Nobody Panic - How to Party with Kiell Smith-Bynoe (Live at Soho Theatre)

Episode Date: December 27, 2022

Finally, Ghosts star and renowned party boy Kiell Smith-Bynoe comes on the podcast and explains to Tessa that you don’t need to have champagne in the bath, give out invitations written on scrolls or provide class A drugs “just in case??!!” to have a good party. Stevie mostly listens and says things like “what?!”.Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded live at Soho Theatre and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. It's an absolutely delightful room of Wembley O2 we have here with us. We're not alone.

We've brought our amazing special guest friend, Hot Boy, Kyle Smith, Bino! Yeah! Oh, do you believe in ghosts? I refuse to answer that question. We're going to be doing a topic that's very close to your heart, how to party. Yep. But before we do... We're going to read out some adult things.

I'm going to give you some of these chunky, chunky boys. Everyone listening. Just handing out some junkie boys. some pieces of paper. I've given myself non and have dropped it on the floor. We're all just going to deal with it. Okay, so we're going to read out some adult things

and we're all just going to be really supportive and, like, just have a think about them. Got a drill? Oh, then return said drill where it's burned onto knob. Okay, so I'm not even joking. The handwriting is so beautiful, but I can't read it.

Can't be it's burnt onto a knob. I think it's bought a drill. Yeah. Then return said drill when it turned out not to be a drill. Oh, I can't read. Sorry, I should have made that clear. But I cannot, for the people at home,

My councillors never how much it looks like burnt onto knob. That does... Okay, I can read. I actually can read. Right. I took some jeans that didn't fit to the tailors, and now they fit. Oh, I've never taken anything to a tailor's.

You do it all the time, don't you? Might go. Might go. Pay the deposit on a flat, also dragged my whole family here to see nobody panic. Yeah! We fixed a door, underscore. We fixed a door onto a big cupboard.

Oh my God, goes more... In our living room. Sorry. Which has had no door since we must. moved in one and a half years ago. Now our guests don't have to stare at our Hoover and dining board when they come round. No one wants to look at that.

A problem, Henry, mine's on theme. Moved in with a man and bought a Hoover. God, it's so Hoover related. Mimed to six-year-olds, how to properly use a toilet. Mimed to six. Right, the thing in bracket says, I teach. So to me, a teacher should have written that better. Mimed to six-year-olds how to properly use.

use the toilet. I get what you mean. And well done actually. Yeah, well done. That's hard. That's a big day in year in year six, isn't it? When you've got to be told. Oh, very good. I actually introduced myself to my neighbours. Anyone who's ever lived anywhere, that's really hard. Oh my God. Booked

an assessment to get solar panels on my house. What's that? And then came here, mainly to show off about the solar panels. Very good. Very good. You've rejected that one. Yeah. I was trusted to book these tickets

A Reformed Hot Mess Oh yes Hot Messing tickets Well done you Started a Masters in Climate Change Policy Gonna fix the world Just please give me a couple of years Yes

They're not like All adult things are equal Apart from that one Yeah And this one, same vibe Repotted my many house plants And they are thriving Very good

Very good That's the same thing in it Thank you This is my favourite so far, and it actually on the cover, cover, it says, read me, you won't regret it. I told all the men that get off to my Instagram today to start paying me per ejaculation, some of them already have. Yeah.

It's amazing. Put this event in my diary as soon as I bought tickets rather than kid myself that I was organized enough to remember it. Are you listening to that, Tessa? A diarized event. We love it. She's there. Mine comes direct from the American Midwest.

But in the land grab era of the 18th. century. I stewed some apples and made... I regret my impression. It was really good. But she's more of a West country pirate. I guess she's land grabbed her way to America. I stewed some apples and then

made potpourri with the peel. Hey! Poverry! Hi! Okay, final one, Kyle. I tried to find one that was close to the theme, but all I could find ones that were opposite to the theme. Sure, shut up. Okay. This person woke up in Munich, Germany.

this morning, got on a plane, and came to see your show tonight, got stressed at work and made myself feel better by spending £150 on ceramic pumpkins. I went to boozy brunch and did not end up face down in a park in central London. Yay! That's nice, that's nice. Well, done.

Yeah, great. Well, that's, yeah, all of them? It's party themed. It's party time. It's time to party. Okay, so I guess we should start, but I'm just going to open. put it very, very broadly, and be like,

best party you've ever thrown slash weirdest party you've ever thrived in. It's quite intense in it as a question. Okay, what is a party? Let's bring it back. Every time I'm with more than one person, it's a party. It's very true. You know, like, church can be anywhere.

That's what they say. A party can be anywhere. This is a party now. Look how many people there are. And what would you say that your components of a party is simply more than two people? Yes. No, well, no, that's a celebrity.

Three's a party. A party, I would say, is... Oh, hello. Gone. He's not... He didn't want to be at a party. No, thank you very much. I'm at a party now?

What? No way. Music, fun, drinks, vibes, jokes. I won't say vibes again, don't worry. I think that you should... I liked it. Yeah? Yeah, it was good. One of them said that they didn't like

that someone kept saying vibes next to them at lunch. And that was their adult thing. Yeah. They didn't like someone saying vibes. No, there was more than that. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, But that's why I threw it ferociously to the ground. Okay, no, no, sure.

What's like a party that sticks out in your mind, Tessa, as being like a good party that you left, being like, that was certainly a party I went to. When I was at school, we had a Lord of the Rings party in my... Of course. I hate this. You hate it? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. In which case, didn't happen. No, I'm into it. No, we're into it. Why do you hate it? Because what is that? Go on.

Teller, explain. Okay, it was an all-girl's school. I don't know if that goes without saying. It was at my house. We took it so seriously by we, I mean, me and my parents. And my dad built a Hobbit door with a handle and everything.

Oh, my God. Then we built this sort of Eye of Sauron thing that was up a ladder. And then we made a little, oh, you hate it. I kind of look at you. Wait, no, no. Did you say you were at uni?

School. School. Oh, okay. Because I'm picturing you at 21 dinners. I'm 18. Yeah, yeah. I'm 18 years old. Sure, so, so, so.

And then everybody comes, dressed as something different from Lord of the Rings. Right. I feel like you're both at opposite ends of the party spectrum. You're like,

well, you're like two people, no, three people, sorry, it's a party. You're like, if the eye of Sarah on is not present. Unfortunately, it's just a gathering. That's just a gathering. If everyone isn't dressed as a character.

My friend Louise is dressed as a Gollum and she's wearing a pillowcase and she's on a rope. Oh, that's incredibly dark. The hobbits, her dad's a carpenter, and he'd got the wool that goes inside, like straw wool that goes inside an old sofa with your repurposing a sofa, and then they'd glued it to themselves with wood glue, and then the next day they had to go to A&E.

They'd made these like chests and feet and hands, so they were hobbits. They fused themselves to the materials. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. We didn't have no any boys. This is going to be really helpful as an episode for you, I feel. Because I think to me I'm like, I don't know how to have a party Because that's why I think a party is

You've been trying to recreate that ever since Yeah, just weeks of preparation And what do I do now? I have a party every year Like a big birthday party And then I have like a little party every weekend And the last one was on Saturday No, what day is it today?

At your house? Last Saturday. At your house? Yes. Not last Saturday. What's last Saturday? Like two days ago? Yeah.

The other one. Okay. Brilliant. And I planned that on Wednesday night. Okay. And how many people are we talking? About 40. And how did you, let's start.

How did you invite them? So what way do you invite? It's sort of like my... It's handmade scrolls posted through the letterbox. I imagine here. That's what I would have to do here. And so how are you inviting people? Drinks my house Saturday, 9-ish, heavy on the ish.

Yeah, very good. Okay. And you wrote the words heavy on the ish. That means don't come at nine. I won't even... I understand and I respect it 100%. I won't be there. Because where will you be?

I'll be like at dinner or something. Yeah, the last time I invited Kyle to a party that I was going to, I was like, it starts at 8 and he was like, yeah, I'll be there about 1130. I'm like, well, I'm going with you and I don't know anyone else. Can you please? And he was like, no. And then he invited me to a woman's...

I'm not just like, a woman's party. It wasn't a party, it was just a woman's balcony. I think wants to have sex with you. I was like, yeah, come on. I was like, I can't. So then I just stayed home because I was frightened. The power of your party compels me. I wish you'd come to that, actually.

Nobody, especially not her, wishes I'd come to that party. But yeah, so it's like, also as well, I feel like right from the off, setting out your wares as to what, that's a weird way of putting it, to what your party's going to be like, scrolls, I'm tense.

I'm like, well, I can't attend a party. A scroll has dropped through my door. Or like, I don't know, it just appears, my house, I didn't know who was there, or whatever. Because I'm like, what, I... An intense party. I tried to send a letter once through the post,

attached to a raven. It was... A fake raven. Obviously, a fake raven. But it was like a big plastic bird. Did you put the stamp on the raven? I got to the post office and I asked the post office man exactly that question,

where should we put the stamp? And he said, Madam, you have to leave. You can't... And he just held it up like this. And he was like, what's this? And I was like, in Game of Thrones, the Ravens from the Citadel. And he was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then he said something like, this is a serious government operation or something. You can't send this?

Like this through the post. And I was like, the Ravens. Yeah. So I think you've got to set up that it's a chill vibe. Okay, so just a text. Yeah. WhatsApp, I'd imagine. A group or just?

Just, yeah, just like. Do I start a group or not? Do all the groups first. Oh, on. Oh, I'm dripping in spite. Right. Okay, what you do, what you do is you write out one invite, right? And then you copy that and you just paste, paste, paste it. Pace, page, page, paste, paste.

Yeah, okay. And then people start getting back to you, bling, cling, cling, cling. Can't make it, I'm in Hungary. Okay, all of that. So, okay, immediate first question. I can't make it, I'm in Hungary. What do we do to stop the dread that everyone's in Hungary? No, they can't all be...

Unless everyone's saying I'm in Hungary, like you're getting other notifications, I imagine. No. No. If all your friends are in Hungary, you should be in Hungary. Yeah, go to Hungary. Yeah, I should. But yeah, you just send them out

and a lot of, like, some people won't be able to make here, something. But I feel like with me, people know that it's going to be like... Sick. No, not just that. I will tell you last minute. So you're like, oh, there it goes again.

But maybe if you were to send out a party invite two days before, your friends might be like, what the fuck? No, I think they would think that was very on brand. And they said there, she's done it again. she's having a breakdown before her birthday but we still won't go because we're in Hungary Oh great

Well then just do that Wednesday Yeah I mean you've got What day is it today? Monday Monday And you've got time to like You couldn't construct your draft Okay and is there any theme I can tell that there's not

Oh no oh no Because like fun the thing is Because if there's no theme Dying to do Lord of the Rings again Yeah But by definition fun is the theme, you know? Holy shit.

Whereas when you put another theme in, fun is secondary. This is good stuff. Because, okay, where would you do? In your house? In my house, yeah. Yeah, great. And you've got, like, a system

that you can play music on. Not yet, but... You better believe I'm going to get one. What do you play music on normally? I don't have any music. Okay. Des has never listened to music before. I don't really...

I just sort of think. I don't really listen to music. What do you mean? You're flat. Wait, Kyle, you said today that you've never drank water, so, I don't know. What do you mean? Today, he literally was like,

I didn't drink water until I was 25. And we were all just looking for ages. Yeah. So. Yeah. No. You know. No.

What did you drink? Capri son. Yeah. Yes. You were good. Yeah. Oh, yes. No, yes.

My mom used to get exclusive flavors from the market. Like dragon fruit. Tropical fruit. My mum got dragon fruit Capri Sun from the market. Why would I drink water? Wow. That's a good point. Thanks. Okay. None of them at the party.

No. No, Capri Sun? No. Isn't that fun or not? No. I can tell it's not. Okay. I mean, yeah. Okay, so, okay. The music thing, I guess I just... Someone will have a Bluetooth speaker,

or you just get a Bluetooth speaker. I think I lack my confidence in my taste so badly with the music. that I don't want... Yeah, but you don't have to worry about that. You put something on... The Dixie Chicks. The Dixie Chicks.

Sorry, what did you say? The Dixie Chicks. Okay. Okay, could do. But also, the Spotify playlist called things like, you're having a party now. Party time.

It's partyville. You know, like that's... I don't put... I don't think... Don't put... I don't think... Oh, if it's a Dixie Chicks... No, there's no theme.

So there's no theme. It's just like fun. It's easy because you just put on the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, you know? That's the only thing that's easy about having a theater party. There's nothing else easy. Go on Spotify and I say party. Yeah.

You don't say it. My nightmare is that I am asked to DJ like now. Who's going to ask you? Who's going to tell her to do else and go, excuse me, can you DJ your own house? It's a nightmare. I'm at a rave. And someone says like, and I have to, I'm sorry if I made eye contact with anyone in truth. I didn't mean to.

Then I have to come up. They point at me in the crowd. I've won a prize. The prize is D. and I have to go up and I have to DJ for an hour. It won't. I think that's fine in certain contexts. I don't know where, but I open with Pirates the Caribbean.

He's a pirate. And I try and build from there. It's not bad actually. So can I, I just search Spotify party and then I can... Just go on Spotify and search party. Just go on Google and go Spotify party. I think you've got to like parties. And it will give you loads of options.

Okay. You just pick one of them. Okay. And then that is not your responsibility. anymore because someone will definitely come in and go, oh, what the fuck is this? It doesn't matter what it is. Someone will take it

they'll decide that they're the DJ now. When they say that, how do I not die a thousand deaths? You go, great, I've got a DJ without even having to employ one. Is it great? Now, now everyone's involved in this party that we are creating. It's the community.

It's not personal. They're just saying, what is this? Unless it's you singing. A track of you singing. Well, they'd be in there right, because I'm not a good singer. There's actually very little that you have to do because you're already providing the shelter,

the accommodation, the venue. I knocked down a wall in my house specially for this. To make enough space for the party. You don't even have two different rooms. No, one big room, just for this. Perfect. So you've done that. And it's just me alone, silently, no music.

You tell everyone to bring a bottle, but you have a little selection, and I mean like just a fun selection of obvious vibes. By that time, I meant drinks. Can I offer an idea? I fill the bath with cold water. Ice. What are you talking about?

No, come on. I feel like I just fell asleep and woke up and it was like 20 minutes later and you were talking about something else. Come on. This is honestly, you know what, I had this whole structure of like, I was going to throw some party curveballs.

The entire curveball is the fucking co-host of the show. Okay. And you had issues for dinner parties. but I did not know that... Just at any party, it was this. What if all the cold drinks are in the bath? In an ice bath?

Okay, sure. Just bobbing about. What if? Yeah, that's fine. And then you go all drinks in the bath and think of that's cool. You can do, where's your bath? Is it one floor? One floor.

So you don't have to go upstairs to get drinks. Okay, great. One floor, very small house. Oh, yeah, perfect. So then it's yards away. Yeah. Just ice. You don't need to put the water in.

Understood. The ice will become water eventually. Are you a scientist as well as an actor? Thank you so much. Yeah, and then you can put a couple, like, beers and that or whatever, our wife. And then a couple, like, everyone else who drinks like... You're so tense. Everyone that drinks the spirits and stuff.

They'll bring that. They'll bring it. Yeah. Do you do have to get mixes. You have to get... Mixes. Make sure you've got enough mixes. Caprican.

They always go first. Okay. You can't get dragon fruit capersan anymore. My mom got all of them. Tonic Diet Coke, lemonade. Yeah, yeah. Ginger ale, ginger beer. And if someone doesn't like it, they'll just nip to shop and go it.

I mean, if you arrive at a party, you're like, oh, I like dragon fruit capriot, then you'll just be like, oh, I'll just go and get some, you know? Okay. You don't have to die a thousand deaths for that. Okay. Yeah. All of that's taken care of. Okay.

So all you've had to do is pour beers in a bath. Perfect. Yeah? Okay. And I've got my soft drinks. I've got loads of, how much coke are we talking? Oh, hello. Coke of Coke of Coke?

Hello. We have jumped their heads. How many fat lines were putting in my shower, I'd imagine? Okay. Nightmail number one. You're up to DJ. Nightman number two, do you know where to get any Coke? And then they just give me the cash and they say, get the Coke.

No, no one does that. How are you feeling at a moment? I'm going to have a heart. I'm actually quite good. Now we've dealt with I don't have to get the cocaine. Yeah. Because that is, poor, that's been here. And then, genuinely.

So now that's over. I'm like, okay, I'm just the shelter and I am the tonic. Yes. And that's it. And some wine and beer. And some wine and beer. Yeah. So I'm off.

And also all of the main things people will ask each other, where's the toilet, for example? Right. They'll ask someone else. You don't give people a tour every time they come in. And no signs. No. For a two-bed flat, no signs, mate.

Okay. You're fine. But what I wanted to ask is, so this is like, it's not really a party kerbable, it's just like, what happens when people arrive that you don't know and they're a bit dodge or you're not quite happy with them in your house? Like, what do you do about that? You know, like, someone's like,

oh, yeah, there's like 12, you're fine with them. I can see you smiling. That's actually fine. I was like, yeah, bring it in. Okay, that's my... Well, no, it depends. I mean, I had that at my 30th where there were a group of boys

that were just from the area that were like, well, we've got to come in because we're from around here. That's not, I think. And what did you say? And I was like, well, no, because like, I'm in a suit and you're in, like, a boiler construction. You're in a construction.

You're in a scaffold. Are they fresh from work? Yeah. It's just down tools. You're wearing a skip. But eventually, I just said, 30 pounds. 30 pounds cash, but you'd have an eyes at all. 30 pound each.

150, pay for the DJ. Wow, okay. Yeah. Like we said, a grandmaster is in our midst. Charging people to get to the party. Yeah. They were just like, no, no, no, because there's girls in there, in it. So, like, can we?

And there was a lot of back and forth and me like, my mother is in here, so, and you're dressed like a rap scalian. But eventually, I was like, do you know what? They're not going to, they want to have a nice time, they don't want to cause trouble, fine. And if they did, then there was a lot of my friends. Right, I was going to say, so what's the plan B

for if they come in and they're being rap scallions? It was a well-attended party. Yeah. And I know some questionable characters. Right. So always invite gangsters to your point. party in case you need them to turn people away.

Anyone I don't know, yeah, 30 pounds. Come on in. Yeah, 30 pounds, yeah. Perfect. What if I take an ID off them? What do you think of that? How are you going to regulate that? I take it.

In my pocket? When you leave? They will rob you down. Just out of annoyance, I'd rob you if you do that at a party. I would too. Okay, what happens if your ex shows up unannounced to the party. They've broken your heart and they brought a new partner.

And it's your party. Oh my God, I'm really invested in this. A new partner, that's so shitty. Fire alarm. Fire alarm. Oh, fire them. Set fire to the pot. Set your own fire alarm. But that's really cutting off your nose to spite your face. That's your party. Because it ruins the party. End of party. Not the end.

Have you never done like a fake ending to your party? Okay. I have done... I've got chills. I'm quite good support at other people's party. and I have done the police have been called we've got to go and then I gave a secret wink to everyone who was allowed

to return so you went around and going why if they hadn't heard you say that and then say here's your ID thank you for coming here's your ID okay I've done police a call we've got to go wrap it up everyone what's your fake ending well it depends on what's saying

I mean my neighbour's house sometimes not okay sorry so in my building we get noise complaints if you've been too loud. We've only ever had two noise complaints despite the fact that we have a party every day. The first one, the first one was the first time that I ever had a party there,

which was July 2020. Understandably, people were still like... Illegal. What's that? What's that? But then... Great. The next time was... You have to say the date, man.

No, July was fine. We were eating Calamari outside, it was fine. And the second time was last weekend. That's a good innings. Yeah. And I just moved quite a lot of people to my neighbour's house. Into the house who had complained? No, no, no.

Other neighbours. No, the neighbours. I was like, you think this is loud. Here we fucking come. The neighbour's a friend. You're like, and now it's a breakaway group. Yeah. Overflow.

Who do you decide? Who goes in the overfill? Well, like. The good people or the bad people. This is me. So now I'm like, okay, some people have to go in the overspill. I will allocate people with a sticker if you are in the overspill. I mean, you're not going to get a noise complaint. You don't even have any music.

Or any friends or any guests. It's just me in the bath. With all the drinks. But now I just have to be like, it's not on me. That's not my job. I do provide the shelter and the tonic water, you know? People do so much for you on your birthday. Everyone's like willing to help.

Think about how you are on other people's birthdays. The police had been called and allocating a sticker to people. I was up high with you and you went behind the bar and started serving drinks. Yeah. It was very un... They did not like it.

No. No, it wasn't into it at all. No. But they were low on people. Yeah. There was one man. Yeah. And he couldn't do it.

So I went to help. Yeah. So like, people are willing to do that. So outsource. Outsource. Outsource. Okay. Wow.

Yeah. I feel amazing. Well, you've done... You've sent out of the invites is enough work. Okay. All you've got to do is make sure that like whatever is playing the music is not going to die.

Yeah. Good electricity source. And you've got enough like mixes or whatever. But even with that, you just like shops down there on the left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Limes, got to get some limes. Get a couple of limes. A couple of limes.

Yeah. Make it look like I've tried. Yeah, make sure there's some tequila for me. Okay. What do I do about, okay, downstairs and across don't particularly care for me. Right. Do I say it's a party in advance?

You just like pop a thing under the door just being like, we're going to be having a party on Friday. Do I say do pop in? I wouldn't say it like that to anyone. I think like you can't you can say and people won't or if they do they'll literally arrive for like five minutes

and they'll be like, well obviously I'm just no and then leave. They're not going to come and just like stay there for the whole night. But I think it's a nice thing to come and do we go we are having a party just so you know that's probably enough. You agree? Do you do that? No. No. But you agree that is nice. I will tell my neighbours to come in. I'll just knock and I'd be like, party.

And they're like, oh, okay. And then they're talking to my old school friends about coding or something. That's nice. Yeah. I wish I lived nice, George, to you. I'd love that. Wouldn't be nice?

Yeah. We'd be a really, I think we could really do good party work. I mean, you'd regularly text me saying, turn that down. But aside from that, I'd love it. I hope that you know about me that above all else, I am not a grass. And I never, ever tell off the music.

That's what grass is. Somebody who never tells off the music. I would lie there, being very cross with you, listening to you having sex, but I would never, ever, ever tell you off. I would hate that. If I knew that you were just, they're like... No, I wouldn't, but I would just...

I would... And then I saw you in the morning, you were like, hello? I'd be gutted. I wouldn't say that, I would say, hello. Ah, right. As well, you know. I don't mind noise. Okay.

All right. And I'm not... At 3 a.m.? Hey, I'm coming round. I'm staying at the party. Oh, great. I am good fun. Never, never has anyone sounded less fun than that.

But I am all right. You are fun. No, I know that. But if you were neighbours, I think that you'd probably... Ultimately, perhaps I would tire it. You'd have some stuff to do in the morning. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd come around, we'd do it together. Yeah, okay. Okay, so you're not... You just knock on and say, party? Yeah. Okay, and I'll say... Guys, party, fancy it? And then...

Yes or no? Okay, so what sort of false endings, or how do you wrap a party up in a nice moment? It's like, I don't know, six in the morning or whatever. Someone's being sick in the toilet, we've all got to go. Great, okay. I need to clean up. Yeah. My mum's coming.

Yeah. That's a good one, yeah, yeah. And you just say, that's it. Wrap it up. Or you literally just turn the music off and turn the lights on. Everyone starts feeling weird. Whatever everyone boos you then? Do your friends boo you?

I boo at that point. Oh, right, okay. I mean, I'm not talking from experience because I've never... Never turn the music off, yeah. Yeah. But I boo. I would just go to bed. You would boo at a party. I would boo if the music turned off and the lights go on.

Like, sometimes I'll just go to bed. Like, I don't want the party to stop. No. I'm just like... Yeah, I'm just going to say that's what I do. Like, I just sort of go to bed and, like, you know, that's fine. And you don't tell anyone you're going to bed. Unless you want the party to stop and then you tell everyone you go into bed and they know that means get out of my house.

Yes. But otherwise, I'm just like, slipping off. Nice. Great. Not always. Let's end with Kyle's slipping off. Well, yeah. I'm absolutely in awe of you.

Does no one ever turn you down when you, do you never? Yeah, all the time. Like my party this year, my 30... How old am I? My 33rd was this year and I had a big mansion party in Brighton. You were both invited, neither of your game. I couldn't. Let's get the text up.

I was out of the country and I attempted to fly back in time. So I'm good fun. I like to attend things. I did try it very hard. Yes, I know. Next year. Keep it free. 10th of March.

Every day of March. In just in case there's a warm up and a debrief. There will be. You know? But I send an invite out to maybe like, quite a lot of people. It was a big old house and it had a big old pool and it was great. But only about 100 people came out of the people that I... That's quite a good amount of people.

That noise you just heard was people being like, imagine having a hundred friends. People went a hundred. Only a hundred. Like that. Collectively as one. Yeah. That's a lot to have in your house.

But in someone else's house. It's fine. It's fine. And five of those worked in construction down the road. They helped build the house after we broke it. Yeah.

Do you break it? A little bit. A little bit. It's got... If someone else's house in a manner, you've got to break it a bit, you know. You're the rolling stones.

You know? Yeah. I individually am the road. Here he is. Okay. My last anxiety to bring us home, I invite this friend from school, this friend from this group,

this group from here, somebody from comedy, my neighbor who hates me, and the man at the post office who, after the pigeon situation, we made friends, the Raven. And now I'm like, is everyone having a good time?

You are the king of mixing friendship groups. I love it. Yeah, so how do you do it? How do you not be worried? Tell us that. about that time when with the Raven. Oh, once I went to the post, I was from Raven.

Oh, I love her. She's so great. And you two are having a sick time. And yeah, I've seen you at work with those sorts of things where you often, when we hang out, you will bring like, yeah, 17 people from all different places that I've never met before. You're like, I was hanging out, I'm like, I can't, I like. But actually, by the end of the night, everyone's chatting,

everyone's having a great time. You're a real great facilitator, and I think the issue is, is that I'm very tense about that, so I'm bringing, we're both bringing our tensions. Huge tension. But you've got to pretend you're not tense. Just be like, this is a cool vibe. Three things in 10 minutes, and they've all been the word vibe.

Do you ever feel it, feel that party tension of like, oh my God, everyone's in my house, are they having a good time? Is it cringe? Is this a cringe party? Do you feel it but just crests through? Or do you literally never feel it? It's too strong, isn't it? Like sometimes, but like, for example, last weekend, there were two people that had come to my house before I'd got there.

So understandably they're a bit like, well But then they... Where were you? How long did they wait? I think I was like dinner or something. They're not good friends if they showed up on time to you. Honestly, come on. Come on.

I said nine. You got there at 10? What are you doing? So they were quite like sit down on the couch. Yeah. How did they get in? A lot of this. I got a housemate and he was...

So he was hosting. Yeah, he didn't know what was happening. He found out we were having a party as people arrived. Yeah. Bad energy. Yeah, it was very... But that's on them, not you. No, it's not.

That's the crucial thing. Sometimes other people come in in their life. Yeah. Puff, puff, puff. Yeah. And it's great. And then you get noise complaint and you throw everyone in your neighbor's house. Yeah.

Okay. Okay, so you just crest through. Yeah, yeah. Tezza, do you feel like you'll be able to crest through? Yeah, and I'm going to do it. Rather than making a guest list, I can see that that is not something we do, I'm going to just, rather than being like,

okay, this group, will they mesh, will these great people? I'm just like, blanket invite. Yeah. Fucking come. Yeah, yeah. That's all you should say.

Don't give a date. Don't have a time. It just says, party, Friday, 8-ish, heavy emphasis on the is, the bath is full of ice. And the showers full of fat lines.

Shows full of fat lines. The Dixie Chicks are on the record player. Or not, if you don't, if you want to bring your own thoughts on that. Fine. The beats be on. The beats be on. What?

That's good. That was going so well. So well. Well, even though I said the Dixie Chicks were on the record player. I liked it. It's all right. And then I just say, party, come. You've been to a party.

Come to do one of those at my house. I'd love that. I would love that. Yeah? Yeah. Were you free on Friday? No. No.

Okay. Well, thank you so much, Kael. You know, you've just created a party. So please give them around applause. Give yourselves round of applause. You've been absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much for coming. We're at Nobody Panic.

What's your Twitter handle? I always forget it. Do you want people? You'll fine me if you want it. Oh Jesus, yeah. That's the vibe you very much bring to the party. But do you not want them? Yeah, well I... You'll be sick of it. Okay, fine. He's very good online.

Carole actually invented the term platy jubes for the platinum jubilee. Not even joking. That's not a joke. He invented it. It invented it. It was on the news. On the news.

So thank you so much to Sosovo theater and to Naomi for hosting us. And good night, everybody. Thank you!