Nobody Panic - How to End a Podcast

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

After eightish years, one name change, an actual book, countless sold out live shows and millions upon millions of downloads, Tessa and Stevie are doing the ultimate Adult Thing: saying goodbye to Nobody Panic. They started it to help stop themselves crying on buses and end it as wise, all-knowing sages who never cry about anything ever. Okay this is not true, but they are much less panicky. Huge, huge love to everyone who listened to the podcast, bought the book or messaged us (and didn’t get a reply due to intense scattiness) - they’ve had the best time and are writing this in third person. Thank you.  Recorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Nobody Panic. Hello. Welcome. It's our last one. This is our last one. It's our last dance. It's a sort of Marvel post-credit scene. Oh yeah.

But really long. Really, really long, longer than the movie. If it was like 45 minute post-credit sequence. Yeah, really long. Because in a way, however long ago, we did a sort of, I think it's called How to Let People Down. And I think it's me crying for the whole thing. And we said,

we were going on a hiatus. Yeah. And we lied. No, we didn't lie. We didn't lie. We didn't know what we were going to do. We didn't know the heights we would reach. But we returned from the hiatus.

Oh yeah. And I feel that we had just come, we've come, I think, so far. Oh, my God. From the two people that started this. The 26-year-old children. Yeah, the babies. You didn't know how to do anything. We don't have to do anything.

And now we know how to do something. Some things. We both, I mean, we know. We're both homeowners. We both, sorry to be like, I was, we've done very trad things. It's so trad. We own houses. We're married.

I make ice cream out of my own breast milk. I make a lot of money. I make a lot of money. I was saying like the trad things. Yeah, of course. With the women, they break their, they bake bread and then they make ice cream out of their breast milk. I just, in America, of course. For who?

Like, just for the people. For who? Who? For their children? Isn't that ultimately the question of the internet? For who? For who? Who's this for?

I think it's for their children and their fat and their husband on the farmstead. Is this new, is this new trad wife, you know, you get dressed and you put on your full little Laura Ashley outfit? Yeah. I have seen the clips of these and I've seen the discourse and I've no interest in it. So I've moved away. Good for you. I continued to watch, you know, look at this otter, build a dam. Why is it our beaver?

Yeah, what's wrong with that otter? That otter's made of AI. That's the thing now. You see a cute video and you're like... It's made of AI. Yeah, and you think, oh, and then you think, oh, that otter's got four hands. And it's building a down which you can't do. And it's a thing, I've got to get off the internet.

And I can't. No, and we won't. And we simply won't. The amount of episodes we've done, the variations on trying to get off the internet, and we just can't do it. We can't do it. But anyway, welcome. This is the last...

This is it. Yes. And some of you might not have seen nobody... Seen. We've never filmed it before. Also, if you're watching this, there's now the fantastic plosif who make our podcast, among many others, which are going to name and shame in a second. Northern News. And single ladies in your area.

Weirdos book club. Carad and Sarah. Oh, good one. Lucy and Sam's Perfect brains. You can't see me, but I was tapping my brain because I did know. They can see you because the amount of cameras in the room. And this had never happened when we were filming. Back in our day.

Back in our day. You never had this. It was like a GoPro and a... One GoPro and one time. time it was directly down my chest. Remember that? It's quite a hot day. And one person would be lit, stunningly, me.

It was always Stevie. And then the other one would look like an old bag. I looked so ill. People would message him very politely, but always a very issue. Like, are you well? Like, what's wrong with you? Yeah. And one time the camera was so high and my bosoms was so up.

Yeah, we were, and then producer Benin was like, I was worried that your boob would flop out at one point. Yeah. Like, tell the woman. Tell the woman, for God's sake. I was opposite. So I couldn't see. the angles from which.

No, it was real Nell Gwynn stuff once you saw it. Anyway, go back in the back. I'll see if you can find it. How? I don't know. But now we look like we're on this morning. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Loose women. We're facing the front. Panicking, loose women.

Rockets, nobody. If you don't, if you're coming to the podcast for the first time, it's over. It's over. You're too late. That's a shame. You've missed it. But basically, we would do the most adult thing you've done this week. And then we do how to. What we're going to do, I think this today is we're going to do an adult thing. But we're also going to do basically like things we've learned from over the past series.

And so then if you've not seen any of the series, you can just watch this one and be like, right, that's all I needed to know. Yeah, in many ways, this is the full compendium. Oh my God, it is, yeah. But all of it. A little pocket book that you'd give for Christmas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He also did write a book. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it's in shops. Tell you why it's in shops. Somebody said to me, you've got to sign every copy because they can. can never send them back to be pulped. So they have to remain in the shops. You've signed everything in the one. And you told me that and I was like, I will. And I was so close to doing it once, but I was too nervous.

It's so exciting. Go in a big book shop, find it. And then you'll probably see I've signed it. Or sometimes I faked your signature. Oh, great. So it's probably done. Yeah. But if it's not, then go to the desk and say, this is actually my book and I sign it.

And they'll be delighted. And then they give a little sticker that says signed by the author. And then you get a 10% discount in the shop. To buy my own book. Oh, then you buy other books. Okay. Then you buy it. I'll buy it.

No, no, you can buy any book. Oh, God. You get a special author discount. Okay. I'm just got to get over. Why is it that I'm frightened? Because it's so cringe. You can't think of anything more cringe than going up to a kid behind the till.

This is my book. And saying, I wrote this. Exactly, but that's how it feels. It's so cringe. I did this, daddy. It feels exactly like that. But once those words are out of your mouth, they are always like, oh, fantastic. Yeah, of course.

Let me get the stickers. And crucially, like, they don't care. They're just like, this is nice. They're not like, that's cringe. That's cringe. Because if someone did it to you in a book shop, you'd be like, cool. Yeah, yeah. No matter what the book was about.

Yeah, that's true. This is true. And it's a good book. What's the most adult thing you've done for the last year? Okay, mine, I guess, is about... I'm going to reference my clothing. I think you should. I am dressed today.

She's normally been nude. Well, it's variations on nude. To talk my feelings through on my clothing. I've never been good at it. True or false? It is true. And I hate a firm. that, but it's also true. I can't help that.

Can't ever do it well. Went through a phase. Never knew what layering was. Just thought it was meant many layers. Yes. We've said it before on the podcast. A lot of like dresses are skirt and some trousers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it now? Is it? People would say, oh, the secret to looking well-dressed is layers, I'd be like, yeah, loads

on. I've got absolutely millions of layers, mate. At the time when you were quite cold, have you turned up to film this, to record this, in a full ski outfit? I'm not talking like, yeah, yeah, like,

like, like, like a full, like an 80s Barbie pink, full, like hand things. That was the time

I'd made the hand warmers out of socks. Yes. So I'd cut the things off. They were, yeah, there were feces socks with the knick of things

cut out the fingers so I looked like Fagan. And then underneath that was the Vancouver 2004 Winter Olympics Woolen piece. Yeah. So like I looked crazy.

Yeah. And I've never been able to do it. And remember years ago, I was walking home and a lady was approaching me down the street and I thought that's the maddest looking lady of it. I'm going to give that lady a bit of a wide berth because she's crazy. Something might happen. Something might happen.

I'm just going to give her a little bit of a wide berth. She's dressed insane. What sort of... Just so many bits on. Like just too many... Like when Chandler and friends wears all the clothes. Lows all the clothes. Clives all the other way around.

Whatever is. Like too many fabrics, too many everything. Yes. just had this slightly unhinged vibe. No threat. She was just a little old lady, but I was still like, going to give her a while,

but she's got much into the beat of her own drum. Yes. And as she came to me, she looked me up and down and went, lovely colours. Oh, yeah. I did remember that piece of it.

Because I had on, that bright purple hoodie I used to wear. Then those two scarves, clashing, of course, with loads of colors. Like paisley, the paisley, and another one.

And another one. Layers. You've got to get your layers on, Steve. Layers. Okay, so there's this both inherently, like, really poor understanding of how clothing work. But true or false, can put a costume together, have got an eye to like... Not even can put a costume together.

Like, you are second to non at doing that. Thank you so much. And that's the way you use that phrase. Thank you so much. And then it's like, well, why can't I do it in my clothing? And then third piece of the puzzle is I always feel that if you look too nice, people go, ooh, hark at madam. That's so you is a thing, isn't it?

It's like a murder mystery party that we want. went to and you, you were just wearing a black jumpsuit, which was lovely, but not, a costume, so I could do it. But no, but even then, because it wasn't actually, it wasn't enough of a costume party. So we were all kind of wearing our own clothes and you were wearing your own clothes and you felt so uncomfortable in the jumpsuit. You were like so stressed. You just couldn't hack the fact that you looked good.

That was a long time ago and you have progressed through those, you know, you kind of can look nice now. I've seen you in that great trouser suit that you wear, not trousers suit, that makes you sound like a Republican. It's, again, it's a jump suit. I do it, yeah. It is a jumpsuit. I've got to talk to the press, of course. You've got to, basically, you've got, you've got trousers that attached to a top, and you've seen you're wearing a party and you look great. So you don't know. Again, it's another jump suit that you've worn. But, so you can do it more, but yeah, I see what you mean, you do have that thing. I mean, I have that as well. Like, if I'm wearing, like, a dress or something, I'm like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah. I don't know why. I know. I know. I know. I know. Is it like, because that's the thing I've never ever thought about anybody else, ooh, hark at madam, someone's got dressed, you know. Harket madam, someone's wearing clothes. Yeah, you said, that's a nice dress. That's nice. Or actually, I go, oh, I wish I could wear something like that and not go harket madam.

Right? I'm like, where's this coming from? And maybe it's like coming from a, like, I don't know, maybe I get it from my parents of like, ooh, somebody looks too clean to go work in the, in the fields. And what? Yeah, yeah. I worry that that's there. The parents are from sort of 18, 20s.

Pilgrinds from the north. And it's like, why can't you be like, yeah, these are your working clothes. Should you be in the field? And these, if you're, remember, you do work in a city so you don't have to be looking like you're field ready. Anyway, there's a lot going on for me. But the point is... It might just be like a self-confidence thing maybe.

I don't know. Oh, no, no, I think it's field work actually for you. Actually, you've got quite strong self-confidence, I think. It's not... I don't know, there's just so much going on. Then I was going to find exactly her correct handle. so I can tell you who has helped me. Oh, sorry.

Do you want to... You can't just be doing that. Hark of magic. Okay, so do you want to tell people the audio listeners what's happened? Yeah, I can't even speak. Desa, of the... I bought a Cassio keyboard with me to type from my laptop that doesn't work, but I'm then going to put my phone in

and my phone's a landline to help me charge my old phone. that's dead, just very casually was like, oh, I'm just going to find this handle for you. I don't know what she's going to tell me. Just flipped open the back of her phone and stood it up, like she's inspector gadget. Okay. So this happened to me because I shattered my phone, of course. I've shattered every phone I've ever owned. Yeah. It's not even stuck to it. It's magnetic. I need to, I've got a PD thing, but it's stuck to it. So I need to, um, does it flip out like that? No, it doesn't. And I, and I, and I bought, and I bought, a lanyard to help myself on tour so that when I'm like on trains and stuff, not going in my

pockets and bag all the time. So I just pick, pick my phone up. But all my cards were in there. So my cars just fell out. Constantly in the road. Sorry, right. I went in the shop with my shattered iPhone to have it repaired. Yeah. I've shattered every iPhone I've ever owned. The man was like, right. And we're going to put this protective cover on. I was like, no, I don't need that. He was like, he literally was like, that's not up for debate. And so he put the plastic. thing on the front of it. Fantastic.

Then he was like, go choose a case. Obviously, I chose Barbie pink. A shell. And it looked like a carous on it. Of course, Stevie. Don't waste an opportunity to have a thing that's also a shell and a carrot. I'm not an idiot.

Then he was like, no, you can't have that. I was like, yes, I can. He was like, no, no, you're having this. And he gave me a grey, sensible, magnetic thing. I've got one as well. It's amazing. And then he was like, chuck my phone at a wall. You can chuck at a wall.

It's gray. It does nothing. It looks like a mouse is. chewed it. It's obviously had its work cut out for it. It has. It has. It's in terrible state.

But what's in great state? What's in great state? The phone itself is in great state. The case is doing the Lord's work. It protects. And it's not a shell. And then you've got that show stop on the back. And then the show stopper.

Yeah, that fiesta resistance. Is then he was like, and you're having this. And he gave me a magnetic little wallet, if you will, that, um... Stop doing it. It pulls out. And then you put a rouse. It makes a little triangle and stand up like a photo frame if you will

and so it can stand up and then it's there it's a little hands free it's fantastic and all my keys cards are in the back no keys can't stress enough

the keys are not in the phone my cars are in there my car's in there can have anything and it's been unbelievable yeah I mean it is unbelievable I can't believe it now

there's some of things you just have to pivot away from having a glittering shell sometimes you can't have a glittering shell imagine if they made a glittering shell imagine if they made Shell that did that, though. But he was like, no. Like a clam.

The podcast is ending, but we are going into business. We are. Immediately. They will be for sale. Nobody panic. Nobody panic. Nobody panicked. Nobody clamic.

Nobody clamic, bracket. You can put your car in it. Who would buy anything from these women? Oh, dear. We must move on. Otherwise, we're not going to be able to be cards. Oh, that's why it's so long. Okay, right.

Back to Britt Taylor, whose Instagram handle is Brittany, but B-R-I-T-T-A-N underscore Y, and then surprise, another underscore. She is a stylist and I met her years ago doing the costume on an ITV-2 show called stand-up sketch show. Oh yeah. But she also does personal shopping and she escorted me to Regent Street. We did 10 a.m. till 5 p.m. Wow.

A full day. There was some tears. Yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah. And love talking through my troubles. and we did a very fascinating thing in which we went to the first shop and she was like, okay, I'm going to find pieces for you

and you find what you would buy in this shop. And I found... It's a great thing to do because then she can see the chasm. The huge chasm because what I presented was this cashmere. Love to be soft. I love to be soft. Black, obviously. I like that.

Sort of smock to your knees. It was just the most like, I'm hidden in this. Yes, I'm a friar. I'm a friar. I work in the monastery. Nobody look at me. Yeah. And to me, I honestly was like, that would be my showpiece.

That would be my, like, this is my best outfit. Friot's coming out. Friot would be my best outfit. I'm clean, I'm smart, I'm black, I'm cashmere, I'm ready for anything, I'm a friar. And she was like, we can do so much more. And you don't have to feel hark at you. You can just be like, I'm put together. Yeah, I've got trousers and a top of.

I've got, and that's the thing. Me, honestly, anyone who can't see us is going to be like, wow, what is she wearing? You came out before and went, is this too much? And we were like, no. It's a top. Are you going to bring something else out for that? You're all looking at me and be like, which piece are you asking? It's too much.

Yeah. She's wearing some lovely sort of navy cords, a lovely maroon top and a necklace. That's it. That's it. That's my adult thing. That's it. It's great. Thanks so much.

So your adult thing is you got, you did the personal shopping thing. That I've always dreamed of doing. Yeah, that's why we can't continue the podcast because that's, so adult, isn't it? I've got a stylist. I've got a stylist. We're not relatable anymore. Exactly. We can't be, how can we make this up, this podcast? Yeah. But it just feels like such a huge thing for me. Yes. It's really nice. And that will, you can take that forwards now. I can take that forwards. Yeah. You know, I've learned a lot of things. I have some pieces. And it's a nice thing in your life being like, okay, these are the things I can do. And these

are things I definitely can't do. And being like, this is where I need help. Yeah. And it's okay, but please can you help me? Definitely. I now have a private jet. I don't know. You've come so far. I've come so far from when I didn't have a private jet. No.

Mine is actually a very U, as the youth would say, a U-Coded thing. Have you seen The Diplomat? It's on Netflix. Kerry Russell, it's about a diplomat. Go on. And Rufus Seul. Siu. I don't know.

Rupert? It's very good. No, so it's basically she is an ambassador in the UK and it's about her journey, like, learning about what that is. And she's used to being in Baghdad and the field, of course. But where's she from America? America. So she's like...

But where's she from? Sorry. Where's Kerry Russell from in this? Sorry, sorry. I think that's fair. The ambassador to what, do you know what? Yeah, right. So the U.S. in UK.

Yeah. There's a lot going on. But, like, a through line of it is like, you know, she has to learn, you know, how to sort of look smart. And she's just very like, I'm used to just like throwing myself around in war zones. Like, what do you mean? I have to go and, like, I have to wear a particular suit and I have to like shake her on his hand and look, like, have to wear makeup.

Like, stop that. Anyway, third season. So she is with Alison Janie, or Janie, doesn't matter. And it might not even be her. And she's at higher rank than Kerry Russell's diplomat. And Alison's like panicking. She's got to do a big announcement. And she's got a, um, a.

suit on, but a white shirt. And she comes out, she goes like, I look like a waiter or matra D. And Carrie Russell just goes, okay, she goes into her office, as in Carrie Russell into her own office, pulls over this like, like, drawl, it's just got loads of stuff in it. She pulls out this like, sort of like running top that's just like, what's that, what is she going to do? She goes back into the bathroom. She, Alison Jenner takes her shirt off. She takes the t-shirt. Basically, how do you describe it? Doesn't put it on, puts it like that, t-sleeves, into the back of her bra strap, and there's like a scoop here,

puts the suit jacket on it, and it looks like she's got a scoop neck top on, took to the bottom of the t-shirt into the waistband. The other day, I had a really scary audition that's very, very big. I didn't get it, but I didn't have a top,

and I did that in the bathroom. I was like, I don't have a top, and I was running around, trying to find, like, a nice top to get under a, I had to play, like, a newsreader. And I didn't have, I've just got, like, stuff with Kermit on it,

and stuff like, And I was like, you know what? No, I'm going to do the diplomat thing. And so I did this massive audition with, if you'd gone like that, you'd just seen my boobs and like everything. But I just like, it looked amazing. And someone complimented me on my scoop neck top. And I thought of you because I was like,

that's a very you move of like, you came to my wedding with a skirt that was actually a top that you'd tied around you. That's right. So it works. Wow. Do you see what I mean about it? Yeah, I'm visualising it 1,000%.

You sold it so well. You painted a picture. Thanks. That's so cool. It's quite adult, I think. It's so good. Because, I mean, I've transcend. I suppose it's not adult if that's just like how you live your life.

But I've transcended it now. So I'm like, yeah, I can do that. When the person complimented you, did you tell them what it was? Yeah, I went. Okay, so that was what I was going to say. And the real cherry on the cake was that you said, thanks, and you left. No, no, no. But how could you?

No, I showed that. I showed Phil Wanget. I was like, just walking around to me like, look, I've got my backs out. But only after I'd done the audition and not to the people. who were not to America. Just to the fun UK producer who was just like, great. I mean, also I don't think I didn't get the job

because of that. I think I was quite shit. Agree. Yeah. No, so don't agree. Don't agree on that part. No, no, sure, but it wasn't to do that. That was, I just was like,

it would have been such a power move to be like, and then I just left because that's like, it doesn't, doesn't even faze me. It doesn't even faze me. That's like a thing I do. I know. Well, that, there's always got to be room for personal growth.

And that's my room. Second one. Yeah. I've started using a power bag. for my phone charger. Fantastic. And I have, I charge it quite regularly. Wow.

That's really, that's huge for me. And that's it. It's just really simple. Where is it now? Oh, it's my bag and it's no charge. But, that's not the point. I charged it on the train here and it just charged really slowly. So that wasn't, that's on the power bank.

No, no, I was simply impressed. Yeah, I have got it. And you only have one? You have only got one. I need to get a better one. I bought a really cheap one to see if I could deal with the logistics. I can. So now it's time to get one that charges quickly and is actually efficient rather than one that takes eight hours to charge.

I think something that we have discussed many times on the podcast is a sort of like buy twice, by cheap, wait, buy cheap, buy twice. And being like, you just have to save up to be like, and now I get this. But I didn't want to get a good one and then be like, oh, I actually can't handle it. You're completely right. You've done everything completely right. But now I know that I can handle it about the concept of charging my phone. I agree.

I can handle it. exciting for you. I'm going to get the equivalent of that, but a power bank. People are going to be screaming when that, and get one of those as well. Get all the stuff. Because once you've got the gear, you don't need to, because I have psychotically maricondowed a lot in my house. Yeah. Guess how many power banks I found.

No. Bear in mind, like, I'm out and about. Yeah. I'm rushing to something. I'm late, obviously. Yeah. The phone's dead. You're quite a power banky person.

I have to run into his shop by a power bank. Of course. And then, can I have a charger, please? and charge it on the way to the next location. You never thought to do that? No. And I was like, my phone's dead. Oh, well.

And then I'm just like... Then what do you do? Just lie down where you are. Yeah. No, what I'll do is I'll go and buy a phone charge and then try and find a socket and sit in a cafe. I've never thought to buy a power bank. Because in my head, they're not precharged.

Oh, they are precharged. Jesus Christ! So I'm running in anywhere. I'm like, boys, you got precharged power banks. They're like, they're throwing them at me and I need a charge. And then I run. Oh, more than five then in your house. 18.

18. 18. Wow. Isn't that disgraceful? No, I'll buy one off you. Perfect. They're too cheap. That's the thing.

Too cheap. Once you're like, I'm sorry, this is my one power bank. I charge it up. It's in my bag. I'm ready to go. I'm a grown up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I prepared. I prepared. That's the scout slogan. I prepared. You got to just, yeah. Anyway, it's a real like, looking upon the graveyard of them once they were all like lined up. I was like, right. Okay.

How many did you get rid of? None. Okay. They're all just there. Sort of like... You can't really get rid of electricals in a maricondo way because they are useful. You could just give them out to people.

We should have done like a competition. Yeah. Do you want my old power banks? Do you want that time that you were going to do hammers as merch? I didn't happen. Listen. Listen. We're still waiting for it.

Yeah, yeah. It's a huge number of hammers under the bed. More hammers than you can possibly. And an engraving thing. And an engraving thing. And a website you are right. that you bought. Website URL.

Yeah. Branding thing. You can put it in the fire and heat it up. Like a cow's romp? A cow's romp, if you will. It says nobody panic on it. And a bevel to do the

neat to engraving so we could sign them. I forgot about that. Yeah. That bevel. And now it's the end of the podcast. What a shame. Who among us isn't thinking about the bevel I bought? And who among us?

Who among us? I'd love to learn what bevel is. That's good. Okay. So they have to retail it honestly 200 pounds at this point. Christ, you've got to sell that. Maybe we do a competition when you get your old power bank

and then you just throw in a bevel. We only got one bevel. You could engrave the power banks with the bevel. Now we're talking. Just get some electrics. I'm sure that's fine. That's fine, I reckon. Okay, so, I wanted to ask you

because a big theme of the 17 years that we did, nobody fan it for, was you trying to host a party and struggling with where to, I would say, direct your own. attention most efficiently. For example, we've got to have a bowl of lemons on the table for a dinner party, so when people arrive, you go, I'll just move these lemons rather than focusing on perhaps the meal or whether there are enough chairs, just stuff. Yeah. Yep. So what then happened after we

went on, went on hiatus, is that you hosted the biggest party of, it's one of the biggest weddings I've ever been to, and you did it so successfully. I wanted to ask what your experience was with that because I think that's one of the biggest growths that I've seen. Oh, do you think? So for me, when I think about the wedding, it's you comforting me by the toilets while I sob hysterically. This is not on the day. This is the Friday. And then I just keep screaming, you say, tell me how to help you and I scream. There's nothing you can do. But I must also say, the while is in the river. The wine's in the river. It's in the creek. Tell people that the wine's in the creek. Then a man, I kept just saying to you, everyone needs

something from me and it's too much, then a man came past and I say, are you okay? Yeah, you actually ran after him. He wasn't actually looking at you. And he was nothing to do with the wedding. No, he was just, he was literally walking back. Queen Anne in the favourite, Olivia Coleman screaming, how dare you look at me?

Look at me! How dare you look at me? I went mental. And I thought that was you going to say that was very, I felt that was on brand. No, no, because I don't think that I think every single person who has hosted a wedding, thrown a wedding, had a wedding, had a wedding. wedding has gone mad at some point. So I think that's like very normal. I had nearly cried before

mine, which was literally just like, it was just a room and I'd organised nothing and I couldn't blow up one of the balloons. I was like, I think we need to take a minute. I was like, I'll take a minute. And then we got a balloon blow up and I was like, well, that's easy. And that was the only time, like, and that was such a small scale wedding. No, it wasn't. It wasn't. No, no, no, no, it wasn't. Because whenever you hosted a party, it's stressful. Yeah. Essentially, you recreated like Glastonbury weekend with like a Lord of the Rings tent, a succession tent, a sort of medieval banquet tent. There was also tents from Glastonbury, glamping tents that you'd had shipped over. There was like so many generators. There was so many generators. It was like it was so massive

and everything worked and everything happened and everyone had a really nice time. Everything worked. It's actually a miracle that everything worked. Well it's also because you'd create, you'd prepared. I had prepared. I had prepared. I would say the thing that didn't work was me. Like, sure. I did not. And I knew that was coming that I couldn't also, as somebody. Be a great laugh. I couldn't really be a great laugh. Your speech was great and you were a great laugh. Like, no one at that wedding would say, oh, Tessa was an absolute nightmare at that wedding. Do you think? Like, nobody. You very, also is where you very quiet, unless you were like running around crying and I just didn't see it, you very quietly had to cry behind the, toilets, which, like, you'd also, like, probably, they were, like, wooden, perfect toilet.

Like, the best outside toilets I've ever known. Like, you had a quiet cry. Because people were arriving and just going, what do we do at you in cars? That was stressful. And then, then also, you'd thought, casual drinks on a Friday. And, like, everyone was going to the wedding. Everyone had arrived. Yeah. So then there was this kind of like, oh, my God, this is more than I. It's like, the wedding's happening now. It did feel like that. Yeah. And I wasn't quite ready. And I, Friday was bad. I just cried from start to finish on Friday because it was like it's here, it's here, it's happening. Yes. And one of my recommendations for people, if people are in any way traveling, even if you're

having it at home, but one relative is traveling, to do a thing the night before because it gets a lot of it out of your system. Right. Because it doesn't sound like actually, yes, it's not. No, no, it is because I enjoyed the Saturday so much more because the Friday for me, I remember the thing that set me off was Kyle, like tiptoeing through my grandma's like rain sodden field carrying his like Louis Vuitton bag in his like immaculate track suit just looking so cool and so confused. And I was like, what have I done? Like why have I made people come here? Like,

why did I do this? But it felt so indulgent. It felt so, I felt so that was it. Honestly, it was like, and he was fantastic. Yeah, I had a great time. It was something about being like, I've made people come here. It felt so naughty. It felt so like violet, but I don't know, what's the chops for me? just William, like me, me, me, come and look at this field. Which is, that's what a wedding is, unfortunately. So, I do really recommend, but if that had been happening to me on the Saturday, I would have lost it. And I so I think it was useful to get out of your system of the like, oh my, you know,

and that was actually a very, in hindsight, very good thing that had happened. And then the Friday was me crying at you. So you'd be such a lovely, lovely thing. Stevie had made this, like, box pink, obviously. And there was like different gifts and they were all just like small but lovely things. and one of them was brushes, makeup brushes, and said, don't use these, obviously, just brush your cheeks with them, because that's what I love to do.

So often just, like, open my makeup bag, which is incredibly extensive, and just take, I'd blush a brush, and I'd just find her, before we'd, like, film like a short film or a sketch, because we used to be in a sketch script together, I'd just find her just, like, a dry brush. A dry brush. It feels nice. It feels nice.

Tess is brushing her face. She says having a little brush, and one then was a bottle of water, and it said, you haven't drunk anything today, and then I cried again, because I was like, you're right, I haven't. But it's very, but also you had so many great friends who were like, had really pulled together, like Cat had done like, like there was so, everyone was really like, we are going to. We're going, we're in it.

And it was so special. And actually the Friday was me crying because everybody I knew was in a field. And that was just completely overwhelming. And it was like, why have I done this? But then Saturday, the phrase was exactly the same. Saturday was me going, everyone I know is in this field. And it was so magical.

And the Saturday, the Saturday morning was like a disaster. obviously, and I, my cousins had come into my grandma's house, used inexplicably every towel. Nobody was taking the bride at all seriously, which is the thing I wanted. Like, I'd rather that the do and the party and everything was special rather than, like, I had no bridesmaids of my own choice. And like, I didn't want people making a fuss of me. But then I was like, I do need a bit of help here, actually. Yeah, I'm on my own and there's no towels.

And there was no towels. So I just found my, this incredibly old, very, like, dusty, like, um, bar. of my granddad's and no longer with us. So, like, what's the bathroom doing there? Christ, okay. And I was on my hands and knees like a little rock with the bathrobe fully over me. So I was completely in the dark and people were just, like, stepping over me in the living room of my grandmas.

While I muttered to myself, I forsaw this. The prophecy for toll. You're like an ancient rock. Like an ancient rock. Like a standing stone. And then people would be like, don't mind her. That's actually expected that Tesla would do that. This is completely on brand.

Hey, let's, because I thought you did have brides, so I thought that you'd be like, you know, like cans of gin and tonic. Champagne and our pictures with the bridesmaid and we're all dressed. We're wearing our lovely robes with our names on the back. No. Right. My deceased grandfather's robe. Me completely nude. People striding over me while I cry and say the prophecy.

Sure. I just had like knew this was coming for me. Like no matter how much prep I put in, I was never going to look attractive and nice and like. Well, you did. That was good. I did look, I don't think I looked, I accept in a way that I was. I was like, I was never going to look perfect because, like, my face got allergic to the long grass. I've got no makeup on. We couldn't find my shoes. And so I just had this real, fuck it. I'm going to go barefoot.

That did not look, it looked like you'd gone barefoot because that's what you wanted to do because it's a Lord of the Rings vibe. And also, your dress was excellent. And you didn't look like your face was allergic to long grass. That's nice. Okay, that's so nice. Okay. That's so nice. That's so nice. Everyone's allergic to long grass. Like, I don't think anyone, everyone's burst into tears. And it's like, you look beautiful. There's like, there's so many videos of you. Yeah. And then you also did the thing where you also did the thing where you. you changed outfit into it, like your cool evening outfit. Like, this is really nice about, because I actually did have like a lot of, a lot of, not regret, but like, a lot of like, oh, it was all too much.

It was all wider to do it, you know. Right, of course. And in a way, why? But there's no reason. Why do we do anything? Yeah, this is too. Why are we doing this? Like, you know, you could just simply not do anything.

Like, you don't need to get married. Like, it's nice to do it. I really missed this podcast. See, I thought, because when we said, we're going to do our final episode, you were like, I've got lots of thoughts about the wedding. So I thought you were going to have like, you were going to say, I learned a lot and here's how to do it. I did, I do have some, but mostly they're my thoughts, my like, me being like, I wanted to talk about it. Oh, good. Yeah, no, it's good to get it out.

Because I did feel like that of like, there is just so much, it is so impossibly intense being a bride. And it's, it's too mad. It's too mad for a person. Yeah. And it is something we've invented very recently this idea of a bride, like in the last, you know, whatever, 100 years. Five years. Five years. But like, I invented it. It's not, it's just, and we've got this like,

it's something, we talked about this in How to Do a Wedding Part 1, with like this discovery as I was on the wedding journey. Number one is that things are so fucking expensive because one of the things in the wedding industry will be the last thing on your list. And the wedding industry exists on that being for everybody a different thing. So like if, for example, the chairs are the first thing that you go and do, you go and get a quote for some chairs,

someone says an insanely large number, you're like, are you fucking high? No, I'm going to. buy some from the local primary school or I'm going to rob them or whatever. Like I'm going to... That's your second... Second guess.

Okay. Let's suppose we're going to rob a primary school. Rob a primary school. No, as in like I'll just... People will lend me the chairs. I'll get the chairs for free. I'll make them out of twigs. I'll make the chairs out of twigs.

You know, whatever. I'll work out a smart way to do it. If the chairs are the last thing on your list and you don't do it until a week of... Fine, I'll fucking buy it. Someone says the number. You say, a bargain. Yes.

Give them to me. Yes, I'll pay for shipping. Somebody just get the fucking chairs. That's... Like that is how it can be so expensive because by the end you're just like, yeah. Can you do the thing where? Because what we did was, we didn't tell the venue that it was a wedding. I said it was, I think they must have known, no, because I was like, it's like a 30th or like a 40th.

Because as I said 30th, I was like, at the time I was 35 and I was like, I don't think I can, or like, not. Or it's like older, depending on what you think I am. But that venue is now like since sort of gone under. And I think, I think the guy runs it is going to be, I think he's going to be, it's going to be, point prison. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, but I didn't say, because I was like, I don't, and for the photo booth,

I was like, it's for a birthday. Like, I didn't say, because when you said, when you said it was for a marriage, this is for a marriage, they just double the price every time. Did that work at all? Not really. Sure. It doesn't really work. Like, it is a good idea.

You're doing it in a feel with the market. It's quite clearly a wedding, isn't it? Yeah. So when they're like, what the chair's for and you're like, no reason. Big dinner. Big dinner. And they're like, why are they all facing one way with an aisle down the middle? You're like, that's for the dinner, mate.

Don't even think about it. How could the waiting stuff get in and out? You're an aisle. You idiot. It is hard. That is what everyone says, oh, don't say. And like, sometimes, yes, you can do that. But by and large, like, you do, it will be apparent.

Like a wedding bouquet. Yeah, like, a wedding bouquet, because I'm going as a bride to Halloween next year. That's right. Yeah, that's very hard. Okay. That's right. So I do have a few small things that are, like, things I... You found and would be helpful for people.

people planning weddings. This is my hope. Will they be? I don't know. I'm sure they will be. One is about do whatever you want. To truly live your life. Like, you know, if this is your big moment and you want to do whatever. That's truly my advice. It's like everyone will have

so many opinions about what you want to do, what they think you should do. But it is ultimately your day. And everyone will keep repeating that while also suggesting you do something else. Drives me wild. That happens with every single wedding. Yeah. It's wild to watch it happen. you just want to be like, protect the bride to be like,

and why does the groom not get this shit? Like, the groom doesn't get it as much at all. It's always directed at the woman. It's always right because we've made this very, very clear culture that it's like, it's her day and she must look like a princess and she must spend thousands of pounds looking like a princess. And if everything goes wrong, you know, it's all just too much. And the groom, weirdly, his job is supposed to be this like, I'm just here. Yeah, like I'm like a weary.

I'm a weary. Like, wherever she wants. And it's. You see cake toppers that's like the bride like pulling the man. You've seen these? You know a cake topper like on the top of the cake? It's more like pulling the man. Sorry, pulling the man as he like runs away.

Oh. On the top of your cake. I'm like, who's buying that? If that's what you genuinely think a wedding is like, don't do it. Like don't be married. People think that that's like what it should be to be. Or he's like holding his video game and he's not being dragged by his feet. He's a baby.

It's like when people have kids and they're like, oh, I've got two kids. One kid and then my husband. I don't think. I don't think you should have sex with him. What are you doing? But also I understand it because it's like that's just an age old. Yeah, but it's deep prejudice within ourselves. Yeah, very hard.

I mean, I don't feel like that. But I can see. We can't blame people for perpetuating decades and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years worth of. We simply cannot. But we can go, oh, God, don't. You can do that. In yourself. Have a little thing in yourself.

Get a better cake topper is all also. Make a better one. Yeah. You may be amazing ones. There are there still. I did. In my house on our key sort of little shelf, a dog, Piper, and she's got a little veil on.

Yeah. No, no, Piper's got a little bowtie. And then Alison Parker, my tortoise, has got a little veil on. Yeah. And it's really nice. They're made out of Fimo just in case anyone's like, but the Mazzipan is rotting. What are you doing?

Mean they're still on the shelf. Yeah, I did try and eat them, but. Yeah, they made out of Fiammer. And I did make them, my fantastic sister made them. Oh, God, I've got that wrong. Thanks, Amy. She's the talented cake maker. I'm just here.

And I'm just Tessa. I'm just me. So yeah, it's a sort of like empty, it's an empty thing to say. Yeah. To be like, do you, but like, do you try. And then I only have one specific thing, which is yes, do spend the money on the photographer. Oh, okay. Because you'll be like, there was so many things to spend money on that you'll be like, should we?

And the only thing I actually am going to say, yes, you can sit on haybells or chairs you stole from the primary school or whatever. But the photographer, people say to you, the day goes so fast. And you're like, well, I think it'll move. at the speed of normal time. And then as happening, you're like, what? Am I in the twilight zone? Like, how can this be moving this fast?

And throughout the day, my feeling that, because I did think, oh, do we need a photographer? Everyone's got an iPhone. Do we need this? The thought of thinking, somebody's doing it. Somebody's job.

Yes, it's to take. So, like, you can look back and go, oh my God, that bit. That bit. And so that was so calming, just on the day, knowing that someone else had this under control. And then it was so special to look at it

and to see things that you didn't know were happening. And like, it is really, really nice. So I do thoroughly recommend that you do not for, I don't particularly, maybe that's your dream. I don't particularly care about the posed photos. I was going to say that's, I always find that quite funny. Yeah.

But you're like near a tree. Yeah. Also, a thing that we did, and again, like you, I really recommend this. If you're like, I don't want to do the bit beside a tree, but I do obviously want a picture of me in my wedding dress is me and my husband did a pre-engagement shoot. Now ours isn't for everyone because ours is a romantic romantic-1980s pulp cover and he's in a kilt and a medieval kilt and I'm in this like bridal dress. But having a photo shoot done took all

that pressure away as well because I had no interest in me on the day. I didn't need a picture of me. I was like, I have one. I have one great picture of me. It wasn't my actual wedding dress from the day, but like I have it. And I didn't feel and I had picture of us. Obviously, and my husband, sure, he's here as well. But I have a picture of the two of us looking nice and I'll have that forever. and I didn't need then on the day to be like, and now the photo shoot. Yes, yes, yes. So that was something that I really thought was a smart thing I'd done. Yeah, very smart.

And then this was a bit more existential. I've tried to explain this. This would be my third attempt at explaining this. Okay, I mean, very excited. And I've never done it very well. Oh, gosh. So help me through it. Okay, I'll try.

This is slightly inspired by an end-of-life douler. I don't know what that. I know what a doler is. An end-of-life dealer. Somebody does the same thing, but like the other way. You're dying. You're dying. Back in.

Pop you up. Pop you back up. Okay. Yeah. Guiding you, guiding you on to the next life. Yes, I understand. All the end. And this woman had written on Twitter,

I was going to say it was an article, but the truth is, it was a series of tweets. That she's been an end-of-life dealer for 20 years. And that she said, like, see the list of, like, things that happen at the end. And she said, tell you what never happens is that. that there are no deathbed confessions. Sometimes there are, and she says,

I have heard a number of crimes and had to get the police involved. So people do actually admit to things right at the end. But what she said, what they don't do is when family show up waiting for the like, I love you, I'm proud of you, I'm sorry, I wasn't a good dad. Those things never happen. I've done it for 20 years. But that's what the family are waiting for is the bit from the movies where they finally say. Oh, the person dying says,

I will now atone for this relationship issue that we had or, I know I was never, I see, yeah. Wow, that doesn't, hang on, wow, that doesn't happen. That doesn't happen. Oh, no. But people go waiting for that. Of course. You're right. Because you're like, finally, as they're dying, they'll say it. Yeah, of course. They'll atone. Thank you. That's exactly the right word. They'll atone. And it feels dumb to articulate this on the other side of it because it feels quite obvious. But you have the same sort of thing when you're the bride or you're the groom or it's your wedding. And you have this feeling that like, if you have some spicy people in your life and for me, there's three. of them. One a friend, one a relative, one a, an associate. Okay. A spicy triumvirate. A spicy triumvirate. And weirdly, not that I'd particularly mark them all out, but in retrospect, this was a thing I had been thinking, is that they're, they're a bit spicy. I have to do a lot of mental gymnastics in our relationship. Like, they have things, not to atone for, but like, it was this feeling like, but on my wedding day, they'll put those things aside and they'll show up and they won't be a shit and they'll,

they won't make it about them, they'll let me have this 24 hours. Oh, no. No. No, absolutely not. Like, they will be the people they have been, their whole lives, they will be them forever. And those 24 hours will make a scrap of difference to them because, like the end of life thing, those people don't believe they have anything to atone for. That's why they're spicy.

That's why they're spicy. That's why you show up being like, they haven't been secretly knowing their bad all their life and now they're going to finally say sorry for it. They don't think they're bad. And so I'd seen this in other friends. Obviously, one very good friend of mine has an estranged parent who she had asked to, like, come to the wedding and give her away and everything. And I said, like, don't, he's not coming. Like, you know, and still, like, on the day, there's her seat and his name on the seat and everything.

And it's like, there isn't going to be. And he didn't come. And there isn't going to be this moment. So just in case for anybody who's like, oh, but my friend who's always a bit of a shit from school who's like, oh, yeah. But, like, yeah, they're a dickhead. But on the, now they'll, yeah. They're going to be a dickhead. They're going to be exactly whoever they've all.

always been because they aren't good people. And the people who are good people in your life are just going to be a slightly better version of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll show up in their gear. They'll have done things for you because they're good people. I think that's very, I think that's very, that's true. Like, when like people are putting together their invite list, like either don't invite those people, but that could all, that can also cause so rarely can you do it. If you know that there's going to be some issues, you could also do, you can, I've got a friend who has a similar thing with an strange parent but doesn't want them to come but knows them so well that they're like

they're going to try and turn up. Like they know they've got enough people that know when the date is. Oh they're going to, oh the opposite. The opposite. They're going to come and she doesn't want them to. And she was sort of quite stressed about it. And I have a friend who was in a very similar situation you've got security. There's just like someone on the door being like,

you can't come in. And then also a group of friends that if that does happen, the maid of honour will like essentially like trigger code. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Code September. It's a go. It's a go. And then they all just go and they just sort it out away from the pride. You don't have to go, oh, my dad's turned up and I'm sad. So I think those things, yeah, like, then you can't be let down if you're going into it going like, well, maybe this time they won't do how they... Totally.

You won't be let down, you'll just go, of course, that was going to happen. You know, obviously that would happen. So then you can deal with it in a slightly less, you can be less sad and sad and disappointed. You can just be like, of course, right. I'm not fucking dealing with this. Yeah, of course. And it feels like very naive of me that I like... No, I think it's just a nice thing. Because you're like, well, like, you know, you were looking to see the best in these people

rather than being like, I bet there'll be shit, which is not very nice way to go about your life. You want, I think, the best in people. Yeah. I mean, I don't think there's a wedding I've been to where I've known the bride very well. And there hasn't been something like that. But it's like a friend that.

She always one ups me all the time. And like, one, I've, got a friend who has a friend from uni who has to make it about her constantly and clearly has a problem with my friend like clearly specifically is like oh she's so great i've got to and this is not a joke on the wedding day she my friend got photos with her husband that girl is in the background just like swimming around swimming yeah it was like by the by like a river she got in the river and started swimming up and down in the background to be in the photos like pissed out in in her full outfit.

Like, how did it, like, what do you do? She couldn't help but one up. Like, she just couldn't help it. So we all had to, like, drag her out. And, like, I had to spend quite a lot of time with her in the, like, just away from my friend being like, no, you can't go back into the party dripping wet. Like, when she's fun, though, in it? You're like, no, it's not. No, it's not because it's not your day.

Yes. And then when my friend found out, she was like, oh, for God, set. Of course, of course she did. But, like, what is the quote? People will show you who they are. And so believe them. Believe them. And when they come to your wedding, they'll do it. They'll do it. They will. Just, just, just, just, just, just exactly, just prepare.

Don't have any sense of like, don't have any hope. Yeah. Don't have any hope at your wedding. Don't have any hope for God's sake. Just be like, yeah, this person always has starts a fight. We'll start a fight. This person who does this, we'll do this. And this, you know, this person who gets in the river, we'll get in the river. Yeah, she'll join one up. Yeah. Or this grumpy person will be grumpy.

You know, a judgmental person will be judgmental. There's nothing you can do. So, you're like, already get yourself. trying not to be like despairing about it, but to be in a calmer place of like, yeah, they will. Here are the small measures I've put in place. Yeah, the small measure, you can remove them. I've removed myself. This is my prep.

These are the people who are prepared for this. They're not allowed to come near me, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. That's very good. And any more tips? I guess my last one is people write all over the tips. It constantly says, make sure to have a moment to just check in with you and your partner. Nah.

All right. No, people have come from Scotland. Yeah. What we're talking about? I understand right. I'm going to see him for the rest of my life. Well, you actually did fly out immediately after for like three months. Yeah, it was dumb.

Yeah, it's dumb. I immediately left the country. I should have spent more time with them. Sure. But yes, you are. Sure. You are going to spend the rest of your life together. I don't know.

I just think like, if that feels nice to you, do it. But like, it's not necessary. I was thinking, I was like, what weird tip? Because I did read all the tips. And I was like, that's such an odd one. I was like, yeah, you're fine. Yeah. You're marrying him.

That's funny. That's funny. Just let everybody have a... You just let everyone... You know, you're so excited to see so many people. Yeah, and there are so many people there that you're... Yeah. My husband was the last on my list.

I don't want to hang out. Quite frankly. Quite frankly. No interest. No, he's nice. But you'll see him at the end of the night. You'll see him at some point. The next day, fine.

Yeah, but I don't know. And I only only got one time or one thing, which is about DIY. You have to enjoy the concept of DIY. A DIY wedding. Oh, God, I was like, I don't think that's true. A DIY wedding. Sorry. You have to be people who like the idea, like planning, like doing things like making stuff yourself.

If you do not, do not do it. Yeah, get someone just get someone in, Jesus Christ. Don't feel this like, oh, we should. No, if you're like, oh, I am excited to plan this. Yeah, I'm good at this. I'm good at project managing. So, yeah. Yeah.

Our champagne glasses cost 50 peach. They are crystal champagne glasses. My mum had bought from a carbout sales over the course of one year. And then when they broke, we'd all be like, oh, not to worry, just a crystal. Like, don't worry about that one.

But they're all obviously like mismatched. But in order to do that, you have to enjoy going to carboot sales and antiques and like looking for crystal. You know, you can't do that under duress. You know, you have to. So like everybody in my house, you know, don't do it.

Yeah, yeah. Obviously just order those in. Yeah. Yeah, that's so funny. So don't force yourself. Be like, oh God, but they have the champagne. You know, don't do it. Yeah, just do the thing.

that are in your wheelhouse. That bring you joy to do it. And, Eiffley of, like, making some, like, I don't care for flowers particularly. So, like, the idea of, like, making a big flower arch, I'm like, wha. Yeah. An arbor, of course. Is that what's called? Yeah.

An arbor. But some people might be like, I can't wait to make the arbor. Yeah, that's the best bit. I've got ideas, I've got this. I can't wait to do that. I'd be under duress doing the arbor. So just know what you like and you don't like and don't feel obliged to run towards your joy. But I think that's a very good tip in general.

Run towards your joy. Just do, yeah. But that, because I was going to say that's like what I've learned the most about doing this podcast is deep existential things. When I think about the episodes that have like made me be like, oh, there was one where we did, I think we must have been running. I mean, we must have been running quite low on ideas. Sure, sure, sure. It was like how to have a bath. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Turned out to be quite intense. Intense, yes. So I didn't like having baths and it turned out that like I just thought I was, I had to have a bath. in a certain way. It sounds mad. But then when you kind of dig into it, it's not. Like, you can kind of extrapolate it out to anything where you feel like you should be performing to a level lifewise. And if you're not, then you're sort of not doing it right. And you're like cooking or like anything where you go like, well, I'm bad at it. So I'm just not going to do it. I don't want to engage in that. And with the bath thing, it was that like, yeah,

I would get in and be like, I'm one too hot. And I also, I can't look at my phone because I've got to have like a scented candle and like a book or something. I'm like, I'm bored now and then I'd get out and then I'd feel like this isn't for me. But also if, is it true or false, you would get in it empty and nude and then fill up the water. Is that right? No, no. Okay. No, I definitely didn't do that. Okay. I mean, I think I've probably done that once in my life, but not, no, not on the regimen. Because there was something about the getting in not being quite right. Yeah, I would just get in without testing the water. Testing it. Testing it. You didn't test. Yeah. Yeah. I'm burnt now. Yeah. I've burned myself. Yeah. Yeah.

And yeah, and also staying in, I'd be like, well, in my head, for some reason I didn't realize I was doing it until we did the podcast episode. I'd be like, well, you've got to do like minimum half an hour. It's like, who said that? Who said that? Yeah. Do you have a half bath and I've got all my clothes on and stuff. And I'm like a hat on. Sometimes you'll warm your legs up.

Sometimes you just want to warm your legs on. And you'd say, well, I quite like baths, whereas I'd be like, that's not a bath. That's like, cowering in some water with a hat on. But that is a bath. also like what is a bath, you know? What is a bath? But now I've become like a bath person. I now know that in summer I kind of don't really bath that much because I'm like,

well, I'm quite hot. Whereas in the winter, oh my God, it's absolutely cold. That's so nice. And 15 minutes. And also, if I want to scroll on the phone, I absolutely can. I'm trying not to scroll on the phone more, so I try not to. But, you know, I can. That's allowed.

I got a little tray. Perfect. But that, it's not just about the bath. It was like more, it was about like my feeling of constantly not meeting a certain standard, which I now see one with the great perspective of hindsight, going like from 26 to, well, 27 we start the podcast maybe, it's been 10 years to 37, being like, oh, that's the thing that's changed the most. I mean, I still do it, but I'm aware now that I, most of my problems are because in my head I've got, that's not good enough, you've got to do better than that.

And you're like, why? That's not good. And also like, you've got, like, this real sense of like, these are the rules. Yes. And therefore, like, a rule, a bar takes half an hour. You must have a candle and you can't look at anything for your own thoughts. Yeah. And like, why have we got these rules from? Yes, yes. It does be like so much of life. You're like, oh, you can really do life however you would like.

Yes. And what parties, throwing parties is the same of like, well, in my head it's this. So anything that falls below that, that's not good. That's wrong. That's not good. It's not worked. You know, it's failed or getting dressed. You're like, well, I should look like this very specific image in my head.

Otherwise, I'm bad at getting dressed. Because you actually weren't bad at getting dressed because I know people who dress way worse than you dressed. Who? I can't think of them right now. Okay, there were some moments where, sure, you were probably the worst. Name someone worse. Well, no, there are people that look mad, but they're like, yeah, this is what I like to wear.

Like, do you know what I mean? Yeah. There's a sort of like, you know, you go to somewhere like Margate or Brighton or whatever, and people are wearing like clashing colours, dungarees. Sure. That's not my vibe. It's a look. And yes, okay, they're not wearing like 12 dresses all over.

But like, if you'd been like, this is how I dress. And I'm cool with that. And that's my vibe. You would bring to it confidence. But that's the thing is I wasn't dressing like that. I was saying, don't look at me. I'm a monk. So it comes from within.

Like, it's always about your own confidence is the always, or your own inner thing is the issue. Rather than the actual clothes you're putting on your body is not the issue. Totally. The context around it. wearing your jogging bottoms was a way of being like, well, this doesn't count. obviously. Like this is, don't judge this outfit. This is obviously not what.

If I was trying, I'd knock out of the park. If I'd be really embarrassed about it because I'd be like, harker hurt. I can't win. I've trapped myself in class. I have to dress like this because it would embarrass you if I dressed well because I'm so good at it. Like that is crazy thinking. So it's actually so much self-confidence. Yeah.

Because like if I got dressed well, it would blow your fucking mind up. No one could do any work. because I look so... That's crazy! Oh, it's so funny. We are sort of opposite ends in that sense. I'm like, I'll do it bad, and you're like, I'll do it so well. You'll actually have to go to hospital.

You'll have to go to hospital. I think that... Oh, God. But it is helpful to know... Like, I found that that very helpful in my life, I will look back and go, oh, you're doing that you're doing that again that you've talked about on the podcast. You've been like, is it about? about that.

Basically, whenever I'm upset about something or stressed about something, often it's not that. It's something so different. As with, as we constantly talk about, the body keeps the score. You can't something is always like, oh, this hurts. But like, is it? Or is it something else in your body? You know, is it like, similarly to being like, are you stressed about this?

Or is it actually a much bigger, personally separate issue that you're focusing on this? But really, it's... Yeah, you're crying about that, but it's not about that. It's about the thing that happened five days ago that you've sort of just put away. in your brain and then it comes out in like an odd way. We're fascinating. I think the human species. That was the we obviously.

Right, okay. Like we are. I was like, don't know. Tell you who's fascinating, me and you. No, humans. Like, wow, wow. Okay, so my one that I have been thinking on a lot in the last year is our how to stop people pleasing.

Oh, yeah. Or maybe our episode was called How to Please People. There was an assertive one. There was an assertive one. There's been a lot. We've really circled the block on some big ideas that I had a lot of, like, I guess, the theory, but not a lot of no practical, in fact. It's like I knew the idea of it, but I did not put any of it into practice. And the people pleasing for me, I was such, so something, I've been doing this job.

And the job involves. A massive of Amazon Prime show. It's massive. It's actually. I've been show running a show for Amazon Prime. Gigantic show that you've also written. It's actually breathtaking. Yes, it is.

That actually is so massive. It's so funny. Is it because it can only be funny. At one point, we were in this, we filmed it in Prague for nine months. At one point, we were stood in this plaza, and there was like, things are blowing up. People are like, there's guns going. Like, there's police chase. Like, there's, like, so much stuff happening.

And I stood in the middle of it. And I was like, I've never even made a blap. Never done. A blap is a Channel 4 comedy short that you get paid like two pounds for. You get two pounds for, and it doesn't really go anywhere. It was three minutes long and like, I've never even, I've never done anything. And you've gone from zero to that. To Octavia Spencer is being blown up.

I don't know if she did. It does get blown up. Spoilers. I know. I don't know if she does. Octavia Spencer explodes. Oh, wow. It's just, it is, it was mad.

And the time I look around me like, who's in charge? I'm like, it's me. I'm like, don't let me be in charge. I'm an idiot. No, will you demonstrably not? Yeah. To the people pleasing thing. The people pleasing thing was every stage of it.

So this process has been a writer's room, then moving to Prague and going into pre-production, then production happening, and then post-production. There's four stages of it. At every single stage of it, every time I meet new people in their new job, I weirdly immediately assume they're fantastic at it. Of course, because they're American as well.

Because they're American, and they say they're fantastic, so that does it. And I'm always like, oh, great, they'll know more than me. And so that's a sort of sidebars. I've got to get better at being like, yeah, they're amazing. Let them prove that they're good to you. Because I immediately was like,

I just kept saying, I'll be shit at everything. Right. And then actually, like, took me a while, I was like, oh, actually, you're very bad at this. And I'm better. Why did I tell everyone I was shit? So I had to like learn to stop saying that. Very British thing.

That's number one how to be assertive. Don't walk into a room and go, I'm shit, by the way. Like, genuinely, on day one of the table read, when the actors first arrived, I said to everybody, don't worry about these words, they're rubbish. And that's what I said. And I was like, say whatever you want. And then we actually, that's crazy. And that's a real thing I said. And I meant it.

I meant it so sincerely because I was like, you're all. be so much better at this than me. And then when we started, I was like, oh, yeah, say the words. Yeah. Somebody thought about them. Do say them. Yeah. You've had a writer's room that all the people have written them as well. People have thought about this. Like, don't, no, don't. But that's my fun. And then again, everyone constantly being like, I'll be shit. And then, they're like, what am I thinking? And then the thing about the people pleasing was that people would bring me props or things or set direction or a piece of music or anything that so much work had gone into and was completely wrong. Oh, right. And I, my incident at the beginning was to be like, love that. We'll find a use for it.

In the, and even like in the writers room at the end, people would say an idea and in my head I would think, I hate that and I hate you. But what I would say is love, in it goes. Love that. Let's go to lunch. Like that. Love that. Love that. Love that. Love that. Love that. Let's get married. Are we? I totally understand that. Yeah. I just wanted people to put so much work into it. And I didn't feel that I could say it was bad unless I had a better idea and I didn't feel I could shoot somebody down if they'd done all this work. And then the only thing that made me change is that it felt like the show and what I was trying to do was more important than people's feelings, but also that it was

possible to say something was wrong and it not be like, you're a piece of shit and I hate you. Yeah, it's not offensive. It's part of it. Yeah. And to remember that they're like, they're not a volunteer. Like this is somebody out in the workplace. And part of the work involves maybe we have to do something again. So there is a space to say, when someone gives me to say, thank you so much. I can see so much work has gone into that. It's not completely right and we're going to go again. And they're like, okay. Because they're used to being told that. To be they told that. And like, everyone just said, okay. And sometimes it was annoying. So like, and then like the worst it would ever be with someone who said, ugh, and I'd be like,

I know. And we agree. And we agree. You don't want to. No, yeah, of course. Yeah. You don't want to be that person saying no as well. Like no one wants to, yeah. And that's good. I heard somebody use the phrase, I can really see all the instincts that I think you don't amazing work, but I don't think we're going to produce our best work if we continue down this path together. Oh, wow. You're like, fucking out. Okay, let's not go down this path. You and me. I don't want to. I don't want to. Who thought this path was a good idea? You know, like, so there are these like eloquent ways that isn't me going, love it, and we're married. And also, you don't have say, you're a piece of shit. Because you're not. You're a good, nice person who's made something that

isn't quite right. And so it became this idea that I felt like, it felt to me like I had a baby and a royal nanny, one of those nannies that were the beige and the buttoned up thing. You've seen the royal nannies. Not a say enough with the royal. I understand. With the royals. Okay. I can understand that though there's a royal nanny and she wears beige. O'Hee? But they are ladies. They're all ladies. But they wear these sort of like carp, like just such a demure. They look like they're in Peter Pan. Like they couldn't look more like turn of the century. Okay.

Little collar, pushing those like Victorian prams, you know. And they go to this special nanny school for five years. I only say this because it felt like somebody like that showed up to which I was always like, oh, well, you'll be fantastic at this. With my child. With my child. So I hand them the baby. And then they turn the baby upside down.

And they're like, it's meth for tea. I'm right. No. The baby's smoking crack. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. And any instinct that's in you of being like, I'm sorry to be rude or, no, no, okay, you must know better than me is gone. Because you're like, that's a baby and it's smoking crack. Yes.

like, give the baby back. And so, like, something just has to be more important. The stakes are higher. The money that have been gone into this show is so massive. You don't want the, yeah, the show would crumble if you, yeah, I see what you mean. It wasn't, you had a crash course in the people pleasing them. It was, it was just an absolute baptism of fire of like, this thing is too important. I've tried too hard.

Like, that isn't what we're trying to do. And it also became about, like, such a fascinating journey about comedy, because I was like, oh, comedy, shmomody. I was like, because I was like, everyone we know is funny. I see what you mean. This will be really easy. This is easy. This is easy.

And then you're like, when you work with an amazing actor who's like, incredible, but can't do a joke. You're like, God. God, good Lord. God, so it is a skill. It is a skill. I was really like, oh, my God, it's so precious. It's actually, it is something.

I was very like, oh, everyone's funny. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, I see. And then therefore I had more across. I was very respectful of comedy in a way that I did not go into it at any respect for comedy whatsoever. Oh, that's nice. I've come out of it. I think comedy is.

You've come out of it. You've got your trousers. I've got trousers on. You understood the piece. people-pleasing situation. That's really good. You become more assertive. I've become more assertive.

In an American articulate way. I like that. And I think comedy is precious. Of the most precious resource. I really do. It is amazing because honestly I was like, oh, but drama. And now I'm like, oh, anyone can cry. I can't.

I can't give it a go. I'll punch you. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, fine. No, I just stick a mentoes in my eye. Yeah. Stick a soft minute. It'll look there.

I'm crying. I'm crying. Now you're crying. Yeah. But no, I'm not. shit on drama either. I'm sure that's very talented. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. But, no, jokes are very difficult to.

Joe's difficult. Yeah, if you're not naturally funny. People are naturally funny, aren't they? Yeah. I don't know anyone who is, but I'm sure there are. I feel like everyone we know is funny. I'm joking. Oh, right, okay.

Because I was making a sort of, like, imply that you're not, and you obviously are, you know? I'm not funny. I've got better at it, but I made a joke and it was bad. I'm sorry, that is a leftover problem for a mind that I had to, to have a no-jokes-on-set policy. Oh, I completely understand that. Because people would come and say the most insane thing I'd ever heard.

I'd be like, are you joking? They'd be like, no. And I'd be like, no. And so then when someone did do a joke, I'd be like, absolutely not. Yes, I can't tell. We don't know what's true and what's not anymore. Yes, yes, yes. I, yes.

It's like, yes. I've had very little experience on a set when I, I'd had my first proper one this year for like six weeks. And I just sort of casually said, at 11 o'clock, someone had brought a bowl of melon. And I went, oh, 11 o'clock, melon time. love a melon and then every day at 11 o'clock I got given a bowl of melon every single day and I didn't want the melon and by the end of it I would hide the melon in like pot plants

and stuff because I didn't want them to see that I hadn't eaten the melon they just specifically got me and every time it's melon time. Oh Lord. You can't be flippant otherwise you'll eat so much melon. Good Lord. Okay so did you feel there was any space in those six weeks that you could have said thank you so much and you know what I don't think I need the melon again So because it's my first experience of doing that. Of Melanchine, which is what I'm going to be calling people. Like, yeah, not making a joke flippantly is now Melantime. Well, firstly, if I ever do like a job like that again, I will not be so flippant with my comments.

But also, yes, I would feel comfortable now. But it was just because it was my first job. Of course. I had a lot to think about it. I was just like, also I kept forgetting to be like, can we not do the melon? Also, because as well, as it got more fraught for the last sort of three weeks, And it was like, are we going to get everything? The runners were so everywhere that there'd just be a bowl of melanin.

No, no one to tell. No one to tell. Oh my God, but it's on someone's list of instructions of being like, Stevie must have a lemon, melon, 11. 11, 11. 11, 11. They saw me buying matcha, like, almond milk, matcha coffees from a cafe near, like we were in a studio, we were filming in like the studios in North London.

And that place has a cafe. And I bought a coffee. and they were mortified that I had to buy a coffee. So then someone bought Matcha and taught themselves how to make Matcha, but they didn't do it, they couldn't do it particularly well. But I loved that they did it, so I just drank quite bad matcher every morning. It was very sweet, though.

But it is like, oh gosh, right, you've got to be really like, you can't make jokes flippantly when you're in a work environment because some people will take that seriously. And you've got to know when you're working and when you're not. But people pleasing wise, yeah, I think going forward, I would be able to do that. That's very brave of you. Yeah.

And they wouldn't mind. They'd just say, okay, great. Okay, fine. Yeah. Thank God I don't have to make matcher. Mention every day. Dripping and sweat, thinking about this melon. Dripping is.

It is an interesting thing. They're like, someone being like, oh my God, we've got to get her this. Because you do think sort of like, why is there this sort of crazy, you know, an actor needs everything. An actor must be treated like a child. Why did we have to get her a melon? Why is someone freaking out and giving me all these things? I now know the answer to that question, which is that whatever you're filming,

you have however many hours a day, 10 hours of filming. After which you're not allowed to film anymore. That's it. You're done. You pack up. And so if your actor is wandering off buying their own matcher or hasn't got the melon they want or is unhappy, then your job is not to be like,

get your fucking act together. You're a fucking grown-up. Make your own fucking melon, you fucking bitch. Or whatever you might want to say to them. For example. Your job is to be like, is Stevie happy? Where's her melon? Yes.

Because if she doesn't have a melon, she'll go wandering off, and then we might need her. And she's on a hunt for melon. She's on a hunt for melon. Keep her happy. Keep her here. It does mean you are treated like a big baby. You're trying to make a big baby because. At one point, I was like, oh, God, there's water.

And I was like, oh, God, there's water. Got a dry mouth. Ah! And you're just like, it's so, like, people offer to hold things for you all the time. And then you're like, no, I can hold my own things. And then I get to the set and then I just lose everything. Exactly. Because it's not, it is way more important to us that you,

don't lose your props, that you aren't gone, that you aren't shitting out a melon, that you are like... Or it wasn't even... Props, it's like my phone and stuff. Exactly. I'll put my phone, I'll split it there. Where's my phone?

Yeah. And it goes off during the thing. And now we're thinking about your phone. And so it becomes this like... So you have to be treated like a little baby. You have to be a baby. Because you are a baby. And because the answer is because

everyone's in their interest is not for your behaviour to change or you to be a better person. Their job is for you to get to things, say all your words and everybody go home. Yeah, that is my job. Yeah. And being like,

whatever can get her there. And it's melon. She's fuelled by melon. She's, she's, ah, melon, melon. It's 11 o'clock again. Yeah, crazy. Well do it.

Another great relatable. Real relatable stuff from us. When you're on set, don't be flippin about melon. You mustn't, guys. We've said it a hundred times on this point of guys. Consum, constantly being flippant. No, no.

Yeah. And people pleasing, it is a good, that is a good thing. That was how this is how this started. Yeah. And now we're, um, fruit. Fruit. I have one more about it's not about people placing. It's about assertiveness. That was an eye-opening

one because we learnt on that episode that assertiveness can be just about like going, oh I don't mind where we go for dinner, wherever you want and that's actually not helpful because you're not going, you know, you're actually being a burden, but you don't want to be a burden. That's why you go, oh, I'm easy. Yeah, that was very helpful.

I think by that lot. I think by that lot, I booked it. And it's waggonammas. But it is, yes, don't worry about me. But people are like, Okay, but you are not helping. Now you're putting all the burden on me to choose the restaurant. And to figure out what you want as well. And like, yeah.

So could you? And you are as well celiac. So you actually do have a dietary requirement. So you're like, don't worry about me. And then it's like, we've picked bread, the bread restaurant. But there'll be a salad on the menu. And truth be told, I'm just happy to hang out. Yeah, well, there be.

Actually, there is an element of, yeah. The thing is I do just like to be. And also the pressure for me if. But then it's like, that's a real pussy move to be like the pressure for me if I picked it, the entire meal, I'm just thinking, is everyone enjoying this thing I picked? Yes, of course Are you enjoying this restaurant? Yeah, Wagamemannes.

Do you like Wurga Mallors? Is this seat okay? Is this seat okay? Is this a seat okay? Is everything? Do you're liking, madam? Yeah. You know, it's just not a healthy space for me to be in personally.

So you don't offer suggestions of restaurants still because in case people are like, well, this is a shit old. That's my big fear, but I've got to get over that. Interesting. It's a process. If people are, I say to somebody, do you enjoy choosing the restaurant? And if they say, yes, I love it. And I'm like, go with God. I'll go whatever you pick.

I'm excited to see your choice. If they're like, no, I hate it. I'm like, okay, well, together we'll work through this. Yeah, here's some options. Here's some options. But I ask, and then I love when they say, I love to think about my strengths. I'm like, oh, thank God. Yeah, that is good.

A person with a place in mind. Because I'm vegan, I feel like I have to be the person that picks so that people are going, oh, do you have a vegan option? And I will always, and I've had to stop myself picking like an option. It's like, that's nice if everyone else. And I've got one meal there that I don't really want, but I'll have that. And you're like, no, you are a person in this world. You're a person as well with limited time.

You must. You must. You must. Whatever you were going to say. What was that? Yeah. It worked. Or restaurants that are really convenient for other people location-wise. I do that all the time.

I'm like, this is right by your house. You're like, I live two and a half hours away. I'm like, off I go. And then I feel really like, oh, God, I've got to go early, leave early because obviously I travel to so like, like, why have I done? Equipistant or come to somewhere near me. But I never do that. I mean, I don't live in London anymore, but when I lived in London,

I would never, ever suggest somewhere in South London, ever. Because it'd be like, no one wants to go there. So I was constantly in North London being like, oh, this is a nightmare. This is a nightmare. I'm tired. Very silly. What have we learned from that? Oh, Pick Central London, which is also a Hellscape.

But you kind of have to... Right. But did you do that? Did you become a Pick Central London? Or did you just always... I just moved out of London. Yeah, exactly. So like, I guess...

It's not really a learning curve. It's more like, maybe people listening will be like, oh, I do that. I'll stop doing it. that. Yeah. I guess check in with yourself to be like, do I always travel because I want to be easy, breezy? Yeah. And no trouble. Because you can alternate. I will say if you've got a psychotic desire for easy breezy, you probably don't need to panic that people ever think you're a burden because you obviously do always travel, you know? Yeah. Of course. The people I know who don't, I'm like, that's not a thought in their head. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Yeah. So anyway.

No, you had a point about assertiveness. It was about assertiveness. I think it was this. And again, this is a specific one about my job. So it's quite tricky to be. Yeah, we can expect that out. But I do think it is, I will say this one is starting a new job. Okay. Or being slightly higher up than you should be. Okay, like impostery, feeling impostery.

But it wasn't even imposter syndrome in the sense of like, oh no, I feel like I was like, this isn't imposter syndrome. I like legitimately, I'm unqualified for this. So the episode time will be like, how to cope when you've been given too much power. Yeah, how'd be you to a shower? And being like, okay. And I honestly, I wasn't imposterate. I was just like, you've all made a mistake.

But I'm doing my best here. I would, in meetings, a lot of words I had never heard were being used. And I did not want to stop the meetings to constantly be like, what's that? What's that? What's that? Oh, okay. So I would allow myself one question per meeting. I had a rule.

And then every other word I didn't know, I would write down in my notebook. And then I would ask someone like, someone like sees your notebook. Yeah. You've just written down loads of big words in it. They honestly... I mean, but like, what is? And we're like, she's the boss. What is film?

Yeah. What is show? What is show? Truly. Is Amazon? Well, like, what? Yeah. I mean, we're laughing, but like...

No, no. What sort of words were we talking about here? Jargonie. A lot of jargon. A lot of TLA's, three-letter acronyms. Oh. God. A lot of things I'm like,

what the fuck does that stand for? Yeah. And then I'd have a guess. But I wouldn't say them out loud, but I'd like think. But I'd try and do a lot of like context. A lot of verbal reasoning basically with myself in these meetings. Like trying to guess.

Trying to like keep up. And I would allow myself one question per thing. And then I would ask. And then what turned out to be incredibly helpful. And again, this is simply luck of the draw, whether you get one of these, is to have a really thick man.

You need like, when nobody needs really shit at their job. Yeah. Also in the meeting. Okay. So like, and you're like, oh, if he's going to say stuff, like, I'll say something. If that's the bar. Great.

So in a scapegoat. Yeah, you need a private scapegoat that you're like, wow, that was thick. So I can now, my thing won't sound so thick. Well, it's just, it's weirdly the thing. How we can. Well, I guess I'm like, unless, if you haven't got someone thick, but I don't know. Bring one in. Like buy one.

You know. I don't know how many jobs, though, people after a while. I mean, do you know anybody who says, oh my God, everyone I work with is a genius? Oh, no. I think this is maybe the most relatable element of your job. The only relatable thing about your job is that like you'll be in a meeting and you might be like, I just can't. And then there's some thick person going like, oh, and they're really confident about it.

And you're like, well, hang on. If you can say that shit, which essentially means nothing. It means nothing. And sorry to be very gender, but they are men and they have just fallen upwards. Yeah, it's because the thick women are too self-aware and are like, oh, okay, I've got to learn. You know, I need to, I'm worried, like, whereas thick men are just like, yeah, I'll just say it loudly. I couldn't believe it, the stuff they were saying. And I would be like, that sounds insane, but it can't be because he said it.

And then I was like, oh no, you are, you're awful. You're awful and you're thick. And weirdly it is the same advice that I tell people, again, not very specific, not very relatable. Oh, good. Getting into stand-up comedy. Oh, good, yes. But I do think it is, I'm going to extrapolate it out universally. What I say to people who want to do stand-up comedy, as I say, find the weirdest, open-mic gig you possibly can.

Go to the shittest-est grade. It goes to the shittest gig. If you're going to watch live at the Apollo live, whatever. Obviously, you're going to be like, oh my God, that's what stand-up is. If you go to, you know, comedy rat butts or whatever. Comedy rat bots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the picture is a rat and it's his butt. Great. He's got the microphone to his butt. That's the poster.

Okay, yeah, I like that. So comedy rat butts is Monday nights, midnight. Starts at midnight. Oh, yeah. It's awful gig. It's still 4 a.m. But like, go to that gig and see who's getting up, men, and be like, oh, wow. Okay, if this is the bar, like, yeah, I can clear that. I can do that. And so just identifying the person in the room who isn't actually very good

is going to be such a useful thing for you to be like, oh, okay, they're doing it. It don't compare yourself to other people's finished products. Compare yourself to like people starting out as well. Like even like a work in progress or even like seeing someone who's like a gene, because people will often be not just in comedy, but at any point will be inspired by the most fully formed version of that thing. Totally. So like, I want to be like, if you want to get it to take it like,

I want to be like Steve Jobs. You're like, cool, the genius. Yeah. Like, okay, why don't you look at other people who are lower down and like start there and then you can keep going? Yeah, or look at like some of Steve Jobs' early work or Steve Jobs' inventions that didn't work or like things that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're going to tell me, mum, but no.

I don't know any, Stevie. No, of course. We've got stuff to do. Come on. But I bet he made some shit. Okay, great. Or like, there'll just be things that like didn't work out perfectly or like. So you see it's not like a straight line from A to B.

He woke up and went, the Apple Mac. Exactly. Like, no. There was such a long, a learning curve. I love you, Steve Jobs, a man who I know so little about. It was surprising. But I was just thinking like, what's another thing that people look? He's come up twice a day as well because you brought him up about dressing the same every day.

Yeah, I do. I like to Steve. It was better than saying Mark Zuckerberg, isn't it? But I do think Steve Jobs, by and large, seems to be quite a good egg. I don't know. We don't know anything about Steve Jobs. But what we do know for sure, he's definitely dead. We have definitely dead number one.

One to one. One to one. One to one. I've had a one to one with Steve Jobs. And he was fine. And he said, I've got a litany of failed inventions, broken bits, things that didn't work, mistakes. Like, they will all be in there. Focus on the reality rather than the finished product of someone that you're inspired by.

Exactly right. You don't ever get to see all the, you know, all the... Stuff that doesn't work. You see a comedian you don't get to see the hundreds of gigs where they bombed terribly. Or like a joke didn't work. Like as an actor who, she did it a while back and I loved it. And I don't know who the actor was, where she wrote it or what's going on in my life. But I can't believe we're ending this podcast.

It's so useful. Filled with well research. We'll do one final one. And it'll be like all a culmination. At one point, we don't have to listen to the other ones because this one will be so good. It's got everything in it. Go and listen. I don't know who she is, what she's done or anything about it.

But I will say this. I will say this confidently. She's an actor and she was in something at all it is, obviously. But each year, she went through a period of time where she would list every part that she didn't get. Oh. And it was, that she'd audition for. And she'd even put, like, I did like five rounds for this

or like, I didn't even get a recall. Is she famous? Yes. I don't think she's like a list at like famous. But like she's working constantly and she's in stuff. Like you would know her face. But yeah, I thought that was really great. And there was a writer on Substack who would do that as well.

they would say like books like they published a book and it was like all of the publishers who said no and the only that they said no why they said no and the book had done really well and it was like oh how interesting that like they would they thought that it was unsellable that people wouldn't buy it but then actually someone so you kind of see all the kind of and like there's a journalist called Marie LeCont I think her name is but she will at one point also put like you know like pitches that didn't make it anywhere or things it did and it's nice to see it's just nice to see the actual whole picture sometimes because you just don't, you just presume that you, well, you only see the kind of finished product of everybody. So yeah, that's my tip. We'll wrap it up

by me. Comedy rat butts. Comedy rap butts. A real high point. I will see your woman that we don't know. Oh yeah. And raise you, I think, Ira Glass, but might not be. With a quote, I'm going to make up. And I think. If it's nothing taste is good as skinny feels, I'll be very very. I'm angry. It is. It is that, no, it's that when you get into making, you start making something, whatever it is because you, that is a field or a product that you enjoy,

be that making bridges or actual bridges, or being an engineer, being an architect, being a chef, being a comedian, trying out of the rap arts. Whatever it is your field is because you are passionate about that field. You have got into that field because you are passionate about, that feel, but also because you have excellent taste in bridges or food or fashion, whatever the thing is. And therefore, when you look upon your first product, you are judging it against your own taste and you will find it lacking. And so that is not a marker that you should stop. That is

a marker that you have great taste and passion and therefore you should plow on and keep going because that is the thing that will kill you in the beginning is looking at me and I'm like, this is shit. Yeah. This is so shit. And it's like, yeah, because you've got great taste. So just remember that if you thought your thing was good, that would actually be much worse. Yeah, of course, because then you're never going to improve. You'll never improve. That's great. So, okay, to summarize.

Please. Confidence in yourself when you are creating, like, when you're throwing a party, hosting, do what you want to do. You'll be pulled in loads of different directions. A lot of good wedding specific advice there that you brought. And then, but then also, like, don't collapse underneath the pressure of what you've created in terms of party. Sure.

And surround yourself with people who will catch the collapse. Yes, of course. Then when you're sad about something or stressed about something, it's often not about that thing. It's often like a deeper thing. So always interrogate yourself as to whether like, is it this? Am I, you know, do I not like that? Or?

Wish I didn't use that example. No, it's a good one. It's the crucial one. It's the big one. It's the big one. People pleasing in assertiveness. You can criticize in a nice way. Say what you need.

Yeah, it's not criticism. No, you can just be honest and say what you need. You can correct. You can correct. Go to book a restaurant. Book a restaurant, mate. Pick one. Just pick one, that's fine.

Really struggling now. Thinking of more things. Thinking more things that we serve of tips. Bring a shit man to work. Bring a shipman to work. Or identify a current shipman, ideally. Ideally identify. You can't pay to bring another man.

You can't pay to bring a man in. That's illegal. Don't compare yourself to a finished product of something. thing, because always look at the process and then you will feel more like, oh yeah, I can, I can do that. Ira Glass. Or not. Or not.

I have one final thing. Oh, yes. Thank God, because that's quite sparse in terms of advice. I don't think there's any advice in this episode. No, there's not. It's just a nice chat. It's a nice chat for God's sake. The last thing was about our episode, How to Move to a Different Country.

Oh, yeah. Because I've done it, can you believe? Oh, my God, of course, yeah. And it was very useless that episode. I listened. I was like, who are these women? They know nothing.

No, it's actually quite helpful that one. But I do have a thing to add to it is that something I started doing was sending voice notes. I put people on something you can make something called a dispatch list on WhatsApp. And I made a sort of monthly, a little voice note in the form of a podcast. You don't have to do that part. Yeah, you would sort of introduce hello. It would say, this is audible, a personal podcast. And then I would say, hello, and welcome to the podcast.

And then I would sort of catch people up. But it was really, really nice to do it to keep people like up to date on the news. No one had to listen to it. But people did. And sometimes people sent them back in the form of voice notes. But it just felt like I was in communication with people as a group because sometimes it felt overwhelming to like call individual people with news or like, you know. And I was like, I didn't really have it in me to like have a big long conversation with people. But I did want to like, I wanted to be in people's lives.

Of course. And I wanted them to tell me their news. Yeah. And it was just, I've really found it invaluable. So I offer that to you should you be in a different country or far away from people or doing something. Do you like a broadcast list voice note on podcast-wise. Also, if someone is, I've learned if someone's not well or in hospital or you're closer, do little podcasts for them. Oh.

I did sleep stories when my mom wasn't well in hospital. And then my sister and me did like ones for my dad. recently as well. And like just to kind of like make the processes like a bit more fun. So then they've got, because in hospital it's crap and you just, you don't want to do it. Like you can't really concentrate on anything. But you can listen. It's nice to listen to like people that you love doing a stupid podcast episode based on like, like it's, yeah, the ward. The ward podcast. Oh, that's so nice. What happened on the ward podcast? Oh, lots of things. We had like sports. We had like, so my husband was Israeli into American sports.

and it was like transfer season for like American football. So he did see, he did like a whole thing for her to listen to while she fell asleep while he just like talked about transfers. Oh my God. And then she was like, I think it was like, I find it quite interesting. He was like, okay. That is lovely. Yeah, it was really nice.

And like, and then we'd have like interviews, but it would just be like her friends, like people that we know. And then my tortoise did one. My tortoises sister is my sister's tortoise, but my sister moved to Australia. And my parents now looking at. after her tortoise. That tortoise is sort of the reason, part of why she had like a bit of a fall because she was doing something with the tortoise. Oh no. Got the tortoise to apologise. Oh no.

Did an official apology. So, yeah. Like just stuff like silly. How does the tortoise talk? Oh, I think she was silent and I would translate. So I put the mic really close and you can hear a shell like moving around. I'd be like so that means this and yeah. And you translated it? I shamsated, yeah. Very fun. That's really good. Yeah. That's so nice. That's like quite a fun thing to you.

And also it's a nice thing too because you feel like you're doing to be helpful as well, even though it is silly. Like you are actually helping because it's quite hard to know what to do and how to help when someone's like, I'm in hospital. You're like, I don't know what that. I've never really been in hospital for a long periods of time. Touchwood. So like what's that feel like, like, you know, all that.

What a lovely thing to do? Yeah. Oh, I really do think the WhatsApp voice note is one of the greatest inventions of our time. Thank you, Steve Jobs. Thank you, Steve Jobs. Another good invention among your literally crap ones. Shit, yeah. And I do think, yeah, let's use it.

Let's stay in communication. Let's stay in communication. I think maybe that's what we should end on. I think so. Let's stay in communication. Nobody panic. Stay in communication. Yeah.

It's been nice to do a final episode. We do always say, don't we like, don't ever get, like you could be in the film, moon. In the film, moon, he's been up there for a. and they're just sending him, he's not actually real. Oh, that's a bit of a spoiler. Spoiler. Sorry, it came out ages ago. I don't know if he knows or isn't real. Either way, he's watching videos that they're not live.

He can't communicate with people. Yes. So I'm like, make sure you're not, you didn't have a moon day, you know? Okay. Stay, really, you actually had a conversation with a real person. Oh, yes. And this is good. This is good as well.

Stay in communication because you don't be in moon. Don't be moon. You've got one live. Come on. Do nice things with it. Goodbye. Also, let's just... Thank you so much.

I think we're really dragging it at the end because we don't want to say goodbye. Thank you so much for everyone who has listened and sent us messages and I've been doing a tour recently and so many people come up and say, well, I really enjoyed nobody panicked. I quit my job because of your house and quit your job episode.

You're like, oh, that's too much pressure. I don't do that. But also, do, do, do, do. Give your life. For God's sake, credit. You're not in moon, aren't you? You hate it. But also, yes, thank you.

And we've had a lovely time. It has been an honour. It has been an honour. It's been an honour. It's a bit an honour. It's lovely to do it. I cannot believe that I was ill-equipped. And ill research has been of any use to anybody. So it's so nice.

And it's a pleasure to meet you when you say things. Who are? She's going to cry so we have to stop. No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm going to have a late lunch. Oh, let's have a late lunch. We're ladies who late lunch now.

We're ladies who late lunch. Goodbye. Thank you so much and goodbye. I'm Nish Kumar and I'm going on tour in the UK and Ireland with my brand new show, Angry Humour from a really nice guy. Oh, I'll be talking about all sorts of things. Hot air ballooning, my deep love of Morris dancing, and fire, good or bad. No, it'll just be the usual, this is politics and mental problems.

Buy tickets now, Nishcamore.coma.coma.coma.com.com.