Nobody Panic - How to Deal with Unrequited Love

Episode Date: February 16, 2021

Struck by Cupid's arrow but the other person doesn't even know you exist? Memorising their timetable so you accidentally pass them in the corridor? Going completely mad with unrequited love or even unrequited friendship? The official harbingers of love, Stevie and Tessa, walk you back from the edge of your feelings and admit they don't know what harbinger means.Want to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded by Naomi Parnell and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Nobody Panic, the podcast. With me, Tessa.

And me, Stevie. And we're here to help you learn how to do things while we're learning how to do things. Sometimes we found out at the end of the podcast that we haven't really learned how to do it. But that there's not true. That's not true for me. I've always learned. Oh, same. I always learned something at the end.

And then I think, wow. No, that is very true. But sometimes we learn that you can't do it. Like with the criticism thing, we had to be like, you're always going to sweat, it's always going to be upsetting, and then you can accept that. Yeah, but then, yeah, I always think there's, guys, there's always going to be learning to have. Maybe we've jinxed it and this will be the episode where we learn absolutely nothing. Maybe.

Yes, I do regret having said it. This is a suggestion from somebody that we won't say your name in case, you know, the person that you're talking about is listening. She says, I'm wondering if you can do one about how to stop liking someone who doesn't like you back, which could pertain to either a friendship or a romantic relationship. I think it's a very adult skill to have and not a lot of us have it and we suffer miserably for it. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that one.

Yes. Nameless listener, I hear your pain, truly. And then your email really made me laugh. It's like, what did you do about liking someone doesn't like you back? And then it was like, could be a friend or lover. Or lover! It feels like in this situation, it maybe is a lover or not.

Who's to say? But that was what I took from it. Yes, also in your email, you've said that we haven't done about how to get over a breakup. And that is because, and we will do one. But if you, we used to be called the debrief podcast and we did an episode called How to Cope When Your Heart's been thrown down some stairs.

And that was basically that. So if you search the debrief podcast, you will find us. And a whole back catalogue of more episodes where we, I don't know, well, we probably just sound quite young. I don't think so. I don't know. Well, maybe there's more sort of, there's a pandemic weariness to these ones that. Yes, we do.

It's pre-pandemic. We're fresh. We're new. We don't know what's coming in those ones. We're little babies. We're little babies. And we're just trying things out. But there's some good stuff in there. So look for the Deepby podcast. There's a whole pile of episodes in there. So if you haven't found it here, it maybe is there. But we haven't done unrequited love. To demand it, quite frankly. Yes. So we will focus on the unrequited love element, which I think you could probably add to friendships, really, because if somebody is not giving you the signs, then the advice still remains, you know? But before we get into it, shall we exchange the most adult things we've done this week to make ourselves feel mature and grown up and like we are living lives? Absolutely. Mine is breathtakingly weak. Okay, good.

I have started taking this to bed with me. Oh, what's it going to be? Adult thing for me. As I read, I thought, but it's not. It is my water bottle. I've been taking my water bottle to bed because I like it. to take water with me and I would describe the situation of water glasses beside my bed as that scene from signs, the film.

Yes. A reference that you either know what you don't, but it's not, not to spoil the film, but the end of the plot is that the small girls, the small girls, many glasses of water become crucial to killing the aliens. And that is honestly what my bedroom looks like. And obviously I get myself a glass of water and go to bed, never drink it and get myself another glass. the following evening. And I was like, this is out of control. And low, taking the water bottle with me means I have to fill this thing up again, you know,

so I don't get another glass. And that has genuinely helped. I think that's a good one. Mine's way weaker. Okay. I'm ready for it. Mine sounds like, you know, when I'm trying to do examples

because you're very, very good at doing, like analogies and metaphors, and I'm not good. And I always say something about a hat because it's the first thing I can think of. Yeah. This actually is about a hat. Right.

I'll get it now. I bought a hat. And I was like, I'd like to be the sort of person that wears this hat. Perfect. And I went for a walk with my friend who was a dog yesterday, distanced, of course. Of course. And wore the hat with pride and didn't arrive and say, many apologies for wearing this hat.

And? She didn't notice. And no, she did. So then when we finished and about like six hours later, she messaged me saying like, oh, that was like a reference to what we talked about. or something. And I was like, and said like, oh, thank you for being very helpful with that. And I said, and also, well, thank you for not mentioning the very bold hat I was wearing. And she said, the moment I got in, I literally thought, Stevie was wearing a very bold hat. And that was all I thought. I think it looks very nice. And so I managed to hold it off because the thing is I will arrive somewhere.

And shout, I'm wearing a hat. If I've got like a big collar on or something, I'd be like, sorry, you probably won't see me through this collar. It's like, no, no one noticed your collar until you sort of made your neck go into it and said that no one could hear you through the collar. Probably kind of everyone can't even see me about it. The collars come to the party, I see. Yes. That would be my response to every, every question. Very tiresome. For them, me, and the collar who's just trying to live its life on my neck.

I'll describe the hat because people at home will be, I imagine, chomping at the bit, screaming. Let us imagine the hat. I've actually included it on my Instagram. and referred to it as my blossom hat. The message here is, guys, live your life. Wear the hat. Wear your hat. For God's sake, life is short,

and what is the point in never wearing the hat you think is nice? Wear it. Two astoundingly weak adult things this week. Listen, life is hard. Life is hard. And I tell you what, it's even harder. I'm required to love. I think, personally, the most upsetting experiences I've had with other people

have been me being in love with them and them not knowing. That is, it's the worst. Because it makes you feel so silly, unattractive, sort of like a mooning teenager. And if you're listening and you're a teenager, and people go like, oh, it's just teenage love. No, it feels the same when you're like 25 and you're like, but why don't you love me?

Like, it's horrible. I did read that research has found that when we feel rejection, because that's basically what the feeling is, it's just being consistently rejected all the time by the same person. because they every second that I've decided not to spend that time with you. Phrases like broken heart and wounded spirit or hurt feelings, they're not metaphors. And according to a group of researchers at the University of Michigan,

they found that emotional pain activates the same part of your brain as physical pain. So you need to acknowledge, and we all these don't acknowledge right out of the gate, that you have been injured and you need to take care of yourself mentally. It also, I think, is one of the more psychologically, damaging things to go through. I mean, they're a worse, but of the love spear, it's really up there because

it drives you completely mad and it makes you furious at yourself, because I think it's one of the ones where you are able to sort of step outside of your body and know what the answer is here, which is, they are not into you. And

you know that. You know that and like, cut you open like a bit of It would be printed on your soul. You know it. And there's nothing you can do to stop yourself from still plowing, like, headlong into them. May I short anecdote? Please.

So it really illustrates that point. There was a boy when I was at school. It's the top end of school. So it was like 14, 15. And was in love with him just furiously. He never once spoke to me, looked at me, made any and also bearing in mind that two of his friends were two of five very good friends he never joined in with anything when we were doing stuff like when we were hanging out he was never really there

he also like went out with someone else and i still on the last day of school got my friend to go and ask him what do you think of steve it like do you and he said who no no no yes that was the response. And this was after three and a half years of me, just without even trying to, I knew his timetable so that I knew exactly where we would cross the corridors and I would go to go to the bathroom, like, because I knew that he would be moving, like, absolutely. What is that? I sometimes would say that I'm fairly logical as a human being. Where is the logic there? Where is that? Because people are capable of doing mad things. I do mad things all the time. And then after I think, what's done that for but at the time I was like this seems reasonable whereas when you go through this

you a huge part of you knows it's not right which is why it's so painful like you knew in that corridor that you were like what are you doing in this corridor you know yeah i remember being at parties and like knowing you know and a boy this boy was like you know him coming in and me like just throwing all my hair over my shoulder and then like bellowing laughing at what and everyone's Your hair out, you're bored. And then everyone was like, I was telling quite a sad story. And I'm like, what, what? And like, honestly, I felt like I was watching myself from above, just being like, calm the fuck down.

I remember talking to him in this, and I'm old. I'm not a teenager at this point. I mean, I certainly had them as a teenager. But I'm not quite a teenager. I was more just like, oh, nobody fancies me. And I was sort of in love with across the board, just in love with everybody. But then as I got older, they became more targeted of like, I'm a completely obsessed with this person right now. and I know they don't fancy me.

And I remember having a conversation with him by the fridge at this party. And I remember thinking, feeling like the sand of the conversation was like running through my fingers. Like I knew there was only so long. I knew he wanted to leave. I knew that like he didn't want to talk to me. And I felt like this insane like, say something, say something, say something to like keep him here. Like something to. And eventually I think I remember him being like, what I literally had to be like, why don't you fancy me?

that is a good tip. Like, don't ask someone why they don't fancy you, because you don't want to know that answer. They're either going to be nice and just go like, I just don't. Or they're going to give you an answer. And you'll be like, oh. There's no answer.

Me and this boy had had, what I imagined was the first night of the rest of our lives. Yes. I truly was like putting every memory into my mental diary. He, at one point, we stayed at an after party. We were sat on the sofa. We were watching cricket documentaries to like 3 a.m. I remember thinking like,

this is the most powerful that any love has ever been. And I remember looking over at him and he was asleep. So I was like, okay, so we're not having the same experience here. Then I stayed the night and then saw him like, honestly, I left his house. Honestly, like she leaves in Beauty and the Beast. Like, good morning to the baker. Classic song. The good morning to the baker.

The bakers. I love that song. There goes the bakers with their tray of I'm in love. There goes the good morning, good morning. I was like waving a bus driver's. I was like skipping down the street. I was like, this is a car. I got hit by a car.

I was like, this is the beginning of the rest of my life. And I was like, oh, I was mad. And then I started at this party and his body language, everything was immediately like that was a one-time thing. So for him to be like, we had a one-time thing. me to be like, we're married. Like, I was, I was honestly being like, well, we need to get a two-man tent for that festival that's in six months. And then at this party, I remember him going up the stairs, me going up the stairs as well,

so I would like be like, oh, ha-ha-ha, bumping onto the stairs all the time. Bumping into the stairs. Bringing it. It's like all the time. You're just smashing all over them. Just to like nonchalantly be here. Everyone was like, mate, you have got to calm down. Like, your energy is like, palpable.

Like, nobody wants to. be around you. And the whole time I was like, it was like watching a video that I could not control. And like, it was, it's so unpleasant. And then, and then this is when I sort of had to be like, hey, what, like, hey, what's the, what's the vibe? Like, I thought we had a fun time. And he was like, yeah, we had a fun time.

But I thought it's just like, we could be just friends. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I like you. And then he said, I mean, I don't know if you like want to go out with me. to which I said, oh my God, yes, please. And he said, sorry, that's not what I want. And that was the point where I became like that girl from the 90s who used to be able to make herself into a pile of water and go under the door.

Alex Mack. Thank you. Then I became Alex Mack. I just slid down the stairs as a piece of water. And I did at that point have enough sense of self to just leave the party and be like, this has gone bad. This has gone as bad as a bit. Couldn't have gone worse. This didn't have gone worse.

There's so much written on why we are attracted to the people that we are attracted to. So there's not really one definite way of saying why you felt that attraction and somebody else didn't. Because that's the thing that really is upsetting. Because when you feel something that strongly, you almost can't believe the other person. It doesn't. And also, you know, I've used an example from when I'm 14, but it's happened throughout my entire 20s. Like, you just can't, you just can't believe it. Because you're having one experience and they're having something else.

How could that happen? How could that happen? Because there's so many different theories about why people are attracted to the people they are. So, for example, there's a theory that genetically you try and seek out somebody that is almost not your entire genetic opposite, but has some dominant genes where you have recessive genes so that you are able to produce, if you wanted to the healthiest child possible. So that is one way of looking it, but then so you think of that,

you're like, well, hang on. So if I'm attracted to that person, because for that reason, then they must be attracted to me because it's maths. But the problem is that there's so many other things. So apparently, according to Professor of Counseling, Dr. Carullis, attraction can stem from are patterns of experiences in life going back right through to early childhoods.

So you can tie people from your childhood memories to those that you meet in the present. And you try and copy and recreate figures from your past. Again, not all the time. You're not like looking to shag your dad. And it's not conscious either. It's so deep. And also hormones as well. So men with high levels of testosterone are more attracted to women who are considered more feminine with less levels of testosterone to balance out the testosterone levels. So you don't just give birth to just a vial of testosterone. And so all of these things are like a big soup and they're happening all the time. So for example, in that

instance, you will have found something in that person subconsciously, chemically, that really does match. However, he is working on an environmental or behavioural level that is like, I'm essentially trying to find that X from three years ago, but he doesn't know that he is, but he's only attracted to people who are brunettes. He doesn't understand why, but he, for some reason, he only wants a brunette person to have sex with, and he doesn't know why. Exactly. And you can't control that. And that's the thing that's the thing that is impossible in the moment to understand that it isn't you because it literally is you because they're saying no to you. To you.

When you're saying it's a yes from me. It's a strong yes for me. It's a golden buzzer from me. It's a straight to the cabin in Montana to make eight babies. Like it's a yes from me. And then to be like, who? Sorry, Stevie who? When you've pushed your golden buzzer.

And it's like, it feels like, Like Cupid just like missed with his arrow, but he got you straight. And then you're like, but the other person... That's why you can completely understand that sort of motif, because that is literally what it feels like. So that motif of like, Cupid shot maybe. Because you feel like you've been like injected with something. You're like, I didn't ask for this.

I don't want to be obsessed with you. This is unbearable. And that obsession and that pain and that... I mean, it's mid-Summer night's dream. It's those four idiots running into the woods one after another when people keep saying, please, I don't fancy you. and then being like, it looks like I'm coming in this, would.

But in a way, you do. I'm thinking now, and I think maybe other people will have this, that there are still people in my life, not like close friends, but like, there are still people that I sort of know that I'm like, yeah, like, it would have been, you know, you want a bit, that they didn't want a bit of this.

And they also, at no point have they just even express the interest in wanting even a small portion of this. But I in my head, I'm like, yeah, but you've just been playing it very cool. And actually, you do fancy me. They don't. That's very funny. I'm not, like, arrogant enough to think that everyone fancies me at all. It's just there are just a few people that it's the residue of those chemicals that is, that is, is my brain protecting itself.

So it's so that I'm not rejected. So it's like, like, I went to a house party and I fancied this boy there. And I must have been 22 or 23. I'm genuinely nervous. Like, I'm already nervous. No, it's fine. Don't worry. I thankfully, my way of expressing that I am attracted to somebody

is pretending that I've never seen them and I never speak to them and I just quietly shrivel my soul in the corner hoping that they will notice that I'm wearing a nice dress. Or a massive collar or a big hat. A huge colour, like the biggest collie you've ever seen and the wildest hat. So this person I would genuinely be astonished to know that I was in love with them But I was.

And we would like chat and it'd be fine. And I wasn't weird because I, we had protected myself genuinely making them think I didn't even like them as a friend. Right. So that was good. Right. So they have, to the extent where they did ask somebody like, what's Stevie's problem with me?

Oh, wow. Fine. So then I get quite drunk and we're having like a genuinely nice conversation, but also inside I'm completely hysterical. Thinking like, this is it. This is my time. Good morning. to the baker.

Also, like, we go to, everyone, like, falls asleep just, like, all over the place. And I end up falling asleep next to this person. End up. But just by chance. I don't know how you felt. How did it happened? Just by chance, I went and did my makeup.

And then went back to sleep. So that when they woke up, I had a full face of men. And also didn't sleep. I just lay awake, staring at the ceiling ready. In case they needed me in the night. They woke up and said, oh, shit, it's my girlfriend's birthday today, so I'd better head off.

And I lay there in my full makeup and was like, oh, yes. Oh, Lord. And so I didn't embarrass myself. And so it's, but still, they probably don't know that I was enough with them. But even then, like it made me want to die inside. So the levels, of course, smashing all over the stairs and being like, I would like to go out with you. And then someone saying, no, that's not what I want. feels like, you know, that would feel much worse. And of course it does because you've got the embarrassment on top of it. But weirdly, the embarrassment is exactly the same whether or not you've actually said it. But if you hadn't have said anything, you would have just felt worse and it would have continued and dragged on. Anyway, the point is, is that it really isn't you. It could be a gene you have or don't have.

It could be the time or the place or what they've recently been through or a thousand different things that aren't really anything to do with you. And also, here we are at either. the end of the spectrum, Stevie be outwardly horrid to someone for four years. Awful. Awful. And me, if you're listening to me, I wonder if Tess has ever fancied me. You absolutely, everyone I've ever fancied has been extremely aware. I fancy them.

Palpably, very stressfully aware, I think. Nobody has enjoyed the experience of being fancied by me. I'm trying to get a handle on the energy because I've obviously never seen this energy because I don't, you know, I've not been, we've not fancied me. Is it like when we're playing that parlor game Mafia and you're the Mafia? It's exactly like that. Oh my God. Where it looks like you might cry or scream at any point and you've got bright rest.

It's exact. I just can't bear it. I'm not actually very good at secrets. Like, we play this game called Mafia that you might know it was various different names, but it involves lying basically in a group and saying you're not something when you are something. And Stevie just, as soon as the game begins, Steve just says, are you the mafia? and I just say, yes.

Or you go, no, but like, because you go like, what, no, I'm not, and you're genuinely dripping in sweat, bright, right, and you can't keep your eyes open, you blink so quickly. It's exactly like that. And also, we've sort of glossed over friendship, but like, I haven't done it as weird with friends, but like, certainly when you're at school, you know, really desperately wanting to be friends with somebody.

And I think it's that thing of like, you say like, oh, I got you this banana from the canteen. Okay. And if they were you, and when you're actually friends, your friend is like, oh, thank you. Or why did you do that? And you say like, because you said you like bananas like last year. And they'd be like, that's funny. And that would be the end of it. If you have, if you're out of your mind trying to be friends with somebody who you desperately.

And it's this the same love thing. You're just completely infatuated this person. And you say, I got your banana from the canteen. They're like, what? And then you say, oh. like in PE three years ago you said bananas be your favorite and everyone's like okay and then you just look like a you look like you've got pictures of them on the wall which you have sort of in your mind like you've just been recording details about them which is what you do for actual friends as well like you know what your friends like and don't like but when it's this horrible one way feeling oh yish yes and i think it does work with friendships in terms of if you have done some stuff to be better friends with somebody and they have not responded or they've not responded well

and they've made you feel awkward for having done it. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter what you feel like it's not going to happen and you just have to accept it. But then on the other side if you have somebody that you would like to be friends with that you haven't really made inroads in or whatever, less is always more and to start with small things

rather than immediately coming up to them and just presenting them with a bono. Anna. Just try out chatting to them, try out, if you overhear them a conversation, join the conversation. You can tell and you can pick up on the signals. And the problem comes, especially with unrequited love and also friendship, where you do pick up on the signals, but it's like you can't see them. Yeah, it's like you're driving the Death Star and everyone's like, sir, captain, like we're taking on Klingons. I don't know. And there's a, and there's a meteoroid thing ahead.

Good Lord, this is an absolute shit storm. There's a meteor, sorry, the Star with the Death Star, the Klingons, and there's a meteoroid. Yeah, it's actually a field, a meteoroid field. We've got to get through it. And there's like a black hole. And, but we could just turn around. Like that, we could just, let's go left. No problem.

And yet you are just driving right. And everyone is shouting like, please, Captain. Like, this is so bad. There's other people in the world. Yeah, we don't have to go down here and yet you're just like glued to the glue to the wheel of the death start. But there is something,

so there's a psychologist called Philip. Philip Shaver, sure. I'm sorry if it's Shaver or Shaver. Anyway, it suggests that you have to look and see if falling for somebody or wanting to be friends with somebody who doesn't want that back, if that's a pattern and this keeps happening,

then that could be the result of if you had an insecure attachment issue, which is basically when, if you had repeated experiences in childhood, that is like a sense that adults that you depend on aren't accessible at times when you most need them. So, for example, a parent's away a lot or you just don't feel like your parents

were giving you what you needed, then that is a pattern that you have mapped on to be like, that's what a relationship is, that's what love it, this is what it's supposed to be when it isn't. So if you find that this, is happening a lot in your life. And of course, you will fall in love or have crushes on people that don't like love you back and crush you back. Like, that's just a thing.

But if you, if it's, if it sort of feels quite chronic, then that is something that needs to be untangled and looked at in a professional sense. So you can get over the sort of pain of any childhood rejection or like abandonments that you've experienced because then you will start to feel if you, if you don't undo that pattern, you'll reinforce the pattern and you'll start to genuinely believe that no one would ever want to be your friend, no one would ever want to love you, when actually the people that you've been targeting, you won't realize this, but on some level you know that they won't want you back. And you chose people to reinforce a narrative you've already decided. And on the outside, you're like, that's insane, I would never do

that. Nobody likes me. And you're like, or did you actively seek out people you knew were going to reject you? Even when you have recognized that you are doing that, you still don't fully believe that you are doing that because it's so deep. So don't, but that still is not you. That is something that happened, or has happened multiple times and you haven't even been aware of it. You can't even remember it when you were a kid. Also, I just want to say that think of all the people that you know that you're like, they're shit and they're in a relationship.

Like, shit people get married and fall in love with people that love them back. Like totally shit people. So you'll, you're fine. Boris Johnson's got eight kids. Like, how is that going on? What is going on there? Like, of course you're great. There are so many terrible people out there, like rubbish people who managed to.

Just boring as well. Just that people managed to find out. Of course there are people for you. There's about 9 billion people on the planet. There is someone out there who will feel the same. And like, don't, you know, you know the answer. Like, you know when you started listening to this podcast. You knew when you wrote in.

You knew when you tried to get that boy to kiss you. you know the answer is they just are not into you and you have to be ever so brave and walk away and find people who are because the world is really full there's loads of people and don't waste your time barking up the tree of someone who doesn't want to let you in their tree like I when I I remember crying to my friend Becca and about a boy you didn't want to go out with me and I said

but he's perfect and she said no he's not because He doesn't fancy you. Like, it's irrelevant what they're like on paper or if they... Well, you create them in your mind. Exactly. You've made a version of them that is perfect. But that's not a real person. You've done that in your head.

Do you want to be in a relationship with the other person doesn't love you? No. Because that's the relationship that you're going towards. If you go like, well, it's enough. It's like, no, it's not enough. It really isn't. And I do also want to add to that that don't, and I think people do a lot of crazy things

in search for closure, they'll be like, I just want closure on it. I just want to know. You don't. You're again looking for a reason and proof that it could happen. That's all you're doing when you try and...

And people do that when they've broken up with people, well, often when they've been broken up with, they will be like, I just need to have another conversation with them on the phone or another thing. Because then I will really get closure. No, again, because you will wear your nice top and you will hope that

he sees or they see that you are doing really well and that you so then he will want me back like yeah it always you're always tricking yourself because your brain is trying to match with the with with with the person it has chemically decided that you should that day match with and also you've you've reinforced that brain by consistently leaning into it and thinking about it and building up your brain can't tell the difference chemically between the made up person that you have made up completely in your head and a real person that loves you and you can't be with. So your brain's going, yeah, go for it. Because what?

They fancy you. And also they really, and all of those fantasies that you will have in your head of like going to the party and the amazing dress or the amazing cool, sharp suit and they turn around and see you and they know. When you think about that enough, the chemicals are created in your brain. Your brain thinks that that is happening, but it's not. So you have to forget the idea of closure. and you have to accept that there's going to be,

it's going to be an open-ended situation. And then in three years' time, you'll look back and go, it wasn't open-ended. It was incredibly close-ended, but I just kept hanging around the end, hoping for an epilogue, when there wasn't one.

And you're not stupid for doing it. No way. You're apparently like 98% of the population of experience undrequited love. I can't believe that. It must be 100. Who's not, who's not? Psychopaths.

Oh, anyway, 98 is still pretty high, isn't it? 98 is very high. I hope there is just some solace in being like, you're not alone, everybody's been through it, it's a horrible feeling, and the only solution is to tell yourself out loud the answer that you already know. And listen to those songs that, like make a playlist,

listen to those songs that relate to your feelings, as well, that really helps as well to know that just every song has been written about and provided love. It is a true pain, it is a valid pain, and it's one that you have to live with, and you can help yourself. get out of it by breaking the cycle of going to everywhere that they are and trying to find other

people and not following them online and just like and just and repeatedly out loud saying like they don't like me like I know they don't fancy I hope it's I hope it's vaguely helpful I hope that we can all if you're going through that you at least feel comforted that everyone else does everyone's been through it and it's absolutely rotten and you just got to be very very brave just very Be brave. Just be very brave. And like, and then there is no right way through it. Well, it seems like that was one of the ones that we were talking about at the start.

Turns out we didn't learn anything at all. No, right. No. Well, we, I feel like sometimes it's not learning. Sometimes it's just reiterating the things that we already know. Yes. So that we can move forward. And if you have any podcast episode ideas, then do email us, Nobody Panicpodcast at gmail.com.

Or tweet us. Nobody Panic pod. Oh, or me. Or me. Or me. Sorry, I just remember that. You go first. I'm at Tessa Coates.

I'm at Stevie M, but it's not an S at the start of the name. Why is it? Turned it into a five, the number five. Oh, my God. And just look after yourself this week and we'll be back next week. Take great care. It's tough out there and you're doing so well. And it's not you.

It's not you. It's your chemicals or your environment or the X or your childhood experiences. See you next week. Bye-bye.