Nobody Panic - How to Plan a Renovation

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

Tessa has recently knocked down a wall (see: How to Understand What a Wall is) and understands on a deeper level why everybody cries and gets divorced on Grand Designs. Turns out a renovation is much, much harder than she thought, and unfortunately involved much more effort than just buying a Barbie pink boiler suit and a large hammer.Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hello. Would you like a tea? No. What's happened here? Right. So I was like, so we're doing how to plan a renovation. And I was like, well, when you're renovating, the builders come in.

And what do you do? You ask them if they would like a cup of tea. Yes. That shows how little I've planned a renovation. But I think that's exactly right. You do offer them a cup of tea. Okay, great. So first tip. First tip. Smash it. In the introduction. Done, Stevie. Well done. Welcome to Nobody Panic. It's a podcast where we do some how-toes. Tessa has been renovating her entire flat, really. Yeah. Yeah. And we got an email recently from Catherine, who, thank you very much for your email.

We did an episode about how to understand what a wall is quite a while ago. And then we haven't really checked back in with your renovation. We haven't. No, we haven't checked back in. And so Catherine says, have we heard from Tess yet about her renovation journey and how to deal with builders? Would be great to have episodes as a follow-up to the wall episode. Thanks, Catherine. I'm excited.

It's been a real roller coaster. Yes. and if I may a lot of that's why people get divorced on grand designs they they,

it's a lot, it's more than you think and you think there's idiots on grand designs like, I could do it and then once you're actually you're like,

and I was doing it on such a small scale and it was a lot. Okay. Yeah, so this is maybe, you know, and again like

maybe return to this one day in the future in which case, hello, you're back from the future. Wow. It sounds again. But you thought, oh, I'll listen to that if I've ever got my own place.

You did it. You did it. It didn't. Yeah, maybe you got a little new place. Maybe you bought something very sort of 1970s. And you thought, a little fixer-upper. And you thought, here we bloody go. And maybe you got a nice partner.

And you thought, we'll wear some plaid shirts, get a little bit of paint on our cheek. Knock that wall through. Probably not that fucking wall through. Oh, you can't. Okay. Oh, okay. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Yeah. And then you're in. You're in. And I think, yeah. Tip number one is, um, eyes open, heartful, be ready. Eyes open, heartful, be ready. It's like, yeah, go into it, excited for it, but be ready that no matter like how much you plan, how much you prepare, you'll, you will be surprised and there will be tears along the way.

And you just have to be like, yep, that's what she said. This is part of the journey. I didn't fail. My eyes are open. My eyes are open. Yeah. Full of tears. They're open.

Yeah. You know, just to be like, don't, don't kid yourself that everyone else, you know, when someone says like, oh, it'll be really stressful and you're like, yeah, not for me. Of course. I bought plaid in preparation. I bought plaid. I bought, well, famously, I bought myself a Barbie pink boiler suit. Yes. In preparation.

I was like, yeah, I'm ready. I'm completely ready. For what? Here we go. And it was, it was so, so fun. And again, I think it's a thing that, like, if you, if your heart does not beat for it, like, don't do it. But if, you know, but anyway, let's, I'm excited. Let's do our adult thing of the week, which we do,

which is the most grown-up thing we've done this week, and then we'll return and get stuck into our renovations. Mine is, or I couldn't think of one just before we started, and then producer naming was like, we both sat in silence for ages, being like, oh, no, we haven't, oh, we've achieved nothing. And then it was like, tell them what happened last week, which is I was sat in a coffee shop, I was on the phone, I was actually on the phone to my agent.

That's quite adult. Already, bit of business and discussing how I had not been cast in a show that my friend wrote. Anyway, I was discussing, and then I literally was saying, well, and she was saying, I'm sorry that your friends and they didn't give you the part, and I said, ah, that's okay, it's the industry.

Highs and lows, and I said so wisely, at which point, there was a knock on the window, and I was like, ha, ha, ha, and someone was waving at me through the window, and as of course, you know, face blind, So I was like, my friend. So I waved so enthusiastically and hoping I was like, start the wave and my brain will catch up eventually and hopefully tell me who this is. But nothing was really coming.

And it was such a delightful. Someone was so delightful. And they span their iPhone round to me and pointed to their headphones and the picture of our podcast was up. And they were listening to us. That's so nice. And I waved. It was so delightful. Waved your hand off.

Yeah. So excited. I was like, it was so, and we were like, and I was like, wait, wait, let me take a picture of you. And then they were like, bye. And then they gave me the thumbs up and I was like, that is so, so nice. That is so nice. That is so nice because, yeah, I really had been thinking for a while. Like, I was like, sometimes on the two when people are like listening to things, I do look over to be like, I wonder if I'll ever be.

And I can like, tap them on the shoulder and be like, it's me. And of course it never is, you know. It's off menu. It's off menu. Obviously, every time. But like, and I, so I have, it's a. thought I've like entertained if like I wonder if anyone's ever listening to us and we're right there and like statistically it seems unlikely anyway there was someone so it was to like so hello to

you if I was you hello to you hello to you the only other time it's ever happened is right I've tried first I'd go into therapy and I was crying in the brownie shop and I didn't have a bra on I just looked like such a wreck and I was sobbing and this girl lovely girl was like so sorry you test a coats from no people don't say that no I loved it and she was the most immaculate girl I'd ever seen. Burberry Trench, silk scarf. And she said,

you've helped so much. Well, that is nice, actually. That is so nice. I was like, I couldn't believe that you,

the most put together woman I'd ever seen. Well, that's because who are we to judge? You've given so much of yourself away to this amazing woman that you're the host.

Yeah. We did it all for you. It's all in that Burberry drench. You drained me of my life force. What you got in the tank? Not the same thing. And I got,

so I bought some books. And a lot of them were sort of essentially the same book, but just in different ways, as is the Amazon algorithm. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry that I bought them off Amazon. What do you mean? What are we talking? What do you mean? How many books? What? So what do you mean? How many books are we talking? I bought like seven. They were all pre-raphelite, the covers were all like pre-raphelite paintings with like bright neon pink fulge. Gorgeous. Say no more. Say no more, Stevie. I'll give them all to you. I'd

space them out if having you. And then. Sure. It's too much. The last two weeks have been really intense for me. So then to kind of like break out of the algorithm,

I bought another book. What? What? No, I bought another book. I then went out and then into Waterstones and just bought a book. I was like,

I don't even know what this is. I'll just buy it. A very famous book called A Little Life. Oh, gosh. Yes. I mean, I'll start it. It's great. Wow.

What a twist for the listeners. Yeah. So, but it's five, it's so big. It's like 500 pages. It's not a woman having a day out in Manhattan, is it? No, it's not. Well, so far, it's just four guys having a day out in Manhattan. And I imagine it will stay like that. And there's no reason to think they won't all continue to have a good day out in Manhattan. It seems like there's no foreshadowing. Then I'm never going to read this because it's too big and the font is too small. It'll be too much, it'll be too intellectually challenging for me. And I've got this real thing because I did English literature at Durham, where everyone was like, oh yes, of course, my favorite book is The Canterbury Tales. And I'd be like, I like, I like Gone Girl. But I would just so I felt very. inadequate all the time.

And I felt that when I saw this book, I was like, well, this is just going to be another book that I'm going to read and be like, sorry that my favourite book isn't Dostoevsky. Like, started reading it. And that was my adult thing because it was like, I didn't just put that book on my shelf and be like, I'll just put it on my shelf because it's 500 pages and I could never possibly. I'm too, I'm too thick.

Wonderful. Right. Come on. Get in here. No more we've even talking about. Renovations. Oh, yes. Biffin ship to renovations.

Get your ping boiler suit on. Here we go. So, to give you a layout. of my flat, you go in the door, turn to the little left. It's a real, what we might have called in the 80s, a stepsaver, which was a nice way of saying, it's very small.

You turn to the left, you got a room. Go on a bit, you got another room on the left. Already, I'm losing confidence in my layout. Lots of rooms. One, one, two, galley kitchen straight ahead of you, three, bathroom. Yes. And so, and each room very small.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And nothing updated since the 80s. So like very, um, absolutely livable. Very sweet, but like very, um, holes in the walls. Oh, there's holes in my wall. As in, as in you allowed me to come around and try and put a shelf up without having ever put a shelf up before for content purposes. Yeah, yeah. That was how bad the wall was.

Absolutely. And I was like, yeah, what, go for it. Yeah. Whereas now I'd be like, get away from my walls, do you? 100%. As I should. As I should. Yeah, absolutely.

Everything. And also, nowadays since the 80s plus then, um, rented out. which is just shorthand for being like, nobody cared. So, you know, why take the wallpaper off and do it correctly when we could just paint over the wallpaper? So I was obsessed with this idea that I wanted to knock down the wall between my galley kitchen and what was the living room and make this bigger open plan kitchen living room.

And I was like, here we bloody go. And I got in, first step, you've got to get in the structural engineer. Well, actually, truth be told, first thing I did was I did actually just find a builder on the internet who came around to tell me who literally knocked a hole in the ceiling and was like, that's the supporting wall. And I was like, right. The interesting thing about a supporting wall

is that it's like supporting the roof. So you've got to knock into the ceiling to know which way the joists are lying. So if you imagine, yeah, I know. Joyce is involved. Joyce is here. And when you want to knock a wall down, you need to understand whether that wall is supporting the roof.

Understood. And so whether and then you really can't know until you're not through the bit of ceiling. And Joyce falls down. And Joyce falls out and she's like, supporting. And then she pops back up again. So basically you need to know whether they run, which way they run. So you've got to get a structural engineer in.

And lots of builders nowadays won't, in fact, a builder who knows his worth and is a good builder, will not go ahead with your project without the sign off of a structural engineer. That's a good tip. Yeah. So you can't. So if you have somebody who's like, yeah, I'll just, obviously, if you're, you've got someone around to put up a shelf, they don't need the structural engineer here. But if you're doing any sort of big building work, if your builder is not saying,

where is the sign off from the structural engineer, red flag. Okay. So this is how you get into like, this is when you use the phrase like cowboy builders, people who are like do the work and they will do it because it will stay up for perhaps a year. But ultimately, if you take that down without doing the support and all the stuff that it needs, like that's coming down eventually. Don't mess about. Yeah, because it's your home.

Like, it's your home. how much you're like, well, this person's charging me this and this one's charging me like this. Like obviously let's go with the cheap guy. No. Let's go with the, go with the most boring man you can possibly imagine. We're looking for anorax. We're looking for sensible shoes. We're looking for like no jokes. The structural engineer came round. It was there for two hours, never cracked a smile. Great. We couldn't get anything out of him. Yeah. At one point I said, crying. And he said, I noticed that you are crying like that. I was crying because I had it in my head, I was like, well, once you own the house, you can do anything. Like, all these years, I've not

been allowed to, you know, I've rented, I've not been allowed to paint or put up a shelf or do anything. It hasn't stopped me. But the guilt in your mind. Yeah, but technically, it wasn't allowed. And all these years I've been like, well, now I'll be able to have all my, my dreams, my interior design dreams. And he came around and he was like, no. And I never really occurred to me that somebody was going to say no, which is what made me cry. Because I just was like, what was he saying no to? that I couldn't take down this wall I wanted to take down. Jesus, and that is so integral to your plan. That's my whole project.

Basically, that was it. That was me, why I wanted to buy the house, because I was like, I'll not between the kitchen and this, and I'll make this open plan space. Like, this is what I wanted to do. And I was like, I basically was like, no. At him. I was like, all right, but there must be a way around it.

Now, a lot of people will start, if you're going to do any wall work, you're going to use the phrase an RSJ. Oh, you will be. You will be saying RSJ, mate. And that's it. they reinforced steel joist. Joyce is back.

Joice is back and now she's armed. She's armed. After she popped down, it's like, it's supporting. She went back, got some steel. She's reinforced, mate. She's back. You need to take out the wall that is holding the one above it up.

Yeah. And so what you then need, and you're like, someone's like, fine, you can take it down, but what you need to do is build yourself a C shape. So like up, across, down the other side.

Right. Of steel. Oh, so you make like a very big, So you make the other walls almost structurally and crucial. No, no, in the place the walls coming down. Yeah. You put in this like big C shape that's like holding that bit of ceiling up. And then I was like, well, I'll have one of those.

And also I'd learned the word RSJ. So I kept me like, go on, I'll have an RSJ. And he was like, stop just saying RSJ, which is as I'm weeping. We won't. I'm saying. And he was like, you can't have an RSJ either because you're in a block of flats. And so the weight of that point of the C shape, that corner. that corner where it's taking the load from the ceiling. That pressure is now too much for the

flats below and their ceiling will cave in. Put it our Australian everyone. Just keep going down. So then I was like, right, well, why don't we put another joist along the floor? And he was like, so your plan is just to stride over a big steel joist every day? And I was like, could be. Anyway, so I had a big cry about that. And then, and so this would be my tip number two. We've got our eyes open. And this is what we're having our eyes open, heartful, perhaps your dreams will not be allowed. Right. So be ready for someone to be like, that's a supporting wall, that hasn't got permission to knock through this. Like, you can't actually do all these things that you're envisaging. You can't just take the roof off and make it glass.

And then I would be like, let you, like, be a bit sad for a moment, but then be open to the idea that, like, you are not an architect. If you are an architect, don't be listening to this. Yes. What are you doing? You're wasting your time. There's a lot of architect podcasts. There's professional stuff out there. Um, don't. But remember that you're not an architect. So like, let's now at this point get lots of advice from like, let's get the structural engineer's advice. Let's get builders advice. Let's get an architect in if you want.

Like, let's get people's. I do you don't pay for them, but like get, you know, people to say. I don't want to be saying, I don't want to spend, like, sell the ideas. I don't want to be saying, I don't want to spend 10,000 pounds on an architect at this point. I just want to be like, let's get lots of people that you trust in your life into the house now. Adults who've done it, you know, whatever. And let's have their ideas for like better things. Because lots of people do have experience of relevating.

of relevating in a way, even if it's just like they did their kitchen and they live in a completely different house to you, they'll still be able to be like, oh, we tried this or we did. Yeah, exactly. So the moment, if you get yourself too boiled down and like, this has to be where the sink is and this has to be the table, then when those aren't allowed, you're going to be like,

then you won't be able to sort of see the wood for the trees. If someone can come in and be like, okay, new idea, sink over here. You're like, okay, could be. So what, the structural engineer, the first builder, every single adult who came into the house, literally everybody said was instead of this wall, and you just imagine where I'm pointing at a wall,

everyone, what about the wall between the two front rooms and why no, it's hard to imagine. Oh, I know, I know, I mean, yeah. So instead of, instead of, instead of one big, so you're still making a big space. Yeah, so instead of making this thing, because I really wanted to keep two bedroom, they were like, why don't you abandon ship on that, have one really big great room and accept you're going to have two, one then crap room and one truly crap box room, which is where I've now built my bed. that small bed I mailed it up twigs you remember I do remember yeah so they were like here's a new idea and I really fought against that for a long time and actually what they created was like

so perfect and so much better than my imaginal idea so the thing I was crying about that I couldn't have I'm so glad that that wall is a supporting wall and wasn't meant to be and also a big part of that is like that isn't what the house I'm going to use the phrase wanted to be here but like the house did not want that wall to come down Like that's an intent.

That shouldn't have come down ever. Whereas the one that did come down, that was right. It's not what the Lord wanted. Yeah. That's exactly it. And so keep repeating that to yourself around there and be like, that's not what the Lord wanted. Don't force a circular window. Can't force the Lord.

Into a space. Like that window in Paddington Bear looks beautiful because that was the original window in this old Victorian house. Like don't just whack one in. It might just look like, well, you've just tried to put the Paddington Bear window in your flat. Yeah. Rather than like, oh, wow, it really goes. That goes. Exactly.

Like, exactly that. of like let's, it goes, okay, so there's this V&A exhibition about costume design. And at the opening of the thing, you walked under this big sign, I think I've talked about this before, but I was obsessed with it. It was by a famous costume designer, I'm sorry to say I don't know who it was. And their quote was, if I've done my job well, you won't know I was here. Right. And it means like, you won't think, that's a costume, you'll think that's what that's

what they were, and you won't even think that's a character, you're just like, that's what they wear. That's who they are. That's completely perfect. Whereas when you see somebody wearing what feels like a costume on a show, you're like, hmm, what an odd choice. And so you want to be aiming for that of like, you shouldn't ever, when you see the new, what you've done with it, you should think this was what the house wanted to be.

Yeah, this was always here. This was always part of it. You shouldn't be like, why have you put that window in? You should always be like, we're, don't just, don't fight what you haven't got. Like work with the space. Next step, finding your builder. I just asked on Twitter, actually, if anybody had a builder.

And a friend said, this guy's fantastic. And I was like, I trust this person. And I also believe in their taste. Got this guy in, loved him so much, so serious. And wouldn't let me just, you know, I kept me like, go on, crack on. And he was like, we don't say crack. We don't say crack on. We don't, we do everything correctly.

And this way he may be like get approval from like everyone else in my building to say what I wanted to do. And again, I would have just been like, knock it down. What are they going to do? no like do it buy the book get everything approved right and then finally and then it's like and then can be a lot of like waiting at this point being like when do we begin we're so we're ready come on um and and then finally we're ready to go and then his number one instruction to me was move out move out and i said no because well first i'd have anyone else to go and also i thought it would be fun so and i say to you anyone listening who is also like

I think it will be fine. I would like to live in it. I, me, the test of code, feral, almost had a nervous breakdown. So, please move out if you possibly can. And even though you're like, I don't have enough to go, go in somebody's spare room, like go home to your parents. It's better. You kind of, the reason you had a nervous breakdown is you also didn't have anywhere to go because you couldn't really be in your house. Yeah. So it actually would have been better to have at least had somewhere else to go. Actually leaving out would have given you somewhere to go. Yeah. And anything that you're like, it would be cheaper if we say, no, it won't. It would like. Put your stuff in storage, go anywhere you possibly can for however many months. I swear on my life, that will be better. It will also move faster because the builders, you won't be in there with all your stuff.

Like, you won't, everything you own will be covered in dust. Like, covered in dust. They had to build this, like, orange sort of tent flap around the bedroom. And because I didn't get rid of any of the stuff, I just put the two mattresses, go to two bedrooms. I put one mattress on top of our mattress. I live with my boyfriend, built something that I kept calling Skybed, which was just incredibly high bed.

My boyfriend also, I'm Veral. He is such a nice, clean boy. He was on the edge of madness for the end duration of it. He fell first and then you had a never spread down after it. Oh, he fell fast and hard. Poor boy. At one point I tried to make us a romantic dinner

and the dinner was on three bags of plaster and then I put a candle in the middle and we just sat in the dark, like perched on some bricks like in the living room. and we had to wear our coats all the time because they turned all the heating off to get to the pipe work

we just should not have lived in it I don't regret it but we shouldn't have done it so if you possibly can please move out of it you can go in every day you can be part of it you can do all the stuff

you can do it but yeah just get out it just makes it so much easy if that house is empty and then people can just like crack on next thing that people have nervous breakdowns on grand designs it takes so much longer than you think

and just accept that they will give a quote and it will go over time and over budget and just be ready. I think go into it be like, this is our budget, and then you probably need to say a lesser budget to the builder. Right, okay. So then when it does go over, you're not like, well, now I'm bankrupt. I'm bankrupt. I just don't not bankrupt yourself.

Be like, here's my budget, here's my pretend budget, here's my secret money on the side that I'm ready for. The amount of stuff you will find that the previous people did. And again, I really wanted to be like, let's pay the money, let's do it correctly. let's make the pipes correct rather than whatever's the cheapest, weirdest thing to do. The stuff that had been done to, like, cut

corners that you will discover in the house will blow your mind and the more that you can be like, let's just do it, let's do it correctly. As a money saving thing, people can get very like, well, we'll do that ourselves. Yes, I can imagine you. Me. And again, I'll do the pipes.

Honest to go, I'll do the pipe, I'll do the pipe. Find your line about like where what do you actually get, do you actually get joy from, if you found joy in doing that thing, then I would say, sure, go for it. Like painting,

painting, the past, stuff like that you're like, but, but, if you're living in the thing is, it feels like, if you get joy from,

say, painting a wall or whatever, that's one thing. But do you get joy painting a wall when you've been, when you're living in a building site and already you're pushed

to your absolute mental capacity limit? and then you have to paint a wall and deal with all of the stuff around that. That's very different to just being like, oh, should we just paint that wall? Yeah. Like, it feels like... Exactly right. It's a very, very different kind of fish.

And me and my plaid jumper, my plaid shirt, bit of paint on the thing, dream. Like, that's not what's happening here. You're living in chaos and it's not fun and it's not, like, fun to do. And also you can get very, like, well, they've... So say, like, sanding the floors for something as people do... And again, like, if you think that sounds really fun, please do it. Like, what a cool thing to do. But I would say, like, say they want to charge you.

a thousand pounds to sand the floors and you're like fuck you i can do it for way cheaper which you absolutely can but you have to rent that sander that massive big thing that you it's like the size of a man and you blu-l-l-l-l-l-law-l-oh-god you have to send yourself you have to send yourself you have to hours like hours and hours and hours and then you have to varnish it you have to all this stuff you have to you know it so it will easily take you a week and so like if you think that'd be so fun and you would love it brilliant what a fantastic project but if you're just doing that to save money, if they've quoted you a thousand pounds, but it will be done and you don't have to do it and you can go to your job, whatever it is, presumably not sanding, and do that. Otherwise,

you have to take a week off work and, you know, it's this like, it's this constant thing of being like, right, but how much did it cost you to not do your job? Like, at the time that I was doing it, I was writing this script that I'd been paid to write. And instead of writing the script, I was in every day doing things with the builders. And people kept saying to me, they were like, stop doing it because you, the builders aren't coming into your room and being like, I've got a couple of ideas for that character actually. Like they're not, it's not a, like, you would make more money just to pay them and do your work. And so it's about find that line about like the money cost time thing about like, yes, technically it costs less money, but it costs you a week of your life to do it. So I've got two more things.

One is about the money of being like it's so, I would say don't get an Ikea. kitchen. Interesting. And I say that, like, there are bits from IKEA that you can get, but I would say, like... I'll see the end of IKEA sponsoring this podcast. Sorry, IKEA. You've got so much other great stuff. The difference between nothing and a cheap kitchen is massive, but the difference between a good kitchen and a great kitchen is very small. Okay, yeah. So you once you've already, if you're going to go for a kitchen, get the best one you can possibly afford. Yeah. And you buy all the, like, the fridge and the dishwasher and things separately, and then you get a company to, like, make it for you. And again, the company that I got, um, wanted to

to charge me for installation. And I was like, nah, I'll put it together. I'll do that. And the woman was like, she was like, we've actually never had anyone saying

that they can put it together. Oh, so are you a comedian? Are you a professional? Yeah. What happened was that three men came for three days. And one of them was the best scribe in the country

and a scribe is a specific job for being a carpenter where you are a scribe. Cool word. I know, that's what I said. and he was like, yeah, I get that a lot. And he says, it's the best scribe in the country. And what a scribe is, is making a bit of your cupboard, like, fit to the wall

and fits so snugly that it looks like it was built into the wall, basically. And that's what scribing is. And so, like, three men, three days at the top of their game. And I thought I could do it to, like, save some money. And I think about it all the time of being like, I'd just be looking at my kitchen. Every drawer would be off. Every handle would just be hanging there. It's like a thing of being, like, just accept it.

pay it like this is this is make it good and if you if you're not at a place but you currently can do that just don't just don't do it and again keep listening to the professionals like keep listening even when you're like I want it all pink or I want to have this I want to have a for example for example you know maybe your dream was to have a smeg oven or a the Barbie pink smeg fridge if you've got 20 grand fine fine have it but like keep listening to people being like will you actually do you actually want that is that right for the house and I wanted initially this stupid range cooker thing that looked like it was from a sort of French farmhouse, then a white butler sink, and the butler sink is when it like drops down to the front

is like ceramic and exposed. Can you imagine that? It looks like a drawer. You've like slid the sink in. Yeah. Anyway, the thing is, do you have a bottle sink? I do not. Good, actually. God, actually, because I thought I did want one. And I was like, I want the butter sink. I want the Barbie Pink Smegh fridge. And I want this range cooker that looks like it's from a French farmhouse. All very complimentary styles. Exactly what the professional kitchen man said. And he was like, he actively, even though he could have just said, well, let you, he didn't say, to his credit, he wasn't like, shawble, have you. He said, no.

That is horrid. You can but don't. But can but don't. He was actively said, what is your showpiece in your kitchen? Oh, wow. And I was like, okay, wow. And for me, it was that I had got a countertop that was very on brand for me, coppers. Yes. After years of just painting things with copper paint. What if we actually had some copper? Jesus. I'm so proud of it. My countertop was copper. So right now you've got your countertop copper pink fridge range cooker. But let's think. He was like, you don't live in an LA apartment with this pink fridge. You don't live in a French farmhouse and you don't live in the middle of the countryside with hundreds of dogs. You live in a London flat that is tiny. Work to the space that you have and complement the space.

and stop fighting it. And he was like, choose your showpiece. Let that be the showpiece. And that everything else complement it. And I was really like, these are good interior design. This is smart. This is so smart.

And so I've been so struck along the way by letting the professionals guide you and let somebody who knows say, that's a terrible idea. Let's work to this space. Let's stop fighting it. Let's complement it. Let's work together.

And I do feel every time I come home, I feel like the house is like, look at me. Yeah. Look at me. I's so nice. as opposed to being like, why have I got this fridge? Which is, why is this fridge in me?

Great. We also, to get us more space, we knocked through a bit of chimney and put the cooker into the chimney. Oh, my gosh. So it looked like it was meant to be there, like, all along, an expensive thing to do because it would be so much cheaper to just wall that up and pretend that chimney wasn't there. And everything, I was like, I want it to be right after years and years of being like,

oh, people have cut corners and done crap. It's small as also, you know, making use of the small space you have. Exactly. Make the use of the space. Don't, yeah, exactly. A really interesting thing, if anyone is beginning this process, if you find the fanciest kitchen company you can, they will do a free, they do a free consultation.

Oh! And a free design layout. So you give them your floor plan. You go in for a meeting and they give you a beautiful layout. They do it for free because they assume correctly that once you go there, you're like, oh my God, that's so fucking nice. I want it, but the thing is free. And then you're free to go.

You could take it to someone else. Absolutely. Can you do this? Oh, that's really great. So, yeah. So go to them, go to them, go to an aspect. And the last thing I would say is I was so prepared with the builders who I loved so much. It was my nice man, my serious nice man.

And then my main man was a guy called Derek, who was Polish. And he thought he said to me once, as I kept helping knock things down, he said, Tessa, you are making this very bad and very slow. And then on a Friday, he'd go home for. the weekend and he'd show me what he was working on. Because it was just me in the house and me and him just amably getting on with stuff together. And then he'd be like, now I need to do this and I need to do this. And then I'd be like, yeah, yeah, and I'll crack on over the weekend.

He'd be like, do not crack on. You will not do anything. And I'd be like, all right, Derek. He was so nice to me. He was really sweet because I was a girl wearing a Barbie pink boiler jumpsuit. He wanted to-all-crack on over the weekend. And I wanted to learn about how everything works and everything. So they were so sweet to me.

But a thing that I was so prepared for with the builders, was one that they would defer the opinions and the questions to my boyfriend as the man, and which they never did. Yeah, well, he was, because he was rocking in the corner. So he's like, you can't ask him. He's crying. Nobody's asking that man. Yeah.

And the other thing is that they would try and rip me off. Okay. Or they would say, you know, oh, you need this expensive thing or like, you know, thing I didn't know what I was talking about. And actually the opposite is true because I had got such good people who were, in demand and good at their job. They didn't need to rip me off because they were like, I've got another job, like, and it's easier than this.

I don't need to be here. And so when I would say things like, this is where the sink is going, they would be like, oh, but what if it was there? And I was like, right, that's not where it's going. They'd be like, right, but it'd be cheaper and quicker. And I was like, no, we're going there. So it's the opposite of what, right? Which I was like so blown away by because, and that's what happens if you get people

who are really good is that they're like, I can get easy money doing a quicker job somewhere else. I don't want to put your sink there. And so you have to stand your ground and be like, that's where the sink is going. I will pay you. Put the sink there. And equally like when I wanted these floorboards, you know, because it's expensive to get to have your floorboards done, the guy was like, or carpet.

I was like, no. So they actually sort of wanted to save me money constantly. They never ripped me off. They never did anything like that. And the polar opposite, they attempted to do less repeatedly in which just put carpet on everything. In which I had to constantly be like, plays. Carpeted kitchen. Why are you like, yeah.

Imagine that. Right. Sorry. Final, final thing. Okay. Making good. What's that? I know.

Making good is the final stuff. It's the corking in your skirting boards. Excuse you. Well, exactly. It's the painting. It's the final bits. It's the stuff that takes it from being like, oh, this is done to being like, this is a home. It can cost quite a bit of money.

And I was like, I'm not fucking paying for making good. I'll do making good. good. I haven't done the making good. I'm still living in it. So pay for the making good. Get it done. Just be done. Just pay it. Just move back in. Just get to the end. So you spend the whole time just looking at various things. Every day I come home, I look at the corking I haven't done. I look at the plazering I haven't finished. I look at all the bits that I said, I'll do that. And I haven't done them. Please, please, please finish the making good. Pay someone to do it. Get to the end. Get to the end. Enjoy your lives.

Eyes open. Hearts full. Eyes open, hearts full. Ass out. ass out. We got to. Labor of love. Oh my God. And pain. Love and pain. But I'm so proud of it. Yeah. And it's so worth it. Amazing. Well, I hope that helps everybody. Great DIY journey update. We're at NobodyPanickpod. Messages and your suggestions. NobodyPanickpodcast at gmail.com. Godspeed. Godspeed. Bye.