Nobody Panic - How to Freeze Your Eggs - Part 1

Episode Date: May 16, 2023

In part one Tessa has frozen her eggs! She explains exactly what happened, whether the needles hurt and draws upon an extended metaphor about an orchard. A hugely useful episode for the freeze-curious. Part 2 coming Thursday. Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hello, just before this episode starts, this is just to say this is actually a part one and part two. And there is a part two coming out on Thursday, which is all about Stevie's experience.

And we recommend listening to them both. As companion pieces. As companion pieces before you make, I was going to say any big decisions, but don't make any decisions based on this. No. Absolutely not. It's just a nice listen to two people just talking about their own personal experiences. Okay, bye. Here it comes. Just a chill, cool episode.

Do casual girls? It's going to be lovely and casual. We're talking about something very big today, which is how to freeze your eggs. Eggs! What a lot to unpack, a lot going on. And I think, I will say right at the top, like, fertility is obviously such an unbelievably loaded topic.

And there's obviously so much there. And everybody is bringing their own personal experience to it. And so I would say, we're going to talk about it. I've just been through it. And we're going to try and talk about it as, like, openly and explain everything. and be as open and honest as possible. But I would say if you're listening and you're like, I don't think I can, I don't think so actually.

Not today. Yeah, don't. Don't. Please go. Yeah, absolutely. I just like, no shade whatsoever. Like, if you're just currently in a place, we're like, you know what?

I can't, I can't be doing with this. Yeah, because it brings up some weird emotions. And like, by weird emotions, I mean, the emotions are normal, sorry. That's not what it sounded like. But they can just come out of nowhere. Oh, no, and they are weird. And like, there's so much, you know.

Intense, maybe is what I meant. Intense. So I would just say, if that's not for you today, please join us another time. Go and listen to the one about... Nice and easy. That's what wall is. Very good. Yeah, so this one's about egg freezing because we've both begun the journey.

I've come to the end of my journey. Steve is considering... I tapped out. Tapped out. I came to the end of a journey and then thought, after listening to Tessa, you... I keep speaking to you as if you're not here. Then you told me about your experience and... Then I was like, I might tag in again. Tap out, but tag in. Nice.

Would also like to caveat that I feel like the age thing is a massive part of how intense it gets. Because I used to be like, yeah, I can talk about that stuff. That's fine. And then at like 34, it's now become quite difficult to excavate those feelings. And for example, at a wedding earlier last year, I was like drunk out my mind. And the conversation every time I try to speak to somebody. At one point, someone was just like, we're all just over here talking about freezing our eggs. It was like, Jesus Christ. Or someone was like, we're talking. And that's, of course, why I'm not sure about children.

It's like, oh, my God. And I couldn't get away from the children topic. The egg, and specifically the egg freezing topic. It can't feel quite like it's everywhere. Well, also, I really, that I think is something that really led me to wanting to do it, is that the aging issue and the concept of age, the relentless march of death. And just that it felt like it was every,

everywhere and it was this like, are you going to do it? You know, and instead of it being like a funny thing when you're 20 of being like, maybe I'll have eight children. I'm suddenly being like, oh, oh, I think I actually can't. Yeah. I think I'm now officially out of time to have eight. Yeah. Unless I'll do one in all one go, which feels like a mistake.

It does feel like a mistake. Though we'd be financially set for life because we'd make a fantastic reality show. Oh my gosh, yeah. Huge. And you'd be huge. And I would be monstrously large. For me, I don't want to have children and I don't, I think. And I, but I know myself and I know that that might change.

And I didn't want to get, basically, it had been consuming me of this, like, I have to make the decision in what feels like quite a short window of time now. And I don't know what to choose. And I know that like, gun to my head if I have to choose today, I'm going to choose no. And I don't want that, I don't want to be cross with myself in the future that this is the decision I made. made and all of this was going round and round and around. I was like, I can't focus and I can't go to parties because everyone's just discussing freezing their eggs or who's having children or who's not.

And I was like, I just want to be free of all of that. And for me, if the cost of that is doing this thing, then that's a cost that I think is, that felt like the price for me to like feel free of the conversation. Did you know that you were fertile? I did not. And we'll get to that. And yeah. And the other thing that led me to it was Amy Hart from Love Island.

Oh, friend of the podcast. Friend of the podcast, of course. For fans of the show, she's the one, of course, who went out with Curtis. Curtis, who wants to get up and make coffee for everyone. Ed Gamble. Lovely, Amy. And she has an Instagram channel. And she went through the process.

And when she was single and she just was like, I don't know if I'm ever going to find anybody. But I know that being a mum is the thing I want to do most of all. And so I'm going through this process. And she was so fantastically, like, open and honest about it all, that that was genuinely me being like, okay. Oh, great. Right. So I'm hoping that I can...

You were my Amy Hart, because I wasn't going to do it. And then when I was supposed to you, I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. So I hope that I can be that for some people and hopefully answer some of your questions. You'll have to think them in your mind, and I hope I'll say them. That's basically for the listeners. And yeah, I was like, because it felt before egg freezing felt like this, like completely, like, it felt like an American CEO might do it because it costs like a million pounds and it's like what a crazy like scientific thing to be doing and like oh my god of course it's that

that is prohibitively oh 100% but I really had it in my head like I really you know how it just felt like um it just felt like a crazy thing that no one was really doing it's like it did feel like millions and also it it does feel like a science fiction film and something that I feel like you go oh yeah at some point I'll do that and then it comes to the point where you're like oh it's it's now I'll be doing it now or the ones I won't be doing it. because I'll have aged out of that face. Yeah. Oh, shit.

Okay, so obviously the massive thing with egg freezing is the cost. Like, it is completely wild. In lots of countries, for example, in Israel, it's completely free. And it's just like a procedure, like going to the sexual health clinic here. It's very much like one in one out, crack in, off your pop. In this country, that is not the case. And maybe that will change in the future. But currently, it's not.

There are some companies, big company, I know Google, for example, will pay, if you're an employee of the company, will pay you or will, um, will pay for the procedure. Like, oh, it's like subsidize it.

Subsidate it. So they'll either pay like half of it for you or they often pay the full thing and depending like where you are in the company. And often those are like the big, so I know a friend who works at Google, um, has gone through it and Google have paid, uh,

to do it. Right. Because a hot perk. A hot perk is like, also we offer egg freezing. Yeah. Is that something you like. They do health insurance as well,

don't they? Health insurance, you know, all of this sort of thing. And obviously for a company, if you're a woman of a certain age, like they're obviously, it's in their interest to be like,

if you continue to stay in the company as opposed to going to have children, they're like, great, if you're not interested in doing this right now, but we can offer you this thing and then you're more committed to your career for the next couple of years. I see.

Great. Microsoft, of course, harvest them. A market. They own your child, what they call IP. No, so obviously they don't have any claims of them, but obviously if you don't work. So if you do work for a massive company,

even if this is not something that's currently being offered and you're in a place where you're like, okay, maybe you could then go to your boss and be like, is this something, this is where I'm currently at, worth asking to be like, is this something the company would be interested in paying for me to do? They might say no, they might say yes, who's to say? So that's obviously an option. The next option, do we pass to Stevie on the Donate and Share option? Donate and share. So that is something that my friend did. Donate and share is exactly what it sounds like. You donate half of your eggs. And so London Egg Bank is where I went. It was great. I could very much recommend it.

They don't just do the donate. They also do like the normal freezing as well. And you, the idea is that, yeah, you get a fertility test and also like a test to see how many eggs you be packing. Is it a baker's dozen? For example. And if you have, some people, like you can have, you know, all different types of numbers of eggs and it's, and it'd be fine. But if you have like on the, on the large amount side, I don't know how, stopped being able to speak. If you have quite a lot of eggs,

then you're able to do donate and share, which is where it's free. You only have to pay for the doctor's appointment. They walk you through the process. You get all of the same stuff as if you were paying for it full price, and at the end you keep half of them. And then you pay for storage, I think,

which is all, like, there's often deals and stuff, but like, that's the kind of thing. So I thought that would be, I was fine with the sharing, my eggs and donating them aspect. If you're not fine with it, then obviously don't do that. And what was quite helpful, I suppose, is

that rather than pay six grand and then panic and freak out because I panicked and freaked out, freaked out, I didn't pay really anything. I just paid for the doctor's appointment. Got the fertility test and got all the the relevant things, found out how many follicles, how many eggs, how many

whatever was going on there. And then I, burst in tears and had a bit of a breakdown when I was getting it done, didn't hurt at all, I just became overwhelmed by what I was doing and the fact that I had to do it. And it was like, no one's forced you to do it, Steve.

Well, you've gone in, but I felt like my, I felt like Father Time was forcing me to do it. And I wasn't ready to do this. I just like to say, I cried on the thing for the duration. So like, maybe lots of women. And the lady said, everybody just, it's because it was, it just felt a bit like, in those, in every film or TV show

where there's a baby and it's, there's like the ultrasound was there. And it, and they didn't, I thought they'd do it on my tummy, but they did put the dildo cam up, fine, very comfortable, heavily lubed. And that wasn't uncomfortable. It was just, I just suddenly was like, oh my God, my legs were up and I was like, oh God, it's like I'm having a baby, I don't want to die, ah! And then I sort of lost it a little bit. Then, I found out, a week later, they call you and basically say, or they zoom you and sort of, the consultant sort of says, like, um,

here's the amount of eggs you've got. Can we do donate and share? And he was like, you've got a good amount of eggs, but not enough to donate and share, but you would be eligible to freeze them. And you also have, because you can donate and share until you're 35, that's crucial.

But you can freeze your eggs at any point, I think. Obviously, it's the younger you do it, the better. But he said to me, you've probably got until you're out, looking at the amount of eggs I specifically had, you've probably got until you about 37, 38. That was what I said. So I then would,

was incredible relief that he'd said I didn't have to do it. And, and then he was like, so would you like to do the process? And the normal egg freezing process, I was like, no, thank you. That's fine. And then just like, could not stop crying. Because I was so upset with myself that I didn't want to do it. And I was relieved. And also that I didn't just have six grand lying around. But like, I could save and I could do that. Like, could be something I've done. And I just didn't want to. And then spoke to my partner for ages and was just like, I'm sorry. He was like,

don't be upset that you don't want it now. Like, have a think. And then you, about two months later, spoke about it to me. And now I think I'm going to save and pay and just do it because I need to get the thought out of my head

that it's silly of me to not do it. Like, it's obviously something that I want to do, but I'm just too frightened. What part do you feel is like silly? Or what was the main relief feeling when you said, like, you... Because I don't, didn't want to do the needles.

I'm really angry. that I have to think about this now and my male friends, especially my partner who was older, got his entire 30s being like, I don't really know if I want kids and that's fine. And now he's like, no, he's not like, no, I want children.

But like, if he did, that would be fine because he could just, he could say that at 80. And that really makes me very angry because it feels like our society has, is still doing a bad job, but trying to adapt to our, to like how, to sort of make everything more equal and but yet that's the one thing that nobody can change is that my body will stop being able to make children at one point and I hope that my hormones

will then change sufficiently that I'm like I don't want them anyway because I'm I can't so my brain won't want them but look like I you know I'm 34 and I still don't want children and that is we're put on the earth to reproduce and all of that and so for whatever reason I you know that there's more going on than just my body is telling me to do something, you know? 100%. And I know exactly how you feel. And I cried so much in the waiting room. And then I cried on the bed. And then I kept saying, why must the women suffer? I bet. Right. Okay. And I was like, to the nurse, I was like, it's so unfair. And she was like, just really nodding in a way that was like, both that she agreed, but also she was like that every

woman coming through this door is like, why is this me? Like, why is this my job? Why is this my job? Yeah. But like, even if your partner is waiting for you in the hallway or whatever. He wanted to come and I was like, no, it's fine. Yeah, right? Like, no, I have to do this alone. You know, or there are, you know, gay women couples and waiting in the corridor, like, being like, the ones with the uterus have to do this.

And the ones with the penis are allowed just to have the wonderful time. And like, it's really, it felt very, very unfair. And it felt very like, if women had been in charge of society for thousands of years, then we would, well, this wouldn't, this would be a better process. process and it wouldn't involve putting that dildo up me. Something else would be happening instead. And like it really does feel like you begin this journey and the entire weight of the patriarchy is like on your shoulders.

And you are not alone in that feeling. And I think that's how everybody walks through those doors. It felt a very personal journey that you really felt like there was. So I'm just saying like that is very valid. Yes. And everybody cries and it's a lot. So I went to, so donate and share for me was like, Like, never an option because I just know myself and I know that will actually make it

for thinking much worse. And now every minute I'll be like, is that mine? Is that mine? Is that one mine? You know, everyone who could be roughly the same age, I'll be picking up children in the road. Like, I was like, not for me. Yes.

So you just got to know yourself and I was like, I can't do it. I'd also been in my Christian Puzzlechik Volkswagen advert. It is Poulisitch. Sure, sure, sure. And I just got to, yeah, I just like, you know. Pulisich. Yeah, yeah. I'd been in a Volkswagen commercial with a footballer.

Yeah. Nameless footballer. And it's a shame his name is Christian because I thought if I do have a kid with these frozen eggs, I would like to name it after him. Why are you laughing? Because he's paid for it. He's paid for it. Why are you laughing?

It's just a funny reason to name you think. It's just funny. I just think that would be nice and they'd be like, why you call that? And be like, my mom, well, she was in a commercial. And then she took the money and cooked. me. She got, put me in the freezer. Yeah, all right.

Maybe a middle name. No, I mean, don't do it. I think it's funny. Do it. I did say to the nurse are a lot of the eggs and a lot of babies born out of the frozen ones called Elsa. And she was like, no. And I was like, well, I'm missing a trick.

I'm not. I'm not frozen. Because it's frozen. I was like, and no one thinks that's funny. And she was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they don't. And I was like, it's, it's expensive. But this is what I went to the London Women's Clinic in London. I cannot recommend them enough.

They're absolutely lovely. they're also where Amy Hart from Love Island went to and I was like, you know what, I'm not even going to shop around. You've said they're good, I'm in. Before we keep going, we should talk about the cost. Absolutely. It's not for everyone. No, absolutely.

It's a huge undertaking. So I've crunched some numbers. Okay. And also, very meanly, having looked at what it is now compared to when I was given my cost breakdown in November, even from then until now, the cost has gone up, which feels very mean and unnecessary, but... My eggs have gone down, the cost's gone on. The eggs are down, cost up, baby!

Anyway, so it is a real kick in the teeth, but the general cost is between £4,000 and £6,000 for one cycle of the eggs. So there is like the base thing, which is the cost of the procedure and the scans and all of this, and that doesn't change regardless of what your personal situation, whatever's... going on for you, well, apart from year to year, apparently. So that's that number, but then the number that says between this number and this number, depending on patient response, and this one that feels a bit mean, is that the price of the hormones might change for you personally, depending on how much hormone you need. And most people manage to get enough eggs after two cycles, and then when it

becomes increasingly heartbreaking and increasingly expensive is when you're like at three or four or five cycles of this thing. You can just keep doing cycles indefinitely to try and get more eggs. And so that's when you're like, and that's my thing is like when people say like it could just be this like sort of infinite amount of money. And it could be because you could just keep going. And then you get to the place of being like, when do we stop and when do we agree. Like, you know, so much going on. I decided I was only going to do one cycle. I was only going to afford one cycle.

If we only get a few eggs, I'll have to be like, that's the universe. The Lord's hands. That's in the Lord's hands now. We got what we got. You know, I tried. So I was like, right, I'm in. I'm in. And I'm going for one.

Here we bloody go. And I went to my. first consultation. The place is sort of, as you imagine, a blue, baby blue claspets, very plush, very lighting, very welcome, comes it down. You know, it's just very lovely.

Lots of really sweet couples and women on their own or couples in the, in the foyer, which I obviously like projected so much emotion and story onto, you know. And me weeping. Went to my first one in a jumpsuit, you know.

Oh, nude on the table. You were there, right. Okay. So you go in for your first thing and it's like exactly going to a smear test or anything like that. You're up on the bed. I thought, I didn't realize quite how up the front bottom it was going to be, but be ready, it's going right up there.

So you go into the stirrups, you have the, as Stevie has described, the lubed up dildo. It's just a lot, yeah, it's... It's nicer than what you'd get for a colonoscopy, you know, like... Yeah, it's way better than a colonoscopy. Coposcopy, sorry. Colospopy, yeah. But it's...

It's up the rectum, so that's way nicer than that. Much nicer than that. watch-diles than that. But it's, you know, it is, it's just like a little dilder that goes up here. Yeah, it's definitely, it's not unpleasant, but it is definitely like, oh, oh, that's certainly up there, isn't it? But you, and then this is the beginning of, why must the women suffer? So up into the stirrups, up the thing goes, and then up onto the camera is the ultrasound.

And then you're like, wow, how amazing, it's in that sort of black and white camera, like the ultrasound, looks like you see it on the movies. And this, I think, must be if you do desperately want to, a baby, this I think must be quite a difficult bit to go through to like be looking at, you know, wanting to go through, one day I'll get to do this and it'll be there. Anyway, so again, once again, I'm projecting so much onto everyone. So you go in, they put the camera up yet. What they're then doing with the computer is they are measuring your egg follicles.

So I thought egg freezing was you go in, they sort of scoop a bunch of eggs out of your bucket of eggs and they whack them in the freezer. And then I was like, right, but now you. you've taken some of my eggs and you said I didn't have very many. So now you've made my chance of getting pregnant even less, right? And then the doctor sort of rolled the eyes and was like, no, no one has any concept of how eggs work. So it turns out it's not that at all. When we have that saying of like, oh, you have these eggs and they're finite and you're going to lose your eggs,

you actually have thousands of eggs and they're actually more like seeds than they are like actual ready to go eggs. So what you have in your ovaries is egg follicles. And you might have, by the time you get into, by the time you get to 30, however, you might have one egg follicle or you might have 40 egg follicles. So until you go for this first scan, you don't know how many egg follicles you've got in there. And in your left over and your right ovary, think of them like two adjoining fields that make up one large orchard. Wow. And in your large orchard, you have a bunch of trees. Some of your trees, they're gone.

Some of your trees, thriving. Fantastic. And each month, one tree says to the other trees, lads, my month, I'm going to make the egg. And then underneath that tree has all the sort of seeds of the egg. And then over the couple of weeks, the tree cooks the egg, and it presents the egg. And then all the other trees are like, fucking, that's a good one.

And then the tree throws the egg down the... I like how you've used in a metaphor. In this, it's like, you've got a tree. but it's still eggs. It's an egg, yeah. It's an apple. It's an egg orchard. It's an egg orchard.

Yeah. And down it comes, we all know that part from the site from GCSE Biology. Down it comes the canal, gets to the uterus. The sperm are like, not today. Or the coil is like, get the fuck out of here. And then it's like, goodbye. And out your egg goes. Or, baby.

And this was genuinely news to me. I really thought there was just like a bunch of eggs in there. And you could scoop them out and one day just shot out like a sort of t-shirt cannon. Whereas really they get cooked And how does one tree tell the other trees Like it's my go Because then the next month That tree is like I'm busy

I'm tired I'm out And the next tree's like my go And then another tree has a go And then everyone claps that tree I mean It's clapping Yeah

Extraordinary The other trees like helping it along Amazing When people talk about you You're hitting your fertility end Of your natural fertility Are like 38, 39, 40

Going through the menopause What's happening there Is the trees in your orchid are dying So they can't deliver the eggs The eggs are still that The eggs are still there. Wow. And there's thousands of them.

God, why don't I know this? Exactly. Why doesn't... What I remember it was? That's the thing we are so under-informed. Like, and the manner in which the doctor explained to me was like, all we do every day is try and teach people about the tree situation. And so that's what coming to the menopause is, is every tree in your orchard being like, I'm out. Right.

And so but your actual eggs, there's so many of them there. Your eggs remain. Your eggs remain. And as long as you've got working egg follicles and the trees are still going, then you're golden. Okay. And so they were like, for you with 22 still working trees, you've got several, you've got years left. You've easily to 40. Oh, that's amazing.

And so, but you, so it in no way impacts your chance of pregnancy. Right. People often won't use their eggs. They, they manage to get pregnant naturally. It's just like there is a backup for you. And it hasn't in any way impacted your chances of getting pregnant. Okay. Love that.

I go into my scan and then you go in to see the doctor and to tell you how many follicles you've got. even before this process, I'm in floods of tears. Yes, right. Just because I'm like, what if I go in now and they're like, oh, you've got nothing? Why did no one tell you? Yeah. Your orchard's barren. Or, you know, I just was so much like, what if they reveal something? She was like, please stop crying. She wasn't. She was like, everybody cries. Come on in. You've got 22 trees, which for your age is excellent. That's really good, good effort. And I was like, thank you so much. And so we'd like to begin the process? And I was like, yes please and she was like okay so it takes two weeks again i thought it took months or something

exactly two weeks and a good idea so i did it in january i knew i had like nothing really on it was january and i was like this is a good time for me to not really be doing anything else i would say obviously do it whenever you can but if you can be like oh these two weeks i won't be running around or doing this or being very stressed or moving house or like trying to do anything else you absolutely can do it but i would say try not to combine it with anything else if you possibly can. So I was like, this is a good two weeks for me. Let's do it then. She's like, great. So how the science works is that what they're going to do is give you medication every day. And that medication is going to trick the trees in your orchard into every tree saying, it's my month.

Right. Okay. Here we go, baby. Let's make some eggs. So every tree is suddenly making an egg. And then you're going to give a second bit of medication. So everyone's growing a tree, a bit like, deep blue sea. You're making sharks that are super fast and super strong and super smart. Okay. Got to go there. They're fast. And they can swim backwards.

And they can swim backwards. And they can, they work out what CCTV is. They're sharks. They can't possibly do that. Anyway, so you're making these like super eggs. And off all the trees go, making an egg. Then you bring in a secondary medication and that medication says, don't drop. Don't drop them.

Don't drop the eggs. Don't drop them. This is when people get scared and worried very understandably is that the medication. has to be go through a needle. And it has to be injected into your tummy. And I was like, what if I eat it instead? She was like, no. Obviously a reason that it's being injected. And so if she'd be like, yeah, you know what? You can. And I was like, oh, new idea. What if I come in every day and you do it for me? She was like, no, you can do it. She was like, if you really want to, someone else can do it for you. But I really recommend that you do it yourself. I was really

scared and I did not reveal that I was a NHS vaccinator and had been vaccinated throughout the pandemic because they would have been like, what the fuck are you making such a fuss about then? I got myself very worried about the needle aspect and on the first night doing it because you have to do it at exactly the same time every day. So I got my alarm on seven o'clock every day, at 7 p.m. at night, you've got to do it. I lined up all the gear and I got myself too anxious to take a video because I really wanted to do it and I wish I had because the video would have been me like white as a sheet like getting myself doing it and then like doing it and then I honestly was like oh for god's sake I was like it was so easy and so simple so I don't have the pen with me but it's um it looks almost like it's like a big pen you click a thing round to a particular number and they tell you which number you need to put in then you like take the lid off the pen you put another pen lid on you twizzle that a needle is there you put it in and you do it and it is so fast and it's so so so small and it's so fine and honestly

you, after you do that first one, no matter how scared you are and I say as somebody who was really scared and was like white. You did it at like a party at one point you. Listen, the coolest thing I've ever done is by about day four of this, I went to Monica Heise who came on the show's book launch. My alarm went off at 7 o'clock.

I went to the toilets. I hoiked up my party dress. I put my champagne between my knees and I did my injection and then I went back to the party. And I was like what am I in an episode of 6 in the city? Like it was, I was like, okay, this is so achievable. You put it, like, you cannot get it wrong.

It's not like you're trying to shoot up into a vein, like, or anything like that. And I was like, what if I do the air thing? And I get air into my bloodstream. They were like, no, no, Christ, that's not a thing. There's also an amazing app that they give you called salve. Okay, it's called salve, S-A-L-V-E. You only get it when you begin the process. And then you put your details in, and it tells you, it's like, medication, let's go.

Oh, great. And you send afterwards, it says, like, how did it go? and you're like, good, thank you. So it's like, it's there constantly keeping track of like where you're supposed to be, what you're doing. They give you so many sheets to be like, this is what we're doing today. You're like, yes, yes, yes, I remember. And really, it feels like a lot of information to take it. And if you're listening to me being like, oh, my God, this feels like too much.

It's a lot of information to take in. But when actually the process begins, you're like, this is actually very simple and very easy. Yes. And so then after day four, you bring in the morning injection. And the morning injection is, again. It's a meter long. It's a meter long. And you're going to put up your butt hole.

No, it's so, again, it's so small, it's so easy. And that one is to say, don't drop the eggs. Okay. So first injection is to say, make the eggs. Are you like feeling any emotional business at this point? Fantastic question. It would be loath of me to say there was no physical effect. You don't hurt, I swear to God.

You feel very, they said you're going to feel very bloated. Right. And I was like, bitch, please. Eat some bread, watch me. You think I don't know about bloating. And I was like, oh my God. It's not uncomfortable by any stroke of imagination or painful. It's just like, oh, that's big, isn't it? Good Lord. There isn't a hormonal factor. There will just be like some tears out of nowhere. I think if you and whoever you live with are just ready for the tears, then that will be fine. My partner, we were watching the traitors at the time. My partner was like, I think we should stop because we're going to make very anxious eggs. Because I was so anxious, you know. And then he would, his whole does thing, the women, me in

rejecting myself, his soul contribution was shouting, everyone's doing so well in there. You know, also a side note is if you are with somebody that you are with and you are really confident this is who you want to be with, embryo freezing is much more successful than egg freezing. So if you want to put some embryos in the freezer, you've doubled your chances of that becoming a successful pregnancy. I didn't know there was a difference. Okay, so an embryo is a fertilised egg, that's the sperm and the egg. Fucking hell. Yeah, to make an embryo.

It's like an idiot, but yeah. No, no, no, no. That's the thing. Nobody knows this stuff. Like, it's not, don't, don't beat yourself up. You don't. An unfertilized embryo is probably why I'd call that. That's an egg.

An unfertilized embryo is an egg. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's an egg. It's actually called an octite or something. I think it's the correct scientific name. Could be. No, why not? Some doctors are listening to be like,

it's fucking isn't it? So an egg, and then as it comes down, it comes to the uterus, then the sperm arrive, and then if it fertilises, it makes an embryo. And an embryo will eventually grow into a... Baby! No, no, no, but it is baby. But I think it's going to become a zygote, when it does that thing where it splits. I mean, I don't know why you're asking me, I just didn't know the difference

an embryo and an egg, so let's not even discuss. Okay. Yeah. But I think it might become a zygote. And anyway, that's becoming a baby. An egg will never become anything other than a egg. Oh, no, yes. I do.

Yes, I do. I know it takes a sperm to make a baby. It's just like, I didn't know the term. I thought he'd just be like, a fertilized egg was a fertilized egg. I didn't realize the embryo was specifically a fertilized egg. Oh, I see, I see. Right, yeah, fine. So when you do egg freezing, those are just eggs in the freezer.

And if I choose to use them in the future, I would need some sperm, either my partners or a donor if I was doing it on my own. And then they would have to be fertilized in the pot. Yeah, the pot, the famous pot. In the pot. And then when they had made embryos in the pot, then they would put them in me. Right, sure. And that process, the thawring might not work for everything, all the eggs. the fertilising might not work for all the eggs

and the putting them in me might not work for all the eggs and the taking in my uterus might not work for all the eggs. So you're losing each time. Every time you're losing the thing. And this is why they say let's get as many as we possibly can into the freezer for the chances of this working. And this is why you've heard stories about like IVF, like not working and then you have to like taking several rounds.

It's going through this process. Yes, I see. Okay, so where are we at now? We're injecting, we've gone for two weeks, we've blown up like a bowling ball, we're crying at things, but ultimately we're doing it. Yes. We're doing it, we're thriving, we're doing great.

I go in for my last scan. And also you go in every third day. So this is also like, don't be traveling during this because you need to go into the clinic fairly regularly every other day to be constantly monitored to see like how your trees are doing. Yes. And so on my last scan, and they show you a graph of how well everyone's doing.

On my last scan, they were like, okay, things are not going as well as we'd hoped. Like, there are still, there's some trees, but they aren't calling the trees,

by the way. But not everybody is making. not everybody's cooking as many eggs as we like the eggs on as big. Deep blue sea eggs. Those deep blue sea eggs aren't a super smart. They wouldn't call them that. Yeah. The super smart eggs aren't as super smart as we'd like.

Like let's, they're like, we're still going to get some, but let's ready ourselves for going again, like having to do this process again. And I was very, very upset after that because I was like, I can't. Like, I can't afford it. And also I'm not going through this again. I don't want to. I don't want to. And I was like, okay, I just readed myself, be like, we're only going to get a couple.

and that's fine. Okay, so now we get to the final day. They decide when the collection is going to be, the harvest, if you will. Oh my gosh, the dark harvest. Their tree harvest. Your second harvest, of course. Your first being 2013, the harvest of dick. The harvest of dick.

Well, you had sex with one man. That's correct. That was a dick harvest. It's my dick harvest. Yeah. Oh, that's correct. And now we begin again. It ended midway through 2030.

Yeah. A successful harvest. And now the second harvest of my life, well, third, because the first one, of course, was harvest festival as a child. Yeah, I'm sorry, you're third. Yeah, my third harvest. The three harvests of a woman's life.

I go in for my dark harvest. And there's a very funny, but underrated film called Meet the Somethings. So you could never watch it because I can't remember. But it's an animation. And at one point, they go into this mall in which the furbies have all come to life. Oh, I know it's the Richardson, something versus the robots. something versus the world or something. It's really funny. Isn't it so great? Yeah. Mitchell's versus the world? The world. Yeah. Mitchell's versus the world. Mitchell's versus the world. It's great. Lord

and Miller. It's brilliant. Yeah. It's so much. And no one really knows it. Oh. Right. Fantastic. Where they meet the Furbies. Yeah. There's a giant fursy and it goes and then is it just speaking in Furby and is it a translation or is it speaking English. I can't remember, but I think it's, I think it's a translation. Yeah. Either way it goes. Yeah. And it says, begin the dark harvest. And it is so funny that a Furby's phrases begin the dark harvest that I kept saying this when we went into the clinic. And the nurses didn't care for that. Hadn't seen the film? No, they didn't know what I was doing. So, they say, right, your appointment's going to be at half-past three on Monday. And so you then have to do your final injection exactly 36 hours before. So for me, that was 3.30 in the morning. And I was like,

must we? Must it be this? And they were like, it has to be then. Like, this is when your collection And also, if I may, a thing about it costing so much money, actually, when I was doing it, I was like, this incredible pen that someone has designed to make this as easy as possible for me. Someone's made this app. Someone's made this hormone. Someone's worked out how to synthesize a hormone to trick my trees into all cooking an egg. I was like, hundreds of years of science have gone into this in a way that I can't even begin to comprehend. And I was sort of like, I'm glad to pay the money.

I was extremely hormone. It was 50 quid. You'd be like, this is, you don't want to do that. Don't want to do that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not paying 50 quay for this. No, that's an actual byro. Yeah, come on, mate. Yeah, exactly. So it was, it was, it did feel amazing to be like, look how science is incredible. Yeah. That was definitely an aspect for me. Okay, so 3.30 in the morning, you have to do your final injection. This is a new injection.

Only if you're obviously not, only if your time is 3.30. Sure, sure, sure. Whenever your process is. Regardless it is, it has to be 3. It has to be 36 hours before. And so very much like, it has to be now. And so I was like, right, okay, I'm ready. whole day preparing terrified 18 alarms going off you know like so nervous about sleeping through it also a new a new injection this time so not my normal pen and you have to take it out of a vial put it into another thing draw it up do all this stuff oh a bit of bit much okay um not to say not everyone will be able to do it it'll be absolutely fine but for me i think it it was just so early in the morning and i was gone to sleep and woken up to do it and i couldn't do it and i was just on my own sort of really panicking being like

my window is closing, but I have to do this injection. I have to get this into this one vial. You know, the medicine in the pot felt very precious. Like, the whole thing just felt quite overwhelming. Also, I had just watched The Martian with Matt Damon. I've seen it, yeah. And so what I was whispering to myself out loud was, you solve one problem, then you solve the next problem. And if you solve enough problems, you get to go home. And I just like really went to like NASA focus of like, because I didn't know how to do this last part. I was like, you first thing, we're just going to get this in here. Then we're going to do this. Then we're going to do this.

And then I did it. So you go in, you get a lovely little robe, your butts out. Right. And you go in and this is the point you are sedated. Okay. And may I say, it's delicious. Okay. It's lovely being sedated.

They put a bane mask on you. And, um, and um, hello, Mr. Wade. Yeah. And I was chatting and I was like, whatever doesn't work. Like I was just can put out. And then you wake up like two hours later. But it feels like. Oh, it feels like nothing.

Yeah. you, the time feels like no different. It doesn't feel like you've been asleep. It just feels like, how am I? When they, it was sort of felt quite magical. Someone putting me to sleep and then waking me up in another room and being like, it's done. And I was like, what?

You don't feel anything. And so they do the whole procedure. You're completely unconscious. It doesn't feel painful. It doesn't feel bad. It's just quite, genuinely it felt like quite, because it was the end of the experience. Yeah. It was like, okay, we're doing it.

Here we go. Like, let's go get them. And everyone was so nice. Like, and everybody was amazing. All the nurses, all the doctors are the neathesis. Everyone comes to chat to you to, like, say what they're going to do next. And everyone was so, so supportive. And it was lovely.

What that final injection does 36 hours before is it tells the eggs release. Right. They all drop. They're like, here they go. And they all throw their egg down the canal. And so then they're into the uterus. And then they've all been released and they're like charging down like a bunch of bowling balls. And then when they do the operation, the thing, it's not an operation.

nobody cuts you open. They just do like a speculum, like you're going for a smear test, and then when they're there, they just pick them out. Oh, fine, okay. Pick them out, pop them in the freezer, and we go.

But because it's quite sensitive, they're like, and you can't really move about. It's like, you're unconscious, let's just get them out. But it's not, you're not being cut open, you're not doing anything.

It's the same same. In your ovaries, it's not scraping anything. They've already been released. They're charging down to get to you, and then someone just collects them, and in they go. It takes like seconds.

Okay. And they're in the freezer. Done. So it's like, it's such a simple thing to do. And also you're so excited by this point because it's like the end. Yeah.

I won't be excited, but I feel like there's a doable thing. It's, it does. I'll still be scared. But it's like, but it's like, you know,

once I'm through this, we're done. Once we're through this, we're done. Like, this is it. We've come to the end. Well,

unless you have, unless you have to go around again. Do you find out whether you have to go around again? Yeah. Before the operation. Sorry, the operation before the procedure.

So they, So they don't know how many they're going to get until they basically go. You don't know how it goes. So that's my thing about my last scam was two days before. And they were like, so I was already going into it prepared to be like, I'm not going to think I'm going to get very many. And this is going to be the end of the road for me. And I'll be like, what we ever we got, that's what we got.

They like to say, if you can get 10 in total, that's a fantastic number. After however many rounds, that's enough to be like, we can lose some at the thawing. We can lose some at April. 10's a great number. That's what they say 10 and we can stop. Okay. And I had prepared myself to be like, we're going to get maybe four.

Turns out they're my eggs and they love a deadline and they all had not done anything until right before the finish line in which they all started cooking and I got 11. Great. So we got 11 eggs and so they wake you up from the process and they say, they tell you how many straight away.

How many you got? I was completely delirious. Yeah, of course. Kept hugging the man. And then you go home and they're like, don't do anything exciting today. Go home and watch Ratatooie and eat a stew or something. thing. I was like, can I have a burger? And she was like, no, you can't.

They were like, don't eat anything big because you'll be quite nauseous. Oh, right. Okay. And I was like, but I wanted a treat. Yeah. She was like, everyone goes home from here and wants to have like a fun, like big meal. Yeah. Don't do it. Right. Okay. Okay. Was there any discomfort after the, when you, from like that day when you woke up? No. Okay, great. No, there was no discomfort. You have an astonishingly large period like a week later. Okay. Which truly is like your uterus being like, don't fuck about again.

What was that? What the hell was that? And then everything comes out. But it sort of feels like quite cathartic. And like like, like, just very like, I return my blood to the earth. No, it felt very mad. Just squatting over a garden. Yeah.

I was actually gone to the sea at the time. So it was happening in the ocean. It felt very sort of like. Very nice. Sharks. The sharks were circulating, collecting bits of my uterus. So, and then that's, that's, that's, once they're in the freezer. Then they're in the freezer for, you have to pay.

a storage fee of like £100 every year that you use them. You also have to sign several forms that are like, what would you like us to do with these? Can we experiment on them? And you're like, you're just like, no, no, no, no, thank you, no. The thing about the embryo thing for me is that I felt, even though it's so much more, it's so much more successful. And they had offered that to me. I was like, I would personally feel like if they were actually embryos, I would feel they were like, my children are cold in the freezer. Mother! Okay. Not specifically why you didn't do everything.

I guess we don't know what the process, like what's what the difference is. Completely the same. Yeah. My process is completely the same. Whatever penis you've managed to find, be that donor or your partner, they wank into a cup. And that's their process. And that's their process. You straight to the fertilisation process.

Right. Is it more money for the thawing, defrosting, fertilising, basically the next stage? you have to pay like again? Yes. It's not as much as going through complete IVF because a large chunk

of the IVF is the egg bit but it is an extra cost then. This is just to get them in the freezer. I will tell one nice story and then we can leave

it's just a nice positive thing which is that when I went in for one of my scans and I just wept openly for the duration of the process. I went to every scan.

I wept throughout the operation I wept at every aspect of it. Are you just saying that to make me feel about that? Absolutely not. I just was, all those emotions were just coming out and I was just openly weeping. And they were all so accepting of that in the man that like just everybody weeps. Right. That nobody even like battered an eyelid. And so I didn't even really apologize for crying. I was just openly crying. It's about it. It's a lot, isn't it? They were like, it's a lot, yeah? You know? And so that you're not alone in that. And I wept throughout. And also all your fears about like the needles, the doing stuff. Like I had all of those fears. And it's just a thing. And then once you begin it, you are like, okay, a lot of. this was in my head. Like, this is actually nowhere near as scary. Anyway, this is my last nice story is that right before I went, one scan, I came in and the nurse was telling me that the people

that she just had in before her, before me, were a couple who were about to begin their process. They had been trying to conceive naturally for a very long time and hadn't done it. Desperately wanted a baby, had saved up all their money to be like, here we go, we're starting egg freezing and IVF. They waited in for their first scan to count how many egg follicles she had. had, they put the special ultrasound up there, and there was a baby on the screen. Holy Mother of Pearl, that is lovely. As you said, it actually happens quite a bit that people have been trying. It's been so tense, and they've been tried for such a long time.

And the moment they're like, okay, just accept it. We're going to go for IVF. And then in that window of them calmly accepting that, that's when conception happens when people just chill out into that moment. And so it happens quite a bit that they come in and there's already a baby on the screen. Lovely. Obviously, I've been throwing myself on the window, but really nice for them. For them lovely, for you dreadful.

I hope that was helpful. Oh my God. Tesla, that's genuinely so helpful. I'm so fascinated by the whole process. I couldn't believe how much I did not know. If you have any questions, if you are going through it, if you're thinking about it, I will happily answer any of them. You can find me.

You just find me or email the podcast at nobody panic podcast at gmail.com. See you next week, everybody. Goodbye.