Nobody Panic - How to Help a New Mum

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

Friends having babies? Not sure what to take round when you go to meet the new baby? Stevie put a callout on Instagram and there was a real consistency with the answers. In fact there's essentially only one thing new mums want and let us tell you, it's not an ornate Victorian hot air balloon (this is what Tessa took round to her friend).Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded by Naomi Parnell and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. That's it. It's so simple. Today's one is all about helping your friend. Not helping with the labour necessarily. No. Or watching. Ideally don't. Welcome to Nobody Panic. Welcome to Nobody Panic. I'm Stevie. Tess is over there. I'm here. Welcome. Today's one is all about being a good friend to your friend who's a first time mum.

I've suggested this. I was like, well, I don't know. Maybe we're too young to do this sort of things. It's like, people have been loving babies for 10 years by this point. Easily. and comfortably. Obviously, longer, 20 years for some people. It's, if you do yourself don't have kids and your friends suddenly start doing it. Sex. What? Are you doing? Then the babies start arriving and you're, listen, I've definitely, I don't know, I haven't been, since we've asked this question to the internet, I've also put it on my school WhatsApp thread where only three of us don't have any babies in this large group.

And there was a tidal wave of suggestions and ideas and things that were helpful and useful. and me and the two others message each other being like, I see that none of our gifts are coming up as things that were helpful. Same. And actually, one person put an antique hot air balloon that hangs from the ceiling. So that was what she wanted to. A friend to bring. Well, no, she put that. And then the entire group started going, ha, ha, ha, ha, can you fucking imagine?

And then after several people laughing, I had to be like, that is what I bought her. So if we could. if we could all rain it in a bit. That's what you bought. That's what you thought would be most helpful. I didn't think it would be helpful. I thought it would be a nice gift for baby. I think it is nice.

Does the baby go in the air balloon? No, it's purely decorative foot of the nursery. Right. All my gifts, it has been clear, have been something that like a Victorian dowager might bring. Understood, understood. You know, I'm bringing tart and pyjamas. That's nice. Adorable little, yeah, but they just shit themselves.

I think now that I've been closer to the babies, I think maybe, all my sort of cashmere pieces. Parents have been like, thank you, fuck you. Like, what is this? Yes. Also, I feel just to make you feel better, that a lot of it will be just a real thank you for thinking of me. I think so too. And I, having been through the quite humbling experience of all my friends naming all the things that they really needed and none of them being anything even close to what I got them. Yes. I read a little note to myself that maybe our first tip here is like, don't worry about the things that you've already done in the past. You brought a lovely gift.

A hot air balloon. You bought a hot air balloon for baby. It's absolutely bad. Okay, I would like to share some context. I bet it's really pretty. It's not mad. It just sounds funny when you say it. I bought, my friend had just given birth,

so I bought her an antique Victorian hot air balloon. But I can understand when I visualize it, what I'm saying is it's lovely. Can I share the context? Of course you can. For my 21st birthday, this friend bought me this same balloon. Oh, that's a lovely gift there. this shop from where I went to school that sold just like absolute nonsense.

Of course. Right up my alley. I love everything in there. And I remember the balloon being like, when I got it being like, what the hell does this do? And like, do you light it? Like, what is it? Like, does it fly? Like, what's the point of it?

And then I put on the ceiling. I was like, enchanting. I absolutely love it. Okay. And that remains alone with nothing else on my bedroom ceiling at my parents. Well, that's nice. And then I bought and I wrote to the baby and I said, welcome to the world. Your mom got me this.

This is a lovely gift. But nonetheless, the screaming with which it was greeted on the thread. When it's out of context, it sounds mad. I think, yeah. It's got a lovely bit of sentimentality there. It's got history. It's got context.

I'd say that is top tier gift because you've obviously thought about it. And the person receiving it goes, oh yes, within the narrative of our friendship and our gift giving. And another bonus for me. I mean, this is. There's even more bonuses. No, sorry, just to say she was about six months old. So it wasn't like I arrived fresh from the hospital. in the hospital

there's like blood everywhere and I'm like and now the vintage balloon being like not the time actually not the time there's much to discuss before we dive in

shall we do our adult thing of the week let's do our most adult thing we've done this week mine's very vulnerable so I'm going to go first please okay so

I have over the last couple of years while I was living in London because I've moved out of London the woman near me who walked her dog with my dog is in like an aesthetician like does like all that stuff like fillers and Botox and stuff.

Fantastic. And I've been like, no, no, no. But what I did do was I did microneedling. So it's like a very intense exfoliation thing you do every month. Maybe for like a few, 24 hours later, your face was a bit red and then you're fine. And the idea is it stimulates collagen or some shit. And she would give me a really nice cut price. She was really good.

She's trained. She's great. I moved to Avlanda. And then she was like, you could, you know, like lots of people do microneedling at home. I could give you all the stuff. the sterilized stuff and this tutorial if you follow it completely and you do it really very gently absolutely fine I did it and my entire face like blew up and it was one of the most of saying experiences of my life so my adult thing is don't do microneedling at home because

so there's lots of stuff on the internet and TikTok I've noticed being like it's so easy to do and I'm telling you don't because you can I haven't thank God but if I'd have done a bit more I would have I had these like huge red welts all I've, and you can still see it. Like I've still got it will. I did wonder what the cap was about. This will heal, but I've got like, and here is fine, but I've had an allergic reaction to something. So I've got so much makeup on here that it looks like very closely like I'm where I've got a beard. So look.

And there's nothing more humbling than like doing something so unnecessary to your own face and being like, simply pay a professional. So I message her and she was like, okay, look, lots of people, lots of my clients do do at home. It's a really easy thing to do. Maybe you shouldn't. Maybe you did it too much.

So I'm going back to her now. And I'm just saying that if you're interested, lots of people talk about it and lots of people are like, oh, my greedily, my goodness. Like, don't cut corners in the way that I did. It's not worth. So there we go. It's an educational one. That's really good. For the people of Britain. A very fancy lawyer once said to me, and I hope I get this correct, never be what you can hire.

Oh, Jesus. Right? It's all right if you're a lawyer, but it was quite expensive. That's the thing. But then she was like, once you, that's what I said. And I was like, and she was like, no, you do the things that there's nobody else that you can possibly hire because you're so good at doing them. But anything else that you can hire, do hire. Once people have spent a year doing a qualification for something, let them. Yeah, let them. Simply let them. Oh, God. Simply let them. Mine is actually inspired by our Johnny Sweet episode about how to write a complaint letter. Lovely.

And I wrote a complaint letter to the dentist. Did you? I did. I have a marvelous work, marvelous treatment. Oh, that's very nice. And I thought, fuck you, I shall complain. No, they were excellent. on my second to last session, because it was quite a confusing payment system where you basically

paid in advance for the treatment. And on my second to last one, she was like, and I was like, and is that the end of the bulk of the money? And she was like, yes, that's it now. And then you'll just have to pay for this small amount for this. And I was like, grand. That's perfect. And then when I left my final one, there was a bit of a hurrah about like what the price was. And then they were like, I think we've all got this wrong. We'll email you. And I was like, no problem. And then they sent me a huge bill. And I was like, no, no, no, actually. And I had a real thing of being like, no, thank you. I understand that dentistry is expensive and that you run this nice place, but I've received lovely treatment, but you can't actually do that to people

and just think that it's okay just to say, actually the bill's this. Yeah, you've got to tell people in advance. You know, and you're active, we had a whole discussion about it and you actively said, no, you're done, there's no more payment. And then there was. And I was quite put out. And I thought about it and I thought about what we talked about being like, what do I actually want here? And what I want to not pay the bill? You've got a very clear direct. But ultimately, I did have the work. Yes, but they specifically told you one amount, and then they changed it. That's not good.

That is not good practice. It's not good practice and it wasn't fair. But I did understand that having read it through, I was like, you have done all those things. And it does feel like you can't undo them to my teeth. True. But I did, it felt more like a principal thing of I just wanted them to know, actually. And they didn't reply. Great.

I'm going to send a follow-up email. You should. I felt good just saying it. I think that's very important. And as a result, I haven't had to tell anyone or think about it. But I did want it to be acknowledged to being like, we've had this thing. Let's all be careful in the future. And everyone be like, and then people to say.

And I can see that she's upset, but isn't she polite? Yes. That's the best complaint letter I've ever had. I've ever read. Yours in anticipation, Miss T. Coates, Esquire. No, I did put yours in anticipation. Oh, that's exciting. Which we learned from Johnny.

But I have been anticipating. And there's simply nothing. be nothing. Anyway, well, well. Talking of anticipation. Talking of anticipation. So would you say you're new, would you say, this is happening in the last, like, when's this begun for you, the tidal wave?

Later than you, because you have a lot of, you're still friends with a lot of people from school on you. And so they've had, um, 20-20, I would say it began. And the first one we were like, what? And then suddenly everyone was like, and me actually. And now, some people have. have two. This is great. Two whole humans. So yeah, much later, I think because a lot of my friends are in the art. Yes. And you think there's a, it comes with a lack of stability and less of a,

possibly. I don't really know. My friends who are in the art, I think have all, I've got three friends now who have kids and they all sort of had them when they were like 36, 37 is when they got pregnant. So I'm 38, 140. I'm not really very good friends with lots of people from school, I can see, and just sense in the air, no, I can see through social media and through the odd bit of contact that lots of them have children, because I think you've got a stable job, you've got, I don't know, like, room for promotion, you've bought a house, you're married, it's like, well, there we go, you're all set up, whereas if you're like, I'm still a lodger in an old person's house, and I don't have any money.

It's quite hard to plan for a baby. So I'd say the first friend that had a baby was in 2020, but she's older and also like, she's a good friend but I don't see her loads then the second one I do see loads and she's been quite interesting because she's been like it's been quite cool watching her from afar because I see her

a lot gigging and stuff and it's almost like she doesn't have a bet like she's so chill about it but then my partner stayed with her in Edinburgh and like her son stayed for like a week and it was like oh wow this is really intense like to try and balance everything for her like it's quite

a lot but she's yeah She's really cool with it. She still works a lot. And her partner also stays at home a lot. So for some reason, it didn't quite, it just felt like a novel thing. Oh, she's had a baby. And then a really close friend just had a baby about two months ago. And that was the first friend that I was like, oh, wow.

Okay, because she was quite like, I'm not sure, I'm not sure. It's too easy to go, well, she's got friends who are moms because her two best friends are like moms. And I don't, so I don't really have anything to do her offer or help. And it was like, no, that's the opposite of what I think, if you want to maintain a relationship with your friend. That's like the opposite of what you do. And also as well, I think it'd be quite nice. As someone who's child-free and also might not have kids, it's probable that I won't. I've read this really nice phrase that was like, regardless of whether you become a mum or not, you can still be part of the village.

Like, it takes a village to raise a child. And I really like that. I was like, oh, but then my first reaction was like, but I can't become part of the village because I don't. know what to do. I've got this hot air balloon and a hammer? Do you want that? Like, I don't know. And like, then I, so I thought we'd do this episode and then I asked for some advice. And actually, I've asked for it on Instagram and you probably had the same with your WhatsApp. There was huge themes that came up again and again and again. And it was really like, oh, this is doable. This is doable. I think you speak to a big worry, which is like, oh, they've been through this

enormous experience now, famously the one that's described as like the biggest one. Sure. It's the one. I think it's the one, yeah. Well, death is probably the other one. But then you can't have a chat. Oh, you can't. Well, yeah.

You know, so they've been through the only one that's the other one, the opposite. The opposite of that. They've been through this famously traumatic and very intense and there's so many emotions and like stuff. And then you just show up with your hot air balloon. Yeah. And you know, you can't. I've done microneedling.

And you're like, what the fuck. Fuck off with your micro-needling. My vagina's been split to my arsehole, you know, like, you know, like, oh. Microneedle this. Micronil this, you dickhead. Exactly. Like, you know, you show up with your little cashmere coat from Harrods or something. They're like, this is for a four-year-old.

And you're like, I don't know what a baby is. Like, is it not for already? What can it do, you know? And it can feel like I'm not well, not, not I'm not welcome here, but like, I'm going to put my foot in it or I'm going to say the wrong thing. I won't be helpful. I'll be a hindrance. They need, you know, like, they so much need. the people who are already waiting on this side of the gate for them to be like...

Yeah, which they absolutely do. Yeah, but you must... I think it's not healthy or helpful for you to be like, okay, not me then. Yes, so I'm in a WhatsApp group with that first friend I told you about her, I had a baby a while back, and my new friend who's just had a baby, as in my new new mum friend, and there's three of us. And when she said she was pregnant, her and my other friend were like chatting. And I was like, oh, that's so interesting.

And then immediately they were like, oh, sorry, it's boring, it's boring. And I was like, no, no, no. And I literally said in capital's, no, this is good for research. Keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they didn't. And that group has died. And I now speak to both of them separately. And I think they just sort of needed to chat to each other. Because obviously she's going through these things that I obviously can't be like, well, yes, of course, classic second trimester. Like, I don't know. So, and she does, and also crucially, she doesn't want to bore me. So it's two people. I think it's very easy for the person in my situation to go like, oh, you know, like, oh, I don't know. But also the new mum or the mum to be feels suddenly like, oh, I don't want to bore the person who isn't a mom. It's such an odd thing because so many of my friends were like, oh, sorry for the baby spam. I'm like, it's fascinating. It's a, it's fascinating.

B, it's fucking adorable. And C, why have you suddenly now decided your life is boring when it's objectively, very interesting? There were periods of your life when I had to hear about that guy from work, you. maybe fancied a bit. Such a good point. I heard about him for eight months and nothing happened. At no point did you ever say

like, sorry for the Jeremy spam. You just were like, okay, today he's wearing the same clothes that I was wearing. Yes, do you think that's a clue? I was like, no, I don't think that's a clue. Like, you know. It's called a jumper. You were so invested in so many things in their life.

Why do you think this bit? And I think it's because we have this big sort of like, oh, moms are boring and they, you know, they only want to talk about babies and like, and I think everyone's just overcorrected. Too far in the opposite direction. And we should all just plow through. Absolutely.

We are not worrying about any hot air balloons and all cashmere coats from the past. We're thinking, hey, we were just trying to create the bond. We were doing our best. And we are plowing ahead, being like, I'm still a friend, and I still can be here and be as helpful as I can. I don't personally know about any of the things you're describing, but I'm ready to listen. Let's roll out some suggestions. Question. Question.

Did you feel, so when I asked, basically, One in two responses was food. Yeah. Everybody was like, food, please. Reheatable meals, snacks. Nice food. Nice chocolates. Voucher for food.

A semi-nutricious cooked meal that could just be banged in the oven. Food. Food to be consumed. Food. Lusannear. Flapjacks. It's like, wow. Okay.

So that's something. When my friend got pregnant, the last two, I think I've dropped the ball with the first one because I was just so surprised. The last two friends, I've got them like deliveroo vouchers. Like 50 quid so you can like really like go for it and have as many. Because it was like those first few weeks. But quite a lot of people saying like obviously those first few weeks, crazy, crazy, crazy.

But then like the first like four years crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. Yeah. So maybe like pick up in about six months time and go around with some food. That is exactly what several people relentlessly discussed frozen cookie dough balls. This is doable. Yeah. So they were like those please, the superfood ones with dates, nuts. that look a bit like a bird food things that go in the freezer.

Bird food, please. The things are like, freezable cookie dough that you could be like, and now I have a hot cookie. But people are like, yeah, lots of people come around in those first few weeks, but in the first few weeks, you're so full of like hormones and like you're so bliss out and you're possibly like still on drugs and stuff. And then those first two weeks as well, depending on what's the co-parenting situation,

and it might be no parenting situation, they might be doing it totally alone. But if there is somebody else there, maybe their leave from work, you know, it's only the two weeks officially. So now there's that point where like the partner goes back to work. Mum's now on her own. The classic dip. And so it's like, don't come in those, you know, be there to be like, and now I'm here, you know. And they're like, so come a few months later or whatever.

Yeah. When all the dust settles and it's like all the novelty, almost like the novelty is worn off. And you're like, so now it's just this, is it? Yeah. I just get something to suckle on my teeth every two hours for the rest of my life. It's just me and you, is it? And you can't even talk. Yeah. Boring. Examples of what I'll be like as a mother.

Exactly. So a lot of people were mentioning like that would be a lovely time to arrive. Oh, great. Well, I've smashed it then. Yeah, perfect. Three months in and I felt so bad. No, don't feel bad. You're doing the perfect thing. You're arriving. You're arriving. Other thing was, so if you're doing the co-parenting thing and you've got like shifts, for example, and obviously every baby is different, every way that you parent is different. in my friend's case they do like they have shifts in the night

she always takes like the late shift her partner takes the other shift and then they might like switch while it's his shift she's trying to get a good sleep but like she can't because obviously she's so aware of every noise that is occurring in case

because your body's just obviously going like danger all the time so good nice pair of earplugs there's a brand called Loop that are really cool and also good and you can still kind of hear if there's like isn't that you're completely dead to the world

but it softens everything to the extent where you can sleep and she was like that would be ideal because then I can go into my own little world and get the sleep that I need because I think sleeplessness can send people completely wild Well it's a form of torture Yeah yeah yeah

And we're all just like ha ha ha, not getting any sleep Be like uh huh That's quite bad Yeah That's a lovely idea This is I'm just reading out Someone sent me a mini freezer full of ice cream And I couldn't have been happier

Jesus fucking Christ. Hello. That feels achievable. Right. We didn't have to make anything there. Yeah. I think there's sort of the breastfeeding that just how it, how incredibly like draining that is as a thing. Yeah.

And how much you just want like any, not have to do any effort, but just like put something in you. Put something in baby in a full circle. Yeah. A friend shows a sort of hydration thing next to the bed and was like this. And I was like, right? Hospital thing. No, it's a hydration thing like people who might go hiking, you know, have over in the tube. Oh, and they just like.

Just like when you say. When you sit there at night. A tube in the mouth, it sounds like from, as in like you like a straw. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like what we're talking about is like some sort of like package and there's the tube that goes into your wrist. You know, like, do you mean? Yeah.

Oh, an intravenous strip, but it's just straight into your mouth basically. And it's just a way of you like hydrating without having to constantly go and get another glass of water. You put wine in it and run around uni drinking it. Now we're talking. You remember one of those. Because we're a little bit more together now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly that.

If I may. An abstract one. which I really like. Yeah. This don't cost a thing. Hot gossip. In fact, about 10 people said,

good quality, bracket, adult gossip. Yeah. They want to know about, because obviously, I feel this strongly because everyone I know

who has had a baby has made comments of the ilk of like, oh, you're going to that party. Oh, well, I don't have a life.

So it'd be really, and you're like, I know that's not them saying, like, I don't like the choice I've made. That's just them being like, I wish I could go and see the got.

So you are now, you have to bring the dispatches. My friend had one baby in lockdown. Yes. And so was like, go with God. There are no parties to go to anyway. Fine. Yeah. Then second baby, she was so excited to be like,

baby in the papoose or we're going to the parties. Yes. But then baby is so nice, smiley, easy baby, but has... He does not like parties. No, he has something on his butt and he can't. He has to have it changed every two hours. Poor baby.

Poor baby. He's been so brave with it. So she's like, I'm housebound. With my butt baby. With my butt baby. And so she had all these dreams for going to parties. And so then over the Christmas period when she was just like so bummed out, I was in charge of, we were on a WhatsApp group with some other people and we were all in charge of messaging

to say how shit the parties were. So good. So useful. Like updating on the hot gossip, who's what, what's here, and then be like, you've missed nothing. This is a shit party. X, Y, Z, this is happening. And then she was like, truly, this is wonderful. This is helpful.

That's good. Yeah, you have become stocked up with your goss. Oh, alcohol. So that's one that apparently lots of people say, because obviously when you're pregnant, you go and drink. But there's a lot of people who are like, well, I'd love a glass of wine. Now I've spent a year not drinking. And so quite a lot of people were saying, like, it would be. nice to people to bring a bottle of wine because I never think, like, I never think to get it

when I'm getting nappies, like, nappies and wine getting out from Morrison's doesn't feel particularly good at the same time, whereas it's, like, it's something that you don't, you would often not by yourself, but actually, it feels nice. And it feels like they're kind of like acknowledging that you're, you're still cool and you still, look, you can have a lovely glass of wine with, you know, why not? If you're not breastfeeding, I imagine, is breastfeeding when you've had a wine? No, you know, you can definitely drink and breastfeed. great not heavily

I imagine yeah yeah yeah you definitely can drink I think maybe if we're if we the listeners are nervous

about getting it right maybe not actual hamper but large tote and then arriving with a sort of hall video-esque experience

of being like I got you these and if their face is like uh-huh and then it's like I got you and then like when they light up

be like okay useful okay good to know next time it's just going to be them the tote okay good to know and you know what it won't be this hot air balloon you know or whatever it will be it will

be the hot air balloon or just like you know so like treats bits crisps people mentioning dried mangoes hydrogel breast discs there's some words that as someone who's not uh done that no fucking idea what you're talking about here's my suggestion with some of those yeah I think that's maybe not for us no no it's not for us it's for your friends you know you turn up with like breastings on do you want to watch me put that That is not what you are? I'm joking. I think like,

but why not? Don't you think? In your hamper just for a bit of fun because what if they do work? Why if they are right? Okay. And also that is a common thing. I feel like you should work out

if you're going to buy something like that. I think, I'm right in saying, know whether your friend is breastfeeding or not because I know that I've heard this is a very, very thorny topic. So many things are thorny topics. I feel so sorry for new moms at the moment

because there's just so many like, fads and judgment and stuff but like I know that people who don't breastfeed or can't breastfeed or for whatever reason the baby hasn't that's done or whatever there can be like a

some people can feel a bit shamed about that or I don't know so if they've gone through this like hell with breastfeeding and you're like what about these breasters via boobies and they're like I can't and then maybe don't but if they've said which I think

every friend who's got pregnant has within about five exchanges been like my nipples are like raspberries Like then then be like Oh great, hydrogeal breast discs A bit of fun And also it can be a bit of a like

I don't know That's the thing I've come full circle there I've done it And I even said this as the actual tip Of being like Don't be worried that you're not Welcome and you can't say the things

Why not? Why not? These hydro gel discs I'm gonna watch you put them on And I'm trying I'm trying I'm here And I'm showing up with the things

Yeah, okay That's nice A lot thing that came up a lot was time just like, bring them the gift of time. The gift of time. Be like, I'm here for an undisclosed amount of time now. I'm not rushing anywhere.

I will hold the baby. I will unload the dishwasher. I will do your laundry. I am here. I'm bringing gossip. I'm bits. I'm just, I'm here and it's not like, oh, we have to be fun for 45 minutes.

It's like, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. But also if you need me to leave, I will. I'm here and I'm, and then several people mentioned a relentless enthusiasm to hear the birth story in excessive detail. I can't believe that. they felt that needed to be a tip. Right. Because who is not wanting to know that shit?

I'm desperate. Right. I'm so scared. I'm going to go there and ask her and she's not going to want to tell me because it's been ages or she'll have forgotten some of the hot deeds. Like, I've got to know this. Well, if she's forgotten the hot deets, that's probably for the best. No, I'm getting in. Okay.

Don't make a relive it. No, I'm making a relive it. I think. No, yeah. No, I'm absolutely fascinated. I'm fascinated with all of the ongoing things. Like, the stuff that the reason why. she feels like it would be boring is the exact things that I want to know.

Like, oh, like, my friend who's like, when she was saying, like, you can't pump, your milk too much. Because every time you pump, your brain obviously doesn't know it's a pump. So it thinks the baby's feeding. So it goes, wow, the baby's feeding a lot, so then just produces more milk. So, like, you actually have to, like, balance how much you pump? Like, Jesus, this is the stuff. This is fascinating.

And so, like, yeah, absolutely. I obviously don't mean if your friend is like, if you ask, like, so how was the birth? And she looked into middle distance and goes, don't. Then obviously move on. No pushing. But if they're, yeah, if they're... No, pushing.

It's a good point. No, famously. And then she's reliving it. And you're really? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Don't say the word push. Yeah, a lot of people putting an insatiable desire to hear about it and appear interested in hearing about

you. Yes. Yes. Be like, yes, please tell me. How they're sleeping? How are you sleeping? Yes, I'd love to hear about it. Yes.

And then again, a bit like sort of like, sorry for the baby spam. Anytime, I think you'll be able to judge the general tone of whether they're like, I don't talk about it or if they're like, oh no, it's boring. And you're like... Yes. Whenever anyone says, oh, no, it's boring. That's when you actually...

It's those topics that you should push almost the most. If they have a dog, offer to dog walk. Because often when you've got a baby and you've also got a dog, the dog or the pets, it can be very, very difficult because your relationship kind of changes

with the pets because suddenly you've got this baby that is, you know, demanding all of your time. So that could be helpful too. That is such a good one. That's such a good one. please just unload the dishwasher Yes, so many unload the dishwasher And also when you go around

If you do like eat and stuff Just don't ask, just start doing the dishes And just arriving not with a sort of like What can I do to help? Because the person is like Please, please don't ask this of me But just arriving and beginning the hot goss And the dishwasher is being unloaded Or loaded or whatever we're doing here

Other people were saying about vouchers for cleaners Yeah, cleaning is something felt conflicted about friends donning rubber gloves, but would have appreciated just somebody coming just to get things in order a bit. That's nice because, yeah, I felt the same. There's people saying like, you know, just come around and just do the laundry and stuff.

And honestly, for some reason, if somebody went into my laundry basket, I'd immediately collapse. Yeah, oh my God. The thought of that makes me have to feel sick. But I think... I don't know why. It's like I shit myself.

No, I know. No, no. It's such a private thing. It's such a private thing, isn't it, the laundry basket? Don't go in there. Is it? What's too bad with laundry? I'm like, I always have this thing that's supposed to be like, oh my God.

It's like, no, it's just. Yeah, but I think maybe it's like folding. Folding already clean laundry. That's easy. Yeah, that's true. Rather than rootling around. Yeah, really like, you're a filthy, filthy girl. Yeah, basically.

Yeah. Don't look upon me. A couple of people saying anything that was for me and not for the baby. Oh, yeah, that's nice. Which I think is interesting because I definitely have done only baby. Yeah, of course. I've done a lot of welcome to the world. Yeah, well, when I said alcohol before, that was for baby as well.

Yeah, no, no, that's a great one. Several people did say no flowers, thank you. Yeah, I think it's probably right of being like, that's too much admin. And if anyone who's not a long time listener, I can't, I hate being bought flowers because they'll die. And it's not, it's not a joke. It's actually, I get very down. Very down. It's quite a few things that we've had, and there was something, what is, oh, yeah, when, like,

there's a sympathy thing and when, like, like, a bereavement, you don't need to buy flowers. Yeah. And it's like the first thing you think. Lovely flowers. A couple of other people were like, oh no, I didn't mind the flower, but maybe something to look at

because you're alone in the house. Maybe a lovely fake flower bouquet. No work. Looks lovely. And they simply won't wither and die, as we all will. Yes. A clean pair of pyjamas

or even a new pair of socks is a thought for the woman, not the baby, because the idea is that constantly you're constantly covered in like milk and sick and shit. And you're like, that'd be quite nice to wear something nice.

Yeah. So at the end of this long, long list of things of people's suggestions, my friend, also no children, popped in to say, oh my, oh, M.G, the mothers were thirsty for this question. And then she said, and then she follows up by saying, I'm understanding that what I hope was going to be my signature gift of an audible subscription doesn't quite cut it. Thank you for the information and we'll all strive to do better. So she had given everyone. But actually then a lot of people come to her defence that no one came to my defence but a lot of people came to her defence on the audible subscription that

she thought that was a nice thing to like a year long audible subscription so it's free because a lot of breastfeeding staying up at night you know hands free walking around with the pram something to listen to when you know then it demands no effort from you so I think it's a quite nice one and a couple of people came to that defence being like no

the podcast and nice things got me through yeah because you're not going to be reading a book are you like as in like a wooden book because that's just like There's too much going on all the time. Yes, I guess it's like, we're showing up. We're showing up at the six week mark. Yes.

Or later. No, six weeks on. And then never again. And never see them again. No, as in we're not doing the first rush. No. We're showing up when they're like, oh, the dust is settled and they're thinking, ah.

We're bringing a tote bag of our bits. Yes. And then we're maybe also messaging being like, what can I bring? Is there anything you're craving? Is there, you know, flat food stuff or a lot? We're bringing the gift of time. We're bringing cleaning. We're bringing homemade food if we can.

Or we're bringing M&S's very best taste the difference. Oh, a very nice one just to round us off. Because obviously when you've asked for Instagram suggestions, you get them in the little boxes and I haven't been looking at the names. And one, the final suggestion is, in the first few days, a new front bottom for me. It's my mom. So there we go.

Oh, so sorry. One on the topic of a front bottom. This sounds fantastic as a thing. I'm sorry to say, I don't know the cost of it. But it is something called and my friend says, please forgive the name, it's awful. Mummy MOT. MOT.

As an MOT what you do for the car, but for mummies. They exist up and down the country, I believe. And it is a thing that new mums can go to for a full body like check for all the things of like, a new front bottom, please. Oh, that's amazing. Isn't that sound incredible? because I think the thing with that first year

is like you've really been through this, you've done nine months of this thing, then you've gone through birth and really you now need to go for a year of recovery and then be like, and I'm back, ready to pick up the baby. But you've got to do them both at the same time. And yes, so this sound like a lovely thing, several people saying that it was really game-changing

and so helpful and not a thing they would maybe even have known about. I just put your mind at ease as well because you must constantly be like, is that normal? Is that normal? Is that normal? These are raspberries. That's falling out. that's that's there. Yeah. Did I always have three feet? Is that new?

You know? And it's not. And it's not. And the mummy emotie will sort that right out. Chop that foot right off. Yeah. Well, yeah, hopefully that was helpful. And I, just so you know, I have made a lasagna.

It's in the other room. It's sort of shook up. So it's sort of just like a pasta. I'll report back and tell you if it was received well or not. I think it's going to be so well received. You're going to throw a little couple of extra bits and things. There's a little bottle of wine in there. Bond of wine, perfect.

There's also some air plugs for her. Tess the waters report back. And mostly nothing you do is wrong. You're showing up. You're drying. You're there. You're showing up. You're trying to be there.

And goodbye everyone. And good luck out there.