Nobody Panic - How To Make New Year's Resolutions

Episode Date: January 1, 2019

Are New Year's resolutions utter balls? Probably. But it's still a nice time to asses your life and make some good aims for the coming months. Stevie and Tessa figure out how to do this and also race to find a picture of David Gandy's wang online. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. It's... Bamb-Bum-Bahn! It's Stevie Martin. Hello. It's me, Tessa Coates. And it's nobody panic in the future land! I just feel like 2019 sounds like the future.

I cannot believe it's 2019. What are we going to do when it's 2020? I'll be busy, of course, in Tokyo prepping for the Olympics. Of course. So I'm on the road to Tokyo. Yes. So, hashtag road to Tokyo. So 2020, I feel completely calm and fine about.

Interesting. The words. 2020 like that sounds fine okay but 2019 the ugliness of the 19 yes is what makes that I remember we had a similar thing please with um 2010 2010 2010 2010 2010 2010 2010 because we've always said like 2000 1,0002 you're like okay fine yeah 2010 just felt like we're in a new decade why are we still using this old lingo yes that is that's very stressful I was just remembering then the time that once we were in the car I mean you won't have known I was doing this but I just discovered we could scroll backwards on your iPhone calendar, like loads back.

And then I was like, ha ha, I'm in 1923. And then I kept scrolling. And then I kept scrolling. And then I was in like the year 400. And then I was like, oh my God, what happens if you hit the year zero? And then I felt quite sick and had to stop. I understand. Just because I was like, I'm so far back and you can put something in your calendar now. The year zero. And also you can scroll way ahead, like way into the future. And that made me feel completely

sick as well. Yes. I don't like that. Someone did that the other day because someone I know booked in something like a film or something it was like next year and it was like October next year and I was looking at the month being like where will I be where will I be I get very I've got yeah we'll be here I've got much better at it now but I used to get extremely stressed every time I got a new debit card or a passport that said like it doesn't expire until like so long talked to me about that oh my god yes so the first time I had my passport has just expired recently that I must have had for 10 years and I went being like, oh, fine.

The day came and went and I was like, fine, and I've done some good things and some not good things. I've lived a good life. And I've lived a good life, fine, but also it was not the monumental day that I imagined it would be when I saw that date. So I feel a bit calm. I remember when I was 20 and the Olympics were on,

and I was like, oh my God, is the next week? Which Olympics? Atlanta 96? Just a hot, hot burn for you. Thank you. No, it wasn't. It was one of them. and then I looked

and then someone was like oh I wonder where it would be the next Olympics I was like I'll be 24 I'll be so old and now that seems ridiculous but yeah it is what leads us on to

how to how to make good news resolutions and that's a thorny topic because I used to make in magazines and every year and I still get like PR emails from like PRs

just desperate for me to pick their product and put them in my hot content that I'm not writing anymore. No, I do write some stuff and sometimes I do use that hot content. However, it's New Year, New You constantly. Like, want to lose weight now?

One of a lot, and it's just like, I, every year, I love the idea of the changing of the seasons, the opening of the solstice, and the idea that, like, is the fresh star and what will this year bring? And I really like looking back on the previous year because I always go, even in my most stagnant years, I've been like, well, it's nothing this year.

And then you look back in the night, oh, look that little thing. Or there's always something to, even if you've had a bad year, you might have made it a new friend. You might have, like, you know, had a really lovely birthday that year. Or you might have bought a really nice hat. Like, there's little things that you're like, there are things that you have now that you didn't have a year ago. And sometimes if you, like, go back through all your iPhone photos and you're like, oh, yeah. Or your phone photos. Or your albums.

Or your analogue album of the year. Just try to keep it broad. Keep it broad, people. You went back through your old... And you're like, wow. Look how many polaroids I took. You're like, oh yeah, I remember that. Oh my God, that was this year.

2018 does feel like the longest year we've ever had. And even if it's been a shit to year... Black Panther came out. You keep saying this year. I can't believe it came out this year. It feels like it came out 10 years ago. I remember everyone was like, 2016. Awful year.

I mean, I'm praying back for 2016 because this year is... It's just got worse each year, isn't it? The world and the news. but it is tricky. The New Year's resolutions thing is tricky because it is a sort of like commercial thing and brands,

this is the perfect time for like horrible products and brands to really cash in on women's and securities about not being able to stick to their resolutions and men's as well. Like, you know, suddenly there'll be loads more out of it for like protein powder for men to bulk up and booty, or laxative teas. David Gandhi's...

Wellman. He's been using since his 20s. His quotes are getting... For my hectic life. There's like these vitamins called Well Man and Well Woman. Test Daily is Well Woman. Yes. At the moment, her quote on the poster is literally just

well woman tablets. I don't think that's a quote word. He is. It's in quote marks. I don't understand it. And yeah, David Gandhi, popular model who went out with Madonna? Is that a thing? I don't think that's correct, Stevie. He went out with somebody that you wouldn't expect. Right. And he got his penis out

on a shoot for Calvin Klein. And that went everywhere. And then his people got rid of it so you can only find it on a very specific website and I won't give it it out absolutely not true I could find that penis you want me to erase me to find the penis yeah okay so this is great good good listening and wait and go and typing in David Gandhi's penis doesn't actually get you there right here we go okay I've possibly found it no so it's a picture of his face see harder harder than you thought oh my god I

You're able to find it really fast. Yes, because there's people have taken it down. But the one with his little penis poking out the end. Yes, it's so weird. It's sort of flopping on his thigh. Like it's really embarrassed about being there. Fine. Right, so right we're talking about this.

The well man, the well woman, fitness. It's like, sorry, it's like vitamins. And you take them, I'm sure there's very little scientific evidence that it works, but they will be pushing their booties at you. Okay, so I'm reading Greek myth books, so I keep saying things like spoils and booty, meaning an array of things. It had completely passed me by, I just thought, cool use of language.

Cool, use of language. Thank you. These ones suck. They do, but like... They do, but have you considered their history? Oh, no. The ancient Babylonians did them 4,000 years ago. And they didn't have David Gandhi then, penis or nears. I think they did. I think he's older than he's saying. They introduced, they had the new year that actually came in mid-March

when the crops were planted. and during a massive 12-day religious festival known as Akitu any Babylonians out there, please correct me. They crowned a new king every year so it was either reaffirming the loyalty or crowning a new guy and they made promises to the gods

to pay their debts and return any objects they had borrowed from the gods? No, from each other. Okay, great. But the promise was to the gods they were paid debts to each other and return things.

That's nice. Yeah. Maybe you do that. You might have some things that you borrowed off a friend. would love that. Take them back on January 1st. I had a small box by the door for a while that was like other people's things that I attempted to give back. Hard to do there, isn't it? Yes. Yes. But what adult thing have you done this week, Dessa? Oh my God. Have you found the penis? I haven't found the penis.

Okay. I just oh my goodness. My O is like, I has such a good one then I forgot it. What was it? Sorry, look at it. I found, I went back into my memory back. I found it. I sold a dress on eBay for a £100 pounds. What? Yes, I bought it for one pound from that Sue Ryder Nettlebed sale we go to. That's a large, I think, sort of jumble sale? Yes, it's a large charity jumble sale. It happens once a month and it's my favourite place.

The coasts go insane for this stuff. We love that shit. Bin bags full of like little boy German britches. Everything's a pound. Because when we started going, everything was 20p. And now it's a pound. That's quite expensive. And that's a bit much, actually.

Brexit. Brexit. Anyway, it's this L.K. Bennett dress that I bought for myself, didn't it very I was like, I'll sell it. Googled it to find a picture of the original dress. Always ups the eBay rather than a blurry one in your corner of your room. Who's wearing it, Stevie? Who's wearing it?

Lorraine Kelly. Kate Middleton. That is not what I thought. That's amazing. Oh, and then, this is the adult bit of it, is that actually sold this very morning. And I'm actually not going home for a while. And I was like, oh, I'll do it next week when I'm back. But then I rang my mum and I was like, go, go, go.

And we did it immediately. In the post, gone, dispatch. Otherwise, I knew there'd be like several passive-aggressive emails. Being like, where's the thing? And me being like, is it not in the post? Even though I'm like looking at it. Of course it's not in the post. And so that was the, I was really impressed.

Then my mum had got totally out of hand. And she messaged and was like, I also popped in a sweet and a little Christmas card. And then she was like, we should be a business. I'm like, we've sold one item. Like we're not. But you could. That could be a thing that you and Debbie do. We should do that, yeah.

She said we should buy a stamp. So we stamp things. That's a good idea. Yes. So immediately we got distracted. and spent all the money on a stamp. A hundred pound stamp, please. What's your adult thing?

I've been going out with my boyfriend. We all know him as The Shadow for three years. I don't know. A few years now. And each Christmas, he spends it alone in London or like seeing his mum or whatever. And I spend it with my family having a great time. Yes.

Your favourite time of the year? It's my favourite time of the year. And this year I was like, you know what? The Spirit of Christmas. This was a Christmas film. I should give the Spirit of Christmas to the Shathe.

turn him into the Christmas shadow. So I decided to... So I had Christmas in my flat in London with him. And we got a Christmas tree and he said, which I think is the nicest thing. And he was ever said to me, he was like, I'd give enough on Christmas. But now I feel like Christmas is back.

Oh, that's so nice. He was so excited, you bought me too many presents and I couldn't keep up. So there was a little bit of me being like, what have you done that for? Apart from that, I was very good. But you gave the gift of time of yourself. Yes.

And that's what the festival. of season it's all about. So I had a, yeah, I felt very adult. Then I went home the day after, on the 27th and had fake Christmas, or real Christmas mom, if you're listening, and afterwards with my sister and my mom. It's just lovely. That's so nice. So adult. That's really adult. That's super grown up. Thank you. It's very brave of you. I'm very proud. Thank you. How have you got a new year's resolution? Right. So last year my one was just try and do the Edinburgh Festival, which was a comedy festival, to the end without leaving. And that was quite low level. I don't know that you can just. I don't know. You can just

describe that as low level. No, as in it wasn't like a lot of people's resolutions are quite high aiming. So like smash it Edinburgh Festival and like get amazing reviews or like never eat bread again, like that sort of stuff. I think you've been very hard on yourself and going to the Edinburgh Festival at all is pretty high level. Thank you so much. Then in which case I did a really high level resolution. Yes. And I did complete it but the point was in was just one rather than like in past years I've written like 10. Yes. And they're all things like go to the gym. five times a week. Yes.

We're more headscarves and I can't because whenever I look in the reflection I have to change it and I'm always aware that maybe like the corner of the headscarf is like popping out at a weird angle and I don't know it's happened and I can't relax or do anything with a headscarf on. Understood. So those that some of my past transgressions, my past issues with New Year's resolutions, have you got one? Yes. Mine this year. I've been writing this one down for Nile on a hundred, a hundred,

hundred years. Start smoking. It's always starts to start smoking and I just can't commit. I used to write down, do a backwards walkover. Okay, yep. Remember those days? I do. Turned out to be way harder than I thought.

Yes, we can do a handstand now, so that's good. Yes, I can. That's what I learned to do this year. Yeah. I ran the marathon this year. I mean, you did a lot of things here. Black Panther came out and the marathon. Without training.

Without training. An incredible feat of injuring. and absolutely stupid thing to do. Stand by it. Let's all make sure that we write down all the things that you did this year. No, my news resolution is to do the splits.

Right, wasn't expecting that. Great, you should do that because I think Tessa said just for anyone I was saying did tell people, I'm sure you used to be able to do them. You've been telling people for a long time that you can. And I think I have once gone, right, well, let's have a look. And you've been like, I'm wearing jeans or whatever, so can't.

and then she did get her bluff fully called at a party, I'm my right in saying? And also the confidence of, oh, so confident, just thought she'd have a go and nearly broke her groin. Yes. Right. That was the end of the party. Yes.

I had to be dragged from the dance floor because I couldn't get back up again. Absolutely. And I spent it with a bag of frozen peas like in my front bottom lay in another room. Didn't know that last bit. Feeling very regretful. And then, but look what you did as all. It's not about what happens. about how you react to it, went to circus school,

tried to get into the advanced class, immediately told not to... Was removed, popped back down to be ears. I can do the splits, I'll just need frozen peas. And two strong men to lift me up and down. Come on. Come on, you. So, sorry, we should get back on track with this, but that's a very good example of a very practical, achievable.

So, you've already done the first, like, class. Yes. So this, because you've got some advice. about how to pick your resolution, which is helpful for me because I don't have one. Yes. So sometimes I just write, I used to write like,

be more flexible. And it was such a like, ambiguous, pointless, vague thing to say. Whereas do the splits is, and also it's not finished because what I'm now going to walk us through is like the next bit.

I need to say like, do the splits by a certain time. Right. You need a goal. Okay. I need a goal. So do you have any even ballpark area that you think you might?

Yes. You know what? I've always been very frightened. about yeah I just did a good cough no sorry just laughing at you being like yes here it comes I've always been very frightened I was like I could not ever guess what's it was coming out of your mouth yeah I was like is that what it's gonna be shopping mall for wasps and no I'm going to create no I'm not gonna create anything well as very very little I used to love writing just for fun and not for

like a thing and also prose writing like article writing or whatever I want to get into writing for joy again yes lovely and trying to write even if that's It's just like short stories or like if I just quietly try and write a book. But obviously no one's interested in the book is many just for me. No one's been like, we're waiting for your book. No one's done that. And if I write my resolution, just write a book, I'll never do it. Okay, great.

Fantastic. Can we unpack the bit about what you're frightened of? Yes, frightened about sitting down to start it. Do it. It's absolutely shy. I realize I've lost what I had when I was younger, that freedom. And also I can't write. Okay, fantastic.

no one wants it. Great. So. I die alone. Great. Sit in that reality. I'm in the reality. Feeling fine?

Yeah, fine. Yeah. Right. What are you going to do next? Write your second one. Right. Right. Oh, right.

A second one, yeah, sure. So that's what's going to happen. Yes. So just exactly, I'm about to write my first book on my way to writing my great book. Of course. So just accept. Get the shit out of the way. Do your 10,000 hours.

And also, imagine how sad it would be if the first thing you ever did was the best thing. thing. Oh yeah. Oh my god. Right? Right? A prisoner of your own success. So everybody dreams about just like whacking off a book in a Wednesday afternoon. That's true. But you're not going to, and sure, go over to go. But like, just accept that it's going to

be crap. Then you have to put it in a draw and you'll come back to it in the future. Very good. You're just getting it out of your system so you can write your good one. So I suppose that relates to anyone who's got a real cough situation. I realize anyone who's like got a, not a career-based thing, but like a thing they want to do that they're frightened off. Then everyone can.

Yeah, because everybody's afraid. Exactly that. That thing about like facing the fear thing, it's the realization along the way that what you're afraid of is looking upon what you have achieved and realizing your own fallibility that it is so much easier to stay in...

Oh, to dream of your masterworks. Because in your mind, it's beautiful, it's perfect. Because when you have to actually make it physical, you have to accept that you are a... You're going to see all the floor. and you're a flawed person. You're a flawed person and that's such a scary thing to go. But once you've just accepted, like, that's gonna happen.

Yeah. Great. So, how do we create? So, number one, write down why. Great. Why are you writing this thing? Yes. To reclaim the joy of writing, to get your first book out of the way,

to learn, to whatever. So, like, write all the reasons. To grow as a person on my journey. To grow as a person on your journey. Mine is, do the splits. Why? I think it would look fucking cool. Great. That is a good enough reason.

Have a way. wanted to do it. Now you can justify that time when you had the frozen peas. Yeah, redemption. Redemption. Redemption. I'm on a, it's a redemption story. Revenge. And be aware of why you're making it. If you do it out of a sense of self-hate or remorse or a strong passion in that moment, it won't usually last long. It says psychiatrist Michael Bonae. Thank you, Michael. Because the classic one is, he's obviously called Bennett and I've just pronounced it Bonae. Brilliant. Sorry. Mikhail Benet. Mikhail Benet.

Sorry, I interrupted you. No, no, it's fine. It was a worthy interruption, and I'm glad you did. And I think Michael listening, he's a listener, and is also glad he did. I think, because the most, when you think of news resolution, the first one you think of, which is quite sad, especially if a woman is lose weight or stop eating this thing. And that is born of self-hate. Because that is born of, I'm not good enough.

If it gets to 2020-20-20, already having trouble with it. and I'm, you know, I've lost 10 pounds or whatever, I will be a better person and that's not true. And so then if that is your New Year's resolution, you realize it's come from like, I'm not good enough now, then get rid of that and find something positive because that stuff will come with positivity. Yes.

So like obviously if I write a book, I'm not going to lose weight if I wanted to. But if I write a book, it might make me feel more content. And with that, I might be like, I'll go for a run because I'm so happy. Why not? Yeah, absolutely. I'm sure it'll impact all that because you're when you make those positive things for yourself, your ambition is to, your resolution to yourself is to commit to an amount of time every day that you write something that has absolutely no, literally no purpose for anyone else. No purpose. No one could give a shit about it.

I'm not going to send it to anybody. No, exactly. It's just for you to be like, hello, I don't have to be. The Man in the Shoe. It's called The Man in the Shoe. Yeah, sure. I'll read it eventually if you'd like to. No.

No, exactly. It's just for you. And then, and also the weight thing touches on. such an important thing, which I know we wang on about the secret, that book. Oh, yeah. All the time. But the secret is, I mean, it's a lot of very intense stuff about it. Don't hang on about it that much, enough to say that you wang on about it.

Oh, sorry, okay. I feel like when you start diving into this stuff, you're only sort of one step away from mentioning the secret. Yeah. So in my head, I'm thinking about it eight to ten times a day. For people who haven't read it. Certainly. And me. The secret is this book, so it came out in the 90s, very popular, looked like it,

was a secret tome and the book was basically like if you ask the universe for things they will be given to you great so some of it was very intense spiritual stuff that's maybe not for everyone the stuff that is definitely useful is the power of words and the power of language and how we speak about ourselves and how we speak to ourselves and so with the losing weight one which I'm sure might be lots of people's or is definitely like a popular one if you say um i i need to lose time i need to lose 10 pounds. I need to lose 10 pounds. I don't want to be fat anymore, right? Is the words hate don't want and fat like all these like negative words. Well, that's quite, can be quite a positive word.

Certainly. Sorry. No, no. But not if you are using it. Yeah, not if you, not if it's got in the same sentences, hate. Any word can be turned into a negative or a positive depending on how you feel. Yes, exactly. It's not that the word itself is a negative. It's like you have used it in a aggressive way towards yourself. Whereas changing around to being like, I want to be more healthy. Yeah. I've decided to be more healthy.

I've decided to be more active. Like those are like, oh, how freeing. We're moving towards something rather than this like aggressive use of language. And you're never going to be able to break away from or out of the, I hate myself. I'm so bad. But if you're like, I can see this new healthy person in the future. Yeah. Also healthy is such a nicer.

Healthy is such a good word. That is a catcher because if you become healthy, then yeah, okay, you might lose weight. You might not. but if your focus is on health, that's so much more important. And not in like a self-care way. In like a, you can lose weight in really unhealthy ways. Exactly. And it's not either here or there.

And also it shouldn't really be anybody's goal, but like being more healthy and more active. It can be everyone's goal. Sure. Always. And then make it nice and specific. Very good. So if yours is like, I will write for 10 minutes every day.

Yes. I will write a whole book this month, you know, whatever. And if it's like, yeah, I want to just churn it out. If the job for you is just like, just finish any old shit, just get to the end, then like, make it. that if it's like I'd love to spend 10 minutes work you know decide what area of the writing thing that's a very good idea because actually I could just say that and then be like well I don't have any time or like when am I going to do that because I'm doing the Edinburgh

festival again but like what I could do is be like okay well cool I'll come back from Edinburgh and then in September October I'll book like two weeks in Airbnb go away and just yeah fantastic or even if you're just like oh I will make it my goal to every Monday I know that I'm like doing my 10 minutes on this you know and I just make sure I show up and I do a small amount on this thing every day and I keep on working to it and I would say start it right away

rather than it be this like oh and then when I finally got the time and space I'm in my Airbnb like just start and don't because that's what you're afraid of is like but I'll start and then I'll have to look at my words and yeah also another like a very different sort of news resolution my friend said that she was making is to not be a better friend because she is a great friend

but to like be better at organising social stuff. That's a great one. Meet up with the friends that she wants to meet up with and stop letting friendships that she really enjoy who's kind of dwindle away. Like really prioritise on a certain group of people that she really wants to see. Amazing.

And so then I suppose you can make that more specific by being like, right, well, I will contact these people and I will set up drinks with these people. Yes. And you have a list of the people that you want to make sure that you remember. So it's not just like, be a nice, a friend. Yes.

Or even like, yeah. So worst version would be be less shit. Yeah, yeah, God, yeah. And then next one, we'd be like, be a bit of rent, fantastic. But like, what use is that? So it's like socialize more with Ben, John and Clara. And then organize monthly Sunday night or Sunday lunch. Like a roasting, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And book them in. This is what we're doing every, the last Sunday of the month, every month. Yeah. And be like, make it specific. What am I actually going to do about that? Otherwise it becomes this intangible, like, and then it's just this pressure of like, oh, I didn't do the thing I was supposed to do.

It's like, take that next step and be like, this is when and this is how. Yeah. And this is why. This is why. And then, oh, so mine would be do, oh, yes. Then I found this like 30-day splits thing. Challenge. It's like, here are your 10-minute exercises and you do these every day.

Wow, great. So you could have it done by then a jam. Exactly. Right. Just crack on, mate. As long as it's like, and then I have to say, you know, when will I do these 10 minutes? Will it be first thing in the morning, last thing at night? So like you get some routine and some structure.

You know like this is what I'm doing. And then the last thing is about marking your progress. Okay. So if it's a visual thing like me, I could start taking a photo every day to see like how. Oh, I can't wait to see the early photos. See how I'm doing. So I can look back and be like, oh wow. Like look how well I did.

Maybe I'll make one of those like stop motion. Oh my God. Yes. Me getting better. Split. Like give yourself something. So you can be like, so every time you can look back and be like, hey, Yeah, if it's like the Seymour friends thing,

then you could always like take a fun photo with your mates, then you've got each month, you'd be like, see, look, I saw those people this month. Yeah, perfect. This people this month. Here's my photo. I see a lot of people doing various, like, Instagram challenges that are like, you know, I see them doing like hashtag 264 out of 365.

Obviously they're doing like a photo every single day. And like, therefore you're like, oh, I've got to do my thing of the day. Yeah, so it's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Things that, yeah, and if it's not quantifiable, make it quantifiable. Yeah, basically make it a fun advent calendar for yourself. But I was like, so every day you're like, oh, I've got to do that thing just quickly.

Yes, but now I do my thing today. Yes, that's good. Yes. Great. I feel quite inspired. I feel very inspired. I found some just very, very specific. Like if you're thinking like, okay, what sort of news resolutions I have?

Like really specific things. I was like, you know what? They might inspire people at home to be like, oh, yes, I could do that. Because I think new year's resolutions often have to be something like you learn to do or, you know, improve yourself as a person. Whereas they can just be something as simple as this. year do take your contraceptive pill every day. That, you know? Yes.

I know some people who's, I've seen their packets of Yasmin and it stresses me out. Yes. And finish that sentence, take my contraceptive pill every day. Every day, at midday and I'll set a phone alarm. I mean, I'm actually fine at taking my pill. No, I know, but we're just filling out the sentence. Say if you're not. So we've got in the habit of making a full sentence.

I've got in the habit of it. Yes, I put my phone alarm on every day and every time it goes off, it's there. it's there. I'm like, I'm going to keep my pill packet in my makeup bag because that's always with me even if I'm out, that sort of thing. And then someone else said, take makeup off after a night out. And that's something that I don't do. And I'm always like, I really should because like the next

two days I've got spots and I just look like shit. And that's such a small thing, but it's like, just know that from now on, that is what you're going to do. Get one of those like, mycelor, or I don't know how to pronounce it, mycelor water. Like, you know, the stuff that you don't have to wash your face, you just put it on and gets rid of it. So like Garnia have one.

Put that next to your bed with some cotton wall or some tissue. And so then you've got no excuse you can literally do it in your bed. Yes, perfect. That sort of stuff. You've literally put it out in preparation. Or maybe put something on your bathroom mirror, a posting note. Yes. Take your makeup off.

Bitch. You dirty bitch. Yes. Yes. Great. Also, I think your stuff about your obsession with Maricondo is try and do like quarterly clean outs. So at the end, I don't know, Easter have one. And then, I don't know, June.

have one and at the end of the year have one. Every month I'll reassess my clothes or every single day I'll give something to charity or Yeah, that's a nice one. And also, actually, I forgot. I've always wanted to do the thing where you just like, you know, give £2 a month to a charity that you really care about because I was like, I mean £2, I probably, that probably drops up my pocket every month. So yes, I'm doing one to save the bees because that's something that keeps me up at night. And then one to Age UK because I saw an advert that made me cry. And that's absolutely you can do. that and I, yeah, it's a real hard time.

I text the number immediately. Yeah, maybe doing something like that because then that's something you just do once and then you know that every month that's happening. That's a really achievable one, but as a human, you are doing something helpful for someone else. And then a final one that I read that I was like, this is a good one, won't be applicable to everyone. But to call your parents more. To call Tess's parents more. Do because they're all worried about you.

Very worried about you. I find it, I get on with my parents really well. Sometimes I'd be like, my God, it's gone like a whole month. and I haven't called home, or they've called me, and we've chatted on, like, we've got a WhatsApp group, fine. But I haven't actually, like, called them to chat. And that's a very vague one, but how I've started doing it, or I've done it in the past is on the walk home from my tube station to my flat is, like 15 minutes.

So that's when I'll be like, oh, should I call my parents? Sorry, Mom and Dad, I don't do it all the time, but I have started to do it more. She does this podcast instead. Yeah, I mean, I'm talking to you through this medium, so you should be really grateful. But, yeah. If you are good at talking to your parents, maybe that thing of, like, on my walk, home I will always call a friend or like use that of your if your things like be more social and talk to people more like call on the way home from yes pick a person and make a call on your 15 minute

walk home from work and watch them freak out just to make things that more like oh when in my day can I make sure I yeah because there is quite there is more dead time than you think there is if you break it up properly and you are like planning for it then yeah there's loads of it yeah there's time there's still never enough dead time for me to ever go to the gym in the morning and that's a real thing and I'm really happy about that I was really like, I'm aware that I'm not going to ever do that. I'm not ever going to get up, go for a run. I'm never going to get up and do any exercise before I've done anything else.

It's like, and for every year, my New Year's resolution was, go to the gym and be like really fit in the morning. So you're like, then you're done for the day. And it's like, great for other people. I'm not going to do that. There's something more harmful about setting news resolutions that you can't achieve. It's better just not to do any because it makes you feel like a terrible shit person. Yes.

So what's the point of being? being mean to yourself. Yes. Don't be mean to yourself. It's mad. Yeah, it is mad. So like take your, if your resolution is to get up every morning and go to the right, just know that like you've got maybe one of those in you.

Yeah. And that's it. And the smugness will see you through. Yeah. Another year. But you're never going to do that every day. No. And if you really, really want to do it, like, firstly that why question and then write down

the specifics of like, this, I'll have to get up at this time, then I will do this. This is exactly my plan. And really look at that and then be like, I ain't ever doing that. Yeah. And if you don't be like, I can, great, do it. But as long as it's coming from a place of positivity and not a place of life. Yeah, you just know, you just know you're on such a route for failure

if it's like, get up at 5am. It's like, ridiculous things to say. You just know you're going to hate yourself. And it's that stupid thing about like comparison as the thief of joy. But like, all you'll do is look at people who have done it and be like, why am I so shit? Those people are only sharing the ones that they've done. They haven't shared the mornings that they haven't.

Yeah. I always think about that. When like people are like, and I'm really doubling down on this, going to gym in the morning, but people that post like videos of their morning run on Instagram. I'm like if it was just a really normal thing, then you wouldn't be posting video about it. Brush my teeth again.

Yes. So you can't do it either. No. But equally, if that is how you would like to feel proud of yourself and that helps. Oh my God, do it. Do it.

You're a morning person. Do know that we will be bitching about you, but maybe feed off that. It comes from a place of deep negativity. And we're really sorry. And fundamentally flawed personality types. Yes. Do you?

Seat each other. A social media resolution would be a good one, but that's one as well that you can go too far on and be like, don't ever scroll on social. It's like, well, you're not, that's not going to happen. If you're somebody that is really balls deep in Instagram, you're not going to suddenly become somebody that's really restrained on it.

There's certain things that you can do the kind of time one whereas like after 9 o'clock, just get rid of your phone. You know WhatsApp that comes through after 9pm at night is worth anything. You can look at it the next day. And no one's going to be like, quick, come round now. unless it's a boot a call in which case

fair enough I mean fine yeah I suspect most people have got some variation of use phone less complete creative or work project run be more healthy save more money and those are just gonna weigh you down oh yeah so

if it saved money be like I will be saving 100 pounds every month why and not just like because I should but like for this holiday or for why like and the phone less, you know, otherwise you're just like, oh, I'm on my phone again. If it's like 9pm, the phone goes off.

The alarm happens. I know why you're doing it. It makes me feel sad. It makes me feel anxious or whatever. There is, an app is for staying focused. Okay. So if you have, you know, a deadline or a project or something, or you're trying to study or you're trying to be on your phone list.

Or record a podcast. Or a podcast. Tessa just found me and I was on my phone. Yes. Not listening to what she was saying. What were you looking at? I was sending a WhatsApp I didn't need to send. No.

I know. Stay focused. I've given up. I'm quite tired of. Okay, it's called Forest. Stay focused. Is that the full name of the app? Yes.

The word forest. Lovely. And you say, I'm ready to begin and you get a little seed. Oh, my gosh. I have no time for this. Wait, the seed goes in the earth. Does it do a tree. Put your phone down.

Yeah. If you can leave it for long enough, it'll grow into a tree. That's beautiful. But if you open your phone, it's withered and died, Stevie. Oh, that is quite good. It didn't have enough time to grow. So you killed your tree. I know someone that uses that.

Great. And it's very helpful to them. Know thyself. I know that that would like piss me off. And I'd be like, I just get rid of it immediately because I don't want to be made to feel guilty. But that's again, come to a place of deep sadness in me. Yes, because also when you're like, you've dithed again, you're like, well, it's your fault. I know.

And I'm like, I don't need this sort of business. So that aggression is at you and you're putting it on the forest, but it's at you, Steve. We all know it's not the forest. It's you. Very hard, isn't it? Yes. But do it if it's helpful. Also, getting into the habit of looking at how much screen time you've looked at.

Yes. Your phone can tell you, I don't know how that happens, but Google it, absolutely, Google it. You can find out how long you've been on your phone per day and then try and, like, beat your time. And then at weekends. Also, like, just things like when you're out or when it just put your phone away. Like, you don't have to do an Instagram story of the fact that you went out every time. Just put your phone in your pocket. Just be at the table with people.

Be present. Just be present. Be present is such a vague one, but if you're like, be present at the dinner table, that's my thing. I know I'm bad at the table or I know I can't sit all the way through a film. So like be aware of what your things are and be like and therefore this is what I'm going to try and do. Yeah. Or pick something that you always like,

I never have time to do this and find time to do it. Like I think everyone's got like a genre or a format that is their format. So mine's reading. I can't watch film when I'm stressed out of it because I will just, I won't concentrate. Whereas for some reason reading, I'm just knocked out for like four hours.

Whereas for my sister, I think it's more music. And for my boyfriend, I think it's more films. And like everyone's got their one. But I think if you know what you'll want, it's like make time to enjoy that. Maybe it's hard. Make time to enjoy that more.

Cultivating your better work-life balance is really vague, but you can go like, you know, in the evenings, make sure that I decompress after work with a book before I do anything else. Yes. Or another good one is if you're like annoyed at how much you end up buying lunch out, like get yourself a lunchbox, take a pat luncheon and aim for like four pat lunches a week. And then that's really achievable or even three. and then build it up or something like that. Three and I will cook them at this time.

And I thought, this is my whole schedule. This is when I cook them. This is the plan. And the reading that, I just on the reading thing, there's a study that reading for just six minutes can reduce anxiety by like 60%. Oh my God.

So if you're panicking and you're like, I haven't got time to sit down with the whole book, but I have got six minutes. Yeah, I'm six minutes. So just it's the best thing for just total and immediate focus elsewhere in your mind. That's cool. So the time you come back to something,

your brain's like, Oh yeah, what were we freaking out about? What was our thing this time? Perspective. There's so many tricks to stop your brain being like, oh, whoa! Yeah. And I just wanted to say,

I found this book that I think was called like, just get that shit done or something. Good. And then every page was broken down in a way that I find extremely stressful. That's like, goal, what did I do today? Date. And my heart is pounding.

I'm like, ah, no, this is the worst thing I can imagine. I'd set my own targets. Yes. But then I thought, I suspect I don't want to look in the book because I know I won't be able to do it. That's definitely what it is. So the thought of owning that book is like,

yes, the tree has withered. You're a constant reminder that I didn't do a thing. That's why I hate the forest. I know I'm going to fail it one day. And then I'll be like, well, this is rubbish and I can't do it anymore. So what I may be going to do is go and buy that book. Great idea. Because I hated it so much.

So let's see if that's the only way in. Yeah. That's a good idea. Like with the jealousy thing, which I always come back to you is if you're jealous of someone, it's normally because you want something that they have. So look inside yourself and do that thing. if you hate something so violently

it's coming from a place of a place. Yeah, it's not, you can't just hate the book it's because you're like, this is a reflection on me. Yeah. This is a reflection on me.

Another journey that we've been on this, on this app. On this ep. So do choose one in honour of the Babylonians, if nothing else. I mean, they need some more honour in our modern day society.

Right. We don't know we don't. I've talked about them for a long time. No, give them the recognition they deserve. Get your Babylonians. resolution down and it can be anything at all this year you know no resolution is more an event that's coming up the marathon take part in some competition enter this yeah buy a dog whatever your

thing is or it can be a tiny minuscule life change that you're going to make or it can be call your mum more call your mum more and then why because it's nice and then when oh it's five o'clock when I leave work exactly so we're always going to be doing who what why when and then we'll ignore the who who is me who is me always you what what am I doing when am I doing it

why am I doing it how am I doing it and when when twice so when when I'm just going I'm going

I'm either there's when A and when B when A is when will I do make the time for that every day

and when B is when will my deadline be that I need if I'm trying to do the splits or finish the book or

of course if it's a finishing something let's say that that is covered by just the one when understood

a singular when squared when One squared. But yeah, also if you have a New Year's resolution, tweet us and we'll give you some like fun emojis and support. Yes, and we'll probably check back in again and shout at you, but at a later date.

I'll be quite like encouraging, but tears so much out. I think it'd be good to do an episode on the day where everyone is broken. This is that traditional day where everyone's broken it by now. They've broken their new year's resolutions. Then we can do a real like, come on, keep going. Yes. And so we'll be back with this. the telling people is such an important one because now you've made it a public statement.

You've made it a public thing. And if it's very secret and you really don't want to tell anybody, then write it down somewhere. Make sure it's a physical, you've made it a physical thing. A lot like, you know, we've talked about all those sort of ritual things that aren't really about the thing. It's about tricking your brain. It's about making a physical acknowledgement to yourself and like saying the thing out loud. I've been telling my water bottle that I won't lose him every time I leave the house.

Yes, that's fantastic. And because I've realised, I mean, that is basically. basically I'm doing a sort of weird chanting spell, but I'm just going like, I won't lose you. And then it means that I always remember him now because he's on my mind. Exactly.

He's on your mind more and you're saying it and you're making a physical attachment to something. Yeah, it's perfect. Undefesting. Yes, tweet is your resolution if you want to at Nobody PanicPod. I'm at StevieM, the S is a 5. I'm at Tesico's.

And email us, NobodyPanickpodcast.com. Just give us your 2019 podcast episode ideas. We've got a backlog before Christmas because we've got to do loads of Christmassy and we've got some ones that weren't Christmassy so we're going to work through them. We've got a lot of, we've got a lot of weeks to fill. Give us your thoughts.

We've got a whole year. We're staring at you a bit of a year. How many weeks? 52. So what do you want to hear us tackle? Like and subscribe also and if you like the podcast, a lovely tweet or an Instagram story or something to try and kind of spread the word would be much appreciated and

I don't know, have a lovely first week of your 2019. I was just wondering if we should say a a 2019 resolution. Oh for our podcast. Release our cookbook. No again you've not taking any of your advice. Understood. Nah it's a cat, calm it one. Um, videos. We should do videos. Our little, or our 10 minute mini ones that we were going to do. Yes. Our new year's resolution, that's a good one. Tesla suggested doing, we might start doing a couple of mini episodes that are very specific. So if you're like crying on a boss, they're called, uh, one, you're crying on a bus. They're called, uh, one, you're crying on bus. Two, you don't want to go to the gym. That's good. And it's 10 minutes of us just shouting.

Just shouting at you. You can do it. Three is the emergency confidence boost. That's a good one. And it's before big events. Yeah, maybe maybe like a breakup one. Like you've just been broken up with and we're like, you can do this. Yeah. Believe in yourself. Basically, all of them are going to be that. But we'd like to start doing them. So you can hold us all to account. And if we don't do them, then just shout at us please. Yeah, you can hold us accountable. We're all accountants. You jump, we jump. Have a magical and very best of 2019 to you. Yay.

2019, that's what you're going for. What have you gone for? What have you gone for? Honestly, I thought you were going to go like 2019 or something? 2019, that's not what you're calling it. Welcome to 201. I'm a magical 2019.

No. And we will see you. See you. Next, weak. Yeah, bye.