Nobody Panic - How to Cope When Your Sister (or Anyone) Moves Abroad

Episode Date: June 21, 2022

Stevie’s sister has moved to Australia and she’s dealt with it ABSOLUTELY FINE THANK YOU. Listeners dmed her some great tips on Instagram and so she works through them even though SHE’S DOING SO WELL if that wasn’t already clear. Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for PlosivePhotos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. I'm Stevie. I'm Tessa. Hello. Hello. I hope you're not going away soon. I'm Frasier Crane. And welcome to the podcast today where we have quite a somber Stevie dealing with some very raw trauma.

I'm fine. And we together, you listeners, me, Tessa, will be helping Stevie through it as we together explore how to deal with your sister moving towards. Australia. Specifically. Or anyone moving anywhere. Just Gina moving to. Gina, Stevie's sister, has moved to Australia. It's a long way away.

It's certainly long. And I think if you are a long time listener of the podcast or aware of Gina's work or of Stevie's work, you're aware they're very, very close. And now they're very, very far away. Oh, God. Oh, God. So that's what we'll be doing. Thank you to everybody.

He sent an lovely advice when I did a shableness. out on her Instagram and said, we were doing this episode. What I'm going to do is I'm going to randomly just sort of like pick different tips and stuff. And also as well, my friend Ellie, in fact, Ellie Taylor, she's known off the TV on everything at the moment.

Her sister moved to Australia and she was very helpful on... Her sister literally moved to Australia? Yeah, and she's having a great time. And Ellie sent me a load of messages that were very, very helpful as well. So I'll be flipping between the two. And how are you doing, Champ?

Um, unclear. Can't fully engage, because if I engage, I'm sad. But, so it was absolutely fine. But then, um, when I was doing my teeth the other day. The other day. The other day. I was like, uh, do it too much as the electric toothbrush is going, and I didn't realize, but the shadow came in and saw me and I was just crying while doing my teeth. Okay. So that's a sort of that vibe really. Gina's partner, as she has clarified with the listeners, is Australian. Yes. And he, he's just crying. has lived with her in this country for a long time and always part of the deal was that they would then do sometime

in his home. Not here, yeah and that's... Not here. Not here. Really far away. No, I'm joking. I'm very into it. But I think everybody has been, I have a number of friends who, and of course it's not the same as a sister, but I have a lot of friends who have taken big jobs on the other side

of the world and you're like, well, was even the point of you never, what you didn't do, never see me again? Job on me? Do you? You chose a big job? job and you'll have an exciting life in Hong Kong or New Zealand or wherever you've gone. And it's very

tough. It's a big part of life. Everyone has to go through it at some point that somebody that you thought was your constant... I think you probably do actually have to go through it. They're like... They're having to move, but... No, that's the thing I think that's... You have to let them go.

We have to... We talk endlessly on the podcast about being like, we made an extremely elaborate thing about being a a pioneer in the old west about how you had to go and get more land than you'd been previously allocated. Yes. You know, and so we talk all the time about being like,

you've got to take these big opportunities and these amazing things and go. And we would say 100% go and take these jobs. And yet when you're the people left behind. You're like, but don't. Yeah. But don't. Mom said a thing when we were walking back

and we're all very sad. She was like, sorry if I've paraphrased you, mum. So sorry I've got it's wrong. But she said something along the lines of, I've always liked you the problem. best. I hate her. I'm glad she's gone. She said, we've always encouraged you to do these things, because they also emigrated when they were young, mum and dad. To where? From where? And they lived in New York for years and years and years

and years and years. And so they were like, you know, we've always encouraged you and you encourage you, but then when they actually do it, you don't want them to actually do it. You do, but you're like, oh no, you've listened to my advice. Oh, God. I think that's the kind of thing. It's happy, sad. But before we get into it, let's the most adult thing we've done this week. And I'm only saying that because I'm so excited about mine. I'm actually vibrating.

You've got to do it. I will have to go first. Stevie, what's the most adult thing you've done this week? Thanks, Stevie. Guys, have you heard of the Olio app? OLLIO? So when Gina was... OLEO!

OLEO! It was called because that's what you scream. When Gina was moving and it was all that, like, stuffy, you're like, oh, God, I'm going to have to... I can't call all this. Call these spices. I've got this, you know, well, at one point there was like, I've got two bottles of bleach, one full, one not so full. Very frustrating. Very frustrating. People, so people kept turning up to the flat and she kept giving them her stuff. And I was like, what is this? And it was the Olio app, which is basically for, there is a little section on there where you can buy and sell stuff, but mainly it's free. And if there's something you have, and it could be anything within reason, I suppose. Well, like a bit of your own hair, I don't think so. like anything that you've got like around the house, you're like, I'm just going to throw that away and someone could do with that. The amount of times I think, someone could do with that,

but obviously I can't, you know, ferry half a bottle of toilet duct to a charity shop. You put it on OLEO and within, well, if you're in a big city, I imagine it's a lot easier, or a small city or a town. If you're in the middle of nowhere, probably quite tricky to do. But within minutes, somebody just arrives at your daughter to take it. So I downloaded it yesterday. Within that, I've given away 10 gold plastic picnic bowls, a tea towel, oh, a baseball cap, and then also on it as well, you can, and people go to the nearest Tesco, and they're called Food Heroes, and they just list all the bakery stuff and the things are just going to be thrown away. So it's like sour dough rolls on there, like gluten-free

wraps, like all this stuff that you just get. For free? For fully for free. It's honestly amazing for all that stuff that's like you've got and you kind of will end up throwing away. That sounds incredible. Because the amount of things I have that I'm like, I don't want this, but I really want it to be loved and to be used. And, oh, wow. I like to put things on the wall outside the house. Yeah, so that's what I mean. You'd really enjoy this app.

This is a better way of doing that. I told me, once I tried to get rid of this printer and nobody wanted it. And it had been sat out there with a little stick that said, free smiley face on it and no one was taking it. And everyone in the house was like, Tesla, what are you doing about this printer? And I was not putting it in the bin. It's the whole printer. Anyway, and then I went back out and changed my sign and I wrote,

£50, please call this number. It was gone immediately. Wow. As in somebody was like, oh, 50 quid, I'll take that. That's great. Yeah, anyway. A small trick there if you would like to get rid of your printer. Charge 50 quid.

I didn't actually sell it as in somebody took it because they thought it was, you know. Oh. Oh. Okay, sorry, I didn't. So I fundamentally mustn't just at the story. The story is... Oh, they're like, that's worth something.

Oh, it's worth 50 quid? I'll have that and they nicked it. Okay, right. Yes. So what's your... So mine is that. I came home late the other day and the washing is on the line

on the sort of middle floor of the house. Hard to describe. It's got an outdoor bit at the back. Tessa has, of course, a three-story house. There's an eight, I don't know, four stories made up of eight flats. And on the middle section, there's a back terrace bit and that's where the washing line is. That's nice.

Very nice. But I obviously passed, and as I got there, I thought, oh, the washing's on the line. Adult thing number one. I remembered the washing was on the line at midnight. But then I thought, I don't want, if I go all the way up, I'll forget and I won't come back down again. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I was like, I'll just get it now on my journey into the house. Okay. Right? So far, so good. So far so good. Out I go, feeling thrilled with myself.

I start to put all the things in my arms to carry them. At this point, I think, this is actually too many things, but I'm plowing on. Then I'm like, what the hell am I going to do all these pecks, right? And then I start putting in my little pocket. We're full. Okay. Then this is quite good. I had on my hooded coat. I put them in. into my hood. Really good. Okay, great. I was just taking them off, double-handing into the hood behind me. I felt fantastic. I felt like it was my professional job. I was so quick at it.

And I thought, you know, no one's seen me do this. I'm so good at it. Peg collector. Yeah, you'd be good at that. I really hope someone's seen me at night out here getting these pegs. It is a tip, actually, that I had read many, many years ago in popular but now defunct magazine, take a break. Is it now defunct?

Is it not? Oh, do know. I think it's still going. Oh, well, then God bless. and thriving magazine take a break. People would write in with their tips and suggestions. You soundetry towels as a shoe. As a shoe.

That was a one. She's not joking. If you can't afford slippers, why don't you make your own out of sanitary? That was a real low, I think, for the magazine industry. But one of them was, next time you need pegs, why don't you put your hooded jumper on back to front

and put the pegs just in your front? It was also, you can also, when you're watching telly, put popcorn in there. Okay. And he like a pig in a trough. I need like a pig in a trough. Anyway, so the hood idea has been in my head for many, many years. But now I was like, I ain't spinning this shit route.

I'll just pick down, peg down. I was like leg alas out there. And he does that. With his arrows and his sheaf. With his pegs that he puts in his head. And with Olio, downloading as we speak onto my telephone. It could be Olio. We thrust, Oli, Olio.

We thrust into the heart of this episode. Yes. I just decided to kind of open up Ellie Taylor's message to me to get the advice and it literally opens. Oh man, I have no advice really apart from it. It's sort of like a grief where everyone's still alive. Oh, dear. Yes, so this is helpful things and I think we'll start with the kind of emotional side rather than the practical things. Let's start emotional and let's get into the more sensible.

Yeah, start emotional because obviously emotions are silly. They are. The implication now from Tesla. So I think this is helpful that I didn't really think about is that. Because I've basically just been like, yeah, fine, yes, fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll probably cry at some point, but I'll be fine. And he says, prepare to feel angry and cross and maybe cry a lot, and prepared to feel jealous when people post family day picks when they're all together. Which I think is something that I was like, I don't really know that I'll feel like that. Prepare to be delighted to see she's having a nice time, but also want to throw your phone at a wall when she walks up something amazing and Ozzie that you can't do, see or visit in the UK.

So all those things, I was like, when she sent this message a few weeks ago, I was like, yeah, I think I actually don't really feel like that. And then, say, Gina posted this photo for, like, on the beach in Australia, like, in this, like, incredible dress thing. Like, isn't it lovely? I was like, oh, God. So I think that Ellie was right. And I think you have to prepare, I could already feel that you have to prepare for the emotions you're going to get and not judge them. Because it's not, it's hard enough without being like, oh, why do I feel, I should feel happy for them.

It's fine. It's constantly telling myself, like, it's fine, it's fine. It was absolutely acceptable to when there's a tube strike and it's raining. And I'm like walking, trying to get a boss and then can't to go on Instagram and see this incredible photo of like how great life is. And she was like, I think her picture was like, I could already feel the stress leaving my body. And I was like, well, I'm full of it. It's going straight into mine. It's right to mind, thank you.

So that's an element of it, which I think one of the positives of moving away. at a time like this is that we're so much more connected and, you know, we'll talk about that later about how you can kind of constantly stay in contact when my parents did it. It was like a phone call once a week and that cost £30,000. So like obviously that's great, but the downside of that is I can see everything and social media sometimes, you know, will always make it look great. So even if she's having like a normal day, it will look incredible to me because it's nice and in Australia. So I think that was very helpful to prepare that you're going to feel weird, you're going to cry when you're brushing your teeth,

you're going to kind of like suddenly get like a completely irrational wave of like, about something that isn't even that bad. Like I can imagine there'll be a point when I like want a messenger, but I'll realise it's four in the morning where she is. But the annoyance of being like, oh, okay, the constant time difference might just get you. Yeah, I think it's about getting just into your routine of when you communicate and knowing like what the time zone is.

That's what I was saying. It's very close, isn't it? Because my friend who's in New Zealand sometimes calls me, and I always think, what are you doing? It's the middle of the night. He's like, I cannot stress enough. It's not. But actually quite similar time to when you are.

And I'm always like, why don't we call more? Because you think it's the middle of the night for me all the time. That's so funny. So New Zealand is almost like the same. It's weirdly, it's the next day. But we're specifically where he is. And again, maybe I'm just totally confused about time zone. So it's important to like get their time clock up on your world clock section of your iPhone.

Yes, I didn't even know that was a thing, and I've done that now. It's great. There it is. So you constantly know where she is, constantly know what time it is and what day. And then be like, what's our schedule for calling? A friend who did it, who was on the other side of the world from her boyfriend for a long time. They would call every morning when she woke up and when he woke up.

So that was basically, they were just always in bed. They were either about to go to sleep or about to have a day. And so for one of them, they were like, here's all my news from the day. And the other one was like, I had a fantastic dream. or whatever, I've got nothing to report. And then it would change the night. They would be like, here's what I've done. The other one would be like,

well, I've just been asleep for all of this time. But they had a really like a constant schedule that's like, this is when we talk, this is when we check in, this is when we do things. And I think scheduling of any kind is just very, very helpful to be like, this is our designated call. You know, this is when we do it. My mum is taking, started doing this in lockdown

and continue to do it of calling my grandma at 6pm on a Monday, you know, just being like, there you know, you know what you're doing today. You've got to call grandma. I think that feels like a definite thing that I'm going to do to make sure as well that I can swap it. So like one time, yeah, it's me and I'm in the evening and I'm drinking one.

And then the next one, it can be her. And then we can like... Yeah, lovely, because if it's always you in the morning on your way to work while she's like, I'm on a boat at sundown with a cocktail. You're like, fuck you. But sometimes if it's you're having a good time and she's just woken up, you know?

Yes. Lovely. Lovely. Okay, so... Oh, gosh. Some of them are drink a lot. lot. That's what I did. Marriott. That's one thing I'm going to say not to do. What I found is immediately I'm like, oh, maybe I'll have wine every single night. That's not helpful.

I think, though, that what that does say is that there'll be ways that you want to deal with it, that you know you're just sort of like distracting yourself and they're not healthy. I think keep an eye, I'm going to say already, I know that that will be a thing. Keep an eye on stuff like that. Like, it's like, like, over the weekend to me and my family drank about 79 million bolts of wine. And then when we left, my parents were like, yeah, I think we'll go have to not just lay off the wine for a bit. And I was like, yes. So like I'm going to do that. And so it's not just like every evening when I'm like, because it's not like I saw her every single evening. But for some reason, the psychological element of like, she's upside down on the other side

of the world. It's just so weird to me. I don't really want to think about it. And I would say if that's your thing that you're like, I need to be wary of this in myself, that I don't spiral or I don't start drinking or whatever your personal thing is. This is like, this is what happens to me in the past when I have this sort of situation, make sure there's people around you who are like, could you be checking in on me, please, that I'm not doing this? Yes, you know, so get the shadow on, you know, alcohol patrol, for example. The shadow's always an alcohol patrol, but yeah, absolutely. Just say, well, get him to up his game, frankly.

A lot of people saying that voice notes and WhatsApp is your friend, and I think that's the thing. You know, we'll be messaging a lot, but there's something really nice and different about, thank God for voice notes, really, where you get, like, a little podcast, you know? A little podcast is really a real dream. I love to send a voice note, and also my friend Claire, when she went to Hong Kong would send me these little video messages of her walk to work. See, that's great stuff.

It was so nice. And then it wasn't just the Instagram pictures on the boat or the amazing things. It was just like the day-to-day stuff. I think that's the part that you lose when someone's gone is that, or when like a friendship drifts apart or when someone that you saw at school every day that you don't, you know, or work friend or anything. It's that the pointless minutiae, you know, of being like, you'll never guess what I found the apple in my bag.

You know, like that stuff. That's what I want. That's what you want. I don't want to know where she's found the apple. You're like, you're so up to date on this TV show that like you're so in it. Whereas if someone's like, when you have to be like, what happened this whole month? Or like, how's your enormous life? And there's so much to catch up on that you don't know how to do it. So I think it's like, just keep the minutiaeozy rolling.

Yeah, and that's good for both people because it's like, I think if you're the person who's moved away, you'll be like, oh, that's boring to say that. Or like, you know what you know what I mean? And then I might feel like, oh, Gina doesn't want to know about my apple. She wants to know about the apple. She's doing exciting things. I don't want to bring her down with my apple on this grey day. But actually, yeah, both sides.

Yes, it's important. It's just such a pleasure sometimes. And I know I do it that when people are far away or working or busy, that I'm like, well, they don't want to blah, blah. But then there'll be like the climax to the story. You found the apple that you're like, well, it's not exciting if you didn't hear the start of the story. You know, if you weren't there for the beginning bit, you know, like. And so it's a, you know, you've got to, yeah, just keep people up to date on things.

Yeah, yeah. And you can do that. Obviously, if you didn't have the sort of relationship where you were doing that. And you suddenly start doing that out of nowhere. Fine. Well, I think if you don't have that, like, constant relationship before, then it feels like a big move won't be this same sort of massive rift. Then, you know, you're not crying.

If you're, you know, your aunt that you see once a year moves to a different country, you'll be like, very similar to our racial and people, so I won't. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, that's a perfect point. And I'll say no more. You know, it's very similar to our relationship currently. So no massive change.

If this is a person who is, you know... Telling you about the Apple every day. Yeah, then you want to hear. Let's keep that going. Yes. Other things are to book tickets or have a visit planned. So you know when you're next seeing them. I think that's very helpful.

We've got that. It's like Gina has to come back for work at a specific point. So I know that that's the next stage. Because I think when I start thinking about the big picture, like, oh, will she ever want to come back? But what if she, you know, because they're the big things. It's not actually often the physical distance. It's the fear that this is the end of an era of your life.

Absolutely. And that no matter what happens, you're never going to get. What if she decides to go, her life goes in a completely different direction to mine and we don't relate to each other anymore, all that sort of stuff. You start to sort of get a bit dizzy. Whereas if you just think of it as like, oh, in four months time or in two months time or in six months time. So it's just the block of six months rather than being like, But what about life?

Because you literally, there's no way of ever knowing how life changes at all. It may not, you know, like the person that you're thinking about listening to this podcast might come back in a year, might come back in five years, might never come back but might regularly visit. You might regularly visit there. Like you don't know. So I think, yeah, seeing it as little blocks of time. And I've got, I know when I'm going out there so that already, I basically know the next two years, I'm going to be seeing it every few months regardless. Yeah, I think when I was in year nine My friend Brenda moved to Italy

In fact she was Italian so she returned to Italy And I found it very very hard Less in this like I was just thinking then about being like Is the end of an era I think it was less that specifically she wasn't She goes going and I was very sad about that It was more this like

And now things can just change can they And this is just gone forever And then I think I did deal with it Got myself in this like Brenda's just not here today Phase of simply not a acknowledging it at all, which was, did like sort of get, you know, that I wasn't overly emotional, but it also didn't mean that like our friendship in any way survived, you know, because I was busy saying that she had just gone to camp for the day and so like, it's that sort of thing of like, you must be able to compartmentalize the two things, which is like this person going and also then your big sort of existential crisis is about like what is life and what people can just go, can they? And all of this sort of stuff. Those are two separate things. Yeah. And then not necessarily helpful to just all be wrapped up together as one in this. sort of enormous breakdown.

You know, like, it's possible to be like, oh, Gina's not. So actually what your thing is is just, I'm not seeing Genia, Genia, that's a full name. I'm not seeing Junior for two months, you know. That's it. That's all we're dealing with in this small way rather than this huge, like, what if? What if? It doesn't matter. We're just, I'm not seeing her for a couple of months.

And that's sad, but it's not the end of the world. Yeah, that's survivable. That's totally, two months is totally survivable, you know, and it's just being like, let's take it in little incremental chunks and not let the existential dread come in at the back end. As it is want to do. As it is want to do, if you open the door a crack for the sadness if she's gone for a month, oh, that goes up your ass. Exitential dreads go straight up your ass.

So like, you know, make sure that you can make those two separate things. Yeah. I'm just, I'm only realising now that that's 100% what I did and I was so upset about the idea of people moving away. No, I've done that already. Like I've done that before I mean quite literally just felt like Oh yes people just leave you And you can never trust anybody

And everyone's alone And we joke It's so quick isn't it To be like Trust no bitches of course Because they will all They'll destroy us in the end They will betray you

The bitches will betray you And then you're like well Won't make friends I remember a friend of my guy He's extremely drunk And announce that happiness Was just a trap laid by sadness You know

Oh my God Like what's like You know That's just like the point of being happy because it'll all end and you're like okay come on i think i've definitely got friends who or at least one friend who is who is like that who has that vibe of like will never let herself be happy or enjoy or be close enough to anyone so that if they go away or if something goes wrong like it's sort of always yeah yeah yeah and that i've always been really jealous of that

because i've been the opposite or felt like i've been the opposite but actually when i have then because then i've also then slipped into doing that quite a bit where i've been like don't want to be too friendly with somebody in case I'm always like well what if I do something to annoy them or what if they get to know me better and they're like oh she's actually not very nice because obviously you spend a lot of time with yourself so you're aware of all your flaws so it's easier just to be fun all the time

and so then but that it's only since I've sort of got rid of that that I've been like no just have a nice have nice times have individual nice times because that's so much better than constantly just being like it's going to go away the sadness is around the corner but then when this happened I got drunk the night

alone and was like oh it wasn't it now that's making it sound so much worse than it was it wasn't at all I'd been out I've been with my family and then they went to bed and I was with the shadow and I was like I'm just one more glass of wine for the road the road being the bed being I don't want to sit there

and have a think and I apparently I sort of said like I got too close to her and so then it's sad because I should have kept her in arm's length and he was like, literally, can you hear yourself? Yeah. Can you hear yourself? I should have kept my sister at arm's leg

and not had a good relationship with her in case she occasionally moves abroad. You cannot live like that. No, no. What you are describing and what you are hearing in Stevie's cracking voice is the very nature of the human condition. Yeah. Like that's it, that's this essence of like, and one day we'll all be dust, you know? So what's the point? It's like, the point is like, have a good time as best you possibly can.

Otherwise, you just get your coat on and you're sitting by the door at the party, being like, well, it'll end eventually. You're like, yeah, sure. But like, we're all going to have to go. home, you might as well have had a good time. Take your coat off. Take your coat off of God's saying. Live your life. And it's, and again, like don't let these thoughts cloud the idea that's just, she's away for a bit. Yes, the practical element of it. Yeah. You know, because them, them thoughts are really what you're dealing with. And it sounds like you're doing really well.

Well, that was sarcastic. Yes. No, I know it is. But also, I think, I think I am doing well in the sense that I'm recognizing them and being like, okay, like, I want, I wanted the advice and I wanted to chat to people because I think or because I think it was just like I'm aware that at any point I could like spiral. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't yet as much as I'd imagined I would

but like yeah. And I think it's all of the things just like with anything, they're things that I knew already but like being told, you're like, yes, just reminds you that it is okay and taking it in small steps and FaceTime and voice notes

and arranging times to me and things like that. I think the thing you said about just, you know, I'm going to still do things like send her stupid memes and like TikToks that I think are funny. Rather than being like, well, she's probably too busy with her Australian memes. That doesn't make any sense, you know. And also I think as well, the thing that I'm definitely not going to do is constantly like, I'm not going to think about or discuss her decisions in terms of whether she stays or go. Do you know what I mean? Because I don't want her to feel like, and I don't want me to feel like, I'm constantly waiting for her to make a decision.

decision on whether she comes back or not, basically, because she might not come back. It's 50-50, I think, but I don't want, A, her to feel like I'm just, like, waiting for her to come back, which, of course, part of me is. And B, mainly, I don't want to feel like I'm waiting for her to come back, like, from the perspective of being, like, disappointed, hopeful, and that kind of hope is not fair because she's got to live her life. And then that means that in two years' time, because she's sort of been saying two years or whatever, and people sort of go a few years. And that does open the door to be like,

well, it's been a few years and why are you back? Yeah. Like, no, you've got to see this as the new reality. And then depending on what happens in the future, I can shift and change with it. But living in the very much the present, like this is what is occurring. There's not really an end point on it.

So to try and make the best of this now, I think it's better than kind of being like, well, it's only for a bit. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Very good. Very good, Stevie. This is very good work.

Just five pounds. please. Dress up a mannequin like her and just pretend that it's her. Run around screaming until she comes home. All make a mop version of her. Stick her face on random appliances in your home. Look, these are all good like there, the more sort of practical tips, of course.

But I think, yeah, I think, well, I feel a lot better. And I think as well, all of those things, I knew already, but I just needed to hear them. Thank you everybody for sending, even the mannequin and mop, because look, I will do it. I'm going to make her a mop and just walk around the house with it. Why not?

Get a life-size cut out of her and keep her in the living room. It'd be very funny, isn't it? You know? And she'd send one to her a view. Yeah. You know? Yeah, it's about distraction. It's about keeping in touch in, like, new and different ways, but, like, that you both feel, you know.

I'm going to call you up on the word distraction and say that is the opposite. Okay, so sorry. It's attraction. It's not an apology. But I think distraction is like the drinking, the other stuff, being like, my life is, it's like, it's like. It's not distracting you from this reality. It's embracing this reality. That's so true. God, after all, there's knowledge I've got, I still got it wrong. No, you didn't get it wrong. There's no wrong here. It's just you're finding, you're treading an incredibly difficult typeboat between this enormous joy for somebody and real despair for yourself.

Absolutely. And dealing with so many emotions and things going on. So obviously, it's not going to go right straight away and it's not going to feel good for a while. But distraction, I think, is not what you're looking for here. It's about being like, this is the reality. and it might be permanent, but thinking about things too far in the future make you feel sick, even if that's just, I can't even look at my passport

because I can't look at that date that's 10 years from now. So, you can't look far. We've discovered in previous episodes, five months ahead made you feel sick. I can't look at five months ahead in the calendar. You know, like, listen, I'm not a well woman. So I totally understand.

I'm just realizing now, my headphones are not on my ears. No, they've not been on your ears the whole time. They've been on your head. Why didn't you stop me? I thought it was a choice. Anyway, and so please do take this professional advice from this woman totally in control. So, yeah, it's about embracing this reality,

what can we do here that makes this fun and exciting and good and how do we make this work? And it isn't about letting the existential part in. It's just being like, hey, day to day, taking it day at a time, how are we making this work and what makes this experience good and great and new and different and exciting for everyone. And I think a key to that is social media, when you're looking at the person who's moved away

and they're, I don't know, doing all these exciting things, being with these exciting people and you're like, but I'm not there, they're going to forget me. Like all of that stuff is like, that's just the classic thing that we all know. Social media is bullshit. So you've got to do the WhatsApping and the minutiae minutee of their day

so that you get to realise the actual reality. So you're continually reminding yourself of like what their actual life's like, like you're saying about little video of them like, you know, going to work or just like the normal. boring everyday stuff, don't retreat because of something you've seen on social media. I've not done that, but I mean, like, I can see how with friendships that might happen, where you're like, oh, they're in Dubai, living the high life or whatever.

And plan the next time you're going to see them. Very helpful. That's very helping me. Look at it in stages, very helpful. And yeah, just like, I think back to the original thing, just prepare and know that there's going to be a weird time. You might cry over an egg, and you won't know why, but it's because you once I had an egg with them, you know? And that's okay.

And are they having a good egg now? We will never have an egg together. You will. And yeah, and be ready for it. And I think, and be like, just be aware that there is no right way to do it and whatever's happening for you,

all your feelings are valid. Let them in. Feel them. I'm in, let them out. Get that existential dread up your butt. Thanks for listening, Seattle. I'm Frasier Crane. We're at Nobody Panic Pod.

I hope if you're going through something similar, here is a hug from us both. Less from Stevie. She can't. She can't waste any. I can't. She's barely keeping it together. But I'm hugging you and saying, you're hanging there, chum. And with that, we'll see you next week.