Nobody Panic - How to Believe in Yourself

Episode Date: December 11, 2018

'When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt' - Stevie and Tessa deep dive into how to believe in yourself, how to think like Usain Bolt, and Stevie's new found passion for Roger Federer.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. it. The studio,

the acres have. So fancy. Oh my god, guys. You've only got until 6pm tomorrow to book tickets for the Nobody Panic Christmas Party at Altitude London on the top of a tower

and we've got Canapes and Tess's sister is making mint pies and we've got a free drink for people and we've got goodie bags and we've got raffle and I'm so excited. A lot of Christmas spirit.

So much. I think you're wearing a hat right, a Christmas hat right now. I'm wearing a Christmas hat right now. I won't be taking it off. I haven't taken it off for the last month. I'm very, it's going to be the most Christmasy Eve. So if you are, also, we're not, like it says 7pm,

we're not going to start the recording at Dead On 7. Probably like half seven. So if you're like, I'm not going to be able to make it, you can. It's a V casual affair. So cash. It's a sort of roll in and then keep on and roll around the room. Roll in, have a piss and then leave. That's stuff.

That's it. That's all we're asking. That's what I want. But today's episode, and this is one that Tessa has suggested, which is how to believe in yourself, which I think is a really great, very relatable topic. Yes, I wrote into the podcast and I said. And I said, no.

And then Tessa then read her own email and accepted it. And also, thank you so much for people who've messaged and emailed us about Christmas topics. We're going to be tackling it in a live one because we thought we'd do all of the different kind of Christmas topics in one. We're going to be doing how to survive Christmas. So if you're listening, being like, well, you just ignored me, Stevie, you said you'd do it, but you didn't. I haven't. We are going to do it. They'll all be there in the live recording.

So exciting. Which is about surviving Christmas and it will be about everything. Just literally everything. Like actually like too much. Yeah. That'd be so much stuff. You'd be like, please stop. What adult thing have you done this week?

What adult thing have you done this week? Oh, thanks. I paired my socks, not like once. As in like, you know when you put something in place that you're like, oh my God, this is a process. And now every time I do this thing, I will have changed it rather than like, I just tidied my room once. There's a difference as you've told me. the maricondo method. Absolutely, yes.

You could tell you room once and then she just gets messy again, but actually a deep maricondo clean. Yes. Changes your lifestyle, your way of living. I'm not the sort of person that would do a big change like Maricondo,

but what I have done is I just buy so many socks and I buy them all the same colour, white and then black. I mean, she's actually brought Maricondo with her and is showing it to me. I've literally got Maricondo. Just in case you used to do some times.

I want to go do another episode about Maricondo. I think the world is crying out for it. Begging for it, gagging for the stuff. We need it. But I think Marikando would approve this rather than just, so I just keep, I just always have one sock. I'm like, but I've bought 40, like, and they're all the same.

How have I got, where have we got? And I can't stand it. And then I started to get nice socks, ones with like little patterns on. I was like, I can't lose these because then I can't just pair them with another one. So now I just, every time I put them in the laundry basket, I pair them and put them together.

Whereas I used to just be like, take them off, put them in, they'll find each other in the bin. That's very good. No, it's not, the song is misleading because you put them on, you put them in the bin, they don't find each other, then one's alone. And you're crying and then you're like, oh no, they were lovers and they were friends. And now they can't find each other. And what if I've paired them with one that looks the same,

because it's from the same packet, but it's not the sock he wants to be paired with. No. There's too much happening psychologically that I have to unpacked. A lot, a lot going on. That's a separate thing, but just practically thought I'd attack the pairing. So now they go into the washing machine and they're all like a little ball

and they still wash, they come out into a little ball and then I just hang them up together on there. So I'm worried they don't wash properly in the ball. Right, I thought that, as I said it, but I'm not willing to accept questions. Okay. At this stage, we're in teething stages. Absolutely, teething stage.

Can we troubleshoot? No, the HR department. For the soft launch. They've got... All your concerns. and we'll be working through it for the hard launch, which will be in January 2018. This is such good prep.

Yes. What about, you take them off, you ball them, they go in the laundry basket. Then they're still in the ball when you move to the washing machine, and then just outside the washing machine door, you separate into the washing machine. They'll be gone. You think it'll happen, the separation

still happen. I think the washing machine sucks my socks up. I don't understand how else. I think over the last three months, I've bought, yeah, like 40 socks, and I've in my sock drawer now, I have about 10. I'm like, I don't understand how that's happened, but they are all in pairs now, so that's good. But yes, I hear you, that may be January 2019,

but as I said, like, I don't know what the HR department are planning. No, exactly. It's not down to me, I'm just a messenger. It could be some kind of app or some kind of peg thing to keep your shots together. A peg, sock pegs. Perhaps it's a deep dive into the socks liking, actually they don't want to be with their partner and that's where they flee so quickly. That has immediately helped me so much.

Yeah, right? That they actually don't. Oh, good. Okay. Do you remember there was this film last year? I remember it was early this year because this year's been the longest year in the world do you know someone told me that the black pampher came out this year

I was like surely that was 10 years ago I don't understand extraordinary the psyche of the socks they want to be separate oh yes there was a film maybe last year called sausage party oh yes and it was like all the kind of Seth Rogan that vibe Judap Patau

Kristen Whig Kristen Wig and they voiced and it was like claymation like Wallace and Gromit style stop promotion. Oh, was it not? In my head it's absolutely not animation, okay, so it's an animated film. And it's about food that's like, in the trailer

it was like peas and the sausages and all like, and they're like, oh my God, we're going to get eaten. And then it turns into a horror movie trailer where like their death we're trying to avoid being like cooked, burnt alive. It's like, I do not have the bandwidth to cope with that? I saw that trailer. I could not believe that that was a film. Couldn't believe it got past the senses. No, I was like, no way.

Absolutely dreadful. It's absolutely horrendous. I was like, I'll never eat again. It's hard enough pet, like, with your socks. Like, don't talk to me about, my peas are crying. No, exactly. Like that mushy pee advert ages ago,

Jimba, when we were growing up together. Disclamber, we didn't grow up together. In our, yeah, on our rural farm that we lived in France. On our rural farm that we both operated, there was a mushy pee advert. And it was a pea, a close of a very, a P and then a voiceover trying to make the P sad.

The P's start crying so it became mushy. Oh, fuck. Yes, I do remember that. It was horrible. I was also thinking about the, oh my God, I was also thinking about the Ribina advert where the one Berry, the one Blackcurrant couldn't get in. Yes, he couldn't get in. And then he wanted to be squawed.

It was like, it was so confusing. Because he, all his friends got squashed and he was like, I'm away. And they're like, ah, no, then they squashed him. No, I think he wanted to be in. but you can realize what was involved. It's that sort of... Oh, Christ. I'm sorry, right, let's bring it back.

Let's bring it back. What's your adult thing? My adult thing, my adult thing is saying thank you to you. Okay. Stevie. Thank you. Because I haven't been very vocal about this to anybody, but certainly not on the podcast,

but some of you know that what's happening is that what's happening. At the moment, guys, anybody who saw my Edinburgh show that I made last year, and many of you did, Thank you for hanging out with me. It has been bought by Disney. It's hilarious. Oh God. Not live action, Lion King film.

I'm making a live action Lion King out of it. No, ABC, which are a television network in America, I bought my live show and I'm making it into a pilot for pilot season, which is this unbelievable rapid roller coaster of a thing that you have to hand in your script in December and then if it goes ahead to pilot you film, it's very stressful and very intense. It's all played by pilot.

Oh yeah, everybody is a... Sorry, I'm at aviation school. I'm desperately learning to be a pilot. I know all about it. Yes. Pilot school has been very intense. Anyway, I find it very difficult to talk about because it sounds pretty insane

with people like, what are you doing? I'm like, I guess I'm running for Disney actually, but also my... If you've seen my live show, it's just me talking, it's this, it's exactly this. And I don't, you know, how is that supposed to be television? So that's what I'm doing at the moment. And I've had...

It's been quite stressful. And I've sort of just plopped on. the edge of just popped off a cliff into the abyss. And I've been very difficult to work with. I've been that one. I have. I've been quite sad and very stressed out. And Stevie has been having to carry me.

And so I'm just going to say thank you for doing that. That's very kind. And thank you for, I know how bad I've been. And thank you for letting me be bad. I think there's a difference between being bad and having a hard time. But you've just been like having a hard time. You've been absolutely fine.

I've just had to, yeah, I've just had to do more of the podcast stuff because I've been like, this is having a hard time. But thank you for thanking me. Well, it's the most adult thing ever. Yeah, thank you. And also it's telling people because I never, I never set people when it first happened. Everyone said, is that why, you know, are you going to do that as your adult thing? And I was like, no, because it's too much.

Too much. It's too adult. That is actually akin to like me going, my other thing is, I'm pregnant. Yeah. And I'm happy about it. got a mortgage husband at home and a dog and we'd be like well that's the well now what yeah like where can we go from here thankfully there'll be thankfully it turns out at no stage in your life are you ever like yes i'm an adult i've done it now because yeah boy oh boy boy oh boy anyway so that's my

i guess that's mine and i'm sorry i didn't say it earlier everybody listening um it was not an in my intention time was not right it was my not my time it found it very hard to be to be proud to be proud of it I guess. Well it's very hard to say anything as well because it's also crucially it's very not a relatable thing. No exactly. It's not like oh I fell over or like oh or like even if you're like I don't know like writing a book or something people would be like well I don't know like I know people that write books but like I'm going to LA and writing a show it's like I'm sorry so what it feels like been like oh Stevie I got chosen for the Mars program so I'm off to Mars. Oh great

that's very similar yeah you're like sorry I don't I wouldn't understand it Me and Elon are going to Mars together. Oh yeah, Elon rang. Elon rang again. Elon rang again, I'm going to Mars. So I think that's part of it is like it was equally as alien to me that, you know, everything had to be explained to me before I could explain it to.

Yes. And now it's like settled. That's like with anything. Also, this is why we're doing this episode, how to believe in yourself. Because I think one of the reason that you dropped off the abyss, obviously many reasons. There's not one reason to drop off an abyss.

Sure. Is that like you felt like you couldn't do it maybe. Or like it was overwhelmed. not that you couldn't do it, but it was an overwhelming thing that was like, oh wow, now? Yeah. Oh, I thought I'd at least have another two years before someone asked me this. Kind of practice. Yeah, I'd like a practice, please.

And I think it was like a, from the outside anyway, it looks like it's been a massive lesson in believing, in forcing yourself to believe in yourself. Absolutely, Stevie. Making some good ropes and climbing yourself out that abyss. Do you feel like you're on the way out of the abyss now, slash out of it? still a bit in. I'm certainly got a toe in it, but I'm much more like, it feels very reckless

using dramatic words, like drowning, but I'm less of, I'm on my back, just sort of sculling. Yeah, yeah, sure. It's actually kind of pleasant, but I'm like,

I'm certainly in the water, but I'm like, I've got this under control a bit more, whereas before I was just calling to you from underneath a wave, being like, I don't, can you, hello?

Hello? Have you seen that man on a surfboard in a surfboard machine? Like they can, you're just in a little, like, wave machine. learn to surf in it. Oh God,

doesn't it? Yeah. Great. Yeah, cool. And it's just, you just stood on the plastic like it's not, but he gets tipped over

and they don't shut off the wave machine. So he's just going just round and round in this wave. And you can see him like increasing like, he's like being waterboarded.

It's like, how's he going to get out of them here. Get out. Yeah, eventually they shut the thing off. But that is how sometimes it can feel just like, holy heavens. Oh, God. Yeah. Like a sock.

I'm like a sock in the washing machine and no matter how to try and much you try and like stay on top of your Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know it, you know and love it. It's a sock. So, yeah, we're talking about how to believe yourself, which I imagine Tesla can pull from her own experience, but also, just some looking into it.

We have done some looking into it, because I think it's been one that has been on the back burner, it's been on my list. Tesla always says when I go like, do you have any one, how to believe yourself? I do, I have been saying it for years. It's because I think it's really fascinating because I mean that, because the more you deep dive into,

things about, like, a negative inner voice or like self-doubt, fear, like why don't we do stuff you know because you can look at you can do a sort of surface cure of like which we will get to of like write down all things you're proud of make a gratitude all this sort of stuff I find this so difficult because whenever I read that when I tried to look it was like all of the lists were the same yeah some of the list were like literally like think better about yourself yeah and you're like gosh gosh thank you I've never thought of doing that um and then when you go deeper and deeper and deeper into that the core of it is like how have we evolved to not

like ourselves like where did that come from like one earth is it? The purpose. What is the purpose? Baboons! We don't come from baboons, do we? We come from fish. Fish. Fish are very crippling self-esteem animals.

But where, what is the purpose of, if life is, wants to survive and win and produce and, like, that's it, it wants to stay alive. What is the point of having part of you that doesn't want to do that? Doesn't want to do that? Do you think it's like, do remember, I can't remember which episode that we did, but we were talking about how, we talked a lot about how, like, negative emotions have a positive purpose because they drive you. Like for example, oh, look, jealousy, we did an absolutely astounding episode on how's it become

jealousy. But there was one thing that I thought was interesting about it, which was, yeah, that jealousy is a good marker for looking at where you want to be in your life. So you go like, oh, I felt a jealous pang there, not just, I'm an awful person, but just like, why did I feel like that? Yes. I feel like I should be doing that then, maybe. And with self-doubt, self-doubt, self-doubt, for me personally, when I feel like I can't do something, it makes me want to have a cry and then it makes me want to do it more because I'm like well then the satisfaction will be so much but then obviously you do run the risk of and it has happened

where I've like not been able to do it and then be like cool so I guess I've just affirmed the fact that I'm shit so that's not hugely helpful either but it doesn't have as clear purpose as like jealousy or envy or fear because fear is is fire flight isn't it it like there's a tiger in the cave well if you didn't have any fear you just be like hello and then you'd get eaten Exactly. But like, what's the self-doubt bit?

And I guess it is just, your brain is just trying to keep you safe. Yeah. And so if we're like nice and safe here in the bed, it's like, well, don't get out of the bed. Don't get out of the bed. Be a bear. Yeah, just stay here. If you're just like alive, you're like, fine, stick with this. Like a prawn.

A prawn. Like, we're doing this. And then the prawn's like, I want to write a book about prawns. I want to see what's, hey, I shouldn't be a krill. I should try and see what's over there. Like, I think I should go and investigate. And your brain is like, absolutely not. Like, no.

There is a sperm well just waiting to feed you through his weavy teeth. Yeah, it's like, don't do that. Stay safe. And you're like, but I think that it could be, I think I could do it. I think there's possibility and things and stuff and I want to do all these things. And so we've got this huge curiosity and drive and like an imagination and all this stuff. Because that's how mankind. Exactly.

And then holding hands with it is this awful like, no, no, no, stay in the cave, don't do anything. It's scary. It's scary. I read this really interesting study that feeds of interest. Where at Stanford, they tested children's brains doing men. maths and the kids that didn't like maths obviously didn't do as well but then they did brain scans and they saw that actually there's a possibility that the kids go in being like math is boring I hate maths and those kids don't do well because they are going in with a negative outlook where the kids who've been brought up by mathematician parents or whatever will have will be more likely to have like an open mind or if the teacher's great like and I've had that as well like a math teacher who's been like amazing and suddenly I was like way better at math and then it went back to my remembrance. teacher because he ran away with the 15 year old people. Certainly. That is what happened. Great professionally.

Always his life is all over the place. Obviously that doesn't overrule natural skill and talent. Like you can't just be like well if they like maths will be amazing. But it does like there is a certain percentage that will be boosted by that and they use it with sports people as well. There's like a middle ground between like

positive thinking and arrogance that they really try and get because it just makes people like run better, train better. I think that's like kind of feeds into that thing of like oh that's why it's useful if we believe in ourselves we literally can push physically and scientifically further yes which is it almost makes you want to believe in yourself more because you're like oh right well it works yes right exactly like that thing about like nature and like obviously you get born with a certain set of skills and like maybe you are mathematically minded

or you can sing or you can do stuff or you're good at running or whatever but then that's like 10% like 90% of it is the the nurture bit whether people told you you could whether you told yourself you good and if you look at like Usain Bolt or like Michael Jordan or like any massive athlete like all of them are these like um who is the incredible boxer madali oh yeah that was all I thought I was like surely maybe that was too obvious no no no that is right I mean yes I mean he's like I am I am this is what I'm capable of like tennis is like that as well I always think like Roger Federer and like Nadal and like that kid that recently won I basically watched tennis recently and it was amazing I've never seen live tennis before.

It was Roger over and it was great. But the, live? Yeah. Oh, did you love it? Yeah, it was absolutely amazing. It was absolutely so fun. It was at the O2,

so it was like, Oh, wow. Indoorse and he had all these, like, screens and, like, flashing lights. And every time someone got an ace, it was like really fun. But, like, it was so fascinating to see how they drop, they start dropping points.

Like, his opposition clearly didn't have the mental strength. Like, he'd drop a point and then he'd drop a few more points. And then you could see him, like, having to get it. Whereas Roger Federer just reset every time. sort of a war of your brain versus your other brain in that instance. And he has got to worry how it's because of incredible skill. But also he used to be like, watch a documentary on him. He used to throw tantrums.

He used to be so upset at himself whenever he got something wrong. He'd like throw his racket. He'd cause real problems. He'd get disqualified from matches and stuff. And then he had to rein it in. And the moment he reined it in and started to psychologically look at it, his talent and skill just absolutely like that, coupled with that just saw him through and he became what he is now.

Basically, I love Roger Federer. That's the take home. What we're saying, guys, yeah. That's clear, and you should write to him. I should, shouldn't I? Roger, if you're listening. I've got a friend who is his friend. Wow, you're one hand shake away from Roger Federer.

Oh my God. But, no, the point is, is that... The point is with those athletes, like, yes, they're incredible sportsmen, but mostly it's because they believe themselves to be incredible sportsmen. Or why would you train, like, 12 hours a day? Like, you just wouldn't do it, would you? You wouldn't be able to push yourself. Like, when you see Yusain Bolt step out on the line,

like wave to the cameras and do his like stuff you're like ain't nobody beating him not because he's the best who he is the faster run in the world but because like when somebody stands on that because I always used to think oh my god how embarrassed would you be if you came out and you did all that stuff and then you lost yeah it's like he ain't never he ain't never gonna lose because he's come out that's how what he's that's how he's walked to the line yeah like I'm winning this and then everyone out there's no way anyone's gonna take him because everyone's like you're quite right like nobody else walks out like that and just waves and there's like I've got this with that level of confidence.

And also, that's actually a good point because when he did, the last one he did lose, didn't he? And like, look at, no one. Yeah, I think he lost his last one. Nobody was embarrassed for him. No, exactly. So look at what happens when you do, obviously we're talking about you saying Bolt

and like no one was embarrassed because look at what he's achieved. But the embarrassment level often stops us from believing in ourselves as well. Like, you're frightened to go down a particular career path because you're like, cool, yeah, but like, I'll never be able to do that as an actual job because what if I fell and then everyone would be like well you should have stuck with the thing that you knew that was boring like it's so frightening

but then the worst case scenario is you just stop doing it and go back to something else like it no one's ever exactly like nothing actually happened to you saying like it's I didn't even know I clearly love him and I had no idea that he recently it was just like anyone makes you feel bad for trying something different

then you just have to that's their problem you have to cut them out your life immediately their dicks yeah you can't hold your back and not believe in yourself just because you're like frightened to fail. Absolutely and I will insert there a quote by grandmother Willow. No, it's actually... I'm not interested.

The author Marianne Williamson. I'm interested. Is she a tree? She is a tree in her spare time. Great. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? Oh, thank you. Heavens above. Is that, initially, can I just say my thought process is that quote? Yeah. First thought, oh, fuck off. Second thought, no, that is correct because when the, I don't know if anybody listening has ever, like, actually got the thing that they sort of want. So, like, just given what we, what we need to just make something amazing or take that stuff, or get that, you know, like, if you're listening in, you suddenly you get a call and it's your dream job. Your first thing is like exciting and then immediately you go,

how the fuck am I going to do that? What if I can't do it? Well, the person that used to do it is amazing. How can I ever like fill her shoes or like everyone's going to laugh at me? Like I don't know enough. I don't know enough. And it's a constant battle with yourself, which is so odd, isn't it? Like that doesn't make any sense.

I think it's because like you imagining that like, oh my goodness, one day when I've got time and money and space, tidy room. Suddenly and a tidy room, I'll just be this one. Wonderful woman and I will make all the things on my craft list and I will... There'll be a French onion soup bubbling. Bubbling. It'll bubble.

Gloriously. I'll buy Le Cruzee. What's Lecruzier? You'd absolutely recognise it. Purple on the outside. A cream on the middle. I'm trying to describe. Okay.

It's a cat, sorry, it's a... It's stopped. It's to describe it the most bizarre thing. Okay, it's a casserole dish. Right. But famously they were like either red or a lovely shade of blue on the outside. And white in the middle. Yes.

And they're really heavy cast iron things and they're quite expensive. Yes. And you would put, you know, people make things for like the whole day and then they just sit on the little cruzier. Oh yeah. When you've got like an argo and a slow cooker as well. And so yeah. And that's the sort of thing.

You'd make a lovely ragu or something. Oh, sure. I mean, just the word casserole just gets me like, I'm, I'm at a push. I know what it is. I know what a cassero is. I'm going to Google it. Now.

Okay, that feels like a good use. No, let's take a guess. It's a slow-cooked stew is it. Like, a stew is whatever you've got in, then just some water in it. Like, you know. A shoe, a shoe, a toothbrush. Pop a shoe in.

Pop some water on, put in a casserole dish. And you're away. It's a casserole. Lid on the crucierge. We're done. We should release a cookbook. Well, I think that is a huge issue, the casserole issue.

The like, if, you know, when I've got time and, this is how we got here. Not knowing what casserole are. No, this is how we go here. There's like, when you've got this time and this space, you always, because then you're like, that's what holds me back. Of course I could, but I don't have the time. And then when the time is presented to you, you crumble under that.

It's time now. Not you, one crumbles. I crumbled. I crumbled. Like, one crumbles under the pressure of being given the thing that you thought was what was holding you back. And that goes away and suddenly like, oh, actually the thing that holds me back is me. Yes, because it's like someone going to get, we'll go on then. I pretended it was time and money and space and all of those things, but it wasn't.

It's just me. And now I have to address the fact that that fear is just inside me and that there is any obstacle I can point at, nothing physical outside of me I can point out that's holding me back. I have to admit that it is me that is holding me back. And it's crunch time. That's the most profound shit I've ever said, it's amazing. I love it. Thank you. It's, it's like, it's like, you know, you can, I always feel like that, you know, when, again, it's sort of thing of like that buildup, that build up, and then it gets to crunch time. It's like, well, go on then. Like, now you actually have to perform. Yeah. I think the more, you've given yourself this

massive buildup of like, when this, when that without realizing it. Yes, absolutely. And actually we could do it. We could all do without the build. up that's one of the tips I was reading about just like stop being like your own like adverse hype man of like you can do it when this you can do it when this because then you're just waiting for this golden time on this hill and by the time that is like you've been clapped onto the stage your mic's been put in front of you're supposed to sing like Beyonce and you're like actually I don't know can I just have some time please I've been I've been so busy wondering about what you're not going to do you have actually prepared for it but if you just like

casually start preparing for it now and it's just like putting things in place now now like this moment, then there's not a build-up. You're just doing it, and then you realize it's just a very normal life thing. Exactly. Exactly. I think it's so important to, like, just do, if you have a thing that you want, that you think, if you have something in your mind, if that's like redecorating the kitchen or making, learning to make tiles, macramay.

Maybe a career thing. Moving up in your job. Reddoing your CV. Making a website? Sure. Having business cars. Having business. Making a business.

Whatever your thing is. minor or major as a life choice. Go right ahead right now and do two minutes. Yeah, just like planning it out. Because even, yeah. Like pretend that someone's asked you to do it and then put some little things in place. Are you struggling for something to read, Tessa?

Oh, absolutely always. Because audiobooks.com have given us a recommendation for December specifically. For cozy, absorbing greeds. Oh, yes, please. Upon the wintery nights. Oh, yes, curl up like Janeair. If you use the promo,

Code, nobody panic, you get two free books. What? Yeah. Two free books are to download. So, I have, like, limited time, obviously, because I could talk about these books for ages, but I'm just going to give you, like, a hint. I'm going to sell it in a sentence. Oh, yes, please. Okay. Book one, my sister, the serial killer. Oh, God.

By Oinkin Braithwaite. Sister's a psychopath. Main person. Yes. Gets pulled into her ways. Okay. Okay, yeah? I mean, don't say you're not interested. No, I am. I'm interested.

I can't lie. And I wrote the whole blurb. Right. You don't own me by Alla Fair Burke. Murder, Intrigue, Modern Day, New York. Oh, yes, please. Hello. Melmuth by Sarah Perry.

I'd like to know about the murder one. Okay, so... Fun, flirty, no. Dark, psychological thriller. Are we going to solve it? Agatha Christie? Where are we talking here? Well, we're going to solve it, Agatha Christie style.

But it's also a happy, happy woman, freshly engaged. Having a great time. People start coming out of the woodwork. Oh, did the ex-wife do it? Someone's dead? I can't reveal too much. What's this one called? It's called You Don't Own Me.

Yes, okay, great, thank you. Number three, Melmoth by Sarah Perry, for people that like fantasy. But like, fantasy like steeped in reality. So you've got, you've got your modern day, thank you, magical realism, you've got your modern day, you've got your mysterious dark globes figures.

Oh, hello. You've got your letters, who's the letter from, tells of a legend, where is the legend, And how does it affect our protagonist? Yes. I think I should do this as a job. I can't believe it's not your job already. It's amazing.

Right, finally, we've got the Travelling Cat Chronicles, very, very popular by Hiro, Arakawa, absolute international bestseller, owner, cat, voice to both of them. Right. They go on the road. Gosh. For what they think, it's just going to be a fun time to visit her and the cat.

Her and the cat. Just to visit some friends. Or so they think. Oh, God. Hyjinks happen. Hello. Courage. Love.

Loyalty. Learning the meaning of all of those things. Fantastic. Apparently it's a lot of fun. So, I mean, surely there's something for everyone. What's the Cat one called? The Travelling Cat Chronicles. I'll be getting that one.

So thank you so much to audiobooks.com. So we put in Nobody Panic as a code and you get two free books. Two free audio books to download. The listen through your ears. I'm going to do it right now. Hello, Cat Chronicles. Here I come. Hello.

Bye. I like to think, I mean, there's very few actual tips that I like. in the like how to believe yourself stuff because it was like go to a life coach you're like who is this written for um but one thing I liked which was like it was like don't let fear stop you and I was like yeah fear stop me and then I it's just like oh okay then thanks you've solved my problem but it did say I mean very boldly states this article fear stands for it's like no it doesn't it's not acronym but it's nice that you're saying why not yeah go on then go on then give you tell we're very hard to teach fear stands for it's actually quite good okay false evidence that appears real and I think that's a bloody hell

that's a huge thing where it's like the false evidence that appears real is so good and I'm going to really think about that because I think a big part of the issue is that when you're trying to believe in when you have to believe in yourself it both of them is you and it's that accepting of like all those negative thoughts like are also you and like really you know finding yourself in amongst all of that and if you say like I don't think I'm very good at this and someone says like that's a negative thought like of course you are you're like you don't think that's not you think no you're wrong yes that thought is real and so it's hard to decipher like what's a useful thought and what is a negative thought and so any thought that begins with if I've said like

if someone says to you like you should go and learn the trapeze whatever and if your answer is like oh but what if this or but anything that comes to mind immediately all but any buts and any what is they are all in the negative thought camp and they can be ignored. Yeah. And even though they're like, no, no, they shouldn't be ignored. They're sensible. They're not sensible. Not sensible.

Put them in that camp. Let them go. Only like, just write down like the facts of the situation. You're, you know, if you're frightened about an event or you're frightened about taking a job that you don't think you will be good enough for or starting a blog or starting a podcast or doing something, you're like, I can't do that. Write down all of the facts, the things that you can do, you know how to do. And then the things that you don't know, people can help you. and write down the people that would be able to help you and write down like the worst case,

in the worst case scenario, it won't work. That's literally all that will happen. There's no embarrassment. Everyone's attention spans like 4.3 seconds. Yeah. It's fine. Write out those what if thoughts to their logical worst conclusion and be like, okay, what if that does happen?

Yes. What if... May I tell you what honor de Bolzac, the French author said? The air of the bullsack. Certainly could be. I think it's... I think it's on air de Balzac,

but it sounds like Bullsac. I don't think we should say that I feel bad now. He's dead. His name sounds like Bolesack. He's like an old French. He's funny, look him up. Okay. I mean, I will do, yeah.

This very second. Okay. He's just so jowly. And also do check he's dead. Well, he was born in 1850, so I certainly hope he's dead. Yeah, he's great. He looked like a French ball sack.

Yeah. It was like someone who has very nicely popped a little. stashed some hair on a borset. On a balsack. He's absolutely wonderful. And I can't wait to read more of his work. But he said, Stevie, and he wrote that down in his book. Oh my God. When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt. That's great. Good stuff, isn't it? I take it all, I know, you still look like a balsack, but a happy balsack. A happy, yeah. He's got a balsack with some wise words. Very wise. Because it's so true that you give, we are so good at feeding that fear

machine. Oh yeah. And you can imagine your fear machine like your actual grandma, you know, who's so, who is, you know, oh, but she's so worried for you because she just wants you to be safe and happy and okay. And so therefore she's like, oh, you know, don't make a fuss. Don't do anything. Don't, you know, don't play on that. Don't, you know, someone's trying to just keep you safe constantly. Yeah. But you just have to be like, thank you for your fear. Thank you. Thank you for your fear. Thank you for your concern. But this is going ahead now. And also don't try. And accept also that it's never going away. There is no sense, there is no place where like that fear is gone.

Or you're suddenly like, I can do this. It will always be there. You just have to, the difference between you and Usain Bolt or you. Or Beyonce. Or is that, is mostly the singing voice and the incredible thighs and hair and, you know. She is my queen. She is my queen. But the main, yeah, there's obviously many, many differences between you and Beyonce.

But the main one is just that she, between any successful people who do something that you wish you could do, the main thing is just they have found better coping mechanisms than you have currently got to deal with that fear. So it's not that they don't have it. It's not that they're not there. It's just they've got currently better coping mechanisms. And the magical thing about coping mechanisms is you can just learn them.

Yes, make one. Make them up. Make up a good one. But learn and make them teach them yourself. Like just put those things in place. And that's literally the only difference. Yeah. Amazing.

It's not that no one else has, you know, those same doubts. They're there. They're just as big as you. yours are yeah Beyonce will have been really frightened growing up and performing for the first time when Destiny's child disappeared that's so hard and she had to go solo and then but like she rose to the challenge like the queen she is yeah and her i think we've talked i mean i think we've talked about Beyonce before we talk about Beyonce every episode but you know her inventing sasha fierce as you know this confident person who could do it she's just that thing about like faking the confidence

that you wish you had just forcing yourself to believe in believing in yourself or believing in forcing yourself because it's your own brain the job is you have to trick your own brain which is obviously really hard but then at the same time it's actually deceptively simple because you just have to the more you do it the more you your brain i've read something when i was really searching for this like that your brain your habits and your thought processes are built by um the amount of times you tell your brain to do something so if you're constantly telling your brain that you're your shit then your brain's default will be well i can't do like from shit but if you just fakingly start telling your brain no i can actually do that i actually think i could

do that i can try doing that i could certainly like and just keep keep like feeding your brain with those sorts of like information then then your whole chemistry will change your thought paths will change that's why unfortunately those lists are all so lame like constant affirmations every morning you're like i'm i wake up late and i i had four minutes to get at that house i have time to affirmations I've got to do my teeth. Have a shower. That is, it is good advice because chemically it works. So you just like,

you have to just keep catching yourself when you find your brain telling you a thing like, well, I can't do that. You go, actually challenge it all the time. Thank you for that thought, but I'm going to let that go. Well, thank you for that thought. I'm going to challenge it. And again, it can sound super wishy-washy

and like, you're like, oh, weird way of talking to you as now. But I think it's the literature and the evidence suggests. It's a good idea. It's necessary. So powerful stuff though. very powerful um who's that man is it Hillary hang on one second

who climbed Everest Edmund or William Hillerick Edmund I've no idea I don't know anyone said which I think is very important surrounding yourself with people who believe in you yes quite a lot of people I know will have a time of not believing in this have a low self-esteem and then they'll come out of it and look back and go my boyfriend or my girlfriend or my friends or I was my flatmate or my parents were so down on me. No wonder I didn't think I could do something. You're like at the time they didn't realize.

So it might be worth just clocking like are they're friends that make you feel bad or are they like is your partner being as supportive as they could be or is it like that kind of like faux support? It was like, you do your little projects. Oh, I love your little blogs. You're like I want to be a journalist like all of that stuff. I think it can often, you can often get into a situation which isn't very nice and quite toxic without even realising. Yeah, and check with yourself if, you know, if in answering that question of like, is this friend actually nice? If you say like, no, but it's because they're this and you think of an excuse, like, okay, you do you, but like just check with yourself. The lady does protest too much.

Why are you? Yeah, what's, you know, just really, because those things are not fun or nice to have to look at or explore or go, you know, have to check with yourself like it's not nice there's a reason we don't do it there's a reason we're like this is fine you know we don't want to have to admit you know actually this person is very nice to us so then it's like and now what am I what's supposed to do now what are we supposed to do which you can just it's quite a simple just hang out with other people hang out with us we'll support you I will support you too hard people have told me I need to back off on people's because of my support of people's projects but I will yeah there'll be so much love coming

at you. So I hope that you can attempt to believe in yourself, attempt to sort of wade through the self-doubt and stop listening to it so much and like listen to the bit of you, even if it's my voice, listen to me, by saying, you can do this actually. And also like, so what if you

can't and why not? Like, you go right ahead and you can do it. Is that a horrible cliche of like, you only got one life? But then when you really think about it, you literally have. So life is too short to want to do something and not do it. Yeah. And I know you didn't like Marianne Williamson. I really liked it because I said number one, fuck off,

number two, really engaged in it. If you remember, I told a whole story about it. You did, I remember it vividly. I'm getting it tattooed on my butt cheek as we speak. The end of her piece on that is that your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

That's quite good. That's the thing of like walking into a party gang like, oh hello, just me. Oh, I fell over. Me, I'm shocked myself probably. Don't mind me. Oh, no. And of course, because we've all met people who walked in and were like...

Have shout themselves. No, we've been like, anyone got a massive cock? I think it's me. You know, people who... Hands who have you got a massive cock. Oh, hello. Hands in the air. It's me.

Well, you've met somebody who's like so outrageously arrogant or confident or cocky whatever. Turns out that often very insecure. Exactly. And so you're so therefore, you're like, oh, well, don't be like them. They're awful. So exactly that. But try and find that sweet, sweet point, you know. If you do find that sweet, sweet point,

you will know because you won't have to try you'll feel so much happier i think everyone has that sweet point the whole time but it's just if you have it ever that's a real that's amazing most quietly confident people they have had a period of time where they had to work on themselves and so they didn't just like wake up as a baby and we're like like like like like in greek myths where the baby like wakes up and then just like immediately like kills two snakes and then like makes a feast yeah but that's hercules and uh and he had to do some, you know, he had to, he had some stuff, he had some issues. And he had to work on them.

Yes, absolutely. He had to have 12 labours for God's sake. So even when I'm like, well, Hercules could do it. Like, yeah, but it took it ages. It did, just think about it. Took Hercules ages. Because we don't, as we talked about so many times, we don't ever see, when we literally in the movies, they make it into a montage that boring bit. Yes. Yes. It's boring.

Yes. It's boring to watch. And they put some music behind it and we don't see it because if you watch them, everyone's like, this is exoringly. Yes, because it is exhausting. Yeah, it's ugly and it's like, it's mundane and it's boring. But that's what gives us the good stuff. Yeah, and you have to, unfortunately, like, yeah, it's been, the bit that's sped up in the movies is the bit that's the actual slowest in life.

And I'm sorry. It'd be the longest part of the movie, wouldn't it? It'd be out of the sort of 17 week section. Yeah, because we only have a, exactly week. That's not the stories we tell. But they aren't interesting or exciting to watch. They aren't interesting to watch someone get up at 5 a.m. every morning and, you know, go rowing. Yes.

I believe in you very much If you want to send us a secret email With the thing that you're trying to do That you don't want to tell other people You can do that Please do. We'll have it We'll believe in you from a distance Nobodydepanicpodcast atgumol.

You can also tell us more publicly At Nobodyepadopod At StevieM, the SS5 At Has a Coat's just letters That's me And I will leave you with This thing from Edmund Hillary Who climbed

What did he climb, Stevie? Everest Correct I learned that off air Edmund Hillary said It is not the mountain we conquer But ourselves

Oh my God Edmund Edmund Edmund Did he die up there No he came down And famously his Sherpa Tenzing Is actually who stepped

We should you know He always gets forgotten Whenever people talk about Evan Hillary Because his shirper came with him Tensing Norgay came with him And I think stood there first actually

Well good on Tensing Norgue And also had like done a recie And like run up to check it for him You know Yeah People always say it was Hillary the person of Everest but it was probably it was not it wasn't

well I hope that helped and if you come into the party tomorrow see you tomorrow where I face my fears and I'll just also be there and Tessa will also be there she's not frightened she's bold as love she's bold as brass and yeah see you next week

we're gonna have a oh yeah next week's episode will be the live ones if you're not coming you'll have to listen to it and have a lovely Christmas season Christmas Happy middle of Advent Yay! Bye!