Nobody Panic - How to let things go

Episode Date: July 30, 2018

From continuing to read a book you hate to clinging onto relationships that aren't working, Stevie and Tessa look at how we can all start letting stuff go.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. com.

Single ladies, it's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Let it go. Turn around anymore.

Stop turning around. The stay in the same direction. The moon looks white on the mountain tops. None of a snowflake to be seen. This is really good stuff. Really? No. Oh.

No, it is. It's always nice. The call never bother me anyway. Such confidence. Such confidence. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Nobody Panic with me, Stevie. And me, Tessa.

We haven't done that in a while, so I thought we'd just remind you who we are. This episode is on how to let it go. Let it go Let it go Let it go Tess is tone deaf But full of confidence And it's a real source of joy for me

How was that? It was good, yeah So this was actually a request From a guy called Tim Who messaged me Just asking a question For an episode about how to let things go It's a really big issue

We're just letting stuff go Giving up on things Even when it's for the better Oh God it's such a common thing So we're going to try and tackle Some ways that you can You can quit You know, you can stop and that doesn't make you a failure.

Tim mentioned not being able to stop reading a book even when you didn't like it. Oh my God. And carrying on with a film you didn't like. And I relate to that very hard. I've finished, I've carried on, plowed on with TV shows that I don't like, just plowed on. I remember once in the car we're driving to North Wales quite a distance, listening to the audio book of the curious incidences of the dog in the night time. Yes. Can you imagine that, but in an audio for?

Oh, not unless it was problematic. Yeah, it was certainly tricky. We were all clawing our eyes out. Like, everybody was in the car just like grasping at the windows being like, we hate this. And then every time it would be like, end of side two. We'd be like, well, turn it over, starting. Let's go. Carry on.

Life is too short. None of us could just commit to be like, let's just stop. Yeah. Let's just stop. It's what do you get as a, I think we have a really, that sort of gaming mentality of like, we got to finish it, got a tick. Yeah. Got to tick things off. I had a similar thing where there was like a little.

book share sort of situation in my block of flats where people will just put books that they've finished and you can just grab them and then as long as you replace it with a book that you've finished. So I saw crime and punishment and I was like, people keep telling me that this is like a good one. Like yes, it's an old book. It's a classic, but it's not like war and peace. Like it's actually, it's really good story and it's really readable. It's like absolutely great. So I picked it up and my boyfriend was like, cool, you're in crime and punishment. That's cool. I was like, yeah. It's just like a light read that I'm just going to pop on. Yeah. Don't mind me. Don't mind me. I was staff.

to get bought. Kept going. And then eventually, I just, I remember, like, it was like something snapped in my head. And I thought, life is too short. What am I doing? I could be reading Sharp Objects, the one by Gillian Flynn. Did you love it? I absolutely loved it.

I did English literature at university. Yes, you're welcome. I basically spent the whole course having to pretend that I didn't hate it. Like, I hate, I didn't even think I've told you this. I hated it. Like, really great course. I would recommend it if you like that sort of thing. Essentially, I loved English at school because I wanted to write stories

and I loved writing stories and reading books and great. But the books that we read at like A-level were like Handmaid's Tale and the odd kind of old one that we're like, a bit of Shakespeare. You're like, okay, I actually do quite like Shakespeare. Some of the Shakespeare. Anthony Cleopatra, absolutely not. I've only just been able to say out loud. That's wonderful.

I would say things like, I love Anthony Cleopatra. I'd go out of my way to tell people how much I loved it. I hate it. So I spent my whole university career reading books like basically being really disappointed by books like Dracula and being like, this is too long and they've spent a chapter talking about what a room looks like. And I think it's so important to just see the bigger picture, let go of all guilt and know that you deserve to have an opinion and your opinion. You don't have to tell anyone. You just stop reading it. You are not a lesser person because you think that, you know, actually romantic poetry is.

quite boring. Like that is fine. If you think William Wordsworth was shit, that's fine. You don't, I think we're so worried about how we appear. And I think that is a big thing of letting those little things going quitting and not, like having to watch the end of a film with little things. Start with little things because obviously the bigger things we're going to move, move on to. And it's hard just to go straight in with like big guns about how to quit a job, how to quit a relationship, how to, but start with the smallest things and just, if you don't like a sandwich, stop eating it get another sandwich

We put a lot of shame on quitting and it seeps into Yeah don't be a quitter Don't be quit It's fine It's just be called Stopping Making a choice

It's making a choice Doing something else now Doing something better Doing something better Yeah Yeah exactly And when you call that You're like

Oh Yes of course I can do something better If you're not enjoying the thing Then that means by default There is something better Yeah If that film is making your eyes bleed Yeah

I don't know if everyone's watching Love Island but some people in there have made some very ballsy choices and left relationship that were fine and pleasant and they have taken a risk and said, I think I can be happier elsewhere. They're all like wildly, emotionally immature. But the ones where they have done that are all in like, have made a step to infinitely better.

Upgraded. Huge upgrades. Whereas rather than like, should I stick or to them? Yeah, take that. You have to because if it's even got in your head that you might want something a bit better. Then take it. My friend Caroline, I went to her house the other day,

and she gave me a book. It was something about, like, she was like, oh, you're like this. That was her actual words. She gave me this book. She gave me another one as well. And so we like slid this one under the radar of like, oh, and this.

And it was like a sort of Celtic warrior, princess, you know, Game of Thrones-esque thing. I was like, oh, right up my alley. Get involved. And then the, almost the entire thing was written in original, like, Anglo-Saxon words. So you could. couldn't get through a sentence because your eyes would just have to go back and be like,

what's that? You know when you can't, you don't know how to pronounce something in your head. So even though you don't actually need to say it aloud, you're still like, every time I'm stopping here and being like, what's this? And we were just constantly introducing new characters. You couldn't comprehend who anyone was because they were all quite similar. And they were called like, Gerndthont. And like, well, what's that?

And who are they? Gertthant. And you can't. That's what it is in your head when like you read the one of those, it's like, oh, Schildbergh. Yeah, Shilberhai. And you're like, Shilberhai the king. you're like thank God

it was literally like Shilbeahe the King wrestled his loom off out of the burnt grain and you're like what? Like what's he doing? And then I messaged her

just being like this is I like made up a joke paragraph and like sent it to her and I was like this book is insane and then she Dessa has no problem letting go of things no way I was like

this is madness and then she replied literally in all caps being like oh my God thank God I hated it but I didn't I thought everyone would think I was stupid so I wanted

to know what you would think. How much, if that is being carried around with her, when it's a book? It's a book and she's taken it on as being like, I guess I'm too silly to read the angles. Nobody can read this. It's nuts. Oh, that's amazing. And so, like, she was like the relief of her being like, oh, okay. Like, it's just a rubbish book.

I had that with, like, theatre. I think I've mentioned before on the podcast. Yeah, with Anthony and Cleopatra. I like, yeah, I went to go and see, I kept going to see plays because my friend loves them and always get tickets. And, you know, I'd never really gone to the book. the theatre very much and I was like oh go to the theatre so the first year just like pretending that I didn't think everything was about an hour too long and really boring occasionally there's an absolute banger but it is occasionally for me yeah but I was too frightened to say I actually

don't think I like plays very much yeah and I still feel quite embarrassed and I feel like oh you're you're an idiot and actually I'm not an idiot I've got an opinion yes and it's the theater is too long the theater is too long it's quite funny like how much you carry around with you like Caroline with that book. Like, God, that's genuine stress that she needs to get out and it is being held within her that is about a book. Yeah. It's nothing to do with the book.

It's a much more deep-seated issue, like you with your plays. It's not to do with the play. It's you being like, I don't want people to think I'm a Luddite. Yes, and I don't want to believe that I myself am one too. I lie to myself. It's not just what other people think. Yeah. And so if it is, if you've got yourself trapped watching a TV show, I'm on season two of something

that I don't like. and I'm absolutely plowing on. It's crazy ex-girlfriend. I understand. Some people have jumped ship on that. Yeah. And it really enjoyed the first season. Titoring often season two and three.

And then sometimes my housewolds be like, what are you watching again? Why do you look so angry? And I'm like, I'm plowing on with my show. And then I'll just stop. Yes, of course. And now it's got another season four. I'm like, oh, yish.

I don't know what it is. That like there must be something deep in our human psyche of being like, we just want to get to the end. I think it's that thing. It's like the academic thing, isn't it? Of like, when you're young, you're told you did finish all of your dinner. You're told that you have to see this project through to the end

and you have to hand it in and if you don't you go to zero. Yeah. And the whole thing of just like, nobody likes a quitter. Nobody likes a quitter. It's failure. Yeah. And it's so not failure. Not even the things that transpose from childhood to adulthood like quitting your job.

That would be seen as a fit or not being able to get a project in it in on time. That's still not a failure. That binary world doesn't exist anymore but it exists in our heads so intensely. I watched two episodes of the new series of Stranger Things. and stopped. Well done. And I haven't told anyone that. I've lied.

You know why? Because I was like watching it. I was like, okay, yeah, this is fine. But I didn't love it. With TV, that's one that I have been able now to stop. Because I kind of often fall out of love within like second series. But look like, you haven't never told anybody. And I was like, I'm watching this show.

I don't like it. And I was like, I won't say what it is. Okay, it's crazy. That's girlfriend. Like, I'm like, what's going on? Like, why are we so worried about telling people the things we don't like. Because people will be listening and it's actually an excellent show. So I don't know why.

I don't know why you wouldn't watch it. Like, everyone loved Stranger Things so much. And I think I'm not saying, neither of us are saying it's bad. No. We're just saying I've chosen to find something better for me now. Yes, better for me now, which is wonderful. There are so many shows that I will watch to the end and I will rewatch. And that's just not one of them.

And that's why art is art. But also taking it to like a bigger thing. When you were talking about Love Island and you're like, yeah, they'll make a better choice. I mean, how many people do we know who were, for example, example, let's make that even bigger in a bad relationship, upgraded it, and suddenly their entire life is better. And yeah, okay, there might have been a bit of time when they were single and not having a nice time, then they upgraded. And because you only know what you want in life from finding out, sadly, what you don't. Absolutely. Absolutely. Otherwise, you've no idea.

And it's such a massive, it's, yeah, it's massive and scary. It's just learning, isn't it? It's learning. And you'll never learn if you keep watching that same TV show. I think this is like, well, who am I And like, what kind of things do I like? And then if you're like, you start watching something and I'm to be like, oh, I actually don't like this. You know, I don't want to be. I actually think there's something better. Or it's such a scary sort of like, oh, I guess I know myself now. And none of us really know ourselves at all.

Yeah. And we're also scared of what other people think of us and, you know, that we can't come out with our opinions and we can't say anything. And, you know. Because, yeah, because what does that mean we are as people? And also, you can change as well. So, like, maybe five years ago, I would have loved stranger things. But this year, I didn't absolutely. You can change.

People are fluid. People are just fluid. We forgot to do our adult thing. We forgot to do the adult thing. So let's just do it now. Absolutely. Tessa, what is it? We've got a joint one this week.

Yeah. At the same time. Yes. We went on Sky News. We went on Sky News. We went on Sky News. To talk about knife crime. Yeah, we, the guy literally, what's his name?

Jonathan. Jonathan Samuels. Jonathan Samuels was literally like, knife crime has gone up by 17% in inner areas and 85% in She's playing fast and loose with these... With these stats, yes, she's making them up, yeah. And A-10, in rural areas. Now, podcasting, what is it?

And why? And then it was just like over to us and we're like giggling in the corner being like, why have we come on this show? Why are we after the knife crime segment? Because it's important because we have done a podcast about helping adults with problems of being an adult. Yes. Just as worthy as knife crime, I said.

Absolutely just as worthy as knife crime. That's what I'm going to take through in my life. I am just as worthy as night of nine crime stats. That is what I am. I think that's a huge thing. I am just as worthy. As anything. As anything.

There's literally anything. Yeah, you're always like, well, I don't deserve to be in. That was imposterous and enjoyment in action as well, wasn't it? It was there hard. It was there hard. But we're so weird. We got, like, we got a fancy car to the sky place in Isleworth and Osterly. We was a makeup room.

I arrived about 15 minutes before I was on TV. They were so calm. They were so calm. Because you weren't there and I was just like been, like, driving my fingers being like, okay, nobody panic. I was literally saying to myself. Been like, nobody else seems to be worried, so I won't be worried either. But what shall we do?

And then you arrived and they were like, do you want to like, take, brush your hair and have a sit down? Do you want to brush your hair? And I was like, it was supposed to be on the television. And they were just all, they were so calm. And I was so impressed by the two news reporters because they were talking to us in the break when the weather was on or whatever. And they were having a full conversation with us, but then they were also talking to

the people in their ears. And writing notes on the scripts. notes at the same time. And so they just were doing like 10 things at want. They were so calm. We were just like absolutely giddy kippers staring at ourselves on the big screens. Yeah, it was really. It was really fun though. And then they, when it finishes and they go to the weather, they have to shush us because we're just like, we're clattering about and laughing. Yeah. And they're like, no, the weather, the weather is on. They can hear you. But yeah, it was definitely the most adult thing we've done this week. Possibly in my life. It was so thrilling. It was really thrilling.

It was really great. Right. Okay. Back into letting things go. Get back in. So we've talked a lot about the kind of little things which I think is very important because you need to learn how to it's like almost training yourself and you wouldn't uh you don't run before you can walk things like um i talked a lot about maricondo in the past about like i love bloody lover but like how much stuff is about you know having things that you have in your house and saying thank you to them and then letting them go and i find that weird yes so it's about that we hold onto those things because of guilt about the past or fear about the future so when you hold onto your clothes and your weird stuff and things that you actually don't like or want or need with you.

And it makes you go like, ah, that noise. I should stay at this job. I should stay at this job job. I should hold on to this jumper. Like, you're like, listen to that noise and be like, what is that? And identify, is it like, oh, I, someone gave this to me and I feel bad. It's always that, isn't it? Let it go.

Let it go. It's the a noise. That should not be happening. No. And you just have to accept how little anybody else is thinking about that. You're the own, nobody, if someone's given you something and you don't, actually don't like it very much. You are the only person in the world who's remembered that. They've forgotten they gave you that present. They don't care. Absolutely. They've no

recollection of it. Oh, I was at some sort of social gathering. I think I must have been drunk because I genuinely can't remember where I was. Anyway, met a friend of a friend. Her kind of opening gambit conversation was like, I was like, what's going on? What have you been up to this weekend or whatever? And she was like, well, I'm just a little bit, who, because I've just quit my job. Wow. There's nothing more fun than when someone has done something like that because it's just like, wow, good for you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I didn't like it.

But I don't quite know what I'm going to do now, but I didn't like it. I wasn't happy. So she saved up some money. And so she's given itself like two months to find something else. And it was like, doesn't matter if you get that kind of fear. And all of those things are like all about change and progress and not being able to let things go completely hinders change and progress. And I don't think anything bad has ever come from someone being like, I didn't like something. So I did it.

Yeah. Sorry. No. Obviously, lots of bad things are coming to that. I didn't like something, but I've changed it. And I think that's, you just have to be constantly changing and moving. Oh, it's horrible to rip off the plaster. But we have to rip off the plaster. Otherwise, what is the point of being alive? Genuinely.

I know that sounds so over the top, but it kind of isn't. Like, what is the point if we're going to be spending all of this very short time doing things that we don't like? Watching that series. Staying with that person. Being friends with that person that whenever you see them, you're like, I hate you in your brain. Like, what are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing?

And we do, we're taught like so clearly about like other people's emotions and being all this about. We're so worried about other people and just be like, hey, what would I actually do if like I was the last person on the planet? Like, what do I want? Get in a bath, get a gun, shoot the zombies. Of course. And that's the end of the podcast. Yeah.

I'm assuming there's no jeopardy in this last. Oh, there's no zombies at all. Right. I think I'm still getting a bath. Certainly. So maybe that's what I should be doing now. Getting it. Yeah.

Like, be like, okay, what do, and it's such a hard thing to check in and be like, what do I actually want? I don't know who you heard. I like sort of, this sort of is similar to that, like, you know, the choice in assertiveness podcast. We were like, I'm pretty assertive. And I'm like, oh, whoa, we. I don't know how, I don't know how to make a choice. And it's so easy to be like, oh, I don't know. Whatever you want.

Whatever you want. And it's because it's you're too scared to actually think what you want and you're too worried of what people will think of you if you say, actually, I absolutely love Mexican. I love it. I love the people. I love the culture. I love the food. I love the people of Mexico. I want nothing else for dinner. And so it's actually, you're not an easygoing, simple person. You're actually, you're a scared person. You're not a sticking it out because I'm not a quitter.

You're scared. Yeah, you're scared. You're scared. And that's okay because everybody, we're all terrified all the time. All the time. Absolutely all the time. Even the people that you look at you're like, they've got it so sorted out. They either got it sorted out because they were really frightened and have to do something about it or they're still really frightened and they're all both

like, oh God, constantly. On this relationship thing, I would like to say that I have been dumped many times. Once on a canoe. What, in it? In a canoe. On it, in it, yeah.

I've done many times. I'm sorry about that. I didn't actually realise you've been dumped many times. That's all right. That's all right. Have a think about that. Yep, it's all right. A moment's pause for everyone.

while obviously absolutely heartbreaking it has never not been the correct thing to do they have never not that is never not been right sometimes it takes quite a while to realize that it's right but there's always a point where you realize isn't yeah i'm like 100% you're absolutely correct this relationship was not to be yeah yeah this was not supposed to happen you know so like it even if it's just because well you seem to want to end it so that is enough that's enough of a reason as well yeah i was like they just had the balls to do something that i I actually didn't have the balls to do and was not self-aware enough

to be able to listen to all the clues and read the situation and be like, yeah, you're right, I wasn't happy in here either. Yeah. You know? I have known friends who have been in relationships that I've definitely watched from distance and been like, wow, wow.

Yes, that's the alarm, by the way. That's the alarm going off. And that they have eventually got out of. And, you know, I have known people who were the, a relationship sometimes you want to find a relationship that is a two people on an even seesaw but it's very rare and mostly one person is on the ground and one person's in the air yeah an unbalanced seesaw is what I'm describing here and I have known people who were the party that was the most loved and I've known

people who were the loving party I have seen both of them leave relationships both sides believe relationships and always go on to better things and even when I'm like oh they'll be so sad that person who was so in love with this person and has been dumped yeah yes they will be right now attempt in a short term way but they will go on to have a better even see-sore because it's not a nice place to be to be that in love with someone and know deep down that they don't love you in the same way it doesn't matter how great that person is you don't deserve that like nobody deserves to be going and to be continuing a relationship where the other person doesn't love them as much and nobody deserves to be in a friendship that feels like it's a transaction or it feels like you know you're

always trying and they're not really or or even just like it because it's all it's just all guilt isn't it? We just feel guilt about everything. That's where the, the, right through from Netflix, right through to a relationship, through to like, you don't call your mum enough or all that business. It's just, it's guilt and we hold so much guilt. And the fear thing as well, of like, there was, I read a thing about when I was looking at like how to let things go and how to quit things. Someone suggested writing a list of the things that you would have in your life if you

could like ask a genie for a wish or whatever. Once you'd got over the whole, like, can I have a thousand wishes and like trying to trick the genie? Yeah, obviously. And I thought, yeah, that's a great tip, but it's really hard to do. I don't think I've ever, I don't think I've done that since I was a kid, written down like, no holds bad. Here's just a wish list of things that I want.

Because you just feel like, well, first I ever like, oh, I'm jinxing it. And then I'm also like, oh, well, I'm just literally writing down a list of things that I will fail at. So like, I don't ever want to be like, I'll do this because if I don't, and, you know, as you get older, you, that starts to happen. You start to go like, I'm not going to ever be able to win Wimbledon. I didn't particularly want to. now I'm not going to be able to. You know, that sort of stuff.

You start to get frightened to write those things down. But I think you should always force yourself to write that down and go like, okay, look, I get to pick anything. What would I do? Because then you can move closer towards it. You can find a happy ground. You can at least know the things in your life that are nothing like that that you need to change.

And like that could be, it's very painful, but it could be like being a relationship where I'm happier, you know? Or like, it could be like, have a complete career change. And maybe right now you can't just. just quit everything and just do that. But you know in the back of your mind, cool, I'll start to think about how I could maneuver my path towards there. And it's kind of like, it's basically like having a really gross chat with yourself.

Yeah. To be like, ugh. Like it's like you kind of put it off and put it off because it's yourself. But you need to have these conversations. Otherwise you're going to be 70 and go, oh yeah, I did know that my whole life and I never did nothing about. Yeah. I think they like the genie thing.

I think give yourself already, the genius is automatically giving you, every time you ask for money you reach in your pocket and the exact amount is there. Oh, love that. So money's... Hot fow. Every time you dip in. Every time it's there. Oh my gosh, is there? No problems.

And so, you know, you can buy it pretty much anything you want. They're gone. And now you're like, huh, okay, I actually never really thought about any of this other stuff. I actually don't give that any of the time of day. I'm just so focused on like, how can I make money? How can I do all these things? Like, the money's there. Now what are you thinking about?

That's such a good way of looking at it. Yeah, because actually rent and things like that to stop us from thinking about what we actually want because we're just like well I need to make 800 pounds this month yeah minimum am I going to make it from like the linsight how much rent I pay anyone want to buy these this turf or my hand I'll sell my hand yeah thank you the you just brought up something there which I thought was um interesting because I think there are certain things that we can't let go of okay that we should be oh again as it always comes down to you don't beat yourself up so one of the things I think is you said uh look seven percent hotter sure

yeah we all try and be like I'm just not like image based I just I love myself and I'm an intuitive eater and I like I don't diet and actually I find it real talk very difficult to get to let go of things like how I look in the mirror what clothes size I am and where how much I'm going to to the gym that week and all that business and I've tried really hard to because I had a had an injury and I haven't been able to go to the gym for like four months now so you know classically put on a bit of weight that's absolutely fine But it's not fine for me. And I've really struggled. And it's pathetic as I shouldn't because I'm not large. And if I was, that's fine. But it's all about how you feel inside. And I've been really upset with myself for not being able to let it go. And to be like, come on, Stevie.

Like, people are all shapes and sizes. I went to the Hampstead Ladies Pond in my little swimming costume. Had a lovely time. All different types of women there. Just women as well. It felt so free. It was just wonderful. But then they're like nice.

moments and then the next day I'll get up and be like, I don't want to go outside because none of my clothes fit me and I don't want, oh, I don't like, and I can't let go of it. And it really makes me sad because it makes me feel like I'm not doing a good job of being an adult. But actually there are certain things that we can't let go and that's okay. You just have to like keep trying to work on it gently with yourself, I guess is what I'm throwing out into the ether because I don't have an answer. No, I guess if it's a really big one like that that you are cross with yourself for not being able to put it down but you keep carrying it I guess it has to

sort of be like okay why am I carrying this? Yes where does this come from? Where does this come from and it's always something way further back and way deeper than you think be like why am I carrying this and why can't I put it on the ground? Yeah and I think the first step is to accept that you can't and then be like right so now I know yet sorry I can't yet and then you're like cool now I know now I can start like tackle which I will do so like tackling this in as many different ways as possible

and the little things that I've read that I've been like, that's a good tip because I know now that I have this thing that I can't let go of or I think a lot of people don't realize that they can't let go of the thing in the first place. They don't realize. So you have to, that's why those conversations with yourself,

writing a list down, writing the things down that you're struggling to let go of, self-knowledge is like so important. I'm very sweaty because that was very embarrassing. Maybe I'll cut that out. No, I think it's very important. And I think it's such like unspoken-about huge thing that people don't speak about

because we're like, no, it's too embarrassing. That's what an embarrassing thing to still have. Like how silly, how like, oh no, I'm supposed to be an independent woman who's like, you know. Yeah. And I know academically that, you know, I'm fine. Yes. I would be fine whatever I looked like. Exactly.

Because this is me. And I think we do a disservice to constantly to be like, let's not say that. I won't talk about that. I'll be like, no, my body, here it is. I love it. I'm naked right now. I'm nude. We're always nude.

Like, I'm so body positive. We do a disservice not to admit to be like, actually this actually really bugs me. you know yeah it's a bit like the minor strike I guess oh my god isn't everything isn't everything like the minor strike as soon as one person goes down the mine and someone like he's like I'll take the money I'll go down the mine

then we're like well what's the point of this like this is ridiculous we've got to all be striking like as soon as one person is like I'm totally flawless I work up like this I just love myself if we're like oh okay well she can do it I guess I should be able to do it and then I'm a failure for not be able to do it if that lady's actually like

oh no I'm totally faking this Yeah, sometimes I'm flawless Sometimes I don't feel flawless Yeah, exactly That'd be great If Beyonce occasionally was like I sometimes I have woke up like this And I didn't like it

I'd be like great Somebody I remember once In a crowd Not like drawing her stuff She'd come out and done a Q&A With like a small crowd Is Beyonce? Yes, sorry

Our Lord and Savior Queen Beyonce She I saw her alive and I cried For a two hours Start to finish I turned to a stranger

Beside me and shout I'm gonna be sick just like the base was like pounding before she came out and I was like if this woman asked us to go to war I'd go to war I would be at war

I brought my own guns I was like this is how it was like in like medieval times following your king into battle well just it's like what it is now with like cults and stuff if you're the cult leader I'd join the cult and I'd leave my family

immediately I'd leave all of my loved ones I would be living with the Rajneesh in the town of Antelope immediately Beyonce would be just back oneing it up I would be but I would be

Mahashila immediately but honestly no longer speaks and I speak for her. Yeah. Immediately. Irrelevant. What's the point here? Beyonce. Oh yes. So she does a Q and A. Somebody in the audience says, I've got a question. They're like, yes, lady over there in the dungarees,

lady in the dungarees, immediately burst into tears. Fair enough. Fair enough. Eventually, like, composed herself and says like, obviously I think you're flawless, but is there any part of your body that you don't like or that you have insecurities and it explodes? She was like sobbing. Shatters. Beyonce says like, I don't like, I don't like to talk about my, I don't like to talk about, I don't know how Beyonce speaks really.

Just says, she says, well, I don't like to talk about my insecurities. I don't think it's helpful. And like, gives like a tiny side eye to this woman who like, basically, yeah. I'm going to shit. He's basically like, I've asked the worst question in the world. And then Beyonce's like, of course I have insecurities. I'm not going to tell you what they are because then you'll be looking at them. as well. And then you're like, hmm. And then she says, I always thought my earlobes were very big.

And you're like, get out of her, Beyonce. Sorry. Get out. But I think it does, is that hard line. If you are Beyonce and we are literally, we've deified you.

I've told you to get fucked. I'm so sorry. It is too hard. Yeah, it's too much for you to be like, actually I am worried about this thing. Yes. But also it is, I think, a worthy conversation to be like,

and also like, you know, we talk about this all the time about like Instagram giving off this like, this is the best life. No matter what you big up of this like, oh, I bet they're amazing, just because you saw like one fun meme. We have to let all this. Turns out they're a dickhead.

And I'm supposed to bring up, letting it go because now we've just talked about Beyonce and, and... But it's true. Like, it's the same thing of like we... Sometimes we can't let's... We're carrying around all this rubbish and this baggage and all this stuff. And we... And if you ask like, oh, why do that? You're like, oh, I don't want to let my parents down or I don't want to do this or I don't want to upset this person

or I don't want to quit my job because they're... I've had so many friends who are like, oh, I can't quit because my boss needs me. I was like, your boss is not crying to their housemates about how much they need you. Like, this is not happening

the same way around. So don't get it in your head of like, I don't want to let everybody down. I don't want to do this. I don't want to put yourself first. Like, you have to. What do you want? And we ask that of ourselves so rarely.

Which is like product of our environment just like getting through the day being like, yeah, okay, I guess I like that. Yeah, okay, I guess I want to do this. It's so scary to be like, oh no, I like, you know, I like macramee and I'm moving to Morocco, Steve. Okay?

Yeah, but great. How freeing did that feel? So freeing. Really did feel strong and powerful. Right? Yeah, I love it. I'm doing it. That's who I am.

And I'm getting out of it. Yeah, that's who I am now. And that's okay. Yeah. And it doesn't matter if in five years time you're not. If a year, I change it, then I'll be somebody else then and I'll make my choice then. But right now, this is what I want to do. And it's okay to be like, this is what I want.

Okay. Obviously, it's time for a grandmother, Willow. Grandmother. What does she have to say? I don't know yet. Okay. I just suddenly thought that... Okay, this is good.

Grandmother Willow Corner. Here it comes. Here it comes. Quay, quay, natura, you will understand. That's the song of Grandmother Willow and Pocahontas. Shall I marry a Cocoa? No, that's the other song in Popo Hobbiton. That's what she's always asking.

Here's the... Here's today's grandmother Willow quote. Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care of. about someone or something anymore. It's just realizing the only person you really have control over is yourself. Is it?

It felt quite pedestrian. Obviously, it's not me. It's Grandma Willow, so we can talk about it. Oh, right. So, yeah. Okay, so feedback, what are we doing you say to Grandma Willow? I don't know. She's just left the room. Okay. I'm not sure if that was nice. It was really nice. Bit confusing. No, I think it was like, yeah, okay. You can only look after number one.

Because there was only more grandma with what I wanted to say? Let's see if she comes back. Oh, here we go. Oh, hello. Hi, Grandma. What does a tree sound like? Here. Sorry, it's the tree coming in.

She's just taking root. Hang on. Okay. Okay. Grandma the Willow. Any quotes about letting go? Quite great, but the quotes. Okay.

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. That's so good. She's left so we can chat about it. Oh, that's a good one. I like that. I like that from grandma.

I wish she'd heard that feedback actually. Thank you, grandmother. Thank you, grandma. It's okay. Great. How long I can keep this up for. Not long, I don't see. Not long. That's it now.

That's very good, isn't it? It's like, that is exactly right. It is actually stronger to leave. It's stronger to let go of it than it is to just hang around for the wrong. ride because that is the easier option and we all want to, we just, we all want the path of least resistance, we all want the easier option. Absolutely. How nice is it when you've got a social event on the calendar, you having a drink with a friend, you really want to cancel and on the day they cancel? How great is that? That's the easy option, but you should have still cancelled.

Don't I mean, like, don't wait because you're going to end up doing a thing you don't want to do. Exactly. And we do it to us, yeah, good lord. Good lord. Good lord. I feel quite empowered, actually. So do I. You've only got one life. You've just got to do all the things. that you want to do and be as kind as you possibly can't other people, but it's got to be for you. It's got to be for you because we're so rarely check in with ourselves. So I'd recommend if you are trying to let something go, have a practice with letting your clothes go.

Get naked. Let's take them off. But yeah, the stuff in your house. Make some simple, low-level changes. Try this writing down what you actually want from your life. Stop at the second episode of Ozark if you didn't think it was actually as compelling as you thought it would be. God's sake, stop. Just stop.

And then if you are trying to let go of a thing that's happened to you in the past, if it's a thing and you still find yourself thinking about it, go and get so, go and tell a professional. Like go and talk to somebody. Therapy is so good to help you let go of things. Let go. Because you can't do it on your own. Like, as I was just talking about there when I really love it myself. I can't do it by myself. You can't do it by yourself.

You need someone else to be like, yeah, that's a totally valid. That's valid. Yes. And to give it to somebody else, let it go by giving it away. And that can be your clothes. and that can be your feelings. A friend of mine had an accident a year ago that, totally fine, says he thinks about it still all the time.

And you're like, if that is something that's still going around in your brain, that you've just got to go and tell somebody and let that go. Because they can help you, even though you're being like, but nothing happened. Like, I was actually fine. It was just like, it thought something about it was going to happen. It's still there. And if it is a past relationship that you still can't let go of,

a quote here is that even if it appears this way now, the past was not perfect. and acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. And as an author, a book says, it is easier to let go of a human than of a hero. Oh, that's very good. So if you've really built somebody up in your mind and made them your perfect partner or whatever,

they're not, they're not, they're not. Because they're not with you. So that's the main thing, right? We can do this, guys. We can do this. So thank you so much, Tim, for that suggestion. That was a really good one. I'm sorry to let some stuff go.

Oh, my God. I'm going to let go. I've let go of my bladder. Ooh! Weing! Tweet us, if you have any ideas for podcasts, we are working our way through them at Nobody PanicPod. I'm at Stevie M, the S's F5. I'm at Teser Coates.

Email is at Nobody Panicpodcast at gmail.com. Oh, it is. So sorry. And yes, thank you so much for listening. And I think our next three are going to be live ones from the Edinburgh Festival. Oh, my God. With ghosts. There'll be ghosts.

guys so join in for that. Yeah, our guests are to be confirmed but they're a surprise. There'll be hat-hat guests and yeah I can't wait for that. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait either. There'll be bagpipes in the background. Well, have a lovely week guys. And let it go. Let it go.

Let it go. Let it go.