Nobody Panic - How to Introduce your Partner to your Friends

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

As it’s nearly Valentine’s Day, here’s one for the new lovers. Stevie and Tessa navigate the absolute minefield of the Hard Launch. Who meets them first? Should you throw a Partner Reveal Party? What if nobody gets on? What if you must endure the agony of being perceived through the eyes of another? Starts off light, then Tessa has an emotional melt down. Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Are you bringing your partner to the party? Hmm.

Yes. Hello. Well, you seem very stressed about it. I couldn't decide if I was going to play the partner or myself in the role play. I couldn't decide whether I was going to be like, oh, you're Tessa's fancy man. Yeah. And then I sort of mean to say anything. See, we both panicked.

We both panicked. And it's this panic that's going to trampolina's into this episode. Yes. It is how to introduce. use your partner to your friends. Your found family, if you will. It's the day before Valentine's Day. We don't suspect you're about to do it on Valentine's Day.

That would be a weird, big reveal. But nonetheless, we feel very stressed. We can't seem to get past Valentine's Day without insisting that we do some kind of... Yeah, on topic. On topic. Episode. We love to discuss love at this time of year. So, listeners, we know there's one thing you're absolutely joking for, and it's more Valentine's Day content.

It's the most important day of the year. Yeah, it's obviously a completely pointless day, but it does nonetheless bring up feelings of romance and love and where you're at and all kinds of, that maybe the rest of the year doesn't push quite as hard. Yes, and I think it's also very privilegedy smog to be like, do you think about Valentine's Day. It's like, when I was single, I thought about it all the time.

Yeah, it's horrible. And everywhere you walk, it's just full of these crap cards that say, I love you. And you're like, no one loves me. Yeah, and they do. People love you. Loads of people love you, pal. I love you.

Anyway, but no, this episode is about, the big reveal. Yeah, the hard launch. You may have soft launch on social media. There were two glasses at the dinner table. Uh-oh. Yeah, were you drinking for two? Hello.

Or were you drinking with another? Pictures of you. On them. Yeah, a picture of you and them. That'll do it. That'll do it. No, once it was an unintentional soft launch. On the beach, posing.

Yes. I zoomed in on the sunglasses. You did. Yes. The reflection. That's from like mission impossible, like the born identity. Enhance it, bring it up, bring it up. And it was sufficiently unpixelated that you could see there was a man there or a person.

And not only a man, unidentifiable man. Did you know the man? Yeah. Did you know that they were together? Did you immediately just put in every WhatsApp group you've ever been in? No, because I'm classier than that. But I waited until people came to me saying, who do you think they're on the beach with? And I was like, I have intel.

I've enhanced that. I've enhanced that. And I know. It was electric. Anyway, so possibly you've inadvertently done this. I did try to do that one. Please. Friend, I was convinced was seeing another friend.

I was like, they're keeping it on the down low. Dinner picture. Yeah. Dessert picture. Yeah. Got the fingerprint analysis. Got the fingerprint analysis. It was like, that spoon is reflective enough.

Yeah? No. Went in, of course not. Oh, right. Okay. But have to go. Upside down, huge in the spoon. Massive, massive nose in a spoon.

Did you try? They did try, of course. And then it was like that, it looks like a hall of mirrors. There's no way anyone would ever be able to tell that. Right. But I imagine. So spoons don't work. But sunglasses do.

Okay, so you've accidentally put some pictures on Instagram. Your spoon was too reflective. Your spoon was too reflective. People already know. Maybe they know, maybe they don't. Yeah. This is now... They know something's going on.

They know something's going on. Yeah. This is the big reveal. Here they are. Maybe you've been waxing lyrical about this person, telling everybody how great they are. It's an interesting one in this because it's obviously deeply stressful for the person doing the revere.

It's stressful for everyone involved. It's so is. Stressful for the revealee, waiting behind the curtain. Revee. The revealie. Hoping to impress. Oh my God.

It's stressful for the person pulling the curtain. Being like, what does everyone think? Oh, the person who's going out of them. Yeah. I was like, what is it like a third person? Yeah. They just work here. Like the Wizard of Oz.

And there's the wizard, of course, who lives behind the curtain. You're pulling your own curtain. Yeah. Then there's the people who've been gathered to look at it. Oh, yeah. That's stressful too. And then you're like,

what if I don't like? What if I don't like them? That's happened to. And you have to also, you, the curtain puller, have to see your person now through someone else's eyes. And you'll always see them differently. Not in like a, oh, like a bad way or a good way. But when you see anything through someone else's eyes, you know, I say it all the time. But like, when I lend people hair brushes and I'm like, oh, there's more hair in there than I thought.

At the beginning of that, you said, and I know I've say it all the time. And then you said something you've never said before. Or thought. Or thought. That's apparent. So it's when... I'm going to say my classic catchphrase here, which is used to be quite a lot.

Do you have a hairbrush? Do I? Quite a lot. As I've seen you taking it, I've been like, I can't give that to somebody that's covered. That's like a wig. Right, right, right.

That's absurd. And then felt very odd about it and stressed about it. What I'm saying is that even if the person is great, seeing anything through someone else's eyes, you immediately just like a little question mark appears. And that question mark could be answered by a, Yeah, that's fine. But you can't help but just that your perspective shifts. And that's hard. Maybe you don't want your perspective to shift on your partner. You know. You're too busy looking at you and your hairbrush is quite happy.

But I understand totally. I've actually, I've got, I've been like, I've got a hairbrush, got it out, being like, wow, bath. Yeah. Then I'd be like, let me just take that out and then like a whole like cat worth that comes out there and you're like, sorry, let me just roll this up and thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's disgusting to be perceived. Yes, exactly. And the ultimate pain of being known. And also what if they perceive, what if someone perceives your. partner in a different way than, because you really know them, you spend way more time with them. They may be like a bit weird tonight. You're like, no, he's not, they're not like that normally. Or you get the ick because like they're trying too hard or they're not trying enough or the nerves have got to them.

This is a minefield. Yeah. This is an absolute, I'm actually very stressed. Yes. But it doesn't have to be because of the way you're going to do it, which is that you soft hard launch. So you've got your soft launch, which is obviously social media who's in the spoon. Then you've got your soft hard launch, which is,

your closest close circle. Yeah. You know, you might think your close circle is, it's the ten gals from work. We go out every week. It's not, I mean, it might be, but it might not be. It might be your, like, friend that you live with

who you see every day, who you just knows everything about you, is so chill and non-judgmental. Because you want to introduce him to the right sort of person, not someone who's maybe, for example, but even this, maybe someone who's single and really bitter about it and it's going to be really upset that you've met somebody because they're not going to react in a normal way potentially either, they might, but some people don't. You want someone who's basically like, your most laid-back

friend, basically, is who you want to be starting with. You think differently. I don't think differently. I was just going to offer. It's hard soft launch. It's spoon followed by one person. Okay, yeah, that's I agree. Not even two, because now they're chatting to each other. Yes. Maybe there's in jokes, there's stuff. It's just one. One, yeah. No pressure is one. But I was also going to offer the other extreme, which is huge party. Not your own.

You throw it so that they need. No, no, no. There just happens if there is such an event that's like... Anonymity is possible. Yes, and it's not just all your friends in one room. Maybe it's somebody else's due. So there'll be other people there who also don't know people. That's really good.

Could they is... How would it feel if they just entered the melee? I think that's excellent, but I think you've also got to look at who your connection is in the melee. Wow. because if it's a very judgy people that you're like, oh, they've always been a bit odd about who's in the melee. You want to make sure that there's some laid back melee goers. We need to make sure that actually that individual person is also in the melee.

Either way, that one person is crucial and will be there regardless. Yes. Wow. Yes. So you've got to kind of be very careful about that first one. And by careful it means like don't overplan it. Like, it's just about the person that you go, oh yeah, they'll get on great. and that doesn't make you go at all stressed

because there'll be someone that when you think about them this podcast episode doesn't really make any sense you'd be like well yeah but they'll get on with that like for me it's my sister I'm like well yeah Gina will just get on that'll be that's fine but I've got to introduce them to my group of you know other people who are really difficult so that's that but that shouldn't be your first entry point ever to always be your like calmest most chill friend

who asks questions And it's interested in people. Yeah. This episode, I'm going to do something quite bold. Oh my God. I'm going to tell the listeners something. Okay. I'd like to hard launch my boyfriend.

So after me saying, to introduce it to your most trusted, I know, I've completely panicked TV. But actually this is fun because this is a podcast. This is like a one, this is an announcement. I'm trying the melee version. Mele's great. I'm trying it. He's not here.

So there's very, you're not actually introducing to anyone. No, no, right. All I'm offering you is a spoon, basically. Yeah. It doesn't have a very. a reflection in it. You're being like you could see him in the spoon, but you can't. I'm just giving you confirmed sighting that he is in this spoon. He needs to have a nickname like The Shadow. The Spoon. Yeah, it's the spoon. I'm not calling him the spoon. You should call him the spoon. There is a boyfriend. He's

not only a boyfriend. We're engaged to be wed. And I feel so stressed about telling people. Is that why you went viral with your engagement dressed in millions of people? I didn't mean to do that. No, but it was a good way of doing it. I think to do with this whole. I think to do with this whole. the launching of the partner thing. It is my firm belief that the British people turned on Megan Markle. Right? Because she was not soft-launched. I think it also...

Racism. But, yeah. And she's American. And she's in suits. Like, there's a lot going on. And I've had to pivot my belief about why. But my initial feeling was the British public turned because he was just like, here she is. We're engaged to be wed.

And everyone was like, what? Right. We're like, we feel we've raised this. boy. We want to be like, oh, the love story. We want to be part of it. So I think that's also, that's on a macro, micro, micro, massive scale with Megan Markle. Micro, macro, massive. Yeah, micromassive. Yeah, macro massive, Megan Markle. And I think it's also on a minutiae mini, mini, me scale. Yeah. Sorry, the stress of this is really pushing me over the edge. So you are saying that people,

you want to involve people in the journey so they don't turn on you, Megan Markle. Yeah, both on a massive. Firstly, so for me, that is like I consider, I didn't want the, the pub, the listeners. You were going to say British public? Yes, I did. Okay. I didn't want the listeners to be like, hey, we weren't part of this journey. Well, they weren't.

No, I know. Because that's why I don't want them to be cross with me, so I'm sorry, listeners. I think in the words of that meme from the woman and girls, I haven't seen girls, I think you're thinking too much about yourself. Oh, okay. No one gives a shit. Okay, great. People just go, I presume Tess has got a boyfriend probably.

Why wouldn't she? It was a very helpful thing that someone once told me about 10 years ago when I was like about the idea of when you can't go to someone's birthday or you can't go to someone's party and I used to be like, oh my God! But I can't, I've let them down. Someone was literally like,

it's not about you, but the horror I would feel like, but I'm not going to be there. And then someone being like, at most, it will be like, oh, so say it's not here. That's it. That's it. It's not your day.

and no one thinks about you that much. And it was really like, alright, fuck, oh, maybe it might. And I was like, no, that's actually, you've released me from this thing. And nobody, and that's what I mean, nobody thinks about your partner as anywhere near the amount that you think about how you present it to people because you're worried they're thinking about your partner. Like, to be honest, like, it's just, I've made this a bigger deal than it needed to be, Stevie.

Like, by about 5,000 percent, yeah. It turns out I've made a big deal out of nothing. Yeah, but it's not in my nature. But it's a fair thing. I saw it happening for, it has been years now. I've seen it happening, but everyone like, you are overthinking this to the point where when something, like you've got, it's the, you've not asked someone their name

and now you know them really well. It's like, well, now you've got a full engagement ring that you're worried people will see. So that they'll go, well, that's an engagement ring. But she hasn't hard launched her partner. Well, so this is my mini version of the Megan issue is that your friends can be like, huh, and you've got this whole thing going on.

Oh, and that's moving in, and I've not even met them. It can be this really tough, and for the British public. But like, it can be this. Of them, of course. It can be tough to not feel part of the journey of something, especially when somebody's like, if someone was like, oh, you know, Stevie's got this new boyfriend, and then I'd be like, what?

And then they'd be like, oh yeah, I've met him. We had a roast. And I'd be like, you had a roast? Yeah. I didn't even know he existed, you know. So it can be this like, who are you telling at what point and who knows about them? And if someone else is like, you know, a friend got engaged that, I knew they had a partner, but I did not know the engagement was on the horizon. And then I was like, oh, great, an engagement.

But then another friend was like, oh, yeah, I helped him pick out the ring. And I was like, you fucking what? I was like, there can be. Yes. And maybe I can see I'm, maybe I'm projecting. now I'm saying it out loud, there can be a bit of this like, oh, who's got to be part of it and who got to be the first person to meet and who was chosen as the first easygoing first friend. Yes, of course. You know, there can be, I think there's a can be a lot of around all the nerves and the being perceived and everything.

Now I'm adding a layer of politics of like, oh, there is politics. But there will never be a published list of who met your partner first. No. You know, I would say that if anybody is genuinely upset that one person, I mean, like, if you get engaged and they didn't know you had a partner, then it's like, that's slightly odd. Not the listeners. I mean, like, your friends.

But I am sorry, listeners, if that was come as a shot. But, like, I don't know who the spoon met first. I don't know what groups. I just know he's around sometimes, and it's very nice to see him. Yeah. But also, what's nice is that you, like, all relationships are different. So you have quite a good, you basically work in this, in a similar sphere as him.

But you're also not like, you'd go to things on your own. Like, you're not like, well, we are now together all the time at all points. Yeah. So that's quite, you've got it quite an ice. Whereas some people, that's what they want in a relationship to be like, joins at the hip always. And so they would have a completely different set of neuroses about it because they'd be like, well, they have to come to everything. And that's very stressful because it's like, well, if you don't get on with all of my friends,

then this relationship can't happen. whereas my partner gets on better with some than others. He's also really shy, so barely comes to anything. And I'm just like, well, he's not come to that because he doesn't, he's shy. Yeah. And that kind of is fine. So I think you're just bringing a very specific fear. So you're worried that, yeah, it's the order with which you reveal

because you don't want someone to go. But you reveal to them first and not me. But I think if anyone is genuinely. angry that you met someone up with someone before, then that's coming, then that's a different. Yeah, problem. A hundred percent. I'm bringing all this to the table. It's totally unnecessary.

Do you feel like that the other way? As in like, so if, yeah, so you would be maybe, which is valid, you'd maybe feel hurt if a very close or has a very close friend done that to you where you've been like, wow, I've not met them and you felt left out because that might trigger that feeling. I don't think so. So I actually don't know where this is coming from. It's more that I don't like when somebody is like, I certainly didn't love the point where people got a new partner,

were obsessed with them, and then things we were doing as friends, suddenly they were now coming as well. Absolutely. And I remember, and I knew they knew it was naughty because it hadn't been officially discussed, but on the day there'd be a message like, we're on our way. And you'd be like, oh, are we?

That's so bad. And you'd be like, oh, great. So now this friend thing is now going to be, there's a partner here. even though the partner's great, but they're not who I wanted to see. I wanted to see my friend, especially when you've left school or university and you don't get to see your friends as regularly or whatever. And so you're like, this time is actually quite precious.

And now I have to make pleasant small talk. And ask about Wolverhampton. Famously, that's what I'm saying. And maybe, you know, Craig, I'm not saying that Craig isn't amazing. And so again, I think I was bringing that. As you didn't want to inflict that. No, so I was never, we're on our way. Even though a lot of people were like, please could you bring the spoon

because you seem to keep him in the house. And you don't really refer to him as your boyfriend. You go, the man, I'm fancy man. My gentleman caller sometimes, perhaps, or nay. While living together. So I think I've also brought that to the table of like not wanting, whereas actually all my friends have been like, please could he come out. What's happening with him then?

So I think I'm bringing quite a lot to the table here. Yeah, but I think that's very indicative of the topic, which is that the way you introduce the spoon or introduced the spoon to your friends and the way I introduced the shadow to my friend and the way anyone reduces, does it, is very personal to not just the person that they're introducing and the person introducing too,

it's your own feelings about it. And I think that, so then it's sort of like with anything, as long as you do it in the way that makes you not feel quite tense and like your voice is kind of here. Okay. When you're in organising, so for example, the worst thing that I could do would be, would have been to have been like, we're all going to the pub and everyone's going to meet the shadow in the pub. He doesn't drink. He doesn't like pubs. He actually wants that to me, I don't really know what to do with my hands in pubs. I feel like I just stand up and I was like, I'm never going to a pub with you. I don't like, you're making me stressed. You just sit around. You don't have to drink. He's like, I just can't. I can't be cool in bars. It was like, right, fine. So that would be the worst. Yeah.

What would have been the best version of the board launch? Yeah, impossible really. No, the best would be something very small amount of people. And it's like, we're going for dinner after something. We're going to see a show after something and so-and-so's joining. So it's casual. So he feels like he's not, you doesn't have to like perform and be like on form and be a mate.

Like he's quite stressed about, you know, not being interesting enough or not being in it. And also you can leave whenever you like. Like it's just like a casual thing. So it's like an easy, but it's still difficult because, you know, he's not somebody that does lots of stuff and does loads of social things like that. So it's still kind of, I've still got friends that he doesn't really know or hasn't really met. And that's just a personal thing that I'm not that asked about that because my relationship, I'm very happy with our relationship. But if you are asked about that and it's really important to you, then like arrange something that is fitting for that, you know? Well, this is the thing about the arrange, do you think you should arrange something or something or something?

simply be open to the universe to like... For it to just happen. For it to just happen. Or is that, am I putting too much? I think our jobs make it easier for that latter thing. Because this would be a dream scenario would be, yeah, maybe been to see a show in Soho. Yeah. You're in the Soho Bar, casual theatre bar, very casual in there.

And then you know two people. But then there's also another strangers joined or maybe they have a friend or somebody from what, there's already a secondary newbie. And then when you bring your newbie, It's like, oh, two newbies here at the table. And now we're just a group of people. We're just five people. We're all learning and there's no focus on like,

so tell us more about Wolverhampton and like any focus and they don't have to feel like they have to be a performing monkey. We're all performing because we're all out making, being normal human beings. And like trying to tell our best gags because there's a newbie at the table. Definitely. There isn't just one newbie, so they don't. That's a really nice thing. You are all performing too aggressively.

They aren't performing too aggressively. Yeah. People know how to meet strangers. Yeah, I think that's a really, it's quite hard. to do that in a casual way not to comedian or something because it's like if you've got like a 9 to 5 job and they've got a 9 to 5 job

and they're like well when are you ever going to like go? But even with my access to the Soho Theatre and this specific scenario I'm manifesting I actually don't know how to orchestrate it. I see I mean you have that scenario has happened like the spoon has just like joined in a booth a few times. You're so right

and also like in Edinburgh like he's just been there. Okay but there are still people from my school, like, old friends who haven't met, you know, just because of our work schedules, whatever,

like, just things just haven't, you know, so I need, and then I'm like, do I just organize a big dinner? But then it's like, and now the curtain will be pulled.

Yeah, it's a bit much pressure. Maybe, I mean, you hate the birthdays, but like maybe it's a birthday thing. So it's there, it's for another purpose.

Yeah. I think arranging something that is for the sole purpose of everybody meeting one person is too much. That's crazy. Okay, I'm glad I'm taking that off the table.

It's like a, It's like a show. Yeah, that's a madness. So do something based on something else. Like when a while ago a bunch of us, we all had like a big roast in Brixton. And it was like people brought their partners. I met quite a few of them. But it was very like relaxed as a setting.

Yeah, that was a lot of people. So you kind of want to do that where it's like, it's my birthday or before Christmas. You're so right, Stevie. And the odd different friendship group maybe. So it's not like you and your gals and then the organiser of that was not the person themselves bringing a soft launch. No, it wasn't. So that's the thing. I can't also organise it.

So therefore I need to either. Ask a mate to be like, what this brackets? This is the spoon show. No, take that one. Immediately you fucked it up. I fucked it. It's this simple. For my birthday, I really want to do like a nice thing at the pub where we all just have like a pub roast and it's really relaxed.

No, it's my birthday now. You've made it. I know. That's too much. It can't be my birthday as well. It can't be your birthday. No, I don't want that. That's fine.

Could it be someone else's birthday? It can be no birthday. It could be like, I don't realize just organised like a nice roast in the pub. It would just be like a nice kind of chilled afternoon. And you don't say, so I can introduce you to the spoon. The spoon is just there. Okay. So I don't need to be quite Machiavellian behind the scenes.

I don't think you need to. Unless like the spoon doesn't come and then it's like, well, maccivell and that. Sure, sure, sure. Make that happen. But I need to, I just need to quietly keep suggest. If there's no social events on the horizon that feel good, I need to suggest to a good social friend who's really on it. He's part of the group that you want to be fun.

Yeah. You remember that last time you organised that amazing rose? That would be so fun. Let's do that again. Let's do one of those again. Yeah. And then hopefully they, they, without you winking, take, I'm like, I'll start a WhatsApp group. Let's get that going.

Yes. And then you're like, great. Or as well. But without saying. With another thing. So like wait for the next thing where everyone's hanging out. Yeah. And then just say, is it okay for bring the spoon?

Yeah. Absolutely. I'm just saying. Yes, you don't even have to organise it because there will be, someone will be having a birthday drink, someone will be having something or whatever, and there'll be a group and you'll go, that's actually not a bad group. So that's quite a chill group. You're so right. I'm sorry, I brought, like my wedding party, Spoon was there. Yeah.

Quite a few people brought partners that I'd not met to that. And it was great because it was like lots of people, everyone didn't really know each other or did and it was all kind of like, it was chill. It was the perfect, I mean, it was a perfect, wonderful day. but for anybody stressing out about a soft launch that was the perfect melee group to throw people into

yeah because it wasn't a wedding just to be clear to anyone it was just like a party so there was no like sitting around that's quite hard I think a wedding is a lot because then they're sort of on another table

and you're constantly eyeing them being like are they okay have they got good people to talk to like are they being charming and you can't really listen to your conversation because you've got one ear up there they're like I'm making good jokes

what are they saying so yeah a sit down wedding maybe a bit much but a big nice big party the perfect environment. And I was just thinking to myself, oh, I don't know if I have any of these social events on the horizon. Of course you got your own wedding.

I can't soft launch him at my own wedding. It's really funny. You were like, if you don't have any social events coming up, he's like, yeah, you're marrying him. Yeah, that's exactly the point. And so I'm like, so that we some people are being like, oh, well, the curtain has been revealed. There he is, I suppose, you know.

So there are a couple of, I would love to make sure that he had met before the wedding. And so I just need to, keep either organizing or manifesting or just being more open to social events that normally I'd be like, I'll go on my own to be like, oh no, great, we're casually going and there's no pressure on this, but we're, you know, we're on our way. And instead of people being like, oh, people are like, oh, hooray, the spoon. Yeah, you're so worried that everyone's going to be like, oh, oh, God, it's, she always brings the spoon everywhere, but you literally never do. I've overcorrected.

I've overcorrected so badly. Yeah. So, so actually, it's completely fine. But I have this, it's not just the spoon, it isn't on him, because people might be like, what the hell is wrong with him, that you keep him locked away? And I don't keep him locked away. He lives a very active and fulfilling life. He does, yeah. He's a very personal man.

Very personal man, completely fine, has his own social group. He's, listen, he's absolutely great. Why am I overselling him to you? I'm so stressed. It's not that I'm worried about him particularly, or people's, I have this with everybody else in my life. So I would have this if, like, a friend was just in town visiting, and I would be so,

anxious just to bring them to the pub, you know, if we were all friends. I would always, I'm always on edge. I'm always worried about giving away my hairbrush. Okay. So that's the thing with like, when, because I'm so admiring of like, people who are just like, I've collected five different social groups. We're all going on holiday. You're like, wow.

Yeah. How have you done that? How have you done that? Amazing. And now I've had an incredible time, met these great people, but I would never. What are you worried? And is that, is that worry purely from what could be in those people's minds of like, oh, no, I just wanted to see test.

Is that what you're worried about or is it something else? I think it is that they won't get on. I think it stems from. First year of university had a big 21st birthday, put two people together that I really thought were good and really liked them both. And my friend came up to me and said afterwards and was like, why did you put me next to that guy?

He's the worst person I've ever met. So I think when I'm like, what does it come from? That. That's literally that. Looking at eye and being like, that's the worst person I've ever met when I'd actively been like,

oh, that's a great pairing, they'll really get on. So then I was like, oh my God, the thought of getting that wrong again is so stress-inducing. We're not 21 now. We're not 21 and everyone's competent, but I just so worry about people being like, I didn't like so-and-so. And why do I worry so much? Yeah. Well, because of that, because it happened. And that's really, that's so direct and, like, that's the worst nightmare.

I hate mixing French degrees. Whenever I do, I'm always like, God, it's so much more fine than it should be. It always turns out so fine. And yet I work myself up into a friend. And so I'm just doing exactly that, but on a huge deal with being like, what if, you know, everyone isn't, you know, it's basically the feeling of looking down the table at a wedding being like, are they okay? Do people like them? What are they talking about? And never relaxing. Because that's horrible. Because that's, if, like, before I was saying, like, what if they like, not misrepresent themselves, but like, say something or something. And it just gets misunderstood. And then you're like, no, they're not like that. They're the best. I want you to know. I want you to see they're the best. And with all your friends and with everybody in your life, you so want everyone. everybody to see everybody at their best and be like, here's this amazing friend I love. Like, you don't have to be like, oh, no, I get it. Sometimes they come across like that.

You want to be like, no, they're brilliant. You just want to be like, oh my God, I loved your friend. And you're like, yay, I want everyone to love each other. And you're so, I'm so nervous about that going wrong that I've overcorrected way too hard. And so all of my social groups have never met each other. And the wedding is going to be some kind of turf war. I honestly think that might happen.

It absolutely won't because everybody is worst case. Like absolute worst case is there just won't be loads of mixing within the friendship groups. Right. And of course, there will be some mixing. But if there isn't, like, you won't notice that. And also, then everyone's there excited to see you and meet the spoon for the first time for buying the curtain. And also catch up with their friends. Because now as well, when you're older, you don't see people very much.

So to be honest, whenever I go to a wedding and there's a group of people that I'm friends with, the first thing I say is, and we won't be mixing. Oh, no, no, no, I say, and I won't be mixing. I'll just be staring at you at like, I'm going to be with you guys. And that's fine. And that's what kind of most people are like at weddings now anyway. What if I give everybody a little hidden picture of another person

and be like, this is who you have to meet at this wedding? Fine. Okay. I won't do that, but like I will respect it. I'll be like, that's great. No, I will. Actually, no, I probably will after like, you know, 17 champagnes. But like, no, I think that is all those like little, like,

ice broker things, that is lovely. And if you want people to mix, then encourage it. But if you're not asked, then we don't have to. People will or they won't. I guess this situation with my friend has impacted a lot of my social interactions from that moment onwards. And I see now that I am just, that is what I'm afraid of. Yes. Of like somebody at the wedding coming up to me and being like, that's the worst person I've ever met.

There's no one there who's going to be the worst person anyone's ever met now. Because we've all met absolute pieces of shit by this age. Everyone's going to be of a level. That's what's nice about weddings. Like everyone's, there might be like one mad uncle's one spicy rat. One spicy little meatball and that's fine. Just to unite the group against the spicy meatballs. There has to be a scapego to every wedding.

I think that's the thing. I'm happy for everyone to hate the spicy meatball because I knew that was coming. But to be blindsided by somebody I thought was good, I think I'm what I'm worried about. Wow. Okay. Well, this tiny interaction at a party really did a lot of damage to me. It did. But that's helpful in terms of introducing your partner to your friends because it brings up a lot of asking yourself why you're stressed by it.

If you are stressed by it, if you're listening. Go dig really deep. Start a podcast that you genuinely thought was just going to be some helpful tips. And then, wow. Here we are. But it turns out I really care about this one and find it so hard. And I find it so hard. I actually did not realize the extent to which I didn't even think this particularly impacted me this episode.

And yet, here we are. Here we are. Okay, I'm going to get a little, yeah, I'm going to. You're going to, not high, but you're going to jump on the next social. or that just comes up organically before your wedding, ideally. I'm hijacking that. Yeah. And then he's going to come to that.

If you're not about to marry them and it's quite early on, one-on-one laid-back. One-on-one laid-back. One-on-one laid-back, and I'm working from laid-back upwards. Yes, with like a kind of casual element, like, oh, we've got tickets to this thing. Do you want to come? Oh, after this, we were going to go and meet for a drink rather than, like, if, you know, if, like, a double date or we are meeting this person, it becomes, like, you know, too much. We never say that's what the actual topic is. It can be the secondary agenda, but we're never saying that.

We're never saying, come around for dinner. It's the spoon show. We're never saying that. And we're not hosting the dinner. That's crazy. I wouldn't mind that for me personally. The other way I was going to do it, and I think that would have worked too. It's like, it's my birthday and he's just there too.

Because everyone's expecting him to be there. So it's not like a surprise. Perfect. But again, it's not the agenda. And it's not the agenda. It's your birthday. Oh, and they happen to be here. It has to be that, doesn't it?

It does. It does. Yes. This is good. This is really good. Just be careful who you start with. There are people who as well will bring their own agenda to meeting your part. If someone who will, maybe, like, you're living with them

and they're worried that you get the impression that they're really, like, sad that you're seeing someone because it makes them feel alone or it makes them feel, like, maybe they're not the best first person. Like, maybe that you need to kind of, like, be aware that there could be other things going on. So just be very honest with yourself, I suppose, and everyone else. Whilst also fully manipulating the situation, so it seems more casual than it is. Yeah. You have to be doing both things really at the same time. I think that's very, very mindful of who you're, of those early people.

And if you have been, for example, two single gals for ages, when your whole thing is like being single gals, and then one of you gets a partner, be just a little mindful of then asking them to be as excited as you are because what they're feeling is like, I'm left out now. You've gone. And then I think it's like you can. You cannot let that fear of the perceiving stop that you will ultimately be perceived.

You will have to give your hairbrush away. So simply face it, let's get through it. You didn't say anything about maybe like, just make sure that you, you don't just like leave them on their own the moment you get there, like all that sort of stuff, you know, and you're like, that's it. Just don't leave them on their own. Even if they look like they're having a great chat, they might be looking like they're having a great chat

and they might be a bit, would have preferred you to have also been there to like help. So just. Yeah. So in the moment, don't just constantly hold their hand and feel like their mother, but equally, you know, give them, don't leave them totally on their own. Don't be like, well, you know, don't overcorrect in either direction. And also just accept that like everybody feels these feelings, which is this great fear and this desire to like deeply protect them, but also hope, desperately hope that they excel. You know, and that and that's don't think that just because other people are more natural about it that they aren't feeling them. They are feeling them.

They're just doing a cosplay of a normal person. And if you cosplay that too, you can get through it. Yeah, it's also like every episode we've ever done. It's like just cosplay as a normal person. I know. And yet we keep making these episodes. I know. We still don't understand how to do it.

I don't understand how every piece of advice is the same piece of advice. And yet we don't do it. If this is the first time you're listening to the podcast, it's the first episode he doesn't. It's not all the same. But it is. But it does generally have the same vibe. And yet each one are surprised.

Each one are surprised. I cannot believe how far we've come on this journey, Stevie. I know. What, you've hard-launched a man. Can you believe it? Can you believe it? I'm about to organise a roast. I'm not about to organise it myself.

It's not for me to organise. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Goodbye. I hope that was of some help. And good luck. If you've been, take this as a sign from the universe that they're ready to be launched.

Your spoon is ready to. Let them meet your pals. Launch your spoon. Goodbye.