Nobody Panic - How to Go to a School Disco

Episode Date: September 1, 2020

Nobody Panic at the Disco! (Oh boy that felt good to write.) After a listener request from Orla, age 11, Tessa and Stevie are heading back to school to dance their way through a step by step guide to going to a disco. Featuring several personal triumphs and disasters, a velveteen waistcoat and lace cravat, and a cautionary tale about racketeering and Panda Pops. Want to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded by Naomi Parnell and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Welcome to Nobody Panic with me, Stevie Martin. And me, Tessa Coates, that's my name.

And here we both are. Here we both are. We are each week, well, taking actually your suggestions for how-toes. And this week, I think, is a little special one. It's a very specific request that we got on email. It's something that I think most of us will be able to relate to. A bit of nostalgia, but we've got to help her out. Tessa, please.

Please. This is one, I think we're both very excited. about this episode. I hope we do it justice. This is the email that we received and I hope is okay, I'm going to read it our info. Dear Tessa and Stevie, I've recently started listening to your podcast and I really enjoy listening to it. You always make me laugh. I was wondering if you could do a podcast about how to go to a disco. It is something I struggle with, but sometimes force myself to do from Aula, age 11. Could not have related harder to this email. Orla, we read that and we just, both of us, well, I personally just slid off the sofa, straight onto the floor.

Like a little eel. Like a little eel. I just thought, Ola, yes. It's so hard. And I remembered exactly what it was like to be 11 and how to go to the disco. It's so tough. Yeah, it's so tough. And also then when you go to secondary school and there are discos then, but now I know less people. Like, what am I supposed to do at it? Very hard. It's hard. It's so hard. And it spoke to us deep into our soul. But we also thought, well, we can maybe help, but also it'd be good to get other listeners to help you out as well, Ola. So this entire episode will be very much directed at one person. This is all for you. No, it's not. Everyone else. It's for everyone. Yeah, everybody, turn it off.

This is going to get exactly one download and any more will be very cross. This is all for Ola. But yeah, so we got some people message us with their tips as well so that we could get a breadth of advice. Because as well, like, it's something that you will always in your life have to go to a variant, a variation of a school disco. You won't be going to a, I haven't been to a school disco since I was at school that I'm very old. But there are things each year, there'll be at least a couple of things that are essentially the same thing as a school disco. And you have to, as you get older and as you get more experience of going to them, you know, you know how to do it. But those first few are very, very tricky. So the advice, I suppose, would be for everybody that doesn't want to go to

a social event. But I'm also going to be very specific about school discos in particular because it just, oh God, it's so evocative of a particular time. Also, I tried to get my dad to send me a photo, because there's a photo of me at my first school disco and I am in year nine. No, no, what? I'm in nine. I'm 13. No, I'm in year three. And I'm wearing, a little velvet waistcoat and a little velvet pair of shorts with white tights and very strange black patent shoes and a huge white roth. French Renaissance were talking and I remember specifically Barbie girl, which is a very old song, coming on and me sort of wafting my wrath to the music and thinking that at the time I knew I looked insane, but then looking back, cannot believe I was a lad out of the

house. I remember going through a phase of wearing this green, very long polar neck, and it was so long on me that it does suggest it was an adult's polo neck. And I'm open to the idea it was my dad's. So I went, my dad's green polandex that I had belted in the middle with a belt. And I basically, yeah, well, it wasn't popular at the time. I thought I look a bit like Robin Hood. That's how I sort of imagined myself, because I made a sort of tunic affair. And And then these trousers, I was a very long child, very tall child. And all our clothes had come from car boot sales. So you just took whatever you could get. If it, if it didn't fit, you put it on anyway. I never had a pair of trousers that fit. So my ankles were all out. And then I had this tunic on.

Uncle's are out. Sourcy. The ankles are out. But not in a saucy way in a like, those trousers are too short for you way. And I remember, I'm open to the idea it was also Barbie Girl. and I remember doing quite a choreograph dance as though there were specific moves for each bit and I remember two boys that I quite fancy like copying me and then I remember being like oh they think these are like the moves

and then the pressure of having to lead the school in the dance as I became the group choreographer and I had to make each move look as though this was it and I just remember being like I'm stuck here I'm trapped here now The dancing is very hard at the disco, especially that first half hour hour where no one really knows what to do.

All the boys are at one end of the hall, all the girls are at the other. The boys are sort of like, you know, what's the word running and sliding on their knees? Yeah. And the girls have like spent ages getting ready and are like, is this it? Is this the big day?

Because this is not doing it for me. But that's the thing. You can't actually express that feeling, which is, is this it? Like, not that you, not that you, you mustn't say it, but like, you actually haven't got the words to describe the feeling, which is just, is this it? Because it is it. This is the disco. If you're not enjoying it, that's your fault. As we have discovered with, um, Orla Zima, and I remember feeling like, like, you know, now when I go to an event, I will have an opinion as to whether it's a rubbish event or a good event. And you'll be able to say, this is a bad event. This is pretty bad, isn't it? Whereas you don't have that yet. But before we get into it, I'm already. I'm sorry, it's like Bob Geldof's memoir. is literally called, is this it? As is the Strokes album from the 2000s, one of my favourite albums. Wow.

Very powerful. Look, if the Strokes and Bob Geldof are feeling it, how are we not to feel it? Right, let's get in there. Stevie, what's your adult thing of the week? So we did an episode a couple of weeks ago, maybe it was last week. I don't know what week or day it is, or month. I found I was going to be October in a bit. Lost my mind.

I mean, in many ways it's going to be March in a bit. It's going to be the end of March. When is it the end of March? Anything's going to be it in a bit. So, like, my sister's birthday recently, and we did a very good job of doing, like, because I'm still sort of socially distancing, but it seems like genuinely, considering the events I've been to, that doesn't seem to be the majority of people who are doing that. So I, but we did like a social distance kind of thing where it was like the, we found a pub

that's got like an indoor bit, very well, well ventilated in the beer garden. So it was just me, my sister, I'm my sister's boyfriend who are there living together. And we didn't hulk or we didn't do anything, but we like basically drank loads of champagne and had a great time. Really lovely, had a great time. Then the same weekend was my friend's birthday. I don't know her. And I don't know her. And I don't know her.

But I thought, I'll make friends with this woman. Saw someone in the park having a birthday and joined it. Just trying to nearly did that with her because she had a marquee and there was also another marquee. And I went to the first marquee and it was like a 10th birthday party. I do. Yeah. It's because the whole country is having a party in the park. So you're just like, is it, is this me?

Yeah, thankfully the birthday cake said, you're 10 today. So it's like, right, I can't be, you know. So, very lovely time. But then the problem is, is obviously, you're all sat around. There's loads of people. I was like on the outskirts of the group anyway, because I don't really know anybody. But there's crisps and stuff. And so, and then, you know, I've had, I've drank a bottle of champagne now.

And now I'm eating the crisps and did a double dip? I don't know. And that's all fine. But it's, it was a bit more than, I'm ready for. Yeah. And so now I've made the decision to go back a step and just meet some people on their own and do back what I used to be doing because I felt like I've pushed it too far.

And so I'm supposed to meet somebody and I'm messaging them and was like, I'm not doing hugging and I'm still, I'm sort of socially distancing. Is that okay? They were like, fine. So basically took our advice of messaging ahead. I don't judge anyone for doing it, but I don't want to do that. And I think that's, yeah, that is an adult thing of being able to back your own opinion. No shade.

No shade. What is your adult thing? Mine might make me sound like an imbecile, and maybe you all know this, but I, in the Tesco's checkout, self-calf, have just discovered, to me, the bagging area bit, the way scale bit is like such a small area. And I was always just like, if I had lots of things, I was just like towering them up into a tower in there. And then being like, and then if you took them away, I was trying to like, and then I'm trying to sneak one away.

And then it'd be like, put it back. And I'd be like, well, I've made a tower. I can't put it back. And I was always like, how is everyone else doing this so normally and not making this giant tower? Anyway, I've just discovered that you go scan, weigh, and you leave it there for one second, and then you can move on to the next thing, and then you can take it away from the weighing bit. What? Yeah. Whenever I take it away, it says, and it says... Yeah, so leave it there for one more second than you've been leaving it. Oh my God. Right. And then this, yeah,

I didn't know either. And I was just building this giant tower. And then when it would popple off and then it would shout at me to put the things back in. I'd be like, I can't. So I would like try to push it down with my hand to like make up. Anyway, it turns out you go, scan, place, leave it there for one second. Then the screen slightly changes. And then you can do the next one. You can take it out and then just weigh the next one. And you individually place things on the scale. Like I'm equal parts. Yeah, like I obviously, you're not an idiot and I trust that what you're saying is accurate, but I can't believe you. I have to go and do it myself now in the co-op. Yeah. Anyway, so if you knew that, congratulations. If you didn't know, welcome to the future.

Enjoy your next shop. Right. Let's go to the disco. Let's go to the disco. Now, one thing is before we go to the disco, I want to attempt to say something, which is that when you are, and also, please, there is no patronising coming out of my voice here. Very much a thing that you learn, I think, is you get older. We touched on it before is that when you're younger, often, you feel like you're the problem rather than the thing that you're going to. And you feel like, well, if everyone else is having a great time and I'm not, then why am I struggling what's wrong with me? I'm going to ruin the night. And as you get older, I think most people I know don't enjoy the adult version of a school disco,

which is essentially going to the club. I certainly don't. And as you get older, the difference is that you're able to kind of go, okay, well, I know how to get through this. I don't blame myself for not liking it. I'm just somebody that doesn't particularly like the loud music, doesn't particularly like the, but I can still find things about it that I can enjoy.

So I like hold on to the things that I like, I like saying my friends. I like having some good snacks. I like, sometimes a song will come on and I be like, oh no, I do like this song, that's good. But I know people that refuse to still, you know, age like 30, refuse to dance and have never danced and don't do that sort of stuff. So when you're at a school disco and you're like, I don't really like it.

One thing is to try just to kind of accept that you don't like it. And that's totally okay. And also lots of your friends will also not like it. But they'll be pretending they like it because just like you, they feel bad for not liking it. And yes, of course you don't want to be the person being like, this is rubbish in the corner. And no one wants to be that. But it's not one or the other.

You don't have to be like, this is the best thing in the world. Or you're like ruining everybody's night by saying, isn't this terrible, you all talk about how terrible this is. I just wanted to throw that out there. It's a lot of the podcast episodes that we do all about perspective and all about being like accepting that it's totally okay for you not to enjoy it. And if you still

have to go, which is school discos, you sort of forget, but you don't have to go, but sort of you do, don't you? Because if you don't, then you're the person that didn't go to the school disco. I do remember that. But actually, it's so fine to not, but it's very easy for us to say it's fun to not when we're not at school. And, you know, it's something that everyone goes to,

isn't it? Yeah. I think it's like, unless you absolutely hate them, do give it a go, but now you've got this armor on that says like, hey, it's okay to not love this for this not to be the most amazing thing in the world. And actually, just like accepting that opens you up to being like, okay, like now I can have a sort of different fun time. Maybe other people will follow my lead to be like, oh, okay, yeah, I sometimes think the music is a bit much or I get nervous dancing or all of those sort of things. Because we, that's basically what growing up is, is just everybody quietly revealing to each other that they had been secretly not enjoying something for many years.

We start with Joe Leather's message. This is our friend Joe Leather, who we went to university with. Top Egg came in, Stevie put this message out asking me tips. He came in so hard and quick with the following. The following was, guys, I genuinely got in so much trouble twice at school discos for doing horrendous things. Okay, that's not, no intro. We're right. right in. We're right in. Hello, Joe. One, I deliberately bought the entire stock of pandapops,

knowing it was extremely hot and sold them at an inflated price until I was shut down. I think that's so funny. It's going straight. And also, nobody checking a child who's like, yeah, I'll take your whole stock of pantopops, please. Can I have 50 panda pops? And then adults just letting them have them. Yeah, that's the thing of up.

Did he buy them? Or did he steal them? He bought the entire stock, which does show that he's been given some sort of angel investment from his parents. He's obviously giving like 10 pounds or something. Yeah, that was a lot of cash to be packing, hey? A lot of cash. Panda pops, if they don't still do them, lovely, terrible sort of Coca-Cola knock-off drinks. They were always blue. A range of colours, all the colours of the rainbow and they were about 20p.

And they were apparently at Joe's disco, they were, who's to say what he was getting for them? They were so sugary. The other thing that he did, basically, he charged 20p in exchange for a flash of his cheeky bits. And weirdly that got him in way less trouble than the panda pop debacle. Right. Well, after he was shut down for racketeering, he got his bum out. So tip number one, just turn it to your advantage. Just make it your own capitalist microcosm.

Just start making sweet bank out of it, to be honest. Make the disco work for you. Tip number one. Yes, tip number two is a lot of people said this. And basically pretty much everyone that got back to said a variation of. of getting ready with friends is really important. And because then when you arrive, you're arriving on your own, arriving on your own, I still don't like arriving into parties. I'm on my own. You sort of, you don't know who's going to be there. That bit where you

walk in and you're like, where do I stand? What's the bit that do I sit there? Like, it's so, and it's all dark and you, what if you sit with the wrong person? Oh God, too much stress. But if you have friends, make sure that they're friends that you actually like, they're not just like, oh, well, they're cool and popular. So I'll just sort of like, because then you'll just feel really insecure and underconfident anyway because you're not actually, go with your actual good, good old pals and, you know, arrange to go around to someone's house beforehand and their mom can like, you know, drop you off or whatever. Take your picture in the hallway and drop you off. Take, take a picture in the hallway. The getting ready is often the best bit. And that will continue to be the case for the most of your life. of your life, even now. And you also had somebody to, you've got ready together, you've seen what

the outfit is, so at least you've had a bit of a crisis with somebody, you know, with you discussed what you're wearing. Again, wore a polo neck and a pair of velveteen trousers for many years. What was I doing? I went a sporty spice. So I had like, once where I had like a very, um, a cropped yellow vest and sort of like those, just a cool pair of tracks, a track pants. And I just would just do high kicks. I just did high kicks. Oh, God, you've got to have a thing. You've got to have a niche. That was my thing. And then another girl turned up as sporty spies.

And then we had a high kickoff and she could do it higher than I was. And then I went to the whole night, very dejected. The thing as well, if you're going to somebody else's house to get ready, always good to bring like your outfit A and your outfit B. So if you arrive there and everyone's like, okay, that's a choice. You can be like, that's okay. I've got this other guy that I could wear as well. So you're not stuck in, because I think it's so important to wear something that you feel really

comfortable in. I'm really happy in and not like, oh, this is not very me, but it's cool. Or, oh, it's, like, the shoes are uncomfortable. Like, you want to be so comfortable, but also feel like you look the business. And also, if you've never felt the business, like, I went through a long period of showing people's houses and then being like, oh, I forgot my bag. Can I borrow something of yours? So that, to take off the, what? such like I just yeah that's really

both smart and also like very uh you sort of sort of a girl telling it to my has been like

can I borrow some of your clothes I'd be like well I don't know no what what if you get panda pop on them

also then that puts you're such a mean friend and not give me again you be clothes I might get a panda pop on them I'd give you clothes but also my clothes I had Austin

I had like weird velvet ruffs then that puts like pressure because the amount of times people are going, I'll carry a dress. And then they're like, I don't really like any of that. And you're like, oh, I mean, bring your own dress. Okay, well, listen, the bar was so low because of the old velvet trousers, short velvet trousers issue. So nothing you could prefer.

I think what I wanted more than the clothes was like to take the pressure off of like, I chose this outfit. Okay, I see what you. Wow. Wow. Yeah, yeah. A lot going on. Yeah.

Yeah. I understood. But also, a lot going on here, because I'd be worried to give you something in case you were like, yeah, that's rubbish. and I'd be like, all my clothes are rubbish, you know what to me. See, look, what a world of pressure we've created here that's just putting on some things on your body and go into the disco. Don't stress if you never are like, maybe you hit on some amazing outfit and you're like, holy, here I go. Maybe it's never going to happen.

Don't freak out. Nobody remembers what you're wearing except you. So if you're feeling comfortable and smooth, that's all that matters. Yeah. In doubt, cover yourself in body glitter. Oh, roll on body glitter always. or like a fun lipstick colour. One thing as well is like if you are panicking about your outfit,

then go simple with the outfit and then just put loads of like fun necklaces, like make your hair really interesting. Like do something on top of like fun shoes, you know? Everyone loves a fun shoe and a fun hair. Put a fun shoe on. And also what if you're thinking like, oh, I don't want to, what we'll get to it. But having a piece, a talking piece allows you a basically a conversation flag

that other people can be like, I see you're waving that flag. Now I've got... Velvet trousers. You can come in and be like, yes, I'm wearing velvet trousers. No, the short velvet trousers were not a conversation piece. They were like...

No. No. Okay, can I guess again? Yeah. I say the year 2000, finally got one of those see-through inflatable backpacks. Do you remember? Yes.

That was a talking piece, right? So then I'd be like, can't help but notice, I can seal your possessions. And your possessions are some glitter, a lip gloss, and that's it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. and a little tiny purse.

Exactly. That's a prime example of a talking point. So like the Velvetine Ruff, I would suspect was not a talking piece because people didn't quite know what to do with that. No, one's it. And also I was jiggling it all over the place. Yeah.

Very rhythmically. But like a cool, a cool new shoe, some cool earrings or clip on earrings or hair that's been, got the chalk hair color at the bottom or like anything that gives you a clear thing for other people to be like, now we can talk about this thing together.

Yes. Oh, I like your bag. Oh, I like issues. And then you've got something to write. And then you're off. The conversation has begun. Now you've got something to talk about. Absolutely.

You're rolling in. You've arrived. Well, the thing about a disco is maybe it's like 630 to 830. So you've actually not got a huge amount of time to be fashionably late. But that's a long time in 11 years. I remember. Sorry, yes. But I would still arrive.

I would give it 15 minutes and roll through the door. Hopefully things have just started. Forward roll. Forward roll. Forward roll through the door. forward roll through the door and you're up and you're rolling and it's 15 minutes and you're like now the party has started yes because you don't want to arrive and everyone like like mr dean the caretaker hasn't set up the decks yet no and it's and the lights are

still on and everyone's a bit like this is awkward you want to be there when there are already some people dancing they're all you know they're already like people at least standing around so you're just sort of slipping in the side of the party that's already happening rather it's already happening yeah instead of being like oh my god it's again you'll be like Is this it? Like we've got all dressed up and Mr. Dean hasn't even put, turn the lights off yet.

Roll in a little bit late when things are already happening. You're through the door, you're thinking, oh my God, what am I going to do? Where am I going to go? Where are we going, Stevie? We're going straight to the snack table.

Snack bar, yes, we're going straight at the snack table. With the friends that you've come in with. So you're not on your own and you can be like, oh, guys, should we get some drinks? Should we get some, whatever's on the snack table, please? You know? Yeah, I wonder what's on there these days. Party rings?

Party rings? Can you sell an individual party rings? There must be panda broths still. Yeah, crisps. Sprotland grisbees? Oh, yeah. Sherbert. Yeah.

Okay. So now I would say, now is not the time to be frugal. You're going to go face first in that sherbet. Get those pennies rolling. Don't be like, oh, I don't know if I can afford. You've got to be, what I was going to say, what's a person who's like, can I get your drink? Can I get your drink? An entrepreneur.

An entrepreneur. No. No. It's a mogul, I think. Yeah, you're a mover and a shaker at the party. You're moving a shaker. What will have happened is your mum or your dad will have given you, you know, I don't know, a certain amount of pounds to get some things from the tuck shop

or whatever you call it in the current 21st century. And then you can do the great thing, which is like you can say to somebody like, oh, do you want me to grab you some sweets? Or like, oh, I'll get you some, oh, pantopops all round. Exactly. Then you've got, you feel like you've got a purpose there, which isn't just like, I suppose I have to stand here and like the music hurts my ears. You are now the person who is provided. You're the disco mogul. Right? And if your parents are like, no, you're only allowed to one pound. Say it's extremely important to my social development that I am allowed to be the disco mogul and buy pantapops for my pals. Please may I have one more pound. I will only be spending it on generously giving things to other people to ease the social situation. May I also add that I was ever given a lot of. money for the Pounder Pops. But what I would do is I'd be like, oh, I don't mind getting in the queue and getting it for you.

So I would get the pounds, get the thing and then bring it back as if I was a mogul, but I'd essentially, they'd bought their own drinks, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a runner, essentially. A runner, yeah. There's also as well another job within the, within the disco that very few people like doing, but I think would be very useful here. That's the song requester. Oh, God.

There's always, so basically, Mr. Dean, the Caretaker is. is he's playing some songs. They're very loud. It's very loud. You're not really enjoying it. Well, one way of going like over that hurdle is to be like, what song would I quite like to listen to? And ask around the group and be like,

these songs, how do you know about these songs? Does anyone else have a song that they want? And then you can go up to Mr. Deereen, The Caretaker, and you can request a song. And then, hey, presto, you're the manager of the music manager of the disco. Yes.

It takes a lot of confidence to do that. But I'm telling you now, Who ever's playing on. Absolutely. And no one minds, if you're a DJ at a school disco, nobody minds song requests because he's thinking, or she, whoever's playing the music is thinking, oh, I'm going to play next, always.

Absolutely. And if you, when you hear that, you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know exactly what I'd ask. This is the best song to go on. Beethoven's fifth. If it's C major, here it comes. The unfinished symphony. Yes, please.

But if you, if you hear that, instruction and you're like, oh my God, I've absolutely no idea. No panics. Next time you're at the disco, remember what song got everybody dancing, what song everyone was like, oh my God, this song. And then remember that for next time and make a little bank in your head of like, oh, these are like the top five absolute party classics. And then you're ready if someone's like, do you want a song? You're like, yes, here are my top five that I know are a hit. For me, the sex is on fire. Okay. Bad choice. Mine is Rihanna's essence. to them. Let's not go into that. It's because it's my initial. So I'm like, yay, Steve,

Martin. No, no, it's not. It's a rude song. Right. Yeah, so you've, you're at the snack bar. Now, one of the things that all I said, which I think is a thing, it's like, the music is too loud. And also, I don't want to ruin my friend's experience by being this person being like, I don't like, I don't like this, this, this disco. So there are ways you can do that, which is try and think about the things about it that you do like or at worst you don't mind. So are there certain, like, do you quite like sitting and chatting to friends there? Do you like, do you not mind dancing if it's a big group? Is that okay?

Because if that's okay, then that's fine. Then you just wait for a massive group to come up and then you can just like sidle in and just do the thing that everybody does, which is find someone that you think doesn't look totally insane dancing and just copy them. That's fine. no one needs to be the ringleader of the dance. No one needs to be like in the middle of the circle because there's always other people to do that. And yeah, are there a little thing, maybe it is the snacks, maybe it is specific types of songs. If there's anything, anything about the disco that you

can go, well, I'll stick to doing that because I don't really like the other stuff. And that's basically what everyone does all the time for everything. And also to know that if you want to go home earlier, no one remembers, no one notices, no one minds. And you can get your mom to pick you up a little bit earlier. You can, literally no one's going to talk about it. No mind. Everyone's just focusing on the things that are there. And you haven't like failed at the disco. You've just, it's just, it just wasn't your thing. But you've got through it and you've done your best. And you've, you know, you've done a good job of turning up and having a go. Absolutely. You know, and also, you know, if you can find a friend who is like, yeah, it's not really for me either.

Me and my friend used to make treasure hunts for each other around the disco. Excellent. So you'd have to make a clue. We used to do this for a long time. I remember doing it at an 18th. Like, it was, I was not a cool girl. Yeah, finding somebody who has the same feelings as you about the disco will only lead to a beneficial evening.

That'll be an, like, because then you can make your own fun. You can sit in the corner together. Like, as long as you're with somebody else. And I know it's very hard because you might think, well, everyone likes it. But if you look a bit closer, you'll find that not everyone likes it. There'll be people that are not having the greatest. Oh, my Lord. You have that, yeah, that's it. The only thing we ask of you is that you believe when we say that not everybody is having the time of their life at this experience.

And even those who look like they still, they still had a moment of like, their like heart turned over when they first walked in or like their gut was like, oh God, what's everyone else wearing? What's this? You know, no matter how cool and confident people look, everybody's feeling like that. Yes, absolutely. And this is Abby Stanford tweeted us and said, if it's too scary, don't be afraid to head to the loo and have a little breathe. And I think that's really good as well. If you're getting a bit overwhelmed and you just need a bit of a break to collect your confidence to go back in. Go to the loo, just have a little sit down on the loo, just have a little time out. And as well, that's totally fine too. I think the problem is sometimes people will go and have a little breather on the loo and then be like, I'm so stupid. Why do I have to go to the loo and have a breather? Like no one else is doing that. I'll tell you now, the editor of Grazie, when I used to work there, very cool fashion magazine, very cool woman. She used to say that she used to go and sit on the loo just to have a break. Even now, she would be like, sorry, I was just sell on the loo because you needed some time out.

You're like, yeah, see, look, everyone's doing it. Also, wear comfy shoes, which you have worn before. So even if it's like night shoes, you know, maybe like wear them around the house the weekend before or something. So they're not the worst when your feet hurt as well. And you're like, oh, now I've got blisters and I'm sad. terrible. Okay, well I will lead us to the the Mount Doom of the

disco where it's all heading the slow dance. Yes, for me, this was very much a myth that was in American films because when slow dance happened we would just grab our friends so... Oh, well done. You really got out of it.

But didn't like, wasn't there like one couple and like one, two people in year six who like danced holding each other on their shoulders at a metre's distance? One of them was on, the couple who were also in Cirque to Saleh. Yeah. They just popped up.

The trapeze couple. Yeah, yeah. You remember them. I remember. Yes, no, there was always, yes, there was always someone who's like going out with each other or whatever and they would, they would do a slow dance. But they were in such the minority. Oh, 100% they're in the minority. But they're still like, it's not like, it's not like everybody suddenly pairs up in the slow dance.

But there is this like pressure on the slow dance of like, oh my goodness, will anybody ask me? Like, should I ask somebody? like what about this Cirque to Salé couple? Just if you desperately, desperately would like to dance with somebody, go shoot your shot, go right for it, and nice and respectfully, maybe you've started up a conversation by saying, I like your C-3 backpack,

they've said, I like your massive shoes, I like your body, glitter, etc, etc. And maybe you feel confident enough to say, I'd be, I'd like to dance, if you'd like to dance, if they would not like to dance, no sweat. Like, there's loads more discos in the sea. Don't worry about it. If they do, no pressure. So don't feel that it's compulsory to ask somebody or that you have to go up and do it or like you've spent all evening being like, take away both

the vision in your head, which I definitely used to have, that a cool boy would come up to you who hadn't never spoken to you ever before. Also, didn't even go to the school. He didn't even go to the school. He was like one of the boys from the goonies or something. And he was going to come in as the slow dance started and everyone else had been chosen. and then he would come up to me at the panda pop table and be like, my lady, and we would spin into the middle. It's never going to happen and don't stress about it. The disco does not live or die on whether you have a slow dance at the end.

No, no pressure. Doesn't matter. Don't worry about it. And way more fun with friends anyway, especially if you get like a group of friends together and you all slow down together in like a little tight, tight circle. That's fun. That's fun.

That's way fun. And also I promise that whatever boy or girl that you are really into currently at school will not be important to you in not very long time, but your friends will be for ages. So don't freak out about them. And that boy from the goonies isn't coming. So don't worry about him either. My very last thing, which is just a social networking thing,

I don't know if it will apply to the Year 6 disco, is get two panda pops. And then if you start talking to somebody that you like, say, oh, I got this for my friend, but would you like this panda pop? Yeah, and then if you don't like, then you can be like, oh, I've got this panda pop for someone else. I've got to go and give them this panda pops and it gets you out of the conversation. But I don't know if when you're 11 you ever get stuck in a conversation you don't want to be in.

I think you're just always quite happy to be talking to anybody. Maybe. It's been so long. I can't remember. We can't remember whether we liked talking to people or not. But it's there as an option for you, two panda pops on account of you being the disco mogul. So you're just giving them out. You're making pals.

And you're remembering that everybody's freaking out. So don't worry about it. And live your life. Get on there. Do your moves. Don't worry about it. Stay at the snack table. You don't have to, you don't have to like be pirouetting all over the middle of the dance floor. You don't have to top tip. You don't even have to dance at a school disco. You can do and that's fine. And if a group of your friend dances, you can just like do some just very like low key moves with them. But remember that no one's looking at you because

they're looking at the big group of people who are dancing. Nobody's looking at you. They're too busy thinking like, oh my God, where are my elbows going? They're not thinking about you. And so you're thinking, my elbows. And there's a whole massive school hall of people thinking about their own elbows. But I hope that helped all. I hope that you feel like a little bit less, uh, ugh, about school discos. And a little bit less alone. A little bit less alone. And thank you everyone for tweeting in your, I'm sorry there if I didn't name check you all, but all of your tips were in there. And thank you so much for, for helping, helping us out and helping all are out.

Do please message us on Twitter if you have any suggestions. We've got some really nice suggestions now that we're going to be doing over the next few weeks. But keep them coming. at Nobody Panicpod. And I'm at Stevie M. The S is a 5. Yes, is a 5. I'm at Tessa Goats. And the Gmail is Nobody Panic Podcast at gmail.com.

And that's all the business. If you are, whatever age you are, we'd like to see your best disco outfit. Send us a picture. Please, please. Best disco outfit, best disco memory. I'll try out of mine. I'll post it on.

Oh, yeah. I was like, straight home to dig that out. Yeah. Yeah. But yes, see you next week, guys. Have a lovely disco-e week. Have a great week. See you next week.

Bye!