Nobody Panic - How to Live Alone

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

Absolutely desperate to live alone? Absolutely terrified by the thought? Stevie and Tessa give expert crowd sourced advice on how to fully embrace it, how to love your own company and how not to go feral.Tickets for the Nobody Panic Book Tour go on sale at 10am - get your tickets here.Want to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hello, everybody. It's Tessa from Nobody Panic. I'm literally recording this in the car. And I've lost my voice. We are taking this show on the road, baby, possibly even in this very vehicle. I've just filled up with my tyres with air.

If that isn't the most grown-up thing, I've never done it before. And a man said, your tires flat. Listen, listen, I'm buzzing. This car with this big, fat, new air-filled tires, me, Stevie, are put. producers and a whole crate of books are going on the road. We are taking this show on tour. We're going to be doing live podcasts in up and down the country. We're going to be selling books. We're going to be signing books. We're going to be having the best time ever. Tickets for the tour go on sale today. You can buy tickets for the official launch party, which is going to be in London. And that is Thursday the 4th of November. Remember, remember the 4th of November. And then we're going to Cambridge, Brighton, Manchester, Bristol and Leeds all the way through November. And And you can find more details and the tickets at plosif.co.com. And we would love to see you. Okay, bye. Hello. Welcome to Nobody Panic. Hello.

With me, Stevie Martin. And who are you? Well, thank you for asking. I'm Tessa Coates. Broadcaster, journalist, author, pundit. Not paid for the punditry as such, but just likes to do it. But you will find me. track side, just saying, saying my guesses.

No, nobody cares for it. That's what fondetry is, after all. This episode of No De Panic, where each week we tackle a how-to, often ones that you guys have suggested. This is one that has come up a few times, the most recent email, and obviously I've missed all the emails,

one of the most recent ones that I did not miss. But also, did I reply? No, sorry to Stacey. This is in many ways. This is the reply. And what better reply than just do an episode, What better reply? What more could she want from us? A reply, probably. Yeah, probably.

Hello, Tessa and Stevie. And then just some lovely, lovely stuff about the podcast, to be honest. I'm 31 and I've never had to live alone. I've always been in education or lived with parents. So I've always lived in a big shed houses with lots of people around. Earlier this year, I moved in with my boyfriend, but he's now moving away for a new job. So I'll be staying here and living on my own in our flat. Sad enough that he's leaving. So am I. But I'm even. more scared that living on my own is going to leave me lonely. Do you have any tips on how to live alone and enjoy my own company? And I decided because my answer was like, oh my, like basically,

God, no, I don't know, like, I'd be awful at it. I did a call out on my Instagram, which is a social media platform, if you've heard of it. Basically, people gave some tips through it. And I love the tips and they've made me want to live alone. Fantastic. Yeah, well done. It's a tricky one, isn't it? Because if you go into it, excited to be alone, that is a very different kettle of fish than being forced into being alone. Those are two, even though you're still alone, but how you come at it is what makes

the difference. And in this case, Stacey or anybody listening who feels that they would rather not actually please and they like living with someone. Whereas sometimes you might feel, well, we'll get into it, but sometimes you might feel in a position where you're like, oh my God, I've actually never lived. I've never had a space of my own. I've never lived on my own.

And oh my God, suddenly you're like, yes, I want to be in my own place. I want to do my own things. Very different kettle of fish, isn't it? But I think we've got whether you're excited to do it and you just want a little bit of extra advice or you are not excited about it at all. And you're really worried about it. I think we're going to cover all the gamuts in this episode.

Shall we do what we do at the beginning of most episodes where we discuss which was there was an adult thing that we've done this week? Yes, please. I, sometimes, if I may, Stevie, sometimes you and I, we can't think of one. We're struggling for an adult thing. It's not been a good week. This one, I did it and I was palpably excited to tell you about it, which is. Oh, my God.

Great. It is so adult. I would describe it as bordering on a rock. That's how I felt about this one. Okay. I have got a Tesco's club card. Okay, listen, so this is what happened to me. I was always like, I don't have a club card, but I understand that the points are nice.

And you can spend them on red letter days. And I was like, yeah, these are good things, but I haven't got around to it. But famously, on the club card thing, you can get, they are pound for pound in store, discount off, but on the red letter days or to buying a rail card or to buy a number of those things, they're three times as valuable. So they're worth, yeah, anyway, so. What have I been doing?

Well, what have I been doing? I'm the one who bloody knows this information. I still haven't got one. Anyway, then the other day, your friend and mine, Liz Smith, we were in a Tesco's. I got to the till. I bought a number of crisps, sure.

And then as I went to pay, she went, whoa, whoa, whoa, let me do my thing. And I just thought she meant, give me the points. And I was like, happy to give them to you. Have the points. Anyone else want them? She scanned her telephone, where she has her club card at, on her telephone. Yeah. Yes. The price, the price plummeted. I did not realize that there is a club card price in store and it's less than the normal price. I want to kill myself. I imagine the hundreds I will have saved. I go to Tesco every day of my life and have done since 2013. Yeah. So that's how I felt.

I can record the rest of the podcast. I genuinely can quite move. We need to stop. So if I can encourage you all to press pause and go and get yourself a Tesco's Club card, it was incredibly easy to do. And already, I've made a huge, I've made a huge saving. I can't, out of respect for that adult thing.

I don't want to do one. You haven't got one. I'm not going to. I refuse. I think it needs the space. it requires to just land, you know. Okay. What a start to a show.

What a start? Before we... What a start? Before we... Electric start. If you're enjoying this episode, I'm going to start saying this like at random intervals. I might just yell it at like maybe every sort of three to four minutes.

If you enjoy this episode, you're like, they sound fun. We've written a book called Nobody Panic. And you can pre-order it. Search for Nobody Panic. I don't know, Tessa Cotes. Because there's been a few. instances where I'm not listed. So maybe, you know, prioritise Dessa.

And I don't know if it's clear from her tone, but Stevie is taking that information in her stront. I love it. I've been messaging the publisher, being like, can we? Because it says, Desicose and more. And I'm like, I just feel that that feels sad to me. And contributor. Yeah, it's a bit like, oh, man.

I'm going to try and do it with more Pernash. If you have enjoyed this episode, we've also written a book. Thank you. How was that? And that's great. I'll, next time I do it in three minutes, I'll try and emulate that, that panache. Also, if you would prefer to listen rather than read, ooh, and listening, listening is reading. People who say, oh, I, oh, I only had the audio book of that.

That's still reading. Yeah, you said the book. We've also got an audio book. Of course. That comes out November 4th. So buy the book, buy the audio book. Gift it. If you could, just buy several and gift it to people.

Oh, yeah. Have you got a fun niece? Sure like it. it. Oh, she'd love it. You've got an old aunt. She'll love it or not. Maybe she won't. She'll take it. And give it to her niece, which is you. So, round the cycle goes. So that's just my little promo. Okay. Thank you. Thank you very much. So good that you had to take over and give him more panache. And also I managed to get in how bitter I am. Let's just move on to what's they have said about? Oh yeah, how to live alone. Do you think you'd be good at slash have you?

ever lived alone? I have done and I, with varying degrees of success. And I definitely came into it and a point that question asker, Stacey, is coming into it of being like, I don't, I don't want to be doing this. I don't, I feel lonely, as opposed to alone. And I am, and then I have been doing it recently and being like, I am a powerful woman, a solo woman, cresting through life. And so I think it's really about just what stage of life you're at and how you're feeling. And I think a big part of it is being like, oh, I can put all the things where I'd like to put the things. And I think that is such an important part of it. Whereas if you're just like, if you're just being forced to live in a shed or living in a place that's not yours or you're just like in a guest house or something that's

like the space is, you're not only alone, but the space isn't yours. And that's, I think, a big part of it is they're like, I can put all the bits where I would like to put the bits, you know, to truly enjoy your own company. You need to have, and I think this is our main thing, is like you need to write down all the things that you sort of weren't allowed to do when you were in company, whether that's your parents or in your big student rental, doing that, like, walking around naked, doing the, you know, being alone, doing the things at odd hours, getting up in the middle of the night and eating mayonnaise, as I well know that you love to do, Stevie, doing all the stuff

and being, and rather than being like, oh, I'm on my own, being like, I'm on my own. you know, the excitement of it all. The advice that we got, it's all just so, like, it's so fun that makes me want to, like, you know, kick the shadow out and live on my own. Like, it's just so nice. Like, for example,

so many people basically said, buy a silky fancy dressing gown. People walk around and fly it. Like, and then everyone can't be like, I know it's not like really important, but like it has really helped me. Like, okay, no, it's great. And I, like, it doesn't have to be expensive.

Just like one that makes you feel. like I'm in my gown. Oh, it's gown time. Gown and a glass of wine on a Friday evening, for example. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Hello. I think it's about really, listen, this is a word I see on Instagram sometimes and I gag slightly, but I'm going to use it curating your life. Yes. I mean, we're gagging, but it's not, it's not, it's not empty as a phrase. Like, there is a lot to be said for like being like, exactly how do I want to live? Now I have no. compromises to make. And it's about this like take it be take it on board as this like big personal discovery thing of being like okay like exactly what are the things I like and I'm going

to wear my fancy gown and be a fancy lady or gentleman or a non non gender choosing person. That version that you are cosplaying, what does that version look like? Does it look like somebody wearing fingerless gloves writing by candlelight through the through the early hours and then painting things? Or does it look like um, sometimes? someone who gets up very early and does their yoga or does lots of dancing around the living room. Or like, what does that personal version of your created life look like and doesn't have to look like a one size fits all version. And you can't fail because no one's going to see.

So you're fine, you know? Exactly. That's a big part of the magic. No one's going to see, you know? Have a go at it. Like wearing a fancy dressing gown when people around, you'd be like, this is my fancy dressing gown, you know? But when you're on your own, you're just like, ta-da.

I think this is nice. I think this is nice. And I don't need to justify it to anybody else. Yes. And also on that kind of note of like what it would look like for you and what, like, Neve, hello, Neve. It says, buy loads of cheap candles, no fancy candles that you never like. Because it's like you save them for a rainy day on. You feel like, oh, my God. Of course. No, by loads of cheap candles. So you like them every night like a fancy lady. Oh. Because you do everything you're doing now because you're living on your own. You're doing it for you. I think so often, like I have this thing where we've talked about it in the, when we've talked about cooking and stuff, where I'll be like, when I make a meal for myself, the standards are one thing, but when I have to make it for someone else, I'm like, oh, now I've got to do it properly, so it tastes nice. And like, why don't you just do it for yourself? Like, you have some self-respect woman.

Right? First thing, the candles in Aldi look exactly like the Joe Malone candles and cost two pounds. Mu-mois-mois. Yeah, they don't burn at quite the same rate, and they go black. Sure. You're not going to burn the Joe Malone candle that you got for your birthday five years ago. You just keep it in a box. Live your life. Next thing, this tip comes from Malala Usify.

She's always writing in. She wrote once about how when she's on her own, she talks to herself a lot, but she actually, and she says it's psychologically proved about using your own name. And she says, come on, Malala. I just think that's so sweet. And for a while I started saying, come on Malala to myself, which is not what she meant.

And it can feel a little bit like, uh-oh, here begins the descent into madness, but it's actually the opposite thing. It's the polar opposite, so don't fear it. And like talking to yourself, either talking to,

not to say like, to people who aren't there, as in they aren't in the room, but like, you know, practicing a, practicing a thing, a presentation you have to give or giving a talk or, you know, that's sort of just talking out loud thing, um, is absolutely fine. Um, not necessarily having conversation, not having, uh, unresolved arguments from seven years ago, not recommended, but general chat, fine, but sort of

being like, oh, well, that's a very nice meal, Stevie. Like, and not in a sort of gollum way of being like, and now I'm two people. Just being like, just you can congratulate yourself and it not be, and it not be a big deal and we're so sort of wary, I think, of that sort of thing in this country that we're like, what, and then you say, what, then you say your own name. Yes, just say, well done to yourself. Or like, I was trying to pack up the other day in a bit of a rush and I kept saying, you're doing absolutely great. You're doing really well. I talked to myself constantly and I don't live alone. So I think the problem is, is, yeah, when you perceive it to be a problem. So like, don't be like, oh, I'm so weird. I talk to myself all the time. It's like, loads of people

message me being like, get a cat, like, if you don't mind being like a crazy cat lady. Like, no, you're just a woman who owns a cat. Like, get yourself a cat if you want a cat. You're hanging out. You don't have to worry about the perception of it. And I think, oh, well, pause onto perceptions. I want to talk about that in a second. But what do you, when you talk to yourself, what kind of things do you say? I'm consistently always, and this is actually from you and our good friend of Ms. Smith, well, I'm mainly ladies would do it. But like, I'm constantly talking to like future Stevie and and thanking past Stevie.

So I'd be like, doing some, like, pop, like, being like, oh, I'm just going to make some dinner, like, no, make more for future Stevie. And then when I eat, I'm like, thank you past Stevie. Oh, that's gorgeous. And also, I must say that the moment I stopped being like, when I can't find my keys, when I come up my phone, or I can't like, I'm, because I'm really bad at, like,

leaving the house. I hate being late so much that I get really stressed that I'm going to, that I'm going to be late, even if I'm not. And so I'll, like, run around the house, like, the Tasmanian devil. and the moment I stopped like verbalising like oh my god it's such a piece of shit like why why have you why have you put your keys there what is wrong with you the moment I like stopped verbalising it because my partner was quite fairly like maybe don't do that because it sort of sounds awful

and I'm here just listening to you be like you're such a fucking bitch like I don't um I stopped like it's also just that is helped so much with me kind of like getting too stressed and like well hang on So if it works that way, it will really work the other way of the more nice things you actually say out loud to yourself. Suddenly you'll start doing them naturally. And then just it's like that thing of if you smile, it sends the same chemicals to your brain. If it's fake or if it's real, you'll start to feel better in general if, you know, you're like things you literally saying aloud to yourself are nicer. I basically just want to mention something about security because as well, you can get,

you can get your fancy robe and all that. But there is certain things I think, some people said which are very helpful. David, who's also a friend of the podcast, said give a close friend a spare key so you don't fear getting stuck in the bath. Fair play. But also as well, good to have a friend. Fair play. Yeah. Good to have, like, we've all done it. Good to know that someone can, just like in your brain, it's good to know that someone can get in. Yeah, has to do. That is so smart.

Mainly as well, if you lose the key, for me, that would be like, I'd just be constantly going to me like, I've lost the key. Yeah, but it's a genius idea. Yeah, other people having the key, just like you're accountable in some way to other people. Also, people are aware of me in my life and, you know, I'm all right. Yeah. And then Jesse said, if you, like, because I know my sister does this when her boyfriend is away working. So she installed one man. And when like she said, I've installed a security system.

I was like, okay, inspector gadget. Like, how did you write reference, very modern reference from me? I think, like, what did you do? where did you get the 10 grand from that you would need to do that for? Of course, you can just go to somewhere like ring and they do want for less than 200 quid. Obviously, that is expensive, but what I'm saying is if you're in an area

that you're worried about or you feel worried in any way, ring is just one example. But like, there are like, there are things that you can pop in that aren't, you don't have to be some sort of electrical engineer to do. They're set up specifically for people like you listening who are like, yeah, I'd quite like some sort of. of like, I don't know, camera on my door just to check, like, or whatever. There's a whole road to it.

So look into that if you're worried, you don't just have to be worried. A few people have said baseball bat by the bed. Look, if you want that, that's fine. I think, certainly, but I do think it's a slippery and smoke. I think it makes you more frightened. Yeah, it makes you more frightened. Every time you go to bed, you think, what's that baseball bat? You think, oh, yeah, that's for the killer.

You're like, oh, yeah, I wasn't thinking about the killer, and now I am thinking about the killer. Exactly. Whatever works for you, but I think don't let it become a constant. instant thing, you know? Yeah. That shouldn't be top of your agenda. Also, really helpful.

Almost everything is freezeable. Just practical. What's that for? The idea of being like, all my food's gone off, just pop it all in the freeze. Pop it all in the freezer. Everything. It doesn't work, doesn't work. Yeah. Bread can come out of the freezer and go straight into the toaster.

Game changer. I think when it brought it's down to is like take it in time blocks. If you've moved into this house for however long, in the case it's six months, be like, hey, that's achievable. It's just six months. And if it's a total disaster, if at any point you're like, I actually can't do this, get someone else to come in and stay with you. Or, you know, there's loads of options. You're not bound to this forever. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, you don't work. You don't have to like soldier on. Be like, it didn't work. It's fine. Go back home. Go somewhere else. Have someone come and live with you. Any option is available to you. Try your best, but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, if it's just six months or if you've moved into a flat by yourself now, maybe there's a six months break clause in the lease. And then it's like, okay, I'm just trying this out. And I'm just trying this out. And I'm just trying this out. And I'm just. taking everything day by day and we're seeing how it goes and I'm every day I'm going to make sure I do a lovely little nice thing for me a little empowering like oh I bought this flowers or I bought this lovely treat or I made this nice meal or thank you past tessa this is for future tessa or I did

this nice thing for myself in this like sort of self-love sort of way and then not letting it um not letting it freak you out if it all becomes like you know because it is a very it's two size of the same coin They're like, oh my God, I can do anything I want. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. No one knows where I am. And I don't want to do anything. And I don't want to do anything on my own. You know, they are, they are two sides of it. And so it's very, it's just about trying to push your mindset over to one, not freaking out if the mindset goes in the opposite direction. But if it is there's, hey, no problems. If this is not, this is not for you. Have some pals round. Like there's a couple of tips that were really nice about like Ella says, and I have the radio or podcasts on in the background a lot, which keeps me. company. I do that when I've got an evening off, like, I'll, you know, an evening off, an evening off, you know, ball and shame. Um, just an evening on my own. Um, I'll pop like the news on in the background, even when I'm just like making dinner and I can't really hear it or like, I like, I like having, rather than music, I like having like stuff happening. So I can like tune in, tune out,

whatever, like talk, talking radio basically. Or have the old classic FM on. Just keep so, so it feels like, pop all the light, pop all the lights on in your flat. But just like, how. I put the telly on all the time, not to watch it just so it's like there. Someone's chatting to me. Exactly. And in fact, even someone's trying to me immediately base it into depressing. Yeah, sorry. Sorry, sorry. Just like, just filling the house with ambiance and sound and business and bits. And actually to be like, oh, that's quite distracting. I've got my own empowering things to be getting on with, please. Stop distracting me. I'm busy. Yes. Also, as well, I have a friend who lives in her own who, her thing, and as she recognizes it, she viz too much and too you're like, basically like going out every single night and you're like, and then she burns out.

And so it's really good to look ahead in your diary, make sure you've got like, not make sure, but if you're the sort of person that, you know, wants to fill up their time, like, you know, have like three, four nights where you're like, okay, I've got some, I've got people come around, I'm going out places, I've got something, you know, I've got something different to do. And just, you know, keep on top of that. So you've got like regular external stimulation is the phrase I'm going for. Also, make sure as well that you do have evenings in there where you don't have anything to do per se. And then when you, if you're like me and you freak out about being on your own, which is why I've been really liking all of these tips.

I've found it absolutely life-changing. And I think we've talked about it in the how to be on your own. You didn't go how to live on your own. It's like how to be for short bursts is to schedule, like basically plan what you're going to. going to do with your alone time. Obviously, being me and my brain, I had to really push through that, be like, why do I have to plan how to be on my own? How sad, how lame, my therapist being like, stop having a go with the process and just do it.

I'm like, okay, I'll try. Oh, it works. Great. We're all different. We all need different. Some people are just like nothing better than just being like, I'm not going to plan anything. I'm just like, get a takeaway and watch a movie. That's still a plan.

So I'm not being like, you know, 8 p.m. until 8.10 p.m. What I mean is have a sort of, you know, fantastic. in like a fun way. Why does fantasize always sound like a sex thing? And I like fantasize about what you will be doing on your night off. Like you're like when you're at work and you're bored or you're like, I don't know, on your lunch break being like, oh God, I've got like four hours to go. I don't know how the working day works. And think ahead to like what you're going to do that night. Oh my God. So what, what are you going to cook? Okay, what I'm really seeing. Pick up on the way home. What delivery were you going to get? Are you going to watch Netflix all night? Yes. Even if you end up just staying at your phone the whole time, sure, not that healthy. But also. fine, provided that you are looking forward to your time on your own because you know what you're going to be doing. Even if it's like, I want to have four pieces of toast for dinner. Great. If you're excited about it. Have that. That's a delicious dinner. I think the thing to try and stave off is sat on the

chair, completely alone in the empty room with no lights on and being like, what should I do now? That's what you're off. You've still got your coat on. And you've got your coat on and your hands on your needs and you're like, ah, now what? And it's also about the house is filled with light and candles and noise and stuff and all the things that empower you and your lovely flowers. And you've already know what you're going to do all the time because you're excited to do it and you don't allow those, those things to happen. Somebody very smart described happiness as doing something nice with something nice to do later. That's a really lovely way of just living, isn't it? Always having something to look forward to. You know, it doesn't have to be like, Marbea, well, I've picked there,

but like just something. Yeah, yeah. Something just, it can be so small. A couple of nice pieces of toast to have it after this, you know. It doesn't have to be a massive, it doesn't have to be massive. On the freezer point, very quickly, Beck to Lindsay, who does an amazing podcast called Emotional Pod, which is really lovely. Each episode is like 50 minutes and they do like, she's like a different emotion that you've never heard of because it's like in from like a different culture. It's a gorgeous podcast. Really great.

She says on the freezer point, remember when you put, remember when you put Coke cans in the freezer, otherwise they will explode. That is actually very crucial. Oh, and alcohol. doesn't want to go in there. Alcohol doesn't want to go in there other than vodka. Also, if you block your toilet, as we've discovered in the, in previous episodes, where my adult thing, I think, scarred test of the life. Buy yourself a big old bottle of green gobbler and just throw it down there. It's great. Stop trying to get green gobbler in it. It is not relevant to living on your own. I mean, it is. It is. Oh, my God. No, it is because if I, because no one come, no one can come to your, although, to be honest, when I did block the toilet, it was

kind of like I was living on my own because I wouldn't let anyone go into bathroom out of fear. But you do feel so alone in those moments because you're like, when something goes wrong, DIY or housewise, you sometimes say, like, I've only had someone who I live with who could help me. The thing is, is that when something does go wrong, what always happens is the person you live with, you're like, you'll get it, doesn't know how to do it either. So you're not silly for being like, oh, God, I've blocked the toilet, for example.

You're not going to be going around your flatmates or your long-time lover being like, please look at this toilets I've blocked and help me. You're going to be on your own with that anyway. And also if like a shelf falls off the wall, you're going to be too embarrassed to like to tell anyone anyway. Exactly. I think it's very exciting when things break and then you nobody saw and then you fix them. And you're like, oh, nobody saw the, I messed that up and now I've just fixed it.

And it was no problem. I feel like that you do especially love that. I feel like that is a passive of your personality that you really enjoy. Yeah, I do break things a lot. and therefore it is nice to fix them. And I think, again, to return to empowering, be like, how amazingly empowering would it be to be on your own to have a total crisis, you know, plumbing, electrical, bits falling off

and be like, oh my God, somebody else help me. And then be like, wait, I have to be, I have to be the one who knows. And then getting on the old Google, asking Google, slowly, slowly, working it out. And then we're like, I did it. I did that. You know, I can do anything. Also, the thing about the fuse box, like when you fuse all of the electricals in the house, like, no, if you live on your own, know where that fuse box is and know how like,

if one of the little clicky clicks is facing the wrong way to all the other clicky clicks, you just clickety click it back up again and then all the stuff comes on and you're like, I am the lord of my manner. Perfect. Perfect. The clickety clicks. Where is your stopcock? How does it turn off? How do things work in the house? Obsessed for the stopcock. Oh, look. You're the housekeeper. but who knows everything. Oh, look.

Somebody's the top dog. Oh, look. Someone's having a fantastic time on their own. And working themselves out, enjoying their own company, realizing who they are. Oh, delicious time. And also realizing when you live with someone else,

it doesn't solve your problems. All that happens is that the person you live with sees you being mental. Yeah. So you're fine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then not only,

like, oh my God, oh my God, I'm terrible. I can't do this or like I'm just all over the place. You then see yourself through someone else's eyes and then you also get them being like, hmm, maybe do that differently. You're like, shut up. So like, there were pros and cons to all of it. So whenever you feel really like, if you do feel down about it, like don't, because, maybe don't. But you can't just remind yourself of like how this would not be any different if you were living with somebody. No. It's just that you would be viewed. Yeah, exactly. It would still have happened if someone else was here, but now there's an audience rather than you just working it out on your own.

I hope some of this was helpful. I hope you feel excited and crucially empowered to be on your own. Hopefully we inspire just a whole generation. The entire of our generation listens to this podcast to just immediately just break up with their partners, leave their friends. Have their eat, pray, love moment. Be like, wow. Oh, who am I? Yes. Who am I?

And also to be like... I shall pray. I shall love myself. Mm. And to work out, you know, to be like, make sure there's a block in there once a week that's like, you know, you've got your schedule thing, what you're definitely seeing other people that you haven't just been solo for too long. But also don't fill the thing up to make sure you're never solo. Don't be afraid of the solo.

You know, make sure you got a lovely little healthy balance. Oh, I just had a little final tip just to kind of whang in there is that also find like your local thing. So like, I don't mean like, your local dentives. I mean, but also do. Walk around the area, find like a little cafe that you're like, oh, this is nice. This could be my like little cafe that I go to and like life ever welms me, for example.

Or like a wine barby or like a pub. Your little shop where you know the shop, like foster a little sense of community around the place where you live. And I don't mean like genuinely just like go around to all the houses and be like, hello, I've baked you some bread, but you can do that if you like. But if you're a bit more, sort of like, less sociable like I am, I still really have benefited. And I know I don't live alone, but I can sit,

I can, a couple of people have said this as well to find a little cafe that if you're a bit bored or you, I don't know, on like a Sunday, you make it your thing to go and have like a lovely fry up at this cool, greasy spoon around the corner that's your little, it's your little place. So if you don't have brunch plans with like your pals, it's either that or it's like, oh, I get to go and like read the paper at my local brunch place. and you make your own little fullback routine. Yeah, it's this constant like, ooh, I get to do this.

That just needs to be your constant, you know, core thing. Desire. The burning desire is, oh, I get to do this. And the this can be literally anything, whatever floats your boat, but it has to be that like, ooh, I get to do it. I can do this now. I can do this now. But crucially, you can do it.

And then second crucial, and if you can't, no problem. That's the main. that's the main take-home. Thank you so much, Stacey, for messaging in. And please, too, if you would like us to tackle something, the email that is Nobody Panic Podcast at gmail.com or the Twitter is... Nobody Panic Pod, but with an at the beginning. I'm at Stevie M. The S, it's not an S.

The S is the numeric 5. I'm at Tessa Coates. And by our book, it's a good laugh. You wait until it has the quote and it says, hilarious. I loved it, Michelle Obama. on the front. Oh yeah, we need to get Michelle on that. Get Michelle on the show. See next week, guys. Have a lovely week. On your own. Enjoy your time, kids. And we'll see you next week. Okay. Bye-bye.