Nobody Panic - How to Keep in Contact

Episode Date: January 21, 2020

Terrible at staying in touch? Got a friend moving abroad and filled with fear that this is THE END? It’s not the end! Tessa has SO MANY FRIENDS living abroad and it’s all fine. Stevie has NO FRIENDS ABROAD but she has some helpful tips about staying in touch with the ones that live embarrassingly close by. By the end of the episode you’ll be socially thriving both internationally and otherwise. Recorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive Productions.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true, Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Welcome to Nobody Panic. Welcome. Come on in.

Hello, old friend. And old people. And young. Old and young people. We get them all. I'm Stevie. I'm Tessa. Yeah, we're going to help you learn how to do a thing as ever.

This one is a suggestion we had. So Felicity email does. And ask that we do how to keep in contact with people. I think that's a really good one. It's excellent. I went, oh, yes, when I read it. Oh, yes, please. Yes, because.

Because who among us has not managed to fall out of contact with somebody. It's so easy to let that slide, baby. Yes, because as we always say, the older you get, they, the older you are. We do say that. No, the older you get, you know, when you're a kid, your friends are just whoever's at playgroup. So there they are. They are. And then you don't have playgroup anymore. And then, yeah.

You have to organise to see them and they maybe live, you know, over an hour away. We're so used to, we're so become so good at making friends, both like, in the work, you know, at work, you see them every single day. So it's all there for you. And then as soon as that the effort part of friendship arrives, you're like, oh, God. It becomes another job. Well, exactly. And you're like, I've got too many jobs on.

I do. I do. But it's so important because you need them. You do need friends. Look, just take that away if anything else. It's really good if everyone listening could have some friends. Yeah, friends, family, any old pet, have pen pal. Someone from prison.

Okay. Right to them. Now, before we steam ahead with what is already an absolutely cracking episode. What's feeling like it's already going to be some absolute... It's a real sparkler. We actually, I do have some good tips. So don't turn off yet, because I think we're going to surprise you, I think, at this stage. If we come out with anything good.

But before we do, what's the most adult thing that you've done this week? Mine is I've got myself a silk pillowcase. Okay. Okay. One? It turns out, what? Do you say one? one Pillagay? Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah.

What, am I the queen? I'm not having more than one. I don't know. It was actually Debbie Coates is present to everyone. That's nice. And she had, I think, I've been watching late-night television or I don't know where she got this information, possibly out of the newspaper. The Silk Channel. Sorry, she was watching the Silk Channel. And, you know when you go home and your mom's like, I've been reading this article. You know she's bought something. And it's already in the post, it's already on its way. And she's reading an article about, it said like, how to get skin like Kate Middleton. I have read this tip.

Have you actually? Yes. It's an anti-aging tip that you have to lie on silk pillows because it doesn't like crease your face or some shit. Yeah. Now, I don't want to put a downer on your adult thing. Absolutely. But I only recently aged 31. This is going to make me sound stupid.

That's going to ride it out. We've done many things that I have done. I thought silk was expensive because it took a long time to polish the cotton. Okay. Okay. Let's all take that in for a moment. You can just sit with it. Let's sit with it. Let's sit with that at a revelation.

I found out about silk worms and stuff. My boyfriend bought some silk pillowcases because I'd said about that fact. And he's like, I thought you died going. I was like, I can't sleep on this dad. Anyway, it's fine. It's all fine. Is it fine? No.

I'm so sorry. Right. But the reason that I, then he was like, where did you think silk came from? And I was like, I guess I thought it was polished material. Like, it was that sort of thing. I was like trying to make a look. I don't think I'd ever thought. about it before. I just thought like, the giant silk worm just shoots and silks and

has a great life. And what actually happens? They all die, all loads of them, like millions of silkworms die. Now, I really regret telling you this, but do I in the ethical sense? No. So just imagine like the worst kind of slave labour, but it's worms. So they do stuff to the worms that makes them produce the silk quicker, but the stuff that they're doing isn't great. And I'm just, look, It's like a light podcast. And also they are worse. Oh, God. But it is like, it's a thing that, why would you know?

But how interesting that more people don't know about it? But also how thick am I that I thought it was polished cotton? So... Look, no one's thick here. And the world survives based on our willful ignorance. Oh my God. Wow. That is deep.

Wow. That is deep. Yeah. She started the applause herself. Just want that thing. That first deep clap was me. But I was very happy to join in with that applause. I've started clapping in a new way.

This could be your advol thing. Yeah, I'll trade it up. You know how you might clap hands? Guys, that's totally flat. And this, cupped. That's cupped. I'm surprised that it took you this long as long to find out

that you're supposed to cup your hands when you clap. Well, look, I'm so glad they've discovered the joys of cup clapping. I'm just thrilled for you. My adult thing, I'll do very speedy, because I think those two are very funny. So I posted for the first time, so I did like a stupid little sketch. And normally, you know,

you just like you make a thing you know when you make a sketchcast and you're like I don't know what to put it on like to you like to put on on YouTube yeah it's too long for that I put it on you like I don't also I'm too old to be on it I think there's like an age limit I put it on YouTube and then I was like I guess I'm putting on Facebook Twitter I suppose and then I was like but what about Instagram and then my sister was like put it on IGTV and I was like I don't know what that is wow what's IGTV which is it's just basically a place that you can put like videos on Instagram and when I put it up I screamed because you know I don't know if you've ever been on Instagram and it says like so-and-so is going live.

Yeah. Oh. I was terrified at who's going live constantly? I don't know. Trinney. From Trinney and Susanna. Yes. She's constantly going like she is.

Every time I host an Instagram without fail, Trinny is going live. And she's putting her makeup on and talking about things. And it is insane. Yeah, she's absolutely excellent. So yeah, so I put it on and I screamed. Yeah, I screamed. And then I had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about what sort of reasonable things are to scream at because he was in the shower.

And then he thought something terrible had happened. And I hit his head getting out of shower. I was like, are you okay? And I was like, sorry, I just put some... I went live on Instagram. I thought I'd gone live. And he was like, I don't know what the nouns mean. I'm going to go back in the shower.

Please don't scream like that again unless you've hurt yourself. I was like, absolutely. Please check it out. I mean, that wasn't the reason I did the adult story, but you know, while I'm here... So where is it on your... If you just go on my Instagram, which is at the DVM, the SESA 5, and then it's just like on my main grid and then you... It just starts playing and then there's a little thing that says, watch the full thing on IGTV.

So how to stay in contact with people? I always do this, but I just do this. but I just do want to do you want to know. Are you good at staying in contact with, like, pals from, of your? I'm going to put myself, I'm going to back myself at medium to fair. Okay, yeah, fair to middling. Great. I think I'm the same, yeah.

I'm, yeah, but then there are always like a few people that I wish I could see more. And then it always, and then you just sort of, there'll be like, I guess I don't have a list, but there probably is some sort of list in my head. And there are like the lower third, which are not lower in importance. It just means that I don't run into them as much. So, you know, there's people that you're like, I never arranged to actually hang out with, but they're always at the parties that I go to, all of those parties.

There's constant parties I'm going to, two a year. And or they're, like, through work or they're, I don't know, you just sort of tend to run into them. And then there are people that I just never run into that I do need to go out of my way to, like, do you want to go for lunch? And that, sometimes I just forget to do that. And I'm like, God, I haven't seen them in about seven months, and I really like them.

And that can be frustrating to keep on food. top of sometimes because I'm always like God I'm not doing this and then it feels like a job. Absolutely and what Stevie there is saying is job in a so job I'm calling jobs jobs I know what you're doing because I think it's not like a proper job so like a not proper job should be a job wow my god like keeping it with what's the poet laureate of our time she's she's just spitballing truth here left right and so it should be a nice thing but it feels like a job is a job yeah WhatsApp groups wow job job 100% job weirdly the people are am best at are the people who are furthest away. So I have a friend in New Zealand and a friend in

Hong Kong and they are weirdly the people I'm most best at because they, not of all my friends, but I keep up to date with them better than I do people who are just down the road. And partly it is that both of those people are also, it's actually, I don't think it's really me, it's them. This is great. I love these ones where we realize a lot about Tessa. It's not me at all. Yes. Okay, I've got two friends who are good at it. And through that, I've been, I've tricked myself into thinking I'm good at it. Oh, no. Fascinating. And then all the others? I'm bad. Right. I'm bad, Stevie. I'm bad at it. Okay. Okay. No, this is great. Well, throughout the podcast, we can help you get better and anyone listening. And me, I'm quite bad. Okay. Let's get better. So, well, one thing I did this year and also last year was, you know,

sometimes when a year happens, I'm a bit like, oh, I'll have a review of the year. I don't know, or I'm in like a sort of a mood to kind of reflect. It will last about half an hour and doesn't happen every year. But I, at this point I was like, there are people that I don't see. So I did make a little list in my diary. I have a written diary like a Victorian just because I just don't want to look at my phone for everything. And that's just a decision I've made. But if you, you can do it on your phone notes, I'm sure.

Made a little list. There's about eight people that I was like, God, I keep thinking, God, I didn't see them enough. And also very recently, it's quite sad. A friend of mine who was on that list, who I, when I, when I, wasn't making those lists, but I know that she was on the list, has is very, very ill and I think is, you know, maybe might pass away. And it made me go, this is stupid. I really should have, like, I really, really should have gone for more, like, drinks with her and had more fun with her, because she was, she is so fun. So yeah, it really made me think, oh, well, make a list and, like,

actually do have eight names that then when I'm like, oh, who should I take, I've got two tickets for a comedy thing, which I take? And then I'll look at the list and be like, maybe I'll take one of these people rather than the people that I do keep seeing, which is lovely. But your time is, especially if you're in a site, your time is quite, you know,

well, I mean, no, that's not, if that's bullshit, it's not about living in a city. Your time is precious wherever you live. And if you live, if you're quite isolated or you're not, then that's even harder because then you have to really like use your time well so make sure that, you know. I think writing a list is an excellent idea

because otherwise it feels this sort of nebulous, like, oh, I'm just bad at my, with my friends. And you're like, and they just feel, they sort of feel like, smoky, like, ideas of friends. And you're like, I've got, I've got some, I can't see. Some smoky ghost friends. I got smoky ghost friends. I got smoky ghost friends. I got smoky ghost friends. I got smoky ghost friends. I got them. So then the other thing was, as well, which is the complete opposite of that is that sometimes you can feel stressed about keeping in touch with people. And actually, what you haven't realized is there's a reason you two have just drifted apart or you're doing all of the work. Friendships come and go sometimes. Yes. With the wind. And not even with the

wind, sometimes you just move on and that's okay. And you can really bend yourself into not. Sure. Sometimes trying to keep hold of friends that maybe they're drifting off. And that's why it's been quite hard for you to stay in contact. Very, very sad, but also part of life. So maybe there's also that as well. So make sure that the people that you're staying in contact with, you're staying in contact with because it's a two-way friendship. It's just both of you are really, really busy. That's fair enough. Yes. I feel in my heart. I've written a tip here, which is commenting, I think, on Insta posts with things like, your babe helps. And I didn't mean that specifically. I just mean if you are worried, if you've been really busy recently or you're not,

you're aware that you just haven't been as in touch with certain people, little things like, you know, one example is commenting on someone's in new Insta post with like a little heart being, like you look great or something is it sounds like that would not be enough and it's not enough for a friendship but it does whenever you get a call whenever i get a comment from someone i haven't seen in a while i'm like oh yeah oh i should like hang out with that person it shows that they're engaged with you and it's a nice feeling and i think if that's like a very simple thing you can do to kind of just keep those threads of friendship are burning what yes it's a tricky one because that to me like when you said oh that is nice i should get in touch with that person was the thought you

had when you saw that comment. So again, it just made it immediately like, oh shit, I should do this thing more with this person, you know? So like there are people. Yeah, but there are. And so I guess when you were saying, I was like, that's not enough because there are people, my friend Liz, who lives in Australia with her two babies. Every single one of her Instagram posts is incredible.

And I like them all. Yeah. And I watch all the stories because her boys are beautiful. And obviously that's better than nothing. And I feel very much like that I'm keeping up to date with everything. but I don't feel like I'm keeping our friendship, you know? Oh, no, I don't think that's like, yeah, I agree. I don't think that's, if you just do that and you're like, we're best friends.

Like, I don't think that works. But I just think rather than just doing WhatsApp or like, it's like it kind of adds new, like, other layers. Other layers. Okay, yeah, it's not enough by itself. No. But it is a piece of the patchwork. The problem as well is that sometimes, I don't know, I have this with people where there's like quite a lot of flakiness that sometimes I have as well where, you know, you're just like, I just can't. go all across London or something for that night.

I come all the way across back to something else. And you know, and you're just like, oh, God, I can't. But in the last sort of few years, I think when, as we've become more connected, we also are able to cancel on things a lot easier. And I think that is very, very tricky because it's meant that for me, quite a lot of friends that I would quite like to see. It's like you physically can't make a date to see them. Because one of you will cancel.

And then they've cancelled on you so much that you're just like, I'm quite tired and you've cancelled three times in a row. This time maybe I'll cancel. And it becomes it's like not a mean thing. You're not doing it on purpose, but it becomes like a subconscious embedded in that, oh, we're fine to cancel if we go for a drink. So it's not really in pen.

It's more in pencil. And you don't realize that you're doing it. Yes, we've become a pencil friendship. Pencil friendships. And I think you need to upgrade yourself to a pen person. Yeah. And if you don't want to, maybe in terror go, why? Cup, cup, cup, cup, cup.

I'll do a flat hand. Yes, you're so right. And I think. making your own clear boundaries of people, they'll be like, I will respond badly to his text that says, babe, oh my God,

I'm so, so sorry, I'm just doing this thing. It's okay if I don't come to this thing. Like, yes. Sorry, no,

it is not okay. I would like to go to the same with you. Why have you backed out? We agreed to do this thing. Yeah. And this text is unacceptable. And stamp thing. I've had a run of,

I think I did a tweet about it and then everyone I was talking about, which I did it knowing that they would see. They were all like, oh right that's definitely about us I was in a WhatsApp group and I was like guys drink and nobody replied for 12 hours and it had been

had two blue ticks for 12 hours and I was like oh my god and they're all like made so like we used to work together at a magazine but it's always they are like my group of friends that they are just infamous within my life for we never organise a day and when we do on the day

everyone just starts cancelling and it becomes this like so that drink that then I organise became just me and one other person out of about 10 people and then that person while I was on the way to the drink said oh I forgot there's like a work birthday thing but I can meet you later it was like no so I just went home and then I felt really bad because I was like I could have waited but I don't want to wait and then know that she's having a drink

and aware that she has to leave to like see me you know she's like this is stupid so I but with those people I will keep trying because I know that I'm also very very difficult to get hold of sometimes and they often like come and see my shows and then we meet up afterwards and then they feel like they've seen me but I don't feel like I've seen them because I'm like I've just in a show and I'm not in like well not one classic form and also not very relaxed what I'm saying is it's very complicated sometimes with the flakiness to be like oh do they not want to hang out or am I but actually quite a lot of people do they just are this just this is kind of this is yeah I just think you need to set the thing and be like just so everyone knows this is not a casual drink I know but then no one wants to go for a drink with you. because then you've said, just so everyone knows this is not a casual drink. I'm a totalitarian and this is what's happening. Yeah, but would you actually do that? I don't know.

No, you can't do that. I don't know, Stevie. I've got some friends who went. No, no. You say about your friend. No, I want to hear about your friend. Go. My friend met their friend for a drink who they had not seen for a really, really long time.

And also this, the second friend, the deepest friend, had made the contact. They'd started it. and said, you know, we should go for this drink. Great. At 6 o'clock, the designated meeting time, the suggestion was like, John, I'm in this pub and be like, oh, there's a really fun one around the corner, we should go there. Great.

My friend goes there, literally says, like, what do you want to drink? Bides a pint at the weights. Oh, no. No friend. Like, you know, like, hey, how's it going? But then you don't want to be like, and it had been like a long time since they'd seen this person. So it was not to be like, you're dickhead.

Where are you? Like, it was still, you know, it was like, how's it? Are you okay? To the point I was like, are they, trapped? Like what's happened? And then eventually I just like, you know, called some other people and went for a drink around the corner. And then literally two hours later got a text being like, hey, just got out of work. Like, do you still want to meet? And you're like, are you, are you high?

Like, I was in the place at six o'clock when you said this was going to happen. That's really hard. It's really hard. It's really hard. So you just got to be like, if you're a person who is in the like, oh, I'm in the, oh, sorry, hey, sorry, this happened. Do better. Just do, you don't have to be more available. You just have to say up front, like, I'm caught at work, so I'm sorry, I'm going to have to be a potential, you know, this. Yeah. Like, don't just believe that everybody can just be cancelled at the drop of a hat. Absolutely. In that way that you feel like, you've, like, you've, like, we've all been to stuff that got cancelled on the day and everyone's like, yes.

I love it sometimes. Sometimes you love it, but don't believe that. And sometimes you're at the place with a pint already. And you're like, no. Yeah. And now I'm furious. Absolutely. So just, you know, read the room, everyone.

And WhatsApp makes us so flaky and dreadful because everyone knows that everyone's got their phone with them and so you can cancel at any point because you won't have missed them, they'll just have their phone. You're constantly in contact. So you just do better. But the other side of that is to keep in contact with somebody,

if you make the effort to see them, we all know that that's such an actually now in this day and age. That is actually quite an effort. And you've made the effort to see them. And so if you, if there's somebody obviously who lives in, you know, Hong Kong, that's a real effort. So, you know, fair enough if you can't go to Hong Kong. But I mean, like, if they live an hour away, if they are actually, they live quite close, but you just never kind of make it happen. If you want to hang out with somebody, like, and you really want to

keep contact, I think you do have to get the face time in. Not, don't FaceTime them. I mean, like you have to face to face. Because, yeah, like you're saying, like WhatsApp makes us crazy. And also WhatsApp and social media makes us feel like we are keeping in contact with people, but when we're really not. I shall call it. The Moon Paradox. What's this? It's from the film Moon. With Sam Moon.

Oh, yes, the great guy. I forgot his last name. Sam Rockwell. Oh, you're so quick. Oh, my God. Oh, please. The Moon Paradox. The Moon Paradox is when you think you were really contactful with people today.

Were you? Or could you potentially be in the film, Moon? I don't really want to give spoilers to the film Moon. No, exactly you don't. But if you know, you know. If you know, you know. If you don't, watch Moon. Watch Moon.

Watch Moon. And then you'll. Circle back to this point in the podcast and pick it up. Welcome back everyone who's just seen Moon. featuring Sam Rockwell. What a great performance from him. And you see what the paradox is now that's like you feel like they're there, but you feel connected.

Nothing compares to skin on skin. I regret saying it's Stevie. Nothing compares to seeing people in the room. You've got to aim for that. But of course, sometimes they're in Hong Kong, sometimes things. So let's look at down the steps. I actually think FaceTime is very valuable. my friend who lives in Hong Kong,

hello Claire, who is so good at staying in contact with people. When she's back, she's always like, I'm back, these are my dates, we're going to this Carol service, this is when the dinner is. She's like, here is my schedule. You will join me here, here and here.

If you want to. If you want to. We send on the way to work, she sends me a long WhatsApp video and she just walks to work telling me about her day. See, that's great. And then when I walk to work,

I make one and I tell her about my day. That's great and I think lots of people I mean like I'm certainly somebody who'll be like oh well they haven't really done anything so I won't and it's like no you bring it like you you bring it baby you you just just hit someone with a walk to work account of your day and then

see what they do and like I think yeah like it's the same thing as when I was like I've no friend of mine has ever asked me to go on holiday and I was like really sad about it and I was like I've never asked anyone to go on holiday either and so maybe I should have organised that Exactly. Yeah. And it can be quite tricky if you're making contact with somebody who you feel like you, you know, are on a WhatsApp thread with, you see all the time, but who you don't actually really know much about their life and they don't much know about yours. It can be quite an initial hurdle right at the beginning. Like my friend Carmel lives in Tel Aviv and I would describe as one of my best friends. Literally last year, we had this like Skype call and we'd not Skype for so, so long. And she was like, tell me, tell me everything. And then I was like, okay, so I.

I've left Sainsbury's, and I worked at Sainsbury's at the online magazine for Sainsbury's. And I was like, so I've just, I've left Sainsbury's. And then she was like, what's Sainsbury's. Okay, okay. So let's work back. Because she's a friend from, from school. And we used to spend so much time together. And then as soon as you, you don't know about the day-to-day, like, nonsense, my new shy of your life anymore. Anyway, my point was like, it really made me laugh, the, what's Sainsbury's issue. But then we crested right through it. Yeah.

I went to a friend's, a grandma's funeral a couple of months ago, and saw there my friend's godmother, who I have not seen since I was a teenager, but who I had knew very well when we were at school. And I went up and was like, I didn't know if she didn't recognize me. And so I said, it's Tessa, I'm at least friend from school. I don't know if you remember me. And she gave me a big hug. And she was like, of course, darling.

And then she, of course, darling. How are you? How was Paris? And I was like, what? And she was sincerely asking me, how powerful. Paris was when I was 17 and that was like the last point of reference she had. So she was just like, how was Paris? And I want to be like, I've been to university.

Like I've done so many things. Like I've got, I don't know where to begin, you know, like telling you about my life. I guess Paris was fine. I guess let's start with Paris. But I think maybe that is why if you have people who you don't see who you live really far from doing those things, like doing something more interesting than just like, oh, what's up? who is like, you know, I've got friends who write, like, write letters to each other. And it just, it shows, if you can't make the effort to go and see them because they're too far away and because, you know, you can't afford it or because, you know, you'd have time,

then making the effort with the actual correspondence is like so nice. Because then, then you're constantly updating, like, well, a lot of that video that you said about you and your friend from Hong Kong. The ability to, like, respond to the things that, and some people have suggested. So if you have a boring job where you're always at your computer and by boring I just mean there is some downtime. Yes. Then send some nice long emails.

Yeah. Or have like a specific time in the day. So I had this thing where I really wanted to call home more. I really wanted to call my grandma more. And so I would have this thing from the tube station to my flat is like, I don't know, 10, 15 minute walk if I walk slowly. And so I would be like, well, I'll just use that to just check in, have a quick call, see how things are going. And then, yeah, it was just really, really helpful because it was like Pavlov's dogs. Like every time I got out, I was like, who am I calling?

Ah, right. So have like a little... But yeah, if there's like a time of your day at work or something like on your lunch break or whenever there's like a bit of downtime, and you're just like, normally I'd just scroll through Twitter at this point and feel sad about the world. Instead, I'll write like a really fun email to that friend who I haven't seen it so long. And I think if your instinct just then when we say,

spend that time writing a long email, it was like, oh, oh, try and crest over that initial, like, that's so much effort. Yes, it is. Welcome to adult friendship. Yeah. Get her. Come on. How lovely would it be for you to receive? Yeah, you'd be buzzing your tits off.

You'd really didn't, like, you were like, I guess they'd just have in their own life. And then they're like, I thought about you. And I thought, I'd send you an email. I'd love that. And I'm writing, and obviously nothing in the world compares to a physical letter. Oh my God, beautiful.

Magic. If you're into. I just don't have, I just really want, I don't have any friends who live far enough for me to legitimately write them a letter. Write someone in London a letter? I think that's weird. It's not. Yeah, I mean, okay, well, I'll try.

and then you'll hear about it and someone will say to you, if you start writing me letters? I think you just have to set your, what's it called when you set your bar out? Set your stall out? Set your stall out as someone who is mad. And then you...

It's worked for you. It's worked for me and nobody ever questions my letters. No, genuinely. If you sent me like a door hinge in a post, I'd be like, yeah, how lovely. She saw a door hinge, thought of me. Thought of me. Genuinely.

Popped it in the post. She's saying, let the door both open and close on your life. I think that's what I would take from it. Yeah. Yeah. And she's right. I see her every day.

She can just give me the hinge. I went through a phase of writing them. Possibly some of you have received some of these, people listening. Quill work. Got a wax seal once from an antique shop. That is good. Used to seal them with wax. I mean, this is great.

I loved it. So I got to get back into it. Yeah, get back into it. Eve San Loren, tip number four, of course. Just get more. Just get what Eve San Loren, like, where. See what he's up to. Yeah.

He was an artist by trade. And he used as, there is a collection in his museum of all his New Year's cards. And so on New Year's, he sent everybody these cards. And they're that beautiful sort of hand-drawn, like, kooky thing that you, like, wish that you would just... How you imagine artists just like, right, here it is.

The Vogue, the opening of Vogue, when they have, like, it's our 20th birthday or whatever. And then there's, like, four pages where, like, all famous designers and models have sent them a birthday card. Yes. And they've been done what looks like so quickly, yet so beautifully. So tasteful. It's so tasteful.

Anyway, it's that sort of thing. Then he would mass make them, and then he would send everyone at New Year's, which is like, if you're not particularly, or you miss the Christmas rush or whatever, it's like a lovely thing to be like, send them things for New Year's. I do them every other year because, like, they taste me so long and I'm so slow at them. Have you ever had one? No. You have.

I absolutely haven't. They're like a collage. I honestly don't own one. One had a pig on it. I definitely send you loads. Okay. Okay. Let's circle back on that.

If you missed Christmas, I would then. send them as New Year's. If I missed New Year, I would send them as Chinese New Year in February. Oh, well, that's very useful for you. Because there's always late New Year. Exactly. If you miss that, that, I send them for candle mass. Oh, yeah. Orangeman's Day, bringing up to you. Or July. We're into Easter. Just look up what's coming up. There'll be some insane

archaic festival happening. Just a bank holiday. Or the bank holiday. And that's a reason to pop something in the post. Write a nice card. Say what's happening in your life. That is nice. That's great. So the message is, unfortunately, you have got to do a lot of effort. Make a list and those people that you want to keep in contact with. Go through the list, make sure that you're consistently like, if you can't see them in the flesh, then do something,

make the same amount of effort with the communication that you're doing. And be open about that effort. Like, I got a text. This was so much effort, you say. No, no, no. You send a letter. I got, in the letter, be like, just so you know, this was exhausting. Okay, so I hope I agree.

But I am being transparent. I got a text in January a couple of years ago that said, like it was years ago and I remember it and it said Happy New Year, my New Year's resolution this year was to stay in better touch with Tessa So hello Oh that's so nice And I really, I think about it all the time

It was so nice Oh my God, Nick that, do that That's a great thing And so I was like oh my God that's so lovely And yeah And just so rather than just being like Hello how are you, you know With such like this is my new year's resolution

Yeah And so be oh that's what I'm saying about be open with the effort Yeah So by all means, have that. Text your pals and say, my news resolution is not just be like keeping better contact with people and you've made the list to actively say like to keep in better contact with Stevie. And Stevie will be like, thank you. I've been chosen. And then she'll know that she'll know that it's a reciprocal thing now and you're both you're both in.

It's a you jump by jump scenario. Yeah, absolutely. I'm genuinely excited to go home, make my list. I mean, it's actually to go home, quite frankly. Look, you just want to go home. No, I'm sorry to go home. Make my list. Tell all those people that they have made.

made the list and I, they are my New Year's resolution. Okay. And then also tell the people that didn't make the list. I'm afraid you didn't make my list this year. Then pop into East San Loren, pop out, see if I can buy a bag. Then I don't think he even makes bags. Oh, yeah, absolutely does. Oh, yeah, absolutely does. They're just good. They're really nice bags. Oh, they've done. They're like thousands. Buy the lucky recipient of the best, tell them that the person who does the best contact this year. It gets a, uh, is in Laan bag. Gets the bag. Look, terrible tips from us, but the, I think the bulk of the podcast was quite helpful. I think so, too. It was a helpful bulk this week. with some fray around the edges.

But good, solid, fun fray. Solid, solid, solid bulk. And also, by all means, say, I listened to this podcast and it was about staying a better contact this week. And I realized that we should do that. And I realize that you're the person I really miss hanging out with.

Strong, open, strong, open true, open honest and transparent, but not weird. Yeah, best of luck. And I hope that helps Felicity and anyone listening. And do download, subscribe, share the podcast episodes that have helped you about. By all means, share this as a way of, first briefing that contact.

Yeah, wordlessly, just send a link. We haven't spoken in 10 years. Here's a link to this podcast episode. How was Paris? Yeah, how was Paris when you were 12? And yeah, see you next week for some more, I don't know, fray and bulk. Frey and bulk. See you then. Bye-bye.