Nobody Panic - How to Cope with Being the Centre of Attention

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

Tessa and Stevie get very hot and upset at their own birthday parties and neither can imagine coping with being a bride at a wedding. Thankfully this week they work out ways you can gracefully accept a compliment, not explode at your 30th and own being the centre of attention. The fact that they do live comedy and can’t cope with a birthday party is baffling but the lord moves in mysterious ways. Produced and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Welcome to Nobody Panic. You're you. Just sit back, relax. Get us in your ears. We're going to help you, as ever, solve a adult problem in your life. You can introduce the topic this week because it's one of your suggestions ones. Which is French for suggestion.

Oh, yes, thank you so much. Well, the day's topic was initially called How to Be the Center of Attention. Which I had some push back on. Absolutely. So I think it sounded horrific. And quite rightly there was push. Yeah. And back.

And back. And so we've settled on. We've compromised at how to cope with being the centre of. of attention, which is what I meant. And I'm still quite interested to know what direction it's going to take, because I feel like, are we talking like if you're introverted and you're thrust, you're thrust into a place where you have to suddenly do a best man speech, or you have to get married, or it's your birthday, which I find very difficult.

It's all of those things. And I think what could be obnoxious is the reason that I did some back pushing. Of course. It's because I thought it would make a sound like, which it might do in the title, but if you look at the title, then you don't listen, more full you. But it isn't like this. I thought it sounded like

because maybe people that listen know that we occasionally take to the boards and are at one with the stage. Yes. That we would be like, how to be the centre of attention? Like, we love being. I cannot stand it

when it's my birthday and a birthday party. Yeah. So if you Google how to be the centre of attention, which to me was like how to cope with being the centre of attention. Yes. There was about 800 Reddit forums, mostly from men,

basically being like, just say your points louder. Right. It was genuinely about how to make yourself the centre of attention. And that's what I was worried was what you meant by the title. Which is absolutely not what the topic is because I think both of us, as you say, we tread and we do a job. We dabble in the arts. We do a job in which you are literally asking people to look.

Pay to look at you. Oh, God. Which I know is a lot of people's absolute living nightmare. Totally, I think it's mine. And I don't know why that is. And I love doing my show so much. I find afterwards when people have come to see me and then hanging out in the bar, I find taking any compliments, the sheer tidal wave of compliments.

It's my whole saturation is hard. I find that actually extremely hard and increasingly as friends of mine get married or have to do big presentations or do things. The number of brides I know who are confident, wonderful women who have got married and then afterwards been like, I didn't realize I hated being looked at. I didn't know. Understood, yeah. And so many people is such a popular thing at wedding.

that people are like on the dance floor and they're like oh okay like now i'm having a good time but the first half of this day was actually awful yeah like i really did not enjoy so many of these people's taking pictures of you and everyone's stirring at you and it's your day and it's actually and everyone keeps telling you it's your day as if that will make you feel better but i think the pressure i go hot they're just thinking about before of that i just oh my god so i wanted to do this one because something very very interesting somebody said something very very interesting about this whole idea that i really wanted to share and that is what the podcast is i'm Is it going to be like a quote of quotes?

It's quite a good. No, I've built it up too much. Okay, fine, it's sort of that. But before we get in, and I tell you the great truth, what's your adult thing? So my adult thing is, look, don't even worry about it. What am I doing after this recording? I'm just going to go to the affordable art fair. Just, I mean, stop asking, it's no big deal.

I'm going to look. I'll buy some art. It's between £50 and £6,000. I'll be buying £50,000 art. I'll be buying £50 £1,000, please. Or no art. One art. I like one £50 pound art.

please. I think I won't be buying, I'll be perusing. Our friend Danny Turner, he's out to organise it and he's got a new job and that's like his job and I've never been before because I'm, I think art fairs are frightening. I just feel like they'll be full of very beautiful older women with grey hair and chignon saying things like, well I wouldn't possibly go below 4,000. Look, look, I used 4,000 as a high amount for art. They're much more softly spoken than that. Sorry, and also they don't say 4,000. They say, oh, I think Keith, I think I... Keith, I mean, again, this is terrible.

The visual description of them were so right. I could see her so clearly. But then when my mouth opens, I say things like, Keith, it's £4,000. That's not what they're saying. I went to a very, very terribly full of wealthy people place recently. I was a plus one.

My sister was actually going. I heard somebody go, well, my helicopter is a bit too small. And then everyone went, oh God, John just said his helicopters too. small and then John said in a quiet voice it is too small though and it was that's that's what I imagine but it's grey hair and she's she's talking about art but the thing is it's affordable and you're there I know and so you're you are said to me are you going to the affordable art fair dressed like that no I did not I did not I just are you ready to go to the I just was inquiring if she

needed to go home before to change yeah as in like shall we just leave or do you need to go home first to change but I understand how someone saying, is that what you're going in, is very stressful to hear. Yeah, but it's okay because I've decided that very rich people don't look like they are making an effort because they don't need to because they're so wealthy. So I'm going to the art fair, the affordable art fair, as if I'm a billionaire under cover. Well, you don't have to be undercover. Just take ownership of how you're dressed.

I'll just say I'm a billionaire quite a lot. It's very deep in my psyche that of just like, well, I imagine they'll just think I'm very wealthy. You've got the voice. And if I'm honest, the vibe. Thank you. Thank you. And you shout, it's four thousand pounds.

It's four thousand pounds. And that's the problem for the valve. Once I went out, ran to the post office in my, I was wearing, I think, pajamas. Look, I was wearing a large t-shirt. And I thought, it's actually quite cold out there. And I put a bra on over the top of the t-shirt. Now.

Because. Now. Oh, my God. How do you like, fuck shit? When it's really cold with no bra. And put a bra on over my t-shirt. No, I'm not. have not.

Okay, well, I was like, No, I've popped down underneath. No, I could not be bothered to take my top off and put it back on again. I thought, bloody hell, I just put it on. I actually thought, like, this is a revelation. I just was like, I'll put my bra on top. I think Madonna did that in the 80s. Exactly.

And, she didn't go to the post office. No. But that was genuinely, so I was like, because it makes your nipples like ice, you know? If you've been out with no bra on. Of course it does. That's why you put some bra on underneath. Yeah, but I was cold and I couldn't be bothered. I understand.

I don't, but let's say for this anecdote. So I'm now wearing extremely large black t-shirt that I wore in bed. Yes, with the bra over the top. Then another jumper that's a hoodie or something. Oh, that's fine, okay. But sorry, the hoodie is zip up, okay. And has come down. Right.

So when I return home, I see myself and I'm like, oh dear. And my attitude is genuinely like, well, Madonna wore that in the 80s. Right, okay. And I thought like, well, hopefully people will just think it's part of the top. And then my mum saw it and also went, well, people will just say that's part of the... got it from. Exactly. And then my dad was like, absolutely not. That's a woman with a bra on over a t-shirt. They probably thought you were escaped from somewhere. Well, like, when you turned up to a podcast recording a couple of years ago and you were wearing a full ski suit, do you

remember? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it was like a full ski suit in the middle of so high in London. And it was snowing. It was, but you were wearing a full pink ski suit. It wasn't just a ski suit. It was like from the 80s. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Imagine a ski suit and then imagine like in a comedy sketch. Oh, sorry. Imagine a baby in a romper in the snow. Yes. And now make that a ski suit. Grown up size. Yeah, so very big, like a sort of, and yeah, you looked absolutely astounding, I think is the word.

But you were very much like, well, that's what's done wearing, isn't it? Absolutely amazing. I looked so much better than everybody else on the street. You didn't, but it's nice that you thought you did. And that's what the beauty is. And it's this level of confidence that's got us where we are today. Well, it's got you where you want. And I would have had a third of it.

The magic is just not give a shit. No, really great. And I love that. Absolutely love that. So, what's your adult thing? Oh, dull. I've joined the gym. That's good.

Thank you. I've not been in the gym for years. I've gone back to attempt. You're a swimming person, aren't you? Yes, I've gone back to attempt to swim. This gym has, you can sign up to a number of free classes. So I went to upside down zero gravity yoga. Start low and then just see a shop up.

That's it. Just pop it in there, I think. Go in there. Just try that one. Where you could basically go in a hammock thing and you sort of flip about. So you're swinging it for a bit and then the lady's like, And she was extremely elegant and obviously very beautiful. And then was like, just put your left leg up and round. And then you flip and you're over.

And you're in the trapeze. And then you're this sort of like just caught in this huge sack. But anyway, it was very nice until you had to go upside down. At which point, I had to come out of the sacks. I thought it was going to be sick. Yes, I'm just doing it. But I look forward to going back. It's a very adult thing that you've done.

I can't wait to show you. My point is I've joined it. I'm in. I've paid the money, so I have to go now. Great. It's a good adult thing. Thank you. Good and strong.

Thank you. So strong. I want to be the centre of attention. Oh no, I've got the wrong end of the stick. I would like to... Okay, so actually, it's a good one for me because obviously, yes, I do shows and we do this, and we very much...

My job is very much me being at the centre of attention, but I find it quite difficult. But anything that's not a professional setting, I fall apart. When I went to Edinburgh, I did a show, obviously. And then I would genuinely... If people had come to see me quite a lot, I'd be like, oh, I've just got to knit person.

and then I'll come back out for drinks because I would have to go for dinner by myself because I just had to be like I had to sit with it and I just didn't want I wanted all the conversation about like the show to just have died down and I pop in and then we're just friends rather than being like to me like oh it's great and you're like yes one thing that puts me off getting married is the thought of that being I can't yes I actually can't I'd have to hire a double you'll probably have to do it and then I'll just sort of be on the on the sidelines you come in at like 10 o'clock or something yes and then at the bit after the first dance will body swap back. Perfect. And then it'll be me and I'll be going around

like, yes, yes, I was, the speech was good, wasn't it? And then I can, yeah. It's a really common, popular problem. And maybe that's the first tip is to body swap if you're so frightened. So number one, get a body double. Yeah. The less they look like you, the funnier it is. It's absolutely idea. And again, it does astound me that I'm capable of doing, be so confident in some areas and so completely unable to do things. That is an interesting element of your personality because you are like, yeah, I will be head of BAFTA or I will compete in the Olympics and that's actually fine. But then after a show, I didn't know that you also felt like that. Oh, 100%.

I really struggle with it and I'm worried about everybody, that everyone's having an okay time and I don't like to. The moment you're doing that. I do see that. You do do that. Yeah, it's the kind of like, oh, yeah. And that's the anxiety. I find it very, very hard. Have I recently signed up to attempt to compete a European qualifiers for the modern pentathlon?

Yes. No, you haven't. Yes, I have. Yes, I have. I actually don't know what to say in response. I just thought, give it a go. Okay, fine. You know what?

I support you. And it turned out you could actually just go to the day. You could just compete. Is it what, like, are we talking Tokyo 2020? Yeah. No, I won't start there. Obviously, I've got to go to the qualifier. I'm so sorry.

Of course. So I've got to do the national qualifier. It'll be the next Olympics. Imagine going to try and fast track. Absolutely not. If I win at this, I would be immediately. sort of on the option for the... It's a standing that you're not joking.

Like it's... I'm not joking. I know you're not joking. It's the back door in. I just have absolutely no words. Okay. No one's competing in modern pentathlon. Right.

Okay. Well, I mean, I don't know if I can continue the podcast. Okay, no, fine. And yet, incapable of having a birthday. Right. Yes, you absolutely are. So when we were... Tessa didn't tell me how old she was or when her birthday was,

I would say for the first four years of us being friends. Because you didn't want... I don't like it. Because there was a big birthday coming. up at one point and I remember being like, is it your big person? You're like, blah, blah, and you like left the room. And I remember saying to the person that I was remaining in the room with, I actually don't know what the answer to the question was.

And it came and went and you were like very, because it's because it's the center of tension and it's because all eyes are on you and then you have to like, do you have to throw a party and then, oh God. So my friend, when we were teenagers, my friend Carmel said her ideal birthday and Carmel also has American parents and spent a bit of her life in America. She sounds like she goes to art affairs and has a chignon and says like, Keith, four, that's a thousand pounds. She, you know, does it very confident.

Carmel's a great name. She's fantastic. But Carmel said that her ideal party, and she wasn't joking, was that she sits on a chair like Cleopatra. Ideally, it's raised up. She looks incredible. And many, many guests arrive in a line and pay her a compliment. And then.

I think of a nightmares about that. And then they pass on to them. They pass on to them. They pass on to the rhyme. No, then they just go off into the next room to have a snack or whatever. Sure. She doesn't care what they do next. No.

And I said, and I remember very sincerely meaning this, I said, my ideal party, it's extremely elaborately themed. I prepare it for three to four weeks. People say it's the best party they've ever been to, and I am not there. So I prepared this amazing party for people. There's like various like quest elements to it. And I just leave. Right.

I don't even see anyone at the party, but everyone has a great time. Okay. that's so good. And I'm like, gosh, that's really... There's a lot to unpack there. There's so much to unpack there. There's very high standards that you'll never possibly be able to hit while also you're not seeing any of it.

No, exactly. And so... Diacotomy. No, I will be able to hit it. So again, I'm confident I would hit the standards just so you know I... Yep. Anyway, this is... I'm fascinated by friends of you.

Who is she? It never fails to fascinate me. What a living paradox. Imagine being it. I genuinely can't. Been to a lot of Hindus, been to a lot of weddings, watched my friends have to be the centre of attention, watch them, struggle with that.

And it's sort of high pitch, like, are you having a nice night? Is everyone having this? Anyway, and then this is dedicated to my friend Louise, who her handu said that, and again, this is so third-hand, a friend of hers has given her this piece of advice, let yourself be celebrated. Oh, that's powerful.

It really changed how I thought about a lot of things. So I was at wedding recently and the DJ was like, it was such a lovely, low-key wedding. It was so beautiful. And then the DJ was like, okay, this is the last song of the night. We've got to shut it down. And the bride and groom, we sort of pushed them into being in the middle. They hadn't had a first dance or anything.

And people pushed them into being the middle of the circle. And you can see they were both like, ah. And what I wanted to be able to say to them was like, it's not for, it's not for, your wedding's not for you. No, like this moment is for all these guests who so desperately want to celebrate you and love you and applaud you. Yeah. Even though you're like, oh my God, people, I don't want to be in the middle of this room. It's like, no one does.

Like, just let people show their love for you. Well, have you heard of what, well, like, you know, lovely theatre actors say? So I, again, this is like the least relatable thing ever, but it is, if you take it to other things, bowing at the end of something, I never used to do it. I'd just run off. I'll be like, that, and then go. Yeah. Until a very, like, theatre actory. lovy was like, oh, bowing isn't for you. Bowings for the audience. Exactly. And I was like, oh yeah.

So not bowing is a dick move. So now I'm fine with doing that. And actually, I've never thought about that in any other context. But of course, of course your wedding is for you. Of course. But the party and the celebrations, it's not just for you. And you have to sort of thank the people who came. It's not that it's not by being there for them and saying hi to them. It just takes all of that pressure away when you, when you see it from that direction. We forget in all of this, Like, did you like it? Did you, and your other thing is like, yes, but really, I just love you. Or, you know, say that you've done any big achievement in your life or...

I don't give you a compliment for anything. You go, oh, thank you. At the end of, like, even at the end of the marathon, you see people surrounded by their friends and family who've been there to support them. And even though when they were running, they loved seeing people, that bit at the end where they have to talk to them and everyone sort of stood in a circle. You can see people being like, ah, I don't want to stand in this circle anymore. I don't... But again, it's like, when you adjust your mindset and you're like, it's... It's not for me.

You know, people want to be able to give you compliments. They want to be able to talk about what they took from this show and they want to be able to love you as a bride or as a... And celebrate the fact that it's your birthday. With you. I remember last year, I got so fed up of how I would respond to compliments. My mum does this. Whenever I say to my mum anything nice, like,

because she looks nice all the time. And she will respond in... She's got an amazing array of, like, deflections. Like, just... Anything you could think of, she'll say to essentially be like, no, that's not accurate. And you're like, so now I've started to be like, oh, yes, no, you're right. Yeah.

Oh, you're right. No, I didn't think. But actually, I want to be able to say just thank you. Like, thank you. Oh, thanks. And I started to say that now and just be like, thank you rather than be like, oh, no, you're wrong. Like, my hair isn't nice. You're actually being rude to the other person.

Sorry, mum, you're not being rude to me. I understand. It's not, yeah, it's not. In a way, it is kind of disrespectful. It's disrespecting the sort of little gift that they've brought you. Well, everyone does it. Everyone bats it away and everyone knows why people bat. But I have seen a lady who's very like sort of public online with her like dealing with things like this saying that she's and I don't think this is maybe the phrasing but that when she receives a compliment she says thank you I receive that.

What a tyrant. What a difficult lady. I hear you. But a variation on that is what people want to be able to say thank you. Let yourself be celebrated as a great motto to keep reminding yourself. Yeah. That like, you know, I've had so many friends of mine who said like they honestly wanted to, they were. They obviously felt excited and everything, but actually their overwhelming feeling right before

they walked down the aisle was just like, oh no. It's like, where does that come from this insane? Like, oh, me, God, oh, no, I just live in the gutter. Oh, no, this. Oh, I be more American about it. I bought it out of a bin, you know, just to be able to say, thank you. I own it. I tried really hard.

I, you know, we're so good at saying like, oh, it's absolutely nothing. And once you've changed that perspective, you can, that's a massive step in seeing that it's not just on you. It's for everybody. then that kind of helps you go into those situations you're like, yeah, of course. You know, I've heard so many friends of mine who said like they honestly wanted to,

they obviously felt excited and everything, but like actually that overwhelming feeling right before they walked down the aisle was just like, oh no, no, me. But when you remember what it was like when you were stood in the church waiting for somebody, you weren't really looking so much as you were just like, there's so much love.

The experience is great, yeah. And similarly, I remember being in fact hidden in a small room for your surprise birthday party many years ago. And our friend, And was like really giggling. Like she'd really lost her. She'd just get me like, ho ho ho ho.

Like this. She was like, oh wow. I always thought the idea of a surprise party was the worst thing in the world because she was like, I hate the idea of being surprised. I don't like the center of tension. I don't like all of these things. But it's not for them. It's for us to giggle in the dark.

It's to be like, who ho ho ho. And then like the moment when you're done that was so like, I couldn't really cope with it. Yeah. But then the party just happened. It was like everything had been organized for me. I didn't have to, if I don't have known. I think I would have felt really nervous because I didn't know and it just sort of happens and I was like oh god and then I was like

oh but all my friends are here so exactly it was very nice and so you know when you basically take some of that pressure off yourself and you realize like it's not about you like you know when you were a kid and I'm going to back myself that this is something that happened to everybody like your grandparents bought you some clothes sure yeah or your grandparents took you out and you came back with something probably a gap hoodie you know what probably was right yeah and then you came back and then there was a fashion show in the living room oh my god right right Yeah, and again, that happened now.

We might all be like, oh, I'm not doing a fashion show. But you were much better at it when you were eight. That fashion show isn't really for you. No, it's for your grandparents. It's for your grandparents. To get to celebrate you and to love you and to clap you and to say, like, I got to buy this nice thing for them and then just feel special or whatever. So if you're like, oh, no, I don't want to do, I don't want to be it.

It's like, it's not for you. Yeah, it's not for you. And that's in the most positive way, it's not for you. In the most positive way, it's not for you. It's for people who want to show you this love. and many years ago a very silly thing. My sister was so beautifully dressed and everybody had said how beautiful she looked

in this lovely dress. And mostly she was doing a good job of being like, yes, thank you. I received that. I think so too. But then there was like a sort of like, there was all people in character and it was all like a,

there's now a best dress parade. Oh my gosh. Which obviously is like, oh, a boiling hellscape. Yes. A horrifying nightmare. And understandably she didn't want to do it. But I think now if you could adjust that thing if everyone around you was like,

oh my God, go, go, go. because everyone's been so nice to you all evening and said how beautiful you looked. You know, obviously you don't want to walk down a fashion a little catwalk at a party and be like, look how great I look. I'm really striving to breathe, thinking about it. Yeah, all right, horrendous. But imagine how that, imagine if you can,

and maybe it's like too extreme because it's such a horrible thing to do. But like, how excited the people with you would be able to feel it to like. It's the high end of the spectrum. Exactly. But why not aim high? And why not be able to be like,

God damn it, I will walk down this, you know. Fashion show full of everybody in the best dress parade. Yeah. But also the idea as well of like interrogating why you don't. So whether it be a birthday, a wedding, a speech, literally, or whenever anyone compliments you or whatever, because when you look at why and you can start to see, there's sort of issues that you have that you can maybe work on as well because you can say thank you as much as you like,

but there's probably a reason why you feel really uncomfortable. And it's probably never going to go away, because you're either somebody that really likes that stuff or you're not. But if you work on those issues, however, you know, maybe some online therapy or maybe like just looking at some articles, just like, or just actually knowing that about yourself might be enough to like accept it, then you will find it a bit easier, I think, to move in those kind of situations. It'll never be fully easy, but I think there's always a reason why we feel like something, isn't there? And we're always

like, I guess I'm just this sort of person. We're like, we don't have to be. Yeah, and I think it's very easy. If you feel like you haven't worked hard for something, if something comes very naturally to you and then somebody compliments you on it, it's very easy to be like, oh, I don't, it's very easy. Yeah, well whenever anyone does anything nice about this podcast and we're like, oh, yeah, it was just being tested talking to shit in it. You're like, well, it might be in my head, but that's not a fair thing. We work on it. We do, yeah, we work hard.

And we do a lot of work with it. And also, that's just because it comes quite naturally us to talking, that's, you know. Yeah. But that might not be something that everyone would be able to do or would want to do. So it's wrong for me to do that. Exactly. And even if we do find it. Guys, it's for you.

But like, even if we do find it easy, and nice to do, we do sort of show up we do it. That doesn't demean the actual project, does it? Detract? Just because something was easy doesn't mean, like imagine that guy who just run is the first human in history

to the sub-to-hour marathon. Imagine if at the end when they were like, what an incredible achievement, you know, he was like, oh, wow, that was nothing, isn't it? It's a job, it's a shit, you know? But instead, he was like, yeah, I think his actual tweet was like, I'm excited, I don't know where the limit of human achievement is,

but I'm excited to find out. It was like something like that. start saying that whenever anyone wants to come on my dress. I don't know where the limit of human achievement is, but I think it's this dress. Thank you. These socks are nice. Yeah, it's like, yeah, imagine if he, because if he, all those amazing reporters and everyone cheering him and there was actually a team ran various stages of it with him. So if you watch the footage, various people are coming in right behind him that you're like, well, they're bloody quick as well, but they're actually just to have run this final step with him to be the pacemakers. And they're clapping their way down,

Like everyone's so excited for him to then be like, deflect it. Nothing, isn't it? Be like, no, it's incredible. It makes everyone feel stupid for having clapped. Yeah, it's like. I suppose that's the thing, isn't it? And he's there being like, yeah, I worked really hard.

And even though I am an incredible runner, naturally, obviously, there's only so much training that can make you good at something like that. There's no point in him being like, well, I got good hamstrings. You know? It's like, when you haven't, you got more than that having me. And you got up every day at 5am and you committed to this for like years and years of your life. So like take the, no matter how easy you're like, take that celebration. And at the weddings you know, you're like, well, he's nice, isn't he?

And I found him in a bin. I found him in a bin. It was Tinder, so it doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter. You work at this relationship and you've committed to somebody for your life. And your birthday, I don't want to be on the top, but you're alive, aren't you? You're alive, you're alive. You come as far and you've made these friends and like...

And I think as well, psychologically, it will spread to other areas of your life. If you're able to take on just something as simple as a compliment, or something as seemingly simple as having a birthday and being a birthday and being a way, to be like, yeah, I will let everyone toast me. Yes. Because I'm, you know, I'm 25 and that's a cool age. Or like, or, you know, I will like dress up nice and not spend the hot time being like, and feeling really panicky.

Or like, when someone comments on my shoes, I won't say that I found them in a bin, because I didn't. I bought them in a shop. And then my decision. And I'm proud of my shoes. I think it sends a good psychological message to the rest of your life. Absolutely. It shows you that you're worth being celebrated.

If you make that switch, I don't think it will end with your birthday and being compliment. And I think you will then start to slowly have more confidence and be more assertive in other areas. It all starts in little, like, tiny baby steps and then you realise everything kind of bleeds into everything else, doesn't it? Yeah. It's not really just about your birthday or getting married. If you're listening to being like, I mean, I'm not getting married and I've never had a birthday. I don't know what to tell you.

You have. You have been in moments where you have been accidentally or otherwise had forced into being the centre of attention. And you have struggled to be in that moment. And if they aren't bridal or birthday or lovely celebration moments, if they are, you know, giving the speech or things that you've been thrust into that you equally feel, you know, butt-clenchingly sick about. We have various podcasts on public speaking, I think. Yeah.

How to be confident we did, which was very helpful. Yeah, like, have a look through our back catalogue, guys. Yeah, there is stuff in there, so I don't want to like... Check out the back cat. But a very interesting slide that I want to just say to end on is from the Alison Woodbrose. looks very... Love her. Hello.

From the Harvard Business School from a study in 2013 looked at the effect of how excitement affects performance anxiety. So she had various participants play a karaoke video game. And before they did it, they read a little piece of paper

that she'd given them that either said, I am anxious or I am excited. And those that said, I am excited, performed consistently better than those that said, I am anxious. And similarly, they said the options were, You also did a short speech and you did a maths puzzle, but it was I am calm or I am excited

and without fail, the ones who could say, I am excited beforehand and had said that out loud, did always better. That's so interesting, because it's the real thing among sportsmen where if they, to conquer the nerves, they just see it as adrenaline and rather than nerves. And then the moment you make that switch, your brain just starts going, yeah, I'm full of adrenaline.

Yeah, I'm excited to go rather than, oh, these are butterflies in my stomach, because actually they can be interpreted either way. It's still, the butterflies in your stomach are just, it's just adrenaline. Yeah. And so it doesn't have to be anxiety. You're making that by saying you're anxious. That's really interesting, yeah. It's like that anxiety, that thing in your, that feeling,

that fear and that fear and that nerves is like fire. And that fire can light your fire or it can burn your house down. Wow. I thought it was like, it can burn you to death. It was like, last too far, but you didn't. You went for that. It was very powerful. Very powerful.

And you, it's synced. And you can choose where you put that. Don't burn your house down, guys. You don't have to, let it. It means it's the same fire. It's literally the same fire. Let it like your heart. And so, let's like you're saying, like, those tiny mental switches that's like,

I'm excited. Oh, look. They're nerves. Oh, no, wait, they're adrenaline. Oh, God, everyone, this is for me. Oh, no, this is for everyone. I let myself be celebrated. I take this compliment.

I let myself be celebrated. Let yourself be celebrated. Because people love you and they want you to just be a nice bride. I love you. Oh, go in the middle. That was very interesting. And it wasn't about how to be a big old. Well, I have really, really been.

dwelling on it recently because I've just been watching so many people go through it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't have, but well, good suggestion. Thank you so much. I'm actually top suggestion from you. And I hope that helps anyone listening. I think, I mean, how can it fail to?

How can it fail to? And that's the kind of confidence you can walk away from this with. I'm just asserting that right on you. If you have a bride or a hendoo in your life coming up, send them our way to listen, let the women in your life listen to. Yeah, if you know anyone who's like that, who they've never had a birthday party or something. Like, yeah, I think people need to start celebrating themselves. Life is too frustrating and awful without imposing that upon fun things.

It's supposed to be fun. And we all need a little bit of a boost, don't we? If you want to give us a boost, tell me, is that Nobody Panic Pod or me at Stevie M. This is a 5. It is. I am Tessa. I am Tessa. I am Tessa.

It's just letters. Great. Come on, come on down. There's good stuff there. There's good content. to Nobody Panicpodcast.gmail.com. If you have any suggestions, because we are... I mean, pretty much all of them,

apart from that one, which was Tessas, we've been working through your suggestions. We may not have credited you, but we've been working through them. Sometimes we forgot who asked. But yes, thank you so much for listening, and we will be back, as ever, next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday.

Bye. Oh, bye-bye!