Nobody Panic - How to Deal with FOMO

Episode Date: June 22, 2021

Struggling with the Fear Of Missing Out as things open back up again? Stevie and Tessa are drowning in it! Turn off your phone, have a sit and find yourself calmed by their hysteria and helped by the tips they've accrued while desperately trying to get invited to everyone's party. Want to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. have you been up to, Tessa, because I've been real jealous about it. I've been, oh God, I've been up to some bits, but while I'm doing those bits, what am I thinking about? I'm thinking about other people and their bits and what they're doing. And the other day in the park, I wasn't there and I saw some of my friends in the park near my house and I could see, what? I didn't know that's so bad. I hate that because then you're like, why wasn't I invited? I actually was invited. Oh, sorry. That's okay. I just... Ends like why you went, what?

I was like, you're coming in very early on the horror of it. No, I live near a park and on more than one occasion in this, but I have seen people I know in the park on Instagram stories when I have not been invited to the group. But then I was actually invited to this one but could not attend and I could see my own house in the background. I felt very stressed about that. And then several people had to message me from the event

to say that I should carve down. Understood, understood. We've like come in very hard here. My name's Stevie and this is my good friend Tessa. Hello. We, if you'd never listen before, we do a podcast about how to cope with things, how to do things. And this thing is how to deal with post-pandemic, FOMO. FOMO, which is fear of missing out.

And it was a suggestion from B. Hartshorn or Hartshawn, whichever one. I've gone for both. Hello, Steve and Tessa. Hello. Sorry. Be polite, for God's sake, Steve. Hello. Yeah.

Right. Tessa said, yeah, very polite. from Tessa there. Hello. With lockdown lifting, everything's beginning to go back to normal and lots of people can't wait to go out. Many others, like myself, will be re-entering society a bit more cautiously, going at their own pace. My life is still on pause as I graduated last year in the middle of the pandemic. Oh, mate. That's bollocks. I mean, it's not, that sort of implies I don't believe you. That's terrible. We understood. The listeners and I understood the motif. Thank you. And I've yet to find a job and move out. Of course, because it's in the middle of a pandemic.

be. Because of this, I'm experiencing massive post-pandemic fomo. It feels as though everyone else's lives are resuming. Meanwhile, I can't seem to get out of the starting gate. I realize it sounds a little grumpy. No, it absolutely doesn't. You're very eloquent and fine. And there are far more important things to come out of the pandemic, but I would really appreciate if you could please do a pocket episode on how to deal with fomo. It can be a good motivator, but how do we stop it making us feel sad? How do not spend our entire savings by August because our post-pandemic FOMO means we can no longer say no to any event ever. Crucial. Oh, that is so crucial.

So if you're listening going like, yes, this is me, we're going to tackle it. And if you're listening thinking, that's not me, there'll be some great laughs. You should still listen. You should just hang out with us. Hang out with us. It's absolutely daily for me. And if I'm not invited to something, I'll have it. If I invited to two things, I have to make a choice, I don't enjoy the thing I've chosen

because I'm just constantly thinking should I be at the other thing, you know? Absolutely, 100%. So at the beginning of each episode, we do the most adult thing we've done this week. Shall we do that before we dive into FOMO, Absolutely. I got some beetroot out of a bed sheet. What was beetroot doing on my duvet, Stevie? I hear you cry. Your sexual proclivities, I let you do that. I tip my hat to you.

Tipped my sexual hat to you. I ate some beetroot in bed. That is a real move. It was a mistake. I actually was just passing the bed with the beatroot. I wasn't actually going to be. You take a turn around the bedroom with the trout. With my beetroot. I'd got one of those, the ones that are in the vacuum-packed pack of beetroot.

I've made a lovely salad. But there was more pink excessive juice that I had initially imagined. On my turn, past the bed, I stopped to pick something off the floor. I placed the beetroot plate on the bed. I picked it up. It was an enormous violently pink beetroot stain. On the bright white sheet. because of course we know you've got to have bright white sheets.

That's how you know you're a grown person. That's how you know you're a grown person. And I thought, oh, God, that's so pink. And so I started with some fairy liquid, and I thought, oh, fuck me, that's just making the whole area. That's, oh, this is a hell state. It's just now pink and sudsy. And then I had a little Google, and what did Martha Stewart suggest, bleach? And I was like, okay, I think that's going to burn.

But off I popped. Oh, my God. It was like one of those fake Instagram videos where they try and sell you something by being like, look how clean it is after just one wipe and you think, yeah, yeah, that doesn't work. Honestly, to God, it was gone. Wow. It was like a magic trick. And it was weeks ago and I have been storing it up to tell you about it. I love that.

What's yours, please, Stevie? Mine was more of like a reminder of something I knew already that I'd sort of got too excited about and forgotten. So basically, I, many moons ago, I used to, with a small stint as like, a beauty journalist. And so I, and I, we had the beauty cupboard. So I do things like, try out all the best new foundations, try out all the best new skin creams, and write about them. And what was nice is that I was, the loss of the beauty journalism is very much like, you have to say nice things all the time, but I was able to say, like, whatever I liked. I just didn't write about the stuff that I didn't like. I really learned that how exciting it is, but also how completely pointless it is, all that expensive

stuff. When it actually, you just need the three things that you actually have nice to your skin. I spent the most of that year with sort of large red welts all over my face. And I recently got sucked in again and bought those like under eye, eye mask things that just sit under eye bags. I don't know what they're called, but I know exactly what you mean. I've seen this on the internet. And then a face mask that was gold. Put that on and thought because I was going out and I was like, you know what?

And you want to wear your gold face when you go out. I wear my gold face mask. You're not an idiot. You know. Come on. So before I was like, I'll try and make my face look better. And then just came out in a terrible rash under my eyes and all over my face. It was like, yes, I need to remember this, that money does not eat.

And also, to be very honest to everybody, I didn't buy this stuff. My friend who gets sent lots of things gave it to me. And I was like, yes, please. And now I've said, can you actually not? Because I remember now. Can you not, you cow. because the and everyone

when I was like all the way through my twenties I just was so excited like when I have money and I can buy like and I can buy the fancy creams the fancy cream there's a reason why your grandma

used cold cream and that was it did you just mean like it's the basics and the actual moisturiser uses six pounds and it's amazing yeah I've got the Nivia hydro cream pot

and I've been slathering it on it costs $499 yeah like and when I ever I go to to the airport I go in the duty-free section and I put on the most expensive creams until the lady comes up and it's like,

are you looking for anything? And I say, just browsing while my whole thing. Just covered. Covered in creams. And then I slip-slop slide onto the plane, dripping in creams. And I always come out in a rash. And you go like, well, rich people,

they have incredible skin. And you're like, yeah, that's because they've got sort of surgical things. Like that's not because they're cream that they're using. Well done, Stevie. You just speaking truth to power. Thank you very much, Tessa. Let's do FOMO. FOMO. Let's do it. Let's get in. I'd like to, straight at the top, I'd like to address one of the lines in B's letter in which she says, I know I sound very grumpy and there's more things to worry about coming out of this pandemic. Like, firstly, you don't sound grumpy, as you said, Stevie. And yet, there are bigger things to worry about. But also, we've got to stop dismissing our feelings because there are other fish to fry and there are other bigger, worse things and people have. have it worse than you.

You're like, yeah, everybody in the world has got somebody with people having it worse than them, apart from one man who truly has it worse. He's having it's the worst. And he's having an awful day. What we've all been through with this, even if you've come out healthy, even if you, like, you know, you know, you came out on paper as best as you could out of this experience, you still went through it. And if you'd gone through this on your own and they were like, by the way, you have to go

inside now for 18 months and everything you've ever wanted to do is going to be cancelled. then you won't see anybody face to face and about to hug your family. You'd be like, what, jail? I have to go to do it. You'd be like, that's a trauma. Just because everyone else has been through it doesn't mean it's not big.

And just because there are other bigger things doesn't mean that you being like, everyone looks like they're having an amazing time and I'm stuck inside and more... Isn't real and isn't, you know, valuable and isn't a valid feeling. So let's feel our feelings, is the end of my point. A hundred percent feel your feelings.

Yes. And I think the fact that it's called like, FOMO. Fear of missing out. It's quite, it's, you know, it's like a poppy sort of like light magazine speak type name when actually like what it is, it makes you feel very sad and anxious. It's quite a serious, it's not like serious as in obviously like we're just saying some things, but it's on its own, it still is a very serious feeling. It's huge feeling. They used to be this children's book I had that I cannot for the life of me remember what it was called and I really want to find it, but a little girl who is her birthday and she's

She's like sent to look for sugar at the neighbor's house. When she goes to the neighbor's house where her friend is, they say, oh, he's not in. He's playing with John. And then she's like, what do you mean he's playing with John? Like, why wasn't I invited? So she like goes around to John's house and they're like, oh, he's not here. They're all playing with Susan. He's like, what?

And then she goes to Susan's house and they're all out and all her friends are out. And she just keeps imagining like all this amazing stuff they're doing. And then when she get back to her own house, they're all there for the surprise party for her. So it has a nice redemptive ending. But the beginning feeling of being like, all my friends have gone out and everybody hates me and nobody wants to be my friend anymore. Like, that's so real and so human and we're all feeling it. And it's crucial to say that when you do get that feeling,

it does mean that everyone's around your house and it's going to be a surprise party. But if there is going to, and if there isn't, oh dear. Oh, dear. Oh, no. So I was reading about why people get FOMO. And it's one of those things that you read and you go, yeah. And you're like, well, no, that is, I mean, that literally is. the reason so they can't like make up another reason so I don't go yes I already knew that so they've

done now studies into it it's robustly associated with social media engagement and passive scrolling of social media so it's now pretty much linked almost exclusively so the more you use social media the more likely you are to have phomo and also um low levels of satisfaction of the fundamental needs for competence autonomy and relatedness tend towards higher level of fear of missing out. So if you're feeling like you're, you know, unworthy, not competent that you don't have control over your own life, you know, maybe you're feeling a little bit disconnected from your friends, which of course we all sort of feel. We're literally disconnected from them, right? We haven't seen them in person for so long. Yeah. And even when you do, it just feels strange because it's like,

it's quite uncanny, isn't it? Because the things that I've been to and the people that I've seen, you're seeing it and you're having a nice time. Then you also, it just, you haven't done it for a whole year. So, well, I haven't. So it feels very like that you should be just now normal and cool about it. And it isn't like I'm actively going like, oh, this is weird or I'm, I'm frightened of catching COVID from them or whatever. But I am just, it's just odd that we're just like, okay, so we're all just going straight back to normal and everyone's fine and there's been not this like weird year that's just been taken out. That's the plan, is that we all just pop in and we just don't mention it. That's our plan. I'm chatting and laughing and just being like,

ha ha ha ha. Everybody is nice. It's in a way it's point. It's like, everybody that I, saw the other day at my friend's birthday. Everyone just, like, said all the stuff that I felt, but I didn't say, like, everyone was like, I'm so sorry, I feel like I've aged, like, you know, quite a lot because no one's seen me for ages. It was like, yes, I feel like that. That's why I did the gold face mask,

but I had to be like, so sorry, I've got red welts on my face. I believe I've aged so much that I had to put gold on my face that stung. Everybody's obsessed with the aging. I don't know how it is that we all just aged so much in this last year, but we have. We've sort of socially just skipped,

like a year and a half. So it's like you just are aware that when your friend last saw you, you would, you was like essentially two years ago properly. And then you're like, but so like normally you kind of, you don't notice people changing. So there's a lot going on, but it is a combination of social media use and feeling disconnected and dissatisfied with your current life, which obviously career wise, friendship wise, connectedness wise, productivity wise, mental health wise, actual health-wise, we're probably all feeling lesser than we should be because of what's happening in the entire world right now. My lord, yeah.

Okay. How can we address it? Number one, we can remember always that everybody is feeling it and that we are not alone in our feelings. Number two, the things that we are scared of emmoing, missing out on. Oh, nice. Thank you. Are not as fun as we have imagined them in our head.

That happens so much. When you kind of, you know, like you're actually, you're at the party or you're, well, actually, you know, you've, you've gone away for the weekend with some people and you're like, oh, I'm doing the thing that I often see on Instagram and I'm like, cool, I wish I was doing that. And then there'll be some downtime where you're like, I sort of wish I was at home on my own. I like these people, but. Exactly. You know, I'm quite bored. We've all been away or we've all like been to a party or we've all been to something where late, when you get home or on the way home, you see someone's put up an Instagram story. and you're like, wow, that makes it look way better than it was.

Like, you're like, I was there. Like, it wasn't, you've really falsified that experience. You know, and then you've talked to people who were like, oh my God, I saw the pictures of this. And you're like, yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't that. So, like, that was the thing is, like, the things are not as amazing as we're imagining. And as we are both quite chaotically attempting to convey to each other and to you, like, people are crackers at the moment. So, like, things are, everyone's just bringing their crazy neurotic energy and shouting, like, I've aged. You like, like, nobody's, like, really chilled out.

We're all aging. You know, like, people just want to, like, discuss their declining fertility and stuff. Like, people are not being their funnest best selves at the moment. So really, like, nothing you're missing out on is actually truly that incredible. It's just people climbing out of the cave and being absolutely bananas near each other and, like, expressing their neuroticisms. It's fueled a lot of the behaviours that we know make us feel bad. For example, with social media, but when you are looking and you're scrolling,

you're seeing all these people like, oh my God, we're going to park. Oh, my God, we're in a bar. Like, people are taking photos of them and their friends, like, doing the most banal things at every opportunity because they haven't done it for so long. And sort of to prove that they are, like, that they're doing it. Yeah, because they haven't had the chance to post anything with friends for so long. So it's kind of, there's been this explosion of like, performative in a way

socialising. Yeah and gushing messages about like it's so great to be with this one again and you're like I want to be with this one I don't know if you never have one. I want someone to call me this one and say I want to be with this one. Absolutely but then actually when you do go with personally when I

I've met up with people I've just been having a nice time and I haven't often I've come away and gone like oh I should have put up a photo so I could be like I'm with this one but I have forgotten on account of how I was just having a nice normal time I didn't need to document it which is obviously what life is like ordinarily but at this point everything is turned up to 11

and everyone's, their voice is sort of around here and everything is so much more vivid and people are, you know, I've been talking, I don't know if I've said on Haybel but I've been talking to friends a lot about how like there are certain friends I have who are just, their energy in the WhatsApp groups has just got out of control because clearly they're just, they're having a time of it, you know?

and some people have really withdrawn from socialising because they've been just a bit overwhelmed by everything. Some people are really struggling. Some people have throwing themselves in so hard that it's, it just looks exhausting. One of the things I've read, so Paul Dolan, who teaches at the London School of Economics, he has a book called Happiness by Design.

So this is one of the really important things of dealing with FOMO is attention and where your attention is going. Because the problem is that our attention so naturally just goes to passively, passively scrolling, not like actively starting because you're like, I don't know, trying to find a story or you're like,

I don't know, you like the New York Times feed and want to find an article to read, not that. Just when you're like, oh, I'm doing nothing. Okay, I'm just scrolling through. And he says, your happiness is determined by how you allocate your attention. What you attend to drives your behaviour and it determines your happiness.

So there was also a study done and they found that students high in FOMO were more liable to use social media during lectures and young adults, who are high in phomo paid greater attention to emails and text messages and their phones while like driving. So like just showing that even when you're doing something, you're passively scrolling. So the first thing you can do is to look at how much you are scrolling and to stop doing that and to start to try and focus your attention. As much as you can, you can start with

like just like half an hour a day, even like 10 minutes a day, 15 minutes a day, phones off. What would I like to do in this time? Would I like to read? Would I like to like go to the shopping, like get some nice food? and like plan a fun meal that I'm going to cook myself later. Would I like to just sit and have a look out the window and people watch? Would I like to have a bath and put some gold face mask on? Would I like, you know, do you mean? Would I let to just, I'll learn how to French plight my hair?

Something that is like completely for you that you would like to do in this moment that is not for anyone else, not to be consumed by anybody else. And it's not content, essentially. And it seems very, very simple. And then you go, like, yeah, sure, yeah, yeah, I'll do that, yeah. And then you try and do it and you feel like insane trying to do it. You feel like it's so unnatural

because we're so used to doing everything for consumption, for like, oh, this will be a good Instagram story. Oh, cool, I've got this new top. Great, I wonder how I can get that on Instagram. It's like, what do we know? And at the moment, I think it's also very helpful to maybe if you have been going overboard,

just taking loads of photos of literally, I saw this present Tesco, this one! Maybe you don't have to do that because maybe you're also spreading this cycle that will make other people. I'm not saying don't post a picture of friends, obviously you can. But if we all just sort of try and calm down, then it can help all of us.

And also the people overposting are also the people who are also experiencing FOMO because they're posting being like, because they've felt the same. And then they're like, finally I can do with this one post and then they've done it. So we have to start looking a little bit more inward rather than consistently looking outward at our phones. Obviously, we said it a million times, but that's like the first thing. So wise.

While you're having your inward-looking moment, I think a very important thing is to get a pen and paper and draw a little ship. No, no, don't. I'm doing it now. Okay, get your pen and paper out. Yes. Oh, wow, this is nice.

Yeah. Good, guys, it's happening in real time. And write down, and this is why it doesn't have to be on a nice notebook or anything. It can just be like on something that you're going to get rid of or burn or whatever, because I want you to be very true. I'm writing it on some toilet paper I've already used. I'm joking. It's like I want you to, it's often when you read it in a notebook, you often feel like you have to be very eloquent and what if people read this in the future.

But like if it's just write it down and be like, what is the O that you are missing O on? Of. The out. The out. What is it that you're missing out on? Like, and is it like, what is the thing that makes, because otherwise you're just like, oh, everything, all these people are doing stuff and I'm here. And you're like, what? Like, what people and what are they doing?

And is it like, I want to be in the pub with somebody and somebody calling me this? Like, is it that somebody is doing. this exciting job or is it like that people are going on holiday like what a the specific thing that you want and that you feel you are m oing on when you actually try and do that you are like yeah what is it i don't i put i want to and then i was like maybe i should draw a picture of a ship and hold it up and make a joke out of it yeah that's the thing like when you actually get down to it it's this huge intense feeling of like yeah yeah everyone's doing all the stuff i want to do all the stuff but you're like what stuff like what is it you know what it might be and this could be too bleak but i think i just

want to be doing something. I want to get out of my own brain and my own thoughts and be and be sort of freed from having to think about my own shit that I think about all the time. Okay, great. Which is, that's fine. You can also do that by yourself. I have a friend who absolutely cannot have a single night where she is just on her own. So like there was one time, so in the WhatsApp group, she was like panicking because she

hadn't sorted anything out for a bank holiday that was happening literally two months. in advance and was like, sorry, but I just have to get it sort of because bank holiday is a very hard time for me. It was like, right, the bank holiday is a hard time for you because of FOMO. She feels like everybody is doing something on bank holiday. And I get that. But if you're at the stage where two months ahead of bank holiday, you're hysterically texting every single person you know saying like, please lock it in. We have to find something to do. You need to take a step back and you need to maybe work on how, like, for example, I need to work on, how to gain what I need, which is to have some time away from my own brain,

without needing to be with other people. Not saying, like, of course, it works, and I will absolutely continue to meet up with people. But the FOMO is deeper, isn't it? It's not just me being like, oh, I wish I could go to a pub, because you could go to a pub right now, like, with a friend. And also, it's the fear of not being the friend that somebody wants to go for a drink with as well. that's deeper as well like will you ask them and or go like oh cool you all out i'm really close by can i swing by but but you don't do that do you because you go like no i must be asked like a vampire

that's because everybody every single one of us is six years old on the edge of the playground and everyone is playing british bulldog and we want to join in and we're waiting for someone to ask us to join in when really life is about just entering the fray i'm being like i'm in i'm playing British Bulldog now, you know? You must enter the fray. You must simply enter the fray. You've got to take control of those things. I think that's the ambiguousness of it is it what becomes completely overwhelming

and you've just got to be like concrete about like this is exactly what I want and this is how I'm going to get it and I'm going to do the stuff. And then I and also like be honest with your friends and like find a friend who like is feeling similar to you and that wants to do things and like this friend who's panicking about the bank holiday two

months in advance and it's like we have to find something to do be like that's very stressful and hard work. If you say, do you want to do X, Y, Z on this bank holiday? Like, that's much more, like, concrete rather than this ambiguous.

Like, we must just, we must be doing something so that I'm not, not alone. You know, I'm not alone. Once we get it to something that's concrete, not abstract, basically, is where we're going. And then get in a gang with your friends.

I am in a gang. We haven't managed to do it yet. But I am in a three-man gang called the Bloodhound gang. Very good. That is born of exactly this conversation in which we revealed that the thing we were terrified of was that everyone was having parties and we weren't invited to the parties. And we decided that if we hear of any party at all

or any fun, however weird the fun is, the expression is if you smell, you tell. Like a bloodhound. If you sense any party is happening, any event, you tell the group and you alert the group that there is fun to be had. Great. Yeah. So you just got to get your own blood. town gang going. That's a great idea. I'm going to do that. I think because I think, yeah, because I often feel quite disconnected to where the fun is happening and then you kind of find out through secondhand and then you're like, oh, and then they're like, oh, it would have been very nice to call me. Like, well, I didn't know about it. And like, yes. So having so, having people sort of scattered throughout the social stratosphere. That's it. Different social groups, you know, so you're

aware that if you smell, you tell. Love that. And on the flip side, Bays point about how, like, no longer being able to say no to an event ever. Of course. If you smell, you tell. And then when you get there, you're like, I can't smell. You leave. I've got no money. The money thing is, yeah, it's huge because it's like you want to do all the stuff

and you want to say yes to everything. How are you not just going to like rip through everything you have? And I think the number one thing I can think of is like stop drinking when you get there. And I know it's like very fun when you first start going to the pub to be like, US will have all the bits on the menu please. Like yes, I'll have everything. And then suddenly the bill's like 83. pounds you know what for this for this egg this ginormous egg this massive 83 pound egg i've just

ordered i'm just ordered at the pub and i ordered an apparel spritz very much somebody ordered apparel spritz for the table each apparel spritz was 15 pounds oh that is i mean this is the thing as well we've all forgotten how much everything is because we've been buying supermarket wine going nine pound wine pretty fancy for tonight i suppose i'll push the boat out and you get there it's like I'm sorry, £12 for a glass. Are you high? 75 millilitres. Yes.

I can buy that whole bottle. What are you talking about? Yeah. So I think, yeah, the more, the, if you can just take drinking out of the equation, that will allow you to do so much more stuff. Pre-drinking, if you want to. Also, organising more things in people, like, going around to people's houses a bit more rather than going to bars and stuff.

And also, like, I think there's this thing where you're like, oh my God, we can go out. Let's go to the Ritz. You're like, we don't need to do that before. Like, no one does. did that before. It's also shit. Exactly. Go to like you fund local that has a deal on. Like that's, that's what we're missing. That's what when you were sat in lockdown, you were missing the things that you used to do, not like this lifestyle that you're now like, you know, some sort of Kardashian. But as well,

there's a thing where, which I definitely think I'm on the brink of, which is the, oh, actually I, I, I, I, did, I, before I got the puppy, I, thankfully, the puppy came right at the point because I sort of started to burn out socially, and it was only been a week, because I was just saying yes to everything, and I've been really, obviously, like a lot of people have, really just desperate to get out there. Obviously, at the time, it was things like in parks and stuff,

but there was some nice weather. And actually, to be honest, I sat in the rain for quite a lot of it. But the idea that you have to say yes to everything is, one of the ways that I have stopped saying yes to everything and being like, is when you think, really visualizing the thing that you're just, that you are deciding,

this or not to go to and weigh that up with something really nice that you could do by yourself at home and if the thing that you could do by yourself at home makes you're like oh it would be nice but but but i but i but i can't let that person down or oh but but i but you know i could have that any time this last year so it's silly to do that again because now i can go out i should go no pick the thing that you want to do like really try and visualize that night you're going to have and go with your heart rather than your head or go with your head rather than your heart, go with the one that's being,

that's not just going like, oh, you should. Should doesn't exist. Like, should is incredibly unhelpful. What would you want to do? But do you have any advice on how we can stop it just making us feel sad? I think the thing about not being sad is just like, is to combat it head on

in this, like, taking physical steps into remembering that everyone else is feeling it, remember that the thing you're freaking out about, you've made that up in your head, you know, rather than, than it being a real thing. What you're, what you're jealous of is an imaginary party.

Yes. You didn't, it didn't exist. Yes. So like, yeah, no shit, you're jealous with that. It sounds fantastic. As ever, it's like looking at it objectively, what is the actual reason you are feeling this? And when you start dismantling it,

you will find, there's a nice side effect to this, that you will stop feeling so sad and not not consuming you. As well as social media, stop, if people are, I mean, you can still be on it, but if people are making you feel like, oh, that you can just, mute them for a bit. Mute everybody. Like, this is what I do. I do it constantly. I'm still doing it's a

constant battle. Like, whenever anyone posts something that makes me feel sad, I don't feel bad and go like, oh my God, but they'll be so sad that they're muted. No, I'm not on following them. I'll just mute them. And then I can go on their profile when I want to find out what they're doing or when I'm like, oh yeah, how is that person? Or like, I hope they're okay. But I can, you know, but like, I don't need to see stuff served to me like that all the time because I might be, I might be able to deal with it, but I might not. For example, this weekend, I was away camping, would you believe? And I, was worried that I was missing out on another event that I was supposed to be at and somebody in the group put up a picture of me in the rain holding a toad

and truth be told I was having a fantastic time in that moment so there's like here's this like endless circle of FOMO me holding the toad thinking I should be at this other thing Stevie looking at the picture of me holding a toad thinking I should be holding a toad you know like I mean to be very clear I was like I want to go camping and be outdoorsy and go to the countryside with my friend and maybe there's a toad there that's what I've just so yeah you wasn't specific to the toad I wasn't Like, I wish I could hold a to hold a to, because I feel like I could just, like, go to the local pet shop and ask to hold them. I don't.

They don't think they offer that as a service, but... No. You're right. It wasn't about the toad. It's like, I wish I was doing things, you know? Yes. Just doing fun, interesting, like, oh, I wouldn't have thought Tess would be holding a toad. Like, you know, it's out of the box.

And I've seen pictures of Stevie on a boat and been like, wow, Steve's on a boat. Like, wow, that looks nice. I was at a boat. I wish I was on a boat. So I think think of all the things that you've done in the last month or week or whatever that like if someone had seen you doing that, that they'd be like, oh, wish I was doing that and you'd be like, oh, right, oh, oh. Gratitude.

Fucking gratitude. It's fucking gratitude. It's fucking boring, isn't it? That's the bloody answer. Be bloody grateful, frankly, all the stuff you've got on. I think it's that and just been like, this has never been a point in human history. When even in the old days, and by that, I mean, the 90s, somebody would say, not us because we weren't old enough to do this.

But it was a thing that you were very young. I wasn't born young. We were tiny little babies. It was a thing that people invited people around to look at their holiday photos. Like that was a thing. It was a sort of punchline to a joke that you'd be like, what a crap sounding evening. Like that was very much a motif of the 90s. It's all we had.

It was a weird decade. And even then that sounded like, it was like, no one wants to do that. No one wants to come to your house and look at your holiday snaps for holiday they weren't on. And yet, that is what we do every single day for upwards. We now just force people. We now like go into their rooms when they're waking up. being like, here's my holiday. Like, we're like town criers of holiday,

just screaming about it. It ain't that we're just town criers. It's that we are getting up every morning and going to knock on people's doors and say, hello, can I see your holiday pictures, please? That's very true. I'm having a wee. I'd quite like to see your holiday pictures while I'm wearing.

We're in such a mess. I hope that helps be. Crucially remember, ain't nobody doing the stuff. You've made it up. And everyone's just doing their thing at their own pace and I know that you feel trapped in that starting gate, but I promise you you're going to get out of there. You're already a horse running around and you don't even know it.

If you listen to you're like, I'd like them to tackle this different episode of something else. Do tweet us or email us and we will do that. We're at at Nobody Panicpod or Nobody Panicpodcast at gmail.com. Tessa, what is your personal social media handle? At Tessa Coates. Come there. Show me your holiday snaps.

Please don't. I don't want to see them either. And I'm at Stevie M with Yes, as a file. And this week put it into practice to focus on your FOMO, deal with it. Get out there. Do the fun stuff. It doesn't have to be expensive. Stop drinking apparel spritzes for £15 a go.

Oh my God, yes. Best wishes with that. Best wishes. And best wishes, goodbye. Best wishes, many thanks. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you so much for listening.

Have a good week, everyone.