Nobody Panic - How to Deal with Christmas Presents

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

Oh. Yes. Lovely. One of these. Gosh. Yes. Thank you. Stevie and Tessa navigate the minefield of giving and receiving presents, discuss how to react to a terrible gift, what to give when you don't know your Secret Santa at all, and Tessa has an on-air epiphany about the meaning of Christmas. Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. What do you think? Oh. Okay. An interesting choice for me. I like it. Unseen. Welcome to No, do you panic.

Oh. Oh, I didn't know we were doing present. Oh, oh, no, I love. I'm just too sorry. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have got you present.

I just didn't think. But like, obviously, of course, and this is beautiful. And you've obviously put so much time and effort into it. And this is so nice. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That's 50 pounds. Oh, I don't want your money. Oh, no. Sweaty money. And seen. And same. Wow. What a minefield.

Gosh, it's a lot. It's a lot. I started saying gosh now and that's you. Sorry. Gosh, it's a lot. I started saying motherfucker and that's you. I'm saying pussy-ass bitch a lot of times. Welcome to Nobody Panic.

I'm Stevie. Tessa is having a good old sip of a wassailing mead over there. It's Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola. And we are just... doing everything to do with presents. We probably should start with like happy Christmas, but I don't know.

I think everyone's saying that too much these days. And frankly it's ghost. The woke karate. Am I right? Yeah, we're really Jones-in towards Christmas. It's nearly upon us. Can you Jones towards something?

I don't know what Jonesing means, so why not? I love it. I think it should mean that. We're hurtling towards it. It's, what is it today? The 19th? The 19th. Ooh, so nearly into the twos and when you're in the twos,

then it's practically Christmas. And then everything's a right-off. Yeah. And it's like maybe you're thinking about getting presents. You need to get a secret Santa. You've left it pretty late. Am I right? You're panicking.

You're trying to get everybody on your list. Maybe you've got one really good one, but they're going to open it in front of other people who haven't got such a good one for. Or maybe you've asked people that you're with this Christmas. Like, actually, I don't want any presents, but you know they're going to do it anyway and you're going to have to do the thing

and you're going to look really awkward and you're scared. Before we get any deeper, Stevie, what is your adult thing? We simply can't. I have driven on a main road. I'm doing my driving lessons. I'm doing them semi-intensive. So I'm doing five-hour driving lessons at a time. That's a really, really smart idea.

Really smart. About two weeks before, I was like, I sort of said to people, I'm doing my driving lessons before. And then when I said five hours, everyone was like, oh my God, that's too long. You will die.

And it is long. And it's, I'm exhausted after. I can't really like... Do you have lunch together? No, it's eight. It's AM till 1pm. Oh, okay. So we have breaks.

And the brakes are funny because every like hour or so we just get out of the car and just stand by the car and silence for 10 minutes. And we just get back in. Then at halfway point, we go to ASDA, and I eat a cereal bar alone outside ASTA. And then I get back in the car. Yesterday, the day before yesterday, he was like, next time, this is the last time I'll drive you to ASTA because next time you'll be driving Uststrasda,

I'd only done moving off and stopping on a, like, silent road. And I was like, cool, yeah, yeah. And also my butt will drive you to a house. Like, nothing's going to act. Like, the Lord will come down from heaven before that happens. And I drove to Uststrasda. Did I nearly hit someone? Yes.

But, like, yes. So that's my job. How do you feel? It doesn't, I actually, what I've realized is I fully disassociate about the entire thing. I'm just like, yes, driving lessons, me. Of course, I'll get a little bit. in this car, of course, off I go. And then hour three, I have, I cry very quietly, not like big, I just suddenly start, like, maybe I'm not improving or I'm not getting something. And I'll just

like, sorry, just a minute. And then we like pull over and I'll just be like, one second. And he goes, no, no. And I go, yes. And then I have a little cry. And he goes, but you don't need to. And I go, it's happening here for him. I can't stop it. And then, and then he goes, well, now you'll, you'll be better because every time you've cried at hour three, you've got better. the last driving lesson, I could see him looking at me loads. And I was like, oh, okay, he's really like, is everything okay? He's like, oh, I'm just, this is the time where you normally cry? And I didn't.

I cried an hour four. That sounds wonderful. Yeah, he's very nice. He's very giving as a man. Very right wing. You must be. You must be. That's part of the course.

Must be, must be. Good for you. Thank you. What's yours? Mine is being proud of you. Okay, that is quite adult, actually. My adult thing is that I have transitioned, of course, to my winter coat. And huge news.

Huge news. But where did I find it under the bed in a clear plastic box where it had been stored last year after having been dry cleaned and the small broken hook for hanging up had been repaired? Okay. Can you imagine? Disgusting. When I got it out, I honestly was like, who did this? And it was me. And it was in my partner.

He was like, you put your coat away old and wet. obviously going to go mouldy under our bed in this bag. But no, I had folded it up, put it in its clear plastic box, put it under the bed ready for the winter. And I was blown away. Yeah. It's been so nice to see it again. It was delightful and it looks completely brand new.

I've been riding that high ever since. It does look good. I did notice you wearing an appropriate coat today. There she goes. She's clean. She's warm. She is clean and warm. And what more could anyone want, apart from a good present?

Yeah. So do you feel that you've received in the past? bad gifts, Stevie. I think everybody has received gifts that maybe are inappropriate to them. I don't think there is such a thing as a bad gift unless it is a gift that is specifically created to make you feel guilty or bad. I've never had one of those. And I think that's the nobody, that's the, it's the lack of malice that almost makes it worse. Because if it was to upset you, you're like, well, success, you've upset me. But the fact that somebody genuinely thought you'd like that is sometimes just such a bleak. That straddles the lines.

doesn't it? Because of course the, so I was just thinking then that I have received one bad gift, which was a previous lover of mine. Otherwise, known as an ex, really, I suppose, for Christmas one year and also it happened birthday as well. And it was the last year that we were together. What a surprise. It was quite clearly some things he'd found in his house, his parents' house.

Like some soaps that was like, well, that's for your elderly mother, isn't it? and like chocolates that he'd bought like on the way to the thing. It was really like a real disparate panic array. I could have sworn as well. One of them was like something that he probably bought a previous woman and it'd just been like, oh, bracelet, bracelet. Women love a bracelet. It's like it's silver I don't wear.

There's a lot of that going on. Oh, God. And that, because I just said there's no bad gifts unless it's an intentional malicious gift. But I think that's a bad gift. It's better to not give a gift. and go, oh, I didn't know, like, I'm not sure what, like, or do, like, an experience, or do, like, what, I don't know, like, a gift voucher, like a gift card or something,

which can feel really impersonal when you're doing it. A gift card is better than, like, you clearly haven't put any effort in. And you don't know the person, and you've been together for five years. There's really nothing worse than a bad gift from a lover because it's, like, it says quite a lot, doesn't it? And if they've just, like, if they're just bad, gifts and they look you every time being like, did I? Yeah. But if they're like, here it is, and they don't seem to be worried that it's bad. Yeah. And they've just given you this,

an ex also gave me a, um, a wrapped up box from Lush. I never even opened it because I believed my only personality trait was how much I hated Lush. Like that was, I really thought all anyone needed to know about me. Yeah. I hate the smell. It's a complete sensory overload. Like I hate the smell. I'd cross the road to not smell it. And he had, had got me a gift box from there. I don't even, I never ever opened it. It sat on top of my toilet seat. So you weed through it.

I'm pissed on it for a year. No, I was like sat on the, I remember it sitting above the, the system. The system, yeah. I don't think I'd ever have got there. So thank you so much. I sat above the system for honestly a year, because I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it,

but I also couldn't bring myself to open it. And every time I looked at, I thought like, oh, you hate me. You just went into, not because you know I hate larch, you just don't know that about me. You went into a shop. You were like, I have a, woman. Yes, this is the thing. I have a woman present. And the shopper system was like this.

And you're like, brilliant. Woman wash. Yeah. And they're like woman wash. And then lobed another. One more woman wash. And then they like lobbed it from the back. It was already wrapped up. You didn't even have to wrap it. And these blue earrings. I was like, oh, I don't wear things like that. And again, like they were just like studs. I was like, these are bad. Like this is such a, again, they look like they'd come from the corner shop or the market or something that was just like. Classic corner shop earrings. I couldn't really, you know what I mean this? I don't know exactly what you mean. A shop that's like also a money laundering situation.

I completely understand what you mean. It's got postcards, a picture of the queen as a mask. Oh yeah, of course. And these earrings. Yeah. But he's bought them. Do you feel, because this would strike fear into me usually because when I'm buying presents is like the fear is that you buy someone something

and it makes them feel like we are saying that we felt. It almost sounds like it's the whole. opposite of what I'm saying, that there are no bad, bad gifts. But the context is so important with a gift. So, like, if my partner now, and he has done, got, like, he got me a parrot vase, that's just the biggest thing I've ever seen. And they had, like, fake daffodils in it. And he was like, this will brighten up your office. And I was like, oh, it's not a joke. Okay. And I have to have this big parrot that sort of stares at me. He looks quite angry. And then he also got me, like, a dog money box. I was like, I'm not six, but fine. The context of the context of

around it is that he really does think carefully and he does get it right sometimes. Like, I just don't like stuff and he likes stuff. But, like, the context around that is very different to what is fairly inoffensive, some soaps and a necklace that I'm not crazy about, or, like, you know, flowers and chocolates. And you're like, oh, God, this is year five, mate. And you've never got it right. But also, I know our relationship isn't good. And I think that's the thing.

I think that's the issue is, like, what it says is like, this is a not good relationship. Whereas like the parrot of ours, you're like, you swung big. Yeah, you swung big. And our relationship is good, so it's funny. It's funny. And I bet there have been great presence along the way. Yeah. He's not great at them, but like, yeah.

But you understand that like he's really genuinely trying to think. He is, yeah, yeah. He's trying to think. And so I think it's like, if you are in a panic mode and you'd be listening and you're like, oh, shit, I have woman. It's like, well, one, do you like woman? Yeah. And maybe have a genuine think if you do.

Yeah. And two, it's like if you were instincts were, soaps, chocolates, earrings from the shop, it does say to her, I didn't think. Yeah, I rarely think about you. And that's a very like gendered, like thing. It doesn't even have to be that because when we were in year nine, my friend, dad, I don't know for you, they were married yet or they were just either. There was a stepmother had entered the scene.

Very, very tricky, of course. Especially for presents. Oh, awful. You don't look like you want to buy their affection, but you also don't want to give them some shit. Right? So, like, a bit of a nightmare. Of course the first Christmas was going to be a nightmare with Dad's new girlfriend and parents separate I did X, Y, Z, nightmare.

But this is stuck in my head for so long. What my friend received was the free watch that you got if you spent 10 pounds in boots. Okay. And unfortunately, we all knew that. Not only that, it wasn't a bad, particularly bad watch. No, that's a whole point. I think her own mother had given it to her in her stocking, almost as like a joke, a little extra present.

So for then that to be, first you've already received that watch, then to receive another to know where it came from, that not only any, no, no, no money was spent, No thought had gone into it. It was like, this will be enough. I have woman. I have woman. It transcends gender and relationships. I have woman.

That is the term for just when you just don't know the person. And it's fine if you don't know the person. So you're like, you gave a Christmas and it's your partner's family. And you're like, oh my God, what do I get everyone? It's absolutely fine to be like, oh, I did get her quite like a generic thing. Or I got like the dad, you know, like some whiskey because he likes whiskey. the mom, like some gin, because she likes gin. The mom has just gone really, like, obvious there, but fine.

And an apron for all of her cooking. Of course, for the woman. But, like, that's fine. It's when the relationship is meaningful, or it's meant to be meaningful. It does say a lot about what you think. So it's almost like you don't want to kind of overthink it, of course, because it's really hard buying presents. But it's better to just go really generic and be like,

I got you a gift card for John Lewis. No one gets a gift card and goes like, Oh, no. Everyone's like, oh, great. Like, I can buy something for myself. Lovely. Done. Do that always, rather than, like, something that has clearly been re-gifted or is a free gift from boots. Like, don't disrespect actively with your presents.

I think it's like number one. Wow. Wow. Wow. Don't disrespect actively. You can do it inadvertently. Yeah. By accident.

What I was looking up was Ed Jones. He is a fantastic comedian who makes excellent videos on Instagram, one of which is called The Man Who Got a Bad Present. or something. It is a series of like short clips of someone pretending to open press. It's just so. Perfect. Funny.

And I cannot recommend it enough. I think he gets, um, Tupperware tops, like horrible little tapware pops that you can put on a jar of beans after you've opened them. And he's just like, oh yeah, because I do open beans and I don't, I do need that. I got these tapware tops and that's my life. Like that. It's so bleak to, it's so, and that's the thing, it's not just like opening it alone, because I think if you're alone opening it, you're alone opening your,

present, you can just be like, oh, that's shit. It's the public opening of it. It's the public presentation. It's not going to feel particularly relatable, but you know when you're on your GCSE trip to Moscow. I do. You're in Russia. Oh, always. You're 14, you're in Russia. You might be 15.

You've gone to Russia and you've gone to the primary school and you're all been sat beside a child and they've obviously all been told to bring something for the English girls and everybody gets a gift. And my little boy sat beside me gives me three lovely postcards of the Kremlin. And I think, oh, thank you very much. That's lovely. What a lovely cultural exchange. And I look around and people have received a four-foot matrioshka. One of those, like the things where the dolls go inside the dolls.

People have received, I believe, a jar of caveat. Like people have received the wildest gifts. And there I am with my postcards. And it wasn't, I definitely do not remember feeling any jealousy. I remember thinking, that's insane. Why have you got that huge matrioshka? Yeah, you don't carry that around. for the rest of the way. What we're going to do with that? But I do remember

everyone being like, Tessa, what did you get? And me being like, I got these postcards. Like, I need you to not make a scene about it anymore. Yeah, because I'm fine. I'm fine. But now he's not. He's not. And I need everybody to, you know, be like, what did you? And it's like, yeah, but those, you got those. And what? And isn't it great? And these are lovely. That's my life. It was so, I remember just, it was such a horrible feeling of being like, and it wasn't about wanting a better gift or doing things. It was simply being like,

everyone's opening these things and people are looking at you and being like, oh, and it's all this, it's just the most minefield of emotions of the receipt, the public receiving of something and it not being quite right. And nobody really knows how to express that. Everyone feels bad. And the little boy is obviously like,

fuck, I actually don't think he cared. He didn't seem to mind at all. No, you gave your postcards. Like, he's quite chill. He's fine about it all. It's almost like you have a response that you just are going to give, like regardless.

And it's like, oh my God, thank you so much. These are excellent. And then, like, you look at them and you go great. And then you move on. Like, you know, you give them a hug, you move on. Like, if you have your set response, you never deviate.

The only issue is, is then someone gives you, you do your response to your gift, and then you get something out of this world, and then that person sees how you actually are when you're happy. That's the fear. And you're like, oh, my God, thank you. This is so lovely. Thank you.

And you go, oh, my God. Auntie Ann. How did you know? And then you're like, oh, right, okay. That's what I'm so happy. It's a really true thing. I think I really struggle with birthdays and Christmas to give gifts on the day. But I do feel like you give throughout the year for like I've been like, I found this.

But I think there's an element of less pressure then if you just receive a gift at other times of the year. Yeah. Because it isn't, this is the special thing. And then also I wouldn't dream of giving you like a soap because why are you giving me a soap in April for no reason. Like, what have you done this for? Yeah, yeah. That would feel crazy. And so I only give the gifts when I'm like,

I found this amazing thing that's for you and is important and good. And so I sort of do with it. But Christmas is difficult for that. It's so hard because it's compulsory to give everyone a thing. And then you get into like capitalism and like, what the hell are we doing and why have we got this idea that like everybody needs a present? Because to receive a lovely present is so I'm to receive a point. A bad one.

It just has a well of emotions of like, and why? And why was this money wasted and blah, blah, blah, and I don't need this thing, and it's going to go sit on the wall outside the house and someone's going to get given it for, take it away. So experience is so good, like, a meal out or, like, you know, things like that where you just get like, you know, I give God for a restaurant. Or, you know, they like whiskey, so you get the whiskey. Like something that they're going to consume and enjoy and, like, be able to do is always really good. Okay, couple of quiz questions coming your way. Oh, no. Okay. Secret Santa.

Oh, yeah. You've got someone in the office that you know who they are, but you don't know anything about them. Okay, I've got someone in mind yet. Five pounds. What am I getting them? Yeah. Who are they? Just give me some idea, like, anything.

Because I'll know something. Janet, accounts payable. Might have, like, quite a... Has, like, a sense of humour you cannot seem to get a handle on. Doesn't, like, laugh all the time, but does sometimes really laugh at stuff. And then, like, really reveal... Like, feels like she might get drunk at some point

and reveal, like, a real freak flag. And you're quite into it, but ultimately, you can't get in there. Okay. I mean, I'll get... I'll do what I would always do. Go to Flying Tiger Copenhagen. Oh, okay.

Already fun. I think I'm getting her some fun, Christmas-based, like, I'll get some sort of like sweets and or like, I don't know, basically some tat that I'm like, oh, that she'll go like, oh. And in that shop, you'll see something like, I never would have thought that that would be a gift present.

But here we are. Yes. Do you go there for inspiration? I go there for inspiration. I never go like, oh my God, I must go to Flying Tiger. Right, you're just going there and you go with God. I go with God. Jesus take the wheel and you leave with who says what.

Like a fun mug because it's an office. I'm like, we can use this mug in the office. And I also think, crucially, I won't mind too much. Like, I won't get over the top because it's all about contextual relationships. I don't know Janet. She knows I don't know her. Yeah. Anything that is, you know.

usable and not like completely wild and like pointless is it positive yeah 100% I think I would try for Janet something like I've sort of made this up so maybe doesn't exist but like some kind of like set of five gingerbread men with all the bits to decorate them oh yeah great you can just do absolutely at the party yeah she's decorated them that's been of fun there's no real no one's really judging the creativity they're gone yeah that's gone I like that's gone I like that A lot. New family, new partner, Christmas. Oh, yeah, yeah. Their family.

Yeah. Teenagers, you've not met them before. Ah, that's up. One boy, one girl. Oh, okay. That's helpful. I would ask the person, anyone who I know who knows them, like just, when you think of them, what do you think, like, do they like music? Are they into this? And I'd get them gift cards in a card, a fun, a fun, non-offensive card, a gift card for something. That's really smart.

you've probably, I don't think you can do better with a teenager. Yeah. Than a gift card. Yeah. Because you're never going to get cash. Just, yeah. And that would be so weird. And they go, what is this? Because they don't have cash. And yeah, I think most family members, I'd say gift card. You know? Oh, really? As in other people's family. It's not my family.

Oh, right. No, not for your mum. No. But other people I really think that maybe that's the future. It's just like, here you go, I trust you to have a good time. Gift cards of the future. Top tip. Guys, if you ever heard of gift cards. It's almost like they were created for what was... Gift card.

I just feel like I never ever think to do that, and that's such a sensible thing to do, Steve. It's because you are the complete opposite of me, which is why this podcast works, in the sense that I do really want to think of it to get a thoughtful gift, but I also am like, on the day they'll want something, I will go for efficiency often,

probably a bit too much. And so I have to really push myself to be like, because I'm like, I go, I will never be able to think of like the perfect gift. Yeah. It's someone I'm really close to. But like if it's just like a friend of a friend or a teenager or whatever, I'm like, I don't know. I don't, I'm not going to try because I will then sort of just be disappointed

and then they'll get a gift they won't like because I probably won't nail it. So that's why I go efficiently where you fully believe you've got in your head like the perfect present or something that you've made that's like a leather bound, I don't know, personalized book with a quill or something. And I think that's what, yeah, you're always chasing the perfect gift. I am. Yeah. Can you give me a bad gift now and I'm going to practice being good? No, no, you can just tell me what the gift is. We work together. Okay.

At W.H. Smith. Okay. And there's a free book that is being given away if you spend a certain amount of money. And I've given you that book. Are you joking? No. I'll say that. So that's a no for a start. Don't say that. Gasp. But you have, you've given that in total sincerity.

I didn't think, you work in the stationary section, I didn't think you've seen. Oh shit. See, and I'm giving all of this. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yes. You said it as before and I'm going to pick you up on it and I thought, let her, just live. I don't think going, oh, yes.

I don't think yes is like a response to a gift. You're to immediately go, oh my God, thank you so much. You've just immediately said that out. Right, okay, okay. I'm so upset with it. So yes. You are. Okay.

That's okay. Right. Oh, wow. Yes. Yeah. Why are we putting the yeah in there? I think I'm trying to be like, yeah. Yeah.

Good gift. I think yes. I think, oh yes. Okay. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Say it twice.

Yeah. Right. Here we go again. I'm just going to look at this thing. So I totally knew it's the back of it. Oh, thank you so much. That's really nice. Yeah.

That's great. read it? Yeah, I thought you'd like it. Oh, amazing. Yeah, no, I've been wanting to read it for a while just because I saw it that it was free at the till. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, very fun. No, I just, and then I ask questions and I'm straight in and I'm, yeah, you're off the gift then. Yeah. What did you get? What did you get? I mean, if they, oh, thank you so much for this. I can't wait to read it. Yeah. Oh, great. What was that like at the end? That was really good. Okay. I feel like what I've done there is I've come in and gone like really good, really quickly, but actually the difficulty is the gap after, isn't it? Yeah. Can you Give me another one.

Yeah, yeah. Can you be someone else now? Yeah. Yeah. It's a set of two coasters. Okay. It's these coasters. I am Amy, your sister's friend.

Okay. No, I'm your cousin. I'm your cousin's girlfriend. Okay. And I'm like, and I've given you these. And they're just these wooden coasters. Maybe four wooden coasters. These.

Yeah, it's exact one of the coasts. Fuck. See, that's the thing is that is the first reaction. There's these. Yeah. And, yeah, so you failed again. I have failed again immediately. So let's, and seen.

Is your present? Thank you so much. Oh, that's so helpful. You won't believe I'm so bad with water rings. This is so good. I wanted to say yes again. I think at this point you can say yes. If it means you don't say I'm really bad with water rings.

Why are you so gross about these? So what your downfall is. Yeah, very clearly. Yeah. You feel you have to say a very personalized thing to the person. Like, oh, great, I always struggled to put my drinks on things. You're like, no. No.

Watch, you have to, you have to immediately jump into the head of the other person. She's gone, I don't know what to get Tesla. Well, okay, she's bought a flat. The coasters. And then she's going, oh, you probably think of the shit. And then all you have to do is go to, oh, my God, thank you so much. And she goes, oh, okay, maybe it wasn't so bad. But the more you say, the more you're just getting your bottom out.

Right, right. Okay. It's not a personal affront. She's not like... It feels like it. That's fascinating. I'm so angry with this. See, I would immediately just be like, oh, he tried.

He tried. He's just not... He's very busy. Like, you've got to put yourself in your face. I'm so angry about these. I mean, they are our podcast studios, coasters that they chose. Absolutely, in the workplace.

Absolutely, in the workplace. Clean. Cline. Clean. Clean. Clin. Clean. Clin. Client.

Efficiency. Smooth. Swedish. Very you. They'd look nice in your flat. I come completely 180. I'm in love with them. So all it needs is the person to really sell them.

Yeah, they sell them. Okay, okay. I'm afraid you have failed very badly. Very badly. Okay, right. You've learned nothing. Okay, I am your auntie. Oh, yeah. Who should, like, knowing your whole life.

The close auntie. The close auntie. Yeah? Should know, like knows you. Alarm clock. But like did old, anal. Yeah. Horrible shade of pink.

Like, just so hard to describe just how off this colour is. Yeah. And then on it, it's like a horrible bang on the door. Nutty tart. No, no, worse. So knock off. Knock off. Knock off.

Bang on the door. Bang on the door. But it doesn't say, bong on the door. Bong on the door. Bong on the door. And it's a girl. Like, it looks nothing like you either. All sort of kooky like that, and she's pouring a prosceco.

And it says, Prosec, oh no, clock. And then it's all wrapped out, it's been really nicely wrapped as well. And it's big, and it looks like it. Oh, it's got the sticker on it, the price sticker, $49.99. I would just go. Sorry, here it is. Okay, thank you so much.

Oh, my God. I didn't have an alarm clock. This is great. You've left the price on, but we'll just ignore that. That's two kind of you. Oh, God. Thank you. so much.

Sherry, that was really good, Stevie. I don't have an alarm clock, but I'll be thinking, I'm selling that immediately. That was so good, how did you do that? I'm not, it's not a thing, I don't, that's not my problem with presents. Your issue is receiving. Yeah. And I don't have a problem. I'm just very happy

that someone's bought me something, you know? Okay. I sound like Tiny Tim. I just think, I just don't want anything. I don't really like gifts. I don't want. You got more upset about describing my gift to me. Yeah, because you don't want things. Why are people making all these things? I know, I know.

Who made that? I know. Why does bang on the door? Bong on the door. Bong on the window. Prosect okay o'clock. That doesn't make any sense. He was like, oh no, o'clock.

Procecette okay o'clock. It doesn't make it. Who's done this? No, it makes no. Of course, the frustration, and it's happened very recently, we said, no presents for our wedding. And we got quite a few. And some, like, I was like, oh, wow, like, that's really lovely, like, gift cards.

And also, like, some plates, really nice. But, like, I have plates. Like, and also, like, I, if I didn't, like, I'd like to buy some. I can say this because I know the person who did the plates. And I sort of spoke, like, it's fine. So they don't listen. But, like, it's a lovely idea. So it was still really nice.

And then afterwards, we were just like, Oh, now we've got this, like, we've got this big pile of stuff, and we didn't want that. Because we don't have any, and we're going to be moving soon. Like, I don't want to be, like, carting your big plates around. Yeah, but that's like, I think it's almost like a game face when you go in and you're like, I go in being like, I'm probably not going to like any of this, but I'm just, someone's gone around a shop or looked online, and that's sometimes takes longer for my parents or my grandparents, especially when my grandma was, like, buying me stuff.

Like, it's really hard for her to figure it out. Like, she doesn't really know. all I see is just being like, I like you. Like, and I like that. Are you going to cry? I think I might. I've come totally full circle. I love these coasters.

I love this book. You've got me. I like you. I like you. That's all that anyone's trying to say. It's a cat bringing a mouse in. A cat is bringing a mouse in. And they're just saying in their own way, I love you.

And I've just met you. I love the person that you love. So I'm trying my best to be part of your family. I respect you. and I want you to know that like if we don't have a bond, I would like to have a bond with you. And you're going, this? You're not, you're not.

But in my heart, I am. In your heart, you have. Oh, Stevie, you just want to have a bond. I mean, yeah, I just want to have a bond with you. And Auntian, you just want to have a bond with me per sec. Oh, God, O'clock. O'clock. O'clock.

O'clock. O'clock on the window. Bob on the window. Oh, okay, well, this is good. This has gone really well. Yeah, this has gone really well. Someone's having an epiphany. I am having an epiphany.

Thank you. Wait, I've got you this completely blank mug. Who are you? I am a recently, it's like a step-uncle almost. I've just been married into the family. First Christmas, I've gone around. I've no second Christmas, so you've known each other. Gone around and, yeah, there's like a mug.

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, that's really kind. Oh, I love a mug. Thank you. I'm so good at this now. You're just saying... It's just a dead mouse. I get it. It's a dead mouse. I've got to not cross with the cat. You think this is good. I get it now. Desana now understands the concept of presses. You think this is good. I think this is good. Put your mug on my castor. Oh, yay. I've got everything I need. What will I read this? That!

Oh, I get it. I want to have a bond with you. Oh my God, okay, I forgive everybody. I forgive everything. Great. People were just trying their best. This Christmas is going to be wild. Wild for me.

Why? Weeping with everyone's lovely gifts. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Well, look. Wonderful. Of course, the bond is not in the thing. The bond is a gesture of the thing.

Yes. It's the shadows on Plato's Cave. Oh, my God. We're working on different dimensions. Absolutely 100%. Oh, great. Well, I hope we've learned something today. I really have about the true spirit of Christmas. We've learned if you're in crisis, get a gift card.

Don't go out of your way to get to hand-make something. You know, just get a lovely gift card. If a secret Santa and you don't know someone, they know you don't know them. They know. Go to Flying Tiger Copenhagen. A little bit of fun. Put your own. Don't stress too much about what they like, but a bit of your own personality on it and be like, I thought this was funny and nice and I'm just trying to make a bond.

But, okay. Anyone can give me anything they want. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone. Oh, you won't hear from us before Merry Christmas. So truly, Merry Christmas. Genuinely Merry Christmas. And I hope.

And if you're... I hope people try and offer you a bond.