Nobody Panic - How to Break Up with Someone

Episode Date: May 18, 2021

Break ups are a true nightmare. There is no good break up, only an infinite range of bad break ups, but some of those bad break ups are much, much better than others. Stevie and Tessa have experienced their fair share from either end, and offer up a valiant effort to help you achieve the best bad break up you possibly can.Want to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true, Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Nobody Panic, a podcast where we help you out. I'm Stevie. And I am Tessa. And today's episode is, Stevie, I think we should break up. No, that is not acceptable because we are not face to face. One of my tips for this podcast. Oh, of course. You're right. What was I thinking? I renege on

my previous offer and think we should remain together. You call that an offer, breaking up with someone. Yes. State of that. Absolute state of that. So that's a little role play, little something, sort of bringing it to life, hoping that you can sort of imagine the emotions people might be going through in the moment. This episode is how to break up with someone. And it was sent into us anonymously, of course, and it says massive question, how do you break up with someone? I don't know how to for two reasons. One, mentally getting myself to realize that it's why I need to do for my own sanity and happiness. And two, actually telling my partner it's over.

and two please keep me anonymous if you do do this spicy episode. Spicy indeed. But also a little bit saucy for the dads, do you know what I mean? Yes, I'm very surprised we haven't done this before, but... No. We haven't. No, this is, it's very exciting. And I think the splitting it into two parts is exactly what's needed.

It comes in one and two, this, isn't it, breaking up? It really does. It's the old one, too, and then you've broken up for someone. The old classic double shuffle and that's... And that's you're out of the relationship. That's life. Before we do that, because I think if we even begin talking about that now, we will just never stop. Let's do the thing that we do at the start of most podcast episodes, which is where we say our adult thing of the week to make ourselves feel good about ourselves.

My adult thing is that the sun has started shining and I have tried to put, I've been trying to dress myself, basically, in a whole outfit. Okay. I'm trying to be a new, basically I'm trying to be a new person out of lockdown, mostly a stylish person. And I think you're like, oh, these are great trousers. But then you put them on, you're like, okay, now what? And it turns out it's like you've got to do the whole thing. Like there's so much involved, which is why I like to wear like a very long dress or like dungarees.

Because then you're like, that's it. Top and bottom tick, done. We're ready to rumble. Anyway, so I've been trying to dress more stylishly. It's like, oh, I'll wear these shoes, thought, whoa, whoa, whoa. These shoes haven't been out of the house in a year. preemptively put some blister plasters on, and then had to return to the house very soon after I left to get put different shoes on. But I did think I was very impressed with myself with my preemptive.

I was thinking, I bet these are going to hurt. I've been wearing enough of the trainers. There is nothing better than being like, oh my God, my shoes are such a rub. I've got a plaster in my bag. Like, it's the best. Oh, my, my, ma'mo. And for you, madam? So we're getting a dog, going to get a puppy.

So I'll just say it. Now I didn't intend to get one of those designery dog types, but it's just that it was an actual happy accident. It's absolutely terrified. I made the stupid mistake of putting on Twitter like, I don't know I've got any tips of getting a puppy. It just got absolutely inundated with like abuse. So that was good.

But the adult thing, I suppose, is getting a dog, isn't it? That's an adult thing. And that's quite straightforward. Well done. Well done. Thank you. And I think it's a delicate, it's a delicate subject, isn't it? People care very passionately about things and absolutely as they should.

But I think there is also that passion can sometimes stray over into bullying people online because you know, I don't think anybody knows anybody's total situation ever. And for that reason, Stevie, I'm going to break up with you. You know what? You know what? Look at my setways. Fair enough. Fair enough that you did that. said no one ever when they're being broken up with the first rule of breaking up is that unfortunately of course the other person will not like it and that's something that will you can't ever control

other people's responses you can only control your own behaviors and if that is if it's something that you need to do that is enough don't ever not do something because you're scared that it's going to upset the other person ever only do things you can only do things for yourself in this Yes. I think there's only you and you have to live this life for forever for your entire time with yourself. And so I think you do have to just make choices for you. And there is, there is, if you're in a relationship and you would like to get out, there is no good way out of this. There is only some better ways out of it. But there is no like, oh, this is, oh, this is it. This is it. This is the gold A standard. No one got hurt. Like people are going to get hurt, including you is going to be tough. There are just, what we can advise you on is doing it the best way possible. But I think before we even get into the best way possible, let's address number one on the anonymous question,

how can I reconcile and make peace that this is something I need to do? I believe numerous things about this. One is that you literally can never convince somebody to break up with someone. It has to come from themselves. So, like, I've been in situations where very clearly they should have broken up with someone and was like, ah yes, I will listen to your advice. I continue for three years. And I have friends as well who have been in situations where the alternative,

like, so the breaking up is a terrible thing to think of because it just, you don't want to hurt the other person, they also don't want to be single. The thing is, is if you are, and I feel, you might disagree, and if you disagree, that's absolutely fine, because I don't think there's, again, any hard and fast rules with how to know you should break up with someone. I do feel like if you are consistently thinking about breaking up with somebody, you've already got your answer.

You just don't want to do it for very fair reasons because it's a horrible thing to do and it's very scary to do. And also it's very scary to put yourself in a position of being single. However, I think, yeah, you do already have that answer and it becomes then, okay, short-term pain, long-term gain, because nobody is going to end up happy if you just go, okay, well, I'll just won't do it then, because I'm scared. I think if you've, I'm not, I do not presume to know this, this anonymous person who is written in circumstances. And also, it's always possible that, you know, you can have doubts.

Doubts, I think you've got to separate normal, healthy, oh, doubts, always, always, because, you know, relationships, the longer they go on, the more long term they are. You've got, you know, there'll be compromises that are made. There are things you're like, am I still cool with this? I'm still cool with this. Is this just a bad patch or is this been going on for too long and am I genuinely unhappy? Lots of like very complex things to be checking in on all the time. There's a difference between that and like I do want to break up with this person. Should I break up with this person? Should I break up this person?

If you're asking yourself that a lot, I think you've got to, it's like when we talk about tarot cards, it's not about the answers, it's about the questions you're asking. A hundred percent. I did an online, I don't know what an online comedy show. and I read people, I didn't have any material, so I said, let's do a tarot reading. Can it work on a mass scale for multiple people? No. Does it work on the computer? No. However, a bit of fun. And I said, message me a question secretly. Some of them were, how do I get rid of mice in my house? Some of them were, 18 of them were, my wedding has been cancelled in the pandemic. Is this a sign that I should not get married? I was like, yeah.

If you're asking me that. And I also did this anonymous writer in. The answer is that you took the time to write in to us to our, like, you know the answer. It's yes. This is the end of this relationship. You writing in to ask the tarot cards if you should. It means you're either absolutely desperate for me to turn over like the lovers or something and to say like, no, this is a perfect relationship. In which case you're like, okay, something has made my doubts go away or for me to be like, yes, you're free.

you know, like, you know that you've, somebody very, somebody was describing a relationship as like, basically like the fundamentals of Christianity, which are based on, like, doubt. The Lord. The Lord. Mostly the Lord. The Lord and the love for Jesus Christ. But second to that is inherently like doubt. Like doubt is absolutely wrapped up in faith in the same way that doubt is absolutely wrapped up in your relationship.

Like, even if you're with someone that you love to pieces and you have such a wonderful time, there will always be moments when you'll be like, is this, is this the perfect person? Do I want this? Is it this, though? Like, you will always be like, oh, God, but, but, but, but, like, you know, you make choices in life and there will never be one where you're like, oh, yeah, there's doubt for everyone in everything. And then she was describing that, like, that's, except that the doubt will be there. But when you tip over into being an atheist and just being like, oh, there's not doubt, I just, I know this is, like, that's the point you have to be like, okay, and now we have to call it quits. just role with this analogy, just like I imagine it's difficult to live without the Lord's Light

when you've lived with the Lord's Light for so long. It's very difficult to, and it should never be, what's the word, underestimated, how hard it is to think about yourself as being a single person when you have not, when you've been in a long-term relationship. Like, I people, I know people who are still, and I only people who have bought houses with people, and they're still there who should not be doing that. before they did it, they wanted to break up with the person. The further you go, the more you become linked, and the more difficult it is to extract yourself,

the harder the task becomes, because then it's like, well, now they are, like, financially bound, but also the longer, just by years, just by, like, the history that you will have together, that it becomes harder and harder to see yourself in a different way. If you listen to all of this and you go and you understand that and you know that and you still go, I just can't, I get that. I get that, but just know that's what you should be doing.

And sit with that and sit with that for as long as it needs. Because, yeah, I was in a very similar situation for years. No, maybe there was like a full calendar year where I knew. Like I absolutely knew I had to, but just didn't. Because there are good times. And you go like, but that was a good night? And you're like, yeah, does that balance out, all the rest of it? And I waited and waited and waited until something happened that I did.

just couldn't ignore. And I was basically, and it sounds terrible, I was, I was waiting for something awful to happen so that I would be like, oh, you have done this. I have no choice but to, or I have fallen in love with this person, so I have no choice but to. And that doesn't actually happen. You still just, you have to break up with a person. Even if that does happen, you're still have to break up with a person. And then actually, it's much worse, because then you both hurt now on top of the fact that you're breaking up because someone's done something. And also, you know that you've waited for them to do something, you know, irreconcilable. Or in the other end of the scale, they're perfectly nice and loving you just, like, fallen out of

love with somebody, or you just know that there isn't a future or there's some, you know, whatever is going on. And those times you're equally waiting for like, maybe they will, maybe they'll realize and they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll break up with me or are. Then it's also awful because you don't even have a thing of like, oh, well, you've treated me like shit. So at least there's an element of you that's like, when I break up with you, you're going to lose your mind. mind and that's good. You just don't hurt the other person. And also on paper, you're great. So why would you then ruin something that everyone would go, what? But you guys are perfect? What? They're just as dangerous because then they're the ones that you end up like going, oh, hang on, I'm now married. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. You got to ask yourself, oh, here's a nice thing that

is very sort of Oprah went for you. But it was like, are you, are you compromising preferences or are you compromising values? And I think because everyone's always like, oh, you know, we're trying to it work and we're doing this. It's like, yeah, but has it got to a point where you are fundamentally different about, about something? And like, what is secretly in your, what's in your heart of hearts? And then if you ask yourself, like, if you could sort of magic this relationship away, if you could, like, not hurt them, you could just sort of erase you from their memory or you could do some sort of... And you knew you were going to have a great time afterwards. Like, you knew you were going to, you know, find somebody else or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, 100%. I hadn't even thought

about that. For me, it was all just like, if you could not hurt them and you could just let this end, would you? And then, yeah, exactly. If you knew there was something, oh my God, it's exactly that. If you knew there was something great coming up. And that's the thing, like, the doubt is, it is everywhere. It's going to be in everything. But I think once the seed of being like, I don't think this relationship is right has started in your stomach, it is going to grow into a tree and it's going to tear you apart. So you've got to be like, look, the seed's here. There's nothing I can do about it. I got to. But it is really hard. And so, yeah, we should move on to like the actual breaking up let's get in there i feel i want to give people the confidence

if your fear is like i can't bear to be single be like i just a little quick check here of what the current world population is it's 7.9 billion like there are other people out there but also like there's there's there's there's there's there's not just about like oh you'll find someone else who loves you which you 100% will by the sheer like law of averages you will but also like it doesn't matter if someone doesn't love you like you you'll just make these things for you to be a better person, not just this like, oh, there's better love out there. There's like, there's so much good stuff for you out there. You also, you can't be the best person you can be with the wrong person.

Like, you literally just, it's actually, you're unable to do it. Right. You've done the soul searching. You've looked inside. You know this is coming. You know this is the best thing, crucially, for both of you. And you're going to do it. Okay, Stevie, where are we going?

We're going to a location that is acceptable. So, for example, locations that aren't acceptable, a theme park, a canoe, outside on the street, your favourite pub. After a night out, when you've decided, fuck it, let's go for it. A house party. A house party. Someone else's wedding. Someone else is a wedding. Basically, you have to, regardless, and this is easier when it's somebody that you care about,

but it's just not working. Quite difficult when it's somebody who's really hurt you, or it's a very difficult, dramatic, toxic relationship. But you basically have to give the end of the relationship, the respect, as much respect as you possibly can, to minimize the other person's kind of like, how day, you did it, you did it now, you did it here? So it could be in your own, like,

if you live together, it can be in your own flat, it can be in somewhere that won't make the other person feel uncomfortable for getting upset, but also if you're frightened of them becoming angry, doing it somewhere that is a public place is probably better. So a cafe or something like that in the day and face to face. I think it's always, basically, rule of thumb is just in their house, like in their space. Yeah. If it's in your space, I know, you have to tell them to leave. They have to physically walk out the door. And for those reasons, like, that's so tough. And also, if you've done it, you can then physically walk away from this situation.

So do it in their, do it in their house. Or like, if you've gone on a long walk, basically, like, you want to be just like the most neutral ground. Like, not near anyone. If they start crying, they either has to be, you know, you either be on a hilltop somewhere so, like, they can just cry out and walk around. or, you know, it needs to be, basically, no one needs to be watching the client, basically. Yeah, it's either in their house or a hilltop. That's it.

There's no other. Those are it. And that's what I'm giving you. If you live together in your house, because you know, and then you need to have a plan for where you, you're like, and now I'm going away now.

You need to give them some time. You plan through your 24 hours of like, imagine this is going to go extremely badly. Where's your stuff? Where are you going to go from here? Don't you? Don't do it in a sort of... Look after those.

Have a nice friend to go to or go to stay at your parents. Go somewhere that makes you feel comfortable rather than just like, I'm a piece of shit for doing this. Like that's the thing throughout is that you're not a piece of shit for doing this. You are doing the brave thing that lots of people never do because they can't. So you're being very, very strong here and you are doing the right thing. By definition, if you are breaking up with someone because you want to break up with them, that is the right thing to do regardless of whether the other person thinks it's the right thing to do,

whether your mom thinks it's the right thing to do, whatever, but you're doing it for you. I would like to put the caveat in as if you were in a long-distance relationship, and for example, maybe that's the reason it's not working. And I should know the next time you're seeing them is in like seven months time. Don't waste anyone's time here. You don't have to wait until you next see them if it's going to be a long time because that's unfair and can be really draining and difficult

trying to pretend that you still want to be in a relationship when you don't. And they deserve to know, I guess. So that is the only time. House, hilltop, Skype, if you're in very separate places. And ideally, if it's going to be the Skype one, or in fact, for any of them, do be aware of, like, what their schedule is of, like, the next couple of hours of like... Oh, shit. I just thought of something else, though. Or don't do what I'd once did, which is to say, like, hey, can we go to basically phrase, hey, can we go for coffee? I think we need to talk. Because immediately they will be like, they're going to break up with me. And then they will call you and force you to break up with them over the phone. You owe this relationship to take them to the hill.

or to their house or on Skype and then to look them in the eye and say, I think we should break up. Full stop, pause, no more, silence. Let the statement sit there. You can explain why, sure, but that should be your starting point. And I think that's when a lot of people struggle.

However, if you are unable to come out straight with that, I would say it is okay in these instances, these very emotional instances, to struggle to kind of get, As long as you say it, though, and you don't do again what I have been known to do, which is sort of be so, like, worried about saying it that you use so many euphemisms that the person literally doesn't know what you're talking about. And then you have to be like, oh, sorry, oh, no, I mean we need to break up.

And then they're devastated. And then they're like, why don't you just say that? You've been talking for 25 minutes about, I think, London Zoo. Yeah, no sort of like, I feel like we are two ships. together on the sea, but one ship has got their anchor caught in a crab. And for me, that's, not you, just say it, just, just rip the band-aid off, like that you can do all your ship analogy work afterwards, but the first bit has got to be just like, here, done, it's out. You can move on immediately to saying, you know, like, I've, I've been feeling like this.

And I think it's really important to say, like, I've been feeling what this rather than the crucial thing here is to not, like, list every single thing that has ever been. bothered you because what you're doing here is what you want to be doing here is you want to give them some good reasons without like absolutely character assassinating the other person again if they have treated you poorly that's okay character assassinate go for it recently i've been feeling like you've cheated on me no they have if it's just like love is gone be like i feel like and don't do not and here again clean clear crisp do not nambi pambi into it of like i just feel like the distance isn't working or oh god i have attempted to break up with somebody we were we don't

even on one date and i wanted out and i said oh my god this is like surfacing out of the depth of my soul i said i was moving to canada right don't do that then then then then you've got a life of looking over your shoulder ahead of you believe i did that i was at school i just didn't i didn't know how to do anything i was an idiot you went to the same school this then No, no, no, no, no. And you're there the next day like, hello, I guess. I went to Canada. No, no, no, they went to the...

And I just, I didn't have the bravery to be like, I don't like you. And I don't think this is working. And I... Yeah. And also, I'm really sorry that I came on very strong. Now I'm... I'm not. I'm a child.

I don't know, but don't lie. That's the hurtful thing as a child you've, like, completely got what is actually never goes away, even when you're a adult. of what you are saying to the other person is, I don't like, I came on very strong at the start and I don't like you anymore. That's what I would prefer to spend time with, on my own, than to spend time with you.

Yeah. That is what they will hear. That's often not what you, especially if it's a, you know, you feel you care about them. That isn't what you feel. You actually might genuinely wish that you could be friends, but they won't be able to.

So at least not for a long time. and in a real sense there's always that kind of like we'll be friends and you're still in love with me but yeah you'll say that anyway if we tell you not to

like you will say we can be friends I really value your friendship which is true and you do want to be friends with them but like it won't be a it won't be a true friendship it might be you can give it a go at the start and then

anyway I was going to and then you'll sleep with each other and that'll be the end friendship that's not what friends do and then I hope maybe in years to come you can

You can be. It's very difficult, though, and that is. But another nice thing is to kind of incorporate their feelings into this by just sort of saying, like, how do you feel about this? Have you noticed those things as well? How do you feel? So they don't feel like so uninvolved in this decision, even though by definition they are uninvolved in this decision. Because whatever they say, you have to stick to your guns. Do not go back on your decision because you have done it and look at how much it took to do this.

you have made the right decision. You wouldn't have started this conversation if you hadn't. So listen to their feelings. Their feelings might be you're a bitch and then they storm out. That your feelings might be just like, no, what, no, take me back. Their feelings could be a whole spectrum of things. But you can comfort. You can offer clarification on things.

Then there will come a point and it's very clear when this point comes where you are going around in circles because one of you does not want to go out with the other one and the other person does. And that is where you will have to walk away. And that will be very, very difficult. But that's very crucial. That point to be like, you know, like, I care about you and I'm so sorry that you're upset, but I think it's best for both of us.

If I give you some time to process this, that gives them sort of the power and them the space to consider what they are going to do now as well. Give them clear, truthful, but as nice. phrased things as you can if it's just we've fallen out of love or I want a different life to you or and don't and do not even though the instinct will be to like blame a different thing. Neither of yours control like you know there's you haven't got any money or the you live long distance or anything. Then they will say well I'll move closer to you. I'll do this. These are the things I will do to solve the thing that you said is the problem. So don't lie.

Don't make up a different reason and hope that they'll sort of see through it. Like you've got to tell them the truth about what it is that is causing you to break up, even if it's just nothing more than just like, you don't love each other in the same way anymore, and be clear to be like, and this is my decision and like, this is what's, this is what's happening now. And so therefore they aren't trapped in this like, okay, well, this is what I'll do to, this is what we can do. If you've said it's this problem, here are my problems to fix it. There's nothing you can really do about we don't love each other anymore or I want a different lifestyle to you or you want kids and I don't or any of those sort of things, except that it will

probably be a disaster and it will all, you know, but you aimed for that. Yeah, it'll come out wrong. It'll all come out wrong. It will, you know, no one's going to say like, oh, wow, look how eloquent I was in the moment. Like, it will all come out wrong, but at least you, you clarified what the truth was for yourself. And then it's like, after you've gone around the houses a few times, and that might take minutes or days or however much crying it's going to take, you say, and now I am leaving this space, you know, I am, I'm walking away. And this is when you can then leave their house or leave your shared health or walk them off the hilltop or wherever you, you know, are going through this and be like, I am, I am leaving this thing now. And then it's like,

and now we can begin the very slow and very prolonged healing process. But you cannot begin that if you don't walk away from them. Walk away to somebody who is your most like empowering, helpful friend who, who's already shown that they support the decision that you're making. Don't go straight to you, you know, that parent that thinks it's the wrong idea. Like to go to somebody it was going to lift you up and and you can talk through stuff and they won't tell you to shut up or like I think as well you've that's very important that you said they're about to have the the reasons, the specific reasons in your head because actually quite a lot of the time you can be like I just it's just not right and it doesn't feel right that is enough of a reason but it is

helpful for you just as much as them to also just have a couple of other like a couple of examples as to why it's not right and and to drill down further just so that you have it in your head so that your resolve doesn't waver because it's very easy for when you're very vague which is still but but it's still a reason if it doesn't feel right it doesn't feel right and that is a reason to break up with someone but I'm just thinking for when they're upset when you are like that week afterwards be like oh this is actually really messy and like I'm going to have to move out or whatever to have those things to remind yourself it's for this reason and this reason and this reason I had that sometimes.

Also, when I've been broken up with, that has been helpful as well, to just write down reasons why this relationship was not perfect, reasons why actually this was maybe a good idea. When you're breaking up with someone that's obviously a lot easier to do that when you've been broken up with, but when you've been broken up with, there's often things like, easy, I had shit, ha! Or whatever. But, yeah, do that the other way as well, because you have to look after yourself just as much

as like the other person and be aware that they may get in contact with you. They will like, you know, maybe want to call you or they'll call you when they're out. And it's absolutely fine to take their calls to a point. It's absolutely fine to talk to them to a point. And then there does have to be a point when you, if you feel that you are being adversely affected by it, that you have to gently tell them to stop. You have to gently break this off and you have to gently tell them that maybe it's time that, For example, that unfollowing on social media and all of that stuff, it is kinder, and it depends on what the relationship was like, whether you do this or not, it's kind of to say, look, I'm just going to like unlink us from social media, because obviously that'll be easier for both of us, rather than just doing it. However, if they've been a dick, just do it.

Yeah, if you are currently going through this, I don't envy you at all, but it is such a brave, brave thing to do. and not just like, unnecessary thing. And like, you know, if it's so rare the relationship is completely, it's so completely one-sided that the other person truly thought it was absolutely perfect. And, you know, unless you're, I mean, unless it's like, the times when that is the case is often like they're having an affair and have been for years or have a second family or all of this sort of stuff. In which case, that was what you needed to have broken up with them years ago

before you started your second family, for God's sake. Unless there's like deceit on some level, it's very rare that both parties, that one party thought it was amazing and one party thought it was bad. But the shock of the breakup obviously often outweighs everything else rather than the clarity of being like, you know what? We will be better off without each other. The shock of it will be so sort of upsetting. But often they will be like, yeah, this was the right thing to do. But it doesn't matter if it was right thing for them. It's the right thing for you and you cannot live your life as the supporting character in someone else's film.

you have to be like, this is my journey and this is what I need and I need to do and I need to do this and then just do it in the most respectful, kindest best way you possibly can while accepting it will be shit. It will be. Yeah. God, but also just absolutely best wishes to you, anonymous person and anyone listening and anyone that messaged in to your show saying, just is a sign that my marriage, that we shouldn't get married.

Like, you've got to ask yourself, why am I asking that question? and also like look how short your time is here. So fill it with good stuff. Like there's no point in, there's no, there's really is no point in spending time with people that you're not sure about, that you, there's a problem with, like you've just got to curate your life in a nice way.

You have, as the poem says, one wild and precious life. Do not spend it in a half, in a half love. Oh my God, that was powerful. A half love? Yeah. It looks like love and it's content and it's kind and it's nice, but it's half. It's not real.

It's not real. And not to say that there's someone amazing out there for you, brackets, I suspect there is, but to say like you're, there's an amazing version of you out there, you know, and you can't find them if you're in a relationship that you doubt. And we don't want to freak anybody out who's having like a tiny doubt about like how your partner washes the dishes. And you're like, well, the podcast says. And now I have to find my better self.

You're like relationships are inherent with doubt. But once it has your name. know the point of which she has tipped over and you know and if you think like do i know like the moment you're asking like is it this is this the sign i'm yeah you're in it you're you're experiencing it like that's yeah this is it um and uh it's not great but you're gonna do an amazing thing for both of you as long as you do it's in the nicest way possible hilltop house Skype yes it's good stuff it's good life lessons uh that are very hard but very hard useful and in the end good things good skills to have. I hope that helps anonymous reader and any listener and anyone else that is

listening who is in a similar situation. Take this week, have a reflect, have a think, know that you can change anything and it will be for the better because it's a decision that you've made to take control of your life more and that is always a positive decision. Always, always, always, always. Always, always. We are with you. We have done it. We can say, safely say that we do not regret doing those things. I also don't regret being broken up with and that is my truth. I don't either. Thank God. It was a dreadful experience at the time but I don't regret it for a second. They did, they truly, they did a brave thing and they got us both out of something bad, you know? I'm exactly the same. That's a really great point. I don't regret being broken up with either. I did at the time,

massively, but I don't know. Wildly regret it at the time. Violently. Violent regret. But in retrospect, We both got to be better people because of it without each other. And that's the truth. If you have any other suggestions for podcast episodes that you'd like us to tackle, please do email us. What's the email, Tessa? At nobody panic. You always say at the start.

Nobody Panic Podcast at gmail.com or our Twitter is at Nobody PanicPicpod. Or me, I'm at Tessa Coates. Or she is at Stevie M but the S is a five. Look, she's on it. It's just that first syllable that she just panicked. At! Just have a nice week. Be kind to yourself and hope everybody's okay.

And we'll see you next week for more trying to sort of live. More of this. To be honest. Absolutely. Absolutely this again. Okay. Oh, we love it. Okay.

Bye. Bye-bye. See next week.