Nobody Panic - How to Have a Vasectomy with Stuart Laws

Episode Date: June 6, 2023

An absolutely fascinating episode with comedian Stuart Laws, the leading expert on his own vasectomy. Let's get right down to brass tacks and learn the hows, the whys, the whens, the 'sorry, what?!'s and the 'gosh, what's that?'s. Truly illuminating.Find Stuart on Twitter: @thisstuartlaws, Instagram: @stuartlawscomedy and TikTok: @stuartlawscomedyWatch Stuart's comedy special 'Stuart Laws Is All In' hereSubscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded by Aniya Das and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true, Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Welcome to Nobody Panic. I'm Stevie Tessa. Hello. She's there. And you know how we sometimes do topics where it doesn't matter, like, regardless of who you are or what you're packing, it's good to know what your fellow humans are going through. Like when we did the smear test, it's like, it doesn't matter if you're getting a smear test. What if the one you know is?

This is a perfect example. We have Stuart Laws comedian. Produce. Would you ever describe yourself as a producer? I don't, I get hired as a producer, but I hate being a producer. Okay, comedian, stopping. Director. Director? Great guy? Yes. Yes.

But some people may disagree. Sure. To an extent. Yeah. We've heard to the contrary. Stuart, you're coming, you've got a special out on YouTube. Yes. 800 pound gorilla is the YouTube channel.

Sterell is all in. You can watch, there's so many great specials on that. Start with Stuarts. Then move on and have a look. But you're coming in for. with a very specific topic, would you like to introduce what you'd like to talk about? Yes, at the age of 35,

being single and childless, I had a vasectomy. That's the full title. How to be single and childless to have a vasectomy? You're going to cover the whole gamut. Yeah. The ultimate all in. How to have a vasectomy?

Yeah. So that's... Sue messers just say, this is what you'd like to do this topic, and we were like, yes, obviously. Yes, I'm fascinated. I don't really know what it is.

I, yeah. Oh, gun to my head. tubes tied tubes tied but how my dad had one and how can stuff still come out

but does it yeah doesn't it what question you're asking me there nothing nothing no questions yet you're not welcome yet

don't worry because otherwise if stuff doesn't come out then what you're signing like we no ejaculate ejaculate wow we've gone in

if ejaccus doesn't come all in otherwise you'd be what you're saying to me is you signing yourself up for a lifetime of never having a warrant. Yeah.

Or sex. Or anything. So something must come out. And so how does that... Well, if it doesn't, that's fine. You can still maybe have the... Well, look, all great questions. Luckily, someone is here to answer some of these questions.

But before we go in to your... I think you should explain to the readers and the listeners and the lookers why your voice sounds so sexy. Oh, is it? Is it? Hello, it's Tessa. Well, hello everyone and welcome to the psoctomy episode. I've got live hay fever.

You've got live hay fever. Late life. I'm really running my words together and I'm really trying to focus. My eyes have got very small. They're streaming. And I'm riddled with hay fever. I've just had a Benadryl. I'm hoping it kicks in.

Have you considered having your tubes tied up in your sinuses? At this point, please do it. I'll accept never ejaculating again. I can't see anything. So that is the, that's the cadence I'm bringing. Yes. So, shall we begin, talk us through your decisions about the vasectomy and also what is it? Right. Which order?

I think I'd like, I think I don't think I'll be able to give the, I don't think I'll be able to hold emotional space for your decision until I understand what's happened. What it is. So I would love to know what it is because you can get them reversible and non-reversible. Because you can untie them and tie them back up wild. Or can you? So please, please talk us through it. You're told to think of it as non-reversible.

Okay. Because sometimes there are difficulties with that. What they do is they go into the scrotum. What's that? Okay, here we go. Is it like a vagina but on a man? It's like an ovary but on a man. What?

It's your ovaries but out of the body. Yes. Yes. So it's very, very ectopic. Very, is that right? I don't know. An ecopic. I've heard ectopic pregnancy, but I don't know what that is.

Yeah, the balls are ectopic ovaries. Right. Right outside. Hang on. We're getting distracted. Okay. So down in there are two testicles. Yes.

From the testicles come some tubes. So sorry. Is the scrotum like a bag? And within the bag, like two bowling balls. Yes. Is that fair? Yes. Okay.

So the scrotum is the outer bit. Right. Okay. I want to say, I think bowling balls is probably the wrong scale. Sure. Ping pong. Ping pong. Well, no.

I'd send that briefing sheet to Tessa. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Stuart specifically, he comes with a little trolley in front of him. I look like a Greek statue, huge balls, tiny little bit on like a space off. Tiny, microvenous. Right, okay. Into they go, into the scrogym and they get the tube.

So they go in with a knife that basically sort of like the length of a pinky nail. Okay. That sort of size incision. And then they pull the Vastephyrins tube out. The tube is very, very narrow. What's the Vazdephran's tube? The Sdephyrins tube transports the sperm to the fluid. Understood.

The seminal fluid and then the sperm, and then they combine together, like, when you go to the cinema and you get a Coke and, like, the syrup mixes with the soda water. That's a fantastic description. Thank you. Well done. And then it emerges out into the world through the urethra and destroys the environment. That's helped loads. Thinking of it as the semen, the spermatozoa, are in that sugar. block of syrup.

Yep. And the fluid is just soda water. And so sometimes at the pub, they're like, oh, the sugar's gone and you just get a horrible sodery. And that's what's coming out of you. Sodery meth. And you're like, that's absolutely disgusting. So, so they cut, so they, what do they do to the chew?

So they cut it? So they cut, crush and burn the vast efferves. No, no, no. No. That seems like too much. That's way too much. Yeah. It's real belt and break.

It's Good. Crush and burn. They snip. Yeah. Crush where they've snipped so that the sperm can't escape and then just suture that, burn that sort of shut. Okay. And then bam.

It ain't getting out anymore. Like the end of a shoelace. Exactly. Yeah. So if you got now just like, you still got the tube, but it's just they're not meeting. Yeah, they don't meet each other anymore. Understood. Like a broken circuit.

Like a dunded. A divorce couple exchanging their kids at a motorway services. Constantly. Yeah. A couple of cars away. And one's in a terrible accident. Does the other end need to be burnt and crushed as well? Or is that just like an empty hoover just like desperately looking for its tube around?

It's like that. They bring it out like that and then just snip and then both ends. And so it's like a very small gap in the middle. And for the listeners who aren't watching this live. It's like a loop the loop and he snipped at the top of the loop. Yeah. Got it. Got it.

Got it. And so they don't tie or they do tie? No, I think that's just a colloquialism, I imagine. I would love if we remove some colloquialisms out of health language because we're all like, well, there's enough tube in there to tie it. Yes. You know? Okay, so if you're going to reverse it,

the understanding is that you could chop further down than the scorched earth section and then sort of reattach the two tubes. I imagine that's what it is, yeah. And then, like, you know, you've only got so many vasectomy's reversals, vasectomy reversals. Until you went out to you. Until, yeah, eventually. Well, what happens then is, I guess, your testicles are then pulled higher and higher up the body until they're within you. Or sitting just at the end of the penis.

Have you felt yours rise with the lack of, oh no, no, no, no. Because you haven't had to have the reversal. Yeah, yeah. You have to let us know. Ask your friend. the reversal. If the testicles rose a little bit as the tubes pulled them up. A little testicle tuck.

Yeah. Just hide it up down there. And so now we know what it is. Yes. We can move to it. What comes out. No. But also, what were your decisions around doing it without wanting to obviously say,

don't have to say anything that's too personal. But like, you know, what are your vibes? I haven't wanted to have kids forever. Right. And since I first started probably thinking about it in my early 20s and then ended up in relationships where that became a discussion and I was like, oh, I'm being, you know, a child and being immature. So I'll get over this and then I'll realize I do want kids because that's what everyone does. And then over more and more time was like, oh no, it's not. And then I did some therapy stuff as well. And that was like the first time. That was like early 30s. And it was sort of designed as like a last like. like maybe we can keep this relationship going, I'll go to this therapy session and we'll discuss it and I'll work out while my brain's being thick and I'll want kids and we'll stay going out.

You're very mean to yourself there about your decision. So then, but within five minutes of going there, I was like, oh, no, this is normal. This is okay. It was the first time in like from like my mid-20s to then when I was like, oh yeah, this is actually okay. And a normal thing I don't actually have to justify. I don't need to come up with a list of reasons.

You know, if people want kids, they just go, yeah, I want kids and no one's like, why? Why? Down into why. Yeah. So up until that point, you felt like there's something wrong with me. And if I just do the work, this, if I do enough conversion therapy, this part of me will go away. Yeah.

I will want kids and I'll, and I'll be what everybody expects of me. Yes. And that was like a big sort of moment and it still took like a few years before I was like, right, well, actually this is, you feel like you can't do something like have a vasectomy too early. But it always sort of been there in my head of like maybe if I do that, then the conversation goes away. But I can just actively be this person who wants a child free life and not have to constantly be thinking in my mind, I have to justify in this direction or do that sort of thing. That is such a freeing thing.

You know, when this very loaded child conversation comes up for you to be like, no, I've had a phectomy. It's such like, and that's the end of the conversation of people being like, well, you'll change your mind, you'll do this. you're, you know, and equally going into a relationship with somebody, when both parts, if the, if you're going into a relationship with someone who was like, oh, I don't know yet, but maybe I will, for you to be like, I've a vasectomy, this is where I'm at and I cannot be moved. The earth is scorched. There's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, eyes open, scourched earth. There's no, so, so you, the other party then going into that relationship knows exactly what's on the table. And there's no eyes open, eyes open, scorched earth. There's nothing, you know, there's no like, oh, I thought maybe we did change our mind and let's go to therapy and let's discuss it. And it's like, I can't be changed. This is what's happened to know.

Was it a relief? Yeah. And I, you know, I have sort of described it before with that feeling of just like, okay, for like 15 years, I've been, I had to be a certain person with people questioning certain things and this is like the first time that I actually just go oh now everyone just has to accept that this is who I am and being child free is me and I can relax about that now I don't have to have those conversations I don't have to have that anxiety people said beforehand like what about like if you change your mind and I was like I think 15 years of feeling like this and going through

genuinely every different variant of like relationship with a relationship with someone who also I didn't want kids, someone who, from the very beginning, we knew they wanted kids to somebody who wanted to keep options open. I was like, I think I have enough data points to make this call. And at this point, having a child by accident, because I haven't had it done, would be a worse outcome than changing my mind at a later date and just being like, well, I guess that's not going to happen. Yeah, yeah.

I can completely understand that because also then it's like, you don't want to end up in a situation where you're resenting something. One of my more late-night opinions is that we should, it should be... Jess's late-night opinion. You know, in the kitchen at the party, here they come. I think it should be opt-in breeding. And we should... That is one of your late-night opinions.

Eugenics. Yeah, it's not eugenics. You have the ability to switch yourself on and off. Right, yes. But it is, it does involve mass sterilisation at birth, which obviously isn't good. But then I just think... Which obviously isn't good. obviously isn't good.

But you have just like a switch inside yourself and a sort of new, a little code thing that only you can know. And you have to do three questions to do with your wanting or not wanting children to activate that. Yeah. So it can't just be like switched on and off by accident and it's sort of like in your back a bit like the matrix. Like it's,

yeah, you know, how do you feel about two hours sleep a night? Yeah. Getting covered in shit and piss. Not being able to go on holidays ever. Exactly. Like are you absolutely sure?

You know, as I imagine there's this huge questionnaire for doing a vasectomy and like all this stuff about, you know, people being making sure you're incredibly clear about what's going on. But that, but for children, and then you flip a switch in your head. And then you're, then you can breed. Well, here's an interesting thing. There wasn't that much for me. Interesting.

So I went private because I thought it's an elective procedure and it was £500 and I thought, well, I can afford that. And it was saving a lot of money in terms of stuff. Child costs. $160,000. Yeah, of course. Minimum. Sorry, I feel it unwell.

What's that number that you've just said? $160,000 to raise a child to the age of 18 in the UK. Is that actually a... That's the lower... That's the lower end of it. Okay, let's just skip past that. Pop on. Pop on. Pop on.

Pop on. Pop on. Okay, so we're... Yeah. So, 500 pounds. That's doable. I've... The instant I did it, I made 159,500 pounds. So great.

Wow. Good on you. And I spent it immediately on Dogecoin. It's good, actually. All gone. Okay, so let's talk about the kind of process of it then. So, In order to get it done, can you get it done on the NHS?

You can do. I think there is like long waiting lists and things like that. Best not at this point. And like lots of like, I think, I believe there are like lots of conversations and things that you have to do to sort of be like, yep, you're definitely going to do this. But I would argue there is almost definitely way less than for people who want to do something with their womb or their ovaries. Called up and it was booked in within about five minutes of chat. Oh, wow.

And they said, we'll call you in about a week to just go through. stuff and I assumed that was going to be like a therapy sort of like someone talking through the reasons and all of that so I did more prep for that that call happened and it was just like right so have you got someone who can drop you off there and how would you get home afterwards and I was like I was just going to get like an Uber and they're like okay cool you booked in oh my gosh so there was no like you know scans or health screenings or no good fucking God I feel it's sick actually Wow

Every single time I've had to do anything to do with my own testes equivalent There's been 17 scans Yeah But that's but that just shows it's obviously a much less It's a much more sort of simple procedure It's not particularly invasive

You get injected into your scrotum How's that? It's like when you get a filling And you get your gum injected It's that sort of similar feeling And then a little knife slices over. Oh, you're conscious for the...

Yes. Are you? Yeah, you have to move your penis out the way. Do you have to hold your penis the whole time? I think I moved it back. He's listening at home. His eyes have gone into the middle distance. When Stewart did a mime of moving his penis,

he put it onto his shoulder. Yeah. So that's where that was. No, I moved it backwards and then I think they placed something over it and then I think the only danger there is that anything, I find something in the room arousing. Sorry to return to you on the bed, but have you sort of got them up and above like a piece of paper or something and then they're like on the paper?

I think they put a little paper around it, yeah, which I assume now I'm trying to struggle to remember it, that the penis sits beneath the paper and the balls just emerge. When you say about the needle with the go, like is it, is it one of those ones you've got to do a bit of a breath. It's not a pleasant one? Or is it like a, oh, actually that wasn't as bad as I thought sort of needle? Now, okay, so I've done some research on this. I don't know if I'm the best person to advise for the general person because I spoke to my dentist once after a procedure and said, look, there's a little nagging thing in my head and I'm not sure if this is true, but I wanted to ask you, am I your calmest patient?

Okay, okay. What did the dentist say? And they said, yeah, you're probably definitely one of the calmest. Right. So you're not bothered by the needle. I sort of just, I just go into like a fugue state and just zone into that and go like, that's fine. And I think I did that for the besectomy as well. Understood.

And is that an active fight to get to the fugue state or your, but every minute of the day, you're a moment away from fugue. To be honest. It's a fight to stay present. You are quite calm as a person. You are a calm man. So fugue is your natural. Yes.

So getting on the bed. Get into the fugal system. Fugel system. injection in and then how long is the actual scorching? Yes, so that, it genuinely takes like five to ten minutes. I can't! I'm sorry, sorry, I'm sorry that you're on the receiving end of this. But I feel like what we're bringing is a many, many years of smear test.

It's just like so profoundly invasive. It takes so long. Your legs are up in these stirrups all the time. Like, people are constantly asking you to scoot and pop things. If I may, though, if you do have any prostate situations, that's very intense. Whereas if you've never had anything and you have a vasectomy, the feeling of like being on your body having the injection into your scrotum or that would be, must feel very overwhelming.

Yes. Yeah. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. And also, the equipment is on the outside, you know? We can't be jealous. It's ectopic. It's, you know, you've got an exoskeleton down there.

Like, you can't, we can't be jealous that yours just happens to be outside and ours is inside. And it's a swift five to ten minutes on the bed. Then you go out into the waiting room area. you're given a cup of tea and some custom creams. Very nice. And that probably is the worst bit of it because custom creams, I think, very overrated. Really?

Yeah. Okay, that's disappointing. I understand. And is it uncomfortable after it when the anaesthetic wears off? So, yeah, you're then basically told to wait there in the waiting room afterwards for like 15, 20 minutes. That's where they give you the tea. Then you're supposed to go into a little private room and just check that their blood stain on the bandage is no larger than a 50p piece.

Oh, gosh. God, that's massive. Yeah. Yeah. That would imply something, there's some blood loss issues going on. Well, your massive balls, of course. You're looking at the sounds of a drinks coaster. 50 p.p has spread out to that much.

Yes, it's like a gaping wound that big. Oh, okay. The blood has spread that much. That's not very nice. I would say mine was around about a 20 p piece. Right, okay. Did you go back in and say it and they said, well done. You got another custard cream.

Oh, you're not losing any. Are you in some sort of fugues? stage. And you just gently keel over. I control my blood flow. Okay. So then, but then there's no pain there because the anesthesia is still happening? Yeah.

I would say it was just like, it felt fragile. And I think there is something to do with like, you're right. Like, if you have a vagina for your, almost your whole life, I sort of prodded and poked and you have to be opened up and all of that uncomfortable stuff. And it's almost sort of like, if you have a dick and balls that you're taught from a very, young age, the most painful thing that can happen in the entire world is you get punched there or kicked there. Yes.

And so the idea of anything going near there, I think, for a lot of people, even friends of mine who have had like three kids don't want any more kids, it's still anxiety-inducing. They haven't had a vasectomy because they're just, there's this like mental block of like our culture is don't go near that area because that's the most delicate area, which is obviously bullshit. But it's not because it is the most delicate. Like, it is very delicate. It is, but it's also just like.

kick it. It's not the same as if someone punched me in the boob, you know, or in the vaj. And I'm sorry for greeting you like that. I know. It was horrible. You're very laid back guy. I don't really read social cues very well. Oy, yo, yoi, even in your, I was just going to say, even in your, um, your demonstration of your penis being on your shoulder. Right. Which was a mime. Sorry, a mime. And the mime. The entirely imaginary mime, the listeners, um, you went, shh, it's okay, it's okay. And then he went, he's not, they're not going to hurt you.

You know? And so even, and I really thought like, I wish there was some part of my body I spoke to like that. Like that, that's so clearly came from such a real place. And I know, I know you just don't be like, like, if I had to talk to my vagina, it would be like, come on. At best, at best. So like, I think we have got this real culture of like, here's my, understandably, because they're outside of your body, there where all the, the, the, the good stuff happens. You got to, they're your magic area, you know, and people are always like, your magic area. You know, it is like, this is, you mustn't touch them, you mustn't hurt, you know, that's

the most, don't let them get hurt. And so I can totally understand your point that like, that men that maybe you speak to who are like, oh, I wish I could, but I'm so afraid of doing it and being hurt. So in seeing it bandaged with some blood on it, this would be quite psychologically odd. Yeah, and it definitely, so they basically said that we can go into the post for sex to me stuff now. Please. I'd love to.

You then are told to sort of leave it sort of five days before engaging any sexual activity. Gosh, yeah. And they says, or when you feel comfortable. And that's interesting when you don't ever feel comfortable. I said, no, I don't. I guess that will never happen again. But I think it took me like maybe like 17 days before. starting on that journey to barrenness.

Yes. So, yeah, you're supposed to spend three months and do minimum 25 emissions and then send the 26th one off for testing. Whoa, whoa, what? You can't just, like, sorry. Okay, well, thank you. Join us next to me. You can't just come out with that at the end.

I love how you asked about the post vasectomy. Like, should we get into that? I was like, yes, we should get into that. Okay, right. So they say, for how long have you got to time frame to do this in, 30 days? 12 weeks. 12 weeks

12 weeks So what's that For three months Yeah There needs to be 25 emissions Two a week is par Two

What does the word par mean Good A minimum But what if I do 25 this afternoon or something Well I've heard your stories About how you'll suddenly do a marathon Out of nowhere

I will I'll forget And I'll be like Fuck I've got to do my 25 whangs Okay so So So I forgot about wanking

I was like You've got to find 25 people to have sex You forgot about I got a wanking for a second then. I was like, how can they ask you to do that? It's quietly, right. And also, you've forgot about multiple times with the same person as well.

Yeah, you're like, 25. A little insight to my life. One sex with one person. So you've got to do, they say, as you're leaving, they say, best of luck, over the next three months. P.S. Send us your wank. Send us your 26th, wank.

Yeah. So 25, and it's got to be the 26th. Where have they got to be the 26th? Where have they got that number from? And why? I think that's just probably they just go, that's enough to flush all of the sperm out of your system that is already knocking about.

Wow, okay. Because the sperm, you know, they're hardy little fellas. They will hang around in any nook and cranny down there. And this is a way of just being able to fully flush your system of the Coke syrup. How did you keep track? On what medium would you? I support the question.

I don't. I didn't actually keep a full actual track. I just sort of mentally sort of managed to keep track of being like, right, I'm in the zone. But I'm, you know, I am a runner and I feel that I'm good at pacing and I understand. You get your Strava out. Yeah. Yeah. People who follow me on Strava had a horrible 12 weeks.

The photos. Not run, but here's my route. So 26 and up. New show. Should be called 26 and up. I talk about this sort of side. So the last one that's out available for free. Let's tie that back in.

The show is all about binary choices. And I realized late in the day that that's what the show, why I was doing that, it was because it was about having children. It was making that binary choice. And it ends with a routine about getting the vasectomy done. A new show has a lot of other things in it. And I'm trying to be more open and vulnerable on stage, like a loser.

Like a pathetic worm. No. I can see that you really struggle with it. Yeah. I described it. And I talk about that sort of post vasectomy process and the first one particularly. Right, sure. And there were blood in it.

Oh! It was very distressing. Oh, God. Because no one said there will be blood in this. Oh, you've got to say that. You have to say it. And it's okay if there's blood in the first one. Yes.

And then the next one, I guess I'm allowed to say this. It was slightly pinky. Such a pinky. Well, that's the thing you're concerned about. Yeah, after the blood in the comeback. You're like, can I say the word pinky? That was your issue. Can I say it is weird being a guy in comedy sort of being in the room alone with women comedians.

And it seems to be at this stage okay that I'm talking about my dick and balls for quite long time. Yeah, no, it is. I'm in. I'm really in. I'm all in. Yeah. Does it go? It's all in.

And so when did you know to say it was all fine? I think the third one. Okay. The third one may have been pinky, but as a colourblind person, like I had lost the range of colour by that point, so I didn't know. So it seemed normal. Only men can be colourblind. Don't you think that's incredible?

Yeah, it is and we'll move on from that. And they're the ones I've got to know what colour that white is, you know? Good on you for having that experience and those two experiences and being like, going to keep on wanking. Ain't nobody going to get me down. I'd really struggle with that. That take a long time to recover. Maybe that's why they give you.

quite a long time because it must be like a few days if you've been like, God, do I have so good on you and then you've got to shoot the last one into the pot. So you were given a condom, a small tube, a bigger tube and an envelope. Okay. You empty the condom into the small tube,

pop that into the bigger tube, put that in the envelope, send it off. I was told, this is what I was told, under no circumstances, send the used condom. Now, obviously they're only bringing that up because they've opened up envelopes containing an ungodly amount of used condoms. That seems quite smart.

I'm glad they'd said because that's what I would do. You chuck it in there. 100%. In for a penny. I'm all in. If that was my instruction, I would be like, right, well, rather than decanting this. Sorry, I'm just decanting my jacket into a condom.

I'd be like, right, it's easier just to send the condom. and then they can put the pipette in at their end. Yes. You know, they're self-contained. We're in. We're away. I think we did an episode. Maybe it was an episode.

Maybe it was an adult thing. I can't remember, but it was something about when I had to give a fecal sample. And some of the suggestions of how to collect that were absolutely, one of some of the wildest things I've ever seen on an NHS pamphlet. Yeah. So I lived with it. Was it all pinky?

Yeah, it's all pinky. But that's exactly it of being like, so therefore if there's a condom, I'd be like, great. Yeah. Oh God. And then when that came, you sent that off and that came back and they said, sent a little letter saying, they didn't say congratulations, but it was like there are no sperm present in, yeah, this is a successful procedure. Great. Incredible.

And that was a good day. That was a good day. Very felt very good. And just, yeah. Do you get offered, so when you do sort of not, it's not, it's actually probably the exact opposite, but if you freeze your eggs, you get like a free counseling session. Do you get that when you've had a? a vasectomy? Not the route I took, no. Feels like that would be something that they should do. Not that you need it, but it's just like that feels like something that...

Fug state. Fug state, yeah, which is very healthy. But it feels very like just any big decision on the NHS, fair enough. But if it's a private thing, it feels like that would, you'd hope that they'd give you one. I think they blasted all that money on the custard creams. Understood. And that in a way is therapy, Emma right? It is interesting, isn't it?

maybe we're coming at it from this angle of being like, well, have you definitely thought it through? Yeah. You know, have you done your therapy and all of this? And maybe when people, by the time people have made the decision to be there, that's not an undertaking lightly, especially with this enormous fear of touching the magic equipment. Entering the magic circle. And entering the magic circle. You know, by the time you're there, you're like, I have done the work. Yeah.

I've done the thought. Yeah, yeah. For you, you're like, I've been thinking about this for 15 years. Well, you actually did do all the prep and you did all of, you did go to therapy and you did try. Like you've basically thought about this in the most mature way that one can. My thought is that maybe some people just like, I don't mean for sexatians, I mean any big decision like that,

but I'm sure lots of people don't do a lot of prep and do a lot of thinking and work through things. And so that's why I was like, and also there's a slight tendency to presume that men are fine. Yes, yes. You know, maybe there might be some private, places that do offer one counselling session or something that you've got, obviously the option if you're like, God, I feel weird, I don't know at any point.

But you've obviously got that covered and you've thought about it as well as your fugue state, of course. But you didn't go into a fugue state in terms of your prep work, did you? No. And what advice would you, anything that we haven't covered that you'd be like before doing it, like I wish I'd known that obviously blood would be about number one helpful to know. But any other things that you wish you'd sort of known going in? I did sort of tidy up the old hair down there.

Just made sure that was all neat and tidy. Yeah. And then, you know, gave a little wink to the surgeon. A little wink. Two years. All right. No. Okay. What do you think?

What do you think I've done down there? What do you think I've done down there? Yeah. Just I carved in surgeon. There's that much as there to write surgeon. Yeah. This says like, Surg or something. You run out of Spain.

Serg. I, uh, I wondered if when you do you do. talk to people who have penises, if what their reaction is when you tell people and if people are jealous or afraid or... Yeah, I mean, a lot of, a bunch of friends, obviously, after you've had it, you become the guy who talks permanently about having a had of a pheasectomy. Yeah. It becomes your personality for a little bit.

It's difficult to get away from. People do ask and people say, like, oh, actually, I'd like to talk to you about that and I've heard a few people who are like... Is it something that, like, do you feel that they would like to do it, but they're... Yeah, there's very few that. are like childless, a child free that have done, have inquired about it. There's someone who's also child free and is, is married and they don't want kids and has had it done as well.

But largely whenever I'm doing my show and I ask if anyone's taking a trip to VTown, it's mostly older looking men that seem to be, you know, they've had a few kids and then they're like no more kids. So I am intrigued to see whether there would be, because I think there is, there should be more of an onus if that is something you don't want if you don't want children and you are you put in the work and the prep i feel like it's something that you sort of owe to sort of actually committing to doing because it does remove that risk and it makes does make things like um contraception sort of a much easier discussion in many ways yeah and also as well i suppose then you're doing something

your side so if you don't want children and you're having sex with someone casually then I'm so sorry. There's something casual about the sex that's she was having. Extremely formal. That horrid soda goes to no... It doesn't go under casual terms, thank you. But say if you did, then I suppose you'll now never be in a position where then you're kind of putting that...

Like you're expecting the person you're having sex with to have been on the pill or to have done this or to have done certain things so that you've kind of done everything you can, your end. With your end. Yeah, to make sure that, yeah, you're not getting yourself or anybody else into a sticky situation. There's definitely a lot of discussions around sort of contraception that feel very, I mean, it just is very gendered, isn't it? And there's a lot of expectation on women to, or people have ovaries and wounds to do that work, which, yeah, does feel deeply unfair.

I've read more than one, Am I the Arsol, on Reddit? of men who told their wives they were getting a vasectomy, like three kids in. And it's like, am I the asshole? We're pregnant with our fourth child. She doesn't understand how it happened because I told her I had a vasectomy. But actually when I got to the clinic, I didn't want to do it.

You're the asshole. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. But then it's always just like, look, when I got there, I just suddenly thought, I don't, I'm too scared and I don't want anyone to touch my magic gear and everything.

And so I can believe, you know, I don't know, it just feels like a... And there's so much sort of, of childishness or immaturity, maybe it's a better threat term, for all of that, that should be a criminal offence because you're subjected to your partner to

you're not just the asshole, this is illegal. The woman who's fully pregnant now because she thought that she went off a contraception. Yeah, but I guess the conversation just isn't, it's not happening. Until now. Yes, thank God we're here. Hopefully, leading the way. I know

that people get very anxious around dental work and things like that, but the closest it is is like equivalent to like getting a filling done in terms of time in terms of the pain element of it or the uncomfortable it's more uncomfortable than it is painful. Did you have to wear a little box after it to protect your business? No, there was like the bandage had a little buoyancy to it. Okay, understood. And they said to tight fitting underwear to keep it all.

To keep it all. To keep it all. So do you have to buy that or do they give you one? I just chose my tighter boxes. Understood. Yeah. The custard cream money, Stevie. I'm so sorry.

Yeah, yeah. But a pair of nice boxes for everyone. Wasn't really nice boxes. I just thought like on the day. Yeah. I sent home with some... Like a tight, tight hammock. I went to get a vasectomy and all I got was this...

This is a little hammocker. I've got a question. Are there two tubes for each testicle? Yes. So you had to sit both of them? Yes. So they pull one out through... So they pulled the tube through the incision out into the open.

Oh God. It looks round. Yeah. It's scared. Doesn't know what's happening. Snip, snip, crush crush, burn. Yeah, you do smell that, sure. Oh, bearing the lead there.

You're really coming out with these awry in the closing moments. Well, I'm anxious because there's a lot of this I also talk about it. I don't want to be someone who just does stand up in conversation. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. For an in-depth listen to the... With more punchlines. With more punchline to the smell of it all. Yeah, head over to Stuart Laws is all in.

over on £800 pound gorilla on YouTube. Terms and Conditions Apply. I'm really taken with my... Yeah, I'm taking with it. It was nice there at the end, wasn't it? But yeah, also, Stuart, where can people find you on social media? Twitter's dead right now? I feel it is, isn't it?

Yeah. That's a shame because that was fun for a while. So Instagram, Stuart Law's comedy, TikTok, Sue Laud's Comedy. It's the same stuff posted wherever you're off there. Yeah, great. Great. And check out your special. Thank you so much for coming in.

You and your balls and your penis. Yeah, thanks for bringing all the tag. client together. The magic area. Thank you so, so much. That has been truly enlightening. Yeah, it has. And I hope for people listening that you've, maybe it's answer some questions that

you've been having. Maybe it's... Or if you're partner as well. Yeah, and good luck to you. See you in VT out, guys. See you in VT out, everybody. And join us next week. Bye-bye.