Nobody Panic - How To Deal With Valentine's Day

Episode Date: February 12, 2019

It's just a day! You don't need to deal with anything! But if you're feeling a bit apprehensive about the day of lurrrve Stevie and Tessa are on hand. Featuring the shocking (and Tessa-abridged) history of V-day and why Beyonce is crucial to getting through if you're single. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hi and welcome to Nobody Panic. Hello and happy Valentine's. Happy Valentine's week. Also, sorry that we weren't around last week. But we wanted to do one about Valentine's Day. Thank you very much to Hannah, who emailed in and requested as of like how to cope with Valentine's Day one. And we thought that we'd like do how to cope in all different scenarios. You know, like when you're single, when you love it but you partner hates it, vice versa, when you've just been dumped, that sort of thing. But also the main thing that we'll be shouting throughout is that it doesn't, Valentine's.

Crucially, the main take-home here is nobody cares. It's a day. It's a day. We've called it How to Cope with Valentine's Day for Clickbait to draw you in. And we've got you here. And now you're here. All those articles saying like how to cope when you don't have a man or a woman or you're alone. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

They're making you feel like you should have to cope. Well, the nice thing about capitalism, Stevie, as I always say, of course, is that if you're not sad, no one can sell you anything. Oh, that's so. true. Have you seen their earlobe fillers recently? Now, they're offering earlobe. No, just like to make your earlobes look more plump if you've got like thin earlobes.

It was like they've really run out of They've run out of things to say that's not good enough. Yeah. I don't think I could ever care about my earlobes. Maybe that's just because I've got like banging earlobes. Yeah, you've got great ones. And if you're listening and you're like, my lobes are a meter long. I can't leave the house.

I'm like, oh my God, I feel you, I hear you. If anything is... Wrap them up. Wrap them up. Time in a bow. use them as a headband, but also if something is obviously affecting your life, that's affecting your life, that's a different thing to just like,

my earlobes are a bit lean. Yes, but you wouldn't have known the majority of things you wouldn't know were a problem unless somebody told you. Exactly. Most things, most things. And nobody actively told you, you just, in osmosis it, from the, you know, from other people.

And capitalism. And from, of course, capitalism. You didn't know. So you wouldn't know that Valentine's Day was a problem if people weren't trying to sell you Valentine's Day. If everyone woke up on Valentine's Day and was like, don't really care about it. They wouldn't sell a single balloon. Amount of money that changed hands in America last year on Valentine's Day?

17 billion. Oh my God. Too many, right? That's how much the industry is worth? And it only exists because we're like, but how will you celebrate your love? Who will know your love? How will you cope?

And then they've managed to market on the single ladies. Let's have Galentine's Day. Perhaps you should stay in a scrapbook alone and you need this candle. Do you have anything about the history of Valentine's Day? Of course I do. Great, because I don't. What's the adult thing that you've done this week though? Hark your mind back to the Lost, Losing Things episode,

which I boldly claimed, without touching any word, I just said, I haven't lost a phone since I was 13. I lost it immediately, immediately everyone. And knowing until I lose it, I got out of a car, a rental car, stepped out of the car, had it in my hand, and then it just was not in my hand anymore. Oh my God. Had to call somebody to find me on find my friend.

they could still see it beside me somewhere it was absolutely horrendous and eventually I just had to leave just had to leave. It's so disorientating I'm looking for it for an hour Oh my God

So it's somewhere in a car park in the middle of a rental place And I don't know where it is And also I could not I was literally trying to think about this podcast as it was happening And I was crouched on the floor Thinking and all I could remember

Is I was saying like Not to panic and to breathe and all of this bullshit and I couldn't think of anything. And so basically it was very unadult and I did a very, very bad job. And I couldn't believe the amount that I was panicking and that I was not thinking straight

because I couldn't remember my Apple ID to go and find my phone to find it so it could make a noise about the time I'd remembered it, run out of battery. What's the take home here? I guess don't panic and don't confidently say that I've never lost anything.

Anyway, my adult thing is that I went into the shop because also my phone was shout. mattered to shit. It was. And you couldn't really hear people. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't really an important phone. You know, I got into the shop and I just was like, a phone please. One of your, one of your finest phones. I can't help but notice there there's no case on it.

No, because I bought the wrong phone. They won't swap the contract. I've got to sell this on eBay and got another one. Oh my God. No further questions, please. That's absolutely fine. I bought a 32 gigabyte. I have 64 gigabytes worth of iPod's storage. It can't get onto the phone.

They won't change the contract. No further questions. Why is being an adult so hard? I was so happy on my sim only. Oh, so sorry. My adult thing is that, so I've decided to monetise my tortoise. So I was sad and I was like, rather than just mope about,

I bought Dr. Alison Parker, who was returned from the hotel and it was out of hibernation and it's absolutely love a knife. Dess is convinced it's a different tortoise. I just like to chime in here. It's not. The tortoise that has come back is about twice the size and is striding about the flat.

Tess is very opinionating. She's met her like four times and I've lived with her and she doesn't believe that I know my own torquets. I know the doctor, like the back of my hand. The doctor is, we'll see you now. That's what's happening. I think it's like an SEO trot thing going on here. Anyway, I brought her a spider outfit for Halloween

and it arrived the day after Halloween, fully pointless. So then I was sad, so I was like, I'll just put it on her because I'll make me happy and it did. And she just charged about, in this dress as a spider and I really enjoyed that and then I did a time lapse of her going up and down the hall and I just thought I'll just put it on Twitter that'd be funny

and then it essentially like kicked off it's got like 5,000 favourites and like a thousand retweets I think more and I think it's got 200,000 views oh thank you it has got yeah it's got 200,000 yeah yeah yeah I guess

200,000 but then I thought well I'm going to do an Instagram for her I don't know if that's an adult thing I think it is kind of adult thing because it's like oh let's make a thing out of it I think it is you had an idea and you've seen it through to completion. I've seen it through to completion. And she's got a deal with a fenty.

Please go across to at 2 underscore torts. It involves Dr. Alison Parker and her sister Gary, who is way more flamboyant and frankly quite mad. At 2 torts. At 2 underscore torts. The number 2. No, no, no, the letter 2. It's important to clarify. And then just off the back of my adult thing, I'm going to do an adult thing now, which is,

what's the word, publicise doing a show, an hour long show, at Vault Festival. There's about 20 tickets left, so please get them, get them, and it's February 28th, 840 at Volt Festival. Okay, so let's kick on into Valentine's Day.

Yeah, so teach me the history of the Valentine's. Of course, of course. Often attributed to... Like St. Valentine's. Yes, yes, because they shot him on the day. Shot him with love. And a gun. He was killed.

It was shot and set off. Oh, did they? Yeah. Why? Baddy. Oh, okay. But they were just always, people were always being chopped. It was sort of one of those Christian, everyone was always being martyed.

Most of the saints are people who tried to preach the word. And people were like, don't want your word. Don't want your word. I don't care for that. Shot him. Okay, cool. But prior to that, between February the 13th and the 15th, um sidebar to you what kind of calendar were the romans on the roman calendar are we on the same calendar

is the romans the gregorian calendar i don't want to conferred that i guess so let's just like say okay so in this time of the year uh specifically if febru thirteenth and fifteenth the romans celebrated the feast of lupecialia sure we well i i do and we all do today um and as we all know uh the men of the town sacrifice a dog and a goat and then whip the women in with the hides of the animals. It hurts. It does hurt. You were supposed to line up to be whipped.

That's dreadful. Yeah, for fertility, of course, for the coming in. Everything's fertility. So they whipped the women so they'd be more fertile? Correct. Fucking hell. But with the sort of animal's skin. Was this like the sort of 60s?

Yes. The 1360s. Yeah, the 13th sixties. They were cray! I thought it was about third century. Oh, okay. Sorry, yeah. It was, as with all the Roman festivals,

drunk and nude. Oh, God. That's quite fun, but part of whipping. It sounds absolutely great. I don't know if the whipping was like super painful. I think it probably was. I don't think at any point do you want to be whipped nude, even if it's gentle.

Unless that's what you're into. Oh my God, unless there's full consent and you don't believe it will make you more fertile because it's not going to. Yeah, because that's the thing, if you truly believe it is going to make you more fertile, think I'm any like, I mean, literally the earlobbing thing. People do all kinds of shit.

That's true. That is painful in the hope that it will achieve something. Yeah, absolutely. Right? I'll take it back. Right? Whip me. After you got whipped.

or before, you put your name into a jar. Okay. And then people pulled out your partner out of the jar. Okay. And you were coupled up for the festival. Oh, so you could just have sex with them. Yep. And it was a sort of no hold bar.

It was very consensual. So if you didn't like it at the end, no problem. Go you with separate ways. If you did, consider. That's the ultimate singles note. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was literally a matchmaking speed dating affair. And is that where it got the association with, like, dating and love?

Well, this time of the year is all. always like fertility, love, Roman, springtime, you know, but I think the Romans took it. That one step further in an attempt to be a coupling up. Fuck everyone. To see if you can.

How many people can you fuck? And then I bet for the whole year everyone was like, you're going to La Pachilia? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm absolutely stoked. I've oiled my breasts. Whose name did you get out of the chart? It's insane, isn't it?

Because also, you're thinking about the lead-up. Imagine the, the rest of the year you spent three days boning some guy that you're like oh girl and you're like oh i don't know about that oh so awkward i don't like i didn't think he was very nice and then you have to see him around rome yeah i imagine nightmare constantly everyone in bars i'm like oh my god oh my god that's the guy he didn't trip the house for three days there's quite a lot the romans are quite into like um very serious business yeah but then several times a year you go into the woods and you just get fucked up and then you sort of come back

and that's like you've got it out of your system and then you just go back to building roads we're back to the roads and talking about engineering and then oh here we go again i think it's greek the ancient greeks that had the bacchanalia didn't they and that was the same thing it was just like with all humors and you know just philosophy and then oh it's Friday i want to put this boarhead on like have sex with children it's not a bad uh it's not bad idea if it's Everyone's up for it, but I have a feeling that in those days there were people that weren't up for it. Like the fact that often in ancient Greece, it did involve young boys. And you're like, how much say did they have?

Totally unacceptable. But I think it was a time where A, people died earlier. Yeah, that's true. And B, you got a lot out of it. You did live hard. And also, nothing up the bum. It went just between your thighs. That's not true.

Yes, it is. 100%. There's no anal sex. Anal sex was... A lot... ...that show the penis going into the back. It's them going in. It's never the asshole.

Writing, if a sort of an ancient Greek scholar that I put his penis between your thighs for Valentine's day. I'm just saying that if I was a 14-year-old with some alabaster thighs, I would be cleaning up those scholars. I'd just lie there. I'd like, I'd say some right things. Yeah, in exchange for knowledge.

For knowledge and teaching. Teach me to read. Please. To read it's put your penis through for thighs. And I'd say, no problem, have it? But I wouldn't do it for my bum. No. It's an individual.

I think again, it all comes down to individual, consent. If anyone listening, Tessa's into that. So if you want to do a knowledge exchange, then she's cool with that. I personally wouldn't want that to happen. So I think I'm on the side of the there will be some of the young boys.

I'll teach you to code if I can put my between you guys. Thank you. Okay. So that's the history of Wednesday. So how did it go from like... Well, so that was happening obviously the Romans. And then as with many of our festivals, the sort of Catholic Church gets involved. And then they start, you know, combined some things.

Claudius, Emperor Claudius executes two men, both called Valentine on February 14th. And there's sort of there, it was one of those things but like, let's combine a Christian festival with something's already going on. Or they always like overlay it don't they're like, oh, what you were doing was bad. So we're going to execute you and show that actually

this new way is the correct way and you've been doing it wrong for centuries. That's kind of what they tend to do. That's what they did with Christmas, isn't it? Yeah. Makes sense. obviously Shakespeare got involved. Oh, he always gets involved. He's always getting involved. If music be the food of love, play on.

Play on. And then love became, for a long time, you were banging your, your courtisan or whatever, but you married somebody from Spain for political allegiance. Sure. Marriage was like, this is business and this is who I have sex with. And there was not, love wasn't really a, you know, it gradually became this artistic thing.

And Shakespeare, of course, and all of this business. But it wasn't until 1913 with Hallmark cards. of Kansas City bestarted. They had the first factory made cards. Valentine's day like went along kind of quite comfortably

being this sort of like you know you send your cards and then the internet came on social media came out and now it's become even more of a hysterical thing like with everything so then you've got

20,000 articles being like how to cope when you're alone yeah this is so unhelp and also like everyone on Twitter everyone on Instagram is like oh my God sharing like their Valentine's Day and you're like oh good shut up

yeah even and I'm in a relationship and just shut up Shut up, man. So I think for a long time it must have been, before that, I'm sure you sent your love letters and things through the post, whatever. When I was little, I used to wake up and my mum got some chocolates and things,

and she'd always do a card that was like, a happy Valentine's Day from, question mark. Oh, lovely. When you actually think about it, romance with my parents, but it is, really. Who else did you have at that age? So in our school, we had Valenzuela delivery thing, so you could write a card

and then they'd be delivered to the person that was anonymous. Two people would get one. And then the rest would just be like, you sending it to your friends being like, I love you, I'm, you're fit, or whatever. But then I always dreamed of a genuine one.

I've never had one. No, me neither. I've never had a genuine, like, mystery one. Yeah, I always know it is. And because we came of age at a time of like Hillary Duff and like MTV and like they were always the girl, she was like 12, but she always got like 18 valentines.

Yeah. It was like romance portrayed as a childish, that way that like children had romance on the, And it was like, you'd get like a crate paper envelope. It was like, oh my God, is it from Harvey or is it from tray? Yeah. It was like, you've got a choice? Yeah, you believe that a boyfriend put his ladder at your window and like came up and that's what.

Hey, Harve. Yeah, that's what a boyfriend was. And we all dreamed of one. I did. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted, I wanted, everybody. I wanted to have been very hard. But you didn't know that you, you didn't, that's the thing about, like, you didn't know that you were sad about something unless you had been shown this, like, ideal.

The thing of what it could be. Of course. I was very happy getting Valentine's State's card off my mom for the rest of my life. Yeah, lovely. If other people hadn't shown me what it could be like. You really first start with Valentine's Day when you're single? Yes. I just have a lot of thoughts about it.

Please, Stevie. I mean, I've had more Valentine's Day single than I have not. I genuinely have always had a really nice time. And I think it's because I genuinely don't feel in my heart it's an important day. I think it can be really hard when you use it as a reminder of like, oh my God, I'm still single. Because it's the lover's day. Because it's the lover's day. Not for you.

Not for you. But the thing is, is it is because it's literally a day. Now there's this whole Gallantines thing, which again is, you know, it's got its positives, and it's got its negatives. Positives are, very inclusive, really fun. I'm going to a Galantines Day thing this year on February 15th. They're having a Beyonce night. Oh, God.

Absolutely there. Yes. And there'll be loads of those. And Beyonce, I think, is crucial. That's probably my first tip. Listen to Beyonce on Valentine's Day. Watch her Coachella performance. Watch her...

Super Bowl. Super Bowl halftime. Watch her Glastonbury. Watch any performance. by Beyonce. Her billboard performance where she does Who Run the World Girls with all of the women.

Like, it's the best thing ever when she goes up to the man and goes, I've got to cut my check. It's like, oh my God. So you need that in your life on Valentine's Day anyway. And not because you need to cope. Just as a work ethic is off of.

It's just so great. It's just like, yeah, it's fine. It's all fine. I'm great. Women are great. So there's opportunities to just do something fun rather than like,

I have to do something fun otherwise. The void. Like there's no void. You're fine. On the plus side, it's that on the negative side of Galantines Day is just sort of like the term. Makes me feel a bit sick. It's a bit lame.

So you're like, um, Galantines. You're like, okay, why do we need that? But we do need it, I think, because otherwise it's just Valentine's Day and just couples. And you do need something for when it's like, what about like everybody else? The main thing is, if you're single, is it, don't go online and don't Google things to do when you're single on Valentine's Day. Because it's all blogs call things like, Miss Chelsea, and Miss Chelsea says, send yourself flowers. And like genuinely one of the things that Miss Chelsea said, it was like, I don't know what I name is, it wasn't Miss Chelsea, but it was a blog that was sort of like that. They had like five subheadings and they were all things like, one was like get yourself flowers.

One was make sure you make plans and have something to do. One was get out of bed, which implies that you're just unable to get out of bed on this day. Which event is a working day. So I'd say, go to work, please. You'll have friends that are single and, you know, you might listen to be like, I know everyone's married with children. I mean they're not. You have got a friend who is single. You're a friend who is single.

Also, you probably have friends, like I just said, I'm going to a Galantan's Day thing on February 15th. I'm in a relationship, but I'd still like to go to a Beyonce night. Like, you don't presume that everyone's like, oh my God, I can't because it's Valentine's Day. That's often a thing that's quite like early on in a relationship. But when you're a few years in, the days around Valentine's Day are fine.

And also, everyone feels about it very differently to each other. So don't presume that all your friends who are a couple of, will never want to hang out. Obviously, like, if they're going for a romantic meal in Paris, don't turn up. Don't go. Don't go. Even if they invite you.

I feel like, if you're in a city, there's loads of stuff that's like, you know, arts and crafts things or like fun nights for singles, that you can go and, like, find somebody. Or there's just fun nights for people who aren't that bobbled about Valentine's Day, but want to do something fun. As with many things, the buildup is much worse than the thing. Yeah, and it's the thought around it. You are only feeling sad.

If you're feeling sad because you are not in a relationship, you're only feeling sad because everyone else around you is telling you that you should feel sad because of this day. Then this day, as we've just found out, was made up by a hallmark. Because someone was whipped by a dead dog. Someone was whipped by a dead dog. Like it's got nothing to do with being in a relationship or not. They picked them out of a hat and boned them.

That's essentially the singles Valentine's Day that they're talking about. Yeah, it's very much for you, the single people. If anything, Valentine's Day is your day. I was going to say two things One is If you are feeling it Push that energy towards somebody else So if there's somebody else

If you're very stuck in the like I'm the only single person I've ever met in the world Which I hear you It's very easy to get there There will be somebody else Statistically unlikely that you're the only one in the world I refuse to believe it Yeah

So there is somebody else And then like push the energy on somebody else Send then some flowers Send them a card single friend like a nice or just like anyone that you know like you call your mom send it to your mom yeah send me your mom

Valentine's Day push that energy to what don't be like don't get yourself bog down to like no one's doing anything for me be like what am I doing for somebody else caveat if your single friend at work really fancies like the postman or something don't send them some mystery flowers right pretending to be for that person

to try and match them up yeah don't do that and don't get them so excited oh my god flowers and they're like oh it's from Sharon like don't So maybe just like judge the tone Yeah See if the sea You know

Or maybe say I'm sending you these I'm gonna send you know Yeah I'm just saying Put your name on it Be like have Van Tai Zay Love Love you know Your name rather than love mystery man Exactly

And then she's gonna spend the whole year Thinking of where the flowers from And my other thing for the singles Yeah Is if it's just like If it's a single And you're working on you And this is your time

You know Do whatever Self care Do you do you Do you Do you Oh my God, F away. F away.

Get out there. F, F, F. Just get yourself on any app. F like a Roman. F like a bloody Roman. Tell people some of these interesting and questionable historical facts. Drawing sexual intercourse. Yeah.

Did you know, this is exactly what they did. In the Roman times. With the trading of... It wasn't up the ass. It was between the thighs. As we're doing now. In those, I'm trading the knowledge. Yeah, you know, get yourself out there.

What do you feel about Van Post? I don't like the paraphernalia, like I don't like the visuals of a heart-shaped box, for example. Yeah. And so therefore it does nothing really about it appeals to me. Well, there's also, there's that thing as well. I think we talked about when we talked about Christmas presents about on Valentine's Day, it's peak receiving something that is like for a girlfriend rather than personal. I'm not like, oh, I'm missing out.

I think when you're in a relationship and you're maybe not as into it as the other person, that can be hard because if you're like, like you're saying like, yeah, I'm cool with it or whatever. There's a good sort of like six years where I, I think it was just because I thought it was cool. I was just very vocal about how much I hated it. Right. I had a friend who was like,

she started going out with her boyfriend, and I sort of said something like, oh, are you doing anything with Valentine's Day? And she's like, I hate it. We both hate Valentine's Day. So what we're going to do is we're just going to do, we're just going to like play games in the flat all day. We're having like an anti-valentzay thing.

And I was like, do you still celebrate me? Yeah. You literally still do. something so you are celebrating valentine's day so i was always like yeah fuck valentine's day like a ball and then my boyfriend said something really nice i'm just like i thought it was just like a nice excuse to not do something nice you're like i thought it's actually oh gosh yeah that i'm really sorry and you don't have to do anything you know like obviously going for like a dinner on valentine's day you get there's going to be loads of couples and that is a thing and you're going to feel a little

bit like we'll have a dinner on a valentance day yes you can just do your own thing but i think if you're not as into Valentine's Day as the other person, the point of a relationship as you're supposed to compromise. So actually you have to think about it and you have to be careful about it because just like with anything else, if the other person is into it and you're not like, meet in the middle rather than you being like...

It's for two people here. It's for two people. Things I have done on Valentine's. Took the bins out. Took the bins out. I have a glass of milk. No, I was thinking of university. This must be on two separate years.

once this is my long-suffering boyfriend George broke up with you in a canoe so I don't have too much sympathy no no no but nice guy sure yeah

in a way in a way did break up with me in a canoe everyone I jumped in the water no further questions one time I came home from I worked in a bar

and then I came home really late and came back to his and just snuck in with the lights off and filled the room with balloons so when you woke up it was filled with balloons and I bought like a fourth foot card like a joke card that's amazing and

once then he received a card that said it was like the anatomical Leonardo da Vinci heart by that pen and ink drawing of a heart so it said oh you know it said I heart you but it was that sort of horrifying anatomical heart that's good yeah good unappreciated

were they received well no and that's not nice if anyone does anything for you I think it's a nice thing yeah even if you're like that's not for me like if someone got me something for Valentine's Day that I was like oh I'm never going to wear that I'm not going to the thought that they'd gone

oh I'll get at that yeah that's the thing and I think it's the reason that we are not together is that like I do things like that and he was like please don't do that and then this is the only appreciated one

he came around on Valentine's Day in a sort of we're not really doing anything for Valentine's Day I was in my pyjamas with my ug boots on and pyjamas big hoodie and a hat and I wasn't very well and I was like let's just go to bed

and then I took all the clothes off and in fact I had on fishnets and a corset. Excellent. And I had made myself a Vajazzle from stickers from Poundland. Yes I had everyone I could hear my housemate. Where does it have a Vajal go? On the front. The front. Okay good. I was just like it doesn't go like in no it's on the front. Okay amazing. That's good. We'd all done it in in the house. I could hear my housemate like screaming laughing next door as well. doing her big reveal. Oh, that's very funny. Yeah. I think I put on like New York, New York and took all my clothes off. That's so brave and great. Thank you. Especially considering that your previous offerings on Valentine's Day had been not taken. No. And received poorly. To then be like,

well, I'm now going to go all out. I'd be terrified. But that's really good. That's really great. Well done. Thank you. Anyone else think great inspiration. If you're not that into Van Gogh's day and your partner is and you've sort of maybe made that quite clear and then It's a bit like, go all out. You really can't go wrong with any kind of Diamante display. If anything, it's funny. It can't not be funny. It is funny.

You can't not laugh at it. Vice versa, when you love it, but your partner hates it. What's the thoughts on that? I think it's one to, again, be like, well, this is still your partner. You've still chosen this person. Yeah. And is it a deal breaker? Is it a deal breaker?

Because I think a lot of people looking at Instagram, do know, have you seen those, like, tweet adverts where it's clearly an advert, but someone's just going like, if my boyfriend bought me this for Valentine's Day, I would freak. And it's like a pitch of some jewelry and it's tagged in the company. And you're like, that's, it's just an advert, but someone has written it, you know,

someone's been told to kind of write it. And it always kind of makes this thing of like, if you don't treat me right on Valentine's Day, like you are trash. And I think if that's how you feel in your heart, I'm not going to judge that. I'm not going to tell you you wrong. But I would point you in the direction of the opinion

that it is one day. and it doesn't mean that they're not nice people. I think if someone's like, can see that you really care and it's like, I'm not doing anything for you, that's not very nice, because you've seen that your partner wants something and like something. It's like that horrible bit in Sex and City too, which we've got so many awful bits.

So many old bits. And for some reason, this is the bit that sticks out beyond, I mean, as well as the just flagrant racism in our film. But also, one of the most heartbreaking bits as well, is Big gets her for Valentine's Day or her birthday. It's one of the two. He gets her a TV that kind of swings out so they can watch old films in bed

like they always said that they would. And she's devastated because he hasn't got her expensive jewellery. If your partner is not into Valentine's Day and you are, and they've tried, and it's not Tiffany's and like, you know, a sort of hot air balloon through some chocolate, and you're disappointed that it's not. Have a think because they have tried. I'll be quite honest, buy it yourself.

True. Buy yourself a hot air balloon ride if that's what you want. Yeah, exactly. Buy yourself, save up and buy yourself some goddamn Tiffany. But it's that tradition, isn't it? It's the thing of like the man propers to you. Or the amount of people are like, I'm desperate to get around just like waiting for them to pop the question. You're like, just pop the question.

You ask them then? Yeah. Just say it one day over beans on toast. Just, do you want to get mad at? Put a ring in the beans on toast, went on it. And then in the hot. hospital when they remove it, be like, would you like to marry me? Fantastic.

That is the best thing. A lot of people are quite traditional and quite like, well, you know, I'd like them to make the effort. But also quite often it's this thing about like, the lady gets spoiled. And you're like, buy your boyfriend something as well, please. Like, why do they have to spend so much money on you? I mean, I'm thinking probably most people listening,

probably agree with me, but if you don't, and you're mortally offended, I am sorry. You know, obviously, if you like getting spoiled on Baltham's Day, great. I just think if your deal breaker is they're perfect, they just don't like Valentine's Day. That's not a reason to start an argument, I don't think. No, I think you just have to find a compromise there

because you have chosen this person and if you like, you can leave and go and find somebody who really cares about Valentine's Day. Yeah, but it feels reckless. Like, shit for the rest of the year. Yeah. If you want to do something nice, like, do something nice. But you can bring it up.

You can be like, so should we do something nice for Valentine's Day because I'd really love to, rather than waiting for them to do. I think you'll only be disappointed. Yeah. Also, top tip, if you are the person who needs to do the surprising, Yeah. Say, I'll do it for you. I'm taking you out to dinner tonight.

Oh, thanks. Guess where we're going? It's the place you really wanted to go to. Oh, God. Yeah, guess. So, should I guess a place that I want to go to? Okay. There's a gluten-free restaurant in Oldwich called The Indigo.

That's exactly where. And so you just wait to what they say when you say. But then you can't book it because it's booked up for like... No, exactly. You can't do it on the day. I'm saying as a practice round, the ultimate way to... Find out what they want is go like, Yes, and then go, yes, that is good.

Other fun things you can do on Valentine's Day that are fun. Like a treasure hunt thing, or, like, I think, personalized presents, so, like, a personalised quiz or, like, something fun that you can, like, only you two would find funny. Yes, and you don't have to spend any money whatsoever. No. Draw somebody a card. Draw somebody. Draw them.

Draw them, like one of your French girls. Oh, my God. Go to a live drawing class? No, just make anything. Then if they don't appreciate something you've done, then, I mean, that's not right. person doesn't want to sit with you and have some spaghetti bowl of nays and a bottle of red wine on the sofa. I mean, then what, let's have a rethink. Have a rethink. Absolutely.

And that's all went on. Have a rethink. Also, just like a shout out to it. If you've been dumped recently and it's Valentine's Day, that is hard because all of that, like, doesn't matter. It's like, yeah, tell my heart that it does. That, I think you should take the advice that we've said, but just, like, really, like, go hard on it. So, like, do find a single friend to go out with that night. Don't spend it on your own if you're really sad.

There's no point you don't need to Bridget Jones it if you don't have to. Fine like a Beyonce night. Do something fun that isn't something that you would be doing with a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Use it as an excuse to go to a exhibition, go to a theme park, go to, like... And I think use that an excuse to like remember who you are. Who you are. Yeah. Like without them because you, in any relationship, you're like, oh, do I actually like this?

Or do I like it? because we did that together. Do I actually like Janet and Paul or are they their friends? Do I like the opera or does he just keep taking me? Yeah, do I like the opera? So just like checking with like, oh shit, yeah, I used to be really into this. Yeah, do something that, yeah, just remember like, try and work out like who you are and be your valentines can be yourself. If it's very raw and you're really hung up on this person still, I will tell you something that my friend Becca said when I had gone to bed for a week after I kissed a boy one time.

When I was like, but he was perfect. And Becca said, he's not perfect because he doesn't fancy you. Brutal but true. Brutal but true. Like, no matter how much you're like, but he was the one for me. Like, well, you weren't the one for him. Yes, so then by default, he wasn't the one for you. Because surely...

He was somebody who wants to be with you. He wants to be with you, who absolutely adores you. And if you're like, but I'll never find them. You will. There are literally nine billion people in the world. Enough to spend $17 billion on Valentine's Day. Like, they're out there. They are out there.

You're not really alone at all. And also, we're there. We're there. We're with you. Also, we did a podcast episode about how to cope when your heart's been thrown down some stairs when we were the debrief podcast. So look that up. Circle that one.

You can do it, champ. You don't need to there because it's just another day. It's just a silly little day. Nothing to get through. Nothing to get through. You're all right. Go and look after somebody else if you're worried about yourself. I'll see you at the Beyonce night. Yes, see you there.

Oh my God, I'm going to get so mad. Have a very happy Valentine's. Have a happy Valentine's, guys. And see you next week. Goodbye. Bye!