Nobody Panic - How to be Naked

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

Tessa recently got very nude in Japan and learnt some valuable truths about the concept of being nude. Stevie would like to know how to get nude without feeling self conscious. If you’re a non-nude and would like to free yourself from the confines of cloth then have a listen and let’s all go skinny dipping together. Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Me, nude Steve, me, naked, Tessa. Great. Welcome. Welcome. Come on in. Close off. Just pop yourself over there. Come on in. To the podcast, Nobody Panic, which we do how-toes. And today's how-to, we say, while nude in the sauna with our clothes popped off, is Tessa, please. How to be naked. What a surprise. I've been thinking about this one a bit. I've just been dwelling a lot on nudity. I've been dwelling on it, I think, because within the last 12 months, have been to Japan where they have an incredible onsen culture, which is the natural hot springs.

And they're just, every village has one. You're always sort of within distance of an onsen. And they are compulsor really nude. So no swimming costumes allowed at all. And it is such a mind shift because you're like, oh my God, I'm not going in there. And then when you're when you're in like, oh, this is obviously the right way to bathe.

Europeans similarly have a very like, you know, a Swedish sauna and spa and it's all nude. You're like, oh my God, I'm not going in the park. public nude one with a mixed because the onsons are very segregated men and women, whereas a lot of the Europeans are just like, it's a mixed gender sauna and you're like, well, they might be naked, I might see a willy. I'm not going in there. And then when you do, you're like, huh, a willie. A willy. That's what it is. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Not as, not as bad as I thought. Not as willyish as we thought. Not as willy. It's just so much more like, how that's just a body.

I feel like going in I'd be like, I'll see a penis. And then when I see what I'll be like, it's just a willy. It's just so silly. The sort of sentiment is. Yeah. And it's like, oh God, this is so much healthier and better. Both healthy in the sense of like, you shouldn't be sat in a wet chlorine-filled swimming costume in this sauna. But also just healthier in a mindset of being like, yes, this is a body and it doesn't have to be something shameful or hidden away.

We're all just sat here. Well, I'm at the other end of spectrum where I've not had my onsen experience. Sure. I'm just not a natural, I'm not like a natural nude. Would you describe yourself as a never nude? I would describe myself as a sort of if pos don't be nude. Yeah, if pos. Whereas I have been nude in my life.

I shower. But you're not a full never nude. I very rarely walk around the house naked unless I'm like, I mean, we've got two bathrooms, clang, unless I've left something in one of the other ones. I wish we didn't. I wish there was like some sort of cool closets, the other one. but it's there. And then like, if I've forgotten a lesson thing.

I suppose you could. And do you run or do you stride or what's your action? My instinct is to go, whoo, ho, ho! And then I just go like, I'm going to stride. And then I just feel it's very clear when I'm doing that that it's not a normal pastime for me. The changing rooms, would you? I don't think I, unless I'm trying on pants,

I think my pants may not. Sorry, are the swimming pool. Do you get naked in H-N? Sorry, yeah. The NACN, what's your situation? Miss Selfridge. is it, just take clothes off in there. And then walk around.

And I'll work around. And out the Swiss do it. Borsim, I just say, if you are trying on pants, I do believe that they suggest that you put them on over the pants. 100%. You wouldn't do. I was trying to struggle to make you not feel bad. I was like, you shouldn't be like, you shouldn't be nude.

You shouldn't have gotten in. Okay, in the correctly nude area. Yes. The changing, public changing area of the local baths. The local bars. I've been swimming quite a lot. And there's not very many people in the change. So it kind of feels like basically the most I've done is I did get my norks out,

but I did turn away. From what? Your own norks? Just, yeah. No, I turned away from the other woman in the changing room so that she didn't see. Which I think is fine, but it meant that I was like now facing away from my locker. So it's quite annoying to then have to be like... Yeah, yeah.

So I do go out of my way to not be nude. Also, I'm going on holiday tomorrow. It's very like hot bikini business. and like I haven't got anything out for ages. So the first time I do that, I will feel really like, okay, I've got my bikini on, like quite. And I've got like cover-ups that I sort of like wear over the top of my bikini because it just makes me feel calmer.

I feel very panicky when there's a lot of flesh on show. And I don't know, I think that probably comes from like, I don't know, years of the whole like horrible, naughty's, like you've got to be a size zero thing. that's burned into my brain, but I've done a lot of work on that. I feel slightly more fine about that. But I think it just will never quite go away that I can just see the kind hoop of shame. It's so hard to extricate yourself from that feeling. I think it's like, I'm very aware, I'm able to look back at past things and be like, God, I should have just enjoyed myself more or like, I looked fine or like what you're all at some stuff. And I know that

in a year's time I look back and be like, you were fine. But it's just so hard to, it feels like I just want to like unscrew my brain a little bit and just pop it into a jar and then have my beach time and then pop my brain back on and then have the rest of my day. Yeah. I did once go topless on a beach sort of as a prank. For who? Well, my part was the prank. For myself, of course.

No, for Jesus. No, I was, I had, um, we were on holiday and there were like lots of, um, people with their norks out. France, perhaps? We were in Greece. Oh, lovely. The, and I sort of said like, oh, I should, I should some bath with my norks out. out. And to my partner was like, yeah, I mean, of course. And I just hadn't. And then he, he's quite

scared of the sea. So he was like, sort of paddling in like an inch of water being like, look at me submerged. The bear of you, you're not being able to look at your norks. And him paddling around. Badling up to his ankles. Like, oh my God, like I'm swimming. It's like, Jesus Christ, you're a six foot two full man. The bear of you trying to holiday together. Yeah. It's funny. I'm bad. Anyway, so he was doing now. I sort of was like, I remember specifically being like, I'll just sort of let him play for a bit,

that's fine. And I, I, some bodes, and then I was like, it'll be fun if he comes back and I'm sunbathing topless. It's like, you've conquered your fit. And as have I. As have I. So I put my bikini on my head, like on my face, and then fell asleep. And then I woke up and he'd, like, drawn loads of, like, arrows in the sand to me and then taking a photo. And so I looked like this. And then I made it into a puzzle for Christmas on you. Oh. Just me and my boobs. I don't know. It felt like a bit, like a joke. Jokey bit rather than like a freeing moment. At the end of the bit did you feel like, oh, okay, not so much.

Yes, I did very much feel like, oh, not so much. But also there was like three people on the beach and they were quite far away. So I think that's, I think the difference between that and like going into a public area being, my nawks being amongst the people. Sure. scares me slightly. I understand 100%. One's bigger than the other.

And I'm always like that people are going to be like, God, one's bigger than the other, for example. You know? To which I would say, well, yes, imagine that reality that. like a stranger truly shouts like, God, one's bigger than the other. And then you're like, okay. And then you say, certainly seems that way. And then someone else is like, why did you shout that? You know?

But also, every human does. No, I know. Most women do have, I believe it's, we're all completely asymmetrical because we were built in two halves. What, like an orange? That's not an orange. I just said, exactly like an orange. Literally anything.

I believe when we grow, we grow like, and we like, and we like, meat in the middle. Isn't that mad? I don't understand what you mean. As a fetus baby. We don't just sort of like grow out. We go around. What's first?

Like your back, your spine and then you just go around. You go around. Now I've said it. It sounds absolutely insane. Well, look, I believe it fully. So, no, now I'm, okay, now I'm hearing it out loud. Somebody said that the bit on a willy, the line.

Yeah. Is where you, it meets. But now I'm hearing it out loud. That's wrong, isn't it? That has to be wrong. The bit of the willy is the seam. So where's our seam just our badge? Exactly.

Where's our seam? Stevie. And also if that was true, we'd all have one right on the middle of our putty. Well, do write in if you know anything about the seam situation. But we are all completely, we are all asymmetrical. Asimetrical. Oh, God. Some to a lesser and more degree, but everyone is asymmetrical.

Okay, that's helpful to know. So that's something. So when they shout, your boobs are different sizes, you can shout, we're all asymmetrical and we grow, like, in two halves and the willies your scene. Yeah. Exactly. And then you can shout, as are yours. As are yours?

Fine sir. And then I tip my hat and then we go, yeah, and also I think it'd be helpful just as well because a while ago I realised that I only followed people with like washboard abs. And it made me very sad. And when I got rid of all of that and then I was like, oh, right, that's actually much better and not bombarded with this. So actually it would be quite nice to be amongst the nude people.

So then you go like, oh look, everyone's bodies looks different. and nobody looks like a front cover of a magazine, even the people who are actually on the phone cover of a magazine. I think that's exactly right. I imagine like Bella Hadid will be there. And she won't look like, you know. We're in the nude colony. I imagine, I imagine, yeah.

And she will look fine, but she might have a funny butt cheek. Exactly. I think even if you did see her totally nude in the person, you'd be like, oh, right. Yeah, it's just a body, isn't it? That's a body. How would you feel about, like... I've done it once in the dark. And it wasn't for you.

It was fine, but I was just friend of, like, sharks and stuff. Sure. So that was a different, that's a different topic. If we were all sat and it was like some sort of destination wedding, I imagine it would be. And it was like, oh, like, you're there and, like, all friends are there and stuff. And I was like, should you go skin dipping? I would be like, oh, I've just got to go and then I'd walk away and go. I'd climb up a tree and I'd hide until it was over.

Right. Okay. So what's the feeling that's coming up there? I don't want anyone to see me naked. That's quite simple. I don't quite want anyone who is just like a friend. friend to then have an opinion. I don't want any, that's why I sort of dress all in black like a ghoul, you know? No one to have an, oh, that's interesting. I don't, I don't need any opinions

in people's brains. It makes people stress. Do you have a lot of opinions when you see another naked person? No, I just kind of go, that's a naked person, but I also might, like, if I saw you and you had like three butching, that's a really, that's obviously very comedic, but like, well, I think this is, we did, we ran a nude across palace greens together, but I didn't really think of that. I was just so exhilarated by the concept of me, but also I wasn't nude. You were nude? I was fully nude and I followed you. Yeah. And then we sat on the pizza, nude. Yeah, completely nude. Oh, Jesus Christ, okay, fine. But like, I doesn't think I don't think people have a lot of opinions because they're too excited to having, thinking, I'm nude. Yeah, that's true. I think this is why

this has been so interesting for me. So it's such a thing that's not very helpful in this country to be like, yeah, go surround yourself by naked people. Because, like, there aren't. Like, where are they? So that we don't have a bathing culture. We don't have onsons. We don't have public baths in the way that like Morocco do or anything like this where it's just like nudity is the standard and so therefore there is nowhere to be surrounded by you're so surrounded by it you're like yeah they're just bodies that's the front bottom they're all different but there's only so much variation yeah that's in a bush community you know it's either lots not that's a surprising color you know or that and you're like okay there's only so many

things it could be. And I think shows like something like naked attraction or something doesn't help particularly even though it was set out to do exactly what I'm saying which is to try and be like hey we're all just naked. I think what they actually find is people with like quite extreme relatively interesting bodies.

So there's lots of like tattoos or interesting shapes and things and so it pushes this like wow underneath anyone's clothes could be anything. Yeah. Yeah. You know really I don't think they've found just a general spread. And they judge they say whether they're attracted to them or not.

So then you're like, oh, cool, it's just saying that you're judged on your... Exactly. So exactly your nightmare, which is like, firstly, it'll be a huge surprise. And secondly, people will stand there and judge is exactly what that show is when it's set out to say the opposite, what I'm saying, and it's saying what you're saying, which is unhelpful, frankly, Channel 4. Because also as well, like, I'm aware that people have all, there's all sorts of reasons why you would feel uncomfortable being naked and your weight or the shape of your body is just like one of them, you might have, like, scars, you might have anything. I've got a friend who's really like self-conscious because she's got scoliosis, so she feels like her spine looks odd. So would you suggest like doing like a real like a weekend in one of the Scandinavian countries

and being like, I can do whatever I like in that weekend. But at some point I'm just going to go to a sauna. I'm just going to go. I only have to stay for like 10 minutes. But out of curiosity, just see what happens when I do that. Like conquer your fear that way. Yes. That would absolutely, if that is something that is financially and time-wise,

available to you, to go to one of those, and crucially to go on your own. Because I think what was helpful about the Japan experience was that I was alone, I was with my partner who's in the men's one, and I was alone in the women's one. And so I didn't have the extra embarrassment of being like, oh, I'm with a friend or a family member or anything that I'm also like, I don't want you to see me naked. I'm with a total stranger. I'm just hanging out. We're all just chatting. And everyone is being so, so blaze. Like in these large, there are these huge saunas, these huge big steps. on them and you all sit on the steps and then there's a telly in the wall and they play a sitcom. Oh wow. Okay. It's like a hangout area. Everyone comes to like gossip and chat. People come there

for their like evening shower like it's true and you sort of crouch with a bucket. It's like a really culturally. Crouching is interesting if you stood behind somebody when they're crouching. It's a full butthole. That's what I mean. Like that's quite classic. And they're going to be more bending than crouching. I don't think I've ever seen anyone's butthole before my life. Okay, great. Right. Yeah. I think it'll probably look quite like yours. I don't think I've seen my own Bot hole. Oh, that way should start. We should start there. How do I do that? Mirror, perhaps. Oh, God, imagine that afternoon. Well, if you're listening, you know, there's some time after this record, you know what I've been doing in the place of studio back through. So, stood on the

toilet, cheek spread, have look at my own but hole. And why not? I mean, why? But to an extent, it's a bit like that biopsy thing when we had a smear test and like seeing the inside of your body and being like, wow. And then being like, I've never seen that before. And I think for me, it was like, never looked at a part of my body and not felt an aspect of shame. And so to see this internal bit of me and to feel nothing but like, that's cool. Yeah. I was like, hey, why don't we feel like that about all the bits of ourselves? So go to a Scandu's sort of band down. You don't show your butt hole. No, they don't show anyone your bottle hole. But yeah, go to the largest nudist place you can in an area in which that is absolute for 99, unless there's other tourists there,

in a place in which that is the norm. Yes. So everyone else there will feel. think that your nerves and your awkwardness and your embarrassment and your shame will be the weird thing, not the nudity. Yes. And so being surrounded by other people. And to an extent, you could try it at something like a ladies like bathing pond or something like that or a large like area in which there is like lots of people. So it's not fully nude, but you are like, because I think swimming, swimming classrooms is just horrible too. So like maybe going to one of those places first. Yeah. And then often the changing rooms at that are very naked. Everyone's just like kit straight off. But again, it's not like a compulsory naked place. So that's the thing. It's a tricky one in this.

this country. But I think just to put on everybody's list, like next time they are maybe going somewhere where there is that. It's like, oh, this is the thing I'm looking forward to trying and I'll go on my own. And even if I'm with a group of friends, maybe say, listen, let's go. Let's try it staggered. So we don't all freak out with each other. What if we go on our own for this? And then you're like, huh. And then you just, the speed at which you sort of forget, I was just quite surprised by. And not just that, but like, oh, this is such a more, this is such a healthier. This is the thing about the healthiness being like the main thing. As opposed to like, you. Yeah, it wasn't this like, oh, we should all be free and like swinging the boobs around.

It was more just like, this is such an objectively healthier way to, and not healthily, mentally, physically healthier. To be like, yes, we shouldn't be covered in this weird sweating swimming costume and all of this stuff. We should be allowed our whole bodies. All our skin should be treated equally. Some bits of the skin should not be forced to be covered. Oh my God, of course not. Why should they be covered, you know? Yeah, I should, I probably will do that at some point.

I think that would be quite helpful. Yeah, it's definitely. been a very long, long journey for me. So I think it's not something, I remember, like, as a teenager, reading something about everyone had been forced to be naked at something. I remember, like, I would die. I would literally, I would die. Similarly, I remember at somebody's party, somebody saying, like, how much would,

as people were just discussing, like, how much would money would take you to, like, streak across the room now or whatever. And I remember being, like, the issue is, like, what if what I've done topery wise is, is, is, wrong. I'm sorry, huge. It's huge. It's huge. And what if it's wrong?

Oh my God. That is one of the worst. It's so unfair. I think I said in the waxing thing that I was like, so finally I started getting a Hollywood wax every six weeks. Because of course, that's what I thought every single woman does. And then every single one of my friends has been like, I've never had a wax. Or like, I don't really know how that works.

Or like, that's very extreme. And I'm like, great, here's me looking like a plucked chicken slash child being like, well, I hate it. But I suppose that's what we're all doing. Genuinely. You get these ideas of what, yeah, you know, You never see a single pub anywhere. No.

And so you're like, is this correct? Yeah. Or will everyone be like, boo? Yeah. You've got nothing. Again, who would boo? Who would boo? Who would boo?

You'd be like, who will shout your boobs are different sides? Who will say, boo, your pubic hair is wrong? Yeah. Like, what? That's crazy. No, I was going to say that. If I saw someone streaking, I'd be like, oh, right, I guess. Oh my God, but what a relief?

If you weren't streaking and everyone else just had like normal pubic hair, you'd be like, oh my God, it's fine. Okay, great, you know? What do you mean? like if it was all thick, a thicket? Well, like, if it's a thicket, if it's like a Brazilian, if it's like, whatever, you just go like, okay, it's all going to be different. Not every single person is going to come out with their topiary exactly the same unless it's like a prank, in which case, what a terrible prank to pull on somebody. Like, well, we all do this sort

swan, like, shape. What? But like, it would be so nice if, yeah, if it was more nudity in our culture, then I suppose there wouldn't be this, like, fear of, like, secretly everyone has got a different thing and how, like, and if I streaked with a load of people and they all had different stuff, I'd be like, oh my God, great, whatever I do is fine. Whereas, yeah, you're just presuming everyone's bored like a baby. Yeah. And yet, I just think it's, now I've seen a scene load. I'm like, you can't even really tell what people have and haven't done. Even if you do regularly get a wax, there's only one week where it looks like you've had it done. There's the time, it's like, sort of your regrowth time. So it's all just like, it's just like hanging around there, you know?

Oh, everybody looks. much more similar naked than they look with their clothes on. And it's actually so much less rude. If they all turn around in their underwear, that would be like, gosh, what's everyone doing? There's something so incredibly childish about being naked. It's like a little toddler. It's like you look like a toddler. And it's like, how could this be rude or naughty or anything?

I think that is why about the shame thing. It's like you never look at a toddler that's naked and be like, how shit, you know, a toddler is incapable of shame. How shameful. How shame say to your toddler. A toddler is sort of incapable of shame because it doesn't know enough emotion. You know, it's why they think they're confident. They think they can do everything. As far as they know, they're the only person in the world. You know, so why would they feel shame? And there's something very sort of like, do-do-do. It's the meme of when the baby comes out with the newsreader. It's the baby with the news, sorry. It's like, it's exactly that. I'm just feeling nice. Yeah. We also, I actually should say, I'm just claim here that we're talking in binary terms again. We've slipped into the old gender binary very, very quickly. But obviously, we, we can't speak on the, on the kind of, like, you know, if you're a trans woman, like how to feel comfortable naked, because that is a

completely different psychological feeling that we don't have. And it would be frankly insane for us to try to pretend to know what that feels like. You're absolutely right. And it's so easy for us to be like, oh, everyone looks pretty much the same. And then of course, you're like, so many people will have so many other things going on and you're completely right. And but I still, I think the main message still is the same, which is that like, we should get to a place where you are comfortable. Like you can be at a place where you are proud and comfortable being nude. But obviously there are unfortunate things with some people where it's like, there's a safety issue or there's like a genuine thing where you're like,

well, I don't want to, yeah. Exactly. What pool would I go in then? What pool would I go in? Of course. There's so much more. Because we are so behind structurally as a society. So many apologies on behalf of the structure of society.

Many apologies on behalf of the structure of society. This is from Stephanie Deschen. Okay. Who is she? She oversees all non-European countries in the International Naturalist Federation. Thank you. An organisation with headquarters in Austria that acts as a sort of united nation of nudism. Oh, I love us. And he also teaches a course called public nudity, colon, history, law and science, the University of Toronto.

I mean, come on, and owns a popular nudist camp in the city's outskirts. Yes, of course you go. Yes, beautiful. Part of his studies of people getting nude in public for the first time. He says it takes on average an hour before people forget that they are naked. Okay, interesting. So that's a long old time. It is.

But also if you distract yourself with the sitcom, for example. Exactly. Or if you practice for your first time around the home, one quick minute and being like, okay, that's done. But if you're like, oh my God, I've got to do an hour. Oh, my God, yes. You just do it in the home. Yeah. I've even thought of that.

Exactly. So I could basically be nude for an hour in the home. And then I'd forget, would I forget? Well, try it as an experiment tonight. After you've looked at your butthole. I did a jaw ring. That can be part of it. Part of it.

I'm sorry, exactly. Why waste that hour, not you think at the bar. You're like relentable. So if you're home alone tonight, you go to house yourself? No, that doesn't matter. Okay. The big butthole exploration. I wouldn't do that in front of it.

I won't do the solo butthole exploration. Are you in front of anyone? But I could be. Because then it's like one person's nude and one person's not. Yeah, imagine if I sent you a photo and I'm having dinner with my partner nude tonight. And he's fully closed. And he wouldn't mind. I mean, he walks around nude like loads.

So that's why I think maybe alone. Okay. As a practice. Okay. Start the clock and be like, I'm just going to do an activity. I'm cleaning. I'm putting my laundry. And we'll do your laundry because your clothes are off.

Yeah, that's the perfect time. Like, yeah, doing your laundry or just like doing, pottering your bow. What? Watching your outside windows. Watching your outside windows. These are all the options. Clearly the balcony, for example. Just the things you can do when you're nude.

Just your classic nude activities. Go to the post office. Do your errands in and around the home. Okay. Yeah. It's like in the home setting. And then do see if after an hour you're like, yeah, I had forgotten. Yeah, okay. Maybe put your clock on for an hour and ten minutes. Because if it goes off at an hour just as you're about to forget,

then the alarm goes off. Exactly. And you remember your name. What a horrible experience that would be. Yeah, an hour in ten and be like, yeah, I fully did. I completely got over it and I was like, all right, that is definitely doable. I don't think I can do it tonight, but I can definitely do it. No, not tonight. I don't want to force you to do that tonight.

In the future. Do you think that would be the longest, aside from other officially nude activities, do you think that would be the longer? Bonkin. And of course, an hour minimum. Minimum on the bonks. That's really exhausting to bongk me. Will not stop for an hour.

Start the clock. And an hour and ten, of course. An hour and ten. With a halfway point to look at the bottle. And that's balking. Would you say... And that's bonging. And that's bonging.

Would you say that that is the longest you'd ever been totally nude as an adult? Outside of bonging? Yes, I do believe. I think so. Probably had a long bath of something, I'm sure. Been till quite a while. Quite recently, I didn't really like baths. Because I think part of it was like I just sat in this bowl of water looking at my

nude body. Oh yeah, so aside from the bonking, the bath or the bath. Yeah. Do you think that's probably the long... Probably, yeah. Well, I think it'd be very interesting. It just sounds really sad, isn't it? Like, an hour is the longest.

It does feel sad, doesn't it? It's been like, when you were born naked and you sort of... Oh, of course I was born, so I would have been naked for longer than that. That would have been loads of time. That would have. Nine months inside my mom. That was low. I was wearing her as clothes.

Of course. Yeah, and then when, like, I came out, they probably swaddled me. Immediately swaddled. Yeah, oh my God, so it was. Wow. Wow. Oh, Christ. And that is sad, isn't it?

Not an hour on this earth. Nude. On this earth, nude. Yeah, I don't really sleep nude either because I just feel like, I genuinely feel like if someone came in the house and like I'm nude, I'd be a disaster. Oh, when I was eight, there was a fire from a girl in my primary school, and they all had to go out on the road in their 90s.

And I was so horrified with, I used to sleep like fully clothed. Yeah, like shoes on in a way. Oh, honestly. I was like, the idea of going out and you didn't have your pants on or something. Yeah. I would simply flow myself into the flames. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Go back in. Like, that's crazy talk. For an eight-year-old to be like, I must sleep fully clothed in place of the fire. How sad. How sad? How sad. But also there is a technical thing, which is that there's been a few, like, mosquitoes.

And then I've got this thing that a mosquito will, like, bite me on the vaj or something. Understood. So that's why I like to keep pants on just in case. Because in winter, of course, there may be a spider that crawls up it. I think that's totally reasonable. It's genuinely, and I don't think I've ever said that out loud. That is genuinely why I wear pants. Even when I'm really hot in summer, I will still wear pants

because I'm scared a spider or a mosquito will go up my vagina. I think that's really, really reasonable. I don't think it is. I think you're not alone. I think there'll be a lot of people listening right now being like, the spider up the bar. It's like you with your leg out with the Victorian Ghost Child, or my vouchers out, the Victorian Ghost Child climbs up it.

Exactly. I don't want that. Exactly. I get it. I get it. Okay. It's from the book Silence of the Lambs. Okay.

It's about the girl getting like kidnapped, and then she's like naked at the bottom of the well. When she tries to go to sleep and she puts her whole hand, she wants to cover up her whole front bottom. Yeah. Because it felt like the darkness could get into her front bottom. And when I read that, I really was like, yes. That's what I sometimes feels like at night.

I understand 100%. The darkness might get up your front bottom. I think I actually relate more to the darkness. The thing I said mosquito, even though that is part of it, because actually it's the darkness. This is why we've got to say our great secrets. Because then... Everyone will be like, yes, the darkness might go up.

We're only a focus group of two. And both of us are afraid that the darkness will go up our front bottom. So I think we won't be totally alone. No, I think it will be in the minority. I think so too. It'll divide the listeners. Oh, very much. There'll be another episode like, how to deal with the darkness of your front of bottom?

You know what? There's probably something, this is actually quite sobering and sad. There probably is something about safety and things and quite deep and maybe not nice to attach to that as well. Because also you use the impression, the example of the silence of the lambs. And obviously, you know, she's frightened. And we're not like that. And I'm not going to think, well, I suppose Buffalo Bill's going to come down the well. But I think there might be a sense of safety in there as well.

Absolutely. Like a lot of boys without wanting to be very, again, very gender binary about it. that every partner I've ever had is just like wandering around sleeping all over his own dick. Do you know? Well, yeah, exactly. There's nobody else with like, it might get up, you know. Yeah. It's like, there's out.

Yeah, God, it might go in someone. That's not some, that's like the most they could feel. That's not a thing. I might accidentally fuck the darkness. I think it is very much alike. I think it is all that, like, safety protection, you know, it is a lot of like, this feels, I'm so vulnerable here. So that's why I'm like, the practice is in.

the home alone in the day, just doing your regular activities, and then into a safe, lit, warm, nude, publicly nude, bathing area. Oh, God. Yeah. Okay. Well, look, that was very, like, I've actually got hysterically. Yeah. And they're doing it being like, I'm actually, fuck the dark.

Yeah. So funny. Oh, man. Okay. Great. And from there, it's a hop skip and a jump to being like, okay, this is a body that I'm comfortable in and it can do anything at any time. And should the destination wedding descend into, we're all taking our clothes off now, you're like, all right.

Yeah, you have to feel like safe in your own body. And other people might have made you not feel safe, like, been mean, or you've seen, like, we all know what we should look like. And it's so horrible. And I think, yeah, so you don't feel safe. You don't feel okay to let people see that. So it's, yeah, really important. Yeah, to feel safe about yourself and to feel confident enough about yourself so that then you can, like, bring that into group settings. And when it is in the group setting to remember that nobody's really looking at you at all, everyone's too busy thinking, I'm nude in a group setting.

Absolutely. And they aren't looking at you. And then to look around and be like, this is actually quite magical. Yeah. When people are totally naked, by and by, you sort of can't tell who's rich, who's poor, who's got a good job, who's doing anything. It's like just a bunch of nude babies splashing about being dumb little babies, you know? No, what you don't know if people are mean or nice or good or you're. She's got mean boobs.

You know, fucking mean boobs on that moment. You know, you buy it like you sort of can't really. Yeah, that's true. It is, yeah, it would be very, very sad if you go through your whole life not being able to do that. Yeah. Because you literally, yeah, we only have one life and one body. And then, like, if you don't get to make peace with that, then that's something that you've never done in your life. Yeah.

Like, you'll die being sad about your bod. Right. And with that, I'll see you next. Get naked immediately. I think if that, I think it's that, exactly that. Steve, you don't have to do it tonight or even then. But you might die. But you might die.

But you might die. So be quick. A minute death. You can do your hour and ten minutes. Yeah. Naked. Then that's something to go out with. That's something you've done.

That's something you've done. Isn't it? Don't you dare. Don't you dare come to the end without your hour and ten minutes? I'm going to, the next time we record, I would have seen my own butthole. Unbelievable. That's amazing that I haven't seen it before. Amazing.

Yeah. Wow. Okay. Great. And I hope by the time you will join us next time. You've seen my but holes well. home you go. And don't cheat it.

I don't want to see pants. That's nothing. That's not naked. That's not naked, I'm afraid. I want out and out. No, shoes, sock. Get them off. Yeah.

We're nude here. The real deal. Thank you. Okay. Bye. Goodbye. Goodbye.