Nobody Panic - How to cope with Whatsapp groups

Episode Date: June 19, 2018

Whatsapp groups can be the worst. Stevie and Tessa look at how to deal with and, crucially, leave the purveyor of those little blue ticks. And yes, the airplane mode trick DOES work. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true, Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Peter Welcome to Nobody Panic Welcome

We are doing warm-ups Welcome to the pod Cast or cast If you're me Podcast Today we are talking about WhatsApp groups And sort of WhatsApp in general

And just how to cope With WhatsApp groups If you're listening You're like I don't have WhatsApp Fine There'll be some Stick their head No I'd say

I'd say stay with us Because there was, we often do podcasts about things that I have no interest in and I'm fine. Yes, I think even if you don't, even if you don't have it yourself, you know, but you've heard tell. I bet you've heard tell of WhatsApp, which is basically, I mean, everyone listening will have known what WhatsApp is, I guess. But, you know, the sort of, the messaging app that is like, it's, you can, you can, it is the, it's a, it's an app, it's green, it's got a tick in it. It was bought by Facebook. and it surpassed 1 billion users in February 2016. Wow.

That's almost as many people who listen to the podcast. Yeah, almost. Almost. The difference with WhatsApp is that you have groups. It's safe. I was like, Tessa, do you want to go for a drink? Yes, please. But hang on, also, I want Chloe, producer Chloe.

Hi! It's producer Chloe to also come for a drink with us. Don't worry, Tom's still alive. Alive and well. We're just hopping around. But busy, and he wouldn't come today. wouldn't come today. But if anything, it's a real boon.

We're keeping it fresh. We've got Chloe. Who's cool. Yes, so I want to go for a drink with Chloe as well. Do I text both of you? No, I make a WhatsApp group called Drinks with Stevie. We sort it out, and then that's all fine, but then the problem comes when the drink has happened, the group remains.

And how do you deal with that? But even when I just see, like, my phone goes off, it says, Stevie's added you to a group and I like oh god Stevie and then it says Stevie's added a number I don't know yeah oh god what what fresh hell is this yeah and then Stevie has

changed the group icon to like a funny dog yeah and then she's thought of a funny name for it it's called drinks with Steve drinks with Dustive for example and I've got like an emoji an emoji something what's the word completely irrelevant

the whole one with a dog client again like look back to each other about to drop in the hole. Okay, great. Very specific. Doghole drink. Who wouldn't want to get that group? Let's do it. And what adult thing have you done this week, Tessa? I have washed my trainers. That is good. I know. You have ever done that? No, I've been looking at them for ages. Not just one either. I washed loads. Not just one. I washed both. I washed my favorite trainer and the other one that can remain dirty. No, I washed all my trainers and, and I've been looking at them for so long thinking they're filthy.

And I went through a phase where I bought a cool white trainers. I was like, this is funky and cool. They were chunky. Yeah, they're really cool. Yeah, they were cool. With a little gold star on them. And I was like, these are too cool for me. And I didn't wear them for a year because I couldn't cope.

And then I wore them out and everyone went like, ooh. And I was like, thank you so much. And like, mostly it's because they're bright, bright white. So they look really cool. And your legs look really brown. And I was like, this is so great. They become not white straight away. It's a real challenge.

And then I had my dad's voice ringing in my ears because he says white shoes are for dentists. I'd say, my mom said the same thing. She didn't. What did she say? She said, they'll get dirty really quickly. They'll get dirty really quickly. I just remember.

Who would buy white shoes? That's the most decadent thing in the world. Yes, and we're all wearing them at the moment. Everyone's got a white trainer. Mine is that, for the first time, actually quite a meaningful one. Oh, great. Because a lot of mine are at that time when I bought a tin.

That's not, doesn't cut it. Hey. Thank you. Everyone laughed at the time. No, I, so, way back to a podcast we did ages ago about assertiveness and about, like, making decisions and also like sticking with your opinions. It's really stuck, I mean, really stuck with Tessa, also stuck with me in terms of like, oh, yes. When I see a film or when I'm like talking about something in company and someone I don't know, slash someone I want to impress, certain I'm frightened of, says the opposite thing.

I will never be like, I agree with you immediately. But I will definitely like temper the language and be like, oh, that is one way of seeing. Yeah, I guess, yeah, you could, even if I don't agree with it. Okay. And the other day, someone said quite, like, I was with someone and they said quite strongly, like, as a creative person, sometimes you have to do like commercial stuff. So, for example, I'm a journalist, and then I will also do, like, articles that are sponsored by a company or a brand.

They're the ones that you see in magazines that look like they're a normal article and then the font is like slightly different. Yeah. And then on the top it says, it says, it says, editorial. And then you're like, I see. Advertorial. Oh, does it? Yeah, editorial is everything else.

Advertorial is the advert copy. Oh, lucky. Lucky I don't do commercial work. You can see it's not on my job. No, it's not. I'm available for advertorial work. And editorial work. I'm available for anything.

I've run out of money. My other thing is I've run out of money. But yeah, and that's not just journalism as well. Like when we do comedy, sometimes, you know, a brand will want to write a sketch for them or something. And there's a real sense among a lot of people that that's selling out and that's, you've lost you, the integrity of what you're doing. Which I literally did not believe could be an opinion because I'm just so like, I don't have any money. And that gives me money to make a thing. But a couple of people, I was in a group and a couple of people, the general consensus of the group was.

and it was all men as well. That's crucial because it was a real like, I'm going to stand up for myself. They were like, so-and-so has done like a Maltese's advert. And it was like, and so I just sort of said, oh, do you not think it's like a good idea to do commercial stuff so that you can afford to do like your performance art in a courtyard somewhere? And they sort of looked to me like, oh, yeah, you're such a millennial.

And I was like, I actually think it's really important. I think it's mainly people who have a lot of money already or come from. wealth who have that opinion. Like to each your own, if you want, it's your life. I feel a lot more creative when I'm financially secure. And there was like a short silence and then they all sort of went like, yeah, I guess so. Wow. And then, but I didn't change their mind, but I certainly like asserted my opinion.

And I was, I'm so glad that I didn't then go, guys, I just asserted my opinion. I kept it really chilled. You kept it cool and you just breathed out and you didn't say anything. Did away. And then. But they didn't notice. Squatted down. Spotted down.

Pissed on their feet. And then that was. That was the end of the interchange. Yeah. The exchange, sorry. And that was the drinks party. So, you know. While we're on a high.

Let's ride that high. Let's get into the bulk of WhatsApp, which my friend referred to as what apps. And I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. WhatsApp. Well, it is quite a clever name. It's both an app. So it's got a double P.

And it's like, what's up? What's up? I didn't realize that end of like, yeah, a few months ago. Sounds nice to say. It's quite cool. It's very user-friendly. It's tapped into its own market of like, oh, people use it. for Stevie's hot drinks.

My constant hot drinking. Yeah, relentless. Too much. You know, they're like, oh, this is a great way of communicating. Also, crucially, I think a massive thing is that it can be used as a verb. Like, I'll WhatsApp you. I sent him a really embarrassing WhatsApp. That one's a noun.

Yes, yes, it is. It can also be used as a noun as well. You're absolutely right. So it's entered into common parlance. Could it be an adjective? That's so WhatsApp. No, can't. That's so WhatsApp. No, I don't.

No. I can't. A pronoun? No. No, it could be... I'd want to be he or she. I would like to be known as WhatsApp. Yeah, okay.

It could be a... No, I was trying to make a simile but I couldn't do it. It's too hard. It's too hard. Let's not. Let's not try and get into that. Let's leave that there.

Circle back. It's a hot day. The reason that I wanted to do it was because, you know that thing of like, oh, we're all addicted to our phones? I genuinely think WhatsApp is the reason... It's not, but it's one of the main reasons that I'm addicted to my phone.

I think I could still. to like checking social media in the morning and then maybe like on my lunch break or whatever if it wasn't for the constant WhatsApp notifications that I need to look at so then I'm on my phone anyway so then I like start going on Instagram and stuff and I think I'm like I'm constantly aware that I'm always on like I'm always on because there's always a WhatsApp conversation going and I think that does layer over a sort of subconscious layer of stress that you only feel when you turn your phone onto airplane mode and you're like oh my god what what is this levity yes like my arms my brain is free and then and then you have to turn it back on because you're awaiting an important message and

you're like oh god yes i absolutely hate it yeah you're very um uh i'm in a whatsup group with tessa and someone else for like work reasons and tessa is very much like get in answer the question after someone's been like tessa and then out and i do respect that you get all the information across but there's no fanning around it's like yes yes yes Yes. What else do you want? I'm free all day. I'm always free.

I'm free again. And there's, we recently. It's so weary. It's because if you, it's because I'm, don't work at a desk. And so if it's beside you at your desk, for example, I'm currently sat with my computer and my phone is face up beside me. And so if it did go off now, I would be immediately.

Having a check. Having a quick check. And it has, even while this podcast is started. She's checking during, while podcasting. While podcasting. While podcasting, I've had two different groups, flare up. flare up is the right term because it does feel like an illness

or a hot virus. I've got a sore shoulder at the moment. He's flaring up like a WhatsApp group. Somebody's saying, see someone has said she might book you a well-lit tennis court. And so, oh, I love that. I don't know what that is. I have to now go back and read so much context to know.

I've got one. I've got one. From my WhatsApp group that came up as well. It should be taught in schools. Yeah, brilliant. What are we talking about? Yes, it flares up. It does flare up like a disease. One of the main reasons is we're currently in, me and Tessa,

in like, quite a big WhatsApp group with lots of different people. And it's, it's for like a work thing. But I don't really know many people on it. And it's, I think work-based WhatsApp groups. We're going to talk about all the different WhatsApp groups now. But I think, like, work-based groups are potentially the worst because you need, sometimes you need to look at them because they're genuinely important. But then everyone feels the need to, like, faff about and send students.

stupid stuff and you're like we spend all I mean I don't work in an office but when I did and there was also an office work group it was like we spend all day together like why you know I'm pinging on my evenings and my mornings and also while I'm at work with you because I think it is something that if you are present for it or in the same way it would be for a text like oh there's a text waiting for me here it is I've received it I replied when it's a WhatsApp to many people even if you're away from your phone for a second or it's in your bag or you're wandering around you get it out and it says like 83 messages you're like, oh my God, in a few minutes, because if people are engaged and it feels like everyone's like playing a ball game and you're like, oh, forget it. And you're never going to be able to catch up.

I regularly get like, sometimes over 100 notifications from this group. All right, stop trying to up me every another. You're in it as well. No, I know. It just makes me enough that. I was like, you could have 83 and you're like, easily over 100 for me.

I'd say 5,000 in an afternoon. But like there was one time when, basically, I just remember looking at my phone and there was like 127 WhatsApp Instagram. Stop! I know. That's why I was like, because that was the one time that there genuinely was, there was 153. Stop it. Stop it. I basically had over 100 messages.

I basically had two minutes from that group. Yes. And I looked at it and it was just, they were all talking about something that obviously I wasn't involved in it or someone would have been like, Stevie, do you want to get involved in this? Yeah. So it's just nothing to do with me. And I think the stress of feeling like it's like having, it's like having, it's like having loads of emails are like unopened.

We're not talking stress as in like actual life stress because I can sit here for an hour and list things that are more stressful than having unoped WhatsApp messages. But it's like that little extra thing. You're like, I actually don't need this now. I think it's that modern stress that we dismiss constantly because it's not a proper stress. There are more important things.

But it's one of those quiet modern day stress is that we have not really explored or researched or understood because they're so new. But they are there because it's a constant. constant tugging at your sleeve of like a toddler who needs your attention and then it but it's not but it's that feeling that you that it's that but multiplied because you also can't keep up and so it's that constant feeling of being left behind being being constantly battered by something that something is flaring up you're constantly needed you're constantly and so we've lost totally lost uh even if you

have a really strict sensible nine to five job we've totally lost um any sense of where to time is and who time belongs to. Or structure and like this is me and this is what. Or stopping or you know and you even when people would say like I'm going offline now and they mean it in a physical sense of like I can't be contacted leave me alone because we never truly go on holiday.

We never go. You know we're not you always take your phone is there. You're on the beach. You're you know you're never truly away. Yeah you're never truly alone. You're never truly alone. And even I remember going away pre what's that pre iPhones but when the internet was there, so Facebook was there.

And even then you felt that sort of anxiety disconnect from the internet of being like, what if people need me? Yeah. And like, no one needs you. But I was reading about the concept of push notifications, because I'm a right laugh. And I read that it was created specifically to tap into this human need for little dopamine hits, exactly the same reason why so many people drink or so many people smoke

also so many people and like eat sugar. If anyone who's following, I've fully fallen off the no sugar bandwagon at three donuts last night. So guys, it's all swings and roundabouts. But like the idea that we need little rewards throughout the day and that, so when you get a notification, it's as simple as like,

oh, what could this be? Because do you remember when people, like, in the old days when someone would like call on the house phone, it'd be like, well, you'd be calling it this time. And there's a real sense of drama and interest. It really like peps up an evening sometimes. Oh,

it really does. I remember having, yeah, absolutely it peps up an evening. We all haven't did it. It's like, oh, who's this? And then everyone goes quiet

and listens. And then you hear him going like, oh hi, oh hi, oh, hi, Chris. You're like, oh, it's Chris. It was always, it was always,

Chris because it was always either my grandma's called Chris or my mom's sister's called Chris. It was always a Chris calling. But yeah, that is now transferred into push notifications because we get them so much

that when I get that, I still get that feeling when you get like a notification on your Facebook news and it is like oh well what's that even though the Facebook notifications now are nothing it's always like someone else has done something there's a group that you weren't in that you don't even know about has posted a photo

that you're not interested in and it's like 50 people's birthdays that's basically all the Facebook notification but I still look at them when I see 18 notifications you go oh I wouldn't I bet one of my photos with lots of likes and likes on helping either so like all of this is like feeding into this desire to constantly need these little dopamine hits. So we've become like the Pavlov's dog's experiment

which people refer to a lot when they're talking about notifications about how there was an experiment on ages ago if you haven't heard of it where they had a dog and then they had a bell and whenever they rang the bell they would give the dog a treat. And then eventually they would just ring the bell and the dog would be salivating before it even had the treat or seen the treat because it

knew a treat was coming and that that's like the idea of like with a WhatsApp group it's now got out of control. So we're now sort of of slightly addicted to the dopamine of getting all those push notification. Yeah, no, I'm fully addicted. I don't have the Facebook

of the app. I have the messenger if I don't have any push notifications for anything. Yeah, that's really good. Thank you. Yeah, that's really good. That's really good.

And then I have muted some WhatsApp conversations, but not... I've muted you. Thank you. That's why you're never around for Stevie's hot drinks. No. I'm always going by myself.

I don't want to come. I've done the same. don't have any notifications of anything. I don't have a Facebook app. And I don't, and I've muted all the work ones. All the ones that, like, I don't need to see now,

like, that could wait for, like, a couple of, like, a couple of hours will be fine. And, but then the ones that, like, that's the problem. Then I just, then I'm constantly like,

well, what if, what if there's one that I haven't seen? So then I open it up and then it's, like, I'm constantly still checking it. Mm-hmm. It's very weird. It feels like you're completely out of control.

Yeah. I think the more you sort of, explore it, the more you're like, oh, we're in way too deep here. Yes, and I'm actually quite frightened by how deep I'm in. I don't want to really face it. Just the idea of sitting with my phone face up and it's like, well, I can't be too far for my phone in case. And you're like, in case what?

Someone's got free Beyonce tickets, for example. In case, yeah. That will never happen. Name a time that it was lucky that you were near your phone. Like, the reason that WhatsApp groups are so awful is because when you leave, it'll be like, Tessa has left the group. Yes, that is a big thing. And I think we'll move into more specific anxiety.

issues around WhatsApp but the leaving is a I'm on a school thread so it's existed since we left school and it's it's lies dormant occasionally and then it'll really if I don't mind those at all because it's always quite entertaining and this is actually a Facebook thread and there is about once a year somebody reminds us that somebody's on this thread and I'm just we're all just so surprised that they're there and I feel so sorry for her that she has to she's never said anything and so she's sort of stuck in this thread she can't leave that she must be like oh god it's these people from school and I don't see any of

them and like I just wish her so much like good look to be like you go like we'll all applaud you but like I like in her shoes I would never be able to leave yeah it's such and you can't tell her to go because then it's like no of course not what because what if actually she's enjoying it and she's like oh fine I'll go yeah yeah I'm sure she does maybe she doesn't care as much as I am I think I've just really put myself in her shoes too hard. Oh yeah but she probably is she probably is trapped we're all trapped on at least five WhatsApp groups especially if you get like a massive one that's like hey hey everyone I wonder if you could donate to my you know kickstarter thing you're on it with like 100 people

and then as soon as like one woman called Sheila says like fantastic I've donated a lot of love to you and the kids three heart emojis you're like no Sheila this is going to everyone no stop off but with those like you have one task to complete and then rather than be stuck in a what out group. It's like a now or never thing. I feel like you have to always identify those one task groups go yes I can make it and then leave immediately and just confidently walk out the door because someone I know does that and it's fine. It doesn't appear rude. It only appears rude when they leave like quite late on and it's like all right someone's just made a joke. Yes exactly that will happen. And then it says like Stevie's left the thread. You're like oh okay. I once very

humorously got stuck in one where people side fleeing and there were so many people in. in it who didn't know each other. People were just fleeing left right and center. And then as everyone left, people who remained were like shouting to each other. And then someone kept uploading videos of Dido singing, I will go down with this ship. Like, it was just very funny. But I don't wish to repeat the performance. And so, yeah.

I think you have to be confident like, yes, thank you. Goodbye. And don't make a scene of like, I'm actually going to leave now. That's okay with everybody. Yes. You know, you just pop off. You just pop off like with all things in life. Just blag confidence.

and make it look like a choice you've made, and everyone will go, well, that's a choice she's made, rather than, like, well, she seems to be having a meltdown about her choice. Her choice isn't great. Yeah, even if you were, like, screaming. Oh, yes. Oh, absolutely.

You know, when you were doing it. I mean, that is what I do. You don't appear like that from the other end. You just, everyone assumes, you credit that person who just leaves with being the coolest fish in the pond. Yeah. What a cool carp. Yeah, exactly.

What a cool carp. There she goes. A cool cucumber. So, yeah, number one, get out of there. Number one, get out of that. Oh no, number one, get your push notifications off. Oh my God, sorry. Number one is mute.

Number one is push notifications. Number two is mute. Mute for a year. Mute for a year. Yeah, yeah, because you get an option of like, mute for a day. It's like, of course not a day. Like, once you've set up a group, it's there for life. Yeah.

Because this is the end. Some of like work stuff comes through it. I can't get rid of all of them. But if you're, if you've got like a 9 to 5 job or you've got a job and WhatsApp is purely social or like chatting to friends, I mean social is chatting to friends, great one, then definitely mute it because then you decide when you get to have a chat. It gives you real perspective on the problem WhatsApp groups as well because if you're not, that actually brings us to one thing. Because if you're not replying for a bit, say, in like Monday between 9am and 5pm, you're not really like replying a lot.

You'll be able to see the problems by the use of my least favourite thing ever, which is when I haven't replied to WhatsApp and someone just sends me like a quote. question mark about an hour later like hello you're like I haven't replied you do that to me because I'm busy no I write it down I'll be like Tessa I do need to know this for now because I'm waiting on a response and I only do that when it's a work thing and I have to know I never do that if I'm like hey how's it going then I send you like a question mark oh right I mean like friends gosh friend groups do that a lot like especially if they're like organizing drinks or so sorry I I absolutely hear you no you've never done that and I take that back thank you because I've had it done to me and I found it, I actually felt personally attacked.

Yeah. I felt quite triggered by it. Yeah, you want to scream when someone does it. Don't do that to people. If they haven't responded, then at least write out, basically have the balls to write out a full sentence of like, just wondering how it's going or like, are you okay or just something rather than just the question mark? For me anyway, it's the equivalent of when my parents just send me back, okay with no punctuation and I think something awful has happened when they hate me and they don't, they just have said okay. If you are in an office, I'm sure you already know this, but Slack, the...

I think Slack is so awful. Oh, do you? Yes, because it's now, Slack is like WhatsApp on desktop, but used co-offly with respect. Yes. It's very good. But is it ever used with respect? I have been working in an office at the moment where it's really used with respect. Really?

I've worked in office for like three months and it's basically created this like silent office where at intervals like three people start like laughing. And then you're like, oh, so you're in a secret. good group are you because you can make your own little groups divides but it does not conquer right it's possible i was not invited to any of the good group so for me i was like this is absolutely fine but i was i guess everyone else had more channels and stuff about my office i just know no no don't do that anyway i thought it was like very helpful yes well that's good i imagine like with all things if used properly in like a work like in like an efficient way where it's like I need to tell this

person who is over there but quite far away this is helpful information or you i think it's because you could like just seamlessly uh send files send that's it yeah tess was doing an impression of slam dunking yeah but that is what i meant yeah attaching you know you can just be like here it is and off without the email thing because well it's sort of like what we've done is we've moved from the whole like horrible constant emails inbox how stressful is that to just putting it in another place yes and that looks a bit like what's up there's more like user friendly and i think when like you open slack it says things like yo what's up or like it's got like like it's one of those ones that's got very colloquial like uh terms when it talks you know like when it has like little

messages like absolutely no i was just thinking something that's really made me laugh recently is yeah you look like you're in hysterics shut that i was not ever looked more serious than when she said that Something that's really made me nice with me. It's mell chip. Mail chimp. When you... I've just started a mailing list incidentally if you want to hang out.

But when you say, it says like, ready to send? And you say like, yes. Obviously it's nerve-wracking in case you're like, what if I've attacked a picture of my foot or something. I can think of much worse things you could attach, but yeah, sure. Sure, but I couldn't think I'm on the job of my head. Sure.

You know, a nude. A nude. A moon. A picture of a moon. A nude foot. Yeah. Oh. awful or like what if you, of course you're not going to do that but the pressure is there.

Yes. It has a little sort of animated cartoon of a monkey's hand going down onto a red button because it's male chimp so lots of things like monkeys. I got that. Oh you understood. What bit was tricky then? No I was like this is quite it feels like quite an intense illustration. If you're like, it's going to send my news. I was like the monkey's hand is going towards the red button. Yeah it's really intense and the longer that you wait being like are you ready to send the monkey's hand start sweating and shaking. And it really makes me laugh because I'm like, I always like, that is my hand as well, being like,

yes, send. I think I'd ever send anything. I don't want the monkey to press it. Yeah, yeah, you are like, ooh, because the monkey's hand. Anyway, it's very funny. So that's a lot of pleasure out of that. We've talked a lot about ghosting, as in, you know, just being quiet and leaving.

I think it's lurking. Lurking, yes. No, but I mean, like, I think ghosting a WhatsApp group is absolutely. fine and I think that's the best way to stop. It's going to when you leave. I'm busy taking something that is used in relationships and, well hopefully not relationships, dating where you just stop replying to

messages and making it a WhatsApp thing. Where you were saying before that when you're in a group, you basically pop in, say a thing and leave, which means that you don't cause any people going well, Tessa, why aren't you talking more? Because people are like, Tessa's set out of her boundaries.

Tessa will reply to the thing that you've asked her and she won't do it anymore. occasionally she might put a funny picture of a dog but then very occasionally and then she's off again where does she go nobody knows but if you don't have those strict boundaries then people can like expect more of you

like the more you give the more they're like well you've been quiet or whatever yeah yeah so the idea of ghosting a WhatsApp group is actually quite a good one where you just go quiet for quite a while and then people will just stop WhatsApping you that's maybe a thought okay it might be wrong But you're saying don't even read just...

I'd say, because if you're reading, then the stress is coming into your brain. I'd say just like, if there's a WhatsApp group that's so irrelevant to your life, it's like a Hendo from 2013, you don't speak to any of them, and they're constantly popping up. You've muted it, but you can still see all the notifications.

Just, like, completely ignore it. I think that's a prime example of just be the cool carp in the pond, get out. Oh, yeah, do you reckon? Yeah. Just one day, don't do it after, you know... Everyone gets a notification when you leave. Don't do it immediately after someone's made a good gag.

No. let it be a bit of a conversation and within that just quietly pop off. Is there like a stock thing you can say like I'm getting rid of WhatsApp guys so bye? We already agreed before. What did we agree on? We were that we were just going to be the cool carp and get out of there. Yes, but that's cool carp immediately. Cool carp's quite difficult when you've been in there for six months and you're like,

I've decided now is the time I would like to leave. Then you start offending people. Oh, you think there should be a blanket like. Like, hey guys, love you all, but I've just got to like streamline some of my groups because it's all got out of control. Speak soon and then just leave. I think go for like. I'm going on sabbatical now.

Or like, well, like a voice memo. Yeah. Or like, I'm going, I maybe some time and then leave or something like really bleak. A picture of Gandalf,

like leaving. Picture of Gandalf. Are we all not clinging like Gandalf to this rock? I will be the first to fall. And then leave. And then you shout, fly you fools. Voice memo, fly you run.

Especially if it's a work one, guys. Especially if it's a work on. And then, so first picture, Gandalf clinging on. Yeah. Then you voice memo.

their next picture, Gandalf dropping, and then Stevie's left the thread. Stee's left the group. Perfect. Perfect. People will talk about that for months. For years. It's like when it's exactly the same as when you are in a group of people or like a party and you leave. And when I was little or younger, I'd sometimes be like, oh, I hope people aren't talking about because you can't see. And when you leave, it's like, are people going to be like, well, great, she's left. I think you just have to be like, yeah, probably. You know how many screenshots you've ever sent in your life of like somebody on the internet?

Oh my God. Like that's all my WhatsApp groups are. There's a real line, isn't there? There's definitely a line. It's very clear. I'm always on the right side of the line. I feel that my group's on the right side of line. Because of Sony being hacked,

that's why I'm always on the right side of the line. Yes, because first Sony and then Tessa Coates. Yeah, famously, that's who they came after next. Such a marker of my own self-worth that I was like, Sony's been hacked, quick. Better delete the paper trail. I'll be next. No, but like, just me realize.

like never write anything down that you don't want read by that person. That sort of knocks out all those groups. Even if it's nice, it's a screenshot that you've gone, ha, how look at this? I genuinely, every time I send one, I'm like, I stand by this in court. Like I'm happy to stand and be like, you know what, the jury? This is really funny. Let me explain it. Yeah.

And so it's never bitchy. It's never about anything, anybody who's, it's always punching up. Those groups are, yeah, they are a bit of fun. And sort of light relief amid the other groups where you're track. with people and you can't leave. Have you tried the thing where you go on airplane mode? Absolutely, and that was going to be my next tip. And it works, doesn't it?

Oh, yes. I've never tried it. You basically want to be the grey shadow of WhatsApp. You want to be as distant as you can be. Because you can get rid of that. You can take your red... The blue ticks off. Yeah, you can take your red marks off.

The blue... It's a shame, but they mean red. They mean R-E-A-D. Oh, I meant R-E-D. It's like... No, but they're blue. And they're both very tired. They're blue to mean red, okay?

you can take that off in your settings so people can't see that you've read it yes but then you can't see if other people have read it and I didn't like that you can you scroll to the right no way yes it comes up and it says delivered or red and you have to scroll to the side to see it even if you've taken off that setting yeah I thought if you're taking off you didn't you lost that right or you take off if you delete it is it comes up

on your blue ticks oh my I'm I'm immediately taking off the red receipts so what you can do you've seen it all it's flared up or like a boys messaged you and you don't want them to know that they've, you've read it. Yes. Classic. Absolute. Stonker.

Yeah. Because. I lost my word. Stunker. Thank you. Once they've read it, then you're on borrowed time. They put the phone on aeroplane mode. Yes.

Before you open the messages. Yes. Then you go on the messages. Then you read them all. Oh, love. Then you take your time. Then you get out of there. Because it looks like you've read it and immediately come up with a perfect message.

But actually, you've got as long as you like. Bide your time. It buys you some time. Just make up a good gag. My last things are, quote, quote, reply. Oh yeah when you do like a little slide and then it quotes the thing and then you can see what you're applying to for sure crucial in WhatsApp groups crucial is it's a massive and everyone's talking

about loads of different things if you just pop in and say something everyone's like what are you responding to here and then you have to like get involved in that and then that becomes really stressful yeah so quote the tweet explain your thing get out again and then the italics bold and strike through um you can make something I know that if you put asterisks around something it makes it bold but I don't have to strike through Italic is the underscore. Yes. And then underscore on the end of the word.

Lovely, lovely, love it. Stripe through. This guy. Oh, a horizontal S? Yeah, not bad. Great, okay. I wonder what that's called in real life. You see it on like the word pinata.

It softens the N and makes it wins in Spanish. Well done. That's exactly right. You'll never go as well as it's called. A Tildi. A Tildi? Yeah. Pop a Tildi on it.

Proper Tildi on it. And then there'll be a strike through. Tildi. T. T-I-L-D-E. I do Tildy. Tildy. It's a lovely Tildy.

A Tildy on either side is a strike-through. That's wonderful. Yeah. I don't know when you'd ever need it, but I like to know that it's there. Oh, it would be a really well-formed joke. Sure. That was like...

This is what I wanted to say, but this is what I actually said. Yeah. I'm going to endure this evening, and then you've crossed out the word, you've crossed out and you put enjoy. Yes, very nice. So actually, so it says I'm going to enjoy this evening, but the word endure is crossed out,

so everyone's like, good gag. And I think those things are very good to... if you're in a group where you're like constantly having to start doing little interjections. I'm currently in one where everyone's organising drinks for something. And I've said I can go. I've done the job, but there's lots of notifications that continue happening. So in order to show everyone that I'm still there, there was someone being like, where are we going to drink?

Where are we going to drink? Where though? Where? So I changed the group name to where. And then everyone was like, ha, ha, ha. I didn't have to do anything like or actually like pick anywhere. Just like silly things like that, I think, which allow people to realise you're still there, but you don't actually have to invest.

That's exactly the stuff. Because we are investing too much time, guys, in our lives, in other people, in our careers, in our relationships, in our health, in our bloody, like, what Netflix show we're watching, how stressed we are, because we're just spoiled it, then to actually start investing in your WhatsApp groups. There will be ones that are important, that's great, but you need to stop prioritising way more than I think the average person is, or certainly I am. Don't take your phone to bed, like 101. Yeah.

But if you have your phone beside your bed and you look at it, first thing in the morning, then immediately people are, from the moment you open your eyes, people are demanding things of you. Yeah. So you think it's you being like, yum, yum, yum, I'm just touching base on all my things. Dopamine. This is me. I'm catching up on everything. You're not. People are immediately demanding things of you and you're already, but you've barely opened your eyes. Like, when was the last time, you saw something first thing in the morning that was something amazing, good news or like something brilliant that starts your day. It's happened like maybe do. Do you want me at 1205 instead of 12? Yeah. Can I push this back? Can I do this? Can I, do you know where

this is like, you know, everything is, it's too much. And so don't do it. If there is good news, it will wait. Otherwise, just, you've got to stop it. You've got to stop, Steve. We've all got, I personally have to stop, but we've got to keep that phone locked in a drawer in the kitchen. Yes. Or at least just not on airplane mode or just away. Because also, so like, if you're around from 7am and you're like replying to WhatsApp, then the next time that person WhatsApps you, they'll be like, oh, she, she's always awake at 7am. I'll WhatsApp her again. You're encouraging other people's behavior as well. So set your boundaries with your WhatsApp.

Yes. Absolutely. Let's do it. If you have any other podcast ideas or you have some WhatsApp tips or you just want to be like, hello. We're on Twitter at Nobody PanicPod. I'm on Twitter at StevieMVMVS is a 5. I'm at Tessa Coates. And our email address is Nobody Panic Podcast at gmail.com.

And have a lovely week, guys. Stay next week. Classies. Stay classes, San Diego. Bye.