Nobody Panic - How to Make a Decision

Episode Date: January 14, 2020

Absolutely paralysed by indecision? Can’t decide what you’d like for dinner, let alone what country you should live in? Stevie and Tessa hold you hand and help you learn how to make a decision. Recorded by Naomi Parnell and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Welcome to... There we go.

Bonjour. To Nobody Panic. It's a podcast and we help you learn how to do things as we learn how to do them. Yes, yes. Help, but could... Sometimes it doesn't help, but sometimes it will. Me and Stevie are sat very opposite ends of the room.

Very far away. Like, marriage has gone deeply south. Bad and the coldness in our heart has extended to our physical being. Yeah. Because we're both in full, well, coats and hats. and we're really sat across from each other just thinking about where it went wrong.

Have you seen marriage story? And I shan't. I haven't and I shan't either. I can't cope with it. It's all that Blue Valentine? Did you see Blue Valentine? Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling's marriage fall apart. It was in like the early 2000s maybe or late 2000s

and I cried for like two days because it shows like them when they're really happy and then it juxtaposes them when they're like Ryan Gosling is balding and mean and Michelle Williams is sad and me. and they're both arguing and they have kids and it's absolutely harrowing. I can't deal with that particular.

Like, I don't need, I don't need to have that in my life. I feel like I'm like, yeah, I get it. It happens. That happens. Cool. Why don't you make up a story about a dragon? Sure. And some films are like, and I'll watch it.

You'll watch it as long as a dragon doesn't have a marriage president. No, I want him to be happy. Because some films are, you know, hardgoing, but you're like, like I watched Black Klansmen the other day and it's really hard going. I'm really sad. But I also, you know, I feel like, yeah, I should watch this. I want to learn things. I want to feel that. Whereas a marriage breaking down, I engage. I know. I don't need to learn any more about that, you know? No. I will learn maybe one day. That's my word. My fear. Anyway, me and Stevie are through marriage story. We're way out the other side. Yeah, I'm over it.

We're so over. We're past fighting. Perhaps we would like quip a mean, a cutting jive of one another. We start a podcast together. Yeah. No, we're still married because we've got too many assets tied up. Oh yeah, and I've got too much ass for you to use a quickly. And my name backwards is asset. So, a lot going on. But today's episode, crucially. Crucially, is about how to, nothing to do with what we've just said.

It's about how to make a decision, which, I mean, whenever there's a decision to be made, I have a panic attack. This will be very interesting to see how we work through. It's brought to you by Amy, who wrote in to say, please what you do want on how to make a decision. I can't choose between raspberry or blueberry yogurt in the supermarket. let alone any of life's big choices. The more options on a menu, the worst experience.

My ideal meal, restaurant experience, is just an endless tasting menu. Before we plow on, what's the most adult thing? Well, ours are very much tied together. Yes. So do you want to... Sure, I'll plow it. Much like our marriage and this podcast. Everything is inextricably linked.

Yeah, we have too many assets to get out of this relationship. I have three lovers on the side. Three lovers on the side. I popped in, just popped into the bank before coming here and the pop-in, of course, as with every pop into the bank, turned into 45 minutes and then me bursting into tears and turning up with a vegan steak bake from Greg's crying saying, I couldn't transfer the money. So, Stevie's got herself involved with the mob. Sorry, yes, I wasn't clear. I just mean like the mafia around the corner. And Stevie was accidentally paid.

And how cruel is this everyone before Christmas? It's accidentally paid too much money. And also a big watch. And she thought, and rather than... I spent it. She didn't check. She just spent it. That's how it works.

Well, I've got a... I do voiceovers and they are quite sort of... What's the word? Fast and loose with how they pay me? I like, I have to constantly be like, and is this for this? And they're like, oh yeah. You're like, do send me a remittance please.

And the whole time, I'm doing it for two years and the whole time... And also, it's not often frequent, but it is quite big watches of money. So I'm just like, oh, I want to make sure that I don't mess this up. And the first time I was like, get in, it's Christmas. It was wrong.

It wasn't there. It was someone else. And by accident. Someone else now wants it back. So I wanted... Understandably. I wanted to transfer it back. And the bank were literally like, that is too much of an amount of money to transfer.

My card reader's broken. And then they were like, no, you can't use a card reader. You have to order one. And look, it's very boring. But turns out what happens is, came here. Tessa's adult thing is... She came here sweating the bake out of... My eyes sweating the bake.

out of her eyes, crumbs everywhere, ever so sad. And I just leant down, barely moved, did I? I just extended my hand into my backpack. Oh, you're really painting a picture. And I brought it back up again with a Nat West card reader. Which the woman said, oh, you won't be able to use that. You weren't better use any card reader because... They told us that Stevie had to have a specially designed one sent to her that would take two to three weeks. Just can't. Anyway, then I presented this NatWest card reader and it bloody worked. We've done it. It works. But the fact that I just had a card reader to hand is mind-blowing to me. It really is a joy to be doing a podcast with you. And with you. I hope we can rekindle our marriage. Yeah, let's do it. You began this story by saying,

I just popped in, and that is how it feels. I'll just pop in the bank. I'll pop in the post office. And then someone's like, where's your P-45? And you're like, sorry. I don't know what that is. I don't know what to do now. I don't drive. And so when they say, do you have any idea, it's like, no, I don't carry my passport around with me. But you know, like, who? And you don't want to have to have a a green driver's license. Or a canvas of me that's all what it's painted. That will not pass muster in the bank, I'm sorry. Is that what gets, he puts you off for having a driving license is the fact that it's green and everyone has a big L on it?

Yeah, I look like, as I said it out loud and then was like, is that the reason? I was genuinely, I began the sentence genuinely asking and as it ended, I was like, yes, that's the reason. I don't want to be like, I've got a provisional. Like, I don't want to be that person and I'm not, I have no intention to drive it. So what do you do for ID in a bar? I'm three one, no old wrinkles. Actually, I do say. Very loudly, you can see my haunted eyes and then they go, okay, that is my go-to phrase.

On New Year's Eve, I bought some hummus and some... You got ID'd? I got ID. No, some hummus and some champagne. The gentleman's choice. The Greek gentleman. The Greek surprise. You know it.

We know and love it. Anyway, at the machine, of course, it says, you know, get the... Get the man. Get the child. Get the lovely little boy. And it was indeed a child. Wander's over in his like baby grow. And then he's literally about to press the like clearly over 25 button.

And I was like, come on, mate. I dee me. It's New Year's. And he just stared me dead in the eye and went, no, you're old. Wow. And happy New Year to us all. Jesus Christ.

Right, come on. Let's help Amy out. Making a decision. So firstly, Tessa, are you good at making decisions? Stevie, absolutely not. I feel apoplectic at the even the thought of making a decision. Of any decision. That's why I'm like, I don't even want to go to the buffet. I want you just to bring me the things. Correct. Yes. Very very true. Correct. Next question. I believe you. I'm the same. I've started to get very good at small decisions that don't matter. So like I'm not somebody who if I make the air quotes wrong decision of a meal, I don't spend the whole time being like, oh, I've ruined my meal. I'm just like, oh, okay, like I'll have another meal in my life. This is fine. That is so good.

And that is a huge, huge step. It's a huge step. I just feel like there's too much negativity in the world. And those low-level decision, like, they don't matter. I remember my friend saying once, I've stopped being stressed when I'm running late because, like, the train's broken down or the train, because I can't do anything about it. If there's something that I've not been able to do and it's just going to happen,

I'm just like, okay, it's happening. It's happening. I always think of him every single time because it's just like, yeah, there are things you can control, the things you can't control. However, when there are high-stakes decisions, oh, I'd be crying. I'd be crying daily. I'd be crying nightly. I also will flip a coin.

Great. In the hope that you feel something on the spin. Look, this, I mean, let's get married. Like, yes, come on, let's do it. This is exactly. We're going to get in balls deep. Sure. If I may begin with my thesis.

Oh. Welcome to my TED Talk. Okay. Why we love Harry Potter. Okay. Welcome. but. Something I've been really thinking about recently

is I think part of what truly draws us to, I mean, there is many, many, many things that draw us to Hogwarts. But if you're not a Hogwarts fan, sorry, but we'll be back shortly. We will be back shortly. Just bite your time. Have a little tea or something.

Why we like Hogwarts is that there is no choice. In the wizarding world, an owl arrives. An owl arrives. An owl arrives. Because more owls arrive if you don't go. Yeah. The owls keep coming and they keep on coming.

The years are coming. The years are coming. Shrek. Okay. I can't really remember it. The owls are coming and they keep on coming. They won't stop coming. They won't stop coming.

You know it. Yeah. The song. She was looking kind of done with a finger and a thumb. Yeah. And then it says, and the years keep coming and they keep on coming. Right. Yeah, sorry.

The owls think through me. The owls keep on coming. And it is in Shrek. So the owl arrives. You're going. No decision. You don't not maybe go to clearing to get into Hogwarts. You're in. You didn't have to decide it.

You're going. You get there. Someone puts a hat on your head and looks into your very soul and says like, Ravenclore. And then that's it. You're in Ravenclaw. When you went to Diagonally, you would go to Olivander's wand shop or wherever you get your wands. The wand literally plops off the wall. It chooses the wizard.

The wand chooses the wizard. So there's none of this like, shall I take maple brush or you know, You don't have to do it. You just stand there and they all shake. The light comes on. The light comes on. A wand plops into your forehead, you know, off the high shell. And you know if it's a good one because John Williams has composed a tune for you at that moment.

Who's John Williams? Is he Oliver Bander? He's the composer. The musician, understood. I thought he played the... He's not a musician. He's the guy that did all of the Harry Potter music. And when Harry chooses the one that's wrong, all the things shoot off and it's terrible.

And when he chooses the one that's right, he goes, do, do, do do do do do. And he's like... And we all know, it's right. Harry is never being like, oh, did I fuck it with this one? Even though I literally did, because I've got half of Voldemort's wand.

So yes, a hundred percent you did fuck it. Yes. But there's never, there's never any referential moment of doubt because you're like, this was it. And like, equally like, your patroness, it just comes out your wand, you know? Like, it's there.

There's no, like, which one did, what did you choose? Did you go for a deer or a child dog? Oh, I went for a phoenix. Oh, did you? Oh, should I have gone for a phoenix. No, that's just what you got. Your patronus is a,

is an at, you can't control what shoots out you want when you shout, expecto patronum. You can't. We've lost a lot of people here and I'm just going to bring them back in. And here we go. It's your job to bring them back in. Oh, sorry, no, I'll do it. It's the comfort of, I suppose, I mean, I didn't go to boarding school, but I imagine it wasn't maybe quite as charming as Hogwarts, but the idea... From what I've heard, it's quite bad.

Yeah, quite sad about going forward to school. If you loved it, oh my god, so great. But the idea of when we were, when we were reading Harry Potter, well, when I was reading Harry Potter, I was at school. But then when I reread them, it's the, that it is the comfort of being in that situation. Like, at least at uni and at least at college, you are being told what to do. You are literally like, and it's like, okay, well, exams, well, it's up to me whether I revise or not, if I don't, fine. Like, and now we're in this situation, like the fleaback situation where it's just like, just tell me what to do. Yeah.

Please can someone tell me what to do. Yeah, you're right. Because there are no decisions. And actually, the most stressful thing about Harry Potter, is the things where there's any factor of decision that Harry has to make. Like with the sorting hat, he gets put in Gryffindor,

but he does know that they were going to put him in Slythorine and actually it turns out he chose. He chose. And that was so horrible about it because any element of decision making is so stressful. Yeah, and so that's what haunts him is the decision, like, should he have,

has he made this wrong? And the sorting hat as a way of comfort is like, that is what made you brave. You chose Gryffindore. And then he sings. And he sings the song of the hat. Yeah, like he, and, but that's not a comfort to Harry at all. He's still like, but what am I?

Am I got it, get it wrong. And so I think that's, Harry Dawes. I think that's a real theme of a lot of, like, young adult fiction and stuff that we are drawn to is like, this is who you are. Yes, all of the best books in terms are like, there's like a destiny, like Matrix. The Matrix, you're the one, the, you touch, you. On the Games. Exactly, like, this is who you are.

This is so unhelp. She's making some sort of weird palm movement. You'll be so surprised. the amber spy glass. That was not what I was expecting. His dark materials. Your thing is just that your Damon just that's it. It becomes that thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Lyra is the one. She's the chosen one and we don't know why. Right. What do we do if you're not the chosen one? Right. So let's circle back. You're not in a young adult fantasy novel. You're not the chosen one. It's on you to have to make all these crushing decisions that all of literature told you'd never have to do.

And now here you are in the supermarket and you can't decide what you want to eat for dinner. Yeah. And you think, hang on, Neo didn't have to put up with. the shit. No. Neo just knew. My first tip is the most rudimentary one. Like I mentioned it earlier, but I will now expand upon it. I was half joking when I said that I flip a coin.

But actually, flipping a coin is not a bad idea. Because if you've got to choose between two decisions, you flip the coin, as Tessa pointed out, and if you want to then be like, oh, I want to flip the coin again, you know now which is the one that you wanted. And if you keep flipping the coin like 10 times until you get the right, fine. You also, it allows you to really engage in, oh, wow, okay, that's the one I have to do. You will just get a gut reaction. So is it actually quite a good way if you've got a simple two-choice decision,

try and flip a coin first? If you're like, this is maybe more confused, then move on to our other tips. Shall we begin with small decisions and build our way to big decisions? Huge, yeah. As in like, that is a huge, huge, huge suggestion. Look, it's a big one. Well, from the Harvard Business Review, because if you attempt to, as I, of course, spent some time, and I'm a subscriber, of course, if you attempt to sort of look into this, the people who attempt to give you, we'll say, like, how to make the right decision or like how to make business decisions. We're going to touch on, like, the idea of it not being the right decision in inverted commas, but like, just this idea of making decisions.

These business moguls, so in one of his suggestions, this guy who's writing in the business review was like, if you find yourself, like, caught up in a restaurant being like, what? do I want? All these things look delicious and you're weighing up all the pros and cons and I was like, yes, yes, that's me. And your instinct is to be like, can I just order everything on the menu? I was like, can I just order everything on the menu? And he's like, yes, yes, please. Tell me what we should do. And he's like, that. I'm a man who eats salad. And so he just always. Any salad, please. Yeah, he just says a salad. Oh, dear. Imagine that. Imagine going in and just like a salad. Yeah. So he just looks, if, if, for me, for, he just looks, if, if, for me, for, forced to choose between the salads. I mean, if it's not a salad, like a meat please, like what would you order? Exactly. He's an idiot. It's the worst idea I've ever heard. I was going to say credit him, but absolutely. I shan't. I shan't. It's a bad idea. But it does tap into what business people believe to be good. And I was going to suggest that like maybe if you have a big week coming up, or like you're revising for an exam, or you've got a really big thing at work or you need like all of your time because that's what they're saying like decision making is draining your time from other

productive stuff you could be doing so while you're stood there dithering you could be getting on with other stuff while he's he's like a shit salad then it's done you're like get back to business you're like where is the joy here sir but for maybe for a short period of time it is worth being like I just eat salad for lunch I always will get this yeah thing so for this like month or these two weeks I've really got to focus at work so I this is what I have for breakfast this is what I have for lunch this is what I have for dinner. It's boring, but I'm getting shit done. This is what I wear.

It's a reason that, like, all the, you know, Steve Jobs wears a black polonick every single day. There's no thought process to what he's doing. He doesn't have to make a decision. He's, that's what he wears. It's on. He's ready to go. He's off. I don't think it's a lifestyle choice because I think you will go insane.

I do think it is a short term. Yeah, if you have much more important time-consuming decisions to make, you're like prioritising your decision-making. Yes. Very good. But in terms of so long-term... Long term. Long term.

So you don't become someone who's like, I eat the salad. If we're talking about slightly bigger decisions, where you do have to give it some thought. I'm trying to think of examples like, I don't know, you've got to pick your team for a thing at work. You have to decide on somebody who you want to be. Your assistant, you've got to decide on a life thing. You've got to pick between two accountants, two business managers.

Can you tell we don't work in business? For me, I'm currently having to decide. between two weddings. Oh, see, this is good decisions. On the same day. Wow. Okay. So those things,

one of the pieces of advice that kept coming up, which I think may help, but I find it, it's one of those things that sounds nicer and then when you actually apply it, you're like, I don't know.

Is the pretend you're advising a friend thing? It takes a bit of mental gymnastics, but it only works with certain circumstances, but it's if you, just imagine, like a close friend of your friend of yours, it says like what do I do I've got to go to this wedding and this wedding what would you say

because my first thing is to if I may act as you being your own friend I'd be like okay well who are you closer to why are you acting as me being my own friend because I told you to pretend to be your best friend and I don't have a decision to make at the moment understood I'm just giving you an example of how you could be your own best friend understood I'm ready

who are you closest to out of the two people yeah yeah okay great we won't know and then well, that doesn't help with the decision. Who would kick off more if you didn't go? And also how far and expensive are both of the weddings? So if one is like in Guam and the other one is in London, then you've got an easier out.

So for me, I would always be like, well, Guam. Interesting. Because I'm like, I've never been to Guam. Great. So well then look, that's great. There's not a right or wrong way of going. I would probably be like, oh, then you did, then you can. could like get out of the Guam one is easier. However, fine, if it's Guam, because then you can tell the

London one, I had to book flights to Guam. Yeah, I couldn't, they were really expensive, so I had to buy them really early and I've looked into, to, to, to, to, to swapping. Also, crucial one, who asked you first? Yeah. Sometimes, if they don't know each other, you can use that to play it off, you can be like, they ask them first, and then they didn't. It's just the one you want to go. Yes. And then I think those are all of the questions, but it's easier for me, because I'm obviously not going to them, but I could maybe think of that and then try and ask myself those kind of, non-emotional, completely objective questions. Would that help?

Okay, so I think what's a factoring in it is that like the answer to like, who would kick off more, who am I closer to, was the same person. Right. Distance and time is absolutely equidistant because they're both abroad. Okay. And that is not helping because I'm like, well, which one do I want to go to? Like, I'm bringing my own thing into it. So, but then you have to focus on who's going to kick off more. And I've made myself absolutely sick thinking about this.

like way too much. And to the point that, recently I saw a friend who is invited to one of these weddings and she just said, oh yes, I can't go. I have to go to another wedding with the calmest manner

I've ever seen. And then she was just like, yeah, and then at no point was she like, I've been sick every night thinking about it. Yeah, but why? And she was like, yeah, I just knew so I made that decision

and that's the decision. The thing is what you're doing is I think you gave this advice on a little previous podcast episode. Oh, please. Is about how, and I mean this in like the genuine nicest way.

The person who's wedding it is will not be on the day. They are not looking at one person who was at another wedding. No. They are manic with, so they do not care. So it don't worry about letting someone down. Don't feel sick about the decision and what that means. Okay. You just need to pick the one that you want to go to. And I think this is a tip for everybody. Emulate that cool friend who was like, sorry, I've got another wedding. Like that's, yeah, and everyone was also fine. Everyone around like, it's fine. The bride will be fine. She said it in front of the bride. I mean. And the bride was like, like, of course, no problem. She can't come.

And were you like, my whole body, it was like I stepped outside my own body and my every other, I was like, just say now that you also cannot. I was like that. And then I just couldn't, I couldn't do it. In my head, you are, I bring this

image up a lot, you are looking exactly like those inflatables outside of garage next to her. Like, whoa! I was like, why do I have to get myself in such a spiral about everything? like why can't I just be like done I just wish I wasn't a spiraller well don't worry about that because that's a separate thing how to not be a spiraller but just um or how to spiralize maybe we can

combine the two combine the two and the second thing which I think we just kind of touch on there is to limit the amount of information that you take in so you can the that's that is to stop you spiraling so you maybe there were there were there were like five questions or five categories there but you will think of like 17 million categories and be like but then but the thing is is it blah blah The plants will be better at that way. I don't have no idea. But like, you'll find ways to overthink all of the things. But you have to kind of separate it into distinct categories,

go through each category, and don't spiral with any of them. Just be as objective as possible. Because the more information that you try to, like, use Googling, like, how do I pick between two weddings? It's not going to help. No, no, you're right. Because then all these articles will come about,

my friend chose another's wedding, ever mine. And you'd be like, I don't need to know that. I don't need to know that. We live in an age of too much information and it's not helpful. It's not helpful to us because our instinct is to be obsessed with information. We like love to know everything. And I think about this a lot that like if you read like a murder mystery or something

or you're watching a murder history and then somebody's like you've been given all this information about like the who done it. Like so much to take in. And yet someone's like, but what's in the safe? And then you're immediately like, what's in the safe? Oh my God. Oh my God. What's in the safe? And then you can't watch anything else because you're just like, open the safe.

So even though they're literally telling you, like, well, there's the knife and they're, you know, they're giving you all the clues, but you're like, but the thing that you took away from me, that's what I'm like focusing on. Yeah. I was like, you know at the dinner, like,

you know at the dinner table where somebody shows somebody a funny photograph. And then as it's like waiting to come around to you, you might as well implode. Yes. You're just like, I have wanted for nothing more. Yes, you've got focused on anything else. And then you get it and you're like, oh yeah, that's nice.

It's as described. You bust it on. Yeah. But like the thought, I think for your brain, to be denied a piece of information makes us go like insane. Absolutely. And I think that's what happens

when we try and make two decisions as soon as we're not like, but I haven't got everything that I need. You just have to be like, remember the clever thing about the safe? Remember that we go, we focus on the thing we haven't got? Yeah, and I just got to calm the shit down.

Calm the shit down. Tip three, calm the shit down. Because ultimately it's not that big a deal. It doesn't matter. And so many decisions we feel like are the most important things but they're absolutely not. They're not. They're simply not.

There's also these things about like making a two minute rule and that's the amount of time you have to make the decision and that's it. But then that only works if you're quite a calm person, if you're quite stressed and you be like by the end of the two minutes. I think it doesn't matter. You just have to be like whether that like time pressure makes you helpful or not. It doesn't matter at the end of the two minutes there is a decision. Yeah.

And that's what it's for is to be like that this is as much time as we are prepared to waste on this because otherwise I have thought of this wedding thing for so long. Yeah. And I'm like, I could have probably solved, you know, climate change with the amount of time I've put into this. You know what? I have no doubt. Thank you. I have some doubts. Some doubts. I do believe that you think you would have solved climate change. If that's how cool. I probably could just watch like an episode of succession. Yes, and then solve climate change. Yeah. And then after that I've got a good idea. It is. It is very good. Any more for any more? Yes. You won't care for it. Oh, I'll take it though. It's a quote by Sylvia Plath. Why wouldn't I care for that?

I love the Beljar. So it's from the Belja. Oh! Your favourite! It's the thing I've been thinking about a lot. Of course I saw it on Instagram. Is it the fig trees? I'm going to tell you it.

Okay, it's just that you've said this like twice before on the podcast. Yeah. But now I'm going. It's so relevant. It's so relevant. And I love it, but it's great. And I'm never going to say it again. No, you can say, oh my God, please say it more.

I think the more people hear it. It's like Trump. the more people hear it, the more indoctrinated they'll be. But it's instead of Trump's terrible slogans, good fig tree decision-making slogans. Yeah, all right. It's just funny. I have said it in the past.

It's just funny. It's just funny. But before I've just sort of alluded to it and or made up the quote. Oh, and we, the second part of that, yes. Okay, fine. Now I'm actually going to read it. Oh, great.

You have to know that the last time you heard it, guys, it was just wrong. Yeah. I was just spitting some, spitting some rhymes. Yeah, great. Okay, the bell jar. Chapter 1. Oh my God.

No, it's this. And I just, it stuck with me so much. And I know it's such a basic bitch, cliche thing to talk about. Look, don't. Overjustify it. Because it is exactly this feeling that's not just like, but the blueberry or the raspberry. It's literally like, but if I eat the raspberry, I'll always be thinking about the blueberry. If I order the fish and chips, I'll always be thinking about the curry.

I won't just enjoy the fish and chips. I will always be thinking about the road not taken. And the older you get, the more intense those roads, become. May I? Please. Should I take the smoothest course? Steady as the beating drum. Should I marry cocoa? I'm all my dreaming at an end. Thank you.

Lots of great. Pocahontas, and I do know it continues. Oh, will you still wait for me, dream giver, just around the river bend? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Anyway.

The point is, the old... What is the point? The older we get, the more it's like, should I have taken that? And the more that the world is open up to you, the more that you have like money and resources and you're like, oh my God, shall I live in Paris for a year? Should I go to Guam? That's this quote from Bogart.

Should I have married this person? Like, should I have married that guy? Don't know. Should I have broken up with that boy when we were 14? Like, it's, what should, is there all these different lives that you could have had. We call them regrets. Or we can just list more examples.

But we can call them regrets. Right. Sylvia Place the bell jar. I saw my life, oh, it's in a dream this, but... Fine. Fine. The best stuff is. The sentiment still stands.

I stand by it. I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. And from the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. It winked. It winked. Definitely a dream. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children. And another fig was a famous poet.

And another fig was a brilliant professor. And another fig was E.G. the amazing editor. And another fig was Europe and Africa and South America. And another fig was Constantine and Socrates and Attila. What are they doing up there, Sylvia? I mean, what are you going to do with them if you pick them? What are you going to do with that if you pick Attila? Off the thing.

And a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions. And another fig, oh, maybe Attila is like the drag name for a lover. Oh, maybe. And another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion. Okay, Sylvia. Hello. Could you, Sylvia? Don't back yourself.

I don't know. You could. You could. And beyond an abelvie. Above these figs were many other figs I couldn't quite make out. Thank God for the brevity of the quote. Thank God, quite frankly. Don't name all the figs.

I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death. Just because I couldn't make up my mind which are the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest. And as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black. And one by one, they plop to the ground at my feet. Lord. Lordy, Lord. A bit of classic optimism from Plath there.

Thank you. Sylvia, I hope the story ends well Oh, I don't know Little prank there of course Because it ends in the oven I've been trying to not say that For the past five minutes But it's great

That was the best way to say it Thank you She did That's how she died She then wakes up from this dream Yes And she has a, and she eats a meal And then she's like

Oh I think I was just hungry You know what That's actually the most I think the enormous gaping void inside myself is actually hunger. Yeah, yeah. And I feel much better about my decisions now. But I think that is so enormous that like,

I was starving to death because I could not choose because each one I, if when I ate the fig, I couldn't have any of the others. And you can. This is the thing I think that a lot of people think. And when you're, I mean, we're not grand old age here, but I mean like the difference between early 20s and late 20s, or early 30s I found is that early 20s, everyone's just like, but if I choose this profession,

I guess all my other figs will shrivel up and die. Yeah. And it's so not the case. So I spend like so much of my time whenever I'm spending time with like slightly younger people being like, you can do that and later you can do this. Yes. Or you can do both at the same time. Like if there's one career that you're like, well, so for example, with my life, I wanted to be a journalist, but I also wanted to do comedy. But I was like, I also want to be able to rent a flat and have money, some money.

So that's why I was like, well, I'll be a journalist on the side. I'll try and do comedy and do like fun stuff. And then it's sort of become that that's now the thing that I do, which is great. But that took a while. I didn't like, I didn't think the fig would blacken and die, you know? Like, I think your figs are fine. They're all going to stay on the tree. And if you don't pick them, you won't mind because you will have at least done it,

had as many figs as you could have done. And you'd be like, I had a good go. I tried all the figs. Attila, fine. I didn't, feel for Mollett. It didn't wall him anyway. It's like Sylvia Plath lives and breathed there in the room. And then I had to meal and then I was fine. It's like, you're exactly right.

I cried to the bank, had a vegan steak bake and I feel so much better. Exactly. And the only thing that will do you a disservice is if you sit in the crotch of the tree. Starving. Starving to death. Just pick a fig. Pick a fig. You're sitting there being like, which ones are the best? Let me do my pros and cons. Because that is what all these instructions says is like 20 ideas on WikiHOW that's like, have you written a list of pros and cons? And I divided them up and done this, but like, who cares?

Pick a fig. Yes. Pick a fig. Because there's one fig that you know you'll be able to. There'll be a few figs that you're drawn to immediately and like go for them first. Like the easiest, like the closest fig. And then it will maybe start a chain reaction of fig eating. And I truly think like if it's sat in your brain of like, should I do this thing?

Like, yes. Do it. Go. Choose that fig. If you've got the idea that you should quit your job, like the seed is already planted. You know. That fig be growing. That fig be growing.

Baby, pluck it. Pluck it and eat it Well I always think about you saying I don't have nightmares about driving Formula One No I don't Because you don't have any interest I don't want to I don't want to so I don't think about it at all

But if you do think daily About the things that you would like to do And if they're sat there they're already there So go and go do them Go go go go And learn the difference between The small decisions in life In which case it's just do it immediately

And then the big decisions In which it's also do it immediately Just have a go and put the things in place Just do it. We've got a podcast episode about how to start a project. So once you've figured out which figure you're going for, have listened to that because it's not just like about start a blog. It's like anything, a new job, like anything,

to help you kind of give you a little bit of a boost babes. And do, if you like the podcast, do share it around and share it with pals so you think it might help who don't already listen and download and download and subscribe. I mean, download, you've already downloaded, that's why you're listening. Subscribe. We're on at Nobody Panic Pod on Twitter. or if you have any suggestions, nobody panic,

podcast at gmail.com. And I'm at Stevie M. The S is at 5. Tessa Goats, just letters, classic letters. Or at we pray love. She's on Instagram.

I'm the same on Instagram. And just have a lovely week and just like chill out, yeah? Just chill out and do some things. See you next week. Bye. Bye.