descended across the audience. Yeah. It's like a certain of creams. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you. Anything I like, really. Oh, that's...

I've been to a chemist before. It was great. I only go in when I, you know, have to get something, you know, like, quite like... Do you have any... I don't look around and sort of brows when I'm a chemist? No, it's an... You have the morning after pill, is that. I'm not like, and a face mask.

Yeah, well, I'm here. But while you're waiting for the morning after pill, just have a little brown. I'm just, you know, just doing pregnancy tests at a corner. Yeah. Just pissing on, yeah, it's a stretchful. And right, let's, should we... Last one is I opened a pack of sweets.

Oh. But only had one, followed by an hour of broccoli. I think it's a bowl of broccoli. An hour of broccoli. Jesus Christ. Only had one from the back of sweets. That is good and restrained. And I've just opened.

one that is this is ultimate ultimate adult here signed the lease on my new flat yeah that's what I'm talking about congratulations to me over that person yeah I don't want to see you because that's too too jealous who is it who is it because we're not well done that's amazing so how to be more confident it's one that um people write in quite a lot about yes we get a lot of requests for how to be more confident and I think it's a real thing I also should say that because normally we're in the studio by ourselves and we're on off, all of the notes are on our phones

so it looks like we're now going to be just like on our phones. Oh sorry, yeah, if it looks like we're just like on Snapchat. Just like, I'm just seeing an Instagram story of myself. Like, but no, it's because we've got them on our phones. Yeah, that's why. So I was walking here thinking about it and I was thinking about how as a child

we're just all so when you go to other people's houses, always in their downstairs loo there's pictures of like them dressed up you know wearing their mum's clothes no no carry on yeah yeah i mean i assume in the UK yeah you don't have this like downstairs bathroom oh so sorry that wasn't the so just like oh a bathroom already where do you put the sorry already we've hit a cultural bag yeah we put a cultural device where would you put the family photos like anywhere um on the walls yeah yeah they're like generally not in the bathroom in the toilet of the downstairs. We no one can see them.

Yeah, with toilet bowl. You'd have like a photo montage of like a holiday from 1996. Oh wow. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. Okay. So you'd see, so wherever you're looking, the mantelpiece, the kitchen wall. Sure, of course. There's pictures of them aged like four at Halloween or just like dressed up and I was thinking like of how many pictures I've seen. And you see it at people's like at parties or when they get married. You know, you always got like, a picture of them when they were a kid and they're always dressed up and no one's ever, people are just so proud to be whatever they're dressed up at. And no one's ever looking at the camera age four being like,

do you like it? Like is this good? You know? When you're a child, if you ever played with a child, they want to, they're just like, and now there's this, and now there's wizards, and now this. And they show you things. And they show you things. Well, well, let's do this. And they have real decisions. And they never say like, and now we're all, we're all the mums. And they never say like, is that a shit idea?

You know, they're like, this is what's happening now. Yeah. I'm the mum. You're the dad. And they're the doctor. And we're playing this now. Game starts now. Game starts now. Game starts now. Yeah. Yeah. You just don't, you lose that as you get older. It's a really weird thing to realise that you've lost.

Because actually if now we were like, let's not do the podcast, let's all play pretend. We'd spend about 20 minutes being like, do you, who's the leader? Yeah. Are we playing horses? What are we doing? Yeah. A lot of that. Whereas actually, yeah, you just go in hard. Imagine if we said now, guys, we're branding the podcast and we'll have to play pretend. My like, my butt is clenching.

my heart my heart is pounding at the thought of us doing that and everyone would have the worst time but as kids everyone's like

yeah what a fantastic game yeah you're not self-conscious as a child are you in a way

that you probably should be because your ideas are shit you are bad empirically your ideas get better

as you get old but stuff seeps in doesn't it it does just seeps in but also you have like

an experience like you feel shame for the first time and then you out to viral out. Yeah, I can genuinely, one of my first ever memories was like a memory

of shame. I was like four years old. I saw a young girl. She was at the airport. I was saying goodbye to my brother and she was crying and I was eating ice out of a McDonald's cup. You know, like when you drink all the water and eat at the ice and you're like, hmm, yummy a snack.

I was like eating the ice and I saw this little girl crying and I was like, oh, I'll go up to her and make her laugh. so I ran up to her and I tickled her. I know, under the arm, but I had cold hands. And also I guess I was a stranger tickling her. Running from a distance. Yeah, and she screamed and cried harder,

and her mum told me off. And then all of my family laughed at me. And I remember it so vividly is my first memory. The intention was so pure. The intention was really pure, but ultimately misguided. Sure, the result was back. That's sad. It absolutely was.

I think there's, yeah, the experiences you have is that this, we've got to fly in the room. The experience you have as a kid does fully affect how quick or slow you are to have confidence later on. Do you know what I mean? So like I think it takes you longer to be confident as an adult if you've had a lot of experiences as a child that makes you not confident. Like I think I've only become confident more in the last like year.

And I genuinely think. Because I had not a very nice time at school. And I was come quiet, that wasn't it? I was so joke. I'll pull my pants down. No one. Plough through it. No, I think I've mentioned before,

like got quite badly bullied when I was at school. I remember. I don't think anybody performing at the Edinburgh Fringe had a nice time at school. I'm a comedian. I got badly bullied. I don't know. There's not a single person who's like, high school, I smashed it.

Like, we became comedians. People were paid to watch me because I need the attention. No, but there was a real, at primary school, I was like that. I was like, I would make up of the games and was really excited to play. And like, if I wanted to play football, I'd be like, ask the boys if I could join in. And then there was post-Pee, post-bullying, where it was like, I'll just sit in the back here and just hide. Because I was so frightened of doing anything.

And I think that does have a massive effect. And you have to like, that's like the first thing of trying to be more confident is realizing why you're not confident. So you can like challenge the thoughts, maybe. Yes, 100%. Mine was always in my sartorial choices. Like I remember clothes were a big thing for me. When we stopped having uniform in sixth form. I remember that being just like a real nightmare.

They're like, now, why are you laughing? Oh, no, it's just because when we first did a sketch group together when I first became friends with Tessa, in like the nicest way possible, the clothesy world were mad. And in that's a lovely way. And it'd be like, yes, I'm wearing a dress, a skirt, trousers and four huddies. And it'd be like, Well, and it was just Tessa, it was like, oh, Tess is on, you wouldn't think about it, but now you don't dress like that.

So thinking of you and those clothes now is fully absurd to me. It's very sweet. Yeah, yeah. You know there's somebody who doesn't understand what the items were? Well, I'd get really, I get really cold, so I just put all my clothes on, you know. But like, you know, I may always be like, you've got two dresses and a pair of trousers on, right? I'm not exaggerating. That was, that was a thing I did. She did wear two dresses in a pair of dresses.

Yeah, because I, and I remember once this late wearing, I used to wear so many different colors all the time. not as like, I'm so kooky. Just I was like, well, here are all the things I own, so I just put them all on. Yeah. I was, I don't know why I was so weird. And I remember walking down the road in this lady, like I remember looking at her and her looking absolutely mad.

She looked like, she looked like she was going to tell my fortune, like that level of like, come in to my cat, I would have gone with her. And then she, I was thinking, what a crazy lady looking at her. And as we got closer, she went, lovely colours. I remember being like, okay, this has to stop. Like, the lady I've identified as a crazy gypsy has said, I look. And so I was like, right, this has got to stop. And it took a long time of like, remember I went to that Topshop, personal shop thing?

I like went and was like, I don't know what to do. What is there? Topshop is another shop. I know Top Shop. Yeah, but what's the personal shop? They have a free personal shopping thing and you can sign up for, and it's as long as you like, and a lady comes in to the check is like with you and, like, helps you. Wow.

Yeah, an Oxford street. London's Oxford Street. Yeah, and I remember sitting in a line-up of people that was waiting for our turn because like women were very trendy women were coming out and calling names and then you like went off into the dark with them. Oh, they're so scary. And then came out totally transformed. You didn't, I bought the weirdest stuff with her.

And I bought these cigarette pants, remember? I take them to me everywhere. I've never had the confidence to wear them. Oh, yeah. And they're really, they're just like simple black trousers. Yeah. And Tessa was acting like they were clown shoes. Yeah.

But I can't possibly go out in that. There was this other excellent year where Tessa was, she's got this beautiful winter coat. I mean, we'll get onto confidence in a minute, but I will talk about Tess's beautiful winter coat with like a faux fur trim, and it's like a lovely fit, and she turned up with it one day,

and she was holding it and was like, that is, now that's a coat. That's what you should be wearing in winter. She didn't wear it throughout the entire of winter because it was too good. And then started wearing it on the hottest day of the year, so it literally completely didn't use it.

You know how people talk about how, and they say they're wearing a hat, and then the whole time they're just like, I've got this hat on. That's how I feel about my whole body. Yeah, yeah, of course. But now not so much. Now I feel very sort of, it took me a long time to get there. I remember in high school introducing that I was a person who wanted to wear nail polish. You introduced that.

Yeah, like I felt like I couldn't just like come in one day with nail polish. So like I started with Claire. And then like nude colors. And then like gradually worked up to like the colours I wanted to wear. And nobody else had ever worn any nail varnish? No, they'd had. They absolutely had. But I was like, oh, you wanted to get in.

No, yeah, I did. And I just didn't want anyone to, excuse me. The mic's going all over the other than that. The mic's being a real purve. I didn't, I didn't want anyone to comment on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, just let me do it, just don't bring it up. Yeah.

And I remember I wore clear nail polish and someone commented on it. And it took me. Like, oh, your nails are shiny. Just like something like that, it took me maybe a month before I was ready to do it again. I mean, I was like 16, you know, 15. Yeah, it's hard. But even though, like, that is a big thing. There's confidence in general.

You need to push through it because if you don't push, if you never wore clear nail varnish again, you'd never, you'd still never have worn nail varnish. I know. And I'm not wearing any nail polish now, but I would feel absolutely comfortable wearing it. That's so good. That's such a step. Yeah, it's so wonderful. Well done you.

But it's weird the expectations you said around what people expect of you. Like, I don't really wear a lot of lipstick now in my life. So when I wear it, people are like, oh, you're wearing lipstick. And I'm always like, shut the fuck up, man. And my job, when I used to have like a very serious corporate job, I would wear lipstick every day, like a very bright color every day. And then one day I didn't wear lipstick. And they were like, oh, you're not wearing lipstick.

And I was like, shut up. I mean, live my life. Yeah, it's just people, you set up expectations, I think, about what you expect from people. No, definitely. Yeah, and then you've got to have the confidence to break him in. Yeah, and it is exactly that. They're like, they've just all, any sort of, in them saying, like, your nails are shiny or you've got lipstick on, it's such a sort of almost like a simple thing, such a simplistic thing to say as a human that we're just like, the thing is, the thing is changed and I'm saying it, like, oh, you're not wearing your glasses or like, oh, you've got a hat on.

You're like, as if I didn't know, as if I'm going to be like, what? Like, of course, like, people know, and yet you, we say it to people, just, we're just voicing the thought we've had. And then we take it on as like, shut up, what? Like, get the, shall I chop them off, you know? Yeah, and they're nothing. It was just a thing for them to say to fill a silence. Yeah.

Did she see something on that? And you've gone, oh, no, you hate it. You hate it. And you're like, I didn't say I hated it. I was just commenting. Yeah, it's fine. I know, I hadn't seen my friend Rose on, like, a couple of months. And I saw her at the airport, she was wearing a cat.

and I went oh great cat and she goes I know it's a bold choice as a lot exactly she clearly been thinking about it and then our other friend Emma was like did you bring up the cat she was like she said you'd say something

and I was like I said I loved it exactly we put it in our heads like it wasn't if you'd said like I like your you know your shoes or something that she wasn't thinking about she'd be like oh thanks thanks yeah exactly if it's in your head

there was I read something about how important it is to surround yourself with cheerleaders, not literal cheerleaders. I think that's pretty quite bad for your confidence. But I mean like, just people, because yesterday, last night, I ran into a friend of mine from university at Matt Johnson. And no one knows him here, but I just thought I'd tell him to him to him. I know.

And he's a very like... I'd love to get to know him. He's really great. He's really great. He's wildly flamboyant. Wildly flamboyed gay guy. He's just the most, like, he's just... just wonderful, a ray of sunshine. And he also...

He had his time in sort of the late 18th century. Oh, big time. He would have absolutely smashed court at that time. He would have smashed court. He's very, very... He compliments, like, really properly. And I think it's reminded... When I saw him last night, I was reminded

about how nobody does that. Like, no one goes, like... He literally was like, you look so great tonight. And I was like... At first I, obviously, went boiling hard. and wanted to leave the fringe again. But because that's his personality and because that's

like, it's not like out of character, it was just like so lovely and he was just being really nice and then, and he looked great as well. And then we just had a lovely conversation where we were both complimenting each other quite genuinely. And then just moved on and chatted about something else. And then I had to stop the conversation and be like, that

is such a nice exchange and people don't do that enough. And I think it's important to in your life, look around and be like because I think I've got a lot of people who are quite ironic and, you know, ironic, I think is the word I was looking for and I found it. And that's great and I love all of them. But I think you need a balance. You need like some people as well to like be like, you're doing really well, you know, apropos of nothing, you know?

Yeah. And I think that is sometimes quite important. And sometimes if you don't spend time with those people, you don't realize how important that was for your own confidence. But you should never look for confidence elsewhere. Sure. Absolutely. But have you ever done a compliment circle? Is this something that...

Oh, hello. Oh, good. No, that was me being like, yes, the lady's circle jerk. Yes, please. What's a compliment circle? Well, I started doing them when I was at law school and we would all be like in this little tiny room studying together, like crying and like really having a hard time.

And we would like take a break from studying and do like a compliment circle where we'd say like just one nice thing about it because we would also fight a lot in the room just because like tensions were high and we'd be like now it sounds so lame but we'd be arguing about cases

that's not lame I mean law yeah exactly that were real cases you were working on them well no we were just studying them right we just took it very took ourselves very seriously

yeah exactly and it started out being like okay we need to break the tension and we'll do a compliment circle where we like go around and we give like one sincere compliment to like the person next to us and it just goes around the room and then it's just something I've just kept doing in my life

and I do it all the time now well not all the time but with my friends if someone's having like a shit time you'll be like should we do a compliment circle that's lovely it is so sincere it's deathly sincere no but sometimes you do need sincerity and there are rules you can't make any jokes great you can't you have to say it sincerely

so you have to be genuine and it can't just be like I like your clothes Right yeah What kind of things? It could be like I love your style and the way you put things together You know like it can't just be like You've got cool shoes on today

Yeah it has to be like With depth Oh my goodness It's like there's like it's like a fascist compliment These are the rules I can't wait to do one Yeah yeah absolutely We'll do one during the fringe

It'll be so fun We do them sometimes in Facebook Messenger because there's a group of my friends who we often do them with my flat actually because we're all in different parts of the world someone will just be like should we do a compliment circle we set it up and legitimately I got a compliment once where I like cry it's like it's so nice and then that's that forever now I didn't share it no I don't want to share it

that would be absolutely mortifying but it's like being dead and someone's eulogizing you know it feels good man. Oh yeah, okay, that's the level of depth. Like, you're talking at the funeral? Yeah, almost like you're talking at a funeral. Yeah. I mean, it's not like, it's not overboard.

I mean, you're not doing like a monologue for 10 minutes. No, it's just one nice compliment. It's like one nice compliment. It's so nice because I immediately, my, like, I was like immediately jealous of your like vibrant group of women who, uh, oh, it's women and men. I'm so sorry for binary gendering that. I'm so sorry.

It's all right. It's okay. What a wonderful group of people. I don't know why I assumed this compliment circle was entirely female. I, yeah, I'm so, I was, because I think if I think about, like, my, large groups of my friends, I think we'd eventually get there, but it would take a long time to break down the cynicism and the jokes and to, like, get to a sincere, to understand, like, we're doing a sincere compliment circle now. Yeah.

Because so much of people's relationships are based on banter and jokes and it's at, like, a... That happens a lot as a comedian, especially, right? Because there's so many of your interactions are like, gag, and we're doing a bit, and then we're building on it. And, like, whenever I'm around my friends who are comedians and my friends who aren't comedians, I get so self-conscious. Yeah. I like, because the comedians will just be doing bits, and I'm like, oh, this is. I can see this through the eye. Yeah, exactly.

When there's someone else in the circle being like, what is this? Like, are they all right? Because they're, like, being possessed by an old Scottish woman. Like, do we need to talk about it? But there is something genuinely to it, like, about what you were talking about, like, being a child and that child-like thing about how that, I think, can make you feel, like, confident is, like, one, like, just having, like, having juvenile fun. Yeah. Like, is so good for that, because you really, like, doing an escape room. Yeah.

It's like you feel like you've accomplished something, you know, at the end of it. It's like, you're all escaped and you worked together. That's great. How to even be more confident? Just book an escape. scape room. It's a fucking escape room. Your confidence all sore.

You mentioned something then about, you said about the group of women and being like, and it just reminded me of a thing that's very important thing about confidence, which is not comparing yourself to others and not looking at, for example, other people's friends and being like, well they sound great,

like all that. But mainly about yourself and I think we talk about it a lot and bloody hell everyone talks about it. The social media situation is quite a huge factor in your own confidence now because now we've been given this other tool to beat ourselves over the head with

that we didn't have like 10 years ago when we could just be like, well I guess I'm having a nice day and I'll just have them a nice day whereas now it's like, I'm having a nice day oh God, they're having a better day or like, oh yes I'm single and she's not like all of that business and I think that's like a very difficult thing to navigate

and I've tried very hard this the last few weeks to be off social media so I don't see or pardon for that don't want to see a shit review. I also don't want to see anything that would make me feel jealous, because I'm not really a jealous person, and I would hate to feel that, you know what I mean? Or feel like I'm not as good or any of that business.

But it's impossible, and I've failed dramatically, and I have been on social media. And I'm, like, if any, I've been on it more. Yeah, Stevie messaged me the other day, I was like, as you know, I'm not on social media, and she just liked and then replied to one of my tweets. Yeah, I was like, Steve. While doing Instagram story.

I'm watching your Instagram every day. Well, that's a laugh. To be fair to me, to be fair to me, the rule was, because I have to engage, because of my show, I need people to come and see it, I'm allowed to go on, write a post, I'm not allowed to, but yeah, I wasn't allowed to look at notifications. I'd obviously completely that I'd done it. Really fallen through that. But yeah, I don't know how you guys feel about, like, social media or anything that we can do to kind of like stop siding or to build ourselves up and focus on ourselves rather than other people. Like, I'm chairing a board of... Yeah, I think social media is a divest. stating medium. Yeah.

That should ideally not exist. Ideally. And the revolutions, it's almost started, have mostly turned out to be a disaster. So on the whole, let's just can the internet

move on forward into the dark ages. Great tips. Okay, really great. I think that's good start. Yeah, it's really good start. Okay, genuinely, if you could remove, you get the power now. We remove Twitter and it goes from everyone on Instagram.

I would love that. And it goes from everyone's minds and no one knows that you did it. Yes. It's gone. Yeah, I'm doing it in an absolute habit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I would. Without a doubt.

Like, Twitter is so toxic. Not even people who are tweeting stuff at you. Like, yeah, I don't know. It's like even, okay, I'll admit that I did this. I searched my name on Twitter last night, which is like basically self-harm. It's basically what it was about. I had a bad show and I was like, you know what, I'll go home and see if I can find something to reinforce that. Oh, mate.

And then I did. I found like an average review and I was like, fuck everything. And do you know what? I've seen a nice review though. Yeah. So they all buttons out. There's been nice, there's been great reviews. And then there was one that was like not amazing, like just not amazing.

Yeah. And I was like, well, this is the true one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I think you do that with what people's opinions of you as well is that you're so reticent to agree with the positive things and so ready to agree with the negative things. And as a whole, Twitter kind of presents both of those. And then you just take in the negative and you go, oh, that's the real me.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And you literally just go for the one that you're like, well, I regret that. But I would say like the power of unfollowing people is great. I do that all the time. I mute people. I unfollow people on Instagram.

I mute them. Anyone who I just think that their feed is like making the feel bad, I just mute it. Get it out of your life. Get it out of that. Yeah, as soon as possible. Yeah, mute people in real life as well by just smacking them around the first. And then like unfollow people. Stop following them home.

Unfollow, you know, like just remove those people also don't have to see them if you have mean friends. You know, friends in people. Oh, go with mean friends. Saying all the stuff that they're doing that if they're always really like catty to you. Just be like, I don't need to see you anymore actually. I'll just hang out with my cheerleaders and my people who are nice and... I know, the power of not going out is huge.

Oh my God. Yeah, it's strong, really very strong within me. Let's all go back to bed and watch Glow. Yeah. I haven't watched the second season as it. Yeah, I've really enjoyed it. Oh, really? Yeah, I've just hit the finale

and I think it's very well made and very pleasing narratively. Oh, great. Yeah, a lot of stuff where you're like, oh, oh, um, you know? Last night, I was... watched half of the Katie Perry documentary. Oh.

Now. Now. It's the third time. So have you seen where she's crying? I've seen that yet. And she goes on stage. Yeah, but we didn't get to that part last night because everyone was getting tired and I was like, this cannot be the attitude we have towards the part of the documentary.

It's all propaganda, but I love it so much. Oh my God. It's so one point in this movie, it is edited in such a way that it appears. Talk about confidence. Am I right? Yeah. It's very relevant. It's edited in, well, this is a bit that I come back to it all the time,

that there's this bit where it looks like the crowd are in there already, like, chanting her name. And she is not dressed in her pyjamas downstairs crying about her divorce with Russell Brand. And it looks like that's happening at the same time, whereas really, that must have been like 11 a.m. in the morning. That woman's going through eight hours of makeup. But she does it. Like she does the show. She's, like, she is hysterical. And then this guy comes in and says, we can cancel Katie or we can do this.

And then she takes this big breath. All her, like, team are around her. And then she goes, showtime. This. And we literally watch it. We were like, hang on. We watched it so many times. And we were like, what is she saying?

And we like kept bringing people in and being like, what does she say now? And everyone's like, yeah, I don't remember that. But I thought you were talking about the bit where she's like waiting to go on stage. That we're getting to that. Wait, so she says showtime. The crucial point about showtime. She's saying showtime, everyone.

Is that in Massive Dad, before we go on, we say, showtime to each other. And then she's crying. She's being led to the stage, like, hunched because she's, like, crying so much. Then they put her in this tube. They put her in a tube, and somebody turns on her bosoms, and her bosoms start rotating. And then they get this, she gets given this glittery microphone, and then the tube starts going up.

And as it's going up, she just, like, leaves everything that she is behind and rises up as Katie Perry. And then when she comes out onto the stage and she's ready to do the show. It really is unbelievable, isn't it? It's unbelievable. It's truly unbelievable. It did not happen. But that is,

but that's what I sometimes think about that. You know when the idea of like, blacking confidence is so important. Like if you black it, like my worst nightmare is going to a party and I don't think I know anyone there. And I'm not sure. And I've tried to text people like,

so what time are you going to be there? And I'm like, they might come later and that's fine because it's their life, but I don't know if I'm going to talk to. And I get very, I think about that Katie Perry thing and being like, I'm in a tube, I'm going up to the party through my tube, and I enter it as Katie Perry. And you're like, you have to have that moment where it's like,

and now I'm acting for a little bit. Yeah. Until, and then it's always fine. And if it's not, you can just go home. Like literally nobody cares. But there's that, what's the word, falseness to it sometimes. Yeah, I think it's fine. Fake it till you make it thing of like, you just, right?

Oh, no, no, you're absolutely right. And I was just going to say there's like a hubris involved with thinking that people are thinking about you as much as, You think that they're thinking about you? Because they're actually not thinking about you. And no one gives a shit about you. They're thinking about themselves. Yeah.

Exactly. Like in your mind, you're like, everyone's thinking about me. But in everybody else's minds, they're just thinking about themselves too. There is such a funny episode of Family Guy set in a murder mystery. Has anyone seen it? It's like sort of that sort of, and then there were none parody of like everyone in the island is at the stately home. Stewie, who, if they don't want family guy, is a baby, is wearing shorts. and he is just going around

at the whole party being like I'm going completely the wrong thing people are getting murdered and Stuart just keeps popping in and like everyone's looking at these tennis shorts it's completely wrong it's such a beautiful analogy of like how it feels

everyone's looking at my nail varnish and they're there in their head being like I'm wearing a hat everybody's thinking their own personal I've got these shorts on you know nobody actually cares about totally you at all no no they're actually quite liberating

isn't it and it's just like oh I'll just And, you know, you meet, when you hear from people that you think are really cool and really confident, when they're like, oh, I had this bad time or this happened to me. Like Alice Sneddon when she shared her childhood memory of shame. When she had that, everyone was all like, just my memory of last night. Yes. You're saying that.

You're like, oh, okay, like everyone's a person and everyone is going through it. Of course. I think that's what's important to remember. Exactly that is that, like, my whole show is a lie. It's all about being confident, but none of it's true. All of it's about like faking it until you get there until you start to feel better about yourself, I think. Yeah.

And everyone always has shit moments. I've never met a person and then gotten to know them and been like, you know what, they have it together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right, exactly, you never meet someone. You're like, they are exactly as good as I first thought. Oh, maybe Obama. No, this is my favorite thing about Obama.

He worked so hard at that, at like, looking like the coolest kid in the block. Really? And he used to do a thing that he practiced. He practiced for hours and hours and hours. looking that cool and that fly. Is that when he caught the fly? Remember that?

Yeah. Obama. And you know what? I've never heard about this, but now it's the second time in this week that I've heard about it. Go and watch it in to where he came. No, I watched it.

Oh, so of course I did. I was like, I've got to see this. It's like, he does it. Then he says like, hmm, like this is this little nod. And it was like women's ovaries across the country just like exploded. Like Obama!

But he used to practice when he met people in a lineup, they would have their name badges on and he would shake people's hands and as he was walking to the next person oh no sorry as he's shaking their hand he clocks the person two along really subtly then he gets to the so he's memorizing them

two ahead so when he moves and he says like so lovely to meet you then he moves to the next person without breaking eye contact and says Alice wonderful to see you again and you're like but he didn't see my name tag he's like he knows my name but he's memorized it too before so like everything is this like duck under the surface like pedaling away

that's incredible we're almost at the end I just want to do some quick sort of top tips that like Obama's tips. Everyone should weird name tips. Everyone wear your name tag all the time. They're just in that sort of like faking it thing of like, so what is that like if you're on the spot or you are, feel like you have that sort of white hot panic of like,

oh my goodness, I can't do this. The time when you think like, oh, everyone's looking at me and they're waiting for an answer, in your head like a millennia has passed. And on the outside, everyone's like, she's just taking a time thinking of the question. Like, you just take that breath. And when you panic and you breathe like really shallowly up here into your chest and it just like,

so you just be like take a breath into your stomach and push your stomach out, push it back in. And then you're like, okay, take a moment. I'm ready to answer here and ground your feet and put them both on the floor and stand up. And all of those things are like this sort of fake body language of people being like, oh, I know what you're talking about. And if you can, like don't let. So this is just what happened to me today when we came in here is that like setting up these microphones. these things are called an SM 58 and I'd had several messages being like but are there any SM 58s and then I was like

apparently there's an SM 58 is that right to everyone and they were like and they're like yeah yeah and I was like yeah and I was like what is an SM 58 and they were like a microphone and I was like oh why don't you just say microphone yeah are there only microphones are only microphones but now as soon as we've heard this word we're like oh okay like I don't know and I was immediately this like oh I don't know the staff you know and then as soon it's called microphone I'm like microphone anyone need an SM 58 let it and I'm feeling I'm like you know so once you're you know the lingo, you aren't sort of locked out of that process. And also asking questions. And asking questions.

You feel like your confidence and your power has gone completely when you go, what's an SM 58? Because you're proving that you don't know. Yeah. Actually, no one cares that you've asked that question. It's fine. A lot of people are frightening to ask questions like that because they're like, people will think I'm stupid.

You're like, no, no one thinks you're stupid. They'll just answer the question. And they should have called it a microphone anyway. Yeah, crucially. Yeah. So if you say it in this, like, when I first started working as an intern, people would ask me to do things and I would just shout. I'm completely hopeless.

this because I was so worried that they would bitch about me and say that in turn is hopeless. I just like said it for them anyway. I was like, what a useless self-fulfilling prophecy. You know, you don't have, and I was always like, oh, I don't know person. If you just like say, oh, I don't know, you know, everyone's like, cool. What a cool. It's a power move. Yeah.

Yeah. She accepts her ignorance. Yeah. Just like asking questions and saying I don't know something is a powerful thing to do. I fully support it. Great. Right, I'm glad you have my support. Yeah, and in a powerful way being like,

oh, I don't know what that is. And it's possible to, we've come to the same place. I've said, oh, I don't know what it is. Or I can go, oh, I don't know what that is. So different. With my shrill little voice. You know, and immediately everyone's been like, that girl doesn't know anything.

And I felt panicked and I've done my shallow chest breathing. Or I can just own the space. Take my moment. It's been kind of equivalent of like creating something or making something and being like before they've seen it. It's a piece of shit though. Yeah. Because here's my birthday gift.

You'll hate it. You'll hate it because, yeah. Oh my God. I do that. I had to stop doing that. Whenever I bought presents for people, I'd immediately be like, oh, it's awful and that's shit, and it's not, you won't like it. Here's the receipt. Yeah, I've got the receipt.

It's ridiculous. You just, if you cut that out, then everyone has such a nice time. Because then they feel like they can go, actually, yeah, that's not quite right or what I wanted, because you've made such a big deal out of it. They can't say that now, because you've got, like, you've looked like you're going to kill yourself

if they don't like it. Yeah. And like, it's fine. If you look at like a baby's face and you do like big eyes or you make a thing, like babies will just follow you whatever you're doing because a baby that's weird that's really instinctive

because they're fucking dumb stupid stupid babies but if you are smiling at a person they automatically smile back the same thing with like yawning or whatever so if you bring that like I'm smiling incompetent I know what I'm doing energy into your face however pretend that is

people are like oh I assumed you with that sort of person she's a tranquil babe she's a tranquil babe and you're like inside I'm screaming but I know you're a tranquil babe And then sometimes if you are too tired to do that, it's okay to stay home. Those are the messages here. Just stay home.

Always stay home. That's hard to be confident. Don't leave the house. But sometimes I always feel like I agree with everything you said, but sometimes you do just need a breakout as well. And just to be like, I can't socialize with people tonight. Oh, 100%. Yeah, you should never push through. You don't have to push through.

It's always nice to keep an eye on it. So if you're never pushing through, then maybe. Yeah. Everything in moderation. That's one of the most joyous things for me about becoming an older person. To be a bit of an old woman. As I approached my old age, you know, as in like, my favorite thing I think about growing up has been being like, I'm not coming to that. Yeah, it's so good. I'm just saying like, that sounds absolutely shit.

Just saying it rather than being like, oh God, okay, how will I get out of this? I love when people say, do you want to come to this and I say, no. No, fucking way. No, I'm not busy. No, I'm not busy. I'm doing something else. Anything else. I'm making carbonara and watching the rest of Katie Berry.

I'm like, I can't work. We've got the ingredients in the fridge for like a chicken noodle salad. This is too much. This is so good. It's so nice. I love a supermarket. Chemists and supermarkets. On that way.

So that, I thought that was very useful. I feel a little bit more confident in my life. I feel a little bit more confident. No, I've made the cardinal error. I've shouted. No, I do feel a little bit more confident. I feel a little bit more like, yeah, that was really fun. But now say, that was incredibly useful.

That was incredibly useful to me. There you go, and now we're all like, okay, it was a woman and a human. I found that useful. So if you, yeah, we're obviously, we're live from Edinburgh. We're going to be doing these, the next two weeks. We're also going to be live. Next week we've got Jesse Cave, is that correct? Correct.

We've got Nish Kumar. Today's been Alice Sneddon at 945 in the Pleasance, fucking what is it? The Pleasant's bunker. Pleasant's bunker one. Pleasant's courtyard, bunker one. So for more of that, which you need in your life. These docile times.

Hello. Go and check her out. Go and check out Tess at Coats. 3.30 in the Pleasant V. She's doing it. And Stevie. Volume one. Pleasance below.

6 o'clock. Yeah. Oh, good time. It clashes a lot of good people, but it's a sweet time. I'm enjoying myself. Now, I also, just before we go, I wanted to thank, it's not sponsored thing, it's just a vegan makeup range, people. If you listen to this marketing person, I've smashed it. Basically, there's a vegan makeup range called Very Vegan.

And vegan makeup is, you know, you're like, what? Okay, sure, I didn't know makeup had eggs in it. But actually, there's no animal. testing is cruelty free. I immediately was like, well I can't, because this is going to be like a million pounds. It's like eight pounds for a beautiful eye shadow quad and it's all good

for animals. So I just wanted to give them a shout out because they sent it to me and I was like, okay, tried it and it's excellent. Great. It's online, it's called Very Vegan range from W7 Cosmetics. Ooh, very regent. Anything you want to plug or anything you brought from the chemist that you

really enjoyed or anything any smelly or anything? Last night, I did a black charcoal face mask. That was good, but it was actually hard because it wasn't, I was sweating because of the heat. So it didn't dry up in the way. So I changed to a coffee mask from Lush. That was an exfoliator.

Two face masks in a... Yeah, it's pretty wild life. Double face masks. Also I do a podcast with Rose Matafel called Bono's of the Heart. You can listen to that. What's it about these? It's just about us talking about the weird celebrities, weird fuck.

Who's your number? Well like the first ever epe we did was me to me about this very vivid sex stream I'd had about Danny DeVito. So it's like it's those sorts of things and then honestly it's turned into a real rigmarole of a lot of other shit. So I don't know what the podcast is now just us yelling at each other basically. My most intense sex-beam was about Louie from One Direction. Really? On the run and it was so sexy. That's so cool.

I had a sex stream the other night about Kate McKinnon from Essendon. now. Do you know her? Oh yes I do. Yeah. So the funniest part of the dream was that she was in my bed and um like we were we were about to have sex and then all of my flatmates arrived home and were like wow Kate McKinnon's here and then they all got in the bed with her and I came into the room and was like what is happening here and then in my dream I said very confidently everybody but Kate out. So confident yeah and did they do it in the dream? Yeah they did but I actually can't remember the moment of fucking K which is...

But what you've got to take home is that confident moment that you can't control. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I can remember everything about Danny DeVito though. It's so amazing. Was he taller than you in the dream? No, in fact, one of the big... I won't... Just listen to the podcast. Genuinely do. There's a point where his feet

are dangling off the bed and that's a highlight. Bonas of the heart. Go and download it immediately. I'm going to listen to it on the way home now. Come and find us. At Tessica. at Alice Sneddon. Yes. At Stevie Martin, the S is a 5, at Nobody Panicponipod.

Email us. Nobody Panicpodcast at gmail.com. If you have any suggestions or the things you like to hear. Yes. And just have a lovely week. Have a confident week. Speak with confidence and pride. Put those feet down and own your space.

Thanks so much for having us. And thank you very much for coming, audience. Have a lovely week. Rest of your festival. Thank you so much.