Nobody Panic - How to Help Organise a Wedding

Episode Date: September 14, 2021

Roped in to help organise a wedding? Panicking bigtime? Tessa recently organised her sister’s and Stevie once witnessed a panic-inducing ring disaster so they are best placed to take you through being bride/groom adjacent on the big day (and, importantly, the lead up). You can do it.Want to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hello, welcome, come on in. Bride or groom, come on in, welcome, welcome. Have you come far?

Welcome, come on in, thank you. Yes, hello, hello, hello, hello, is it Stevie? Yes, hello, Stevie, have you come for? Yes, well, do take a seat. Hello, welcome, come on in. Welcome to Nobody Panic. We help you do things each week. I'm Stevie and this is my good friend, Tessa.

Hello. And Tessa has just organized. her sister's wedding, along with other members of her family. But she's learned a lot. And I think it's time that she passes on that expertise to anyone listening who also has to be involved. I mean, it'd be very rare if someone's listening who has to organise the whole wedding just them.

Normally people group together, don't they? That's the thing. Ain't nobody doing this. This is not for professional wedding planners. They know their shit. This is for people who are like... There's probably podcasts for that, isn't there? Yeah, probably.

This is for the roped-in family. who are like, yeah, a wedding. I've been to a wedding. I think I can remember what you do. And then you're like, oh, wow. This is very fresh in my mind because it is but hours ago, the wedding. And imagine if it was literally happening around me and I snuck off to your podcast. No, it was, it's Monday and it was on Saturday. But the amount of times I've said something along the lines of nobody panic, this last 100 hours has been so many. It turned out to be just an endless, um, putting out experience, you know? And it's a lot. It's a lot of, and especially because a lot of us, these weddings have probably been, if you're going to a wedding this year, or if you're organising a wedding, or if it's your wedding, this wedding has probably been postponed at least once. You've probably had way too long to plan this. And now when it comes to it, it's all just a bit much. You know, I don't think everyone can expect ourselves to go from not seeing a single soul but the delivery man for months on end

and then being like, it's a 150 person wedding. We're all just, this is fine, this is absolutely fine. I'll plan it. Yeah, not even just going. You're like, I'll actually organise that with all my experience of socialising these last 18 months. I was doing a sweaty, sweaty dance on the dance floor. Everyone else was, you know, sorry, not.

Still. That's not my famous dance, the sweaty dance, but it was sweating on the dance floor. And at one point I was like, oh my God, it's been so, I felt like I've been like, how long has it been since I danced? Like I was like, and I used to dance all the time. I was like, I've not been on a dance floor with a band for so long, you know. And so I think we shouldn't take, you know, it's a lot. It's a lot, guys.

On every level it's a lot. But I've learned some things and I'd like to share them. I'm certainly going to be accompanying this episode. If you can pop onto my Instagram, you'll see some pictures of some of the things that we're discussing, which, look, they've made my year. some of the things that Tessa made for this wedding. And by some of the things, I mean, of course, a wedding cake topper of, specifically the bride.

The bride is the most harrowing, she made it out of Fimo, was I saying? Yeah, it might be seen herring thing I've ever seen in my whole life. But before we get into it, what, I mean, I suppose the adult thing you've done this week is you planned and helped throw a wedding. Sure, I'll take that. Okay, great. Yeah, this is, welcome to my adult thing. It's this episode.

But it's my youngest sister and my adult. thing was, I tell you my adult thing was, and I will say we'll get into the moments when I really had to feel this, my adult thing was feeling, wanting to scream and not. In a way, that's the most adult thing you can do. Yeah, it's literally, that is literally what we call our podcast, like, functioning without screaming. And the amount of times I wanted, not just to be like, this is going, but just to be like, just release the tension to be like, this is bad. I want to scream and then I want to deal with it. And instead of screaming, being like, I will fix this, even though I didn't mess this up, I will solve this for you,

bride. But what I want to do is scream and then just lie down for weeks. Yes. Now, listen, I'm raising everyone at expectations here. They'll be like, holy shit, what happened at this wedding? And I don't think anything more or less exciting than what happens at any wedding if you are behind the scenes with the amount of like just things there are to solve. So I don't think there's going to be a murder or anything.

It's just this sort of... But that's why people, that's why rich people have wedding plans. That is why that job exists because you can say as much as you like, oh, you know, we're just having a little one or like, no, no biggie. Yeah, it is. It is a biggie. We've always said for years. It's the ultimate in, for example, my sister's birthday a couple of weeks ago,

arrived there. We were just sort of chatting and then it was like, oh God, we've got to leave in like 10 minutes for this meal. Turning 30. She was freaking out because she was just like, oh, but I put the wrong makeup on. I don't want to wear this. I want to take, oh, I can't. This isn't the dress. I was, oh, she just kept me like, oh, I hoped I'd look nicer than this.

I hope I'd look nicer than this. Yes. That, put that on the title of this memoir, how to get through a wedding, I thought I'd look nicer than this. Like, that's it. You've been planning this shit for upwards of 12 months plus and everything has been working. And then you've got your entire life of being like, but on my wedding day, on my wedding day, then I will be truly beautiful.

My hair will work. My hair will work. My eyeliner will be, the flick will be equal on both sides of my eyes. I will look beautiful, but like both eyes. Yeah, both eyes. My face will look beautiful in a way it never has before. Yes. By the sheer chance of it being my wedding day.

Suddenly, everything will align. And then you look yourself and you're like, I look the same, but with more makeup on. Yes, it's me. It's me again. And it's just so, and it's so overwhelming. We're getting in too deep. Stevie, what is your adult thing? I've done quite a lot of things over the last two months

that were very much helpful for me too, but also the Me Too movement. But, no, me as well, but also lots of other people's projects and like, you know, helping out at things and going to do these short films and going to do, and it's been really lovely and I've really enjoyed it. But then I've now said, after the last one,

I was like, okay, I'm not going to do any more. It's now Stevie time and I have to work on the things that I've been really waiting to do. and I've been putting off a particular thing for about, not putting off, but like, it's down on the priority list, but it's number one on the priority list of my soul. Good for you. Yes. And I'm like, no, I'm going to do that.

And already, like, a couple of things, friends being like, oh, would you want to go? And I've had to say no. And it's been really hard to say no to those things, but I've done it. So that feels very good and very adult. That's extremely adult. Well done. But look, that's immediately pivot. Pivot.

Pivot. to weddings. Presumably if you're organising someone's wedding, you're close to them, you are either related or you're like best pal or whatever. Your job is basically to absorb that image. Your job, as, so this is my first time being a bridesmaid. I've, I've helped with other people's weddings, but this is my first time actually being a bridesmaid. And I would see my friends being bridesmaid on the day and they would, they would be be be beaming and then they would sort of look at me and be like, fucking I'm a bronze man. And I'd be like, what, you wear the pretty dress, you walk down the aisle, you sort of do her veil, what's the issue?

that's the day. Being a bridesmaid is the months in advance in which you have been absorbing that energy of the, I don't look as nice. And this is so important to me. Do people want potato salad or this? And it's about your job is absorbing people's chaotic energy and saying, what can you actually do? So the number one thing is deciding on your role within this wedding and being like, what are my strengths? And crucially, what are the strengths of other people and what is actually achievable and what is crazy?

And when the things are crazy, how will I gently say without ever saying you've made an insane choice there? Like, how do I gently steer away to be like, this is unachievable? Perhaps we don't need to do this option. What about this? Yes. Yeah, this. And so people always talk about like delegate, delegate, delegate, but which is so, so, so important. But it's actually incredibly hard to delegate. Really, you actually do want to do everything yourself because you've got a very specific idea about how things should be done. And possibly you are the only person. If someone's like, I'll lay the table or I'll do the place settings. It's like sort of, you're the only person who really knows where everyone should sit. So if someone else does it, you sort of have

to do it again. And so the number, the number one thing is to work out a long time in advance the easy delegation role. So when endlessly your cousins and aunts and people arrive earlier than you're expecting and they show up on the Thursday and they say, what can I do to help, you need to be able to clearly give them a role that's like, that's like, can't be messed up, really. Fold the napkins. Fold these napkins. Even that though. I wanted it to be a swan. Yeah, exactly. She can just fold them. Yeah. So that's the thing. It's like putting out these chairs, moving something, manually lifting this. It isn't a sort of created job. And then know those, know those delegation rolls early on. So you're ready to like pass them off. And if it's like,

make this seating plan, make sure you already have the piece of paper that's like everybody's full first and last names. So if someone's like, I've got to do this. Not like Tom the weird guy. You're like, what is that? Yeah, exactly. Blond Sally. Ladder Jerry. You're like, who the fuck are these people? I can't write this on the door back.

Ladder Jerry. We'll have a ladder. That's helpful. So I'd been left in charge of the seating plan. Was it just written normally on a board? No, Stevie. It was in a series of books that were open. And each book then said, like, chapter one, but that was actually table one.

And then it was people written in an old-fashioned typewriter font. And then each one was a different book. that was one of the bride and groom's favorite books and they were on a book display shelf. So it is in my wheelhouse of skills to make this. That is not a difficult task for me. But the thing that is impossible is that my sister had literally written Ladder Jerry on her table plan. So when she'd given it to me to write up, I was like, who the fuck are these people? Then I had to follow her around while she was doing something else being like, what is Jerry's last name? And then her is his first name Ladder. It can't be.

It can't be Ladder while she then is on the phone to the groom being like, what's Ladder Jerry's real name and how does he spell it and all of this shit. So it's like this sort of stuff that you need to be doing like that never ever occurs to you when you, that you're like, other, you need to be constantly ready for other people who are not in your brain to want to help you and you need to be able to pass that help off. But also don't totally always put your trust in people because my cousins went off to buy jazzles for the sweet table. They ate them on the way home. So sometimes people had kept being to us like, delegate, delegate, delegate. And I was like, fine, I will delegate. I felt so good being like, please could you buy these jazles for the sweet table?

And then I was like, this is why you don't trust people. They ate them. So, and also the sweet table, I decided we needed a sweet table because I think at half-past ten, people are like, I'm actually losing a bit of morale here. I'm exhausted. I've been at this for 12 hours. I'm exhausted. And they're like, a sweet table, adorable.

Have a little jelly baby. I've got a second wind. I had also bought the sweet car off eBay from a magician in Yoville. I had driven down to buck. I get it. then I had painted it so it looked like an old distressed like flower cart. Amazing. I'll put all these pictures up.

Also, may I say, if you want any of this shit, you can have it. What are we going to do with this flower cart? Please, take all the stuff off us, you can have it. Anyway, so it's done all these things. So it's like always be ready for people to show up and to want to be with you and to want to celebrate you. And what you want to do is be like, I can't speak to you right now. I need to put all these people's names on books. And it's like, you don't see your family enough.

like just abandon ship on the things, be like, doesn't matter about the books. It's important that I'm here and we're talking and I'm present, you know, rather than, I've got all these tiny little, I've got all these little bits and things and things. And then I think the main thing to remember is like, how much on board everyone is for you all the time. So it doesn't need to be this sort of like behind the scenes,

like, and now the show. Like, remember, like everyone is part of the show. Like, they're all part of it together. It's not just like, and now my performance. It's like, we're all part of this wedding. Every person who's come is part of this. Do you mean like things like, oh, well, there's no, someone's forgotten something or whatever. No one should ever know that anyone's forgotten anything.

Exactly. It doesn't need to be this like us and them thing. It's like everyone is part of this. And it like also my family. So we did it in the village hall because it was, you know, you look how much a marquee is. It's like four grand. And then the village hall. What?

Oh my God. Yeah, renting a marquee costs so much money. And then my parents were like, well, it's like, or we could like rent the village hall for 60 pounds. And then I'd have it in the car park. And then I'm not having it in the car park. And then we're like, what if we turf the car park? Then we bought some Astro turf off some fairground people on the side of the M4 for cash. It was Swansea Football Pitch that they had bought off them.

And then they had it in rolls on them. And we just pulled over with the trailer and bought all off them. turf the car park. And then it does feel, especially you've been working on this in a very DIY way for a long time. And now the audience are here, but they're not the audience. You are part of this together. Okay. So my dad lost his speech.

My dad, four minutes before his speech, he's already a very, very nervous public speaker, came up to me and whispered, I've lost my speech. And then, and then, again, nobody panic. Nobody panic. It doesn't have to be like, ta-da, here's the bit. Like, my dad just stood up and he said up. said, I've lost my speech. Everyone was cheering. You know, everyone was helping out. Then my mum stood up and did a bit. I stood up and told a story. Um, you know, other people stood up and did

bits and help. And it was actually lovely. And everyone was like, oh my God, wasn't the speech wonderful? It was just like heartfelt and it felt real and it felt like we were all part of it rather than being like, here's my thing. And there's actually nothing sweeter. I think it's actually one of the sweetest things is when I know the father of the bride or the mother of the bride sort of stands up and they're like, I'm not really much of a speaker, so I'll keep it short. And suddenly it's like everyone could not be more on board with it. Because it's adorable. We just, all we want is, it's for it to go well and to, you know. This is the warmest crowd you will ever play to. My other speech one was just that I saw a friend do this at another wedding that when she did her reading,

so I did a reading in the church. And when she got up to do her reading, she explained why she'd chosen the reading. And it was actually, I'd never seen someone do that before. And it was really lovely and it felt very like heartfelt and everyone was like, wow, you know, and you obviously can't do that if it's just like a Bible reading or you've been given. I open the Bible. It was the first one I saw. I'm like, I'm reading this, I guess. But if you've been asked to choose something. And so I said why I had chosen my reading. People are like, oh, I really, you know, it's just a nice thing. It doesn't have to be this like tense, you know. Let's let them in. Let everyone be a part of it. Like, again, not a performance. Yeah. It's a big group. It's like, you know, it's like a community.

group project. It's an installation piece where everyone's involved. That's basically what's happening here. Know where your lane is. Are you the best man? Are you somebody's second cousin, you know, who's come a long way and therefore they're staying the night? Are you involved or are you just trying to be useful?

And therefore it's like, is your place to say gently, hello, I don't think we've got the Sprix? Or are you just being like, this is what I've been asked to do and this is what I'm doing and I'm just showing up. And if you don't, it is really, really hard to be there by sheer proxy of distance. You're like, I had to come the day before because I live so far away. And I'm just in everyone's business.

I don't really want to be here. It's just like, just pick a small job in the corner, like the washing up or just like clearing the kitchen or just like tidying things around people or just like generally being busy. Because if you're constantly like, what should I do now? What should I do now? Everyone's like, ah, just piss off is the answer. But if it's just like just quiet and you don't need to be saying your opinions, I'm sure you've got plenty of opinions. Everyone at a wedding's got opinions. You keep them nice and quiet.

unless they are, hey, not to worry, perhaps this. You know, you have to imagine a circle. The bride is at the center of the circle. Then there's like a ring, a ring, a ring. There's all these like endless rings going out. And you decide which circle, if we may, Dante's seven circles of hell around the bride. Which circle are you in? Are you like closest to the bride or are you four steps out?

And that energy, the crying, the needing to scream, all that, it only goes outwards. So you only ever pass that energy to someone further out of the circle than you. You know, you never, you never pass it in. And if you're in that immediate circle, you've got to remove that and you've just got to be like a yes man. You've got to be like, you know. You've got to be yes. Because that is your job. And this, my poor, oh my God, she did so unbelievably well.

Like, she'd organised everything completely herself. She'd done everything. Your sister. Yeah. Done everything. But also, like, that's, you know, and this is like, know your strengths. Are you somebody who would enjoy this process or not? Years ago, we had a big family party, like 10 years ago.

We did everything ourselves. We catered it ourselves. And not. one of us has any memory of the party. This is the famous circus tent. The famous circus tent. We bought a circus tent. We didn't buy, sorry, we hired a circus tent.

We everyone was, you know, it was so elaborate. We did everything ourselves. And therefore, my mom was just in the kitchen, just making, you know, making stuff rather than being at the party. So this time we were like, you can be the head of catering or you can be the mother of the bride, you know, so you can't do everything. But my sister was like, I do want to make all the stationery, all the bits, all the napkins, all the, you know, do everything.

She made her own cake. She iced her own cake. but that is absolutely one of her strengths. Don't be like, I have to do this thing unless you personally love it. Anyway, she's done so well. As we're getting dressed, the zip breaks on her dress

is now like stuck together. We can't get it up or down and we can't get her in or out. We have to get some pliers and some cable ties. And I was like, and it's now pouring with, the rain has just started,

pouring with rain. We have to be in the church in like 15 minutes. She's not in her dress. It was just like, this is the anxiety to you, this is my mom. I was like, this is when I wanted to absolutely scream. And then being like,

this is, you're doing it. You're, this is, this is, you've got to just, everyone's saying, nobody panic, nobody panic, we're going to do it, we're going to do it, we're going to do it. We managed to everyone just, problem solving, problem solving. You just have to behave at this point, like one of those NASA astronauts that there is a fire on the ship and you screaming ain't no help to anybody. We are just methodically and carefully, problem solving our way out of this situation, which is that we're going to

wiggle the bride in from above, gently, gently, gently, ease her into it. Who cares how they get her out? leave that for the groom to work out. Stay in that till the end of the day. And then as she was stuck in it, the phone rang. It was the band. They've all got COVID. The band's cancelled.

Of course. And then everyone being like, not to worry, not to worry, even though you are thinking, many worries, many worries here. But you just remember, where am I in the circle? And inside you're saying,

not to panic, not to panic, and outside we're pushing that, you know, we're pushing out. Yes, we're quietly, a circle outside is booking another band. And you don't say, oh my God, this is on me. There's so many people at this wedding

and people will know what to do. And the photographer was like calling his friends being like, I've got a band. And a band did show up and people stood in and the band was amazing. Like it all works out if you just let everyone be part of it. And you don't have to be like, this is my performance to you. It's not your performance.

It's for everyone to celebrate your wedding altogether. Just let people in. Let people be part of it. And parties are always, like there's always something. Like, there's a very stark image of an, it was a friend of mine getting married. and I was not part of the kind of bridal party or anything, but I was walking past while the head bridesmaid,

I think was her sister, or maybe it was her friend, I don't, I can't remember, I was cradling her face, going, I thought, what was the exact word she said?

It was something along the lines of, like, so she was upset because the flowers hadn't arrived. The bouquet, like the bouquet, something had happened to it. It wasn't there. And so she was like,

what am I going to toss? What am I going to toss? And she was like having a panic attack. What am I going to toss? The bride's mom was going, oh yeah, and then she said, well, we've got to us, gone, everything's going to shit. And then the bride's name was like, this is, this is what a wedding is. This is what a wedding is. It's fine.

There was never, I think she said, there was never going to be a day when everything went right. It hasn't gone wrong. This is just what happens at a wedding. And then my friend was like, yes, yes, okay. That's it. Who gives a shit? Toss a single flower that you've plucked from a graveyard. No one gives a shit.

a big terracotta plant pot and see if anyone can catch it. If you can catch it, a lot of fun. And also those are the things that, like, you know, if you don't have those things, what do you talk about afterwards? Everyone goes, oh, it was a lovely wedding. Those are the things. Exactly. Those are the bits that they say, oh, my God, remember this?

Remember when your cousin was sick out of the taxi? Remember when we couldn't find the bouquet and you tossed a shrubbery and it hit your Auntie Audrey on their head? Yeah. That is it. She's dead now, but it was a good anecdote. She killed your Auntie Audrey with a plant pot. But like, that's the thing.

Like, that's what a wedding is. It is endless things going wrong and everybody's solving them altogether, not this one perfect day where everything is perfect. And once you can change your perspective to that and be like, great, we're just ready for the next thing to go wrong. So we forgot the confetti. And then a whispered hush went back from the church of my mom going, where's the confetti?

My dad's going, I haven't got the confetti. Then the bridesmen, where's the confetti? And everyone was whispering backwards until we found our neighbor that was like, do you know where the key is? The neighbor running home during the signing of the registry to get the confetti. Find the confetti wasn't in there. screaming in the kitchen being like, what was the confetti? Because also the stress of that of being like, at one point just seeing like a pile of like dead

flowers and being like, that, is that it? Yeah. She just get, I've got a packet of Tilda rice. Yeah. Some rice. Uncle Ben's, we just throw the uncle Benz at her. But if that's the thing, if it was like, we couldn't find the confetti and we threw this handfuls of Tilda rice, you'd be like, gorgeous, what a story.

You know, it's like, we find, and then when they ran back, it turns out the confetti was right there outside the church anyway. And then the bell ringers did their bell ringing. They came down. They were like, we couldn't find something. Simon, so we didn't have the seventh count on the bells. Everyone was like, give a shit. That's the thing like, everybody is saying that their personal thing is going wrong and nobody knows. Even if they do know. So I can't believe I've not told you this. What?

One of the weddings I went to, their son, who is like, I don't know, I'm very bad with children's ages. So I'm like, I was going to say like four months, definitely not. Yes, he was walking. So he was two, two plus, maybe three. He was carrying the little, the ring, because he was a little ring boy, absolutely adorable. He ate it. He swallowed, he swallowed the ring. Yeah. He had it and there was just the mother of the bride going, but he had it at the bottom of the aisle.

And I, of course, he'd swallowed it, but he was so little, he was in his mouth, but he was just like, oh, it's gone. And everyone was like, he swallowed it. The doctor was like, he's going to shit it out. Then he spat it out. He spat it out. The thing is, is that they did the vows,

fully believing their son had swallowed the ring. So they had to do it. And then when he spat it out, out. He's just sort of like, like, this relief. And then, and then everyone, because I remember everyone laughing. Everyone was laughing. And it just became, so that's probably the worst thing I think, I can imagine happening. But it, it, I will never forget that wedding. And it was so funny. Because it, you know, once he'd spat it out and stuff, it was like, well, it was covered in spit. So then they couldn't like, there's this great moment where it was like, the exchanging of the rings. Your ring, your disgusting

spitty ring this video. Like, and it was like, it was like, Mm, lovely. And all it takes is just like, the groom to be like, mm, and everyone's sharing themselves laughing. Yeah, exactly. And that's the, that's magic. Yeah. If you let go of being like, it'll be perfect.

Be like, I'll have to, the ring will eat old shit out the ring and I'll, you know. Yes. And also, all it took is also just very quickly, all it took is one person to go hysterical, like, you know, the mother of the bride to go like, oh my God. And then suddenly it's not a nice thing. Suddenly it's like absolutely awful. And so you don't be the person that loses it. Be the person who's like,

Always laughing. What a fun far. What is, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. This is okay. This is okay. This is funny. This is a story, not this is ruined. There is no ruining.

This is the wedding is what it is. You can't ruin it. Like this is it. Even if someone falls in the cake. What an amazing farcical, cartoonish fun time. My grandma put her fist in it. She punched the game. She did because she said it thought it was,

it was actually soft icing that Amy had done, but she thought it was hard marsy pan. And in order to prove that, She's put her hand in it Tip number seven Don't prove the cake is soft Right She was like

No it's actually I thought it might be soft So I checked You're like don't check Don't check It's all part of it And organising it is about I mean I'm aware that we haven't done Too much like practical

Like the thing is there is no practical There is simply saying Every wedding is different This is it The practicality is simply Be ready for your weird cousin To show up And need a job

And be ready for that And to be able to give Employment employment just like I'm unemployed people of the unemployed to show up in droves and need to be taken to the job centre no to be given a task and so they feel part of it and it was a task that wasn't tricky to do

so honestly that is the number one thing because there will be so many people who will want to help you and you can't let them because you need to do all this stuff and what you need is time not people so make sure that you are ready for that in advance and then and then it's just about being like this is the day and this is what it is And then my last thing is in the ladies, toilets you want in both toilets,

like boxes of like hairspray and safety pins and bits and paracetamol and just like stuff that you're like, oh, here are all this. Oh, lovely. And hairspray. And so it's like, here's all this stuff in the thing. And then add in some condoms. Hello. So early on they put on, oh, my God, there are condoms in the toilet in the box of things.

And then at 11 o'clock, open them and take one out. So everyone's like, someone had sex at the wedding. I think that's actually crucial. That's, that's number. We should have led with that, sorry. That's literally number one. Feed people, make a sweet trollet. You can have mine.

If you're like, oh my God, I haven't even told my cake topper story. Jesus Christ, this will be my final bit, is that I, and this is where you can go and see the products of my labour. The, my sister made two cake toppers. And she left, they were beautiful, really like little pearl buttons on the thing. He's had tail coat on. gorgeous left me in charge of the faces and I ruined them I made them the faces were so bad and that they were they were honestly harrowing they were like making a ghoul or like a like a liminal like a

dead they were like making slender man they were just disgusting one of them looked like a man and that was good and then apparently didn't look like the man that you wanted to and then but then the bride looked like something from a horror film yeah and that is the one of the one one that's made me cry, laughing. And I guess the moment there is like, it was 3am and I was like, what is the moment where you decide that this can't be saved and you take the brave decision to be like, there will be no cake toppers? Absolutely.

It's about having your big dreams, thinking how good they were going to be. And then in the moment being like, this one can't be achieved and that's okay. And no one will know that was ever supposed to be a cake topper. Let's let it go. And know your strengths and know when to say no. and no but someone else could do this or no but I can't. And knowing to be like, you can't just say,

that's the thing about lots of these roles. You're like, how hard can it be to do a flower arrangement? How hard can it be to feel a fine my face? Quite hard. It's fucking hard. But also there's the option of if something goes wrong, like we said before, making a joke out of it. Bit of fun.

It's all right. Who gives it? Oh look. The napkins supposed to be a swan. It looks like a vagina. Well, we've got vagina napkins. Yeah. Reference it in the speech.

Make a comment. Lovely. because now we're all part of it, not just, you know, it's not us and them. A private hell at 3am. It's that thing. There was, don't let anything be private hell. Everybody is there. Everybody wants to be part of this.

Everyone wants to be included. Everyone wants to remember the bit where there were vaginas instead of swans and to be able to laugh about it. It's all about your perspective, keeping it light, being helpful, delegating where possible, being able to say no if someone asks you to do. Could you tailor my suit? No. No.

No, I have no experience. And the fact that you're asking is a problem. Let professionals do things where possible or people with some experience. Don't just think you can take on everything yourself unless you know for sure you have done this in the past. Give out the clear jobs to people who need jobs so they feel included. Write down the full names of everybody for the table plan. Don't go crazy about whether you need a menu. Some people need the vegetarian menu and some people need the meat menu on their purpose.

personal plate, just put the vegetarian and the meat on everybody's thing and everybody have the same thing. You don't need to be going around being like, who's got this and who's got this? Chill out. Some things you just need to chill out, it's not important and it will drive you insane. Is it worth the bang for your buck? And the most important thing is that be ready to not look as beautiful as you imagined. And remember that there is no perfect wedding. There is only this wedding and therefore this wedding is perfect. Oh, one an amazing quote to end on. Wow. Quite moved by that. Wow. I just came up with that. that. Did you? Yeah. I thought there's a me of some sort of quote from Confucius.

I just started with there is no perfect wedding and I was like, wow, I can keep going. And it's good. And it's good. Thank you very much for listening. If you, if you are organizing a wedding, we just, we back you, we are here supporting you. Remember not to panic and remember that it's just a series of things you're going to be solving throughout the day. Yeah, it will be that. There is no, it will not go right. It will be endless, endless problems of it. And you're all going to to get through this together because that is what a wedding is. You're going to have a great time. If you want my sweet cart, please have it.

Get in touch with Tessa for any wedding paraphernalia that you might be needing. We've got a lot of astro turf. A lot of Swansea AstroTurf. Let us know if there are any episode topics that we haven't done that you would really like us to do. We're on Twitter at Nobody Panic Pod. You can tweet us or DMOs. I'm at StvM.

The S.S.5. Go to my Instagram to see pictures of Tessa's wedding topics. I'm just about our own Instagram. but I'm just saying as well, like I'm very much going to be forcing those out. Oh, your email us, Nobody PanicPodcast at gmail.com. Just best wishes. Any happy returns. Yeah, and have a fantastic day.

And God bless you all, whether you're having the wedding or attending the wedding. Have a wonderful one. And blessed be their union. Bless it be the union. Goodbye. See you next.