Nobody Panic - How to Get into Football with Chloe Petts (Live at the Edinburgh Fringe 2022)

Episode Date: November 1, 2022

Want to get into football but don’t know where to start? Comedian Chloe Petts has made a quiz and also provides excellent starting points for how to get into the beautiful game without panicking too much that you don’t know what the offside rule is. Or a ball. Warning: this was recorded at the Edinburgh Fringe and is slightly mad. Find Chloe on Twitter and Instagram: @ChloePettsBuy tickets for Chloe's tour show Transience here.Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded live at the Edinburgh Fringe and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at Kings Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Nobody can't. Not alone. We have the wonderful Chloe pets with us everybody. So everybody here has obviously done their amazing adult things but before we do

should we release the episode? Yes, release the topic. Do you want to release the topic into the wild glow? Well, yes. I'm worried that I'll get the format wrong. No, just smashed it. If you begin with the words how to

and after that, anything. Any noun. Any noun. Then an adjective and bring it home the full stop. Or a question. Or a question mark. Sometimes. how to

football. Yeah! How to get into football. How to get into football? Just like we don't know the episode of time. How to get into football? How to get into football? Yeah.

Famously, football fan. Big football fan. I do sort of worry that. I talk about it a lot and people are completely unenthused by it, which is... That won't happen today. Right, I can. No, it won't. And also you've got me in your corner,

because if anyone has been listening to podcasts, I've been effesively. I don't know what that... You make me. But you gave it a good on go. I've been effacifully talking about... Infusively, emusively, emusively. Yeah, infusively.

Infusively talking about football for a bit, haven't I? For a bit, yeah. For a bit? Well, the last couple of months I've really got into football, and then of course the women have won the one of football, and it feels like football's a bit more, you know, in the... And basically, I feel very, very angry that I've not been allowed to play, that I've spent all my life thinking that football wasn't for me.

And now I'm like, it's so fun and so dumb. Why do I think I wasn't allowed this all my life? You didn't have to play it professionally to have a good old go. No, right? It's actually quite fun to have a good old go with football, whereas there are some sports that you can't just have a good old go with. No, javelin.

Snooker. Javelin, yeah. Wow, I'll just think about that for a moment. I think the issues is that because it's historically been men, they take it very, very seriously. But then when you're right, when you step back from it, it is like fundamentally funny, and pathetic.

Yeah. So like, you know, I found myself at Wembley, just when the lioness is won, I just burst into tears. And then I started really, like I started crying from laughing, because I was like, this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous that I'm sat here crying

at a bunch of girls have won a game of kick it. Silly, silly. Yeah, but nice because it's so, it's just, it's so pure and a bit so, like, I don't know, my partner, we both watched Liverpool a lot, and when there's a good old game it's got nothing to do with the rest of my day

I have no effect on it you know what to me it's just in its own little world and you don't have to move or talk to anyone is all you to enjoy it? You're not shouting loud enough if you shout loud enough then it does push the ball into it

right so this is what we're going to be talking about so I'm clearly not even watching football correctly no one right all we get into it we're going to do have a lovely bunch there you go thanks to my lovely bunch

thanks to your lovely bunch yeah some people If fans the podcast, at the beginning of every episode, we do our adult thing, and there could be, once it was CV, put our rings of a small box.

And sometimes it's... A good week. Do your tax return. Sometimes it's got over a broken heart. And sometimes they're small, sometimes they're big. Sometimes they are cancelled to my organic veg box subscription

because we were just throwing out loads of weird veg. Yes. That is the spirit. Quit my shit job and came to the fringe by myself to celebrate. Oh!

Really natural. Oh, had a back massage as soon as my back started hurting. That is good because you wait too long. Someone else quit their job. Is everyone unemployed here? I shouldn't be at the fringe. I do worry about the amount of people who write into us about quitting their job.

I'm like, you must have taken to take on the reason to please. I'm not. Oh shit. Remember to cancel my Amazon Prime subscription before it's auto-renewed. Yes. Also, someone came for a day out at the fringe on my as I recently moved to Scotland solo and have no proper friends yet.

So the other person that came solo, link up and become friends. Because honestly, that's tragic. I'm designated solo zone, so you know to... People would love that. All the versions can sit together. This is a joke, I go and watch stuff on my own all the time. I go to things constantly on my own and people always like, you're on your own. I'm like, yeah, I like to do stuff on my own.

You just walk up to you go, are you on your own? Obviously, yeah. I watch a film. Took a lead on organising. weekend away with my pals. It's hard to do that because what if you pick someone that they don't want to go? Like that's a guadnas. There's another person who hasn't got any friends.

And they've just they've taken this as an opportunity to plug their show and honestly, no. I was into it. That's what you get, no. I finally emptied my suitcase three weeks after coming back from holiday. Yes. And then I really respond to that but then in brackets, this is why I don't care for it.

It says the clothes that needed washed had been taken out as soon as I got home, just clean clothes. To which I'm like, no. To me, it's a filthy bag of clothes and it remains there, and I'll get out of see rotten clothes, thank you. Tesla once came to the fringe. Was it the French? With all of your belongings in a big bin bag?

Yes, it was the fringe of the past, and it was this fringe as well, Steve. What is very nice? And I upgraded to an IKEA bag this year. Thank you very much. I was now until 5 a.m. I didn't pack. over well into the IKEA bag we go let's go to the fringe then I had to take them

the dry cleaners lost them I've been wearing this for a month and you have I have well this one starts on the similar theme of Jove solo for five hours and then it turns into a brag so I could be in Edinburgh for the fringe with my best friend so oh that's nice that is really nice but you lose as if you're on your own I'm just bringing that real positive energy to be yes oh remember I'm gonna read this without here knowing what it is. Remember to check pocket before leaving house to successfully brought the ones that will

actually get me back in without the keys that will actually get... Oh God! The keys that will actually get me back in without waking my friends up at 1am. Okay, I've got a half on that now. I'm sorry, I should have said this at the start. I can't read. She's doing it very well.

I took my two-year-old daughter camping and no one died. Oh, I think no one died. It's very good. Oh, not a bad injury. Bare minimum. Yeah, right? I think honest to God, that's how I feel about children. There's currently a baby in my house, would you believe?

Mine. No, it's not. But my housemate, his son-in-law, who plays the guitar for Diane Chorley, has arrived with this baby. And now we're all like, I guess we live with this baby now. How old's the baby? Six months old?

That's too young. Too young. Shouldn't be allowed. Shouldn't be allowed. Shouldn't be allowed. If you're not popping out of the womb as a toddler, then I'm not interested. No, thank you very much.

Let's do one more. Two more to bring us home. And that's a good. You've got a nice one in there? Yeah, well, yeah. I order something different to my usual at brunch. I did order chocolate, orange, French toast with popping candy, but still. So that's the person that's going to have. That's for brunch.

Jesus. No one died. They're going to be shitting themselves today, that's funny. Yeah, yeah, very nice. I'll find my motto. It's filled my kaiatat. Filled my kate. Filled my kate.

We're there. I filled my car tires, we're there. And the recommended PSI. What does it mean? That's amazing. That one of those goes around. I'm a lot. I'm a PSI.

That's incredible. I hate it when I let my PSI wrong. Yeah. So hard. Okay, football time. Let's all play it. So what's your sort of like, how do you get into it?

Was it like family and it was just immediate? Or did you like, was it later in life? No, no. So the first thing I did as a human being was chip myself in my dad's Crystal Palace town. which is sort of great. In his town? Yeah, he's Crispinac Town,

which is sort of served as a fetal prophecy for the fortunes of the film and I'm subsequently. And my dad sort of always said that at that age he didn't want to like force football or Chris the Palace team onto me. But when I sort of look back at photos, I am just exclusively in Christmas Palace Kid as a tiny little yellow wellies.

So I think it was, yeah, sort of preordained that I would be afraid of a Christian Palace fan and I'm like you to this day no change, no deviation no deviation no deviation whatsoever do you have siblings as well

yeah Peter Betts Peter Betts is yeah I love Peter Betts a friend of the podcast did you do you know does Peter Petts support

Crystal Palace as well Peter Betts does support Chris Palace yeah perfect and it does playing it if you guys

have you guys played because I when I was at primary school I wanted to play with the boys and there was no there was no football team and my teacher

created a girls football team and we got, we were sponsored by Northwich Glass and we had like a little strip and then I think it's still going and then I really loved it. It was like, oh I actually, I hate P and I'm really bad at all of it

and I was actually not bad at it and then we got to secondary school and there was no team and I had to play hockey or whatever, netball and it was really sad because it was like when I asked around and it's like, well, we just don't do that. We don't do it. And I feel like in schools now,

there are, you can play football more now that you could. But it's hard that you've got to be on, the emphasis is on you to do it, whereas with little boys, you know, it's like, really just immediately all just, someone's going to suggest a game, whereas girls tend to just suggest a game of football when I was growing up. I hope that the lioness has changed that. I'm pretty, that's like I'm crying.

I'm so emotional about Northwich Glass. I will start crying about the minuses at some point So that's good Going on brand But I'm pretty sure it's like compulsory For boys to play at school Yes But not compulsory for girls

And they're saying that they won't change that But I say force them Yeah If anyone listening If anyone here is the head of PEE In the world Can you see that? Peter Pest, the head of Pee

Peter Pest head of Pee We'll appoint him Pee Pee Pee Pee for Pee Yeah we were In the primary school We didn't, the boys play football I think we played netball a primary school, and then one day

in year six, I think it's a world book day, and I'm dressed as... Big day. A huge day. I'm dressed as Anna Green Gables. And I shouldn't have been hard. Like, you sort of dress like Anna of Green Gables quite a bit sometimes, you know?

Yeah, you're like positive way. I know, I look fantastic. Yeah, it was a very easy step for me. A smock. And she's in, and she's off. Got my one of my smocks out of the cupboard, I'm off. But I was also wearing these hobnail boots. and then we had like

we used to play rounders a lot in the summer I think because our teachers were like we don't give a shit about it you just go away, go on play rancers on the field and then this day we all went and play football and this is my only memory of ever playing football at school I'm dressed in a few days I'm wearing these hobnail boots

I kick a ball at the thing the goalkeeper has run away and it's just me and the goal and then I go to kick it and I just well I've now turned a ghost ball which is when you really really kick but the ball's not there when you, you know, and then it just feels like your foot just goes through nothing,

and it's so shameful because you put all your weight into it. So I did one of those. The ball just continued on its path. Mr. Eaton, my teacher, laughed at me. Not in a cruel way, just wasn't in a like, it looks funny. Yeah, it was funny. There goes out of Green Gables, and then she was like, and she's missed an open goal. And he was laughing so much, but it wasn't like, it wasn't my formative, like,

oh, I should get into comedy. It was my, like, and I'll never play football again. So, truly, it was like a really formative memory, And then I never, ever played since until this year. Do you have that trauma when you step out on the pitch now? I honestly carried with me at the beginning. But now I've got over it and I've got better at my ghost balls and stuff. What do you dress as now when you're...

And agree with it. But I remember writing once, like, I wasn't in my diary, but I remember writing a list of things to be afraid of. I think I was being humorous in an article. But I sincerely was like, number one, a drowning. Number two, a ball. You're in the park. And a ball, a straight ball, comes to you, and everyone shouts, give it back, and you have to be in charge of giving it back.

Honestly, that's my fucking dream. Do you like a scissor kick backwards of your own? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you ever see those YouTube where maybe I can get suggested to me on the algorithm, where something will, like, go out into a town centre, put a football on down on the floor, pass it to a member of the public, and then they'll raid their pass back? Raid their pass? Yeah, that's my dream. hang around why?

Suburban town centres just waiting for a lot to be. That's yeah that's horrifying because that's the thing and you feel like I feel like because boys feel and again this is very gender that I'm saying

but I mean obviously very like general but like yeah girls it's that feeling of for example I'm often quite disappointed that my favourite drink is a rosé because I feel like it's obviously you know Or like, I wanted to be a ginnis. I wanted to be a hearty, sweaty

guineas, I've never had Guinness before. I had one sip and was like, I thought this would taste like sort of lovely caramel and it's not. It tastes like a roast piece. It's dyed, like in liquid forms, like some iron filings in it. And the answer, because everyone was like lots of iron in it. I do know what it is.

But the, but the one would be, like... I won't be moved. I won't be moved. I won't discuss further, but I don't know. My formative experience, This actually is in my show this story, is that one day I was playing football with the boys and this girl came running over to the playground where we were playing and she went out to this boy and was like, hey, there's any chance I can play football with you?

And he goes, no, sorry girls, I'm going to have to play. And she goes, but Cody's playing. And he goes, yeah, but she's really good. So that is when I have one first orgasm. You know, like it is just hot. It is just hot when men slaggle with women to praise you. Do you not think so bad? I want that to be like, oh, how sad.

Actually, I love it. Yeah. It's all I want in my life. If you were the other girl, it's sad, but if you're me, it's like, yeah, that's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I peaked at seven. For me, I'm 14 and a Canadian boy says, yeah, but she's hardcore about me. What are you doing?

Skiy. It's much more shameful But my soul left my body And it's never come back down since And I'll never feel I'll never feel anything like that It feels amazing Yeah, it feels so good

And it's so, isn't that the worst thing You know? Isn't that awful? I don't know it's, the only worst thing is I've never had that Oh You've never had the approval of a man Okay, so how, and Chloe You've actually prepared a small quiz Well, yeah maybe just because you're also going to be about

getting into being a fan I just want to say one more thing about being a player Oh sorry because Well we've actually played this We've been playing since we're here Chloe took a terrible injury And had to be stretcheded off

Yeah true True I'm pretty sure that everyone was at the game That has had a separate conversation Of just like Will Like our public front is that we play up the injury To not embarrass Chloe pets

Because basically like it was just such Like the fringe is very hard as a performer and basically I got hit in the knee and like that obviously takes you back to when you're a child and usually what you do is sort of look around find your mum and go to mum and she'd help you but I sort of look round and mother wasn't there um did you see the speed at which I ran from gold to be mummed for you were in gold she was she was amazing texas comes running over puts her arm around me because like I went into a bit of shock and I started crying and it was really it was my childhood is like oh well oh oh Does anyone know what to do here?

It was so funny because all of the girls flopped around me and then all of the boys were just like stood just sort of off stage if you will just passing the ball between them. And then Jack Barry just goes, I like the color of your top, mate. On the floor, haven't taken injury, crying. Yeah.

This is, this is. Yeah, okay, right. They say that we should all just come together but I think boys should stop playing football. Yeah. And we should just meet it to the girls so we can have a little cry together. Sometimes when we go around the pitch,

we do just hold hands. It's nice to feel close to each other. We've been playing this. We've been playing it. I was actually genuinely too scared to go. This is the third one. I was like, okay, I will come, I will come. I was like, oh, everyone's going to be too good.

We've been playing on a Saturday in London. And it's mostly girls, and everyone mostly beginners. And if you do, anyone who is good who comes, has to know that, like, the bar has to be here. So you mustn't be good. And there's a lot of passing. And people are so supportive. different nights and then I was like oh everyone's gonna be too good because now there'll be all these

new boys and then I went and I was like go be very great and then I remember being like oh my god you're all shit like you're all so bad you're all just shouting and you're wearing your special football kit but you're not actually any good and I felt like oh okay great and what's been so so lovely this way I implore people to like please find two friends and then that friend finds two more friends and now you've got five friends yeah anyway yeah if you manage to find six people that's three by three, put your jumpers down, that's football, you know? Do you think you even need a ball?

No, you're just six people putting their jumpers on that floor. That's a game, well, that's a game. What I found so lovely is, like, people are being really supportive, and something that you especially shout, you know, because I'm always used to people being like, well, I thought people were going to shout like, on your wing, on your, on your, on your, put it on your, put it on your,

your, put it on your dick. Really, childhood, like, you're always shouting, like, Tess is there, or like, you know, leave us there or whatever and then you shout, I'm with you. Like, I'm with you. And I was like, I'm with you now. Not just like, Stevie's there passing to Stevie, but you just running in

and be like, I'm with you. But I'm here if you need, like, it felt very emotional. I'm going to start crying at how profound I was. That sounds like a delight in the experience. I'm wonderful. You were, obviously, you kept just telling people where they were without any sort of

like malice or like, oh you're being shit or anything. And when boys have come to play with us, they all are like, please can I stay? I play like on a Thursday night and everyone like says like, shout's like, on the left you can, like this. Oh, God. Sorry, very early for the Sabbath and I am sorry.

But you do, you do feel like that. They're all like, oh my God, this is such a nice supportive space and it doesn't have to be this like shouting aggressive thing. It can be this like very fun, dumb, kick it. You know, it's kick it. And I think that, well then that's the thing, finding some friends and just having a go in the park would be obviously the first thing to do,

but people feel like maybe you don't feel like you can say. Like, you know, you don't feel like you can join. I'd quite like to join the football when there was never asked. I ask you every week. Oh my God. I like to join tomorrow? No, I'm going home tonight but I'd like to in London

I'd like you do it all the time in London. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I'll just, or I'll get some friends and I'll do it. But like, yeah, looking around and like starting your own thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, you've just got to do it and not feel like, well, I'm not very good so why I shouldn't start it because I'm bad.

Like, no, I'm shit and I'm shit, but I want to do it. I feel comfortable. And you have to do is text one, because, like when we've been playing people like oh my god how do you know so many people to play this amount of football? I don't I just know Charlie Perkins who started it and then she invites somebody who invited somebody. And now I'm so sorry that please and let me put me in. No I said we're in. Thank you great. We're in. But yes so that that is like basically the best way to get into to literally just go to the park with your jumper. With your jumper. Put it down. You know you don't have to because also I'm like oh I need 11 people.

You're like no you don't you just not. You need to do 11 people versus it. You don't need to do five sides. Three on three. is fine. And it's just like a bit of fun. Yeah, I'm into that. Okay, great. I'm into that too. Okay, it's quiz time. It's quiz time.

It's really for the quiz. So, but basically, before this, Tesla was saying that she wants to get into football. So I thought I'd do a quiz to help you find your football team. Yeah, because it can't just be the lionesses forever because how often do they play? It's quite a loaded.

I'm sorry. See, that's the thing I truly don't know. I want to be supportive. So do you have like a... Oh, you're up? Yeah, I'm up. I'm going to shit myself. No, do you have a...

I should have know my key change, is I? Oh, I remember. But do you have a family? So you all... Do I have a family? Yes, the quiz started. My brother's also called Peter Pets. No, a family team, yes.

I do support Liverpool. Yeah. But, like, I'm very happy to be given another team to see what my sole team is for this quiz. Manchester United is our family team. Oh, really do you know that? Yeah, well, we won't. from there.

From the Majesty United Stadium. Yeah. Yeah, that is my, you know, that whole, you know, my auntie's the side of the family. Yes, of course. I'm on the side of the family rule from, from Manchester.

But I truly feel a very, people, I said it once, I said it once a school, someone's called me a Glory Hunter, and then I said, well, then I never... You wouldn't be that now, don't worry, because they're quite bad at the moment. Well, that's, exactly, and that's good.

So now I don't know. The opposite. Okay, well, let's... That was really good punitary. It felt like we were on like, Guardian and Football. That was amazing. Okay, great. Just call me Gary Linnock. Okay. Okay, Gary Heistown. Oh, it's just nice, isn't it? Oh, I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you.

Do we have to look at something? Oh, no, I just sort of, it's just what you say. Let me think of a quiz. Yeah, you've taken a flippant incredibly litrefully. Okay. Question number one, are you a Tory? No. Imagine. That did not get the reaction. It's not outside the realms of possibility that you could be a touring. I know, and that's awful.

You've spoken about skiing. Yeah, it came up to where I don't know. Of course I'm not touring. So that's ruled out Chelsea and Aston Villa, Rob. Okay, very good. Does violence scare or excite you? And brackets, that is in a sexual context. Okay, scare, bracket, scare.

Terrified brackets. Oh, no. Okay. Okay, so you can't, that's Millwall and Charlton off the list. Cats or Dogs? And then there's a subtitle to this question. Do you favour glory or a scrappy underdog? Dog and underdog.

A dog, yeah, dog and underdog. A dog, yeah, dog and underdog. I don't believe that, but, okay. It's cat, it's cat. I think you are a cat person, aren't you? You aren't really a dog person? You like, like, with Piper and my dog, you like her, but your instinct wasn't to go over, get on the floor and get in her mouth,

which is what my instinct is. Yeah, that is true. We are respectful companions. Yes, she very much. She is very happy to see Tessa, but Tess is like, Hello. It's like that. I like a very big dog.

You are very formal. Oh, so that sort of rules out anyone in the top sick. So Liverpool's off. Because they're like dogs. Oh, is it not the scrappy underdogs? You want scrappy underdogs. Oh yeah, that was a very clear. a line between...

I didn't get it. That's fine. Okay, yeah, okay, right. And then, so that's, yeah, sort of anyone line. Could you get into the Champions League. It's out. Out. Right, done.

Okay. What is your favourite colour combination? Of all of it? Of all the spectrum of colour. I like monochrome. Oh, that is absolutely true, you do. And look, we're fully representing our colour choices today. Because I was about to say, Barbie blue and Barbie pig, so we actually...

Yeah. Okay, no one plays in that. Maybe some like, you know, the waistrips, you know, some weird ones. There's one who plays like, they look like a fruit salad. And there's another one who plays... The sweet or... Yeah, there's a sweet and there's one who looks like a cigarette box, a marlborough cigarette box. I think I've just been looking at different things.

That's what I've been doing. You've been looking at the mascots are thinking. Interesting kit that. The compass and he wants them. But, okay. That's what I'm doing at a dinosaur. Is that in the wrong? And then final question is

Just do you like me? And that's not for the quiz That's just for social anxiety I love you I'm with you Awesome Thanks so the answer for you Yeah

Is Crystal Palace Football Club And the answer for you is I'm pretty sure Grimsby Thanks It was going to be Newcastle But then I've They're not underdogs anymore Yeah, and I remember that you like human rights.

So I want to go through a room to do. Right. I'd like to know more about my team, please. Oh, so. Your favourite football player is Wilfri Zaha. Yes, it is. I love them. The thing about Wilfri Zaha is he's played for Palace for absolute years.

And he's like a club legend. So he could have gone on to play for a bigger team, but he's stuck with us and stayed with us. And it's just to put on for the love. This has turned into a real... Am I bringing it back now? I'm so excited about the new team. No, it's great, but what I mean is let's like open it out slightly.

No, okay? No, let's get... I think name for all of the Crystal Palace players and Tess can quiz you about them and that's the romantic... Where is Crystal Palace, please? South London, that's right. Just checking that you knew. Tesla, I think that you might not know anything.

Like every sort of era of general knowledge that we've covered you were shown like a fundamental lack of knowledge. How have you got a free life? Beaming smile. And I just get away with it. I don't know anything. You do have quite sort of an inquisitive. Like I imagine you get away with things by like on asking questions and just exclusively talking about gossip.

And that sort of really seemed to my soul. Yeah. But it feels like you could be given a piece of knowledge and not retain it whatsoever. That's absolutely correct. And if you wanted to get into football, sorry, just, you know, what would you say, apart from obviously this episode,

which has been, you know, rife with tips, what would you say as a good start point, like, what's a good, what's like the best, I might go, a match of the day, is it really the best one,

or is that too, like, if you don't know anything, you'd be like, what are they talking about? What are those words? What, like, entry level, podcasts and things that you can, like,

I suppose it's quite difficult to advise, because I've sort of always followed football. It would be like asking the question of like how do you get into EastEnders? Do you know what I mean? You just watch it, I guess, as the is. Yeah, so that's the main thing. If you want to go to football, watch it.

Watch East Endic. And if you want to play football, go and play football. But what I would say is, yeah, maybe pick a team who's your local team. Oh, yeah, that's good. Or pick a women's team and go watch a women's team. And, you know, read the programme. beforehand, and maybe each game

if there's a team that I'm watching that I don't really know about, each game I sort of try and learn just a little bit about three players. Yes, because you need, that's a thing that I think is really, I've only even learned it very recently is I really need a narrative. And that's why, like, you know, when the Winter Olympics is on, I'll be like, yeah, I don't really know anything.

And then all that it'll take is 10 minutes and I'm like, full on bobsled, like, the skeleton's happening, come in, look! Like, I'm just like, you're so into it. Or like, I remember once being like, the cycling is boring. And then within two seconds, I realized that all I wanted to watch was cycling threats of my life because I found out that there's like a marriage couple.

And it was like one of his last goes and he might get injured. And you just need to know a little bit about who you're watching. Then you're not just watching a load of the people kick a ball. You are then watching like, oh, he's new and like he's trying to prove himself or like he's, he's just thought, saw she, they've just been injured or like and they're back or like, oh, you know, they need to win this game or like, you need that. You need narrative. So go and find that narrative.

And I think one of the reasons why everyone got so on board with the lionesses this year is not only because they were wonderful and great and sort of yeah, bought it home. It was because the ad of narrative that they were all shagging. Didn't know that. Oh, did you...

Right. The way that they were all writhing on the floor at the close to all, you're like, this ends in Audrey. I feel like that a lot about just any football. It's a night I like to think that everybody's so shagging. at any point when I'm watching anything.

Like now, you know, this is nice. I've got like a Liverpool kit and I don't wear my full kit out. No, I don't wear my like top because the first time I did, I was on the tube and a guy, it was like a, it was like, if it was on a sitcom, I'd be like this a two on the nose, men aren't like this. But he asked me something like, oh, it's like, all right, what was, what was the score in 2000? How many points did they get in 2006 or something? And I was like, why was, and what I wanted to say was, why, why, why,

would I know that and I just want to oh it's my boyfriend's t-shirt and you're like what I've really let myself down I've let women down I've let the balls down I've let him down to answer his question like there's a lot going on it's like but that's the energy that we have to just get rid of and just be like I'm going to go and watch football I'm like there might be one like mean man or mean person that makes you feel silly but that is the case within everything that's just misogynate because like he's seen like a blonde lady wearing a Liverpool shirt and gone like, I'm trying to catch her out, whereas

with me he'd come up and say, so I'm like, please don't I twist my dick off like that. Sort of the fire that we have, so yeah. There's also like great teams like Clapton FC in London where they have like a sort of anti-fascist element and there'll be all like these antifur people there at the game and then

like some sort of trendy hipsters watching the game and I went thinking like, hey, you're like this, and then I went and all of the songs were like you know, like, boys and girls making all their noise. And I was like, oh, like, wow, I didn't realize that football chance could be gender inclusive and I have like a really sort of like

that's so nice. Everywhere we go. Everywhere we go. So inclusive. Boys and girls making all that noise. Wow, I think I'd be changing something. It did really well there.

If someone said, do the challenge. I would fall into it. I just don't try to look at it. It leaves my mind, so that's very good. I'm going to give you once again, I've got a very small grasp on a bit of general knowledge. I'm going to ask you.

What is football? It's a YouTube football team. And so I did this the Volkswagen company, I did this commercial where I play a Christian Puzzleck's pregnant mother. Poodlechig? No, let's leave it.

Amanda of Chelsea. Christian Puzzlech. Okay, so it is Poulosich. Poolech. Yeah, I prefer Poutelchik. I think Pudelchik. I talk about it in my show as well, so I've been doing 20 days on the doctor. I'm not meant to say that.

Yes, but I say it wrong. Yeah, but it's fine because it's fun, because you're fun. Okay. Again, you get away with it, but yeah, you're like, Pulisusus. Of course. Poozich. Pudisich.

Christian Puselzich. And he kicks a football about, and then I pray his mother, of course. And I was dressed fully as his mother on the set, and he refused to speak to me. Imagine being someone dressed as your mother and you couldn't even look them in the eye. Anyway, I'd say it's because when we... There's a bit where he's dribbling the ball in the commercial, and the people that they got on to play the opposing team were very, very nice boys, and they all are in a team, and they play...

In Ted Lassow, every time their team play another team, it's these boys. So if you actually watch the show, you're like, well, there they are again. That's his 11 boys. Anyway, and then they all have these big co-coats. on that said like something something and they were in a YouTube team and they play on a Sunday and then it's live streamed onto YouTube and it has this huge following and his name was Big George is that helpful? What is it?

I just said. I hope I think it's probably enough information to see you know what to do. I have no idea what to do with that. I don't know this YouTube cheap. I think just go in Google Big George YouTube and Manil come up and I'll definitely. will not come on. Great. So I think that was helpful. Do you? Don't answer that. Thank you so much, Chloe, for joining us, for doing a quiz. For being here. Give us out a round of board. Give us all around the board.