Nobody Panic - How to Make Christmas Dinner with The Shadow

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

Stevie and Tessa are joined by The Shadow, Stevie’s partner, who is really good at Christmas dinner. Includes a debate about roast potatoes, what being a 'Cool Chef' really means and lots of advice if you’re attempting a roast for the first time and feel VERY worried about ruining Christmas. Spoiler: YOU WON'T, it will be FINE:Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Everybody, welcome to nobody panic. It is Christmas time.

Do they know it's dinner time? There we go. Sing-dong, merrily, it's Christmas. Who ha ha. I was waiting for the whole ha-ha, which happens, whenever there's anything going on. Hello, come on in. Welcome in, take off your coat. Have a seat at our heaving Christmas dinner table.

today. Our episode will be a Yuletide special How to Cook Christmas Dinner. And what's this? A guest at the end of our table? You've heard him... It's sort of mist. It's like a mist. A dark mist. Almost a

shadow, perhaps. You've heard him referenced for years. And now here he is the shadow. Here to teach us about Christmas dinner. Hello. The Shadow, how you do?

Hello, thank you for having me. It's great to be here. Thank you. Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas. We've invited the shadow on because, well, I'll just set the scene of last Christmas, if I may, which was that he gave me my heart.

He gave me my own heart. But also, we were locked down or we, you know, couldn't leave. So we had Christmas together, didn't we? Didn't we? and I should say that short-term listeners would be like, what is going on?

I'm sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. My long-term partner, right when we started doing this podcast episode, I was like, oh, I am referencing you sometimes. How should I refer to you? Meaning like, boyfriend, partner, gentleman lover, and you said the shadow. And so that has been what I've been calling you.

So this is what I'm talking about. I think I said lasers first. Yes, I said that's absolutely absurd. Yeah, the shadow was the same. one. I like it. I like it. It's a lovely peek behind the curtain here.

But take you back to last Christmas. We had this thing that we were going to dress up, cook Christmas dinner, and have a great time. I bought a very silvery dress with a matching cape. And in all of this sort of like excitement, I also cut my fringe diagonally, but we won't talk about that. And in all this sort of excitement, you didn't actually say that you were going to dress up. I just very much bulldozed that through. What happened on Christmas Day was,

The Shadow cooked an amazing Christmas dinner, and I just got incredibly drunk in a cape around. And we lived in like a very tiny flat, like kitchenette. So there's not really any way for me to go. I had this huge six-inch heels on. I was just sort of like, kept kind of leaning back from the sofa being like, do you want any help? And you were like, no.

And you were like sweating and you were just like in your normal clothes. And there's lots of fun pictures from Christmas, which is just you like parboiling something of me drunk. But it is important to state as well that this was your second choice Christmas. It was. This was Christmas thrust upon you. It was and that's how I dealt with it. And that's how you were dealing with it.

Yeah. You were meant to be with your family. I shaved my fringe off and then got drunk while watching you do roast potatoes. But you did it all single-handedly. So that's why I thought it would be good to invite him on. Absolutely. And The Shadow, have you done it before? Was this the first time you'd ever done it or you knew?

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, you knew. You bloody did you. Many times. Yeah, I like doing it. I used to do it professionally as well. Like I worked in restaurants when I was younger.

And so I would help be part of the team that would prepare the Christmas dinners. on Christmas Day and stuff like that. So I've done it since I was like, I don't know, 16. I should have pledged with that. I forgot that. Sorry, professional Christmas dinner. Well, I mean, like, yeah, I got paid to do it. I wouldn't say it was a professional.

So your role in the kitchen, go on. What are we talking? Sue chef, top chef, pot wash. What's your... I used to work, a cool chef. Have you ever heard of that? So, you know, well, I suppose, you know, like beef eater restaurants,

that, you know, the ones that have like a carvery or that kind of... Yeah, yeah, a harvester. Harvester, that type of thing. Well, they have what was called, I think. I don't know if it is now a cool chef. And the cool chef would be responsible for... Now, are we saying the word cool, like, cool guys? Cool?

No, it was more cool as in like you handled most of the stuff that wasn't hot. But nonetheless, your title was cool chef. Cool chef, yeah. But I don't think anyone, even a 16-year-old would really go around saying, hi, I'm a cool chef. Okay, right. So you were a cool chef as in you were only a chef, charge of things that were cold.

Things that are caught. And then I graduated from, so that would be salad bar, cold starters, and then dessert. Cranberry sauce? Cranberry sauce. Cranberry sauce isn't something I'd need to make. That came in a jar. Okay, thank you. So I didn't blow the glass to make the jars.

Okay. I'm sure, sure. Because that's hot. A friend of mine was a cool chef at the Manoir, the famous restaurant, for four years. And all he did was whip the butter into little balls. So, you know, it's a long old journey, isn't it, Chefin? It's, you've got to do your time in the cool section before you can upgrade to the hots. And I'd look at the grill with envy.

I bet you bloody would. The grills, when they cook the steaks, obviously steaks are cooked different ways, you know, to order. Medium rare, please. Exactly. Thank you. Or blue. Have you ever seen a blue steak? What's that?

So a blue steak is where the plate is extremely hot. And the steak is pretty much just shown to the heat. And then turned over and then put on the plate and it's, it's almost raw. Okay. And it's the plate that's hotter. And so it's, that's... That's hideous. Yeah, it is, yeah.

So then you went on to the hot starters, right. And then once you were moved on to the hot starters, so that would be like, say, the breaded mushrooms or the mozzarella sticks, you know, all that kind of pat. Or that traditional, traditional Christmas fair. Pate was an interesting one because patte was half cool chef, half moved on because you'd supply the toast. So you'd work together as a team. And then on Christmas, the Christmas period, or when the Christmas menu came on, the cool chef's job would adapt and you'd all move together and you'd all function to create the Christmas menu. Did you wear a Christmas hat on Christmas Day? No, I wore a chef's hat because that is legally required.

Okay. We're dealing with a professional is what we're saying here. I just like to put myself into it for a moment that last year, also Christmas thrust upon you. I was already at, I was already at home home anyway for the winter. And I was like, well, since everyone's miserable, I'm, I'll make it nice and I'll be in charge of the Christmas dinner. And I decided that I would dress as Julia Child from the film Julia and Julia, but also the actual woman. And so I was wearing these huge pearls and this like, like, you know, all this gear. and I spent a long time getting dressed

and then I did a champagne and like salmon thing for the morning and then yeah and then sort of everyone looked at their clock and was like and what's your and what's the plan and I was like yeah yeah yeah yeah and they were like okay and then there's like a bit and then they were like what about the turkey

and I was like listen I know a few things it's not frozen don't think I'm an idiot it's been out I know and then they were like what about the insides and I was like hmm hmm the what's now the what? And turns out the turkeys come with their insides in them. And then there's a video of me crouched in the garden screaming dressed as Julia Child while I upend a turkey and all these bits of gizzers just like come out. It was horrendous. So I'm really excited to learn from a,

from a pro is what I'm saying. Because I hope that people, maybe this is your first time ever doing it. Maybe you're like, yeah, I do it every year. I'm just here to hear what you do so I can say, that's not what I do. Or maybe you're like, I can't think of anything worse. But I think, oh, actually, it's just a roast, it's just a roast dinner with more pressure, you know? It's like. Yes. And may I say, if you're listening and going, I couldn't possibly do this.

Don't worry, you could just do how the Japanese do. And due to popular marketing campaign in the 70s, now millions of Japanese people get a KFC chicken bucket at Christmas. That's what they do. Wow. Yeah. So you could do that. I think we're just talking traditional British Christmas, but do your own thing.

Do you like the Japanese do? And also I think the magical thing about being in charge of the Christmas and also in this new skate where we're like, what is Christmas anymore and we all, you know, be like, this is, you don't have to have any of the bits that you don't want. And if you want to have KFC bucket, you can. Or if you like, I really like. Do you inform people though before you, before they come home Christmas?

Sure, sure, sure, sure. Or you could say to everyone like, what is the thing that you would most like for Christmas? Christmas dinner. What shall we have? And they say a full roast. And you say fine. And then maybe, but maybe someone's got a little thing that they'd like to add. And so I'm saying, the world's your oyster. Like you, you don't have to be limited by buying like, oh, this is the traditional thing. But like, do anything. And also the world is your oyster. In Italy, they have the meal of the seven fishes, which involves mussels, octopus, carp, possibly oysters as well. So, you know,

seven course fish meal. In Spain, they have the crapping log. A little log, a little log, by the fire, you punch him on Christmas Day and he craps out a present. He's called the crapping log. Who say you don't learn nothing on this podcast? A lot of fun. Right, right, the shadow. Should we do the Shadow's adult thing or should we just ignore? Yeah, quick as you like.

Shadow, what have you got? Yeah, okay. Shadow, what's the most adult thing you've done this week, please? And I know it because I live with you. I bought your first Christmas present. Ah! I didn't think you were going to say that. Shut the door. And that's a big thing for me because I am a last minute, everything.

with the internet where you can do it whenever you want. Yeah. I've kind of, I've got a thing on my phone now where during the year you'll say stuff. It tells you when Christmas is. Oh yeah. A little I can compile. So every year like I can compile what you've said like, oh, I'd like a bassoon or whatever or something like that. I did say that, yeah. And then I'll gradually like buy them throughout the year.

And for some reason, like I've been late this year. But like I started, I started now. So that came and that is hidden somewhere around here. I'm on it. Thank you. And Christmas has officially begun. A good one, Shadow. Okay.

Let's begin here. I've got a question. Oh, right. Here we go. When you are cooking a Christmas dinner, a traditional British Christmas dinner, what's always the first, like, what's the first thing that you always do? Like, right before you did anything else, what's like the... Well, that very much depends on what it is you're making for the Christmas dinner and for how many people. I'd say those are the two most important.

things are to know what it is you're going to make so that you can then like get it ready then you know about the timings so it's what you're making and the timings and they're the thing that's the structure of your basic Christmas dinner because obviously you've got your lamb you've got your pork yeah and you want everything to come together at the same time so that you haven't got like cold veg or you know or the meat's not ready or that kind of thing so let's say you're doing a seven bird roast let's it no you do your turkey let's take a traditional turkey for like a family of four so yeah so um so um so um so So you'd obviously defrost the turkey. I didn't know that. So that's good. And then you'd look at the label and it will tell you like the weight of it and the timings of it according to the weight. Can you buy a turkey without its giblets in it? Well, most, I mean, I'm surprised Tesas were loose because most of them come in a bag. I feel it might have been caught that turkey rather than bought.

I got it fresh off the farm. No, they were in a bag. But nonetheless, the idea that I was like, why the fuck are these in here if they can just come out? why didn't you take them out for me? Well, because you make, you make, you can make stuff with them. Ah. You can add it to the gravy or you can make, you know, different things. People like that stuff.

So I'm going to say, we need to begin this process. If you're, if you're considering doing this, you need to be thinking about this a week before. So we need to be thinking, we need to be beginning the prep a week ahead. Because I went to Marks and Spencers on the, having been like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's under control. I had a full sort of like tiny Tim hit marks. and Spencer's thing, you know, where I was like, a turkey, any turkey. And they were like, yeah, well, there's one, madam. And I was like, yeah, yeah, give it.

They were like, it's £107. Pound. And I was like, fuck you. They can have bits of toast for bread. I'm not having that. And then by chance, someone was like, there's one in the back. And then, like, we managed to, like, get a normal size turkey. I was like, I'm not cooking that colossal monstrosity.

So, like, I think you need to really, if you are listening to this on Christmas morn, you've already fucked it. You're in trouble. You're in trouble. And KFC's shut. So you're out of, you just have some Lindor balls and be done with your day. You know, so like start drinking. So like you do this needs to have begun a week in advance. But like here's all my stuff. Here's my timings. You're working backwards from say two o'clock at two p.m in the afternoon or I want this to be an actual dinner dinner. So I want everyone to sit down at seven o'clock in the evening or wherever you want to do it on Christmas Eve and then just have like leftovers throughout the day on Christmas day. Whatever your plan is, this is when we're sitting down. Therefore we're working backwards every minute. from this moment and the turkey needs to have been defrosted 24 hours ahead of that and the turkey needs to have been bought before that and back and back and back and back we go. I think that's part, well for me anyway, that was always part of the fun of it, is planning it beforehand. Like having an idea and it's moved from, you know, planning the stuff to

put on your online shop now and getting that ahead in, whereas it used to just be, you know, you'd write a list and then go and grab it straight away. But I like that bit, even now when my little brother comes over for Christmas. I like that idea of saying, okay, what's our Christmas Day menu? What's our Christmas Eve? Boxing Day as well. Yeah. And that kind of thing. And are we having three meals a day? And also, if you're having someone over for Christmas for the first time, you might want to help yourself by being like, okay, so if I'm making Christmas dinner for the first time, maybe I buy a fancy ready-made dessert from Eminus. So I don't have to also be like, now I've got to be the plum pudding with a six-pence

in it. Like you can maybe, and also things like, you know, and also things like, you. Like, if you're thinking, like, oh, and I'll also make my own gravy and also make my own apple sauce and, like, cranberries. Like, maybe you don't have to do that. Maybe you can, like, prioritize, you know, everyone will be very impressed that you've made a Christmas dinner without having to worry about, like, handmaking the things you don't necessarily have to do. Like, even you can buy, like, ready-made pigs in blankets and things like that. That's, no one goes like, oh, sorry, the bacon was already wrapped around the sausage. No, thanks. Like, that's fine, right?

Yeah, and you will always, I think with Christmas dinners, you will always over buy as well. You will always think you need more than you have. And, you know, as we all know from eating Christmas dinners, they're the best, but they're also incredibly filling. Yes. And also you are, you are cooking for an audience that is very much like ready to accept whatever it is you're going to give them by the time that you serve it to them because they probably have had a drink and they're probably just kind of giddy with other stuff. So it's, on the one hand, there's a lot of pressure on making that meal. because it is the Christmas dinner, but also like it's probably the most relaxed, received meal that you'll ever make

because people will enjoy it all the time they get it. Well, I will... Or not. I will just caveat that by saying it absolutely will be as long as everybody knows what is coming, you know, as long as people have been prepared in advance, whether it's going to be the KFC bucket at 7 o'clock in the evening or it's the whole thing with all the trimmings at 12 o'clock,

just like keeping people in the loop. I only say this because, we once spent Christmas, I don't think they'll ever find this podcast, but with a relation who were going through a divorce. And at two in the afternoon, we were served frozen prawns out of the freezer, that they were frozen. And then at five in the evening, there was a mashed potato gravy and a turkey with nothing else. And so if we'd been prepped, listen, fine. If you're expecting the whole shebang for lunch

and then it doesn't arrive until the early evening and all you've had all day is one frozen prawn. And there's an air of extreme tension because there's a divorce happening. You know, so it's just like as long as whatever the day is, as long as you prep all your guests in advance and be like, this is the plan and this is what we're having. And then everyone will be like, lovely, thank you.

I can't wait for that mashed potato. doing a frozen prawn. Delicious, thank you. Quick tip on frozen prawns. Oh my God. From my cool chef days. Yes. Don't put them in the microwave to defrost.

Don't, whatever you do, pour hot water on them. Put them in the sink and pour cold water on them. And they'll defrost a lot quicker. Okay, so let's say, so turkey things, so you've got, you've defrosted it, you've got all your... What to do now? Yes, please. Well, like you saying, like with everybody's family has their own kind of like

schedule for Christmas, don't they? Yes. Whether you open your presents or what you do and everything. And so cooking, kind of like according to that is useful because then you know what to do first and what to do next.

So I always do because let's say it was this family of four and let's say we're having meat. If it's a turkey and it's defrosted the turkey won't take as long as the potatoes because the potatoes that we particularly like as a family are crunchy.

Does the best roast potatoes I've ever taste it? They're so crunching the outside and so soft and ploughing the inside. If you're not having roast potatoes, obviously then the meat probably takes priority. You've got to have roast potatoes. If you have roast potatoes and you like them well done, then they are the ones that you should get on the go first of all. How do you talk us through your roast potato game? So take the skin off them, then chop them into the size that you want them.

Yeah. Then parboil. What's a parboil? Part boil. Why do they just say part boil? Where's the tea gone? I don't know where the tea's gone. Okay, fine. Part boil. So that's like. Like, you know, do them to a third of what they are. So if, and if you want to test that with a fork,

um, you should not be able to get the fork all the way in. It should just maybe go in, like a bit in, like par in. Yeah. Yeah. So get the four par in. Yeah. And then, um, and then, and that's important because if you, and, you know, you don't have to parboil them if you don't want to.

Like you can, you can cook them until they're fully boiled. And then when you put them in the oven to cook, there'll be those fluffy, fluffier kind of like, you know, disintegrated, which a lot of people like. You want the shadows. But if you want them, okay. So if you want them like tight, crunchy little fellas, then

parboil them in some salted water and then take them out, drain them. And then whilst you're draining them and letting them cool down for a little bit, put whatever oil you want to... A goose fat. If you want goose fat, yeah, if you want that. Olive oil, does that work?

You can have olive oil in there, yeah. No, you can have olive oil. It's a bit spittier. And you want more of a buttery thing, a fat or a butter or... Yeah, I think so, yeah. Something a bit more luxurious as well. What about... What did you, for me, as the vegan person?

I just did olive all. All right. Well, that still works an absolute treat. Yeah, yeah. But okay. And so then, so you put that in the oven for whatever, you know, temperature to like 200 degrees or something. And you let that heat up a little bit. And be very careful when you take that out and put that on the side,

because obviously when you move the parboiled potatoes onto that, it's going to spit a little bit. So you heat the oil first? Eat the oil a little bit first, yeah. And then you put the potatoes on there. And then you might want a spoon or just kind of like... Get the fat on them. Yeah, just drizzle them around a little bit.

And then maybe a little bit of rosemary, a little bit of salt and pepper on them. And then give them a quick shake and then just pop them in the oven and then you can forget about them. For how long? Well, that's particular to how you like them. So you're watching about...

The golden... About 45 minutes. Is it? Well, I like going longer. You really like them tight, hey? Yeah, I like them. They are tight, they are tight boys. They're so good.

And halfway through, like, go and check on them and then just shake them over so that you get two sides of the potato crispy. If you see what I mean. Like, if you leave them as they are, you'll only get the base of it. Yes, you don't want that. Whereas if you flip them over, then you'll get like crispy all around. And around the sort of 50 minute mark, what you can do is you can find me and say, oh, here's a potato. pop that in my mouth. By that point, I'm too drunk to even care.

Yeah. And we'll just keep asking you for more potatoes. More and more. Put them in my mouth. So that would be the order. Like potatoes, meat, veg. I'm going to bring some option here to the potato experience. Yes. If you want them less tight and more loose.

Oh, yeah. So I, so the hot oil is, whatever the oil is, is the crucial thing. Because otherwise if your oil is cold, you're going to just be soaking up cold oil. I'm not telling you, Shadow, I'm telling the people. You're just going to be soaking up cold oil. into a cold potato. And it'll be, eventually it'll be, it will work itself out. But you want it, you want the luxurious fat, already hot potatoes in.

And we're off. So I don't par boil, par bill, because I'm nervous about how far, how much par is part. So I was just like, what if I just boil them? So I just boil them. And also, I don't ever peel potatoes if I make like mash or really any potatoes. I'm like, boring. I've got a life. but I discovered you have to do it with roast

because otherwise there's nothing to make the crispy roast exterior then you've just got skin everywhere so you do have to you have to peel them I do the full boil so don't panic if you're like how much is pot boil and then because I don't like them tight I like I'm loose and the bits coming off you got to you drain them and then you put the lid back on and then you smash them about in the pan

and then so then you've got like bits of flowery sort of bits of potato everywhere and everything's got a bit of a a textured edge for it to like really crisp. And then you're like, fuck me, am I a professional chef? This feels amazing. And so it's just, it feels good and cool. And then you're like, oh yeah, this is the real deal.

So we've covered the whole spectrum of potatoes. We've got tight through to loose. Okay, take us, cool chef. Take us to the next bit. Where are we going now? So meat, got to go for your meat. Yeah, get that meat going. So that's where it can get a little bit tricky

because your potatoes you might want to cook a little bit hotter. and the meat might be a little bit cooler and that's sometimes where the worry can come in is that, well, you've had this going. So that's why I would say put the potatoes in early because even if you have to reduce the oven to cook the meat, if the potatoes are just still in there for ages,

you're always going to be fine. Like you're not going to die of, the potatoes will cook. There's a lot of, you will do like, because obviously our kitchen is, well, it still is very small. You can't boil all the sort of like, you know, the Brussels sprouts,

the peas, the carrots, the broccoli, whatever you want to add to the Christmas dinner. Often there's not enough space in the hob. So I think that's where the skill comes in of being like, right, we'll do that and then we're going to pop that in the oven covered to stay warm. Yeah. There's a lot of that going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Possibly using the microwave a little bit with like some things just to kind of get them like preheated up again because that's, but then also not underestimating how much hotter just pouring hot gravy makes things that have gone cold. Yeah. And of the trio, the veg, the meat and the potato. The veg is the one you probably want to cook last so that it's ready to go. Because that's the one that you don't really want to heat up or you don't want to get cold. Because then it gets soft and soggy and everything.

Whereas potatoes and the meat you can get away with. Using like your phone alarm and basically like scheduling it, the whole thing out beforehand. So you know like, okay, so when the vegetables are at this point, that's when we're going to start doing your carrots, your broccoli. Yeah. You know. Whatever you feel confident with, I think, or keeps your confidence because you can lose. hope with it and you can't like lose focus on it. My mum loses hope.

As well, I feel bad for her because often, oh you know, like it's not like, you know, she's the cook and like my dad cooks too, but like she's really good at roast dinner. She's always like, yes, I'm doing it. And there's always a point where like we're all dressed up for dinner. And she sort of emerges from the kitchen, like a sort of scarecrow that has been parboiled. Just like boiling hot, like covered in stuff. The rose players are on the walls. And she's just like, oh, it's probably a pile of shit.

look like shit. You're like, yeah, it's so hard to maintain composure, even when you've been making roasts for like 20 years. Like it's, so suppose like it's all about keeping confidence. And that's why you, that's where the role of yourself or someone else, I mean that because like, The drunk goblin. We, we live in a flat that,

that everything is open a plan. Yes. So we're obviously going to, and it's just the two of us. So it was just, we're obviously going to be talking with each other. But when I was growing up, we obviously had a different,

in a house, my mum and my grand would cook in the kitchen and everybody might be watching TV or playing with toys or just doing something else on Christmas Day. And my granny did nothing other than just keep my mum drunk. Yes. That was her job in the kitchen was to maintain my mother's glass. Yes. But it meant that, you know, the lunch took ages before it came out. But also, like, it made it fun. And that was something I grew up understanding and feeling about the making of the Christmas dinner was that it shouldn't be the person in the person in the day. It's not. a room just on their own making the dinner and then bringing it in on their own, that it should be part of Christmas and people should duck in and, you know, my brothers, when we all, when I cook

for the family, it would be very much like, do you want me to do this, do want me to do that? And, you know, they take it in turns coming in and doing stuff. And that meant that the thing wasn't so lonely, isolating and pressured. It became one of the things that would happen on Christmas Day as much as opening the presents and, you know, having the, you know, watching the TV stuff in the evening. Yes, that's very, very true. It's all a big part. of it. Like with everything that we talk about on the podcast, it's about like the side, like your, perspective and making it nice and not just like, oh God, this is going to be so hard, have enlist you, you, your fav family member or flatmate and just be like, you know, oh, can you just pop in

and chat to me while I'm doing, you don't mean, like, make it a bit of a thing. I think it's like, we're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you don't work for the rest of the house, like, you're all one unit and you just have to be like, you doesn't have to be this like and ta-da, I've Martha stewarded it. Like, because that involves you not being any part of Christmas Day, just like gobbling away in the kitchen. Yes. And also as well, it's always an anecdote. Like I remember the year that we, that, uh, we'll always remember that dad was like, I think this is right. Dad was like, I'm going to, I'm going to do the roast potatoes this year, Mark, like, don't worry about that. And he did them, took them out of the oven, um, burnt himself

through them all over the floor. All of that. And then just, we just, we just picked them up. picked it on the floor. Perfect. And you can create new traditions as well, like, that will be, you know, the ones that,

like, you will all do together in the future. We all traditionally throw the road to babies on the floor and then pick them off the floor, for example.

Well, my, my little brother, for instance, he would be, he'd made himself the person that would make

what we called the kilties, which is the pigs in blankets. Oh, yeah. So he would be the person that would come in and go, is,

you know, is it kilty time? He'd like, no, not yet. And then, yes, when he'd come in and he'd rather than so that was his way of contributing. And also then in future years, it would be like, James,

Kilty Time. And so everybody would cheer, you know, and he'd come and then that would be the thing that everybody. Yes, they all sing the kilty song. Yeah. But why not? Why not? Yeah, why not make these things? That's exactly what I think is the best part of Christmas is making those things that are your way of doing things.

I love hearing about what your Christmas Day is scheduled compared to my Christmas day, like what you do and how your family would be. and how like there's not a member of my family that could handle a Christmas at yours. Absolutely not. And there is no one in your entire family tree history lineage that could ever stand five minutes in my Christmas house. Because we've all got such different ways of doing it that work for us and that are fun for us. And I think it's important to keep those and then keep creating our own ones. The Shadow.

Could you bring us home with just your culinary little bits, what we took, gravy, the Brussels. Any little just like, oh, this will help. This is going to make things easier. Well, once again, it's very personal to taste, isn't it? Sure, yes. And everything. So what you like. Gravy is probably the last thing I do.

Mm-hmm. Because that's the thing that, like you say, if you are a bit behind on your timings, the gravy will warm it all up. I think the gravy can be the thing that really trips you up if you like, but I want to make my own gravy. But we're sort of bisto people, right? Yeah, yeah. And I think I'm not great on recipes as such, but like I'm sure I think you can add. a little bit of flour or cornflower into into Bisto and then add the juices from the meat on top of that

and then mix it all up. A bit of red wine. A bit of red wine, yeah. I once did Jamie Oliver's get-ahead gravy in the year that everyone was like, you've got to get ahead. And so honestly, it took me, it took me a day, a hot old day. And it involved, like, smashing up these chicken thighs

and then, like, putting them, oh my God, it was madness. And this is years ago, and I really couldn't cook at all. This is my contribution. And listen, the gravy was very pleasant. But it was not worth the entire day I'd spent on it when you could also just throw three teaspoons of Bisto chicken gravy into a boiling water and then and then maybe throw a bit of the chicken fat and a bit of wine and a bit of whatever you've got in the kitchen right this

second whack it in, make it hot, that's gravy. It doesn't have to be this like, the gravy. You know, when I discovered Bistow, I was like, I'm sorry, who let me do Jamie's get-ahead gravy that year? Bistow is delicious. Who let me smash up those chicken thighs for hours. And you'll obsess on it as well at the table because you'll be like, what do you think of the gravy? Have you had some gravy, Dad? Do you want some more gravy? Can you have my gravy? This is test. This is chest as gravy. Yeah. Two veg like treats. Yes, please. So, um, suck attach. This is the, this is a, uh, uh, shadow family tradition that I thought was the wildest thing I've ever heard. Tried it.

Absolutely delicious. Yeah. My mom used to make stuff and say what they were called and then, like an example is another one, Belgian carrots. Right. They're not. They're not Belgian. They're not from Belgium. I've been to Belgium and say, could I have Belgian carrots with this? And they'd be like, well, we've got carrots. What are what were Shaila doing? Belgian carrots are dice the carrots, dice and onion, slice an onion, and then add some panchetta or chop up some bacon. And then just put a little bit of water, all of the stuff in a pot and a couple of stock cubes,

and just let it simmer for ages. and it's just this really, really nice, savory, very, very easy to do because you can just forget about it. It just boils away on the back thing. And it can boil for as long as you want, same as the potatoes. You can just have all the flavors in there. And it's delicious. It's a really delicious, quirky kind of, not quirky, I mean, bacon.

Meaty lad. And you don't have to have meat in it. Like you can put... There's carrots and stock. Carrots and stock, yeah. But that's nice. And Sukertash is flageolae beans. sweet corn and then double cream.

Yeah, what? And you just let that, you don't let that boil too long because you don't want the cream to burn. But that is delicious, especially when the gravy goes on top. It's taken me six years to be able to put the succor-tash on my meal at Christmas and now I put like a tiny little tablespoon on and it is very nice. It's nice. But that's what's nice about Christmas dinner is everyone's got their own.

Like for me, a Christmas dinner is not a Christmas dinner without three different types of potato. We have roast potato. We have ball potato, we have mashed potato. It's like that's too much potato for many. We've got three root mash and then pom daffin-was. Potato five ways. We love a potato. Always good to like try new things.

Try new things. Yeah. Incorporate. It should be fun. It should be fun. And if you're an old, if you're never done it before, is this the year that you're like, could I step up to the plate? And if you couldn't, if, if grandma's got things locked down,

could you step up to the Canterpan plate or the pudding plate or the bar or could you do a cocktail or something could you in some way could you step up when you for something if people are like you can't come in this kitchen I know what I'm doing

and if you've if you're like yeah I've been doing it for 10 years I fucking know ooh could there be succotash this year a Belgian carrot delicious too much but good and on that note we've got to wrap this baby up

Like a Christmas present. Yeah. Like a pig in a blanket. Yeah. Thank you so much, The Shadow. Pleasure. Thank you ever so much. I hope that's helped you if you're listening and scared about Christmas dinner.

Or if you're not even thinking about Christmas dinner, you just had a nice entertaining time. Very entertaining to listen to. I hope everybody comes away with some bit of confidence and it's like, yeah, I'm going to do this actually this year. Yeah. I'm bringing this to the table. Thank you so much. And also thank you for listening. If you have any future episode ideas,

at Nobody Panicpod or email us, Nobody Panicpodcast at gmail.com, buy our goddamn book. Our audio book, a lot of fun, unaudible, or a normal book, Nobody Panic, out in all bookstores. In a way, we hope. Yeah, we hope.

And happy Christmas season, and we'll see you next week. Merry Christmas, one and all. Thank you, Shadow. Thank you, Stevie. Thank you for listening. God bless us, everyone. Ho, ho, oh, bye. Hope, oh, bye.