Nobody Panic - How to Have a Halloween Party

Episode Date: October 24, 2018

Tis almost All Hallow's Eve, when the veil between worlds is at its thinnest, so Tessa and Stevie revisit some of the past traumas of Tessa's parties and sift through what is and is not achievable when hosting a banging Halloween party.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true, Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Halloween, Halloween, this is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Ooh, woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! So, this episode is about Christmas.

Somebody asked me the other day when Halloween was. I don't understand these people. How do you not know to the Overse of October? I think it is a very common thing that people don't know. In this country, in America, everyone knows. Yeah, I think I get, but I was like, it's all Hallows Eve. It's before the Hallow, which. is the first of November.

It's the eve of the hello. What's the wrong with you? Also, don't you just know when the veil of between the worlds becomes thinner? Don't you just feel it? Don't you know? Don't you know? It's so great when Halloween falls on a weekend, but unfortunately it doesn't this year.

So we decided to put this out before the Halloween weekend. Yes. Which is when most people will be having their parties, unless you're me, and then you are having it on Wednesday. Some people will be committing on the day. Oh my God. I'll be watching Hocus Pocus. I will also be watching Hocus.

focus. I'm watching it at the Clapham Grand. Oh, bloody hell. And there's like a sing-along thing. And I went last year to a charmed one, and it was so much fun. I'm going to dress up as one of the Sanderson sisters. And I feel like nobody will dress up as... So everyone's going to go as either Bet Midler, they'll be like the fun want ones, or they'll try and go like sexy Sarah Jessica Parker.

But nobody... No, no, nobody... No one goes the other one, because I literally don't know what name is. Kathy Burke. That's Kathy Burke? No, it's absolutely not Kathy Burke. Kathy Burke's in, from misery. That's no. I was right with Kathy Yes

Kathy Looking forward to this Oh there we go Najimi Najimi N-J-I-M-Y Well, I'm sure she's done very well I just don't know her name

But I was thinking Oh my God She's in Sister Act Oh my God Oh my God You can see her Yes now I can I literally thought

I never saw that woman again In my whole your life That was it That's crazy Okay, fine. Oh shit. She's the voice of Peggy Hill on King of the Hill. Good for her. Fantastic.

Then she was his sister at and Hocus Pocus. And it sounds like then she retired. She smashed it. I mean, she's absolutely smashing life. Great for her. So I might go as her because nobody will go as her. And she's quite fun. And I like that she has, she rides the Hoover.

Yeah, she's so great. She's really cool. But also, I want to make a book. Yeah. Book. And then have on string. And then it gets, it comes to me whenever I call it. A book with an eye, like in Hocus Pocus.

Fantastic. And how is it going to come to you? I'll pull it along the floor on string. It's not going to look good, but I'll certainly, or I'll do something where I get someone to throw it to me, and I do like a boomerang of it being thrown at me. So, of course, when the boomerang stopped, it will have hit me in the face, but for that moment it will look like it's flying. Maybe options. Last year, we did, we've got a photo booth with loads of, like, props and stuff.

We were on brooms, and we all jumped up in the air, and we did look like we were flying. Wow. That's great. The magic of cinema. And what are you doing for Halloween? Oh. Just watching Hocus Poekees. in a house.

That's fine. What's wrong with that? Are you going to dress up? No. Just put a hat on. Yeah, all right. Buy a hat, mate. Put a hat on.

Yeah, okay. Right, I'll try and get more in. I'll try and get more in. I'll see if, right. But don't go like... No, I know. Full crystal maze. I know.

I'll just try and see if anyone else wants to hang out with me and do more. I wasn't going to watch Hocus alone. Okay. It wasn't alone. I'm saying, now I've seen what you're doing, I'll try and upgrade. Yeah, hang out with some people. Perhaps.

Get some bruskees in. Get the bruskees in. Crack out a cold one. Crack open a cold one. That don't crack out a cold one. Could be, we don't know. We don't know. Great.

Before we go into it, let's talk about our adult things for this week. Yes, please. What's yours? Can you start? No. Okay, I've got quite a rubbish one. Yeah. So, you know, ages ago when I was like,

oh, I've got a water bottle, a bag. bought a reasonable water bottle. A BKR one, their glass, so they don't feel like going camping. Great. Like, I lost it, obviously. Wow. And that's my adult thing. No.

I thought... Listeners, I cannot tell you how many water bottles there's different water bottles. It's so stressful. It's so... It's three. I've lost it three times. I've had three new ones. Oh no, actually, no, that's not true.

Two new ones because one broke. Great. So that's okay. But turns out I've actually only lost one because the other one is at my friend's house, which I thought it was. And he was like, no, it's not. And I was like, oh my God. I've lost it again, how?

And it was when I got a heat stroke, so I was like, I can't see anything. And then I left. And he's like, no, and you've lost your water bottle. Like, that's why I have a heat stroke. And I've had a water bottle. And then he texted me last week, being like, your water bottles here, by the way. That is fantastic news. So, so great.

So basically we've been incredibly dehydrated for months. So being an adult, it's hard, is what I'm saying. And I can't wait till I can drink the sweet nectar of age 2-0 again on a regular basis. I'm getting it back next week. Yay. Oh, you're living your truth. You're living your best life. Thank you.

I really am. And you? Etre? Moi not so much, Ossie. Sort of. Okay. Moi. Don't translate in French.

I'm not going to. I'm just saying moi over and over again. Okay, good. I don't know. I don't feel, I don't feel very out. I don't feel very adult, Stevie. This has happened before and then I found one for you. Oh, well, this is boring, but I mean, mine was boring.

It's not a good one this week, if we're honest. Guys, it's weak. It's weak. It's weak from us. Mine is that I've been taking a lot of stuff to the charity shop. But it is adult. But I also took a bunch of stuff that my housemate who left in four months ago, also left in the living room. Great. And we've all been ignoring for months.

And I took it the charity shops at the end of the road. And I just, I took it. Amazing. And so that has been very, it's been very cathartic and very freeing. It's gone, it's cleansed. It's also environmentally and ecologically. sound. Yes, it's just, it's so wonderful to do. I can't recommend it enough. That's excellent. And yeah, so I guess I am ticking off some things I've been, they've been sat on the back burner for a long time.

I made that. And I was like, because I have to stop saying things about my tortoise every week because I feel like an adult because I'm constantly like, well, I mean, I did this. Now that's an adult thing because everything I do with the tortoise is an adult thing because I'm looking after a thing. But it's boring for me to just every week be like, my tortoise did this. It's not boring. I think I for one and the people are craving more tortoise content. No one is, right. They're screaming out for more content. But I'm screaming. I'm talking of screaming.

Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! We've done some episodes about how to host parties and how to Christmas parties. They've done it's like, they've done to do a Halloween-based one. I think it's very crucial because there's little tweaks you can... It's just a fun. Hosting Halloween parties, it's so fun, unless you're Tessa.

And then it's the most stressful thing that she's ever done in the whole lot. I just had big dreams. Tessa's, we have spoken about Tessa's fabled Halloween party of 2014. But only because it was so wonderful and really made me understand Tesla was a person. She'd tried to do lasagna. Bake, what's his name?

Richard O'Brien. Bake Richard O'Brien's face into a lasagna? No, into a cake. No, I put him in a lasagna. And I made a macaroni cheese graveyard where all the gravestones had gone. They were nice biscuits. Yeah.

There were malted milk, so they looked like gravestones. But then everyone was freaked out the fact that there were sweet biscuits in the macaroni cheese. cares. No one cares. And then there was a skeleton in it coming out of the macaroni and some spring onions stuck in his greenery. It was really good. It was really good. It was really excellent. It wasn't. It was an edible. No, yeah, the food was an edible. But the, um, when we, I arrived after work and we're all sort of like dressed up and stuff. And I was just expecting what I think

most people expect for a Halloween party is just like, there's some drinks, there's some candles. And then we just sort of sit around and it's fine. But it tends to have gone like all out. And, but unfortunately it had taken a lot out of her. So I came early and I decided to get dressed at work and so I like crossed the city dressed as Maleficent thinking well everyone will be because it's Halloween

no one was and I looked like a fucking idiot and so it was a really weirdly warm Halloween as well as I was like this sweating Maleficent with horns on this boss and everyone was staring at me and suddenly I felt like a lot less cool than I had done at work and everyone was like oh cool and then immediately you're out of context and you're like but

got there and Tessa looked like something dreadful had happened And half dress on, half off, put in biscuits and a lot of time. So many dreams that had to be realised, it's a short amount of time. It was very much a case of like, I think my job was to fill up the little candle holders, which are like little tumblers with like coloured water of black or red around the house and then light the candles and put them in. You didn't delegate.

You were just trying to do everything. And it was like, can I do the candles please? And you know, absolutely. I said, I did that job. And then someone else came and was like trying to do. And it was like, you just go up, go and get, go upstairs and get ready. Like, it's apps. Like, people just want alcohol and they just, and it looks great.

And you're like, I think you were shouting something at one point about like what you want. Like, but the living room doesn't have that. And you wanted to do something in the living room that sounded so elaborate and you hadn't done any of it. And it was like, no, but it looks spooky. That's all the matter is. Yeah. So number one is, no, know your limitations. Yes.

I just, I wanted it so badly. But it was great. Thank you. My favorite Halloween party. recent memory. It was very funny. I remember laughing with you a lot. Yeah. It was really funny. Because you did look incredible and the whole thing was so

stressful and also I put pumpkins outside so kids kept arriving. Oh god, that was the thing every two minutes more kids and you went out of sweets immediately. And I bought all these sweets and I was like, well this will be fine because no kids already come and we'll eat these sweets. And then the kids, the kids' sweets were gone. So then I was just a woman who looked insane dressed like Miss Havisham,

this white lace gown with like completely white face and hair, answering the door at like half-past six in the afternoon where to this totally decorated house where I can see the parents of the children being like, who's this? Does she live alone? Like she has got kids.

There's no one else there. Has she done this for the children? And then you could see them be like, come away now. Come on, come away. You were also at one point rifling through the kitchen to find something to give them that wasn't sweet. And I think you remember at one point you were like,

like digestive biscuits? I think we gave those malt-mal, milk biscuit. Nobody wants that. Like no one's to get malted milk. No one's to go to Miss Havisham's house and be given a little damp, malted milk. They've been taken out of macaroni cheese. Get it out of macaroni. Get it out of macaroni. Give it to this kid, there's a Spider-Man on the door. Cheesy biscuit. Thank you.

And also I kept answering the door going, woo-wha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah, you go saying, it sounds like an ape. Yes, yes, that was the thing. I think your natural ghost noise, whereas mine is like, who-you-you-have-a-carto, out. element to it. Yeah, that is a gorilla. That's not, you can't. So people all that together. The Islewoman, just as Miss Aversham, holding soggy macaroni cheese, malted biscuits and doing an impression of a gorilla of the child. So that was my day. That was her day. Um, but it was great. And I

called in sick to work. The next day. No, that day. No. Yeah, I did. Stevie. I wanted it so, I wanted it. I wanted it. I know. I like, it makes sense because I didn't understand how you'd got it already. I was there like half six and I didn't understand how you'd manage to get it all together. sure amount of time. So, number one is... Don't take a sick... If you're considering taking sick days off work to prepare for

Halloween party, lowered those... And you're freelance, so it's cost you a lot of money. Oh my God! I don't go in! I just wanted to be Martha Stewart, like I wanted to be that. But also, it was, like, it was genuinely very impressive. Oh, that's so kind.

And also, the lasagna was very tasty. Oh, that's so great. And the macaroni cheese was nice. It's just, you know, obviously, we couldn't see this fair. in it. No, it was hard to get Richard O'Brien on it, yeah. For some reason I thought if you sort of did a Leon Perrin's thing and then baked it, it would come out. Right. Doesn't apparently. That doesn't happen. It's hard to do and I so did this

like butt, this crust like I tried to make it. Look, number one is, number one is know your limitations. I will never tire of hearing about this party and I was there. Like it's my favourite. Know your limitations, know what can be achieved. Yes. Can you make every room into your house and to different rooms of the crystal maze. No. No, you can't. And then when you can't, then you're left with, then it makes no sense when you say to someone, I've begged for a showbride.

When you also don't have a crystal maze. Everyone's like, great. Why have you done this? And then various rooms in the house at the time interlocked, you would like move between them. Then my housemates had all gone away for the weekend and locked their room so I couldn't even do the thing I wanted to do, which involved like running between the rooms. Oh my God, I'm hot even thinking about it.

So number one is delegate and have help and ideally do it in some kind of pair or whatever so that you have ideas to bounce around and a sounding board to say, you know what? I don't think we can do that. I don't think that is something. And it'll be great even without that. Yeah, so it'll be fine.

A nice fun person who you already have a fun time with and the party is just you too. No, not that's not you do it. It's one person just saying no, Tess. Yeah. If you like, call the person who's supposed to rest out, Tessa. At university, my friend Alice had a OAP-themed party. That's very fun.

So there was five of them in the house. They had, like, really gone to town, spent all week. Made it look like an old person's home. Just like loads of old... People. Dated stuff or, like, old... Oh, cool. Okay. Like, things were just, like, very old.

And they'd made these, like, really rubbish, like, cucumber sandwiches. Brilliant. Boiled egg. Boiled egg. Like, they were all completely. dressed up salad cream salad cream like all of that they were all because it must be someone's birthday and they were like you know they were all in like not just like oh I put a shawl on a hat like they were head to toe they had those like old old shoes like you know brogues

with wrinkly old brown tights like they were completely to town and like everyone had done their hair and like you know and so they're like before she tells it she's like 8 p.m the five of them are so excited I think one of them's in a wheelchair like that's okay that's slightly problematic but it has some problem it was no no no there's like they were just so well that they had like kains oh they had like zoomer frames like they're really gone they were like they're so committed i mean ap year they're like shaking with how excited they are about how it is which adds to the effect of being old exactly and then uh the first guest does not arrive until 11 30s so two and I love that so two three and a half hours they're just the five of them

dress as old people just walking around the house Just walking around. They've, like, really run out of, like... That's so funny. That's so funny. I forgot that. And that's something as well that is a good tip as well. Don't expect people to arrive at the time that you ask.

Especially if you're having it on, like, if you're having it this weekend and you're having it Friday or Saturday. Because that's something that... I think it didn't used to happen, but it is happening more and more. Is it like, like, everyone arrives so late. And you're like, guys, like, now you're going to have to leave because of the trains. Or, like, what happened to all the fun bit of the star? And everyone's like, oh god, it's awful.

You've had, yeah, you've, yeah, you miss the family. And then also, maybe they're all coming from another party. So they're all, someone will arrive, like, so trashed. And like, well, you've obviously had the fun at the first party. What we, you clearly went sat at home until 11 o'clock. Exactly. Being like, we weren't walking the block trying to kill time. So I think just crests through that pre-party panic.

Have friends that you know will arrive. So, yeah, have friends. I have those, you're one of them. Oh, great. There's another, Tom's another. But I'm like, we both say to each other like, Can you please come? You come.

Actually, you know, you do come quite late all the time. I don't know why you were saying. I'm one of those people. I feel like I could ask you though. Could you please come on time? And then that would be really helpful to me. And I'd probably say no, but I'd give it a good go. Give it a good go.

Okay. Well, I definitely have others who I can rely on to arrive on the dock. Because I think that is crucial. Even if you do have, like, at least there were five people at that party. There wasn't just one girl who's in herself. But still, no one can. It's not like she's alone doing it.

It's funny because that's already a party. That's already a party. But you can't get away from the fact that you were all the people that lived in the house and you're all the hosts and no one's arrived. Like it's a weird atmosphere. But that will definitely happen. You'll be nervous. You'll have all that horrible like party anxiety of like what if no one comes or what if they like, you know. Commit to just.

Well, it'd be great night anyway. And I always tend to say that when I go to someone's party and I'll if I'm going early or I've been one of their friends to be like, come on time. And you can just see them be like, okay. Well, that's okay. I guess it's all. And you're like, it's fine. The amount of times you've had to like hold you by the shoulders and be like there'll be people. and they're the alcohol and that's a party

and that's a party and me being like but the dip I haven't I wanted to make these shrunken apple heads that were bobbing and I'm like

what about and you're like no one gives a shit about the they're just want to eat the apples and also I think it's very helpful to if you are going to Halloween party to say loudly at the start well even if no one else arrives

it'll still be a real fun party yes that's all the host wants to hear I like to arrive and say oh this is a good group yeah I hope no one else comes what a self-sustaining group yes especially if it's just

you. Oh yeah. And I just point to myself and then be like, this is a good group. Hello. I'm going to have a time. We're going to have a great time. And also on the top,

just expanding a little bit on the manager expectations. Absolutely. With Halloween parties, I think you are, not you, but also you, are more liable, there's more scope to go mad with it because there's, you know, to go as spooky as possible.

And you absolutely can, but all you need, the basic thing that you need is dim lights, candles, or no lights, and just candles, a white face, looking spooky in just a casual spooky way, alcohol and like a Spotify Halloween playlist.

And that, if I turned up to a Halloween party and that was what I was greeted with, I'd be like, great, the Halloween party started. I wouldn't be like, well, where are the spider webs? You know what I mean? And anything extra you add on top of that, you were winning. So I think like, it's the same with like Christmas parties. It's like a bare minimum that one expects at a Christmas party.

If you don't have like any A four foot, Ferreira Rocha tire. Tire. Yeah. Listen to our Christmas party one to hear more about Tess's Ferreira Roche sort of well, it was a pyramid.

It was a pyramid. And like quite late on into the party, I was like, cool, so have a Ferre Roche just Tess had nearly strangled me. They were super glue. John Longin's time he did superglip! It's like, okay, I'm sorry. Oh God.

When do we get to eat them? Never! Okay, again, great. party if I sort of stayed away from you when you were stressed and then when you got into it and you were having some drinks and it was so it was such a great party. It's really nice people that anyway, the point is is that like it's just about the people, it's about the drink and if it's Halloween it's about the dim lights and the candles. That's all you need.

That's all you need. So much. So if I'm just going to walk you through some things that will feel achievable but are not achievable. Oh great. Okay. You will be tempted down this road. Here are some things that the internet will suggest are achievable.

Do not go with kokuum. Do not go with cocoa one. This is the list of cocoaums. Do not go with cocoa um. Cocoaum number one. A pumpkin keg. Oh, I don't think that's achievable at all! That doesn't scream achievability to you?

It absolutely, actually, you know what I mean? It absolutely screams to me. Yes, if I gave it a bit of time, a few hours, I could absolutely knock one of those up. Don't. So a pumpkin keg, as in, you take the top off, you put a little hole in, you put a keg thing. You're like, what fun idea?

What's the cake? Did you buy a keg thing? You buy a little tap online. You can buy the thing. Yeah, if you're buying a tap for a party, if you're performing basic plumbing on a pumpkin, I think you have to be like, okay.

But I think also as well, like you can always pick one cocoa one for your party to have a go at. Choose your cocoa on. Just choose your cocoa on like balls who've got to go to Cocoa immediately. Cocoaum for non-Pocontas fans. Oh, sorry, it's the,

is the warrior that she's supposed to marry and her choices, shall I marry a cocoa one. Cochum is the smoothest course. between the riverbends. But she chooses the other. She follows her heart, the spinning arrow. The spinning arrow.

She follows her heart. Yeah, that would have been incredibly confusing for any non-Cocoon fans. I think she should have gone with Coquham because John Smith was Mel Gibson and I don't think he's a good guy. But the point is... Yes.

It's very ahead of its time that movie. It's actually. And in some ways, it's not... And anyways, it's in the past. There's a few songs, which I think are quite racist. But anyway, in many ways, gosh. Gosh. Anyway, cocoaum, number two.

Number two. So the pumpkin keg, or even the only one that is achievable with a pumpkin, is hollowing it out, putting ice in it, using it as the beer thing. As in the ice bucket. The ice bucket. So you can put bottles of beer in a holiday. What a great, you've turned cocoa em into John Smith. So that is, we're going to have to park this metaphor.

No, I'm going in. Okay, so that is totally achievable. Your top off your pumpkin, scoop out your pumpkin. Don't put any holes in it, obviously. They'll cut the eyes. fill it with ice, that's an ice bucket. Stick your beer in there, you're away. Lovely.

Very nice. Crucially, what I would do is I would immediately make a face. Don't make a face. All the waters poured now and the front of face. So hold fire. Let me draw a face. You're just, no, don't even do that. You do, draw a face with a bag.

All right, draw a face. But just on one side and then spin it around if it doesn't. If it doesn't. If it looks crap. If it looks crash off. Yeah, that's achievable. The keg system, not achievable. Because even if you get the plumbing working,

it tastes like pumpkin. And do, of course. It tastes like pumpkin. What don't I think of that? Well, you're supposed to put a lining in. Oh, no one's lining. Oh, my God. Exactly. And then you're filling it with punch. It's all punch bowl. Because you're all like, that's fun as well, a punch bowl. It's so, honestly, I did that one.

It's a disaster. I'm sure. Yeah, everyone likes a punch bowl. No one looks at a punch bowl on Halloween party and goes, why isn't that in a pumpkin? What isn't that a pumpkin? Whereas the ice bucket, that is so achievable. It doesn't need any extra work. It's not, people aren't like picking bits of pumpkin out of the team. Being like, this is disgusting. to this day I can't really even smell. Pumpkin.

Number two, not a jeet, not... Cocoa number two. Cocoa number two. Frozen hand in the punch bowl. You did this. I did it. It looked great. It looked great.

For a bit. For a bit. For 14 seconds. And then we both watched the fingers drop off and it's sick to the bottom. If you look one of these up, you're like, that looks amazing. And it is so achievable. That is a surgical glove or any plastic glove. Fill it with water.

Stick it in the freezer. It freezes. It becomes an ice. hand. It looks super spooky. It looks really cool. It does not laugh. No one will see it. We were there peering peering it to look at it in the dark. There's candle. We can't even see it properly.

I think it's cropped up in my dreams. Like, the hand that sinks into the bowl. The five fingers just plopped off and then it was just the palm. That's just a ball of ice in the middle of the punch bowl in a pumpkin. So, oh my God. Park that. Any dreams that you have? about dry ice.

This is so specific to you. I just say... Who does the party goes? I think dry ice is what is. Oh my God, because if you Google how to have a Halloween party... It says dry ice. Dry ice is everywhere.

It must be... It must be viable in like Target and Walmart and stuff. Well, I've got a smoke machine. But that's because I have a weird... I've made weird career choices. Yeah. So I suppose if you're a comedian or you know one, they will probably have a smoke machine.

Martha Stewart, you know... Has a smoke machine. No, she's got a dry ice machine. So a dry ice machine, so you buy, it's not like a thing that you can make. You can make it as well. But it's really hard to do, but you need to buy the kit from like... Just don't. I don't think it's worth it.

Again, that is something that like, even at best, that's a room full of dry ice. Wait, everyone's stood. At best. At best. In this sort of low light, light spot. Also, you just be like, oh my God, I'm losing my deposit because what does this do to the wallpaper? Nothing. It's absolutely fine.

Dries is so fine. Okay, right. It's just like stood in this like, misty. I think it actually is too good because when people arrive no one will be able to talk about anything else other than the dry eyes.

We're all sat in some dry ice. How have you done that? And then you guessed and then they're all excited and they want to talk about it. Also that is something that in the pictures you're like cool that just bubbles all evening

does it just pour another side? No, that's also about two minutes worth and then you've got to top it up again. So it's like it pours out and you're like God that's fucking cool and then that's it's the end of that. Obviously the idea is you'd want to put it in a cauldron wouldn't you?

Yeah, exactly. So that's, have you ever, can you visualize one in your mind or no? But yeah. Okay. So that's that is a cocoaum. That's a hard co-crum. So let's get some John Smith. Hard cocoa. Hard co-coy. Hard co-cob. Some totally achievable stuff. John Smith. Some John Smith. Those crackable, those crackable, uh...

Glow sticks? Yeah, glow sticks. Sometimes in the movie they crack them and they pop them down the well to see how a lot deep it is. Okay. Sure, but glow sticks. You know, I'm allowed them. Very cheap. That was the weirdest way to describe glowson. I know, I know. One of those crackable things that you've thrown on a world to see how deep it is a glow stick. Yes, I couldn't think what they were. It's great. So a glow stick, they're very cheap.

Those are your friend. Poundland, you can go unload on the ground. Yeah, like just so many glow sticks. You can use them for all kinds of things. Stick them underneath the water with, underneath a jar of water. It will immediately light the water up in a cool way. Oh, cool, yeah. We'll light that.

Pop some candles in there. Pop a candle. The glow stick will light the water. That's great. Yeah. You don't even need a candle. You don't even need a candle. I do it.

Getting a loo roll, not classic loo roll. Two circular holes for eyes. Yes. Stick a glow stick in, put it in the tree outside. A little lull roll person. That looks amazing. Yeah. So you basically have to do like upside,

like they look like half a chop or orange. Like evil eyes. Like spooky looking at you out of the tree. Segment eyes. Yeah. Segment eyes like eyes watching from the forest. So you do one eye and one loop, you do like that looks like it's one eye and one loo roll on one line in the other

and then they've hung both up. No, no, that's one loo roll together. The eyes are supposed to. Oh, it's horizontal. Yeah, it's horizontal. In my head it's like a little loo roll person. So like that. Oh, great.

Look this up. It's very difficult to describe. It's very difficult to describe everyone. You want the loo roll. You're trying to get the loo roll to be horizontal like stuck in a tree with a glowsy inside and two eyes in a horizontal fashion.

If you're thinking about him being like a little like, oh, hello, like one of those little garage people, that they're not. That's really achievable. That is a full John Smith. In fact, I would call that John Smith. That's John Smith. A little guy.

John Smith looking out where you can retrieve. Yeah. Excellent. If you've got some black paper and you've got a fridge, that's a ghost. You just,

oh my God, put black. You can make, oh my God, it's amazing. So yeah, just get blue tech, black card, make black ghost eyes and a black, woo-woo mouth and then put it on the fridge.

If you've got a white fridge. If you have a black fridge, that won't work. But I guess you could do something else with a black fridge. Or is you orange eyes that were just like creepy eyes. Make your fridge.

piece of paper, make big statement, easy, simple, big statement stuff. That's so impressive. I've never seen anybody do that before. I'm so impressed. Okay. Is this a cocoa one? Yes. Yes, I can see from your eyes. Hot dog mummies. Sausages with eyeballs wrapped in mummified pastry.

Oh, they look so cute. Yeah, so cute and fun, but you haven't the time. You don't have the time to make... So they're basically like pigs in blankets, but the blankets have been wrapped around, and then they've used, like, little bit of dough or whatever, to make little tiny eyes. What will happen is the eyes will get massive and smush together. Yeah. And the wrapping will all,

it will just look awful. Yeah. Don't, I think trying to do really clever things with food is not necessary in Halloween party. It's, just do normal party food. You know, if you really want to,

you can just have, like, I think I've done it in the past, like, had normal food, but just put like spooky labels on them. So like the ketchup was blood and I got like sausages were fingers, but I didn't make them look like fingers.

I tried to put almonds and there's the nails and then they just fell off and it was really nice. They fell off and they looked ridiculous. And I want an almond on their sausage. Because no one's like, oh, yeah, it's a finger. I'll remove that. Yeah.

So don't, you just park the food. Not necessary. Think of a funny little pun if you fancy. And things like putting the shots, put like a shot in a syringe. You're like, okay. Like, what an effort. Yeah. So you just bought loads of syringes.

Now you've got loads of syringes in the house and people are just like shooting shots into their mouth. Just get like, definitely buy like red and black food coloring. Because I think like with your candles thing, just having. floating tea lights in tumblers with what looked like blood was really really effective and really cool and also you can add if she may say so herself because that was your area but it was your idea crucially I think it was you was it oh my god I am so effective but you can use food coloring in food like you can make the dip red if you want to or you can like make the punch black and creepy looking although be careful because I

think that's happened at your party that the punch was such a disgusting color that no one really wanted to drink yes that's what I'm saying just park the food like People don't want it. That's so true. People don't want it to look like something else. No one really wants to eat black punch. No. Then the fruit goes black.

I look like gray multi-fruit. And I was like, oh great. Do you have any vodka? Yeah. So don't bring me wine. That'd be great. Yes. You can buy fun goblets from charity shops so that's fun.

To have like people drinking from goblets if you want. Again, they taste of death. Oh, of course because they're old. Again, I had all these, like, cool, old-looking goblet. I was like, fun. People sit and they're like, oh, my God, what's this horrible copper? Do you have a tumbler? Yeah.

Just a plastic cup. Because they're full of dust and, like, metal. Like, somebody used them in the war. Like, of course nobody wants this goblet. So, like, all this is my favorite episode. Just because you think they're fun, like, they're not fun. People constantly asking for, like, normal things that your Halloween body. Just please, going to have.

So do you have any crisps or something? Can I just please have something normal? Okay, great. Okay, just a few crazy things if you do want your blue peter, you know, if your blue peter badge is flowing. A bit of wire and a bit of like, and a sheet. Okay. As in like hard wire that you can bend.

Coango wire. Less, you know, wire, you all know and love it. A balloon, possibly if you fancy with a glow stick inside it. Oh, yeah. So light it up. Nice. comes out like almost like hands, sheet over the top, you got yourself a ghost. Does the balloon have to float though?

Then you need helium? No, you can shut. Oh, tie with bits of string. Tithing or you can put it on top of something else. Oh, so drape it over. Drape it over. So, for example. Would it be called if it floated though.

Yeah, so like that, no, it's hard to get them to really, you have to get a helium I guess, yeah, I guess you've got a helium balloon. But you can go to that, was it, was it called? What's it called? They literally do helium for you. Yeah. Which is so great. And just get a load of balloons.

And then then you have floating. which I think... Fantastic. It is a slightly annoying to going to get helium balloons but I think that's worth it I'm going to put that down

as a... A John Cocoaum? A John Cocoaum? I think that's... I think that cresting like that didn't look like it took you two days and it's also cool.

Yeah. Cool. And you won't... And you won't drive you to distraction because it was worth just popping around it's like fun to look at yeah.

Hang in the shit everywhere like the token hanging your own shit everywhere. I wouldn't recommend it. It sets a weird atmosphere. Another thing that does it does it at the padding. that cobwebby like pulling it apart

cobwebby stuff again like I don't know where to buy that because my mum used to do these amazing Halloween parties when we were young and it looks like proper cobwebs but I've never seen it in shops pound land pound on literally do bags of cobwebs

but also it's the same stuff that they just repackage as snow oh great if you just pull that really apart of course you do it comes out and you're like this isn't it right but then you pull it loads and the more you pull it the better it looks The more we put it, the better it looks.

Okay, get a packet of that. Get a pack of that, if you fancy. That is fun. That is fun. And it's actually quite fun to do, although it does make you feel a bit like, so some people don't like the texture. I don't like the texture very much. I'm fine with it.

So get a friend. Put the surgical gloves on that you aren't using to make an ice hand. Same. Those are now disposable. Gosh, great. And again, a little, a bit of, if you've got like a big white candle, if you melt a red candle at the top, it'll like drip down in quite a fun way. Oh, so it's like a blood.

a sort of a bloody spooky candle which is very pleasing to do like pleasing and simple and like you won't mess it up. Great. I'm frightened of that but that's just because I'm there. Oh no I could do that. That's a doable. It's like a white pillar candle and then you get another candle and you just melt it

over the top. I see what you meant. I thought you meant you stick a candle on the candle and then you melt like at what I was doing. No just like hold it over the top and once you're like into the spirit once you end the idea like this is achievable and also it's really nice a good blood candle. Yeah and it's nice to do and that is one that you aren't messing up up. Of course.

And I'll do one more. Yeah, one more for the fans. One more for the fans. I'm not doing a pickled head in a jar. No. I've got, it's not like an amazing one, but a cool thing that my mum used to do for the Halloween parties that we used to have was that

really, very simple, just get black card and then we'd make little bats out of them. Lovely. And then you just like, then you just put them everywhere. So we'd just sit down, me and my sister and just cut. load about's out. And then it's just fun and they actually look surprisingly effective. How cool do those look? Oh my, Tessus just found poisoned toffee apples, which is like a black toffee apples. A bright green apple and then dipped in toffee but it's got obviously got black food coloring in it so it looks like straight out snow white. That's really great. I think that is that stuff

that makes you be like yeah I can do that because it looks so good always in the pictures. But then when you actually do it it, you're like well I don't want to eat a black toffee. I don't know it's so shiny and good but I bet in real life it would just be like stuck to the table with this like it would be like grey. Yeah it'd be great and also bits of the apples show through and then it'll get on my favourite grey but it's only something to try. Have a go if that's what floats your boat. Do you fancy getting some black

top of apples on the go? I think they'd look cooler if they were red the apples like red and black is more spooky than green for me on a personal level. Yeah yeah I do I do hear that Stevie. Yeah thank you for corroborating my opinion no problem yeah so I guess I think our takehomes here are

don't just don't get in the food yeah don't do too much with the food because people don't care above and beyond what I expected I do stick by my malted milk gravestones they were great they actually did look very very good but the stress that it caused you

you're so right it possibly wasn't worth it I understand but however maybe if you hadn't like also done like the hand in the thing and you don't do the whole house so many things yeah so like maybe like if you're in a amazing cook and you're really excited to make

and you genuinely, that's your thing. Make that your thing and then keep the decorations really well. Just know where your skills are and double down on those. But mostly it's just turn the lights off, get some candles on cruising and get some fun music because you'll find like a Halloween playlist

or whatever and it will all be like boom ah! You want Monster Mash and you're like hmm, okay. Yeah. So then it's just people stood in some dry eyes listening to the sound of woman screaming on a on a date player so eating an old sausage so just just put on some fun tunes that have like themed spooky but fun stuff but we're the thing don't start listening to the spooky soundtracks yes that does not

a party make it doesn't you need like yeah monster mash or like I don't know the the hocus soundtrack's great because obviously it's got the great songs in it yes I put a spell on you oh yeah great they're the host focus soundtrack and again delegate that if like that's something that you're like oh cool I can't wait to make the playlist if that's how your heart feels crack on with that if you think oh my god I don't even know where to begin get it to somebody who likes the playlist yeah get a friend to bring a playlist people want to be involved yeah put someone in charge of that get the DJ going yeah it was like when I found out that bring a dish parties were a thing and I was like someone it's like someone has taken my dream

part, like, now I can host a party. Yeah. I hate being, I hate being asked to bring a dish, sure, but the fact that the host doesn't have to do everything is like, yes, this is ideal. But also people will bring their, like, go-to thing that they are already hummus. You can't bring hummus to a dish party. Watch me. I can't

hey. Okay. Hummus and a lasagna. And a lasagna. No, my, like, go-to is, I do, like, quite a good pesto with, like, lots of good stuff in it. Like, I don't make the pesto from just but I put like olives and pine lots and stuff in it and you're like everyone likes pesto and olives and tomato yeah you can't go wrong simple you can't go wrong absolutely

classic right well I hope uh happy Halloween everybody and have a yeah I'm sure you can get a sit down meal don't do a sit down meal for Halloween no unless you're really into it no unless that's your thing unless you are genuinely but I feel like if you were listening to this you'd be like yeah that is my thing okay so this is what happened I just remember, I'm just looking at a napkin, a red napkin rolled up on a plate with a pair of Dracula teeth holding it in place. That's fun. Yeah, fun. And that, an image alone has made me think I should host a full dinner party. Yes. And that is where, that's what I need to work on. That's what you need to work on. That is your truth. That's my truth. And be like, I don't want a dinner

party. I just thought that was fun. That was fun. So what you want is to go to someone's dinner party and go, I brought these. Yes. That's exactly right. So just like, just know yourself. Know thyself. Know thyself. And know thy hallow. If you do a lot of sit-down dinners and they're very successful, do one. If you haven't, don't. If you've never tried that before, now it's not the time. No.

I'd argue never the time. Oh, and also, if you're into the more sort of Wiccan calendar and the pagan work, get the was sailing out. Oh my God, get a wassailing. Get a wad. Get some mead. Get some meat, get some hot apple cider. Abandon ship on Halloween. and have a wassail due to celebrate the coming of the November 1st and the new harvest year.

Please. Bang your pans, get your demons out of your tree. I feel like we haven't gone, we haven't given them enough information to have to host a place. It's not enough just an end. Just wassail, bang your pans, get a demon out of a tree. Happy Halloween. Imagine the podcast being like, of course if that's not for you, try a wasail. We all know and love it.

That's what you've done. I know. We should do Wiccan events that you might enjoy. As a podcast. Okay, we should definitely do like how to be a real witch. I'd love that. Yes, but also I think it's like interesting calendar events that you can... Alternative holidays that...

Because there's 13 of them in there, or 12 of them in the Wiccan calendar. Yeah, that would be fun to do and have people around. Maple, the harvest? Those aren't... Yeah, all right. They are. Yeah, I know they're not alternative enough. I, for example, love a Maypole.

But that is a Wiccan one. look we're going to thrash this out off air I'll show you all the sabots and then we can talk about them right okay I hope that was helpful and have an amazing Halloween party if you're going to one remember to say well if no one else turns up this will be a great party

loudly and if you're hosting one keep it simple and maybe try one of Tess's John Smith but be very wary of the cocawombs but if you're going in you know do it with help one cocoa one cooam is worth 17 John Smiths yes don't try and do 17 John Smith and a cocoaam and oh never cocoaam alone never cocawam alone

never cocawom let me good luck out there everyone please send us pictures if you do any of it oh my god tweet us pictures as we want to see your costumes oh my god so much I'm going to tweet everyone mine at nobody panic pod on Twitter or at stevmbs as a 5 at tessigates and if you want to email us some pictures sure, Nobody Panic Podcast at gmail.com and happy Halloween

Dracula and his Halloween, Halloween, ooh! They all were digging the sounds, Igor on chains back by his bathing hounds The coffin banners were about to arrive with their vocal group The Crypt kicker five They played the match

They played the monster match It was a graveyard smash They played the mash It caught on in a flag They played the match They played the monster bash