Nobody Panic - How to Deal with a Chip on Your Shoulder

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

Stevie has a ginormous chip on her shoulder and has been working hard to get rid of it. Tessa has less of a chip more a crisp. In this episode, they figure out how to stop their chips/crisps turning into baked potatoes.Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Coming in. Come on in, everyone. Come in, you listening at home, happy Tuesday or whatever day of the week you find your podcasts. Hello, Stevie.

Hello, Tessa. How are you doing? I'm good. I suggested this episode. If you'd not listen to Nobody Panic before, we do a podcast each week about a how to. And often suggestions from listeners, they're my favourite ones.

Sometimes we excavate our own lives. And as a joke, but also in a very real way, I wanted to do how to deal with a chip on your shoulder about inherited multigenerational wealth. I think... Too niche. I don't think... That's the thing.

I don't think it is niche. And I think it speaks to a very real thing. The working classes are real, Tessa, and they are rising. And we've got to do something about them. I'll need a minglidge! I'm just joking about it. I don't want to get political about it. You can.

You can. You thought it was very personal and very niche, and I don't think it is personal and niche at all. And I think it's very real and very current and very urgent. It's very urgent. and current is an important and crucial, if I may say so myself. And I'd like to talk about it. I think it's a big... I'm covering my face.

Why? Because it's a very personal thing. Also because I think I... Basically this morning when we were like episodes, and we were like, would be one down. I was like, okay, maybe I'll have a thing. And last night I had an experience where a friend of mine basically didn't realize they were being quite patronising.

I could see the little chip on my shoulder again. And each time it happens, I think I've got over it and I'm in a good place with it and then something like this happens where it was not a big deal, lovely guy, really get on. There's just a little sentence about

he's very wealthy and just an element of like just so you know regardless of how successful you are or are not, it's incredible that you've even just got here because you didn't have any connections or starting points and like you're at the same level

as people who did And like, isn't it just amazing you're alive. He meant it as a compliment, but it just felt really like, yeah, okay. Like, it's amazing I'm here because I'm not from a rich background. And I think if you're listening and you're, you know, you're like, that's not, why would that be personalising? I think you're going fair. Well, that's the very nature of the chip. The chip.

I do not, I do not decide when the chip rairs its little potato head. No. It is a fry. Maybe one of those ones, curly. It's a ridged French fry. Yeah. Like, so when I remember when I first got to university, it was sort of the first discovery.

I was like, there are... Have some have not. I'm joking. I was like, yeah, there are very rich people. Then here are all the people I know. Yeah. And then it wasn't until we were like, the discovery that everybody else was like drinking their student loan,

whereas mine had gone on my accommodation. And then I was like, right, well, have you paid your accommodation then? And everybody was like, well, my parents paid it. And I was like, oh, right. And I worked like three jobs. And everyone was like, why don't you just not? And I was like, I had that as well. Yeah, right.

Why don't you work at the kitchens? This assumption of like, what if you didn't get up at 8 a.m and work the breakfast shift? You must be so tired. And then work. I mean, I was making bad financial decisions with the jobs I was doing. I was working hard and not smart. And I wasn't making sensible choices. But I also was like, I don't know, why aren't we all?

I don't know someone we all haven't got a job. But that's part of the process, isn't it? When you're younger, you don't know what work smart work. You just go, I need a job. You get one and you go, oh, you've got to get up at six. And, okay, I'm doing that then. Okay, and then I'll work the nine till 2 a.m. shift in the fighting cocks pop every Friday and Saturday night. Listen, mistakes were made.

But it was the first time people in the attempt to help me, their suggestion was, don't. Yes, if you ever tried just being rich. And then, and then I think it is like, you sort of take that through your life of being like, ah, we're all, we're really batting on a different playing field here. So then I've got myself sort of irrational about what I've been calling Nipo babies, but it turns out to be called NEPO babies. This is a current and very popular phrase currently, not to worry if you've not heard it before. It came to prominence in perhaps in Vogue magazine. It's the New Yorker magazine.

This some. Or other magazines also. I was like, I'll do the research. I'll do the research. I did. I did. I think I've got it. Okay. Who is the New Yorker magazine? Okay, so New York Magazine ran an article about nepo babies from the word nepotism, meaning connected, or whatever it means.

And I don't know what the Latin origin is, but what it means is like you got the job because your dad works there. And suddenly all these like Hollywood movie stars, it was revealed were like actually, not the, I don't know someone reveal, I think lots of them were very open about it. Yeah, yeah. But everybody suddenly got very, was all about discussing it. And I have more thoughts and I have more bits I would like to read to you. from this particular piece. But a thing that I, my curly fry on my shoulder is, I'm not often a very jealous person, would you say that is?

I think that's so accurate. I get quite envious sometimes, if someone's got most about snacks. But like, I'm not particularly jealous person. And then last year, a project I had been working on that I've been repeatedly told like, this is you're never going to get this made. It's about historical women, my favourite subject. Like a deadline Hollywood article came out,

or so on someone's Instagram that somebody had got a very almost identical project away, the one that was like, you'll never get it made it, you can't do it, something much, much similar, but much crapper sounding, had been got away because they are the child of somebody very famous. I've created a muddy, with murky water here to protect them. I'm sure, I don't know them in person.

I don't doubt for one second, they're a really nice person. Their Instagram content suggests nothing but an angel. And yet I was, a spiral out of control. You've experienced jealousy, is what you've done there. Oh, right. Well done. Like, it's a very, I love how you're really really, like, it's not about that.

It's like, no, it's about the thing that they've done, and you're rationally upset about it. That's very relatable. I don't know a lot myself. Right. Many people listening will be aware of it. So you're not a bad person. Also, if they were a shithead, that's still jealousy. Like, it's all fine.

Yeah. And you're valid. It's a valid reason. You're like, God, I've been spending all this time doing this. Yeah. What's the point? He's like, my dad should have been this guy. Poor Tom.

Instead, he's a tree surgeon. He's afraid of heights. He's no use to me. I'll have to get him out of the tree occasionally. You know? Tom is not opening doors in Hollywood, you know? He's making them. He's making stuff.

He's a very good carpenter. Yeah, he is. That's lovely. He's making the doors. That's adorable. But he ain't opening them. But in the metaphor, he really isn't making the doors, because that would be, he'd be like a Hollywood studio or something,

in the metaphor. In the metaphor. He's just a man making some doors somewhere else. somewhere else. Outside of the metaphor. And my mum once had to call me to come home and get her because she'd got into a skip because she'd seen a good bit of wood and she couldn't get out of the skip again. So there are my parents not helping anyone. And listen, I love them, but they were being, I was suddenly like, why won't you help me in Hollywood? And I felt really irrational and very, and really crazy about it. And I did feel like my curly fry was just right there on my

shoulder. And it felt horrible because it felt like it was right there close to the surface of like, well, they only got that because of this. Well, I'm sure they've got it because they worked hard and they were good. And a bit because of that. And a bit because of that. And it's hard, isn't it? We've all got, we've all been dealt various cards. And it is true as well.

We have to acknowledge incredibly early on that I'm not saying like, well, I'm at the bottom of the pile and everyone else at the top. And you're not saying that either. There are people who have varying other rigged, like the system is rigged, as we all know. The system is rigged in all the possible ways you can imagine it could possibly be rigged. and we are probably doing quite well on the rigging system, and yet still not as well as others. And so there are people below us, there are certainly many people above us,

and so we're obviously talking about our specific experience. You might be listening to being like, Jesus Christ, shut up. I'm like, I'm listing a million things, and I'm never going to be able to do that. Fine. You know, we are successful to a certain extent. But in saying that,

seeing that you have these cards that you are given, some of the cards of combinations, you actually will never be able to win the game. You psychologically cannot overcome situational things or maybe psychologically and situationally you can't overcome life situations. Maybe you will just never even think that's even an option because of the way that you were born.

We fall some way in between where it's like options are there quite hard. That is not to diminish anyone listening and my own experience. It's still really fucking shit. When you, for example, spend a lot of time being like, I think there's something wrong, I've been my whole time being like,

there was something wrong with me in my work ethic and my ability to cope because people that I lived with were able to cope in such a better way to the extent where they were like, I think there's something wrong with you. Someone said that to me because I'd be upset. I'd cry or I'd be like panicked a lot. And it was because I was doing numerous jobs and also studying and then also didn't get a job after that and so it had to be a waitress for like, you know, a year and a half or something. And couldn't have really afford to eat food.

out to like eat from the workplace and in a way easy off people's plates sometimes it was sometimes it was not in front of them but and it was good stuff and then i found out latterly that the people that i lived with had their rent paid for them and their phone bill and they didn't have jobs one of my friends maybe two of my friends were in a similar situation to me where it was like we're postling we're working but we were in such a minority that we didn't really talk about it in a sense because it was like i didn't really know No, I don't know. And also, you just, I've been in too many situations where I've realized, like, oh, I thought we were on this sort of playing field.

And when I've been like, oh, I'm really broke and you've been like, yeah, I'm really broke. Like, we're not talking about the same sort of broke. And my parents couldn't have given me money. And actually, I'm more privileged than many people because my parents were able to give me small amounts of money to bail me out. And also they remorgeted their house for me to do a particular course, which is incredible of them. And again, that is, you know, still, what's happened is, as I've got older, we're talking about the next. We're talking about the Nepo baby thing, I suppose, because that's the obvious chip on my shoulder. And when I was like, what's your chip, Tessa?

That was a similar thing that you felt too. So we're not just talking about that. I'm talking, any chips. Any chips? Any chips? Any brand, flavour, height? Chip height, is that a thing? I guess your chip is like, it's always somebody above you in the pecking order. Or you feel that it is, yeah.

Sorry, yes, you're absolutely right. I suppose the pecking order is of your own creation. And so... Oh, God, that's so deep. Unless you're a chicken. And then there's a very specific begging older. Yeah. Can I just very quickly just say the actual, like, definition of it in case you're like,

you can talk about chips a lot, curly fries, McCains. You've not actually talked about what it means. Yes, sorry, please. An ingrained feeling of resentment deriving from a sense of inferiority and sometimes marked by aggressive behavior. I think aggressive behavior is maybe a bit too far, but it can be, it can feel aggressive. For example, as I've got older, I do feel more sort of a rush of rage when I'm. I find out someone is a duke, and I didn't know.

Yeah. And Kukrude, I didn't know. Mine, I like to call blue-blue. I know you say the blue links, so you're like, you look someone up and they're like, oh, their parents have blue links to their own Wikipedia page. I should think of a better phrase for it, but currently it's called blue-blue. It's called Blue-Blue. It's called Wikipedia Blue. And so say you have a Wikipedia page, how many members of your family are blue.

have a blue link to something else. An absolutely gorgeous one if you want to deep dive is Cara Delavine. Oh my God. That was a real, yeah. It's like, once the archivist of Canterbury. She's a baronet or something. Yeah, she's a baroness. So it's just like, oh, someone that you thought was like,

here's somebody just like doing their own thing. And quite often peddling an attitude of this like, yeah, I'm from the gutter. I'm from nothing. And then you're like, sorry, and how, and where's the baron for Christmas this year? Yeah. So if the origin of the phrase, you know I love an origin. of chip on the shoulder. Yeah.

Traces its roots back to North America in the early 19th century. It's a fighting phrase from the docks. Two boys who wanted to fight would place a chip of wood on their shoulder and the other would knock it off at his peril. I love that. So sort of 1855 era, which is sort of, I'm going to confidently say it, gangs of New York time. No idea.

And so you would place this wooden chip on your shoulder and you would dare somebody else to knock it off. but you already wanted to fight I think that's a big part but you were just going about your day with it on there like me and you have already got beef and we're in the town square

yes we've both got a wooden block on our shoulder as jazz as I want and rather than one of us just taking the first blow and punching you in the face we're like daring you to start it

by knocking it off so that's the thing I think it has just like wrapped up this phrase of like ego and this aggression and all this like defensive behaviour and stuff is I'm not just come out and punched you

I've been like go on you not going to Look at this chip. Yeah. I've got one. Yeah. Go on, knock it if you dare. I'm quite like, I'm quite amped up by this actually.

It's a really amped thing. And so that's the thing I don't think it's very helpful having this little chips of wood on your shoulder. No. You know, it's not a useful thing. It's not a helpful way of dealing with your beef and it's not a, it's not a, it's not smart. We're going to turn the chip into mashed potato. And it's going to sink into your skin. Because it's just going to become part of you.

So the reason that when I read that definition and was like, I don't think aggressive as a thing. Actually, the reason I'm saying there is because for a long time, I very much known that I have a chip on my shoulder and have been so, I think it's my big fear that I become bitter, just angry about it, at people that don't deserve it. So when I hear, I feel the feeling of like, if I hear the parents are a parent, I immediately clock it.

And then I'm like, right, we have to, like, we don't know. We don't know that person. We, everyone's got their own life. Like, I've been given these cards, they've been given their cards. It's not their fault. That is the thing that is a concept of going like, your dad's the head of this record company and you're a musician, are you? You're like, yeah, they wanted to be a musician.

Like, do you think they shouldn't have? Should they be a plasterer instead? Like, the thing my sister always says is like, be angry at the system. Oh, don't hate the play. I hate the game. She doesn't say that. That's kind of what she says. Hate the system.

Don't hate the people who are subjected with it by it. That's really wise. Yeah. Don't hate the player, hate the game. That's so wise, Stevie. I didn't make that. That's a very well-known phrase. No, I know it is.

You don't mean like I just sort of really creates me deep. It's because you're saying wisdom. I am saying wisdom and I'm trying my best. So in this NEPO baby article, a lot of people either in direct response to the article coming out or when questioned at other times in their career about being like, how do you think your dad's career has helped you along the way, got very defensive.

Yes, as you would. As you would. Kate Hudson, who's the child of Kurt Russell and Goldie Horn, said something inane like, well, I look at my kids and we're a storytelling family. It's just in our blood. That's not what we asked you. And you're like, okay, that's not, that wasn't the question.

But good for you. Zoe Kravitz, daughter of musician Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonnet. One question said that she just dismissed it by saying, well, that's the family business about music and acting. That's just what we all get up to. Which is true. Gorgeous here from, Lily Rose Depp.

Oh, God. Child of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis. See, look, already, I can feel the monster. All right, there it comes. And I want to hear, like, defend that! Yeah. Like, why? She's not her fault.

You placed it on, you're going around the Docklands, gone like, showing Lily, my chip. Go on, Lily, knock it off. Knock that off. You're too fit. Not that off. You can't. So not only is Lily Rose, you know, wildly, genetically blessed.

She's so beautiful. And a child of such an extraordinary wealth. Yeah. But also, like, the door will open for her in whatever she wants to do because they'll say that's Johnny Depp's kid. And so anyone's going to cast her in anything, you know. So her response to it was to say, if somebody's mom or dad is a doctor, she says, mom, of course. If somebody's mom or dad is a doctor and then the kid becomes a doctor, you're not going to be like, well, you're only a doctor because your parent is a doctor. It's like, no, I went to medical school and trained.

And look at me doing the phrase, I don't know how she wrote that down or in what calm way she presented it. The vitriol with which she... But I'm going... Me, me, me, yeah. Because you're like... So hard. Yeah, no one's saying that you didn't go to medical school. He's acting the same as doctoring.

He's acting the same as doctors. Doctrine? Would you say you're as highly trained, Lily Rose? As a paediatric surgeon. Yeah. But pediatric shot. I'm so angry at least to speak. I forgot on what the word is for when you're a doctor.

Yeah. Medicine. Medicine. Medicine. Yeah. Jamie Lee Curtis, who I like so much. She's very good. And as proven, you know, these people as well, may, in the case of Lily Rose Depp,

or have proven that they're very good at their job. That's the thing. No one's saying they aren't good. And so I think they've got then a chip on their shoulder about people saying, exactly right. They're going around the dots, being like, go on, say I'm not good. It's like, no one's saying you're not good.

So Jamie Lee said the daughter of actors, Tony Curtis and Janet Lee. She's the daughter of Tony Curtis. I don't actually know who Tony Curtis is. Some like it hot. Is that not that? I can believe that. Yeah. Tony Curtis, yeah.

Yes, very famous. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is. That's right. And Spartacus.

Sorry, that's not. No, but there he is. Okay, so that's Jamie Lita Lertis' dad. God. Right? Chips rising. Chips cooking? Yeah, chips multiplying.

Yeah, they're everywhere. We're drowning in these things. I've got chips. It's a very update reference for everybody. Oh, dear. She says the entire conversation was designed to try and diminish, denigrate and hurt. I've tried to bring integrity and professionalism and love and community and art to my work. I love you, Jamie.

I am not alone. I love you too, Jamie. I am not alone. there are many of us dedicated to our craft, proud of our lineage, strong in our belief in our right to exist. And I think everyone's batting on a different way. Like, no one's saying you shouldn't exist, no one's saying any of those things. Some people are.

And that is, so this is what I wanted to say, which is that like the chip on the shoulder, the issue is when, and I sometimes feel myself going towards the line, there is a line that once you cross it, you are letting the chip become a jacket potato. Okay. It's waning it down. It's wobbling all over your shoulder. fallen off. It's going to hurt somebody. Whereas you need to keep it chip size. So Jamie Lucas is saying that because people very openly will be like, oh, you're from that,

well, you didn't get, like, Kendall Jenner walking down the runway. Oh, why is she there? Like, because she's a Kardashian. And that is why she's there. The origin was a model who was like, you know, I understand that we all kind of work really hard and we all got, but nobody will understand how, what it means to be coming from the complete bottom and have nobody want to see who you are. You have to fight for everything. And then you come in and then you have to deal with a different set of circumstances

if you're already from a famous family. You have to deal with legitimacy and people looking at you and going, well, that's because of your mom. But that's a very different struggle in quotation marks than it is from genuinely not thinking you'll ever be able to get there

because you can't even see the door. You don't even know the door exists. No. No one around you have told you you what a door is. You have to like create a door in your brain and then try to, you have to have so much more self belief and self-worth and self-like discipline and just to even get in the room that Lily Rose Depp would be able to get into. Yes. But there is a difference between acknowledging that and going, the system is rigged. How am I going to move and how am I people around me going to move within the system that is rigged and going like, fuck you. You don't deserve to be

Don't hate the player. Hate the game. As Gandalf said. As Gandalf famously said, he said it to the bowlerog. And that's how, and that's how they... Every time Gandhap comes up, I'll learn something new about Lord of the Rings. What's a ballrog? What?

The big horrible thing that you fights. That's what a ballrog is it. But all I did was put my little pause up on the... Like a home improvement, the neighbour. Yes. Like Wilson next door. But I was going to say, fly, you're false. And then I was going to drop.

And as he was falling down, He said, do remember to read what Alison Williams, who plays Marnie in girls and is also in Get Out. I didn't know this. Her dad is broadcast to Brian Williams. Okay. I don't know he is. I'm sure he's very powerful. But born to enormous, again, power of privilege.

An enormous man. An enormous man. Biggest thing you've ever seen. But so she writes, and this is excellent from her, she says, all that people are looking for is an acknowledgement that it is not a level playing field. It's just unfair. Period. End of story.

And no one's really working that hard to make it fair. And so her very first job out of college where she went to this incredibly elite art school and everything like this, her first job was being an assistant to Tina Faye. She's like, okay? And so she says, to not acknowledge that me getting started as an actress versus someone with zero connections isn't the same is ludicrous.

It doesn't take anything away from the work that I've done. It just means that it's not as fun to root for me. 100%. And I was like, wow. Thank you, Alison. Wouldn't it be nice if everybody kind of was able, But also, you know, you can't, Alison Williams is older. She's also been through, she's worked a lot.

She's had time to kind of metabolize this information. Somebody younger, the Gen Z generation, are just going like, fuck off, I'm trying my best. But look at Jamie Lee Curtis even carrying it around all these years, you know, when she should be able to be like, that was my start. I guess the medical school analogy is like, imagine that it's incredible, no one's saying it's, imagine it's incredibly difficult to get into medical school. Just imagine. Imagine.

And if you have a parent, then you're ushered through the door. You know, like, it's all that sort of thing of like, no one's saying the work isn't there. If you want to be a doctor and your dad's a doctor or your mom's a doctor, you're able to just start being a doctor pretty much. You just have to be an assistant to a doctor. And then in like a few years, you've learned on the job and you're fine, whereas everyone else has to do seven years medical school and pass loads of exams. But you're just allowed in.

Yeah. And it doesn't mean you're a good doctor. You might be an excellent doctor. And also, as well, you've grown up with doctors. So you've got an in-depth knowledge of what the world of doctoring is like. But people who are like, have never seen a doctor. It's gone slightly strange now Yeah, exactly that

And I think equally people You know, your friend who inadvertently Quite patronising and sort of misjudged everything I think if you'd said Well, you're rich or you got this stuff Whatever they'd be like

Oh my God, no way Like no I You know everybody's obsessed with the idea That they've done the hard work And that they weren't offered any legs up And they you know But also my friend was actually Part of Malison Williams

But crucially my friend was not saying like He was just saying like It's amazing what you've done and what would have been bad and if I hadn't to have been aware of this chip on my shoulder I would have said I would have said something back or I would have felt got upset or would have like but actually I just I pinched my leg genuinely and then said like great and then just move the conversation on and so I've been looking at like ways to deal with so you might be listening and being like well the Nepo baby thing is not something that relates to me in any way

but you'll have a chip on your shoulder about something that you can And you can relate to. Because I bet every single industry, what's this called, the aeroplanes where they... Semaphore. Yeah. That. I bet that's really hard to get into. That's your point.

I bet every industry has got something where somebody only got their job because of this. You know, every single industry, every friendship group, everything has got a thing where you're like, you've gone... Yeah. And also as well, all about all the things that you said, maybe you've got a chibby and shodder about, you know, how you feel about being a woman sometimes. And that that is a genuine, that is a chip. That can be a chip. And I've been reading some stuff about it.

And it seems to be that one of the most important things is realizing that you are different to your thoughts. Like you're not your thoughts. So you can have these thoughts. The dragon comes up. I go, I pinch my leg. And it's the thing that happens next, which defines whether you're able to turn your chip into mash or a jacket potato.

If you don't do anything, it just remains a chip. if in order to turn it into a jack of potato, you go like, oh, I'm so angry at you, I'm so angry at you, and you don't interrogate those feelings. You just go like, and you kind of can start to become a victim. And of course, this is a very tricky topic because, like I say, some people genuinely, fair enough are unable to do certain things that they wish that they could do. So that's, like, that's not involved in this discussion. This is for people who are so obsessed with the chip on their shoulder that they create a narrative that is not real and is not really, in reality that they will not be able to ever do anything.

Like me, casually going, like, well, I'd be able to buy a house. So I just don't, I just didn't look into it. I can't. But I now know what I must do for the next two years. And I now know what a mortgage is. And I know that it is something that I can do in the future. Maybe not in London. Maybe outside of London.

But it's opening my mind rather than going, like, everyone can buy a house and I can't because I'm poor. Or like, I don't have parents who can give me money. It doesn't also just, I've got this thing about, it doesn't matter how much money I earn, I've got this thing coming which is like, you know, I will have, maybe we'll have to pay to help my parents out or I maybe we'll have to pay for the future. And it seems that a lot of my friends will inherit things rather than I will have to buy those things. So I need to have a lot of money in order to not be, you know, affected by that. So that sort of drives me mad sometimes. And then I have to remember that like, I'm experiencing my thoughts. I'm experiencing my life and I decide how I respond to it. And anybody, listening will have a certain amount of things that they can do to further along their life in a way that is positive for them. Remove anybody else and look at your own life because if you have a chip on your shoulder, it's because there's something that you need to sort out in your life. So with mine it was quite clearly mine was like you need to focus on growing your own wealth, growing your

own success, growing your own what you feel and work on what you feel is success. It's obviously not just money because that's not enough in terms of like psychological well-being or anything. But you obviously need, so I have savings. I have invested stuff. Like I'm trying to be really so that I can say that I've done all I can so that I don't bring that energy as well to people who have multi-generational wealth. And also as well, the other thing is to think constantly about how everybody has their own shit. And just because that person has this thing, they may not have other things. I have friends who are so wealthy

and their parents don't love them. Yeah. I have people who are so wealthy and they can't find a relationship and they're really sad. People who are so wealthy and their parents aren't with us anymore. 100%.

It's not about going, it's actually fine and I actually can do anything. No, some things you will be limited by. But like the system, just keep thinking about the system is rigged and we're all trying our best.

If you were in that position, you would be trying your best in that way as well. Like if your mum was Nicole Kidman, you'd probably be an actor. Like, why not? Give it a go. Give it a go at least.

And then be like, oh shit, I'm bad. I thought, no. Like, life is chaotic. No one gets anything they deserve. People get stuff that they don't deserve. And we all just have to basically look after our own shit, you know? How do you feel vis-à-vis your chip? Is it cooking or is it raw?

So, my chip is a chip. It occasionally goes into mash, but it is never a jack of potato. Because I don't ever let, when I feel myself get really angry, it's like, I'm aware of it. It's like, oh, you're doing the thing. you're getting very angry about, you know, you've gone to someone's house and they've got like, they've got a book deal, so they've got like a five million pound house. And I'm like, well, I'll know.

Like, yes, you haven't written a book, Stevie. And also, you don't know where their money came from. And they're a different person. And it's not going to affect you in any way. You may not be able to do that. But it's not going to, them having a house is not going to stop you getting a house. Like, we're all on our own track. And, yeah, they may have had a head start.

Do I limit my own life? because someone else had a nice time or do I accept someone else having that time and then reach the best of my ability? Do you know what I mean? Like, you know? Wow. You may I bring in some spoken word finger clas here?

Fingers and truce and to think I thought I didn't want to talk about this. I'm so powerful. I'm eloquent. I'm smashing it. No, yeah, that's all I have to say. I suppose it's like it's getting on the 100 metre track, but the 100 metre track is through a delicious wood.

And there's loads of things to look at and do and like, it's all nice. Some squirrels. but it gets objectively nicer. And you begin the race and then you're like, oh my God, Jeremy started at the 80 metre line. Yes. What the fuck?

Of course he won. And so, but what is winning? But what is winning? And he's like just along enjoying the nice path through the wood. And it's, your option is either, just keep running and run at your own because it doesn't realize there is no, it's not that Jeremy won. There's no end. He just, until death.

And it's coming for us all regardless of your world. Exactly. It's realizing that you think you're running 100 metres and you're not at all. You're running a marathon with no finish line. People are just removed by dying. And it turns out it's not about the finishing line. It's about being like, oh my God, this wood. Was this nice all along?

And everyone's like, yes. It was always lovely. So your option is either you just start running and be like, okay, I'm just doing it my own thing at my own pace. Or you just sit down on the track and be like, I'm not running. Because Jeremy started. And everyone's like, but look behind you. and there are people even further back than you. But also, you're cutting off your nose to spite your face

if you just sit down and refuse to partake. Enjoy the wood. Look at the squirrels. There's loads of stuff here. Farn Palis, from the bush. Please, there's so many good things. I was going to quote, okay, the internet thinks it's Philip Larkin, but it's simply not. Is the quote, as a man called Philip Larkin, I feel.

The phrase is, you are not responsible for the third. things that fucked you up. You are directly responsible for how fucked up you choose to remain. Oh, that's so good. Thank you, Philip. Thank you, Philip. It was me. I thought of it. It sounds quite Philip. It's because it sounds like they fuck you up, your mum and dad, they don't mean to, but they do. This be the verse, but it ain't the verse. Right. It ain't that. But it is a good phrase to be like, you can be as cross as you like about all the things, where you are in the start line, all of that. You can be cross about

Lily Rose Depp or you can be like, yeah, yeah, that happened, but I'm, I'm, does it help me? Does this fire, as we've talked about before, this anger, this rage, this, this, this, this heat inside you that's cooking your jacket potato. Was it called the boglark? What's the name of you? Yeah, the bog, that's exactly right. No, what's it called? I won't be telling you. No, I wonder, no, the Balrog.

That's the one. The Balrog. Let's just see it as a big Balrog inside us. Yeah, yeah, he's in there. He is on fire, as we know. As is his wand. And we say about fire, it can, it can heat your home or it can, or it can burn it down. Oh my god. You're just absolutely killing it.

Just flip-larking again. You're sick. You can like, me being like, truly this project that I was working on and listen, was it, you know, out to commissioners, had I finished the work? Or was I sort of dawdling and idly thinking about it when I read this thing about something very similar? Yes. I hadn't done all the work and I got irrationally cross about it. Then did I choose to do. just sit down on the running track and refuse to go any further because they were so much further ahead and what's the point? Yes, I did. For a bit. That's okay. You can absolutely have a

break. Then you got back up. Do you? Should I tell you when I got back up? Yeah, go on. About 30 seconds ago. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I've been sat down all this time and I was like, oh, I'm getting up up again. Absolutely fair player. It's months ago. I've been sat down for months. But that's the crucial thing. But that's the crucial thing. For God sake, who is, who is this helping? You sulking about it. Get up. Yeah. You can absolutely have a sit down. I think that is crucial. You don't want to deny those feelings because then it's just like, well, I shouldn't feel this. So I'm an idiot for feeling this. You absolutely should feel this because you're right, because as we say, the system, but you have to be able to like, it's your recovery time. The amount of time that you're sat on

the floor will hopefully diminish as you go through life. Yeah. And then back to your resting heart rate and then keep on, keep on running. Keep on running. Through the wood. There is no finish line. There is no finish line. There's no finish line. Only death. That sounds a good place to leave. And you might as well just try your best till you get there. Yeah, might as well try your best. I feel good. I feel. I feel. feel good. Thank you very much to, because I know that my parents, the baron and baronet, listen. Imagine at the end, I'm like, I am landed gentry, obviously. Obviously, of course, but, you know, you've worked for everything you've got. You've worked for everything I've got. And I deserve

to be here. And the balance on hard times. If you two have been sat down about something, consider getting back up. Consider getting back up. And, you know, if it helps to have the visualization of the chip, the jaguar potato and the mashed potato, that is something I have been thinking about myself. You know, feel free to take that with you throughout life. You don't want it to grow bigger.

It doesn't need to be bigger than it is. It's probably, if you've got a chip on your shoulder, you're probably right. You probably have been treated poorly and you probably are responding to it. No one's doubting that.

But you need to get back up again. You're in charge of letting it be so big it crushes you. Jacket potato. Or so soft, it's just a little something, something for later. Little something for later. Just a little match on the show.

shoulder. And if you want a lovely thing to do when you're feeling that sitting down, I last year had a moment like that where something happened. I was like, I, the feelings of, of chip, the chip is now overwhelmed me. I got, moved the storage out from under the bed, lay under the bed for a bit. Gorgeous. Really helped. It was weird. And when my partner came home, he thought I died. But it really helped. Did you say? Because I really was in it. And I was like, I'm allowing myself 15 minutes of full wallowing underneath the bed. And I did, and I got out and it was like, I feel like I've really taken that to it. It's logical conclusion.

And now I can move on. So. And we're coming and we're emerging out. Let's emerge. The time under the bed is valid. Your feelings are valid. God bless you and all your chips. God bless McCain.