Nobody Panic - How to Be Content in Your Own Company

Episode Date: November 3, 2020

With a maybe lockdown looming, and the promise that we’re all going to have to be spending a lot more time on our own this winter, Stevie and Tessa explore how to enjoy your own company, the difference between being lonely and being alone, and how to not just survive, but thrive on your own. Want to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded by Ben Williams and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive Productions.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. nobody panic. We are a podcast. We are here to help you through life's business. I'm Stevie. I'm Tessa. Are we equipped for this? No. Are we here? Yes.

To honest, that's half the battle. Yeah, we're here. And they're just like, I'm here. And be like, yeah, that's good enough, isn't it? We've shown up. We've shown up, guys. And you've shown up. Look, we're all here together. What more could you? What more could you possibly ask for? And this week we are taking a suggestion from Neve. Neve says she's currently in the second year of uni and she lives alone in a studio. Struggles with her mental health, but only now realizing how much I don't know myself and can be alone. How to enjoy your own company? And I could not relate more. We did this episode as the debrief podcast a long time ago.

But that was a long time ago and it feels it should be updated for an MP. For an MP and also for a good old, it looks like. things are taking some steps back on how much we're allowed out and allowed to see people. And so it feels like learning to enjoy your own company is going to be pretty important in the months ahead. Yes. I mean, it's going to be a chilly and lonely winter, you know? Yes.

But it doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be. Because there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. And while you can't change one, you can change the other. And that is also coming from somebody who genuinely up until about, I'd say, two years ago, could not be alone for more than an hour without going completely insane. And now, maybe it's three hours. Now I actually can. What, if I may, what kind of, what did you not enjoy about being on your own? I couldn't really put my finger on it. I just panic. So just,

don't know what to do. I feel like I make all the wrong decisions. Suddenly I realize I haven't actually seen daylight for three days. My hair is just stood up on end and I don't know my own name. And I don't know how I got there. And I think that's the crucial thing. It's like, it's not like you make very bad decisions or you're like, oh, I am frightened of being alone. You just don't do it very well. Yes.

I think to me it's like, listen, I might like lay face down on the floor. And then there's a realization of being like, if I don't get up, like nobody is, nobody will know. I could be here for hours. Like, I could be here for days face down on this floor. Like, whereas if like you live with people, you know, like eventually someone will come home and be like, what are you doing on the floor? And you're like, I don't know.

I don't know, then you'll get up. But like, it's that realization of like, oh, there's nothing in the diary. There's no one to see. There's no, there's no thing ahead for so many days. And I have to, I have to be in charge of that time. And also, even if you're very good at being alone at the moment, it's going to be difficult. Of course. Of course.

Before we do it, shall we do our adult things? Because I can feel like this is, we're very passionate about this. Absolutely. I moved. Listen, let me get right into it. Down to Brock. I've started wild swimming. I was reticent to say it in case now it'll become really popular over winter,

but I think it's going to be freezing cold, and I think there's going to be there. I live very near the Stoke-Newington West Reservoir, which if you live anywhere near the area, from 6 a.m. till 7 p.m. at night is open all day for swimming. And you can swim outdoors, and it's truly, it's been my most magical thing I've discovered in lockdown. It's genuinely like kept me sane.

I swam all summer when it was hot, and now it's got cold. I was like, oh, forget that. I've bought a wetsuit, Stevie. Excellent. I bought a wetsuit and I splashed out. Well, quite. No, I was like, well, I've got nothing on and I might as well invest in this thing because if you've ever had a wetsuit on and I have, you know,

that childhood experience of like being made to wear a wetsuit, I can just see myself as a teenager being, I don't even know what activity we were doing, being handed a wetsuit on some kind of like, you know, fun course, whatever, handed a wetsuit from a barrel of water, like a wetsuit. Yes. Wet suit that had been worn by other people. And then putting it on and being like, this is the most,

I feel physically uncomfortable and this is the most un, and then being like, just jog up a few times up and down the beach. And then me just like gently careening over being like, this is horrendous. So I bought like the fanciest, you know, like Black Panther one I could find. So that I felt like, so I felt confident. Of course, in Black Panther, they all just wear wetsuits. Well, he does have a sort of, he has got a good superhero skin tight suit, isn't it? Yeah.

He has got a bit of a wet suit on. It's a bit of a wetsuit, isn't it? Black Panther, he's in his wetsuit. Yeah, that's what people say. Famously, that's what Wakanda is famous for. Fantastic quality wetsuits. And so I was like, at least I'll feel like a fancy lady. And I admittedly the first five minutes are absolutely horrendous.

But then you're like, oh my God, I'm swimming. And so I thoroughly recommend if you are anywhere near, and you'll probably think, oh, I've got nothing like that near me. But I bet, the stuff is out there. Like you'd be surprised if you start Googling, like outdoor swimming, how many places are still open and how much, like, sort of weird little secret nooks there are where a really enthusiastic gang of kayakers are like going swimming. So hard recommend if you can get yourself to some body of water, really do.

It's been, I found it the most, I found it really, what would you, what would you call it, Stevie? A boon. A boon, an absolute boon. Yeah. So, but it's so brave of me because I fucking hate the cold and I hate cold water. Yeah. I think it's brilliant. And also you don't like things being on you.

No, no, right. Right, I don't like things being on me. Thank you, Steefe. You really, I really felt seen then. I don't like things being on me. What's yours? So I think anything to do with a pet when you have responsibility over another thing. It's something that I would never, I still would say that I don't.

And then I forget that I actually do have responsibility over a tortoise. Yes. And they are much more complex than I would have thought having bought one. And I think what people do is they put them in a box in a garden. in the cold, which they shouldn't, and go, less slow and boring, but actually when you look after them, they're very complicated. And I found out last week, just how complicated my tortoise is. There's been an ongoing issue. We found out very sadly she has a lifelong infection. It was, what's the word, presenting as a bad eye. So she just kept her eyes shut for ages.

So we called her old one eye for a bit. That was a lot of fun. Try to give her eye drops. If you ever give and tried to give a tortoise and eye drop, obviously she just goes into a shell. Then she became quite okay with it. I felt like this is, so I felt like I've trained, her, which was one of the most adult moments of my life when I picked her up for the 70th time and she just kept her head out and she kept her eyes open. Brilliant. Brilliant. But then the vets like, I don't know what to do. We actually have reached the end of our kind of expertise. You're going to have to take it to Potter's Bar, which is like, it was outside a Potter's Bar. The end of the Metropolitan line, Potter's Bar. Yes. And then got off the train and was like,

I'll do the 20 minute walk in the pouring rain. The walk was through a farm and then a forest and it was pouring with rain and it was probably and then I was there for about four and a half hours and sat in the lobby because obviously everyone has like cool fancy cars because they're outside of London and I'm not so they allowed me to sit in the lobby with the uh what's the automatic doors just opening and closing just constantly whenever I moved in the freezing cold and so there and she had every test available under the sun like she had like seven by a tortoise eye specialist imagine that imagine that's your job wow and they were They were busy, were busy, were they? Oh, no, no, very not, very much not, very much. Oh, hello, somebody's here in the middle of nowhere. And the results came back. The guy came over and said, there's nothing wrong with her. We think she's pretending for attention. So I just would like to say that's what I've learned a lot. I also really did invest. I held my tortoise aloft in the rain as I walked across the farm. And now I know what it truly feels like to, I guess one small step to what it truly feels like to like, to like,

invest so much and have so much responsibility for something else, and then to just sort of essentially take the piss, nearly drop kicked her out of the lobby, was like, and it's cost us so much money as well. I was like, okay, that's fine. I was like, are you sure there's something? She's like, no, I think she just likes holding it like that. I was like, oh my God!

Okay, so now she's doing it now. She's blinking at me. It's all a lie. Oh, Alison. That was my adult thing. That's very fun. And listen, much as Alison craves attention from you, Alison should learn

just to be a bit happier in our own company could she Alison Could she? Actually Alison I was going to use Alison as a sort of barometer for or like

guiding point of like think how to actually fill your day because there's nobody in the flat that is as busy as Alison but she doesn't have anything to do and it's all very much like well can you please

I'm going down the hall I must do that first and then I'm going to go round there. I'll sit there, actually. I'll look at the wall for a bit. No, I'm not having food now because I've got to go over. You're like, what are you? What are you? Why are you running?

Why are you moving so quickly to just go and stand in front of the fridge and just look at it? I don't understand what you're doing. I, friends of mine have just had a baby, and they have been into a special, like, baby, you know, they're taking it very seriously. And a really interesting baby-talking lady was saying about how, like, if you go and collect your toddler from playgroup or whatever,

whatever the toddler is doing, is as important to the toddler as your job is to you. So if you just go over while they're in the sandpit, and you're like, come on, right, put your coat on, we're leaving. And the toddler obviously has a meltdown. Just because to them, like, as it is for Alison, walking down the hall. Like, this is the, it's like someone comes into your work and it's like, stop those spreadsheets and it just like deletes everything.

And like, obviously you'd freak out. And so it just made me laugh so much thinking about like how it's exactly that. Like, you've just got to be that nobody's thing is really that important in the grand scheme of things. we've just got to, you've got to have things in your day that are like, I'm making sandcastles now in the sandpit. I'm walking down the hall. I've got stuff on. I'm a busy torch.

And that actually is the kind of, there's lots of, I think, factors in why I'm able to be on my own for a week or so now. I mean, I haven't got, I mean, I can probably go longer, but it all comes back to the same thing, which is that it's having some sort of schedule. And like even, because there's something so fun. And yes, absolutely. Like having a lion, for example, for me, I just love it. And that's what I'd like to do. But it makes me upset.

It makes me sad for what. It doesn't matter. I don't need to interrogate why. It just does. It makes me feel like I'm already behind. Behind and everyone else is up and whatever. But so it's, you know, it's very easy to kind of worry about that. But actually it's just like just you're going to have to get up.

So having, just simply, even if the only thing that you start with is like, okay, well, I'm going to make sure that I'm up at this time. And I don't have to be out of bed. I could be reading. I could be like, you know, whatever. As long as I'm awake and out of, and like out of sleep at this time. And then you can also as well, if that's like, because I find that gross as a thought of like weekends and stuff, you can be like, well, on Sunday I get out of bed whenever I want. But that's scheduled. So it's still fine.

Like, so it's even that. And that, you might be listening thinking. okay like just that's your problem with like lying in but like you can extrapolate that to anything it's a real double-age sort of like waking up in the morning and being like oh ho ho nobody i know i'm not i don't have to go anywhere nobody needs me to being like oh my god nobody needs me you've got to really know yourself and you've just got to be like let's keep those things in check and be like here are my deadlines here are my schedules here's like i'm checking in with these people at this time like this are the thing so that therefore your your alone time is treasured rather than being like

something that feels overwhelming to you you know that you you sort of you give yourself clear routine and structure and you help yourself and you care for yourself you don't just allow yourself to just plop off the deep end yeah because it feels like oh it's fun and then it's like there's a reason as much as I disagree with lots of the way that society is set up as a lot of lots of price

too regimented but there is a reason why it is like that and it's been so successful and adopted by people because the majority of us do need structure. Well, I think all of us do need structure in order to feel like we are, that we've achieved something in the day, no matter how small. And whether that is, like I said it before a few times,

but I've sort of got into the idea of exercising in some way, some small way. It doesn't have to be like an insane hour-long hit class. It could be just some light stretching. I'm going to touch my toes at this time. Like, for me it's 6 o'clock because that's the time when for me it feels like the working days ended. I need something to signify that the evening has started that isn't just having a glass of wine,

that is something good. And while there's definitely been days where the structure of my day and everything has gone to part or I've lost the plot really, I sort of see those as like almost medicine. It's like them are tent poles without them. The tent just falls down all over me. So I absolutely need to get up at half-nepard. and I absolutely need to work out.

And to be honest, the getting up a half-in-law is. And even the last two weeks I've realized that I should do that. And that has often meant that it's been, I've had quite hard days because I haven't sat down and identified. So, like, that is your problem.

It doesn't matter why it's a problem. That's the thing that makes you sad. So you need to just not do it. Yeah, it's sort of lack of purpose, isn't it? It's being like, and then it's such a quick step from your lack of purpose of being like, what does I get done today to being like,

what am I, what's the point of me? then I'm like, oh, what's the point of me? Yeah, like, what am I doing tomorrow? Oh, God. And a lot of people will be working. So a lot of people will be happy. I've got a friend. I've got two friends.

One friend. I've got two friends. One of them, both in the living alone. One of them has a job. And so works between like, I think it's like half nine and six. And then the other one is an actor and so isn't really working. And it has really nothing to do. Both them are having, both of them are having really hard times coping with assess.

especially the second lockdown, but also the first one, for very different reasons, but I would have said, oh, it would be easier if you had a job in the day because you've got a structure and you've got something to do all day. But then it's like, well, then the job ends, and then you're like, well, now I don't know what to do with my evening. Now it just sort of feels nothing.

So that's the, that's the, and obviously the other friend, there's no structure at all. So she's basically like turned into a vampire. She's like up all night. And then, and I think it's very difficult to, you have, like, There's not really a way, if you're really struggling being on your own, it's, it's not really a way to make lockdown and tier, whatever we're on when you're listening to this, tier, the 17, whatever, like, it's, it's really hard to make that,

to solve that, because that's, that is, you're going to have hard days and you're going to have very monotonous days and you can't do half of things that you would normally, that we would normally say to do, to look after yourself being on your own, like, you know, go, out or like or just or you know enjoying the the the the the time that you have and making sure that you don't what's the word um fill your time with socialising so you're never alone like practice being alone before you like ease yourself into it you're not being given that at the moment now it's just like you have to do it but there are you have to they all start having it suppose like an honest conversation with yourself which sounds lame about like okay what are the things that i when

remember when I was working and when I was out of time, what were the things that I was always like, oh, I never have time to do this, oh, I never have time to that. Make a list of those things and, like, work your way through this, figure out how you can start scheduling everything in, in sense of like, so tomorrow I'm going to do that, even if it's like, okay, so I'm going to like finish that book

and I'm going to, I don't know, speak to some people about work or that evening I'm going to, you know, start that series, and then I'm going to end that. Like, even things as simple as that, it just gives you a sense that your day, you can see what your day, is going to be before you wake up, which I think is the scary thing when you see all those hours ahead. You're like, oh. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, absolutely. I think thoughts are a massive issue. I see so much Twitter work to the, like, that's like very like, when your

Netflix show ends and you haven't got another one lined up and you're just like left alone with your thoughts, ha ha ha ha. Or like when the podcast, when your buttery runs out on your phone and your podcast ends and now you're just alone with your thoughts like, ha ha ha. And then everyone's like, oh yes, ha ha. And I'm like, oh, yes, should we address this? ha ha ha that we're like if we're not being constantly stimulated that's our greatest fear that like our phone will die or our you know that we have to we we we're worried to eat even a meal you know with no constant stimulation because we don't want to be left alone with our thoughts and I think it's sort of giving easing yourself into that and being like okay I have one hour

a day where I go for a walk with no outside stimulation whatsoever like I don't take my phone with me or I keep it in my pocket whatever and I just practice getting to the habit of like content learning to be content just walking along on my own and I would recommend walking rather having your like your weird hour where you sit alone in your room. Yeah that's that can be quite difficult. Don't do that but like take yourself for a world where you aren't listening to something you aren't distractively distracting yourself. You're choosing to be alone and to like be with those thoughts and even if they're not pleasant to like take the time to be like okay this you know like here they are and I'm not just I'm not I'm sorry trying

to address them as best I can rather than just being like distract distract distract distract we're watching this. We're listening at that. We're doing it. We're doing it. We're this, we're doing something else rather than like those thoughts in, like, there's only so long you can keep that door bolted shut, you've got to sort of open it for a little bit every day and be like, okay, let's, you know, let's address, let's address what's in here and not just, you know, I think we're so good as a, as a, as a entire species maybe, of being like, ha ha ha, ha, we're all like, yes, ha ha, rather than anyone being like, shall we, should we, should we unpack that? Should we deal with it? Yeah, and it's obviously got worse because of,

with smartphones and stuff that that has meant that yeah i mean i i definitely used to be able to like at least go to the loo and yeah yeah yeah have to look at something whereas now i'm like where's my phone because i need a wee it's like hang on yeah yeah yeah so start there maybe be like this phone doesn't come to the toilet anymore i just i that's gross it's gross and then just be like i go to the toilet and i think about what i'm eating or i think about my body in some way or in some way reconnect with myself because that is the ultimate thing about enjoying your own company is being like I think I'm a good laugh like I'm good I'll have some good thoughts I'll have some interesting musings and observations yeah I'm someone good and I and I and I totally feel what it is to like to

you know me and we've had some laughs in the past me and Stevie um and I think we used to joke about was like how my brain have basically got like a cheerleader in it that any time like I said anything my whole brain we'd be like go tessa say it again say it louder that guy didn't hear it and then definitely in like lockdown and I know I'm incredibly lucky to have like to have solid self-confidence which is not something you can I truly think it's like something you like you lucked out with at the gene pool or you didn't really

but like I definitely in lockdown I felt that voice 1,000% go away that's just like it's now being like what's fucking stupid what you fucking shut shut shut shut up I think that like, you know, that you used to talk about in the past. And I'd be like, just say, just say, say it again, Steve. It's so easy. And then when the voice is like, that was, you know, it's, it's, it's really, it's, that was appalling what you've just said.

That's what my cheerily does say. Oh, rethink that. Oh, God, that was dog shit again. That was dog, absolute crap from you. Once again. So. And then you've just got to be like, hey, I've got to, I've got to live with me. So, and I'm all right, actually.

And I've got some good things going. on and I don't need to speak to myself like that. Like, I've done all right. Having a dedicated, like as well, when you said about, you know, we can't even have a meal or something without, and I think that's, I started doing that. And now I've stopped and now we have dinner. Well, I've dinner. If I'm, if, if the shadow is not here, I have dinner.

We're not in front of the TV. I mean, I don't have a table. So I have to sit in front of the TV, but it's off. And it's just like, I'm going to enjoy the meal I eat because I've been very at least for God's sake enjoy the food. But that might be a nice, like, as well, doing those things. It sounds mad, but that's like an active thing to do. That's a thing that requires some kind of, what, effort.

And so that's something that is, it becomes a thing in your day. Well, what, you can change it as well. So what time and when, how do I want to do my, like, alone alone time today? Will it be on a walk? Shall I do like some sort of, should I go for a jog or something? What will my thing be today? Yeah. be dinner with myself? Will it be... Or lunch? Or lunch for the lady. Um, what will, what will,

what will be my time, my hour where I actively choose to spend that with myself? And I, and you make that choice about what kind of thing you're going to do rather than it feeling forced upon you and being like, oh my God, now I'm alone for the hour. Be like, no, I made this hour. I, I made a choice there. And also as well, it's the worst thing ever, but it is, there is a truth in it. And I hate everyone that was talking about, we said a lot about how during a lot done it was all that thing about you like oh now you can write your book you're like ha ha ha ha ha ha but now that it's settled down and now that you know we're almost we're almost used to living in this in this horrific period of time if you do have something that you've always been like well i'll never be able to do that

like i mean genuine i was like well i'll never be able to get up a half nine ever like like and i can and i feel really good about it and so even something as simple as that just something that you're always like oh i'll never drink eight glasses of water a day But why not just pick something. Touch your toes. Learn how to touch toes. Or like some yoga. Like I again.

Well, yeah. Something that you've always been like, you know, and it sounds very, it doesn't have to be, you know, I'm not saying write a book or start a side hustle or whatever. I'm just saying like if you're something that you've been interested in. Like if you've just been like, I'd quite like to learn, I don't know, how to make some jewelry or I've always wanted to be better at drawing. Learn what quantitative easing is. oh my god yes buy a book on philosophy even though that it's very it makes you feel defensive immediately when someone says essentially get a hobby like it's not that it's just it's just paying a little bit into yourself rather than constantly looking like tessus you're saying like

constantly distracting and constantly actually that is again spending a bit of time with yourself doing something and using you and then feeling like you've used the time well even if that is just you've drank some water and you're like well so then at the end of the day if you're feeling shit you're like well at least i ticked off that thing i ticked it off yeah i wrote some things on my to-do list and i ticked some off and that's and that's it isn't it that's all you can that's really all you can ask for in this day or you can ask for um i just want to quickly towards in i want to talk about um i mean it's illegal to do the things that you know would normally come up on sort of spending time with yourself you know people would say like take yourself for a date like

go to a museum on your own go to a cafe go to the cinema go for a restaurant and that's the thing that people always bring up but being like, oh, I could never go to a restaurant on my own. Like I'd be too embarrassed or I couldn't. Oh my God, you go play. And I think it's, obviously, if you do feel safe and able and you can,

like definitely do go and do those things on your own and discover like how freeing and how easy and how not nearly as bad as you think it is. I want to talk about this psychological idea, idea called the spotlight effect, which is how we're basically obsessed with believing that we are the focus of everyone around us attention. Correct. Correct.

I am. I always, I've brought it up before I know, but there's an episode of Family Guide that is basically a sort of Agatha Christie and then there were none, piss-taking which the entire town of Cawahog is being systematically murdered in a big, grand old house. And Stewie the baby is wearing tennis shorts. and even though people are dying, he just keeps going up to being like, is everyone looking at my shorts?

Everyone is, isn't they? They're completely wrong. Oh, God, the shorts! You know, so like every scene is undermined by Stewie being like, was everyone whispering about my shorts? I mean, like, no, there's a murderer, Stewie. And I think that's how we feel when we go to dinner by ourselves or when we go to the cinema,

we're like, oh my God, everyone's looking at me. And we're like, no one is looking at you. It's all something nicely called anchoring and adjustment, which is when you enter a social situation, you immediately believe that basically everybody has your total internal monologue to be able to read, which they don't and they don't care. But you are the focus of attention, again, you're not, and that we decide what others think of us based on our self-perceptions

rather than the feedback that others actually give us. So we've just assumed all those terrible things. And this, I've been thinking about this guy for a while. There's a guy called, and you can look this up on YouTube if you want, there's a guy called Dan Harris, who is a guy called, a presenter on ABC News. And about 10 years ago, he's written a book and but stuff about this now,

but about 10 years ago, he has a panic attack live on television. And when you sort of hear that, you're like, oh my God, that must have been awful. You know, like, and then he, you know, he describes it as the worst moment of his life, but then later the most embarrassing and like, not only was it terrifying and all those things,

but he was also like mortified. And actually, if you watch the clip, and it's very readily available, if you watch the clip, at best, you'd be like, he's like trying to control a cough maybe but like if I showed you that clip and I'd be like what do you think it's happening here you'd be like he read the news

like you wouldn't you would have no concept of what was happening and for him he was like everyone at home is seeing this and this is the worst thing that's ever happened and you're like nobody gives one shit even if the thing that's happening is literally the worst thing you've ever experienced

nobody's even paying you the slightest bit of attention and so I think it's and sorry That makes it much, much worse. Be like, nobody gives one shit about you. No one cares. But like, just if you are, if the thing that holds you back from, like,

hanging out by yourself or going to things by yourself is this constant being like, everyone will judge me, everyone will think, you know, so badly of me. Everyone knows I've, everyone knows I'm on my own. Be like, be free to do the things that you want to do if you want to do them because nobody is thinking about you. And also as well, you can use this time when you're on your own to like do things like, there are books and there are interesting self-help books, interesting, like, psychology books, about the inability to be on your own.

So you could use it as a time to, like, learn why you can't be on your own. Like, what is it about human brains? What is it about your brain? What is it? Because that's interesting. It's also incredibly relevant to what you're going through. So you'll find it really interesting. And there'll be a lot, because, you know, we can't obviously help everybody listening how to be on their own because you're all different.

and what works for us, won't work for you. But you can use, but coming at it with a sense of curiosity rather than judgment and sadness and fear is probably a much better use of your time. And also, it will give you a bit of a boost. It's like whenever you're doing,

whenever I'm doing something, and I'm struggling with it, self-help books and articles and things like that. Also, articles, you think, well, I can just Google it. But actually, when you just Google things, it doesn't go in as much, does it? You don't absorb things. Also, like, they're so kind of,

snackable and quick articles. There's nothing, you know, you buying yourself a book and reading about it and then deciding whether or not you agree with this or whether you, it's so much it gets you away from your screen and it's so much more like nourishing in a way.

Even if all they're doing self-help books, you know, all they often do is just tell you things that you already know. But sometimes you really need that. You really need that. Just like, that's essentially what this podcast is. It's just us saying things that you've probably thought, yeah. but it's helpful to hear two people saying it

and saying, yes, I agree that I've also struggled with that piece of information. I think that brings us to the end of today's powerful... Ted talk? Powerful TED talk. I hope you feel confident to sort of spend a bit of time with yourself and know that you're a good egg. And maybe start, you know, writing down

either a good thing that you achieved every day or I was going to say a nice thing about yourself, but it's probably too hard, isn't it? Well, yeah, I mean, I got a lovely present from Tessa, which was a happiness journal. And we had to pick something from a range because it was to do with the podcast sponsorship and stuff. And when I got it, I was like, lovely, you know, how nice.

I don't think I'll ever be able to write in that. And then about three days later, I sat with the shadow being like, I just find evening's really difficult because I feel like I'm on my own and he goes to bed a lot earlier sometimes. I was like, and I can't sleep. And I feel really sad. And then I was like holding the happiness journal. I was like, but there's literally nothing I can do.

There's not any steps I can take. And then I started just writing in it a couple of, like, just a couple of things that made me laugh that day or made me smile. And yeah, okay, I'm not going to say, and it will cure depression. What I'm saying is, little tiny things like that, that I very much throughout my whole 20s would have been like, lame. A lame. The concept of gratitude or the concept of being like,

this was a nice thing that happened today and like taking a few minutes at the end of the day to be like, this is a thing I did and I achieved and I, you know, know, because they won't be things that they will be, you don't write in your happiness journal something someone else did. You say, like, I saw a lovely dog. I saw the dog. Me. Me.

I laughed at a dog, me. Me. No, of course, there's like age old, age old things that people have practiced for like millennia. Absolutely. Whatever helps you. Whatever helps you get through the day. Yeah. You do you.

Thank you very much, Neve, for this suggestion. I hope that helps in some small way. And I hope that, and also as well, I should say, is that if you are really struggling with being on your own and you feel like you can't talk to anybody and you're listening being like, I've tried all this and no, then go to your doctor

and your doctor will refer you to a therapist. And I think as well, have a listen to our episode how to go to therapy because that was very helpful and there are ways that you can get private therapy real cheap that I didn't not know about and there are options for you. Don't just be like,

but I've written, yeah, I've written one gratitude thing a day and I'm still crying all the time. Well, yes, of course. Of course you are. And just be aware of where the line is between like feeling a bit cookie and like feeling really quite mad. Like so like, and we've all felt a little, we've all, I mean, lockdown is oh, bit

cookie for everybody. But like, be aware, know yourself enough to be like, okay, red flags, we're, this is bad now. But I hope some of this was helpful and I hope you know that you're not alone and I hope that you know that you're a really good egg and you deserve nice. positive in a monologue. Make a nice egg for dinner. And have a good egg for dinner, you know?

Why not? And yes, please do messages at Nobody PanicPod or Nobody Panicpodcast at Gmail.com. If you have any future suggestions. I'm at Stiviam. The S is not an S. The S is in fact. What is it? It's a five.

What? No less. Well, you should have told people this earlier. Oh, I'm so sorry. Mine is at, Jessica. It's just letters. And we hope that you're doing a. Okay.

Yes. We can get through this together, but also separate. Okay. Stay safe, everybody. Bye-bye.