Nobody Panic - How To Care Way Less About Life Milestones

Episode Date: March 19, 2019

Thought you'd be married with seven kids and a £350k job at 25? That was incredibly optimistic. But seriously, most of us fall foul of feeling like we're lagging behind in the quest for The Perfect Life, whether that's your job, your relationship (or lack thereof) or the fact that you can't keep a plant alive. Stevie and Tessa work out how to stop worrying about what you're doing when, and how we can all stop being so hard on ourselves. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. me Stevie Martin and me Tessa Coates

That's her last name So we got an email from Charlie Who asked Or how to have a suggestion for an episode How to cope with turning 30 I thought that's quite a good one Absolutely Perhaps we have

Perhaps we haven't keep the mystery alive we have I thought though that not everyone listening You know has turned 30 Or will be asked about turning 30 Or you're beyond 30 And I thought maybe we could broaden it out so it's life milestones. Of course. Because I remember age 25 being like, I don't have a full-time job. I'm not to say I don't have a pension. Oh my God, I'm so old. Yes. And obviously now I look

back and I'm like, you were a small fetus. Well I can't believe when we went into year six, I remember on the first day of year six, everyone being like, oh my God, we're in year six. Genius. Like this is the oldest will ever be. And it felt like monumental. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you're 15, you're like, I think I've been 15 for about 12 years now. Yeah. And I'm so old. I'm so old. I can like do literally anything.

The things I've seen. Oh my God, I'm 15. And all that potential. And therefore your life feels like enormous, all this stuff. And therefore, being 30 feels like the furthest away thing you can imagine. Yeah, yeah. And then it happens. It creeps up on you.

But also all the way through life, you have, we have this now added thing where it's like, It doesn't matter how many times you confidently say things. Like, oh, it's a different time now. I don't want to own a house. Like, oh, it's fine. I love, yeah, I'm okay with it. Sometimes in the back of your brain, a voice will be like, your parents had you and your sister by this point.

Like, that sort of thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, your mother had already given birth to you now. Yeah, it's all there. And that creeps, that, not creeps me out, freaks me out. Yes, I think so. All of these milestones are, afraid. and they make you feel inferior,

but you're only by default comparing yourself to the previous generation, which as we all know, we can't because it's a completely different setup. So there's no point in going like, my mum had 17 children and an estate. A lot of the time she was 25. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, fine, that's good. And had killed some Nazis. She probably had. And raised eight kids in a one bed. Through the war. Yes. So basically the theme is... We couldn't sound more privileged.

What? Because there are people, I've just realized. obviously around the world who are like, yes, I have to fucking walk 17 miles to get water every day. Given the topic is how to ignore milestones or how to deal with passing them by. How to flip them the bird. Yes, as you stream past them and see them in the rear of your mirror

and you miss them. Yes. I think no matter where you are in the world, you have definitely been given a cultural ideal. Absolutely. And you maybe hit it and maybe it passed you by. Right, very good. even if you are having to walk to fetch the water.

Sometimes you might not. And then everyone's like, why don't you get in water? And you're like, I've got a sore foot, for example. Yeah. Or they're like, why didn't you marry the elder? I mean, we are very well informed about various peoples throughout the ground. I truly, I stand by it. I stand by my opinion.

Everybody's got a milestone. Everyone's got a milestone, yeah. And we can only talk about our own experience once. Yeah. Before we delve into it, what adult thing have you done this week? Or shall I go first? I'll go first. Great.

So I, gosh, so as I've said many times, you know, curate your Instagram feed. Yes. And I sort of went through a period of time. Well, I mean, I still do. And I sort of got rid of anyone that makes me sad. Then I realized I've been on Instagram a lot more than normal recently. Yeah, I got rid of the people that most obviously made me feel kind of incompetent, I suppose, inferior. But then you go, oh, actually, I think there's like another few layers here.

that I haven't got rid of. Yes. Because I don't want to unfollow friends. I want to see how friends are doing, but I want to see how friends are doing by me searching their name and looking at their Instagram feed. Or you could text them.

Or texting them, exactly. I haven't unfollowed anybody, but I've muted. Pretty much... Actually, no, because I've been doing ad hoc as I go through my timeline and you never post, so...

No. And it's fine. Also, I don't think... Also, I think my... My content is hard. Hot. I was going to say my content is quite light and quite...

Undemanding. Absolutely. Undermanding of the viewer. It is. You know what? It is. And I will keep you. Thank you.

I hope I'm a boon. You are. To the average feed. An irregular boon. An irregular boon to the average feed looker. Yes. I hope. The average feed looker.

Um, yes you are. So yeah, I haven't got rid of anybody. I've just muted pretty much every human. And then added on loads of round boys, which is just round animals. Fantastic. Um, um, um, um, um. chunky animals, big fat animals. Fantastic.

Penguins, ducks, following hashtags, ducks daily, following a hedgehog hashtag. So now, whenever I go on it, and also just so many memes, loads of, like, cartoons, like Liz Climmer, love her. Everyone that's like that. And people have, I put a thing out on my Instagram,

people like sent in suggestions, I thank you so much for all of them. I follow all of them now. Some of them just with their own dogs. I was like absolutely, I literally just follow a dog it doesn't have to be doing anything. I'm just very excited to be following a dog. And that's been, I say, 72 hours.

And I'm going, going really well. Fantastic. There was too many points when I'd open an Instagram and be like, cool, if I hadn't have seen that, I would think of this person as like, this person that I like, but now I know they've got this like incredible, cool job and they're in Budapest filming a series.

I'm like, oh God. And then I started to get like, about, you know, like, people winning, like, awards for their advertising. I'm not in advertising. But I'm like, aren't they doing well? Like, maybe I should win an award. I've never won an award. They're like, oh, my God, start following goats of anarchy.

It's not that I can't deal with it. It's that life is so much better when I don't see it. Because I think no matter how many times we all be like, everybody knows that Instagram is just the perfect stuff. It still does all this damage. Like, I remember seeing a couple who always looks so fun. and I was always like, God, they look like, they're just a barrel of pranking laughs.

Like, oh, and he just looked like so laid back and, like, cool. And I really felt quite like, oh, they're so fun and cash. Then it turns out he was abusive. And I was like, oh shit, you never, I was fully, like, jealous of, like, of them. And you never know. That's 45 minutes we've talked about social media. Go on. Well, what's yours?

Mine actually is also social media-ish. Well, it begins there. Go LinkedIn. I've started LinkedIn. Do follow me. No, I have donated to Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez's donation fund. So she is, I think she's the youngest functional woman ever. Yeah, she is, yeah.

You probably know her, if you're not, you totally recognise her. She is incredibly beautiful and cool and wears big hoop earrings. And also is fully taking down the entire system from the inside. It's unbelievable. She calls people out in a way that's like, well, I guess if Trump can do that sort of stuff, the other side, why can't someone also be like by the way why are you doing this and this and this and this she's like unbelievably eloquent

and educated and like she's incredible and she was working in a bar a year ago and she's 28 she's working a bar in the Bronx literally last year and then she ran for Congress talking about milestones she's fucking yeah she's incredible but she also

like when she responds to the thing about milestones of like oh my god being like literally a year ago they were like living in absolute poverty living with her mother, the father had, like, she lost her father when she was a teenager, like, she felt, she truly, and she talks about it, like, truly felt that she had run out of time,

that, like, she was too late to, like, do anything. And that was where she was literally a year ago, and now she is, here she is. I donated to her fund because she takes absolutely no big sponsors of donation money. So she doesn't have, like, big farmer or the NRA or any of this. That was part of her thing. It's like she's entirely funded by people.

So even if everyone just gives $5, it means that she can pay her staff and she can afford to go to every single meeting. She's just there doing her job as opposed to having been on the fund or be at the big benefits or the donation or going to the NRA and being like, of course, of course, we'll do the... So if you're not in anyone's pocket, it means you just are there doing your job. She's like, she's transforming everything. And I thought, I like her so much, I'll support what she's doing.

Yeah. Great. And that's my adult thing. Well, that example is perfect about the idea that if you're sat there thinking, Yeah, it's too late. I've not reached the master. Like, it's over. It's too late now. It's not. Whatever age you are?

It's absolutely not, because I remember what was really inspiring to me when I was growing up with my mum. She's had lots, she's had more jobs than the generation that she's from normally do. So she's, like, changed careers a few times. And when she was 40, she went to uni in Manchester and retrained as an interior designer. And it's like a four-year degree. All everyone in her course was like 21, and she was there like, yep, I'm going to lecture. I'm going to the parties. She didn't go to the party.

She had two kids. But I remember that really teaching me or making me realise because I could see an example of it in my family of like, well, if I wake up and I'm 40 and I'm like, I don't like my job, I can change it. And she has had then like a 20 year career as an interior designer after that,

which is great. But then it's sometimes difficult to feel that about, so with like jobs, I'm not that worried about things like, job milestones whereas I'm worried about things like life milestones they're the ones that bother me whereas you might be listening and

you might be married with a baby and you're like or not bothered about it crucially yeah and I can't but I bet everybody has their own personal their own personal one so maybe yours is a career one or maybe it's like or maybe it's like a life one but there's one of them sort of get you I think or both or everything

or literally every one of them and you're like everyone looks like everybody is streaming past me on life's highway yes and that's why very difficult because you, you can, we can sit here for bloody hours and go, don't look sideways, you know, only look forwards, your own path is your path, you know, the spinning arrow. It's not a race, but merely a chapter in the book. Exactly. Mixing metaphors, maybe. Your chapter is just longer than others. Like an arrow. Exactly. In the end, the race is long. But it's only with an arrow. And yourself. Yes, I know. Um, that Baz Lemon. Correct.

Listen to wear sunscreen by Baz Luhrmann. Go on YouTube and listen to it. I listened to it recently. Genuinely very helpful. It's so helpful. Especially that maybe you're married. Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children.

Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 45th wedding anniversary. 25th wedding anniversary. Holy shit. But that friend's thing that just two really up-to-date references from us there. Bazleman, like, 1999 number one and friends. But there's an episode where Rachel turns 30 and I think we've mentioned it before. And she's like, she got like a quite young boyfriend who's like 24.

And she's like, it's okay. Because I always wanted to have kids by the time I was like sort of 32. But then I always wanted to get married to someone that I'd known for at least five years. And then have like five years of fun before I had kids. That means I would have had to have met that person already and be with them and already be, oh God. And then it's that thing that freaks you out when actually it's so easy to go, don't look sideways. Like you can't help feeling it. And that's the thing I think you should accept that it's okay to feel like that.

Whatever age you are, basically from 25 onwards, I was a bit like, oh, what's going on there? Hang on. Yeah. And I think that will just happen. I didn't feel that bad when I turned 30. I said I cried. I cried when I turned 26, but didn't cry when I turned 30. Because I felt a bit like there's such a difference between, there's such a difference between 30 and 20.

I would never go back to being 20, ever, because I didn't know what was doing. I was also a bit stupid, you know, naive to life. Whereas now I've got more confidence and I'm absolutely not naive anyway. more to many things. So then I'm taking that as an example between 30 and 40. I don't want to earn 40 ever, but I'll have more sort of wisdom when I'm 40

without wanting to sound kind of trite about it. No, wisdom, and I think also sort of like, wherewithal, and the thing about being 20 years, we were so stupid and also so poor. And so everyone just did like really dumb, you know, it was like, oh, it's seven pounds cheaper to do it this way, so you did something. And I remember, like, and I probably talked about this before,

that a friend went on holiday with a big group, of friends got dumped on the holiday and stayed till the end because that's when the flight was. Whereas you're like now, you'd be like, you'd be out of there, like, just get in the, get to the airport, you know, sorted out, like, you know, pay that back, whatever, put it on the credit card. Like, just get out of here. That you just would look after yourself in a way that you just didn't when you were young because you're like, I'm a dumb, schmuck. Like, I don't deserve any kind of, you know, whereas now... your standards are so low. So, like, you do earn more money often.

If you don't, then it's the career milestone that you have to look at, which is like, okay, because I think around this time as well, quite a few of my friends who are like actors and stuff, and like, right, well, now I want to earn some money. So either I do something on the side of this to help because this is not working for me anymore. And even that's positive, because you are able to make that decision as you get older. Whereas when you're 20, you don't make that decision. You just go like, yeah, I'll live off £5 a week.

Yeah. And at 30, you're like, actually, I've done that too long now, and I'm not doing that anymore. Like you say, you make decisions for yourself. And so it's a positive milestone. All the milestones are positive. And they also are nothing. They're just gas. Because all that turning 30 is, is you've turned 30.

All the buying a house is you've bought a house. Does that mean that you're happy? Like, not necessarily. You just bought a house. You could have, anyone could have money and buy a house. and then have loads of other problems. So it's... That's the thing about the milestones

is like, it's never going to be like, and done. Yes. And now truly... I've completed them all. I've completed the Pokemon challenge, tick. Because even if you do... I'm going to go for sticker collecting. If you say that that's your big hobby

and you collect stickers and then finally you get your last one, Ronaldo, poor choice. Lionel Messi. Good knowledge. Thank you. Good one. So you finally collect...

He's quite rare and you finally found a sticker. And you put him in your book, and now your book's done. And it's boring. And now you close the book and you're like, right. Like, what's my next thing to collect? Oh gosh. What now? Because really the working towards the milestone was the drive and the thing.

And so you'll just get there and be like, okay, now what's the thing? So like don't let it become sort of all consuming. Yeah, I will be happy when. I will be, everything will be fine if I have a nice flat. Everything will have fun of have a boyfriend. I think being single is one of the milestones that... freaks people out. Especially if you go to, have to go to like, you know, the wedding

imitation start rolling in. Because the first one, you're like, oh my God, somebody's getting married. And then by the 12th one, you're like, okay. Here we go. I'm still here with no plus one. Yeah, and you, you know, I remember coming home from an engagement party and crying because a guy I knew, hadn't seen for a long time, but sort of knew was there and like being quite

like flirty with me. And I was quite like, oh, yes, okay, maybe I will be flirted with by Rob. I actually couldn't think of a name fast enough, so that's his actual name. And I... He listened. I remember going to get... If you are listening, hello. And... Hello, Robert. Hello. I... And then I went to get a drink, came back to the conversation. He was telling somebody about how he proposed to his girlfriend on the side of an active volcano. And I... And I literally just like, put my drink down, walked out at the party. Because I was like,

I don't fancy this guy. I was like, oh, my mum was like, don't worry. The divorces will start. rolling in in a couple like so it's not like oh you're married and that's it tick end of happy ending you drive off into the end and the Disney banner you know signs its name and that's the end of the film like you have to stay alive now this person for ages so long and you got married 24 you idiot it's not like it does fine you're doing really well you're smashing it and I hope your marriage is very very happy and I'm sure it is and like but that's the thing is like it feels because it's like the wedding is so much like the end of the pantomime the fly it feels like that's the thing, but actually, you know, they're like, oh my God, now...

Yeah, so if you haven't hit that milestone, that is absolutely fine. It's so fine. It's so fine. Yeah, it really is... Maybe you'll have eight husbands. I always remember when I was working at the debrief. All wives. I was working at the debrief and I was, I think I was 26 or 27, and my editor, Rebecca Holman, who was amazing.

She was at the time, she was definitely 30. Maybe she was 31. She was single. She was like, oh, it's so annoying, but I've got maybe like a year or so, and then I get all the divorces, so, you know, I can sweep up then. And then she did. Yeah. And also, as I'm 30 now, and, oh, I'll tell you that either some have divorced or they are

already on the way. And it's not everybody, it's the people that when they got married, I remember going, oh, okay, that's going to be interesting. normally these people got married because they um something was wrong and they were like uh well let's kick it up the arms and get married and flower head stiff up a lip and all that um so if you're listening and i mean like neither me nor test are married at 30 what's it called a thrust corner what they called a thornback a thorn back love that if you're over 26 and you're not married you're a thornback under your spinster correct if that's something that's really bothering you or your family are kind of like

making a deal of it, then like, at least, like, what, what is better to be waiting for the right person to have the, the milestone with properly, or to have a milestone that, like, five years later, you're like, what milestone is a thorn in my side? Yes, I wish I hadn't stopped at that truck stop on the way. Yeah. I said, yeah, but then I didn't understand the, I suppose, given that a milestone is a literal marker on a roadway. Right, you went to tollington services when you could have hung on and gone to an amazing restaurant. Yeah, because you were so keen to, like, tick off your milestone or get your stickers and your stickers, but you're just like, quick, quick, quick, get that one. Because it's not about the milestones, it's not about turning 30, it's not about getting married when you're supposed to.

It's not like, because there's no supposed to. Yeah. Just enjoy all the stuff, if we stick with the road metaphor, just enjoy all the stuff on the road. The sheep, the calves. If you want to turn off the highway, look at some sheep for a bit. Please, do. Just like, just because everyone else is ploughing head, shouting like, I'm at milestone 10. Yeah, who goes?

But also, crudely, not everyone is. that's the thing and that's what we are made to feel like that and every time I say like well everyone's doing this then people close to me quite rightly go well this person isn't and this person isn't and that person might be but like look they're having quite a hard time or like that person's just got divorced and you're like oh yes oh yeah it's so easy to be like people people everyone is and you're like say the names and we'll discuss whether they happy but also to segue into money if I may oh god please cheating straight to money um last year um um article went a bit viral from a company called Market Watch

about saving for your retirement in your 30s. Boring. I can't stand this, yeah. I already feel ill. I do think savings are really good idea, but you should only save the amount that you can afford. Yes. And what Tesla is about to tell us,

it's not forever, you can't do it. Have some savings, if you can. Put them in a small tin under your bed. Or... That's where mine live. Yes. And for the cotton bobbins. Your money and your ribbons.

and your bobbins under the bed financial advice with desert I on the other hand use an app called Chip very helpful and I've got an offshore iceer okay so I don't have an

I don't even know what that is it's sort of like a ribbon but it's an ice and it's oh god anyway it's a company called Fidelity Investments two capital letters

so you know we know they're serious by 35 you should have twice your salary saved. I just can't cope with that. So whatever your salary is in your head and maybe you don't even have one because you are a student. A millennial. A millennial. Working eight different jobs.

No real concept of what your salary is. You imagine having twice that purely in your savings. And obviously everyone thought, no. No. Oh no. So there were a lot of nice memes. Everyone loves a meme that came out. Yeah. So in response they said things like, by age 35, you should have $3 in savings, $5,000 in credit card debt, existential dread, a favorite spoon, one half dead plant you feel really bad about because your mum keeps asking for grandkids, but you're not ready and you thought this basil plant would be a good place to start.

That's true, that's exactly how it feels. I can't give a basil plant alive for more than three days. You're like, by age 35, you should have two types of rice in your pantry. A daily and transmatic. Exactly. Keep it. It's by it. see, a daily SBF 50, a heated blanket, a ton of anxiety, figured out your moon and rising, dead. Which I really liked. Yes, because that is a classic example of what I think we said before, which is you are, one is comparing oneself to a generation that is not applicable anymore. There was a stat that said basically half of millennials in the UK are not planning to stay

in their job for more than two years, their current job. So how are you expected to be saving money if you're job hopping all the time? But it's very rare to have like one job for like 60 years now, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely. And so if you, and again, if there's boomers listening, lovely to have you. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much for what you gave us.

Thank you. But you also, it would be cool if you didn't keep telling us how to do things because we can no longer do them in the same way. So we don't have salaries in the same way because everyone didn't start working in the factory down the road at the age of 16. And therefore, it's a logical that you could have half your salary and savings for 15 years of working at the factory. But also what's interesting about like the very typical millennial jobs now, which would be probably stuff that we do, like a podcast and freelance writing and something to do with social media or like digital tech startup, that sort of stuff, which you kind of, everyone goes like, Twitch gamer. Twitch gamer, there we go. YouTube sensation.

Yes. So you have, unlike the previous generation, there is the possibility to earn vast sums of money in short periods of time. So that idea of like, well, by 30 you should be saving it's like, yeah, that is true. But if you are somebody listening, he was like, well, I have like seven different things. And if you look at the earning potential of those things, if one of them has a break or one of them works or one of them, then you don't need to have saved all that time. So we sort of are living in a much more unstable, but quite aspirational. time where you can monetise stuff that you couldn't monetise before if you really look into it.

Like, taking my thing as a journalist, there's no money in journalism anymore, and that's very sad. If you get paid to, if I get paid to write a piece for a magazine, like, it's not enough to pay my rent. Whereas there's a whole commercial side to journalism now, so it's like, well, to do that then. And that's like three times they're out of mine. So, like, looking at what you do and millennials are more able to monetise better, I think. That's what I meant. It's actually not, it's not depressing. I think, no, I think we've got to see it more as a wild west of opportunity.

I guess it's that you don't have to do what the previous generation did. And I think as long as you can see, as with literally everything in life, if you can see things as opportunities rather than problems, then everything become, the world literally becomes your oyster. Yeah. You know, if you aren't like, oh shit, if it's like, oh my God, everyone else is getting married, oh, no, when will I get married? If instead of that, you're like, holy, I'm single.

I'm single. I'm stinger, and you're like, whoa, what can I do now? Like, what's all the stuff I can do that I can't do as, you know, if I'm not saving for a mortgage or it's like, you know, if you're like, oh my goodness, I can't afford a house?

You're like, okay, what can I do if I'm not tied down to this thing? Yes, well, I can rent anywhere. I can rent anywhere. Shall I go and live in France and work in a billion yard for six months? Yes. So if everything is, you know, this sort of, rather than it being like, oh, no, I can't do this. Like, well, what can I can do instead?

Exactly. And our lives have expanded. So getting married at 40 isn't weird. I want to read you two things, and then I will truly, truly discuss biology. One is, just one another tweet of those, like, 35 thing. Yeah. This one is, by age 35, you should have at least one fork in your cutlery drawer

that you just don't like and actively frown at it if you accidentally grab it. I do. I do. It's patterned, and I don't like it. It's too heavy. Right? Me too. By age 35, you should have very...

return to your childhood home to discover the ancient evil you and your friends thought you defeated when you were 12 has risen again. Anyway, and then this is the one about just life being different. This one is like, it's from Shut Up Mike on Twitter who's worth the follow. Shut up, Mike, is being 28 in 2016, I'm not ready for a relationship. Being 28 in 1816, I have 13 kids. Being 28 in 1000 BC, I have lived a good life, thrice, to bury and once a pair.

That's so good. And I revisited it. Once a month, I think it's so funny. It makes me laugh afresh. Every time, you know, your dad would have sold you for an ox. Like, you would have, we lived in a different time. If you weren't married by 26, you were a thornback. You were a thornback.

Thank God that doesn't exist anymore. You were useless. Thank God we live in a country where that doesn't exist. That still exists. Like, there's still horrible, what's the word, milestone-related cultural practices, practiced but we have the freedom to sort of play fast and loose with them and we should really enjoy that freedom. Yes, that no one's trying to marry you off. Yeah, thank God. Yeah, age 13 to someone. But weirdly we're trying to marry ourselves off like, like, yes, we're doing the job of the...

We're here being like, oh my God, how awful that people are being, you know, forced in, and yet you go to a wedding as a single person and buy a... I'm a pariah! And by the time single ladies come on, you're like, I'll marry any man. Who will buy this woman? I'll take anyone at all. of age, or not. Or not. Like, she will provide good children for you. So bad.

It's so bad. It's so bad. But the biological thing is a difficult one. It is a difficult one because... It is a tricky one. Yes. It is a tricky one. So one thing is that like, you know,

305, 36 is really this big sort of clanging death toll. Yeah. You've got one egg. And that's... one egg one woman she's like one egg um

so I think firstly we generally that a lot of the fertility data is so outdated yeah it's not right I read that as well it's not necessarily true it's not necessarily true it's from a really long time ago and

and then a lot of the stuff you know it's a lot of it is don't take everything that you read don't have the 36th in your head as like, that's it and that's the be on and end all. Like, it really is, that is not the case. And also, medicine is, and science is moving at a real rate. I don't recommend freezing your eggs. It costs thousands of pounds and doesn't do anything.

And also the improvement is minimal. It's like, because people are trying to sell you something. People, therefore, the egg selling business is pushing this like, quick, quick, quick, you haven't got time, you haven't got time. want a career and children, you know, you don't have to sort of buy into that idea. And it is say, you know, it increases your chances of, you know, by half or whatever, you're like, oh shit, that's loads. But if it was already like 0.5 and it's doubled to 1%, like, that's a low percent. Like, that's really low. You know, you don't have to necessarily be freaking out

about that. But also it's like, you know, adoption is a thing. Like, you know, IVF is a thing. It's very hard and those things are difficult. But yeah, I just found the, I just found the, the study that said that a woman's chance of pregnancy was just 20% each month at age 30 and were wearing 5% by age 40 and they still report the numbers but they don't know where the data comes from and nobody has refreshed the data. Because we've got it in our head that we're like, it's 36 and then it's impossible. And then you're dead. And that's it. So whereas we don't, the money into like menopause study, you know, the research money is not going there. I said it's going into Viagra.

You know, it's not going into... Yeah, did you hear about the thing where when they were testing an earlier model of Viagra that didn't end up being the end kind of result that we now use, so that me and you both use. Of course. One of the side effects of one of the early models of Viagra was that it would completely ease stomach cramps

and they rejected it because we'll get stomach cramps because there were no women in the room and no women were working on it. If there was a woman, she would have gone, fucking every single woman gets them. So they inadvertently created the perfect period easier and then got rid of it because it didn't know pointless and now people are going oh maybe we should revisit that when they sent the first woman to space in 1978

sally ride uh the NASA engineers she went for one week and the NASA engineers sent her with 100 tampons and such an easy question is like how many tampons do you need or indeed are you on your period this week when we're sending you to space like it's such an easy question it's like how many tampons do you need oh i don't know or indeed are you on your period this week when we're sending you to space. Like, it's such a... I don't know, I have a hundred. It's so baffling. And that was, you know, 30 years ago, 35 years ago, 9-78,

oh no, sorry, 40 years ago. Yeah. There were no women on the space board to put their hands up and be like, sorry, no, she doesn't need. She doesn't need them. The milestones are created by a world that doesn't understand anything. So it's just up to you.

You didn't totally ignore them. It absolutely ignore them. I think that is the kind of overwhelming take home. Yeah. Is that make your own. milestones and every time you're like oh and you feel yourself slipping in then look on Twitter for those

funny tweets or like focus on the people that you know who also haven't hit in massive quotation marks those milestones. Yeah. Because so many people haven't most people haven't. No and look at like this woman she's 95 and she's just taken up rock climbing and now she's like a world champion. You know like you can do the even if your milestones are literally like oh I can't compete I can't no longer compete on the Olympic

gymnastic team, something I'm constantly aware of because we're now too old to qualify. That is again a rule that has been made up, you know? Yeah, I mean, I would say that you probably have to put that to bed. I refuse. My goal is to petition the Olympic

Gymnastic Board until they let me compete. But yeah, exactly. Some you can just let go. You haven't hit it, that's fine. You know what? You passed it. That's gone. That trap stops gone. But the really scary ones,

not saying that that isn't a very important milestone for you, but the really deep scary ones, you know, like not having a partner, not having the right career, not having enough money, not having the perfect life at the perfect age, they're the ones that are so nebulous,

there doesn't matter, like, what is that? And that is individual to every single person, and, you know, you will get there. You just aren't there now, and that's because of the way the world is. Like, it's absolutely fine to not be that. So there are, like, whole book industry,

made on like advice to my 16 year old self you know like there are and always the advice is basically just like hang in their champ and also like don't date that guy yeah like pop some money away uh don't go out with him so just imagine you've received that letter from you you know 10 years in the future and it probably says like you're doing great calm down yeah he is a dicket if he looks like a dicket yeah and you suspect he's a dicker he is a dick and put some money away if you fancy don't panic and literally don't don't nobody Literally, nobody panicked. That's what the podcast is literally for.

Can I tell you a few people who hit their big success later in life? Yes. Samuel L Jackson, 43 before he... No way. Yes, before he was in Spike Lee's Jungle Fever in 1991. Stan Lee, who recently died recently. Recently died recently. Sure.

These are all men, I'm quite concerned. Don't worry, there's only one, and then we're going to get to a lady. Good, okay. And then it'll be only ladies. he was 40 when he did his first Stanley is the Marvel comic guy he made everything but he made his first fantastic four comment

when he was 40 Julia Child the cook sure there's a very fun film called Julia and me what could be called Julia and Julia have a Google about she's like a cook

but she's much more famous in America either way she was 50 Vera Wang oh yeah originally was an Olympic figure skater and got injured failed to make the team and truly thought

that was like, that's it that was her life because that had been her goal for so long that was her master didn't make the team and then many years later went into fashion

at the age of 40 God that's cool yeah the guy that invented pot noodles 55 that doesn't surprise me no

that's very heartening it is heartening it doesn't have to be this like I think there's fucking Forbes list of like 30 under 30 Kylie Jenna in your life

30 under 30 yes I'm I'm so bored of those things. I'm so bored of them. And also considering it takes like six months or, no, I mean,

it literally takes a minute to not qualify for those. You're like, what was the difference between the last minute when I was 29 and this minute when I was 30? Well, you're barren now and there's nothing for you. Also, I bet you go and find one from like 10 years ago. We go and find, you know,

the year 2000s, 30 under 30. Like, let's go and see. Where are they now? Probably like. Very successful and happy. It's so successful. And that's really great. But that is the point.

It's not a race. Do you a thing? Have a nice time. Have a nice time. Put your money in a ribbon box under the bed. Follow us on Twitter. Oh yes. Come and follow us on Twitter.

At Nobody Panic. Pod or at TVM. Yes. Is the 5. It is. Don't try and spice it up by saying it different ways. Next week, what can I possibly emphasise? Where can you go from here?

You've hit the smile stone. What else do you want? I'll sing it. Go on, yours is at Tesa Cote. Is it? So the question as if you don't know. I do know. You do know.

And it is that. It is that. And yeah, like, subscribe. Come say hi. Yeah. The email is at Nobody Panic. No.

Nobody Panic. Podcast at Gmail.com. Yes, for any podcast suggestions. Thank you so much, Charlie, for this one. It was great. I feel very passionate about it. I feel very passionate about it. And don't panic.

You're doing great, everybody. You are literally doing... Nobody panic. Everybody panic. Saying our own name. Stevie. Tessa. Bye.