Nobody Panic - How to be Happy (Live from the London Podcast Festival)

Episode Date: September 18, 2018

Live from the London Podcast Festival in Kings Place, Stevie and Tessa talk the Trifecta of Fulfilment, the Ghost Complex and finding happiness in tiny things.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true, Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. than seven people there, I'd say. Three seven and ten. Very loud people.

Guys, this is, this is so... Guys, this is coming to you live from the London Podcast Festival, which is at King's Place, and you can follow it. Hashtag London Podfest. You can go on Twitter at Kings Place London and follow all, and go and see everything, because there's loads of great stuff on. There's a fantastic line-up. As well, obviously, we're the best, I'd say.

But there's also others that are excellent. The Beef and Dairy Podcast are here. Oh my God, I love the Beef and Dairy. I know. Does anyone listen to the Beef and Dairy Podcast? It's so great. They're here. They're great.

Griefcast, Hello for Magic Cavern. You've been looking at the program. Yeah. Well, I was going to try and see what else is on the same time as us so I could make a good gag about how I was going to that now instead of, but then there was nothing on. And you just explain the gag. Yep.

So today we're doing How to Be Happy. What we've done is we've asked everybody who's come in today write down their happiness thing. I think the weird thing is normally we have a mic in front of us. And because we've got pin mics on, I feel very awkward. But anyway, so we've got all lovely things that make people happy that we're going to kind of dip into during the show. Actually, should we maybe do a few now just to kind of kick us off? I would like to begin by just discussing how massive the topic is. Yeah, it's too big, I'd say.

Anything too large. And it had been on our list for a long time and it felt like a very wishy-washy, like... A happy day. Go into a field. And we wanted to explore it and talk about it. Go into a field. And we wanted to go in the field. Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

So this is coming to you live from a field. From a field. It's not a question that we can fully answer, but I think it's something that you can certainly explore. Yes. And hopefully leave the room and leave your ears, if you're listening at home, feeling a little bit happier in a little bit.

So, for example, it can be as simple as clean bed sheets and new pyjamas. For example, actually, when I don't wash my bedchutes, that does make me feel incredibly sad. It's my phone. It's my phone, guys. That is awful. Come on, Stevie. Right. Some is written, the weird noise

that pops out when you stretch in the morning. Okay. See a doctor, which will also make you happy. Guys, out of where? The pops out of where? Who is that? Oh, oh wow. Hi. What do you mean? Pops out?

Door, out your mouth. So you wake up and then something pops out your mouth. Oh, that noise. I think we took it to me that something had literally popped out of you. That's a really lovely one. That's a lot nicer than we thought it was. And you have the mic for the rest of the show now.

Or saying hello to a cat. Any cat, my own or any cat in the street. Especially if they sniff my fingers and I let one give them a nugget. Okay, I don't know what that. It doesn't say a nut, a nut. Okay, who said this? What's the last word? A nuggy.

What's that? Oh, okay. I don't have cats. It's, oh, that's not. Repeat what the last word is for people? A nuggy. And that's apparently when you put your knuckles in someone's head. A cat's head.

Put your knuckles in a cat's head. I think we're actually done here now. That's amazing, thank you. This one is sunsets after a cold, crisp winter day. Oh, very huger. Such huger. They've drawn a little heart. A little heart.

That is a really lovely one. That is a really lovely one. See more, and then we'll crack on. Oh, the Halloween Lush range. Very specific. But it's quite good, because you just all go to lush, I guess, and you're happy. Off we go, guys. You can't find a sunset on a crisp winter field.

I've just put field in there. Inserted a field. That's so great. No, this one was making a stranger laugh, which is such a nice one. What a lovely one. That is great. Oh, God. I already feel it a million dollars.

I did too. But should we do some? You haven't got an adult thing. My adult thing is that I bought some shoes and I feel the bees knee is in them. It's an adult thing to do for you though because there was that period of time where you bought the last shoes that you bought and you didn't wear them for like six months because you were so panicked. And when I saw them I was like, what are these shoes? They've got jets on them.

They were just incredibly normal white trainers. Just so normal. I'm lovely. But you couldn't wear them because you were so stressed out. And then I wore them to death. Yes. After I crested out of that initial fear of not wearing my white trainers and I wore them too much and then they were ruined. And then the other day a cool boy said,

What's wrong with your trainers? Oh! No, he's not a cool boy. He's a dick boy. Yeah. And I was like, well, they're quite cool. And he was like, no, they're just... Oh, God.

That's what a horrifying day you've had. But now you've got your names. Right, here am I need... And they're really bright white, everyone. My dad will be furious because he says, only dentists wear white trainers. I think it's a really... Does it make any sense?

Do they wear white? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But it's like really... It's a really... like namby-pambi thing to wear white trainers because how can you run from the run? How can you do it? How can you run in white trainers? How can you get anything done? No, I understand. Anyway, so he'll be furious so I'm never going to show him. And also I'm going to try and keep them shiny white.

Already you've set yourself up for a crashing failure. I know. You can just pop them in the washing machine. I know everywhere I go I'm going to wear those blue in the museum. I think that's excellent. So does anyone have an adult thing they would like to share in this very casual room? Don't be shy because I know. Don't be shy because I know. So you're so excited. And I'm so excited. And I'm so. sorry we took away the anonymity of being able to run down. It was my fault. I did it. Somebody's written here on their ticket. Located safety pins in-house to make dress appropriate for work event.

Oh, wow. That's excellent. How did you make it more appropriate? Did you just hike it up, hike that neckline down? Oh, the booms. Oh, the booms were out. You did so well. After a year and a half of moving to London,

I finally registered with a new doctor and dentist and made an eye test appointment. What? Too much. I think that's too much. Bloody hell. Go on, we've set the bar, look. Has anyone got one that they'd like to share?

Go on. Yes, yes. Okay, so we have two. We'll take. Dora, go get that nice. That one first. Hello. Hi.

Hello. I exactly my, no false impressions or expectations to my new work colleague with what I look like. No, bold and passion for expectations to my new work colleagues of what I look like. That's excellent.

That's really strong. That's excellent. Well, that's excellent. Well, that's excellent. thrilled over there I think there was one of this one who would like to go no oh oh no no stop that and start again confidently oh oh I don't know what home insurance in time that's so good I don't know what that makes it sad literally but great that must be

adult oh that's so important yeah yeah yeah I know what home insurance is think lower go lower and there was one at the back there as well Well done. That's fantastic. I mean a job, weeks notice. I managed to find a nice flat and didn't say yay to the first one I thought. Ooh. I might have to find a nice flat and didn't say yes to the first one I thought. Wow!

Well done. You're smashing it. And now is your flat nice now? Nice flat? That's even better. Right, so let's, should we delve into happiness things? Any more burning ones? Just checking.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I could see there was a tension and somebody was sat on something and they were not going to be able to relax. Oh God, I'm so sorry. Go on. on, do it. That's done. And then you don't know what to do with it. I got that.

That's done. That's fantastic. Well done. Well done. Right. So should we get into happiness day? Now you've been doing some research on some spheres, which sounds, do you want to kick off with the...

I'd love to tell you about my spheres. So this is something I got quite obsessed with a few years ago and it was introduced me probably by someone quite spiritual or a party, I imagine. And I was like, I'm in, I'm 100% in. in and I just want to look up this special word. Is a trifecta? Yes, that's a word. Okay, it's called the trifecta of fulfillment.

Oh, bloody hell. Sounds a bit much and modest. And it is a three-way's Venn diagram. Can you imagine one of those? Yes. Fully. And then... Yeah, no problem with that.

No problem. I'm fine. The trifecta of fulfillment, and it is financial stability, creative stability, romantic stability. Okay. And those are the three things. And so if you can find that like center point of the Venn diagram, because maybe you have like a wonderful partner,

but no job and no house. No house. No life. So those are the three. No life. We've got no life. So then it became, somebody made it, it was originally three, and then somebody made it six things.

And the six things were romantic fulfillment, shelter, financial stability, creative outlet, social outlet. And that looks like a hot vibe. And the safe one was, A failed. Being a failed. Okay, so then the idea of if you kind of manage to fill as many of those as possible,

because I don't think anyone's going to be able to ever fulfill all of those at the same time. And even if you do, I was talking to somebody this day because I had a week, like the week before last, where I had the flat to myself. I did like two days of work, which was quite good. And then the rest of it is I sort of had some sleeps. I read Harry Potter. I saw some friends I haven't seen in a while. And then my friend asked me how I was

And I was like, I didn't, I mean, I didn't know really. And what happened was I was fine. And I think I was happy. But I didn't know how it felt, and I felt quite anxious. Like, what is this feeling? And I think it was contentment and happiness. And maybe I'd like, I'd just hit off some of them diagrams. And I think the idea then I was like, wow, I felt very like I'd,

what's the word, hit upon something huge, that everyone hits upon and it isn't huge, is that we're chasing this thing all the time. And then when it gets to it, you're just like, oh, yeah, that, when you're in it, you don't realize it's happened. And then you only realise the week later when you're not, and you're like, oh, this is sadness. Yeah. So it's a huge. So happiness is the absence of sadness, so I'm saying. It's horribly depressing.

You touched on something massive. Oh, my God. Which is this idea that we are chasing all of these things. Yeah. Because definitely there was a period in my life when I didn't, I think I was so obsessed with these six fears because I didn't have any of them. Right. I'd recently been dumped. I didn't have a job. I didn't have any money. I didn't necessarily didn't have any, I didn't have any passions.

No, I didn't, I didn't have any, I didn't have creative outlook. And I'm sure, and I was still, if I'd really tried, I would have been like, well, I still have nice family and nice friends. At the time, I've got nothing. Not that everything is ruined. And then when you sort of put those things in place and you realize that the more that it feels good doing a couple. And then when you've got more and more, you get to this, you sort of, basically it's that study that there is a, you're going to have to help me top plateau. Oh, a ceiling? Ceiling on the amount of, well done. A ceiling.

No, I don't think that deserves anything. Go on. A ceiling on how much money you can make and that, oh my goodness. Come on, guys, come on, stick with it. There is a, this is on you here. Okay, so there is a going up correlation graph between happiness and amount of money. Yeah. And it continues to go up quite solidly.

Yeah. When you're making money and then you get to have stuff, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy. And then it reaches a ceiling and it plateaus. So any more money you make, you won't get any more money. more happy, you'll just be like, I guess I can buy another boat. Yes, exactly. You've hit upon ceiling, boats. You're doing it.

So there is, while we're like, oh, get the stuff, get the stuff, get the stuff, and actually that chase is actually quite thrilling and quite satisfying and you have all these dreams and all this stuff. And then actually you get there, you reach that ceiling and actually it's not like, oh, and done, tick now I'm this. Now I'm happy. Now I'm happy now forever. And I'm happy forever.

And if you ever get a chance, if you ever feeling low, there is absolutely fantastic. It's Tim Minchin doing a Valo Victorian speech at his old university. to mention this amazing Australian comedian and he wrote with Tilda. And... No, roll dot. Sorry, he wrote... I'm sorry, I realised I didn't want to like...

Thank you. Thank you. Your support means the world, thank you. He did write the musical. Oh, yeah, thank you. That's why I was like, you can't have got that wrong, so there must be another element to it. But that's so kind of you to be like, I won't tell her.

She looks... I'll half tell her, which is the words. She looks so happy to say it. He wrote the musical, Matilda, famously rolled-old to a Miltilter. He translated to the stage. Did he also do another musical, like a queen? It doesn't matter, this is not for now. Which were you thinking of?

We will rock you. That's not him, is it? I think that's Ben Elton. Yes, fine. Oh, is he in? Ben! Was that somebody backing me up then? Yeah.

This is great. She's still crochet. The crochet lady. Yes, it was Ben Elton. Yes, that's Ben Elton, yes. That's knitting for me. I've been, yes. Tim Mention does this speech at his old university.

He goes back, he's wearing the mortar board with the tassel. And he does this fantastic speech in which he says, have small dreams. Or if you make your dreams so massive that by the time it takes all your life to achieve them. And by the time you look, the pointlessness of what you have achieved, you'll be so close to death, it won't matter anyway. Oh, so uplifting. And it is, it makes such a good point, which is like, don't have these massive things that you attempt

to achieve because when you get there, you'll be like, oh, it was nothing. And he says, instead, invest in the tiny pursuit of miniature happiness. So little steps. Little tiny thing. And then you'll get to the big thing. Yeah. Because you'll be making, yeah, my friend wrote a book and sort of a little bit before, now all my friends have written books now.

It's incredibly irritating. I can't tell you how I'm annoying this. But it's my like equivalent of all my friends are having babies. They're not, they're just writing books. And the, she wrote, she was a little bit earlier than when everyone else all in friendship group started working on books. So I was really fascinated with how it felt. Like, your name is on it. You've written, it's in Waterstones. And she was like, yeah, I've worked in like two years. And when it came out, I was just a bit like, right, well, I guess

what's the next thing? I was like, that is so depressing. Like, I don't want to hear that. I want to hear that finally you were, finally it felt good. You felt satisfied and you were never satisfied until death. That is true. But I think if you accept that, then you can do the little things. Once you can get, once you change your mindset away from that, because the rate of, clinical depression and real bleak feelings among gold medal winning athletes is so catastrophic because nobody's you have this you've built for all of your life or so you the last like eight years you've been building to this moment and you win and finally you're there and you're on the podium and then the like apprae the olympics the aprae olympics we've all had that you know you is so crushing because it's like well now what and it doesn't feel it yeah the anti-climax because we are this like chase we're these we want to chase we want to chase we want to go and go after stuff and then when we've got it we're like no they did have about like football players because they are so it's such an early career end it's like in their 30s and then and then they've had so much money and so much success or not

but relative to the average person like so much success and then it's just like okay bye well what do I do now like yeah I was in the whole life doing that one thing so I think yeah maybe not putting all your eggs in one basket not putting all your eggs in one basket and also just like making small omelets along the way or something oh little Tiny tapass omelets. And so be all tiny tapas omelets. And be a gold medal winning athlete. Go and achieve all those amazing dreams.

Okay. Don't take. I will. Go, but don't believe. And then go and do it. But always know in your mind that there is never going to be that moment where you're like, tick. So happiness is that. What's that quote by John?

I hate, what's that quote by John and I have known a day, happiness is what other people do. I actually don't know what it is. But I think it's something like happiness is what, no, life is what, life is what happens when you're making other plans. Yes. And I think that's very nice because I think that's like you think, well, when I do that my life's going to start. When I get

that, well, I don't have a boyfriend now, but when I do, then it'll be sorted or a job or more money. And actually then you'll look back and go, oh no, that was the life bit. The life was going like, oh, I'd like this and trying to get it and oh, I'd like this. And so the quicker that you understand that, the quicker you can be happy because you're happy along the way rather than the way. Absolutely. In my aunties downstairs

bathroom that used to be just like bullshit embroidered. There's a photographer roaming around in case anyone listening at home doesn't know why we just went silent. Did you think the same thing as I did, which was let's do an incredible pose that makes no sense. No, I did it. Okay, I do a crab. Well, show the people your crab.

No, because I'm wearing a skirt. Specifically, so I didn't do a crap. Every day. Not today, Steve. Not a crab. Yeah, my aunties downside bathroom had this bullshit embroidered. she doesn't listen, but this embroidered frame that said

chasing happiness is like chasing butterflies. You can't catch it in a net, but if you stand still, one will come and rest on your shoulder. God, you got that quote out so quickly. For somebody who's never said that out loud and hasn't thought about it for 20 years. And it's bullshit. That came. Absolutely to the fore. Obviously, I think about that every day.

Yeah, but I do think, and while thinking at the time, as a kid, I looked at him and was like, this stupid thing to have any bathroom. But I... You're just a judge a kid. I was. I was a difficult child. And now.

And I stand by it being silly, but I do think it is exactly right that you can't... Happiness is such a, you know... Nebulous. Nebulous. A bit of a surreal and nonsense thing that you can't chase it. You can try and get these fantastic achievements and wonderful things that you want to do, but don't believe there's ever going to be that feeling on the inside it. I remember the thing about the book, I think is such a good point

because once you're actually looking at the book or whatever it is that you're trying to do, by the time you actually look at it, it's taken such a long time to get there. I remember years ago I wrote this article about tights. I remember that thing about... It was a good article, yeah. Solid article. Thank you so much.

Thank you for your support. Sorry. Overwhelmed by the slightest. It's such a lovely day. Are you pregnant? Sorry, go on. We'll talk about that later. Imagine if that was.

Imagine if that was your adult thing. I'm pregnant. Just so everyone knows, and this is how I would reveal it. Just as I would make it was a lot. It was for all of you, and you would be the first to tell. And I'd edit it out. Thank you. So then all the subsequent podcasts would make no sense.

You make all these references. Sorry, that's my own little fantasy thing. I can't remember what my point was. Oh, no, it was good, I'm sure. Okay, well, we can move on, and then if you think about it, just go, ooh, and then we figure out of it. I think it was that, I wrote this thing about tights, and then Katlin Moran tweeted.

me and I remember being so I remember it came in the morning and I remember lying my bed being like bloody hell and feeling like well be's knees because she said the article was good she didn't go like that article's bologues so I was like this piece of shit it was just a stupid thing about black winter tights and she tweeted it and I and then said it was nice and I remember thinking so vividly that that feeling I was like whoa-wee was because never had I dreamed guys never had I dreamed of Catlin Moran that wasn't one of my dreams So it wasn't like, I worked for this for ages and I hope that she would. It wasn't like...

It would be an old dream for Catamarantha tweens. Yeah, it's such a weird dream. It's quite easy to achieve. It was such a nice thing that came out of the blue. Yes, absolutely, yeah. And so those tiny things, I think, like, you know... Because you were doing something that you really liked doing, which was writing, and then people... I did it for its own accord and so the fact that somebody said something nights was such a lovely boat, but it wasn't the...

That's a good point, because I think that's the difference there, isn't it? It's doing... You want to aim to do stuff that you absolutely love that will make you happy. rather than aiming for success and fame. You don't want to aim for like, everyone in my job loves me and I'm the best. You want to aim for like, I love what I'm doing. And then everything else will sort of,

you'll just attract good stuff if you do that. So we are talking about how you can't ever be happy, essentially. But we're not saying that because I think we're saying that then the focus now shifts rather than like, how can I get the thing that will make me happy? It's how can I be happy every day. Yes. How can I do like little things?

There's a lot of like bullshit articles like go into a field or like the self-care thing, which is not bullshit. But I think it can stray into like, you know, be a dick, never see your friends and have a bath all the time. Yeah, it is. I don't know if that's going to make me feel better. I'm fully honest. I've tried the very obvious self-care stuff and it just doesn't do anything. Yeah. But I think there are like the big things like, I know this is the most boring thing ever.

But essentially I've read a lot of stuff about what will make you happier and function better in the kind of. of day to day and things like sleeping more is the one that all science says you are I mean I haven't slept for a few days um guys uh no I have but I just had like and I've just been like a dick for my last two days not to test I've been quite nice to you have I oh no I've been really like a pantomime guys come on oh see look I'm a dick um I'm just been very short and a bit like you know, shut out, a bit like, pissed off a lot easy. And it's so difficult to be happy when you haven't slept properly. And I think we don't, we did a podcast episode on it.

I think it came out last week, I think, the sleeping episode. And I think it's just incredibly important. We don't take enough time to focus on it. We go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fine, but what's the thing that's going to make me happen? You're like, know that bit that you've gone, yeah, yeah, yeah, fine. Like when people go, like, drink loads of water and you're like, oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, but what else? Like, yes, but I, you will be dehydrated.

You will find it difficult to cope if you haven't slept, you haven't drank water, so do it. But it takes quite a lot of effort. And I think those things, yeah, like literally every single... The fact that every single scientific study on happiness mentions it has to be... Yes. It has to be something otherwise, yeah. And then the other thing is to spend more time with friends and family

and to spend more time on experiential things rather than monetary-based things. So rather than be like, cool, I'll just work really hard, so eventually I'll get all that money, be like, I'll use the money I have to go. Actually, I will go on holiday, even though technically I could use that money for something, you know, better. Because for years, I never went on holiday because I was like, well, obviously not. Like, I'll pay my rent. And then one year, I was like, you know what?

No, I'm going to go for it's like a little weekend. It's not, I can make up the money. I'll figure out a way of working overtime that will do that. And it's kind of prioritising yourself a little bit more. The amazing, this guy called Joel Golby, who's a writer for Vice, and he's so fantastic. And he wrote this, when all those articles came out about, like, how to save for a mortgage, you know, I did it by not having an avocado. And you're like, oh, no, you did. Testers did a wanking symbol.

It's such nonsense. And also, always in those articles, it says, like, I moved back home with my boyfriend Oliver. And his parents and mine, combined, gave us $75,000. That's how you did it. That's how you did it. And then also, we added £1,000 that we saved on sandwiches. Like, shut up. And so sorry if anyone here's going, that is me.

That's fine. We are bitter. Well done. That is fantastic. But also don't pretend in the like, you can do it by saving on these things. And Joel did this brilliant bit of maths and wrote up this graph that was like, if you make all your coffees at home, if you make only sandwiches, if you never go out for lunch, if you only eat like a piece of bread and butter for a year and you don't go out and you don't party. You go to no birthday parties. You go to no birthday party.

You go on holiday. You say it, you know, you can do it. You can save three thousand pounds. What we want to? What is the point? It's like, yeah, go out. We are a generation that aren't able to do a lot of the base level grown-up things that the previous generation did. A lot of us are having babies later and, you know, can't, literally can't afford to and do those things.

So it's like, yeah, go, let's do all the fun stuff. Let's have miniature adventures all the time and have a nice sandwich. Like, stop this, you know, sort of hair vest-wearing sort of. Hair vest-wearing? Yeah. Oh, good. This is one for the old-school fans of the, uh, um, monks. Monks used to wear those vests with the horrible hair.

Okay. So you're saying one for the fans of the old monks. Anyone backing me up? Yes, yeah, yeah. The crochet lady, she's going. And she's backing everything up. I think that's what it's going. So the monks, as a way of like self-flagellation, like puritanical thing to do, they would only eat like a husk of bread and they wore these horrible like boar hair vests inside out. It would be itchy and horrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it's a real like, oh, self-flagellated, puritanical thing to do. Yes.

And you don't have to, you know, it is possible to be like, fuck it, I'm having it. You know, people, you see people buying sandwiches or whatever, being like, oh, I should get this shitty one, even though they want that thing. You're like, have it. Like, live your life. But once, sometimes, I think about all the time because once I, it was two, it was 50 people more expensive to get a lemonade. And I was like, well, I shouldn't do that.

And our friend Liz went, oh, live your life. Have a lemonade. It's become like a catchphrase now that we say constantly. I think about it all the time. Like, where would that 50p be? Like, who cares? Just do it. Well, you were, you were tap water to Tessa for a while because you couldn't, she couldn't

figure, she couldn't justify. Stop it. She couldn't justify buying a drink in a bar, for fully honest, because she was just like, well, the tap was raised. Yeah. Don't mind me. It was like, it was like, me. Yes, that was me for a long, long time.

Yeah, I mean. Yeah. But, um, but yeah, so like, experience things. And that doesn't have to be like, I'm not literally saying, if you can't if you can't, what you're right, go on holiday. That would be a dreadful. say and not true but if you but you can spend time with friends you can like prioritise that over like well I've got to work overtime and I've got to you know

like well I haven't achieved this goal so I don't deserve to go to that thing until I've achieved it and I think you can hermit yourself away and that is according to Harvard not a good idea and I won't be going any deeper into that study because it's too long and it's boring one that one that's similar that like all of the stupid stuff that we say comes from a of truth. So the field does come from getting outside more. It says happiness, this is balls. It says happiness is maximized of 57 degrees. It doesn't say far in how Celsius.

Dealers choice. Try both and then see which one. I suppose it hurts the most. Yeah, no, apparently we're all happier in the summer. I disagree because I actually am happy in the winter. I mean, why am I reading out the study? It's obviously balls. No, but I think getting out and kind of perspective, I think that's the gist of it, is that, especially in London, you can kind of go for days and days and days, you don't see a horizon or a tree or an animal other than like the saddest fox and the pigeon and then the fox starts eating the pigeon and then you're like, ah, nature.

Something that I did see recently. It was horrible. I thought about Instagram storing it and then thought, no. And that is awful, you shouldn't give them some privacy. I didn't help the pigeon. but the idea that you don't get to see you don't get to be reminded of what it is to be human which isn't being in the city working 9 to 5 being too tired with this link of like the work will social media

the work will set me free like I'll get you know once I'm through this this will get me out and you see like on the obviously on trains and stuff and everyone's got like everyone's on their phone and everyone's like I'm just so inward in big cities and I think getting out a little bit is you because you go home to

Oxfordshire when you're feeling like it's all too much, you go home and see the sky for a bit. And I think you have to remember what it feels like to breathe proper air and to see a mountain. I think that's... And they are in oxygen. Yeah, I'm not very good of geography. The Himalayas, they're not.

So, sorry, have I jumped over your spheres thing? I felt like you finished. You haven't, no, at all. The spheres is, no. The spheres is whatever you want the spheres to be. The spheres is whatever you want in the spheres to be. It was merely a starting point of like you, me coming from a place, where I didn't have any of those things

and I was so aware of that. But also the discovery, like, even when they are all sort of there, that realizing that that Venn diagram center point that everyone's like hunting for, even if you do ever get there, it's never truly... Yeah, it's very unlikely that all of those things, those six things, the one that's rogue and we don't know what it is, but let's imagine,

is it like... What's that final one? What's that final one? A dog, a dog. Probably, yeah. It's very unlikely that they're all going to be, not only are you going to have them, but they're all going to be great.

That's the thing as well. You might have all those things, but you might have a shit boyfriend or something. You're like, I've got one, but it's not great. Or like, you know, a sad dog, I don't know. Yeah, and we're sort of all, and realising I think that maybe that you shouldn't, we're also like, oh, when, when I'm on my boat with Ben Elton.

A little in sight to what Tess's aims are. Yes. Then they'll finally be all right, but really you're like, oh, maybe the sort of the scrappy years are the good bit. Maybe that's the chasing. I mean, not like the real scrappy years. No, shit. The one out of the scrappy years.

One out, yeah, the first time you, I think, yeah, there's that thing as well. If people who have everything, what do they do? Like there's a sort of a family friend of ours is very, very, very wealthy. And my mum tells me this thing where like she went in, she liked a coat. So she went in and bought every one of those coats in all the different colors. It was like, well, I quite like a coat. Why not? It was like, well, where's the joy?

Where's the joy there? There's actually no happiness in that because if you could just get everything. I wanted to ask everyone a question. Does anyone in here meditate? And I'm not going to take the piss out of you. I'm genuinely interested. Great.

Two, there's more than two. You're just scared. Three, four, five, great. Okay. Do you use like an app or is it a headspace thing? Everyone's nodding. All the six people are not. More people than put their hands up and nodding.

So that just know that. Yeah, I downloaded headspace, and I didn't use it because I think was like my first step was like well I'll download it that's I've done something we must have been talking about getting ourselves an app for since we started a long time a meditation app not just any app we've been talking about for so long yeah always saying so maybe we will have this Nirvana moment I think it's now it's happening now I think the it's I'm trying to think of a way that doesn't it

isn't insulting but I just feel like when people say meditate I'm like oh god but So she hasn't slept for a while and she's feeling quite cranky. I don't want to open my chakras but I know that that's not what that's not what meditation is it's actually very modern contemporary things. But I think if you'll have a nice talent.

Exactly! I think that's the key. I think if we meditate, so when I put some tweet out when I was having a right bad time in July before the fringe and I was like, I don't want to do this. I put some tweets out that was quite unlike me

that was something like, help! And my friend, Phil Wang, we meet you all. Mutual friend. We love the way. He's a comedian. He meditates and he uses headspace and he's very cool. So I was like, great, cool person meditates.

I'll meditate. Yeah, yeah, and then obviously the rest is not history. I'm shallow. Because I think meditation, you have it. Why don't you meditate every day? busy. No, you're not. Absolutely not.

It's because it's got nothing on. It's got nothing on. It's got a connotation that is like, all right, Gandhi. Like that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you're like, oh, great. Can I understand? Wait, you put crystals on your ass.

What did you put up your ass? What did you put up your ass? Of course. Thanks for clarifying. Mark Wahlberg's routine that he just put out. It's bullshit. How do we fit all the drugs he does in that? I don't know if he does them.

Allegedly. Allegedly. I don't know who Mark Wahlberg is. Right. But there was so much meditation in there. Yeah. And it does sound. Two workouts.

Two workouts. Constant meditating. However, we are, we are dismissing it, but maybe, you know, maybe he's happy. I don't believe any of it. The thing is that we've got to we've got to do a lot of mental gymnastics with the happiness thing. We've got to remove that idea that like somewhere and just keep going. We'll get that. The point of that was you should meditate. Sorry. We've got to get rid of that like boring, walking and water.

Blah, blah, blah. And be like, oh. Food. Food. Like we obviously, those are obviously, if we come round and round and round to those every single time, it's obviously those things. And so if you are meditating and sleeping and having regular exercise and eating well, having lots of water and being outside.

all the time and then there feels like something missing and you don't feel good then you can be good to address it yeah also then you'll be able to face the bad stuff that life throws you a bit easier because like a plant you've been fed and you've been watered exactly oh god plant sorry I killed two more plants recently two more two more two more should have a quick um yes sorry yeah and then I want to talk about something sad no I don't I don't um surfing oh very nice I would imagine any hobby and any hobby that you love. But how cool is that? Well done.

Yeah, very good. I'm not going to ask for it is because I'm too scared to know who it is because that is too cool. It was me. No. Dogs in slow motion. That's a good practical tip. Google. There's also dogs underwater as well. They're great. They're like, really good. Sticking my hat, okay, let me read the end of this before it's another. Yeah, that's fine. Okay, it is slightly odd, but I'm into it. Sticking my hands deep into a bag of

grain. Oh. So much texture and sensory simulation. I know what you mean, but I think you have to like set that up or ask before you do that. Like, oh, is that some grain? Hello, Emily. Who is that? Oh, that is quite kooky. Who is that?

No, I do hear. No, you don't have to show. Oh, no, whoever you are. It's great. I think it's very. I do that. What king? And then I have sex with the grain.

I absolutely do that. It feels delicious. Yeah. Um, wearing socks in bed, brackets, just socks. Well, that's technically that's actually bad for sleeping because of your temperature, but I won't go into that. Because you're nude the rest of your body. So I'm sure it's fine.

Having a phone conversation with my best friend where all we do is make funny sounds to each other and maybe talk about real things. That's lovely. Actually, phone calls are quite terrifying. I find phone calls terrifying, and I started WhatsApping people when I want to be cheered up.

And actually, I'd quite like to go back to phone conversations. But as you said, if you ever called me, I freak out and I wouldn't answer. But if I called you like, I'm sad, or like a noise, blah! I would give it my best go.

You would, you'd try and then you'd hang off. You'd make some excuse. So I've got to put my hands of some grey now. Now, we will have to discuss this over this one's is. They've written in capital letters, nice boy, on one side. Oh, hello.

That's what makes you happy. Being a nice boy. That's that lovely laddie. He's a very nice boy. Nice boy. and that's what you're referencing it. Oh, great, okay, there we go. Yeah.

It's just nice boy, he's brought his aunt and uncle, isn't it? He's probably an uncle. He's been ruined now, hasn't it, to be had the same idea. So do you want to read it? Okay. Someone's gonna get downgraded from the nice boy. Look you that, how did you know?

Your happy thing is that Tess's new trainers that I watched her put on circa 30 minutes ago. She did it in the atrium, what we call it? Yeah, while telling Stevie all about it. And rooping, intervals yeah oh great no please I wanted to check it in there and yeah great thank you unfortunately there was no microphone so they can't hear you so that's a shame yeah oh that's a shame no thank you so much that's lovely once that's long I know don't shame them already what I was good it's got a

dog as well I'm oh no forget that right once brackets five years ago I saw a car with the registration plate puppies and my friend and I squealed with delight and then we drove past the car and the driver was a cute little old man and he was so cute I cried and it still makes me so happy every time I remember it picture of a dog yeah that's so good I so lovely my electric blanket squirrels squirrels that's such a good right okay I want to keep these till the end okay okay yeah Okay, this one just says Heathcliff. That's so bad. And this is so neatly proved. That's flag of grain. Sorry, I've been popping them back in.

That's not helpful, is it? No, that's so much. That's so good. I was going to say the Heathcliff one, I really relate to that because when I feel sad, I've been working my way through the Harry Potter's. I said it so many times. I put it on Instagram every time I do it as well.

I don't know why, I'm sorry. But genuinely, I think they're kind of a nice sort of nostalgia for something that made you feel happy in your childhood. I've mentioned it on the podcast. I don't know if it's already come out or if it's coming out, but my mom's made me and my sister these lovely, like, recipe book of meals from when we were kids. And whenever we're sad, we make a recipe that when I was little, I just like, you know. And I think that, like, finding something like that is a nice thing.

Because sometimes nostalgia can be quite sad because you're like, oh, the days. Oh, I'm old. Oh, I should have thought about that before I started thinking about my school days, because they were so long ago. But, like, having, like, a nice sort of nostalgic thing that has been a constant. all the way through your life, I think is a nice happy thing. I feel like that was really sad. No.

I've made a sad thing. No, no, no. And I think you're exactly right. And I think something quite big that I wanted to discuss is this idea that when good things do start happening and you do start putting all those spheres in place and you do feel yourself like edging towards, that's that feeling like, that's being like, I feel very weird and then I'm like, am I happy? Is that what this is? Or things do start going well, especially when they have not been going well. And you have what I have termed the ghost complex, which is, yeah, it's my own theorem.

It's from the beginning of the film, Ghost. Okay. See where the name has come from. I don't know if anyone's seen it, but it's fine. Got a whoope in it. No, it's a very good film, but at the beginning, so Patrick Swayze. Is it Patrick Swayze? Yes.

Thank God. He's going to die. Spoiler. I said those two things that one moment. He has died. Is he dead now? Yes. She's talking about in the film and you've just ruined the film. If no one has, if they haven't seen ghost.

Also, it's quite clear because it's called ghost. So, anyway, Patrick's Razy dies in it. But at the beginning of the film, they've just moved in this new house and she's so sexy and she's wearing these dungarees and they're like painting. Demiore. Yes. And they're painting things and they're so happy together and they're so in love.

And he starts talking about how he feels like something's going to go wrong. And then like a bit, there's a bit where like a statue smashes out of a window and like, you know, because you know he's going to die. There are maybe three or four points in the beginning of that film where you think that's the accident, like if you think you're about to watch and die. And he keeps talking about how he can't commit to the feeling because he's so worried.

The feeling of happiness. The feeling of happiness because he's so worried it's going to get taken away. It's called the ghost complex. Thank you. I have the ghost complex. Yeah. And we don't really ever talk about it because when you have got something good happening and someone's like, hey, well, that's so good.

You're like, yeah. It'll be over soon. But I'm about to die in an alley. Like, you know, you're hard. It's hard to open, to. talk about that and also to admit it to yourself that you're like, yeah, I have this horrible feeling that something awful is going to happen. And I think it's really, really prevalent and really universal. And we should be more open about saying that it's there. And also accepting that, like,

Patrick Swayze did die. Like, he was right about his sense of foreboding. But there was nothing he could have done about it. And so it sort of doesn't help worrying about it or imagining the bad thing happening. There's nothing you can do to stop that thing happening. You will die. You will die. No, no, no. Then you'll be a happy ghost. Like, but I'm not. wasn't that happy. My point is... Sorry. I missed the point, but I do know...

That fear is very there when good things start to happen. It's there for everybody. And trying to, like, not accept your happiness or not live in it or not be present because you're so worried about it ending is such a sort of... You've so tricked yourself out of ever feeling happiness. That's a very good... And it's, yeah, exactly that. And except...

Exactly what you've said by... It's very good. Exactly, yes. Exactly, yes. My theorem is excellent and it works. My theorem is so good. It's like, even it, because everything does end. Things come.

Yeah, happy things come to an end. Good relationships end, holidays end, things come to an end. And so it doesn't, it doesn't help. Can she bring this back? It doesn't. You can. I'm not sure what I can actually. No, like if we can get ourselves to a place where we're like, yeah, it's okay, it's going to end.

But like, it doesn't mean, doesn't take away how good it was while it was happening. Living in the moment situation. I think, yeah, I think also if you know you're doing that, because I do that all the time, and for years and years and years, I didn't realise I was doing that, and I was the person who was like, oh, great, you've got that thing, and I was like, yeah, but I'm shit. And it's like, why are you saying that? Or, like, the holiday, the moment I arrive on, like a holiday,

I'm like, oh, it's going to be sad when I say goodbye to this villa. Yeah, exactly. I don't know why. Like, it's so sad. Right? But now I realize that I do it. I, but it's a constant, like, slightly realigning and going like, No, remember that this is the moment.

So even like getting a toothpaste or something, I'm like. A toothpaste. We'll squeeze you the last. One never will go in the bin. Like, it's all. I actually bought, I've started buying nice socks rather than just shit socks. This is relevant. And as in like socks that actually have a thing, like a stripe.

I hope you know, I didn't flash myself at you. But, and the moment I bought them, I was like, well, this is going to be horrible when they all go. And they're all odd. And then I can't wear them anymore. and now I've realized that I'm not a real person and I can't even keep socks together. And then it was like, they're still in the packet. You haven't even worn them.

And they're socks, buy more. You'll go on other holidays. You'll have other things and it's, you can't like let that go out into like, oh my God. Oh my God. It's my trainers that I kept in the box for so long because they were too nice. And I was like, I was too sad about when they would get dirty.

And then I lived my life. They got dirty. You had the lemonade. I had my bloody lemonade. I had my bloody lemonade. I had a great time in those trainers. and I let them go. It's like with the winter coat thing as well,

all the way through winter. You didn't wear your nice winter coat because it was too nice and it wasn't quite the right time until it was summer and then it was too hot. What a sad stay of affairs. Do it, do it, do it.

Wear the winter coat. Otherwise your thing is like, oh, I should never have any, like me being like, I never wear jewelry because it will all fall off my body, which it does. But it's like, well...

Fine. Well, you're at the same point you were when, if you didn't, you being like no good socks because then I'll have to just return to being shit socks. Well, then the same. Same day.

Yeah, just, yeah, you have shit socks before. You've got shit socks now. Like, have a bit of time at the good sock bit. Yes. Someone was very like that. Like, I've got a friend who's very, always thinks about kind of the worst case scenario. And whenever we kind of, we'll do like a project together, she'll be like, yes, but let's not get our hopes up.

You're like, I actually quite like the bit where I'm like, this is going to work. Because for that, I don't, I don't actually say that in meetings. It's going to work, guys. But no one wants to work with me. I don't know why. Because I think that little bit of happiness I get of knowing that it probably won't come off or there'll be something that, well, you know, whatever. That little bit of hope I think is worth it.

I think, yeah, live for those moments. Wear the socks. That's the slogan of the podcast. Yeah, where your best. Get your trainers out. Get your socks out. Get your socks out. Should we do a few more things and then let's wrap up because we're going to have to go up in now, actually.

So I've got some stuff on. So the room, the room goes in a few minutes. Yeah. It disappears. Yeah. Actually, let's stay and watch that. Okay. Great.

I'm reading Harry Potter at the moment. Do I tell them what day it is tomorrow? Yes. Oh, yes. They're all shit themselves. Go on. Don't know. They won't shit themselves. Watch, you will.

They're grown adults who've come out for the same. But also, don't do anything about itself. Bring it back. Tomorrow is my birthday. And no. And I, and I, and I, And I have been freaking out about it a bit. Do you think so when I said,

Are you doing anything with your birthday? What? No! What? Not some water and didn't talk about it ever again. So, I guess not. I don't like birthdays very much. And I haven't freaked about it. This has been such a lovely thing to do. And I feel much better about it.

You're ready to go into that birthday. I'm ready to do it. Just a birthday. Just do it. Just do it. Also, because the final thing, which is a fact, which science has found, is that getting older makes you happier. As you progress and you get older,

you become happier. And I think that's a massive thing because I think most people are like, oh God, but also I'm getting older. You're like, you know, that's a positive. When you hit like 30, when you hit 40, when you hit 50, 60, each decade you take more experience

and get happier. I've just been to this 30th birthday party and I was saying like, what a pleasure it was seeing all my friends who we had been through all of our, we'd been noticed, we were 11 years old and the difference between us age 20 when we were all quite not in our bodies.

Like so, no, guys. Do you mean you weren't looking after yourself, you were stressed, you were anxious, you weren't where you wanted to be. And now everyone just like, you didn't look healthy. We didn't look, and everyone just like, the pictures of us, you know, at people's 20, it looks so different to how people look later on,

abandon shit. No, I agree. I just know, like, everyone looks so weird. You said it terribly, I'd say. I'd say you couldn't say it worse, but I will also say that I agree with you, I don't, but I agree with what I think you were trying to say, I hope you're trying to say, which is that when you're 20,

you feel like shit, and when you're 30, you feel so much better because you've accrued experiences and you've read 11, 12, 13, 40, 15, 15, you know what you're going to be and you're all quite on edge and it's quite stressful. In all the pictures, you could see people being like, ah. I looked also, I looked very, very ill at university. I was very pale and I also dyed my hair weird. And like a lot of things, I mean, I have done that now.

And you're 18 different shades of pattern. Yeah, as did you. We both looked like a sort of jumble sale walking around. Two ghosts wearing a jumble sale. But I think there was a real, there was a real, like, I didn't know how to look after myself. I didn't know how to live, and I didn't know what to do. So I just sort of crashed around and hoped for the best. And that was often making mistakes.

And now, as you get older, and hope it will continue to happen as I get older. I know now what works and what doesn't. Yeah, and I know now. Everyone just holds himself with so much more, like, confident. I just smashed my microphone. Yeah. It's getting better. We've got it all under control.

I'm fine. There's the confidence in everybody. And I said that to my dad, and he said, oh, going to the, like, very, the, when they were all 50, a bunch of his, they went to the school reunion. Oh, wow. And he'd be really not looking forward to it. And he said, everyone was just so calm, age 50.

He's like, yeah. And he used the phrase dick swinging. He was like, there was, like, there was, like, there was like, there's like, oh, my kids are doing this. Of course, they were chatting. Like, he said, somebody like, and they were like, I'm really, I'm really into golf.

And my dad was like, anything else. And he was like, absolutely not. Oh. That's what you want. The calm confidence, been like, chill out. Chill out. The confidence.

Yeah. That's my thing, baby. about life with the confidence of a man who just fucking loves God. I think that is like that's why my like grandparents are so just like give a shit. I think that's you want to conduct your life or you know that you're aiming towards that bit you can just be like yeah fine I don't like that or I don't like that that meal so I'm just going to say it really loudly at this restaurant. She's happy, we're not but she's happy and I think that's the main thing.

Yes let's let's do these final happy things. Final things. You've been so nice to us. Thank you so much for coming. Breakfast buffet. Oh, God, yeah? Every day. Oh, I love a breakfast buffet.

Bloody hell. My walk to work through, I won't say, I know because you don't know who any of that. I was going to say, sorry, anyway. My walk to work through Greenwich Park. I was like, protect our identity. We don't know who it is, so it's fine. After years of shite commuting, that's good as well.

Lazy weekends, smiley face, snorting with laughter. The perfectly... The perfectly... Another one of cats. Stop throwing these back into my pipe. Sorry, cats. Stop. The perfectly marmited toast brackets with just the right amount of butter.

Oh, Nigella. That's the Halloween range at Lush again. We've agreed that I'm sitting next to a dog on the tube. That's my favourite. Illegally taking photos of that dog. This is fantastic somebody, owning chickens and seeing them run crazily around in my garden. Oh, I want that. Who was that?

Who was that? Yes. Great. Oh, my goodness. Can we get eggs as well? A blue sky. Yes, and such a simple thing. Also, everyone gets access to that.

What a beautiful thing. This is nice. Going to a podcast with my nephew and niece. Oh. Not this one. Another one. And then we'll end on this, which is just so nice.

And thank you all so much for coming. This one is listening to your podcast on a Tuesday morning. Ew guys. Stop it. Why wasn't all of them that? I'm so disappointed. I wish, look, I am making merch.

It's not here. I'm very, very, I don't know if you've noticed about me. I'm incredibly slow. but one day we'll have prizes for this sort of thing and then will people do this sort of stuff they'll be rewarded. Now you know how to win.

Thank you so much for coming and yeah, have a lovely rest of your... Do you want to say where we are? Oh yeah, she'll probably say all the things, shouldn't I? I knew there was something I hadn't done. Tweet us at Nobody Panic Pod if you have any ideas for future episodes. If you liked it and had a nice time

then tweet it about... You had a nice time? Go and see loads more things at King's Place, London and at the podcast festival. follow the hashtag London Podfest you can see stuff that's like coming up and what's happening at the moment it's great it's really exciting there's so much stuff on and I'm at Tessa Coates and our email is at nobody panic at nobody panic pod no at nobody panic podcast at gmail.com

I'm thank god I'm at steviem and yes is a five and yeah have a lovely rest of your week be happy guys yeah thank you so much thank you so much