Nobody Panic - How to Clinch a Second Date

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

Tessa and Stevie help a listener out with a quandary: how to get out of a first-date-only rut. But can anyone ever guarantee a second date? (No). And should you trick people into dating you a second time? (Also no). Thankfully there are some simple ways you can up your dating game (spoiler: it’s all about working on yourself, rather than the other person). Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded by Naomi Parnell and Edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic.Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hello, hello and welcome to this Nobody Panic episode. And welcome to your second date.

Welcome. Well done on clinching it. You've closed the deal. The second date is a go. You've signed the papers. We're off. Quite taken with my voice today. Yeah, it's very good.

Isn't it? I think I'm a bit unwell. Right, yeah, no, that's fine. But it's coming through very powerfully. Welcome to this guided meditation. I feel like falling asleep in a good way. Thank you. What can we do with it?

It's only going to last about an hour. Oh, it's gone now. Oh, that's dumb. Well, come on out. Hey, come on in, everyone. Dono do you panic? We do how-toes each week, and this week is no different. Nerva.

Nerva. Nerva. This one is how to close the deal and get the second date. How to clinch a second day? How to clinch a second date. How to always get a second date. We are bringing, tried, tested, 100% guaranteed ways to make sure there is always a second date. Or are we? Spoiler. Oh, are we? This is, this one is dedicated to my

neighbour who I have known since he was born and is now a thriving 21. Oh, what an age. What an age, what a time to be alive. You feel like you're fully formed, but you're not. But you're not. You're a baby. You're a fetus. You're a baby. In a good way. Yeah, in a good way. Your whole life is ahead of you, but you're like, well, I'm, well, here I am. I'm, a pair of times. This is this. I'm paying taxes. I'm ready. He's, I think, a third year student. What a year. What a dad.

You're a baby. And he's so great, but and truly on paper, a real cash. Good looking. I've met him. He's fit. He's a fit boy. For a fetus? For a fetus? I'm not saying that. That's not nice. If you're listening, you're absolutely a full adult.

I'm just saying so. I think, no, I stand by it. You just, it can be, you can really feel like, I'm supposed to be a grown-up, why am I not? But it does feel like. So I kept yelling you're a fetus. I thought it's slightly bad. But yeah, no, no. I think you are a fetus.

You've got so much ahead of you. Good looking, great, charming, interesting, funny, nice. And just sometimes unlucky in love. And first day, no second day. First date, no second day. And I get quite a few messages from him. I love to be The Agony Out. Oh, yeah.

And I thought I would try and condense some of our thoughts into a podcast. I think that's how this podcast works. What? I think how all these episodes. No, producer name is enjoying that. You explained to the concept of the podcast. I think I'd like to condense some thoughts about it into an episode that you will listen to. Okay.

Combined with maybe some expert tips on your job. I think you've really hit on something, Steve. Yeah, we should actually keep doing it every Tuesday. We should do this again. Anyway, before we get into it, What is your adult thing, Stevie? Oh, so I'm sort of like, I did mine this morning, and then I found out that I fucked it. Oh, what a blur.

My adult thing is I fucked it. So I've been ignoring notifications about six months saying that I'm approaching my eye cloud being full. Because I've got like, obviously, every photo that I've ever taken since 2015 on there when I got this phone. Because what was supposed to do? Delete them. And then I haven't figured out how to do. delete them off my phone but still have them on my i cloud because when i delete them they delete off both please dm me if you're listening about how to sort this out because i keep going into the apple

store they keep explaining to me and i keep googling things and i'm too frightened to just delete everything and just maintain that they're on the cloud but also this doesn't help me because the cloud is full but i'm already paying two pounds a month yes for the big cloud yeah me too the circular limbus yeah and that's not what it's called cumulinibus yeah but there's nothing more erotic to me than someone with a solid cloud knowledge, just riffing them off the car. It's sounding like I do. It's not circular limbus. But anyway, I've just made that word off.

That was such a good day in Year 3 geography. Clouds were... Clouds. What do you mean that the steam from the sea rises and creates clouds? What do you mean? But back to the most interesting part, I was like, fine, I'll update. Two pounds a month. Fine.

I'll update to whatever else it is. 699 a month. Oh, that's too much. Two terabytes. I don't even know how big that is. I upgraded and was annoyed because it's just like that's as much as like a streaming service is

and also like everything is expensive now and you have to pay so much for everything now even just owning photos it's not my fault Apple put a camera on their phone and now you're, I'm charged for the oh I hate it got really angry

so I went through and was like just doing that thing and we kind of go like okay well maybe see how just tied you up my cloud deleted every single appointment in my calendar oh every single one So that's when adult things go wrong. When adult things go bad. I'm just over here Googling, best clouds.

Yeah. What are the four best clouds? Right, cumulinimbus. Cumulia, yeah. That's one. Just a nimbus. Just a nimbus. Yeah.

Cirrhastratus. Oh, that's the one I want to like wipa. Nimbosratus. Right. I'm going to try and wipe out nimbostratus in conversation because that's impressive. Yeah. I think cumino nimbus. I loved it.

I said circuptus. Nimbus. I still said it was erotic. So. Sometimes lying. Once you got that Nimbus bit at the end. Nimbus 2000. If you say alto cumulus, I think you've made that up.

Yeah. It's right. It wouldn't be as impressive immediately. Not as not as good as cumular nimbus. Then you have to go, no, look up. It is one. And then you look like a cloud dick. Yeah.

Okay. Well, look, you've got two adult things in one there. Listen, if you want to close that second date, get the cloud knowledge out there. Upgrade your cloud. Nobody who's saying, somebody saying cumulonimus on a date, guaranteed second date. Sorry.

We should just stop recording. And see you next Tuesday. Do you want to hear my adult thing? Yeah. It's a follow-on from long-time listeners will remember I got a traffic violation for driving to big Tesco's. Incredibly slowly in the middle of the road down a pedestrianised area. Yes.

And my adult thing was that I received the violation in the post. I paid it immediately. Yes, we loved that. We loved it. Since being high on my own supply vis-a-vis paying the traffic. violation. I received another letter through the pose. A parking fine. I was in the Tesco's car park for too long.

Oh my, my, what? This journey is a nightmare. This journey to be Tesco's. Oh my God. Do you have a picture of you in the car park? Are you like parked across four? Luckily, luckily I just was in it too long. And they just have me leaving the car park and entering the car park. And truth be told, I was in there a long time. But you should be allowed to stay in a car park doing your supermarket shop as long as you

Not, of course, but there are, like, you can't. Well, apparently so. Well, no, sure. It was just funny being like, well, I'll stay as long as I want because you should. Yeah, you should. If you're going to do your big shop, do you big shop? They charge nurses parking for fucking hospitals. It's disgusting.

Like, the parking situation is a nightmare. Out of control. Anyway, I was like, I don't want to, it was £30. But again, 60, oh, if you do it now, 30. Oh, good. You've been in there to it, the park too long. I was like, I refuse. If I'd been there four days, fair enough.

And you know, famously. that these people will listen to reason. Obviously. Anyway, but I really was like, I'm sorry. The traffic violation, fair dues, you got me. I'm not paying this parking fine. So I went and had a little research and Martin's Money Tips coming through with the goods.

They were like, they have no criminal jurisdiction. Really? Yeah. This is... I went in so hard there because my parents have got fines constantly in Sainsbury. Yeah, so it's not owned by the Sainsbury's. It's owned by its outsourced to... Horizon Park.

they have no, no power. So what they've sent you is basically a piece of paper. And you are, I mean, if you have been there four days, your ground is more shaky. If you happen to be there 38 minutes too long, as some of us did, because we were examining the deals in crisps. They've got no power. Anyway, so they were like, you can just ignore this and they'll just keep sending you letters. And then one of them will be like, see you in court. And you be like, great, see you in court, motherfucker.

Which court? The tennis court. See you there? Psycherrise it. And they're like, boss, we can't go toe to toe with her. She's so smart.

Anyway, Martin's Money Tits was like, you write to them and you complain. And you be like, I'm sorry, no. And then if you do want to,

fine, see you in court. And then I went into the big Tesco's to complain. They were like, yeah, sorry about that.

What you should do is just say, here's my receipt. Excuse me. I did a big shop. Yeah, it took longer than I expected. Because of the

I'm a human being. Yeah. Anyways. Big Tesco. It's absolutely magical place. I know. How can you expect it to...

You can't whistle through that. Anyway, so I wrote this extremely sternly worded letter to them. Attaching my receipt, attaching my thing, saying that I was unimpressed and simply would not be paying this. I'd been to speak to the manager.

I'd been to speak to the manager. Karen? Karen's been to the manager. No, Karen was very controlled, but Karen was not having any of it. And I thought they're going to say, no, you're still broken. the law. Here's your letter to see you in court. But instead, I got another letter saying,

on this occasion, as a gesture of goodwill, we have removed the parking fine. They are such pricks. The amount of people who... Yes, yes, yes, yes. Right, this has changed everything. I'm going to tell my mom my parents list. Yeah, sorry, you've got to fight them. Got to fight them. Because they have no jurisdiction. They gave up so quickly as well, but no respect for them. Exactly. The traffic violation from the DVLA, you've broken the law. You've got to pay that. You were driving in an insane moment. You were driving, that bicycle is new. Everyone knew.

But the parking thing turns out that's just, that's nothing. Oh my God. I love it. That's a great adult. Thank you so much. And then I went out on a date afterwards and I ensured second date. Second, second date. How did I do it, Stevie?

Well, let me tell you. I'd like to know. There's no way. This is what Steve Yang says to. I've actually not figured out who Steve Yang is. I was reading something and it's such a good tip and I just said, oh yeah, no, just say, relationship coach.

For a moment I was like, just in the middle of the article, it says, Steve Yang said, it's like, who's he? One of the biggest mistakes people make on a first date is overthinking the concept of the second date the entire time. It's just to say it's staying present, being in the moment, they strategize, and this is the whole thing with worrying about how to secure a second date is you're already seeing it in terms of stages.

So then that's going to put more pressure on, that first date. So you're not going to be acting as you would. Because of course, what we all want is to go to first date, meets the one that we really like, that they really get on with us, and the second date just comes naturally. What's happened there is you're not bad at securing second dates. You just haven't, unfortunately, found somebody that you're able to be comfortable enough with and they're able to be comfortable enough with you, and you both find that you're attracted to each other. That's what it is. That's all it is. At 21, I don't the other. I'd have ever been on a date?

No. So it's unbelievable to even be at first date stage. Absolutely. Congratulations everyone. If I just close my cloud document here, of course, I'm busy, learning about the top seven for most famous clouds. I was on the gentleman's journal.com. Very rich resource.

Rich, rich resource. And of course, you know, their suggestions are, listen, it won't stop trying to sell me a Schafferunhauser watch. And I won't have it. Is that the tip? Just try and sell your day to Shaffanhouser. watch for God's sake. So they're what number one is make a plan and stick to it. Like on the date, make sure you planning the second date. And so all their tips are like, you know, actual like pick up

the bill. They are not going to go out with you again just because you pick the bill. You had a good watch on. You asked them questions. You were sparkling company. You were so fun. It's so easy to go through these like top five, you know, things and be like, okay, I did them all. Like, why isn't this working? And unfortunately, you're looking for the absolute magic of. frisson, you know? And that is so, so hard to come by. And actually, if I may, if you were able to do all these like psychological tips to sort of almost manipulate a second date, this is not your neighbour. I'm just explaining that if you actually get very good at that, and I've been in situations where men have sort of talked me in to do, like, so suddenly

I'm like at dinner with them and I'm like, oh, this is very clever what you've just done there. But like that doesn't make me attracted to them. It just makes me go like, you've just manipulated me into dinner. Like, it's not, I've been manipulated to this. I've been manipulated. Like, it's not about that. But the actual technique of dating successfully is about being so comfortable with yourself. You're able to essentially see it as like, okay, is this person right for me?

And, you know, hopefully I'll be right for them. And if they're not, okay, we're just going to have to move on. It's about yourself and being comfortable rather than, thinking like, oh God, but at the end of the night, they're going to say, let's meet up again. And if they don't, then that's a disaster. If you're constantly like, okay, I've got the watch on, I've paid up the bill. Obviously there are, like, things that you can do to make yourself more appealing. Have a wash.

Always have a wash. Don't shit on the floor. Try not to. You know, these little things. Don't yawn. Don't yorn. Middates. Stevie doesn't make me feel fantastic.

But ultimately, they've made the decision where, like, you two are vibing or you're not vibing. I had forgotten this, but remember when I. I, when I was in America, was so incredibly lonely that I would have, you know, I was dating anything, anyone. And somebody in maybe in my day-to-day life, I would not have been very interested in meeting, reached out, was like, I'm also in the same city. Do you want to go for lunch? I was like, yes, please. But on the lunch, I became aware, given that I am not 21 anymore and I've been around the houses. I've got some experience. I've been around the block. You're an old hat.

I had an old hat. Oh. Where else are you, an old hag? I'm a hag and I'm going on the day. And it was just a lunch. But during the halfway through the day, I was like, hmm, I'm getting an absolute masterclass of manipulation here. And absolute, they've rolled out their little leather bag of tools. And they've tried, like, really praising me.

Now they've tried, like, saying, like, I'm ever so sad and lonely. Now they've tried, like, this. They've bought the, me. They've built the meal. They keep showing me their watch. Like, they've really done a real number on me. And they did indeed pay for the meal, I think. And then, unfortunately, I didn't really have anywhere to go. So I wasn't like in a rush to go anywhere else. And I was like, and I am lonely. Then they said, my hotel is just around the corner. And they have free ice cream in the lobby. You went for the ice cream. Of course, I went for the ice cream. But once you're in the lobby, you're a hop, skipping a jump from the bedroom. Yeah. You know? And did you bone? No, we did not. But out of shit. cheer resilience on my part. There was no free song. Which you wouldn't have had if you were younger.

If I was younger. When I was 21, I think I would have had sex with, well, I think I did have sex with so many people just out of politeness. Out of politeness. Which is a real deep problem. Yeah. A hundred percent. I would have, and then it wouldn't have been consensual and it would have been a funny story,

but I didn't, I wasn't as very attracted to them. Yeah. And I would have. It's not full consent, really, then is it? I mean, it is. Yeah. It's like, it's not consent. I feel like there's like, there's like, outward consent.

And then there's like consent of the soul. That's yeah, consent of the soul, absolutely. And this is why I think people get into this very gray area of like, oh, of like, yeah, but you did sort of gingerbread house meat here in a way that wasn't like two cool adults and were just up for some bang in. You've sort of like, would you like to see the ice cream? And I did want to see the ice cream. And then once you're there, you're like, well, you had the ice cream.

Maybe just hop on, hop on in and the power dynamics all off. And so that's, I think, this is, and obviously, That's not what anybody listening who's like, I just want a nice girlfriend or a boyfriend or a person to hang out with. I'm like, I don't want to trick them into the ice cream. But like, if you follow any of the advice online, a lot of it will be this like, make sure you do this, make sure you do that. And it's like, that's not finding a loving partner. That's tricking someone up into your hotel room. Yes.

You know. And so it's very easy to be like, what did I do wrong? And the answer is like, nothing. You did nothing wrong. You're just desperately looking for this. And by desperate, I mean, like, you just got to keep going out there. throwing the shit out the walls, see what sticks, like looking for somebody who happens to be

the other piece of your jigsaw. And you've got to keep looking for them and not freaking out that like, why wasn't I, why didn't, what was wrong with me? And it's like, your jigsaw was just the wrong shape. Yes, it wasn't the right piece of the puzzle. The person with the piece of the puzzle is out there. Yeah.

You know, 100%. But it can be, and I speak from deep experience, it's like, now I have a very nice lover and a boyfriend, even, and a boy. A lovely boy. But I, But I did spend a long period of my life in this very intense thing in which I think I would have listened to this episode being like, yes, tell me the tricks. You know, and I was, went sort of insane.

And because I would go on these dates then, and then when there wasn't a second date, I would implode. Because I was like, but why? We had fun. We did all these things. I was charming. And it makes you look at, I always remember your dating profile picture was like some dots, wasn't it for a while? Yes. And it was like, you want to find somebody who's like,

not like, what? Why is your dating profile or docks? You want to find someone who's like, oh, she's fun. Her dating profile is docs. Yeah, exactly. And I don't think any article says, make your dating profile some docs. No. But what feels to be quite consistent with people talking about when they met their partner and they stay with for a long time and they have like, like a long-term relationship with, is that it just happened, that there wasn't a huge amount of effort. Suddenly, it just seemed easy. And I think when you're, in your early 20s, you are at the intersection, like we were saying before, and I kept yelling, you're a fetus, but you are in the intersection of like, you feel like, well, you know, I should

be in a relationship and why aren't you such a worry? And I completely get that. Because also, you want to kind of, like, be in relationships and kind of learn things and accumulate experience so that when you are, do you want to come for ice cream in the lobby, you're able to say no later on in life, rather than, like, but even then I still, honestly, I considered it. Well, this is the And this is the thing. You remember like sort of in our mid to late twins, somebody said after a gig, do you want to go to a Burger King? And then you walked like 45 minutes with them because you want,

because you wanted a burger. And they were like, I'm now kissing or whatever. And you were like, no. And they took me to a KFC. And I kept shouting, the king of the day is the whopper. Yes. So there's a constant thing between me and watching Tessa just sort of, not realize that she's being flirted with.

Yeah, they're literally gingerbread housing me, but it was various snacks. Yeah, like, if anyone said, like, if a guy came out to me after a gig and was like, do you want to go to Burger King with me? I'd be like, okay, he's, he wasn't going to Burger King with me. No. Like, could you understand that that was? Yeah, 100%. Right, okay.

But it's fine, because now you do. We're all on different journeys. They took me a real long time to understand. Yeah, very, like, probably 30s. Yes. Yes. But that was really. cross. Yeah, but also that it's the, as well, what they call the pickap artists and things

like that. Of course there are ways to secure a second date. You could like suggest a place that is genuinely incredible that the person wants to go to, you know, like some sort of, Beyonce tickets in the Golden Circle. And like, there's a couple of restaurants in London where it's like, if you're, if you want to go like, let's go up the shard and have champagne, you're like, well, I want to do that, but not with this person. It's still never going to make that person, fall in love with you. Fall in love with you. And even if you do manage to get into a relationship with this person,

do we think it will last? Like, you will always know that you manipulated them into a second and third date. And they will always sort of feel like you did. And that's going to have issues down the line. But there are certainly, like you're saying, there are things you can do to keep yourself open to finding someone that you vibe with,

which is not holding on too tight. And being your relaxed self and picking date venues that not because you think they'll impress the other person, but because they're your favorite place where you feel the most comfortable. We've got like a couple of episodes about dating, which talks about those kinds of things. But asking questions, being genuinely interested in the other person because you're trying to work out how you feel about them

rather than constantly thinking, what am I doing? Do they like me? Am I saying an interesting energy? Have I made them laugh? I might like all of those things ignore that because you will do all of those things naturally. you will be yourself naturally if you're focusing on the other person. Yeah.

And they will get a better sense of who you are when you're not thinking about yourself. Mm-hmm. A hundred percent. Just try and take some of that pressure off yourself. And like I just know from experience, like I just, oh my God, I was so intense and mad when I was in this like, why will nobody go second date with me? What's wrong with me? It makes you crazy. But there's nothing wrong with you.

And I remember one, Edinburgh when I was in an intensely, why isn't there a second date with a boy? And I remember swinging on the top of the stairs, laughing to somebody, and saying like, and he won't, I don't know what's wrong with him and why he doesn't think. And I remember I had my, I was swinging on this banister. And I was honestly swinging my bottom around like I was a baboon. And I was shouting, why won't you have sex with me? There we go. There we go. And just swinging this baboon barbub.

bar everywhere and it makes you, and like nobody wants to have sex with that. No, nobody. Apart from female baboons. Apart from female baboons. And I mean, at the point, I'd have taken it. Any contact would have been nice. But like, you do get yourself, you can make yourself absolutely crazy. So if you're listening and being like, okay, I'm open to the idea that I'm in baboon

territory and I'm just screaming and I'm not being very fun to hang out with because I'm like, is it you? You know, and then post when someone's like, hey, that was really great to meet you, like, not really sure I'm ready for a relationship, text, whatever. comes in or like, oh, I'm actually busy, but like, this was let's stay friends. Are you just being like, okay, cool? Or are you like spiraling out of control? And something that really helped me when I was in that phase is that, um, it's finding a lover. No, imagine if that was the advice. No, the advice is, there was a long period between me fixing myself and my boyfriend arriving,

that it wasn't, there's a long period of being, being like, oh, I'm great. And on my own for a long time is some advice she had did an episode with Olga Koch. She, if you've risen this into our live episode, who famously shat herself mid-bodcast, but before that she came on and talked about dating. And one of her tips was to always have three people on the go at any one time. Yes. And that isn't to say you're in a like a polymagous relationship, but just like dating. But just like dating and that can be just like texting.

None of them even have got physical yet, but there's just like, a minimum of three who are like a bit of something something going on. And that changed the whole thing for me because then instead of putting all my eggs in one basket and being insane towards the basket, I was like, oh, they're not busy, they're busy tonight or they don't want to, see me, no problem, I've got other things going on. You can look at it objectively then because you can be like, oh, this person is being much more interested in me than that person. Because because, like, rather than, yeah, be like, what does this mean and trying to decode everything?

because you can actually have got something to compare it to it as well. Like, yeah. Exactly, you've got something and you don't, all the pressures come off and you've got like, you've got multiple streams of revenue. Always. Like that. You know,

and so it can feel if you're like, no, no, I'm looking for love. It's like, I'm not saying that this is stopping you looking for love. This is just taking the pressure off you a little bit to be like, right,

so that when you go on this, when you see the person, they aren't hit with the full impact of you. You're like, this is just one of my three things I've got going on. Yes. And maybe then you're like, oh, great, other two by the wayside. Yeah, this one starts.

This one's a winner. But it's like, and, you know, for both of you to be like, oh, this is much more healthy and relaxed and calm. You know, because if imagine yourself, the other person in that date, in that somebody arrives, watch on, pay in the bill, laser focused, constantly asking and planning for when the second date is, you're like, this is actually a bit, this is a bit much. Yeah. But if they're just, if they've got the quiet confidence of being like, hey, if this date doesn't go well, I've got another one tomorrow with somebody else. you know that you're like oh okay okay okay basically the answer to most things

is always like take the pressure off yourself so you're yelling just be yourself a lot doesn't help no because you don't know how to do that no one knows how to be their self that's mad and if you do then you've probably got it wrong like you have the any way you can be yourself is the moment you're not thinking about it and that's what a catch 22

the date situation is the most difficult yeah but perfect thank you so so much it's so much it's so much about love is so, the advice is so unbearable. Yeah. Because it's like, stop looking. Like, stop waiting.

Like, don't be so weird. We are saying, like, keep looking. That's fine. Keep looking, baby, but don't. Keep dating. Keep dating, casual. Keep doing fun. Yeah, don't be so focused on, like, my friend who used to live in my shed, in fact.

We had a shed at the bottom of the garden that the landlord had made into a sort of room. we were 21 you lived in a shed and she was very very intensely babooning and you would go on these in these dates be so upset after the date we'd spend the take the day off work sometimes to like prepare for the date and i'd be like i think you're bringing a shade too much here to some of these dates let's maybe help you know and she was so desperately looking for love and and it wasn't just wasn't working and then she got this job offer to go and work in Barcelona and she honestly said to me oh this is so this is I think about this all the time and She had this day with a guy, then got on holiday, I think, with her family to New York. Been texting him a bit, deciding about it or something, then sent a text, got on the plane, so no signal. And the entire, like, 11-hour journey been, like, excited for the, his reply. And in her mind, like, they're already lovers. And then nothing when her phone, like, turns on. And then, like, fully, like, turning the phone on and off being, like, well, it's probably broken.

You know, and then two days of no message and then being like, hey! You know, just like 48 hours sending yourself insane. And then him being like, oh, I thought that was really fun. But like, I don't know if we're right together. And her, you know. Which I just like, I felt it in my heart so much that feeling of like, he's not texted. Anyway, got this job in Barcelona was like and said to me, I don't want to go. I want to stay here and like focus on looking for love.

Wow. I was like, that is insane. Like, you got to, girl, you've got to go live your life. Go to Barcelona. Why is love only here? love I'm here, but also like, I think you need to, let's take a year and like stop looking for love. Like, because this is making you crazy. And she was like, one year, no love, live my life. Would you like to see a picture from her wedding?

Yes, I will. She is married. She got married to a guy in Barcelona. She is the happiest person I've ever met because she took her year to be like, this is for me. I'm regrouping. I'm, you know, stop focusing on the love thing, you know. Absolutely. That's always the way. That's always the way. Chill out. Chill out. We actually, and if you would like more tips, my neighbour, which I have a fantastic chapter in our book about this. We do. It's a really very good one. Yawning again, sorry.

It's so. It's that captivating. It is. And hopefully that helped. And, yeah, thank you for bringing that episode, Suggesting Toours, Tessa. That was very helpful. Thank you to my neighbour for repeatedly asking for it.

You'll smash it, neighbour. You're going to be great. Just, yeah, chill out, kid. I've met you. You're absolutely. You're absolutely banging. Just like, take the pressure off. And they get three lovers on the go.

Three loves on the go, take the pressure off. This feels like an oxymoron, but that's fine. No, because you're like, no, then each lover has the less pressure. Yeah, or do, yeah, so you could go that. Just a couple of people you fancy on the go. Or you could be like six months. I'm not even going to think about day. Yeah, exactly.

And then if you want to date again, yeah, you keep cash. Exactly. Six months, I'm doing this thing for me. Because I, my most important love affair is with myself. It's with Jesus. Thank you for listening. Imagine if we had saw all this time. We've just been quietly grooming people.

It's a Christian podcast. It's a really intense Christian podcast. We did very well. Thank you for listening. Join us next week. For more fun. And more Jesus. Bye.