Nobody Panic - How to Have a Non-Traditional Christmas

Episode Date: December 17, 2019

Having a different Christmas this year? Stevie and Tessa look at how to celebrate – or not celebrate – the festive season when it’s not going to be your usual knees-up. Spoiler alert: it’s all about perspective and having the confidence to do what you want. And other things too. Look just have a listen. Recorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive Productions.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hello, welcome to Nobody Panic. It must Christmas.

I want to do my Marks and Spencer's impression. I mean, I think this is the time. This is not just a podcast. This is a Nobody Panic Christmas podcast. Great. This isn't just Stevie. This is Stevie wearing a Christmas hat. Why did they stop doing those adverts?

Why did they stop? They were the best. Am I wrong in saying the one that everyone remembers is, these are the M&S Christmas adverts. And if you don't remember them, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. The one where they go into a chocolate pudding. An incredibly sexy lady. You cut into a Christmas pudding.

Yeah. the implications is that she did, but it could have been anyone. And the chocolate fondant just oozed out in a way that I've, I've never felt like that before. No, that's since. Yeah, no wonder millennials are sexually fucked, because... We are sexually fucked, that is it. The Martyrs and Spencer's lady ruined it for us. Yeah, that was my sexual awakening.

A Christmas pudding. How's your Christmas levels? How are you Christmas? Actually, well, firstly, I'm wearing a hat. Stevie this morning gave me a Christmas hat and... An Advent calendar, so I'm buzzing. I'm really getting into it. So this episode is, oh, no, go on.

Yes, I'm feeling good. I'm so glad. You've really changed me. And I have embraced it wholeheartedly. There was a time, I'd say, two years ago, when Tessa was not feeling very Christmassy. And we were in London's glittering West End. Yes, we were. I don't know what we were doing there, from honest, but we were walking down.

I think it was Piccadilly. Yeah. And we were, again, not really somewhere that we frequent. And Tess has said at the top of Piccadish, she was like, I'm just not very Christmassy. And then as we walked, there was like, these little group of Carol's thingers started. And then we walked past like very Christy, beautiful,

like, old traditional, very touristy shops. And immediately she 180s. Piccadilly to Piccadilly Circus to Green Park. And that was all it took. That was all it took. By the time we'd got to Green Park, I was Mrs. Christmas. Yeah, you were Bob Cratchett. I was Bob Cratchett.

It was excellent. And I think that's all it takes. This year I've decided to make sure that I'm Christmassy. I'm just going to go to Harrods. I've never been to Harrods before. Oh my God, yeah. Many people have said, oh, what will happen is, and don't worry when it happens is you'll go in. You'll be like, oh, that's too much, and then you'll leave.

But that's enough. That's all it takes. You've got to force the Christmas cheer in. Let it in. Yeah, there's lots I'd like to talk about about that. Oh, wow. Okay. This episode, we've not even said.

Oh, sorry. We've talked about Mark's dispenses. Please sponsor us. So we've got an email from a lovely girl. I'll call Harold. It's the first name I thought of them. And she said, could you do a podcast about how to have Christmas alone? She does have a family to go to, but she would rather not spend it with them, fair enough.

And all of her friends are having family Christmases, so she can't have a friend's Christmas. And she's normally very happy in her own company. But of course, with the Christmas looming, you can't help but be like, will it be an absolute barrel of misery? Because that's what all of the messaging is telling you. So we're going to do how to have a different Christmas. So we're going to do a little bit about Christmas alone, but also like a non-traditional Christmas in general. If your parents are separated or if you're maybe like going,

if you're going through some shit or if you're just like, I want to change up this year. We're going to try and cover all of those bases. We're going to try and do it all. Quite a short amount of time. Also, I think they get to a point where you run out of sort of new experiences and you're just doing old ones. And sometimes they might feel like wonderful traditional things to do every year.

And sometimes they might be like, this was more fun before. And now it's sad. It's about like, let's get some new stuff in here. It was like an obligation. And now it's time to play the after-eighthment game. And then if you're not having a fun time playing the after-o-eighthment game, then you're just five people with an after-eighthment on your forehead. Thinking about a better time when it was.

And someone being like, do you remember this time in 2007 when we did, you know? Yeah, it was great. I've been thinking about it a lot because my dad is Canadian and we are going to Canada for Christmas. Ooh. Or for the bit before Christmas, not actually for Christmas because it was actually too expensive. So the bit before. and seeing lots of family, but I mean we lost grandma. Where is she?

We lost. We lost grandma to the Nether Realm some time ago. But nonetheless, like, we're going to see family on this trip. And I just think it will only, no one's really looking forward to it. Because I think it will only be a sort of like, hello everyone. No. It will just be like, oh, you know, we see. And I was like, I know what we need.

More new experiences. Because I're like, oh, remember that time? Remember that time? I was like, you know, so I've looked into all these different fun things we can do. Activities in Canada. Activities in Canada that are new bear baiting. Bear baiting. Number one.

Seal bashing. Number two. And that's also not physically, just like verbally. Verbally, yeah. You should go find a seal and be like, you're a dick, mate. You're like a dog, but in the water. What are you doing? What even are you bringing?

You're carrying a lot of a holiday way, etc., etc. No, going to the ice hockey, like going to go to go do some fun stuff. And I was like, it felt like a real revelation to be like, don't just repeat the things that you know. But yeah, it does. And also, where there's no. you know people are having babies later so there's no sort of new generation of like oh new family new stuff it's just like oh here we all here we all are in an existential crisis anyway sorry for bringing that level of melodrama to the table no i think it's very important and i think even though i'm like

absolutely hysterical about christmas in a way that is unprecedented even for me as a younger woman there was a period in my mid-20s which was the christmas wasteland which i felt like i was trying to get something out of it that it didn't it happen and so I love seeing my family, we go home and have a lovely time. Yes. There was always a point where I was like, why isn't the Christmas happening in my heart? Where is the touching of your toes onto the stocking and the feeling of the tree and all of this stuff that you try and repeat as an adult and you're like, but where is it?

Yes. It's literally you grew up and the magic has got. Exactly. It's really, you can get the magic back. You can get the magic back through just like you said like switching things up. Even just I think there was one year where we decided to do sacks for mum and dad. like Santa Sacks. Like, nothing expensive, but just like lots of little stupid things.

And then like, and then last year as well, dad decided to get crackers that instead of like those, again, those like prizes that you've had prizes, those gifts inside that you've had forever, which is like a big paper clip. That game that you're like, is it a game? But was it you open them and then you're like, I've got a big paper clip. Oh, look. It's so bleak. Like it's the cracker. It's so bleak. But last year he got cheaper crackers, but they had.

little flutes, little musical, like, do-to-dos in them, and then you play Christmas carols with them. But it was a bit of like a challenge because there was all different parts for all the people. And we couldn't do it, obviously, but it was so fun. Oh, great. There's like a little challenge. Yes. Group challenges. There we get.

A tiny change. But before we get into like different Christmases, what's your adult thing? Well, mine is completely on Christmas brand. I've been embracing the spirit of Christmas. Excellent. And that I went to Selfridges looking for baubles. Oh, Selfridges. I've never been in.

No. For me, it's like it's for billionaires. Yeah. If I go in, I will have to give some money to somebody. Yeah, it costs it's 10 pound entry and it's hit. It's not. It's not. But there is like a side, there's a side street out the side that is just entirely

private cars, you know, and their drivers waiting. So there is an extreme billionaire. I imagine Harrods will be quite like that. I'm quite frightened. Similarly, though Harrods have got an excellent Christmas section and you used to be able to go and meet Santa Claus. Oh, but now only rich people can. It's now only if you've spent over a certain amount of money.

I'm jokingly. No, I read it. I read an Easter about it. No. Yeah, it's devastated a lot. Obviously, it's definitely. There's a buy-in to meet Santa. Literally, yeah. That can't be right. It honestly is true. Oh my God. There's a picture of me aged like four or five in what's obviously my best, you know, velvet-team dress and velvet headband, you know. Oh, yeah, with Tessa on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A little Mary Jane shoe, you know, my kit. Oh, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so sorry. So I've not been to Harrod's this year. Didn't know that about Santa. I did go into Selfridges. Selfridges. Did think, oh yes, I remember what I only come in here once every three years. and then I get too hot and have to leave. But I went to the Christmas section. You could buy like a small, a bobble of Anna Winter, the Vogue editor.

Yeah, okay. For 38 pounds. I mean, that's so tasteless as well. It's so baffling. So the whole thing was like stuff. So there was like... The whole thing was Anna Winter. Garlands of a hair.

Christmas of Anna Winter. Always Anna Winter, never Christmas. That was the idea was that you covered your entire tree. And I was like, well, there's at least 100 on there. And they're at 38 pounds. of bobble like we're talking 38,000 pounds you know like this is at least at least like this is insane and people were just like people millionaires were like throwing them into their sacs so I basically I held one glass bobble for a while and walked around

around with it you just copped a bobble listen I cup to bobble listen I cut to bobble listen I went to tiger my spiritual home oh my god flying tiger Copenhagen oh boy I love it and they're so bad But they had an entire bobble wall exactly the same. Not Anna Winter, but other bits. And beautiful glass ones. And so instead of being £30, they were one pound. And so I bought a whole collection of them. And I-38,000 pounds were.

What £38,000 worth them? Anyway, then I came home when I did the truth and it looks so classy. Like, oh. Well, that is a real, the moral of the story being, just go to the place that you like rather than the place that you think you should like. You think you should like. My adult thing is... Oh, you bought a prop.

So I've been trying to, as we may be know. trying to be more ecologically friendly as a woman and a lover. No. And I will say that I got sent this, but then I've bought the things after it. So it's called Splosh. And it's this, so they're trying to help eradicate plastics. So basically, you only ever technically need one bottle of the thing. So they do shampoo, they do cleaning things, laundry, stain remover,

dishwasher tablet, loads of stuff. You can go on Splosh.com and have a look. It's not that expensive. And what happens is you get one plastic bottles and it has a little line on it. It comes mixed, but then you buy, after that, these refillable pouches. You can get it as and when, you buy them on an app. The little pouches are fully compostable. They don't look it, but they completely dissolve.

Well done. Thank you. I do feel good about it. Well done. I've got big dreams for you for 2020. Oh, and it all involves washing myself. Right. So, here we go.

Let's get in, baby. Let's discuss Christmas. Now, if you don't mind. Could we start with Christmas on your own? Absolutely, yes please. I find it interesting because it's so perspective-based. And obviously there's a million different reasons that you could be spending Christmas by yourself. They could be unhappy.

They could be happy. Like, for example, the person that email does, I think, has been quite a mentally healthy decision, which is like, I would like to do this. But suddenly, like, you are bombarded all the time with everything, adverts, people chatting. Everyone's suddenly just like, I just love Christmas because I love spending time with my family. it's the best. Like, well, what if you can't? You know, so for whatever reason.

Yes. It's very much capitalism wrapped up in the illusion of family and love. Yeah. So it's like, you know, as you can, all the adverts are, how will you show them that you love them if you don't buy them? All of the things and sit there and be there. Yeah. So if you're on your own.

You're on your own. And you've, you've decided. And you're confident in your decision, but you're feeling a bit like, ah, will I wake up and be like, because I think the main thing. is you wake up and go, oh no, this was immediately a terrible error. Yeah. And then that's it then. So the main thing that I personally feel in my heart and my soul and also a lot of what I've

read a lot about it is that it's all about that perspective thing. Like it's all about being like, well, it will only be sad if you feel sad. If you are fully confident, then back yourself in the lead up to Christmas, start to crank in to crank in. Yeah, I'm amusing it. crank in to the I'm going to do what I would like thing. So if you don't want to go to the Christmas parties

but you want to do something like non-Christmassy stuff, start doing that. Like start getting ideas of what you're going to do on Christmas Day and on Boxing Day and start to get excited about the day for different reasons rather than getting upset about the things that it might not be. So people have given advice for what you can do on Christmas Day and lots of people saying things like, you know,

you go for a walk in the woods. Also, really, really good day to catch up on all of the stuff that you haven't been able to watch. So, for example, if you haven't watched Succession, it's time. Watch on Christmas Day. And there's loads of these things that you may get these little, like, oh, but it's Christmas Day. So maybe I shouldn't be watching that. It should be watching something Christmas Day. It's like, no, anything you do on that day.

It's literally your day and see it as an opportunity to just throw off all of the kind of the traditions that you don't want to do and do only the things. If you want to stay in bed until like 1 p.m. eating chocolate, I'd say do it. Like, if you want to have four naps, that's fine. You haven't wasted the day because technically you cannot waste a day. So yeah, whatever you're doing. One of the tips, which I thought was, don't do this. Catch up on life admin.

Don't, no, no, no, no. Do catch up on fun admin, like watching the shows that you don't want to, like you haven't been able to watch or that book that you've been like, everyone's been telling me to read it. Whatever your favorite, like, thing to do in your spare time is that you feel like you never get enough of it. Just do it all Christmas. And like if you want to make yourself a Christmas dinner,

make yourself an incredibly extravagant that I highly recommend. So on the way home the other day, of course, deeply low at the freezing winter temperatures. Of course. I walked into Mars and Spences, which I didn't even know was on my route home. What a treat?

What a treat. And then I was like, wow, it's still full of treasures. Like I was, oh boy. And I bought myself some bucks fizz in a bottle. It was £2.50. It looks like champagne. $2.50, can you imagine?

And then I bought all the delicatessen treats. It was just absolutely outrageous. I bought all little treasures. And then I came home and got drunk on my bottle of bucks beers. But I was like, oh, this is it. Yeah, this is living, baby. Self care. This is self care.

This is self care. Not being like, because I was going to be like, maybe I'll buy the big bag of dairy milk buttons. And the way that you're saying that makes me feel like you didn't want to. I didn't want to. But I was also just like, well, I guess that's all I deserve. But I was like, no, what I deserve is an entire platter. of Marks and Spencer's treasures.

And then I switched on the Christmas lights. I was like, I'm a queen. I'm a queen. Yeah, only do things on Christmas if you're alone, but you will then go, I'm a queen. Get a silk gown on of some kind. Look, if you don't have a silk gown, that's fine. Any gown will do.

Any gown will do, get your best glassware out. Like, treat yourself. Don't be like, oh, I'm alone. Best glassware out. I love that. The idea you're like in like a rented flat and you've got your good glassware. Come on, get some good glass. Do you have good glassware?

Oh, yeah. Really? In your flat? Yeah. Have you? Yeah. That's great. I've just got the glass that I use.

And then sometimes I'll wash it and then that's good. Don't go on Instagram. Everyone will look like they're having a great time. And you know in your heart that they're not. Because statistically, not everyone's having a great time with their family. But thoroughly recommend Sarah Milliken does a Twitter hashtag called hashtag join in. And it's just people doing Christmas their own way. And she is out there.

She's just manning it for the entire day. And it's people just joining in saying what they're doing. saying the people they miss this year saying that they're doing it, whatever they're doing, join in. And then it just, you know, just something to be like, oh, here's a whole group. Yeah, exactly. And it's not gratuitous. It's very like, she's really helpful. She's there. She's replying to you.

Other things, you could try volunteering for the day. So a friend of ours volunteered at a soup kitchen said it was great. In a way, one of the most Christmassy things you can do, doing something for somebody else. Yes, I do think, try and find, like, not one of the big ones, try and find something that's a bit smaller because it can be, because it's such a popular thing to do that it can be really overstaffed.

You know, you sort of imagine that yourself that you'll be, you know, with throwing out potatoes and, you know, you'll be a cog in the... A very much of a machine of the soup cake. Yes, you're very much a cog in the machine. So just be ready for that. And obviously it's an amazing thing to do,

but don't imagine, you know, you'll... It will be this... It'll be you and the people. Yes, it won't be the Hallmark movie that you imagine, you know? Be aware of that. Unless you find, like, a really small one that is deeply understaffed,

he'll be, like, desperate for you. Maybe it's like a village one or the... Yeah. Like, have a look as well, because if you live in a city, there will just be lots of things going on on Christmas Day that you can do and you can volunteer for that isn't a soup kitchen as well,

lots of things that will be going on to help their ownness. But equally, you know, champagne alone and succession. I mean, absolutely. Is them equally as valid? Look, it's so valid. You are so legit, whatever you decide to do. And that's, if I may, exactly how I would play it. I would play it like that as well.

I'd maybe say I went to a soup kitchen. Yeah, very on brand for you. Very unbrown for me. Constantly saying I'm going to soup. kitchens and drinking champagne instead. No, do whatever you, whatever makes you go, yeah, that is actually what I would like to do. Do it, back yourself. Absolutely no regrets, zero regrets. So next up is what if you just want to do something a little bit different, Tessa? Yes. So I was going to say, like possibly, and I think as you're saying about your, you know, we're moving in an

ecological, environmentally friendly direction. Oh, we are. People are sort of more having less income. The minimum wage has not gone up in the United States for 10 years. And here we are in America. And here we are in America. Well, as I said, I was like, I actually don't know what the same is in this country, but I imagine not great. Probably not great. Not great. And we live in a cash poor time in which sort of, it feels like a time that's both environmentally

not great and financially not great. And just psychologically not great. And psychologically not great. It's really bad time, actually. I think people are just much more woke to the idea that we're being sold this thing that you have to like buy into this, you know, and maybe you don't have to do that. So a couple of things were like, if the idea of Christmas shopping is making you, feel physically ill. And again, like, if you love Christmas shopping and you're somebody

does it in October and it's all done and it's already wrapped and you're buzzing, if you're buzzing your tits off, you do you. But if you're like, oh my God, I can't do anything worse. What does what does everyone want? Be like, you don't have to do presents. Like, maybe get everybody an experience this year or get something they can do together or something they can do together. If you have a whole family to buy for, be like, I got you this, you know, and then off they'll be forced to go and do it. Or if somebody wants to like learn to do something. My dad wants to go on a welding course. Oh, lovely. Lovely. That's what he's asked for, you know, this year. So what if everyone in my family,

spoiler, none of them, listen. You'll all be getting a learning activity. Last year, my sister got the trapeze from me. Oh, wow, yeah. Not a trapeze. She went, she got trapeze lessons. Did she do, have she done them? Yes, she's very good at the trapeze. And trapeze is where she met the girls from Roller Derby who do trapeze in the off season. Of course. And then she's now on the Roller Derby team. Look, this sort of stuff, it's life. It's life business, isn't it? I also got her the Barbie pink roller skates on Christmas Day. Excellent. And so sometimes like a gift can be, I may, you know,

sort of be like, sorry, sometimes a gift can be amazing. It's the one I just gave. They can be the roller skates on Christmas Day. But sometimes if they're just like a candle, it's like, lovely. Yeah. Here we are. So yeah, you know, then it doesn't feel like it's such a commercial thing. So really having a thing and being like,

what would this person like to learn to do? Or what do I think they should learn to do? Yeah. What do I like to do? And I'll just force that. What do I? What would, exactly. My sister once got me a great present,

which was a subscription to the Calm app. Oh, lovely. Which I would never have got myself, because I'm like, well, they're not paying for an app. I'll just, I'll just do it myself. You can't do a sound like, I'll just have a little sink. I'll fall asleep to the sound of the,

of wail song, just in my head. I'll make it up. I give some word. I'll record one for you. Now, do I want that? No. Also, I've got a subscription. It's that kind of ownership of what you do and don't want.

That is... This is what I really bring is the energy that I'm bringing into 2020. I don't want you to record a whale song for me to go to sleeting. Because I won't go to sleet to it. I'll just laugh. But also, if you are forced to have a different Christmas, almost against your will, because something very sad has happened, you've lost somebody.

And that could be anybody in your family. It could be a pet. It could be anything. Because that really does affect. I haven't really lost anybody too close to me, but a lot of people close to me have. and I've seen how drastically it affects Christmas specifically, even when you feel like it shouldn't or like,

well, they would have wanted us to have a lovely Christmas, you can't help how you feel. And it can be quite scary the lead up to it as well because you're like, well, what am I going to feel like when it actually happens and we're there? It's just a day. It doesn't mean anything more or less than it is just another day and it's another day in the process of grieving.

Now, I'd like to recommend Harry Adloid's Griefcast, which is a podcast about grief, and it's absolutely excellent. Basically, there is an episode on pretty much every single topic you would ever, every single like possible manifestation or format of grieving that you could possibly imagine. And so have look at that. Also, the hashtag join in thing is really, really lovely. And also some of the things that I was looking at, just in terms of tips,

because I don't want to, because I haven't had experience, it feels wrong to me to be like, so I think you should maybe do this. Don't be afraid, as here, don't be afraid of changing traditions and plan ahead and think of the traditions that you normally do at Christmas. and if they make you go, oh God, I don't know if I can do that. Change them. Like, literally change them. There's no rules that you have to do the same things. Speak to other people in your family.

If everyone else is like, yeah, well, we want to do it. Be like, yes, but I'm going to find that really hard. So is there a compromise rather than, you know, because I remember there was one Christmas where someone I know had lost someone and like half the family were like, we're going to set a place for them. And then the other half were like, we don't want to do that. Yeah. I think they ended up not because they were like, well,

the benefits that we will get from setting a place really don't. don't outweigh the sadness that those people will feel from setting a play. So let's just not do it, but we'll do a toast to them instead. Like that sort of thing. And you have to be very aware that the way you kind of want to spend the holiday might not be everyone else's way. So you've got to be kind of open as well. So if someone's like, well, I really want to do this or I really feel like this or maybe, you know, you will feel maybe that other people in the family seem to be really happy and dealing with it really well. And why aren't you dealing with it well? And that's okay. like everybody deals with grief in different ways.

You can still have a nice Christmas. You can still, there will be lovely moments and there will also be sad moments. And I think when you go into it knowing that, you'll be ready for the times when you feel a little bit like you might want a little cry and that's absolutely fine. The other thing that I found is to maybe make a donation to a charity for Christmas that was important to the person that you've lost or maybe it was relevant to them. That can make you feel good. And also, if you're really, really struggling, why don't you do something

nice for yourself like maybe booking the new year some online therapy or something there's some lots of like cheap ways that you can see a therapist you don't have to wait 17 years on the NHS there are online there's like so many just like google them because there's so many different types and often they you can get them through the NHS and they are what's the word like location based and a lot of people that I know who have lost somebody has found the idea of Christmas hard but knowing that in the new year they're going to be able to do something about it or help themselves because it's you you might feel as well like, well, what's the point? Because I know why I'm sad and that we can't solve that.

But it's amazing what especially like bereavement counselors can do. They really, like, obviously I've seen people who are close to me. It's really, really helped them. And also like a nice idea. And if you don't want to do it and it makes you feel sad, then don't do it. But often people have found that making a dish that the person that has gone really loved and like enjoying it. And then that's like a nice way of keeping them in the tradition without being too upsetting.

So those are some just little ideas. I know it's very, very sad, but also it's okay to be sad at Christmas. I think they feel like they can't be sad. They're not allowed. They have to be so happy for everybody else because they'll just bring everybody else down, especially if it's someone that you've lost who isn't in the family. So you've lost like a partner or something. Everybody knows that it's hard.

And even if this is like the third Christmas and every time it comes around, you still get, that's okay. And you just have to be, just have to like really look after yourself and know that all of that. Christmas is a time for being together. Oh, I can't be with this person. That is hard, but that's just the message that's been forced down your throat. It's not what Christmas actually is. It's about Jesus.

Yes. We've got to remember that. Exactly. It's so easy to get yourself in a mindset of like, well, nothing to be done about it, is there? I just won't complain and I won't talk about it. You're like, no, that's so damaging. Really damaging. The British stiff upper lip, as we've seen only causes problems.

Oh, yes. So loosen that lip, baby. Get talking, get to a place where you can say I'm actually incredibly sad. One positive thing about Christmas, which people's, sometimes don't see because the perspective is so like, oh, this is going to be so sad, is that there are actually so many ways that you can distract yourself at Christmas. You can play games, you can go to parties. And Christmas parties is not everyone's like, Christmas, Christmas is Christmas.

Like people are just chatting and having an nice time. It's just wearing Santa hats. So there are so many, the same if you're single and you're, because a lot of people feel sad when they're single around Christmas, don't they? But it's also like the most sociable time of year if you want it. And if you're like, well, no one's invited me to parties. Have your own party. host a party. Why not? That's a great distraction. You don't have to watch all the Christmas

films. You can just watch like, you know, things like Die Hard is a Christmas film. That's a fine film to watch. And also, you know, it's a great excuse to just eat what you want, drink what you want and have a nice time. So if you see it like that rather than... But it's a time of togetherness and happiness and I'm not. Like it's actually a time for full distraction. A chocolate orange for breakfast. Oh yes, please. And one for lunch and dinner. Yeah, it's a time for that. And eating a large family-sized tooblerone and then a pigs in blankets. It's vegan or otherwise, and I'm sorry, but I'm sorry, but look, I'm going to try really hard and have a vegan pig. Are you?

I'm going to buy one as well. I saw them. Also, the vegan, did I say last time that I tried a vegan sausage oil from Greg? It's a change my life. It's not only Christmas, but just throw it out there. Throw it out there. Absolutely excellent. I find getting baking quite helpful.

I'm like, I'm trying to make mince pies and I'm going to make a festive log. Oh, wonderful. I do think that a making task is really valuable thing to throw yourself into if you are not. enjoying something. On a purely biological basis, a left and right hands moving at the same time makes both sides of your brain have to work and your brain's like, well, I can't think about anything else right now. Yeah, absolutely. Got this going on. Got a lot going on actually. I'm making a log, guys. Yeah. So it's the reason that, you know, art therapy is what happens in the asylum and has done for a hundred years, you know, is because you can just need something

to totally focus yourself. And so therefore, getting yourself heavily into crafts or baking or making stuff or like making a beautiful thing. Make yourself a wreath for the door to be like, oh shit, look at all these, look what I did. And then every time you go through the door, you'll be happy because of your wreath. Even if it's like shit, even if the wreath turns out and just not, it's just like like a small bush, fine, put it on the door. Put it on the door, mate. I just want to say a quick thing about being close to somebody who has lost somebody who you

cannot help. I think in there's a, I mean, Fleabag is obviously a fantastic show, but there is such a good line. Olivia Commer's just knocking out the park in that show. And in the second series, at the mother's funeral, she says like, I'm always here for you girls. And then they're walking down the aisle of the church and she says, it's going to get worse from here because people will drift away and it won't be the funeral where everyone's around you. And then it'll be too hard to be too close to you because it reminds them of their own, you know, existential.

It's like, I'm obviously butchering her speech. But it is the essence of like people find it very hard to be around people who are going through this because they cannot help. and it just reminds their pain is too palpable. And so if you can be that support for somebody else just to sort of dive headlong into your instinct, which is to be like, oh, I'll just won't, I just will leave them to just pop away.

Don't leave them. Don't leave them. They don't need you to be respectful. And the instinct is to be like, well, they'll reach out if they need. Like they will not have the capacity to reach out. And so you have to do the reaching. Make them a log.

Make them a mince pie. Or a mince pie crumble is why. Carry them to the stuff. like try and be that for them. Yeah. And then if they truly are like, like, I really don't like it. You can be like, I'll carry you. You know, I'll carry you back.

Get yourself to a point where they have to push you away. Because you're pushing away. If that's your biggest fear, you have already done that by not reaching in. Yeah, you've pushed yourself away. Yeah. And equally like, if people bring up people you don't know particularly well. I saw Rob Delaney tweet this and I'd be really thinking about it a lot that somebody asked him, he lost his son who's very small.

And somebody tweeted him to say like, what's the most valuable thing that you wish people knew and he said please ask me his name like please when I say like I've lost my son to say like rather than saying like oh my god I'm so sorry like what an awful thing to be like oh what was his name like tell me about him like to be able to talk about it rather than to like we we are so bad in this country like running from green to be like oh please tell me more and so and so and so like if you're writing Christmas cards to somebody that you used to write more names and now there are less names you know to be able to say like and always thinking of all of you or like and always remembering so and so or like to be able to not just be like,

well, it didn't happen and we're all moving on. I'm sure we're all pretending they've ever existed. Should you have a nice bit of midst pie and not to talk about the war? Like just, you know, talk about the war. You've got to talk about the war, baby. Otherwise, everyone's going to have a nervous breakdown. An entire generation are going to be, you know,

irreparably damaged. Talk about the war. And also, like, that's a, my final thing was to, no matter how you're feeling, it makes you feel good to send Christmas cards to people. Yes. No matter, if you don't like Christmas, if you're spending Christmas alone,

if you are grieving, if you are anything, it just makes you feel nice to put them sweet, sweet cards in that post. I think it'd be around now, so do it now. Do it. Do it now. Last year I made cards and sent them. And I'm still, I'm actually only just come down from the high. I really have.

Yeah. I think I'm just going to buy them this year because it was quite a lot of effort. I think I'll alternate. But it was absolutely. Yeah, do it. You know, but send out that love. Send out that love, baby. And like Stevie said,

before about you making a sack. I assume you mean like a stockingie sack for your dad. Yeah, sorry. I just like I've just got him a sack. Through him a sack. If you have always been the recipient of stockings, then you get to an age where you're like, I can't really have a stocking anymore. Be like, I'm going to make my parents are stocking or I'm going to make people the stocking or, you know, be the stocking maker. And the very last thing on an environmental thing is that wrapping paper we're now told is oh, oh God. So if you can, you know, rap in an old. Google it. I have no idea. I think you can get reusable wrapping paper or just brown paper is better.

Because it's the stuff that when you scrunch it, it stays in, it keeps its shape. That's the stuff that's got bad stuff in it. Oh, right. Okay. And then you see, you know, well, the problem is, as you've seen those videos of the animals that go and they look at the gifrap and then they think there's a present inside, but there isn't a present inside. That's why we have to stop using that gifrap. We have to start using transparency.

But you've definitely got stumb in the cupboard still. So like, you know. Yes, absolutely. Maybe newspaper? Newspaper. It's rubbish, isn't it? A newspaper with a bit of a potato print. Oh my God.

Hello. You've sorted me out. Now we're talking. Lovely ribbon. No animals will mistake that for a present. Am I right? No, no human will. No.

A bit of a lovely, a lovely, oh. Potato print. Hello. And also then you're making something as well, which is nice. You're right and your left hand are working? You're right and like, we're doing everything. And I may, if I just circle back to Tiger and Copenhagen, what do you call it? Flying Tiger, Copenhagen. I know about its original. Tiger. Tiger, the OG name

for those of those of those there's there from the beginning. My God, they've got a fantastic deal on ribbons. Have I? More ribbons than you've ever seen. A ribbons, buttons, it's like being in an 18th century haberdashery. It's exquisite in there. Okay. So there are so many ribbons. Take some buttons on your giff wrap. Oh, hello. Look, why not? Why not? Like, why not? That's the thing. And crucially, like, the difference are beautiful ribbon makes. Oh my God. And I'm not even going to engage in whether a ribbon is ecologically friendly. No, we haven't the time. No, we haven't the time.

I think it's fine. We'll save that for 2020. But 2019, year of the ribbon. Yes, get the ribbons going. Thank you so much for listening. Are we all good? Absolutely. Yeah, are we good, emotionally and physically?

Look, I don't know. That was me pausing to think of it to try and sing us out on a... Oh, absolutely. I'll just very quickly say, at Nobody Panic Pod. At CVM the S is a 5. That's me on Instagram and Twitter. a coat on Twitter at Weekprone love on Instagram. Please like and subscribe and leave a review if you enjoyed it.

Tell a friend. We're always trying to broaden our reach and have a lovely Christmas. Okay. See soon.