Nobody Panic - How to Go to the Office Christmas Party

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

Got an office Christmas party coming up? Whether it’s your first one ever, or you’ve been going for twenty years, Stevie and Tessa share some festive thoughts! Merry Christmas one and all! xSubscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hello, welcome to Nobody Panic with me, Gassy Steve. Hello.

Do you want to explain to the listeners why you've called yourself that? I'm a gassy woman. No, we've just found some lemonade in the office, and it doesn't have spark sparkles in it? No. That's what I like to call bubbles. She's absolutely thrilled. And I said, great, I won't be gassy.

And then we went straight into it. And now here we are. This is a podcast that you're listening to called Nobody Panic and we do how-toes. And Martha, hello. Martha. Hello, Martha. She emailed in. I really love your podcast.

Martha. Stop. I wasn't going to read the first bit. I listen to an episode every day. That's actually too much, Martha. We cannot keep up with demand. We can't keep up with demand. We've probably got enough.

There is. There's loads. You will be fine. And there's the debrief back catalogue for you. Too much. You know, to get in real deep down the rabbit hole. I work as a shop assistant. I'm being Martha again.

For a big clothing company, Banala Republic. We don't know. We don't know what it is. But we're assuming Banana Republic. or the gap. To those are the two options. And they have a work Christmas meal this December. I've only worked there for a year.

I'm 17 and I don't know all the staff that well. Please could you give some advice on how to survive and enjoy the meal out as it's my first time doing anything like this? Thanks, Martha. We really read your email and we really were transported very much back to that moment for us both of what it's like to be like, oh my lord, this is the first one. I'm going to the office Christmas party, but I'm a child,

but I'm trying so hard to be. a grown-up, how am I going to find the line, who am I going to talk to, what's the vibe, what am I supposed to do? And so we're going to be talking about office Christmas parties, first ones, last ones, whatever age you are, whatever the company is, hopefully we can touch on... I think only Gap and Banana Republic. Sorry, you can only do the Banana Republic Christmas lunch. But hopefully we're going to touch on the smorgasbord of options and give you some confidence to guide you through it. Oh, we will. But before we get there... What's your adult thing? I saw a tweet. That said,

I've been married to my husband for 12 years. I've just discovered, and I'm paraphrasing here, I just discovered he uses the notes app as one long continuous note. Full stop, hell, full stop. And then all these people, it was retweeted 117,000 times. I'm so intellectually engaged with this.

And people were like, call the police. Like this is, this is... I think that's better. So do I. So I was like... It's me. And then people were calling him, One note husband.

And they were like, I have so many questions for one note husband. How does he? And she was like, then the writer was like, okay, I've asked him some of the questions. These are the first two? I said, do you ever delete things? He says, sometimes. Question number two, I said, are you just using the search function? He said, I didn't know there was a search function.

Okay, that's quite bold. So I didn't know there was a search function. Oh my God. Yeah. I just scroll. So my notes, honestly, I read this whole thing. All these people being like, call the police. This is psychotic.

You're the worst person in the world. world. I was like, people being like, if I found out someone did that I would pass out and me being like, honestly, I was scrolling through. And then eventually I had to send a tweet that was like, into the group that I was like, into the thread that was like, I'm the one note husband. What are you all doing that's not one note? And then a number of people replied very politely to me to be like multiple notes. You categorize each note. You categorize the notes in the notes app. And I was like, oh, my mummy. And honestly, having scrolled through my one note, it is. And it is. And, it's chaos in there. It's

incoherent chaos. Well, I try to categorise my notes. Okay, this is in my one continuous note, things that say, what would you do if you were released? Dash, sneaky eyes. Could be anything. Biggest Ella Fitzgerald, don't know, though it is. Chase the Queen,

don't know. No blinks, H.B.U. The party, dash, book. Little Secret, dash new potatoes, dash Nancy potato salad. What are these? Honestly, it's like girls' trip. What does that mean? Anyway, so what I have done, look at this, Stevie.

Oh my gosh. Ideas. Nobody panic. Recommendations and they are divided into telebooks and whatever that is. Happy all the time by Laurie Conma. And so I'm supposed to have done telefilm books, but as you can see, it's a work in progress. What's the one called Tight in the Body? That is, that is you're looking at tight to the body.

Zebras. No one's cousin giving it a go. Lions with a beer. Foot out of shoe. Where's my purse? Not all horses, novelty Speculum. I don't know what that even was, but the thing is today when I was like,

so look at this, within nobody panic in the adult section, notes app, to tell you about it for the adult thing. I've been excited about this for weeks. My adult thing is going to be that I'm going to do that. Yeah, wow. Congratulations, actually. Thank you so much. It's a genuinely really good one.

And so it's this level of enthusiasm, confidence and competence that we are bringing to the office Christmas party. And interestingly, when I've got, I googled for extra, I have some thoughts, but I googled to see, unless anyone else out there had also put their thoughts together. If you Google how to go to the office Christmas party, the first one is how to get out of the office Christmas party, a real shock to the system for me.

And the next, and then the rest are like best recommendations, how to organise the Christmas party. Yes. Nobody's out there discussing how to go to it. Yes. And luckily we're here. Luckily we're here. What's, you must have been to work Christmas parties.

What was like the first thing you went to? I was thinking that actually we both are victims. Victims. Oh, wow. The true victim in all of this. I was going to say that, but the nature of being freelance is actually you don't get that. You don't, we don't.

True, but we did have lots of jobs for when we were younger. Oh, certainly, certainly, but I was just thinking. In general, there's not. But I have been to the Stainsbury's Christmas party, not the full, the Sainsbury's. I was going to say, that would have been a big do? Lovely big do, but there was fantastic bits. no when we worked to the advertising company

for Sainsbury's I've been to that Christmas due I've been to the Best for Film Christmas do I've been to the Alfred Dunhill Christmas do I was a receptionist at the barber and Alfred Dunhill

it's a gentleman's club everyone and they threw the fanciest Christmas party in the world it was in this unbelievable like members club and it was free alcohol all night and then there was this raffle

with just these unbelievable prizes and a picket And a pick-a-mix station. Very relatable Christmas party. Just a classic relatable stuff. So Martha, this is the sort of thing you should be expecting from Banana Republic. Now it only happened to me once, the Alfred Unhill Christmas Party. Then as a teenager, I went to my, our Christmas party, we had one, I worked in the Italian restaurant in the next town across as a teenager.

That one I remember, the Christmas party was a real shock to the system because here were all these people that I worked with every day who were like, not every day, Thursday evenings. and Saturday afternoons. And I was like, yeah, they're quite fun, and I know them, and we chat, and, like, they're all much, a bit older than me. And suddenly there was this, like, we're not at work anymore. Yeah, what happens? Space.

It was like, and now we're drinking. And we're like, we're out. And, like, we're like, oh, my God. And it felt like, it felt electric and raw. And I was like, and I think what was a big surprise to me? Because I think I was just bringing basically all of myself to work. It hadn't occurred. to me to have a work persona.

You know, I was like, here I am. This is me. Same, same, same. And so the idea that there were these, like, slightly older people who were, like, had this something in their back pocket that was like, and this is me. And I think a lot of people, a friend of mine, who, an estate agent, went to their Christmas party that was, again, like a big company-wide, do, dancing, you know, you were weirdly, it was weirdly, no, it wasn't fancy dress. That's crucial.

That's crucial. A gentleman who very quiet worked in accounts came dressed as Allie G. Got on the decks and DJed and everyone said, and her report was that it was the greatest moment of everyone's life. So what I think is quite exciting about these things is people revealing the people that you think are quite tedious and people who are real jobs worth and they're like, no, actually, no chatting please when you were doing the stock room. And you're like, oh. And then suddenly they're like, this really fun, this fun person comes out.

Yeah. The only one I went to was the W.H. Smith one. And it was just a meal in a pub nearby. And it was really awkward because it was all kind of people that, and this is the other side of it. It's people that you wouldn't hang out with ordinarily. And then also not, we sort of know how to do that to an extent with our family. Because they're also like when like extended family companies, you're like, well, I obviously wouldn't be going for drinks with Uncle Geoffrey. But now we seem to be sharing a sherry together. Yes. And but you're in a context and you know your role. So you're like, I'm, I'm Geoffrey's niece. So I'll say niece like things. Yes.

And suggest games. And there's often things and everyone's all very aware of it. So you're always going on to the next thing. Now it's dinner. Well, Uncle Jeffrey, do you want to help me peel the potato? There's a lot of that stuff. Whereas when you were like, hello, Sharon, who works at the other till,

you're like, what's our role? What's my part in this? What's my role? I think you're hitting on exactly it of like this like liminal, which I believe. I love the word liminal. I think it means like a space betwixt and between.

I thought it was a long sword. You put in your gourd. And you get to use the word betwixt. You know, it's like a weird space that you're like, all the rules are, it's purge night. You know, like all. All our clearly defined social structures appear to have collapsed here because... It feels very apt.

Right? For the world. For the world? Yeah, it will be a microcosm of this, like, and now anything could happen. But also this, like, that's, what's the name it works at the other till? I'm going to say, I think a name was Sharon. Sharon. You're like, we just say, you know, our only conversation is like, have you cashed out?

The till rolls jammed. Sharon always knows how to do the till roll. Did you have a good weekend? Yes, I went bouldering. great end of conversation. I said I went bouldering, I'd be like, well, I'm sort of more in. But I can understand. I'm like, oh, you know, we're only like, oh, right, oh good, back to the cash register.

And suddenly now it's just hours of bouldering. We ain't got the cash register here. The safety net is gone. Anything could happen. Oh, my God, I'm excited myself. Everyone there is fully aware that this is an unusual setting for everyone to be in. So you're not, it's not like everyone else is going, oh, great, this is amazing. and then you're feeling awkward.

That's the thing to understand is that you're not the only one feeling awkward. It's just that the other adults have done either this one a lot or they've done other Christmas. That's why number one Google search was how to get out of the office Christmas party. Yes, because no one really, when push comes to shove, no one really wants to be there. They do. But they would prefer to go out with their friends. With their friends.

People want to go to a Christmas, fantastic, party, great words. The word office. No, thank you. No. You know, it's like, oh yeah. bit of fun to see that the guy from accounts wants to be allergy. Bit of fun. Oh my God, the boss is wasted and like, oh, we're having a good time. But ultimately, you're like, I'm never going to truly let my freak flag out because this is a place of work.

Yeah. And I don't really want to hang out. These aren't my friends. These are my work friends. So the first thing, I suppose, is to be aware that, like, and to go into it with the knowledge of like, this is a weird experience. And don't freak out that it's weird. Everyone's feeling weird. It's going to be a bit weird.

Yeah. And then to go into it to be like, remember that you're one of the junior members. And not only within this workplace, because you could be. be a junior if you were at 45, but you're both physically junior and in this workplace junior, and it is not your job to like be in, to add to this situation. You're not bringing the party. You are not bringing the party. This is, this party is for you. Yeah. So you don't need to be thinking, you know, oh God, is this fun, are we having fun? If we're not having fun, that's on the office manager. Yes. That was literally their job, make this fun and they didn't. So you don't have to be,

you just, you're there to, I would say like, you don't need to be worrying too much about like what going to bring or how you're going to behave or what you're going to do. So like you're going going a lot, simply going with the flow. Go with the flow. Yeah. And also being curious about it. Like, oh, oh, this will be interesting. And I think the amount, the more things in life that you're able to go, this will be interesting. The more things in life you'll be able to actually enjoy or shield yourself from not enjoying because you're just going to sort of like see what it's like. One of the kind of important, I feel, things is to have at least one person there that is kind of like party buddy that even if you're thinking, well, I don't have a close friend at work. In the lead

up, like, pick someone who's the least kind of intimidating for you, the person that you speak to the most. Maybe it's often someone who's closest to you in age, but doesn't have to be. And if you ask them, like, what are you going to the Christmas party? Like, what's the vibe? And then you've created a little outside conversation going. You might be working on that night and then going with someone is always the crucial thing. Because going. Yes. alone is really hard. It's still doable, but if there's anyone that you can go with and be like, oh, do you want to be my date for the Christmas party?

Said in like a jokey way. In a jokey way. You know, like saying, do you want to go for a drink before the Christmas party? It's really, is always a good idea because it's like then, yeah, then you're arriving with someone. And also as well, you forget that when you're asked to do something like that, like whenever anyone has gone, oh, do you want to go for a drink before the day? this party or do you want to go out? I always feel like oh they want to go for dinner with me.

Yeah, right. I'm part of a little gang. I'm part of a little gang. It's nice to be like, oh, we're, we're pairing up, you know, and so don't, and again, if you're like, you know, we've touched on this lots of times with like, you know, making friends, trying to be, have we done an episode called how to be part of things when you're like, oh, no one's invited me to the pre-bit, be like, maybe you could be in charge of the saying the pre-bit. Martha, this is too much pressure for you because you are both new at your job and underage. So you're not in charge. You're not in charge. of the pre-lash. No, don't worry. If there is one, bobbing. If there is one, gorgeous, bobbing. Otherwise, just maybe say, where are you getting ready? Where are you going beforehand?

You know, get a little pal. But if you haven't got any pals, if you're like, I can't got any pals. No stress. You're still fine. You're still fine. Do, you know, try and make friends, you know, of this sort of, what are you wearing? What do you think of, have you been before? Do we do, is there games?

Is there supposed to be a secret Santa? Like, what are we supposed to do at it? And then sort of guess. And then maybe someone will be like, oh, we all always meet in the park. beforehand for a shot. It's dawn. Dawn or whatever. People are like, oh great, come to this thing now.

But yeah, just put the feelers out. If it's a meal, you can ask like, oh, so what sort of food is it? Because that's a big thing. It's always like, you know, there'll be a Christmas dinner organized and then there's a lot of chat about what menu you've gone for. Oh, love to chat about menu. It's just like all of those jobs, there's always that, you know, we used to joke about a bit.

someone will just for four hours to be like, I might have a snickers. I'm not going to have a snickers now. Like the level of conversation is necessarily quite, past because you're talking about what's happening within the job. You don't have time to just like have a chat. So this is, see this as the time when you'll actually just be able to have a chat to people and actually learn what they're, what they're like. Yeah. And have a thing in the lead up to the party as well. But if you, if it's, if it's happening very, very soon, have I think back to any conversation you've had with anyone about anything outside of work like you just casually

mentioned like Sharon goes bouldering. And we're all still thinking about it. We're also thinking about it. That's your question. And remember, we've done episodes about how to make small talk and how to feel more sociable. So maybe listen to those as well. But one of the kind of key points of that was, it's not on you to do some sort of hilarious, routine or monologue. You're there to basically ask questions.

One of my big fears is of that party that I went to and of other parties. And to be honest, every time I go anywhere, the other day, me and Tessa went to see a, well, I went to see a show on my own because I've started to go on my own. And I arrived and nearly had a nervous. breakdown because there was no allocated seating which means that it would be like at school when I would come into the canteen with my lunch tray and no one wanted and I couldn't sit with anyone and I'd go and sit on my own. It's like I'm just there again being like but what if I can't sit with anyone and there's not enough seats and then I'll have to sit on another table and everyone

will be there like that's what I would be worried about or that you're sat next to on the end next to someone that you don't know at all like oh no I'm standing to quiet Carl who famously doesn't speak you're even if you're sat next to quiet Carl and and nobody else, you can ask Carl questions. Right from the start, really simple questions. It's not like, what are your hopes and dreams, Carl, and what made you so quiet? Not that, but we're talking about, like, ease Carl into it, just like you using yourself into it. Like, whereabouts?

Does he live? Like, Lincoln. Great. I've never been to Lincoln. What's Lincoln like? I've heard it's really like old-fashioned and kind of like cobbled streets. Is that right? No.

Oh, is it really new? Yes. I'm going to uni near Lincoln so I'm quite interested to know about it How long does it take you to get in Do you walk to work or do you look it's hard going It's hard, it's tough But you're doing fantastic questions

You've got to just do Like it's hard if that's on Carl Oh absolutely This is Carl's bad behaviour And at least I'm not having to do a bit I'm just asking him about where he goes to work And eventually and you were going to get there Because I as soon as you asked me about my transport route

My shoulders relaxed And I thought, right, the M4 is hard. But what I do is walk is war. And I was like, okay, I'm telling you. And we're going to get there. Everybody will eventually ease in. But this is, I truly think this is going to be worst case scenario that you're like. Yeah, you're not going to sound as a quiet car.

Yeah, I really do think people go out. People spend a lot of time going out of their way to make the office Christmas party a good do. Absolutely. It's like, here are the crackers. Now there's this. Now there's this. There's a Prosecco on like a rival. There's a prececo on arrival.

There's whatever. It's a clear structure to help you not be like, what are we supposed to do now? You know, whether that was when all of them I've ever been to have had this very clear, like, this is the structure, this is what we do. And everyone's there to have a nice one. And everyone wants to include you. People will be worried that because you're new and you've not been to one before, you might feel left out.

So people will actively want to include you. And I truly think if you get there and you're like in your head like, Stevie and Dessa, no one is talking to me. Honest to God, that is on them. If I was at a do and there was a 17-year-old who I knew had not been in the workplace very long and was at the Christmas party, I would be going out of my way to make sure they were included and looked afterwards. That is absolutely on the grown-ups around you if you are not being.

Yes, and also because of that time you shat on the floor. That's really upset people, so don't do that. You can just join a group. So you get there and everyone's kind of chatting to each other, just go and stand in one of the groups and listen and laugh at the appropriate time and go, Oh, that's great. Oh, so what was that that you're talking about? Like, that is what I do all the time.

And we go, sorry, who's that? What are you on about? But I love it. I like, what's that? I like hearing about the stuff people are talking about. And no one, maybe it's slightly annoying the absolute constant nature of me doing that. But, like, you know, no one's like, oh, God, you've joined the group, you know. And I am actually actively annoying with that.

So you can just stand and kind of nod. And then you'll, I think. the worst thing is when you feel like you're alone and everyone you can see that you're not integrating so if you're stood next to some people you're integrating it's absolutely fine to go is it okay if i come and stand with you guys i don't know many people yeah absolutely that is absolutely fine you don't have to be like i'm the i'm the weirdest worm at the party just like can i stand with you guys yeah and everyone be like of course because there'll be other people in that group who are who are also you know don't know that many people or you know everybody's everybody's feeling the same way

you are, even if they look casual on the outside. Oh, they're not. They're still freaking out inside. And I think it's really boring to say this, but I think it probably is the right thing to say is that sometimes when one is nervous, one drinks too much. And if you've not been to one before and you drink too much, you might then end up having like proper anxiety the next day being like, oh my God, was I, did I just turn up and I was a complete mess?

Like, you want to basically pace yourself and until you've got the measure of the party, If everyone's going mad and there's like shots, everyone's drinking loads and it's really like a were on one, then fine, get involved, like what's the word? Then you've got the nice, which is always kind of communal bonding the following time everyone's in work of like, oh my God, what should I say? No, you were fine. I think that's the thing about the office specialist party is people can talk about it for the six months lead up and talk about the one that just happened for the six months afterwards. That's the only reason everyone's doing it. That's why people said people got something to chat about. Sorry to return to Alfred Dunhill, the gentleman's barber.

I think we should. But I went to this one. I hadn't been working there very long at all. We're the only woman at this party. No, no, no. It was a gentleman's club. So all of the staff are women, of course. No, but I'm sorry, I'm making it sound like a...

It shouldn't have been called it. It was a member... It was a... We sold... There was a floor that sold leather goods, a floor that sold smoking paraphernalia, a floor that sold pens, a restaurant, a bar,

and on the top floor are barbers, where I was on reception. Right, okay, fine. But it makes, like, classy leather bags and things. It was a really classy joint. It shouldn't really have been called a gentleman's club, though I suspect things went on in the I don't know. I really don't know. In the bags.

It was stuff in the bags. Anyway, it was in London and it was this, I was only sent there as a temp and then I stayed for ages because I really liked the reception. Went to the office for Christmas party in this really fancy place somewhere and drinks, at the moment the drinks stopped

being free, I was like, well, I'm out because it's 11 pounds of glass and I haven't got 11 pounds. And I just took bags and bags of sweets home in my pocket. But I remember going to this thing, people got obliterated. And I think this is an aspect of like, you know, if you don't like the company very much or if you think they don't pay you enough, there is this aspect of like, well, I'm going to fucking drink my cut at the bar.

That's literally what I said before we started recording. We've all been to something where you're like, you owe me money. And I'm going to drink it. I'm drinking a thousand pounds worth of your drinks. When I was an intern at this terrible film company, I went to the office Christmas party, and when everyone was, you know, buying drinks, I was like, yes, please, you don't pay me to be here. Of course I'm going to be having your drinks.

I was so, I was unbelievable, I was made more drunk as I've ever been. Anyway, this fancy one, this fancy place, they, afterwards, I went in, it was, we had to go to work the next day. And I went in, and I was the only person in the barbers for ages. And eventually I had to, like, go and find somebody else and be like, and I went to, like, knock on the staff room,

and I was like, I'm so sorry, just like, none of the barbers have come in or anybody. And there was no one in the staff room either, to the point that I was like, Are we not supposed to be at work? And I'd like go like honestly like just every floor like it was 28 days later being like where is everyone? My immediate supervisors had got into a fist fight.

One of them was in prison. Like I was in like in jail was in like the holding cell for like drunken disorderly thing. The other one, their phone was in the canal. Somebody had gone off with a much, there was a real like scandalous. I didn't really understand the characters involved. But somebody had gone home with somebody that was a scandal. Right. But everybody knew.

So like, and it was just, I was like, this is electric. Yeah. So I don't know if that's going to happen to you at the Banana Republic Christmas lunch, but it's there as an option. And then I was like, am I in charge? And then at me, just like, at my little reception desk. You want to be, there's a fine line between when you're new, or even like, I think at any point, you want to be, like,

involved in the gossip, you don't want to be the goss. This, this, if you take home, nothing, Martha. Be involved in the goss, but don't be the goss. Yes. For me, I was like, oh yeah, I was there for the fight. I was there for this thing. I did not see so-and-so-snog, what's the face and go home with our married boss, but you want to be like, oh, this has happened, and I'm now telling the story,

but you don't want to be the one who's in prison overnight. Absolutely. Your phone doesn't want to be one in the canal. Don't be in prison. Yeah, don't be fun, but don't push yourself so hard that now you're something, you or your phone is in the canal. Yes. Please.

Yes. The temptation is to, if it's like a Christmas dinner or it's a thing, and then you kind of go, well, I'll book my, I'll get picked up immediately after the dinner is over. there might be like drinks afterwards and that's where the fun stuff happens of like that's when the real bonding is occurring where it's like, yeah, oh cool, do we want to go yes, yes, crucial stuff.

So who's to say at this lunch and maybe this won't happen, but maybe there's like, okay, we've had the lunch and now there's a breakaway group. Carl, he's cut, he's out. Or he's actually a dark horse. Or he's revealed that he's got his LG costume underneath and he's off and he's on one. So like either people have revealed that they're really fun

and up for still going or they're like, I'm out and I've got childcare issues and I'm going home. You're like, great. Now an elite group are going bowling. The childless group are going bowling. Or like something fun is happening. So be open to that because you don't want to, you know,

your dad in the car park honking his horn. You're like, but everyone's going bowling. Yes. You know, so just be, just be, have the option ready to keep the rest of the afternoon free, less things kick off, less there is an after party. Oh, I'm excited for everyone. But also as well, I should say that, yeah, I'm,

I actually, I'm really like living this party. I also want to say that if you are, get to a point where you're like, okay, I'm a bit, like, it's been fine. I've got through it, but I do want to go home. Yeah, that's also fine. You've got, you, like, I remember the W.H. Smith and Christmas party sort of on an academic level, but I don't really, like, not, it doesn't change my life. Like, you're not going to look back at this and be like, well, that was pivotal socially.

Like, you're absolutely fine. So it's basically whatever you do, whatever you want to do. do. It's always good to go to these things because you'll find that you'll, you'll just get, you'll either know more about the kind of place that you work. You might have fun. You might not. But it's, it's ultimately kind of a free hit, isn't it? Like, could be a bit of a fun, free food and drink. Or actually, probably not everyone tends to pay, don't they? So you end up having to like a split. Oh, I hope the company have paid. I didn't pay for the W.H. Smith one. No, sorry, sorry. What I mean is I had to pay for it. Yeah, we all, we all,

shit on W.H. Smith. Yeah, well, I mean, they're not, they weren't, they weren't doing well then, and they're not now. No, probably because they spent it all on, on my lunch. On your lunch. Of course, the financial crash. I have a lobster, please. Right, okay. Yeah, that's tough. I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I'm going to office managers here and CEOs to be like, your gift, Christmas party should be free. That should be go without saying that, like, the stuff should be paid for. If it's not, and you're like, okay, I've done it. I say just, the only thing is, go in with, this is not on you. It's not on you.

were saying how to organise the Christmas party, totally different kettle of fish, we'd be shouting, you better be freaking out. Yeah. Free champagne. It better be. This is all on you. But if you're just the guest, A, ride with the tide. And I think, just as we're coming to the end, if you're listening thinking, oh, I'm jealous, and I work for myself and I don't have one of these.

Throw a Christmas party and invite me. Throw Christmas party. Something really nice that in our village, when we moved there when I was about five, my mum worked for us. and she was invited to the women's like, I don't they call it something smart. Women of the village party. But it was called like workers, what do they call it? Workers' rights. Workers' rights.

No, they call it something like working for yourself, working for yourself Christmas lunch. Oh, that's nice. That was like, they're literally like, hear all these women who do their own business or work for themselves, whatever, and who don't get to go to the Christmas party. And then they used to go to the pub and have this lunch and then got absolutely obliterated. That's great. And they didn't all work together. And also the nice thing was that everyone was, if you had a job and you didn't have a Christmas party to go to, you were allowed to come to this Christmas lunch. So therefore it was a real smorgasbord of people. I do remember my mom coming home and

this lady who we didn't know very well, the pair of them just being like battered in our kitchen. And so you can, you know, you could take it on yourself to be like, hey, we all don't, you know, we know each other, but we don't, we all, could we all have a Christmas lunch together? Yeah, that might be a nice thing, an office Christmas lunch, to do it with the people around you. So you're like, oh, yeah, this was fun. This was nice. Also, as well, this is not for you, Martha, but this is for, like, other people who maybe are a bit more seasoned in their workplace. And is you couldn't be the breakout group.

So if you have an idea going in of, like, if someone goes, oh, should we get us somewhere else? You can go, well, there's this great place down the road. Like, have an idea of a place to go so that you don't get that thing. where everyone's just walking around going like, or in the car park, like, where, oh, yeah, I'd like, oh, that's clothes, is it? Classiest thing I've ever seen from a producer, so you could believe it.

The producers are cut from a different cloth. Yeah. Go to do, go to the bar afterwards, bar ends, people are still like, anywhere, where's open, where's up for it? They're very casually are like, oh, how about this place? We're like, oh, it'll be so busy.

We get there. They've booked a place. They've booked a place. they've booked ahead and they didn't tell anyone they'd done it because you can just easily cancel because you can just be like oh we didn't show up we didn't show up

but it's there booking an area booking a booth or if you're kind of like in with your crew at work do that like I think everyone

the relief we've got a booth we're off we're doing this thing someone's taking control here this is exquisite and all bar one booth and then you're soared

I will tell you one more Christmas story yes please Is it Christmas Carol? I couldn't think of his name quick enough. Oh no, what? Charles Dickens? Yeah. Oh, wow.

Scrooge, Scrooge. I was trying to think of Scrooge, far enough. And I came up with Michael Scrooge. That's not it. Yeah, Mike. Yeah, you all know, Mike. He's a dicket. At the beginning.

He, okay, the fancy advertising place, where I work for Sainsbury's, their Christmas lunch, all paid for, all drinks free, no one had thought through the, like, activities well enough. Somebody was like, let's play Mafia. Oh, yeah. I was like, I'll put my hand up to say, that's a mistake.

Like, that's not a good idea. You don't, you don't know. No. It's like a parlour game, but really everywhere. Some people are like, what's mafia? And I was like, no, no, no. This is a joyful Christmas lunch. This is a mistake.

You can only do that with, like, trusted people. Trusted people. It needs candlelight. It needs to be like, we're in, and we all know the rules and like, and it's going to end in tears. Yeah. So I had put my hand up to say,

this is a mistake. I had been overruled. They also didn't call it mafia. They called it werewolf. Yes. Of course. Same, same. But just a different villain.

Sure. Okay, they also played with, and they introduced the doctrine and the policeman, but they had used the, the, called it the medic. Somebody had written on scraps of paper to give out to everyone what you were,

and then you had to put your thing back in again. The people, some people received W. for werewolf and some people received M for medic. Oh no. And upside down on the piece of paper they were perceived to be the same. It was, so the game was going on with some people believing they were, it was the most chaos I've ever experienced and I was a civilian so I didn't even,

it wasn't even revealed until the end of like how this game had got so badly, so catastrophically off the rails. At which point everyone was so drunk and so angry that that became the end of the that was the end of the evening. Yeah, this is the thing. The last time I played Mafia, it was that my friend sort of stagged you. And it was like, let's play Mafia.

And I did the same thing. I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Because there's always the records that two people that don't know the rules. Or they don't want to play. And they're like,

so it divides people between people that want to play and don't. Then you just feel excluded. And then also, yeah, we played two rounds. Everyone got annoyed and the stack day was over. Yeah. It's a mistake. So our point is, do not suggest a game.

It's not on you. It's not on you, Martha. You're simply in the tide bobbing along. Don't be worried. Yeah. Add to the goss, but don't be the goss. And have it great. Ask your questions.

Ask your questions. Yeah, get Carl to give you some questions and then ask people. Carl's questions. You've got to prepare the questions, please. Carl, where are the questions? Carl. Ask Sandra about her bouldering. Yes. Find out a little, just think of it of like,

I'm going to find out what everyone's little kooky thing is that they're into that they never reveal at work. And be your lovely charming self. It's not on you. It's not on you. You can have such a nice time. You're going to have a lovely time. If there is a theme.

If there is a theme. Sorry, just decoratively, if you're like, wear a Christmas jumper. Don't be the one who's like, I thought it's lame. In, get in. Get in. Get in. A bit of fun. Borbals for earrings.

Hat. Hat on your head. Hats on your head. Crucially. Martha, put your hat on your head. God's so. Yeah, get in. It's Christmas.

Have a penny in front of town. Have a lovely Christmassy week, everybody. To everybody, enjoy your office board. Please invite us. I'd like to come. Michael Dickens.