Nobody Panic - How to Cope with Being Sensitive

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

Did you know that being sensitive is actually a GOOD thing? Stevie and Tessa have learned that it’s a bit of a superpower. They do the sensitivity test (and score 100%) and look at how to navigate today’s society when you’re liable to cry on a bus because you saw a nice dog. Recorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive Productions.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hello, welcome to Nobody Panic, where we help you out with things. I'm Stevie. I'm Tessa. Are we equipped to help you? Often. Not. Are we giving it a go? Yes. Yes. We've Googled so you don't have to, I think, is maybe what we should have the sub-line. That should be the light. Or sometimes it could be, we've lived, so you don't have to. Yeah, sometimes very much that. And then sometimes we've neither read nor lived, and we're still have a go doing the podcast episode. We're still committed to believing we,

have something to impart. Yes. This one though I think is quite good. I feel with this one we have both lived and read. Very much so. I'm excited about this one because it involves a small quiz, which is obviously my favourite thing. Is the test, are you crying? Yeah, basically, but I love a test. It involves some science, but some early days science where they haven't really come to any conclusions. That's my favourite type of science. I'm excited for it, Stevie. Me too, because it's about, Well, we got a DM from somebody who I think would not like their name read out, but I can't, oh, no, no, they're fine. You know what? I won't anyway, because why not?

But you know who you are if you're listening. It said, hi, I really love your podcast. Thank you. Stop. Thank you. And now, so they said, it would be great if you could do an episode on how to not let stuff get to you. I constantly find myself in tears because of negative feedback at work or someone shouting at me in the street. I mean, that's wrong.

Anyway, very reasonable. Or a friend, a relative being in a person. little bit sharp. So we thought we'd do an episode about being sensitive because it's often seen as a negative and as this person has very much shown as well, people want to not be sensitive. I, throughout my entire 20s, all I want is to be Claire Underwood from House of Cards. Look, she's a side. It's probably a sociopath. Yeah, deeply, deeply unstable and ill woman. I want to take all of the elements of her personality and co-opt it for normal life, psychopathy reasons.

So like somebody who is, if you haven't seen Clara and Doord from House of House of Cars, somebody who is like able to control how they feel their facade is strong.

They don't cry on a bus. No, you never see her. Nothing moves then. Essentially, what we say that toxic masculinity has taught men to be like, that's what I want hide your feelings.

We live in a culture very much of like, toughen up, don't cry, you don't show any weakness, be very strong. Claire Underwood is a great example. She's always in an extremely well-cut, tailored outfit.

And we should clarify that they are both the pair of them, completely mad. But yeah, she's absolutely, she's brutal and all terrible, all kinds of things. It's chaos every episode. What, what cocky things will they get up to this time? You never know what she's thinking. No.

And she's the sort of person who I think maybe lots of people will know someone like this. And I definitely know a couple of people like this. who they don't give a lot so that whenever they say anything everyone's like, oh wow, yeah, that was really good point. Because they don't give anything. They're not warm. And people,

when somebody is not like that, you will, if you have anything like me, like rise to it. Like you just desperately want them to laugh or think what you said is cool. Yeah. I think if you're at the polar opposite end where you cry the drop of a hat,

you get overly overwhelmed with things all the time and it's just too much. There's an episode, I don't know if anyone saw, the Christmas special of the Royal Family with the Y,

Carolina Hearns, award-winning and most beautiful, one of most beautiful shows of all the time. There's a Christmas special where Denise cries because she just wanted,

she just wanted a Christmas like Nicella. Timings are hard. And then every Christmas, somebody in my family will just be stood in the kitchen crying and going, timings are hard.

Because they are. And so that, And that Denise in Royal Family is the polar opposite of Claire Underwood. And we're all taught very clearly, you know, look at all the bad power boss women in all the movies. Like we're clearly like, you're brutal, your cutthroat. You don't let anything get to you. You never cry. Yeah.

Which is odd because there has also been this explosion of being able to talk about your mental health online and on social media. And like, it's okay to cry. But at the same time it's like, it's okay to cry, but it's also not. But it's absolutely fun, but not too much because that's too much. because that's too much. Like, self-deprecating humour has become, like, the go-to for lots of people. But it's still very much seen as, like, oh, it's a thing rather than, like, yeah, but you don't actually cry all the time, do you?

Because if you actually cry, that's, that's, that's gross. You're like, no, I, no, I do. Yeah, no, no, it will be, it's most days. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then there also is the other side of, like, I've found very much that the last of 10 years, I've gone from being, I'm very sensitive, but I've gone from being unable to manage it to being way better at managing it. than I used to be, and that's for various reasons.

So therefore, I feel like I can impart some advice being a reformed, because I don't cry at everything now, as my boyfriend has said. Not being so hungry. I genuinely think that's a big part of it. Oh my God, yeah. We were very hungry for a long time. We were in that stage. Some of you were maybe in it where you just think, like, well, that's a waste of,

that's a waste of money, isn't it? Don't eat to eat. So I won't. Yeah. What is your adult thing this week? Oh, I mean, I actually bored my. myself with it. Okay, that's good. I've got a parking permit for the car. Oh, that is very boring. I know. It's actually too, it's almost too bad, isn't it? I can't even... No, it's good though. It's a good

adult thing. No, it's not. It's, I hate it. Is this for your flat in London? Yeah, and the car, the car's just here for a month, so you'd remove some stuff about, and then I got a parking permit, which I suppose in the past, I would have just, right, my insta, right, there's a man called Mateus around the back, who's illegally subletting a studio flat. He's an artist. He's an and he works with helium and I my instinct was to go I did go and see him and see if I could park the car with him in his illegal studio flat and in the past I would have like he would and he was like yeah but you have to move it like these times whatever and in the past I would have got myself embroiled and so I'm going to have extremely elaborate web in which I move

it was basically trapped constantly moving the car from one illegal spot to another and then I was like look I'm just going to buy a parking permit and it was quite tedious and I did it and I I felt very sad about it. Though an ongoing shelving news... Oh, because that's really exciting. He has a bit of shelf for you, Stevie. Great, it's just showing me essentially a plank of wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's been... It certainly has halfway. And then it's going in a sloping wall, so I've had to do this edge at a slope. So that's where I'm at. Stevie, where are you at? Well, my adult thing is that I feel like you can't help but feel adult when you have to look after someone or something else.

Dr. Parker has a scratch on her eye and she can't open her eye and she looks so sad and she can't walk, she's walking all lopsided because she can't see out of Ryan and she feels really uncomfortable and her little eyes all like clothes and so she's squinting all the time.

And also because she's not like a dog so you can't go like, oh it's okay I'll comfort you because that would be seen as a predatory terrifying thing so you just have to sort of just stay away. Occasionally I'd like stroked her shell and she's been like, yeah, you can do that, that's fine.

We have to give her eye drops in the morning and the evening. So I came up with this like elaborate way to kind of get a leaf and then like move it. So her head goes to one side and then I, but she didn't do that. So then all I do is I just turn her over. Just like, like she's a little ornament and then just pour a drop into her eye. And she's very good. She keeps it open and then she just blinks like this. But I feel very adult because in the morning it's like Dr. Parker's eye drops.

Yes. So it's a really good learning thing of being like, okay. we're tortoises a scratch on the eye we're just going to heal it we're going to go to the vets she's going to be fine we're going to do all the things rather than catastrophizing like I normally would which is like she's going to die through the eye

so real boring trauma from us this week in the adult section really boring trauma can I tell you my final thing yes my final thing is my true restaurant dream is to run a 24 7 all night all day breakfast bar and when you

we only serve five items and they're all exquisite. And then when you order something with an egg, you go up to this big barrel that's got all these different types of like blue eggs, brown eggs, everything's extremely free range. The chickens are basically like walking around the kitchen. And then you choose your egg

and you put it on a little steam train and it goes around the restaurant on one of those like things like at the beginning of Flubber or like Wallace and Gromit where like it was the breakfast machine. And the egg like rolls around and then it drops into the kitchen.

Yeah. It could be called train egg I'm going to get you to work on that. Okay. Let's workshop the name for that. You're right, because your idea is gold. And we need a gold's holding it back. Yeah, Traineg will hold it.

We'll hold it back. Not all of the funds that we'll take. Look, I've taken the podcast money. Sorry, Stevie. It's all gone. All 50 pounds of it. Yeah, it's all in the breakfast bar. Sorry.

That's fine. That's fine. You know what? Fine. Don't cry about it. What are you? overly sensitive yes yes very good

whereas you found some old old old science right it's not old old science it's just the idea that like okay sorry yes it's the old science thank you come with me now let me blow off this dusty tome okay so in 1996 Dr Elaine Aaron thank you Dr Elaine I'll thank her once I've heard once she's got to say

I don't give out praise willie lily adjusted the phrase from being overly sensitive as a person to a highly sensitive person or an HSP. I love you, Elaine. That's like the first step to accepting your sensitivity. It's accepting that rather than you're being like, oh, you're overly sensitive because there's an average and you are over it just to being like, you're highly sensitive. You just, here's the spectrum and you just happen to be on the high scale rather than being like, you're too much. This is all too much. And so then she introduced these questions. There's 20 questions, Stevie.

We can rattle through them. You can play along at home. Play along at home. I scored 100%. Okay. I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input. That feels like that's just the title of the quiz reworded. Yes.

Of course, yes. We're talking bright lights. We're talking people eating very close to me. We're talking loud sounds, smells. I can't stand it. Get away from me. I'm crying. I've been known to cry in a restaurant if it's all too,

you know, if the seating is wrong and the lights are too bright and we're in one of the most moving things you ever did was we were doing a gig and you turned up and you were like, there's just so many people having their lives in the world. And we were like, okay, let's, maybe we won't rehearse, we'll just have a little sim and I'll have a coffee. Oh yeah, that was bad, wasn't it? Because I know exactly how I've had those moments as well. Whenever I have those moments, I'm like, well, Tessa had that moment. So I'm not the only one who feels like this. It's not like, you know, it's kind of comforting. For context, everyone, I made these, tour t-shirts didn't need to make them we had a lot to do

had a show to write it was not important what I did was make these tour t-shirts that had like 800 in tiny font all these like joke places that we'd been but I made them real places across Europe and then I made and then I made like so I was just googling all these like interesting sounding funny towns and then I was just looking at these towns of course on Wikipedia and then being like who lives there like I showed up to rehearsal I'm just crying. Yeah. So that's a high yes for the number one.

Right. I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment. Yes. What? Yes. Other people's moods affect me. Yes. Who is saying no to that?

If somebody is having a bat is cross near me, I can like physically see it in the, I mean, I can physically see them obviously, but like the air changes. Yeah. I mean, if someone's crossed near me, Stevie, I can see it. I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days into bed or a dog. and room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation. Sure. I'm just thinking of you, just like lying down.

But also, I do the same thing. You know, when things have been overwhelming and you've just found me asleep in a room somewhere. Because I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. Yeah. I'm just going to have a nap, actually. And I was like to be under some coats in the corner. And everyone's like, sorry, what's stupid?

I'm like, oh, she's an HSP, unfortunately. I'm even, I'm particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine. Oh, I can't drink it. Yeah. I'm easily overwhelmed by things like bright light, strong smells, cause fabric or sirens close by. Yes. Sometimes I have to take clothes off because my clothes are,

I'm allergic to my clothes. I was left a tube carriage because someone opened some crisps. I have a rich complex inner life. Okay, well if you're answering no to that, then you need to get more self-esteem. Because surely to God, every person, you wouldn't like, you wouldn't open, you wouldn't go to a party and tell people that. But everyone was like, yeah, I believe my inner life to be rich. Yeah, there's a lot going on. That's essentially, do you have a lot going on? And the answer to that always is yes. And if no, that's a problem. Sure. But not just like, oh, I'm busy today. Like, did I think about some things? Yeah, everyone's got a rich. Come on, champ. If you're listening at home being like, not me, you've got a rich complex in a life. Right. I am made uncomfortable by loud noises. Yes. Same question. You've already said that. Same question. Somebody, uh, somebody, uh, uh, um, jumped out and scared me. The day, came home with my housemate was in my bed,

but hidden under the duvets, jumped out, screamed, burst into tears, right? That is, that is, that is extreme. That's terrifying. Yeah, that's what I said. I'm deeply moved. I'm deeply moved by the arts and music. Yes.

My nervous system sometimes feels so fraddled that I have to just go off by myself. Same thing. Again, yes. I am conscientious. Well, yes. I start leasily, again, yes. I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time.

I'd say this is a five-question quiz. She's just said it lots of different times. Exactly. Come on, Elaine. You were right to retract your thanks, quite frankly. Right, when people, and this is when I think we'd sway into like what are actually the qualities of being overly sensitive. When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment, I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable, brackets, like changing the lighting or the seating.

And that to me, I always make myself in charge of ambiance in whether or after for or not. You've taken that very literally and I like that. Right. I'm annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once. Yeah, lazy. Lazy. I'm a lazy girl. I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things. Yes, again. Like, who's actively not doing that? I make a point to avoid violent movies and TV shows. Oh, I do that. Yeah, I have to ask people to tell me almost exactly the plot. I couldn't watch Don't Fuck with Cats because I cried in the first five minutes and had a panic attack and then had to explain to my boyfriend that I can't watch the rest of it. I could watch Tiger King in case the tigers were upset.

Yep. Oh, yeah. Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me. Imagine if it didn't. Imagine if you're like, I haven't eaten for three days and I'm fine. Changes shake me up. Yep. I mean, I notice and enjoy delicate or fine sense sounds and works of art.

But again, like, who's not noticing? I've noticed lace. We've all noticed some lace. I'm bothered by intense stimuli. Again, you've said the same question, Elaine. This is showing us that being sensitive is to be human. To be human. Exactly right. So it's just how, look, it's where you see some arts and culture and you go,

that was some lovely arts and culture. Or you cry every time you go and see something because it's just like, it overwhelms you and you just can't. It's the most incredible thing you've ever seen. So then, obviously, then that means that you're more sensitive than that previous person, but both of you are sensitive. So we're on just a lovely spectrum, and maybe you're just slightly higher up the spectrum than other people.

These are the last two. When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise. Oh my God. So much. Oh, yeah. That, for me, if I'm like, if I'm cook, if in before I could cook, guys, I can cook now. I'm a chef. But when anybody watching me and do anything in the kitchen, I'd be like, shake.

I'd have to leave. I'm sorry. I can't do this if you're, if you're watching me. And then this is the last one. This is the only one I said no to. When I was a child, my parents or teachers saw me as sensitive or shy. So yes to sensitive, they would have said, like, Tesla was a deeply over-sensitive child who takes everything very seriously,

but not shy. So I don't necessarily know if they go hand-in-hand. I think that's one of those things that they can do. But if you've answered 90% of yes, then you can't be like, well, I guess I'm not sensitive because I wasn't shy as a child. Yeah, exactly. Oh, well. Oh, that test for me.

No, thank you. I'm absolutely fine. I think that shows as well. And this is something that I've learned in the last few years, which has really helped me with sensitive. is that you can't have the positive without the negative, and that is a real positive in being a sensitive person. And if you are a highly sensitive person,

it doesn't mean you're like, oh, well, now I'm doomed to cry every time I see anything. Like, because there are ways that you can learn how to change your perspective, how to change the way you react to things. That's fully in your control. But what's not in your control is obviously how the, initial stimulus happened. So you might get upset. But then the problem is, is a lot of people, including myself, often get more upset because they've got upset. So now I'm not crying because

I'm of the original thing. Now I'm crying because I'm like, I'm such an idiot. Yeah. Crying about that. Being upset because someone shouted at you on the street is perfectly fine. Like it would be odd for you to Claire Underwood it at that point. Like that would be like, okay, do you have feelings? And being upset by negative criticism is so fine. But it's the second stage that needs work, prioritize things to be upset, to really care about, and things to be like, okay, well, do I,

like we've got an episode about how to take criticism, and you said something, but it's really good about, like, don't take criticism from people that you wouldn't... Take advice from. Yes, that you wouldn't take advice from. I see it as a bit of almost like a superpower. I would always want to work with somebody

who was sensitive than someone who wasn't. Why would I ever want to work with somebody who's, like, not sensitive to other people's needs? and the reasons that you might feel overwhelmed by sensitivity is the exact same reason why you have so much joy and love for art and culture. Exactly. I found an article which was like eight reasons that being highly sensitive is actually a good thing. I'm just going to run through them so you can feel, we could all feel okay about it.

Also, I was going to say that I suppose being sensitive would have been very useful in the caves, in the communities. Absolutely. Because, well, I mean, it just meant that you would be able to, facilitate the group. You would be much sought after, I suppose, because as well, like, when you don't have that as a skill, then it must look like you're a magical wizard. If you're able to tell, sense of the energy in the room and, like, you know, help people. And you would be obviously so valuable. Whereas now, when we're all living in this sort of world where you live in a flat with some people you don't know, you don't really speak to, and you're just like, on your own, and you're renting, and there's crap, and you've got mice, and the

job you hate because you work in a shit. Like, of course you're going to, the sensitivity isn't going to help and facilitate that life because that's, that's, that's shit. And we're also just like deeply, deeply overstimulated every waking second of the day. And also like the empathy thing,

like the not watching violent movies and I, you know, or not wanting to watch sad movies. Like the part of your brain that is responsible for eating an apple, fires up when you're just watching someone else eat an apple. And so you, to an extent, you experience what you're watching on the screen, like as though it's happening to you. And so, I mean, obviously on a macro level, but you're still, it's sort of like,

well, why, obviously it's not, you don't have to be like, oh, I'm a wuss, I can't watch those sort of things. You're like, I don't want to physically experience them, which is what happens when you watch a violent or upsetting movie. Yeah, it was only like in the last two years that I've been like, you know what? I don't want to watch horror films anymore because I would make myself do it because I'd be like, well, that's what people do

and it's a good film and also like... That's what people do and it's seen as cool and Claire Runderwood definitely would do it so... You wouldn't even like blanche at a horror movie whereas when I was like, I used to review films for a newspaper and when I was younger, I called City A.m.

I don't even know if it's still going, but anyway, and I would go to the screenings and it would all be the people like Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian or Mark Commode was there. there's only about 10 of us and me. And I had to review a film and it was like a horror film. And I sat and I crossed my eyes for the entire time. So I didn't have to be scared.

And then the moment I didn't, I uncrossed my eyes because it was like, ah, the end is happening. A scary thing happened. And I screamed and everyone, nine grown men who were filmed who all sort of looked at me with this like, oh, right, okay, she's obviously not a real film reviewer. And I felt like such an idiot. And it was like, wait, no, why am I doing this? Yeah.

Why am I putting myself through this? I don't want it. But also why are you embarrassed in that moment of like, you'd be like, it was scary. It's a horror film. Like a sad thing you're not responding. What's wrong with you guys? Yeah. Why are you looking at me with envy and awe that I experience something that you can't?

Yeah. You'd be like, lucky me, actually. So these benefits of being sensitive. We've talked about some of them. So one is the depth of experience and feelings. feeling. So that obviously works for every negative time. Like we said, it works for a positive thing. It means that you will have more joyful emotions. Also strong self-awareness. So if you're very empathetic and aware of other people, then you will be self-aware and people only, you can only

really understand the importance of self-awareness is when you meet someone who has none of it. And then you're like, oh, right. Yeah, yeah, that is actually important. It's like the, I always think that the concept of respect is interesting. Like, you can't really describe what it's like and you can say, respect that person, but when you meet someone who clearly doesn't actually respect to you as a person, then you're like, oh, I see now what respect it is, and it's not bad. It's sort of like a weird one. Increased empathy, of course. Your friends will benefit from that, obviously, and also if you are very highly sensitive, and you're able to balance it, because that's the important thing. You can be highly sensitive, and you can not have control of it. But if you have control of it, you'll be able,

you'll find yourself very able to form, like, really meaningful, close friendships, much more than people that are not in control of their sensitivity or don't have it. But how? How can we manage our sensitivity? But how? But how? Guys, recognising that it's a superpower to be high up the spectrum and to be like, okay, this is actually a good thing about me rather than a negative thing about me. And I'm, hey, hey, this is just, this is the other side of the coin and you get lots of great benefits. And it's okay to have this and then to not do any, not do any beating yourself up when, when anything happens that you're like, this is a completely normal and fine response. Big tip to help sensitive people, which is really simple, is to just look at the people that you're surrounding yourself

with. Are they, are they also sensitive people? Or often sensitive people are drawn to people like we're saying right at the start, the Claire Underwoods. So you're like, are you just jumping around trying to get people who aren't that interested in you, interested in you, thereby making yourself really struggle, is it better maybe to surround yourself with people that you feel completely comfortable with who are very clear and very, like, I like people who are very like communicative and very like, I know exactly where I stand with them all the time. And that's the only reason I've found that out. So I've now kind of, I don't see the people that make me feel bad socially anymore really. And that's, that just little tiny change, basically

completely changed my entire perspective, because then you're spending more time with people who are like you, rather than people who aren't like you, and then you're comparing yourself to them and going, why aren't I Claire Underwood? Yeah. I guess if this, I guess if you can't get out of your work environment or your colleagues or whatever, and you happen to be surrounded by Claire Underwoods when you are, who's a good, famous example of a highly sensitive person? Though famously, Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein scored extremely highly on the thing. So look, we've got some good guys on our team. I don't know.

Who's the polar opposite of Claire Underwood? Oh. Chrissy Teigen. Do you think she looks like a workplace crier? I feel like she'd cry and then own it. Exactly. And I think that's such a key thing for the workplace crying, is if you're like, oh, fuck, it's happening again.

I'm the worst. Oh my God, I'm crying at work. But if you're just like, imagine yourself to be Chrissy Teigen, just like extremely glamorously being like, I'm crying now. Yeah. Because there's absolutely nothing you can do about crying. Like that wasn't your fault. You didn't do it on purpose. You literally cannot control when crying starts.

And also, fascinatingly, women have six times more prolactin than men. And prolactin is the hormone that is responsible for crying. So you've literally just got more of it in you that you're, you know, so statistically you are when it's like, women always cry all the time. People aren't starting from the same, we aren't starting from the same starting blocks on this. You're already six times more likely to,

for it just to, for it just to start, there's like two types of people. There's the person who's crying and then it's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And then like runs away to the bathroom and then it's absolutely devastated and like so embarrassed for us today.

Or there's the person who cries. He's like, so sorry about that? I just think that that wasn't right. And that wasn't, do you know what I mean? Like takes a breath. fully aware that they've cried. Of course you can go to the bathroom, like sort yourself out, then come back, and then be like,

okay, so you now have taken ownership over the fact that you've cried. You're not overly apologetic. You're not, there is a reason that you were pushed to that point. That's somebody that looks incredibly self-possessed and self-confident, even if they're not. But it also is very, very impressive

when somebody, it's still professional. It's not unprofessional to cry. I suppose it becomes unprofessional to then draw that out for days and days and cause a bigger problem because you feel, which is so difficult not to do. I've done that before. Yeah, it's not unprofessional to cry. It's unprofessional to hysterically cry, coherically add to the crying by shouting that you were sorry, flee the room and then be unable to return to the room for another

seven weeks. Exactly, and having to go home because you cried at work. But just to start crying, to say, I appear to be crying, I'm just completely overwhelmed by X, Y, Z. This has caused me to get very upset. This will pass in a moment. This is just a response to what's happening here. This is how I'm feeling. This is what's happening. And then everyone's like, okay, this person's really taking control of the situation. And obviously you're like, oh, I wish this, obviously you're going to wish that it wasn't happening, but it is. And so then it's on you to be like, you know, and equally like, you know, somebody says something mean to you and you're like,

okay, that's actually really affected me. I appear to be, and also sometimes I've been crying and and actively said, this looks much worse than it is and will pass. Like, this is a disproportionate response and we all know it. Just ignore it for a second. It'll go. I think absolutely take five. And I think if that's like your platinum standard, your gold standard, if you can be professionally just be like, excuse me, I'm just going to take five.

But if you can say, excuse me, I'm just going to take five, I was very affected by something and at least give people a reason so that the less empathetic, less aware group who aren't like, why is she left? What have we done? know, just be like, this is why, and now I'm taking a moment, you know? Yeah, yeah. Because I think, as well, but again, it's so hard to do in the moment. It's really hard to do, but it's also so much about your individual, like, what helps you.

Like, I know now. And also that comes with age as well. So if you're listening to, like, 21, you're like, well, I can't do anything. Of course, this is incredibly hard. Because in order to do these things, you have to know what works for you. And you also have to have the confidence that the world won't implode. and you only get that confidence when the world hasn't imploded over and over again

every time you've cried which is what basically? So ballsy to be the intern on your first day crying and being like I'm going to take five I was really affected by the boardroom atmosphere here

and I'll be back in a moment but I would really respect an intern that did that that was just like I know myself this is what's happening you know and I'm able to express that's the thing I think

once you can if you can get a when being over sensitive is overwhelming to you and it feels like a burden is when you haven't going purchase on like why it's happening and you don't feel in control of it. But just to be, I guess it's just like being like my, my allergies have, you know, flared up or whatever. Excuse me, I have hay fever. This is what's happened. This is what I take. This is the situations I don't get myself into.

It just needs to be like that level of like, I'm in control of this thing. It happens. There's nothing I can do about it. But this is what I'm doing. Rather than going, what's wrong with me. Why? You go, well, why did this happen? Because you're, you're not an idiot. Like, you are, you are crying because something has upset you. That's what humans do. So it doesn't matter if you think it's nothing or you can't, you don't think it's enough, like it's enough for you to have cried. It doesn't matter. Something will have happened.

Something will have been bothering you over a long period time or a short period time or whatever. And it's so key that you identify it. Like you said, otherwise, then you, if you don't know why you're crying, then you are just, then you feel like you are, just some sort of mad person crying. And that's the state you definitely don't want to let yourself slip into because even saying that, mad person crying, that's. mad person crying, it's still crying about something. No one is ever crying for no reason. It might

be complicated. It might be, you might be, it might take a lot of layers coming off to find it, but it's there. So it's that you have to be your friend basically in those moments and be like, right, well, let's get to the root cause of it so that I don't feel like I've lost control. Because you haven't lost control. You've only lost control when you allow yourself to lose control. the tears or the anger or the, you know, whatever, the meltdown is the cherry on a very large cake. And we're so good at being like, just the cherry. Don't know where it came from? Couldn't tell you how I got these cherries in here.

It's tiny. I'll just throw it in the bin. You're like, oh no, it's on top of a giant cake. It's a really big cake that you've got to unpack and get into that cake. A friend of mine years ago, I remember sat on the sofa watching in Avert with my housemate. And he started crying at what was genuinely, because I wasn't crying, not a sad advert. and he, quite a serious guy, was like, I'm crying, and then it was, like, very upset about him crying,

and then I, you know, he was like, don't talk about it. And I'm crying, let's forget it. And I, the pseudo-psychotherapist was like, let's unpack it. Like, why do you think you're crying? He was like, don't know. And then after a while he was like, I guess that just really reminded me of my dad. And then like, there we go. And then he was like, actually all this stuff.

And then out it all comes. And like, there's the cake. Like, you know it's there. Just like, you need to do a bit of a dive for it. And so it's only when you start to be like, oh, it's because of that. oh look four plus one equals five oh okay look it's all it's all laid out for you don't get over overwhelmed you know yeah because if you can't see what it is how are you ever going to be able to solve it like

that's the first that's the thing that's the thing that it seems like it's the hardest thing to do with anything psychological or what's going on with you like if you're just if you're just going like oh i guess it's nothing then you can't then unpack it if you have to see you have to be able to see the suitcase to take the clothes out of it oh stevie that's so professional found and wise. Thank you. Exactly. So, yeah, everyone's running around being like, how can I, how can I put this suitcase in

the bin? You're like, you can't, you've got to unzip it and get your clothes out. You're literally carrying a suitcase. You're literally carrying it. We're so blind. We're so good at, like, hiding things from ourselves. Not on purpose. We really just don't, we just don't do enough introspective work because we don't teach

children that in schools. We don't, we don't have any, we don't have any muscles for it. Yeah, so I hope, I hope it's given the highly sensitive, among you some food for thought to feel a bit more powerful. I hope it's given the less highly sensitive a bit of a window into what it's like for people who you might think are absolutely coconuts. And to be like, okay.

And to help them, you know, to be like, hey man, take a, don't worry about this thing. Let's unpack this. There's like that great embroidery or that slogan that I keep seeing on things, which is maybe you're not oversensitive. Maybe he's just a dickhead, which I thought was very good.

Yeah. Everyone get better at crying at work and saying, I'm crying now. I think we've done an episode of How to Cry at Work. If not, we've definitely done something similar to that. Basically, have a look through our back catalogue as well because we've gone into more specific detail of our specific situations, like jealousy and criticism.

And, yeah, I do remember us chatting a lot about crying at work because I just, yeah, it's the worst feeling in the world. But it doesn't have to be. Just have a nice week and don't beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself and everyone. Please also follow us at No Me Pelic pod on Twitter. I mean, I have to. And also, be kind and give us some clout, please.

Just give us some hot clout. The email address is Nobody Tepanick, podcast at gmail.com. As you've seen, we do do your suggestion. So if you'd like us to do something, preferably a podcast episode, then email us. And I'm at CVM-V-S is a 5 on Instagram and indeed Twitter. I'm at Tessa Cote. I went through a phase.

Do you remember the film Coyote Ugly? Of course. I went through a phase of, No, nobody ever, no boy has ever asked for my number or ever said, where can I find you? But I went through a face regardless of whether they said that or not, saying, I'm a, I'm a coyote. If you want me, you'll find me.

That was easy for them to say, because they worked in the same bar every night. And were, and they were coyotes. Whereas I, no one was asking for my number and I wasn't a coyote. So what did it mean? What does it mean? But guys on Instagram, if you want me, You'll find me. And I'll say no more about it. It makes you feel powerful. It makes you sound powerful.

And yeah, we'll see you next week for more powerful tips from Tessa about how to be a coyote. And other things. See you next week. Bye-bye.